THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES #90 - Body Builder
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- Опубліковано 14 сер 2018
- MAG090 - Case #0130807 - Ross Davenport
Statement regarding the joining of a new gym.
The Magnus Archives tells the tale of a bodybuilder who joins a new, surprisingly sparsely-attended gym in search of gains, though is a bit wary of attendant pains.
Starring: Martin Blackwood - Alexander J Newall; Tim Stoker - Mike LeBeau; Elias Bouchard - Ben Meredith
Writer: Jonathan Sims
Director: Alexander J Newall
Editors: Alexander J Newall, Elizabeth Moffatt, Brock Winstead
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Elias: "so you planned to leave"
Tim: "yea, will you fire me"
Elias: ".....you have balls, we need balls. You are getting a raise"
Tim: "f*ck"
Is this a quote
Ted
Bout right
7:38 “...his face seemed pretty normal, even handsome, with the sort of cheekbones and jawline I’d kill for.”
Hot Boy™️ Jared Hopworth confirmed
Have a feeling Jared DID kill for those cheekbones and jawline
More like Jared Hotworth amirite?
*dies*
Jared Hopworth is GigaChad confirmed?
I know this is Silent Hill levels of body horror, yet imagining deformed arms and torsos rolling out of lockers happily offering gym tips while the ripped hot owner stands there shaking his head in disappointment is for me one of the funniest monster reveals so far.
It gives me opening number of Book of Mormon vibes lmao
J: Hello, my name is Jared, and I would love to tell you how to get a rockin bod
*horrifying monster kicks open a locker*: You'll have, so many awesome parts
Disembodied arm wearing a sock puppet: my time has come
This was also hilarious for me until I reached the end of the statement and realized a few more sessions and the dude would have 100% been in his own locker as some giant mass of bulging veiny muscles.
The it was slightly less funny.
all i can think is that video "tis but a scrath? your head is off!"
What about the recent "Demon Girl is confused when victim utterly fails to notice anything was amiss?"
This is the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.
[A MASS OF SHAMBLING, BULGING MUSCULAR LIMBS RAPIDLY APPROACHES]
@@charliem.1368 Damn ahaha do you think he's got a phone number? Omg omg he's coming over act naturallll
@@tdavis2840 jesus crist i can almost picture it
@@charliem.1368 "hey girl. how you doing? Oh shi-"
🤣🤣🤣
"he told me to... he... he.. wishes no further contact with the Institute" lmaoo Martin you pure soul
martin's too pure for this job
Martin it’s ok you can say “fuck” 😂
Tim trying to get fired is alternately hilarious and terrifying
I dont think we want Tim to get fired.
I dont think Tim wants to get fired....
The way Tim is literally BEGGING to be fired and Elias is like 💁♂no💁♂
The true horror here is body dysmorphia
Oh shit finally a story that appeals to my specific disorders
@@malaizze it feels nice to be included
I find that condition so sad. I hope Ross got treatment at least
As a gym bro myself this is legit, you gotta work cause you love it not because you hate how you look. Hope something in this experience drove Ross to get therapy
no it isn't, it's people being twisted into horrific creatures by a guy with flesh powers.
I know it's bad that Tim can't get out of the institute because of unknown "forces" (as of now) but the idea that he just hoped on a plane to Malaysia is just hilarious to me😂
He should've gone to New Zealand
@@mahideergin7285 god, I love reading the comments after watching TMA. so many jokes you can only understand if youve listened from the start.
From butcher to gym owner, Jared is quite the versatile man
A Jared of all trades, you might say.
he's just a great business man, covering all the bases
Jared is the Barbie of the TMA universe, he can get any job
@@newspaper_stand now THAT is a hot take
beltaya _but am I wrong_
"I know we're not meant to speculate in these bits"
Martin, are you new?
He’s not the sharpest
@@DrMDHyde He's trying his best lol
Literally yes. This is his, what? 2nd statement?
I think he's more of trying to follow the rules he'd been given when he started to work for the Institute. As the only one who cares to do so. Just my headcanon.
This is real, i met J behind a denny's at 3 am and he gave me top-surgery
Dude, I have a Denny's like two blocks from my home and he had me drive all the way out to Kroger to get mine. He did a good job so I'm not upset, but like, what the hell, man?
Damn how much does he charge
@@ironbarsjack7977 A rib
do you think he'd do one behind a kfc? there arent any denny's's in my town
I once had a dream that there was a top surgery place in the back of a jewelry store at a mall, as simple as getting your ears pierced. It didn't last. Too good to be true. Bastards.
Ok how did we go from: "my coworker was killed by a monster while trying to save us and I can't even remember what she looks like, I am also losing my trust and mind with every day" to "himbo doesn't even notice demon and witch laughs at demon. Lesbian becomes witch. (Probably) gay bodybuilder claims that Jared is damn hot "
Don’t forget: “An elderly man develops a fascination with holes.”
"Who's real name, she claimed, was Jared" uh oh
"and that moment jon knew. he fucked up"
I said out loud: Of Course it would be Jared!
tim, my man.... you currently have the institute's only braincell and these meanies aren't letting you use it to save yourself
To be fair to Tim, he grew that brain cell after Prentiss and at that point he was bound.
Honestly this is just a normal night at the YMCA
So it's not fun to stay at YMCA?
@@ram333well great, now I’m imagining a Magnus Archives music video to YMCA now, thanks for that
I like how the shops connected to the Flesh never have names. The gym, the takeaway with a sign that just said FOOD, or Jared's butcher shop where he just put meat in front of the window so people knew what it was. The idea that names and ideas are pointless and all that matters is what's physically present.
Also given Jared's mob ties, the mention of a big empty gym with almost no members makes me think of money laundering. I dunno if that was the intention, but it feels like a nice touch.
All aspects of the flesh likes so much to remind us that despite our complex ideas and minds and concepts, all we are is simple bone, muscle, and sinew. There is no glory, there is no justice, no salvation... Just... meat... grinding against meat.
*Alex Scaplehorn furiously searching for Jared Hopworth's location*
Reminds me of the adage that you don’t name a farm animal you know will grow to be slaughtered.
Flesh is all about the detachment of the ‘world of ideas’ from the physical- the demiurgic connection in their ritual is apt. Names describe something functionally non-unique as if it was. The flesh has no need for that delusion. No butcher shop is different than any other. No gym is anything other than a gym, no takeout place is anything more than a source of Food. No need for ‘James’ or ‘Anna’ when the bare truth is just “Human.”
maybe jared just suck at creativity damn
meat is meat
Nice to know that even eldritch gods have a concept of bureaucracy and corporate culture.
Depends on the being. To gather information you need good infrastructure, so the Beholden would love setting it up.
ok elias definitely compelled tim in the beginning
this was creepy as hell but the line "it wasn't marie. marie only had two arms" made me laugh so hard for some reason
whoever chooses the episode titles deserves a pay raise because this and "personal space" are so fucking funny
I loved personal space too. Literary Heights was another good one.
‘the uncanny valley’ is quite funny as well
i always get so concerned when martin reads the statements as opposed to jon like martin you're so sweet honey PLEASE let me make you some tea
the tea instinct
@@f_mvaOh no it’s a curse aint it. martins curse
Jon: *Episode 90 ......*
Jon: *B O D Y B U I L D E R*
Me: jon, I swear to the unknowing, if you try to tell me this is a jared mf hoplite episode, I'm going t-
Jon: *IT'S A JAROD HOPLITE EPISODEEE*
me: sunuva bit-
"NO NOT AGAIN"
Hopworth*
"hoplite" xD ah damn, it's Jared Hopworth / Hoplite the real reason the greek armies were unbeatable!!!! xD
/ joke
i couldn't help but imagining the gymnastics-demon as having a goofy " :D " kind of smile just going "yippeee!" all by himself on the gymnastics equipment. good for you gymanstics demon.
Ngl been listening tma for too long already. All of my dreams are in English accents including me.
Same
It took me a minute to get TMA.
I'm British. I can tell when I've listened to TMA for a prolonged period as I start speaking in Jon's formal pattern, rather then my own colloquial fashion.
Me too hahah
Also noticed that my thoughts are in the same way how Jon or anyone in the cast speaks
Oh god Elias is such a jerk, charming and hateable jerk
Mood
@@namaschu9418 definetly mood
He's the worst because he actually seemed to care about Tim in this episode 😭
I do like how practical Jared Hopworth is - always out to make a quid.
Better than that necromancer doc too. He EARNS his extra cash. Hes a murderer but I gotta respect him
@@clayxros576 He has that hussle culture down would do well on tictok. See how this millennial makes thousands while working 12 side hustles and gorging on human despair
Not me reading squid instead of quid 😅
Jared's awfully busy - a butcher shop, a gym, what next?
International truck driver
He’s a real entrepreneur
Ballet instructor 👯♂️
Gardener
@@kellanlevi5663 if you know you know lol
This was another really sad one. A lonely man exercising late every night, trying to cope with the delusion that he's weak, too small. His only friend is consumed by the same body dysmorphia as him, so neither can provide the help the other needs. If you also know people like this, the real horror is not being able to do anything. You feel disgusted when one day you doubt if you should try. It really feels like some flesh-worshiping demon has your loved one in its grasp.
This has been Top 10 Reasons The Flesh Is The Worst Entity.
Back when my mental illnesses were still undiagnosed and untreated I seriously considered literally taking an x-acto knife from my old biology kit and cutting the fat from my body. I knew I needed help to overcome those thoughts but was afraid to worry my family and just tried to distract myself when those thoughts came up. Now after 5 years of therapy and stable medication, I love my body and in the moments where the body dysmorphia rears its head I have the tools to knock it back down. All the entities are scary in their own way but the flesh really does feel way more real 😬
Demon gym concerned that members are cycling their PEDs safely. Respect Jared.
“Hey, lookin big man, just trying to get like you. Bloodwork looking good? Want another arm?”
I love the casual inclusion of queer people in this podcast, they can be main characters(like tim and I suspect bassira too) and they can be antagonists(like jude in the last episode) and they can be background characters just living their lives(like in this episode and others), also there isn't much depictions of homophobia... except the homophobic vase
Isn’t Jon himself confirmed asexual?
I'm so happy to be part of a community where there is such a thing as "the homophobic vase"
@@CamilleChauTempsDesCerises Idk if the homophobic vase is *really* homophobic- I have a feeling that vase would eat your partner *whatever* their gender was- it likes taking away the things you love. "Homophobic Vase" is way funnier and way less sad and creepy tho, so let's stick with that.
How is Tim queer?
@@peacebuddha96he is bissexual
Okay, so I'm shooketh. Before listening to this episode, I imagined Jared, 19 as someone, well, not very attractive, considering BONES and LIMBS and everything. But now it turnes out he's... actually kinda hot? What????
Jared, 19. really?
Well, body modification and call.
His face was hot from before he got all the gigantic muscle mass and extra bones and he kept it like that I guess
Of course he is! He can pick and choose the best jawlines and cheekbones for his face.
Can he read tho-
“I nearly jumped out of my skin” really poor choice of words right there...
ah, geez. the self hate seeps out of this one. the guy's last line is really heartbreaking
I can't be the only person who pictures this man as the black and white image of a realistic Chad meme
the idea of this has me dying XD
Bro I pictured that one handsome squidward
THE WAY THAT THAT WAS THE IMAGE THAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD WHEN HE DESCRIBED HIM 😭
I can’t explain WHY Elias acting like this is all ordinary office nonsense is so damn funny, but it is
Elias gives me the biggest archangel Michel from good omens vibes
Same 😂
If Michael from good omens had a murder vibe
I thought it was the angel Gabriel
Uriel, too. Like the passive aggressiveness is on point
Gabriel was an asshole boss, but he was a dumb boss, too. Elias is much more like Michael, cold and clever.
Martin being shy about saying a bad word is funny as hell
Martin it's ok to say shove it
If nothing else at least the Magnus institute has job security
You can hold your position until the day you die. Sometimes even well after that when you consider Sasha haha
jared would be such a trans ally
Not going to lie when I heard about the animal mutilations from Marie I was like "Oh sh!t she wants to be a furry!" until the femur part and who would guess Machamp was part of a cult all along
Jared is getting around
Good for him
Yeah! Diversity that portfolio, Jared! 💪🏻
Hah! The moment I heard giant lockers, I knew people were inside. Though, I suppose people is a loose term here.
Honestly, I thought the gym was for people like Sarah Baldwin. The lockers were large enough for them to hang their skin suits on
I mean they are still people. The appearance of ur meat suit is not what makes you a person, the things going on in the lump of electric meat up there (or debatably ur soul depending on what you believe in) makes you a person
Jared is literally an alpha gym bro
He’s just trying to give everyone the body they want
Y’all everyone is so traumatised and I want Jon back in the archives with everyone but dayum im enjoying hearing more of our sweet sweet boy Martin so much , even if he is being scarred by horrible statements
Im gonna guess its either the bone-melder or the flesh cult.
EDIT : BOTH
A double whammy
Flesh cult?
@@poxrael referring to the Han and Carlisle families, I reckon (the Hans from MAG 30 and MAG 72, the Carlisles from MAG 18 and MAG 58, the meat episodes)
*WHEEZE* loved the edit
this is your daily reminder that jared hopworth is one of a few canonically hot characters in tma
Tim: PLEASE FIRE ME!!! Please have mercy... ;-;
Elias: Hmmmm... No. :)
"It did have a smile tho, stitched in the center of it's torso" dream is that you?
I've been ruined.
"Dream why did you cheat?"
"Huh? I'm not cheating! I didn't know joining the weird flesh gym would give me more legs!"
It's like a weird, fleshy counterpart to Transhumanism. Definitely not my thing, but this is probably one of the "best" ways to encounter a Power. Sure, you lose your humanity, but you get happiness and fellowship out of the bargain, and they seem pretty harmless, so... more power to them, I guess?
then again, going from mary being a person of interest in cases of animal mutilation... i'm pretty sure they're not growing those extra limbs themselves. and i'm not sur they're all using animal parts...
@@lilimia100 Ding ding ding! Remember the butcher shop? Plus, I'm pretty sure this is the group that eats people.
@@belindaluna2067 well not "eat" just rummage around their insides and find the bits they want to add in really anything that is meat and you know that... meat is me...
@@lilimia100 I'm sure between the Butcher and the Gym Jared also has a Second Hand shop somewhere.
@@aquila4460 *ba dum tiss*
jared really living his best life
The fact everyone is genuinely happy with what was going on as well, and Jared wasnt even mad. Dude has mellowed out alot.
british be like "ashumed"
I had to raise my eyebrows at that - Martin's "ashumed" walks the fine line between me hating and liking it xD
jon: hey mahtin its chewsday init
I was surprised, I would've thought British would pronounce it like "asyoomed"
Lmao depends where your from i guess 😂 i definitely dont pronounce it that way
i hate you guys
Looking back I’m like “oh god I’m glad nobody came in the room while Martin’s reading gay panic horror” BECAUSE YOU KNOW HES BLUSHING THIS FANFIC CRAP
Every time I look at the credits in the description and I see Alexander J. Newell as both the director and as Martin I just can't help but imagine Martin wearing a french barrette, sitting in a directors chair with a plate of cookies beside him and he just offers the actors a cookie every time he has to make a comment
really big fan how this episode is bring all the transmascs together on this one
What is trans about this? I don't get it.
ah yes, the true phobia: body dysmorphic disorder
Kinda useless info ig but fun fact: muscle dysmorphia has its own name, "bigorexia". I just kept thinking of that whenever he said that his body was never enough for him.
Okay it might be the fact that this is my fifth night of binging this show until all hours of the morning, but the comments on this episode? Fucking hilarious. Love you guys
I'm starting to think the theme of season 3 is callings / obsessions.
i want you all to know that the live captions said 'a pesto sauce' instead of 'asbestos' and well that is just great.
That's a nightmare in and of itself, image pesto sauce in the walls?!?! That would drive someone to make a statement.
@@-S.L. as a pesto-hater this would be the most horrifying statement yet
The fact that Tim went to Malaysia made my Malaysian ass so happy
HAHAHAHA tu la kan
I know elias is shady af but he sounds like such a good boss in this episode. We love 1 murderous bureaucrat.
Its the guy checking out Jared for me
Jared is a Barbie, he can be anything
Having Martin read as a bodybuilder was actually the funniest part about this
prediction: this is some frankenstein business
edit: Sort Off. But Worse.
Jared enters a bodybuilding competition, but misunderstands what he's meant to do. No one dares to correct him. He wins first place.
@@inuzrule 😂😂😂😂 this is just...
So perfect 😅
frankenstein enters a body building contest to find that he has interpreted the goal entirely correctly!!
Tim: fuck this institute, I'm leaving!
Tim but like two weeks later: I got the flu I guess I'll fucking stay >:((
You know what?? Good for them tbh hope they're doing well
HIMBO JARED WHAT THE FUCK-
"- You must know !
- About what ?"
About the fact that this tape recoder is clearly reording eventhough no one turned it on
Huh I wonder what kind of innocent excercise themed episode this could be
oh hey idk how relevant this is to the episode, but I was watching a video that was something like "Watching a master chef from Fuchou make rou yan" and I thought a phrase that sounded like something like of tma: "It's skin made of meat. They pounded the meat into skin, and then stuffed it with meat."
The fact that I listened to this episode while working out is extremely funny to me.
Anyone who's struggled with Dysphoria, Dysmorphia, etc felt this episode.
Source: In 2 days I will be 1 year on HRT
J is like what’s up bruh here let’s work out bro super muscle macho bro lemme grab that rib bro!
I’d ask you not to put it like that, but that’s just how it is...
"I think I prefer asbestos"
Fair, that only gets you at old age
Marie the swole woman 😍😍 I hoped nothing will happen to her, but, uh
What an odd episode to listen to during my daily workout
So... Is Marie also connected to the thing Jared's attached to? Or did he just actively sculpt her, and that's why she kinda hated the body she was in?
Wow, I was drawing a character with four arms when he said "It wasn't Marie. Marie only had two arms" XD
I paused and was like, 👀wat???
geodude?
six arm geodude
"But it wasn't Marie. She only had two arms."
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
Bodybuilding has a completely different context in this series lol
I'm reading a lot of comments like "good for them" and y'know? Yeah, good for them. Good for them.
The first half of this is like being a trans man who's into men lmao
Wait how ?
Idk how to verbalize it but you're entirely correct
Episode title: Bodybuilding
Me: hm. Not typical. I wonder where this one is going
Ross Davenport: I really love bodybuilding its just a fantastic thing for me
Me: _ah,_ here we go
Gigachad: the episode
:( tim
:(
I miss happy Tim😭😭
Day 4 of binging this series and I have to say I love this so much!!!
Day Six for me. 90 episodes. I need to get a life
I’ve been bingeing for about a week and a half. Y’all are fast haha
Ey, also day four and made it this point! High five!
Day three but I don’t really sleep
day four gang!!
Nooooo poor Tim, baby angel, please hug
[CLICK]
ELIAS
Tim?
TIM
Hey, boss. What brings you down to the dungeons? Your office just too full of joy?
ELIAS
Not quite. I heard you’d had some absences. Some unauthorised leave. I just wanted to talk it through with you.
TIM
Right.
ELIAS
Were you sick? If you’re sick you really need to call in.
TIM
Nope. Wasn’t sick. Try again.
ELIAS
Well, you hadn’t booked any leave.
TIM
No, I had not.
ELIAS
So, what happened?
TIM
I hopped a flight to Malaysia. Found myself a hotel.
ELIAS
I see. You were trying to leave us?
TIM
Yeah.
ELIAS
But you’ve returned?
TIM
I… I got sick. The longer I was gone… I felt weak, like, like I was losing myself. You gonna fire me boss?
ELIAS
No. I don’t think that’ll be necessary.
TIM
Of course not.
ELIAS
But let’s be sure it doesn’t happen again, hm?
TIM
…
You do know, right? I mean, you must know.
ELIAS
Know what?
TIM
About this place. About what it does to us.
ELIAS
[Sigh] Tim, this place is very old. It has all sorts of… idiosyncrasies and not all of them are good for the people who work here.
TIM
I think I’d prefer asbestos.
ELIAS
I’ve always found the best way to deal with it is to lose yourself in work. Personally, the comfortable rigour of bureaucracy has always helped me. Perhaps doing a bit of mindless filing will help distract you.
TIM
Yeah. I mean… maybe you’re right.
ELIAS
I’m sure I am. And no more unauthorised absence, okay?
[DOOR OPENS]
MARTIN
Oh, er, is everything okay in here?
ELIAS
Yes, Martin, very much so.
[DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS]
MARTIN
Right. Um, I was actually gonna to record a statement, if, if that’s alright Tim?
TIM
Yeah. It’s already running.
MARTIN
Oh. Oh, so it is. Why, why did you tur-
[DOOR CLOSES]
Right. Right.
Martin Blackwood, Archival Assistant at the Magnus Institute, recording statement number 0130807, statement of Ross Davenport, given August 7th 2013.
Statement begins.
MARTIN (STATEMENT)
So I had to find a new gym. It was a shame, really. I loved my old place, and the guys there were some of my best mates, but… it wasn’t entirely my own decision. See, I recently decided to start taking anabolic steroids to supplement my bodybuilding, and the place I used to go had a very strict policy about them. Matt, the guy who ran the place, his partner had gotten deep into them, and when he had a heart attack, Matt blamed the steroids. Since then, you get seen with a needle or pill bottle that’s not a recognised supplement, and you’re outta there.
Still, I didn’t leave because I got caught or anything like that. I hadn’t even started when I left. I just felt guilty. Like it was an admission of failure. Eleven years I’d been going, all natural, and, physically, I was at the top of my game. I did well in competitions, I felt healthy, I was pretty much the ideal weight for my height, but when I looked in the mirror I still didn’t see what I wanted to. My muscles were smooth and rounded, not like the, the veined, bulging forms I idolised. Even when I spent weeks dieting before a competition, without an ounce of body fat, I, I just couldn’t get there. I’d reached my natural peak, and it wasn’t enough for me.
So, I did my research, and ordered a cycle of steroids online. I didn’t want to be unsafe, so I made sure I got a full check-up from my doctor before I started, though obviously I didn’t mention why. Everything came back fine, so all that was left was to find a new gym where nobody would mind me taking them.
This was harder than it should have been, mostly because of my own standards. Plenty of places had an ‘official’ policy banning drugs onsite and just didn’t enforce it. To me, though, the whole point of moving gyms was that I didn’t want to have to hide like a criminal, or pretend to think what I was doing was wrong. I wanted somewhere I could be honest about who I was and what I wanted to be.
Eventually I found it, weirdly enough, in the Yellow Pages. Online searches hadn’t shown anywhere promising near my home on the outskirts of Aberdeen, so I thought I might as well try the phone book. As you’d expect, most of the listings just pointed me towards the their websites, but I spotted a small, square ad box in the lower left corner. It was text only, and read, “Your perfect body is here. Become all you can be.” Followed by a landline number and an address about five minutes walk from me. So I gave them a call.
The voice that answered was rough and spoke in the sort of English accent that usually gets my hackles up, but when I asked him what the gym’s policy on steroids was, he just laughed, and said that if it helped me “perfect myself” then it was more than welcome. I arranged to swing by the following day and check the place out.
From the outside the gym wasn’t much to look at. Just the faded outline of a dumbbell on a grimy window, and the words “Weights and Cardio” just about readable over the door. I realised that I actually passed this place pretty regularly, I’d just always assumed it was out of business.
The door was open, though, so I went inside. It was a hot day, but the air in the reception was cool, tinged with that familiar scent of sweat, and something else I couldn’t quite identify. There wasn’t anyone behind the desk, and the computer didn’t look like it had been turned on all day. I was about to call out, see if I could get somebody’s attention, when I heard the door to the changing rooms open, and someone stepped out.
The man who stood there was, without a doubt, the biggest guy I had ever seen, and bear in mind I spend my time hanging out with bodybuilders. He had to hunch down to fit through the doorway, and was almost twice as wide as I was. Most of his body was covered in a loose tracksuit, and I could see clear stitch marks where it had been enlarged for him. Embroidered onto the chest was the letter ‘J’.
Despite his enormous size, his face seemed pretty normal, even handsome, with the sort of cheekbones and jawline I’d kill for. He smiled when I stammered out a hello, and asked if I was Ross from the phone. Sure, I said, and he immediately launched into all sorts of questions about my workout, what I was looking for, what safety measures I had for my steroids, that sort of thing. None of it was unexpected, and he clearly knew his stuff.
But then he started asking me some slightly more personal questions: why I’d become a bodybuilder, how it made me feel, what parts of myself I hated. It felt a bit… invasive, but I answered honestly, and he seemed satisfied, turning around and gesturing for me to follow as he headed in to show me around.
The gym itself was good, but nothing special. It actually didn’t have much in the way of cardio machines, but that had never really been my priority, so it wasn’t a problem. There was also quite a lot of old-fashioned gymnastics equipment: parallel beams, vaulting horses, high bars, all that sort of thing. It was a huge room, and to be honest, part of me just assumed that they were there to use up some of the space. It certainly had everything I needed, although I did wonder why we were the only ones in there.
It was the changing room that really struck me as odd, though. There was just the one: apparently unisex, though I doubted any women were members. It was decent size, and had plenty of showers, good water pressure, everything you needed. It all seemed perfectly normal, except for one thing.
The lockers were absolutely enormous. They came right up to the ceiling, which was easily twelve foot from the floor, and must have been a good two or three feet wide. Each had what looked to be a unique lock, and only a few of them had keys in.
My guide explained that every member of the gym had their own locker, and kept it as long as they were a member. I asked what happened when all the lockers were taken and he just shrugged. “No new members,” he said. When he shrugged, the fabric of his hoodie moved in such an odd way. It was fascinating, and I made a mental note to keep an eye out for him in the gym, so I could get a proper look at him.
I walked over to one of the lockers with the key still in it, number 31, and pulled it out. I looked back at him, and he nodded. The locker was just as big inside as I’d thought, and went back about five feet into the wall. Forget a workout bag, I could have stored my entire wardrobe in that thing.
After that, I headed back into the reception, and the guy took down my details, I signed a few forms and, just like that, I was a member. He told me to keep the key, and explained that he preferred to have membership fees paid in cash. That didn’t surprise me. I got the feeling that there were a few things about the place that wouldn’t pass any sort of official audit.
Still, it suited me perfectly, so I had no interest in causing them any sort of trouble. I gave him a big thumbs up, and he nodded, turned and headed out the doors, off down the street. It was a bit abrupt, but to be honest, I wasn’t sure he was all there, if you know what I mean, so I didn’t think too much of it. I did kick myself, though, as I realised I hadn’t actually got his name, so ‘J’ would have to do.
With J gone, it seemed like I was the only one there, so I got changed, and got on with my workout. It was a little bit eerie, being all alone in that huge room. I’m used to having the presence of others to motivate me, to push me further than I’d otherwise go, just to show off a bit. On my own, I found myself working out at a much more leisurely pace; I was more careful than I normally would have been, if only because I didn’t have a spotter.
The whole day I kept expecting someone else to come in. We’d get chatting, I thought, and I could maybe ask them to spot me, but the day slowly passed, and I was still alone. Occasionally I heard a noise from the changing rooms that I would have sworn was someone coming in, but there was no-one. Eventually, I showered, changed back, and headed home for a less-than-exciting dinner of chicken and beans.
The next day was the same, and the one after that. No matter when I went, the place was always empty, with no sign of J or anybody else. I wondered if somehow I’d been tricked into paying to use an abandoned gym or something, but it was well maintained and really clean, so someone was looking after it. In fact, thinking about it, I’d say it might have been the cleanest gym I’d ever used, although at the time I thought that was because I was the only one using it.
About five days into my time there, I finally met someone else. Her name was Marie Balandin, and she seemed just as surprised to see me as I was to see her. Apparently she had been using the gym for about two months and had, like me, thought she was the only one. She’d been off to see her sister down in Glasgow for a week, and was a bit shocked I’d turned up in her absence. We got to talking, though, and got on pretty well, so sure enough after a few minutes she offered to spot me.
Truth be told, I was a bit dubious she’d be able to keep up, but a few sets shut me right up. Whatever she was taking, she was a lot further along than me, and by the end I was struggling when spotting her. Still, there was a camaraderie that came from being the only two people in that weird place, and it didn’t take long for us to become good friends, swapping diet tips and theories about what the deal was with J, whose real name, she claimed, was Jared.
There was one other advantage to knowing Marie was around - it helped me ignore the sounds from the locker room. The occasional thumps and creaks. I could just write it off as her being a bit clumsy. Even when I hadn’t seen her come in.
Marie was apparently quite a big deal in some of the international women’s bodybuilding competitions. I’d never followed them, but she showed me a few of her trophies once. The way she trained, though, it was intense, driven. More driven than I’d expect from someone with so many wins under her belt. She’d push herself way past the point of exhaustion every day, and for all the awards her body had gotten her, it sometimes seemed to me like she wanted to destroy it. Often I’d find her staring at the mirror in the changing room, her gaze locked on her shoulders, moving them slowly up and down with a look of disgust on her face.
I didn’t really think about it too much, though, as my own steroid course was starting to show results, and I was spending plenty of time in front of the mirror myself. It wasn’t enough, though. I knew it wasn’t enough. I knew I was going to have to go on another course as soon as my body had recovered from this one. Maybe even sooner.
I don’t know how it would have ended if I hadn’t lost my phone. I don’t have much of a social life, so I didn’t notice it was gone until I was getting ready for bed. It must have fallen out of my jacket pocket when I’d hung it up at the gym. I wouldn’t have minded waiting until the next day, but it had my training diary on it, and I always spent ten minutes filling it in before bed. It was a small ritual, but a important one, and given it was just down the road, I figured I might as well go and see if the gym was still open. Since no-one ever seemed to be around, I figured, maybe no-one locked it overnight.
So at about half past eleven last Wednesday night, I found myself gently pushing open the door to my gym. It wasn’t locked, just as I guessed, and everything inside seemed quiet. I headed through into the changing room, and there was my phone, where it had fallen in my locker. I grabbed it, and was just about to leave, when I heard movement coming from the gym itself, and nearly jumped out of my skin.
I should have left. I should have turned right around and marched out of that place, but instead I felt a… rage building inside me. Whoever was in there, it was almost midnight, how dare they come in sneaking around like that, trying to give me a heart attack! I set my face hard, and walked through, preparing to give Marie, or whoever it was, a piece of my mind.
The lights in the gym were off, but I could see movement over near the gymnastics equipment, someone swinging back and forth on the parallel bars. It was a smooth, rhythmic motion, down and around and up and over, around and over, up and down. Sometimes the movement flew up, releasing the bars for a moment, before deftly catching them on the way down. There was no sound as I got closer, apart from the faint slap of hands gripping and releasing the wood of the beams. If it was Marie, I’d never seen her doing anything like this before. I walked over, and turned on the overhead lights.
It was not Marie, swinging round and about on the bars. Marie only had two arms. Marie had legs. And Marie had a head. The thing that swung and flipped and twirled around the bars was nothing like Marie, though its flesh looked human enough. It did have a smile, though, stitched… right in the centre of its torso.
I screamed so hard I tore something in my throat. I don’t know if it heard me. I don’t know if it even had ears. But it wasn’t alone, and the other things in that place did hear me, because as I ran back and out through the changing rooms, all the lockers were opening. What came climbing out of them had once been people, I’m sure of that, and they called to me, offering to help ‘perfect’ me. To help me achieve my ideal body.
J was there, standing his full height. A distended, jagged body bared in all its twisted grandeur, and he shook his head in frustration. He said something, I think, but I couldn’t make it out. It might have been “too soon”.
I try to remember some of them in detail, the confusion of limbs and joints and muscles, but all I can remember is the happy, joyful way they called to me. Told me that the pain was worth it. It makes me sick that a small, sharp part of me wishes I’d stayed to listen.
I never went back. I called Marie and told her what happened, but she didn’t believe me. At least, I hope she didn’t. Because if she did, then some of the questions she asked make very worried for her indeed.
Statement ends.
MARTIN
[Deep breath] The, um… the supplemental materials that should go with this statement, providing more details on addresses, names, and stuff, seems to be missing, so we don’t have any way of tracking down the gym, or finding out the name the business might be operating under. Not without a 2013 copy of the Aberdeen Yellow Pages. A bit of relief, in some ways. I tried to contact Mr. Davenport about it, and did get through, but he told me to… um, he… he… wishes no further contact with the Institute.
Melanie looked into Marie Balandin, though. In 2011 and 2012, she did really well in several IFBB competitions, but it looks like she disappeared around the time of this statement. No missing persons report was ever filed, but there’s no record of her anywhere after that.
The last official mention seems to be a police report filed on August 23rd, 2013, which lists her as a ‘person of interest’ in a series of animal mutilations on a farm about five miles west of Aberdeen. A bunch of sheep were found dead, with their femurs removed. Look, I, I know we’re not meant to speculate in these bits, but… well, I just… I wonder what she was planning to do with them.
There. Well, that’s, er… That’s it.
[CLICK]
Thank you! (≧▽≦)
You're welcome :)
Petra Iván thank youu
Sheeps missing femurs… wait, didn’t Jared keep the femur from the guy in that other episode about the private detective???
i think it was a bone from his arm, but yeah
13 mins in AND OH MY GOD JARED HOPWORTH AGAIN??? This man will not let me SLEEP. Sort of fitting though, seeing as John is trying to find Mike
"I prefer asbestos" 😂
Someone is working out in the dark! Good for them! Good for them! Ohhhh fuck.... fleshy things 👀👀👀
Once I heard the title I knew exactly who would appear in this story. Jared does it again!
My theory from this episode and what we know so far:
So, Jared again. We are now sure that the entity about bones is the same one about flesh and meat as well, so an entity has at least one manifestation with meat and bones. I don't know yet if this entity has other manifestations besides those two. But, to be honest, up until now, Jared doesn't seem like he's working for the entity like Michael does for the spiral or Jane was for the hive, it's more like he's using his powers for his own personal reasons each time. The first time we hear about him in the Boneturner's tale, he's using the newfound powers to hurt his parents and hurt people he doesn't like, while also changing his appearance to what he wants to at that moment, in the butcher's widow (I think that's how it was called) he would work with others to get rid of bodies for them and he would keep what he wanted while the rest he would throw to that hole in the floor with the teeth, aka feeding the rest to a meat/bone creature. And here, he's using his powers to help people who have body issues to deal with them and become whatever they wanted to become. Like, the creature in the parallel bars was probably someone who was doing gymnastics in the parallel bars and didn't like their legs and head, how they would affect them from their work out in the parallel bars, so they got rid of the head and legs (and probably put more arms where their legs used to be) in order for them to be able to do a routine in the parallel bars without making any mistakes or falling. Weird, I know, but if that's what these people all wanted to do with their bodies, then Jared wasn't doing them harm on purpose and against their will, he was only helping them.
As for Tim, I like how he tried to get away from the job without resigning, but the eye doesn't let people leave it that easily unfortunately..
HEYY FINALLY FOUND YOU AGAIIIN :D
@@eusouabia2986 haha hello ☺️
I thought it was cause he was "marked" by whatever caused jane Prentiss and when he left the institute or the protection of "the eye" it started messing with him
does Jared do bottom surgeries asking for a friend
As long as you let him keep something, as payment. Any bones you wouldn’t mind missing?
@@calamity2383 i could lose a rib
When you accidentally walked in on a group of Tzimisce flesh ghouls warming up to raid the Nosferatu warrens:
Gigachad jumpscare
literally like