I love that philosophy of, “if you’re old enough to ask, you’re old enough to know.” Never got the talk from my parents, but they weren’t very good at talking about uncomfortable things in general, so
Another really important thing to talk with teenagers is consent and what that looks like. As a teenager I had no idea how to stop things that I didn't want or wasn't ready for. And some other kids didn't know to even ask for consent. I remember having vague notions of consent during sex education but it was never a priority, when in my opinion it's the MOST important thing that kids should be learning about sex.
Also that even if someone gives concent, they are able to take that away if they so choose, at any point. AND if substances or drinking are apart of the picture, consent is negated. The person(s) is not sober and cannot consent
This is one thing I like about Logan.. "Ace, do you want me to go?" When she kisses him, he backs away, and asks for verbal confirmation. I'm not a Logan fan, most of the time, but I did think that was great, that he wouldn't go any further, without her saying, yes, I want this to go further.
@@Evamarie41 Not to mention all the instances where someone says yes but means no. Sometimes "yes" means "no, but I don't want to argue about it" or "no, but I don't want to deal with your pouting", for example.
I am 52, married twice, and I still don't understand what a consent should look or sound like except for feeling it, moving along what feels good, trying to guess what the other person is feeling, wanting. I mean isn't it enough to teach basic kindness, decency, respect and gentleness in ANY communication. Sex is a kind of communication too. So, just like people aren't expected to be rude, obnoxious, unkind, self-centered, egotistical etc. in any conversation, so they should be kind, respectful and interested in the other when attempting sexual moves
Another part of the conversation that *MUST* happen is about being with someone who respects the words "no" and/or "stop" if you're not ready in that moment. If the person you're with is going to have a temper tantrum or worse, try to keep going despite your objections, when you put on the brakes, they're not the person to have your first time or really any time with. Someone who cares about your feelings and boundaries is a much better choice.
I was literally thinking about when you were going to upload your next Gilmore Girls commentary! Here’s a small, interesting detail or fun fact that I seriously adore because of how consistent it remains throughout the series regarding Rory’s character (and Lorelai’s, of course): Whenever they make Rory’s hair curly on the show, it’s to signify her becoming more like her mom. Lorelai’s usual hairstyle is curly, showing off her more wild and free spirit, compared to Rory, who was always seen as more reserved, responsible, and put-together. The reason they’re showing her hair like this in this episode is to show us how Rory’s starting to mature, grow into her own, and let loose (hence the loose waves instead of her usual sleek and straight hair), just like Lorelai did during her reckless youth. It gives her that untamed and slightly more rebellious look, showing how she’s becoming more in charge of her own decisions despite Lorelai raising her to avoid making the same mistakes she did at that age. You’ll notice more of that as the show goes on because there are so many different hairstyles she has throughout the series that convey a deeper, underlying meaning or connotation, which I think is very cool and important to look out for (not just with Rory, but with Lorelai too-though I think it’s more obvious with Rory). Also, Luke’s system is so funny and precious! 😂❤️ I love how he’s more concerned about Rory than he is about Jess, who is literally his own flesh and blood. Rory is clearly like a daughter to him, which explains so much, and boys do tend to get more carried away than girls 🙈
I really appreciate that you always acknowledge those of us who are ace because that is a very under represented experience in media. Growing up, I felt like such a weirdo because it seemed like all teen TV shows and movies focused on sex and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t also feeling the need to pursue that particular experience. Especially since I was literally the same age as Rory. I remember watching this and not feeling like I understood or could relate to her urges, but it took me a longer after that to really understand why.
Malcolm in the Middle has one of the best “talk” scenes ever between Malcolm and Lois on a long car trip. I’d love you to cover that one (and that whole show in general, there’s SO MUCH there!).
11:23 Ooooh that’s good! In my youth ministry class in college, only one person raised their hand to the question of “raise your hand if your parents were the ones to explain to you what sex is”. We had 45 people in the class and the student who raised his hand was the guy sitting on my left. Not only that but they explained it to my shoulder partner pretty young because they didn’t want him getting that information from somewhere else.
I have 4 kids and all of them have received various talks from when they were young in various degrees of information. I made sure they understood that while the physical was important, I was often more concerned on their emotions and mental wellbeing of being physical and vulnerable with another person. It was very important to me that they also knew how to make their partner feel safe too, because while I believe that preventative measures are an equal responsibility thing, so is this. I am very happy to say that for the most part, my kids (3 girls, 1 boy) have talked with me about their experiences, concerns and even some funny moments. I was even honoured to have a few of their friends come to me for advice (which I gave after I had parental consent for minors). The best moments I see are when my kids are open with their friends right in front of me and we have a good, calm, often funny conversation that helps clarify, verify and validate what they are going through. It scares me in the same moment that there are still a lot of parents out there depending on school health classes or some other manner to explain something so personal and life-changing.
Never did get "the talk." I wish I had, for sure! Love your dad's approach to being open, even though it may have been difficult for him, too. Granted, I recall that you're the youngest of many, so he may have had most of the spiel down at that point haha. Still, fantastic parenting 😁.
I think Lorelai and Rory have great open communication that helps their relationship work so well no matter the situation. I think part of Lorelai’s reaction at the very end wasn’t just because Rory is thinking about sex but that it’s probably going to be with Jess, whom she hates.
Hey my dad had the same sentence. When your old enough to ask, you are old enough for serious answers. He used this in all areas, so i know how babies were made and grow by the age of 6/7 and never felt silly to go to him or mum and ask questions 😊 🎉
I highly recommend talking to kids when they're young. My 7 year old oldest asked where babies come from and I told him matter of fact with proper body part names and all. He shrugged and went along his day. My two youngest asked together when they were 12 and 13 and boy was that awkward. They giggled like a couple of girls as they realized how many couples they knew were doing it.
12/13??? No offense but that is really late to educate your kids about it. A lot of girls at that age already have their period (I got mine at 11, my best friend got hers at 10!!!) . I mean it's fine to wait a little and it's definitely an individual thing (how mature is the kid) and I also think that schools should teach basic sex education EVERYWHERE much earlier- at around 6-8...but 12/13 is in my honest opinion dangerously late. Especially since a lot of girls that age already look mature and get treated like adults unfortunately. I think I asked my parents when I was about 4...
I’ve wondered about trying this too cuz my parents were very PG as I grew up but by the time I was understanding sex on my own & getting the weird stigma feeling that comes with it that it’s like a naughty thing to do, my parents seemed to get more & more open about the topic & I didn’t know they we’re basically repressing it all along. This made the mix of sex & my family really disturbing since it wasn’t something I was accustomed to growing up as a natural part of life including theirs… it made me think maybe i should do the OPPOSITE & not be so secretive about sex stuff so that my child just grows up used to it & not repulsed
I remember the time when I found out my teenager was having sex . It freaked me out. Not that I was worried about unwanted pregnancy, they were taking precautions, but that he was no longer my baby boy and he was growing up. It's painful to let their childhood go.
Honestly I’m in my 30’s and I still haven’t done it. I’m always anxious about hurting people based on my decisions, especially my parents. I really hope that you and your son are doing well.
@MegaMagicalMegan He's in his 20s now and is doing well. I could never talk to my parents about sex either. Luckily, my son felt comfortable enough to talk to me. It's really hard to listen to him without wanting to give him advice or judging what they are telling you, but I think that's why he still talks to me.
I adopted a stance of just honestly answering the actual question that is asked. I've found that a lot of times adults editorialize our answers. We tell kids how we want them to feel about it whatever or whether certain things are good or bad, which isn't what they asked. If you are asked a question revolving around sex Just answer it.
I agree that honesty is important! It’s amazing how much we assume we already know. 🌿 How has having that approach to these conversations helped your family?
I think Rory's mom feels shame and is afraid of a repeat regarding her daughter with regards to her unplanned pregnancy when she was a teen. By the way, your father was wise. 👍🏻👌🏻
I’m so glad that Jonno had that experience with his dad. I have also never met anyone whose parents were even remotely that cool, mine included. The night before I left for college, my dad awkwardly said to me, “now that you’re in college, I just want to make sure you’re prepared…with protection and stuff.” He looked me dead in the eye, like we both didn’t know that I’d been rolling up at 5am the summer before my senior year, having been out all night, only coming home in order to give him a ride to Labor Ready. I’d been on the pill for a year by that time. He waited until the absolute last minute to acknowledge it and I still laugh thinking about what could possibly have compelled him to say anything at all. Dude was not equipped to parent the willful kids he raised, but I love him.
It definitely feels like this awkwardness from Lore is a way to avoid the (what could be considered, over)reaction she had to Rory and Dean falling asleep at Miss Patty's in S1. "Just before"... boy, that would've saved all of us a lot of trauma 😒
What do funny for me is that watching Gilmore girls starting at 10 years old when it originally aired with my mom is what started sooo many of these conversations. It was a great conversation starter
Hell yeah, communication is always best because without it kids will either feel Iike they can do anything and it doesn’t matter OR they’ll feel consistent shame over everything they do, or maybe even both simultaneously. With clear communication then all there is to worry about is what’s been talked about and how they feel. It removes some of the doubt and the guesswork and lays the foundation for a much more comfortable and confident love life &&& a healthier relationship between parents and kids.
honestly have always respected my mums approach a lot, simmilar to your dads she made sure we heard stuff from her so we knew stuff, tbh i had a pretty good idea of what sex was from when I was about 4 or 5 because I liked science and was an early reader, but she made sure we knew about protection, about consent, when we hit puberty we were talked to about the options for birth control based on both pain relief and when we were teens we could still ask if we wanted it for the actual birth control properties. I actually turned out ace funnily enough but having that knowledge helped me figure things out and feel comfortable in my own skin, and honestly having a lot of decent safety knowledge also meant I could look out for my friends if their parents weren't so confident in giving them the talk. Regardless of if you engage in it yourself, sex ed is important because you will inevitably meet people who Are engaging it, and also you are a human with a body that youd do well to understand no matter what youre using that body to do.
“If you old enough to ask” is a great philosophy until you have a kid that gets early puberty. With the average age getting younger, kids are experiencing hormonal changes before they know what to ask. Happened to me about 3 years before my peers & I didn’t even have the vocabulary to ask about what I was feeling which leaves kids vulnerable.
It's definitely hard for kids to understand their bodies when they're developing ahead of their peers. Thank you for sharing your experience. How would you approach this in your situation?
@ Knowing our family history of early puberty, we all (men & women) normalize talking about things like female hygiene and try to let them hear us talk about our own feelings openly, especially when they’re approaching 9-10. It’s really helped open up lines of communication with the younger generation before their hormones kick in. The teens have been able to talk to any adult in the family. They’re still young teens so we haven’t navigated it all yet but it definitely made the early stages less of a shock for them.
My initial reaction was that I felt Lorelai should’ve offered more guidance and advice (protection, consent yadayada). Then again, my own mother bless her was always very ready to jump in with well-intentioned yet unsolicited advice whenever I came to her with something vulnerable. And sometimes that overwhelmed me and caused me to not tell her things I wasn‘t ready to be "lectured" over. So maybe keeping the initial reaction as low-key as Lorelai did is a good call, though I do wish she’d circled back to Rory at a later point.
When I was about 13, my father took me aside and said, "You know where babies come from, right?" I said yes, and he said, "OK, good." That was the end of the conversation, and that was the only time either of my parents ever talked to me about sex.
Sorry to mention but its getting an echo in that room…blankets on floors and walls can help with that and are cheaper than other options. If your changing spaces thats okay too!
I find it very exciting that in America this topic is made much bigger by parents than here in German-speaking countries (Europe). I'm now in my early 30s and it was very lax here. It was quite normal for us to start taking the pill at 14 and to spend the night at a friend's house. It was always strange for me to hear how strict American parents are in return. Nevertheless, we didn't have any pregnant teenagers. Quite the opposite. The birth rate is falling drastically and I don't know many people my age who already have children. But I really like what you said in the video and I especially love the way your father told you about that topic. I also think it's very important to educate people about consent, as many have already written here in the comments. Great video!
I was with my nephew, he had to be four years old at the time, and we were talking to my neighbor and out of nowhere he starts telling her where babies come from. He talked about sperm and eggs and all that jazz. Lol. We had a good laugh about it. My grandmother was always very matter-of-fact about sex when I was growing up but she had my father when she was fifteen and wanted to make sure we didn’t follow in her footstep.
Most teenagers don't want to share their thinking, ideas or questions about sex. And it's difficult to not only find the right words without hearing "eww mom gross", but to chase after a fleeting girl. That's how I remember my mother-daughter dynamic was unraveling. Like I would be the one always trying to "talk about it" and she would always try to avoid this talk. I mean it's going to be awkward no matter what
The lack of education in the States was very confusing to me when I spent a year there after graduating. In the EU, we have designated classes in school with age appropriate levels of detail and the science behind it (hormones etc) in primary school, 6th grade as well as in 8th or 9th grade. We were raised with the "better be safe at home and use contraception" than "experiment behind a dumpster". None of my friends had their first time before the age 15/16, many much later. Yet in the States, I was babysitting a 12yo with strict rules about not engaging with her regarding those topics, but the things she talked with her friend about (things they do in school bathrooms) was quite concerning, especially given her astounding lack of understanding how to avoid pregnancy. (Her dad teased her about liking pickles and that she must be pregnant and she got pale as a ghost and scared)
Make it less awkward by starting when they are babies. Teach them the real names for all their body parts. Then read them age appropriate sex education books starting at age 3 (favorite first books are From My Head to My Toes I Say What Goes and What Makes a Baby) then continue from there.
I also didn’t get the talk from my parent, however, I lived in an area of California that offered health class that gave accurate information and offered alternatives to abstinence
I saw you recently had a video about Paris’ relationship with Jamie & I have a request: Could you do a video about Paris and Asher? Though the relationship is mainly played for comedy, if you watch them when he’s in the hospital… I wonder if you would call his behavior manipulative. Lorelai and Rory have an interesting discussion as well about age gap relationships due to Rory’s awareness of their situation. Also because you’re a man of taste, I’d love to hear you presumably fanboy out over Michael York!
My parents (just my mother really) taught me some values, but with no way to know what it even meant and how to ask for things or set boundaries. The only thing I learned was: it should feel nice and you should do it with someone you trust. But I didn't get an emotionally secure upbringing, so I had no real way of knowing what that looked like, and I never trusted my mom to ask questions cause during my entire life I learned not to ask questions
Can we have ANOTHER show to therapize? Not everyone loves Gilmore girls. And you have a zillion of these. I love the channel, and I'd love to see some more variety in the shows you therapize.
I know this is about parents talking to their children about sex, but if you want to see a good episode of a boyfriend and girlfriend talking about sex, watch Daria with her boyfriend. There’s a specific episode dedicated to it.
I grew up in an “abstinence only” household. Sure, I was taught about sex and the scary consequences, but I had to investigate and get birth control on my own at 17 when - shocker - I still wanted to have sex after all that fear-based talk. Now, at 31, I’m pregnant and want to one day be the kind of parent my child feels they can actually talk to me about this stuff without judgement or rooting the conversation in fear. I’d like to come from a place of education and how feelings can be powerful but fleeting to help them through it (as much as they’re willing to involve me). Wish you’d make a video on this!! Or if you have let me know!!
Sex was not a taboo topic in my house. There should have been boundaries in regards to it (as it was *no big deal when my father caught me & my ex fiancé doing it on the living room floor)* but because my father was open about him being a womanizer, men often lying to get sex, how awkward it can be especially with the wrong person, STD’s he contracted in his lifetime from unprotected sex (one being genital herpes), it resulted in me being the last one of my friend group to have sex despite being the “boy crazy” one & the person people always go to with questions or to relay their stories to about sex to this day. There were many struggles in our relationship, mainly because I was referred to more as his roommate than daughter, being treated like his best pal. But because I had no issue going to him about any of the “taboo topics” when something really bad happened in which I was both scared & ashamed of, he is the person I immediately went to. And remained that person until he passed 3 years ago. I will forever be grateful to him for that ♥️ *Side note: Jono, is Rory supposed to call Lorelai every time she is about to begin making out with Jess???* She knows that Rory & Jess have make out sessions, just like she did with Dean. And Lorelai had to defend Rory with Max by saying “their teenagers, they can kiss a little”
This was interesting to understand a different cultural viewpoint. I don't think it applies.to a.large portion of people. I would think that conversations about healthy relationships or about alcohol and drugs might come under the same umbrella. As a mother, it was quite traumatic for me when my daughter got married....it's a very difficult topic.
I wish I had that kind of relationship with my parents growing up. I just had my mom give me a religious book about abstinence when I started college. Not super helpful.
You won't learn much from me Jonatha, because we seem to be on the same line of thinking. Most things you say reassure me that I can be a good parent, should I become one.
For me personally it feels extremely wrong & weird to think of or talk about anything sexual with any family members. I know logically that these are natural things & there’s science to it too & everyone does it whether you wanna know about it or not… but idk when it comes to family I’ve always felt like a deep part of me is haunted knowing they’re involved with it & it try to think about that as little as possible, & I can & should go to literally anyone else to talk about sex. The fact that you would ask your dad ANYTHING???? I personally find that strange & inappropriate….? Is there no where to draw the line when it comes to this topic between family members???
"If you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to know" is a great rule of thumb for parenting.
I literally added it to my list of favorite quotes!
I love that philosophy of, “if you’re old enough to ask, you’re old enough to know.” Never got the talk from my parents, but they weren’t very good at talking about uncomfortable things in general, so
Ok, but Luke's system was funny af 😂 and he was so proud of it, too! 😂 the man had a box of random stuff lmao that had me floored
Another really important thing to talk with teenagers is consent and what that looks like.
As a teenager I had no idea how to stop things that I didn't want or wasn't ready for. And some other kids didn't know to even ask for consent.
I remember having vague notions of consent during sex education but it was never a priority, when in my opinion it's the MOST important thing that kids should be learning about sex.
Also that even if someone gives concent, they are able to take that away if they so choose, at any point. AND if substances or drinking are apart of the picture, consent is negated. The person(s) is not sober and cannot consent
This is one thing I like about Logan.. "Ace, do you want me to go?" When she kisses him, he backs away, and asks for verbal confirmation. I'm not a Logan fan, most of the time, but I did think that was great, that he wouldn't go any further, without her saying, yes, I want this to go further.
all we got was "no means no" - leaving out all the instances where people don't say a verbal no
@@Evamarie41 Not to mention all the instances where someone says yes but means no. Sometimes "yes" means "no, but I don't want to argue about it" or "no, but I don't want to deal with your pouting", for example.
I am 52, married twice, and I still don't understand what a consent should look or sound like except for feeling it, moving along what feels good, trying to guess what the other person is feeling, wanting. I mean isn't it enough to teach basic kindness, decency, respect and gentleness in ANY communication. Sex is a kind of communication too. So, just like people aren't expected to be rude, obnoxious, unkind, self-centered, egotistical etc. in any conversation, so they should be kind, respectful and interested in the other when attempting sexual moves
Another part of the conversation that *MUST* happen is about being with someone who respects the words "no" and/or "stop" if you're not ready in that moment. If the person you're with is going to have a temper tantrum or worse, try to keep going despite your objections, when you put on the brakes, they're not the person to have your first time or really any time with. Someone who cares about your feelings and boundaries is a much better choice.
You are so right! Thank you for bringing this up. Boundaries are crucial in any relationship. How have they helped you in your relationships? 💜🌿
Oooooh the foreshadowing in this comment! I can tell exactly where you land on the Keg! Max! episode
I wish someone had told me this when I was younger
I was literally thinking about when you were going to upload your next Gilmore Girls commentary! Here’s a small, interesting detail or fun fact that I seriously adore because of how consistent it remains throughout the series regarding Rory’s character (and Lorelai’s, of course): Whenever they make Rory’s hair curly on the show, it’s to signify her becoming more like her mom. Lorelai’s usual hairstyle is curly, showing off her more wild and free spirit, compared to Rory, who was always seen as more reserved, responsible, and put-together. The reason they’re showing her hair like this in this episode is to show us how Rory’s starting to mature, grow into her own, and let loose (hence the loose waves instead of her usual sleek and straight hair), just like Lorelai did during her reckless youth. It gives her that untamed and slightly more rebellious look, showing how she’s becoming more in charge of her own decisions despite Lorelai raising her to avoid making the same mistakes she did at that age. You’ll notice more of that as the show goes on because there are so many different hairstyles she has throughout the series that convey a deeper, underlying meaning or connotation, which I think is very cool and important to look out for (not just with Rory, but with Lorelai too-though I think it’s more obvious with Rory). Also, Luke’s system is so funny and precious! 😂❤️ I love how he’s more concerned about Rory than he is about Jess, who is literally his own flesh and blood. Rory is clearly like a daughter to him, which explains so much, and boys do tend to get more carried away than girls 🙈
Ive seen this show so many times and hadn't realized this was intentional!!!!
I think you will appreciate this video essay on this topic ua-cam.com/video/PRrMh4z_1ig/v-deo.htmlsi=NhtTzI2kMBitmCpK
I love literacy analysis!
I really appreciate that you always acknowledge those of us who are ace because that is a very under represented experience in media. Growing up, I felt like such a weirdo because it seemed like all teen TV shows and movies focused on sex and I didn’t understand why I wasn’t also feeling the need to pursue that particular experience. Especially since I was literally the same age as Rory. I remember watching this and not feeling like I understood or could relate to her urges, but it took me a longer after that to really understand why.
"Ace" just made me think of Logan 😂 Thanks for sharing your perspective 🫶
Malcolm in the Middle has one of the best “talk” scenes ever between Malcolm and Lois on a long car trip. I’d love you to cover that one (and that whole show in general, there’s SO MUCH there!).
11:23
Ooooh that’s good!
In my youth ministry class in college, only one person raised their hand to the question of “raise your hand if your parents were the ones to explain to you what sex is”. We had 45 people in the class and the student who raised his hand was the guy sitting on my left. Not only that but they explained it to my shoulder partner pretty young because they didn’t want him getting that information from somewhere else.
I have 4 kids and all of them have received various talks from when they were young in various degrees of information. I made sure they understood that while the physical was important, I was often more concerned on their emotions and mental wellbeing of being physical and vulnerable with another person. It was very important to me that they also knew how to make their partner feel safe too, because while I believe that preventative measures are an equal responsibility thing, so is this. I am very happy to say that for the most part, my kids (3 girls, 1 boy) have talked with me about their experiences, concerns and even some funny moments. I was even honoured to have a few of their friends come to me for advice (which I gave after I had parental consent for minors). The best moments I see are when my kids are open with their friends right in front of me and we have a good, calm, often funny conversation that helps clarify, verify and validate what they are going through. It scares me in the same moment that there are still a lot of parents out there depending on school health classes or some other manner to explain something so personal and life-changing.
Never did get "the talk." I wish I had, for sure! Love your dad's approach to being open, even though it may have been difficult for him, too. Granted, I recall that you're the youngest of many, so he may have had most of the spiel down at that point haha.
Still, fantastic parenting 😁.
I think Lorelai and Rory have great open communication that helps their relationship work so well no matter the situation. I think part of Lorelai’s reaction at the very end wasn’t just because Rory is thinking about sex but that it’s probably going to be with Jess, whom she hates.
Hey my dad had the same sentence. When your old enough to ask, you are old enough for serious answers. He used this in all areas, so i know how babies were made and grow by the age of 6/7 and never felt silly to go to him or mum and ask questions 😊 🎉
That is awesome!
I highly recommend talking to kids when they're young. My 7 year old oldest asked where babies come from and I told him matter of fact with proper body part names and all. He shrugged and went along his day. My two youngest asked together when they were 12 and 13 and boy was that awkward. They giggled like a couple of girls as they realized how many couples they knew were doing it.
12/13??? No offense but that is really late to educate your kids about it. A lot of girls at that age already have their period (I got mine at 11, my best friend got hers at 10!!!) . I mean it's fine to wait a little and it's definitely an individual thing (how mature is the kid) and I also think that schools should teach basic sex education EVERYWHERE much earlier- at around 6-8...but 12/13 is in my honest opinion dangerously late. Especially since a lot of girls that age already look mature and get treated like adults unfortunately. I think I asked my parents when I was about 4...
I’ve wondered about trying this too cuz my parents were very PG as I grew up but by the time I was understanding sex on my own & getting the weird stigma feeling that comes with it that it’s like a naughty thing to do, my parents seemed to get more & more open about the topic & I didn’t know they we’re basically repressing it all along. This made the mix of sex & my family really disturbing since it wasn’t something I was accustomed to growing up as a natural part of life including theirs… it made me think maybe i should do the OPPOSITE & not be so secretive about sex stuff so that my child just grows up used to it & not repulsed
I remember the time when I found out my teenager was having sex . It freaked me out. Not that I was worried about unwanted pregnancy, they were taking precautions, but that he was no longer my baby boy and he was growing up. It's painful to let their childhood go.
Honestly I’m in my 30’s and I still haven’t done it. I’m always anxious about hurting people based on my decisions, especially my parents. I really hope that you and your son are doing well.
@MegaMagicalMegan He's in his 20s now and is doing well. I could never talk to my parents about sex either. Luckily, my son felt comfortable enough to talk to me. It's really hard to listen to him without wanting to give him advice or judging what they are telling you, but I think that's why he still talks to me.
I adopted a stance of just honestly answering the actual question that is asked. I've found that a lot of times adults editorialize our answers. We tell kids how we want them to feel about it whatever or whether certain things are good or bad, which isn't what they asked. If you are asked a question revolving around sex Just answer it.
I agree that honesty is important! It’s amazing how much we assume we already know. 🌿 How has having that approach to these conversations helped your family?
I think Rory's mom feels shame and is afraid of a repeat regarding her daughter with regards to her unplanned pregnancy when she was a teen. By the way, your father was wise. 👍🏻👌🏻
I’m so glad that Jonno had that experience with his dad. I have also never met anyone whose parents were even remotely that cool, mine included.
The night before I left for college, my dad awkwardly said to me, “now that you’re in college, I just want to make sure you’re prepared…with protection and stuff.” He looked me dead in the eye, like we both didn’t know that I’d been rolling up at 5am the summer before my senior year, having been out all night, only coming home in order to give him a ride to Labor Ready. I’d been on the pill for a year by that time. He waited until the absolute last minute to acknowledge it and I still laugh thinking about what could possibly have compelled him to say anything at all. Dude was not equipped to parent the willful kids he raised, but I love him.
It definitely feels like this awkwardness from Lore is a way to avoid the (what could be considered, over)reaction she had to Rory and Dean falling asleep at Miss Patty's in S1. "Just before"... boy, that would've saved all of us a lot of trauma 😒
What do funny for me is that watching Gilmore girls starting at 10 years old when it originally aired with my mom is what started sooo many of these conversations. It was a great conversation starter
It's a bit strange to me that instead of discussing safe sex, she just wanted to know "before"
Hell yeah, communication is always best because without it kids will either feel Iike they can do anything and it doesn’t matter OR they’ll feel consistent shame over everything they do, or maybe even both simultaneously. With clear communication then all there is to worry about is what’s been talked about and how they feel. It removes some of the doubt and the guesswork and lays the foundation for a much more comfortable and confident love life &&& a healthier relationship between parents and kids.
And not waiting for no. Asking, is this okay?
What do you like?
What do you want 😊
honestly have always respected my mums approach a lot, simmilar to your dads she made sure we heard stuff from her so we knew stuff, tbh i had a pretty good idea of what sex was from when I was about 4 or 5 because I liked science and was an early reader, but she made sure we knew about protection, about consent, when we hit puberty we were talked to about the options for birth control based on both pain relief and when we were teens we could still ask if we wanted it for the actual birth control properties. I actually turned out ace funnily enough but having that knowledge helped me figure things out and feel comfortable in my own skin, and honestly having a lot of decent safety knowledge also meant I could look out for my friends if their parents weren't so confident in giving them the talk. Regardless of if you engage in it yourself, sex ed is important because you will inevitably meet people who Are engaging it, and also you are a human with a body that youd do well to understand no matter what youre using that body to do.
“If you old enough to ask” is a great philosophy until you have a kid that gets early puberty. With the average age getting younger, kids are experiencing hormonal changes before they know what to ask. Happened to me about 3 years before my peers & I didn’t even have the vocabulary to ask about what I was feeling which leaves kids vulnerable.
It's definitely hard for kids to understand their bodies when they're developing ahead of their peers. Thank you for sharing your experience. How would you approach this in your situation?
@ Knowing our family history of early puberty, we all (men & women) normalize talking about things like female hygiene and try to let them hear us talk about our own feelings openly, especially when they’re approaching 9-10. It’s really helped open up lines of communication with the younger generation before their hormones kick in. The teens have been able to talk to any adult in the family. They’re still young teens so we haven’t navigated it all yet but it definitely made the early stages less of a shock for them.
My initial reaction was that I felt Lorelai should’ve offered more guidance and advice (protection, consent yadayada). Then again, my own mother bless her was always very ready to jump in with well-intentioned yet unsolicited advice whenever I came to her with something vulnerable. And sometimes that overwhelmed me and caused me to not tell her things I wasn‘t ready to be "lectured" over. So maybe keeping the initial reaction as low-key as Lorelai did is a good call, though I do wish she’d circled back to Rory at a later point.
Best video ever. So educational.
Thank you! 💜
When I was about 13, my father took me aside and said, "You know where babies come from, right?" I said yes, and he said, "OK, good." That was the end of the conversation, and that was the only time either of my parents ever talked to me about sex.
5:40 Great modeling here, I might just write this down and repeat it verbatim, lol!
Sorry to mention but its getting an echo in that room…blankets on floors and walls can help with that and are cheaper than other options.
If your changing spaces thats okay too!
I find it very exciting that in America this topic is made much bigger by parents than here in German-speaking countries (Europe). I'm now in my early 30s and it was very lax here. It was quite normal for us to start taking the pill at 14 and to spend the night at a friend's house. It was always strange for me to hear how strict American parents are in return. Nevertheless, we didn't have any pregnant teenagers. Quite the opposite. The birth rate is falling drastically and I don't know many people my age who already have children. But I really like what you said in the video and I especially love the way your father told you about that topic. I also think it's very important to educate people about consent, as many have already written here in the comments. Great video!
I was with my nephew, he had to be four years old at the time, and we were talking to my neighbor and out of nowhere he starts telling her where babies come from. He talked about sperm and eggs and all that jazz. Lol. We had a good laugh about it. My grandmother was always very matter-of-fact about sex when I was growing up but she had my father when she was fifteen and wanted to make sure we didn’t follow in her footstep.
Most teenagers don't want to share their thinking, ideas or questions about sex. And it's difficult to not only find the right words without hearing "eww mom gross", but to chase after a fleeting girl. That's how I remember my mother-daughter dynamic was unraveling. Like I would be the one always trying to "talk about it" and she would always try to avoid this talk. I mean it's going to be awkward no matter what
I kinda wish you reviewed how Luke handled his conversation with Jess 😂
Maybe next time? 💜
Could you do a video on the enmeshment between Lorelai and Rory?
The lack of education in the States was very confusing to me when I spent a year there after graduating. In the EU, we have designated classes in school with age appropriate levels of detail and the science behind it (hormones etc) in primary school, 6th grade as well as in 8th or 9th grade. We were raised with the "better be safe at home and use contraception" than "experiment behind a dumpster". None of my friends had their first time before the age 15/16, many much later. Yet in the States, I was babysitting a 12yo with strict rules about not engaging with her regarding those topics, but the things she talked with her friend about (things they do in school bathrooms) was quite concerning, especially given her astounding lack of understanding how to avoid pregnancy. (Her dad teased her about liking pickles and that she must be pregnant and she got pale as a ghost and scared)
Spoiler:
9:25 no, she won’t tell before…..
The best high school "talk" I saw on TV probably ever was Tammy Taylor on Friday Nights.
Make it less awkward by starting when they are babies. Teach them the real names for all their body parts. Then read them age appropriate sex education books starting at age 3 (favorite first books are From My Head to My Toes I Say What Goes and What Makes a Baby) then continue from there.
I also didn’t get the talk from my parent, however, I lived in an area of California that offered health class that gave accurate information and offered alternatives to abstinence
I saw you recently had a video about Paris’ relationship with Jamie & I have a request:
Could you do a video about Paris and Asher?
Though the relationship is mainly played for comedy, if you watch them when he’s in the hospital… I wonder if you would call his behavior manipulative. Lorelai and Rory have an interesting discussion as well about age gap relationships due to Rory’s awareness of their situation.
Also because you’re a man of taste, I’d love to hear you presumably fanboy out over Michael York!
My parents (just my mother really) taught me some values, but with no way to know what it even meant and how to ask for things or set boundaries. The only thing I learned was: it should feel nice and you should do it with someone you trust. But I didn't get an emotionally secure upbringing, so I had no real way of knowing what that looked like, and I never trusted my mom to ask questions cause during my entire life I learned not to ask questions
Can we have ANOTHER show to therapize? Not everyone loves Gilmore girls. And you have a zillion of these. I love the channel, and I'd love to see some more variety in the shows you therapize.
He has done a couple of Bridgerton episodes not too long ago, too. I'm sure he'll get around to doing other shows as he's able 😁.
I know this is about parents talking to their children about sex, but if you want to see a good episode of a boyfriend and girlfriend talking about sex, watch Daria with her boyfriend. There’s a specific episode dedicated to it.
Absolutely. If they ask. Then you answer. Its how my mom and I were.
Love the channel! Can you make the sound less echo-y? Thanks!
Working on it!
The book shelves are empty and the sound is very echo-y... that's the first thing I noticed in the video just so you know :)I hope you're ok!
I grew up in an “abstinence only” household. Sure, I was taught about sex and the scary consequences, but I had to investigate and get birth control on my own at 17 when - shocker - I still wanted to have sex after all that fear-based talk. Now, at 31, I’m pregnant and want to one day be the kind of parent my child feels they can actually talk to me about this stuff without judgement or rooting the conversation in fear. I’d like to come from a place of education and how feelings can be powerful but fleeting to help them through it (as much as they’re willing to involve me). Wish you’d make a video on this!! Or if you have let me know!!
Off topic from Gilmore girls (which I love that you’re covering). Cinema therapy NEEDS to do war of the Rohirrihm!!
Yeah
Omg I can't wait for the follow up video for when Rory actually has sex and the follow up conversation with Lorelei 😂😂😂
My problem with the show dialog is that just because one isn't thinking about sex doesn't mean it won't happen. That's what happened to me. 😢
The irony of Lorilie wearing merchandise for a brothal while having this conversation. Lol
Sex was not a taboo topic in my house. There should have been boundaries in regards to it (as it was *no big deal when my father caught me & my ex fiancé doing it on the living room floor)* but because my father was open about him being a womanizer, men often lying to get sex, how awkward it can be especially with the wrong person, STD’s he contracted in his lifetime from unprotected sex (one being genital herpes), it resulted in me being the last one of my friend group to have sex despite being the “boy crazy” one & the person people always go to with questions or to relay their stories to about sex to this day.
There were many struggles in our relationship, mainly because I was referred to more as his roommate than daughter, being treated like his best pal. But because I had no issue going to him about any of the “taboo topics” when something really bad happened in which I was both scared & ashamed of, he is the person I immediately went to. And remained that person until he passed 3 years ago. I will forever be grateful to him for that ♥️
*Side note: Jono, is Rory supposed to call Lorelai every time she is about to begin making out with Jess???*
She knows that Rory & Jess have make out sessions, just like she did with Dean. And Lorelai had to defend Rory with Max by saying “their teenagers, they can kiss a little”
This was interesting to understand a different cultural viewpoint. I don't think it applies.to a.large portion of people. I would think that conversations about healthy relationships or about alcohol and drugs might come under the same umbrella. As a mother, it was quite traumatic for me when my daughter got married....it's a very difficult topic.
I wish I had that kind of relationship with my parents growing up. I just had my mom give me a religious book about abstinence when I started college. Not super helpful.
You won't learn much from me Jonatha, because we seem to be on the same line of thinking. Most things you say reassure me that I can be a good parent, should I become one.
For me personally it feels extremely wrong & weird to think of or talk about anything sexual with any family members. I know logically that these are natural things & there’s science to it too & everyone does it whether you wanna know about it or not… but idk when it comes to family I’ve always felt like a deep part of me is haunted knowing they’re involved with it & it try to think about that as little as possible, & I can & should go to literally anyone else to talk about sex. The fact that you would ask your dad ANYTHING???? I personally find that strange & inappropriate….? Is there no where to draw the line when it comes to this topic between family members???
I would love to see Laurelies monthly bill for fast food
Haha, I bet it qlisnquite the large bill! 😅
Positive that she can talk about it, but negative because it has the air of "if you have sex, it's bad". This has never been a very sex-positive show.
Yay
❤❤❤