Anxious and avoidant attachment personalities are constantly in need of validation. They focus on rejection and eventually manifest the thing they are most afraid of. Over time you will grow weary of trying to keep it together. These personality types need professional help not romantic partners. Nothing changes without the work. This stuff is pure gold!
Reattracting your anxious attachment ex is a great topic. I have a secure attachment and tried my best to deal with my (now i know) anxious ex partner of 4yrs. When things dont go his way he would overthink, run away, would lash out, jealous, blaming me, bringing up the past. I went no contact about 2months. He asked my bff for some paper i might have, i did not respond because i was upset. i answered 2 weeks later but my msg didnt go thru cuz he has me blocked but he recieved a notification that i tried and he wrote my bff assuming i was trying to get back with him and he continued saying he doesnt feel for me anymore. My bff sent him my original text plus another one i just wrote responding that i agree on the breakup and accepting it, its been better, im great and dealing with my needs. I do miss him but I do realize that i deserve better and im working on healing myself.
Craig, you mention how you don't usually tell people to make your ex jealous in any way, but during my skype session you said I may have to do it subtly when I'm around her in college. Could you make a video giving examples, or do's and don'ts?
Amazing content once again! I always told people that I thought my ex was the way he was because of his parents, and once I started watching you, I found out it's actually a "thing"! I'm looking forward to our Skype session on Monday! Be forewarned, it may take both you and Margaret to figure out this guy lol.
Coach Craig Kenneth I have a problem with combining positive mantras in your workbook 2 and meditiation technique of letting go. I forced myself to think positively about reatracting my ex and my insecurities which kinda makes me feel better but on the other hand meditiation technique of letting emotions pass, avoid making stories, accepting uncertainity made me feel more calm, accepting and in general in more peace. Now im in position where i try to use both techniques and i feel my brain melting. Can you advice something in this case? I personally thought to rewrite my positive mantras from Workbook 2 into afirmation cards which i would read every morning and evening but i would not force myself to think how confident I am during the day and would simply accept uncertainity.
My anxiety is pretty bad now. My ex's new bf is now adding up my ex's siblings on facebook as friends. I know it's none of my business and I shouldn't stalk. 7 months after the breakup and the pain is still the same. Now I am really losing hope as I had never met or added his siblings on social media before, only his friends. Sometimes I ask myself "what did I do to him to make me suffer this pain" or "I hope I never met him". I don't know what to do with my life anymore. He was head over heels on me when we first met. My mistake was when he did a grand gesture to me, I decided to reciprocate the feelings that he gave me by accepting him as a half of me because I felt like I was not whole as a person, I felt like something was missing in my life that he completed. So when he left, i felt abandoned and incomplete. When I started to watch your videos I knew the answer to why I'm having this feeling. I was adopted when I was 3. I just hope to recover from this pain immediately. I am just so tired... I feel lost.
Robert James G Rob James I can relate to u a little (hetro & not adopted) but for sure it is your childhood stuff ... and I want to give you a hug & sending love your way ... keep trying to heal yourself - you will get over him
Communication with a DA is so hard and nearly hopeless. They listen but it just doesn't reach them since their inner core is so closed off. They agree on most things you say but they don't change. "yeah I know i maybe have a problem, I have trouble bonding with a woman" and so on but this is it. There is no further consequence. Maybe one day, if the inner psychological strain gets unbearable they change. But from my perspective: they never ever become secure people.
True and here is my favourite line: I heard the issues you stated in me and see I'm working 🤦♀️on it! Yeah right 🙄🤷♀️ Had to break up with him after 5 years because just saying you will work on it doesn't works! 🤷♀️😂🙄
It's unfair to say they all never become secure people if they work on themselves they can it's not impossible and everyone should not be written off as the same everyone has a chance at changing if they actively work on it trust me I've been stung by an avoidant too but I know everyone isnt the same they arent bad villains they struggle with love and common sense honestly they are detached from their feelings it seems cruel and fk up to the people on the opposite end I get it but its just a part of their attachment style unfortunately
Even in ‘no contact’ you can still remain emotionally connected by sending them your positive thoughts and energy when you think of them. One morning I did this and my X texted 5 minutes later after a 1 year no contact 💫
Coach Craig Kenneth and Margaret thank you 🙏🏽 for the valuable work that you are doing putting out these videos. The content has increased my awareness of myself and helped me to grow tremendously. Keep up the great work!!!! 👏🏽❤️👏🏽❤️👏🏽
Omggg this has helped me soooo much! I am so interested in learning this stuff. I alwYs found I can never use the right words to communicate my feelings and my avoidant ex would get mad and say that i’m trying to hide something and not being authentic.. when really i didnt want to upset him by expressing myself so it would come out wrong or i just wouldn’t want to talk about it
Craig..is it possible to have more than one attachment styles in myself? I feel alittle of both secure and anxious..or am I just anxious on a lesser degree than my ex?
All this time (past 2 years) i classified myself as avoidant... but have also realized recently im seeming more anxious... I took Diane Poole Heller's attachment style quiz and I am equally everything?! 🤦♀️ For sure Margaret, i definitely didn't go to the store and pick out what I have... although one of everything sometimes sounds good. Haha Maybe i just thought I'd try them all and see which I like the best... took me this long... i probably won't get my money back.
I feel like l am both depending on the person and how they communicate with me. I am always the most expensive and can really talk about anything...and, they avoid the subject. They tell me you think you are perfect. I am not! I have no problem talking about my past, feelings etc...Dont get it?
My ex has anxious attachment style, and the reason we broke up was because of her jealousy issue and she think she was emotionally abusing me because she couldn't trust me at all. It's been two months of no contact and she didn't reach out at all, totally out of her character, do I still have any chance?
Junxiang Yeo I have a secure attachment and tried my best to deal with my (now i know) anxious ex partner of 4yrs. When things dont go his way he would overthink, run away, would lash out, jealous, blaming me, bringing up the past. I went no contact about 2months. He asked my bff for some paper i might have, i did not respond because i was upset. i answered 2 weeks later but my msg didnt go thru cuz he has me blocked but he recieved a notification that i tried and he wrote my bff assuming i was trying to get back with him and he continued saying he doesnt feel for me anymore. My bff sent him my original text plus another one i just wrote responding that i agree on the breakup and accepting it, its been better, im great and dealing with my needs. I do miss him but I do realize that i deserve better and im working on healing myself.
aliacoo it was a mutual decision, few days later I told her that I want to work things out, she considered about it for two days and told me no, she don't think it's gonna work. And I got blocked everywhere after few weeks
can a person be a bit of both in attachment styles. im more anxious but i caneasily talk to a partner about anything. specially when theres a disagreement of some kind.
That just means that even tho you lean towards an anxious attachment style, youre secure enough to communicate with your partner. Think of it as a spectrum with one side being very avoidant, the other side being very anxious, and the middle having a perfectly secure attachment style.
Why Taurus? Do you mean because they say that they are very stubborn? My ex is a Taurus and the one before him is a Cancer. It’s been two years since your comment. Did your ex ever come around?
Hi Coach! I just wanted to thank both of you so much. I went through a rough traumatic breakup back in December. We still aren’t together, but I never stopped putting in the work as you said. I’ve been conscious of my behavior and how I can become the best version of myself. And thanks to you two, I’ve met someone else and it’s a breeze knowing how to communicate. I know myself, and I’m able to recognize what another persons attachment style is, and that helps me cater my communication. Y’all are the best.
I was like in emotional trauma with my DA bf for few months. One day I bursted out with tears and asked him where he really wanted our relations to go. He didn't say even a word but lied down on my lap. I asked whether he wanted us to go on, he just nodded head. I then insisted him I needed his empathy. The next day he held my hand (this was rare!) and registered for a therapy course. These done without any word!!! I guess these are acts of love so I'm fine now. 🥲
Anxious and avoidant attachment personalities are constantly in need of validation. They focus on rejection and eventually manifest the thing they are most afraid of.
Over time you will grow weary of trying to keep it together. These personality types need professional help not romantic partners.
Nothing changes without the work. This stuff is pure gold!
Missing Margaret a tonne! she was such a lovely person.
👍 for a Saturday video!
How am I suppose to do that during no contact? I dont get it. I give up. Maybe free Skype coaching? Please please please?
Just kidding xD
Reattracting your anxious attachment ex is a great topic. I have a secure attachment and tried my best to deal with my (now i know) anxious ex partner of 4yrs. When things dont go his way he would overthink, run away, would lash out, jealous, blaming me, bringing up the past. I went no contact about 2months. He asked my bff for some paper i might have, i did not respond because i was upset. i answered 2 weeks later but my msg didnt go thru cuz he has me blocked but he recieved a notification that i tried and he wrote my bff assuming i was trying to get back with him and he continued saying he doesnt feel for me anymore. My bff sent him my original text plus another one i just wrote responding that i agree on the breakup and accepting it, its been better, im great and dealing with my needs. I do miss him but I do realize that i deserve better and im working on healing myself.
Craig, you mention how you don't usually tell people to make your ex jealous in any way, but during my skype session you said I may have to do it subtly when I'm around her in college. Could you make a video giving examples, or do's and don'ts?
Amazing content once again! I always told people that I thought my ex was the way he was because of his parents, and once I started watching you, I found out it's actually a "thing"! I'm looking forward to our Skype session on Monday! Be forewarned, it may take both you and Margaret to figure out this guy lol.
Coach Craig Kenneth I have a problem with combining positive mantras in your workbook 2 and meditiation technique of letting go. I forced myself to think positively about reatracting my ex and my insecurities which kinda makes me feel better but on the other hand meditiation technique of letting emotions pass, avoid making stories, accepting uncertainity made me feel more calm, accepting and in general in more peace. Now im in position where i try to use both techniques and i feel my brain melting. Can you advice something in this case? I personally thought to rewrite my positive mantras from Workbook 2 into afirmation cards which i would read every morning and evening but i would not force myself to think how confident I am during the day and would simply accept uncertainity.
My anxiety is pretty bad now. My ex's new bf is now adding up my ex's siblings on facebook as friends. I know it's none of my business and I shouldn't stalk. 7 months after the breakup and the pain is still the same. Now I am really losing hope as I had never met or added his siblings on social media before, only his friends. Sometimes I ask myself "what did I do to him to make me suffer this pain" or "I hope I never met him". I don't know what to do with my life anymore. He was head over heels on me when we first met. My mistake was when he did a grand gesture to me, I decided to reciprocate the feelings that he gave me by accepting him as a half of me because I felt like I was not whole as a person, I felt like something was missing in my life that he completed. So when he left, i felt abandoned and incomplete. When I started to watch your videos I knew the answer to why I'm having this feeling. I was adopted when I was 3. I just hope to recover from this pain immediately. I am just so tired... I feel lost.
Robert James G Rob James I can relate to u a little (hetro & not adopted) but for sure it is your childhood stuff ... and I want to give you a hug & sending love your way ... keep trying to heal yourself - you will get over him
What a great team you two are! Very helpful video, I’m learning so much on how to communicate in my next relationship.
I wish I could send this video to my ex 😭 I wish I knew what I know now 💔
Very useful presentation and discussion. Thank you!
Communication with a DA is so hard and nearly hopeless. They listen but it just doesn't reach them since their inner core is so closed off. They agree on most things you say but they don't change. "yeah I know i maybe have a problem, I have trouble bonding with a woman" and so on but this is it. There is no further consequence. Maybe one day, if the inner psychological strain gets unbearable they change. But from my perspective: they never ever become secure people.
True and here is my favourite line: I heard the issues you stated in me and see I'm working 🤦♀️on it!
Yeah right 🙄🤷♀️
Had to break up with him after 5 years because just saying you will work on it doesn't works! 🤷♀️😂🙄
What is DA ?
@@bloss031ng a dismissive avoidant personality
It's unfair to say they all never become secure people if they work on themselves they can it's not impossible and everyone should not be written off as the same everyone has a chance at changing if they actively work on it trust me I've been stung by an avoidant too but I know everyone isnt the same they arent bad villains they struggle with love and common sense honestly they are detached from their feelings it seems cruel and fk up to the people on the opposite end I get it but its just a part of their attachment style unfortunately
This video is jam packed with important info!
Even in ‘no contact’ you can still remain emotionally connected by sending them your positive thoughts and energy when you think of them. One morning I did this and my X texted 5 minutes later after a 1 year no contact 💫
what attachment style are you and your ex?
p mgc We are both avoidant - although I have worked on myself which made a huge difference.
Coach Craig Kenneth and Margaret thank you 🙏🏽 for the valuable work that you are doing putting out these videos. The content has increased my awareness of myself and helped me to grow tremendously. Keep up the great work!!!! 👏🏽❤️👏🏽❤️👏🏽
Omggg this has helped me soooo much! I am so interested in learning this stuff. I alwYs found I can never use the right words to communicate my feelings and my avoidant ex would get mad and say that i’m trying to hide something and not being authentic.. when really i didnt want to upset him by expressing myself so it would come out wrong or i just wouldn’t want to talk about it
I know this isn't about relationships but HOW do we encourage Secure attachment style in our children?
Man these guys are so funny with their banter, while being very educational.
Craig..is it possible to have more than one attachment styles in myself? I feel alittle of both secure and anxious..or am I just anxious on a lesser degree than my ex?
I wonder this too. I feel like I am anxious and a bit avoidant.
Can ones Attachment Style change over time, due to later childhood trauma or later adulthood career choice ?
It can but youre typically the same attachment style since you were an infant/toddler. Usually it would only change if you had some major trauma
Coach Craig, could you have more than one attachment style? I know I’m anxious, but I think I’m a little bit avoidant.
Do bipolar women tend to be avoidant especially when they also have PTSD?
Thank you. This would have been useful with my ex but now I know, it'll be in use for the next!
Hey, which video is it that Margaret's cusses? I wanna see it. 🤣👍🏼
I love the notion her attachment makes me stronger and mine challenges her to grow. ☯️
“Rejection-sensitive.” Nice. ☺️
My parents wouldn't let me play the bango...I had to play the flute...I could have been John Denver...lol...
I watched this video 4 times..wanted to be sure I "got it"...so fascinating..
All this time (past 2 years) i classified myself as avoidant... but have also realized recently im seeming more anxious...
I took Diane Poole Heller's attachment style quiz and I am equally everything?! 🤦♀️
For sure Margaret, i definitely didn't go to the store and pick out what I have... although one of everything sometimes sounds good. Haha
Maybe i just thought I'd try them all and see which I like the best... took me this long... i probably won't get my money back.
Around 17 minutes in, I literally laughed out loud! I seldomly laugh out loud while I'm watching anything!
I feel like l am both depending on the person and how they communicate with me. I am always the most expensive and can really talk about anything...and, they avoid the subject. They tell me you think you are perfect. I am not! I have no problem talking about my past, feelings etc...Dont get it?
My ex is moving 2 hours away for grad school, can i still re attract her and make her miss me?? We were together for 4 years!!!
Craig , could you please make a video on what to do if your ex says, " i got a feeling that we weren't a match at all" ??
My ex has anxious attachment style, and the reason we broke up was because of her jealousy issue and she think she was emotionally abusing me because she couldn't trust me at all. It's been two months of no contact and she didn't reach out at all, totally out of her character, do I still have any chance?
Junxiang Yeo
I have a secure attachment and tried my best to deal with my (now i know) anxious ex partner of 4yrs. When things dont go his way he would overthink, run away, would lash out, jealous, blaming me, bringing up the past. I went no contact about 2months. He asked my bff for some paper i might have, i did not respond because i was upset. i answered 2 weeks later but my msg didnt go thru cuz he has me blocked but he recieved a notification that i tried and he wrote my bff assuming i was trying to get back with him and he continued saying he doesnt feel for me anymore. My bff sent him my original text plus another one i just wrote responding that i agree on the breakup and accepting it, its been better, im great and dealing with my needs. I do miss him but I do realize that i deserve better and im working on healing myself.
Junxiang Yeo who broke up with who?
aliacoo it was a mutual decision, few days later I told her that I want to work things out, she considered about it for two days and told me no, she don't think it's gonna work. And I got blocked everywhere after few weeks
Playful yet very informative video!
Craig what about passive aggressive behavior does that indicate avoidant attachment?
You both are a lot of fun♥️♥️♥️
Bro 7:00 is hilarious 😂
Im the first one coach😀👍
you guys have a great energy haha Aha!
can a person be a bit of both in attachment styles. im more anxious but i caneasily talk to a partner about anything. specially when theres a disagreement of some kind.
That just means that even tho you lean towards an anxious attachment style, youre secure enough to communicate with your partner. Think of it as a spectrum with one side being very avoidant, the other side being very anxious, and the middle having a perfectly secure attachment style.
Question
Does this work on a Taurus man?
Why Taurus? Do you mean because they say that they are very stubborn? My ex is a Taurus and the one before him is a Cancer. It’s been two years since your comment. Did your ex ever come around?
Hi Coach! I just wanted to thank both of you so much. I went through a rough traumatic breakup back in December. We still aren’t together, but I never stopped putting in the work as you said. I’ve been conscious of my behavior and how I can become the best version of myself. And thanks to you two, I’ve met someone else and it’s a breeze knowing how to communicate. I know myself, and I’m able to recognize what another persons attachment style is, and that helps me cater my communication. Y’all are the best.
That's great, dude. Thanks for sharing that. It gives me hope for the future.
I was like in emotional trauma with my DA bf for few months. One day I bursted out with tears and asked him where he really wanted our relations to go. He didn't say even a word but lied down on my lap. I asked whether he wanted us to go on, he just nodded head. I then insisted him I needed his empathy. The next day he held my hand (this was rare!) and registered for a therapy course. These done without any word!!! I guess these are acts of love so I'm fine now. 🥲