I can understand obsessing being a problem if the repair work is going well and the unfaithful is consistently doing all they can to become safe and helping you to heal. But until I see actionable evidence that that is occurring, I’ll still be obsessing and on guard! I’m not going to move forward or forgive him, or stop going over every detail until he “gets it” and shows transparency and real remorse. He has to volunteer the whole truth willingly in order to win me back and re-establish trustworthiness. No more secrets. No more lies. I’m not going to brainwash myself or check my thoughts at the door if I don’t feel safe.
I obsess Dailey. I got no close or no truths only lies. Did he love her, why did he choose her. When I begged for us to go to therapy he said no, what did she do to him sexually Is she better then me. Why can he express his feelings with her and not me. He will tell me nothing. So all I have is my mind 💔
I understand you. I'm so sorry we have been dealt this card in life. Good tips on this video. I'm willing to try some, why don't you consider? It could not any worse, right?
Girl..I know how you feel! I had to pull every piece of information out of my husband and still getting pieces here and there. It's frustrating and hard and not gonna forgive when I get tiny bits here and there. All I get from him was I was selfish.. Really? No kidding asshole.
AMAZING Class on Mindfulness !!! Thank you! Hasani, I know that you and Danielle NEVER hold the betrayed partner responsible for an affair. Past behavior of the Betrayed may have contributed to discourse in the marriage , but the partner who had the Affair made their own choice to cheat. How did this husband get away with blaming his wife for his Affair?????
Wait did the husband just say he is the innocent party and then say his wife apologized to him? They are saying everything is just beautiful after three days ..
I am sorry, but that man cannot say that things she did contributed to his affairs. He made those choices instead of working on his marriage. I am so tired of betrayers being allowed to constantly find excuses either from their spouse, their marriage or their childhood. The betrayed is told to look at their contribution to the affair and then told if you want to heal you have to focus only on the future and not on the affair. I truly think the betrayer is coddled and allowed to find excuses for their bad character and choices, and the betrayed is told no you can't blame the betrayer you need to look at your contribution to making the betrayer be a bad person and make bad choices, you have to forgive and you have to focus on the future, not the past in order to rebuild your marriage. Why does the betrayer get to focus on the past for their wrong doings, but the betrayed needs to brainwash themselves the future is all that matters. That's gaslighting to the extreme. Murders blame their past too, but it doesn't mean the family of murder victim must say oh that's OK, you had a bad past, or the victim contributed to their life being taken. Infidelity is emotional murder and abuse and like Dr Harley says there should be laws to punish the betrayer and then maybe adult betrayers would behave better.
I am with you. The cheater gets to move on and sweep it under the rug while us betrayed has to stifle our feelings and keep our mouths shut and can’t talk about the past so we can try and gain some clarity this is the worst feeling in the world I don’t think the pain ever goes away. Sometimes I think about cheating just to show them how it feels. But that would make me like them. A peice of shit. And would it even hurt them. I highly doubt it.
@@jensbornagain So sorry you are having to go through this in your life. No one should have go through betrayal. After reading many comments on various sites from men and women who have been betrayed years and even decades ago, I agree it doesn't go away. You just learn to live with it and give it less priority in your mind, heart and life. No matter how much you love the person you will always know what they are capable of doing to you. I told my husband that he needs to think about how he has felt when a family member or close friend betrayed him in a minor way and how he doesn't truly trust them again, and then multiple that by a thousand when it's the person you took vows with and gave your heart to. No it's not worth it to cheat because they still won't truly understand and you would feel horrible you let yourself be like them. It's the destruction they do after getting caught with the lying, justifying, blaming and lack of concern and empathy that destroys the betrayed and the marriage bond. Everyone has a darkside, but its your choice if you want to feed it or not. Once you feed the wolf of the darkside and continue to feed it, it becomes more and more in control and its very hard to take back control. That might explain why 99% of cheaters all act like they have the same book of excuses, lies and blame tactics they go by. That book is the darkside of humanity. Take care of yourself and may God hold your hand and give you strength as you go through this sadness and turmoil in your life.
Amen!! Listening to him babble on was terrible and then both of them stating it's been 3 days and everything is just beautiful shows how early they are in the orocess
I can understand obsessing being a problem if the repair work is going well and the unfaithful is consistently doing all they can to become safe and helping you to heal. But until I see actionable evidence that that is occurring, I’ll still be obsessing and on guard! I’m not going to move forward or forgive him, or stop going over every detail until he “gets it” and shows transparency and real remorse. He has to volunteer the whole truth willingly in order to win me back and re-establish trustworthiness. No more secrets. No more lies. I’m not going to brainwash myself or check my thoughts at the door if I don’t feel safe.
I obsess Dailey. I got no close or no truths only lies.
Did he love her, why did he choose her. When I begged for us to go to therapy he said no, what did she do to him sexually
Is she better then me. Why can he express his feelings with her and not me. He will tell me nothing. So all I have is my mind 💔
I understand you. I'm so sorry we have been dealt this card in life. Good tips on this video. I'm willing to try some, why don't you consider? It could not any worse, right?
Girl..I know how you feel! I had to pull every piece of information out of my husband and still getting pieces here and there. It's frustrating and hard and not gonna forgive when I get tiny bits here and there. All I get from him was I was selfish.. Really? No kidding asshole.
AMAZING Class on Mindfulness !!! Thank you!
Hasani, I know that you and Danielle NEVER hold the betrayed partner responsible for an affair. Past behavior of the Betrayed may have contributed to discourse in the marriage , but the partner who had the Affair made their own choice to cheat. How did this husband get away with blaming his wife for his Affair?????
You guys are the goats of therapy thank you so much for your videos.
Thank you for this.
I think healing is harder when others know about it. Do a video on that.
So good. Thank you so much!
Wait did the husband just say he is the innocent party and then say his wife apologized to him? They are saying everything is just beautiful after three days ..
I am sorry, but that man cannot say that things she did contributed to his affairs. He made those choices instead of working on his marriage. I am so tired of betrayers being allowed to constantly find excuses either from their spouse, their marriage or their childhood. The betrayed is told to look at their contribution to the affair and then told if you want to heal you have to focus only on the future and not on the affair. I truly think the betrayer is coddled and allowed to find excuses for their bad character and choices, and the betrayed is told no you can't blame the betrayer you need to look at your contribution to making the betrayer be a bad person and make bad choices, you have to forgive and you have to focus on the future, not the past in order to rebuild your marriage. Why does the betrayer get to focus on the past for their wrong doings, but the betrayed needs to brainwash themselves the future is all that matters. That's gaslighting to the extreme. Murders blame their past too, but it doesn't mean the family of murder victim must say oh that's OK, you had a bad past, or the victim contributed to their life being taken. Infidelity is emotional murder and abuse and like Dr Harley says there should be laws to punish the betrayer and then maybe adult betrayers would behave better.
I am with you. The cheater gets to move on and sweep it under the rug while us betrayed has to stifle our feelings and keep our mouths shut and can’t talk about the past so we can try and gain some clarity this is the worst feeling in the world I don’t think the pain ever goes away. Sometimes I think about cheating just to show them how it feels. But that would make me like them. A peice of shit. And would it even hurt them. I highly doubt it.
@@jensbornagain So sorry you are having to go through this in your life. No one should have go through betrayal.
After reading many comments on various sites from men and women who have been betrayed years and even decades ago, I agree it doesn't go away. You just learn to live with it and give it less priority in your mind, heart and life. No matter how much you love the person you will always know what they are capable of doing to you. I told my husband that he needs to think about how he has felt when a family member or close friend betrayed him in a minor way and how he doesn't truly trust them again, and then multiple that by a thousand when it's the person you took vows with and gave your heart to.
No it's not worth it to cheat because they still won't truly understand and you would feel horrible you let yourself be like them. It's the destruction they do after getting caught with the lying, justifying, blaming and lack of concern and empathy that destroys the betrayed and the marriage bond. Everyone has a darkside, but its your choice if you want to feed it or not. Once you feed the wolf of the darkside and continue to feed it, it becomes more and more in control and its very hard to take back control. That might explain why 99% of cheaters all act like they have the same book of excuses, lies and blame tactics they go by. That book is the darkside of humanity.
Take care of yourself and may God hold your hand and give you strength as you go through this sadness and turmoil in your life.
Amen!! Listening to him babble on was terrible and then both of them stating it's been 3 days and everything is just beautiful shows how early they are in the orocess