I was never a parent but I've raised a few dogs. I noticed that when I have the time to truly care for the dog I can be quite firm and set the rules and things go well. When I feel guilty about not having time or mental/emotional energy to properly exercise and bond with the dog, then I start spoiling it with treats and letting the rules slide. It's really easy for me to look back and see how my availability affected my relationship with a dog and the dog's subsequent behavior. I know a dog is far simpler than a child, but a few friends with children have heard me say this and felt like it was also applicable to raising a family.
Raised 3 ungrateful Aldut kids gave them everything and the turned on me ,,, they only when they need something so I just left them alone I got tired of forcing relationships
I have two. I’m in the beginning stages they both left to go live w their dad because he lets them drink and party (we have rules and boundaries). My daughter will not speak to me my son is starting to come around. I try to reach out to my daughter she says she hates me can’t stand me and never wants to see me again. I feel like I’m just constantly forcing it. I’m at a loss and heart broken. I lived my life protecting them, being involved w school and activities, so many vacations all to be turned around on me saying I’m an abusive narcissist. Their dad is an alcoholic that mooches off his girlfriend and allows them to do w hate they want and I can’t and won’t compete w them. 😢
I raise my step kids plus a biological child. Never treated any of them different, and loved them all deeply. Went thru hell with my oldest step daughter. Not appreciative of anything, stole from us, assaulted me, manipulative, threw literal tantrums which included stomping and throwing things and yelling. We did everything we could, but feel like a failure. She's almost 21, love her, but sometimes you have all you can take. Well, my husband and I had enough. Told her our rules for our home and if she wanted to continue living there. She moved out. Still immature, thinks the world owes her something, and that life should be like tiktok videos or something. Still, love her, but sometimes you have to say I am her for you, but will not tolerate being abused in any shape or form. Was not easy, but that's what we did. Haven't spoke to her in over a year. Praying she will straighten up. No parent is perfect, but no one deserves or ahould put up with abuse.
I'm sorry for all the pain you are going through. My son makes bad choice after bad choice. He is 22. Wouldn't follow rules, so we too, had to ask him to leave. He's in a heap of legal trouble now, with a girl who kicks him out every other day, has no where to go, he does have a new job. I just hope he keeps it. I'm not sure what to do, he can't come back here. I feel absolutely terrible about treating him like that. 😢😢
you did the right thing. my brother is 58 and still doing all that stuff and living at home with mommy. My own daughter is over forty--still manipulative and abusive. Now she has two kids who are both difficult in different ways. You did the right thing...keep telling yourself that.
I had a trouble making sister. Your step daughter will be back. Trust me. They always come back. When our parents died there was no one left to hurt because the rest of the family had nothing to do with her. Shocked the Hell out of her.
The children are coddled, spoilt and enabled. They haven't been taught to be responsible because they haven't been held responsible and been taught consequences for their actions. They have not been taught boundaries.
My daughter is in a relationship with a someone like that and his mother even tells them what to do with with money management because he can't even deal with finances.At school he was not disaplined as his mother used to complain to the school.Anyway now they are in debt due to her fantastic advise.
my siblings have learned that bad financial decisions = help from parents. it really hurts when someone gets a $20k car because their car got repossessed, but I have no help at all because I'm responsible
When I watch things like this, it confirms my decision to do mostly old school parenting with my future kid. I know I won’t be perfect, but I understand why my parents raised us like they did.
@@Trixiesongzxoxo Yes, we need to seek counseling or there is no contact. Oh well. That's what happens when your adult child marries someone who is controlling and wants nothing to do with the in-laws.
Losing my identity and being treated like “a grandmother” .They shove the kids at you like we have come solely to see the grandkids. Sometimes even leave the room like we arent there to visit them. .
@@brerabbit4233 Do you not want to be a babysitter, what is wrong with being a babysitter to your grandkids, if its too much please let them know! They may just not realize that you are wanting to visit with them too. Also they may be appreciate your help and you could say that you would love to have some time to spend with them too.
Great guest. Needed more time and a more seasoned parent as an interviewer. I ended up being the cop because my ex-wife was the buddy. I know that I did the absolute best I could and was very careful about promises made and kept. Hopefully, the child will mature in the future and recognize this and it can be the foundation for a better relationship.
I always say " I did the best I knew how" I went to parenting classes after my 2nd child was born because it was 12 yrs between kids, my daughter is very difficult, she's 30 yrs old single mom,3kifd and lives with us, she doesn't have her license so we're"responsible" for taking her everywhere! That's what she thinks! I'm 61 and her dad is 71 we want to enjoy this time in our lives, she's a narcissist and it's very hard for me to admit that, I feel like we did something wrong and it's our fault! My other 2 kids are out on their own and tell us that we are good parents, my daughter is constantly verbally abusive and I don't know what to do, if it weren't for my grandkids if throw her out of my home! The level of disrespect is over the top and unacceptable 😥
Does she have an undiagnosed mental health illness? Never accept verbal abuse, put your foot down and speak up for yourself. Set boundaries and issue consequences.
@@MotherOfCivilization317 yes she's got PTSD and ADD, I also think she's suffering from post partum depression, her youngest son is 1 and a half and I had severe PPD after I had her, I was put on anti depressants and my younger daughter also suffers from clinical depression,so mental illness is very prevalent in my family. I also think she's a narcissist. I don't even like saying that word, I don't want it to be true.... Ty for replying and her father and I deserve to have a life, not sure what our next move is, but whatever happens I can't continue to live this way. I'm praying for my daughter to get help and take accountability for her actions and stop blaming me and her father and everyone else, for all that's wrong in her life! ☮️🫶🙏🏼
Yes, you may have done alot wrong,,,,who knows, doestn matter the fact is now is the time to take steps to change her behaviour, help her get out on her own, tell her she has 60 days to get her license or she must move out but you are keeping the children if she can not drive.
@@bookbeing LOL really? At 30, that is when my daughter STARTED blaming me. Talk about frustrating....she's 42 now and added a superior attitude along with the blame. It never ends. I feel parents should cut the cord at 18 no matter how hard it is to do. In between 30 and 42 she got married and divorced twice. Had two kids who she has countless problems with. Expects me to babysit all the time...every day. Yes, hard to believe.
That's not you who are the problem, your 14 your mom is likely borderline or has some sort of pd and is convincing you that your the bad guy, you are not the bad guy, when you turn 18 move out and don't let her worm her way inside your head
Thank you for this. I raised 5 children, 4 I gave birth too and the 5th I was blessed to be her stepmother. My third child has turrets syndrome and anxiety issues along with borderline personality disorder. We tool him to many visits to neurologists, Therapist and counselors thew out his childhood adolescents. We were very close. However; I raised him different than the other 4. I was less firm as a parent with this young man because he was so sensitive and I hated to see him upset, (which happened very easily) I coddle him and jumped at far too many of his demands.
I have 2 there’s absolutely no way I’m getting everything right. I’m disabled veteran with PTSD in my own issues that I am working through. I love my kids I am open to their experiences and how it affected them good and bad they don’t get anything extra stuff or money for feeling traumatized, but they do get a good therapist once a week and my acceptance of their experience and willingness to work through it.
My husband continues to “rescue” his adult son every time he has financial issues, looses a job, doesn’t want to work..he pays his rent, his car loan. I can’t seem to get my husband to understand how much he’s hurting his own son, and he’s already 32 years old. Our biggest fights borderline divorce have been over this situation, I feel his son manipulates him by making him feel bad he wasn’t around as much when they were children, it’s such a dysfunctional relationship, but it only happens when his son knows he has money. I don’t know what to do anymore.
@@asachroniclez6565 his father is not leaving him to die or be in a homeless shelter. His son is making that choice. It’s about choices. Don’t you think it’s unhealthy for a 32 yr old man not to want to stand on his own two feet? If you don’t see a problem with that then nothing I write on here will make sense to you.
@@marissavallejo2987 you're one of those ppl brainwashed by American society.. you're one of those ppl that believe when a child turns 18 they need to live on their own and fend for themselves.. any parent that just kicks their child out with no financial help especially if the child isn't able to fend for themself was never fit to be a parent in the first place.. not every single child will be able to afford all their own expenses its life.. ppl put their partner who is almost like a stranger sometimes over their own children its sickening.. even the bible says lay up riches for your children's children.. alot of 30yr olds can fend for themselves some cant or may need more time. Doesn't mean the ones that can't deserve to be kicked out. That is evil. Alot of them have parents put down payments on their homes or pay their rent as well.. I don't understand ppl like you u treat ppl like animals ..u basically saying indirectly he needs to kick his son out and it doesn't matter what happens to the son after that.. especially with how the economy is
My son 20 years old was corrupted by his girlfriends parents @15 They groomed him to destroy my marriage I sware . With his manipulation. He says wants to visit his mom on her birthday.waits till 7 pm to say I'm comming over. He wants mom to do his and girlfriends laundry and cook for him and his girlfriend and there baby . I put my foot down and said no . Now I am her enemy. Lol I got him a job at my company with an aprentiship. He quit said it was to hard . I got him a car . Instead of being responsible he drives it all over the schools football field. His mother constantly fights with me . I raised him rite I have 3 other boys they all are great. Yes he is my biological son unfortunately. I don't know what to do. There is no reasoning with my wife he treats her and everyone in my house like a doormat.oh and doesn't even buy a card at dollar tree for her birthday.I have taken her out to dinner on every anniversary and birthday for 28 years. They are destroying my life.
Oh my gosh, why does everyone miss the most obvious solution the mental health field exists for a reason if they truly feel their childhood was so bad that they need to work it out with a therapist. Which were finding to be a really positive thing either way as it helps the child deal with perceived traumas, so that the relationship can function on in a healthy way not as colleagues. You shouldn’t get trampled by your kids and boundaries are always very important to start teaching early. But if your kid thinks everything was so bad working through it will give you a whole new kid. All you have to do is be open and not invalidate their experience and it will pass. Or if they’re being a brat, then they can go harass some therapist for an hour and give you a break lol. It’s a win-win.
My grown daughter refuses therapy, I think it's because she's afraid of looking at herself and realizing that not everything wrong in her life is our fault! We weren't perfect parents, we did the best we knew how, unfortunately we're till blame for all that goes wrong with her life, it's to the point where her siblings don't even want to be around her. Her view of her childhood is very different than her siblings. She's got allot to work thru, I go to therapy and I always have, I am at my wit's end 😥
My boyfriend has 2 daughters in their 30s who try to control him, snooping in his phone, demanding he does what they want regardless of how unhappy this makes him. I don't know how to navigate this
Save yourself and create boundaries. If she finds out that she can get what she wants at the expense of her child she will never stop. My niece did this to me, I prayed and released it. Now my grown great niece reached out and is creating a relationship with me on her own!
In my case the parents are the most manipulative . Got bills in my name asking me all the time to apply for credit for them .I live on my own I need to search out money on my own too.
Yes as is mine. She was a good provider, not a nuturer and her comfort came before anyone elses and she manipulates with stuff. Still trying to do so at 82. Im proud of my brother for getting out from under her heavy mean spirited nature, everything was always about her. Just two years ago my mom decided to buy a new home, she asked me to come help her nearly 3 times a week and I live across town, when I say help I mean remodeling, constant yard improvements, all matter of organizing and arranging, never just to sit and chat, she told me she would leave me her home, I dont care that would be nice, but it wasnt the home I was after. I liked helping but sometimes work load and full time student stuff got in the way, so one day she calls me up and says, your not getting the house anymore, you just aretnt there for me....WTF, I told her fine I dont care but would she do counseling with me. She said no she would rather just be dead to me...wierd
@Eternal Awake It's rather unfortunate. A lot of kids' first bullies were their parents. You need to work through it as an adult. Forgive them for what they've done, and move on with your life. Dont let parents guilt trip you into staying with them. As an adult you must do what's in your best interest. If you have to move away for your sanity, do so. Unlearn then relearn. Work on yourself.
@@mr.e5791 quit blaming all the parents. We get Blindsided by the b.s. of complete disrespect only a parent could understand. There's a Lot more of us than there are of You.
This isn't always true. Sociopathic murderers have come from loving homes. The brain works in odd ways. I won't say it never happens though as it certainly does. And if you were a narcissist, you're always a narcissist. These things do not change. You can try faking being a decent human being but inside is a selfish, manipulative monster.
57 yr old man who never married cant KEEP a job even though highly skilled..3 months to find a job, looses it after 3 weeks..Yet cant afford to move out..Always broke..74 yr old mom whonis worn out
Could it be possible that some adult children could be trying to manipulate a parent after they have divorced their other parent into taking that parent back again? While maybe people are while assuming all sorts of things when continuing to gossip to them about the parent whom they are trying to manipulate leaving them feeling insecure in our social media over connected world.
Somebody plz help! My daughter is 24. She won't leave. She's verbally, physically & mentally abusive towards me. I don't know how to get her out. She's 24. The Bank Of Mom is closed & she's highly pissed even though we work at the same place. She had a car but didn't take care of it. She's pissed because I won't help her get another one.
My son is the same but I put a stop to his bull the parent matters and deserves respect.my son backed my car into another car and never took responsibility for what he did & left me holding the bag he even faked being in a bad mental state to avoid responsibility and at that point I said the hell with him I as a person matter and I will no longer allow my kids or no anyone else to abuse or manipulate me end of story .
@@laurenhall9469 I'm doing that now & it angers my adult daughter but she's been warned too many times about life & now reality has kicked in. It's Mom's turn to take care of Mom.
True. But I'm one of those kids, and I have the mental capacity to understand my actions in a deeper way, so I feel it might be a little to harsh to blame it entirely on the parents, because they try their best. And just now I realize that, and I trying to change.
It was NEVER cute. She was abusive from the onset. Did we not teach them respect? They grew up seeing that we treated our parents respectfully. Where they got the idea that they could be abusive is beyond me. I tolerated it forever and I vow NOT ONE MORE MINUTE! I wish her well.
As an outside observer who never had kids, it does seem to me that parents get out of their children what they put in, and are the first and most important role models for their children- not teachers, the children will mimic the parents actions regardless if the parents try to instill something different through words and punishment. When a parent complains about a manipulative adult child, it often looks like the child is acting a lot like one or both parents and the parents are unwilling to admit it. It also seems like so many parents are obsessed with working- sometimes because they have to just to survive, but not always- and unfortunately babies and small children can't understand that their parents love them when they are not present- this may sound hurtful but the undeveloped brains have needs and can't yet understand logic or rational thinking. Parents just aren't available to their child and then they get manipulative adult kids because there was no possible way to work so much and be available as a parent, the kid spent their entire life fighting for attention when it should have been given freely and so they are always coming from an insecure place feeling like they have to strategize to get their needs met. Other families have parents with more time but just favor one child over another, they're unhappy people raising kids and the kids come out screwy in all different ways. If you don't have the time and money to raise a child than don't make the baby, if you do have the time and money than realize you still need to be present and probably lots of research. If you decide to go ahead and do it anyway, than just accept the consequences of your decision. I get that life is hard and most people are doing the best they can, but having raised up some dogs I think we see in a much simpler way that you get out of it what you put in, and even if you have real good reasons of why you couldn't do better, it still won't make things magically better. And while I don't spend time blaming my parents now, I can see as an adult that they were doing their best and really cared, accepting that many of my issues and inability to thrive came from childhood experiences has helped me move on and forgive and be a happier person. What happens during our developing years when the brain is growing is just more important than anything that comes later, and it makes sense, and it must be prioritized in a way our society currently doesn't. We pass on bad parenting ideas from generation to generation because we don't want to admit we have a problem as a society. Only for humans do we come up with these elaborate excuses to relieve our guilt. When we observe animals it's pretty obvious how important the developing years are for setting the stage of the rest of life. It's when our brains are growing and creates the shape and chemistry of our brains.
@@Gemmarose9012 It's very obvious that you're just a jerk needing to post something unnecessary and unkind. Luckily, people like me didn't have kids and are available to teach and help out in a compassionate way because so many parents are selfish monsters, blaming their children when their poor parenting skills are clearly the problem and the parent just doesn't want to admit it and blames the poor child.
I agree, Im probably a narcissit and I use to get angry with my daughter and say mean things and I am definitely sorry for that. I want a relationship with her but I finally get all she wants from me is to say, oh I think thats awful how you were treated by me, Im so very sorry. But from time to time I can not even recall what she is talking about but it probably happened and I keep trying to defend myself, but thats dumb because she is not asking for anything accept to be validated for her pain, she tells me she feels uncomfortable around me, this only started after she developed post natal depression and Im really worried I have lost her for good because she will get mad and cut me and her dad off for over 100 days at a time. If she is doing this for punishment, thats not good but maybe she really just does need space. I love her just always forget to listen
@@katherinegordon5233 ... narcissism is a spectrum I heard and all of us prob are on some part of it. And I believe we can slide either way. I think a lot of relationships boils down to communication and the #1 thing is to actively listen and show it. I think some prefer different ways of knowing the person is listening (rephrasing what they said, ask more questions related to it, eye contact, being right next to the person/holding hand, and especially showing changes in real life). If you are not sure why she is acting a certain way, it's usually ok to ask the reason why but don't say "why"... Say "what is the reason". And then immediately write it down so you remember what she said. And then try to make changes and tell her you are trying to make changes to be a better person, and also because she is important to you.
@@sweetbeep your very kind to go out of your way to help me. I surely appreciate the information about different listening and hearing styles. Where I got confused was seeing how I am missing my daughter and grandson while she is hurting and unable to communicate this. She has told me many times the damage is already done, which makes me sad and defensive and of course change takes practice and I am sorry. Thank you again.
I have just broken up with my girl friend of 5 years. My girl friends’, Alcoholic, Trump loving, marijuana smoking son played a big part in interfering our relationship…..she left me no place to go. She supported her son 100% of the time. In one instance we say her son drink 15 beers and then put his two children in their car seats and then drove home 100 miles. And other instances such as this. The son consistently smeared me behind my back. I am a heart attack survivor, and do not drink, so I guess I am a liberal pussy in the son’s eyes.
You sound good. As long as your not constantly pushing things on her then manipulating her withit, your doing good. But even kids need to pay their parents back, they want to it makes them feel better. Dont be like my mom and push stuff on me, then tell me I must do this or that or hate my sibling...that makes no sense and does not make me love her any bit at all.
@@katherinegordon5233 Trust me I’m not pushing things on her I’m doing everything to support her and her 4 yr old son. If anything she makes me feel like I’m suppose to be doing these things for her. I have another child whose a senior in high school and my adult daughter thinks she’s the youngest.
@@lisadennard79i did not get your message!! I was saying that for years i could not Say no....and later my daughter was imposing everything on me , i had not put boundaries..
Dr. Mom seems manipulative herself 🤷🏽♀️. It seems very personal, but hey that’s from this little clip. What I will say is mothers have a really hard time in hearing that their children don’t like the way they were raised. Instead of apologizing for not knowing better. They usually guilt trip and manipulate the situation so they are never held accountable. It’s a blessing if you have a mother you can talk to, who doesn’t shut down and play words games. But truthfully, they usually start crying and saying you are calling them a bad mom
@@hellow9494 I've known plenty of adult children living at home and contributing in meaningful ways to their family's success. In a world where housing and rent prices are more and more inflated, I'm really impressed when I see people living like this, like the way we as a species were meant to live. When they do get out on their own, they have more saved up and have learned even more from wiser parents and these are the kids that step up and invite their parents to live in their homes when the parents are older. Don't want to be put in a retirement home? Don't kick your kids out and be available to them emotionally as well as financially. If the kid is too insecure to leave as an adult and it has nothing to do with strategizing success and helping their families, than it is usually the parent's fault for not being able to raise a stronger person (even if they have valid reasons for being unavailable during the kid's developing years, the developing brain cannot rationalize and just knows needs). I also know adult kids who want to move on and mommy and daddy manipulate them to stay home or live local because they are the needy ones. I was an explorer always being manipulated to return home by my folks, and resented them for years because of it. But I understand that other people don't share my wanderlust and can be happy and do better by living with their family a little longer.
Do not Say that....in most cases abusive children have abusive parents....in few cases like mine...giving giving ...not putting boundaries...being alone with no family other than your children....not having authority because u think love is enough....
Could it be possible that some adult children could be trying to manipulate a parent after they have divorced their other parent into taking that parent back again? While maybe people are while assuming all sorts of things when continuing to gossip to them about the parent whom they are trying to manipulate leaving them feeling insecure in our social media over connected world.
One of the few therapists that sees the possibility that the adult child is part of the problem, not the automatic victim.
Sometimes the parent was too nice, tolerated too much bull, and here is the result. I know, because I am one.
Yeah, I agree.
Same here have u been able to stop it?
Me too!
Same 😕
I was never a parent but I've raised a few dogs. I noticed that when I have the time to truly care for the dog I can be quite firm and set the rules and things go well. When I feel guilty about not having time or mental/emotional energy to properly exercise and bond with the dog, then I start spoiling it with treats and letting the rules slide. It's really easy for me to look back and see how my availability affected my relationship with a dog and the dog's subsequent behavior. I know a dog is far simpler than a child, but a few friends with children have heard me say this and felt like it was also applicable to raising a family.
Raised 3 ungrateful Aldut kids gave them everything and the turned on me ,,, they only when they need something so I just left them alone I got tired of forcing relationships
Me too
U r not alone.
Same
I have two. I’m in the beginning stages they both left to go live w their dad because he lets them drink and party (we have rules and boundaries). My daughter will not speak to me my son is starting to come around. I try to reach out to my daughter she says she hates me can’t stand me and never wants to see me again. I feel like I’m just constantly forcing it. I’m at a loss and heart broken. I lived my life protecting them, being involved w school and activities, so many vacations all to be turned around on me saying I’m an abusive narcissist. Their dad is an alcoholic that mooches off his girlfriend and allows them to do w hate they want and I can’t and won’t compete w them. 😢
Same here too
I raise my step kids plus a biological child. Never treated any of them different, and loved them all deeply. Went thru hell with my oldest step daughter. Not appreciative of anything, stole from us, assaulted me, manipulative, threw literal tantrums which included stomping and throwing things and yelling. We did everything we could, but feel like a failure. She's almost 21, love her, but sometimes you have all you can take. Well, my husband and I had enough. Told her our rules for our home and if she wanted to continue living there. She moved out. Still immature, thinks the world owes her something, and that life should be like tiktok videos or something. Still, love her, but sometimes you have to say I am her for you, but will not tolerate being abused in any shape or form. Was not easy, but that's what we did. Haven't spoke to her in over a year. Praying she will straighten up. No parent is perfect, but no one deserves or ahould put up with abuse.
I'm sorry for all the pain you are going through. My son makes bad choice after bad choice. He is 22. Wouldn't follow rules, so we too, had to ask him to leave. He's in a heap of legal trouble now, with a girl who kicks him out every other day, has no where to go, he does have a new job. I just hope he keeps it. I'm not sure what to do, he can't come back here. I feel absolutely terrible about treating him like that. 😢😢
you did the right thing. my brother is 58 and still doing all that stuff and living at home with mommy. My own daughter is over forty--still manipulative and abusive. Now she has two kids who are both difficult in different ways. You did the right thing...keep telling yourself that.
I had a trouble making sister. Your step daughter will be back. Trust me. They always come back. When our parents died there was no one left to hurt because the rest of the family had nothing to do with her. Shocked the Hell out of her.
The children are coddled, spoilt and enabled. They haven't been taught to be responsible because they haven't been held responsible and been taught consequences for their actions. They have not been taught boundaries.
My daughter is in a relationship with a someone like that and his mother even tells them what to do with with money management because he can't even deal with finances.At school he was not disaplined as his mother used to complain to the school.Anyway now they are in debt due to her fantastic advise.
hmmm so it's his mother's fault? interesting
my siblings have learned that bad financial decisions = help from parents. it really hurts when someone gets a $20k car because their car got repossessed, but I have no help at all because I'm responsible
So why are you upset ? You are obviously the better person.
And please don't compare yourself to spoiled siblings or anyone. You are you and everyone is on a different journey.
I agree
I know how u feel. Same thing happened to me growing up.
When I watch things like this, it confirms my decision to do mostly old school parenting with my future kid. I know I won’t be perfect, but I understand why my parents raised us like they did.
An adult child in NOT a child any more even if they behave like one.
OMG! I am experiencing this today with an adult child, he is 29.
🙏🏼
Praying for you. Me too. Hurts
Me too. All due to political & religious beliefs.
@@jimhandler1129omg! Are you serious? I'm so sorry has your son threatens to cut full contact with you if so what was your reaction?
@@Trixiesongzxoxo Yes, we need to seek counseling or there is no contact. Oh well. That's what happens when your adult child marries someone who is controlling and wants nothing to do with the in-laws.
Losing my identity and being treated like “a grandmother” .They shove the kids at you like we have come solely to see the grandkids. Sometimes even leave the room like we arent there to visit them. .
they treat you like your a free baby sitter as well
Yep
@@deloriswilliams1797 you are as long as you have been.
@@brerabbit4233 Do you not want to be a babysitter, what is wrong with being a babysitter to your grandkids, if its too much please let them know! They may just not realize that you are wanting to visit with them too. Also they may be appreciate your help and you could say that you would love to have some time to spend with them too.
Great guest. Needed more time and a more seasoned parent as an interviewer. I ended up being the cop because my ex-wife was the buddy. I know that I did the absolute best I could and was very careful about promises made and kept. Hopefully, the child will mature in the future and recognize this and it can be the foundation for a better relationship.
I always say " I did the best I knew how" I went to parenting classes after my 2nd child was born because it was 12 yrs between kids, my daughter is very difficult, she's 30 yrs old single mom,3kifd and lives with us, she doesn't have her license so we're"responsible" for taking her everywhere! That's what she thinks! I'm 61 and her dad is 71 we want to enjoy this time in our lives, she's a narcissist and it's very hard for me to admit that, I feel like we did something wrong and it's our fault! My other 2 kids are out on their own and tell us that we are good parents, my daughter is constantly verbally abusive and I don't know what to do, if it weren't for my grandkids if throw her out of my home! The level of disrespect is over the top and unacceptable 😥
Does she have an undiagnosed mental health illness? Never accept verbal abuse, put your foot down and speak up for yourself. Set boundaries and issue consequences.
@@MotherOfCivilization317 yes she's got PTSD and ADD, I also think she's suffering from post partum depression, her youngest son is 1 and a half and I had severe PPD after I had her, I was put on anti depressants and my younger daughter also suffers from clinical depression,so mental illness is very prevalent in my family. I also think she's a narcissist. I don't even like saying that word, I don't want it to be true....
Ty for replying and her father and I deserve to have a life, not sure what our next move is, but whatever happens I can't continue to live this way. I'm praying for my daughter to get help and take accountability for her actions and stop blaming me and her father and everyone else, for all that's wrong in her life! ☮️🫶🙏🏼
Yes, you may have done alot wrong,,,,who knows, doestn matter the fact is now is the time to take steps to change her behaviour, help her get out on her own, tell her she has 60 days to get her license or she must move out but you are keeping the children if she can not drive.
After 30 you don't get to blame your parents anymore.
@@bookbeing LOL really? At 30, that is when my daughter STARTED blaming me. Talk about frustrating....she's 42 now and added a superior attitude along with the blame. It never ends. I feel parents should cut the cord at 18 no matter how hard it is to do. In between 30 and 42 she got married and divorced twice. Had two kids who she has countless problems with. Expects me to babysit all the time...every day. Yes, hard to believe.
(F 14) I’ve found myself blindly guilting and/or manipulating my mom. I really want to stop. i always feel bad afterwards, but i keep doing it.
Thank you for recognizing that. Hopefully you will mature out of that. Love your mom
That's not you who are the problem, your 14 your mom is likely borderline or has some sort of pd and is convincing you that your the bad guy, you are not the bad guy, when you turn 18 move out and don't let her worm her way inside your head
@@elizabethwilk9615 i bet the children in your life haven't contacted you for years
Thank you for this. I raised 5 children, 4 I gave birth too and the 5th I was blessed to be her stepmother. My third child has turrets syndrome and anxiety issues along with borderline personality disorder. We tool him to many visits to neurologists, Therapist and counselors thew out his childhood adolescents. We were very close. However; I raised him different than the other 4. I was less firm as a parent with this young man because he was so sensitive and I hated to see him upset, (which happened very easily) I coddle him and jumped at far too many of his demands.
Thank you so much for this!! Blessings to you and your family ❤
Tantrums are not cute.
I have 2 there’s absolutely no way I’m getting everything right. I’m disabled veteran with PTSD in my own issues that I am working through. I love my kids I am open to their experiences and how it affected them good and bad they don’t get anything extra stuff or money for feeling traumatized, but they do get a good therapist once a week and my acceptance of their experience and willingness to work through it.
You sound like a hero. I really like how you are handling this!!!
My husband continues to “rescue” his adult son every time he has financial issues, looses a job, doesn’t want to work..he pays his rent, his car loan. I can’t seem to get my husband to understand how much he’s hurting his own son, and he’s already 32 years old. Our biggest fights borderline divorce have been over this situation, I feel his son manipulates him by making him feel bad he wasn’t around as much when they were children, it’s such a dysfunctional relationship, but it only happens when his son knows he has money. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Should he leave the son on the street to die or in a homeless shelter?
@@asachroniclez6565 his son is 32!! It’s called choice, his son can make the choice to better himself or not.
@@marissavallejo2987 so you're justifying that leaving him on the street or homeless is ok because he's 32?
@@asachroniclez6565 his father is not leaving him to die or be in a homeless shelter. His son is making that choice. It’s about choices. Don’t you think it’s unhealthy for a 32 yr old man not to want to stand on his own two feet? If you don’t see a problem with that then nothing I write on here will make sense to you.
@@marissavallejo2987 you're one of those ppl brainwashed by American society.. you're one of those ppl that believe when a child turns 18 they need to live on their own and fend for themselves.. any parent that just kicks their child out with no financial help especially if the child isn't able to fend for themself was never fit to be a parent in the first place.. not every single child will be able to afford all their own expenses its life.. ppl put their partner who is almost like a stranger sometimes over their own children its sickening.. even the bible says lay up riches for your children's children.. alot of 30yr olds can fend for themselves some cant or may need more time. Doesn't mean the ones that can't deserve to be kicked out. That is evil. Alot of them have parents put down payments on their homes or pay their rent as well.. I don't understand ppl like you u treat ppl like animals ..u basically saying indirectly he needs to kick his son out and it doesn't matter what happens to the son after that.. especially with how the economy is
My son 20 years old was corrupted by his girlfriends parents @15 They groomed him to destroy my marriage I sware . With his manipulation. He says wants to visit his mom on her birthday.waits till 7 pm to say I'm comming over. He wants mom to do his and girlfriends laundry and cook for him and his girlfriend and there baby . I put my foot down and said no .
Now I am her enemy. Lol
I got him a job at my company with an aprentiship. He quit said it was to hard . I got him a car . Instead of being responsible he drives it all over the schools football field.
His mother constantly fights with me . I raised him rite I have 3 other boys they all are great. Yes he is my biological son unfortunately. I don't know what to do.
There is no reasoning with my wife he treats her and everyone in my house like a doormat.oh and doesn't even buy a card at dollar tree for her birthday.I have taken her out to dinner on every anniversary and birthday for 28 years. They are destroying my life.
The parents do not necessarily change, if they were abusive, consider them still abusive.
This isn't about that.
Oh my gosh, why does everyone miss the most obvious solution the mental health field exists for a reason if they truly feel their childhood was so bad that they need to work it out with a therapist. Which were finding to be a really positive thing either way as it helps the child deal with perceived traumas, so that the relationship can function on in a healthy way not as colleagues. You shouldn’t get trampled by your kids and boundaries are always very important to start teaching early. But if your kid thinks everything was so bad working through it will give you a whole new kid. All you have to do is be open and not invalidate their experience and it will pass. Or if they’re being a brat, then they can go harass some therapist for an hour and give you a break lol. It’s a win-win.
My grown daughter refuses therapy, I think it's because she's afraid of looking at herself and realizing that not everything wrong in her life is our fault! We weren't perfect parents, we did the best we knew how, unfortunately we're till blame for all that goes wrong with her life, it's to the point where her siblings don't even want to be around her. Her view of her childhood is very different than her siblings. She's got allot to work thru, I go to therapy and I always have, I am at my wit's end 😥
My guy’s daughter is 42 yrs old and he allows her to come between us.
I’m seeing the little signs now... thinking of running
Because he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings but doesn’t care about yours
@@evel.1546 There can be guilt over the divorce he is fighting that have nothing to do with you.
It’s hard to be in that situation!! I’m feeling it now
My boyfriend has 2 daughters in their 30s who try to control him, snooping in his phone, demanding he does what they want regardless of how unhappy this makes him. I don't know how to navigate this
My daughter is pregnant and is using no see her or grandchild as a threat . What to do ?
Save yourself and create boundaries. If she finds out that she can get what she wants at the expense of her child she will never stop.
My niece did this to me, I prayed and released it. Now my grown great niece reached out and is creating a relationship with me on her own!
In my case the parents are the most manipulative . Got bills in my name asking me all the time to apply for credit for them .I live on my own I need to search out money on my own too.
If your adult children are manipulating you, you manipulated them first.
Kids arent built like this they are raised like this ..may that be normalized .. emotionally aware.
When its enabled its normalized.
I like that SELECTIVE MEMORY
I did not put any boundaries...and i pay the Price
Not all parents do their best, some of them are narcissistic.
Like the lady in this video calling children manipulative
Alot of them have the antichrist spirit.. living ungodly sinful lives but yet judge their children
And some are not.
Correct
Yes as is mine. She was a good provider, not a nuturer and her comfort came before anyone elses and she manipulates with stuff. Still trying to do so at 82. Im proud of my brother for getting out from under her heavy mean spirited nature, everything was always about her. Just two years ago my mom decided to buy a new home, she asked me to come help her nearly 3 times a week and I live across town, when I say help I mean remodeling, constant yard improvements, all matter of organizing and arranging, never just to sit and chat, she told me she would leave me her home, I dont care that would be nice, but it wasnt the home I was after. I liked helping but sometimes work load and full time student stuff got in the way, so one day she calls me up and says, your not getting the house anymore, you just aretnt there for me....WTF, I told her fine I dont care but would she do counseling with me. She said no she would rather just be dead to me...wierd
Usually adult children narcissist come from parents who raised them I know I was one
They behave just like their mother. The mother is the master manipulator
@Eternal Awake It's rather unfortunate. A lot of kids' first bullies were their parents.
You need to work through it as an adult. Forgive them for what they've done, and move on with your life. Dont let parents guilt trip you into staying with them. As an adult you must do what's in your best interest. If you have to move away for your sanity, do so.
Unlearn then relearn. Work on yourself.
@@mr.e5791 sorry, no, mine act just like my dead-horse narcissist husband
@@mr.e5791 quit blaming all the parents. We get Blindsided by the b.s. of complete disrespect only a parent could understand. There's a Lot more of us than there are of You.
This isn't always true. Sociopathic murderers have come from loving homes. The brain works in odd ways.
I won't say it never happens though as it certainly does. And if you were a narcissist, you're always a narcissist. These things do not change. You can try faking being a decent human being but inside is a selfish, manipulative monster.
57 yr old man who never married cant KEEP a job even though highly skilled..3 months to find a job, looses it after 3 weeks..Yet cant afford to move out..Always broke..74 yr old mom whonis worn out
Could it be possible that some adult children could be trying to manipulate a parent after they have divorced their other parent into taking that parent back again? While maybe people are while assuming all sorts of things when continuing to gossip to them about the parent whom they are trying to manipulate leaving them feeling insecure in our social media over connected world.
I wasn’t the best parent but I will not allow my children or family to hold me in bondage l
I fell I'll & my now adult child threw me out at a homeless shelter
Somebody plz help! My daughter is 24. She won't leave. She's verbally, physically & mentally abusive towards me. I don't know how to get her out. She's 24. The Bank Of Mom is closed & she's highly pissed even though we work at the same place. She had a car but didn't take care of it. She's pissed because I won't help her get another one.
My son is the same but I put a stop to his bull the parent matters and deserves respect.my son backed my car into another car and never took responsibility for what he did & left me holding the bag he even faked being in a bad mental state to avoid responsibility and at that point I said the hell with him I as a person matter and I will no longer allow my kids or no anyone else to abuse or manipulate me end of story .
@@laurenhall9469 I'm doing that now & it angers my adult daughter but she's been warned too many times about life & now reality has kicked in. It's Mom's turn to take care of Mom.
Sell your house and buy a one bedroom place
@@vanessapitt9886 Yep!
YOUR A SUPPORTER OF THE CONFEDERACY = who the hell wants to assist you Ya Nazi ?
Seriously she needed more time. Dude. Seriously
The best you can is not a excuse
Kids are like that because their parents made them like that. They kids don't make themselves like that and they're not born like that.
True. But I'm one of those kids, and I have the mental capacity to understand my actions in a deeper way, so I feel it might be a little to harsh to blame it entirely on the parents, because they try their best. And just now I realize that, and I trying to change.
@@idkwhatever3990 it may be harsh but if its true then its true
No not always these mfs just disrespectful and selfish I have 4 and only one is like me so those are lies you telling
not every time.
She's always been demanding financially and calls other people bums
Thank you, well explained
So sad they didn't let her talk more.
It was NEVER cute. She was abusive from the onset. Did we not teach them respect? They grew up seeing that we treated our parents respectfully. Where they got the idea that they could be abusive is beyond me. I tolerated it forever and I vow NOT ONE MORE MINUTE! I wish her well.
It’s not even cute when they are little !
As an outside observer who never had kids, it does seem to me that parents get out of their children what they put in, and are the first and most important role models for their children- not teachers, the children will mimic the parents actions regardless if the parents try to instill something different through words and punishment. When a parent complains about a manipulative adult child, it often looks like the child is acting a lot like one or both parents and the parents are unwilling to admit it. It also seems like so many parents are obsessed with working- sometimes because they have to just to survive, but not always- and unfortunately babies and small children can't understand that their parents love them when they are not present- this may sound hurtful but the undeveloped brains have needs and can't yet understand logic or rational thinking. Parents just aren't available to their child and then they get manipulative adult kids because there was no possible way to work so much and be available as a parent, the kid spent their entire life fighting for attention when it should have been given freely and so they are always coming from an insecure place feeling like they have to strategize to get their needs met. Other families have parents with more time but just favor one child over another, they're unhappy people raising kids and the kids come out screwy in all different ways. If you don't have the time and money to raise a child than don't make the baby, if you do have the time and money than realize you still need to be present and probably lots of research. If you decide to go ahead and do it anyway, than just accept the consequences of your decision. I get that life is hard and most people are doing the best they can, but having raised up some dogs I think we see in a much simpler way that you get out of it what you put in, and even if you have real good reasons of why you couldn't do better, it still won't make things magically better.
And while I don't spend time blaming my parents now, I can see as an adult that they were doing their best and really cared, accepting that many of my issues and inability to thrive came from childhood experiences has helped me move on and forgive and be a happier person. What happens during our developing years when the brain is growing is just more important than anything that comes later, and it makes sense, and it must be prioritized in a way our society currently doesn't. We pass on bad parenting ideas from generation to generation because we don't want to admit we have a problem as a society. Only for humans do we come up with these elaborate excuses to relieve our guilt. When we observe animals it's pretty obvious how important the developing years are for setting the stage of the rest of life. It's when our brains are growing and creates the shape and chemistry of our brains.
I wish to be as knowledgeable as you some day
Yes it’s very obvious from what you’ve said here that you don’t have children.
@@Gemmarose9012 It's very obvious that you're just a jerk needing to post something unnecessary and unkind. Luckily, people like me didn't have kids and are available to teach and help out in a compassionate way because so many parents are selfish monsters, blaming their children when their poor parenting skills are clearly the problem and the parent just doesn't want to admit it and blames the poor child.
If any parent says they did their best, it seems to erase their accountability. IMO best not to say this ever.
why can't parents hold their kids to that standard too then? hope your parents expected perfection from you. 💯
AMEN PREACH SISTER ❤️
I agree, Im probably a narcissit and I use to get angry with my daughter and say mean things and I am definitely sorry for that. I want a relationship with her but I finally get all she wants from me is to say, oh I think thats awful how you were treated by me, Im so very sorry. But from time to time I can not even recall what she is talking about but it probably happened and I keep trying to defend myself, but thats dumb because she is not asking for anything accept to be validated for her pain, she tells me she feels uncomfortable around me, this only started after she developed post natal depression and Im really worried I have lost her for good because she will get mad and cut me and her dad off for over 100 days at a time. If she is doing this for punishment, thats not good but maybe she really just does need space. I love her just always forget to listen
@@katherinegordon5233 ... narcissism is a spectrum I heard and all of us prob are on some part of it. And I believe we can slide either way. I think a lot of relationships boils down to communication and the #1 thing is to actively listen and show it. I think some prefer different ways of knowing the person is listening (rephrasing what they said, ask more questions related to it, eye contact, being right next to the person/holding hand, and especially showing changes in real life).
If you are not sure why she is acting a certain way, it's usually ok to ask the reason why but don't say "why"... Say "what is the reason". And then immediately write it down so you remember what she said. And then try to make changes and tell her you are trying to make changes to be a better person, and also because she is important to you.
@@sweetbeep your very kind to go out of your way to help me. I surely appreciate the information about different listening and hearing styles. Where I got confused was seeing how I am missing my daughter and grandson while she is hurting and unable to communicate this. She has told me many times the damage is already done, which makes me sad and defensive and of course change takes practice and I am sorry. Thank you again.
Love the video!
Going thru tbis bs now...but nothing knew as been a victim of bullying and abuse by all n sundry my entire existance 😐
I have just broken up with my girl friend of 5 years. My girl friends’, Alcoholic, Trump loving, marijuana smoking son played a big part in interfering our relationship…..she left me no place to go. She supported her son 100% of the time. In one instance we say her son drink 15 beers and then put his two children in their car seats and then drove home 100 miles. And other instances such as this. The son consistently smeared me behind my back. I am a heart attack survivor, and do not drink, so I guess I am a liberal pussy in the son’s eyes.
Great insight:)
why adults children always call ther aunt to complain about the father going in trips
Yes, it’s hard to say no to my adult daughter. I feel guilty for saying no.
You sound good. As long as your not constantly pushing things on her then manipulating her withit, your doing good. But even kids need to pay their parents back, they want to it makes them feel better. Dont be like my mom and push stuff on me, then tell me I must do this or that or hate my sibling...that makes no sense and does not make me love her any bit at all.
@@katherinegordon5233 Trust me I’m not pushing things on her I’m doing everything to support her and her 4 yr old son. If anything she makes me feel like I’m suppose to be doing these things for her. I have another child whose a senior in high school and my adult daughter thinks she’s the youngest.
This is me talking like this for years and today she is abusive with me because i did not Say no!!!!
@@verdad5577 wow I’m trying to do better with the word no and leaving it that way!!
@@lisadennard79i did not get your message!! I was saying that for years i could not Say no....and later my daughter was imposing everything on me , i had not put boundaries..
How about manipulating at 40
Dr. Mom seems manipulative herself 🤷🏽♀️. It seems very personal, but hey that’s from this little clip. What I will say is mothers have a really hard time in hearing that their children don’t like the way they were raised. Instead of apologizing for not knowing better. They usually guilt trip and manipulate the situation so they are never held accountable. It’s a blessing if you have a mother you can talk to, who doesn’t shut down and play words games. But truthfully, they usually start crying and saying you are calling them a bad mom
Adult children should get out start their own lives , What is a grown up doing at mommy's home?
@@hellow9494 what the hell are you even talking about!? Did you even watch the video!?
@@ejohnson5316 I am not particularly talking about anybody . Just saying after 18-20 get out , explore the world , make your life better .
@@hellow9494 I've known plenty of adult children living at home and contributing in meaningful ways to their family's success. In a world where housing and rent prices are more and more inflated, I'm really impressed when I see people living like this, like the way we as a species were meant to live. When they do get out on their own, they have more saved up and have learned even more from wiser parents and these are the kids that step up and invite their parents to live in their homes when the parents are older. Don't want to be put in a retirement home? Don't kick your kids out and be available to them emotionally as well as financially.
If the kid is too insecure to leave as an adult and it has nothing to do with strategizing success and helping their families, than it is usually the parent's fault for not being able to raise a stronger person (even if they have valid reasons for being unavailable during the kid's developing years, the developing brain cannot rationalize and just knows needs).
I also know adult kids who want to move on and mommy and daddy manipulate them to stay home or live local because they are the needy ones. I was an explorer always being manipulated to return home by my folks, and resented them for years because of it. But I understand that other people don't share my wanderlust and can be happy and do better by living with their family a little longer.
Didn't agree with tge colleague bit.
I thought the lady was Oprah seriously
What if the daughter has severe Electra complex.
What is that? Looking it up 😮
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Do not Say that....in most cases abusive children have abusive parents....in few cases like mine...giving giving ...not putting boundaries...being alone with no family other than your children....not having authority because u think love is enough....
I never raised a finger on my children....they have....i never humiliated them...they have ...
Human suffering and white privilege
304 my child was palm colored
Mother of 8
This segment needed more time …
Could it be possible that some adult children could be trying to manipulate a parent after they have divorced their other parent into taking that parent back again? While maybe people are while assuming all sorts of things when continuing to gossip to them about the parent whom they are trying to manipulate leaving them feeling insecure in our social media over connected world.
I'm dealing with this kind of dynamic. My boyfriend adult daughters want him to stay with their mother regardless of what he wants