Postpartum Depression Healing | Samantha's Maternal Mental Health Story

“My entire life, all I wanted to do was be a #mom. I knew that my life purpose was to have children someday.”
Moments after giving birth to her daughter Charley, however, Samantha’s dream of perfect #parenthood was shattered by #postpartum #depression. “I just remember my initial thought was, ‘Wow, like, I’m happy she’s healthy, but I can’t hold her right now. Get her off me.’”
As the days continued, Samantha’s condition did not improve. She had a million questions about her troubling situation. “Why am I not smiling? Why am I not excited to start my day? Why can’t I go close to my daughter? It doesn’t have to be magical, but why doesn’t it feel normal, or just peaceful, to be with my child?”
Samantha remembers going into the nursery and trying to bond with her daughter. “It just broke my heart. I just couldn’t do it, and I felt so guilty and I felt terrible.”
Her depression worsened, and dark thoughts arrived. “Why should I be alive if I can’t take care of this beautiful daughter that I dreamed of my whole life?”
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🌀 "Holding Space: Maternal Mental Health" is a short documentary film series presenting five individuals who tell of touching, challenging journeys with #postpartum #depression and perinatal anxiety and mood disorders (#PMADS).
🎬 We hope you share these #maternalmentalhealth stories widely:
oc87recoverydiaries.org/pmads/
🔗 wholeheartmaternalmentalhealt... - Special thanks go to Perri Shaw Borish, psychotherapist, founder of Whole Heart Maternal Mental Health and project advisor to this series.
✅ For more #MENTALHEALTH recovery films, subscribe to our channel:
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Samantha knew that she needed help. She admitted herself into a psychiatric hospital, where she began the long, hard process of healing. Her recovery from #postpartumdepression became her full-time activity. Her family-including her husband, new daughter, and her dog-became her focus for summoning the energy she needed to get healthy. Samantha credits medication and Cognitive behavioral therapy (#CBT) for helping her restore her quality of life. In addition, Samantha is indebted to her support network (husband, parents, siblings, her cousin, and friends) for helping her through her most difficult days.
Samantha’s journey was a painful and difficult one. We're’ happy to report that their story ends happily. Samantha, her husband Michael, and big sister Charley welcomed baby brother Brooks into their lives. Her second pregnancy was without any postpartum depression.
Today, Samantha shares her story freely, in hopes of reducing stigma and helping others. She also wants her story to be something that inspires her children in years to come. “I want them to, to look back when they’re adults and say, ‘Wow, my mom was… she was a fighter. She had an empathetic heart. She helps other people, and she loves me.’”
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[@ShaleyJean]

I had tried to get pregnant after my hubby and I got together by using every means possible, IVF, many surgeries and medications along with failed adoption attempts to no avail. After 10 years I gave up and started nursing school with the result being naturally becoming pregnant!
After speaking with the program leader it was evident that I would be unable to continue since the baby was due very near finals so i gave up my position which didn't bother me one iota!
After a textbook pregnancy and delivery as others have said i found myself crying a lot and not feeling good about things at all. I looked so forward to my hubby taking him after work. I knew nothing about PPD nor was there any talk about it therefore I felt like such a bad mommy.
It finally lifted after 8 months and I didn't understand what had happened until many years later.

[@EmeraldRainbowGLORY]

Omgosh, how moving of a story and how brave of you to share this exquisitely painful tale from your heart & soul. I'm a 60 yo grandma of 9, with 7 kids and my middle daughter has just had her first son. My heart breaks as she has shunned me since divorcing her dad decades ago. I thought we had began reconciling about a year ago when I was the only one not invited to her wedding. Then no contact even as my grandson was born and again I am left out. Now I hear she's struggling 24/7 tears. I love her and my grandson and don't want to make it any worse. I'm a

[@EmeraldRainbowGLORY]

...retired RN though not experienced with ppD at all. Any advice? Thank you, my daughter is so loved & my grandchild, she's extremely strong and caring & is never been like this. Siblings are all concerned too being so out of character. I'm a survivor & on disability for CPTSD, I'm usually the one crying stressed & butthurt offended easily. Only after 60 yrs 7 kids, decades of intense therapy work and umpteen psych vacations have I gained insight matured emotionally found my authentic self & the love of my Creator & Messiah my bff & ROCK now & forever. I've prayed fervently seeking Gods Holy Spirit Wisdom & miracles to help rescue and heal helping my sweet daughter enjoy life & her greatest gift of life from the previous fruit of her womb! I have realized the very important factor most certainly a root source of her deeply debilitating depression causing emotional imbalance daily outbursts of crying uncontrollably and .
inconsolable
1987 when I was carrying her in my womb was the most memorable deeply traumatic 9 months + 2 weeks of my entire life on this fallen planet. I forgot that my previous tiny unborn daughter experienced all of the extraordinary deeply painful and traumatizing emotions and feelings that I suffered through 24/7 for some 284 days & nights. Dear God in Heaven, please help my beautiful daughter heal. Help me to help her overcome. I went through a living nightmare that to this day haunts me with intrusive flashbacks triggered by smells or random things . I experienced the emotional shock & trauma of waking out of a 23 year amnesiac period as an SRA survivor & in 1 instance my memories flooded back in & I realized why my own parents lied to me & the courts kidnapped my 2 yr old over 2 yrs kept her from me, it wasn't that I was a bad parent, or bad person at all, they were horrible parents and grandparents & guilty of SRA BOTH abused each of us. GODS loving grace rescued my 3 babies ( including dearest daughter safe in my womb) & I continued to fight (legally ) for our rights to be free from abuse together forever. Thank you for giving me the space and opportunity to come to this genuine truthful understanding, I've been helped tremendously just now, I didn't see it clear before st all. My own selfish feelings of poor me have caused much grief and stolen moments of joy Creator meant for my happiness. It's not too late to seize the moment & although we cannot change the past mistakes...I can do what it takes to rewrite the final chapters of my life and my story and most of all important is to assure a happier secure Godly protected directed centered and blessed life well lived and loved most extraordinarily for my beloved courageous brave & strong precious beauty & sweetlovely daughter & her very special and most highly favored loved and blessed grandson truly the apple of Grandmas eye!! :)

[@OC87RD]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, including the difficult parts. The folks in our PMADS stories have sought support at this therapy center, perhaps they can suggest some supportive resources for you on this part of your journey: wholeheartmaternalmentalhealth.com/

[@OC87RD]

💙