I had a FWB relationship for the first time in my life the sex is amazing when we first met we went on a date, then we later started hooking up which got more intense over time, he also recently became more open and affectionate suddenly I started dating but started to think about him more as a result. Then I opened up about considering a relationship with him he ran for the hills what can I do? I want to not even bother as a result because I feel like I wasted my time, right now I'm missing the sex already. I really like him or is it the sex, what can I do to keep this going what do I say? I'm trying not to text I already did, Please help?
It's sadly obvious that most of the comments on this video don't get it. When you give the ultimatum, it's all about you. YOU. Not about when he will come back or what if he contacts you or anything else. It's about what you want. And if you stick to what you want, and stop thinking about losing him, then you have self respect. And when you have self respect, then you gain respect from those around you. He will have more respect for you even if he doesn't want to be with you. Move on. Period. It's that simple. You don't want him if he's not 100& into you. You will feel great about yourself when you make these kind of decisions, to not compromise. to hold out for what you really want and deserve.
All my 3 committed relationships started as FWB. In fact we started as one night stand then they became my Bf for couple of years. My advice is never send a text first after sleeping with him,wether it would take weeks or months, just dont! be relaxed dont be needy, do your thing dont expect anything from the guy except good sex lol. Only make an effort if he had made an effort for you. also be attactive all the time, from health, hygiene and clothing. Be a nice person when you’re around him, Don’t show shitty attitude, ( that’s the reason men don’t want to commit because of certain attitudes they don’t like) give him a fun, postive experience when around him then go radio silent when not around him, he is not a special guy yet until he has shown u his interest level has gone up to 100. Just sex only nothing more. I know it’s easier said than done but i have been in that situation before . You have to change your mentality about sex and love. ( those two different things) You need to think and act like a man when you enter into a casual relationship.
@@andreanavarro2341 excuse me? One of my ex proposed to me after we separated for about 2 years. But i am already dating other guy that time. The point here is it’s not about the sex, if you put value only in sex you’re missing something. You have so much to offer other than your body.
@@andreanavarro2341 what’s the difference if you give up your body tonight, next week, after 3 months or make him wait for a year. If the connection isn’t there he will look elsewhere. Or if he gets bored quickly bcos you’re not good enough either way he’s gonna leave.
So big question is, do you want a guy who says yes to an ultimatum? IMO if it comes down to an ultimatum he's not into you enough to be worth it. Down the line, you will still have forced him into a relationship. It's hard to let go, but just remember you're not holding onto something great
Melmeli 84 although he's 100% right that you shouldn't wait around either. If you feel like you need to force things, just move on. Who wants a man they have to drag kicking and screaming into commitment? :)
The Sex Reporter well I see your point I think he's just saying like you have to let the guy know that you want something more but don't push the issue before 6 to 8 weeks. But I do see your point.
Missing the point. The ultimatum is not about him, at all. The ultimatum is about you - what you want. It's not even an ultimatum, really. It's you saying: I have feelings and if you don't, then I'm moving on. That's it basically. Then if he misses you to the point that he realizes you really are someone he wants to commit to, great. Unfortunately guys are like that. The most important aspect of this video is that you have enough self-respect to walk away from a situation that isn't giving you what you want. You are not walking away in order to force anything! You are walking away because you love yourself and want what you know you deserve. As opposed to worrying about whether you'll lose him - that's the worst mindset to have. Walk away even if you'll miss him and lose him. It's all about you.
I feel like the only way to be in a relationship is to never get in a friends with benefits relationship in the first place lol. I had a fwb before, and I wanted so bad for him to love me and want me in a relationship... I feel like your heart just gets broken because you lose your hope
Yep. They give you tons of hope and then let you down every single solitary time. It's a sad n sick game. They know what they are doing. F that S! I'm DONE w/it and it actually feels gross to me now.
Elliot please mention that when you give the ultimatum space that you may find yourself not even wanting the guy back when he comes a knocking!... You wouldn't think it at the time but time and space gives you time to think and evaluate too...
Yup just happened to me and the ex-fwb reached out after I walked away and blocked him from everywhere. Well I don't want him anymore 😂 I truly moved on and didn't look back I deserve better.
One of your most helpful videos! Most girls don't know guys are bullshitting them when they say "give me a few more months and I'll be ready." NO. It doesn't take a month to recognize sunshine. They should know after engagement with you if they can picture you being their girlfriend. And in order to cross that bridge, they have to visualize you being a plus in their life.
Get you a roster so you won't be as invested in the person that refuses to commit. Think in abundance. Create new relationships. If that person refuses to commit, there is someone out there that will. Believe in it.
This is spot on advice!! and it works😆😆 If the guy wants to be with u!! It's a sure fire way to find out...we are amazing ladies!! My mama always told me this about men, "They all gonna want u in some way...but YOU get to decide!!" Let's know our worth as beautiful, intelligent, sexy ass women!! Love your channel ES💋 I dig the hell outta your blunt advice🙌🙌🙌
Oh my gosh...this is very much like my situation with a guy I've been seeing for 3 months. He originally wanted to be friends with benefits and I agreed to be casual as well. Few weeks in, I realize I liked him more than FWB and told him I couldn't keep being physically intimate with him. He then told me that this was more than casual and he would like to date me because he liked me. We dated, he'd be hot and cold, we had good times and we'd have arguments, where he assured me that what we had was good and he wanted it to work. Fast forward two months, he dumped me(or broke things off over text) and after watching this video, I realized my value went down when I should've been firm. I reached out to him saying that I missed him and our good times but it's been 20 days no contact and I plan to keep it that way. I should know my worth and what I want, not letting my worth be determined by another guy.
Vy Nguyen I feel you know a guy name Humberto I feel he just wants friends with benefits and I think he has a girlfriend, I think I'm going to back off being friends with benefits because I think I love him now
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TheClauah no, its not true :( we just live in a society that puts pleasure first sadly.. Everyone likes pleasure, but its not sustainable if it comes first and foremost sadly... hope this made sense! Maybe try "a different pond"? There are a few good guys out there still. Good luck.
Thank you Elliot! This came in handy for sure, started talking to a guy and he pulled away so I gave him the ultimatum and walked away 🤷♀️ I removed him from my social media … done with him.
Chellerosetru lol I watch videos like this in the middle of the night too. I thought this was a great series of videos because I met a guy through Facebook long story but I posted an ad for some clothes and it turned into this thing where people thought I was being racist because I'm goth and asked about black women's clothes and people took that to mean that I was being racist like I wanted African-American clothes and he was one of the guys in my selling groups on Facebook that jumped to my defense. I thought he was cute so I sent him a message to talk to him just to see what he was about and we started talking over the next two months and found out that we were into the same kind of stuff same music everything and we just met last week in person and things went really really well but we've agreed to be friends with benefits and see where it goes. I agree with the fact that after 6 to 8 weeks if it hasn't progressed past that that I'm going to ask him where he sees it going. If he doesn't want to be with me that I'm just going to move on completely because I know that I'm smart and strong and beautiful and we'll find a guy that wants to be with me. If he doesn't then there's plenty of fish in the sea. It took me a long time to get to the point where I was comfortable being alone because I was with the same guy for 18 years. I agree with you though.
FWB will kill me. If that much work is needed then he's not the guy for me. love should be organic and natural. even at the very small percentage that you do success, he probably won't stick around too long. This is depressing but good to know.
Yes well I got into a FWB relationship because the guy I was with told me he did want an exclusive, love relationship with me. I advised against it but went ahead after being FWBs for a month. He asked me to move in with him which I did but after three weeks he wanted me to move out. Now he doesn’t wanna relationship. I seem to be the one that cares about him while he doesn’t act like he cares about me, but doesn’t want to let me go when I suggested we walk away. His reason was that he loves having sex with me and doesn’t want to lose me for that reason. We have now been seeing each other for a year (cause we love the sex) But I have love feelings for him as well. He remains adamant about not having A love relationship. I told him that a relationship for long-term is what I am seeking and I will date until I find that person and then I will walk away from him. His response was if that happens I will wish you well. There is no way to get this guy, I feel like he is emotionally unavailable and afraid of getting hurt
Thank you so much, after ai blocked him everywere, he came back and invited me even to go on vacation with him, 4 days we were together - day and night.. but he was talking to other girls (messages) and it botters me. Im 7 years older then him and this girls are younger then me. Now I‘m back home in my apartment and I decided to don‘t answer his messages and ignore his calls... and when he gets crazy, I will make an ultimatum & tell him again that I want a relationship
Giving him more time gives him the opportunity to learn you are the best woman he's ever been with and your behavior validates that to him and he tells you. Even with a breakup eventually because you develop feelings he will have more reasons to miss you and it will take an exceptional woman to meet the standards you set with him.
I just txted him saying I wanted more and about us ending our fwb. We work in the same place so I want us to still be friends so he replied saying I understand your decision and the time we spend was a amazing, I hope he misses me but also sort my life out too
My situation was different we got on amazingly. Met him of tinder, we spent time together in and out thr bedroom. Then after two months he became ill and backed away. I gave him space and after a week confronted him. Was he ok etc.? He did a slow fade. Couldn't be honest i just felt it. He completely changed like over night 😔 im starting to think he met someone else and couldn't be honest to safe me from hurt. I wish he had then i wouldn't of doubted myself worth 😢 So i told him i felt different energy between us and i was walking away. He said thank you for everything and boom gone.. Ive been left in tears, I lost a good friend, a connection and now doubt myself.. Painful shit. Ill never do fwb again. Lesson learnt. Sex isn't everything.
Hello Elliot Scott! I dont know if youll read this, since this particular video is quite old, but nevertheless, i really need to thank you! A huge huge THANK YOU to you, from me, from far away overseas, a 31 year old struggling woman. I had to cope with a breakup this year, I had to cope with every single thing you talk about. Can you imagin, what HUGE help you hae been for me????? I HOPE SO!! I watch your videos everyday, and everynight before i go to sleep. Your voice is the last thing im hearing before i shut off my laptop at night. You give me so much power, strength, faith in myself, you help me believe in MYSELF, concentrate on MYSELF, you help me TRULY UNDERSTAND MEN! Thank you for this empowering learning experince!! AND: Personally, I think you're an eight ;-) I would love to see your beautiful hair down :-D All the best! Yours Truly ;-)
Thank you so much. I like how you get straight to the point and don't beat around the bush with a bunch of stuff that I have to try to memorize. It's good advice that's short and sweet and easy to remember. I have ADD so I have a short attention span so this is great for me LOL. Thank you and keep making these great videos.
This is my favorite video you've done. Lots of valuable insight and knowledge. I'm currently going through this and it's been hard to rip off the proverbial band aid but I know it's necessary. Thank you!
Heidi Jean-Risme in my opinion I would tell him no because then that's just going to teach him that he can treat you in whatever way he wants and you're just going to keep putting up with it. I had an ex who mistreated me really bad and finally I put my foot down with him and told him no more that I was done and that I wasn't going to be around anymore and guess what? He started chasing after me like there was no tomorrow and actually gave up every other girl he'd been talking to and now sometimes he contacts me so much it annoys me LOL then again we were together for a long time but if he sees that you have other prospects and you have things going on in your life your value is going to go way up in his eyes. Hope that helps. Just remember that you deserve someone who will commit to you 100% and not be on the fence. Blessed Be.
I wish I had seen this video 10 years ago when I was in this kind of situation with someone and should hav3 clearly told him that I wanted a relationship. By the time I realized it; it was too late and he refused to see any future potential with me in a serious way. I wish UA-cam online dating coaches had existed ten years ago.
Friends with benefits does not work for a relationship. I have move on.He keeps texting me.How much he miss me n so on.But:not a relationship. Like always friends with benefits. I stop being friends with benefits. We still are good friends. Nothing wrong with that.
so the goal is to start a FWB relationship really knowing yourself and what you want out of it. Being completely honest with yourself is the first step.
You are the best dating/relationship coach ever ! So glad I found your channel. And I downloaded your free guide today and I'm loving it soo much ! Thanks !!
People sleep on Friends with Benefits but in the end.. to have a lifelong partnership with your best friend that you're passionate about actually isn't a bad thing... its these toxic relationships that don't work long term.
because if you'd let anyone know you watch/listen or have a dating coach people assume something is wrong with you.. kind of like when men assume if you are beautiful and don't have a boyfriend or are married then surely it's because you are a psycho or have issues.. Sometimes a woman just likes to be alone or simply hasn't found someone who's caught their attention in a way that would make you consider to be in a relationship with. And it's nothing against dating coaches because the same goes for life coaches or psychologists.
There is a great program you can purchase for $47 Called Love commands program by Scott Foster. It is the best $47 I ever spent. I got an ex who told me he hated me and would never speak to me again to actually come back around and start being cool with me again. You'll be shocked at how well the program works. A teaches you how to Think Like a Man and how to be less emotional when speaking to a man so that he won't see you as a threat to his security and will actually see you as a valuable person he needs around. These are great videos though too because I have a short attention span due to add and some of that stuff is hard to remember for me. I had to take notes but it's definitely worth the $47 spent.
Right, Have a serious question for you @elliot scott. here's the "story" We have guy A. He meets the girl C 3 or 4 time's and the space of 3 year. when they see each other they talk but don't know each other, and dont have each other's contact details. Girl C after 3 years meet's guy B. Girl C loves guy B because he seems genuine smart loving and has things he can teach girl C. Guy B and girl C is dating a few month and then Visit Guy A. Then guy A and girl B realise they know each other. Guy A had apparently been trying to find girl C for a long time but couldnt because she did not give her name. Girl C and guy B break up, a few weeks later girl C gets a text message from guy A. ( which I dont know how he got C's number) asking her to go to his. Girl C thinks she will go through and both A & B will be there but only A is. C asks if B is ok and he is apparently. C and B start "hooking up" girl C really likes A, and he seems to like C too. After a few weeks they start dating. Then C gets a message from B to talk again. C is very confused, she does not know if these two guys are playing some really elaborate game with her. Or if both are genuinely interested. The main question here is, is it possible for two long term friends to both love the same person. and how would they work it out between them ? or is this a big game? Thanks
I've been watching your newer videos up until now! Just seeing your hair haha. Love your videos, you are definitely the best at what you do. Thank you so much
Once you move on and he misses you and then comes back-stating he wants to be your 'platonic' friend- but then would still kiss you and the chemistry would still be there- what are my actions to escape that FWB circle? Because then again he turns around saying he ' can't give me what I want' because he is 'so focused on work/career '...
Elliot, The man- bun is alittle askew ( lol), but I got alot out of this video! Your advice really resonated with me! I have an ex- fiance who is orbiting and wants fwb. To quote you, " I'm not about that life!" Also, I thought I wanted him back , but you explicitly said, "DON'T CHASE!!!" I am SO glad I found you.
i feel like this is really hard to follow if you're best friends (like legit BFFs) with the guy lol as with my current situation...i feel like there was a point where i said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing and ended up in what we are now...i just wonder if there is a plausible and effective way to reverse this and get him possibly thinking of having a relationship with me. it seems unlikely though.
Is it ok to stay friends with the guy after he says no? friends meaning just talk once in awhile but not hang out or anything. just casual texting. no hard feelings type.
I guess he’s just bored. If not hang out why still talk?? Unless you don’t mind it. But you need to be clear that nothing will happen between you and him and you are Okay with that otherwise you’ll get hurt again eventually
Shit! I removed myself completely out of his life and just yesterday he blocked me on fb after 3 months of me complete silence. Wtf? The more I see is behaviour the more I laugh. She can have his problems.
You’re so funny!! But you just said the opposite of your other FWB video which was to NOT give him an ultimatum or cut off sex if you’re trying to turn a FWB into a relationship or he will just leave. I’ve already been trying to find another guy especially since my FWB lives in NPB 3 hours away there’s just nobody I want to date around here I never meet anyone.
He knows what I want I’ve told him but he still wants to see me but telling me one day I’ll meet someone who will be my husband it’s hurting a bit but I don’t get it why we are not just friends with benefits this is something more he told me so is it age gap only which holding him back? I don’t know what to do🥺
How do you deal with it when he comes back or how do you know when he is serious? Should you make him prove to you that he's serious about a relationship?
Ever dated a woman with children? Advice needed. Why do men back away when it comes to the point of meating the kids? I Asked the guy where the relationship was heading, as i would love to take it to the next level (dated for eight months). Unfortunately he told me i was everything he wanted in a woman bla, bla, bla but told me he couldn't meet my children, and doesn't think he ever will. Hes confused and haveing doubts??. Help!! is the guy no good?
Kelly Louise .. it seems pretty clear to me, if he doesn't want to meet your kids then he is not worth dating.. it's a package deal dating a woman with kids.. ;) Good luck ❤
Redhead here :) so my fwb says he doesn't want a relationship with me but when I told him I was going to move on to find a relationship with someone else, he got super defensive and upset when I had plans one night that he wanted to hook up, asking if a had a date etc. He said he wanted to see me the next night, I said yes, and the next night he blew me off. Wtf?
well.my fwb and i, are having an awesome time but his ex will not accept the fact thst he is single and enjoying life.she has been nasty towards me now, trying to get the upper hand here. trying to manipulate him, lying to him to get to me etc.* wantint to talk to me * . what should i do? We get along great, me and him. and we are not looking for a relationship. we are great friends too. shall i just re block her, ignore her completely , or let her confront me? ....she is making my anxiety worse..
Great video. Spot on. I recently gave him the ultimatum and then removed myself completely from his life. No orbiting whatsoever. After two months, I acknowledged his birthday via an email. His returned email said he missed me. I gave to wonder if he will ever take action on his feelings or not. Thoughts?
You look like a lovely woman.. you deserve so much better. I would not have contacted him on his birthday, as it means you were thinking about him to then break the 2 months of No Contact. Anyone who says things (but takes zero action) does Not deserve even a second of your time. I wish you well.
Hi Elliot! I have a question on what to do after you give the guy the ultimatum. You said that if he says no or doesn't comply with you wanting more that you need to move on and pull out 100%. But and if he comes back and offers to give you what you want, then it's fine to decide if you choose to take him back or not. However, I'm wondering if using the no contact method would be beneficial in this situation? If he tries to reach out is it best to just ignore him and have no contact for awhile, or will that mess up any chance you have of getting him back? Would that raise your value and show that you're not willing to put up with his BS anymore? Just wondering what your views are on the no contact method in general and if you find it to be effective. Would love if you made a video on this topic as well. Thanks!
Hi Elliot, does this apply to divorced men (and women), too? Do you have videos and advice for women who have been married already and are not looking to get married and have children but still want a fulfilling relationship? xxx
The guy claims to not want to be in a relationship and then said that he wanted to be platonic friends coz he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend, then he says that we had romance and intimacy and all that, I’m confused
Don't Mind The Flower In My Hair...went for a walk before making the video lol
Lol I didn't even notice until you mentioned it :D great video btw
I had a FWB relationship for the first time in my life the sex is amazing when we first met we went on a date, then we later started hooking up which got more intense over time, he also recently became more open and affectionate suddenly I started dating but started to think about him more as a result. Then I opened up about considering a relationship with him he ran for the hills what can I do? I want to not even bother as a result because I feel like I wasted my time, right now I'm missing the sex already. I really like him or is it the sex, what can I do to keep this going what do I say? I'm trying not to text I already did, Please help?
he will be back....ignore his ass
Elliot Scott Attraction Coach hi how can I contact you?
Elliot Scott Attraction Coach 😂😂
To summarize, treat men like crap and they’ll treat you good. Got it! Works for me every time.
Cyn Ho lol true
it works EVERY fucking time! lol
@@Babyluv_ ya but it isn't my style. I'd rather be single. There's a self confident man out there... somewhere. Or not. Lol
God bless. 😊
It’s literally how it works lol it’s twisted game
@@TheLuciab71 Izz it ever! Reverse psychology baby! Doing it.....FINALLY after not doing it pretty much my whole life. It's like, DONE. Go away.
To get them to commit, cut them off in mid air and don't look back, they want what's mysterious and what they can't have simple.
Real talk.
True
❤
It's sadly obvious that most of the comments on this video don't get it. When you give the ultimatum, it's all about you. YOU. Not about when he will come back or what if he contacts you or anything else. It's about what you want. And if you stick to what you want, and stop thinking about losing him, then you have self respect. And when you have self respect, then you gain respect from those around you. He will have more respect for you even if he doesn't want to be with you. Move on. Period. It's that simple. You don't want him if he's not 100& into you. You will feel great about yourself when you make these kind of decisions, to not compromise. to hold out for what you really want and deserve.
Fluidx808 Amen! I did this and moved on. He blocked me a year ago on social media now this month 2019 sent me a request. SMH but yeah I loved me more
True
Needed to hear this thank you
So what words do you say? Nobody tells us WHAT TO SAY...
TYIA!
All my 3 committed relationships started as FWB. In fact we started as one night stand then they became my Bf for couple of years. My advice is never send a text first after sleeping with him,wether it would take weeks or months, just dont! be relaxed dont be needy, do your thing dont expect anything from the guy except good sex lol. Only make an effort if he had made an effort for you. also be attactive all the time, from health, hygiene and clothing. Be a nice person when you’re around him, Don’t show shitty attitude, ( that’s the reason men don’t want to commit because of certain attitudes they don’t like) give him a fun, postive experience when around him then go radio silent when not around him, he is not a special guy yet until he has shown u his interest level has gone up to 100. Just sex only nothing more. I know it’s easier said than done but i have been in that situation before . You have to change your mentality about sex and love. ( those two different things) You need to think and act like a man when you enter into a casual relationship.
Toooo much work for just fwb
Thanks for this
Dumb bitch. They're your ex's for a reason. Whether you finish it or they did it is because those relationship don't work..
@@andreanavarro2341 excuse me? One of my ex proposed to me after we separated for about 2 years. But i am already dating other guy that time. The point here is it’s not about the sex, if you put value only in sex you’re missing something. You have so much to offer other than your body.
@@andreanavarro2341 what’s the difference if you give up your body tonight, next week, after 3 months or make him wait for a year. If the connection isn’t there he will look elsewhere. Or if he gets bored quickly bcos you’re not good enough either way he’s gonna leave.
So big question is, do you want a guy who says yes to an ultimatum? IMO if it comes down to an ultimatum he's not into you enough to be worth it. Down the line, you will still have forced him into a relationship. It's hard to let go, but just remember you're not holding onto something great
I agree, I do not believe in putting pressure on a guy to make a decision.
Melmeli 84 although he's 100% right that you shouldn't wait around either. If you feel like you need to force things, just move on. Who wants a man they have to drag kicking and screaming into commitment? :)
The Sex Reporter well I see your point I think he's just saying like you have to let the guy know that you want something more but don't push the issue before 6 to 8 weeks. But I do see your point.
The Sex Reporter brainy answer
Missing the point. The ultimatum is not about him, at all. The ultimatum is about you - what you want. It's not even an ultimatum, really. It's you saying: I have feelings and if you don't, then I'm moving on. That's it basically. Then if he misses you to the point that he realizes you really are someone he wants to commit to, great. Unfortunately guys are like that. The most important aspect of this video is that you have enough self-respect to walk away from a situation that isn't giving you what you want. You are not walking away in order to force anything! You are walking away because you love yourself and want what you know you deserve. As opposed to worrying about whether you'll lose him - that's the worst mindset to have. Walk away even if you'll miss him and lose him. It's all about you.
I feel like the only way to be in a relationship is to never get in a friends with benefits relationship in the first place lol. I had a fwb before, and I wanted so bad for him to love me and want me in a relationship... I feel like your heart just gets broken because you lose your hope
True
That happened to my crush and me.
Yep. They give you tons of hope and then let you down every single solitary time. It's a sad n sick game. They know what they are doing. F that S! I'm DONE w/it and it actually feels gross to me now.
Elliot please mention that when you give the ultimatum space that you may find yourself not even wanting the guy back when he comes a knocking!... You wouldn't think it at the time but time and space gives you time to think and evaluate too...
Ms. W. you both are beautiful, dont let any guy make you feel any less :* besos
Yup just happened to me and the ex-fwb reached out after I walked away and blocked him from everywhere.
Well I don't want him anymore 😂
I truly moved on and didn't look back
I deserve better.
One of your most helpful videos! Most girls don't know guys are bullshitting them when they say "give me a few more months and I'll be ready." NO. It doesn't take a month to recognize sunshine. They should know after engagement with you if they can picture you being their girlfriend. And in order to cross that bridge, they have to visualize you being a plus in their life.
Get you a roster so you won't be as invested in the person that refuses to commit. Think in abundance. Create new relationships. If that person refuses to commit, there is someone out there that will. Believe in it.
This is spot on advice!! and it works😆😆 If the guy wants to be with u!! It's a sure fire way to find out...we are amazing ladies!! My mama always told me this about men, "They all gonna want u in some way...but YOU get to decide!!" Let's know our worth as beautiful, intelligent, sexy ass women!! Love your channel ES💋 I dig the hell outta your blunt advice🙌🙌🙌
Oh my gosh...this is very much like my situation with a guy I've been seeing for 3 months. He originally wanted to be friends with benefits and I agreed to be casual as well. Few weeks in, I realize I liked him more than FWB and told him I couldn't keep being physically intimate with him. He then told me that this was more than casual and he would like to date me because he liked me. We dated, he'd be hot and cold, we had good times and we'd have arguments, where he assured me that what we had was good and he wanted it to work.
Fast forward two months, he dumped me(or broke things off over text) and after watching this video, I realized my value went down when I should've been firm. I reached out to him saying that I missed him and our good times but it's been 20 days no contact and I plan to keep it that way. I should know my worth and what I want, not letting my worth be determined by another guy.
" I should know my worth and what I want, not letting my worth be determined by another guy." that's right gurl!
Vy Nguyen I feel you know a guy name Humberto I feel he just wants friends with benefits and I think he has a girlfriend, I think I'm going to back off being friends with benefits because I think I love him now
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Honestly I'm going thru this now and hearing this is definitely a wake up call, thank you so much for this advice!
It's about you and what you want out of the relationship..not about forcing him to commit.
If he gets bored what is the point in a relationship 😂
Just did option B a few days ago, pulled back completely. I guess we'll see how this plays out.
So????? How did it play out?
So guys never want to commit? We always have to "make" them? Are they always better just having sex and being single?
TheClauah no, its not true :( we just live in a society that puts pleasure first sadly.. Everyone likes pleasure, but its not sustainable if it comes first and foremost sadly... hope this made sense! Maybe try "a different pond"? There are a few good guys out there still. Good luck.
You hit the nail on the head! Wish I heard this 4 months ago! He’s gone, but there’s always something better and lessons learned!!!
Thank you Elliot! This came in handy for sure, started talking to a guy and he pulled away so I gave him the ultimatum and walked away 🤷♀️ I removed him from my social media … done with him.
Watching at 1am cuz I'm lame lol
Chellerosetru lol I watch videos like this in the middle of the night too. I thought this was a great series of videos because I met a guy through Facebook long story but I posted an ad for some clothes and it turned into this thing where people thought I was being racist because I'm goth and asked about black women's clothes and people took that to mean that I was being racist like I wanted African-American clothes and he was one of the guys in my selling groups on Facebook that jumped to my defense. I thought he was cute so I sent him a message to talk to him just to see what he was about and we started talking over the next two months and found out that we were into the same kind of stuff same music everything and we just met last week in person and things went really really well but we've agreed to be friends with benefits and see where it goes. I agree with the fact that after 6 to 8 weeks if it hasn't progressed past that that I'm going to ask him where he sees it going. If he doesn't want to be with me that I'm just going to move on completely because I know that I'm smart and strong and beautiful and we'll find a guy that wants to be with me. If he doesn't then there's plenty of fish in the sea. It took me a long time to get to the point where I was comfortable being alone because I was with the same guy for 18 years. I agree with you though.
Chellerosetru lmao 3 am here 🙄
Wishing Elliot and all.his subscribers a productive, proactive, high value day and week ahead. #BeYourGrestestVersion
FWB will kill me. If that much work is needed then he's not the guy for me. love should be organic and natural. even at the very small percentage that you do success, he probably won't stick around too long. This is depressing but good to know.
Yes well I got into a FWB relationship because the guy I was with told me he did want an exclusive, love relationship with me. I advised against it but went ahead after being FWBs for a month. He asked me to move in with him which I did but after three weeks he wanted me to move out. Now he doesn’t wanna relationship. I seem to be the one that cares about him while he doesn’t act like he cares about me, but doesn’t want to let me go when I suggested we walk away. His reason was that he loves having sex with me and doesn’t want to lose me for that reason. We have now been seeing each other for a year (cause we love the sex) But I have love feelings for him as well. He remains adamant about not having A love relationship. I told him that a relationship for long-term is what I am seeking and I will date until I find that person and then I will walk away from him. His response was if that happens I will wish you well. There is no way to get this guy, I feel like he is emotionally unavailable and afraid of getting hurt
it really works our for me get my ex back
I can help you out
text me on WhatsApp for directive
Thank you so much, after ai blocked him everywere, he came back and invited me even to go on vacation with him, 4 days we were together - day and night.. but he was talking to other girls (messages) and it botters me. Im 7 years older then him and this girls are younger then me. Now I‘m back home in my apartment and I decided to don‘t answer his messages and ignore his calls... and when he gets crazy, I will make an ultimatum & tell him again that I want a relationship
Anastasija Beograd girl , is there any update to your situation? Did he commit or did you move on?
Elliot, your videos keep getting better and better! I Love it when you go deeper than teaching "steps". So good at also explaining why 😘
Giving him more time gives him the opportunity to learn you are the best woman he's ever been with and your behavior validates that to him and he tells you. Even with a breakup eventually because you develop feelings he will have more reasons to miss you and it will take an exceptional woman to meet the standards you set with him.
I just txted him saying I wanted more and about us ending our fwb. We work in the same place so I want us to still be friends so he replied saying I understand your decision and the time we spend was a amazing, I hope he misses me but also sort my life out too
wish i watched this 6 years ago...but even if i did i wouldn't have been "woke" enough to accept it.
My situation was different we got on amazingly. Met him of tinder, we spent time together in and out thr bedroom. Then after two months he became ill and backed away. I gave him space and after a week confronted him. Was he ok etc.? He did a slow fade. Couldn't be honest i just felt it. He completely changed like over night 😔 im starting to think he met someone else and couldn't be honest to safe me from hurt. I wish he had then i wouldn't of doubted myself worth 😢
So i told him i felt different energy between us and i was walking away.
He said thank you for everything and boom gone.. Ive been left in tears,
I lost a good friend, a connection and now doubt myself..
Painful shit. Ill never do fwb again.
Lesson learnt. Sex isn't everything.
Hello Elliot Scott!
I dont know if youll read this, since this particular video is quite old, but nevertheless, i really need to thank you!
A huge huge THANK YOU to you, from me, from far away overseas, a 31 year old struggling woman.
I had to cope with a breakup this year, I had to cope with every single thing you talk about. Can you imagin, what HUGE help you hae been for me????? I HOPE SO!! I watch your videos everyday, and everynight before i go to sleep. Your voice is the last thing im hearing before i shut off my laptop at night. You give me so much power, strength, faith in myself, you help me believe in MYSELF, concentrate on MYSELF, you help me TRULY UNDERSTAND MEN! Thank you for this empowering learning experince!! AND: Personally, I think you're an eight ;-) I would love to see your beautiful hair down :-D
All the best!
Yours Truly ;-)
thank you
I'm so grateful for your no BS approach to things. thanks!
Thank you so much. I like how you get straight to the point and don't beat around the bush with a bunch of stuff that I have to try to memorize. It's good advice that's short and sweet and easy to remember. I have ADD so I have a short attention span so this is great for me LOL. Thank you and keep making these great videos.
I bet girls ask you for advice all the time. You give EXCELLENT tips that make so much sense. You don't beat around the bush. Nice work !
I’m so confused because this video contradicts everything u said in another video I watched. I’m so confused now!
This is my favorite video you've done. Lots of valuable insight and knowledge. I'm currently going through this and it's been hard to rip off the proverbial band aid but I know it's necessary. Thank you!
Keep yourself busy..
And have fun..
😎
but in another video you said we should not do ultimatum,. just transition through friends with benefits.. be more friends and less benefits ???
What if you try to move on and he comes back insisting on being friends without doing any physical things?
Heidi Jean-Risme in my opinion I would tell him no because then that's just going to teach him that he can treat you in whatever way he wants and you're just going to keep putting up with it. I had an ex who mistreated me really bad and finally I put my foot down with him and told him no more that I was done and that I wasn't going to be around anymore and guess what? He started chasing after me like there was no tomorrow and actually gave up every other girl he'd been talking to and now sometimes he contacts me so much it annoys me LOL then again we were together for a long time but if he sees that you have other prospects and you have things going on in your life your value is going to go way up in his eyes. Hope that helps. Just remember that you deserve someone who will commit to you 100% and not be on the fence. Blessed Be.
I wish I had seen this video 10 years ago when I was in this kind of situation with someone and should hav3 clearly told him that I wanted a relationship. By the time I realized it; it was too late and he refused to see any future potential with me in a serious way. I wish UA-cam online dating coaches had existed ten years ago.
I tell a man what I want in the beginning, or they first try to do that starting talking about sex, ask for nudes, and they are blocked.
Friends with benefits does not work for a relationship. I have move on.He keeps texting me.How much he miss me n so on.But:not a relationship. Like always friends with benefits. I stop being friends with benefits. We still are good friends. Nothing wrong with that.
I tried just being friends but it didn't work. Good luck to u
WHATS goin on everybody ITCH!!!your favorite dating coach Elliot Scott 🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️
so the goal is to start a FWB relationship really knowing yourself and what you want out of it. Being completely honest with yourself is the first step.
You are the best dating/relationship coach ever ! So glad I found your channel. And I downloaded your free guide today and I'm loving it soo much ! Thanks !!
And what happens when they come back but they come back saying "hey, I'm here but I wont commit anyways, it'll just the same as before"?
People sleep on Friends with Benefits but in the end.. to have a lifelong partnership with your best friend that you're passionate about actually isn't a bad thing... its these toxic relationships that don't work long term.
you are my guilty pleasure! 💖
Daily Dose Of Vitamin M why guilty??? lol.... One of my pleasures #NoGuilt :)
because if you'd let anyone know you watch/listen or have a dating coach people assume something is wrong with you.. kind of like when men assume if you are beautiful and don't have a boyfriend or are married then surely it's because you are a psycho or have issues.. Sometimes a woman just likes to be alone or simply hasn't found someone who's caught their attention in a way that would make you consider to be in a relationship with. And it's nothing against dating coaches because the same goes for life coaches or psychologists.
So we remove/delete him from social media?
what happens if you take the wrong path but you want him back and you did the wrong thing?
There is a great program you can purchase for $47 Called Love commands program by Scott Foster. It is the best $47 I ever spent. I got an ex who told me he hated me and would never speak to me again to actually come back around and start being cool with me again. You'll be shocked at how well the program works. A teaches you how to Think Like a Man and how to be less emotional when speaking to a man so that he won't see you as a threat to his security and will actually see you as a valuable person he needs around. These are great videos though too because I have a short attention span due to add and some of that stuff is hard to remember for me. I had to take notes but it's definitely worth the $47 spent.
Right, Have a serious question for you @elliot scott.
here's the "story"
We have guy A. He meets the girl C 3 or 4 time's and the space of 3 year.
when they see each other they talk but don't know each other, and dont have each other's contact details.
Girl C after 3 years meet's guy B. Girl C loves guy B because he seems genuine smart loving and has things he can teach girl C.
Guy B and girl C is dating a few month and then Visit Guy A. Then guy A and girl B realise they know each other.
Guy A had apparently been trying to find girl C for a long time but couldnt because she did not give her name.
Girl C and guy B break up, a few weeks later girl C gets a text message from guy A. ( which I dont know how he got C's number)
asking her to go to his. Girl C thinks she will go through and both A & B will be there but only A is.
C asks if B is ok and he is apparently. C and B start "hooking up"
girl C really likes A, and he seems to like C too.
After a few weeks they start dating. Then C gets a message from B to talk again.
C is very confused, she does not know if these two guys are playing some really elaborate game with her. Or if both are genuinely interested.
The main question here is, is it possible for two long term friends to both love the same person. and how would they work it out between them ? or is this a big game?
Thanks
no wonder they always come back! I am a master of this without even knowing lol Thanks Eli
I've been watching your newer videos up until now! Just seeing your hair haha. Love your videos, you are definitely the best at what you do. Thank you so much
oh I miss seeing you in your car lol
lol
What if I want to turn my boyfriend into a friend with benefits. I can’t handle a relationship right now.
Elliot thank you!! Your advice was the bomb!! I needed that so much. This helps me greatly. 🙌🏽
Wow I did exactly that! I gave the ultimatum and moved on!!!
What if you've already made the mistake of accepting his excuses to not commit? Is there a way to rectify it?
Love your video and perspective. So helpful and how you relay it sticks. Thank you.
Once you move on and he misses you and then comes back-stating he wants to be your 'platonic' friend- but then would still kiss you and the chemistry would still be there- what are my actions to escape that FWB circle? Because then again he turns around saying he ' can't give me what I want' because he is 'so focused on work/career '...
What’s that about redheads? Just curious... lol
You're fun, I don't even know what we are with this guy aaand I opened the video only cos I like listening to you, (love the hairstyle)! 😄
Really loving this format!
All my bfs ask me to marry them I say no the trick is just dont act like u want them ppl want what they cant have
What if we are housemate with him and definitely cannot move out?
My heart is so broken already
Elliot,
The man- bun is alittle askew ( lol), but I got alot out of this video! Your advice really resonated with me! I have an ex- fiance who is orbiting and wants fwb. To quote you, " I'm not about that life!" Also, I thought I wanted him back , but you explicitly said, "DON'T CHASE!!!" I am SO glad I found you.
i feel like this is really hard to follow if you're best friends (like legit BFFs) with the guy lol as with my current situation...i feel like there was a point where i said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing and ended up in what we are now...i just wonder if there is a plausible and effective way to reverse this and get him possibly thinking of having a relationship with me. it seems unlikely though.
Oh god same with me
I think this was one of your best videos ever
Is it ok to stay friends with the guy after he says no? friends meaning just talk once in awhile but not hang out or anything. just casual texting. no hard feelings type.
and if he text first does that mean he misses you or he's just bored?
I guess he’s just bored. If not hang out why still talk?? Unless you don’t mind it. But you need to be clear that nothing will happen between you and him and you are Okay with that otherwise you’ll get hurt again eventually
Needed this today, thank you
Shit! I removed myself completely out of his life and just yesterday he blocked me on fb after 3 months of me complete silence. Wtf? The more I see is behaviour the more I laugh. She can have his problems.
You’re so funny!! But you just said the opposite of your other FWB video which was to NOT give him an ultimatum or cut off sex if you’re trying to turn a FWB into a relationship or he will just leave. I’ve already been trying to find another guy especially since my FWB lives in NPB 3 hours away there’s just nobody I want to date around here I never meet anyone.
you are great enthousiastic we love this😉great
Elliott, you have gorgeous BLUE eyes!! :):)
Same thing for relationships! Diagram would be similar! Ugh men
Great advise! Thanks
He knows what I want I’ve told him but he still wants to see me but telling me one day I’ll meet someone who will be my husband it’s hurting a bit but I don’t get it why we are not just friends with benefits this is something more he told me so is it age gap only which holding him back? I don’t know what to do🥺
Exactly what I needed to know
How do you deal with it when he comes back or how do you know when he is serious? Should you make him prove to you that he's serious about a relationship?
You're the best Elliot. So glad you cut your hair thou 😂
Ever dated a woman with children? Advice needed.
Why do men back away when it comes to the point of meating the kids?
I Asked the guy where the relationship was heading, as i would love to take it to the next level (dated for eight months).
Unfortunately he told me i was everything he wanted in a woman bla, bla, bla but told me he couldn't meet my children, and doesn't think he ever will. Hes confused and haveing doubts??.
Help!! is the guy no good?
Kelly Louise .. it seems pretty clear to me, if he doesn't want to meet your kids then he is not worth dating.. it's a package deal dating a woman with kids.. ;)
Good luck ❤
It doesn’t mean he’s ‘no good’. Just doesn’t want kids, which is normal. Just move on.
Redhead here :) so my fwb says he doesn't want a relationship with me but when I told him I was going to move on to find a relationship with someone else, he got super defensive and upset when I had plans one night that he wanted to hook up, asking if a had a date etc. He said he wanted to see me the next night, I said yes, and the next night he blew me off. Wtf?
Gave in too easy. You fear losing him.
well.my fwb and i, are having an awesome time but his ex will not accept the fact thst he is single and enjoying life.she has been nasty towards me now, trying to get the upper hand here. trying to manipulate him, lying to him to get to me etc.* wantint to talk to me * . what should i do? We get along great, me and him. and we are not looking for a relationship. we are great friends too. shall i just re block her, ignore her completely , or let her confront me? ....she is making my anxiety worse..
He came back but I fucked up again. Now we’re just fwb. It’s been 2 weeks. Idk if I should have the talk or not
Gosh why did you ever cut your hair . You’re so gorgeous
So glad ive seen this video now know what i need to do 😃😃
Thanks for this
why dont they sell ur books here in amazon!
+エイプリル dont make $$
+Elliot Scott Dating im gonna sell mini guides on there tho
I’m not a friends with benefit type of girl
Great video. Spot on. I recently gave him the ultimatum and then removed myself completely from his life. No orbiting whatsoever. After two months, I acknowledged his birthday via an email. His returned email said he missed me. I gave to wonder if he will ever take action on his feelings or not. Thoughts?
You look like a lovely woman.. you deserve so much better. I would not have contacted him on his birthday, as it means you were thinking about him to then break the 2 months of No Contact. Anyone who says things (but takes zero action) does Not deserve even a second of your time. I wish you well.
What if you leave and he doesn’t care?
Hi Elliot! I have a question on what to do after you give the guy the ultimatum. You said that if he says no or doesn't comply with you wanting more that you need to move on and pull out 100%. But and if he comes back and offers to give you what you want, then it's fine to decide if you choose to take him back or not. However, I'm wondering if using the no contact method would be beneficial in this situation? If he tries to reach out is it best to just ignore him and have no contact for awhile, or will that mess up any chance you have of getting him back? Would that raise your value and show that you're not willing to put up with his BS anymore? Just wondering what your views are on the no contact method in general and if you find it to be effective. Would love if you made a video on this topic as well. Thanks!
Yesssss this is gold
I love me some Red Heads 😃❤️
Hi Elliot, does this apply to divorced men (and women), too? Do you have videos and advice for women who have been married already and are not looking to get married and have children but still want a fulfilling relationship? xxx
I have a question if you was dateing a guy and he didn’t want kids with you does that mean he don’t like you
I started liking my fwb and i pulled away because i know he doesnt want the same we will stay friends.
Desnt mean i like it
The guy claims to not want to be in a relationship and then said that he wanted to be platonic friends coz he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend, then he says that we had romance and intimacy and all that, I’m confused
That was great!