THE MOST IMPORTANT THING SINGLE MOTHERS NEED TO KNOW ABOUT DATING
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- My mom was a single mother, so I have seen what you guys struggle with first hand from the point of view of the child. I've also dated single mothers and I so have alot of my friends. I'm not saying that I'm an expert, but I have noticed something that I believe all single mothers should be aware of. Especially the new single mothers, because they probably haven't experienced what I'm talking about for themselves yet.
As you know, dating as a single parent can be a very hard thing to do for alot of different reasons. Specifically for women it's more intensive, because alot of men view you as less valuable. Not because you are less valuable! But because alot of men see all the things that come with a woman with a child as harder to deal with. You won't necessarily be able to come running when they call, there's potentially another man in the picture, and if he were to fall in love with you and want to marry you, he would now have to take care of a child that's not his. I've heard all kinds of different reasons in regards to why men should never be in relationships with single mothers. But it still won't stop a man from wanting to get in your bed. That's why I'm making this video. I want you to know that alot of men will use the fact that you are a mom against you and will also use that very same thing to his advantage. He doesn't see a future with you, because you have a kid. Yet, he knows that you will likely only entertain guys that could one day be a good step father to your child. So he'll play the part until he gets what he wants. This is the most important thing single mothers need to know about dating.
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Ladies and gentleman we have the next derrek jaxn. This man just said that if you take care of another man's children. You are "more of a man" vs someone that doesn't. Gtfoh
@@jameshamel3578 And it's attitudes like these that keep black people losing. I bet if a white woman was a single mom you would have no problem raising her kids. SMH.
@@VidWatcher01 RIGHT!
If you are raised by a single mum whatever colour. You know the Hert , x only God who made you in His image x knows the plans He Made For you, can help you,he was abused on the Cross for You. So all who call on Him shall be saved. Saved from this hert,we are more value than many sparrows,so before He made the World. There were rules,that Adam x Eve went against. Maby Theydidnt know what a lie was.x that God is The Way Truth x life. So we Have to know x do them to stay out of trouble. God Gave Adam a Wife TO BE WITH! ? But where
Was He?. Whilst the devel was chatting her up?. We now know right from wrong. I married the Man I loved.as couldnt bare the thought of Him loving another woman. We both fell in love At 11. He had no Mum.since 2 y.o. x was in childrens homes moved around agains his will. X my mum housebound because she was Beautiful high value. For 27 years my Dad locked her up x hid her. As lots of Men like a selection of women. My Husband fell in love at the childrens home.x she became Famous x won the euro song contest x married a rich man. My Husband always loved her x proud of His ex x bragged about going out with her, every time she was always on t.v. explaining why he was with me, because although I am not much to look at like Her, I work all night cleaning for money to buy his Cars x things x I live only for Him. But his catch praise was , I have to go! He had a huge breakfast with his mates, at auctions whilst my mum baught me x baby nappies x food. I went through bins for flowers after I gave birth to pretend he Had baught them, x any gifts on Christmas etc , I had to pretend he loved me, x baby. So I devorced as wasn't a marrage was it. So please people let love come 1st Both of You!. I married because I really loved Him, x knew he never loved me, I still love him but know now marrage can only work with 3, God! 1st You, x She. Then you can Now Kiss Your Bride. Its the only way!. Jesus is The WAY!.
Hey thanks for the video. I've dated or talked to several single fathers. Two in particular were decent, but our differences made us go our separate ways. One was promising, but we clashed in communication style. The other actually propose to me, but I declined. I wasn't desperate enough to say yes, just so that I could carry the title of wife.
Right now I'm talking to two gentleman, both single father's. It looks promising. My advice for single mothers. Date single father because they're childless leverage with them. He to has a child which makes him less "desirable". They'll claim it's not the same for women as it is for men. It's true only to an extent, and greatly depends on the type of woman. You have a much better chance with some who has children like you. They're more likely, to want marriage but it's not a guarantee.
Just be careful of the ones who are " divorced" or separated. One lied and said he was divorce and I didn't find out until months later. If they don't haven't separated legally, then he's still married. Don't waste time with those either. Ask to see divorce papers. I hard to learn the hard way to not take a person's word for it.
Ask about custody. You want to know who has custody and if there's child support. Why? Because if he owes back child support, and gets married, the ex can take him back to court and garnish your paycheck and his. Also your tax refund for go the the baby mama if he's behind.
I was raised by my step father and till the day he died I called him Dad. He never made me feel less than for not being his biological child. He was there when I graduated boot camp and he was so proud of me. I stood at the foot of his bed as he passed away and I held his hand til the end. That man that was my dad, not the bum who made me that wasn’t mature enough to be the man my mom needed.
Beautiful 🥰💯❤️
I'm so happy for you
May your dad rest well.
He was a special guy who came to do what God sent him to do. He's definitely with the Lord. A lot of guys are users. They only care for what they can get. They have small hearts. Few care anything for the children. You won the lotto.
Same here
I have an Aunty who was a single mum. She met a man who accepted her and my cousin and a 1 year later married her and they had 4 more children together. Now still married and I call him Uncle 😊.
My grandma was married twice. She had 4 kids by her first husband but he was unfaithful to her and he squandered their money. Later when she met my grandfather her 3 oldest were teenagers and the youngest was a baby. My grandpa was a good provider and they had 4 of their own children. My mom was the firstborn of those 4 and the " baby" was my moms " big brother" After she was born. Since my mom was born with no hands my uncle Billy was very protective of her. Sometimes " step dads" are really kinder than " biological dads," but he does have a point. My mom was not always careful about men . Fortunately the men in her life never abused us but they were not particularly kind to her.
The man is a beta
@@ProofThatAstrologyIsReal You are troubled…..
The same way "men" shame other men for dating single moms, are the ones that treat child-free women just as bad. I can.attest to it!! Thank you
Factssssss
Yep!!
^The amount of times I get told something has to be wrong with me because I’m over 30 never been a mom or married.
I know that's right! So what are we supposed to do other than do what's best for us and/or our children in order to survive and keep the human species going? Like wtf?
@@ashdacraft it’s sad that you are judged for doing you....smh. But keep doing you. You know what’s best for you and the best time for it. Live your BEST life.
I had a step father and step Grandfather who’s still in my life by choice and I’m 37. These men deserve MUCH respect 💯
Same story I have part of my step grandfather’s name 😊I think shaming the stepfather role is really f ing up the community too it takes a village to raise kids
I am adopted...can't imagine where I was without a woman and a man of different blood having taken care of me with all they could
Likewise!...
Me too!!!
I love this! I am really considering adopting a child if possible.
At my previous job as a social worker for abused & neglected children. I had several trainings. One of the things I learned is that single mothers are prime targets for predators. Many single mothers are seeking a replacement father, predators know this. I also learned in these trainings that predators will seek out overweight single mothers, in order to get to their kids. I’m just telling you what offenders shared in group therapy. I’m a single mother , and I realized many years ago that I do not have it in me to date and raise my daughter. I chose to focus on my daughter, and figure the rest out later. I’d also like to point out , I cannot stand when men hit on me when my daughter is with me.
Wait. It specifically said "overweight".
Who they should be shaming is the man who isn't taking care of his own child. Everything is backwards.
They do
Exactly,!
They should shame both...along with single moms. All 3 groups need to be shamed
@@jazzjackson9875 why? That doesn't make any sense.
@@BondofOblivionI agree it doesn't make sense to low IQ people
After my divorce I did NOT date period! The downside to this was I have become accustomed to being alone. I put my kids first and have zero regrets. It's too risky.
You gotta do what you feel is right for you and your kids. Nothing wrong with that at all. Stay blessed 🙏🏽
I understand what you’re saying. It’s too risky. I’m. Single mother as well.
Blessed 🥰🥰
@@charlespinkett864 I see you under so many videos defending ain't sh*t men. Is that because YOU are one yourself?
My mom remarried as a widow with five children. My second dad married her as a divorcee with six children. He has never made any of us feel like anything other than his. Although all of the kids didn't live in the house at the same time, up to eight, there was never any "step kids" , only sisters and brothers.They will be celebrating almost 40 years of marriage soon.
You’re blessed
@@joeroot9142 Absolutely blessed!
That's exactly how my siblings are same mum different dad's we are all family. Oldest 53 and the youngest 36. We are all close too xx.
Dads are the ones that should be shamed for not raising their kids and leading as the head of the household. That’s the reason why the black community is at a disadvantage compared to other groups. Shumake spoke on not being able to pursue a career in baseball, and that’s a reality for not only children that are in single mother homes, but the mothers usually have to sacrifice their dreams. I’m single and a med student. I believe young women and men need to be encouraged to get an education and have a career or build a business while their younger to prevent this cycle in the community. At a young age there’s no way of determining a good relationship or life partner because the maturity and stability isn’t there, and you have your whole life ahead of you. With no education or career, $9/hr or less with or without a child will put you in poverty. I’ve noticed men categorize, or are judgmental on women having children 🤔 but why aren’t we on them? A man’s accountability will tell you all you need to know about his integrity. Thank you for this video ❤️.
Everything that you said is the God's honest truth. Our community needs to decenter romantic relationship as a whole and focus first on education and career/ business goals. Maintaining positive relationships with family, community and friends.
I believe women should also
Stop having sex with said men and giving birth to said babies. That would damn near eliminate this problem by itself. No sex till marriage and no having children out of wedlock. Goes hand in hand
@@lordgrim355 In the United States, 83% of single parents are mothers. Among this percentage of single mothers: 45% of single mothers are currently divorced or separated, 1.7% are widowed, 34% of single mothers never have been married.
@@bremd2018 once again, Im talking about babies out of wedlock. Those women chose to be single mothers when they didn’t have to
@@lordgrim355 there’s more babies out here from divorced parents that were married while having the children. Marriage won’t prevent single motherhood or single fatherhood. It’s unfortunate because marriage should be held at a higher standard and taken more seriously. But numbers don’t lie. And regardless women don’t impregnate themselves, so as I said in the original post about accountability. 83% percent of single parents are mothers raising children, men need to grow up and step up!
And let's not overlook the predators who approach to gain access to your children. You really have to run a background check on folks nowadays.
Amen
Yes, it’s so scary. And the worst part is that most of the predators haven’t even been caught yet so their record is still clean.
Hey thanks for the video. I've dated or talked to several single fathers. Two in particular were decent, but our differences made us go our separate ways. One was promising, but we clashed in communication style. The other actually propose to me, but I declined. I wasn't desperate enough to say yes, just so that I could carry the title of wife.
Right now I'm talking to two gentleman, both single father's. It looks promising. My advice for single mothers. Date single father because they're childless leverage with them. He to has a child which makes him less "desirable". They'll claim it's not the same for women as it is for men. It's true only to an extent, and greatly depends on the type of woman. You have a much better chance with some who has children like you. They're more likely, to want marriage but it's not a guarantee.
Just be careful of the ones who are " divorced" or separated. One lied and said he was divorce and I didn't find out until months later. If they don't haven't separated legally, then he's still married. Don't waste time with those either. Ask to see divorce papers. I hard to learn the hard way to not take a person's word for it.
Ask about custody. You want to know who has custody and if there's child support. Why? Because if he owes back child support, and gets married, the ex can take him back to court and garnish your paycheck and his. Also your tax refund for go the the baby mama if he's behind.
Why do we condemn the parts of the community that need the most support”. Amen. You put that into words so well. That is an issue that I think is prevalent throughout our culture. The way some people’s mindsets believe that pouring into someone else other themselves, takes away from them. They don’t think that it’s something that could be fulfilling for them, or provide them with purpose or blessings. Self preservation is a nasty habit, and tearing people down who do not reach our preconceived notions of what they should be is even worse.
Self preservation is a good thing. Selfishness and being self serving are horrid and that’s what we are seeing
Trust those people have no problem pooring into people they just often don't want it to be their children, their mates children or their mates. I knew a guy that refused to teach his own children, or help them with their homework, but was making plans to go to Japan to teach English?! Make it make sense?! 😒
It's sad that people do that...I love hearing you say what you did for your brother and where it got him...your mom did a great job!
Thank you
Facts!
This society as a whole has become very dysfunctional as far as what they hype up etc
Thank you
I’m living proof that a man can love a child that isn’t theirs. My step-dad treated me better than my biological father did. I lost him too soon, but it made all the difference for me. I’m a single-mom now, but I don’t see myself as unworthy or better than anyone. Thank you for this video
I just read about this in RC Blake’s book the Father Daughter talk . I care about my kid feelings way too much , this is double confirmation for me thank you 🙏🏾
💯💯
Yes, RC Blakes is another great resource.
Snaps for the Rev ❤❤
My dad married my mom when she was a divorced single woman. They graduated college together and went on to have 2 more children including me. At 72 my dad has outlived my mom and her first husband. He now is the only living parent my siblings know. And he also encouraged my love for baseball. We stayed up many nights watching the world series and even the come back game of the Toronto Blue Jays with home run Carter!! God bless you daddy Richard
Some woman have never heard a man tell them any of this
This really hots close to home because I come from a blended family. The thing men really need to think about is the fact that you are essentially adopting this man/woman's child. You need to treat them as though they came from you and not hold them not being biological over their heads. My sister always had it made clear that to her (by him) after they got married that she isn't my father's child. It has lead to devastating abuse and tension between us from my birth (she was 8) to about 3 years ago. So if you're not ready to love those children as your own, LEAVE THAT FAMILY ALONE! Glad to see a man have decency and encourage others to have it as well.
Most of those guys are upset because they never had a step dad to step up
It's not just that. Some men had fathers in the home, but that didn't help them because they weren't raised with a strong moral and ethical code.
Why should the step dad have to step up to a responsibility that’s not his tho 😩
@@charlespinkett864 No, women are mad because men are out here dragging single mother's through the mud claiming they're damaged goods while conveniently not addressing the men who are out here creating children all over the place, those men don't get told the same narrative how they are not valuable and don't deserve a woman to come in and be clean up crew for their choices. Interesting how certain "men" are always so comfortable and eager to address a woman, criticize and condemn her but don't give an ounce of that same energy to addressing their equal which would be another man. We see the hypocrisy and cowardice, it's very weak and pathetic.
@@charlespinkett864 lol I can't even have a conversation with a human being whose brain is as narrow as the space underneath my bathroom door. Sir, you can date or not date whoever you want. What you eat doesn't make me 💩. I was simply calling out the hypocrisy a lot of you "men" who take this position have. There's women from all races, cultures and backgrounds playing "stepmothers" and no one seems to bat an eyelash but you same people have so much vocabulary, criticism and smoke for the women in these situations. I had wonderful step parents in my life that I value and respect to this day. Stop projecting.
no it's not that it's that when you grow up, and stop seeing their parents as parents and more as people that made choices; you see why your life turned out the way it did because of them. kids inherit the choices and the outcomes of those choices the parents made. Kids of wealthy parents will most likely be wealthy and kids of poor shitty people will likely inherit nothing and live harder lives. That's just how life works. It's sad and people with kids (Shumake included) don't like to hear that because it's some raw shit but it's also real and the truth. The choices he made fucking around with a woman he wanted nothing to do with and ended up making a kid with her will affect that kid for the rest of her life. And he knows this, he just doesn't like saying it because again, it's a sour pill to take. I hate to say it but it's the truth, and he knows this; which makes it annoying that he slides off it like it's nothing when it pretty much defines the person people turn out to be later in life. How you raise your kids matters, and life isn't a joke or a game. but people sadly treat it that way and later are upset when the bad choices they made in their early 20s come back to bite them in their ass in their 30s and 40s. Sorry but the past DOES define you, just like it defined people who did shit the right way and went to school and worked hard; they got the good outcomes from things in their past, because their past is filled with good choices, people who made bad choices got bad outcomes and now they mad on a youtube comment section. smh.
I definitely think the whole stigma attached to single parenthood is a bit ridiculous. As a single mom, I explain to whoever I date that I’m divorced, my ex husband and I have a great relationship and we coparent the best we can. I explain that to be with me you have to be really mature and secure within yourself as you are walking into all of our lives. I let them know that instead of seeing it as something to fear at least you know what kind of parent I am because my son is well mannered, well rounded, hilarious and super smart as he has skipped a grade and is still in advanced classes. I tell him you can also see how I coparent as I am very reasonable and amicable we don’t fight, speak very highly of each other to everyone and we don’t allow anyone to attack the other. As a result our son is well integrated into both of our families. Travels the world and is trilingual at 12 years old. Single parenthood is provides major insight into who someone is, it’s not something to constantly condemn as life happens. It’s better to be mature enough to end it and be amicable than to normalize discomfort and turbulent love relationships to a child.
single mothers = damaged goods
@@rogerelliot7501 , that's the most ignorant statement I have ever heard.
Thanks for sharing a positive story!
@@dianad3080 what is the problem with these single mothers, are they too incompetent to read how to use contraceptives? Or do they get pregnant on purpose just to have a miserable child?
@@rogerelliot7501 Very low opinion what about men who have kids ..
I am a single mother of 1. The thing that bothers me the most about this discussion, men saying that they not dealing w single mothers, men saying that they not raising no one elses kid... Let me say this... if the stats are that 70% of children are born to single mothers, there is a HIGH probability that most men will end up dating and/or marrying a woman with a child that is not his.
Shumake, why aren't men talking to eachother more about safeguarding their semen? Why aren't men taking a more responsible approach to the issue? The woman does not become pregnant unless the man ejaculates. Its his ejaculation that causes pregnancy. This discussion needs to shift to men learning to VALUE their semen as the seed of life, and stop seflishly having raw sex for the feel. If men would learn to value their reproductive power, and safeguard their semen there would be LESS single mothers and less unwanted children. I think this discussion is highly UNBALANCED and puts the woman down. When you see a single mother, understand that there is a MAN who abandoned his responsiblity. There was a man who impregnated her who did not marry her, and did not stick to his duty. (this is not directed towards you shumake, just giving my thoughts) I feel that men need to really stop shrinking and place the true blame where it belongs. MEN. Talk to eachother about WHY you are willy nilly ejaculating in women you have no intention of being with. STOP PLACING THE FULL BRUNT OF RESPONSIBLITY ON WOMEN. Because at the end of the day, it is the woman left holding the bag!!!!!!!!!!
I was talking to my sister about that foolishness. Men stating they don't want to deal with with single mothers, however where I at currently I have seen black men dealing with single white mothers. I guess they are trying to say with you are a black woman keep pushing.
Queen of Hearts, that is the reason Black women must protect themselves as we are left holding the baby. We must practice abstinence or BC which a lot of mothers do not teach their daughters. The Black community is allergic to BC and we witness it in the stats. Since Black men go to prison at a high rate, women should never have unprotected sex with a man. I just don't get it but I'm an RN and I can talk on any health issue.
The men who are currently giving serious thought to these issues, (as opposed to embittered low-lifes who are just "hatin" on women....) have concluded that women are the gatekeepers of sex, whilst men are the gatekeepers of marriage. They believe that women who "put out" prior to marriage are marking themselves as easy targets for all of the wrong types of men. This whole "try before you buy" culture does absolutely no favors for women whatsoever, even if they feel they are in the most fantastic relationship. Without marriage, guys have got an easy "out" from a relationship, and can very easily back-pedal....even if they have sired a child.
Don't make a baby where no "serious" commitment has been expressed or exemplified first. Yes, there are men who'll happily prey upon women who have no marriage caveat attached to allowing intimacies to occur.... but it's because some women opt for this, or sanction it, that "the gates are opened" to these types of men. When "Mr right" comes along, a woman whose already had a child or two with "Mr wrong" isn't really an attractive option anymore for a whole host of reasons. When women have children with Mr wrong, they automatically make themselves a Mrs wrong in the eyes the MANY (childless) Mr rights who are looking to wife up. That's a LOT of potentially positive relationship candidates who have been lost or driven away by a woman's single parent status.
These men who won't take on single mothers aren't ALL assholes. Many of them are deadly serious about women and relationships, have a tremendous amount to offer the "right" woman, and had they met certain single mothers prior to their dalliances with Mr wrong....would be targeting them as highly desirable wife material. That's why it's such a crying shame that some women deal themselves out of that male catchment sooo early in their lives by having children with losers or deadbeats whilst they're still in their physical prime. Good men want exclusivity with a woman in her prime (child-bearing) years. Somebody he can go the distance with. There's nothing wrong with ANY woman demanding some real commitment in return for that deal, and a good man will expect her to demand commitment, because he knows what he'll be getting in return. A woman has ONE chance to properly pair-bond with one good man. To select a husband (and father) to make life's journey with.
There is absolutely nothing wrong or lacking in the many (childless) men out there who refuse to take on single mothers. Just like women, they have instinctual feelings about precisely whom they believe to be desirable partner material, and who is not. It's the exact same right of appraisal that women have.....in deciding who to sleep with and when. Women get to choose which "sperms" appear to be worth their while....but men get to choose which "women" will be worth their while.
If women leap in first with their choices, and decide to bear children for worthless or unsuitable men, then ok....that's fine. They've made their "womanly" choice. But (childless) men still get to make THEIR choices too. So...some women have already committed their bodies to childbirth?
That's not for any man to judge....other than to say: "Fine, I'll place MY serious focus on the ones who haven't..."
Just because men are now coming together (in social media) and warning eachother off single mothers and swapping their stories about them, it doesn't mean that they're all assholes or embittered failures. It just means they want happiness and success for themselves, and are prepared to hear council and experience from other men when it comes to appraising potential life-partners.
I'll pass
As a single mom, I have given up on dating, not worth it , try dating as a Sapiosexual and a demisexual in these times Smh.
Don't give up, it only takes one and forgot what these clowns are talking about. Men like good women, if they gotta problem with a woman having kids they ain't for you
Open your mind and date someone you normally wouldn’t date..... you’d be surprised at how awesome things turn out 😃
@@bettinaivory28 I have and it didn't go well🤣
@@bettinaivory28 this is true
I appreciate your thoughts so much. I'm a single mother, and it was nice to hear your words. However, I'm content being single and focusing on making a great life for my son. 😇
Yes! That's all I want in life now!
Dam
Same.
My son has always been a little dope and nerdy old man child(lol) who's very independent. I've dated while being a single mother and have been VERY particular about who I brought around my young son(he's 11 now) because of what I went through with my mother and who she brought around me as a tiny little girl. I never wanted him to deal with some dude who thought he could put his hands on my child, or who can boss him around with the intent of making him feel inferior. I also never wished for anyone to assume I want someone to parent my son. I've taken care of my son alone from day one without anyone babysitting and even had to pull him out of school far before the pandemic to homeschool him because of how he was being mistreated, going through things I myself was in school with these "teachers". All I wished and wish for is for someone I actually like that far that I completely click with(whenever that day comes) is to treat my son like the little person he is. That's it.Kids are not stupid. I know I wasn't. All I ever wanted as a child was someone to be open with and talk to, someone to look up to, learn from. My son is the same I've come to notice. He loves to talk. Very articulate. He is unbothered about the few I've dated over the years because he understands that people come and go as with friends, love interests, unfortunately sometimes even family. We just want to have fun and laugh, chill, converate and enjoy life. To share that with someone on the same wavelength would always be a blessing. If I can't find that then so be it. I'll always hold my son down to the best of my ability regardless if I have to do that alone. I love my son greatly. He keeps me going through all the negative mess going on in this world and I wish to keep returning the sentiment for him. I will always protect him from any harm.
Great advice. Despicable low lives who exploit children just to get at these women, who are NOT low-hanging fruit. A child is a blessing, not a burden. These men who think they're doing these women favors, when most of them grew up in single parent housholds, are hypocrites.
Great message. We basically have to use discernment and trust our intuition b/c we’ll run into a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing. Watch the man’s action. Make sure it’s lining up with his words. And I agree to each it’s own. Don’t knock someone else for doing something you wouldn’t do.
I actually heard a No Good telling a No Good in Training that he should get a woman with children because her family would make sure she had transportation and she would keep the rent paid and the government would make sure she ate. Oh and you would get good because she would cook every day
What a low life grr 😡
It’s sad but I’ve pretty much given up on love. I’ve been married twice and left with a baby. She’s due this week and I’ve decided to dedicate my last couple of years of my twenties to God, my daughter, myself and school. I don’t love love anymore.
Sorry if this seems intrusive but the man you were married to left you pregnant???
I am so sorry to hear about your negative experiences. Please don't give up on love. Of course, you can take some time off to focus on things that are important to you until you are ready to love again. Also consider building a relationship with Jesus because He loves you very much and deeply cares about you and you need Him. Consider inviting Jesus into your life as your Lord and personal Savior ❤️❤️
I saw one of those big youtubers actually telling a woman that men can cheat and that the woman can't. He said high value men can cheat and their wives can't. That's when I decided if I'm ever single again I do not want a high value man. I'm good.
I'm a newly single mom (divorced in November) and I think your point about desperation is key. If/When I'm ready to start dating again, it will never be because my children need a father figure. They have a father. I would really just like a little something for me. Ideally a future boo wouldn't even meet my kids unless the relationship got serious. Maybe that's easier said than done but at least with that mindset women are less vulnerable to having their own kids used as a manipulation tactic. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
The best thing is to never let the kids meet him up until he is becoming your husband ... n that should be the last thing on your mind... if he comes he comes if not then all good. It's more so dangerous for them not even yourself. All the best hope you find happy.
Single moms are created by single dads so I am not sure where their audacity comes from.
The good old "they should have chosen better" logic ignorant people have....why are all of our choices so crappy though lol
@Jazmya they should have chosen better, i have seen women get knocked up by men that in and out of jail with no job or decent income, some women pick the worst of men and then complain about the consequences.
Your eyes were open as a young boy, your a credit to your mother, good hearted, thank you 👏👏👏💯
I appreciate that
My opinion will not be popular. I think that if a person wants to date and subsequently marry a single parent, more power to them. I also believe that people who chose not to do so should not be condemned.
Exactly!
I agree. I rarely date childless men. I tell them to go find a childless woman. Some still want to date me after that statement. Smh.
From experience, I've had better luck when he's a single father. One guy propose marriage and the other one talked about marriage and our future together.
Let’s not forget that some of the people who walking around claiming “I ain’t got no kids” have either had or paid for an abortion!! Oh You got kids...... they are dead because you were not accountable for your actions yet the mother who chose life is somehow worse than you!! When will this be addressed in our community!!
Absolutely! 💯 People really be out here looking down on folks knowing good and well that they would be in the same boat if they were being held accountable for their actions.
Facts!Amen.
👏👏👏👏
I don't look down on men or women who choose to terminate a pregnancy. No one should be forced to be a parent. I am an RN and I believe the community needs to teach our young people about birth control and to use it consistently. Sometimes I feel I'm preaching in the wilderness. There are so many children that are not wanted in our community and it shows in our parenting. All children should be wanted and loved by both parents.
this is the best single moms can say when almost every single mom I know had abortions and multiple because their plate is already full..Having a child and being attached to another person a man for life is totally different scenario ppl without may find way too challenging to accept. Many women have abortions but their poor choices dont stick with them like single moms and their baby daddies and kids another man have to accept. If you have no kids you'll understand how toxic this can be, its not a equal or fair trade in dating
I teared up when you spoke about your little brother and how you took on the role of taking him to his practices and tournaments. That was my issue. Working late and on weekends and couldn’t take my son to basketball practices and away games. I always felt guilty for it. Thank you for validating us single moms!
This advice can also be applied to childless women who are single in their late 20s who want a serious relationship/marriage. Some men can prey on you because of your age and desire to settle down and can waste your valuable time and even give you a baby without ever marrying you, making you a single mother and permanently lowering your desirability in the dating pool. It’s important to vet men very well and not give him your womb if you’re not married..not saying that marriage will stop you from divorce or being a single mother but it will bring more stability in the children’s lives. Also, not having a child out of wedlock will help you to be able to accomplish career, world travel, and educational goals you have for yourself before you settle down. Hands down life is just so free and fun not having a unplanned pregnancy with a guy who is not right for you. Stay blessed everyone ❤️‼️
I notice this kinda stuff only seems to happen in the black community. This maybe one of the major reason we as a people will never elevate.
Thank you so much you’re like the big brother I’ve always needed 🙏🏾😊
I also want to say ladies you may want to consider legitimate background checks and having boundaries set before dating. For a example
1.I do not allow men in my home while dating, or even knowing where I live. You have to be my boyfriend. ( for the safety of me and my children)
2. You have to meet my family ( or very close friends if you don’t have family) before you meet my children.
That’s where I’m at with it. I’m not playing games or taking any risk.
Love your channel! You are absolutely hitting it on the nail..... your mom, children and fiancé should be so proud of you!
Please keep up the videos!!!👍🏽
Thank you 🙏🏽
Thank you for being so honest. I believe that people who "stand in the gap" for a missing parent is doing God's work.
Glad he acknowledged it is hard for men with kids to date as well
You are always speaking from and with your heart.. THANK YOU
I appreciate you noticing that 🙏🏽
How could I not notice? Your energy is always consistent and spot on. Thank you for your transparency ☆☆
If you let a man think you need him, he’ll run all over you. I can attest to this, and sadly it was my own husband. I had to leave that toxic relationship with my kids. Learning to love myself again, writing books, and making UA-cam videos to help other women. ❤️
Thanks for being so transparent and sharing your personal life experiences.
Thank you!
I really appreciate how you come off as so non judgmental. You seem so GENUINE. These topics need to be talked about to us single mothers and not have to feel ashamed. Thank you for your positive outlook. Continue to do what you are doing.
I really appreciate your content! Thank you for giving an honest perspective without putting women down! Blessing to you!
Yes,very well said.
As a mother of two I’m glad I’ve never experienced these type of men.... plus my crazy butt a shark. I have needs - I’ll tell a man in the heart beat he can’t come to my home , but baby I’ll come see him.... 😂😂😂😂👏👏👏 don’t need any step dads in my home
I’m a newly single parent. Husband cheated had another baby now lives with his girlfriend (complete mess)! I’m constantly encouraging myself in Gods Word and reminding myself that I haven’t lost anything! I’m not out or disqualified from having Gods best! We are all adopted into the Gods heritage. The Bible talks about how God came to His own people but they didn’t receive Him (Gospel of John). If God can love me despite it all then a man sent from Him will be able to do the same! I did not asked to be cheated on and manipulated, lied to and stolen from. But God is not to be mocked whatever a person sows he reaps as well! Jesus died to give me an abundant life and an abundant life I will have in Jesus name🙌🏾
PS great video lol🤗
Yes u right. 4 kids by 21. I jus stayed single lol im 36 now youngest 2 age 14 an 16. I went threw hell trying to get back in the dating mind frame. Older 2 19 an 21. 3 boys one gir the oldest. I knew then not to let a man play on my emtions or thiers.
Be careful and safe out there during these challenging and dangerous times in America
I used to be ashamed to be a single mother at 21. All my friends were going the traditional route getting married. I was the only one with a kid in my group. I remember lowering my standards hoping to find a man to marry and be a step dad to my kid. It was a whole mess. I experienced so much unnecessary trauma in my 20s.
By the time I reached 30s, I accepted that I would raise my son fully alone. I stopped prioritizing dating, and redirected that energy into my career. Tripled my salary, moved abroad, my son graduated high school. I'm enjoying my life just turned 40.
It's nice to have more dating options and no pressure to be married. I feel having a kid early was a blessing. I know many friends who are settling in their late 30s, trying to find a partner so they can start having kids. I love that my son is entering into adulthood. I live so free and peaceful knowing I can date when I feel like it. I can raise my standards and actually meet men who not only treat me well, show tremendous respect and really want to develop deep friendship.
That’s real talk,it is definitely hard being a single parent ,my husband passed away after a car accident and left we with three young children to rear by my self it was the grace of God that saw us thought it all.I did not bring anyone in my home because you just cannot trust people .Me And my children made .My firstborn daughter is a Dr.of psychology,clinical psychologist/soon to be neurologist,my son is in film and music doing very well and my baby girl study to be medical aesthetician .God is good
I went out with a single woman with her kids and paid for dinner for us. When we went out with my kids she got upset I gave her the bill. Damn I was kind of confused and realized run man run...
Great conversation.
My mom had five kids and I was the only one born out of wedlock. A lot of men preyed on me and sister because they saw how desperately my mother wanted a man who would stick around.
I personally feel single parents should date each other. I don’t think men who date/marry single mothers should be condemn. I also don’t think men who choose not to date/marry single mothers should be condemned.
I hear you but you're overlooking most men and women don't date for the same reasons. This is why plenty of men end up with women who are not wife and mother material and why women sometimes settle for just support not substance. It's tough. I've been single and celibate 6 years. Let's connect. Groupglowup@gmail.com
I agree with the things you said - there are a lot of grifters, liars and gameplayers that women would do well to avoid.
Actually both men and women who want someone worth loving should avoid the grifters, liars and gameplayers. My bad.
As a single mom during 1995-2015 it had gotten so risky I decided not to date until my daughter was an adult, I just could not trust my choices over my baby and I didn't. I came up in other area I have a JD, I'm a psychologist mastered in clinical psychology, own my own business, it was a trade off and I'm so glad I did.
These days & times we need to be careful , children imitate what they see , we must be very careful what type of people we have around our children, some women meet men & let them watch their kids wrong move, so many of our precious children have been murdered because we trusted too quickly too soon I love you did this video, great video!!! It's so nice to see you outside your car, kudos to you
Why date someone with kids when you can get someone without kids.
What does it matter?
PREACH
My kids father is still and always will be apart of my kids lives. I don't need a man to replace there father I'd just like a better partner to grow and build a life with me just be a good role model and a supportive caring person. Thank you for bringing light to this subject being a single parent isn't a death sentence if you come into with an open heart and mind. The children will grow to love and appreciate you if you are a true and good person. For both men and women.
I'm going to be honest some people are so good at hiding. I took my time with a man we got engaged did everything right. took 5 years before I found out who he really was had to leave in the middle of the night and trust me he had everyone fooled.
Me-me time is a girls best friend. They're very cunning. At least you were brave enough to leave 🙌🙌. Thank God.
I believe it. If Dishonesty were an Olympic sport, some people would have multiple gold metals! Good on you for getting away from him 🙂
I appreciate your insight on this topic, and I'm glad you shared from personal experiences that it's hard being a single parent. The younger generation who don't have children need to understand that single parenthood should never be the first option as the black community has gotten way to comfortable with having children out of wedlock and using abortion as a means of birth-control. This may be 'ol school, but 'ol school works better for a reason...to the younger generation, let an honorable man bestow the honorable title of "wife" to an honorable woman before having children. Anyone can bounce back from mistakes as God's grace is sufficient, but remember that His way versus your way is always the best option.
Thanks for speaking on this...I was hoping you would take this question.
Any time I see a question pertaining to single moms I’m going to try to speak on it. My mom did her thing with me and siblings, but she would’ve done a lot better if she would’ve had a man giving her some good advice about how to deal with no good men. I have a soft spot for single moms because of her.
🥰 1. YAH bless the men who love and respect single mothers! 2. YAH bless the men who love and respect children that are not his. 3. YAH bless the men who respect women and family and don't mind building!
Selah! HalleluYah! 🙌🏾
KAN
Simp
APTTMH
My best friend married a single mother. He was shot and killed by his wife's baby daddy(over putting him on child support). If a man wants to date or marry a single mom he has to realize that the childs father will always be in the picture.
I look at Russell Wilson and Ciara and Future. No matter how much money you have the childs biological father will always be in the picture. I'm not knocking not to date a single mom but men have to see what he may be getting himself involved with and examine all possible angles when dating a single mom.
💯
Unfortunate circumstances.
As an RN I do not understand our community's resistance to birth control . It would eliminate STDs, unwanted pregnancy for the most part and sex with men on the DL. The only single mothers would be divorced mothers and the BS with I can have a baby with you and get on the struggle train which men and women do would cease. This high value mess is just that. Most Black men are not high value because of their incomes. The thing I think about is most important is does a man have value? Is he intelligent, have character and integrity, hardworking, empathy, sense of humor, compassion for others, keeps his word, and is responsible. Those things make a man valuable. Most Black men don't make over 50000 dollars a year. Unless we marry and build together to leave something for our children, we will continue to struggle alone. You all do the math. Two people earning 50000 together do much better than one single man or single mother apart. But what do I know my parents sent us all to college and we married and work with our spouses to create something for our children and they will do better than we have done. And 25,% of males end up in the system so they avoid single mothers too? With a record some of them can't take care of themselves. We need to cut the BS and get back to taking care of our families. I still believe women and men should use BC until they are ready to get married and have children because single mothers are stigmatized especially women who have never married. That is just the way it is.
9.00 an hour and a prize. Smh 😝
I got kids and all but God lee, i would rather be single than date a Guy who feel like he the prize period!! Lawd have mercy on this Generation.
@@charlespinkett864 i struck a nerve? Dude 3 replies really?
@@divineexpressions144 He's an uber troll... he's been saying the same thing on everyone's thread. 🙄 His thirst is laughable at this point...
i don't shame men who date single moms but i always wonder why because there are plenty of women without children who are also fun, good, beautiful, intelligent, etc.. why should you not choose them over luggage women. i just don't get it
No, you don’t shame the men....just the women.....luggage women.
@@joselyna6833 bc children are mouths to feed and souls who need healing too. They are ppl not baggage. Its not shaming but lack of proper language.
@@loveyb3347 I don’t understand your response.
I feel like raising someone else child is cheating me out of something. And now I have to put up with being second, being financially responsible for another mans child, while having almost none of the benefits
Then don't do it. Date someone with no kids.. pretty simple.
Stick to childless women. I've turned down most childless men. I tell them to go date childless women. Some even instant that they still want to " talk" to me and say to give them a chance.
I've had one single father propose marriage, and the other talked of marriage. Ladies if you're a single mother, then your best bet is a single father. Yes there's pros and cons, but you both are taking a risk dating each other. The commonality will increase the likelihood of a relationship or marriage if that's what you choose.
Yep my kids will grow up with no father and I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. Most of my energy goes into avoiding the predators out there. High value men don’t want single mothers, which leaves us vulnerable and susceptible to exploitation and being violated. All I can do is pray my kids remain close to me once they leave the nest cause they’re the only people in this world who love me unconditionally.
Who told you that high value men don't want single mothers? There are plenty of women who have course corrected and gotten remarried to good men. The first thing to do is to move away from watching manosphere channels because that's all they say all day long because they hate women and want us to feel low about ourselves. Trust me, it can be done.
I think we have to stop succumbing to the misconception of "high value men", especially the world's definition of a "high value man" versus the Most High Creator's definition of a truly high value man (which has nothing to do with money, but all to do with morals and his heart). Once we start applying the Creator's definition of a high value man to the situation, we'll start to see that a lot of these men who call themselves "high value" are the LOWEST in the eyes of the Most High. And the seeds the world has been implanting into men and women all of these millennia that define "manhood", "womanhood", and "value" are truly bad, wicked seeds that have been bearing wicked fruit for a long time.
my real dad only cares about women lucky my mother was smart enough to walk away & met my strong leading step dad that plays a big part in me and his step grandson life . It hurts me inside to know I still want a bond with my real father but he doesn’t care to push forward. He think money will make me go away when in reality it won’t because he is a part of me I need because it effects the way I see guys that I date . Being a single mother is hard but Worthy cause I know what to teach my son how not to teach a woman .
Thank you for your transparency... I just started watching your videos. My first video is the one where you mentioned how you proposed to your fiance & spoke about the process.
The ONLY other brotha that I follow that is as transparent as you are is Tony Gaskins! Blessings to you brotha! 👊🏾
Thank you 🙏🏽
@@TheShumakeWay You're welcome!
I just discovered your channel and you have amazing content 👍🏾. This video was on point.
I was raised by a single mother (im an only child) and I saw my mother work hard and handle her business first! My mother didn’t bring many men around me growing up and as a grown woman I truly appreciate that. I chose to further my career and accomplish a few things before children, before I knew it I look up and 20 yrs have passed lol. I’ll be 49 yrs old this year and children are not in my plans now 🤷🏽♀️ but I help my family raise my little cousins.
I have often watched women in my family as well as good girlfriends be desperate and overlook multiple red flags. So many times women are worried about what society will say because they are a single women with children. Nowadays men have multiple children and women have turned the tables and are cautious against men with multiple “baby mammas” and more on the way!
Keep up the great work your videos are definitely reaching people and encouraging people as well. 🤜🏽🤛🏽
It's not shameful to raise another man's/woman's kids but it's way too normalized in our community.
Sarge raise Shaq. When he made it big, then his real dad, Johnny come lately, came sniffing around
“It takes a village “
What’s normalized? 🤨Leaving women to care for children and blaming them for the actions of an irresponsible father? I agree. That shit is way too common.
This is I agree with.
@@leanysealvarado7499 I agree 100%!
God bless you for not being bitter about the sacrifices you made. 🙏🏽❤
That's true too; the number of single parents has to be going up. So even if you're single and dating there's an increasing chance that the person you're dating is going to be a single parent.
The reason men dont agree with being a stepdad is because most have abandoned their own child. The reason why some men say dont date si gle mother is because they dont want anyone dating the mothers of their children. Abandonment of father responsibilities to the child and mother of the child is classes as domestic violence and emotional abuse. Maybe she doesn't want to be with him, he was violent, mentally abusive, a cheat, lier. What ever the reason, abandonment of father responsibility is punishment for leaving and designed to hinder you future progress.
The reason why women do not want to date poor men is because they are shallow and they have trauma.
Women should accept men the way they are.
This sounds stupid,doesn't it?
@@jamescarter5041 No just you do.
I'm a women and I won't date men with children or who want children. I don't even entertain them. Unlike some of my male counterparts. I'm not intrested in being intimate with them either. I'm not looking to waste his time and he's not going to WASTE mine. Nor will I allow him to use my body or resources etc. There are alot of good men with children. I'm just not interested. My loss.
It’s crazy how what you said is acceptable but when men say that to women with children they’re bashed for it. Why?
@@lordgrim355 ...My opinion. There are three reasons. First, if you subscribe to the double standard of anything there will always be a problem. Second, if you aren't what you require there will be a problem. Lastly, those who don't meet your requirements, preferences or standards will have a problem. Simply because some people want what they want regardless of your requirements, preferences or deal breakers. Some people have a since of entitlement and feel a way about being excluded. They feel they should have access, the choice or a chance with anyone they want. I hope this helps.
Like I said, I know I've probably missed some good guys but it's my loss and I'm cool with it. I don't want children and if I had children and a guy feels the same way I accept and respect it. PERIODT.
@@Mirror_My_Ambition I get it but that’s just crazy. People don’t respect people’s opinions yet judge them for having said opinions....
@@lordgrim355.. ABSOLUTELY. We should not judge or be judged but "people" wouldn't be "people" if they didn't...lol
@@Mirror_My_Ambition smh this is why I don’t talk to ppl. Waste of intellect and time.
I believe there’s a special place in heaven for men and women who inherit their partner kids and raise and love them as their own. I’m a single mom of 4 (all by my ex husband) and I’m a nurse practitioner here in TX. It’s not easy but I can’t bring just anybody around my family. I hope I’m blessed to be married again but this time I’ll let God choose him. I’ll just keep it moving and keep building.
I've dated or talked to several single fathers. Two in particular were decent, but our differences made us go our separate ways. One was promising, but we clashed in communication style. The other actually propose to me, but I declined. I wasn't desperate enough to say yes, just so that I could carry the title of wife.
Right now I'm talking to two gentleman, both single father's. It looks promising. My advice for single mothers. Date single father because they're childless leverage with them. He to has a child which makes him less "desirable". They'll claim it's not the same for women as it is for men. It's true only to an extent, and greatly depends on the type of woman. You have a much better chance with some who has children like you. They're more likely, to want marriage but it's not a guarantee.
Just be careful of the ones who are " divorced" or separated. One lied and said he was divorce and I didn't find out until months later. If they don't haven't separated legally, then he's still married. Don't waste time with those either. Ask to see divorce papers. I hard to learn the hard way to not take a person's word for it.
Ask about custody. You want to know who has custody and if there's child support. Why? Because if he owes back child support, and gets married, the ex can take him back to court and garnish your paycheck and his. Also your tax refund for go the the baby mama if he's behind.
Thank you for making your videos. You are telling it how it is and the truth. You are a good man, very real, articulate and speak with such clarity.
I was raised by my step father. Mum died 17 years ago. He has always been my dad takes more than blood to be a blood parent. Much love from the UK 🇬🇧 xx.
I hadn't been with anyone since becoming pregnant with my first baby girl. I left first childs father when I found out because I was not trying to be with anyone and he was not mentally in the right place to be a father so I left. I was really in a hard place and made a bad decision. I met someone that i fell in love with when my babygirl was 7months old. He never did all that fake stuff where he was trying to play daddy not at first. I would've seen through that and ran for the hills. He stayed away from my baby for the first 6months and took time to know her and me. We really got close when covid hit. That probably was what it was. I was a first time new mommy and he was the first man that I met after not being with anyone since my pregnancy and until she was 7 months old I would've kept waiting to. He just did something to me. I'm starting to realize I made another mistake. We are still together and I am deeply in love with him but he is not in love with me. smh hurts bad.
This is irrelevant but you’re very handsome and educated. Never change 👏🏽✨
I know 2 men that have lost their lives dealing with single mothers. Not all single mothers are bad but majority of the time it doesn't end well.
This is why men will knock you up and leave you. It takes you out of the dating game.
Literally here in tears !!
Thank you! Yes, there are still some good men out there who are willing to love a single mother and her kid(s). What you did for your little brother was very noble of you. You passed the baton on and believe me, your brother will do the same.👏👍
I don’t want to come off rude. But if you willing to date a single mother, why not just be with the mother of your children.
He has a whole video talking about how the women of his children was the wrong woman.
@@charlespinkett864 Actually his baby mama was the bad guy & he loves his kids. He has a whole video talking about it
A lot of high value men or men with money and power married single mothers i.e T.I, waka flaka, P diddy, Russell Wilson, Shaquille O'Neal, Terry cruise and the list goes on. Don't listen to these lovers who say single mothers are low hanging
I chose to b single mother the father was unfit after yrs of being together it is hard dating but I stay on my level I date other single dads bc they know the struggle
Oh thanks I was def one of the people who asked this question me and my daughters father share custody as well and honestly I haven’t started dating yet because I’m working on some things for my career and haven’t had time, but I been thinking about getting back out there and was curious so thanks a lot.
The story about the step dad and appearing desperate because I’m a single mom are my fears and part of the reason why I have been so hesitant. Luckily my child’s father is active in her life so I’m blessed to not think I need that for my child. But geesh I figured it would be hard 🤦🏾♀️
Thank you for speaking on this subject in this way🙌🏾
🥺thanks.
I’m a single mom of 3… men act so surprised when I say I’m not interested… I can tell off the rip bs… and I’m better off by myself
Correction:A man is much better off without having to take care of you and 3 children that are not his.
@@jamescarter5041 why do u assume I need a man to take care of me? If I am choosie about who I pick, clearly I don’t need a man to take care of me…..
Your're right this is a bigger problem in the black community. I have noticed in the white community, white men have no problem stepping in and filling in the gap as a stepfather when he meets a woman who he wants to be with and in turn the two work together and truly accomplish a lot financially and otherwise.
The problem is stop procreating with losers
Black men don't have a problem with filling in the gap either. Too many youtube vids will make anyone think otherwise.
@@mikew2610 exactly according to the statistics bm edge out every other group in terms of being the best fathers and stepfathers
While I agree with parts of your message, as long as both people bring something into each others life and not taking advantage of each other, I’m all for it. Also, we can’t just overlook the dark side of men dating single mothers in certain cases. There’ve been situations were a man adopts the child of a single mother, and they eventually divorce, and she puts him on child support for a child that isn’t his. In any case, the main issue is to tackle the rising number of single mothers and fathers of course, and not encourage single parenthood.
Thank you for sharing snippets of your life and being vulnerable and honest in all of your videos!
I love allwhat you said and thank you for sharing. Blessing ❤🙏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I now believe there's still gud men becouse if you,God bless you and your family,I'm a new subscriber I'm glad🙏
My deceased father was a good man. True, raising children are expensive, as Arthur Bailey ministries, father of 8 children and grandfather. He should know because he has had 8!