My absolute favourite person in the world is an ISFJ and she's the only one who can knock me back to reality, call me on my bs, and act as an amplifier of my logic, a portable conscience and an ethics manual. I can even say that I've become a healthier and more mature INTJ because of her. Thank you for existing, ISFJs.
I’m an ISFJ woman and this video was insightful as to why I walk around feeling like a bad person and why I act on fear. To be aware of my personality tendencies gives my fear a bit of a back seat. At 42 I’m branching out of my comfort zone to experience new things and take a stab at writing again. ISFJ’s don’t give ourselves near enough credit of how smart we are nor do others but just more reason to pursue goals in our unassuming way. Your videos are spot on, keep them coming.
this kind of triggered me .. not all isfjs are about revenge. It's just the immature people. I hate conflict. I forgive others easily, but wouldn't trust them again. I never take revenge. I just remove untrustworthy people out of my life. I do not defend my frds for the sake of it, I stand by justice. I hate being told what I should do. You did a gud job pointing out what could go wrong with isfjs so I'll be careful about it but honestly, isfjs are really loving. I don't force anyone into anything either.
.Yeah. I'm with you. But I think Chase is coming at it from personal experience with his mom and that what he saw it as. He was not coming from it as an ISFJ. I'm an ISFJ. I honestly feel that I do not have a malicious vindictive bone in my body.....but I do feel that that is what people believe about me. When actually what's happening is that we have been hurt by a person before and since we have to encounter that person again we brace ourselves for the encounter based on past experience and it is interpreted by others as vindictive and malicious. When actually all it is is us going into self protection mode
Honestly I think that's natural to occur between opposing types. I'm an ISFJ with an ENTP father and boy oh boy... so I can understand where cs Joseph is coming from. But still, it takes a truly mature person to try and understand someone and learn to work with them
Great video, some really good points. I am an ISFJ and even though some points were hard to hear, you are right about the righteousness and how we think we are social injustice heroes. I can sense you have tension with your mother who is ISFJ, but I must say, I am an ISFJ but I don’t have kids.... I think ISFJs are especially hard on kids unfortunately :(. Cause a lot of the thing you describe are true but very harsh .... I don’t think I have ever treated even my enemies that harshly. I admit I will cut people out of my life if they have repeatedly hurt me. But defame? No, I think that is out of character for me. I don’t like to state my opinions of people to the world. I would rather ignore the people who have hurt me and avoid the conflict... rather than publicly defame. To me that is unreasonable and very dramatic.
Very well said and so true for me as far as just ignoring the people that have hurt me I do have high expectations of people that I encounter or let into my so so small group or life or world but I'm still new at this and I'm thinking it all through
Same. I am more likely to just cut a person out of my life and walk away rather than go to the trouble of defaming another person's character. (But - I am also forgiving and willing to accept a person back into my life if I feel that they have shown a willingness to work with me through an issue.) I also think that - because of my high "faith" preferences - I sometimes make decisions based on what I "should" do. So - if the Bible says I am to love my enemies, then I wrestle with my feelings/thoughts and work toward that goal. Also - maturity changes a lot of these immature traits. (Thank goodness for maturity!)
Omg I'm almost 40 and realise I have come up with this strategy to deal with my mother. Anything will be used against me. And the self fulfilling prophesy is so spot on. Might as well do the crime. ISTP here and after 5years old I had a pretty rough time with my mom.
What exactly does this mean to not give them information? I’m dating an ISFJ and as we get to become emotionally connected of course we are sharing parts of ourselves. How are we supposed to be connected if we aren’t supposed to give them information? Also, that contradicts what Chase said about being sure to tell them what you want and your plans so they don’t worry about your intentions. So I’m confused about what I’m supposed to withhold from them.
I'm an INFJ and I have an ISFJ dad and it's funny you say that because I feel like my dad can be really repetitive over an issue or a general idea and I'm like I get it you've explained it to me a million times a million different ways (I think this in my head) so sometimes I intentionally try to interrupt him so I can finally give my thoughts on the matter, but I feel bad doing that so I'm learning to be really patient with that and what ends up happening ironically once I finally get to speak my mind I get a 1/4 of the way in my explaining and I'll then get interrupted by him before I finish my thought lmao it gets a little frustrating, and what ends happening is I'll end up repeatedly starting over to get my idea out completely and when I do, I ultimately just end up being misunderstood or he doesn't fully grasp the concept at the end of it but that's a whole 'nother story lol 😬
Literally so much that I just stop talking. Everyone else assumes what they have to say is just so important. They want the floor all the time. Annoying.
Are you chargeing up for a speech in a social interaction? I notice some people sometimes get annoyed that people will respond to the initial statements of what they intended to be the real life equivalent of a wall of text.
People have always told me I’m a good person, but I’ve never felt like it. This video has articulated my flaws so clearly and now I have a basis to work on. Thank you CSJ!
ISFJ here and I’m not vindictive at all. With gaining wisdom through the years, I’ve learned to forgive more but I do alienate people when they wrong me.
Do you ever ask them what happened? Or do you assume you know what happened? The male ISFJ I was interested in before made assumptions about me, judged me unfairly and then wanted nothing to do with me. If he would’ve communicated better and opened his mind, he could’ve seen that I’m not what he thought I was.
I'm currently in the realization and forgiveness phase of the mess I've created and your video out of nowhere just recapped everything that I've experienced lately and mapped out the entire process of how to fix it. Definetely the most enlightening and educational video I've seen. And loving that you used WoW as examples, it was pretty funny. You may just have saved my life :)
hi Joseph! I'm an infj and the son of an isfj mother. My God, how successful you were! guy, I have dominant intuition and I live in a house of sensors, in addition to the suffering and misunderstandings I've been through since I was born, which is another matter, I had to treat myself alone, stay strong and not let these misunderstandings dominate me and tell me what I am because, no matter how much the infj is influenced by the environment, ALL infjs at their core know what they truly are, although we cannot describe it in words. anyway, it was years of feeling like an alien, but nowadays I don't care so much. Seeing that you are a dominant intuition type and also lived in a sensor family environment and maintained your authenticity is admirable and attractive to me. Even so, in recent years dealing with my mother has been an enigma, a little strange, because her dominant function is my demon (and my NI is her demon function) observing her practices is like observing a blind spot, things without meanings for me. just practical sets of habits with no existential meaning for me. understanding that she is isfj clarified everything, these repetitive routine habits that for me are apparently meaningless, she has a sense of comfort and pleasure, and also knowing about the subjectivity rich in sensory memories that she has, etc., etc., etc. I just still find it very funny (sorry about that, isfj guys) because of some repetitions habits you do hahahaha and the fear of change (inferior NE), at the same time i empathetic because perhaps, this repetition at some point expresses a certain anguished prison for afraid of something new. be it a new look, or a new lifestyle. So, always be looking for new experiences that add to your comfort zone!!! Another thing that Joseph got REALLY right! the issue that isfjs often led by tradition, in the case of isfjs who don't use their TI much, would rather believe some idiot with a degree than someone who tells the truth and can prove it. I have these political conflicts a lot, there are things that I know some men in the church lie about but it seems like my mother doesn't want to understand. Well, my mother is very evolved in many things, especially in terms of new experiences, I even wanted to say that although the part about the repetition of isfjs is funny: THEY MAKE THE BEST FOOD IN THE WORLD. save the tradition here. but as an intellectual type (and I will work as an intellectual) I feel sad when she doesn't want to use her TI, and doesn't realize how smart she can be! don't be afraid isfj!
Wow. This one actually hurt :( . You just described me in full. Except, I would never lose respect for someone with their shoes untied. I'll just worry, the kid is going to fall at some point.
Ruth Gilmour yeah I was getting a real negative vibe lmao I stopped watching. Sounds like he has an issue with someone who got that assessment but I assure you I have enough respect for people around me to feel the disrespect towards “us” in this vid
Lol mostly accurate however their sense of justice is really dependent on their own internal values. I'll cut off people who break a major boundary like stealing from me or cheating but not minor things for instance I have a best friend who is routinely late, it is just who he is, I have my own flaws... maybe this depends on the maturity of the ISFJ.
vindictive for someone’s own good? how do i know what is good for someone lol however, i can be vindictive for my own good or for my family members. for instance, if someone intentionally did something bad to me or to my family i will seek revenge. you dont touch my territory
I'm the same, but I am extremely vindictive. I can be forgiving if the person is honest and they weren't being malicious, weren't actively lying to me, proved with their actions they are sorry, etc. And at the same time I find myself spending time thinking of ways to hurt other people that have very much wronged me that borders on the insane and criminal. But I'm just an average dude despite all of that.
My best friend is an ISFJ and it's lovely being protected by him. It's interesting how he has that natural sense of defending people (but only his closest friends) but the people he doesn't like, he really doesn't like and you will never hear the end of it. It's crazy about the fact that they don't know what we're thinking, because I know exactly what he's thinking and as an ISFP, I like to beat around the bush and generally want people to read my mind, because that just feels more meaningful and displays a unique affinity and soul-knowing. But with Ryan he doesn't put two and two together to make 4. So I've really had to learn how to put things into words - sometimes I hate explaining everything but it's worth the sacrifice for the friendship that I have with him. As a teen, it's like what you said about them being revengeful. He was explaining an experience he had in school, and still had impeccable detail 10 years on, and still was verbal about how shitty that other person was. He handles his negativity with dry humour. Does anyone else find this with the ISFJ??
Ouch! Well, even when my ISFP sister put it in words, I didn't understand. She'd start talking and when she feels she has said enough she'd finish with "and stuff". And I'd be like "what stuff?! just explain EVERYTHING in detail, I don't understand" But after years of being close, I could understand her by the expression on her face and she's so thankful for that. Sometimes she'll be like "you are the only one that understands me" I understand the patterns of people's behaviours over time, slowly...very slowly😬
Humor to me(Isfj) is dry or sarcastic. To me Humor is derived from the fallen human condition. I can be the butt of the humor too. Strength enables Us to laugh at ourselves and all people. No one is exempt.
That was a great watch. This video has me thinking 4 things. 1. Here's someone who actually knows ISFJs could be/are intelligent. I did great at school including Math (I loved Math btw, and showing my work, lol), science, etc 2. I might hold grudges but I don't punish, rather I keep trying to fit myself in the others shoes to understand and embrace why they did what they did. And I dread confronting them or doing something to initiate confrontation. I just take a lot of time to absorb it all if I value them... and if I must confront them, I try to be calm and sensible enough for them to see reason. In family, I am the one that understands those that break the family-thingy and encourage other members to be considerate of them. 3. I hate social rules/norms that inconvenience people and unnecessary festivities. I wish to have get togethers but something that suits everyone, something unique. 4. I hate it when people tell me what to do, it infuriates me... maybe just ask me if I could help do something for them, much better, maybe even with much pleasure.. I love the gesture when people ask me what I want, even though I might freak out coz I might not have an answer right away. And NOW, the bias😕 I know ISFJ moms can be overbearing, trying to make their kids good/better people by controlling them. Some ISFJ moms aren't too like that. What I notice in my region is that we ISFJs adapt to the lives of the people we love and many times to a fault. Our relationships are more about what the people in our lives want than what we really want. And if we find people too out of our comfort zones, we keep things civil like saying congratulations or extending condolences and other courtesies while removing them from our close circle. No need for punishing or forcing anything. I am married to an ISTP, and if I am about forcing anything, I don't think he would've ever proposed😅
I resisted typing myself as an ISFJ for a long time because of the stereotypes. I'm not religious, and family life is not for me. I am constantly trying my best to "do the right thing" for myself and others, and I expect the same treatment back. I always loved stories about knights, soldiers, and other duty-bound people. When you mentioned physical and mental "endurance" in your virtue/vice video for ISFjs, I was sold.
I have had some revenge fantasies, but I’ve never actually carried them out. I like the video overall, but I think it more specifically describes ISFJs with low self control/self awareness.
I was halfway listening to this while I was multitasking but the part about the math really caught my attention. Throughout my childhood, it always made more sense to do calculations in my head and it seemed like I was the only one. I never thought that it would be something characteristic of my personality type. I also wanted to comment on the part about distancing oneself from family members. I think you may have misinterpreted the motive - or it could be a matter of different ISFJs having different reasoning - but I know that I've cut off family members or friends when I see them repeatedly doing things that harm other people. It's not so much me wanting to harm them as it is me not wanting to be a party to what they're doing. It's like I simultaneously love them but I'm disgusted by them. It's very draining on an emotional level.
Very eye openning. I was thinking my mother was in ISFP initially, but after checking out the function stack I realized that INFJ made a lot more sense, and after watching this video I'm now convinced. She was here visiting over Christmas and it's almost uncanny how a number of the examples you gave actually played out right before my eyes. The day before watching this video I was getting ready to leave my sisters house and speaking with my mom and her partner about plans for the next day. We had planned to get together and I thought it would be nice to just let them sleep until they woke up and to take their time getting themselves ready to come to my house...so I suggested they just give me a call when they thought they were about an hour away from being ready. Her partner seemed perfectly fine with that, but it just about short circuited my mom's brain...as if it made her very uncomfortable not to have a specific plan....at which point I noticed and mentioned to her that it sounded like she'd feel better with something solid to go on so I suggested she call me at 10am. Somehow that made all the difference. Then the next morning I pulled up this video. BTW...I ended up showing her this video and she agreed that a lot of it sounded like her.....the fear...etc...and caring more about the "idea" of the family than it's individual members (This is soooooo true). She wasn't willing to admit to the tendency to "jump the gun" based on her fears and the false perceptions....leading to severe "lashing out". I know my mom doesn't intend to be crazy-making and "unjust"....which is the result of this "jumping the gun".....and yes she clearly beats up on herself (internally) on the occasions when she realizes what she's done....But, she never seems to learn anything from this happening over and over again....Maybe this is due to the expectation of suffering that you mentioned? I'm realizing that we both opperate in completely different ways....She seems to have an "image" of what a "happy family" looks and acts like and believes that looking and acting that way is the way to familial joy, whereas that just feels like "lipstick on pig" to me....I feel the way to true "familial joy" is authenticity and civil discussion to work through conflicts arise. This drives her nuts and seems "cerebral" to a fault. It's sad because she's getting older and I feel her patterns make it close to impossible sometimes to actually connect with people... even with her own loved ones.
I appreciate your insight about ISFJ. Some critique I've noticed: ISFJ do not like being told want they should do all the time and obligation, especially when working with slackers. ISFJ do not always like doing everything by the book, and can procrastinate too.
As an ISFJ, imagining being told what to do by a slacker would warrant a "sure" and a blatant laugh. However, if it makes sense to progress I'll do it anyway.
I've noticed certain patterns when procrastination sets in for me: - The bar is getting set too low(at work that would be a deadline that is set way too far in the future) - There's no clear expectation of the outcome/Others don't care anyway - I don't care anymore what the person thinks that I do it for I've also noticed that I used to procrastinate in my school days to find out what the minimum effort/time is that I can get away without drawing attention to anything which increased my accuracy of prediction for my own work. But then again the bar was probably just too low, my parents were happy with whatever passed.
@@Toni7926 this is basically me in the moment. At the beginning i always feel bad to slack in my job and seeing everyone around me work hard with their task made me feel worse about myself. But now, after almost 2 years doing this job, i just come to realize that its not that im lazy or not work hard enough, its just that as you said the bar is too low even with me slacking, i can still finish every single tasks i have even before the deadline
I think you’re right about some things but not all ISFJs are the same. I’m not vendictive and I’m very forgiving, but I’m very much in the middle on the sensing and judging. I think we can mature as we realize what our weaknesses are. There’s so much that goes into personality.
This is so true my mom is an ISFJ!! I am an INFJ. We are best friends I love her so much!! It has taken many years for us to understand each other. We always ended up telling her the truth!
I wanted to watch this to figure out how to improve my relationship with my sister. Mind. Blown. This fits so well. Unfortunately, she's pretty young so fairly immature, but there are so many positive things here that I never knew about her, but it makes total sense. I really hope I can use this information to improve our relationship!
I have ISFJ sisters and this is crazy accurate. Thank god ive stumbled across this video because it has really changed my perception of this personality type.
My dad is an ISFJ and I’m an INFJ. Regardless I’ve been watching all your videos, you’re my favorite #1 go to person for MBTI stuff, and I’m in a mission to understand every single type as much as my own, so far this is the 11th type I’ve looked into. I can’t wait until you come out with a book I’d buy it in a heart beat even if it were a $100 cause for what you’d get from it, more than worth it. I’m 17 and I’m gonna be a senior this year. Love your vids, all of them. My favorites are when you criticize us INFJs I love it for some weird reason lol. Edit: spelling error that got overlooked
My ISFJ grandma drove my INFP mother insane. But me (INFJ) and grandma got along well most of the time, and I really miss her. My mom doesn’t miss her, and thinks she was a narcissist. I don’t think she was a full on narcissist, just a woman with rigid standards. I didn’t care enough if she judged me as long as she kept cooking, cleaning, and buying me nice things. I’d rather she hadn’t judged but it wasn’t enough to make me leave her because the good outweighed the bad for me. But not for my mom, she didn’t want anything from her enough to tolerate her.
I am an infj, 31 but looking for isfj because my sister is an isfj, 29 and trying to understand her better. I was very surprised how precise some points here. To summarize the dark side of my sister is: 1. Basically a defender 2. Everything must be in order, perfectionist 3. Very stubborn 4. Harsh on herself 5. Not good in taking advice 6. She thinks that all the things around her especially our family members are against her 7. Very good at remembering things especially what others do to her 8. Worst after she got married. Things with her husband and now with her daughter. Everyone can't say anything about her child. She is so defensive. As her sister I really understand how she feels but the way she approaches or pours out her feelings makes others uncomfortable and hurt by her words. Sometimes she asks me how to do this and that but in the end she does whatever suits her. Now I just accept her as she is and try my best to put kind words for her and explain to others especially our family because we are often hurt by her comments. She had good intentions but she didn't realize she was hurting people in the process and I know what she wants most is appreciation. I hope one day she is fine with her life and accepts everything openly.
He said ISTPs are “home wreckers” and will harm anybody and be destructive with Fi Demon and Ni Child….. don’t worry, he says stuff about all the types. He has to talk about how unhealthy they can be. It’s accurate. And would be irresponsible not to.
I’m an ISFJ and I’ve always been slightly afraid of how easily I can cut people off and alienate them as soon as I feel like they’ve treated me badly (usually has to do with them not showing me consideration or making me feel like I’m not valued) I drop them so fast and move on. I’ve been lucky enough to have great people in my life though so the need to alienate people doesn’t happen often. I’m not satisfied with being this way, it’s something I’m actively working on improving
my best friend is an ISFJ, but i think she might end up feeling bad about herself if i sent her this. at some points you sound almost as if you have a disdain for the type.
For so long I was lost and wondering why I am the way I am. Not understanding why I have certain behaviors and why I tend to live in suffering. I am so glad I was shown your videos by my husband who is an ENTP. I can’t believe how accurate your information is. I think now that I am aware I can slightly tinker with my personality. I can’t wait to listen in again about ISFJ and ENTP.
Yikes! This video made me feel like an a-hole as a ISFJ personality. 😩Although be it very true. My poor daughter. I now understand how she feels, so thank you? I have such high standards and because I feel like I cannot count on others, it's easier to take every task and responsibility on myself. Not before I emplode and take down all in my path of righteousness. Which is odd because of my even temperament. Takes a lot to upset me, but look out when I am on a war path, shit, scares me even. You sir have this personality spot on. I want to apologize on your mother's behalf... it's not so much you. Unrealistic expectations, that everyone should think, feel, act and behave how we do or you're not a decent human being. Geeze.. I have accepted we are all different over the years and it's a good thing. ISFJ's are doers. We are the glue to the unit. Love to facilitate and witness progress for the better. Anyways, thanks for helping me understand myself better and point out areas that need improvement 🧡👍🏼
Unfortunately I don't think anyone likes their type all that much. I'm an ENTP and I don't like it at all C.S Joseph seems to somewhat like being an ENTP but, I suppose it's easy to overlook what you're good at and hate what you're bad at especially if someone points it out. Personality types just make the good and the bad so real when you wanted it buried.
Oh wow, thank you so much for sharing this info! After learning I'm an ISFJ, I admit there's tons of truth in what you say! The "Hero/Critic" thing you mentioned is so ME!!! Thanks again;, managed to learn more about myself haha! ;-)
c.s.joseph just so you know you have helped me through many tough situation. i would have legit lost my mind but your ne keeps the info relevant and i feel your pain in some anecdotes. never stop doing this. many people are broke right now but one day you shall be rewarded. no information is spot on. my mums only weakness XDXDXD stay healthy stay strong if you ever need information on immortality let me know. Everything is possible at all times at all places.
"Be careful with the information.......Coz they will punish you for that....." This made crack up so hard.... And yea they are vindictive to a point where they step on their own foot.
Every time you said something triggering, my memory took me back to an exact instance where what you stated was my action verbatim...YIKES! I'm saving this video to my favorites!
I couldn't figure out whether my mom was an ESFJ or ISFJ (knew definitely SFJ) so I checked the cognitive functions. You are the BEST in describing it. Like every type out there, they only give the flattering points of each type. Now I know my mom is ISFJ. And that thing about not giving information, I learnt a long time ago lol. Love her to bits though. She's a gentle soul and very caring. They need lots of love and validation and they'll be loyal forever and she has faith like no other. Thanks again. You're the best source of information on this.
after your lecture I am confident now that my mother is also an isfj. when you said thay isfj's are in love with the idea of the family, but when some member of it betrays the idea, they're alienate this member: it's like they care about the idea, not the people. it's so truuueee. and when they tell you about untied shoes or whatever they don't like in you - it's sooo trueee, actually everything you said about this type is all so accurate, this is really my mom, and I have to say that it's really hard to have this kind of mother. as infp I don't understand her will to do "what has to be done", not what she wants to do. and, furthermore, you were also right saying that you don't need to give isfj's ANY information. that's SO true. I noticed myself when I don't actually talk much with my mother, I don't have much problems. it's like isfj's will eat you alive when they know all the details. and most ironicaly, isfj's are actually one of my favorite characters. all isfj's I see movies, animes etc are so nice and soft, I got used to love this type so much, but then again - I don't like ANYTHING that goes about this personality type in my mother. lmao anyway you did a great job four years ago explaining this type in details, I got all of this. thank you and keep up
I really appreciated this video. I’ve looked up other videos and all they talk about it the “good side” of ISFJ. I truly feel like you hit all the points of what makes us ISFJ tick. It was hard to hear certain characteristics but then I quickly remembered.... “oh yeah.... I’ve done that before”......
ISFJ here. Watched this video the other day and I gotta say this triggered some anxiety because I just felt like a bad person. :( I feel a bit better because I just accepted that God made me who I am for a reason and that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" just like everybody else. Having said that, I'm just a bit confused because I believe I am an ISFJ (took the mbti 4 times in the span of 5 years and I always get isfj) and I can relate to the descriptions of this type. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm an introvert but I can also relate to some traits of the ESFJ. Sometimes I even think that I was an ESFJ when I was younger but that doesn't make sense right?
INTP here. This just occurred to me so I'll share it...in my interactions with ISFJs I'm often bemused by the fact that they don't know as much as I do, and yet they are delighted with whatever I choose to share with them. And I'd always wonder, if they get so much pleasure out of these facts and theories and events, why aren't they seeking it out on their own? Why arent they curious? My epiphany is this: I'm basically a pair of eyeglasses, when they 'put me on' they can see all these details where before it was just blurry. When I'm gone, they don't have that ability to focus. That's why they like me...or maybe they don't even care and it's just their loyalty giving me feels lol
Hi Josine, ISFJ here. I can’t speak for all of my kind :) but this is what I’ve realised about myself: I love learning deep instead of learning wide, so learning more facts and theories about things that I care about based on things I’ve done or experienced. I don’t really care about learning new things unless someone I trust tells me to go into a specific new field of learning and I can convince myself that, yeah, that is something I want to spend time learning about. So when someone talks to me about something that I don’t care too much about I end up appearing to be listening intently because I don’t want to offend the other person, I want to keep the peace and have that person walking away liking me, but I’m actually disappearing into my own head and just making ooohh and aaahh sounds at the right time in the conversation to make it look as if I’m engaged. And in the case where someone does end up talking to me about one of the few topics that matter to me and I’m really enjoying the conversation, I still end up going oooh and aaahh even when I actually know more about the topic than they do, because of the above mentioned reason again. I Know, I suck. Really need to work on this.
It’s true. I like the experience I get from INTPs. Specifically their Ne. I’m often afraid of the future and they’re not. And it’s amazing. I wish I could be like that. They just don’t care. I wish I could just don’t care about people and future and just “live”. I like spending time with people that are opposite of me and INTPs are totally different. It’s just inspiring. But then they never tell about their intentions and never give me enough information and that’s just makes me so madddd. It’s like I love them and I hate them at the same time lol
Marnus Lottering doesn’t happen to me. I usually listen actively and ask questions to whatever person is saying. I might feel dumb when I don’t understand what they are talking about but I’m trying to understand and that’s why I ask questions. However, if that talk turns out to some kind of a monologue for an hour I’m not gonna listen. I value my time and when a person just talks and talks for an hour, it makes me as if he doesn’t care about my opinion. There were times when people talked for hours about themselves.., like I was on a date once with (I believe he was xsfp) and he was just talking for an hour, maybe more. And at some point I got tired of that and I just grabbed my purse and said “ok you know what, I’m really bored so you have 5 minutes to make me interested or I’m leaving”. I stayed for another 5 minutes observing him getting anxious and talking nonsense and then I got up, said goodbye and left”. I can’t stand shallow and self observed people and I’m not gonna waste my time listening to their crap. I guess he hit my “child” Ti too hard and my INTJ super ego kicked in
What you’re describing almost sounds like a narcissistic person. Especially with character assassination and vengeance in general. I’m an ISFJ, and maybe it’s because I’m in my 40’s and have learned from experience that vengeance is wrong and doesn’t help in relationships. More importantly, I just want to be a good person and have deep relationships with those I love the most.
Never tell them what they want to do.. tell them they should. SO TRUE. I (isfj) despise the question "do you want to?" when in reality they are giving me no choice. I'd rather obey the order that say I want the order.
Isfj just needs to give themselves time to reflect, and figure out what they want..and with maturity it happens. They can find peace with the question. This was my issue as the youngest in my family.
I'm pretty sure I'm an ISFJ. I have good memory, I like to describe it as a filing cabinet in my mind. Since I was little I had a lot of faith, wished my family had more traditions and held on to the few we had, appreciation for logic, loved reading about "proper" behavior/manners etc. However ISFJs are suppose to be really good at being organized with their time but I unfortunately have no concept of time. None whatsoever. I end up doing things last minute or way too early because of it. It is really frustrating because I have a desire to be responsible and feel guilty when I'm not. Sigh. I like hearing the negative parts about being an ISFJ because I can be more self aware and work on myself. Thankfully I have outgrown being super judgy and prideful. I am forgiving, but dang it I wish I could forget.
@@CSJoseph Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my comment. You must be so busy. I just reviewed the chart again. The reason I don't think I'm an ENTP is because I would consider myself a concrete thinker, most of what I like to talk about are my interests and past experiences. Only when my sister would bring up "what if" scenarios would I do so. The reason I don't think I am an ESTJ is because I am naturally not an initiator unless I really have to be, plus I don't think I like movement in my life. If something is to happen I would like it to be because I planned it, I saw it coming, or I was warned so I could mentally prepare for it. Last but not least I don't think I am an INTP because I would consider myself Affiliative vs Pragmatic. My mom and I always disagree on how to get things done because she would focus on results and I would focus on whether it was the right/proper/best-for-everyone way to go about it. I am a naturally fearful person. When I first meet people I am quite mute (with great effort I have improved) but once I've observed a person enough and decide to trust them, the flood gates open and I am quite chatty haha. I may become afraid easily but I draw comfort not only from my faith but because I know I am quite capable of being brave when I need to protect those I care about. I apologize for this crazy long comment. I hope you are doing well. Thank you for your content, it is helpful not only to understand myself but to understand others and learn how to be a better support system for them.
Pennys2cute Managing your time has more to do with introverted intuition (Ni). ISFJ’s Ni would be their role function, so it makes sense that you wouldn’t be too good at it. However, all ISFJ’s are different, some may be better at managing their time than others, so keep that in mind. I, as an ISFJ, am pretty good at managing time, though I’d say it’d be because of my INFJ Mother, who is dominant in Ni.
@@Sokkaeatspeople Sometimes I wonder if it's all in my head or if it is neurological haha. I recently realized I must have mild aphantasia. I think it's so interesting how despite people being the same type there is so much variety. Initially it confused me that my type is the most common since people have always acted like I'm so different than most. However there is so much that makes a person, so many sides to a person, and so many different circumstances a person can be in:-) Now I need to figure out what type my mom is haha
I've been typed as an INFJ from tests numerous times but it didn't ever really sit right with me. I took your Beta Personality Assessment and got ISFJ and I feel like this is more accurate! Thank you
Re: defeating ISFJ by withholding info I’m an INTP with an ISFJ wife and, unsurprisingly, I’m having legitimate trouble with the concept of talking generally. I’m just not programmed to not be specific, it simply does not compute! Someone throw me an anecdote or something, please!
I'm an INTP with an ISFJ wife as well. I have no idea how but we get along pretty well... Probably cuz I'm lazy as hell & she's always there to take care of me.
I have an INTP son and he loves and he hates me for guiding him in 'sensor' tasks. The poor kid has an ISFJ mom but understanding his type helps me relate to him better. We have a good rapport.
I'm also an INTP who recently met a girl. Surprise, she's an ISFJ. Also, interestingly enough, you and I share the same surname. That's gotta mean something
My mom’s an ISFJ too. (And she’s literally an artist) And the fact that they suddenly drop out of social situations is SO true, she drops us off at birthday parties or family gatherings and just doesn’t stay for long, she’s always in the background talking to her mom or something, and then after two or three minutes she just leaves. Never rlly thought why tho.
I was also raised by an ISFJ mom, and holy cow are you spot on! My mom is super religious, and it always feels 100% like fear to me. She is afraid to even contemplate the rationality of her beliefs, which is so starkly different from my experience where truth is everything and no thought process is off limits. And OMG the hair picking.
This is so cool hearing this from your perspective you are so matter a fact ....give us an inch we go a mile...its so obvious when someone finally gives us truth but we are looking for it in our own mind. Thanks for completing the perspective its something we appreciate and love to return the favor. You are used to people agreeing with yous..see ISFJ feels like society needs more of the ISFJ perspective to sustain society. Yikes don't give us an inch it literally makes our life and your life better to just not talk around us about Te things we just wanna do our duty that's the only thing. Work is play! Appreciating all people is part of our duty to maintain society IMO you are doing that very well! thanks for taking the time to share this valuable information :)
I’m an ISFJ, and I really love this honest assessment! Many of these points are true, but I think some a little exaggerated. As you said, we base our decisions from our individual history. For me: If someone has a tendency to annoy me with their overbearingness, neediness, or lack of planning ahead where it inconveniences others, I will actively avoid that person. As for betrayal, I think ISFJs are much for forgiving of poor behavior than they ought to be. This may be because we have trouble establishing our worth and so feel we “need to be punished” until we’re either fed up or we learn our values. But that doesn’t mean we’re all going to crazy for betraying us. We may never trust or like you again, but our morality and sense of justice often restrains us from doing something extreme. I’m far more likely to remove the person from my life, or I’ll be verbally cross and firm if I can’t. But, first you have to break my very high level of patience. Contrary to the video, I tend not to be vengeful, especially in a way that would cause the other person embarrassment. (As from experience of public humiliation.) I’ll enact my sense of justice, and then leave it at that. Move on. I don’t have the best catalogue for facts; my memory is best suited for personal details and trivia. Also, I am sooo not a neat freak or a helicopter type of person. This primarily results from my strict and overprotective INFP mother. But, again, ISFJs stem decisions from the past (as we’re known for).
This was the best response, thank you for articulating that. As an ISFJ, I can relate to this way more than the video. And it’s true, we do have a strong sense of justice but we would never humiliate others or cause harm. And we may even put up with certain negative behaviors because of our forgiving nature. I know I care about other feelings to the extent that I would never say anything to make someone uncomfortable or embarrass them, even if they’ve done something wrong to me. I’m not sure where the vindictive nature stuff is coming from because I know it’s not my nature an ISFJ.
Good to know not all ISFJs are neat freaks and helicopter parents because my mother was none of those. If anything I was alternately resented and ignored. But she did tell me I would get fat if I ate chocolate and picked on my untidy eyebrows. But I was never into her regimens involving image. As for health? Yes, I could see the point in that. But I was trying to explain to her that I only had energy on the one day when I tried eating a couple of small chocolate bars (normally I wouldn't touch them). My energy levels were normally so low, and it turned out years later that I was actually chronically ill but it was never diagnosed until a concerned friend got me help in my late twenties. At the time she came down on me as if I was being terribly immoral by eating chocolate (complete moral indignation) but totally ignored the fact that I was trying to discover why I was unwell and that I was amazed that I finally had some energy. She displayed no concern about my actual health problem, in fact just ignoring that the problem existed, ostrich-style, instead being outraged by me eating too much chocolate for once in my life.
OMG. 15:40 is spot on. As an ISTP with an ISFJ mother, I find she will assume she knows how I’m going to react to a situation before it’s even happened and be cold with me as a result and this causes me to be cold towards her because she’s acting weird for no real reason. Complete self fulfilling prophecy.
I’m ISFJ and not vindictive at all. I forgive easily. That said , if a person ) stabs you in the back over and over again there are only so many times I can forgive someone. We’re not punching bags. Cutting a cancer out of your life isn’t vindictive, it’s self preservation.
I really liked this video. It almost felt like this guy was reading me but I never met him. I was in a slight denial about being an ISFJ but now i think there's no denying
I forgot to add, the thoughts that actually occur when "things are going to well" is not so much about having a desire for pain a punishment but more of suspicion and unease because we have no belief that things are gonna always be fun and relaxing. Theres always gonna be another problem, is the belief.
I'm an ISFJ. Chase is doing is us a huge disservice saying that we are vindictive. From another person's (the recipient) perspective they interpret it as vindictive and punishment. But what is actually happening is that Si hero uses past experience make decisions. If someone has hurt them in the past they avoid that person until they have healed from the hurt before encountering them again (could be weeks, months or years depending the depth of the pain) this is what is viewed from outsiders as 'cutting them off'. ISFJs don't ever wish evil on the perpetrator of the pain. But if that person lives with them they don't have a choice but to encounter them again so internally they are freaking out coz the pain is still there, it hasn't healed, and now they might get hurt again, so they engage the situation in a hyper-defensive mode. This appears to others as vindictive and malicious and antagonistic but its not.
So true. I am an INTJ and all of this bad stuff happened to me via an ISFJ. All of it. Yes i am still commenting on this excellent video because i am still getting punished by an ISFJ parent.
The negative traits are narcissistic traits. What I think is that your mom has those traits, and you think it's the traits of the ISFJs. Most people in these comments sound like they have narcissistic people in their life... I know many personality types with those negative traits. It's not a personality thing. Also, the last thing ISFJs would do is use the information they learn about people against them. That's not a 16ps trait, that's a narcissistic trait.
OK, so Ive just arrived here as I'm trying to understand myself and people more. I'm an ISFJ. I really wish I wasn't because not only am I the most common personality type, I'm the most boring, judgemental, dogmatic, unimaginative and vindictive type. This video was really hard to hear as I've never wanted to be any of the negative things described and I thought I had worked hard to try to not to be these, but the realisation of how people behave around me tells me the truth. I'm distressed at the comments of other viewers and am internally shameful of myself. How did I get this personality? How can I change? I feel like I need to shut myself away now.
It's scary how logical INTJ's are and how C.S. Joseph almost has everyone figured out like an INFJ but with a very analytical approach. There are 16 different cognitive functions, or even more, in his head as he is explaining these 16 cognitive functions and interrelating them with these seemingly impromptu situations he made up.
I believe you regarding ISFJ parents. Our mom constantly rode us to look a certain way--oh another epiphany ! For several years in my teens I wore the clothes and makeup my mom preferred and actually became kind of particular about it--after years of being disparaged for not caring about clothes or for not bothering to style my hair (or wash it or brush it haha-INTP) and I've always wondered about why I would seem to care about my appearance for just those handful of years. She wore me down I guess, haha. Once I moved out, I was back to being fairly lazy about my appearance...and she was back to riding me about how I looked--but it didn't matter anymore, bc now I was free to do (or not do ha) as I pleased. One thing I really appreciate about ISFJs (besides their cooking, lol) is their ability to be very charming and warm and to make even the INTPs and INTJs feel comfortable in their company during social events. One funny thing is that my mom would constantly try to change my behavior by telling me that other people thought I was weird or behaving improperly--when she most likely could have gotten better results out of me if she had threatened to take away my books. Lol
Watching one of Chase's videos can be like looking up at a seemingly random arrangement of stars in the night sky . . . and then suddenly seeing the stars form a constellation. In the constellation of traits in this video, I saw my maternal grandmother. Thank you, Chase! Worth adding: I originally thought she was an ESFJ -- and the dozens of fellow traumatized INTPs leaving comments under Chase's ESFJ video didn't help my cognitive bias. Now I hope more INTPs watch this one with an open mind and ask whether their difficult parent or ex was actually an ISFJ repeatedly slapping them with that Si-hero-Fe-parent combo.
I think this may have FINALLY solved my 'Am I a mistyped ISFJ?' dilemma with the description of how they use SE. I couldn't be less aware of people's fashion choices or my surroundings if I tried...to my detriment...
Expect a typing session soon! I’ve went from thinking I was INTJ, to ENTP, to INTP to now ISFJ with thorough research for more than a year now. I’m literally giving up doing this on my own 😂
After watching some of your other videos, I was really surprised at the vitriol in this one. I don't recognize my ISFJ wife at all in the vindictiveness/revenge diatribe (the rest was spot on). If anything, just the opposite; she's an unbelievably forgiving person.
@@CSJoseph That's just not accurate. Several church friends never shunned her for leaving the church, and she treats them with equanimity (I would not). But given your experiences, you may not be willing to update your priors, which I can sympathize with.
I'm an INFJ with ISFJ mom who is with serious mental issues since childhood. Growing up being a teenager, without knowing about the cognitive function, I never share too many details with her, so she won't worry or try to stop me from doing the things I want.
I am an ENFJ and my husband is ISFJ... We get along great most of the time but u are right about the covert contract b/c we both do that to one another.. And he is VERY Vindictive!!!
I think he used his mother as one of his sources, they're also everywhere so there's plenty to understand. May be he had hard feelings towards his mother, but it's still a good example of an unhealthy ISFJ. Believe it or not, their harshness can be very helpful. I'm an INTJ, and my dad is an ISFJ. He used to share his life experiences like they happened yesterday. He was also harsh as hell about my interactions with people. He hated going out in public with his kids because none of us had Fe as a function, none of us really understood norms. I despised and disrespected him alot. I tried doing everything in my life behind his back. Didn't express who I was until he told me to hit the streets. He was bluffing, but I knew I could break him by forcing him to go back on his vow, to not kick his kids out like his dad did. It was the closest I came to acting on revenge. I daydreamed about burning his job down and punishing all of his ex's in the order he dated them, ending with my mother. Then he'd know I was coming for him next. When he asked me "why", I'd tell him the same thing he told me when he forced me to break up with my girlfriend. "I don't like the girls you choose". Leaving him homeless with little to live for, like me. Yeah, dramatic, I know. I knew to act on such hatred would solve nothing, it was the first time I felt my super-ego really tugging. That demon ISFJ I got from him. It's funny, he frequently acted on righteousness. He once framed his best friend as a drug suppler because he was molesting his kid and my mom was cheating with him. Then hid us from our mom because he thought it was the right thing to do, which it barely was. Even though my mom is a hero in my eyes, she was really messed up. She sacrificed her love for us in the end to make sure we had a proper upbringing. It's heroic to me because she did it lonesome, by never telling anyone the truth of what my dad was hiding no matter how much she hated him. She made sure he was okay so we could be. Then took her ESFP bow. I realized what she did at a young age. And it was probably the most heart warming moment in my life when I confronted her about it many years later. It was very traumatic when she was pryed away. My brother and sister hated her and bought all of what my dad made up, but I don't know... I still loved her. I knew she had to have a reason to leave. She protected me, so I stayed around her as long as possible. Always watching over me, to the end. She said he used to take it too far with punishments and single me out. I don't remember anything too harsh but I do remember him frequently smaking me. I think he had trouble accepting me because I was born when he went to jail for domestic viollence. Back to my dad, It wasn't until the tables turned that he figured out, that he simply misunderstood who I am. Just like I misunderstood who he was... I proved to him that he was wrong about me, and he found enlightenment in his guilt. But it's my fault too because I couldn't communicate anything to him properly. Which lead him to believe I was aloof and unreliable. Still to this day... Can't talk to him about personal things, but I think we have a much greater understanding now. There's a peace. He was always kind of right to some degree, even about the peers I chose. He acted as the perfect antagonist, and it's crazy. He was wise, but so strict with his values. He rarely shared something he didn't deem as fact. I could tell he was battling himself to be a good dad, all the time. Trying so hard to bite his lip on things, his need for things to be done the traditional efficient way. Hah, used to say I do everything the hard way. I didn't really hone my Te, until my late teens. But because of our relationship, I never lived in his shadow. I experienced the world on my own, using his mistakes and life to light the dark ass road I took. He's got a good side that I didn't see. He was trying to make sure I didn't repeat his mistakes. It guilts me that he actually did end up losing everything in the end(at the age of 56), at least he knows I don't hate him. He may have lost his morals at some point, but he was always sacrificing himself in some way. He was an ass... Yet he'd always tell us when we were sad about mom, that he wishes she was there too, and that he'd stop at nothing to give us some chance in life... Eventually his duty just didn't align with his values anymore, it showed. He'd start telling us to go live with our mom as bluffs. What that means is his moral decision was reinforced with our worth. Poor man. He wanted to escape. Sacrificed everything he wanted in life to fullfil his duty. I forgive him and I do hope he finds his way like I found mine. Wish I could help him.
This was really insightful. But I do want put my two cents worth in. Maybe, just maybe, what is refered to as the ISFJ revenge trips (+- min 32) is not actually revenge. I'm an ISFJ and I do those things but I can honestly say that I don't do it to get revenge or punish the person. I do it as a self preservation thing. IT - whatever IT might be - hurt so much that I don't want to line myself up for IT again. And because I am so averse to confrontation, conflict and antagonism I withdraw, hide and avoid. So I think your external explanation is correct - we DO do that - your understanding as to why we DO it is flawed .
My absolute favourite person in the world is an ISFJ and she's the only one who can knock me back to reality, call me on my bs, and act as an amplifier of my logic, a portable conscience and an ethics manual. I can even say that I've become a healthier and more mature INTJ because of her. Thank you for existing, ISFJs.
You should really write a book on your MBTI system, mainly because I haven't found any other one worth buying. You clearly have the best stuff.
its coming
@@CSJoseph when?
C.S. Joseph I would definitely buy it and buy it for everyone I know!!!
I want it
@@CSJoseph WHEN ???
I’m an ISFJ woman and this video was insightful as to why I walk around feeling like a bad person and why I act on fear. To be aware of my personality tendencies gives my fear a bit of a back seat. At 42 I’m branching out of my comfort zone to experience new things and take a stab at writing again. ISFJ’s don’t give ourselves near enough credit of how smart we are nor do others but just more reason to pursue goals in our unassuming way.
Your videos are spot on, keep them coming.
this kind of triggered me .. not all isfjs are about revenge. It's just the immature people. I hate conflict. I forgive others easily, but wouldn't trust them again. I never take revenge. I just remove untrustworthy people out of my life. I do not defend my frds for the sake of it, I stand by justice. I hate being told what I should do. You did a gud job pointing out what could go wrong with isfjs so I'll be careful about it but honestly, isfjs are really loving. I don't force anyone into anything either.
.Yeah. I'm with you. But I think Chase is coming at it from personal experience with his mom and that what he saw it as. He was not coming from it as an ISFJ. I'm an ISFJ. I honestly feel that I do not have a malicious vindictive bone in my body.....but I do feel that that is what people believe about me. When actually what's happening is that we have been hurt by a person before and since we have to encounter that person again we brace ourselves for the encounter based on past experience and it is interpreted by others as vindictive and malicious. When actually all it is is us going into self protection mode
Spelling isn’t important
@@WhiteDove-m1q maybe bc most ppl are suspicious of kindness? Perhaps thats where the disconnect comes from?
as an ISFJ i can tell you we think more than revenge - we are also very forgiving. You may have some issues with your ISFJ mother
please watch the entire ISFJ playlist
Haha, bristly
Honestly I think that's natural to occur between opposing types. I'm an ISFJ with an ENTP father and boy oh boy... so I can understand where cs Joseph is coming from. But still, it takes a truly mature person to try and understand someone and learn to work with them
I agree with you
My wife is an ISFJ. A truly wonderful and forgiving woman
Irl isfjs just want to be appreciated
Yep
YEEE FRICKING HAW
Absolutely!!!!! 👏🏻
dsatt57 More than anything, definitely
So true
Great video, some really good points. I am an ISFJ and even though some points were hard to hear, you are right about the righteousness and how we think we are social injustice heroes. I can sense you have tension with your mother who is ISFJ, but I must say, I am an ISFJ but I don’t have kids.... I think ISFJs are especially hard on kids unfortunately :(. Cause a lot of the thing you describe are true but very harsh .... I don’t think I have ever treated even my enemies that harshly. I admit I will cut people out of my life if they have repeatedly hurt me. But defame? No, I think that is out of character for me. I don’t like to state my opinions of people to the world. I would rather ignore the people who have hurt me and avoid the conflict... rather than publicly defame. To me that is unreasonable and very dramatic.
Well said.
Very well said and so true for me as far as just ignoring the people that have hurt me I do have high expectations of people that I encounter or let into my so so small group or life or world but I'm still new at this and I'm thinking it all through
Same. I am more likely to just cut a person out of my life and walk away rather than go to the trouble of defaming another person's character. (But - I am also forgiving and willing to accept a person back into my life if I feel that they have shown a willingness to work with me through an issue.) I also think that - because of my high "faith" preferences - I sometimes make decisions based on what I "should" do. So - if the Bible says I am to love my enemies, then I wrestle with my feelings/thoughts and work toward that goal. Also - maturity changes a lot of these immature traits. (Thank goodness for maturity!)
This! 🤜🏼🤛🏼
Every single thing you share here AnnaKb23 is spot on for me as well.
"DO NOT TELL THEM INFORMATION" lmao I have a ISFJ mom and I can relate to this advice so much.
Omg I'm almost 40 and realise I have come up with this strategy to deal with my mother. Anything will be used against me. And the self fulfilling prophesy is so spot on. Might as well do the crime. ISTP here and after 5years old I had a pretty rough time with my mom.
You should know, that ISFJs can be good spies. From an ISFJ
What exactly does this mean to not give them information? I’m dating an ISFJ and as we get to become emotionally connected of course we are sharing parts of ourselves. How are we supposed to be connected if we aren’t supposed to give them information?
Also, that contradicts what Chase said about being sure to tell them what you want and your plans so they don’t worry about your intentions. So I’m confused about what I’m supposed to withhold from them.
Do any other isfj’s get interrupted by others over and over again?? It happens to me way too much.
yes, and I find it so irritating.
I'm an INFJ and I have an ISFJ dad and it's funny you say that because I feel like my dad can be really repetitive over an issue or a general idea and I'm like I get it you've explained it to me a million times a million different ways (I think this in my head) so sometimes I intentionally try to interrupt him so I can finally give my thoughts on the matter, but I feel bad doing that so I'm learning to be really patient with that and what ends up happening ironically once I finally get to speak my mind I get a 1/4 of the way in my explaining and I'll then get interrupted by him before I finish my thought lmao it gets a little frustrating, and what ends happening is I'll end up repeatedly starting over to get my idea out completely and when I do, I ultimately just end up being misunderstood or he doesn't fully grasp the concept at the end of it but that's a whole 'nother story lol 😬
I will barely say anything a whole conversation, try to say one thing, and get interrupted.
Literally so much that I just stop talking. Everyone else assumes what they have to say is just so important. They want the floor all the time. Annoying.
Are you chargeing up for a speech in a social interaction? I notice some people sometimes get annoyed that people will respond to the initial statements of what they intended to be the real life equivalent of a wall of text.
People have always told me I’m a good person, but I’ve never felt like it. This video has articulated my flaws so clearly and now I have a basis to work on. Thank you CSJ!
ISFJ here and I’m not vindictive at all. With gaining wisdom through the years, I’ve learned to forgive more but I do alienate people when they wrong me.
Same! When I'm wronged I alienate others but I don't try to take revenge becus it goes against my morals
Do you ever ask them what happened? Or do you assume you know what happened? The male ISFJ I was interested in before made assumptions about me, judged me unfairly and then wanted nothing to do with me. If he would’ve communicated better and opened his mind, he could’ve seen that I’m not what he thought I was.
I'm currently in the realization and forgiveness phase of the mess I've created and your video out of nowhere just recapped everything that I've experienced lately and mapped out the entire process of how to fix it.
Definetely the most enlightening and educational video I've seen. And loving that you used WoW as examples, it was pretty funny.
You may just have saved my life :)
hi Joseph! I'm an infj and the son of an isfj mother. My God, how successful you were! guy, I have dominant intuition and I live in a house of sensors, in addition to the suffering and misunderstandings I've been through since I was born, which is another matter, I had to treat myself alone, stay strong and not let these misunderstandings dominate me and tell me what I am because, no matter how much the infj is influenced by the environment, ALL infjs at their core know what they truly are, although we cannot describe it in words. anyway, it was years of feeling like an alien, but nowadays I don't care so much. Seeing that you are a dominant intuition type and also lived in a sensor family environment and maintained your authenticity is admirable and attractive to me. Even so, in recent years dealing with my mother has been an enigma, a little strange, because her dominant function is my demon (and my NI is her demon function) observing her practices is like observing a blind spot, things without meanings for me. just practical sets of habits with no existential meaning for me. understanding that she is isfj clarified everything, these repetitive routine habits that for me are apparently meaningless, she has a sense of comfort and pleasure, and also knowing about the subjectivity rich in sensory memories that she has, etc., etc., etc. I just still find it very funny (sorry about that, isfj guys) because of some repetitions habits you do hahahaha and the fear of change (inferior NE), at the same time i empathetic because perhaps, this repetition at some point expresses a certain anguished prison for afraid of something new. be it a new look, or a new lifestyle. So, always be looking for new experiences that add to your comfort zone!!! Another thing that Joseph got REALLY right! the issue that isfjs often led by tradition, in the case of isfjs who don't use their TI much, would rather believe some idiot with a degree than someone who tells the truth and can prove it. I have these political conflicts a lot, there are things that I know some men in the church lie about but it seems like my mother doesn't want to understand. Well, my mother is very evolved in many things, especially in terms of new experiences, I even wanted to say that although the part about the repetition of isfjs is funny: THEY MAKE THE BEST FOOD IN THE WORLD. save the tradition here. but as an intellectual type (and I will work as an intellectual) I feel sad when she doesn't want to use her TI, and doesn't realize how smart she can be! don't be afraid isfj!
Wow. This one actually hurt :( . You just described me in full. Except, I would never lose respect for someone with their shoes untied. I'll just worry, the kid is going to fall at some point.
Aww that’s so nice that u care 🥺🥺
@@asyuraabdullah3242 thank you. Of course I care 😊
As an isfj I vow to never be an overbearing dad, having experienced a childhood with an overbearing esfj mother
Why do I think his mom is an ISFJ and they just finished having a fight before he made this video? That was brutal.
Ruth Gilmour yeah I was getting a real negative vibe lmao I stopped watching. Sounds like he has an issue with someone who got that assessment but I assure you I have enough respect for people around me to feel the disrespect towards “us” in this vid
Lol mostly accurate however their sense of justice is really dependent on their own internal values. I'll cut off people who break a major boundary like stealing from me or cheating but not minor things for instance I have a best friend who is routinely late, it is just who he is, I have my own flaws... maybe this depends on the maturity of the ISFJ.
I'm a ISFJ-T, and I'm very forgiving. Look I don't think I could ever hurt someone for their own good, frankly it would go against my morals
Me too and I’m not vindictive at all.
do you guys relate to hinata hyuga from naruto?
Same. Guess he's wrong.
vindictive for someone’s own good? how do i know what is good for someone lol
however, i can be vindictive for my own good or for my family members. for instance, if someone intentionally did something bad to me or to my family i will seek revenge. you dont touch my territory
I'm the same, but I am extremely vindictive.
I can be forgiving if the person is honest and they weren't being malicious, weren't actively lying to me, proved with their actions they are sorry, etc.
And at the same time I find myself spending time thinking of ways to hurt other people that have very much wronged me that borders on the insane and criminal.
But I'm just an average dude despite all of that.
My best friend is an ISFJ and it's lovely being protected by him. It's interesting how he has that natural sense of defending people (but only his closest friends) but the people he doesn't like, he really doesn't like and you will never hear the end of it. It's crazy about the fact that they don't know what we're thinking, because I know exactly what he's thinking and as an ISFP, I like to beat around the bush and generally want people to read my mind, because that just feels more meaningful and displays a unique affinity and soul-knowing. But with Ryan he doesn't put two and two together to make 4. So I've really had to learn how to put things into words - sometimes I hate explaining everything but it's worth the sacrifice for the friendship that I have with him. As a teen, it's like what you said about them being revengeful. He was explaining an experience he had in school, and still had impeccable detail 10 years on, and still was verbal about how shitty that other person was. He handles his negativity with dry humour. Does anyone else find this with the ISFJ??
yes
Ouch! Well, even when my ISFP sister put it in words, I didn't understand. She'd start talking and when she feels she has said enough she'd finish with "and stuff". And I'd be like "what stuff?! just explain EVERYTHING in detail, I don't understand"
But after years of being close, I could understand her by the expression on her face and she's so thankful for that. Sometimes she'll be like "you are the only one that understands me"
I understand the patterns of people's behaviours over time, slowly...very slowly😬
Humor to me(Isfj) is dry or sarcastic. To me Humor is derived from the fallen human condition. I can be the butt of the humor too. Strength enables
Us to laugh at ourselves and all people.
No one is exempt.
That was a great watch. This video has me thinking 4 things.
1. Here's someone who actually knows ISFJs could be/are intelligent. I did great at school including Math (I loved Math btw, and showing my work, lol), science, etc
2. I might hold grudges but I don't punish, rather I keep trying to fit myself in the others shoes to understand and embrace why they did what they did. And I dread confronting them or doing something to initiate confrontation. I just take a lot of time to absorb it all if I value them... and if I must confront them, I try to be calm and sensible enough for them to see reason.
In family, I am the one that understands those that break the family-thingy and encourage other members to be considerate of them.
3. I hate social rules/norms that inconvenience people and unnecessary festivities. I wish to have get togethers but something that suits everyone, something unique.
4. I hate it when people tell me what to do, it infuriates me... maybe just ask me if I could help do something for them, much better, maybe even with much pleasure.. I love the gesture when people ask me what I want, even though I might freak out coz I might not have an answer right away.
And NOW, the bias😕
I know ISFJ moms can be overbearing, trying to make their kids good/better people by controlling them. Some ISFJ moms aren't too like that. What I notice in my region is that we ISFJs adapt to the lives of the people we love and many times to a fault. Our relationships are more about what the people in our lives want than what we really want.
And if we find people too out of our comfort zones, we keep things civil like saying congratulations or extending condolences and other courtesies while removing them from our close circle. No need for punishing or forcing anything.
I am married to an ISTP, and if I am about forcing anything, I don't think he would've ever proposed😅
As an intp/isfj, i could relate to you.
Dude, this was f'ing fantastic. Im caught up as an INFJ and ISFJ. This video was hands down the most spot on ive seen. Point. Blank. Period.
Awesome!
I resisted typing myself as an ISFJ for a long time because of the stereotypes. I'm not religious, and family life is not for me. I am constantly trying my best to "do the right thing" for myself and others, and I expect the same treatment back. I always loved stories about knights, soldiers, and other duty-bound people. When you mentioned physical and mental "endurance" in your virtue/vice video for ISFjs, I was sold.
glad to have you aboard sir.
As an intp/isfj i could relate to you.
I have had some revenge fantasies, but I’ve never actually carried them out. I like the video overall, but I think it more specifically describes ISFJs with low self control/self awareness.
( TДT)
I was halfway listening to this while I was multitasking but the part about the math really caught my attention. Throughout my childhood, it always made more sense to do calculations in my head and it seemed like I was the only one. I never thought that it would be something characteristic of my personality type.
I also wanted to comment on the part about distancing oneself from family members. I think you may have misinterpreted the motive - or it could be a matter of different ISFJs having different reasoning - but I know that I've cut off family members or friends when I see them repeatedly doing things that harm other people. It's not so much me wanting to harm them as it is me not wanting to be a party to what they're doing. It's like I simultaneously love them but I'm disgusted by them. It's very draining on an emotional level.
Very eye openning. I was thinking my mother was in ISFP initially, but after checking out the function stack I realized that INFJ made a lot more sense, and after watching this video I'm now convinced. She was here visiting over Christmas and it's almost uncanny how a number of the examples you gave actually played out right before my eyes. The day before watching this video I was getting ready to leave my sisters house and speaking with my mom and her partner about plans for the next day. We had planned to get together and I thought it would be nice to just let them sleep until they woke up and to take their time getting themselves ready to come to my house...so I suggested they just give me a call when they thought they were about an hour away from being ready. Her partner seemed perfectly fine with that, but it just about short circuited my mom's brain...as if it made her very uncomfortable not to have a specific plan....at which point I noticed and mentioned to her that it sounded like she'd feel better with something solid to go on so I suggested she call me at 10am. Somehow that made all the difference. Then the next morning I pulled up this video. BTW...I ended up showing her this video and she agreed that a lot of it sounded like her.....the fear...etc...and caring more about the "idea" of the family than it's individual members (This is soooooo true). She wasn't willing to admit to the tendency to "jump the gun" based on her fears and the false perceptions....leading to severe "lashing out". I know my mom doesn't intend to be crazy-making and "unjust"....which is the result of this "jumping the gun".....and yes she clearly beats up on herself (internally) on the occasions when she realizes what she's done....But, she never seems to learn anything from this happening over and over again....Maybe this is due to the expectation of suffering that you mentioned? I'm realizing that we both opperate in completely different ways....She seems to have an "image" of what a "happy family" looks and acts like and believes that looking and acting that way is the way to familial joy, whereas that just feels like "lipstick on pig" to me....I feel the way to true "familial joy" is authenticity and civil discussion to work through conflicts arise. This drives her nuts and seems "cerebral" to a fault. It's sad because she's getting older and I feel her patterns make it close to impossible sometimes to actually connect with people... even with her own loved ones.
Defend everyone,
and I'll defend you, dear.
See yourself through
my eyes.
You're incredible.
I appreciate your insight about ISFJ. Some critique I've noticed: ISFJ do not like being told want they should do all the time and obligation, especially when working with slackers. ISFJ do not always like doing everything by the book, and can procrastinate too.
As an ISFJ, imagining being told what to do by a slacker would warrant a "sure" and a blatant laugh. However, if it makes sense to progress I'll do it anyway.
I've noticed certain patterns when procrastination sets in for me:
- The bar is getting set too low(at work that would be a deadline that is set way too far in the future)
- There's no clear expectation of the outcome/Others don't care anyway
- I don't care anymore what the person thinks that I do it for
I've also noticed that I used to procrastinate in my school days to find out what the minimum effort/time is that I can get away without drawing attention to anything which increased my accuracy of prediction for my own work. But then again the bar was probably just too low, my parents were happy with whatever passed.
@@Toni7926 this is basically me in the moment. At the beginning i always feel bad to slack in my job and seeing everyone around me work hard with their task made me feel worse about myself. But now, after almost 2 years doing this job, i just come to realize that its not that im lazy or not work hard enough, its just that as you said the bar is too low even with me slacking, i can still finish every single tasks i have even before the deadline
@@intrigue8664 👍
I think you’re right about some things but not all ISFJs are the same. I’m not vendictive and I’m very forgiving, but I’m very much in the middle on the sensing and judging. I think we can mature as we realize what our weaknesses are. There’s so much that goes into personality.
I agree.
This is so true my mom is an ISFJ!! I am an INFJ. We are best friends I love her so much!! It has taken many years for us to understand each other. We always ended up telling her the truth!
I wanted to watch this to figure out how to improve my relationship with my sister. Mind. Blown. This fits so well. Unfortunately, she's pretty young so fairly immature, but there are so many positive things here that I never knew about her, but it makes total sense. I really hope I can use this information to improve our relationship!
I have ISFJ sisters and this is crazy accurate. Thank god ive stumbled across this video because it has really changed my perception of this personality type.
My dad is an ISFJ and I’m an INFJ. Regardless I’ve been watching all your videos, you’re my favorite #1 go to person for MBTI stuff, and I’m in a mission to understand every single type as much as my own, so far this is the 11th type I’ve looked into. I can’t wait until you come out with a book I’d buy it in a heart beat even if it were a $100 cause for what you’d get from it, more than worth it. I’m 17 and I’m gonna be a senior this year. Love your vids, all of them. My favorites are when you criticize us INFJs I love it for some weird reason lol.
Edit: spelling error that got overlooked
My mom is an ISFJ and I am an INFP. I hate that she just boldly assumes things the whole freaking time although they’re not true.
Hey I am confused if I am an isfj or infp can u pls help me decide
@@101yashu in general infp are very abstract and open minded meanwhile isfj are very tradition focused so... Choose your poison 😂
@@ammar9279 make sense.
My ISFJ grandma drove my INFP mother insane. But me (INFJ) and grandma got along well most of the time, and I really miss her. My mom doesn’t miss her, and thinks she was a narcissist. I don’t think she was a full on narcissist, just a woman with rigid standards. I didn’t care enough if she judged me as long as she kept cooking, cleaning, and buying me nice things. I’d rather she hadn’t judged but it wasn’t enough to make me leave her because the good outweighed the bad for me. But not for my mom, she didn’t want anything from her enough to tolerate her.
I am an infj, 31 but looking for isfj because my sister is an isfj, 29 and trying to understand her better.
I was very surprised how precise some points here. To summarize the dark side of my sister is:
1. Basically a defender
2. Everything must be in order, perfectionist
3. Very stubborn
4. Harsh on herself
5. Not good in taking advice
6. She thinks that all the things around her especially our family members are against her
7. Very good at remembering things especially what others do to her
8. Worst after she got married. Things with her husband and now with her daughter. Everyone can't say anything about her child. She is so defensive.
As her sister I really understand how she feels but the way she approaches or pours out her feelings makes others uncomfortable and hurt by her words. Sometimes she asks me how to do this and that but in the end she does whatever suits her. Now I just accept her as she is and try my best to put kind words for her and explain to others especially our family because we are often hurt by her comments. She had good intentions but she didn't realize she was hurting people in the process and I know what she wants most is appreciation.
I hope one day she is fine with her life and accepts everything openly.
So basically we are monsters 😂😂 I've never felt so triggered in my life. Really informative video.
You are not, I value ISFJ’s
He said ISTPs are “home wreckers” and will harm anybody and be destructive with Fi Demon and Ni Child….. don’t worry, he says stuff about all the types. He has to talk about how unhealthy they can be. It’s accurate. And would be irresponsible not to.
😂😂😂
I'm ISFJ a d an empathetic. I always feel drained around too many people, and I always dip out.
I’m an ISFJ and I’ve always been slightly afraid of how easily I can cut people off and alienate them as soon as I feel like they’ve treated me badly (usually has to do with them not showing me consideration or making me feel like I’m not valued) I drop them so fast and move on. I’ve been lucky enough to have great people in my life though so the need to alienate people doesn’t happen often.
I’m not satisfied with being this way, it’s something I’m actively working on improving
Having your shoes untied is not a fashion sense. We simply don't want you to trip and fall on your face. You're welcome ❤️
my best friend is an ISFJ, but i think she might end up feeling bad about herself if i sent her this. at some points you sound almost as if you have a disdain for the type.
thats because ISFJ is a horrible type and it literally annihilates peoples relationships
@@Valyo7 it's bcz he's an entp. That's what they do. Harsh truths
@@adarshsingh1745 that has nothing to do with my statement.
@@Valyo7 it means ISFJs are not horrible types
@@adarshsingh1745 from all my experience they're trash. My opinion and apparently it aligns with C.S Joseph's aswell.
For so long I was lost and wondering why I am the way I am. Not understanding why I have certain behaviors and why I tend to live in suffering. I am so glad I was shown your videos by my husband who is an ENTP. I can’t believe how accurate your information is. I think now that I am aware I can slightly tinker with my personality. I can’t wait to listen in again about ISFJ and ENTP.
Yikes! This video made me feel like an a-hole as a ISFJ personality. 😩Although be it very true. My poor daughter. I now understand how she feels, so thank you? I have such high standards and because I feel like I cannot count on others, it's easier to take every task and responsibility on myself. Not before I emplode and take down all in my path of righteousness. Which is odd because of my even temperament. Takes a lot to upset me, but look out when I am on a war path, shit, scares me even. You sir have this personality spot on. I want to apologize on your mother's behalf... it's not so much you. Unrealistic expectations, that everyone should think, feel, act and behave how we do or you're not a decent human being. Geeze.. I have accepted we are all different over the years and it's a good thing. ISFJ's are doers. We are the glue to the unit. Love to facilitate and witness progress for the better. Anyways, thanks for helping me understand myself better and point out areas that need improvement 🧡👍🏼
You are most welcome. Your humility makes you beautiful. Thank you
Wow, I love this love fest!!! :)))
He makes all types feel like jerks 😅
Unfortunately I don't think anyone likes their type all that much. I'm an ENTP and I don't like it at all C.S Joseph seems to somewhat like being an ENTP but, I suppose it's easy to overlook what you're good at and hate what you're bad at especially if someone points it out. Personality types just make the good and the bad so real when you wanted it buried.
Edwin Ortiz you must be a Cancer ISFJ🧐
Oh my goodness this video so amazing, my dad and sister are both ISFJ's and I like giving them orders, now I'm gonna love them orders!
this will help me consciously understand more about my self & it will help me be a better parent. thanks
Oh wow, thank you so much for sharing this info! After learning I'm an ISFJ, I admit there's tons of truth in what you say! The "Hero/Critic" thing you mentioned is so ME!!! Thanks again;, managed to learn more about myself haha! ;-)
c.s.joseph just so you know you have helped me through many tough situation.
i would have legit lost my mind but your ne keeps the info relevant and i feel your pain in some anecdotes.
never stop doing this. many people are broke right now but one day you shall be rewarded.
no information is spot on. my mums only weakness XDXDXD
stay healthy stay strong if you ever need information on immortality let me know.
Everything is possible at all times at all places.
I have no desire for immortality. Death is a gift.
Deserve punishment and vindictive?.. I don’t agree. I think these reflections are influenced by your personal experience
Ultimate guy ...best teacher on this subject...
I also had the best teachers
"Be careful with the information.......Coz they will punish you for that....." This made crack up so hard....
And yea they are vindictive to a point where they step on their own foot.
Every time you said something triggering, my memory took me back to an exact instance where what you stated was my action verbatim...YIKES! I'm saving this video to my favorites!
I couldn't figure out whether my mom was an ESFJ or ISFJ (knew definitely SFJ) so I checked the cognitive functions. You are the BEST in describing it. Like every type out there, they only give the flattering points of each type. Now I know my mom is ISFJ. And that thing about not giving information, I learnt a long time ago lol. Love her to bits though. She's a gentle soul and very caring. They need lots of love and validation and they'll be loyal forever and she has faith like no other. Thanks again. You're the best source of information on this.
after your lecture I am confident now that my mother is also an isfj. when you said thay isfj's are in love with the idea of the family, but when some member of it betrays the idea, they're alienate this member: it's like they care about the idea, not the people. it's so truuueee. and when they tell you about untied shoes or whatever they don't like in you - it's sooo trueee, actually everything you said about this type is all so accurate, this is really my mom, and I have to say that it's really hard to have this kind of mother. as infp I don't understand her will to do "what has to be done", not what she wants to do. and, furthermore, you were also right saying that you don't need to give isfj's ANY information. that's SO true. I noticed myself when I don't actually talk much with my mother, I don't have much problems. it's like isfj's will eat you alive when they know all the details.
and most ironicaly, isfj's are actually one of my favorite characters. all isfj's I see movies, animes etc are so nice and soft, I got used to love this type so much, but then again - I don't like ANYTHING that goes about this personality type in my mother. lmao
anyway you did a great job four years ago explaining this type in details, I got all of this. thank you and keep up
ISFJ kids are the ones that the teachers ask, "what was your working out?" And they say, "in my head." 🤣
I really appreciated this video. I’ve looked up other videos and all they talk about it the “good side” of ISFJ. I truly feel like you hit all the points of what makes us ISFJ tick. It was hard to hear certain characteristics but then I quickly remembered.... “oh yeah.... I’ve done that before”......
🤭🤡
SAME 🥸
ISFJ here. Watched this video the other day and I gotta say this triggered some anxiety because I just felt like a bad person. :( I feel a bit better because I just accepted that God made me who I am for a reason and that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" just like everybody else. Having said that, I'm just a bit confused because I believe I am an ISFJ (took the mbti 4 times in the span of 5 years and I always get isfj) and I can relate to the descriptions of this type. Also, I'm pretty sure I'm an introvert but I can also relate to some traits of the ESFJ. Sometimes I even think that I was an ESFJ when I was younger but that doesn't make sense right?
it does yes
because of Fe it may seem that we are extraverted. but we’re just genuinely interested in other people
Great video, I'm an isfj myself. Crazy accurate video, especially the vindictive part lol. Wasnt even aware i could be like that at times.
I can taste the resentment towards your mom as you talked about parenting and cutting off family members out of loyalty
INTP here. This just occurred to me so I'll share it...in my interactions with ISFJs I'm often bemused by the fact that they don't know as much as I do, and yet they are delighted with whatever I choose to share with them. And I'd always wonder, if they get so much pleasure out of these facts and theories and events, why aren't they seeking it out on their own? Why arent they curious? My epiphany is this: I'm basically a pair of eyeglasses, when they 'put me on' they can see all these details where before it was just blurry. When I'm gone, they don't have that ability to focus. That's why they like me...or maybe they don't even care and it's just their loyalty giving me feels lol
Hi Josine, ISFJ here. I can’t speak for all of my kind :) but this is what I’ve realised about myself:
I love learning deep instead of learning wide, so learning more facts and theories about things that I care about based on things I’ve done or experienced. I don’t really care about learning new things unless someone I trust tells me to go into a specific new field of learning and I can convince myself that, yeah, that is something I want to spend time learning about.
So when someone talks to me about something that I don’t care too much about I end up appearing to be listening intently because I don’t want to offend the other person, I want to keep the peace and have that person walking away liking me, but I’m actually disappearing into my own head and just making ooohh and aaahh sounds at the right time in the conversation to make it look as if I’m engaged.
And in the case where someone does end up talking to me about one of the few topics that matter to me and I’m really enjoying the conversation, I still end up going oooh and aaahh even when I actually know more about the topic than they do, because of the above mentioned reason again.
I Know, I suck. Really need to work on this.
i wish i could like this comment more
This is very true. My husband is an isfj and I am an intp.
It’s true. I like the experience I get from INTPs. Specifically their Ne. I’m often afraid of the future and they’re not. And it’s amazing. I wish I could be like that. They just don’t care. I wish I could just don’t care about people and future and just “live”. I like spending time with people that are opposite of me and INTPs are totally different. It’s just inspiring. But then they never tell about their intentions and never give me enough information and that’s just makes me so madddd. It’s like I love them and I hate them at the same time lol
Marnus Lottering doesn’t happen to me. I usually listen actively and ask questions to whatever person is saying. I might feel dumb when I don’t understand what they are talking about but I’m trying to understand and that’s why I ask questions. However, if that talk turns out to some kind of a monologue for an hour I’m not gonna listen. I value my time and when a person just talks and talks for an hour, it makes me as if he doesn’t care about my opinion.
There were times when people talked for hours about themselves.., like I was on a date once with (I believe he was xsfp) and he was just talking for an hour, maybe more. And at some point I got tired of that and I just grabbed my purse and said “ok you know what, I’m really bored so you have 5 minutes to make me interested or I’m leaving”. I stayed for another 5 minutes observing him getting anxious and talking nonsense and then I got up, said goodbye and left”. I can’t stand shallow and self observed people and I’m not gonna waste my time listening to their crap. I guess he hit my “child” Ti too hard and my INTJ super ego kicked in
What you’re describing almost sounds like a narcissistic person. Especially with character assassination and vengeance in general. I’m an ISFJ, and maybe it’s because I’m in my 40’s and have learned from experience that vengeance is wrong and doesn’t help in relationships. More importantly, I just want to be a good person and have deep relationships with those I love the most.
Awesome, thank you for growing up and maturing.
I had the same thought, that Chase might have a narcissistic mother.
wow, finally I can recognize what type my father is! thank you :)
Never tell them what they want to do.. tell them they should. SO TRUE. I (isfj) despise the question "do you want to?" when in reality they are giving me no choice. I'd rather obey the order that say I want the order.
Isfj just needs to give themselves time to reflect, and figure out what they want..and with maturity it happens. They can find peace with the question. This was my issue as the youngest in my family.
I'm pretty sure I'm an ISFJ. I have good memory, I like to describe it as a filing cabinet in my mind. Since I was little I had a lot of faith, wished my family had more traditions and held on to the few we had, appreciation for logic, loved reading about "proper" behavior/manners etc.
However ISFJs are suppose to be really good at being organized with their time but I unfortunately have no concept of time. None whatsoever. I end up doing things last minute or way too early because of it. It is really frustrating because I have a desire to be responsible and feel guilty when I'm not. Sigh.
I like hearing the negative parts about being an ISFJ because I can be more self aware and work on myself. Thankfully I have outgrown being super judgy and prideful. I am forgiving, but dang it I wish I could forget.
have you looked at ENTPs or ESFJ? Or perhaps INTP?
@@CSJoseph Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my comment. You must be so busy.
I just reviewed the chart again. The reason I don't think I'm an ENTP is because I would consider myself a concrete thinker, most of what I like to talk about are my interests and past experiences. Only when my sister would bring up "what if" scenarios would I do so. The reason I don't think I am an ESTJ is because I am naturally not an initiator unless I really have to be, plus I don't think I like movement in my life. If something is to happen I would like it to be because I planned it, I saw it coming, or I was warned so I could mentally prepare for it. Last but not least I don't think I am an INTP because I would consider myself Affiliative vs Pragmatic. My mom and I always disagree on how to get things done because she would focus on results and I would focus on whether it was the right/proper/best-for-everyone way to go about it.
I am a naturally fearful person. When I first meet people I am quite mute (with great effort I have improved) but once I've observed a person enough and decide to trust them, the flood gates open and I am quite chatty haha.
I may become afraid easily but I draw comfort not only from my faith but because I know I am quite capable of being brave when I need to protect those I care about.
I apologize for this crazy long comment. I hope you are doing well. Thank you for your content, it is helpful not only to understand myself but to understand others and learn how to be a better support system for them.
Pennys2cute Managing your time has more to do with introverted intuition (Ni). ISFJ’s Ni would be their role function, so it makes sense that you wouldn’t be too good at it. However, all ISFJ’s are different, some may be better at managing their time than others, so keep that in mind. I, as an ISFJ, am pretty good at managing time, though I’d say it’d be because of my INFJ Mother, who is dominant in Ni.
@@Sokkaeatspeople Sometimes I wonder if it's all in my head or if it is neurological haha. I recently realized I must have mild aphantasia.
I think it's so interesting how despite people being the same type there is so much variety. Initially it confused me that my type is the most common since people have always acted like I'm so different than most. However there is so much that makes a person, so many sides to a person, and so many different circumstances a person can be in:-)
Now I need to figure out what type my mom is haha
I've been typed as an INFJ from tests numerous times but it didn't ever really sit right with me. I took your Beta Personality Assessment and got ISFJ and I feel like this is more accurate! Thank you
Saving:
29:00-29:57
Would it be possible to get a series with you talking specifically about the types when they are at different stages of maturity?
I second this
I third this
EXACTLY! the revenge things etc tht he said abt isfjs apply for immature ones.. I CRAVE PEACE and forgive others easily and NEVER take revenge
Re: defeating ISFJ by withholding info
I’m an INTP with an ISFJ wife and, unsurprisingly, I’m having legitimate trouble with the concept of talking generally.
I’m just not programmed to not be specific, it simply does not compute! Someone throw me an anecdote or something, please!
it's that thing of INTP's being inoffensive by not wanting anything. If you don't want something how can an ISFJ give it to you and be appreciated?
Joseph Stott thank you. Removing the source of the conflict would be a far better approach than figuring out how to win. #curseoftheidiotsavant
I'm an INTP with an ISFJ wife as well. I have no idea how but we get along pretty well... Probably cuz I'm lazy as hell & she's always there to take care of me.
I have an INTP son and he loves and he hates me for guiding him in 'sensor' tasks. The poor kid has an ISFJ mom but understanding his type helps me relate to him better. We have a good rapport.
I'm also an INTP who recently met a girl. Surprise, she's an ISFJ. Also, interestingly enough, you and I share the same surname. That's gotta mean something
Savage! This was so hard to hear but accurate. Did it need to be so brutal? Truly made me feel awful.
yeah otherwise folks like you wouldnt listen :(
My mom’s an ISFJ too. (And she’s literally an artist)
And the fact that they suddenly drop out of social situations is SO true, she drops us off at birthday parties or family gatherings and just doesn’t stay for long, she’s always in the background talking to her mom or something, and then after two or three minutes she just leaves. Never rlly thought why tho.
I was also raised by an ISFJ mom, and holy cow are you spot on! My mom is super religious, and it always feels 100% like fear to me. She is afraid to even contemplate the rationality of her beliefs, which is so starkly different from my experience where truth is everything and no thought process is off limits. And OMG the hair picking.
So easy to understand and interesting explanation! You explain it in the sense that any people would totally relate. Kudos from Indonesia~
This is so cool hearing this from your perspective you are so matter a fact ....give us an inch we go a mile...its so obvious when someone finally gives us truth but we are looking for it in our own mind. Thanks for completing the perspective its something we appreciate and love to return the favor. You are used to people agreeing with yous..see ISFJ feels like society needs more of the ISFJ perspective to sustain society. Yikes don't give us an inch it literally makes our life and your life better to just not talk around us about Te things we just wanna do our duty that's the only thing. Work is play! Appreciating all people is part of our duty to maintain society IMO you are doing that very well! thanks for taking the time to share this valuable information :)
much appreciated
I’m an ISFJ, and I really love this honest assessment! Many of these points are true, but I think some a little exaggerated. As you said, we base our decisions from our individual history.
For me:
If someone has a tendency to annoy me with their overbearingness, neediness, or lack of planning ahead where it inconveniences others, I will actively avoid that person.
As for betrayal, I think ISFJs are much for forgiving of poor behavior than they ought to be. This may be because we have trouble establishing our worth and so feel we “need to be punished” until we’re either fed up or we learn our values.
But that doesn’t mean we’re all going to crazy for betraying us. We may never trust or like you again, but our morality and sense of justice often restrains us from doing something extreme. I’m far more likely to remove the person from my life, or I’ll be verbally cross and firm if I can’t. But, first you have to break my very high level of patience.
Contrary to the video, I tend not to be vengeful, especially in a way that would cause the other person embarrassment. (As from experience of public humiliation.) I’ll enact my sense of justice, and then leave it at that. Move on. I don’t have the best catalogue for facts; my memory is best suited for personal details and trivia.
Also, I am sooo not a neat freak or a helicopter type of person. This primarily results from my strict and overprotective INFP mother. But, again, ISFJs stem decisions from the past (as we’re known for).
This was the best response, thank you for articulating that. As an ISFJ, I can relate to this way more than the video. And it’s true, we do have a strong sense of justice but we would never humiliate others or cause harm. And we may even put up with certain negative behaviors because of our forgiving nature. I know I care about other feelings to the extent that I would never say anything to make someone uncomfortable or embarrass them, even if they’ve done something wrong to me. I’m not sure where the vindictive nature stuff is coming from because I know it’s not my nature an ISFJ.
Good to know not all ISFJs are neat freaks and helicopter parents because my mother was none of those. If anything I was alternately resented and ignored. But she did tell me I would get fat if I ate chocolate and picked on my untidy eyebrows. But I was never into her regimens involving image. As for health? Yes, I could see the point in that. But I was trying to explain to her that I only had energy on the one day when I tried eating a couple of small chocolate bars (normally I wouldn't touch them). My energy levels were normally so low, and it turned out years later that I was actually chronically ill but it was never diagnosed until a concerned friend got me help in my late twenties. At the time she came down on me as if I was being terribly immoral by eating chocolate (complete moral indignation) but totally ignored the fact that I was trying to discover why I was unwell and that I was amazed that I finally had some energy. She displayed no concern about my actual health problem, in fact just ignoring that the problem existed, ostrich-style, instead being outraged by me eating too much chocolate for once in my life.
Xero So your mom never ate chocolate or any kind of junk good ever at all?
Mel that is spot on. im isfj and youre right. i too relate to your comment more than the video.
OMG. 15:40 is spot on. As an ISTP with an ISFJ mother, I find she will assume she knows how I’m going to react to a situation before it’s even happened and be cold with me as a result and this causes me to be cold towards her because she’s acting weird for no real reason. Complete self fulfilling prophecy.
I’m ISFJ and not vindictive at all. I forgive easily. That said , if a person ) stabs you in the back over and over again there are only so many times I can forgive someone. We’re not punching bags. Cutting a cancer out of your life isn’t vindictive, it’s self preservation.
I really liked this video. It almost felt like this guy was reading me but I never met him. I was in a slight denial about being an ISFJ but now i think there's no denying
I forgot to add, the thoughts that actually occur when "things are going to well" is not so much about having a desire for pain a punishment but more of suspicion and unease because we have no belief that things are gonna always be fun and relaxing. Theres always gonna be another problem, is the belief.
Great video. One ISFJ is in my immediate family.
I'm an ISFJ. Chase is doing is us a huge disservice saying that we are vindictive. From another person's (the recipient) perspective they interpret it as vindictive and punishment. But what is actually happening is that Si hero uses past experience make decisions. If someone has hurt them in the past they avoid that person until they have healed from the hurt before encountering them again (could be weeks, months or years depending the depth of the pain) this is what is viewed from outsiders as 'cutting them off'. ISFJs don't ever wish evil on the perpetrator of the pain. But if that person lives with them they don't have a choice but to encounter them again so internally they are freaking out coz the pain is still there, it hasn't healed, and now they might get hurt again, so they engage the situation in a hyper-defensive mode. This appears to others as vindictive and malicious and antagonistic but its not.
So true. I am an INTJ and all of this bad stuff happened to me via an ISFJ. All of it.
Yes i am still commenting on this excellent video because i am still getting punished by an ISFJ parent.
The negative traits are narcissistic traits. What I think is that your mom has those traits, and you think it's the traits of the ISFJs. Most people in these comments sound like they have narcissistic people in their life... I know many personality types with those negative traits. It's not a personality thing.
Also, the last thing ISFJs would do is use the information they learn about people against them. That's not a 16ps trait, that's a narcissistic trait.
INTJ parent of ISFJ daughter. Thanks for the info! We talk past each other at times.
Omg I am now terrified of my ISFJ boss! Very helpful advice though. I am INTJ. Feel like I better run!
Dandy video. Opened my eyes to someone in the past for sure.
OK, so Ive just arrived here as I'm trying to understand myself and people more. I'm an ISFJ. I really wish I wasn't because not only am I the most common personality type, I'm the most boring, judgemental, dogmatic, unimaginative and vindictive type. This video was really hard to hear as I've never wanted to be any of the negative things described and I thought I had worked hard to try to not to be these, but the realisation of how people behave around me tells me the truth. I'm distressed at the comments of other viewers and am internally shameful of myself. How did I get this personality? How can I change? I feel like I need to shut myself away now.
It's scary how logical INTJ's are and how C.S. Joseph almost has everyone figured out like an INFJ but with a very analytical approach. There are 16 different cognitive functions, or even more, in his head as he is explaining these 16 cognitive functions and interrelating them with these seemingly impromptu situations he made up.
ENTPs amirite
I believe you regarding ISFJ parents. Our mom constantly rode us to look a certain way--oh another epiphany ! For several years in my teens I wore the clothes and makeup my mom preferred and actually became kind of particular about it--after years of being disparaged for not caring about clothes or for not bothering to style my hair (or wash it or brush it haha-INTP) and I've always wondered about why I would seem to care about my appearance for just those handful of years. She wore me down I guess, haha. Once I moved out, I was back to being fairly lazy about my appearance...and she was back to riding me about how I looked--but it didn't matter anymore, bc now I was free to do (or not do ha) as I pleased. One thing I really appreciate about ISFJs (besides their cooking, lol) is their ability to be very charming and warm and to make even the INTPs and INTJs feel comfortable in their company during social events. One funny thing is that my mom would constantly try to change my behavior by telling me that other people thought I was weird or behaving improperly--when she most likely could have gotten better results out of me if she had threatened to take away my books. Lol
Watching one of Chase's videos can be like looking up at a seemingly random arrangement of stars in the night sky . . . and then suddenly seeing the stars form a constellation. In the constellation of traits in this video, I saw my maternal grandmother. Thank you, Chase!
Worth adding: I originally thought she was an ESFJ -- and the dozens of fellow traumatized INTPs leaving comments under Chase's ESFJ video didn't help my cognitive bias. Now I hope more INTPs watch this one with an open mind and ask whether their difficult parent or ex was actually an ISFJ repeatedly slapping them with that Si-hero-Fe-parent combo.
I think this may have FINALLY solved my 'Am I a mistyped ISFJ?' dilemma with the description of how they use SE. I couldn't be less aware of people's fashion choices or my surroundings if I tried...to my detriment...
Expect a typing session soon! I’ve went from thinking I was INTJ, to ENTP, to INTP to now ISFJ with thorough research for more than a year now. I’m literally giving up doing this on my own 😂
What do you think as key differentiator between intp and isfj in your case? I could relate both too, event though it's way stronger in intp.
After watching some of your other videos, I was really surprised at the vitriol in this one. I don't recognize my ISFJ wife at all in the vindictiveness/revenge diatribe (the rest was spot on). If anything, just the opposite; she's an unbelievably forgiving person.
until the moment comes that she is not forgiven
@@CSJoseph That's just not accurate. Several church friends never shunned her for leaving the church, and she treats them with equanimity (I would not). But given your experiences, you may not be willing to update your priors, which I can sympathize with.
I'm an INFJ with ISFJ mom who is with serious mental issues since childhood. Growing up being a teenager, without knowing about the cognitive function, I never share too many details with her, so she won't worry or try to stop me from doing the things I want.
I am an ENFJ and my husband is ISFJ... We get along great most of the time but u are right about the covert contract b/c we both do that to one another.. And he is VERY Vindictive!!!
Met a girl who's an ISFJ so I've been doing research. The ISFJs are really living up to the stereotype in the comment sections lmao
20:15 - 21:40 THANK YOU! That felt so ecouraging :)
Interesting how complimentary the Hero/Child swap with INTPs is. Both sides get to see what their child function would look like if it grew up.
Ohhhhh my Gooooodddddd I just want to cry because I knew I wasn't crazy. It was just me!!!!
I’ve told my kid,
“I’ll fight you for you”
😭😭😭
Thinking my kids might want to avoid me in the future terrifies me. They are so much of my purpose and I genuinely want them to be good humans. 😭😭😭😭
@@reed4885 then stop doing that. My mum is an ISFJ and she would do that to me and my siblings. All it accomplished was pushing us away
Justin Potts I have been learning to let them be them selves.
@@reed4885 good I'm glad. I hope you find more success in the future
Justin Potts God willing I’ll strike the perfect balance.
I think he used his mother as one of his sources, they're also everywhere so there's plenty to understand. May be he had hard feelings towards his mother, but it's still a good example of an unhealthy ISFJ. Believe it or not, their harshness can be very helpful. I'm an INTJ, and my dad is an ISFJ. He used to share his life experiences like they happened yesterday. He was also harsh as hell about my interactions with people. He hated going out in public with his kids because none of us had Fe as a function, none of us really understood norms. I despised and disrespected him alot. I tried doing everything in my life behind his back.
Didn't express who I was until he told me to hit the streets. He was bluffing, but I knew I could break him by forcing him to go back on his vow, to not kick his kids out like his dad did. It was the closest I came to acting on revenge. I daydreamed about burning his job down and punishing all of his ex's in the order he dated them, ending with my mother. Then he'd know I was coming for him next. When he asked me "why", I'd tell him the same thing he told me when he forced me to break up with my girlfriend. "I don't like the girls you choose". Leaving him homeless with little to live for, like me. Yeah, dramatic, I know. I knew to act on such hatred would solve nothing, it was the first time I felt my super-ego really tugging. That demon ISFJ I got from him.
It's funny, he frequently acted on righteousness. He once framed his best friend as a drug suppler because he was molesting his kid and my mom was cheating with him. Then hid us from our mom because he thought it was the right thing to do, which it barely was. Even though my mom is a hero in my eyes, she was really messed up. She sacrificed her love for us in the end to make sure we had a proper upbringing. It's heroic to me because she did it lonesome, by never telling anyone the truth of what my dad was hiding no matter how much she hated him. She made sure he was okay so we could be. Then took her ESFP bow. I realized what she did at a young age. And it was probably the most heart warming moment in my life when I confronted her about it many years later. It was very traumatic when she was pryed away. My brother and sister hated her and bought all of what my dad made up, but I don't know... I still loved her. I knew she had to have a reason to leave. She protected me, so I stayed around her as long as possible. Always watching over me, to the end. She said he used to take it too far with punishments and single me out. I don't remember anything too harsh but I do remember him frequently smaking me. I think he had trouble accepting me because I was born when he went to jail for domestic viollence.
Back to my dad, It wasn't until the tables turned that he figured out, that he simply misunderstood who I am. Just like I misunderstood who he was... I proved to him that he was wrong about me, and he found enlightenment in his guilt. But it's my fault too because I couldn't communicate anything to him properly. Which lead him to believe I was aloof and unreliable. Still to this day... Can't talk to him about personal things, but I think we have a much greater understanding now. There's a peace. He was always kind of right to some degree, even about the peers I chose. He acted as the perfect antagonist, and it's crazy. He was wise, but so strict with his values. He rarely shared something he didn't deem as fact. I could tell he was battling himself to be a good dad, all the time. Trying so hard to bite his lip on things, his need for things to be done the traditional efficient way. Hah, used to say I do everything the hard way. I didn't really hone my Te, until my late teens. But because of our relationship, I never lived in his shadow. I experienced the world on my own, using his mistakes and life to light the dark ass road I took. He's got a good side that I didn't see. He was trying to make sure I didn't repeat his mistakes. It guilts me that he actually did end up losing everything in the end(at the age of 56), at least he knows I don't hate him. He may have lost his morals at some point, but he was always sacrificing himself in some way. He was an ass... Yet he'd always tell us when we were sad about mom, that he wishes she was there too, and that he'd stop at nothing to give us some chance in life... Eventually his duty just didn't align with his values anymore, it showed. He'd start telling us to go live with our mom as bluffs. What that means is his moral decision was reinforced with our worth. Poor man. He wanted to escape. Sacrificed everything he wanted in life to fullfil his duty. I forgive him and I do hope he finds his way like I found mine. Wish I could help him.
Nice story thank you
This was really insightful. But I do want put my two cents worth in. Maybe, just maybe, what is refered to as the ISFJ revenge trips (+- min 32) is not actually revenge. I'm an ISFJ and I do those things but I can honestly say that I don't do it to get revenge or punish the person. I do it as a self preservation thing. IT - whatever IT might be - hurt so much that I don't want to line myself up for IT again. And because I am so averse to confrontation, conflict and antagonism I withdraw, hide and avoid. So I think your external explanation is correct - we DO do that - your understanding as to why we DO it is flawed .
very insightful, and very true.
Im an INTP married to an ISFJ and this makes A LOT of sense.