The phenomenon of SO many black gay and bi men being closeted should be studied because that shit was traumatizing as a young black gay man looking for love
To be fully honest, I have tried to pursue (before marrying a white man) so many black men who wanted to keep their same-sex sexuality a “dirty little secret.” I don’t do that with anyone of any color. So, yes, this phenomenon should be rendered through some sound science.
It's not deep at all. The reason why many black gay men are closeted is because a lot grow up in super religious (Christian / Baptist ) families and/or traditionalist families who view homosexuality as wrong. Some black gay men, mostly the ones who are more masculine-leaning in my observation, don't want to risk getting disowned by their families, friends, and/or peers in the black community so they remain in the closet until either their parents pass away, they move out of black dominated areas, and/or they are the small percentage who actually does come out and takes all that comes with it including the potential ugliness of family disowning.
My beloved life partner of many years was a African American gay man. And he was the sweetest, kindest, smartest, and most talented person I ever knew. He passed way 6 years ago from lung cancer, and I miss him every day. I'm a 65 year old gay man in Ohio. Thanks for posting this wonderful video for us..
Of course we are not monolithic but there’s definitely a trend. After beating the field I’m confident enough to say 80% black gay men are NOT ready to date seriously. Luckily I’ve found me my exceptional black king who is ready to go all the way and put in the work.
Agreed. Im making the move to interracial. I am tired of trying to save black gay men from themselves. I have lost all attraction for the community lifestyle. It’s the same tired dusty men, no growth, no accountability. Also, the further I advance in my career and overall financial profile, the more risky it feels to get tied up with other black gay men. I hate to say it, but the majority of the community feels like a sinking ship. Im officially and fully open to non black men.
We center white men too much in the conversations of interracial dating. What about Black gay men datinf other POCs? That's something we don't talk enough about. I feel like the conversation needs to shift away from white men as the singular option when dating non-black men as black gay men.
Other races men ofter aren't options. I grew up in Ohio, there are no Asian, Arabs, or Hispanics an any real number in Ohio, and often times the anti blackness in Asian and Arab cultures make looking for love in those communities like looking for a needle in a haystack.
I've spent years trying to date black men. My first boyfriend was black, and I was head over heels in love with him. Before him, I was exclusively interested in black men. However, I soon realized that I wasn't being treated the way I desired by black men. American white men didn't seem to be interested in me either, so I sort of became a hermit. Then, during my time in grad school, I met my second boyfriend who was from the UK(South American and French roots), and we had a relationship that lasted a few years. After that ended, I decided to put myself out there again to crickets and after time I wasn't interested in dating either black or white Americans. Strangely enough, I always seemed to have a stronger connection with foreign-born individuals, even if they were from the Caribbean (or even closer Canada). My last and longest relationship was with a German guy, and it was during our trips to Germany that I realized I wasn't unattractive. It became a confidence booster for me. Now, I divide my time between the US and Portugal, and I only date when I'm living away. It's like two completely different worlds when it comes to the dating scene... I've completely stopped dating Americans altogether.
Generalizations about race and dating are so high among black gay men because the dating pool for black gay men is VERY SMALL! No one is going to date and date and date one group of men until the they magically find that black gay male who checks most of their boxes. Then there's attraction.......
Responding to the comment that he read where some black guy talk about black men wanting open relationships or serial cheaters. I used to live in a heavily Asian area and all the Asian men that dated white men, at least 70%, had white men propose open relationships to them.
Not by me that's for sure. But unfortunately for me in my country gay black men normally reject anyone who isn't black. They're not normally rude or obnoxious about it but just forthrightly and honestly say what they're looking for. It's extremely rare for UK Black men to date whyte guys. Whilst this saddens me personally I am not angry, bitter, twisted or resentful or have any completely crazy narcissistic "entitlement" issues over this. I simply acknowledge and recognise that sexual desire cannot be manufactured to please others. There are always solutions anyway! In some other countries this situation that I have just described isn't an issue!
Celebrate Black men dating Black men. Every time we come together to heal all that’s focused on is white people 🤦🏽 why? Black love and unity should be so strong that the opinions of other communities shouldn’t phase us. Tired of reading internalized anti-blackness in the comments
While I absolutely agree, I welcome the discourse. At least if people are stating their biases, we can discuss them, hopefully in a constructive way. At least people feel at liberty to put their cards on the table.
@@dearblackgaymen it’s just very frustrating. Every time I enter forums or online spaces that’s supposed to be for black people all that’s talked about is their love for whiteness or the desire to feel validated by non-black people. When are we going to finally focus on us.
I am an AA and I don't like dating other AAs. I'd rather date people from other countries because they aren't caught up in the racial and cultural underpinnings. I am blk adopted into a wht family and have found that a lot of BGM can't relate to me and even have prejudices against wht people. Often, I've been seen as a threat, an outsider because of how I act as I don't fit the norm. So, I found that I've gravitated to foreign men.
@@dearblackgaymen I sense snarkiness mixed with self righteousness in that comment which I can expect from how you present yourself on your channel. It also proves my point.
Of people get out and explore love will come from anywhere but if your still on the block never left your state and when you did you went to jail Stop complaining and upgrade yourself and man up complaining about everything
I have watched several videos of yours and I just wonder why you keep fixating on this topic. I don't think it is fair for you to act like I owe black men sex , dating and relationships just because I'm black.
The tagline of the channel is reminding Black gay men how dope it is to be Black gay men who love Black gay men. Far be it from me to focus on topics centering Black men either loving or not loving Black men.
You're right. You don't owe other black men dating and relationships. The purpose of this guy's videos is to get better insight into what dating is like a gay black man and not having success. If things are working out for you, then that's great, but not everyone has it that easy. At the least, let people express how they feel instead of feeling insulted. If anything your type of response to a video like this says a lot about you and proves this guy right even more.
I can’t wait to watch the video and others due to this response. You are right we aren’t a monolith plus I wager we(Blk gay men) number close to a million. Plus we come all presentations and sizes, there is no way anyone could have met us all. I think sometimes people’s own bs, poor choices, plus anti-blackness clouds their dating choices.
The phenomenon of SO many black gay and bi men being closeted should be studied because that shit was traumatizing as a young black gay man looking for love
It should be studied. But I also think sometimes we can minimize the IMMENSE amount of courage it takes to come out and live open and authentically.
To be fully honest, I have tried to pursue (before marrying a white man) so many black men who wanted to keep their same-sex sexuality a “dirty little secret.” I don’t do that with anyone of any color. So, yes, this phenomenon should be rendered through some sound science.
It should be studied why all the fembots are so curious they should calm down buy a life and live it stay out other peoples😂😂😂
It's not deep at all. The reason why many black gay men are closeted is because a lot grow up in super religious (Christian / Baptist ) families and/or traditionalist families who view homosexuality as wrong. Some black gay men, mostly the ones who are more masculine-leaning in my observation, don't want to risk getting disowned by their families, friends, and/or peers in the black community so they remain in the closet until either their parents pass away, they move out of black dominated areas, and/or they are the small percentage who actually does come out and takes all that comes with it including the potential ugliness of family disowning.
That’s not even a little bit true. Also studied? Y’all we been studied. Tuskegee Study was bad enough let’s not be test subjects ever again!
My beloved life partner of many years was a African American gay man. And he was the sweetest, kindest, smartest, and most talented person I ever knew. He passed way 6 years ago from lung cancer, and I miss him every day. I'm a 65 year old gay man in Ohio. Thanks for posting this wonderful video for us..
Thank you so much for posting this love story. I’m sorry for your loss but I’m so glad you two found each other on this side of life.
Of course we are not monolithic but there’s definitely a trend. After beating the field I’m confident enough to say 80% black gay men are NOT ready to date seriously.
Luckily I’ve found me my exceptional black king who is ready to go all the way and put in the work.
This makes me smile and gives me hope
Agreed. Im making the move to interracial. I am tired of trying to save black gay men from themselves. I have lost all attraction for the community lifestyle. It’s the same tired dusty men, no growth, no accountability. Also, the further I advance in my career and overall financial profile, the more risky it feels to get tied up with other black gay men. I hate to say it, but the majority of the community feels like a sinking ship. Im officially and fully open to non black men.
We center white men too much in the conversations of interracial dating. What about Black gay men datinf other POCs? That's something we don't talk enough about. I feel like the conversation needs to shift away from white men as the singular option when dating non-black men as black gay men.
But focusing on white men in the context of IR dating gets those valuable clicks and views. Gotta think about the algorithm.
@@bombast718 😂😂😂
Other races men ofter aren't options. I grew up in Ohio, there are no Asian, Arabs, or Hispanics an any real number in Ohio, and often times the anti blackness in Asian and Arab cultures make looking for love in those communities like looking for a needle in a haystack.
@@bombast718 it’s sad
@@EphraimAdamz What exactly is sad?
As a black man in a relationship with another black man, I do feel white men are a lot more open to getting to know you and sparking a relationship.
I've spent years trying to date black men. My first boyfriend was black, and I was head over heels in love with him. Before him, I was exclusively interested in black men. However, I soon realized that I wasn't being treated the way I desired by black men. American white men didn't seem to be interested in me either, so I sort of became a hermit. Then, during my time in grad school, I met my second boyfriend who was from the UK(South American and French roots), and we had a relationship that lasted a few years. After that ended, I decided to put myself out there again to crickets and after time I wasn't interested in dating either black or white Americans. Strangely enough, I always seemed to have a stronger connection with foreign-born individuals, even if they were from the Caribbean (or even closer Canada). My last and longest relationship was with a German guy, and it was during our trips to Germany that I realized I wasn't unattractive. It became a confidence booster for me. Now, I divide my time between the US and Portugal, and I only date when I'm living away. It's like two completely different worlds when it comes to the dating scene... I've completely stopped dating Americans altogether.
Generalizations about race and dating are so high among black gay men because the dating pool for black gay men is VERY SMALL! No one is going to date and date and date one group of men until the they magically find that black gay male who checks most of their boxes. Then there's attraction.......
I was in 20 years relation with black man, 11 years we were married. Divorced amicably in 2023 and now i am livjng and dating in Pakistan. ❤❤❤
Responding to the comment that he read where some black guy talk about black men wanting open relationships or serial cheaters. I used to live in a heavily Asian area and all the Asian men that dated white men, at least 70%, had white men propose open relationships to them.
Did any of these Asian men date black men and if so, was this proposal of open relationships present in any of them?
Not by me that's for sure. But unfortunately for me in my country gay black men normally reject anyone who isn't black. They're not normally rude or obnoxious about it but just forthrightly and honestly say what they're looking for. It's extremely rare for UK Black men to date whyte guys. Whilst this saddens me personally I am not angry, bitter, twisted or resentful or have any completely crazy narcissistic "entitlement" issues over this. I simply acknowledge and recognise that sexual desire cannot be manufactured to please others. There are always solutions anyway! In some other countries this situation that I have just described isn't an issue!
Celebrate Black men dating Black men.
Every time we come together to heal all that’s focused on is white people 🤦🏽 why?
Black love and unity should be so strong that the opinions of other communities shouldn’t phase us.
Tired of reading internalized anti-blackness in the comments
While I absolutely agree, I welcome the discourse. At least if people are stating their biases, we can discuss them, hopefully in a constructive way.
At least people feel at liberty to put their cards on the table.
@@dearblackgaymen it’s just very frustrating. Every time I enter forums or online spaces that’s supposed to be for black people all that’s talked about is their love for whiteness or the desire to feel validated by non-black people. When are we going to finally focus on us.
I am an AA and I don't like dating other AAs. I'd rather date people from other countries because they aren't caught up in the racial and cultural underpinnings. I am blk adopted into a wht family and have found that a lot of BGM can't relate to me and even have prejudices against wht people. Often, I've been seen as a threat, an outsider because of how I act as I don't fit the norm. So, I found that I've gravitated to foreign men.
Could it be that you don’t relate to us either?
@@dearblackgaymen I sense snarkiness mixed with self righteousness in that comment which I can expect from how you present yourself on your channel. It also proves my point.
@@dearblackgaymen Drag him, gurl
😂😂😂
We are? Since when? I feel like it’s the complete opposite extreme
Of people get out and explore love will come from anywhere but if your still on the block never left your state and when you did you went to jail
Stop complaining and upgrade yourself and man up complaining about everything
I have watched several videos of yours and I just wonder why you keep fixating on this topic. I don't think it is fair for you to act like I owe black men sex , dating and relationships just because I'm black.
The tagline of the channel is reminding Black gay men how dope it is to be Black gay men who love Black gay men.
Far be it from me to focus on topics centering Black men either loving or not loving Black men.
Black men feel burdened by the thought of “owing” something special to other Black men are probably secretly hoping for a White man.
You're right. You don't owe other black men dating and relationships. The purpose of this guy's videos is to get better insight into what dating is like a gay black man and not having success. If things are working out for you, then that's great, but not everyone has it that easy. At the least, let people express how they feel instead of feeling insulted. If anything your type of response to a video like this says a lot about you and proves this guy right even more.
I can’t wait to watch the video and others due to this response. You are right we aren’t a monolith plus I wager we(Blk gay men) number close to a million. Plus we come all presentations and sizes, there is no way anyone could have met us all. I think sometimes people’s own bs, poor choices, plus anti-blackness clouds their dating choices.
Dad latino bottom looking for a slim young guy in his 20's to early 30's d/dfree in Bronx.