FROM HOARDING TO MINIMALISM
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2024
- Where we come from effects us in so many ways. Join me as I share my story and what I learnt growing up with hoarders.
✨ Members, be sure to check out the outtakes and bloopers video for this one here. 😆
• OUTTAKES & BLOOPERS 👀|...
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👇🏻 CHAPTER TIME CODES
00:00 - Introduction
01:27 - My Story
03:29 - 1. Adapters Become Normal
07:23 - 2. They Can’t See the Extent of It
09:35 - 3. You Worry About Becoming a Hoarder
10:46 - 4. Double Whammy
12:51 - 5. You Don’t Learn the Skills Most People Have
14:53 - 6. You May Have Triggers
16:24 - 7. Outside Help is Often ESSENTIAL
18:45 - Closing Thoughts
19:53 - Our Super Stars ⭐️
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This is not a sponsored post and any opinions expressed are our own.
Medical Disclaimer: smallchanges.tv/disclaimer
GROWING UP WITH HOARDERS | Journey from Hoarders to Minimalism
#Hoarders #LargeFamily #Hoarding - Навчання та стиль
Thank you Sarah that was so well done. Those images you showed of Mum and Dads place were AFTER we had removed the bulk of the stuff, and sadly nothing changed in the behaviour and things were always bad. I am so grateful to have that all in my past now and to be free to declutter and use routines to manage my time and home easily now. It was a difficult journey and I am so thankful to all the wonderful people who came alongside me both professionally and relationally.
Thanks so much Mum ❤️I think looking back on the 3000 photos I went through only to find NONE inside the house that was another one of the adapters 🙈🤣
I agree, really well done and I appreciate that you mentioned what wonderful, generous people they were first. They did things wrong, but there was much they did right ❤
Thank you @Sarah for the video, I came to this one after watching the panel video. I so appreciate that you are seeing the good and also share realistically the complexity and more. And thank you @Janet for mentioning the pictures were in the "after" periods..... I appreciate you sharing so gracefully your family situation and unfolding. Much Love to you all!
About not learning skills: This also is important if you lived in a otherwise dysfunctional family. I grew up in a family with addiction issues. I also had to teach myself how to do certain things. I asked friends how they do certain things, learned to cook with my mother-in-law (later vegetarian cooking by myself) and had a hard time figuring out which routines I can follow. It is from personal hygiene to homemaking to handle your money better. Be kind to yourself. You have managed to overcome the cycle of addiction, violence or hoarding. You have come a far way and will achieve more - if you allow yourself to make breaks.
This affects so many families. My mother used to always joke that she wouldn’t have to deal with her stuff, and she was right, but as the only sibling that stepped in, to remove her items, I did. And it felt overwhelming! I ended up feeling a lot of resentment. I leaned very heavily on several friends, who helped in practical ways that made it possible for me to cope. I vowed I would never leave that much stuff for my children to deal with, and while I am a minimalist, there are still items that I will disperse of over the next few years so that they don’t have to inherit the emotional job of death cleaning. We never know how much time we have, so the time to declutter, for me, is now. This was a very good topic, even though it was obviously emotional for you, good job Sarah!
Sarah, I can relate to so much of this video. My parents wouldn't be hoarders in the style that the word conjures. However our home was always cluttered. Storage spaces stuffed full, every flat surface covered. The problem wasn't necessarily that they kept everything but more that whenever they did remove something, they replaced it with more than they got rid of. The excuse was always that they needed more storage or a bigger house. Also, my mum in particular is a collector. She has to get the full set of things whether she needs it or not. She decides she likes something, so the whole house will be covered in this thing within a couple of months. I see how this affects me now. I struggle to keep surfaces clear and stop myself from buying full sets of things I don't need. Thank you for sharing, it was brave of you.
I think an analogy for hoarding would be an addiction to alcohol. You don't need to be completely dysfunctional to have a dependency. Similarly, hoarding is a spectrum. There doesn't need to be piles and piles of garbage and a hundred cats for it to negatively impact your life and the lives of those closest to you. I think a lot of "regular" people have hoarding-tendencies, even if they wouldn't be outright diagnosed with a disorder. Like you said, a family might need to buy bigger and bigger homes and even get a storage unit to house all of their things, because they cannot fathom parting with some of their things. This can lead to a lot of financial stress which in turn has further ramifications.
Good on you for recognizing this and trying to break the cycle! My mother is a shopaholic and I learned this habit growing up. I have more or less broken this habit, and so I just want to say it is possible if you stay mindful and intentional! :) Good luck!
I came from a family of minimalists. I, however, had survived a stroke before I turned 1 year old. The BIGGEST DEBILITATING part of my disability is getting my brain to shift into gear to get anything done. I will literally stand there and stare into empty space while time marches on without me. Once I get my brain to shift into gear, my attention has wandered off to other things. My problem with clutter is not "waste not want not" but with 2 things.
1. Nothing seems to ever get put away. My apartment has ample storage... And a lot of it is NOT USED or not used EFFICIENTLY. It's not that I can't do it, psychologically, its that I can't physically work around the injured parts of my brain that most directly govern those aspects of ADL's. I'll just "stand and stare" and step around it until hours, days, weeks, months and even years pass before my brain ever decides to FINALLY deal with it. This is the reason why ROUTINES and COMPENSATORY STRATEGIES FAIL.
- My husband and his family were hoarders mostly with paperwork and generalized disorganization. If there was a horizontal space, it was covered. Usually with documents that they were afraid of losing because they had thrown away important documents before and had been penalized for not having them. They also had the "I might need that one day" with other items like wall hangers. It wasn't that such a day would never show up. It was that such a day would show up AFTER that bag of wall hangers was gotten rid of.
- As for my family, we RAN OUT OF EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.
2. Dealing with consumables. Not just with toiletries, hygiene products and food plus storage containers. I know those will get used up. But things like crafting supplies. I'd need items to do a project. I'd only need say 5 buttons, but to purchase a container of buttons, the smallest bag is 50+ buttons. I'm stuck dealing with where to put the remaining buttons until I'd find another project to use them.
- Also, I forget where I put things like scissors. So I finally get a replacement pair of scissors... And THEN find the original "lost" scissors. Then I have duplicates and I'm torn with keeping both pairs of scissors and/or getting rid of one. Then WHICH ONE should be gotten rid of.
In the end my brain gets overwhelmed and just "shuts down" and nothing gets done. There are the few and far between moments when I CAN get SOME things done, but again, my brain usually gets overwhelmed and the purging/cleaning project is only partially done. It's an endless cycle. I also have NOBODY who is willing to help.
Thank you so much for sharing this! It's hard to share that you come from a hording household and all of the complex feelings that creates. I have always felt so ashamed of it, but I also haven't always had the skills or habits to avoid hording in my own house as an adult. Over the years, I have been overzealous and have over decluttered out of fear and regret some sentimental items I got rid of over things that were not adding value to my life but were maybe considered more practical to an outsider.
I really appreciate your videos on helping us determine what is important and what adds value/brings joy. I would encourage everyone that this is a process and to keep at it.
God bless you for sharing such a personal story! You have definitely made me feel less isolated. Thank you!
Oh Betsy, Thank you so much for sharing with me, I wish i could give you a big hug ❤️ I'm also totally guilty of the overzealous declutter, especially when I'm feeling anxious... which is also because of the clutter triggers. I think the fact that we can see this in ourselves is a great sign moving forward ❤️
Thank you Betsy & Sarah!!!! Very valuable to read your shares, merci beaucoup!
Sarah, you did perfect on your video! As a mom , I alsoremember things getting out of hand! Along with always busy with my children! Parks, outdoor play,fairs, their friends comming and going! Along with a husband that wasnt doing this with us! Spousal abuse, dirty tap water ect. Home started to suffer! You do go eyeblind to the chaos! Years later you look at photos and go. oh, wow, never thought it was that bad. ECT.....I like reading the comments! Makes us feel we were not the only one! THANKS Sarah for sharing your life also! By the way, you are a great success!!
Wow Sarah, thank you for sharing with us this history and about your experience with hoarding behavior with your family of origin. I can see why you are so passionate about helping others live only with what they need, use, and love! So appreciate your candor!✨💞✨
Thank you so much sweet friend ❤️
I am from a family of collectors, not properly hoarders, but they doesn't throw away nothing useful or functional, even if they wasn't using it. "Just in case they need it in the future" was them explanation. Now I am full of stuff from them and already decluttered almost half of it. I am a minimalist and I looooove clear space in my house, less things and only what we use. I hate furniture full of decorations, carpets all around the home, my mom and dad think I am a weirdo 😅 and also my husband sometimes says that I am a little extreme 🤣
Thanks so much for sharing with me Martina. I'm a weirdo too 😉
I think this is one of the most impactfull video’s you’ve made! Thank you for your courage. I think this can help a whole generation (here in Europa for sure!). After the II world wor everybody was collecting everything, because you couldn’t buy anything (except for vinigar - says my mom). Now it’s so hard for that generation to get rid of stuff and me and my siblings (and peers) are learning that it’s okay to have less, also because in out time you can buy things when you need them.
You are so right! Overcoming those learnt behaviours and healing from the trauma is so important ❤️
Thank you for this video. I’m so glad I found you! I grew up with my hoarding mother. My dad left because of it. I moved out at 17 and never went back. My mom died suddenly a few years ago and I was responsible for cleaning it out. I had to pay $8000 for a hazmat crew to come in and they removed 10 semi trucks full…then I had an estate sale. One literally could not get in the door. I’m not a hoarder but I do have ADHD decision making problems. I am very fearful of slipping into hoarding. I have used personal organizers,,personal assistants, and housekeepers to keep myself on track. I had to decide a long time ago to see the good in my mom and leave the bad behind. It was frustrating and sad that my children never could come see her and no one could fit in her car. I’m glad I was able to look past the hoarding and have a relationship with my mom. She was a brilliant, kind, loving, wonderful person but she was just mentally ill.
Thank you so so much for taking the time to share with me in such a lovely comment. It so wonderful for others to be able to hear how you found ways to look after your own mental health while also still seeing the beautiful things in your Mum ❤️
@@SmallChanges thank you for saying that. So many people that don’t understand would tell me to just cut her off and end my relationship with her. It took a lot of growing up for me to set my pride aside and establish loving boundaries with her (like she can’t start hoarding my house ;). I even attended a Dr. Frost hoarding seminar with her. So many people treat hoarding like it is a choice. The fact is that it is a deeply difficult mental illness and at this point we have very little treatment options that are effective. Even though this illness is frustrating and humiliating, these people deserve compassion and empathy…but we must protect our own mental illness and set boundaries. The problem is when children are involved. In my situation, I knew that if the authorities found out about us, I’d be removed from the house. We must keep kids safe
True...I get rid of things I probably shouldn't so I get rid of almost everything as a fear of hoarding. Except toys. For some reason I am connected to them, maybe to stay connected to the child in me.
I have a similar origin. For me minimalism is my polar opposite journey out!!
I think this is where you excel Sarah ❤ Your compassion is so clearly evident. I can definitely relate to the fear or becoming a hoarder because of how some family members deal with their stuff and I suppose with my island upbringing too, things weren't as easily available then as they were on the mainland... lots to think about. Thank you Sarah ❤
Thank you so so much sweet friend! I'm really passionate about breaking down the stigma attached to hoarding and helping people feel less alone ❤️
That could be another issue for our family too as our grandma and her mother's family were on an island until our grandma was a teenager. My namesake did not like to throw anything out at all.
@@glucas8703 Aye, there's definitely a need to be sensible when supplies are limited but it's easy to tip over into keeping things just because... it's a tricky balance sometimes x x x
Wow you really speak for those who lived with hoarders. Down to the need to learn basic skills that most have learned. Grew up with a mom who hoard from depression. Unfortunately it’s carried a bit to me.
Sarah this is huge. Seeing the pictures bring back very familiar visuals from my childhood as well. Can totally relate, thank you for doing this in such a compassionate way.
Natashya, thank you so much for watching and taking the time to leave such a sweet comment ❤️
This was beautifully done and I appreciate your thoughtful presentation of the topic! Such great material to think about and apply within our own families!
Excellent video Sarah! So nice to hear more of your back story.
Wonderful video and so relatable. My mother is nearly 70, and she cannot let go of anything. Stuff keeps coming in, and hardly anything goes out. I think that’s a huge motivation for me to become a minimalist. I appreciate you and this community you’re creating very much ♥️
The same over here! We already became minimalist
My Dad lost his house due too hoarding...his wife is a shop-a-holic...he was in about $250,000 in debt...the place was in a state...we had to go in an help clean it out..found expired food from 10 yrs prior when they moved into the house...she would just keep buying stuff and didn't know what she had and everything was just pushed to the back of the cupboard...so sad
Oh Rebecca, that is heart breaking 💔I think the not knowing what you have is another thing that is super common, and its so sad that they keep things incase they need them and then have to buy more because they can't find what they have, it's such a vicious cycle. ❤️❤️❤️
Sarah, this was such a gentle thoughtful video! Definitely has given me food for thought in regards to my own 'triggers' when it comes to hoarding/hanging on to things and the why behind it. Thank you for sharing!
I'm so glad it was helpful Laura ❤️
I really needed to see this video. I have been struggling with my mother's hoarding. It has been escalating over the last few years. She refuses any counseling to deal with her trauma. Now I know that I cannot change this for her or force her to declutter. It would only make things worse.
Emma you are in my thoughts and prayers, please feel free to reach out anytime ❤️
Hi Sarah, so I watched this one with my mum!...then we had a chat about it. 💭💭 She's decided she'd like me to help her tackle her dining room cabinet 💡🤞
Oh Stewart, Thats wonderful! Please don't hesitate to reach out if there is anything I can do to help ❤️
@@SmallChanges thanks Sarah 😊👍
Thank you so much for sharing from your personal family history regarding hoarding. When my parents passed away my sister and I had to go through everything, and it was so much work and very emotional. My dad had gotten rid of some things before he passed but there was still an overabundance of stuff. I took some of their things, but now feel like I can part with them. I realize holding on to some of the stuff was just trying to hold on to the memories of them. They weren't super hoarders, but still had an overabundance of things. I need to get rid of a lot of things because I keep most of the stuff in storage in the basement and not being used.
Thank you! New subscriber here. Loved this video!
I think it's great how your helping people with these issues.
Thank you so much for sharing this- I know it was not easy. What a valuable contribution to share what it's like for family members within a hoarding situation- this will empower many of us to have empathy.
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a kind comment Jessica ❤️
Thank you for making this video!!!
Thank you so much for sharing ❤
Wow. How I saw myself and my own family in the same light. So many things you mentioned make that much more sense now.
I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to change and want to change, and the outside help is where I think my next step is at.
I'm so glad it was helpful ❤️ Feel free to reach out if you have any questions ❤️
you're the best sarah... so much compassion
Thanks so much Katie ❤️
Wow this was an eye opening I can now see where I got this situation from I am on my way to getting my space organised . Growing up with the way of thinking I shall keep this item as one day I will find a use for it then from there one thing grows into clatter. Thank you so much.
Thanks so much Ken ❤️
Loved this video! My parents aren’t hoarder per-say but I definitely didn’t learn the skills to really up keep my home. I love this!
Thank you for your awesome information and insight and for shining a light on these issues ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks so much Deb ❤️
Thanks for sharing your families journey
Thanks so much Rebecca ❤️
This is such good information to know! #3 & #4 definitely battle in my mind often. Thank you for this video!
I'm so glad it was helpful Jennifer ❤️
My home has gotten out of hand. I thought when I retired I could it done boom ! Quick and easy . nope ! 2 years later and I am just now getting it. I have been wanting to declutter but it was an extremely slow process. Now and then a box or 2 to Good Will.. Then the shelter where 2 of my 3 kitties came from advertised they were having a yardsale and tomorrow will be my third and final trip Goin through things. I can give away more but some furniture is too heavy and right now I am not at the point of wanting someone to come in to help move it. Also somethings I still am unsure of giving away . So, I declutter an area, toss any trash, then organize . It is a process I now, finally at 64 get that it is a journey not a race. Before I was disgusted with myself now I am seeing the achievements and am allowing myself to be pleased focusing on the achievement not the part that is still messy. I won't go through the family traumas etc but my brother is a hoarder and I have been at least 2 other times in addition to this one. I feel peace coming and thank you for sharing.
Jill you are doing an amazing job! Slow and steady is a great healthy way to move through the process ❤️ thank you so much for taking the time to share with me
Thanks so much for sharing this!!! I know it must have been really hard. It has motivated me to get up and clean out a bunch of things I had been putting off. I need to do it for the sake of my family. While I used to consider myself a minimalist I had slipped a bit as my kids became teenagers. Time to get back to it.
I'm so glad you found it helpful! Feel free to send me your declutter pics, I would love to cheer you on ❤️
I have been blessed by the Fly Lady System as I have had to learn everything to do with house keeping. And Oh yes. I go out a lot when the work at home gets overwhelming.
Really nice video. My parents weren't hoarders but they were born in the 20s, lived through the depression and then the war and then they collected antiques, so I grew up with a lot of clutter, cabinets full of china, huge carved furniture, etc, and also the 'thrift' habit of never throwing anything away if it had the slightest bit of use left in it. These are hard habits to break, but I am getting better at drawing a line under things that aren't right or have served their purpose.
My grandmother on my mother’s side started to hoard in her 60’s until she died at 93. We did not live in the same town as my grandmother so we couldn’t be of much help. My Aunt’s would secretly get rid of some of her stuff, she never found out. Thankfully someone was always there to make sure the kitchen and living room were kept clutter free. After she died my Mom and aunts threw away almost everything, there wasn’t much that was salvageable.
Thank you.
In Germany it is a recognized disease and is called "Messie Syndrome". You get support and help. Nice video dear Sarah and greetings from Germany to you in Australia 🤗💕👍.
"Messie Syndrome" seems like a much nicer way to say it ❤️
I am very impressed, that you made this video. You said, it was hard to do. I think it’s so important to speak about stuff, that is usually not spoken about. It will help others to see, that they are not alone!
I am not sure about the definition of hoarding. I theoretically have not a problem letting things go, but somehow there is too much stuff and I don’t find the energy to get rid of it.
Thanks so much Marcus ❤️
Hoarding is the inability to discard items without distress, but it is very common to not have an attachment to the items but still find it hard to declutter and organise, its especially common if you have ADHD ❤️
I think it can sometimes get overwhelming. I wouldn't call myself a hoarder however I do accumulate things and have difficulty with finding a home for the items.
Like Sarah said, if you were not shown what to do as you grew up, something that might take one person 1hr due to life long practice, might take you 3hrs which is ok.
✨ Members, be sure to check out the outtakes and bloopers video for this one here. 😆
ua-cam.com/video/ndL0vA1QIug/v-deo.html
This reminded me alot of my grandfather. His place is full of clutter - mostly junk and rubbish. The house is old and falling apart too. My parents recently had to move him into a nursing home after he had an illness. They had to spend weeks clearing out his house so they could sell it to pay for the nursing home care. (I would have helped too but couldnt leave my area because of lockdown ). Some people just can't see they have a problem 😥 My dad is a bit hoarderish too, but it doesnt get out of hand because my mum keeps their house tidy and managable.
Hello Sarah. This was a hard to watch. I grew up in a hoarding house. The place was full of stuff that my dad kept bringing in. My mom just gave up and the house was always dirty. My siblings are all hoarders as well. I’m so blessed I was able to break the cycle in my household. I am the polar opposite. I am OCD about clutter and my husband will often comment that I am cleaning all the time. I did at one time have a lot of stuff but it was always organized. Since watching your channel I have become a minimalist. I donated at least 80 percent of my stuff so far. The things I kept I use on a regular basis. This gave me so much freedom to spend more quality time with my family and friends and to enjoy my life so much more. Sarah you are truly a blessing in my life. You have changed me forever! God Bless.
Oh Jean, thank you so much for watching and taking the time to share with me, it really means so much ❤️ You have done such an amazing job 🙌🏻
I also grew up around family members who hoard one of the reasons I went minimal.
Sarah thank u so.much for this video, u should whrite a workbook about this topic.
Thank you so much! Maybe one day ❤️
wow thank you for sharing, my husbands mum has stuff everywhere, not a clean surface in sight I hate visiting, my parents on the other hand are the total opposite they have always been super clean and very minimal except for a few special little collections, but it scares me that my husband might end up like his mum in his old age - I see it creep in from time to time and gently remind him to declutter ( and now I am going to feel bad for saying that but you know what I mean), but your right she had a very traumatic up bringing in so many ways.
Oh Amanda, that is such a tricky situation with your mother in-law, especially when its so different with your own parents. I'm sure your husband sees all the benefits of decluttering and those will keep him in check 😉
Ah yes number 4 definitely rears it’s head in my little world. Also have some family hoarders which is why I’m so mindful to try living with less. Great video.
Thanks so much Kristy ❤️ Sometime recognising things in ourselves is enough to keep it in check ❤️
I had a relative whom we couldn't visit for nearly 20 years due to hoarding. When this person passed away, and we saw what was there, it was like a war zone. There had been animal hoarding as well. Very sad.
Oh I'm so sorry to hear that, my heart is always so heavy for the loss of relationship that happens frequently in hoarding situations ❤️
we find it difficult to take photos in our house due to the mess..most photos are taken as the door as a backdrop. we have started by clearing the worst visual mess..it is taking ages as hubby has mental health problems and I have mobility issues..our sons have moved into their own flats and can keep their flats tidy..
My mom had ocd. She was a incredible tidy neat freak. The kind to use a white glove to make sure it was not dusty.. The house had to be perfect 24/7 when I was a kid.. So I ofc turned out to be a slob and a bit of a hoarder... Go figure
I’m so sorry that happened, that sounds really traumatic, I hope you feel relaxed in your home now ❤️ sending love and hugs
How do you feel about the show Hoarders?
Flat surfaces is my problem. I have certainly become a bit better having a minimalist husband, however as Sarah said, it does take me a lot longer to do one thing that my husband can smash out in an hour.
You are absolutely amazing!!! I'm so incredibly proud of you ❤️
Proud of you too beautiful! Flat surfaces are hard for everyone x