This is good! Dave, I appreciate your gentle focus on wife’s face! That says a lot about how connected you guys are at all levels!❤ God bless you both!!
Good Stuff. Those daily repeated questions/analysis can wear us slick, especially if they go unanswered or are answered in an unhealthy way. The most important answers do come in our time with our Heavenly Father and from our most important guy -- our husbands! What we want them to hear is that their voice matters. Thank you for the perspective!
Oh, let me add to this list... (1) What have you done for me lately? (2) What can I do to punish you? and (3) Why isn't my husband as good of a mate as I am? This comes from someone who has been raised in the church and takes my wedding vows very seriously, but after 38 years of marriage and 15 years of a dead bedroom, I cannot help but feel that I have earned the right to be jaded. I don't blame God for this. That would be like blaming God for creating women. God made women to complete men and vice versa. The end result of all of this is that I have ended up in a dead marriage with a spouse who has rejected every attempt to fix things. It has pushed me to the depths of depression and begging God to just take me home. And even if my attitude toward marriage and divorce were to change, at the age of 60, it's much too late to find all of the things that I have lost. You have got to get to couples in the infancy of their.matriage to put them on the right track. I genuinely pray that your message will help couples, but too late for me.
0:36 What can you expect from a guy that says things like that....? Churches only teach men how to be simpletons, how not to judge women and how terrible it is to look at a woman's past. Then.... men end up with narcissistic women who don't care about them. My Grandad learned that at 72 and he lived 16 years being respected by the community. People valued him more than his ex wife. You still have time. Don't waste time listening to guys who think they have to diminish men so they can inflate women's egos. Think about God (if you're christian), your purpose, your community, family or friends....and then invest your time in people who appreciate you. Good luck mate.
There's always two sides. All I heard in his writing was "I am a victim, feel sorry for me." Marriage isn't fair and neither is life. If you want to win, you must have to find a way to win. In Darren Hardy's book The Compound Effect, he asks the question how much of the success of your marriage is your responsibility? 50/50? 60/40? Nope. 100/0. It is 100% up to you to find the way to create the relationship you want. If you want things to be fair, sorry, they will never be (at least in your eyes.). When he says "she has rejected ALL my attempts" and indicates he gave up, I just say you didn't try enough ways. More than likely you moped around like a beaten puppy which doesn't necessarily engender trust. That may seem heartless to someone who is hurting, but you can't be a victor and a victim at the same time. When my marriage is going poorly, I have to remind myself IT IS MY FAULT. PERIOD. I want to think exactly the opposite, but as the leader of the home, I must ask myself what could I have done better to prevent or prepare for this? Only from that vantage point can I humble myself and be a servant to my marriage even though my mind tells me she needs to pay and doesn't deserve it. These people are both so entrenched in their positions with increasing roots of bitterness, it would be difficult to get loving feelings flowing again, but it is possible! Especially with the healing power of God's reconciliation in marriage. The prayer that Jimmy Evans prayed over us at that XO conference was a sermon in itself! When we access it, we have something the world doesn't have...the spirit of forgiveness and the concept of truly wiping the slate clean instead of stacking up the inevitable hurt after hurt "...love keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Cor 13 How many times have I recessed to my office to complain to God about my awful wife only for him to change my heart and show me either how I was wrong or what I should be doing to care for the tender heart of his "daughter". The place of respect I have in her heart because God has changed mine so many times. And how many times have I seen her reading the Bible and praying for our marriage too. When both people are doing it, God just keeps showing up over and over again to forgive, heal and reconcile. I pray that this guy will find the freedom God has for all of us if we will just take it. I know I have all too many times sat in my own self-constructed cage instead of claiming the promises that only HE can give.
@@crush95 I am so glad that you know me so well! Noone has ever said the things you've said, and you said them with so much kindness...NOT!!! The fact is, I encouraged my wife to be my partner and my equal, but she chose to try and take the dominate position. She also applied all of this to every aspect of her life and aside from her own mother, has pushed everyone who cares about her away. All of her friends turned to me and asked "what's happened to her?" I had no good answer for them. I finally got completely fed up, not because she rejected me, but because she rejected everyone, and I told her.that she can go to couples counseling with me or.continue to hide. She went to 7 sessions and bailed. I tried to get her into individual counseling (including with Rapha) and she never made more than 2 sessions with each of 3 counselors. So yeah, I have had some deep, deep depression (to the point of finding myself with a loaded gun in my mouth). I didn't want to be remembered that way so I got into counseling, got on my knees and counseled with my pastor. I told.my wife that if we go our separate ways, it won't be without me doing everything possible to save this train wreck. And now, I am going to move into an apartment so she can see what her life is like without me. So, before you start judging me, her or anyone else, you need to remember that you live in a glass house also and that throwing rocks is dangerous.
@@toddrushing9780 Not standing in a glass house. Not throwing stones. My house is riddled with plenty of holes which I why I have compassion for your situation enough to stop on this comment section. Sometimes what we want is not what we need. I was stuck in a downward spiral like you unitl I stopped writing and saying defeatist victim statements like you have been writing. There is such power in words. God created the universe with them! What are you creating with your words? Are you proclaiming victory or putting yourself in a cage? "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me...we are more than conquerors! These are your promises as a believer for the taking. We can claim victory as believers today even if the outcome isn't what we want. We can trust in God that his ultimate purpose will be revealed as he captures our "every tear in a bottle". You are right, I don't know you and have not walked a mile in your shoes. You are obviously in the worst kind of pain (emotional). I have been there and have empathy for you, so I simply took the time to respond to try to shock you out of your state of self-pity because someone did that for me. Sometimes kindness doesn't look like what you think it should. You were obviously posting on this for some reason. I never post on anything, much less write this much. For some reason, I was prompted to respond. I am certainly not trying to kick you while you are down, exactly the opposite. I'm telling you can do this...as a child of God you can claim the victory. Pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is optional. You have to ask yourself, am I going to be a perpetual victim of a difficult wife or am I going to find the victory regardless of what another human being does? Why would anyone want to be a Christian if we don't deal with challenging situations any differently? We can't change another person, only God can do that. But, we can work on ourselves and our own attitude toward the situation. Counselors have a valuable role, but we can't abdicate the real work of this to counselors anymore than we can abdicate pushups to a personal trainer. We have to do the hard work of encouraging ourselves as leaders like David did in 1 Sam 30:6. Do you believe Rom 8:28? Maybe marriage wasn't meant to make us happy, but maybe more holy...more like Jesus. I don't have the answers, but I do know they aren't found in blaming someone else.
@@crush95 I appreciate the kind words and the sentiment. I am reminded of Colossians 3:23 that tells us that whatever we do, do it all for the glory of God, like you are working for God and not for men. I recently had several small heart attacks and I felt like this was God's opening to take me home. Instead, it opened up so many doors that showed me that more people love me than hate me. Do I think my wife hates me? NO!!! She has turned narcissistic and is focused on herself. She has got to wake up and realize what I have, and that is that I am doing the things God expects of me (though I am far from perfect, just forgiven). She has grown accustomed to the status quo and I have decided that the things that grow a couple are missing and I am not going to watch it implode. I will continue to seek God's will, pray daily, and explore what kind of life I can build for myself.
![5 Things Successful People Do Before 8AM [FULL MESSAGE] | Terri Savelle Foy](/img/n.gif)
Such a sweet couple. You guys are a picture of what a good marriage is supposed to be. Thank for sharing!!
This is good! Dave, I appreciate your gentle focus on wife’s face! That says a lot about how connected you guys are at all levels!❤ God bless you both!!
great video yall!!!
That dang list! That was funny
Good Stuff. Those daily repeated questions/analysis can wear us slick, especially if they go unanswered or are answered in an unhealthy way. The most important answers do come in our time with our Heavenly Father and from our most important guy -- our husbands! What we want them to hear is that their voice matters. Thank you for the perspective!
Hey man , how could I find a wife like yours ? 😂
Oh, let me add to this list... (1) What have you done for me lately? (2) What can I do to punish you? and (3) Why isn't my husband as good of a mate as I am?
This comes from someone who has been raised in the church and takes my wedding vows very seriously, but after 38 years of marriage and 15 years of a dead bedroom, I cannot help but feel that I have earned the right to be jaded. I don't blame God for this. That would be like blaming God for creating women. God made women to complete men and vice versa. The end result of all of this is that I have ended up in a dead marriage with a spouse who has rejected every attempt to fix things. It has pushed me to the depths of depression and begging God to just take me home. And even if my attitude toward marriage and divorce were to change, at the age of 60, it's much too late to find all of the things that I have lost. You have got to get to couples in the infancy of their.matriage to put them on the right track. I genuinely pray that your message will help couples, but too late for me.
0:36 What can you expect from a guy that says things like that....?
Churches only teach men how to be simpletons, how not to judge women and how terrible it is to look at a woman's past.
Then.... men end up with narcissistic women who don't care about them.
My Grandad learned that at 72 and he lived 16 years being respected by the community. People valued him more than his ex wife. You still have time. Don't waste time listening to guys who think they have to diminish men so they can inflate women's egos. Think about God (if you're christian), your purpose, your community, family or friends....and then invest your time in people who appreciate you.
Good luck mate.
There's always two sides. All I heard in his writing was "I am a victim, feel sorry for me."
Marriage isn't fair and neither is life. If you want to win, you must have to find a way to win. In Darren Hardy's book The Compound Effect, he asks the question how much of the success of your marriage is your responsibility? 50/50? 60/40? Nope. 100/0. It is 100% up to you to find the way to create the relationship you want. If you want things to be fair, sorry, they will never be (at least in your eyes.). When he says "she has rejected ALL my attempts" and indicates he gave up, I just say you didn't try enough ways. More than likely you moped around like a beaten puppy which doesn't necessarily engender trust. That may seem heartless to someone who is hurting, but you can't be a victor and a victim at the same time. When my marriage is going poorly, I have to remind myself IT IS MY FAULT. PERIOD. I want to think exactly the opposite, but as the leader of the home, I must ask myself what could I have done better to prevent or prepare for this? Only from that vantage point can I humble myself and be a servant to my marriage even though my mind tells me she needs to pay and doesn't deserve it.
These people are both so entrenched in their positions with increasing roots of bitterness, it would be difficult to get loving feelings flowing again, but it is possible! Especially with the healing power of God's reconciliation in marriage. The prayer that Jimmy Evans prayed over us at that XO conference was a sermon in itself! When we access it, we have something the world doesn't have...the spirit of forgiveness and the concept of truly wiping the slate clean instead of stacking up the inevitable hurt after hurt "...love keeps no record of wrongs." 1 Cor 13 How many times have I recessed to my office to complain to God about my awful wife only for him to change my heart and show me either how I was wrong or what I should be doing to care for the tender heart of his "daughter". The place of respect I have in her heart because God has changed mine so many times. And how many times have I seen her reading the Bible and praying for our marriage too. When both people are doing it, God just keeps showing up over and over again to forgive, heal and reconcile.
I pray that this guy will find the freedom God has for all of us if we will just take it. I know I have all too many times sat in my own self-constructed cage instead of claiming the promises that only HE can give.
@@crush95 I am so glad that you know me so well! Noone has ever said the things you've said, and you said them with so much kindness...NOT!!!
The fact is, I encouraged my wife to be my partner and my equal, but she chose to try and take the dominate position. She also applied all of this to every aspect of her life and aside from her own mother, has pushed everyone who cares about her away. All of her friends turned to me and asked "what's happened to her?" I had no good answer for them. I finally got completely fed up, not because she rejected me, but because she rejected everyone, and I told her.that she can go to couples counseling with me or.continue to hide. She went to 7 sessions and bailed. I tried to get her into individual counseling (including with Rapha) and she never made more than 2 sessions with each of 3 counselors. So yeah, I have had some deep, deep depression (to the point of finding myself with a loaded gun in my mouth). I didn't want to be remembered that way so I got into counseling, got on my knees and counseled with my pastor. I told.my wife that if we go our separate ways, it won't be without me doing everything possible to save this train wreck. And now, I am going to move into an apartment so she can see what her life is like without me. So, before you start judging me, her or anyone else, you need to remember that you live in a glass house also and that throwing rocks is dangerous.
@@toddrushing9780 Not standing in a glass house. Not throwing stones. My house is riddled with plenty of holes which I why I have compassion for your situation enough to stop on this comment section. Sometimes what we want is not what we need. I was stuck in a downward spiral like you unitl I stopped writing and saying defeatist victim statements like you have been writing. There is such power in words. God created the universe with them! What are you creating with your words? Are you proclaiming victory or putting yourself in a cage? "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me...we are more than conquerors! These are your promises as a believer for the taking. We can claim victory as believers today even if the outcome isn't what we want. We can trust in God that his ultimate purpose will be revealed as he captures our "every tear in a bottle". You are right, I don't know you and have not walked a mile in your shoes. You are obviously in the worst kind of pain (emotional). I have been there and have empathy for you, so I simply took the time to respond to try to shock you out of your state of self-pity because someone did that for me. Sometimes kindness doesn't look like what you think it should. You were obviously posting on this for some reason. I never post on anything, much less write this much. For some reason, I was prompted to respond. I am certainly not trying to kick you while you are down, exactly the opposite. I'm telling you can do this...as a child of God you can claim the victory. Pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is optional. You have to ask yourself, am I going to be a perpetual victim of a difficult wife or am I going to find the victory regardless of what another human being does? Why would anyone want to be a Christian if we don't deal with challenging situations any differently? We can't change another person, only God can do that. But, we can work on ourselves and our own attitude toward the situation. Counselors have a valuable role, but we can't abdicate the real work of this to counselors anymore than we can abdicate pushups to a personal trainer. We have to do the hard work of encouraging ourselves as leaders like David did in 1 Sam 30:6. Do you believe Rom 8:28? Maybe marriage wasn't meant to make us happy, but maybe more holy...more like Jesus. I don't have the answers, but I do know they aren't found in blaming someone else.
@@crush95 I appreciate the kind words and the sentiment. I am reminded of Colossians 3:23 that tells us that whatever we do, do it all for the glory of God, like you are working for God and not for men. I recently had several small heart attacks and I felt like this was God's opening to take me home. Instead, it opened up so many doors that showed me that more people love me than hate me. Do I think my wife hates me? NO!!! She has turned narcissistic and is focused on herself. She has got to wake up and realize what I have, and that is that I am doing the things God expects of me (though I am far from perfect, just forgiven). She has grown accustomed to the status quo and I have decided that the things that grow a couple are missing and I am not going to watch it implode. I will continue to seek God's will, pray daily, and explore what kind of life I can build for myself.