I learned this process from Ann's workshops during COVID and it has truly benefitted my life and brought me an effective way to intelligently manage my feelings. Thank you Ann!
Thankkkkkssss.. I just realized a big issue! There is something very controlling in me, and even if the situation is favorable and conducive to fun, something in me is very worried and tense, wanting from life the absolute certainty that nothing will go wrong, and afraid that life will disappoint me and not be as fun and happy as the situation suggests.
I think the hardest part is bad feelings that are very familiar and “the way things are” and pausing when they arise and doing these steps. Maybe you could do a video on getting to the pause? Love your work Ann!
Dear Ann, thankyou for these helpful and supportive videos. Today I was really triggered by feelings of rejection in my family. I was completely merged and even though there was some awareness, it's like I wanted to be merged with the pain, or maybe something inside me needed to sob and cry.
Hi Hemma - It sounds like you were sensing how strong and painful those feelings of rejection were. A tip: Say to the feelings, kindly, "Yes, I really get how bad you are feeling about this, you even want to sob and cry." And don't hesitate to go ahead and cry, if you're in a safe place to do so.
Hi Ann, I have found your work through the recommendation of Luis Mojica (Holistic Life Navigation). It has been such a gift to find your work, and it aligns deeply with how I want to cultivate relationship with my many parts. I am super curious how your relationship to IRF has changed over the decades of practice, and I really appreciate the simplicity of today's video.
Hi Naveed, thanks for posting. It's great to hear how people found our work. A great place to learn more about IRF history is in this article: focusingresources.com/the-origins-and-development-of-inner-relationship-focusing/
Thank you, Ann - a brilliant, clear and concise reminder of the key steps in Focusing. So useful for everyone. I'm thoroughly enjoying your book, 'The Power of Focusing' - beautifully written and explained. Before this, I only ever had Gendlin's original 'Focusing' book, which is great, but quite dense to read. I really appreciate your generosity in sharing all your videos.
AJ, a pleasure to get your response, thank you! I do love Gendlin's book AND I wanted to write one that was purely on how to do Focusing. It seems to have been successful in that!
My mind is so overactive, I feel like I’m constantly trying to find space between my thoughts, some kind of more spacious ground to rely on. My mind constantly doubts if I’m doing it right, then I try to apply the same practice to that part of me - ‘something in me is doubting’ etc. Then I worry that I’m not feeling anything, and I try the same practice, but it just feels relentless, like an infinite regress with no real space. My body never calms down, it’s been revving away for years.
Pedro, that sounds exhausting! Here's an idea for you: You call this your "mind," but it is actually quite emotional and physical. The physical part is that your body never calms down. The emotional part is... anxiety. This sounds to me like something in you is anxious. Try out that possibility by sensing if all this doubting and over-activity is actually a form of worry and anxiety. Here's the good news: Once you know it is a part of you that is anxious, you can start to be compassionate and kind to this poor anxious part of you. Let a gentle hand go to your heart, and say to the anxious part, "I sense how scared you are about something." And do let me know how that goes.
@@annweisercornell2054 Hi Anne, thank you so much for getting back to me. My body actually revs and buzzes; it’s in a real state, and I’ve not been able to calm it down with meditation, orienting, somatic experiencing etc. I discovered focusing a few years ago, but it’s made me worry that if I can’t find a felt sense then I’m never going to get better and calm down. I’m never able to ‘find’ a sense, and I feel like I’m analysing my internal state almost constantly. Are there instances where the body is too charged, and attempts to find a felt sense will be counter productive? I feel like that’s the case for me, but I feel like I’m doing something wrong if I’m not trying to get a felt sense.
@@pedrom8831 The buzzing of your body is the place to start. Focusing is radical acceptance. We don't get far by telling our feelings that they aren't what we "should" be feeling. You are aware of two parts: one is expressing itself through the buzzing. The other is trying to calm that down. What if you accept that both parts are there? And then practice simply being present, describing what you feel and checking the description with the feeling itself. Or: if that's too hard, you can spend time listening to the part of you that really wants it to change. But in either case, I don't endorse the idea that you need to get a "felt sense" before you can feel better. We have to say "yes" to what IS here before we can feel anything else. Hope this helps.
@@annweisercornell2054 thank you for your input, Ann. I just don’t think this method is for me. It all just feels like so much effort, and it gets me even more stressed when I can’t find these ‘parts.’ So I keep trying, and just get more and more worked up. Then I can’t figure out if getting worked up is a sign of a shift, and that I need to push on through the intensity to come out of the other side. I just find the whole thing totally bewildering if I’m honest! Like a foreign language.
@@pedrom8831 Sure, it makes sense to stop trying to do Focusing, if it's stressful to do it. Good for you for following your inner sense of rightness! There's a knowing inside that we can trust... even if it is a knowing not to do Focusing. I'll just say that Focusing is not about trying to find parts, or looking for signs of a shift. It's about simply being aware, with curiosity and acceptance. But if it's not for you, then it makes sense to look elsewhere for what can help. I wish you well!
I learned this process from Ann's workshops during COVID and it has truly benefitted my life and brought me an effective way to intelligently manage my feelings. Thank you Ann!
Gracias
Thanks, dear Anne!!!
Greetings from Patagonia.
Thankkkkkssss.. I just realized a big issue! There is something very controlling in me, and even if the situation is favorable and conducive to fun, something in me is very worried and tense, wanting from life the absolute certainty that nothing will go wrong, and afraid that life will disappoint me and not be as fun and happy as the situation suggests.
Renan, this is an important realization! Next step: To form a friendly and kind relationship with that worried and tense part of you. Be nice to him!
Thanks Ann. Great video. We have been using your book Power of Focusing for years. Hope more people find you. Such valuable work. I will keep sharing.
Don, thank you for your appreciation, it's great to hear this work has been so useful for you.
I think the hardest part is bad feelings that are very familiar and “the way things are” and pausing when they arise and doing these steps. Maybe you could do a video on getting to the pause? Love your work Ann!
William, such a good point. That is the hardest part... to recognize when you need to pause. Good idea to do a video on that!
Dear Ann, thankyou for these helpful and supportive videos. Today I was really triggered by feelings of rejection in my family. I was completely merged and even though there was some awareness, it's like I wanted to be merged with the pain, or maybe something inside me needed to sob and cry.
Hi Hemma - It sounds like you were sensing how strong and painful those feelings of rejection were. A tip: Say to the feelings, kindly, "Yes, I really get how bad you are feeling about this, you even want to sob and cry." And don't hesitate to go ahead and cry, if you're in a safe place to do so.
@@annweisercornell2054 thank you so much. I'll give that a go
Hi Ann,
I have found your work through the recommendation of Luis Mojica (Holistic Life Navigation). It has been such a gift to find your work, and it aligns deeply with how I want to cultivate relationship with my many parts. I am super curious how your relationship to IRF has changed over the decades of practice, and I really appreciate the simplicity of today's video.
Hi Naveed, thanks for posting. It's great to hear how people found our work. A great place to learn more about IRF history is in this article: focusingresources.com/the-origins-and-development-of-inner-relationship-focusing/
Thank you, Ann - a brilliant, clear and concise reminder of the key steps in Focusing. So useful for everyone. I'm thoroughly enjoying your book, 'The Power of Focusing' - beautifully written and explained. Before this, I only ever had Gendlin's original 'Focusing' book, which is great, but quite dense to read. I really appreciate your generosity in sharing all your videos.
AJ, a pleasure to get your response, thank you! I do love Gendlin's book AND I wanted to write one that was purely on how to do Focusing. It seems to have been successful in that!
My mind is so overactive, I feel like I’m constantly trying to find space between my thoughts, some kind of more spacious ground to rely on.
My mind constantly doubts if I’m doing it right, then I try to apply the same practice to that part of me - ‘something in me is doubting’ etc.
Then I worry that I’m not feeling anything, and I try the same practice, but it just feels relentless, like an infinite regress with no real space. My body never calms down, it’s been revving away for years.
Pedro, that sounds exhausting! Here's an idea for you: You call this your "mind," but it is actually quite emotional and physical. The physical part is that your body never calms down. The emotional part is... anxiety. This sounds to me like something in you is anxious. Try out that possibility by sensing if all this doubting and over-activity is actually a form of worry and anxiety. Here's the good news: Once you know it is a part of you that is anxious, you can start to be compassionate and kind to this poor anxious part of you. Let a gentle hand go to your heart, and say to the anxious part, "I sense how scared you are about something." And do let me know how that goes.
@@annweisercornell2054 Hi Anne, thank you so much for getting back to me.
My body actually revs and buzzes; it’s in a real state, and I’ve not been able to calm it down with meditation, orienting, somatic experiencing etc.
I discovered focusing a few years ago, but it’s made me worry that if I can’t find a felt sense then I’m never going to get better and calm down. I’m never able to ‘find’ a sense, and I feel like I’m analysing my internal state almost constantly.
Are there instances where the body is too charged, and attempts to find a felt sense will be counter productive? I feel like that’s the case for me, but I feel like I’m doing something wrong if I’m not trying to get a felt sense.
@@pedrom8831 The buzzing of your body is the place to start. Focusing is radical acceptance. We don't get far by telling our feelings that they aren't what we "should" be feeling. You are aware of two parts: one is expressing itself through the buzzing. The other is trying to calm that down. What if you accept that both parts are there? And then practice simply being present, describing what you feel and checking the description with the feeling itself. Or: if that's too hard, you can spend time listening to the part of you that really wants it to change. But in either case, I don't endorse the idea that you need to get a "felt sense" before you can feel better. We have to say "yes" to what IS here before we can feel anything else. Hope this helps.
@@annweisercornell2054 thank you for your input, Ann. I just don’t think this method is for me. It all just feels like so much effort, and it gets me even more stressed when I can’t find these ‘parts.’ So I keep trying, and just get more and more worked up. Then I can’t figure out if getting worked up is a sign of a shift, and that I need to push on through the intensity to come out of the other side.
I just find the whole thing totally bewildering if I’m honest! Like a foreign language.
@@pedrom8831 Sure, it makes sense to stop trying to do Focusing, if it's stressful to do it. Good for you for following your inner sense of rightness! There's a knowing inside that we can trust... even if it is a knowing not to do Focusing. I'll just say that Focusing is not about trying to find parts, or looking for signs of a shift. It's about simply being aware, with curiosity and acceptance. But if it's not for you, then it makes sense to look elsewhere for what can help. I wish you well!