It’s “crash and burn” for me. I know it well. Now, thanks to you, I know it as dysregulating. If something negative happens, I go into a pattern of sadness, lack of concentration, hopelessness. At least now I can recognize it.
Been there, done that, it's like we're trying to prove our worth by how much we do all we do is get burnout and the apathy etc sets in. We have to learn to look after ourselves first and say no sometimes
Creative ppl like artists writers musicians etc know a stage you mentioned called RESISTANCE. Any time your project is going well there is a little gremlin that comes along to try to stop you. It's your subconscious challenging you saying "Do you REALLY want this?" or sometimes it tells you "You don't deserve this" or "You can't handle all this." All BAD programming. Resisting resistance doesn't always help, either. Sometimes you have to dismantle it like a ticking time bomb. These videos help. Thanks, CCF!
I know this stage well. I’ve come to call it my, “don’t wanna” spell. I get so angry for behaving so childish and resisting something I actually WANT to do. Lately I realized it’s probably because I was forced into so many bad situations as a child where I couldn’t escape and now, as an adult, any sign of the resistance “gremlin” (great word!), makes me shut down and not engage.
Finally, someone articulates exactly what I'm experiencing! This is one of my most annoying symptoms, bc when I crash I feel like I can't accomplish basic tasks let alone be productive 😓
Yes ! Me too with basic tasks. No can do ! I get anxiety. Barely accomplish anything at all. Embarrassed to say, however it's been mentioned here about the self neglect & sometimes very basic care things you just don't do. So I believe almost everyone here with CPTSD does the same things to themselves. EVERYONE SAY I AM NOT ALONE. we are NOT alone. Thank you Anna. You are the beautiful fairy guide. Thank you from my whole being. YES. Crappy Childhood Fairy IS meant to do this & so much more. She is awesome & we are awesome too, whether you all know it or not.
So good. I couldn't stop laughing when at 14:31 you said "you don't have to live like a nun" because I am a nun! Truly. I'm an Anglican nun. Another great video. I appreciate the work you're doing Anna. Thanks for sharing such practical tools.
I have always blamed myself for crashing....perfect description, great to finally recognize it as NOT my fault, and get out and walk, go for a drive, spend time with nature, animals, forests...anything that I know will help. Dancing to rock music can do it for me too! Thank you Anna! Everyone out there, repeat after me: IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!
I get it after a success, because I feel like I held it together through all that, I deserve to just slump back for a while. So my crashes almost feel like reward for hardening myself through the steps to achieving a goal.
I feel the same. I can gather all my strength and confidence to get through a large deliverable and after it’s over I wait until I can retreat and recharge. It takes everything out of me.
I am so sorry that those jealous people tore you down. I could see you being a great director or writer - you are a unique thinker and have a deep and empathetic understanding of the human condition. I am so glad for you, as well as all the people you help, that you were able to find another outlet for your gifts. This time, you're going to keep shining!
I have no friends by choice.. I don’t want other peoples drama, bs, and poor treatment. It’s hard enough to keep myself going without crashing already.
I know what you’re saying my friend I could totally relate I hope you’re feeling OK now we’re all in this together I’m praying for all of us that is listening to Anna‘s channel
I have never been described this accurately before. I thought this was bipolar because I get super motivated and hardworking and feel elated and then crash. Withdraw. I thought maybe hypomania.
I am willing to bet that most people with "mental health disorders" have early childhood ptsd. And honestly, no medicine has ever helped me. It only masked things and made me feel like a zombie.
Half the battle is seeing your patterns and behaviours being verified like this, that means I dont have to beat myself up thinking it's just me. Thankyou🙂
Thank you so much for putting a name to it. For decades I kept beating myself up with 'What the hell is wrong with me?' after periods of procrastination that I knew were hurting me creatively, yet something 'invisible' inside kept me sabotaging myself over and over. Makes so much sense now. Instead of berating myself, I'll be giving myself a hug, & encouragement to keep going as if I were talking to a friend battling that situation, not me. What a difference one aha moment makes. Thank you, Anna for all your efforts. You are truly a lightworker. I recently also bought Pete Walker's book, CPTSD- Surviving to Thriving. Great read. 🙏
One aha moment shows gives us new hope and that is great! A lot of Pete Walker's tools as well as others Anna has learned along the way are built into the courses. Practical application of the info and an understanding of our condition will carry you through your lifetime :) -Cara@TeamFairy
Crashing, freezing, hiding away, etc. These patterns are so much a part of me, and I did not realize how much they are a manifestation of childhood trauma. There is so much guilt surrounding these issues for me that it is so hard to give myself a break and forgive my negative coping patterns. Knowing these behaviors are a function of the effects of CPTSD is helpful, but I know I will need to be vigilant and focused in order to come back to myself when I succumb to these coping patterns.
My trauma and cptsd were so bad that I didn't want to live anymore by the age of 4. I was unable to function in school and couldn't graduate elementary school because of absences do to such low functionality and I haven't been able to hold a job because of severe crashes and unwellness. I am working on healing but I even get severe sensory overload and have to basically focus all of my time on trying to regulate and take care of myself in the most fundamental ways that people that for granted. Working on it. 💜 I am not giving up. 💪
I’m so sorry. I too was never not suicidal. I had those ideations and inclinations even before I knew there was a word for it. Sensorial overwhelm right now is horrible, but it’s easier than if I were not as emotionally regulated as I am right now. I flinch at sounds in my sleep! The way normal people can routinely take care of themselves without questioning their own worth of said care is something I am jealous of, but I’m working hard to create and maintain routines I’ve always wanted.
Be super good to yourself, so amazing you are here now - we are rooting for you too! Baths and walks, right? Good air and not talking to psychopaths! How dare anyone be so cruel to a child!
Me too...! You know, for me, its like, I read most of these stories and we have all lost the ability to fight. Either to be ourselves, or to stop others taking advantage. Anna, is teaching us to get up and re-fight, when were either frozen or fawns in order to fight, that's why were here. Abuse you cant deal with though, ethically, always makes you fall as it makes you incensed.
Here's something interesting I have been noticing about crashing. It happens to me the most after I have had some good things happen and been given some compliments and been noticed for accomplishments etc. It feels like I get so excited by the positive attention that it becomes kind of like an addiction and I want more and more and more positive attention (probably didn't get that much as a child) so I either crash when the compliments stop-as they always do-or I get desperate in my search for attention and end up asking for it from someone who puts me down or doesn't respond and I crash from the negative encounter. I am going to try to recognize the desperation for a "compliment fix" and address it during my morning writing routine. Thank you for helping me find this insight.
Wow, I know exactly what crashing is. When I crash I tell myself I am lazy, too fat, not smart enough, and it gets worse. Your meditation video was super helpful for this. Thank you for such a helpful video!
I seemed to manage the cpsd until I got sick where this and other physical issues arose that had also been dormant. I don't think it helps that we have created a society where we are expected to be machines and not ever break down, just makes not getting things done "right" according to the accepted methods or timeliness worse and adds to the dysregulation. I always worked in spurts but could manage them so most tasks got done as they needed to without too much delay. Thanks again, so very much, for finding the strength to do these videos, very healing and enlightening.
People say this when they are jealous and feeling threatened. When they see your success and feel small from a distorted comparison. Like projection, this is really transparent once you realise IT'S NOT YOU!!!
The woman who criticized you, I would bet it was because you triggered her memories of her childhood!!! You are amazing, you are so incredibly helpful and a most beautiful soul.I think God for you every day and for your courage and caring. Love to you! You have helped me more than you could ever know and so many others. Thank you.
As long as I can remember I have felt as though most people knew or were taught behaviors I didn't know. I am very grateful to have found this blog. I feel not only do I finally have a name for why I ALWAYS have felt like an outsider....but also received a gift of insight of what exactly the differences are...and how to make adjustments...tools...and with COMPASSION even. Thank you for what you do.
Your videos continuously show me that I am not alone in my symptoms and this is one that I have struggled with for decades as I am 45 years old. I have beat myself up for lack of productivity after bursts of high success and productivity and I have always felt like a failure because of it. Knowing I am not alone and this is common with so many people living with childhood trauma it makes me feel seen. Thank you for your videos
You ARE seen by many here. I see you too. I felt seen here also. It's awesome. Just knowing what to do & that we are not alone helped me a lot. Blessings to you. Love, Nancy "Nanukie".
This is a recurring issue in my life, too. The first time I realized how hard it hits me was when someone who should have been my cheerleader said, "You won't" after I made myself vulnerable enough to speak about a TINY bit of what I wanted to do in my life. Two small words that hit me like bombs. It's horrible, and possibly others here can relate, but this thought comes back to me a lot and it keeps telling me time and again that I am worthless and could never have reached my dreams. And I never have figured out how to become anything I was aiming for at that time. P.S.: Anna's boss was a misogynist. Man, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from telling HIS boss when asking her about her opinion on the book. Gah, people are horrible.
I know that recurring thought pattern of a memory when someone was unsupportive or had blatant words that discouraged me. It has changed me to the point where I keep things to myself until they are already in fruition - because if I were to be met with a negative reaction before I had accomplished, I would have given up and never seen it though. I don’t have the “thick skin” and resilience that some people do - those who don’t need others to validate them the way I do since I didn’t receive that in my childhood. I understand completely what you are saying and I hope you can somehow come to a place of believing that YOU WILL!
that is exactly what resentment is- something negative re- "sent" into our brains over & over. The Daily Practice helped me hugely with those awful ruminations bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy
I think I have the same problem. Criticism (& control) and/or lack of praise & encouragement as a child through young adulthood turned into self-defeating thoughts. Meds help but the self sabotage has continued subconsciously. Crashing & burning out happened for decades but I haven't been able to pull myself back up in the past 5 years. Aging, pandemic, etc didn't help physically, either. Hope you've been able to overcome the stumbling blocks.
This was like painting a picture of my life. When I was young, my stepmom told me she doesn't want to hear me sing again. My dad and I used to sing beautifully together with Harmony. That came to an abrupt halt that was only when I was a freshman in high school. Now I am 62 years old. Now I understand why I don't sing anymore.
You know I got the feeling, but is a personal impression, that the pandemic situation get things worst for many people. Cptsd plus lockdown :'( Could be very overwhelming.
The techniques Anna teaches can really help keeping the overwhelm turn into dysregulation. If nothing else, try this course bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy
Oh my goodness I just had to comment. This is the first time I realized I'm doing this. This makes me so insecure sometimes like if I'm defective or lazy. And I don't notice it until I'm discouraged. Once it seems to be noticeable to others. And it does follow some progress and then I go back a few steps. Today I'm doing some progress again. You give me hope for improving.
The way you described crashing after premiering your film is exactly how I crashed after I achieved a significant milestone in my life -- I'd lost over 75 lbs, was super into fitness, and was even considering becoming a personal trainer on the side. I'd never felt so confident and happy and proud of myself after years of binge eating and lethargy; I wasn't ever an athletic person. Two people in my life made snide, critical comments about how I should just stop because I was getting too skinny. I was devastated and crashed hard - started binge eating again and regained all the weight back and avoided being around others as much as possible. I am slowly getting back into fitness again but somewhat discreetly and not with as much enthusiasm as before, for fear of annoying people in my life. I do hope to overcome this someday, but it really can take the wind out of one's sails to be cut down like that after putting in so much hard work.
There was no need for their mean words to you. I'd bet they couldn't do what you did, and even though you're starting again, laugh and be proud that you've done it before, and you will do it again. Hopefully, you no longer have those 2 detractors in your life.
@@eggedon6112 Thank you so much; I really needed to see this today 💙 I cut both off a couple of years ago now. One was my mother and only recently have I begun to--very cautiously--re-engage with her, under specific circumstances with no body talk. I've had many more physical setbacks but I hope to get back to where I was and even better 💙
@@theshunnedBandersnatch Hey, good for you. Just do your plan every day, and do the very best you can for yourself, not others who wish to bring you down. One day, it will all be like a bad dream that's all over. #StayUp
Wow I am just going through that I lost 15lbs in a drastic approach but I worked and then all of a sudden I had this feeling started binge eating like hell it’s been a week I hope to get better now
You are a deeper person, those little people who cut off your dreams did something so little but you have used it for great things. You are reaching 24/7 everyone worldwide who needs to hear this hope and feed the light inside to grow stronger. I don't know if you needed to keep filming or publishing then if it meant never going for the Crappy Childhood Fairy. Plus, just knowing the head of the company liked your book is amazing and you are the badass for the courage to confront her. The other story you had the guts to call and ask the friends in your film too. Its a show of resiliancy to hear the one jealous person then verify if that was true about you as a film maker. Its not about any one career or prestige, its about training to mastery which is you. Your experiences made you well rounded and able to counsel the whole world - your movies and books would never have the impact on others, on healing and emotional health globally that your YT channel has, so everything happened for a reason and you pursued the journey of your heart, and it came together at the right time for the right reasons. Thank you for transparency
I hear you. I developped one tiny routine : prepare my coffee the night before. When I woke up, I was so glad my self prepared that the night before. At first, I had huge resistance to do this tiny routine, but after completing it 30 days, it was almost automatic and no resistance or blaming myself. After I was sure that this tiny habit was ingrained deeply, I moved on to another : keeping the sink clean. I‘m still working on this one. I tried changing everything in a huge makeover of my life, but that would go only a few days, and then a huge crash would follow. When working on my tiny habit, I‘m reminded everytime that I‘m taking care of myself, parenting myself and that it is doable. Hang on ! Sending lots of love !
I have never been able to keep a routine no matter how hard I have tried. I have had to make peace with that. I modified it so that I don't have to do things by a schedule. My routine is a daily walk no matter what. Even if its just for five minutes. Making the bed when I get up. Thats routine. Maybe start with just one thing that is manageable and just get back at it when you stumble that is what has been working for me. It's like creating a whole new way of being. completely retraining a system to operate in a completely different way so there will be stumbles and that is okay. Part of the routine could be about being forgiving and understanding to self too.
start with just doing what feels good - a bath or water has IONs which is great, and walking and getting air is amazing, super great, being around animals helps too - avoiding psychopaths as much as possible and telling them as little as possible, breathe - mellow music can help at night, there is a ton of youtube stuff just dedicated to deep sleep ptsd music! many blessings
Omg! I just launched my chocolate business this past november and notice this pattern for myself, I’ll work at building my business for a couple days then just get really lazy/unmotivated, and before this i would often not finish things or not even start…it’s nice to know why i’m like this🙏🏼
I always wondered why I couldn't maintain anything in my life. Jobs, friends, relationships, everything...I keep going through the emotions because I have responsibilities, but desperately unhappy which seemed like for no reason whatsoever. Now I understand.
This video was so timely. I got a burst when I took your course and have been pushing myself so hard. I knew my pattern would be to almost be manic and go on a "healing blitz". I had to do as much as I could now, because the crash was inevitable. In fact, for the past six months, my fears and resentments have usually included my fear of losing momentum and crashing. I crashed a few weeks ago and have been beating myself up for not being able to get re-regulated and back on track. I am going to be more kind to myself and look at this as just another unhealthy pattern I need to adjust. My brain is playing tricks on me and I'm going to confront it with understanding and compassion. And keep taking little steps to get myself back on track. Thank you for giving me more knowledge and resources!
This is all part of it, my friend! You're doing just fine! Your "up" spell has been spectacular. In this way of life, the downs are never again as bad as they were. It's OK to be cyclical. It's how we roll. We just learn to keep it gentle and a bit structured and we do OK!
Laying on the floor and trying to think less, then pseudo-meditate helps me. I’m actually doing that right now! I had a very productive day, to the point where I noted it in my journal. I felt the crash milli-seconds later. It’s so hard, but I’m doing it. I’m re-teaching and re-wiring myself and my brain. New beliefs and habits are possible! Reaching a new point of functionality is possible, that is my goal, I have so many aspirations and goals, and not much time to waste.
OMG are we all like this? I mean, I have so many aspirations and goals too! I suddenly thought that perhaps it's us working hard to give ourselves what our parents haven't in terms of possibilities and good life. I am so much eager to do it for myself! The problem is that this eagerness turns against me - too many goals, too much stress, and crashes.
@@Premchik it’s the superego injunctions keeps us “safe”, as in familiar. It will take literal nursing and parenting of ourselves during the pursuit of anything. I am figuring out how to do it, i think it’s about getting into the habit and momentum of it.
A daily routine with some healing strategies really seems to rewire the brain- this is the method I use for that purpose every day bit.ly/3608opl -Cara@TeamFairy
In every single video I hear a description of myself and often very similar experiences. I’m so sorry you had these crappy experiences as an adult. Thank you for sharing them because I had some almost identical experiences and I took it so personally. Treatment like that was part of the gaslighting I experienced as a child. You just opened another person’s eyes to themselves and experiences. Thank you so much, even though I hate that we have to deal with this!
‘Everyone thinks so’, yuch! My mother’s favourite line when wiping the floor with me, especially if I had done something that had been difficult and/or successful. Vicious! Yes, crashing is horrible, and it often triggers our learned helplessness. Those words ‘well of despair’ had me tear-ing up. This! Thank you for this ❤️
This is SOOOOO me. I’ll get into a great productive couple of weeks and then I crash into total unproductive days or weeks after I’ve achieved a goal. It fills me with shame. I think about the things I *should be doing but want to throw a fit like a toddler when I think about forcing myself to do it.
I do this with my music, I'll achieve something and then crash. I usually have good 3 month stretch, then I push and push myself past that aaaannnnnd crash. I look at this as a type of self sabotage. I've done it for as long as I can remember. Voices of your not good enough, or just all the condemnation and things said to me (even as a child) flood in. Some days I can catch it and diffuse those thoughts, then there are the days it's to late and I never know how long it will last. Your vids have definitely helped me draw some serious connections. Thanks for the time you give, I'm sure it's helped many
This is... Me. This is me in my publishing career. One thing and I was derailed for years. By the time I got my confidence back something else happened and I was detailed again for years. I'm finally finding my way back after doing very little to nothing. I'm finally finding my voice in writing again after not knowing if I still had one. Years of resentment, comparisonitis... It's happened in my marriage for years... And I just... Say nothing, do nothing. It happens for me when I try to start exercising and eating better and meditating and taking better care of myself... Get into a routine of any kind... I go 3 days and am feeling good, feeling so good... And then I'll crash for a week and beat myself up, and wonder why I even bother. This channel is I am so grateful I found this channel.
Oh, this is so relatable! Self defeating behaviors just come crashing in, seemingly from nowhere. This technique really helps: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy
I can not even imagine to make a film or doing something demanding in my spare time. I am happy t if I manage my every day small routines which keeps me feeling normal. Even with just this everyday tasks I have crashes and burns. I am 44 have no children only partner and I am identical twin so on the top of CPTSD is also twin issue. BUT thanks to you I can handle it better, daily writing and meditating really really helps. The only thing ever helped me really. Thank you
@@hwaidasweilem8955 Thank you for asking. Twin issue i call the problems between twins nobody talk about. We have two attachments. To our parents and to the other twin and on top of it we hove two personalities' as an individual and as a twin according to Barbara Klein ( one of few who is psychotherapist for twins as twin her self and leading expert on this issue). With confusion of double personality and double attachment when badly parenting twins has very dysfunctional personalities issues but no twin people can not understand. Hope it makes sense. Sorry for mistakes in English.
I am dealing with a coworker who undermines and gaslights me. She is really young so when I talk to my supervisors about the issue they say, "isn't she really young" yes she is but her behavior is still offensive no matter what the age. Oh well.
I won’t go into detail, but I had a spectacular crash and burn right in front of a supervisor. Even though it was the weekend, I called my therapist. She called back the next day and she made an appt. for Monday. Your video encouraged me to reach out. First time in decades I entrusted someone for help.
Oh my goodness this has been SOOOO HELPFUL!!! Not only did you describe this cycle perfectly but you also provided hope and help THANKYOU FOR HAVING THE COURAGE TO DO THESE VIDEOS YOUR WISDOM IS HEALING MANY SOULS
I cannot thank you enough! This is an AMAZING dead hit on the nail head. When crashing happens, I have felt so desperately alone, ashamed, guilt ridden and afraid to tell ANYONE what's going on with me during an episode because I feel like I sound crazy. I KNOW I'm not but don't know what the heck is wrong.
I feel like i don't "deserve" to crash so i keep it to myself in shame and guilt also. My mother was/is the only person ever allowed to be "tired". She had ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for the entirety of my childhood and that meant she had a monopoly on tiredness and sympathy. If i was ever tired she'd say accusingly "what do YOU have to be tired for?!". Still does it now. It gets ingrained that you have to hide when you are tired or run-down or crashing or you'll be shamed for being 'lazy' or not having done enough to deserve your own feelings. The irony being that it's that kind of behaviour that causes the need to "crash" in the first place and withdraw into your protective shell to be safe from it.
Yeah I know the feeling, it's like a Rollercoaster, everything is fine until a day got a crash, drained in bed without any way to recover that the crash end, and yeah its cyclical. Work, work, crash, recover, work, crach, work, works than again another crash. Lost my accademic career, hikkokomory, social again. It's tiring. That's why I'm here in somehow, I lost so many time and projects for random mood jumps and you are enlighting my was out 😊 regulation in a key factor. Thank you 💕
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you a lot, really. From the deepest hidden part of my heart. You have no idea how much you helped me, and keep helping me out, with this. I felt, from the very first time ever, not this alone or "mad or wrong" in somehow. So really thank you ! ^_^ Thanks to you I know for sure it's possibile to end these cycles, it's hard but there is a way out and I'm so glad to know. When (and if..) I'll finish to wrote down some of the novels I'm working on there will be, at least, one with a dedication for you. Will be dedicated to you and to all the people than, close and far to me, on their own journey or near to me actually helped me out in the darkest moment of my life (I named it "my dark night of the soul"). But now I know that could be a dawn in the future. So thank you. This is the main reason mine is not a simple "love" it's a tzunami of GigaLove, it's so much bigger. ^_^
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I know this could sounds (and it's kind is) a bit silly and childish to be done but 'couse through words I'm not really able to share with you my feelings about this, the true sensations involved I'm trying to describe it in a different way, I'll use a metaphore, an simple picture in order to describe it in a more accurate way, a proper way about your help on this issue. My own city got this characteristic: at sunset the Alps, that surround my city, turn the sky deep orange, it's almost like the sky is on fire in somehow, somedays. So I want to share it with you telling you this: CPTSD is just like having inside skies on fire that surround us above us and reflected in the river we named "our life", and your help to me rappresent the far blue: the clear, calm regular blue sky that the person in this picture is starting at behind the hillside, so far away from the firing skies of the emotional swings that overwhelm you. I'm the person who is staring this sky in front of the river that mirror it, surrounded by these cycles of fires and, for me, you are the blue sky far in the distance. So thank you for it a lot for your help! :) From my heart!
I can't believe I'm not the only person on earth who has experienced this. For years I've been judging myself for my crashes, which can be colossal. The poisonous extra tanking your filmmaking momentum? Your narrative about the gaslighting supervisor crapping on your publishing career and shutting you down for years? ugh. It's like you've known me my whole life. I can't even write a resume because all I see when I'm reading or writing it, is my crash history. And knowing there's a remedy has me gasping for air. Thank you. THANK YOU.
I am a musician/songwriter/media producer. I started writing music about a trauma filled childhood in the very early 1990s; long before I knew what CPTSD is. Creativity for me is always sparked by musical inspiration. Often I find that this inspiration is very powerful; however, a work of art can often take time to mature with time. If I try to force something to be done before it is ready, it can turn out half baked. I believe that what inspires me to produce is that inspiration to do what I was created to contribute. Keep doing what you love. It helps me immensely!!
question 2; why do I feel I am mourning the loss of my own identity, with regret? And, when someone provokes a trigger, they're attacking my Identity?? That's what makes me take to my bed hidden for years!
I saw counselors on and off for 30 years for pathological introversion after being picked on or actively ignored most of my childhood, but the Fairy breaks it down better than anyone I met except for those first sessions when a good counselor explained different personality types and how trauma can make you isolate. I also crashed and burned frequently.
Anna .... I crashed too.... at least 18 years or more. Had kids. Been hiding. Learning from you how to re-regulate. I kept journaling that I forget things, and withdraw and feel discouraged. Exactly - torpor. Self attacks learned from internalizing the voices of my ex husband and parents. A big well of despair. I just want hope and anticipation for once. So crashing is a brain state. Deep breath. Routines. I keep trying to stick to a routine. I like staying up half the night.. routines, daily practice , eat regularly, exercise, yoga, be well rested. Yes I have felt drained for a long, long time - that song ‘ running in empty’ is my song. It is nice to step outside myself and look at my brain 🧠 going through disregulation. I started making a documentary... a couple of years ago.... and I interviewed a lot of people on video.... and then I crashed and didn’t finish it. Torpor, mental self attacks. Keep thinking I should go back to it and finish it.
I hope you do go back and finish! If you need some techniques to help, here is a free course: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice -Cara@TeamFairy
I find this "crashing" often feels like self-sabotage. It's something that can be mastered and mastery is a life-long, worthwhile pursuit. When I notice these repeated behaviours, I also recognize that we cannot do anything if we don't know what we're working with, so listening closely to oneself is imperative to regaining strength and control rather than spinning out of control or going down the carbohydrate-filled dark and dreary hole. I have found that I try to ride the wave while it's high, but I also read that (referring to the practice of writing, which relates to other practices) waiting for inspiration doesn't produce results, but that regular daily practice does. This way any discipline or endeavour is available to the artist at will. Every one of you is an artist. Finding knowledge and experience such as this channel is a wonderful anchor.
Oh and yes the fear of success bringing in too much work is real. I think it’s cool to have both goals that are visible to the public AND goals that are private going at the same time. Could be good practice to celebrate your private successes (like anything regarding house maintenance or hygiene) knowing it’s not for anyone else but you. Or something even more private like drawing in a sketchbook regularly. It’s only for your own eyeballs. When i feel that crash coming from public goals i try to ebb and flow between that goal and private goals to help me feel safe. It gives me a break from the real or imagined pressure from others, and in that time I can talk myself out of quitting.
Wow, this is soooo familiar, Anna. I was thinking about a quote I read somewhere that goes something like: "When someone is nasty to you for no apparent reason, ask yourself if they might be jealous of you." I'm so sorry you got discouraged/triggered by those 2 very obviously insanely jealous people, and in such hurtful ways. It's happened to me on a number of occasions, in very sinister ways, and I've allowed myself to be defeated by it on more than one occasion. In retrospect I can see it for what it was. That place of despair you refer to is where I live anyway, so it's easily amplified. The scariest thing about the jealous is that they never come round. I think they feel powerless in relation to us, but if they knew how much harm they do, i don't think they'd do it. I'd like to see your film! Can we have links if it's on Y/Tube?
Last year during the lockdown I decided I was going to take GREAT care of myself. I quit drinking alcohol, eating unhealthy and I started working out. One day after 2 months of this "shift" I visited my parents. My father looked at me (like with disgust) and told me I looked bad and unhealthy (everyone else that saw me told me the opposite) but somehow his words got to me. At first I stopped working out and then I went back to the unhealthy habits. It was like (in my mind) he comanded me to quit and I obay. I never thought of it as PTSD but I can see myself in all the symptoms and it makes me feel a little less messed up. Thank you for sharing this ♡
Wow!! Thats exactly what I do. Thats not how I normally am. Used to be a real "mover and shaker "! Now over past several years I'm more like a " crasher and lounger "🥴😖🥱 Don't like it at all This CPTSD is extremely debilitating and truly takes from one's self worth,, self esteem and over-all quality of life !! Thank you for all your videos I've watched several and they are very insightful and helpful !! I so need to get back on track !!
HOW DARE WE BE HAPPY??😉subconciously I think I've been self sabotaging when I start to succeed and be happy...not realizing old messages were playing in my brain.😏
Wow! This is me as well. I’m a supervisor and I work 7 days on for 12 hour shifts and I get 7 days off. My 7 off I’m completely useless it’s always a chore to do anything.
I recently actually worked up the courage to ask a guy I'm incredibly attracted to for the first time in my life and I was starting to do great with career planning/projects and then I crashed! That was about two months ago. I felt so afraid that I didn't answer my phone for a whole month and then I suddenly stopped being productive...I'm still unmotivated. Can you imagine what this person must've been thinking?! I'm still embarrassed 😳! I started overthinking about how little I think I have to offer, because I don't have my finances and my career in order!
Great example of the fear overtaking us, so sorry that is happening for you but I do understand it. I suggest trying this course courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice Best -Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, I can relate to this story of yours. I use to say that I thought that I had had a ‘breakdown’ because I could not define what happened and that is all that I knew to call it. You just explained it. I crashed. Thank you!
You are telling my story. It's amazing how things are similar in people with the same kind of trauma. That is exactly what kept happenning to me throughout my whole life. I am so much better now after years of therapy!! But my pain and my crashes are still with me. When I'm triggered I get into that same dark place - sometimes for a moment, sometimes for some longer. Thankfully I can get out of it now and I do not turn on myself in a normal state of mind. But sometimes!... Well, it happens exactly the way you say: when I have done something bigger than usual, something new that has exposed me to many people. My anxiety suddenly gets so high! I still feel very willing to continue what I started but I just can't, and my energy just cannot flow. It feels like I become a bottle with a very narrow neck. Things just cannot get out of me, but the energy inside gets even higher, and it starts burning and I'm bloating with it. And I get stuck and then comes the self rage - that I cannot handle it, after all these years in therapy, that I should know better and be prepared, and think positively, blablabla... Not to trigger anyone else, I better stop here. Thank you for telling what you have in this video! And for the idea of routines. I immediately felt more relaxed. Not that I'm able to adopt any of them right now, but the very idea that simple everyday things can calm me down, and I should be taking care of it, helps me a lot.
I've realized those people that give you such negative feedback and comments are usually the one's that deal all of those issues themselves actually and they see you as their biggest threat. I'm learning to try to ignore those things more and more. It's so difficult! You are great! I appreciate everything you are doing for all of us still trying to hold our footing and gain traction in this world.
Thank you for sharing your real-life examples. I think that criticism of any kind along with CPTSD triggers me right back to my core childhood wounds. I always “crash” and, while I have been improving my rebounding time - what used to always take me 3 days has gotten down to one, I am still working on this. I love to sing and 2 years ago I was in a singing competition where we placed much lower than expected and had difficult judging remarks to endure. It was one of the most devastating experiences of my life, especially because it involved something I love and have felt confidence in. No one understood how I could be so totally destroyed by this experience, but the truth is it brought up so much for me and also highlighted how alone and unsupported I felt during a loss (also related to childhood trauma). Sadly, I actually stopped singing. I do hope to go back at some point, but I will take things slow and don’t plan to be on a competition level anymore. I share this because I’m just saying that I completely understand these crashes and how they can hold us back. I realize they hit home in a difficult way with CPTSD. I’m glad you are here for us. Thanks!
Thank you for the encouragement. You make a good point that I hadn’t considered (about the healing qualities of singing). I do plan to join a community chorus when Covid restrictions are lifted. Just on a casual and relaxed level. The spiral I went through after that competition in 2019 was too much on top of all that I am normally trying to keep myself together over, so I don’t see myself putting any pressure on something I would rather just enjoy and share. Again, thank you for the positive words.
Thank you for sharing, take the time you need to get started on the healing process and you will be back to singing soon if that's the gift you have to share with the world :)
You keep hitting everything that has needed to be looked at, and neglected, for a long time! Thanks for opening my eyes to patterns and suggesting healthy ways to address them
Listening, confrontation and learned helplessness, seem critical. Self defence, boundaries that secure internal resources, seem or reflexively in the moment 'is pointless'. The only viable stratgy for survival works out as let yourself be hurt, crash and burn. Give up. Let mother and father win. Elephant to a little peg, childhood conditioning. When that is triggered, you'll have you now mental energies trying to run against you then, and self sabotage, brain fogging, disavowed shadow possession issues.
Anna, screenshot my message and any one like it. KEEP GOING!!!!!! You're doing the best work and helping so so so many people. No therapist has ever been as informative as your videos. You are so worthy of publishing a book. There are people who need your work. Never ever ever let another insecure person discourage you again. Opinions are like a$$holes, everyone has one and they usually stink. Xx
“little well of despair” is a perfect metaphor! I can not hold back the tears Anna. This has been my life for decades. Your whole discussion describes my thoughts and behaviour so well it’s crazy. For a very long time I thought this was just life. It is not. Thank you so much for understanding and pointing the way out of this morass we make for ourselves. I can confirm that every one of these suggestions works. Wonderful. Thank you again 💕💕💕
Thank you CC Fairy! I have written down almost every word you said in this video. I never knew any of this, though in many respects it’s the story of my life. I am praying for the grace to write a different story in the rest of my life.
@@emmollnova2917 I discovered what it was relatively recently. I thought it was endless suppressed emotions causing so much muscle tension. I would jump at the slightest thing, I was constantly removing my shoulders from around my ears, always feeling tense. No wonder I became addicted to things that relaxed me. I've done a lot of work in myself and have to say that convincing the limbic system to chill out takes a very long time, and trying to hard which is common for me, makes it worse
Thank you CCF, this is very helpful. I've noticed for a very long time that after I've done something well, something worky, out in the world, and especially if I've had praise or appreciation, I very quickly sink into what feels like depression, and behave in ways that do nothing to build upon my success. As a child I was dependent on a parent who reminded me repeatedly that life was horrible and that no matter how well I did that it was all fake and unhappiness was the only truth. I think the dreadful feelings I get after success are a way of honouring that parent, which is what we all learned to do. It is helpful to see this pattern for what it is: knowledge is power.
I face this issue all the time , always i have people around me who tries to make me down, stap me in the back without me even expect it because i do not hurt anybody . But you know what , i know why people generally do that. it is because they want to be like you and they can not , so they harm you out of jealousy and desperation , they sometimes tell me that . for example , some workmates suddenly starts to treat me badly or suddenly they become full of hatred , one of them told me after a while that it is because the manager is consulting me not consulting them about work issues ( that's why they became jealous , and hostile , because it reminds them about their worthless) Things like these happen for every successful person . These videos that that you are making are exactly what i need to understand whats going on within me.. Thanks very much. And keep going on , we all love you ♥
Thank you so much Anna, again you are naming what I am living without realising it. I am currently right at the peak of the 'wave' where I feel positive and taking up new challenges. As a matter of fact, I got a new job on a dreamed position, I just started and everything is good with my new boss and all, and I am oh-so scared already the future crashes that will come at some point... This video just came at the right timing to help me prevent all the bad effect of PTSD. Thanks for your follower also for bringing that up to you!! Much love to you all.
Wow! I have overcome so many cptsd reactions, but this one still catches me off guard from time to time. I actually anticipate a potential trigger ahead of time. Would love to overcome this!
That is one thing I learned in recovery- to check information! I love that your intuition told you to seek other information when it didn’t make sense. I had that happen also- and went over the person who told me something and the boss wanted me to reveal who gave me the misinformation. I choose not to- just wanted to be clear that this person was who they were- a person willing to lie to put me down for their own reasons. I am so proud of you, Anna, for trying things and doing things and being a leader through the cptsd wasteland into the Promised Land!
This is so important to hear and now know. This has kept me back and been a key factor in me not living my life. It really undermines any of your healthy passion for life, joy in connection and robs you and others of all the gifts and abilities you were born with. It is so important to learn. Thank you.
I agree!!! I feel so cheated by the impact of my childhood trauma. I wanted to be a doctor, but had such anxiety that I could not study properly, and would completely freeze during exams. I thought I was stupid and worthless. I am a bright person, so could ‘fake it’ when things came easily, but could not overcome the terrible ‘blanking’ when called upon to perform.
It’s “crash and burn” for me. I know it well. Now, thanks to you, I know it as dysregulating. If something negative happens, I go into a pattern of sadness, lack of concentration, hopelessness. At least now I can recognize it.
Yes!! Such a good description here!! Sadness, unfocusing and total despair!! Like a child 👶
Been there, done that, it's like we're trying to prove our worth by how much we do all we do is get burnout and the apathy etc sets in. We have to learn to look after ourselves first and say no sometimes
@@cheesemano4 Omg, that happened to me. It hurt me so deeply.
When I get that down I don't tell anyone and I don't seek help. Dangerous if you're suicidal.
@@lisacurtis8162 Yes totally agree.
Creative ppl like artists writers musicians etc know a stage you mentioned called RESISTANCE. Any time your project is going well there is a little gremlin that comes along to try to stop you. It's your subconscious challenging you saying "Do you REALLY want this?" or sometimes it tells you "You don't deserve this" or "You can't handle all this." All BAD programming. Resisting resistance doesn't always help, either. Sometimes you have to dismantle it like a ticking time bomb. These videos help. Thanks, CCF!
Bad programming is exactly right!
I know this stage well. I’ve come to call it my, “don’t wanna” spell. I get so angry for behaving so childish and resisting something I actually WANT to do. Lately I realized it’s probably because I was forced into so many bad situations as a child where I couldn’t escape and now, as an adult, any sign of the resistance “gremlin” (great word!), makes me shut down and not engage.
@@TeamCat1128 Totally relate to that.
@@TeamCat1128 holy cow, yes!!! Thank you for this insight.
@@TeamCat1128 this is me too with music. It is one of the major things I am meant to do but I get that feeling and I am trying to understand it more.
Finally, someone articulates exactly what I'm experiencing! This is one of my most annoying symptoms, bc when I crash I feel like I can't accomplish basic tasks let alone be productive 😓
Glad you liked it :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes ! Me too with basic tasks. No can do ! I get anxiety. Barely accomplish anything at all. Embarrassed to say, however it's been mentioned here about the self neglect & sometimes very basic care things you just don't do. So I believe almost everyone here with CPTSD does the same things to themselves. EVERYONE SAY I AM NOT ALONE. we are NOT alone. Thank you Anna. You are the beautiful fairy guide. Thank you from my whole being. YES. Crappy Childhood Fairy IS meant to do this & so much more. She is awesome & we are awesome too, whether you all know it or not.
Same here! 😢❤️🩹
So good. I couldn't stop laughing when at 14:31 you said "you don't have to live like a nun" because I am a nun! Truly. I'm an Anglican nun. Another great video. I appreciate the work you're doing Anna. Thanks for sharing such practical tools.
Ah! I guess you are one of the people who should, rightly, live like a nun! Thanks for being here. Sending love!
I have always blamed myself for crashing....perfect description, great to finally recognize it as NOT my fault, and get out and walk, go for a drive, spend time with nature, animals, forests...anything that I know will help. Dancing to rock music can do it for me too! Thank you Anna! Everyone out there, repeat after me: IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!
Say it for the back row LOL
Oh yes! The dancing! Reminds me of another one of Anna’s videos about self regulating! Something about moving with the rhythm..
WOW this is what I do...I am super woman in my function phase but when I crash I find it a chore to even brush my teeth 😴 ...
Relate!
I get it after a success, because I feel like I held it together through all that, I deserve to just slump back for a while. So my crashes almost feel like reward for hardening myself through the steps to achieving a goal.
I do the same and it even feels like a kind of regulation, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to rest.
I feel the same. I can gather all my strength and confidence to get through a large deliverable and after it’s over I wait until I can retreat and recharge. It takes everything out of me.
If it doesn't feel like dysregulation, then ENJOY :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Same here. An important success once followed by a massive failure.
Well, IF the downhill sleigh ride is what you came up all the way pushing... Then go for it.
I am so sorry that those jealous people tore you down. I could see you being a great director or writer - you are a unique thinker and have a deep and empathetic understanding of the human condition. I am so glad for you, as well as all the people you help, that you were able to find another outlet for your gifts. This time, you're going to keep shining!
Thanks so much for the encouragement :)
Oh wow…..! The reference to CPTSD having claws hit me in the guts.
I have no friends by choice.. I don’t want other peoples drama, bs, and poor treatment. It’s hard enough to keep myself going without crashing already.
When we get a bit more grounded, the idea of friendship might change a bit. courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I know what you’re saying my friend I could totally relate I hope you’re feeling OK now we’re all in this together I’m praying for all of us that is listening to Anna‘s channel
I have never been described this accurately before. I thought this was bipolar because I get super motivated and hardworking and feel elated and then crash. Withdraw. I thought maybe hypomania.
SAME!!! This is sooooo eye-opening! 💜
I am willing to bet that most people with "mental health disorders" have early childhood ptsd. And honestly, no medicine has ever helped me. It only masked things and made me feel like a zombie.
Sadly, many people who realize they have C-PTSD were told they were bi-polar at some point
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@louiselovemusicproduction i agree
You don't know how much I need your wisdom.
Thank you so much!
OMG..you’re describing ME!
Me too :)
Me too! I am was noticing this too!
I think this differs alot from ME.
:)
Half the battle is seeing your patterns and behaviours being verified like this, that means I dont have to beat myself up thinking it's just me. Thankyou🙂
Totally!
Exactly- we're all about self-care, not self-loathing and have strategies to help :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for putting a name to it. For decades I kept beating myself up with 'What the hell is wrong with me?' after periods of procrastination that I knew were hurting me creatively, yet something 'invisible' inside kept me sabotaging myself over and over. Makes so much sense now. Instead of berating myself, I'll be giving myself a hug, & encouragement to keep going as if I were talking to a friend battling that situation, not me. What a difference one aha moment makes. Thank you, Anna for all your efforts. You are truly a lightworker. I recently also bought Pete Walker's book, CPTSD- Surviving to Thriving. Great read. 🙏
One aha moment shows gives us new hope and that is great! A lot of Pete Walker's tools as well as others Anna has learned along the way are built into the courses. Practical application of the info and an understanding of our condition will carry you through your lifetime :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I like the self talk ideas nice!! Thx
Crashing, freezing, hiding away, etc. These patterns are so much a part of me, and I did not realize how much they are a manifestation of childhood trauma. There is so much guilt surrounding these issues for me that it is so hard to give myself a break and forgive my negative coping patterns. Knowing these behaviors are a function of the effects of CPTSD is helpful, but I know I will need to be vigilant and focused in order to come back to myself when I succumb to these coping patterns.
Try this:
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
God, I'm in the middle of one of those right now
Glad you're here- I hope it got better :)
Yesss. I have this to. Except I crash for like weeks. It’s like self sabotage. The bigger the success, the bigger the crash.
We can help with that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
My trauma and cptsd were so bad that I didn't want to live anymore by the age of 4. I was unable to function in school and couldn't graduate elementary school because of absences do to such low functionality and I haven't been able to hold a job because of severe crashes and unwellness. I am working on healing but I even get severe sensory overload and have to basically focus all of my time on trying to regulate and take care of myself in the most fundamental ways that people that for granted. Working on it. 💜 I am not giving up. 💪
I’m so sorry. I too was never not suicidal. I had those ideations and inclinations even before I knew there was a word for it. Sensorial overwhelm right now is horrible, but it’s easier than if I were not as emotionally regulated as I am right now. I flinch at sounds in my sleep! The way normal people can routinely take care of themselves without questioning their own worth of said care is something I am jealous of, but I’m working hard to create and maintain routines I’ve always wanted.
Be super good to yourself, so amazing you are here now - we are rooting for you too! Baths and walks, right? Good air and not talking to psychopaths! How dare anyone be so cruel to a child!
Hang in there & keep going! Youre challenging something really tough, but think of how much ypuve already accomplished on this! Sending hugs.
WOW! ❤
Me too...! You know, for me, its like, I read most of these stories and we have all lost the ability to fight. Either to be ourselves, or to stop others taking advantage. Anna, is teaching us to get up and re-fight, when were either frozen or fawns in order to fight, that's why were here. Abuse you cant deal with though, ethically, always makes you fall as it makes you incensed.
Here's something interesting I have been noticing about crashing. It happens to me the most after I have had some good things happen and been given some compliments and been noticed for accomplishments etc. It feels like I get so excited by the positive attention that it becomes kind of like an addiction and I want more and more and more positive attention (probably didn't get that much as a child) so I either crash when the compliments stop-as they always do-or I get desperate in my search for attention and end up asking for it from someone who puts me down or doesn't respond and I crash from the negative encounter. I am going to try to recognize the desperation for a "compliment fix" and address it during my morning writing routine. Thank you for helping me find this insight.
You're welcome, so glad it resonated!
Totally get this! Not so big as when I was younger, but no doubt linked to childhood trauma. Thanks for covering this!
YES.
Wow, I know exactly what crashing is. When I crash I tell myself I am lazy, too fat, not smart enough, and it gets worse. Your meditation video was super helpful for this. Thank you for such a helpful video!
I'm so glad that it helped, be consistent with it if you can :)
which video are you talking about?
Yup. I know the feeling of being up for a short time and then down for longer.
I am in bed literally crashing right now after a work event. How did you know? Lol
A Hug for you from here ! It's the stress involved. ^^
:)
We need to learn how not to let one person's criticism have so much power..
I seemed to manage the cpsd until I got sick where this and other physical issues arose that had also been dormant. I don't think it helps that we have created a society where we are expected to be machines and not ever break down, just makes not getting things done "right" according to the accepted methods or timeliness worse and adds to the dysregulation. I always worked in spurts but could manage them so most tasks got done as they needed to without too much delay. Thanks again, so very much, for finding the strength to do these videos, very healing and enlightening.
"Everyone thinks so" a commonly used control tactic! I finally said, who is everyone? It only works on us until it doesn't!
People say this when they are jealous and feeling threatened. When they see your success and feel small from a distorted comparison. Like projection, this is really transparent once you realise IT'S NOT YOU!!!
Right!!!
The woman who criticized you, I would bet it was because you triggered her memories of her childhood!!! You are amazing, you are so incredibly helpful and a most beautiful soul.I think God for you every day and for your courage and caring. Love to you! You have helped me more than you could ever know and so many others. Thank you.
Thank you so much!
As long as I can remember I have felt as though most people knew or were taught behaviors I didn't know. I am very grateful to have found this blog. I feel not only do I finally have a name for why I ALWAYS have felt like an outsider....but also received a gift of insight of what exactly the differences are...and how to make adjustments...tools...and with COMPASSION even.
Thank you for what you do.
Thanks for being here- so glad you found the channel!
Your videos continuously show me that I am not alone in my symptoms and this is one that I have struggled with for decades as I am 45 years old. I have beat myself up for lack of productivity after bursts of high success and productivity and I have always felt like a failure because of it. Knowing I am not alone and this is common with so many people living with childhood trauma it makes me feel seen. Thank you for your videos
So glad you found us!
You ARE seen by many here. I see you too. I felt seen here also. It's awesome. Just knowing what to do & that we are not alone helped me a lot. Blessings to you. Love, Nancy "Nanukie".
This is a recurring issue in my life, too. The first time I realized how hard it hits me was when someone who should have been my cheerleader said, "You won't" after I made myself vulnerable enough to speak about a TINY bit of what I wanted to do in my life. Two small words that hit me like bombs. It's horrible, and possibly others here can relate, but this thought comes back to me a lot and it keeps telling me time and again that I am worthless and could never have reached my dreams. And I never have figured out how to become anything I was aiming for at that time.
P.S.: Anna's boss was a misogynist. Man, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from telling HIS boss when asking her about her opinion on the book. Gah, people are horrible.
I know that recurring thought pattern of a memory when someone was unsupportive or had blatant words that discouraged me. It has changed me to the point where I keep things to myself until they are already in fruition - because if I were to be met with a negative reaction before I had accomplished, I would have given up and never seen it though. I don’t have the “thick skin” and resilience that some people do - those who don’t need others to validate them the way I do since I didn’t receive that in my childhood. I understand completely what you are saying and I hope you can somehow come to a place of believing that YOU WILL!
that is exactly what resentment is- something negative re- "sent" into our brains over & over. The Daily Practice helped me hugely with those awful ruminations bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
I think I have the same problem. Criticism (& control) and/or lack of praise & encouragement as a child through young adulthood turned into self-defeating thoughts. Meds help but the self sabotage has continued subconsciously. Crashing & burning out happened for decades but I haven't been able to pull myself back up in the past 5 years. Aging, pandemic, etc didn't help physically, either. Hope you've been able to overcome the stumbling blocks.
oh my gosh, I thought this had nothing to do with my CPTSD but it totally makes sense! T_T I felt so alone thinking this was just me.
I get overwhelmed SOOO easily these days!
This was like painting a picture of my life. When I was young, my stepmom told me she doesn't want to hear me sing again. My dad and I used to sing beautifully together with Harmony. That came to an abrupt halt that was only when I was a freshman in high school. Now I am 62 years old. Now I understand why I don't sing anymore.
You know I got the feeling, but is a personal impression, that the pandemic situation get things worst for many people. Cptsd plus lockdown :'( Could be very overwhelming.
The techniques Anna teaches can really help keeping the overwhelm turn into dysregulation. If nothing else, try this course bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Oh my goodness I just had to comment. This is the first time I realized I'm doing this. This makes me so insecure sometimes like if I'm defective or lazy. And I don't notice it until I'm discouraged. Once it seems to be noticeable to others. And it does follow some progress and then I go back a few steps. Today I'm doing some progress again. You give me hope for improving.
It is as true as true can be; we are masters of relapse in multiple forms. This is definitely a common C-PTSD trait.
The way you described crashing after premiering your film is exactly how I crashed after I achieved a significant milestone in my life -- I'd lost over 75 lbs, was super into fitness, and was even considering becoming a personal trainer on the side. I'd never felt so confident and happy and proud of myself after years of binge eating and lethargy; I wasn't ever an athletic person. Two people in my life made snide, critical comments about how I should just stop because I was getting too skinny. I was devastated and crashed hard - started binge eating again and regained all the weight back and avoided being around others as much as possible.
I am slowly getting back into fitness again but somewhat discreetly and not with as much enthusiasm as before, for fear of annoying people in my life.
I do hope to overcome this someday, but it really can take the wind out of one's sails to be cut down like that after putting in so much hard work.
There was no need for their mean words to you. I'd bet they couldn't do what you did, and even though you're starting again, laugh and be proud that you've done it before, and you will do it again. Hopefully, you no longer have those 2 detractors in your life.
@@eggedon6112 Thank you so much; I really needed to see this today 💙 I cut both off a couple of years ago now. One was my mother and only recently have I begun to--very cautiously--re-engage with her, under specific circumstances with no body talk. I've had many more physical setbacks but I hope to get back to where I was and even better 💙
@@theshunnedBandersnatch Hey, good for you. Just do your plan every day, and do the very best you can for yourself, not others who wish to bring you down. One day, it will all be like a bad dream that's all over. #StayUp
Wow I am just going through that I lost 15lbs in a drastic approach but I worked and then all of a sudden I had this feeling started binge eating like hell it’s been a week I hope to get better now
You are a deeper person, those little people who cut off your dreams did something so little but you have used it for great things. You are reaching 24/7 everyone worldwide who needs to hear this hope and feed the light inside to grow stronger.
I don't know if you needed to keep filming or publishing then if it meant never going for the Crappy Childhood Fairy. Plus, just knowing the head of the company liked your book is amazing and you are the badass for the courage to confront her. The other story you had the guts to call and ask the friends in your film too. Its a show of resiliancy to hear the one jealous person then verify if that was true about you as a film maker. Its not about any one career or prestige, its about training to mastery which is you. Your experiences made you well rounded and able to counsel the whole world - your movies and books would never have the impact on others, on healing and emotional health globally that your YT channel has, so everything happened for a reason and you pursued the journey of your heart, and it came together at the right time for the right reasons.
Thank you for transparency
Appreciate you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I see the value of routines, yet I can't seem to make myself keep them which makes me feel so ashamed and discouraged.
I hear you. I developped one tiny routine : prepare my coffee the night before. When I woke up, I was so glad my self prepared that the night before. At first, I had huge resistance to do this tiny routine, but after completing it 30 days, it was almost automatic and no resistance or blaming myself. After I was sure that this tiny habit was ingrained deeply, I moved on to another : keeping the sink clean. I‘m still working on this one. I tried changing everything in a huge makeover of my life, but that would go only a few days, and then a huge crash would follow. When working on my tiny habit, I‘m reminded everytime that I‘m taking care of myself, parenting myself and that it is doable. Hang on ! Sending lots of love !
I have never been able to keep a routine no matter how hard I have tried. I have had to make peace with that. I modified it so that I don't have to do things by a schedule. My routine is a daily walk no matter what. Even if its just for five minutes. Making the bed when I get up. Thats routine. Maybe start with just one thing that is manageable and just get back at it when you stumble that is what has been working for me. It's like creating a whole new way of being. completely retraining a system to operate in a completely different way so there will be stumbles and that is okay. Part of the routine could be about being forgiving and understanding to self too.
@@sophiekoerfer4316 All of this!
start with just doing what feels good - a bath or water has IONs which is great, and walking and getting air is amazing, super great, being around animals helps too - avoiding psychopaths as much as possible and telling them as little as possible, breathe - mellow music can help at night, there is a ton of youtube stuff just dedicated to deep sleep ptsd music! many blessings
@Cassie_Grace this is a great start bit.ly/3608opl
Omg! I just launched my chocolate business this past november and notice this pattern for myself, I’ll work at building my business for a couple days then just get really lazy/unmotivated, and before this i would often not finish things or not even start…it’s nice to know why i’m like this🙏🏼
Guilt of success - OMG! exactly. I fear success but crave it badly. Its madding
Understood!
I always wondered why I couldn't maintain anything in my life. Jobs, friends, relationships, everything...I keep going through the emotions because I have responsibilities, but desperately unhappy which seemed like for no reason whatsoever. Now I understand.
Great to hear! This is just the top of the fairy iceberg. We have more support and courses www.crappychildhoodfariy.com
-Cara@TeamFairy
This video was so timely. I got a burst when I took your course and have been pushing myself so hard. I knew my pattern would be to almost be manic and go on a "healing blitz". I had to do as much as I could now, because the crash was inevitable. In fact, for the past six months, my fears and resentments have usually included my fear of losing momentum and crashing. I crashed a few weeks ago and have been beating myself up for not being able to get re-regulated and back on track. I am going to be more kind to myself and look at this as just another unhealthy pattern I need to adjust. My brain is playing tricks on me and I'm going to confront it with understanding and compassion. And keep taking little steps to get myself back on track. Thank you for giving me more knowledge and resources!
This is all part of it, my friend! You're doing just fine! Your "up" spell has been spectacular. In this way of life, the downs are never again as bad as they were. It's OK to be cyclical. It's how we roll. We just learn to keep it gentle and a bit structured and we do OK!
Radical self acceptance and self love. I am working on this myself. It makes a HUGE difference.
I so emphathize with you. ' F" that...h ole boss! Hugs
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Where were you years ago! Lol for real I love your talks
Thanks so much!
I have quit many jobs for medical reasons, usually after crawling out from under a pile of paperwork.
Wowwww you’re not alone 💜💖🙏🏽
:)
Laying on the floor and trying to think less, then pseudo-meditate helps me. I’m actually doing that right now! I had a very productive day, to the point where I noted it in my journal. I felt the crash milli-seconds later. It’s so hard, but I’m doing it. I’m re-teaching and re-wiring myself and my brain. New beliefs and habits are possible! Reaching a new point of functionality is possible, that is my goal, I have so many aspirations and goals, and not much time to waste.
OMG are we all like this? I mean, I have so many aspirations and goals too! I suddenly thought that perhaps it's us working hard to give ourselves what our parents haven't in terms of possibilities and good life. I am so much eager to do it for myself! The problem is that this eagerness turns against me - too many goals, too much stress, and crashes.
@@Premchik it’s the superego injunctions keeps us “safe”, as in familiar. It will take literal nursing and parenting of ourselves during the pursuit of anything. I am figuring out how to do it, i think it’s about getting into the habit and momentum of it.
A daily routine with some healing strategies really seems to rewire the brain- this is the method I use for that purpose every day bit.ly/3608opl
-Cara@TeamFairy
Holy shit🤯 Thank you thank you thank you. Now I can stop punishing myself over this “pattern”. You are an Angel🙏🏻
And there are healing techniques to stop the pattern :)
Yes. I call it the roller-coaster.
I find having a routine help alot with it.
5:40 this is what is happening with my singing.
10:12 your such a great person. Remember it's your life do what you love. People who are good will find you. You're my inspiration 💛to keep going ❤💗💓
:)
In every single video I hear a description of myself and often very similar experiences. I’m so sorry you had these crappy experiences as an adult. Thank you for sharing them because I had some almost identical experiences and I took it so personally. Treatment like that was part of the gaslighting I experienced as a child. You just opened another person’s eyes to themselves and experiences. Thank you so much, even though I hate that we have to deal with this!
‘Everyone thinks so’, yuch! My mother’s favourite line when wiping the floor with me, especially if I had done something that had been difficult and/or successful. Vicious! Yes, crashing is horrible, and it often triggers our learned helplessness.
Those words ‘well of despair’ had me tear-ing up. This!
Thank you for this ❤️
bless you!
Thanks for being here & sharing!
I've been on a crash for 7 years. I maybe have one day a month where I feel capable and productive. It's horrible.
This year and last year. Makes a lot of sense
You can get unstuck! Check out courses, join our membership, we have a lot of support
-Cara@TeamFairy
This is SOOOOO me. I’ll get into a great productive couple of weeks and then I crash into total unproductive days or weeks after I’ve achieved a goal. It fills me with shame. I think about the things I *should be doing but want to throw a fit like a toddler when I think about forcing myself to do it.
Consistency is key
Routines keep us on track 👌
That's a worthy goal :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I do this with my music, I'll achieve something and then crash. I usually have good 3 month stretch, then I push and push myself past that aaaannnnnd crash. I look at this as a type of self sabotage. I've done it for as long as I can remember. Voices of your not good enough, or just all the condemnation and things said to me (even as a child) flood in. Some days I can catch it and diffuse those thoughts, then there are the days it's to late and I never know how long it will last. Your vids have definitely helped me draw some serious connections. Thanks for the time you give, I'm sure it's helped many
I do this with my music too! Didn't even know I did it. I just get exhausted and give up sometimes.
@@sierrajamerson5637 yeah, it took my therapist at the time and my wife to make me see. It was a tough pill to swallow lol
Thanks for sharing, this course might help: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
This is... Me.
This is me in my publishing career. One thing and I was derailed for years. By the time I got my confidence back something else happened and I was detailed again for years. I'm finally finding my way back after doing very little to nothing. I'm finally finding my voice in writing again after not knowing if I still had one. Years of resentment, comparisonitis...
It's happened in my marriage for years... And I just... Say nothing, do nothing.
It happens for me when I try to start exercising and eating better and meditating and taking better care of myself... Get into a routine of any kind... I go 3 days and am feeling good, feeling so good... And then I'll crash for a week and beat myself up, and wonder why I even bother.
This channel is I am so grateful I found this channel.
Oh, this is so relatable! Self defeating behaviors just come crashing in, seemingly from nowhere. This technique really helps: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can not even imagine to make a film or doing something demanding in my spare time. I am happy t if I manage my every day small routines which keeps me feeling normal. Even with just this everyday tasks I have crashes and burns. I am 44 have no children only partner and I am identical twin so on the top of CPTSD is also twin issue. BUT thanks to you I can handle it better, daily writing and meditating really really helps. The only thing ever helped me really. Thank you
I hope you don't mind explaining what you call "twin issue", that sounds interesting.
@@hwaidasweilem8955 Thank you for asking. Twin issue i call the problems between twins nobody talk about. We have two attachments. To our parents and to the other twin and on top of it we hove two personalities' as an individual and as a twin according to Barbara Klein ( one of few who is psychotherapist for twins as twin her self and leading expert on this issue). With confusion of double personality and double attachment when badly parenting twins has very dysfunctional personalities issues but no twin people can not understand. Hope it makes sense. Sorry for mistakes in English.
I'm really so glad to hear that the daily writing and meditation is helping, it helped me so much too!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am dealing with a coworker who undermines and gaslights me. She is really young so when I talk to my supervisors about the issue they say, "isn't she really young" yes she is but her behavior is still offensive no matter what the age. Oh well.
I won’t go into detail, but I had a spectacular crash and burn right in front of a supervisor. Even though it was the weekend, I called my therapist. She called back the next day and she made an appt. for Monday. Your video encouraged me to reach out. First time in decades I entrusted someone for help.
Great!
Thank you, for sharing your personal experiences with CPTSD. People lie and will begin smear campaigns against the truly gifted.
Thank you for watching!
Oh my goodness this has been SOOOO HELPFUL!!! Not only did you describe this cycle perfectly but you also provided hope and help THANKYOU FOR HAVING THE COURAGE TO DO THESE VIDEOS YOUR WISDOM IS HEALING MANY SOULS
I cannot thank you enough! This is an AMAZING dead hit on the nail head. When crashing happens, I have felt so desperately alone, ashamed, guilt ridden and afraid to tell ANYONE what's going on with me during an episode because I feel like I sound crazy. I KNOW I'm not but don't know what the heck is wrong.
We are not crazy.
I feel like i don't "deserve" to crash so i keep it to myself in shame and guilt also. My mother was/is the only person ever allowed to be "tired". She had ME/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for the entirety of my childhood and that meant she had a monopoly on tiredness and sympathy. If i was ever tired she'd say accusingly "what do YOU have to be tired for?!". Still does it now. It gets ingrained that you have to hide when you are tired or run-down or crashing or you'll be shamed for being 'lazy' or not having done enough to deserve your own feelings. The irony being that it's that kind of behaviour that causes the need to "crash" in the first place and withdraw into your protective shell to be safe from it.
So glad that this helped :)
I can so relate to those crashes!
Glad it resonated :)
Yeah I know the feeling, it's like a Rollercoaster, everything is fine until a day got a crash, drained in bed without any way to recover that the crash end, and yeah its cyclical. Work, work, crash, recover, work, crach, work, works than again another crash. Lost my accademic career, hikkokomory, social again. It's tiring. That's why I'm here in somehow, I lost so many time and projects for random mood jumps and you are enlighting my was out 😊 regulation in a key factor. Thank you 💕
We're here for you! There are a lot of resources to help you stop that cycle!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you a lot, really. From the deepest hidden part of my heart. You have no idea how much you helped me, and keep helping me out, with this. I felt, from the very first time ever, not this alone or "mad or wrong" in somehow. So really thank you ! ^_^ Thanks to you I know for sure it's possibile to end these cycles, it's hard but there is a way out and I'm so glad to know. When (and if..) I'll finish to wrote down some of the novels I'm working on there will be, at least, one with a dedication for you. Will be dedicated to you and to all the people than, close and far to me, on their own journey or near to me actually helped me out in the darkest moment of my life (I named it "my dark night of the soul"). But now I know that could be a dawn in the future. So thank you. This is the main reason mine is not a simple "love" it's a tzunami of GigaLove, it's so much bigger. ^_^
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I know this could sounds (and it's kind is) a bit silly and childish to be done but 'couse through words I'm not really able to share with you my feelings about this, the true sensations involved I'm trying to describe it in a different way, I'll use a metaphore, an simple picture in order to describe it in a more accurate way, a proper way about your help on this issue. My own city got this characteristic: at sunset the Alps, that surround my city, turn the sky deep orange, it's almost like the sky is on fire in somehow, somedays. So I want to share it with you telling you this: CPTSD is just like having inside skies on fire that surround us above us and reflected in the river we named "our life", and your help to me rappresent the far blue: the clear, calm regular blue sky that the person in this picture is starting at behind the hillside, so far away from the firing skies of the emotional swings that overwhelm you. I'm the person who is staring this sky in front of the river that mirror it, surrounded by these cycles of fires and, for me, you are the blue sky far in the distance. So thank you for it a lot for your help! :) From my heart!
I can't believe I'm not the only person on earth who has experienced this. For years I've been judging myself for my crashes, which can be colossal. The poisonous extra tanking your filmmaking momentum? Your narrative about the gaslighting supervisor crapping on your publishing career and shutting you down for years? ugh. It's like you've known me my whole life. I can't even write a resume because all I see when I'm reading or writing it, is my crash history. And knowing there's a remedy has me gasping for air. Thank you. THANK YOU.
Yay! You are NOT alone :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Sometime feelings overwhelm.This is where writing may help.
I am terrible at routine except for going to work. I crash every weekend. I am so far behind, it's overwhelming. I need help 😫
There is help here! courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am a musician/songwriter/media producer. I started writing music about a trauma filled childhood in the very early 1990s; long before I knew what CPTSD is. Creativity for me is always sparked by musical inspiration. Often I find that this inspiration is very powerful; however, a work of art can often take time to mature with time. If I try to force something to be done before it is ready, it can turn out half baked. I believe that what inspires me to produce is that inspiration to do what I was created to contribute. Keep doing what you love. It helps me immensely!!
Great advice, thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
question 2; why do I feel I am mourning the loss of my own identity, with regret? And, when someone provokes a trigger, they're attacking my Identity?? That's what makes me take to my bed hidden for years!
I saw counselors on and off for 30 years for pathological introversion after being picked on or actively ignored most of my childhood, but the Fairy breaks it down better than anyone I met except for those first sessions when a good counselor explained different personality types and how trauma can make you isolate. I also crashed and burned frequently.
Thank you!
Anna .... I crashed too.... at least 18 years or more. Had kids. Been hiding. Learning from you how to re-regulate.
I kept journaling that I forget things, and withdraw and feel discouraged. Exactly - torpor.
Self attacks learned from internalizing the voices of my ex husband and parents.
A big well of despair. I just want hope and anticipation for once.
So crashing is a brain state. Deep breath. Routines. I keep trying to stick to a routine.
I like staying up half the night.. routines, daily practice , eat regularly, exercise, yoga, be well rested.
Yes I have felt drained for a long, long time - that song ‘ running in empty’ is my song.
It is nice to step outside myself and look at my brain 🧠 going through disregulation.
I started making a documentary... a couple of years ago.... and I interviewed a lot of people on video.... and then I crashed and didn’t finish it. Torpor, mental self attacks. Keep thinking I should go back to it and finish it.
I hope you do go back and finish! If you need some techniques to help, here is a free course: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I find this "crashing" often feels like self-sabotage. It's something that can be mastered and mastery is a life-long, worthwhile pursuit. When I notice these repeated behaviours, I also recognize that we cannot do anything if we don't know what we're working with, so listening closely to oneself is imperative to regaining strength and control rather than spinning out of control or going down the carbohydrate-filled dark and dreary hole. I have found that I try to ride the wave while it's high, but I also read that (referring to the practice of writing, which relates to other practices) waiting for inspiration doesn't produce results, but that regular daily practice does. This way any discipline or endeavour is available to the artist at will. Every one of you is an artist. Finding knowledge and experience such as this channel is a wonderful anchor.
Oh and yes the fear of success bringing in too much work is real. I think it’s cool to have both goals that are visible to the public AND goals that are private going at the same time.
Could be good practice to celebrate your private successes (like anything regarding house maintenance or hygiene) knowing it’s not for anyone else but you. Or something even more private like drawing in a sketchbook regularly. It’s only for your own eyeballs.
When i feel that crash coming from public goals i try to ebb and flow between that goal and private goals to help me feel safe. It gives me a break from the real or imagined pressure from others, and in that time I can talk myself out of quitting.
Wow, this is soooo familiar, Anna. I was thinking about a quote I read somewhere that goes something like: "When someone is nasty to you for no apparent reason, ask yourself if they might be jealous of you."
I'm so sorry you got discouraged/triggered by those 2 very obviously insanely jealous people, and in such hurtful ways. It's happened to me on a number of occasions, in very sinister ways, and I've allowed myself to be defeated by it on more than one occasion. In retrospect I can see it for what it was. That place of despair you refer to is where I live anyway, so it's easily amplified. The scariest thing about the jealous is that they never come round. I think they feel powerless in relation to us, but if they knew how much harm they do, i don't think they'd do it. I'd like to see your film! Can we have links if it's on Y/Tube?
:)
Last year during the lockdown I decided I was going to take GREAT care of myself. I quit drinking alcohol, eating unhealthy and I started working out. One day after 2 months of this "shift" I visited my parents. My father looked at me (like with disgust) and told me I looked bad and unhealthy (everyone else that saw me told me the opposite) but somehow his words got to me. At first I stopped working out and then I went back to the unhealthy habits. It was like (in my mind) he comanded me to quit and I obay. I never thought of it as PTSD but I can see myself in all the symptoms and it makes me feel a little less messed up. Thank you for sharing this ♡
So glad that it resonated and you were able to make some connections :)
Wow!!
Thats exactly what I do.
Thats not how I normally am.
Used to be a real "mover and shaker "!
Now over past several years I'm more like a " crasher and lounger "🥴😖🥱
Don't like it at all
This CPTSD is extremely debilitating and truly takes from one's self worth,, self esteem and over-all quality of life !!
Thank you for all your videos
I've watched several and they are very insightful and helpful !!
I so need to get back on track !!
Thanks for being here!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Thank you for all you do to help so many. There's so much to learn and apply to our healing process
God bless you🙏❤
This video came at a crucially important time. Thank you ❤️
I'm so glad!
HOW DARE WE BE HAPPY??😉subconciously I think I've been self sabotaging when I start to succeed and be happy...not realizing old messages were playing in my brain.😏
The Fairy helps wake us up :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow! This is me as well. I’m a supervisor and I work 7 days on for 12 hour shifts and I get 7 days off. My 7 off I’m completely useless it’s always a chore to do anything.
I recently actually worked up the courage to ask a guy I'm incredibly attracted to for the first time in my life and I was starting to do great with career planning/projects and then I crashed! That was about two months ago. I felt so afraid that I didn't answer my phone for a whole month and then I suddenly stopped being productive...I'm still unmotivated. Can you imagine what this person must've been thinking?! I'm still embarrassed 😳! I started overthinking about how little I think I have to offer, because I don't have my finances and my career in order!
Great example of the fear overtaking us, so sorry that is happening for you but I do understand it. I suggest trying this course courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
Best
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy oh, thank you ❤
Anna, I can relate to this story of yours. I use to say that I thought that I had had a ‘breakdown’ because I could not define what happened and that is all that I knew to call it. You just explained it. I crashed. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing!!
You are telling my story. It's amazing how things are similar in people with the same kind of trauma. That is exactly what kept happenning to me throughout my whole life. I am so much better now after years of therapy!! But my pain and my crashes are still with me. When I'm triggered I get into that same dark place - sometimes for a moment, sometimes for some longer. Thankfully I can get out of it now and I do not turn on myself in a normal state of mind. But sometimes!... Well, it happens exactly the way you say: when I have done something bigger than usual, something new that has exposed me to many people. My anxiety suddenly gets so high! I still feel very willing to continue what I started but I just can't, and my energy just cannot flow. It feels like I become a bottle with a very narrow neck. Things just cannot get out of me, but the energy inside gets even higher, and it starts burning and I'm bloating with it. And I get stuck and then comes the self rage - that I cannot handle it, after all these years in therapy, that I should know better and be prepared, and think positively, blablabla... Not to trigger anyone else, I better stop here. Thank you for telling what you have in this video! And for the idea of routines. I immediately felt more relaxed. Not that I'm able to adopt any of them right now, but the very idea that simple everyday things can calm me down, and I should be taking care of it, helps me a lot.
I hope you can adopt some of the strategies soon :)
I didn't even know this was a thing! OMG and always thought I was just weak and crazy for not being able to keep up a productive schedule.
A lot of us thought we were weak and crazy! What a relief to find each other :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
right?!?
I've realized those people that give you such negative feedback and comments are usually the one's that deal all of those issues themselves actually and they see you as their biggest threat. I'm learning to try to ignore those things more and more. It's so difficult!
You are great! I appreciate everything you are doing for all of us still trying to hold our footing and gain traction in this world.
You're great! Thanks for being here.
just from the title!! holy crap YES! it happens so much!!!!!! i struggle with putting out art(and staying consistent!) so much!!!!!
So glad you found it helpful!
Thank you for sharing your real-life examples. I think that criticism of any kind along with CPTSD triggers me right back to my core childhood wounds. I always “crash” and, while I have been improving my rebounding time - what used to always take me 3 days has gotten down to one, I am still working on this. I love to sing and 2 years ago I was in a singing competition where we placed much lower than expected and had difficult judging remarks to endure. It was one of the most devastating experiences of my life, especially because it involved something I love and have felt confidence in. No one understood how I could be so totally destroyed by this experience, but the truth is it brought up so much for me and also highlighted how alone and unsupported I felt during a loss (also related to childhood trauma). Sadly, I actually stopped singing. I do hope to go back at some point, but I will take things slow and don’t plan to be on a competition level anymore. I share this because I’m just saying that I completely understand these crashes and how they can hold us back. I realize they hit home in a difficult way with CPTSD. I’m glad you are here for us. Thanks!
Thank you for the encouragement. You make a good point that I hadn’t considered (about the healing qualities of singing). I do plan to join a community chorus when Covid restrictions are lifted. Just on a casual and relaxed level. The spiral I went through after that competition in 2019 was too much on top of all that I am normally trying to keep myself together over, so I don’t see myself putting any pressure on something I would rather just enjoy and share. Again, thank you for the positive words.
Thank you for sharing, take the time you need to get started on the healing process and you will be back to singing soon if that's the gift you have to share with the world :)
You keep hitting everything that has needed to be looked at, and neglected, for a long time! Thanks for opening my eyes to patterns and suggesting healthy ways to address them
So glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Listening, confrontation and learned helplessness, seem critical. Self defence, boundaries that secure internal resources, seem or reflexively in the moment 'is pointless'. The only viable stratgy for survival works out as let yourself be hurt, crash and burn. Give up. Let mother and father win. Elephant to a little peg, childhood conditioning.
When that is triggered, you'll have you now mental energies trying to run against you then, and self sabotage, brain fogging, disavowed shadow possession issues.
For sure our coping strategies were limited as children, but it doesn't have to be like that now :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Anna, screenshot my message and any one like it. KEEP GOING!!!!!! You're doing the best work and helping so so so many people. No therapist has ever been as informative as your videos. You are so worthy of publishing a book. There are people who need your work. Never ever ever let another insecure person discourage you again. Opinions are like a$$holes, everyone has one and they usually stink. Xx
Thank you so much!!
“little well of despair” is a perfect metaphor! I can not hold back the tears Anna. This has been my life for decades. Your whole discussion describes my thoughts and behaviour so well it’s crazy. For a very long time I thought this was just life. It is not. Thank you so much for understanding and pointing the way out of this morass we make for ourselves. I can confirm that every one of these suggestions works. Wonderful. Thank you again 💕💕💕
Thank you for sharing :)
This made so many things clear in my mind. This is something I’ve never been able to understand about myself. Thank you so much for making this video.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you CC Fairy! I have written down almost every word you said in this video. I never knew any of this, though in many respects it’s the story of my life. I am praying for the grace to write a different story in the rest of my life.
Glad it was helpful!
Could it be our limbic system going into freeze mode?
That's what it feels like to me. My limbic system default is freeze
@@balsam777 my default is freeze too. My whole life. Regular people cannot understand this at all. lolol
@@emmollnova2917 I discovered what it was relatively recently. I thought it was endless suppressed emotions causing so much muscle tension. I would jump at the slightest thing, I was constantly removing my shoulders from around my ears, always feeling tense. No wonder I became addicted to things that relaxed me. I've done a lot of work in myself and have to say that convincing the limbic system to chill out takes a very long time, and trying to hard which is common for me, makes it worse
Thank you CCF, this is very helpful. I've noticed for a very long time that after I've done something well, something worky, out in the world, and especially if I've had praise or appreciation, I very quickly sink into what feels like depression, and behave in ways that do nothing to build upon my success. As a child I was dependent on a parent who reminded me repeatedly that life was horrible and that no matter how well I did that it was all fake and unhappiness was the only truth. I think the dreadful feelings I get after success are a way of honouring that parent, which is what we all learned to do. It is helpful to see this pattern for what it is: knowledge is power.
Yes, more self-awareness goes a long way :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Those people were totally jealous of your success.
:)
Absolutely. I've come to realize people don't tear you down because they think you're down- they feel down and threatened.
I face this issue all the time , always i have people around me who tries to make me down, stap me in the back without me even expect it because i do not hurt anybody . But you know what , i know why people generally do that. it is because they want to be like you and they can not , so they harm you out of jealousy and desperation , they sometimes tell me that . for example , some workmates suddenly starts to treat me badly or suddenly they become full of hatred , one of them told me after a while that it is because the manager is consulting me not consulting them about work issues ( that's why they became jealous , and hostile , because it reminds them about their worthless) Things like these happen for every successful person .
These videos that that you are making are exactly what i need to understand whats going on within me.. Thanks very much.
And keep going on , we all love you ♥
Thank you so much for the love! I'm glad you are getting clarity and healing!
Thank you so much Anna, again you are naming what I am living without realising it. I am currently right at the peak of the 'wave' where I feel positive and taking up new challenges. As a matter of fact, I got a new job on a dreamed position, I just started and everything is good with my new boss and all, and I am oh-so scared already the future crashes that will come at some point... This video just came at the right timing to help me prevent all the bad effect of PTSD. Thanks for your follower also for bringing that up to you!!
Much love to you all.
Thank you so much!
Thanks for this, just coming out of a crash
Welcome!
Wow! I have overcome so many cptsd reactions, but this one still catches me off guard from time to time. I actually anticipate a potential trigger ahead of time. Would love to overcome this!
You can!
That is one thing I learned in recovery- to check information!
I love that your intuition told you to seek other information when it didn’t make sense.
I had that happen also- and went over the person who told me something and the boss wanted me to reveal who gave me the misinformation.
I choose not to- just wanted to be clear that this person was who they were- a person willing to lie to put me down for their own reasons.
I am so proud of you, Anna, for trying things and doing things and being a leader through the cptsd wasteland into the Promised Land!
This is so important to hear and now know. This has kept me back and been a key factor in me not living my life. It really undermines any of your healthy passion for life, joy in connection and robs you and others of all the gifts and abilities you were born with. It is so important to learn. Thank you.
Thank you, so glad you're here :)
I agree!!! I feel so cheated by the impact of my childhood trauma. I wanted to be a doctor, but had such anxiety that I could not study properly, and would completely freeze during exams. I thought I was stupid and worthless. I am a bright person, so could ‘fake it’ when things came easily, but could not overcome the terrible ‘blanking’ when called upon to perform.