Self-care for Caregivers | Linda Ercoli | TEDxUCLA

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  • Опубліковано 2 лип 2024
  • This talk will outline important coping strategies for people who care for loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia.
    Health Sciences Clinical Professor, Department of Psychiatry and Biobehavioral Sciences, Jane and Terry Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA Self-care for Caregivers This talk will outline important coping strategies for people who care for loved ones with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

КОМЕНТАРІ • 54

  • @leaveittothediva
    @leaveittothediva 11 місяців тому +14

    Anyone that does it 24/7 needs a medal, not judgement they get from everyone. ❤

    • @Nothanks450
      @Nothanks450 4 місяці тому +1

      That’s me, 24/7…. He has Alzheimer’s full care, wife wheelchair bound full care. I take care of me first or at least I try to, however even trying to take care of me is filled with thoughts of caring for them

  • @lencassell4935
    @lencassell4935 2 роки тому +47

    I so needed that tonight. Like many of you I share your struggle. I'm so exhausted and depressed after 16 years of caregiving for a stroke patient. Tonight, was a good way to do something for myself by giving myself the time to watch this video. Best wishes all caregivers.

  • @Prodigious1One
    @Prodigious1One 2 роки тому +18

    EXCELLENT MESSAGE! I took care of my mom for eight years; she died in August 2021. I had SO MUCH to learn just by keeping faith and going through all the challenges of caring for her. I didn't get much guidance on how she was changing or how to adapt to her. I just kept going, but like the speaker says, I learned how to take care of myself in little ways. However, I wish that I had joined a caregiver group or been more open about the difficulties of being a caregiver. I didn't talk enough with others about the work of caregiving.

  • @Vengurla33
    @Vengurla33 2 роки тому +5

    After I heard Linda’s speech a thought came to my mind
    That Linda is copy-pasting my experience of caregiving,
    I am 89 and I lost my wife 3 months back who was then
    85.last 31 years I was taking care of my wife who was then
    54 and I was 58.She had meningitis and a soft brain stroke.
    She was then totally dependent on me.last 3 years she was
    Completely bedridden.She was also suffering from Dementia.
    I went through all the sufferings which Linda is describing.
    I wish I had heard her speech long back So that I would have
    not committed some of those mistakes as a caretaker to my
    wife,which Linda has described in her very useful speech.
    Thanks Linda.

  • @dannymeske3821
    @dannymeske3821 2 роки тому +10

    Thank you! I'm a 76 yr old caregiver of my wife with dementia for 5 years now. I took care of my mother with dementia for 7 yrs.

  • @bushidooffaith4706
    @bushidooffaith4706 5 років тому +31

    thank you agree with all that was said. I always say to any caregiver I know. You need to take them out of your mind, but always keep them strong in your heart. I am a 24/7 carer for mum, after caring for dad till his passed. In other words don't let them knock you of your mind set, you always need to keep that clear. Caring is like you are driving your car in a fog, you know theres a wall coming but you just have to keep on going. You do this for love. A carer doesn't live, a carer just survives and with Gods help they make it to the end. A stronger person for having the guts to have walk that path! God bless all the CARERS out there.

  • @robotaholic
    @robotaholic 20 днів тому +1

    I woke up in the middle of the night thinking she called for me four different times when she didn't. I can never get rest ever. I owe her. She did it for me as a baby.

    • @AubreyWilkinsWursten
      @AubreyWilkinsWursten 8 днів тому

      I feel both of these things! I hear phantom footsteps in the night. It's exhausting. Sometimes I feel so resentful, and then I feel guilty for feeling resentful, because she was always an angel to me as I grew up. I owe her so much. But that doesn't make it easy.

  • @joyclarke8942
    @joyclarke8942 3 роки тому +9

    Best speaker I've heard on being a caregiver for an Alzheimer's patent. I greatly appreciate Linda Ercoli!!

  • @sarahl725
    @sarahl725 11 місяців тому +3

    This is so needed for me. I have been the only carer for my mum since beginning of this year and it's her third time being in the hospital. It's hard.

  • @naxinkong
    @naxinkong 2 роки тому +8

    This is very helpful. Good tips on getting respite care for self, not just physically but mentally. So often I spent time ruminating on negative future, though unknown but in a way being in that anticipated grief state. Our brain seems to either think of the past or forward thinking. I started practicing mindfulness and pursue spiritual journey. Some heartbreaking decisions have to be made, this is part of the life: live and death.

  • @cherylbommarito5569
    @cherylbommarito5569 Рік тому +4

    You are helping so many of us to anchor in the storm. Thank you for sharing your insights.

  • @kmw03
    @kmw03 8 місяців тому +1

    This video was beneficial. I will take the tools and use them in my daily activities while caring for my mother.
    Thank you so much,

  • @GenXersJustWalkItOff
    @GenXersJustWalkItOff 5 років тому +18

    And she felt all that with a care recipient in assisted living... I’m trying not to be bitter, but that seems like heaven to me. I know her story is supposed to help us connect to her talk... I’m on round 4 now, at 51, and I would like to experience some life without caregiving, but I’ve done the math, and it appears I will be quite old before I am free.

    • @joneal8698
      @joneal8698 4 роки тому +7

      Hi Michelle. I know this is an older comment, but I wanted to ask if you've looked into any respite programs in your city. In my hometown we have hospice programs among others that provide volunteer caregivers for respite. They can't take the place of assisted living programs or in home providers, but they can help you feel less alone with your journey, and provide you a few hours a week to care for and reconnect with yourself. Wishing you the best and hoping you find some support to ease your burden.

    • @Decode-jc8rn
      @Decode-jc8rn 3 роки тому +12

      I struggle with mental illness and so does my Mother.
      I've had to be there for Grandmother, Father and now Mother.
      Its too much.
      I've been on empty for years.

    • @prestontingle5014
      @prestontingle5014 2 роки тому +2

      That’s distressing in and of it’s self. I can say that because I’m going on 11 years of being a caregiver and I’m totally exhausted and being honest bitter about it. But I’m working on my attitude. Thanks for your response I’m not alone

    • @GenXersJustWalkItOff
      @GenXersJustWalkItOff 2 роки тому +4

      @@prestontingle5014 I hope you can get the help you need (whatever that looks like) to make your life more livable for you - and even go past that and thrive. I had forgotten about this post and never came back (never got notifications that people had posted... or I didn't notice them). Anyway, I wrote that at a particularly low point. I can feel AND REMEMBER the depletion and bitterness coming off of my post. I'm in a much better place now. Due to a combination of factors, some by happenchance and some by difficult choices/design (prompted by the "bottom" I hit about the time I posted), I am no longer struggling under such a burden - and I expect to have minimal caregiving responsibilities going forward. Can't say more, because it involves family-dynamics info, and I post under my own name, but life has very much improved for me, and I hope it will improve for you, soon, as well.

    • @GenXersJustWalkItOff
      @GenXersJustWalkItOff 2 роки тому +2

      @@joneal8698 Thank you... Respite help was not an option for this situation. I can't really go into it, but there are factors that make respite help not workable - and in my case, while the responsibilities felt overwhelming, it wasn't actually about not being able to be away (in the phase of caregiving reflected above).

  • @chrislim7976
    @chrislim7976 2 роки тому +21

    I became a caregiver 3 months ago for my father.
    I am overwhelmed and depressed.
    It feels like life is over. 😔

    • @AF-ke9by
      @AF-ke9by 2 роки тому +5

      I hear you. I hope you are finding ways to take care of yourself. Next month is two years that I have been caring for my aunt, and it has been a year since my mom (her sister) sold her house and joined me to share the caregiving tasks. I hope you have help. There are ebbs and flows of emotion. Be kind to yourself. It is a marathon without a definitive end date in most cases. Learn some coping strategies as you get used to the rhythms of this new life.

    • @chrislim7976
      @chrislim7976 2 роки тому +5

      @@AF-ke9by Your words are timely and perfect. It feels like I am adjusting which gives me some hope. Caregiving seems to just "happen" time becomes so precious and we know we will never be the same. Thank you for your advice and kind words.
      Forever grateful.
      😔🙏🙏

    • @AF-ke9by
      @AF-ke9by 2 роки тому +2

      @@chrislim7976 You are welcome. It is important to know and feel you are not alone in this effort. Reaching out online helps when there is nothing else, sometimes. I am grateful to know you are adjusting. Some days make it seem like this will never end.
      Last night? My aunt actually talked with me for a few minutes, which is rare enough, but she was mostly coherent, which was really nice.
      How are you?

    • @chrislim7976
      @chrislim7976 2 роки тому +7

      @@AF-ke9byAgree so much. Friends can listen only so much which is understandable and during a pandemic it is especially lonely.
      I believe when we need it, things do happen to help us like your aunt reaching out. Thanks for sensing my sadness and I am not alone. What a world. 😔🙏

    • @sophiecampbell8008
      @sophiecampbell8008 2 роки тому +2

      sending you love xxx

  • @gabriellaflynn7708
    @gabriellaflynn7708 2 роки тому +6

    This was such meaningful and helpful advice. Thank you!

  • @gloriamairs9518
    @gloriamairs9518 5 місяців тому +1

    I needed this desperately- thank you.

  • @8560mkkem
    @8560mkkem 3 роки тому +6

    What about the dayto day cargiver in thetrenches. Bathroom inand out of bed who are alone and none else to orchestrate and try to pay the bills andtryto work to oay the bills at the same time having to help the lovedone to the bathroom while tring to still work. This it stress

  • @Kathrynlove
    @Kathrynlove Рік тому +3

    I'm a Single Mom with 3 kids. I literally have been caring for a small child for 10 years with zero breaks and no support. I literally can't handle any more....I am so tired everyday when I wake up I'm so disappointed that I am not sleeping anymore.

    • @biancaflores9970
      @biancaflores9970 8 місяців тому

      I'm so sorry momma!! 😞 💔

    • @biancaflores9970
      @biancaflores9970 8 місяців тому

      I would go to church and drop them off at the child care during service. Get prayer while you're there. See if anyone at the church is willing to babysit once a week as service to the LORD?..
      Are you able to sleep while they're at school?

  • @sarahs3619
    @sarahs3619 Рік тому +1

    Taking care of my mother with ALZ is brutal. But there are beautiful, touching, and funny moments along the way. I try to hold onto those.

  • @vcr2928
    @vcr2928 3 роки тому +2

    Thank you....I really needed this...

  • @Nothanks450
    @Nothanks450 4 місяці тому

    Death is mercy for a live in caregiver, at least for me it is when my heart is racing, exhausted, hungry, just plain wiped out. I sometimes say, take me in my sleep lord, peacefully in my sleep, amen. When I wake in the morning I pray, help me today lord….

  • @sj2024sj
    @sj2024sj 3 роки тому

    Thank you for this🙏❤❤❤

  • @alchemynotes
    @alchemynotes 4 роки тому

    Thank you, amazing performance

  • @kerrycorp1277
    @kerrycorp1277 Рік тому +3

    "Go to a support group" -- yeah...like there's time for that :(

  • @vickilane5518
    @vickilane5518 Рік тому

    So, so true, well done 😢

  • @ekonthablock3641
    @ekonthablock3641 2 роки тому

    This was great 👍🏻

  • @jeffersonbesiant7184
    @jeffersonbesiant7184 3 роки тому +1

    EXCELENT

  • @8560mkkem
    @8560mkkem 3 роки тому +8

    How can i go to a sulport group? Say to my lovedone. "Hey your on your own tonight. Ill getyou in bed after i come home from my meeting? This is not possible

  • @whyimsmarterthanyou
    @whyimsmarterthanyou 5 місяців тому +3

    Not living with the person you're supposedly caregiving for? Yeah, you're not really caregiving. When you get to go home and have downtime away from the person your caring for, you are living an exponentially easier life than the person that doesn't benefit from a space and life that is their own. When you're hiring someone to facilitate, you have no idea how easy you got it.

  • @elisabethj.v.beardsell9853
    @elisabethj.v.beardsell9853 5 місяців тому +1

    Being a carer is a thankless job, No-one, but no- one understands the stress caregivers go through. This truly irked me.😮

  • @janetsavona7590
    @janetsavona7590 2 роки тому

    I would never be a caregiver!?

    • @deborahgolob6275
      @deborahgolob6275 Рік тому +1

      My mother's caregiver in addition to me passed away before my mother who was many years younger than my mom