Self-destructiveness: Learn to Identify It!
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- Опубліковано 14 жов 2024
- Forms of self-defeat and self-destructiveness:
Constricted life
Love addiction
Perfectionism
Self-denial
Depression
Numbing
Dissociation
Masochism
Insecure attachment
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I’m definitely there… relived to see I’m not alone. I’ve let myself down so much in the name of love that I no longer trust myself. My best friend of 8 yrs. was the same way but she drank her sorrows away…she died a month ago out of the blue and nobody knew she was even sick 💔. Everyone is STRUGGLING… be KIND to yourself.
Yes,I am doing this self destruction in some way.
I look at something and go "yes that looks good over there." "No what if I fart and follow through?"
😢
"Götterdämmerung - a German phrase, aptly", Vaknin...my man Sam, even when you are not trying to be, that breakdown is some of the BEST dark humour dropped in what is an important lecture and dive into the demonstration of the whys and hows of repetition compulsion. This succinct dissemination of the tendency of man in modern consumer society to, "seek but not find", by looking anywhere but internally for happiness and the fallacy inherent in that process; excellent.
Vaknin.
what a wakeup call. im almost all of the above in the lecture.
I truly believe all personality disorders are formed because we were not given the space and support each individual child needs to thrive, according to our unique character traits and experiences, in order to form an identity and a self as our brain develops. By the time we are old enough to focus on ourselves, everyone else our age already has goals, ambitions, friends, hobbies… the starts of real lives. But a lot of us weren’t allowed to develop interests or have an opinion of our own until we are incredibly delayed in our normal development. Then when we get of age there are no resources, no guidance, and scarce empathy for someone who wasn’t born on second with no outs because it’s not like the family that has sucked our whole lives is suddenly going to be healthy. So we are left to not only fend for ourselves, but feel shame if we can’t somehow fake it until we make it or if we struggle on the way. It is no wonder a lot of people in these circumstances tend toward anti-social behaviors- what the hell has society ever done to make it worth it to them to choose otherwise? In a lot of ways they’d be dumb to not be looking out for only themselves because if they don’t they just get taken advantage of and looked over. It’s a shitty cycle and no matter who is responsible someday somebody needs to step up, stop punching down, and try kindness instead of contempt. It won’t work on everyone but the ones that it can help heal will maybe have a chance to live a full life, and they are all super worth it. Also: I love you and your work and look up to you so much! Thank you 🙏
Commentary on the pitfalls of perfectionism and by proxy the inevitable procrastination that follows were so insightful and profound to me it was like a hammer blow to my psyche.
Thank you, Prof. Vaknin.
I am loving these lectures
This is fully my life ..
ok, so you summed up my life more or less... When are you going to post the 100 hour video about the ways to deal with all this?
Exactly. He can't just post something like this without offering ways out of the nightmare
@@apacur haha, I also found the majority of video are to explain narcissistic behavior. Prof. Sam Vaknin’s, we need more videos on heeling, re-pickup self-esteem, effective way to be out of haunting thoughts, and thriving/growing/maturing.
According to Freud, there are acually two drives in life in human: Libido (life drive) and Destrudo (death drive). Both can make you get up from bed and "do things". The questrion is, what kind of things. Destrudo simply wants to "not exist" any more. They are the same thing, just two different vectors
Thank You so much, Professor Vaknin. I need it to hear it. Thank you for your being in this space, in this time. I m so glad that i've found your channel. Bless you
Just missed you! Glad I get to watch replay. Thank you So Much for your amazing work!
Sam , this is great work. Thank you so much. Real value here.
Can I say that my abusive Narcisstic.constantly inflicted with in my family for may years.....contributed to my self destruction...close to death....or was it my own fault?????
Thank you, what you have said in this lecture is so true.
SHABBAT SHALOM from Australia Professor Sam Vaknin👏☀️⚘🌈🙏🦋💕💃🔥🕺🍷🍛🥖Love your work,brilliant genius insights.Without a doubt,no 1 expert on your subject,toda rabbah!
Vaknin.
@@samvaknin Correction noted Professor💕
Hello Sam. I was wondering if you could please consider doing a video about the 'as if' personality?
Thank you for your work, it's always so enriching. All the best.
Spot on Sam! 😌 and, God Only Knows What I'd be without you The Beach boys from their best album Pet Sounds ❤
Many thanks for the articulation of many of the thoughts I have had over my life as I “fall” in love with partners who live with the described fear of living and loving whole heartedly. My terror of being a walking dead man has always seemed somewhat selfish, “why can’t you live with what you have, little emotional connection, sex , or following the neat and tidy restricted norms of others “ the urge to run away from death.
How do you know youre addicted to love? Or just have a healthy desire for attachment and bonding with a partner.
You do your homework and watch my video on the topic.
How well said, as always !
You got me pegged
Interesting take.
Having heard this powerful message all of the followers have just deared to eat a peach 🤣 (or went to go round the prickly pear? 🤔)
i would like to hear your views on psychedelics
Well I want to be the assassin I know I can be but I am always to confirmist to get y revenge and show others what I am made of. Super depresses because of this
Wow 👌 👏 👍
My response exactly.
🤸♀️🤸♀️🤸♀️💑 Sam 🙏❤🙂
Ok---
So now, maybe offer some baby-- or mega steps to break free from the viscousness of learned helplessness, self-destruction....
which as you know--- is probably 80-90% unconscious behavior
I would like to know this too. I think about seeing a psychiatrist but then I am afraid I am not even sure what I am supposed to say. It's so messed up when you can't even figure out how you feel, what you think, and what you want.
@@Wajiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii A psychiatrist will likely want to put you on some "drug".... Maybe just a counselor or psychologist can be of some help---- offer some insight
Someone just to vent to initially can sometimes be very helpful
@@apacur I have nothing against conventional medicine. Talk therapy can only go so far. Sometimes, medicine is what you really need to treat a chemical imbalance. I think my problem is just that so I would prefer to see a psychiatrist.
The ego program
Jesus self sabotaged his job and never went back.