I proposed to my husband and he took my last name.
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- Опубліковано 6 бер 2023
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Hello kindred spirit! Thank you so much for tuning in! I create videos on slow living and my life in France! If you're curious to see more of my content, check out my blog! As a writer, I have a full archive of posts written from the past 5 years on my blog about how to find more joy in your life as well as slow and joyful living and presence. I hope it brings you as much joy as it did me making it. Have a magical day, lovely ☀️
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Hey lovely! ☀This video was inspired by a dream I had as well as this recent NY Times article about how more and more men are taking their wives last names 😻 www.nytimes.com/2023/02/11/style/husbands-take-wives-last-names.html
You can read our whole story on my blog here > helenawoods.com/marriagearchives/
In France you never loose your family name,that's the only name the State knows you by. The use of the spouse name or any other name is optional.Maybe its different in America.
Our first president, Mr. Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk (Czechoslovakia) took the last name of his dear wife - Garrigue and added it his last name. And that was in the 19. century! Very progressive! What a great man!
Love hearing non-Western perspectives!
See I find this so interesting as a woman who will be taking her husbands last name. I’m getting married next week and I get a lot of criticism from female friends for wanting to take his name (I just think he has a nicer last name than me… it wasn’t a very deep decision i just thought it suited) I get called anti feminist, anti woman, people have mistakenly assumed that im taking his name due to bowing to his pressure to take it (which he never did, he assumed I’d want to keep my name)! I was so surprised by how many people felt like they were negatively impacted by this when it has nothing to do with anyone else!
And he was the one who proposed mostly because I was ready for marriage first so I told him he should ask when he’s ready too.
I don’t believe in any prescriptions of who should do what in a relationship with anything. It’s about the couple and their own preferences.
I think these days it’s so hard because if you stray from convention, people will criticise you for being outside the norm. But if you follow a tradition, you will be criticised for being too conventional and old fashioned. You can’t win! So why bother trying to please anyone else?- it’s not going to happen!
Agreed! That's great 🤗 Congrats on your wedding - what a magical time for you both! 🕊🥰
And yeah, I feel like you can't win either way these days with people. People seem more judgmental and unaccepting with every passing year, and I'm usually an optimist. lol Personally, I'm of the mentality "live and let live." ❤️ Everyone's journey is personal and individual and we have to do what's right for us! Following our inner guidance system is #1
My hubby took my last name too a few years ago. He had a rough childhood and wanted to have a last name different than what he was born with ❤
how magical!! So great to meet a fellow kindred spirit! 💃❤👏
Thats understandable
@@mertkaracayil there could be no reason. And still take her name upon marriage because to become one with her name.
Love this story of both of you being true to yourselves.
We were in love. We were not living together. My husband proposed to me when we were on a weekend trip. I didn't say yes immediately because I wasn't sure if our families would agree since we are from totally different religions and culture. I took one year after that to say yes. Meanwhile we spoke to our families informally, met each other's parents like friends. When I was convinced we can have everyone on board and my marriage would work out I said yes. He was over the moon. We were great friends and then lovers for about 4-5 years before we tied the knot. We still are best friends. We fight like kids but we get along so well! Better than most people we have met!
You did what I want to do. I always wanted to be the one to propose and my man to take my name. That’s what I want to do. Watching these videos makes me comfortable that I’m not alone and i hope to see these more
🥰 Thank you for sharing this 💕 This is exactly why I posted this video: to connect with people like you and inspire others who personally have always wanted to do this! Thank you for letting me know ❤
Soo happy for you both Helena ! Congratulations! I love that he took your name. In todays world it must take a lot if courage and love for that to happen. Way to go and here is a n endless happiness for your you and alex. ❤
Why not, if it makes you happy so be it. No one can say what you should or shouldn't do
I kept my last name because I don't like unnecessary paperwork and my husband felt the same way. Hahaha
My sister said the same thing!! Haha..
simplifies everything!
I think this is wonderful and inspiring! Love that we heard from Alex too 💕My husbands friends completely made up a new last name together and both changed their name. I thought that is such a cool idea! ✨️
Good for you Helena! We should absolutely be questioning why we do things! You are both obviously very happy 🙂 just keep shining your light and let go of other peoples' judgement xx
I didn't take my husband's name either 😊,since I feel like I'm whole and complete human by all means ❤️👩. It's more than okay 👌. We have been together since 2003.
I love how both you proposed to each other!! ❤ makes it that much more special
Interesting! I kept my surname. Why? I am proud of it and can trace it back! My husband? Not so much! When his family came through Ellis Island, those who processed his ancestors couldn't really communicate or understand so they made something up! To this day my husband doesn't know what his name "should" be? Therefore, yes! We are 22 years married and I kept my name in all legal and spiritual documents.
Oh my goodness, I love this! And it’s really cool to hear Alex’s very practical reason for taking your name. I’ve been in serious relationships before with men whose last name I completely didn’t like, and I would not-so-jokingly say that if we were to get married, we would have to pick a different last name altogether because I didn’t like theirs nor mine hah
Just beautiful! Alex & Helena have a wonderful life together 💜❤️💜❤️
The best is yet to come ❤️💗😊
When you said you proposed and the next day your husband proposed as well almost made me cry. It's so beautiful!
Also, I don't understand the whole idea that a man should propose or confess and not a woman. I confessed to my boyfriend and I had no problem with it. He didn't either. It doesn't really make sense to me, we should all follow our hearts!
Dear ♥️, u are beyond beautiful. I love your authenticity. All the best.
I LOVE this! We need more people doing what's right for them. If I had a partner, I would consider making a new last name for us both. My current one is fine, but I think I'd want to choose a new name with them as a way of celebrating starting our lives together. Then again, if I marry someone who really wants to keep their last name, that's okay too. Congratulations!
Your family tree is important.
@@mertkaracayil It's not important to me. And since I will never have children (long story), it shouldn't matter to anyone else, either. Besides, even for those who will have their own kids, things are documented well these days, and their children will be able trace their family tree if they so choose, even if names are changed in a non traditional way.
not to everyone, dude
This is really inspiring. My partner doesn't want to get married and seeing as I was on the fence about it, we decided not to because I understand his reasons. So I was wondering what we would do with our children. Whose name would they would take. Now I am thinking why not both! :)
In Italy a married woman takes her husband's family name but she is called and accounted for by her maiden name when she goes to the doctor for receipts, hospitals, bank, post office and all government offices.
I'd never take anyone's name, I like mine too much and I use my mother's family name too but not for legal purposes, just for fun, I like the way the two names sound together 😊
This is wonderful and inspiring to see ❤
Happy for both of you .
Great vlog. I think it's so beautiful that you two live life the way you want it and not what others think you should do 💖👍🏻
And also have the courage to say that. ❤ Because it can also evoke negative reactions from people who don't like it.
Wish you a magical day ✨
Thank you! :)
I love love love it, you are listening to your heart and do what feels right to you. We are free to create our own rules, our own reality. I'm happy for both of you. I don't follow the norm, I do what feels right to me. That is why I left France to find myself in CA. I would keep my last name also because it means Lover. Much love
This is really interesting.. I remember years ago, someone saying to me, " you're not one of those women who hyphenate their names are you??" I was first of all, confused because I was very sheltered growing up and didn't even know what that meant.. secondly, my chaser thought was well, what's the big deal? Like what is a person saying and why would that matter to anyone else? Years later, I worked with a teacher who kept her maiden name because she associated her educational accomplishments w her name. She was proud of her achievement as a single woman prior to her marriage and it was important to her to keep her name.. again, she was the first person I'd met who made that decision and while it surprised me, I respected her, her life, her choice . I can't remember if her husband kept her name or took hers but either way... My sister got married and never took her husband's name.. she kept our family name.. I always thought our family name was beautiful and because I endured some negativity in my highschool years from adults who had difficulty pronouncing my Portuguese name, ( teachers) in the 80's.. I carried a shame about my last name for years.. so later in life.. I'm 52 now... I because fiercely attached or maybe not attached but just fell in love with my last name, the beauty of it.. it sounds strange I know.. I don't think I'm conveying myself well..a man I was dating said to me, I'll take your last name.. we never got married.. it was a toxic relationship but I don't see what the big deal is , maybe I'm missing something.. or not real deep or educated but is society going to cave of things are a bit topsy turvy? In the big scale of life events is a name change either way such a big deal? Who cares... There are bigger issues in life. For referral I'm a " religious conservative" lol..🕊️🙏❤️
That’s great. You went back to the original way we married. Some 2-3 hundred years ago.
Your husband's Carbon dioxide to Oxygen explanation for your last name is so funny. He is a real Teacher!! Lol
lol he really is! ❤️❤️
Wow, neat! Thanks for sharing this.
Me and my husband had the same last name before getting married... we are from 2 different countries... and we think this was faith
Here in Singapore, we dont take on the husband's last name except for some religious Christians. I am most amazed of this practice of taking the husband's last name in the US when the divorce rate is 50%! Imagine having to rebrand oneself on social media after marriage/divorce!
Double barreled - no regrets! We joined each others' families as well as starting something new so it seemed a natural thing to do. Some awkwardness with family at first until we explained it but now that we're married we've had no issues ☺️
I wanted so badly that my husband an I could have the same double barreled name but it's not legal here in Germany. It's such a shame.
I love this video and message. I kept my name and I'm glad I did.
I am so glad you and Alex are true to yourselves! It always baffles me how opinionated people are over things that have nothing to do with them. 😂 I mean, no one is getting hurt, so what's the big deal? I guess I'll never understand. It must social conditioning - the need to call others out for not conforming. I personally love "coloring outside the lines." That's where the magic happens! ✨⭐
people are so funny, right?! Being on the internet and sharing my life has opened my worldview on humanity. I had no idea people cared so much or were so judgemental. I was living in my own little bubble before UA-cam. Now, it fuels and drives me to share more of my life in hopes that people might assume less and be more openminded lol 🤗
I think it's pretty cool that each of you honored each others desires to propose to the other. It's adorable actually.
I took my husband’s last name because it was simple and easy to spell and I’d already had enough of a lifetime of people mangling both my first and last names 😂
that's a great reason to take your husband's name! 💕
Same here. I have a 9 letter Filipino last name that everyone mispronounces. Plus I never met my real father and was so happy to not use it anymore. My husband’s American last name is short and easy to pronounce and it goes so well with my first name.
Hai and Hello!!!! A New subscriber from India. Watched your past Vlogs. So positive and wonderful Vlogs .
You could also blend the two last names! you take your partner's and vice versa. I know people who did that because they wanted their kids to have both names.
I love it! I have always said, “Question Authority!!
yessss!!! ❤️🔥
I kept my last name. It’s who I am, I didn’t want to be someone else 😊
I just want to say: Helena and Alex, thanks so much for this inspirational video! 🩵
My wife and I both hyphenated our last names. She worked for her work title and I didn't feel right taking that away from her. But I wanted our whole family to have the same last name, so I proposed we both change it. In some ways it was fitting. We both had tumultuous relationships with our families, so the new name represents a rebirth. I go by my hyphenated name both in work and life. However, people really struggle with it. Definitely our families as they had a lot of issues with it. But I'd never change a thing.
I have a friend from Australia who kept her last name and I admired her for it. I on the other hand was a little ashamed of my last name growing up here in the US. Everyone mispronounces it including teachers. Plus I never met my real father or any of the family on his side and I wish my mother had used hers for me instead. I was so happy and relieved the day I married my husband. It’s short and simple and I finally stopped repeating pronouncing and spelling my last name since we got married almost 16 yrs ago.
Could you share on your wedding ceremony? I am thinking of something unique
Thank you for sharing this great story, and I fully agree, whomever wants to do the proposing is all about equality and up to the couple themselves and not societal and ancient patriarchal norms. So sorry that your family and friends were being so rude and insensitive by insisting on addressing you by your husband's last name - that just sounds like if someone were insisting on mispronouncing one's name even though one has corrected them enough times. I agree with your husband, too, about what the name Woods represents! 🌳
Some of the comments on this video are truly rude and shocking! This is their choice over something that doesn’t affect anyone else - think it is a lovely idea!
How funnnn!!!!!! 💕
Yes I kept my maiden name e my husbands name...is very common here in italy....is 😍 lovely.
In Mexico too I believe..
cool!! 😻
This is the most baller title for a video.
Thanks!! I literally had a dream where i was told the title, thumbnail and general outline for the video. I woke up and wrote everything down in my journal!
Happy Woman's Day
❤️happy for you ❤️
As a first generation Australian male having immigrant parents i feel its important for me to continue my male last name so my families history can be traced. If i took my wife’s last name my family history will be lost…. I do understand some males may want to change their last name to not be associated with the family they come and traced for personal issues this is acceptable . In general i dont like the idea. My family tree is very important to me as I would like to be traced 100 years from now with my last name to show my extended family and origin. I would like my children, grand children , great great great grand children or anyone searching me to find me easy.
I'm not attached to familiy trees or the past in general. I dedicate my life to presence, what is here now. Just a philosophical difference in perspective I suppose. That's awesome that you know what you value and what is important to you! :)
@@helenawoods thank you for your response. :)
@@mertkaracayil of course!! 🤗
Let's just look at history and see how and who allowed us to even reach the conclusion you are proposing we should consider.
I've kept my name - because it was part of my identity and who I am.
wow... Last night i saw this in an episode of The Resident... season 5 episode 20 lol...i think, maybe 19.
Awesome!
ijustlovethe2ofyou!
Why do you need to take anybody’s name here in Canada lots of couples keep there own name even if you get married! So you don’t give yourself away you keep your own identity !
Good morning ❤
hey Sarah! good morning!! 💕
Que locura
que perfecto!
Les enfant ter
New subscriber.
That's ridiculous. Imagine a man who didn't want to carry on his family name.
Sounds like you're really attached to names. A lot of what I talk about in my videos is presence, nonattachment and intuition. Probably not a fit for my channel eh? ;)
@@helenawoods I do really like the channel and watch regularly. I love how you live a more traditional authentic life. Anyway each to their own. You're right it's not my business. I'll continue to watch and appreciate your work ♥️
@@archer125 thank you for the kind words! It's appreciated 🤗 exactly - to each their own.
I think there are many reasons a man wouldn’t want to carry on their family’s last name. Also, at least in America, the concept of carrying on a family name isn’t really a thing anymore. In the case of this couple, Helen did a video on why they aren’t choosing to have kids, which means they aren’t interested in “carrying on anything” so it matters not at all.
@@megjillm Here in Ireland you would have a Norman name. It's important to keep connection to our history and heritage.
All names are male names. My maiden name was my father's name. My mother's maiden name was her father's name, and so forth. What does it matter in the end?! Taking your husband's name is romantic and a lovely tradition. But if you don't, you still have some males name.
I'm not traditional in general....so taking a name because it's romantic and traditional doesn't do anything for me. But cool!
A man taking woman’s last name is also romantic. Actually a woman taking man’s name isn’t romantic, it is only here in reproducing toxic mentality of man is a head. Also we should be in a place where a woman isn’t solely subject to this name change. We should be seeing man changing his name to the woman’s as well. It’s sweet and why not?! It’s honoring and respecting the woman. It will be female dominance then, what’s your problem???? What’s the fucking problem???
There's no reason to get married in the first place. There's no difference btw common law and "married". Hmmmm marriage because that's what your "supposed to do" - society.
Elena I don't see any difference at all
You’re literally the only person who has made a big deal of this, telling me I’ll be judged for keeping my own damn name. 😂
who cares what people think? I don't give a s...h..t what other people think
Okay.
This is not a criticism, just an observation:
I'm guessing that in your relationship, you run the show.
ah nice assumption. you know what they say about assumptions :)
@@helenawoods Yes, I do: "They either turn out to be right or they end up being wrong".
Assumption #2: Given your response, you took what I said as a criticism.
If so, it wasn't at all meant to be. Many successful & living very happily ever after couples, opposite sex or otherwise, consist of one partner being the more decisive. Sometimes, given the personalities involved, it's the only way their relationship will work. You strike me as being pretty alpha - just an observation, but definitely, from such a distance, a non definitive one.
@@scottjones1109Okay sure, I see your point. :) It's about being complementary. But I'm definitely not the alpha in the relationship. We're very balanced, it's an equal partnership. What one of us lacks, the other person has. I'm definitely more assertive, decisive and goal-oriented, but that doesn't mean I run the show. He makes a lot of the decisions for our household. He leads in a lot of ways in which I don't. So, there really isn't one that's more in charge of the decisions. We both do.
@@helenawoods Pleased to hear you both consider your marital relationship to be successful & happy.
That is the kind of couple's bottom line I like to see.
Why not what’s the problem? So it’s female dominance then. What is your problem!
Sorry but I disagree. What about down the road if you have a son. Your husband if he is a true man will want his son to have his last name. To edit, I am married to a Latin man, this would be unacceptable and also a relationship breaker.
agree to disagree! We are happily childfree by choice. Always have been and 99% sure that's not going to ever change :) Good for you for living true to your values! 🕊
I’m a Latina and children take both last names. You don’t take your husband last name. 😊
Hahaha what is the definition of a true man... This is insane, if this little thing is a deal breaker for your marriage you need to find a better person may be lol. I think Alex is more of a true man than a so-called man. Love you Helena and Alex.
@@sakinastraveldiary4562 A true man is my husband. He is a college graduate who while going to school, married me and worked long hours. And continued to take care of our new family while never resting. Who landed different jobs just to get good insurance for our family and children. And yes, I did work. When he got laid off, he didn’t mope but went to a whole other state, secured his job and home and then came and got us. Forward up to now to selling our beautiful home so I could live on my parents land to take care of my very elderly parents and built our home from scratch by the money we sold on our home. He now drives 3 days a week on a 3 hour trip because the pay is good and he knows our family is secure. A good man will be there for his family and support them during the hard times. And by the way. This young lady and everyone else who thinks like she does will have it tough in the long run and they will have themselves to blame. My sister in law is now wanting a divorce because she got married like this girl and now the man is not good enough to be with her because he can’t support her and not man enough. Her to-be husband gave in and said yes, that alone is a red flag for that he is weak.
Obviously everyone here has a total different opinion so I am going to politely bow off of your channel. ❤️
Weird
Not really. It's great that people can decide for themselves what's best for them. Everyone is different, after all. Best wishes.
Posting this video was a beautiful experiment to see who my audience is. Thanks for sharing your two cents!
It’s actually sweet. A man taking woman’s name is sweet. Other way around is always been a problematic in all sense.
YOU ARE REALLY SO PURE HEART❤❤❤I AM AN INDIAN,I WISH I WOULD MARRY A WOMEN LIKE YOU!
My friends from India, his wife took her husbands first name as her last name and his last name is his fathers first name and I think it is so beautiful and traditional to their culture. 🤍
Not everywhere only in Southern states in India. It's a nightmare when you apply for a U.S. visa and have to explain why you don't have a last name and you are using your husband's first name. I am from northern part of India and my husband is south Indian. I could have taken his first name as my last name but the paperwork would have been a mess and we don't like complications at the airport especially. Explaining such things to the immigration officers can get very difficult.
@@sakinastraveldiary4562 yes I knew it was not the case for all of India. I’m Canadian, luckily him
And his wife also didn’t get much confusion when obtaining their permanent Canadian residency, and then eventually their Canadian citizenship this past summer! Sorry to hear your experiences were not the same as theirs! They now live in the UK and I don’t even believe they have troubles at customs at the airport!
@@ronnie-lynn I didn't have any trouble. I avoided all trouble by not changing my name at all.
@@sakinastraveldiary4562 Fair. But your experience is not universal. My friends happily have their last names the way I described in my first comment and did not experience any of the negative issues you pointed out in your comment following 🙂
@@ronnie-lynn I haven’t watched the video yet but why are you talking about a man’s name when here the video said a man taking her last name? Why itsnt that beautiful…culture should change right. It shouldn’t be the same wayyyyy all wayyyy? Right. We should change and adopt and evolve. Right. How we live. Still today. A man taking woman’s name called disgusting “literally my own mother has said that”. And my parents had become my abusers.