Love Is Blind - So Effing Toxic - Season 6 #92 - Therapist Reacts
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- Опубліковано 17 кві 2024
- Dr. Kirk Honda reacts to Love Is Blind Season 6. Includes clips from Love Is Blind (Netflix), The Reunion.
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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Everything is not black and white. And I think that’s what most people want to think. I appreciate that Dr. Honda sees all the grays! I think you nailed it
Dude me too! I was on one side absolutely..and was somehow conflicted after his first review.
But now I appreciate to have someone on neutral ground. Wow! I APPRECIATE YOU DRHONDA!
I feel like the internet (the loudest ones) make everything black and white sometimes I don’t even look at the comments.
I think Trevor has toxic relationship issues and it makes him weak. Maybe he tries so hard to be big and strong because he's so wishy washy on the inside (God knows I've dated that kind)
Mix this with a toxic strong minded woman and he could be easily manipulated. Maybe he went on the show to try to get away from her.
Trevor’s credibility is hurt even further by the fact that the woman who leaked the texts also accused him of threatening to release revenge porn against her if she told the world about his plan 😬
@@user-uq2ti7tj6k that’s why I specifically said “accused” rather than he did it because we don’t actually know. He never came out and said anything about it as far as I’m aware, and as for her not releasing texts about it, he could’ve threatened her over the phone or in person.
Meh
That doesn’t relay sent his story at all- if anything it’s evidence of the toxicity of their relationship 🤷🏻♀️
And a really shitty thing to do to someone 😬 so if it were true it would be an indictment against his character but not on his narrative here
Not sure I’d believe that unless there’s proof
After she released all those receipts, I’d be shocked if she withheld proof of his alleged revenge porn threat. So either there’s no proof or he didn’t say it.
@@empressdostomousky-ow8xs the threat could have easily been made in person or on the phone though. Just because she doesn't have a text saying it, doesn't mean it didn't happen.
I'm saying this, because most of the time victims don't have proof of their abuse. Not to say who I believe in this particular circumstance.
Watching Dr Honda realize how much brain space he’s given this show was so relatable.
Can we talk about how cute it was that he was asking his wife for her opinion on that matter in the middle of the video 🥰
People have absolutely done this exact thing on reality shows. It’s not as unlikely or uncommon as you think. Also, there are more screenshots that weren’t shown where Trevor literally tells the girl that growing his business was why he was going on the show. AND he told another male cast member that he had no intention of getting married on the show before filming even started. There are so many screenshots that weren’t included.
I don’t understand why he has such a hard time believing that, it’s called acting, you don’t have to be a psychopath to do it, you just have to build a character and play it. It does require a certain callousness about other people’s feelings, but these are all strangers, and they all stand to gain from the exposure in the show, or so he probably thinks.
I would love to hear Dr. Kirk’s opinion given this information and the revenge porn threats
I feel like LIB is playing it both ways. Of course they have to say they are only looking for people who legitimately want to get married and are not looking for fame, and yet, they recruit heavily through social media. Obviously these people must be posting and very active on social media, otherwise casting would never find them.
Exactly!!
Plus the plugging of The Perfect Match, which shows that if you go on LiB you have a chance to appear on tv again... In such an unserious show as well. It felt so hypocritical.
Plus, no normal person would want to be on a reality tv program where millions of people are criticizing your every move and everything about you.
💯
LIB is a brand, they exist to market and make money. Nick's bit about how this is all so legit and Trevor's behaviour is an affront to their genuine quest for love felt so incredibly disingenuous and put on for show. I felt literally disgusted. What a hypocrite.
Personally, here is my take. I think Trevor is not a manipulative mastermind. Does he need some help? Yes. But I have been in a relationship that would be considered "toxic" in that it was so full of extremes. From I love you to I hate you and back again. You get sort of sickly addicted to it but yet you know there is something potentially better out there for you. And in spite of it all, you DO love that person.
The issue is that it's familiar. The two of you might be a rollercoaster from hell, but at least it's the devil you know and you aren't alone at night. Even if you're crying from a fight beside them in bed at night...you're still beside someone.
Unhealthy? Oh hell yes. But totally and completely understandable.
I have a close friend who was in that type of highly toxic on-again-off-again relationship for 5+ years. It was excruciating to watch from the outside, but I understood a lot of it had to do with her desire for closeness and fear of being alone. Which is a bit ironic because during that same 5-year period I was single / alone the whole time (apart from a few dates here and there)… and I was overall much happier than she was! Being alone isn’t the worst. The need to have _someone_ in our lives and _someone_ in bed next to us can sometimes lead us to cling to completely unhealthy people or relationships, when we’d actually be doing much better alone while waiting for the right person to come into our lives.
@mistym0rning 1000%. It took therapy and some serious looks in the mirror to move past that. I was also in my early 20s at the time so some of it may just have been immaturity. I think being truly content in being alone/single is a huge challenge for some people.
Yeah I agree. I have been in his shoes and been in a relationship that was defined by extremes where I simultaneously desperately wanted to get away and be free, but also couldn't imagine a life without that person. I consider that ex my "toxic soulmate", he's a perfect match for the worst version of me and we seemed to nurture each other's vices and bring out the worst in each other. It required immense time, energy and healing to actually break free. The cycle of adoration and resentment persisted for years. It sounds like Trevor is in that dynamic as well and doesn't have the tools to break free and make better choices. I hope he can work towards healing and becoming a healthier version of himself.
Precisely!! 🙌🙌🙌
Pretty sure this is the “unhealthy” aspect my fiancé noticed in my *very* emotionally one-sided friendship with my ex-the relationship wasn’t “unhealthy” because it was with an ex (a controlling/jealous reaction), it was unhealthy because my ex and I had this terrible cycle of emotional dependency that left me giving so much of myself that I was allowing him to mistreat me in the name of helping him heal his deep emotional problems! My ex and I had exactly that absolute roller coaster of a relationship: sometimes it was heart wrenchingly horrible, but other times we got *really* honest and vulnerable with each other-there was genuine love there, but the dynamic was NOT good. I am so much happier and less stressed not being involved in that whole mess!!
@@mistym0rning Yes, but I also want to caution against jumping too hard onto the “gotta be comfortable with being single first” train because I have definitely seen that line of thinking slip into a belief of superiority or a inherent misunderstanding in the kind of thinking/environment it takes to be in that kind of position-there is a sort of privilege in not having certain trauma or in having better support.
I am, of course, biased because I ended up in a tumultuous, unhealthy (and downright abusive at times on both sides) relationship; however, I also thoroughly enjoyed myself and been very comfortable the times that I have been single. In recent years, I have come to understand that many of my biggest problems likely stem from the trauma that I manifested following 18+ years of childhood abuse. Not only that, but I DID try to leave the relationship early on and partway through, but financially I could see no other options (I had my cat and rabbit to care for in addition to myself-all family lived across the country and was poor). By the time I had better finances, the relationship was usually on the up swing and I no longer felt the motivation.
What I am trying to say is that it was never a choice or a “fear” of being single; rather, it was a “fear” that I would not be able to shelter or feed myself or my animals combined with a lifetime pattern of accepting mistreatment as a way to “make the best out of it”.
Ironically, if this was The Ultimatum, this is exactly what they would have wanted him to do 😂
Nice catch!
Omg 😂
But it’s not tho. It’s Love is blind
If this whole revenge porn angle is accurate, then I am more than willing to walk back my assessment. My initial reactions were based on the show and this video.
There's also a world where both things could be true. 1. Wanting an out from his toxic relationship and 2. Wanting to promote himself.
The revenge porn thing though? Throw the whole man away and start over. Ew.
Dr. Honda extending good faith to Trevor here is perhaps one of the best examples of his pure soul possible 🙂
To answer your question---yes that was the plan. He wanted to gain IG followers for his online personal trainer business. His girlfriend knew and they agreed he would go on for this purpose. This information was shared when the woman came forward and there were texts to show it. They were not dating other people. The show shared enough to show they were holding him accountable, but not enough to show how truly crappy he is (ie: the revenge porn he threatened her) so that when he is on our screens for Perfect Match the audience isnt angry. You and your lovely wife leaned towards the narrative you were shown, but there was so much more they did not show. They didn't even announce he was on Perfect Match! Which was already filmed prior to this reunion.
Interesting
I think he might have done enough to get edited out of perfect match. They didn't mention anything about him being on it and his girlfriend said that he didn't get very far into the show.
Including the GF literally confirming that he said this is toxic if I find someone I am moving forward 100% with them but if not we can talk she was desperate for a proposal and mad when she didn't get it later
Upvote if you think Trevor is honest, like Kirk is indicating, having personal difficulties in meeting his needs in a healthy way.
*
He seems remorseful to me, and is not denying anything- just giving his side
Yeah, same. Also because I generally have the same view of people as Dr Kirk. 99% of people are trying to do the right thing, but they're often very confused about what the right thing is. I think that if Trevor was lying, he either would have bailed out of the reunion like Uche, Matthew or Andrew. He decided to show up and also he didn't just dismiss the evidence and claim the whole thing is made up.
I agree - but i don't think he would have told the truth if he hadn't been caught
@@jolieluc I am missing the whole story yeah, that’s true
Toxic: straight up lying in the pods to manipulate women. "My favorite movie? The Notebook! My favorite hobby? Chasing butterflies and rainbows!!!"
This is why I found Trevor sus at the get go, I felt like he gave standard bs answers to questions and “I’m not just a meathead” basic I’m a good guy mentality bs
We saw two seconds for all you know it was followed by them laughing and him being like nah but long walks with my dog is actually really great, ps Jessica is the queen of influencer so like if your looking for any liars on this show look at the one that was making out in the ocean with Harry heartbreak😂😂
I would have believed him if I didn't know more detail. He ghosted and dumped his girlfriend 2 weeks before the season was about to air. She claimed he threatened her with showing their sextapes to her son if she came forward to the public. He went on the show to become a fitness influencer. He also went on Perfect Match during their relationship. He kept telling her that him going was for their future, basically getting more opportunities to make more money.
Exactly 💯
I mean that’s a huge point towards them NOT being in it together as some mastermind plan to make money
He broke up with her weeks before the show came out? Implies that he knew she would be pissed with how close he got to Chelsea
I appreciate how humanizing your perspective is! It’s always like that, which is the opposite of the humiliation approach we tend to take 😅😅😅
I had the same response as Dr. Honda. It's possible he's telling the truth.
When this first came out, I wrote on someone’s recap video how I felt really bad for him because he obviously fucked up but didn’t seem capable of vocalizing himself, and that the gang-up from the hosts didn’t seem necessary. And boy did the commenters come for me. I’m glad that people here can see beyond just black and white.
You're speaking from my heart. Hated the gang-up and that disingenuous blabbing about how LIB is all about love and stuff. And the way Nick dismisse him like some sub-human? I'm glad I'm not watching the actual show, rn, because I wouldn't wanna support the hosts.
lmfao its super funny to hear Kirk basically say that Trevor is thirst trapping on instagram
Ew.
I really admire your optimism of human nature, you’ve inspired me to try to be more intentional about giving people the benefit of the doubt.
Also smart to remember: when people show you who they are, believe them. Not to mention that there is ZERO risk of giving people you don't know (and will never meet) the benefit of the doubt. I would suggest being more cautious with people who directly effect your life.
I think De Honda's view of people is outdated, not adjusted to nowadays situations
@@joannawrzelikowska3273Why do you think this? /gen
The world is arguably more safe nowadays than in the past.
@@amara560 it is regarding relationships and ppl
@@joannawrzelikowska3273 Still my question: why do you think this?
What feels likely to me is that Trevor went on the show mainly to keep his options open and sold it to his lady as something that will help them financially in the future. If Chelsea had chosen him, I think he would've ended the relationship with his lady, but when she didn't he just fell back in the old pattern with her. He even reiterated, remember I had to pretend this isn't real life to say what I said, which kinda confirms he told her he was going on the show to pretend.
I don’t believe Trevor because he said in those texts to the woman that he was lying about everything he said on the show, and he said to the woman that he was going on the show to increase their popularity - essentially for fame. All that coupled with the “nice guy” tiktoks he made earlier in the season which fuelled the “poor Trevor” narrative and hate against Chelsea makes me think he’s a liar, and not a very good one.
I think he knew he would be asked about this but didn’t expect that the texts would be read out which explains him freezing at first. His story/lie was prepared imo.
That’s exactly what I thought because how are you going to with one breath say you thought about this and what you were going to say for a while but then suddenly you clam up after they show the texts? My charitable opinion is that he did like this other girl and he did want to go on the show for his career.
I don’t know about the revenge porn thing, but it is interesting that this girl shared the texts… it makes me think the show is it on the sly as well, or something really did happen with a girl, like she turned on him… I wonder if they paid her to give them the texts or if she felt like he was actually a big liar and so she shared the text. to me I don’t think Trevor reads like a psychopath who has learned a new personality and is conning everyone. I do give him a massive side eye though and I probably wouldn’t trust him.
@@Poopoopeepee6969 no, the show didn't pay her. She spoken out about this on Instagram pretty extensively. Basically he goes to her 3 weeks before the show came out and broke with up with her a week later. Interesting timing with the show coming out I guess he wanted to be single. Because he was on the show they couldn't make the relationship public so she felt like she had been erased and like she had never existed. She told him she was going to come out with the texts and he threatened her with revenge p*** and some other things. Allegedly. That's why she released the text. She knew he was going on the show because he told her it would be good to start his influencer career and that she would benefit from that as well when he got going. He also went on perfect match but she knew about. She thought that in the long run it would be good for both of them as she thought they were in a serious relationship. That's why she felt so blindsided when he suddenly broke up with her right before the show aired and why she released the text
I disagree and think Trevor is mostly lying. I think I could get behind Dr. Honda's conceptualization if it wasn't for the fact that Trevor was trying to get his personal trainer/ fitness business off the ground when he went on the show, and I believe there is evidence that the girlfriend was also involved in his business.
I think they were on and off...and one of the times they were off, he signed up genuinely for the show.
He got selected and then they decided that they are on a break during the show. And he just genuinely wanted to see if there is a better match for him, if he can't see how the person looks like.
And then he realized , he feels more comfortable with the toxic person and wants to be with her, because toxic
sometimes equals confort.
And they broke up again before the reunion and then she was mad and decided to leak their conversation.
Could be real. We all know couples that are on and off.
Or if you look at all the comments from the ex girlfriend she explains all of that. You don't have to hypothesize you can hear what she said actually happened.
Not true at all, she clarified all this with proof
I think Jessica was talking about Chelsea getting raked for not choosing Trevor
Trevor didnt go into detail at all?
Did Dr. Honda not see the texts? He messaged her before and after about his plans. I dont see how anyone cant come to conclusion he wasn't trying to con the show. I don't think he truly wanted to hurt anyone and maybe just thought of it as just a reality show and thought people's feelings would also be fake.
The way he was in the pods so manipulative. He played the nice guy sooo hard and deep down chelsea could sense it was fake. Then he posted on ticktok about how girls dont want nice guys all while doing all that.
Dr Honda sometimes frustrates me cos he can have the evidence in his palms and still say ‘I dunno or I’m not sure’ you say that about allegations that’s not backed up with evidence not when you can clearly see the evidence.
I didn’t think Chelsea saw him as fake, but I did think that she chose the other guy because she’s used to working for love and she had to convince Jimmy to be with her
I guess I am actually one of the few that felt Trevor was telling his truth on the reunion... I do believe he and that other girl were having a toxic relationship and he felt the show was a way to get out of the pattern by finding someone...but he was also skeptical about it though willing to try... People do get stuck in a loop...
I don't really care if Trevor is lying or not. He sucks either way.
I think that, Trevor was approached by the show and he saw that as an opportunity for him to become an influencer and was possibly intrigued about finding someone who felt like ‘the one’ for him. I don’t think he would have applied to be on the show if he wasn’t approached. I also don’t think he would have gone onto the show if he was certain with his relationship.
I think that he didn’t want to lose his girlfriend at this point, as it wasn’t a sure thing that he would find someone, or that someone would chose him. So, he told her what she needed to hear to be okay with him going on.
I think he did feel something for Chelsea but I also think that he possibility focused only on her quite early on, because he wanted to continue on the show and she was the person who he thought was a solid choice (as in, most likely to chose him). I’m not sure if he was even at a stage to settle down with someone really.
When he left, he seemed fully invested in his (ex) partner, most likely because he wasn’t chosen and again, didn’t want to lose her. He told her a bunch of things about how it was all fake as he knew she would watch the show one day. He probably felt quite rejected too and felt appreciation for someone who actually did want him.
The things he apparently said to his ex about showing her kid a sex tape of them was horrendous and I think it was due to him knowing it would cause a lot of harm to his public image and he was trying to do whatever he could for the texts not to be realised. It shows at this point that he cared much more about himself than his ex. Also he ghosted her. I think it’s clear that he wasn’t really into his ex at all but liked her to be around when there wasn’t any other options.
I really think people shouldn’t be approached to go on the show. It’s probably very tempting for a lot of people even if they aren’t ready for marriage and have relationships currently going on. I also think that being approached probably gives the person an ego boost and like they have something to offer in terms of being an influencer which can make them more likely to pursue it.
Instead, those who want to be on the show should just apply themselves.
The fact that kids all want to be social media "influencers" when they grow up is a sad statement on our society.
Trevor probably went on the show to test his true feelings for his gf. He probably told his gf this and she was so madly in love with him that she decided to go along with it and hope for the best. When he ultimately got rejected by Chelsea, he had to save face with his gf so he told her that he "chose her." Now he's putting a spin on things for the audience because he does realize how selfish this all makes him look.
It’s happened before on Love Island USA where a guy (Caleb) when on the show, met a girl (Justine) and started dating her on the show. The dated for about 2-3 months after the show too, had exchanged I love yous and it turned out that he had a girlfriend the entire time and was faking it. The girl Justine was heartbroken and is still affected by it years later.
AHHHHHHHHH, this was heartbreaking. I loved them, and then it turned out he was an actual POS.
@@sherriromas5871 I didn’t watch the season, but I would see them all over my tl while it aired so imagine my shock when it all came out 😭
11:03 Dr. Honda I think the term you're looking for is "clout chasing" ;)
She did agree and knew he wasn't going to marry anyone. There are people who were able to leave high paying jobs after this show and make money doing various things. She was looking at it like an acting job.
Oh, did the show help previous cast get really good jobs?!
Awe, no, Dr. H 😅 I can tell the people won't be on your side. I'm not on your side this time. He 100% went on this show for fame and to become a fitness influencer. Still love your content & persistence to see the best in people, though!
I love his content and will continue to watch but dang do I feel like such a cynic lol because yes I absolutely believe he did it for fame and the girl knew. With how much these reality shows come up now, it's not at all out of the realm of believability.
@@soniatrevino8459 she said so herself that was their plan. Also he wouldn't be the first to cook up this scheme
I have the same feelings towards Trevor and his intentions. I think he was caught up in a complex situation with someone who should be an ex, and I think he really did love Chelsea. When he was broken up with, he looked like he was trying to hold it in every time the camera went to him, and he also seemed almost desperate for answers/for Chelsea when they met in person later on. I think there's a lot of detail to back that up. Seeing out of context text messages that ignore complex thoughts and emotions shouldn't be the end-all be-all for the truth. He seems very genuine. If I were on his Jury, I would hold out as long as I could, and I would hope for a 12 Angry Men situation. :D
That's because you haven't seen the rest of the texts or the revenge porn allegations.
I didn't see the texts before this reunion aired, so the first time I read them was when Trevor was addressing them on stage. I have to say, I immediately clocked it as a "situationship"/on-off friends-with-benefits situation where both parties understood that they weren't exclusive, but they had a connection. I've been in messy relationships like that in the past, even with the seemingly serious declarations of love and marriage, even though we both kind of knew that would never happen. So I definitely know that these things can happen.
But these are only part of the texts. It is not all of them, and certainly not the most damning information
Yesss, been waiting all morning for this to drop.
I think Trevor would really identify with the quote - " I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate, I do."
3:33 the answer is yes.
There are more screenshots that they didn't show on the program (not sure why) and they basically state it, without even mentioning the allegations she has made against him.
Because they have to save face a bit when he is splashed all over our screens on Perfect Match
The problem is that if you lied to me about the facts, why would I believe you about your motives? We started from a lie, you’ve already established you are willing to lie to me, why would I trust you from there?
The part that you heard about the airport was from Trevor's leaked texts. He told his girlfriend in one the text messages that the guy he was sitting next to on the plane to LA was also on the show and he said that they both agreed that "No matter what we are not getting married lol". I assume they didn't mention that on the reunion as there has been no indication who he was sitting with that agreed to that.
This was definitely a situation where they were setting an example for future contestants and the producers must have really felt duped as Trevore filmed Perfect Match already and since they didn't mention that, they are probably wiping him from the footage.
I agree more with your hypothesis than the idea that Trevor is this psychopathic mastermind who only went on the show for fame. I do think there gaining some online traction/popularity may have been a motivator but I think a lot of people who choose to find love this way would share this either subconsciously or consciously. It doesn’t make too much sense how he could be lying about everything on the stage because of the emotionality in his voice and the initial pause, it’s really hard to fake that kind of response. We can’t know for sure if the pause was him freezing out of fear/humiliation or trying to contrived a believable lie but I think he was terrified. Also, as he was talking and letting us in on his thought process everything seemed to flow pretty naturally which indicates some level of truth to me. This doesn’t excuse his behavior because of the harm done, but I do think that he had his messy and “toxic” (aka human) moments broadcasted which most don’t. Also- if the revenge porn stuff is true (I don’t know much about it, just read a few of the comments here) than the toxicity he was referring to was probably a self-disclosure of abuse like Dr. Honda said it means when most people refer to it. That’s absolutely horrible and traumatizing to the other woman, but I think it would still lend itself to his narrative because revenge porn is objectively toxic and abusive. However, I am a bit torn thinking back to the texts because in the messages he said everything he said on tv was a lie and before he went he clearly stated that he still wanted to spend the rest of his life with the girl which doesn’t align with his story that she knew he told her he’d leave if he found someone better… Overall, we’ll never know I guess 😅
A lot of the stuff you were wondering about was already out there at the time of the reunion. Would’ve loved to hear your take on the situation based on that data.
Maybe you discovered it later on and we’ll get another video. 🙏
I mean, in the texts, he does tell the woman that everything he says in the show is a lie and that he's just pretending. Then he says during the reunion that he WOULD have continued to date Chelsea. So he has to be lying to someone, either to LIB or to that woman.
You are making my day! ❤
Here's the thing about Trevor and LIB (and these Netflix reality shows in general)... and I'm speaking as someone who is trusting *to a fault*, someone who gives everyone the benefit of the doubt, innocent until proven guilty...
Coming onto the show for fame is really the only viable reason to do what he did. We can't postulate that maybe he loves this woman in a different way than the love he's seeking on the show because it's *the same* kind of love. He was very clear, "I will marry you" and "I will start a life with you". That's the only kind of love this show is designed to find.
LIB's biggest downfall is that after the first season (and even more so with every season since), it became very apparent that people become Instagram famous from these shows. Isn't that why that one couple went on pretending not to know each other? It's a quick route to fame if you can make it on the show. This is the only reason I can imagine a girlfriend would cosign this decision: She would become famous by proxy. It's got to be some sort of scheme like this. And I don't think it's psychopathic, either. I think a LOT of young people would go to these lengths (and further) for social media fame.
I can't think of another reason: being toxic, being each other's safety school, being anything other than polyamorous... I can't think of another reason his girlfriend would be okay with this. Not with the way they were talking to each other.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it seems like the charitable view requires a lot of mental gymnastics, and I've got to call Occam's Razor on this one. The desire for social media clout is unfortunately too heavy of a driver for many people to come on this show.
(Micah and Irina come to mind especially. Even Jackie-- her texts with her friends made it apparent she was playing the game to make it on the show while she had ulterior motives.)
Sorry, but I can't rely on the charitable approach to this one, despite really wanting to.
Does Trevor even know what toxic means? He saw it on the internet and he's giving the response everyone gives to ease any backlash...." I need therapy ". I wonder how many people who say this actually seek it. 😮
Having known many a guy like Trevor (though thankfully never dated them) I think it’s honestly kind of a moot point because I don’t think even if we could theoretically hook Trevor up to a lie detector or dose him with truth serum HE would know what his intentions were. I don’t think he was thinking that far ahead. Between the texts and his behavior on the show he seems like a pretty surface level, goes for whatever’s in front of him kind of guy. He saw an opportunity to grow his fitness business so he took it. It required he be single so he dumped his girlfriend assuming he’d go on a show with a bunch of similarly ambitious people and wouldn’t get involved with anyone and no one would ever be the wiser. I don’t think he had any consideration or thought through any of the what ifs of what if this hurts my girlfriend or what if other people are genuinely here to find love or what if I meet someone, instead he’s obliviously vibing day to day. Like there is a complete absence of intentions or planning or awareness of where he went wrong here, he’s just hanging on for the ride.
I appreciate this description! I feel like there is a LOT of daylight between "complete psychopath" and "honestly going on the show to look for love". I don't think Dr. Honda's narrative is definitely wrong, but I'm just confused why he's not seeing other options.
@@shygenist I’ve noticed Dr. Honda, has a bit of a blind spot with this though I honestly think it’s a kind of nice blind spot to have that speaks well of him. He tends to look at everything as a psychologist, which means that because he’s very thoughtful and considers all his words and actions very carefully, he then assumes everyone does this and is aware they’re doing this and able to communicate they’re doing this, and if they can’t or don’t he assumes there’s some sort of pathology behind it. And I mean as a therapist who has an academic background I think he’s probably been around people self-selected to be similar to him in the sense that they’re thoughtful and able to articulate their own thoughts and feelings, so it makes sense he thinks that way. But in my experience working with people for many, many years in front-facing public and customer service, people are a big mixed bag spectrum. On one end you have people like Dr. Honda who really ponder and philosophize on things like ethics and why they do the things they do and the implications of their actions (no shade, I’m this way too), and on the other end you have people like Trevor who are living a life purely reacting to things based on vibes and not planning or thinking about how it comes across or effects other people at all. It tends more often to be white men on the Trevor end of the spectrum because nothing in society has ever punished them for not being aware and forced them to be more considerate, but it’s not a hard and fast rule. It’s just a normal variation of human behavior and everyone falls somewhere along a spectrum, same as something like introversion/extroversion. Some people are thinkers and planners, and some people are seat of their pants vibe surfers.
maybe this is a jaded way of thinking, but personally i don’t think Trevor’s “why” is important. you have to be one hell of a manipulator to do something like this regardless of his reasons. even if he was open to going home with someone for real, the whole thing is a lie regardless bc of this information. He knew for a fact no one in those pods would have been okay with those messages, and i don’t doubt he would have continued to hide the truth if it meant securing a wife or more TV time.
I guess I’m the only one who doesn’t care whether or not Trevor is lying in the reunion. He lied during the whole time before, so it’s irrelevant to me what he says now.
I think it is incredibly rude and inconsiderate of him to try to get someone to fall in love with him and get engaged only to later drop the bombshell that he is still semi-involved with another woman in this toxic on-off relationship. He 100% wasn't going to tell Megan any of this until after they were engaged, and that is awful. Having said that, I do think he is being honest here, and it is hard to watch him get destroyed and dog-piled on national TV. Especially because he seems to now know that how he acted was wrong and that he needs professional help.
This is so easy. Trevor went on the show for fame. He convinced his girlfriend it was a good "business move." Had NO intentions of getting married. Please tell me yall see this! Lol
Bingo! Even the texts are confirmation that they were both in on it and saw it as a good business move
It says your a highly trained professional in your field doc 👌🏽amazing psychologist
6:11 In regard to the “I’m toxic” I do wonder if they also grilled him on more of the situation. Did they bring up the accusations (from this woman) that he threatened to release intimate videos of her (to her son).
Or he knew that accusation was out there and he’s addressing all of it, not just the surface level texts being shown right here.
Contextually there’s a possibility he feels a lot of remorse for all of it and that’s why he’s saying “I’m toxic, I need therapy, etc.”
But overall, remorse or not it’s horrible behavior, regardless of the context of their relationship and his reason for going on this show.
I hope he has empathy, and can feel the shame/remorse and it’s genuine and it will fuel proper therapy/reform of this type of behavior.
speaking of opportunity costs & Trevor...to go on a show like this - aspiring influencer or not - and to *not* engage in trying to build a social media presence before, during, and after is missing out on a potentially significant income stream.
My first foray into reality tv was with Survivor season 1 when people did not globally think of needing a strategy - either regarding the specific premise of the show (e.g. how to not get voted off and how to win Survivor) or in how to manage the real world implications of having been on a reality show.
Nowadays, if you are not thinking of both of these things you are doing yourself a disservice. It is really interesting to see how the strategic thinking has become both a necessity, but also very easily something that people are disparaged for having.
NB I'm not condoning hurting others in the pursuit of career advancement when going on a show. I generally agree with what Dr. Honda has said regarding more or less believing the explanation Trevor has given, but seeing how in a jury situation things would lean towards 'guilty'.
PS Richard Hatch was the only one who appeared to be thinking about strategy in season 1 of Survivor.
he choose her because she sounded weak, i think he lied all the way 98%
This 🤌
No, he didn't try to help Chelsea. I went to his ig account, and many people were saying to him that he's such a good guy and Chelsea was a loser for picking someone else. He even liked some comments that were negative towards her. That was before everything that came out about him.
ngl my take is that i didnt care for damage controlly vibe of this segment -- i understand why its presented this way but tbh it kinda feels weird to me that no one asked chelsea how she felt about the fact that trevor may have lied to and decieved her and he was the first person to address her directly like it kinda feels like the show thinks nick lachey is the true victim of trevors possibly manipulative behaviour
Video request: Dr Honda please react to Dr Huberman's allegations about having and lying to 6 girlfriends at once!! Would be an interesting art vs the artist conversation in academic circles
Dr. Kirk, I think you could include a poll in the comments which we could use to vote.
Ugh can someone please send Dr. Honda the rest of the text messages. Plus the ig stories from the ex girlfriend with the revenge porn allegation.
Best believe after reading the entire thing he’ll still say ‘I dunno if this is true’ even though Trevor himself has admitted it’s true. He just gives everyone a benefit of doubt even the worse of people
I'm surprised that you haven't drawn more parallels between Trevor and the uche/Lydia mess from last season
1. This is definitely another instance of the vetting process letting stuff slip
2. The duplicity required by both men in their presentation to potential partners
On one hand.. i believe hes not a psychopath.... that he went on a show, with the blessing of his then girlfriend, probably not even thinking that he'd get so far or even get air time, played it the best way he could, for air time knowing that his girlfriend was allowing it, for as long as he could, said some things he knew would make life difficult for him if aired, and ended things with his girlfriend in the run up to the show airing. On the other hand, he played it so well one girl almost fell for him, he GHOSTED his girlfriend out of pure cowardice andon top of that, threatened to show p****graphic pictures of her to her SON if she told on him.....🤷🏼♀️
I believe Trevor’s story. Having come from a previous relationship that was unhealthy, any trigger could push me back into it if I didn’t have a support system, even though I knew it was not healthy and when I wanted a different relationship, it was easier to fall back into it. I think many people can’t relate, and they will have a hard time believing him.
It is very likely that Trevor was forced by the show to be there because he tricked them (it came out that he was in a relationship). Since there is a big fine when you break your contract, he obliged and came to apologize.
He put out a statement on instagram today which he said he already agreed to be on the reunion before those texts were leaked & production found out a day before they filmed the reunion
I don’t believe Trevor. I think him and his girlfriend wanted to improve their workout business and I believe he threatened her to not say anything after they broke up (she said he threatened to expose her pictures to her son).
Everything that you’ve explained about what could be going on with Trevor and what his relationship with this woman might have been, is 100% describing the last year or two of my relationship with my ex. I could totally see my ex doing something like going on a dating show while we were together and somehow talking me into thinking it was a good idea, and I could see him texting me the exact things that Trevor texted this girl before and after he was on the show.
I think it's all of the above. I think he genuinely wants to be in a relationship, but a part of him knew that going on the show with a backup girlfriend back home was immoral, otherwise he would have told the producers and all of his dates about it, AND he sees getting more insta followers as the cherry on top. Almost no one seems to go on shows like the Bachelor anymore and keep their original nursing or accounting job after the show, they seem to have the dual goals of both marrying the bachelor and becoming a social media star.
By the way… Cameron said on his own UA-cam, that he originally went on thinking he could at least date a bunch of women and be on tv. 😅 even he never thought it would work, in the beginning.
21:32 you gotta be in the know to know, ya know
I know everything is very complicated, but Trevor flat out said that he 'had to pretend it wasn't real life to say anything he said in the Pods'. To me, from the way he portrayed in the pods, that seems very true. That is one of the few things I believe out of his mouth.
I can't know for sure, but I think it is more likely that Trevor was maybe surprised Netflix called him to be on the show and he ended up leading on his ex, rather than he was working with her the whole time with a master plan of deceiving everyone on the show. I wouldn't be surprised if he had just repaired or strengthened things in his relationship with her right before he heard from Netflix. I have heard people don't apply to be on this show, but Netflix just cold calls them after viewing their social media.
Hey dr Kirk, idk if it’s worth mentioning but I heard some where that Trevor before all the allegations came out was a pick for that dating show that Jess is going on, also from LIB szn 2 Nat &Dep said on their podcast that alot of the male contestants were recruited from dating sites because the number of females applying always out number the male applicants 38:34
I think Trevor was lying to the girl he was with and just kept her as a backup incase he didn't find anyone. I think he was genuinely confused that Chelsea didn't pick him like he was expecting to be picked/engaged. I also believe that he was probably used to lying to the original girl since their relationship was "toxic"
I think Trevor is at least partially lying. He said he had prepared something to say but scrapped that. This makes me think he had planned to present a particular lie and ended up improvising when presented with the texts that contradicted his original story.
Aww bless your heart. A psychopath-no. A clout chaser-yes. The texts show she was in on it. I’m also sure if he got off the steroids he would be less toxic. He can start there.
27:00 I agree with Dr. Honda that most of the cast are thinking about their career and what may this opportunity brings. Look at their social now, ads and sponsored contents after contents especially AD.
First, loving these videos DKH 😃
His girl revealed she WAS in on it and Trevor went on this show to try to boost his fitness business in a similar way that Raven from the previous season boosted her
I agree with you! This is my take as well... I can totally imagine him feeling genuine inside while making each decision but at each of those moments he wasn't thinking ahead or thinking of the whole picture, instead he was just being "in the moment" being selfish, wanting options, etc... it also makes sense to me that he was having big emotions as he came out of the pods, so as his way to soothe that vulnerability and boost his ego again quickly, he immediately reaches out in a overly loving way to someone who is always kind of there for him and who he is pretty sure will reciprocate when he needs it
not that this is how he SHOULD behave towards other people, but it does seem more likely to me than him being a total psychopath
To get philosophical here for a second: what really are 'legitimate reasons' to date anyone? What I mean is, plenty of people in normal dating life will find themselves sexually or romantically attracted to someone, at least partially, because that person is rich. Or famous. Or has an English accent. Or muscles. I think society likes to divide reasons for liking/loving people into 'legitimate (AKA moral)' reasons (kindness, consistency, parenting skills, religiosity, etc) and 'illegitimate (AKA immoral) reasons' (money, fame, power, looks, youth, etc) but the truth is attraction is messy and involves so many factors, both what society deems legitimate and illegitimate, for all of us. So if Trevor came on here because he's primarily attracted to fame, for himself and thereby his partner, is that not a legitimate factor? If he got along with a woman who was also here for clout and liked his potential for fame, could they not marry primarily for fame, and stay married, bound by that common goal/interest? Could they not potentially fall into what they call 'love' over that? I guess what I'm trying to say here, is often the reasons people like and or love each other don't fit as neatly into conventional morality as we would hope they would, and I don't think it's up to us to declare if two people care about each other for 'legitimate' enough reasons. If you love fame, dating for fame does not preclude love, if anything it facilitates it. (And yes, I know that's basically rebutting the central premise of the show, lol 🤣🤣🤣)
To me it looks like Trevor was lying. But it’s impossible to know. So who knows 🤷♀️
Chelsie received a lot of criticism for not picking trevor, before the text messages were made public. I think when jessica asked trevor why he didn't come to her defense she was talking about that. And yes, i agree, with the way he presented when he was being dumped, and after that, at the barbeque, being so vocal and confident is his feelings for chelsie, presumably true, he could have come to her defence in interviews and podcasts. By not doing so, i feel like the profited off of this image of the man who has heartbroken on national tv, at the expense of his friend
I seriously doubt anyone comes on the show to find love. These people are goodlooking and young. I can see older people with limited choices. But these people are not shy and seem social.
Agree with you Dr Honda.
I think Trevor is telling the truth.
My take is he wants to find his person desperately. As he said not his “usual type” - super deep into fitness and the physicality of it. Tired of being perceived as the meat head with brawn and no brain. Hence love is blind. He was not totally honest with his girlfriend about his true intentions. That she’s getting dumped if he finds the one because he wants to keep her as a lifeline. He really fell for Chelsea. Has a nonchalant overly positive demeanor in general as a defensive structure. Got rejected so went back to his uncomfortable comfort zone. I’m
sure he had feelings for her but knew it was ultimately not what he wanted. He probably DID threaten her with exposing sex tapes because he panicked when she threatened to out him.
Wrong wrong wrong in many ways but the vibe I get is he’s got crap to work out. In his effort to get what he wanted he made selfish bad decisions and hurt people. But he wasn’t lying to just further his career or sadistically screw people over.
the trendy phrase of 'support your partner's growth' has been weaponized by people who want todate other people, hold you in situation-ship when They know They've been applying to a job in different State, and in this case... to go on Reality Show to build Social Media profile.
The girlfriend's perspective could have been that This was her sacrifice, their conflict to conquer in their relationship, and He would go back to her knowing She was supportive the whole time
Hope you cover Baby Reindeer... !!!
I think Trevor is a very wounded person who is starting to understand how wounded he is. I think with years of therapy, he could get to a place where he's healthy enough for a healthy relationship. But I think he is just very broken and desperate for love.
I think Trevor is telling the truth. I’ve been in the situation where you have a toxic relationship that you can’t let go even when you try to be with someone else , it really is a security blanket. Not saying it’s right but it’s not uncommon .
I think he showed a lot of self control and also looked kind of hurt when he was like “what career?” and Vanessa said “I have no idea.” I mean, that’s just mean. He’s getting raked over the coals and not getting defensive at all.
The texts they don't show is that he was going on the show for his online personal training career. So it was self control, but it definitely wasnt "hurt"
@@user-uq2ti7tj6k💯
MEAN?! After everything he did, that’s MEAN?! After the way he treated that woman as disposable trash strung along as a backup until he found someone “better”, a roast about his career (which he RIGHTFULLY doesn’t deserve as the vermin he is) is MEAN?!
My take is Trevor has issues letting go of people and he wanted to hold on to his ex until he can find someone else to move on with. He is also not a very honest person and he would do bad if he could get away with it. He just has a innocent face so it's hard to hate him.
I think Trevor is mostly lying. One of the text said that Chelsea got engaged so he still has a chance to get on the show again. That seemed pretty thirsty to be on tv to me.
Another comment but I’ve just seen another person comment about you doing a video on Baby Reindeer. Please do! Your thoughts on that would be so interesting
I think Trevor is lying
I also have more data. I beleive the girlfriend and I have seen more of the texts. They support her narrative that he was lying to her, telling her the show is fake and a career opportunity. They were freshly in relationship (not a long term toxic thing) and she didnt feel like she could tell him no to a career opportunity.
Well, Jimmy has a distorted way of remembering things, too. He always seems so sure, but he's just loud and wrong.
Honestly the way that he reacted initially, When he looked so unprepared and lost I don't think that was something that was orchestrated. I think it was genuine, it looked very freeze state to me. I think Trevor is kind of telling the truth but I don't think he had any regrets or feelings of guilt about what he was doing to both Chelsea and this woman, until he was forced to face it and reckon with it in public. The tick tocks he was posting he was playing into being such a "good guy" and pretending to be very sweet as a persona, and so I do think he was using this entire thing as manipulation until he got caught. Idk if I've been clear but that's my general impression
Everything that has come out about Trevor definitely makes him look like a bad guy. I feel for him. I think about all of the things I’ve done in my life and if some of those choices I’ve made came out to an audience of millions of people without context or knowing my history.. I can’t begin to imagine what people would say about me.
Trevor made some bad choices. We all do. I believe most of what he’s saying. I’ve been in difficult, toxic relationships. Unfortunately, the way I have left some of those relationships has been to find someone else and latch onto them. It’s wrong. But the amount of pain and suffering being alleviated when finding someone that can “save you” can feel like some sort of divine intervention. Based on my own experiences, I really feel bad for Trevor. I hope he gets some help. He deserves it.
Oh gosh. I shared a lot in this comment. Please be kind. ❤
@@annesasailuethanks for sharing! I've also made very bad choices in relationships. It's painful to think about some times. But I can remember being in the heat of those moments and the pain and desperation I was feeling that drove me to make those choices. I wish I had been wiser at those times. Maybe if I was watching DKH back then...
"Humans don't always have the best look." -DKH
To say drivers pay nothing when businesses in the area like gas stations, parking meters/lots, existing tolls, and insurance all exist is insanity. They’re already paying a share. A hefty one.
I think Trevor went on to become famous. People have realized that reality shows are a great avenue to becoming an influencer pretty easily.