@$$hole stepfather next? I'm currently divorcing my bully husband because he is jealous and just...has no grace for my children from my first marriage. They're more rare and usually only have cameos in film but they ARE there.
Oh, and the reason I'm so sensitive to his behavior? Because I myself had a covert Narcissists of a stepmother and my dad never tried to defend or support us. He just sat and watched tv and believed the worst of us and the best of my stepbrothers. I couldn't just shut up and not advocate for my kids. It's so text book how cyclical it all is but I'm not sacrificing the self esteem of my boys so I can feel loved. He loves me but not my kids and that's just not...the makings of a family.
When there's a evil stepmom the dad isn't blamed for not considering the kids when remarrying. But when there's a evil stepdad, the mom is definitely blamed.
True, it Is so messed up. And then people claim that the world Is in favor of mothers, when the reality Is that they get blamed for everything. Specially for the man or son/daughter actions.
@@Shontay06 Just the problem that the dad leavin trope is bullshit since 80% of marriages are ended by the wife. Just as the low or even no contact deals made for the father and the children afterwards are msot often done so by wish of the mother. Children having little to no contact to their father after the relationship of the parents ends being a result of men runnign away and not of women leaving and keeping the fathers from their children is one of the biggest effing lies in western society.
I was thinking of doing a fairytale where there’s an evil mother and an evil stepmother. You can help me. Also, which mother is the lesser of two evils for you?
@@Jill-ih9dq I would’ve HATED to have 2 wicked mothers (biological and step). With my fairytale about a wicked mother and a wicked stepmother, what do YOU think it should be about? I thought of it being a Evil VS Evil fairytale
My (late) mom and stepmom are not wicked, just cold and unloving. In fact, my mom's last words to me on her deathbed 2 years ago was that she always preferred my brother but that unfortunately she got custody of me and she called me her "consolation prize". Harsh. Sent me tumbling down a rabbit hole, as I was halfway through a divorce when she died. My stepmom is just a cold person with a touch of OCD. But neither of them is wicked.
This is why I love Tarzan so much. Kala is not Tarzan's biological mother (hell, they're not even the same species) but she's still a good mother to Tarzan and she loves him dearly. Even when he discovers who his parents really were, he still tells her that she will always be his mother.
Not only Tarzan. There are plenty of shows and movies with kind stepmothers. Ones who try to understand the children. Ones who actually marry the man because of love. They try to treat the kids as their own. What I’m trying to get is that the troupe is a double edged swords. Almost like a coin with two sides. It’s disheartening because the stepmother isn’t always wicked. Holywood has taken too far. Showcasing the horrible side but never the realistic one who tries.
but that’s different isn’t it? Kala was always there since he was a baby. That is his true mother, biological or not. Not a, to a child, random woman that enters the family when you’re 10 years old or older.
I didn’t have a stepmother, but I did have a stepfather. He was a lot like the fairy tale stepmother figure in that he hated me (he was a mysogynist who thought that women were inferior to men) and married my mother to live off her. Later, we found out that that’s how the bastard had made it to his sixties without ever having a job: he’d spent his life marrying women and bleeding them dry before moving on to the next one. He even knocked up one of his wives to compel her to stay, only to abandon her and their sons after they went bankrupt. When my mother divorced him, he tried to lie to the judge in order to get more money. He was lazy, dishonest, and devoid of empathy, and I hated him. Sometimes, the trope has a kernel of truth in it. Not always, but sometimes.
@@sammyvictors2603 Can you give me some examples? Not a rhetorical question btw, I‘m genuinely curious. Usually when there’s an evil stepfather in a story, it’s the kind of guy who creeps up on the daughter and sends the son off to boot camp, but that’s the modern take, back in the day these things were considered normal in a way. (Father on daughter sexual abuse and essentially selling off your sons for an „education“ were sadly common, so these things would probably not be what makes a character „evil“ per se.) It’d be interesting to see what they were actually portrayed like in the old days.
@@rainpooper7088 The Little Bull-Calf, The Gold-Bearded Man, The Princess who wore a Rabbit-Skin Dress, The Prince and the Princess in the Forest, The Blue Belt, and in The Song of Roland the character Roland has an evil stepfather (more of a legend than a fairy tale but still).
Yep. Same thing happened in my husbands family. We were so happy when that man died. Honestly the only person I've felt that way about. I can say with certainty the world is better off without him.
Literature also has wicked stepfather types, such as "The Mysteries of Udolpho" -- ie. the man who married Emily's aunt and caregiver. Of course, that's a Gothic novel, so abuse is kind of expected.
that's very true. Two of my uncles and my brother-in-law are all stepfathers for their children and those are perhaps the best fathers a kid could dream of. So nope, tropes should never ever shape the "parental bond" ideas , in my book.
Stepmother here...thanks for this video. One more point I'd add: the child entering new phases of life and it's relation to the matriarchal change. Particularly true in families that lose the biological mother, the stepmother may seem less "nurturing" because she must hold the child to more mature standards than the late mother, because the child is getting older. It's normal that a stepmother might expect a child to, say, help with the dishes, because the child is older and newly capable. The child is tempted to think,"Mom never made me do this," but the child was younger when their mom was alive, and had the mother lived, they would've pushed for the same maturation. The new responsibilities hoisted upon the child can seem unfair, making the stepmother a symbol of time passing/childhood vanishing.
This is a very good point. I myself have seen this with a family friend, where the daughter was particularly doing something wrong, which she understood much later, but because the stepmom picked up on it first, earlier than the dad, who was then clueless, the daughter viewed the stepmom as rude, misunderstanding, and not loving. Things were later sorted out Another case I've seen. Biological mothers have the license of, what to say, take for example, a biological mother having a down day amd cooking something absolutely simple, or not taking the child to the park even after having promised is easily remedied by cuddles and stories. But. If it is a stepmom doing this, if she fails to meet very high standards, the child automatically compares her, that my mom would never do this. Stepparents have it really hard, and not only from the children, but the spouses too. And honestly, no one is to blame in most of the cases. Just a positive and cooperative outlook can be a probable solution
@@directiontonarnia you are so right! Another hard thing...holidays. There's just no doing it right, because you can't recreate traditions, but new ones aren't valued because they're, well, new. Bottom line: it takes a long time to create a new sense of family. It is gradual and non-linear progress. Years into it, you have little moments that hint that you've become family.
I get the feeling there's a medieval component to this as well- if you're a noble/royal and your mother dies, your father remarries and the new stepmother is a threat to your inheritance because they may try to get _their_ child to inherit title/wealth over you- I'll bet that's why 'sending you away to year-round boarding school' is an implicit threat; you wouldn't be around to counter they're claim to title/wealth.
That became the main motivation in Cinderella as soon as the like "DNA" (shoe fit) was found to belong to Cinderella her StepMom locked her away to eliminate her
I always had the impression that for Snow White because in both cases (regardless of if the Evil Queen is birth mother or step-mother)- that technically unless they been a princess before marrying Snow's father,- they're in both cases Queen Consorts so didn't hold any power of their own. Since in the Disney's movie Snow is only 14 (in Grimms' story she's 7) so that since The King didn't have any OTHER legitimate children Snow is technically the monarch, but the "mother" person (birth or step) is acting as regent for Snow and my theory is that "someone" in the household/government if there is one-reminds the EVIL QUEEN that one day that she will have to hand over the throne/crown to their (step)daughter. That would make more logical sense than the whole "being fairest of them all" it's also based upon a non-theory. In Middle-Eastern countries or in places like India, where there were harems-(which was a place for all women and young children) the wives and concubines if they had sons would try to do stuff to injury or kill each other or each other's children so that THEIR son could get the throne.
As someone who has a stepmother and stepfather, I have to say that women really set the tone for the household. If she switches up on how she treats you verses her own children, then no matter the hospitality you’ll always feel the difference. My stepmom would treat me like a temporary guest shed tolerate, but she’d always worry and care for my half siblings. My aunt however, who married into my family, is so warm and treats me the same way as my cousins so I’d forget that we’re not even blood related. So in my opinion, family is a feeling.
I am thinking about dropping out of school to focus on my career as a star on UA-cam. I already make a lot of money on UA-cam. School bores me so much. I need more opinions and since I don't have any friends, I gotta ask you, jaz
Jazmin B, you make a great point about mother's setting the tone for the household. Generally, a stepfather is viewed as temporary, an obstacle or just kind of there. The Mom is the one that has a relationship with kids and usually tries to convince the stepfather and children to get along. I think it is a natural response for the evil stepmother to exist as a trope because the feeling is that she is attempting to usurp the place of your natural mother. Whereas with a stepfather, the mother still is present and able to as you mentioned set the tone in the house.
The worst part of a wicked stepmother story is a father that is physically present but not present in the child-rearing. How can a wicked stepmother torment a child and their father just watch or not notice in the first place. It says a lot about gender roles and the assumption of irresponsibility to their own children that father figures essentially don’t partake
@@brownandabroad4865 Same with my father and his girlfriends / fiancees. I'm just happy I'm an adult now and don't have to live with those situations under one roof anymore. I wish you all the best.
Honestly! It really irks me that Cinderella's father is portrayed in movies and stories as such a wonderful guy. If he paid any attention at all he would have been able to see that his daughter was being mistreated.
@@晶-c7i depending on which Cinderella story, sometimes the stepmother's true self and hatred towards Cinderella comes after the father's death and others are after leaves on long business trips. Cinderella portrayed selfless so she doesn't say anything. But the fathers' need to be more attentive to their children's feelings and interactions with someone they intend to bring into the family.
Frank was too good for her and Moesha never appreciated her yess. I also want to rant a little but here. Moesha not liking her made me realise how problematic Frank was. Moesha says in the first episodes, when Dee cooks for the family and fixes Franks tie and kisses him off to work. Moesha says she used to be the one who would cook for the family and fix his tie. Like why is Moesha cooking for the family and fixing his tie. I understand shes a woman and that was expected but like Moesha is a teenager and has probably been doing from earlier considering her mother died like why is frank holding his child to adultification. sorry got a little passionate there. and also frank didnt stop it when moesha was being rude to Dee and Frank just said that he didn’t want to force her into liking Dee
@Jessica Mcdaniels no she didnt get kicked out, moesha cried and then he had the nerve to play victim and when dee said apologize he said that he didnt want to because he said he didnt know what to say and was scared as to what he was gonna say next like i dont know maybe not have misogynistic views or atleast just say sorry
I'm surprised that there was no mention of The Sound of Music when talking about good step-mothers. This was the case of the widowed man and his children getting to know a woman who had no intentions of marriage or money or power. When they finally got married, the children didn't even think of her as "step-mother." She was just "mother."
Yes! Of course, the 7 children all loved Maria to pieces long before their father warmed up to her, as their live-in nanny, great mentor, and dear friend, so that probably has a lot to do with it. She was never introduced as their father's lover, that came much later. In fact, the Baroness, who the Captain was initially going to marry, did have a bit of a "wicked stepmother" vibe. She wasn't MEAN to them, but they didn't like her, felt like she was "replacing" their mother in a sense, and she also had the same idea as the finacee in "The Parent Trap" that she was planning to send them off to boarding school.
@@nervousdorito3696 I’ve check Netflix and it’s sadly not on there. But I’m gonna watch it online. Ands thanks for the heads up. I’ll give both adaptations a try..
Adoptee here: Adoptive mothers are HUMAN, that means that adoption is NOT a selfless act. It's as selfish as a mother who chooses to give birth and raise their child. Often different parts of the adoption community are demonized or angelicized, but the truth is that everyone is human--with deep flaws and deep good. And there are adoptive "parents" that are bad and terrible, but there are also people who raise their own biological children who are also terrible people. Assuming that adoption is "selfless" and all APs must be good is as bad as assuming all APs must be bad. Humanize them. Some Adoptive Parents adopt for the wrong reasons. Like the Adoptive Parent that told everyone on a public board that she didn't CARE that the children of China were being trafficked. She wanted HER CHILD NOW (and didn't care if it was trafficked or not). Or the Adoptive "Parents" that rehome their children. They post on a public board they want to "let their child go" and then sell their children like they are on craigslist without government supervision. Several adoptees told me as well, that their parents only got them because they wanted to trap their husbands in the marriage. But equally, there are Adoptive Parents that do engage into the well being of the child, engage into their birth search, help, and honor their co-parents (the child's birth parents) and then if there are also race issues, work hard to engage with those. A title doesn't tell the caliber of the person or their goodness. Their actions do. BTW, adoption, as an institution is deeply flawed, mostly starting with the Victorian era where it was deeply industrialized and systematized to prey on mostly PoCs and poor women. It also has a high chance of intersectionality, and needs deep reforms so it does not prey on the weak, but instead helps the 0.01%-.003% in the system that actually need the help, rather than being done for often profit and to shame women.
Yeah one of the reason I would 100% abort instead of giving up my child for adoption is that I've always seen it as creating a human being only to play Russian Roulette with its life... sure he/she might land in the hands of loving caring people, but he/she might also land in the hands of narcissists who only adopt to ''make themselves look like saints''. I have nothing against people who choose adoption over abortion or whatever, everyone does what they think is best and none of us can predict the future, but personally its something I just could not do. It would eat me up from the inside forever wondering ''what have I actually done?''.
@@kated3165 This is why I resent pro life nonsense. It’s not pro life! It’s just force women to give birth and make up this ideal perfect life scenario that the child is allegedly going to have knowing damn good and well that life isn’t like that. There’s 400,000 children in the US foster care system being forced to live with strangers and have all sorts of trauma. That’s not pro life!
@@cristinarivera5707 Not to mention that the Border Children--the ones they forced separated in the US, at one point, Bethany tried really hard to adopt them out without anyone noticing, but people noticed... But still, despite all the stupid flaws, there are APs, I know that do the work, and work through adoption properly, so it really depends on the person. I do know, too, that NPD tends to play high. (And just saying this as an aside, but I personally think people with Borderline Personality Disorder probably shouldn't adopt since adoption will make their mental health issues worse--I can back that, but it would take a bit to work through. And no, it's not because people with BPD are evil, it has everything to do with abandonment issues, etc that comes with the adoption package that's a trigger fest.) The rehoming cases are a testament to the NPD side. Adopt, then dump them every 5 years is a sign of NPD, because the narcisstic supply dries up when the kid is 5. The kids dumped at 8-9 years are usually Boys of Color. And the reason (real one) that they are getting dumped is because these (mostly white) people suddenly realize they are going to turn into Men of Color. And yeah... RACISM. So dump them. But then the "ads" read like it's all the kids' fault. "This kid has RAD." (Which BTW, is in single digits and only a few percentage points higher than the general population and usually the kid is not diagnosed). Not all adoptees agree with me, and I'm fine with that, but the system is deeply flawed and needs to be fixed so it does help those kids stuck in the system that needed to be there. Instead of stuffed with kids whose parents were taken advantage of or forgotten by society, leaving the kids who really, really did need a family at a loss.
APs rehoming their adopted kids really makes me sad because often times it really fucks with the kids feelings. People need to understand that adopted children aren't merchandise that you take back because you don't want them anymore. I'm reminded of that woman who rehomed her child because he was autistic and couldn't handle him anymore.
One of the things I love about Matilda is how the biological parents aren’t perfect or caring and it’s the adoptive mother Ms.Honey who forms a beautiful bond with Matilda
Don't forget Chuckie's step mother, Kiera from Rungrats. She was such a good step mother, treating her step son and her own daughter equally and love them both. She one of my favorite step mothers.
@@monassickofyourbs838 Yeah, so what? I mean back when I was a little kid, I was surprised to see a step mother that was truly, sincerely and genuinely kind, compare to the other cartoons that always show evil step mothers, I know it kid show, but it was a pretty good kid show and even thought us lessons, unlike todays cartoons. Same could be said with Ginger's step father from As Told by Ginger (a tween and teen show), He love and care for Lois and her kids, especially having a close bond with Carl, saved Ginger's life and stood up to and cut ties with his mother after she insulted Lois and almost ruin his wedding.
Men are not perceived / allowed to be primary caretakers. So, as long as one's not a murderous psychopath, it's all fine in the movies. But mothers - biological /not are seen as primary caretakers, someone irreplaceable coz of the gender roles. This builts unwanted stress on women by unrealistic standards and for men it gives disadvantages in custody battles. When Step moms are portrayed as almost always evil, mothers could NEVER HURT HER CHILDREN. This idea is so wrong.
I'm a little disappointed the video didn't mention one important factor the popularity of the wicked stepmom concept. Historically, many men remarried for properties and finance. When it comes to inheritance, the father were more incline to give inheritance to their biological children instead of the stepchildren from their new wives which they potentially left off with nothing. A lot of stepmother did their best to secure their own children even if it means abusing the child of their husband's previous wife/wives. To an extent, one sees this obvious trend with royal family in stories. You know, the whole "i want my son to be the the king instead of my stepson." Chinese dynasties told acenotes about a wicked queen/stepmom secretly killing off other contestants to the throne in favor of their biological son.
this story is still exist today. I have acquaintance whose stepmom is the one that you said. she married his father for inheritance and didn't allow her half children to go to school and get better job. and i know this trope is toxically polarizing but judging from my point of view most of people that I know have stepmother who is evil. they don't care about their half children, even despise and try to compete with them. this trope is more realistic than I had thought, sadly
This is really explored by Gregory Maguire (author of Wicked) in his take on Cinderella, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister. Basically it goes into what I’d always thought about- that before the dad died, surely Cinderella was the spoiled little princess and got preferential treatment... also in many versions the stepmother is specifically said to be a “social climber” (such an awful, classist concept) and in Maguire’s book this is really emphasized, that she’s just trying to survive in a world where marriage is the main if not only way to do so.
Phineas & Ferb show a mixed family in a good light. The mother's also a stepmom to Ferb, and the father a stepdad to Phineas and Candice. The only even slightly strained relationship there is between Candice and her biological mom. And she likes to bust both brother and stepbrother alike. One example of the evil stepdad is in the Twilight Zone episode "Living Doll" (my favorite one, turns out), with Telly Savalas as the less than admirable stepparent.
@@susiem.2068 Me too, when I was a little kid and I used to watch Phineas and Ferb I always thought that the Flynns/Fletchers were a biological family. It wasn't until I got older that I realized that they were actually a blended family.
These stereotypes are so dangerous! My stepdad is a great guy, but I absolutely hated him when I was a teenager, and he seemed to not want anything to do with me. He revealed one reason he was so distant was because the stereotypes that stepfathers are abusive and creepy. But now I get along great with him and he’s family now.
My dad became a step dad to older teenage step daughters when I was a kid. He was actually their teacher and he met their mom in a parent teacher conference. Crazy story. Imagine your algebra teacher moving into your house. lol. Anyway, years later in a fight his wife (my stepmom), accused him of being a father figure to her really young son but ignoring her daughters, and he told me the same thing. He maintained a distance because they were young ladies and he didn't want to come off as inappropriate. Regardless of this my older step sisters love him and their kids love him and know him as their grandpa. It's sad that good men have no other choice but to come off as either creepy or disinterested because of society's views and the bad apples out there.
Turns out this is a major difficulty with Dads in general. Some don't know how to relate to older girls without appearing creepy. Many others are misogynistic fucksticks; and also lacking any ability to respect a fully functional human; one who's capable of making their own decisions.
It's really sad when toxic movie tropes effect real life and end up potentially damaging families and relationships. It's a good thing he eventually explained himself though. This is why communication is crucial. I'm glad you and your stepdad get along now. :)
My step-mother has never tried to be or replace my mother, but she's always been hella supportive from the beginning. She's an amazing woman, and similar to the Stepmother movie, I'm a better person because I had both her and mother in my life.
Locturally Locs was going to say the same. I’m sure my stepmother believes she is a perfect angel, but the truth, as phoebe Waller bridge would say, is that she is a c***. But I don’t really blame her, it’s my Dad’s fault for not having a backbone.
@@lydiaknowsnothing286 voor me its the biological daughter stating that her half sisters were treated the same. Because That's definitely something the biological daughter of an evil Stepmom would say. And i agree. I had a stepmom too but blamed my father a 100% . Fathers allowing their new partner to treat their kids badly are the real problem.
As a teacher, I met the most amazing step mom. Bio mom had been addicted to drugs while pregnant. As a result, the boy had a lot of issues, including unusually small size, behavior issues, and the inability to feel physical pain. He'd throw a temper tantrum and we'd have to make sure something soft was under his head, even if it was a hand, because otherwise nothing would stop him from bashing his head on concrete. She worked part-time to care for him, and take him to appointments. When she took him out of school so he could go to a special school, I told her how amazing I thought she was. Poor woman just burst in to tears. I hope her husband let her know daily how much he appreciates her.
Please do the “overprotective dad” trope in media who is obsessed with his daughter’s chastity. I hate it so much , and I’m so glad my own father never shamed me for liking and dating boys and instead gave me genuine relationship advice and warnings to help guide me, while ultimately letting me make my own choices.
And how fathers can protect their daughters and teach them to be autonomous human beings. Hopper from Stranger Things and Mary Anne's father from the Babysitters Club can be used as recent examples (how one risks things for his daughter's relationships and how another extends that protection to other daughters not his own)
Augh I worked at a daycare, and the amount of dads who didn't let their daughters cut their hair made me sick. Even when it was clear the girls couldn't always manage it, they would refuse. It gave me incestuaous vibes.
You’ve overlooked one important stepmother trope: The nanny as stepmother (or maybe as mother replacement). Examples: Nanny Fine, Jane Eyre, Sister Maria in The Sound of Music. In each case, the mother is either dead or incapacitated by madness, and the nanny has competition from the typical stepmother trope.
I don't talk to either of my bio-parents but just spent Christmas with my dad's ex-wife. She is honestly the best person in my life. We spent years working on creating a positive relationship, with healthy boundaries, accountability, conflict resolution, and listening to one another. Neither of my bio-parents felt like they needed to put in that effort because we were "blood." My ex-step-mom showed me what a healthy parent-child relationship looks like. It gave me the courage to leave an toxic parent-child relationship.
I mean it's true tho. I feel like a lot of stepparents feel entitled to have the same authority over a kid as their parents. People often say that kids aren't willing to accept or tolerate their stepparents cause they're a "new figure" in their life, but I think most kids actually don't mind having a new person in their household and would be very willing to tolerate and accept their stepparents. The thing is, they usually ask for way more than acceptance and very often overstep their boundaries. Not all stepparents obviously.
@@mox9980 Dude wdym absent parents? Some people's parents are just divorced and still spend time with their kids lol. Also maybe their bio parent died. That's a traumatic as fuck experience and it's extremely tone deaf to just say that the kid needs to "grow up"
@@Karolina-kt9vy But why shouldn't a stepparent have the same authority as a parent if they are also a parent in the household? Especially if the child lives with them. They shouldn't have to tolerate disrespectful behavior. They should be allowed to ask a child to help with chores and to complete their homework just like any other parent. It starts with the OTHER parent. They need to encourage their children to respect the one THEY CHOSE to marry, otherwise why did you marry her? Co-parenting should not be difficult, but some children who want their way will make it difficult. I'm sorry, but I disagree that most children are willing to tolerate and accept their stepparents. I learned this working in the school system. Some children, like myself, embraced having a new stepparent because I didn't respect my own biological parent. Others get bitter when they can't do everything they used to or get away with the same things they used to when their mother was alive or around, including spoiled entitled behavior. Sometimes, they may even have new responsibilities, and that can be seen as a threat if mom just let you roam. I keep thinking of Ceilie in The Color Purple when she tried to clean that filthy house and comb those kids' heads.
I'm surprised you mentioned the power dynamics given to a stepfather or seized by a stepmother but didn't include the third perspective that upholds this trope: children _without_ power. Some of the discomfort that comes from the evil stepmother trope is the power imbalance that results simply from the adult having deference in society. Generally speaking, we believe children _owe_ the adults in their lives that deference or respect, simply for being adults. In walks the stepparent who has been gifted complete power over the child, however they chose to use it. Cinderella offers the clearest depiction -- why it's one of the first places our minds go when we hear "evil stepmother" -- when she turns Cinderella into essentially a slave in her own home, and Cinderella is powerless to fight back because she has no means to support herself in society. It's that fear of the unknown, in a sense. The evil stepparent trope rides a lot on the child's uncertainty of "what might this person with all the power do that I couldn't stop?" Consequently, it's why so many of these stories have conclusions that revolve around gaining/employing power in a way that overcomes the power imbalance in the relationship; traditionally the Cinderella character's "Prince" often represents access to a form of society power that tops familial power (royalty, money, etc).
The children also have no power over choosing the stepparent, they have to live with their father's/ mother's choice on who seems to be a good partner.
I’m going to put this here till you bring it out. *Can you please do the romanticisation and justification of cheating as long as it’s done between the main characters?*
Yes, I totally concur, especially in "Nicolas Sparks" stories. This is especially noticeable in "The Notebook", where Allie cheats on her loving, devoted fiance Lon with Noah, despite there being nothing inherently wrong with him other than he's NOT Noah. If Allie had been cheated on, it's likely that Lon would have been villainised, but because she's a protagonist, we have to encourage her and Noah's affair because "True Love!"
@The Nigerian Loves Drinking Zobo. It's a great idea for a video. That said they wont see it nestled in the comments. Especially with 225 to pick from. Put this comments without the first bit under The Take's own comment pinned at the top. I know for a fact they pick from those responses as I've mentioned it to four people and they all got their idea made. Give Susanna a chance to see it.
@@trinaq Wasn't The Notebook also the same book/movie were that one guy see some random woman on a date, and then threatens to kill himself if she doesn't go on a date with him? I never really saw The Notebook, but I did see the trailer when I was younger. I can't believe that stupid young me thought that The Notebook was so romantic, now that I think about it a lot of romantic movies have some very toxic tropes.
It's even ok to jilt someone at the altar, which they will usually accept with a wry smile while encouraging the protagonist to "be happy", or "follow your heart". It's all shown as fine because the main couple are of course, meant to be.
There's also the trope in fiction where a character's perfect parents are dead and they're raised by abusive relatives. Examples include Harry Potter, Jane Eyre, and James and The Giant Peach.
That trope and this trope in general are both very British aren't they? Just saying that because that's where all three of those books are from and because there are several other examples of UK-related media playing into this idea of the step-parents being jerks. I wonder why?
@@rsfilmdiscussionchannel4168 That's probably because the British dominate children's literature from Alice onward (in a way no other country does despite many having famous children's stories) so you notice a lot in famous British stories. (I know Jane Eyre isn't a children's book per se but it is popular with young girls in particular and the early section is certainly very much like a children's book. The same applies to a lot of Dickens' earlier novels)
I was raised mostly by my stepmother since age 7, and even though she and my dad separated about 10 years ago, I still have a good relationship with her and her children. We're all family
This was more triggering for me than I thought it would be. I had a stepmother who was wonderful, and even though my dad did reunite with my mom a few years before she passed last year, I still love my former stepmom. She's a beautiful person who loved me from the first time she ever saw me. I also had a stepfather, though, and he hated me. He hated me, and I couldn't stand him. He died in 2002, and he has tried to turn my mother against me. It worked at first, but then she drew closer to me and started defending me against him. I've seen him beat her, and he's threatened me. Most of my mom's boyfriends have beat her and abused me somehow. Just so much went on with my stepfather, and my mom's former boyfriends who I mistakenly saw as fathers, so this was really hard for me to watch. I cried watching this.
The stepfather trope could also encapsulate the lazy abusive boyfriend trope, where the stepfather is a leach who uses up the mother's time, energy, savings (and wages), and labor (cooking, cleaning, etc.) while offering little in return. He's emotionally abusive, and when he isn't being taken care of or is denied something he wants, that abuse turns up to 10 (and often becomes physical).
I think where the kids fit in here are that a) they have to deal with this terrible person invading their home life/what should be a safe space and b) the mother cannot be a mother because she is too busy taking care of her husband/boyfriend.
I got a little sad when this vídeo showed a scene from Enchanted yet proceeded to never talk about it. It's funny because, now that I think about it, we can find two kinds of stepmother in that movie : the good stepmother ( Giselle, Indina's character) and the evil stepmother ( the Prince's stepmom)...which, now that I think about it more, she's not technically an evil stepmother and we get that from te way she talks to her stepson, but more of an evil mother-in-law, yet it kinda fits on the stereotype, I think...? But what's very interesting is that the film also shows us that stepmothers can be just as good as normal mothers. If you look at it, in the beginning we see the lawyer's daughter annoyed by her father's girlfriend, even though we only see her trying to be nice to the girl, then Giselle explains to the little girl that stepmothers can be good and, at the end, the princess becomes a stepmother herself and loved by her stepdaughter. So, yeah, again, this movie also talks about this trope and (maybe) subverts it...? I'm sorry for all of the exitations and the fact I can't recall the name of the characters, I haven't seen it for a while.😅 I still hope this adds something to the discussion.😊
I... wow. It’s been a long time since I watched Enchanted and the point of Giselle becoming a step mother didn’t even register in my kid brain because she was so nice and everyone seemed happy with the situation
My stepmother was one of the kindest and warmest women I'd ever known. I was genuinely happy for my dad when I found out he had met someone, and even happier after I met her and saw how nice she was. She sadly passed away from cancer 4 years ago.
I have one for you: Ive always been fascinated by the "rebellious teen" storylines like in the movies "Kids" and "thirteen" or tv shows like "skins" and "euphoria". it would be nice to see an in depth analysis of those.
I do remember thinking my stepdad was gonna keep my mom happy and busy. No. He came in power tripping. Stepmom literally an angel, always loved me and she was with my dad b4 my birth. My dad has been passed 9 years now n my bond w stepmom is stronger than with anyone 💞 cant imagine my life without that amazing woman.
I think a GREAT deconstruction of this troop is the first Nanny Mcphee. I remember being raised on Cinderella and watching Nanny Mcphee when I was 7, and seeing this scene where all the kids complain about their father getting remarried because "stepmothers are always wicked, you see it in the fairytales." It looks like he's going to get engaged to this awful, evil-stepmother stereotype- and then he changes his mind and marries a woman who loves the kids and who the kids love- and the kids outright say 'Well, I guess the fairytales aren't ALWAYS right' I think it's awesome how this video shows that the trope has such a valid sociological reason for forming, but how that reason just isn't relevant anymore!
Say what you will about Stepmothers but Elaine Hendrix in The Parent Trap is the reason that I started first considering the possibility that I was bisexual 😂😂😍
I think the stepmother in Cinderella has more depth than people give her credit for. I don't think she's good or justified, just more dimensional. I think she was unhappy with her daughters from the very start, as she doesn't seem to be very pleased with them and perhaps wanted them to be more talented, skilled, or intelligent, like Cinderella. She had status once, until her husband died, and married another man, maybe hardened by the fact that it wasn't out of love but necessity for his daughter. The stepsisters never car d for Cindy because they never had an ounce of true love in their lives and so couldn't practice it. I wouldn't be surprised if the Stepmother compared the two often and had to compete with one another or felt less than. Then comes Cinderella, who's kind and good, even with the loss of both her parents, much to their envy. She has everything they wanted-and yet had nothing, as she's a maid. Comes the ball, where they have a chance to be happy and marry well for the sake of STATUS, not happiness, unlike Cinderella who just wants to go to the ball to have fun and escape her duties. She has the luckiness of meeting the prince, who loves her for her and doesn't mind the other maidens who probably just want him for his money and title. When they realize it, this would just infuriate the sisters and their mother, leaving them in disarray. One of the many reasons why I love Cinderella and her fairy tale.
I noticed in the Drew Barrymore version, the stepmother isn't nice to her own daughters either. She's nearly as abusive as she is towards Danielle, but she's still not warm and motherly.
@@victoriaa9933 that one is a lowly baroness too. She honestly thought her daughter could marry a prince? Yeah right, you'd better be duchess or higher for that.
I have 2 stepdaughters and I often joke that I'm their evil stepmother and I make evil witch laughs when I do it. It cracks them up and it's sort of a reverse psychology tactic because they love to tell me how wrong I am and how so NOT evil I am. We're far from perfect but I'm so thankful for my blended family, including their mom.
The stepparent tropes are probably related to different types of abuses experienced by the child growing up. A mother’s abuse is often more silent in the forms of psychological abuse and neglect. While the father’s abuse is physical, often violent and some of them are just all together not present. But, because we are scared of criticizing our mothers, since they are our primary caregivers, we create an entire trope(subconsciously or consciously) to reflect their abuse. Since step mothers are not the same as biological mothers, there is less guilt attached to criticizing them. However, because many people that have trauma from their fathers do not have father figures all together, they create the idea of a step father to make that for that and create an ideal image of a father. Also, another reason why there are much more positive portrayals of step fathers is that probably more people have absent fathers rather than extremely abusive mothers. If you are interested in stuff like this I really recommend Jordan Teresa’s series on daddy&mommy issues!
I had a stepmother who was jealous of my existence and made the little time I got to spend with my father unnecessarily tense. Thankfully, we were able to honestly discuss these events when I reached adulthood and now have a very loving relationship, but it took decades to reach this point.
As a step mother and step grandmother myself--the most stigmatized kind, younger than her spouse and his oldest child--losing my tenuous connection with those children and never truly being accepted by the family at large has been one of the great pains of my life. Thank you for this fair look at the stepmother. I thought of adopting kids in my youth and people who deny that a step parent or adoptive parent could be truly loving offend me deeply. I suspect it reflects their own view of love as tribal and possessive and inability to imagine a love not rooted in biology. As a very empathic person, I actually don't understand how anyone can fail to feel love when faced with the vulnerability and naive openness of a child's being.
To be fair, the reason stepfathers get a pass is partially that uncles are usually the go-to male villain (Hamlet, Richard III). After all, they have a better chance at inheritance than a stepfather. To a lesser extent, godmothers (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty) also have a better reputation than godfathers (Godfather Death, The Godfather). On another note, this video acknowledging the examples in the 1965 Cinderella and The Slipper and the Rose assures me they actually put a lot of thought into this.
honestly love how they portrayed the step-mom in queen's gambit. at first i thought the mom's gonna exploit beth or something but im glad they switched it up and instead explored their closeness together
Now that we are starting to go down the horror path, consider horror's evolution/tropes. This includes 70's-90's slasher, 00's torture porn, 10's to now slow burn indie and foreign horror. Cabin in the Woods (which I loved) ticked off several horror fans by making fun of several horror tropes.
I think Enchanted is one of the best examinations of the trope. In the fairy tale world, the stepmother (the queen) is evil. But in the real world, Giselle ends up a stepmother, and she is the perfect mother. Even the almost stepmother (played by Idina Mendel) is also lovely. The fact that it didn’t work out had nothing to do with her personally
This is the narcissistic mother, who is much more common then you'd think. The stepmom part is to get some distance, but if you grew up with an abusive narcissistic mother you know exactly what I mean. You long for a "real mom", trust me.
Would love to see The Take discuss adoption, found families and biological families - as an adoptee, I've noticed over the years that there's this narrative of blood-related superiority which continues to saturate the media. Plot lines surrounding finding your "real" parents, adoption as a last resort, having it be some big secret, resenting non-biological parents even if they were the ones to raise and care for you, etc. are all too common. I'd love to see the many poor and overused examples of this trope (Hercules, Avengers' Loki, Spencer Hastings in PLL, Jon Snow in GOT, literally there are so many) compared to the few but well-done depictions of adoption and found families (Matilda, Meet the Robinsons, freaking Over the Hedge, Anne with An E). Adoption micro-aggressions are real and something literally nobody talks about regarding media
@@crod9905 YES, I knew there were more. Also, there's def something to be said about the fact that a lot of found family narratives are depicted by cartoon animals
It kinda overlaps with ableism "well obviously you would have never WANTED to have gotten into accident where you got disabled right?" and being disingenuous in ignoring how that doesn't mean your life isn't worth living. Like people think that "well, obviously if you got adopted, something awful happened in first place" (either parents died or were awful people or etc). I think its part of how people don't really want to accept that you can have happy life even if awful things have happened in your life? And how writers way too often try to write stories where characters want to go back to the fictional perfect life instead of learning to become happy in their current situation because they can't imagine someone being able to be happy in that situation?
One positive step father figure that I always remember in television is the dad in Homeward Bound, you don't necessarily think of it much because the main plot is of course the cute little fuzzy animals but there is a whole side plot in which he is trying his best to respect the children's wishes but also trying to develop a relationship with each of them, with Peter the oldest being the most resistant because he misses his father who is no longer with them.
Correct me if I'm wrong about this: in Trainwreck, Amy's sister is a stepmom who thinks of her stepson as her own son, but her family considers her biological baby to be her "real" son. I think a part of the evil stepmom is that men don't understand how someone can just love another person without a biological drive. Men see children as a continuation of their line, and so there is a lot of pressure for daughters to have children of their own to continue their father's line. Furthermore, the pain of childbirth is often seen as the cost of having children. A stepmom who loves her stepchildren threatens that view, as she has all the benefits of having children without the pain of childbirth. Oddly enough, having a healthy relationship with one's stepparents is a great thing, and can promote positive development.
Great point. Also, many women used to die young in childbirth, which showed them as making the ultimate sacirifice ie. giving her life for the child left behind. This means that they were practically saints without even embarking on the challenges of parenthood.
This trope has a long history in both culture and psychology. Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) is a basic test which correlates highly with negative life outcomes like drug abuse, depression and prison. Children who are raised in a household with a step parent are FAR more likely to suffer from these negative life outcomes as adults.
The thing is, stepparents very often are actually awful. I have very few friends who have a good relationship with their stepparents. I was so ready to tolerate and even like my stepmother as a child. I had no problem with a new person coming to my life and my dad's household. But overtime she started to order me around all the time. I had to sacrifice so much of my free time, social life and extracurricular activities to help her and my dad raise my half siblings. And I was never given a choice to say no, ever. Everytime I tried to explain to her that she's overstepping her boundaries, that she's not my actual parent and that I do not have to do anything and everything she asks of me, my dad came in and basically said that he, as my parent who I do answer to, is ordering me to listen to her just as I listen to him. So she kept abusing it. I think I could count on one hand all the times she said "please" when she asked me to help with something. And everytime I called her out for it and said that I'd appreciate it if she was more polite and just said "please" so that I don't feel inferior to her, she said that we aren't equal and that she does not have to say "please" when she asks me to do stuff because I'm just obligated to do it without questioning her. Anytime I tried to say no, she got furious and my dad told me off and called me selfish and spoiled. Now I'm almost 20 and I don't know how to say no to anything cause I feel like no matter how busy, mentally or physically exhausted I am, if I say to to anyone who's asking me for anything, I'm a sefish and horrible person if I say no. And my needs should always come last. They're not important. (I have a stepdad too and he's awful as well just in a different way... I don't know what is it about stepparents. My take is that most people become very toxic when they have an authority over someone and since we don't love our stepparents the same way we love our parents, we're less willing to excuse their toxic behaviour and more willing to ruin our relationship when they overstep their boundaries.)
For my fairy tale retellings (I'm an aspiring writer), I was thinking on humanizing the stepmother, both good and bad; Cinderella's stepmother was indifferent toward her stepdaughter, feeling neither love nor hate for her, but she did stole her father away from a kindhearted teacher whom he originally intended to marry, even though Cinderella was still mourning her mother's death due to her feeling guilty at her death in childbirth, and the stepmother was already a wicked woman who has shady dealings in the slave trade and orphan-selling/child-trafficking business (which is how her family made their fortune). However, when the stepmother suffers a miscarriage, she superstitiously and irrationally blames both Cinderella and her mother's/husband's late wife's ghost, and she takes in Cinderella (while still abusing her) as recompense for her miscarriage. Their is also a symbolic comparison between the stepmother and mother's ghost to the Judgement of Solomon (with two women fighting over a child). For Snow White, she is at peace and gets along fine with her stepmother, a meek and pleasant woman. Its her step-grandmother that loathes her; a domineering, narcissistic, and abusive sociopath who kills any granddaughters born into her family, as she fears of a prophecy that a granddaughter would not only outmatch her in beauty but also be the literal death of her. And like Cronus of Greek mythology, she cannibalizes the baby girls, consuming their hearts and livers. The stepmother has enough of her mother's monstrosity and sets out to protect both her own future daughter(s) and stepdaughter.
She's great! Didn't see it but so glad she did that... (I Hate seeing her weight played for laughs and her characters typecast as "gross." Loved Mike & Molly.)
I LOVE THAT VERSION OF CINDERELLA STARRING BRANDY AND WHITNEY HOUSTON SO MANY DIFFERENT RACES AND CULTURES MIXED TOGETHER AND SO INTERESTING I LOVED IT AS A KID 🥰😍
Thank you! I requested this long ago and I'm a stepmother. Honestly it's VERY HARD being a stepparent. Constantly walking the line of I'm not your actual parent but I'm an adult in your life that has to be a good influence and caregiver. It's not easy stepping into a situation where a child has been raised for years by a single dad and their biological mother is absentee and occasionally on drugs. I refer to my step daughter as my kid and we're very close but it's also hard/uncomfortable when you have to discipline them for lying or doing something bad. It took a few years to get to the point where we feel like a normal family. It feels great that she now comes to me with problems and puberty questions. Heck she feels more comfortable talking to me than she does her own father. Being a stepparent is not easy and it's a lot to consider before getting into a relationship with someone.
My stepmother is actually horrible and mentally ill, but my father exposed me to this horrible person. Fathers need to be judged, if nothing else, for choosing women who treat their children horribly. At the end of the day, fathers enable ”evil” stepmothers…
Absolutely. People are like my step whatever (or in laws) are terrible and I'm like you have a parent (or spouse) problem then, don't you? Your children (and spouse) come first
I love the mention of Disenchantment in which the stepmother(Una) is revealed to be the honest woman who despite not bonding with Bean did want what a queen would want for her princess - to fill the role assigned to them, while Dagmar, Bean's mother, used her maternal bond like a poisoned apple to lull the royal family of Dreamland into a false sense of security.
Chris Columbus gets a lot of flack, but 'Stepmom' is my favorite movie of his. One of the things I thought was interesting was the role reversal on the trope. Susan Surrandon's biological mom was the one jealous of Julia Roberts, and actively tried to sabotage her efforts to bond with *her* kids. (This mirrored the situation happening with my mom and my stepmom around the same time.) I'd also like to shoutout to "Tangled''s Mother Gothel. Even though she straight up stole Repunzel as a baby and raised her as her own, she fits the Wicked Stepmother trope, being a threat to and gaslighting our heroine her whole life growing up.
Not only that, but Gothel abandoned her actual daughter just so she could have Rapunzel and, more importantly to her, the healing powers she possessed.
I would guess step mothers aren't loved as much when kids retain a strong relationship with their bio mothers after divorce. It's more typical for dads to take a step back after divorce, so there is more opportunity for kids to develop a closer relationship with a step dad if their bio dad isn't in the picture as much. Like in situations where the kids live with their mom and step father full time and only see dad and step mom on the weekends. It would make sense that in those situations, kids to have a stronger relationship with whichever step parent they spend the most time with.
I personally feel that this is a very damaging thing for step parents and also to add that the step dad version is very different but in away it evens out for the godmother/godfather version with godfathers being the schemy type and the godmother being a magical figure
One of the best stepparent characters I've seen in film or TV, was Dee from "Moesha." She was so caring and loving towards Moesha and Miles. I wish you mentioned her in the video.
I remember going to great lengths to avoid refering to my stepfather with that word. For me, there was something intrinsically evil about the word itself, that I found it offensive to call him that as I love him very much. That's got to show you what bad reputation the steparents have.
Thank you so much for this. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. My Fiancé has two boys from a previous marriage. She basically told him he can have the kids and the house. She plays the part of the “perfect” mother for show but in reality she hardly sees them or makes an effort to talk to them unless it makes her look good. I have been in their lives for over two years now and have a one year with their father. They are being raised to get as brothers, not half brothers. They call me mama and their bio mom mommy. She hated when they called me mommy and stared calling her mommy “her name”. She would yell at my Fiancé using the words “watch”and “take care of” interchangeably. She made it clear that I watch them and she takes care of them. Meanwhile she has a special education degree, and I am them one that had to do their schooling at home even when she was jobless for months. She couldn’t help. Sorry for the rant. Yesterday was really bad for me.
The modern trope was boosted by the people who wrote down and or collected European folklore "sanitizing" the stories, in many cases it was originally very much the bio-mother who was evil. The idea of a mother hating or even harming her own kids (which is very much a thing that happens, especially with narcissistic personality disorder and other severe psychological issues) was just not compatible with Christian-conservative family values so it had to go. The step-mum was just a cop out. Edit: Yeah, they mentioned it. Ignore this comment I guess, lol.
It seems this trope isn't limited to Western narratives. One of my favorite folktales from Japan, "The Mirror of Matsuyama", features a wicked stepmother. Although at least there, the stepmother realizes the error of her ways and comes to treat her stepdaughter with kindness.
it's also a statistical fact that step mothers are introduced to the kids earlier than stepfathers and with less regard to weather they are ready for it. Men are naturally expecting women to just be charmed by their kids and become instant mothers regardles of weather they ever had kids of their own. Men on the other hands are being introduced slowly to the wife's kids, with baby steps and treated like heroes if they do literally anything, while if the step mum is not being perfect, she get's criticised. Yeah, I am trying to be a step mum.
My father is eager to get married at 62 . We just had a long talk about it yesterday. This video is right on time. Even though both my brother and I are grown adults it is still scary to see him bringing a step mother for us.
Hot damn, The Take always picks the best opening/closing lines to their videos. The closer for this video "She could have us both, love us both" is especially heartwarming and profound.
Matilda is an amazing example of how a child's adoptive mother (Miss Honey) is much more loving and kind than her biological family, with her biological mother being dismissive and neglectful. I always loved Miss Honey.
I’m happy to say my stepmom was an incredibly important person in my life, and still have a close relationship with my step family. I know that’s not everyone’s experience but it was mine.
This was something in my culture way before Hollywood got a hold of it, and I suspect it's the case for most cultures on earth. People blaming this trope on Hollywood are woefully uninformed. A stepparent being at odds with stepkids is a trope as old as time.
Well done, The Take! Most of us have had to learn to deal or even love a stepparent, through a lot of negative feelings and possibly even painful situations because of this trope. As a millennial, I’ve grown up with a step grandmother and two stepfathers, and I have witnessed the change in narrative as divorce and separations grew from taboo to normal and now even glamorous (Modern Family). Watching this video essay made me feel happy and grateful. Also, this is public mental health service for sure 👏🏻 💜
The TV show "Please Like Me" has a brilliant stepmother character, Mae, that's shown to be fierce, funny, smart and do wonders for the man she marries and his extended family. She's one my favorite characters on the show.
I recently rewatched "Stepmom" and was amazed by how forward thinking it was for its time. Also this trope made me think of the evil or difficult mother-in-law trope. I don't know if you already done one or if you think it exists but to me it is a very common one and just like the stepfather, the father in law is also shown in a better light, usually more accepting and kinder to the daughter-in-law.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 That's a good one. Those bastards are frustrating but oh so satisfying to watch fall victim to their own stupidity and pride
This made me realize that I have seen dozens of heartwarming videos on UA-cam of step-dad’s officially adopting their step kids. I have never seen one of a step-mom adopting the kids.
This one made me cry. I was the daughter of multiple step-parents. When I was a teenager, I became the stepmom to a son. He and I were 11 years apart; his father and I were 12 years apart. It was a constant struggle for the 16 years we were married, plus two years before. Now I’m single for the first time in my adult life, with two wonderful, amazing children, and I am so terrified to bring someone into their lives. Thank you for making this.
Interesting story I read years back from an alternative faerie tale universe: Snow White's stepmom realized that Snow's biological dad was missing his dead wife so much that he was attempting to sexually molest his own daughter. The story ends with the stepmom taking Snow away on horseback in the dead of night to escape.
That comment near the end about how the relationships take time basically describes my sister vs me. She moved away for college instead of spending time in the same household with our step-family, and she is incredibly bitter towards our step-mom and dad; I spent a few years at home saving up for college and so got to live with, fight with, and laugh with our step-mom. I have the opposite attitude towards our step-family.
I loved the way American Girl's Josefina stories tackled the "new mom". It was a great read to one of the children I worked with who struggled with a new stepmom. Of course, it was made easier because she was already their aunt. Another good one was The Sound of Music. My mother is now going through navigating life as a "stepmom". It's hard to shake this trope. Stepmoms might get married to the father, but sometimes, they aren't treated as part of the family, and that can create the stepmom into someone who is unhappy, lonely, and bitter.
My dad had a few stepfathers in his life. Each one either abused him or was a dead-beat. He vowed to never marry again if my mom died first. And they both made their wills to say that whatever money and property they acquired together would go only to us kids--the new husband wouldn't see a dime. My mom won't even fathom getting married again if my dad died. "I don't want to train someone new!" 🤣 They'll be married 50 years this summer.
Bart: if fairy tales taugth us anything is that first wives are perfect & second ones are horrrendous Homer: yeah, and in real life its the opposite Dissapoointed this clip was missing
In the antman movies, I know that Hope and Cassie aren’t actually stepmother and stepdaughter, but I do like how Cassie actually have positive relationships with her stepfather and Hope. A small little detail I love in those movies.
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I don't think you understand what the word trope means. You seem to be talking more about clichés or stereotypes than tropes.
@$$hole stepfather next? I'm currently divorcing my bully husband because he is jealous and just...has no grace for my children from my first marriage. They're more rare and usually only have cameos in film but they ARE there.
Oh, and the reason I'm so sensitive to his behavior? Because I myself had a covert Narcissists of a stepmother and my dad never tried to defend or support us. He just sat and watched tv and believed the worst of us and the best of my stepbrothers. I couldn't just shut up and not advocate for my kids. It's so text book how cyclical it all is but I'm not sacrificing the self esteem of my boys so I can feel loved. He loves me but not my kids and that's just not...the makings of a family.
@@stopthephilosophicalzombie9017 please find a thesaurus
@@smartass0124 I should have read your comments or waited before I emotionally puked all over in my comment.
When there's a evil stepmom the dad isn't blamed for not considering the kids when remarrying. But when there's a evil stepdad, the mom is definitely blamed.
True, it Is so messed up. And then people claim that the world Is in favor of mothers, when the reality Is that they get blamed for everything. Specially for the man or son/daughter actions.
Often it’s because the Dad is shown to be too dumb to notice.
@@BenKrav I have a dumb dad who married an evil stepmom. They are both pretty terrible people.
@@BenKrav either way, still the dad's fault. Just like it's his fault for leaving, yet it's the single mom who stayed who gets shamed and blamed.
@@Shontay06 Just the problem that the dad leavin trope is bullshit since 80% of marriages are ended by the wife. Just as the low or even no contact deals made for the father and the children afterwards are msot often done so by wish of the mother.
Children having little to no contact to their father after the relationship of the parents ends being a result of men runnign away and not of women leaving and keeping the fathers from their children is one of the biggest effing lies in western society.
Ironically I have a wicked mother AND a wicked stepmother. My dad has a type.
I was thinking of doing a fairytale where there’s an evil mother and an evil stepmother. You can help me. Also, which mother is the lesser of two evils for you?
I’m so sorry for cracking up at this
@@Jill-ih9dq I would’ve HATED to have 2 wicked mothers (biological and step). With my fairytale about a wicked mother and a wicked stepmother, what do YOU think it should be about? I thought of it being a Evil VS Evil fairytale
My (late) mom and stepmom are not wicked, just cold and unloving. In fact, my mom's last words to me on her deathbed 2 years ago was that she always preferred my brother but that unfortunately she got custody of me and she called me her "consolation prize". Harsh. Sent me tumbling down a rabbit hole, as I was halfway through a divorce when she died. My stepmom is just a cold person with a touch of OCD. But neither of them is wicked.
@@YellowBear-kx1ff honestly, a "evil father vs. evil stepfather" sounds more interesting.
This is why I love Tarzan so much. Kala is not Tarzan's biological mother (hell, they're not even the same species) but she's still a good mother to Tarzan and she loves him dearly. Even when he discovers who his parents really were, he still tells her that she will always be his mother.
Their relationship always gets me.
I love that movie, but it's hard to watch just because of all the feels in it.
Not only Tarzan. There are plenty of shows and movies with kind stepmothers. Ones who try to understand the children. Ones who actually marry the man because of love. They try to treat the kids as their own. What I’m trying to get is that the troupe is a double edged swords. Almost like a coin with two sides. It’s disheartening because the stepmother isn’t always wicked. Holywood has taken too far. Showcasing the horrible side but never the realistic one who tries.
but that’s different isn’t it? Kala was always there since he was a baby. That is his true mother, biological or not. Not a, to a child, random woman that enters the family when you’re 10 years old or older.
Period. I watched it this year again, I never realised how sad it is.
I didn’t have a stepmother, but I did have a stepfather. He was a lot like the fairy tale stepmother figure in that he hated me (he was a mysogynist who thought that women were inferior to men) and married my mother to live off her. Later, we found out that that’s how the bastard had made it to his sixties without ever having a job: he’d spent his life marrying women and bleeding them dry before moving on to the next one. He even knocked up one of his wives to compel her to stay, only to abandon her and their sons after they went bankrupt. When my mother divorced him, he tried to lie to the judge in order to get more money. He was lazy, dishonest, and devoid of empathy, and I hated him. Sometimes, the trope has a kernel of truth in it. Not always, but sometimes.
Would you believe me if I told you that wicked stepfathers do exist in fairy tales? they're just very few.
@@sammyvictors2603
Can you give me some examples? Not a rhetorical question btw, I‘m genuinely curious.
Usually when there’s an evil stepfather in a story, it’s the kind of guy who creeps up on the daughter and sends the son off to boot camp, but that’s the modern take, back in the day these things were considered normal in a way. (Father on daughter sexual abuse and essentially selling off your sons for an „education“ were sadly common, so these things would probably not be what makes a character „evil“ per se.)
It’d be interesting to see what they were actually portrayed like in the old days.
@@rainpooper7088 The Little Bull-Calf, The Gold-Bearded Man, The Princess who wore a Rabbit-Skin Dress, The Prince and the Princess in the Forest, The Blue Belt, and in The Song of Roland the character Roland has an evil stepfather (more of a legend than a fairy tale but still).
Yep. Same thing happened in my husbands family. We were so happy when that man died. Honestly the only person I've felt that way about. I can say with certainty the world is better off without him.
Literature also has wicked stepfather types, such as "The Mysteries of Udolpho" -- ie. the man who married Emily's aunt and caregiver. Of course, that's a Gothic novel, so abuse is kind of expected.
I was raised by my stepdad and get along with him more than my own mother. Hollywood need to show how biological parents at times aren't so good
that's very true. Two of my uncles and my brother-in-law are all stepfathers for their children and those are perhaps the best fathers a kid could dream of. So nope, tropes should never ever shape the "parental bond" ideas , in my book.
Same. Im closer with my stepmother. My dad was good but I just had more of a connection with her
Yes!
I feel like "Matilda" does a great job with that.
Even when Hollywood _does_ show that, they don't usually show satisfying replacements beyond mentor figures that don't often live long.
Stepmother here...thanks for this video. One more point I'd add: the child entering new phases of life and it's relation to the matriarchal change. Particularly true in families that lose the biological mother, the stepmother may seem less "nurturing" because she must hold the child to more mature standards than the late mother, because the child is getting older. It's normal that a stepmother might expect a child to, say, help with the dishes, because the child is older and newly capable. The child is tempted to think,"Mom never made me do this," but the child was younger when their mom was alive, and had the mother lived, they would've pushed for the same maturation. The new responsibilities hoisted upon the child can seem unfair, making the stepmother a symbol of time passing/childhood vanishing.
great insight articulated well
very good point!
You're so right!
This is a very good point. I myself have seen this with a family friend, where the daughter was particularly doing something wrong, which she understood much later, but because the stepmom picked up on it first, earlier than the dad, who was then clueless, the daughter viewed the stepmom as rude, misunderstanding, and not loving. Things were later sorted out
Another case I've seen. Biological mothers have the license of, what to say, take for example, a biological mother having a down day amd cooking something absolutely simple, or not taking the child to the park even after having promised is easily remedied by cuddles and stories. But. If it is a stepmom doing this, if she fails to meet very high standards, the child automatically compares her, that my mom would never do this.
Stepparents have it really hard, and not only from the children, but the spouses too. And honestly, no one is to blame in most of the cases. Just a positive and cooperative outlook can be a probable solution
@@directiontonarnia you are so right! Another hard thing...holidays. There's just no doing it right, because you can't recreate traditions, but new ones aren't valued because they're, well, new. Bottom line: it takes a long time to create a new sense of family. It is gradual and non-linear progress. Years into it, you have little moments that hint that you've become family.
Too bad you missed to mention Legally Blonde, I mean, the daughter even tried to kill her stepmother which resulted in her own dad's death.
Omg I completely forgot about that
The sad part is she only hated her because they were the same age.
@@cristinarivera5707 makes me think that he was doing something to the daughter
Sounds like The Craft ;) loll.
Wait- well kinda
I get the feeling there's a medieval component to this as well- if you're a noble/royal and your mother dies, your father remarries and the new stepmother is a threat to your inheritance because they may try to get _their_ child to inherit title/wealth over you- I'll bet that's why 'sending you away to year-round boarding school' is an implicit threat; you wouldn't be around to counter they're claim to title/wealth.
Makes sense
Yes this is a good point.
That became the main motivation in Cinderella as soon as the like "DNA" (shoe fit) was found to belong to Cinderella her StepMom locked her away to eliminate her
You are very correct in that regard
I always had the impression that for Snow White because in both cases (regardless of if the Evil Queen is birth mother or step-mother)- that technically unless they been a princess before marrying Snow's father,- they're in both cases Queen Consorts so didn't hold any power of their own. Since in the Disney's movie Snow is only 14 (in Grimms' story she's 7) so that since The King didn't have any OTHER legitimate children Snow is technically the monarch, but the "mother" person (birth or step) is acting as regent for Snow and my theory is that "someone" in the household/government if there is one-reminds the EVIL QUEEN that one day that she will have to hand over the throne/crown to their (step)daughter. That would make more logical sense than the whole "being fairest of them all" it's also based upon a non-theory. In Middle-Eastern countries or in places like India, where there were harems-(which was a place for all women and young children) the wives and concubines if they had sons would try to do stuff to injury or kill each other or each other's children so that THEIR son could get the throne.
As someone who has a stepmother and stepfather, I have to say that women really set the tone for the household. If she switches up on how she treats you verses her own children, then no matter the hospitality you’ll always feel the difference. My stepmom would treat me like a temporary guest shed tolerate, but she’d always worry and care for my half siblings. My aunt however, who married into my family, is so warm and treats me the same way as my cousins so I’d forget that we’re not even blood related. So in my opinion, family is a feeling.
I am thinking about dropping out of school to focus on my career as a star on UA-cam. I already make a lot of money on UA-cam. School bores me so much. I need more opinions and since I don't have any friends, I gotta ask you, jaz
I’m sorry but how do you have a stepmother and a stepfather? Aren’t they just adoptive parents then?
@@hamdialihassan1048 No, both her parents remarried, that's how
@@Katharina14031982 oh of course! Didn’t think about that lol 😂
Jazmin B, you make a great point about mother's setting the tone for the household. Generally, a stepfather is viewed as temporary, an obstacle or just kind of there. The Mom is the one that has a relationship with kids and usually tries to convince the stepfather and children to get along. I think it is a natural response for the evil stepmother to exist as a trope because the feeling is that she is attempting to usurp the place of your natural mother. Whereas with a stepfather, the mother still is present and able to as you mentioned set the tone in the house.
The worst part of a wicked stepmother story is a father that is physically present but not present in the child-rearing. How can a wicked stepmother torment a child and their father just watch or not notice in the first place. It says a lot about gender roles and the assumption of irresponsibility to their own children that father figures essentially don’t partake
It happens. All my life with my father and his wives.
@@brownandabroad4865 Same with my father and his girlfriends / fiancees. I'm just happy I'm an adult now and don't have to live with those situations under one roof anymore. I wish you all the best.
Honestly! It really irks me that Cinderella's father is portrayed in movies and stories as such a wonderful guy. If he paid any attention at all he would have been able to see that his daughter was being mistreated.
@@晶-c7i depending on which Cinderella story, sometimes the stepmother's true self and hatred towards Cinderella comes after the father's death and others are after leaves on long business trips. Cinderella portrayed selfless so she doesn't say anything.
But the fathers' need to be more attentive to their children's feelings and interactions with someone they intend to bring into the family.
@@晶-c7i in all Cinderella movies the father is DEAD! Kinda hard to intervene on your child’s behalf when you’re dead.
Dee from Moesha was the best stepmother ever. She was kind, loving, honest- the whole package. Too bad Moesha didn’t appreciate her.
Frank was too good for her and Moesha never appreciated her yess. I also want to rant a little but here. Moesha not liking her made me realise how problematic Frank was. Moesha says in the first episodes, when Dee cooks for the family and fixes Franks tie and kisses him off to work. Moesha says she used to be the one who would cook for the family and fix his tie. Like why is Moesha cooking for the family and fixing his tie. I understand shes a woman and that was expected but like Moesha is a teenager and has probably been doing from earlier considering her mother died like why is frank holding his child to adultification. sorry got a little passionate there. and also frank didnt stop it when moesha was being rude to Dee and Frank just said that he didn’t want to force her into liking Dee
@Jessica Mcdaniels i hated him from the beginning, remember when he basically called his DAUGHTER a slut for getting a tattoo
@Jessica Mcdaniels no she didnt get kicked out, moesha cried and then he had the nerve to play victim and when dee said apologize he said that he didnt want to because he said he didnt know what to say and was scared as to what he was gonna say next like i dont know maybe not have misogynistic views or atleast just say sorry
@Jessica Mcdaniels can we just run a frank hate page lmao 🏃🏾♀️
Frank is extremely problematic but, Moesha was also a spoilt brat especially in the car episode
I'm surprised that there was no mention of The Sound of Music when talking about good step-mothers. This was the case of the widowed man and his children getting to know a woman who had no intentions of marriage or money or power. When they finally got married, the children didn't even think of her as "step-mother." She was just "mother."
Yes! Of course, the 7 children all loved Maria to pieces long before their father warmed up to her, as their live-in nanny, great mentor, and dear friend, so that probably has a lot to do with it. She was never introduced as their father's lover, that came much later. In fact, the Baroness, who the Captain was initially going to marry, did have a bit of a "wicked stepmother" vibe. She wasn't MEAN to them, but they didn't like her, felt like she was "replacing" their mother in a sense, and she also had the same idea as the finacee in "The Parent Trap" that she was planning to send them off to boarding school.
I’m definitely watching this.? Sounds wholesome. Is it on Netflix!? Thanks for the recommendations.
@@nagisa0931 it’s a musical and it’s soo good. Not sure if it’s on Netflix but I highly recommend the 1965 version with Julie Andrews, such a classic
@@nervousdorito3696 I’ve check Netflix and it’s sadly not on there. But I’m gonna watch it online. Ands thanks for the heads up. I’ll give both adaptations a try..
Lovely example!
--a step-mom...
Adoptee here: Adoptive mothers are HUMAN, that means that adoption is NOT a selfless act. It's as selfish as a mother who chooses to give birth and raise their child. Often different parts of the adoption community are demonized or angelicized, but the truth is that everyone is human--with deep flaws and deep good. And there are adoptive "parents" that are bad and terrible, but there are also people who raise their own biological children who are also terrible people. Assuming that adoption is "selfless" and all APs must be good is as bad as assuming all APs must be bad. Humanize them.
Some Adoptive Parents adopt for the wrong reasons. Like the Adoptive Parent that told everyone on a public board that she didn't CARE that the children of China were being trafficked. She wanted HER CHILD NOW (and didn't care if it was trafficked or not).
Or the Adoptive "Parents" that rehome their children. They post on a public board they want to "let their child go" and then sell their children like they are on craigslist without government supervision.
Several adoptees told me as well, that their parents only got them because they wanted to trap their husbands in the marriage.
But equally, there are Adoptive Parents that do engage into the well being of the child, engage into their birth search, help, and honor their co-parents (the child's birth parents) and then if there are also race issues, work hard to engage with those.
A title doesn't tell the caliber of the person or their goodness. Their actions do.
BTW, adoption, as an institution is deeply flawed, mostly starting with the Victorian era where it was deeply industrialized and systematized to prey on mostly PoCs and poor women. It also has a high chance of intersectionality, and needs deep reforms so it does not prey on the weak, but instead helps the 0.01%-.003% in the system that actually need the help, rather than being done for often profit and to shame women.
Yeah one of the reason I would 100% abort instead of giving up my child for adoption is that I've always seen it as creating a human being only to play Russian Roulette with its life... sure he/she might land in the hands of loving caring people, but he/she might also land in the hands of narcissists who only adopt to ''make themselves look like saints''. I have nothing against people who choose adoption over abortion or whatever, everyone does what they think is best and none of us can predict the future, but personally its something I just could not do. It would eat me up from the inside forever wondering ''what have I actually done?''.
@@kated3165 This is why I resent pro life nonsense. It’s not pro life! It’s just force women to give birth and make up this ideal perfect life scenario that the child is allegedly going to have knowing damn good and well that life isn’t like that. There’s 400,000 children in the US foster care system being forced to live with strangers and have all sorts of trauma. That’s not pro life!
this is an amazing insight thank you!
@@cristinarivera5707 Not to mention that the Border Children--the ones they forced separated in the US, at one point, Bethany tried really hard to adopt them out without anyone noticing, but people noticed...
But still, despite all the stupid flaws, there are APs, I know that do the work, and work through adoption properly, so it really depends on the person. I do know, too, that NPD tends to play high. (And just saying this as an aside, but I personally think people with Borderline Personality Disorder probably shouldn't adopt since adoption will make their mental health issues worse--I can back that, but it would take a bit to work through. And no, it's not because people with BPD are evil, it has everything to do with abandonment issues, etc that comes with the adoption package that's a trigger fest.)
The rehoming cases are a testament to the NPD side. Adopt, then dump them every 5 years is a sign of NPD, because the narcisstic supply dries up when the kid is 5.
The kids dumped at 8-9 years are usually Boys of Color. And the reason (real one) that they are getting dumped is because these (mostly white) people suddenly realize they are going to turn into Men of Color. And yeah... RACISM. So dump them.
But then the "ads" read like it's all the kids' fault. "This kid has RAD." (Which BTW, is in single digits and only a few percentage points higher than the general population and usually the kid is not diagnosed).
Not all adoptees agree with me, and I'm fine with that, but the system is deeply flawed and needs to be fixed so it does help those kids stuck in the system that needed to be there. Instead of stuffed with kids whose parents were taken advantage of or forgotten by society, leaving the kids who really, really did need a family at a loss.
APs rehoming their adopted kids really makes me sad because often times it really fucks with the kids feelings. People need to understand that adopted children aren't merchandise that you take back because you don't want them anymore. I'm reminded of that woman who rehomed her child because he was autistic and couldn't handle him anymore.
One of the things I love about Matilda is how the biological parents aren’t perfect or caring and it’s the adoptive mother Ms.Honey who forms a beautiful bond with Matilda
Don't forget Chuckie's step mother, Kiera from Rungrats. She was such a good step mother, treating her step son and her own daughter equally and love them both. She one of my favorite step mothers.
You know she HAS to be nice, right? Rugrats is a show for little kids, they have to have every character there to be realistically "good" or "nice."
@@monassickofyourbs838 Yeah, so what? I mean back when I was a little kid, I was surprised to see a step mother that was truly, sincerely and genuinely kind, compare to the other cartoons that always show evil step mothers, I know it kid show, but it was a pretty good kid show and even thought us lessons, unlike todays cartoons.
Same could be said with Ginger's step father from As Told by Ginger (a tween and teen show), He love and care for Lois and her kids, especially having a close bond with Carl, saved Ginger's life and stood up to and cut ties with his mother after she insulted Lois and almost ruin his wedding.
@@monassickofyourbs838 well cinderella, snow white, and maleficent:mistresses of evil are kid movies but they had evil stepmothers .
@@monassickofyourbs838 lol most of the things mentioned in this video are for children so that doesn’t really make sense
Men are not perceived / allowed to be primary caretakers. So, as long as one's not a murderous psychopath, it's all fine in the movies. But mothers - biological /not are seen as primary caretakers, someone irreplaceable coz of the gender roles. This builts unwanted stress on women by unrealistic standards and for men it gives disadvantages in custody battles.
When Step moms are portrayed as almost always evil, mothers could NEVER HURT HER CHILDREN. This idea is so wrong.
I'm a little disappointed the video didn't mention one important factor the popularity of the wicked stepmom concept. Historically, many men remarried for properties and finance. When it comes to inheritance, the father were more incline to give inheritance to their biological children instead of the stepchildren from their new wives which they potentially left off with nothing. A lot of stepmother did their best to secure their own children even if it means abusing the child of their husband's previous wife/wives. To an extent, one sees this obvious trend with royal family in stories. You know, the whole "i want my son to be the the king instead of my stepson." Chinese dynasties told acenotes about a wicked queen/stepmom secretly killing off other contestants to the throne in favor of their biological son.
that happened in countries with harems too
this story is still exist today. I have acquaintance whose stepmom is the one that you said. she married his father for inheritance and didn't allow her half children to go to school and get better job.
and i know this trope is toxically polarizing but judging from my point of view most of people that I know have stepmother who is evil. they don't care about their half children, even despise and try to compete with them. this trope is more realistic than I had thought, sadly
@@whatismyadjectiveiconfused do you mean step-children? or children from both parents (half-siblings)?
Ooooh Sense and Sensibility, where the son leaves his stepmom and half sisters high and dry
This is really explored by Gregory Maguire (author of Wicked) in his take on Cinderella, Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister.
Basically it goes into what I’d always thought about- that before the dad died, surely Cinderella was the spoiled little princess and got preferential treatment... also in many versions the stepmother is specifically said to be a “social climber” (such an awful, classist concept) and in Maguire’s book this is really emphasized, that she’s just trying to survive in a world where marriage is the main if not only way to do so.
Phineas & Ferb show a mixed family in a good light. The mother's also a stepmom to Ferb, and the father a stepdad to Phineas and Candice. The only even slightly strained relationship there is between Candice and her biological mom. And she likes to bust both brother and stepbrother alike.
One example of the evil stepdad is in the Twilight Zone episode "Living Doll" (my favorite one, turns out), with Telly Savalas as the less than admirable stepparent.
The what now ? I never realized it was a blended family
@@susiem.2068 Me too, when I was a little kid and I used to watch Phineas and Ferb I always thought that the Flynns/Fletchers were a biological family. It wasn't until I got older that I realized that they were actually a blended family.
Theres also drake and josh
These stereotypes are so dangerous! My stepdad is a great guy, but I absolutely hated him when I was a teenager, and he seemed to not want anything to do with me. He revealed one reason he was so distant was because the stereotypes that stepfathers are abusive and creepy. But now I get along great with him and he’s family now.
My dad became a step dad to older teenage step daughters when I was a kid. He was actually their teacher and he met their mom in a parent teacher conference. Crazy story. Imagine your algebra teacher moving into your house. lol. Anyway, years later in a fight his wife (my stepmom), accused him of being a father figure to her really young son but ignoring her daughters, and he told me the same thing. He maintained a distance because they were young ladies and he didn't want to come off as inappropriate. Regardless of this my older step sisters love him and their kids love him and know him as their grandpa. It's sad that good men have no other choice but to come off as either creepy or disinterested because of society's views and the bad apples out there.
Turns out this is a major difficulty with Dads in general. Some don't know how to relate to older girls without appearing creepy. Many others are misogynistic fucksticks; and also lacking any ability to respect a fully functional human; one who's capable of making their own decisions.
It's really sad when toxic movie tropes effect real life and end up potentially damaging families and relationships. It's a good thing he eventually explained himself though. This is why communication is crucial. I'm glad you and your stepdad get along now. :)
My step-mother has never tried to be or replace my mother, but she's always been hella supportive from the beginning. She's an amazing woman, and similar to the Stepmother movie, I'm a better person because I had both her and mother in my life.
My mother raised my halfsisters like they where her own daughters I hate this trope with a fiery passion
That sucks since my step mother hates her step children with a passion and only cares for her own kids 👌 tropes don't come from nowhere
@@NOACCEPTANCE772 that’s true thus trope is more realistic but evil step dads can exist as much as step moms though
Are you sure your half-sisters feel the same?
Locturally Locs was going to say the same. I’m sure my stepmother believes she is a perfect angel, but the truth, as phoebe Waller bridge would say, is that she is a c***. But I don’t really blame her, it’s my Dad’s fault for not having a backbone.
@@lydiaknowsnothing286 voor me its the biological daughter stating that her half sisters were treated the same. Because That's definitely something the biological daughter of an evil Stepmom would say.
And i agree. I had a stepmom too but blamed my father a 100% . Fathers allowing their new partner to treat their kids badly are the real problem.
As a teacher, I met the most amazing step mom. Bio mom had been addicted to drugs while pregnant. As a result, the boy had a lot of issues, including unusually small size, behavior issues, and the inability to feel physical pain. He'd throw a temper tantrum and we'd have to make sure something soft was under his head, even if it was a hand, because otherwise nothing would stop him from bashing his head on concrete. She worked part-time to care for him, and take him to appointments. When she took him out of school so he could go to a special school, I told her how amazing I thought she was. Poor woman just burst in to tears. I hope her husband let her know daily how much he appreciates her.
Please do the “overprotective dad” trope in media who is obsessed with his daughter’s chastity. I hate it so much , and I’m so glad my own father never shamed me for liking and dating boys and instead gave me genuine relationship advice and warnings to help guide me, while ultimately letting me make my own choices.
And how fathers can protect their daughters and teach them to be autonomous human beings.
Hopper from Stranger Things and Mary Anne's father from the Babysitters Club can be used as recent examples (how one risks things for his daughter's relationships and how another extends that protection to other daughters not his own)
Augh I worked at a daycare, and the amount of dads who didn't let their daughters cut their hair made me sick. Even when it was clear the girls couldn't always manage it, they would refuse. It gave me incestuaous vibes.
and also the overprotective mother or jealous mother trope
You’ve overlooked one important stepmother trope:
The nanny as stepmother (or maybe as mother replacement). Examples: Nanny Fine, Jane Eyre, Sister Maria in The Sound of Music. In each case, the mother is either dead or incapacitated by madness, and the nanny has competition from the typical stepmother trope.
I co-raised by a stepdad, and he was the best damn dad to me and my older sister.
So nice to hear. ❤️❤️
--a step-mom
@@judeannethecandorchannel2153 i have great level of respect for step-parents
I don't talk to either of my bio-parents but just spent Christmas with my dad's ex-wife. She is honestly the best person in my life. We spent years working on creating a positive relationship, with healthy boundaries, accountability, conflict resolution, and listening to one another. Neither of my bio-parents felt like they needed to put in that effort because we were "blood." My ex-step-mom showed me what a healthy parent-child relationship looks like. It gave me the courage to leave an toxic parent-child relationship.
I almost had a stepmother, but my dad screwed up the relationship. I still talk to her, she's a super nice lady. I wish it had worked out.
Wow. I appreciate this.
--a step-mom
It's also the whole "You're not my REAL Mother"/"You're not my REAL Father " disconnect a child can have.
I mean it's true tho. I feel like a lot of stepparents feel entitled to have the same authority over a kid as their parents. People often say that kids aren't willing to accept or tolerate their stepparents cause they're a "new figure" in their life, but I think most kids actually don't mind having a new person in their household and would be very willing to tolerate and accept their stepparents. The thing is, they usually ask for way more than acceptance and very often overstep their boundaries. Not all stepparents obviously.
Fucking kids need to grow up. They paint their absent parents as angels whilst complaining about the person who is out there with them
@@mox9980 Dude wdym absent parents? Some people's parents are just divorced and still spend time with their kids lol. Also maybe their bio parent died. That's a traumatic as fuck experience and it's extremely tone deaf to just say that the kid needs to "grow up"
@@Karolina-kt9vy But why shouldn't a stepparent have the same authority as a parent if they are also a parent in the household? Especially if the child lives with them. They shouldn't have to tolerate disrespectful behavior. They should be allowed to ask a child to help with chores and to complete their homework just like any other parent. It starts with the OTHER parent. They need to encourage their children to respect the one THEY CHOSE to marry, otherwise why did you marry her? Co-parenting should not be difficult, but some children who want their way will make it difficult. I'm sorry, but I disagree that most children are willing to tolerate and accept their stepparents. I learned this working in the school system. Some children, like myself, embraced having a new stepparent because I didn't respect my own biological parent. Others get bitter when they can't do everything they used to or get away with the same things they used to when their mother was alive or around, including spoiled entitled behavior. Sometimes, they may even have new responsibilities, and that can be seen as a threat if mom just let you roam. I keep thinking of Ceilie in The Color Purple when she tried to clean that filthy house and comb those kids' heads.
@@GenerationNextNextNext 💯💯
I'm surprised you mentioned the power dynamics given to a stepfather or seized by a stepmother but didn't include the third perspective that upholds this trope: children _without_ power. Some of the discomfort that comes from the evil stepmother trope is the power imbalance that results simply from the adult having deference in society. Generally speaking, we believe children _owe_ the adults in their lives that deference or respect, simply for being adults. In walks the stepparent who has been gifted complete power over the child, however they chose to use it. Cinderella offers the clearest depiction -- why it's one of the first places our minds go when we hear "evil stepmother" -- when she turns Cinderella into essentially a slave in her own home, and Cinderella is powerless to fight back because she has no means to support herself in society. It's that fear of the unknown, in a sense. The evil stepparent trope rides a lot on the child's uncertainty of "what might this person with all the power do that I couldn't stop?" Consequently, it's why so many of these stories have conclusions that revolve around gaining/employing power in a way that overcomes the power imbalance in the relationship; traditionally the Cinderella character's "Prince" often represents access to a form of society power that tops familial power (royalty, money, etc).
The children also have no power over choosing the stepparent, they have to live with their father's/ mother's choice on who seems to be a good partner.
I’m going to put this here till you bring it out.
*Can you please do the romanticisation and justification of cheating as long as it’s done between the main characters?*
Yes, I totally concur, especially in "Nicolas Sparks" stories. This is especially noticeable in "The Notebook", where Allie cheats on her loving, devoted fiance Lon with Noah, despite there being nothing inherently wrong with him other than he's NOT Noah. If Allie had been cheated on, it's likely that Lon would have been villainised, but because she's a protagonist, we have to encourage her and Noah's affair because "True Love!"
@The Nigerian Loves Drinking Zobo. It's a great idea for a video. That said they wont see it nestled in the comments. Especially with 225 to pick from. Put this comments without the first bit under The Take's own comment pinned at the top. I know for a fact they pick from those responses as I've mentioned it to four people and they all got their idea made. Give Susanna a chance to see it.
@@trinaq Wasn't The Notebook also the same book/movie were that one guy see some random woman on a date, and then threatens to kill himself if she doesn't go on a date with him? I never really saw The Notebook, but I did see the trailer when I was younger. I can't believe that stupid young me thought that The Notebook was so romantic, now that I think about it a lot of romantic movies have some very toxic tropes.
It's even ok to jilt someone at the altar, which they will usually accept with a wry smile while encouraging the protagonist to "be happy", or "follow your heart". It's all shown as fine because the main couple are of course, meant to be.
I played the evil step mother in a high school production of Happily Never Ever. Love this role!
I agree, sometimes, playing the villain is a lot more fun than being the hero, and I almost always end up rooting for the baddie to win! 😁
I played a stepmother too it was fun. It's fun to play evil.
There's also the trope in fiction where a character's perfect parents are dead and they're raised by abusive relatives. Examples include Harry Potter, Jane Eyre, and James and The Giant Peach.
That trope and this trope in general are both very British aren't they? Just saying that because that's where all three of those books are from and because there are several other examples of UK-related media playing into this idea of the step-parents being jerks. I wonder why?
@@rsfilmdiscussionchannel4168 never noticed that but now that you mention it I think you’re right I can also think of the secret garden
@@donaldtusk2678 Nanny McPhee.
@@rsfilmdiscussionchannel4168 That's probably because the British dominate children's literature from Alice onward (in a way no other country does despite many having famous children's stories) so you notice a lot in famous British stories.
(I know Jane Eyre isn't a children's book per se but it is popular with young girls in particular and the early section is certainly very much like a children's book. The same applies to a lot of Dickens' earlier novels)
Then there Molly Weasley. Not perfect but very good. That was the point
I was raised mostly by my stepmother since age 7, and even though she and my dad separated about 10 years ago, I still have a good relationship with her and her children. We're all family
This was more triggering for me than I thought it would be. I had a stepmother who was wonderful, and even though my dad did reunite with my mom a few years before she passed last year, I still love my former stepmom. She's a beautiful person who loved me from the first time she ever saw me. I also had a stepfather, though, and he hated me. He hated me, and I couldn't stand him. He died in 2002, and he has tried to turn my mother against me. It worked at first, but then she drew closer to me and started defending me against him. I've seen him beat her, and he's threatened me. Most of my mom's boyfriends have beat her and abused me somehow. Just so much went on with my stepfather, and my mom's former boyfriends who I mistakenly saw as fathers, so this was really hard for me to watch. I cried watching this.
So sorry to read this.
I’m so sorry that you were put through all of this. I hope things are better for you.
The stepfather trope could also encapsulate the lazy abusive boyfriend trope, where the stepfather is a leach who uses up the mother's time, energy, savings (and wages), and labor (cooking, cleaning, etc.) while offering little in return. He's emotionally abusive, and when he isn't being taken care of or is denied something he wants, that abuse turns up to 10 (and often becomes physical).
I would love a video on this
S hug please
I think where the kids fit in here are that a) they have to deal with this terrible person invading their home life/what should be a safe space and b) the mother cannot be a mother because she is too busy taking care of her husband/boyfriend.
@@cristinarivera5707 Definitely!
Fran from The Nanny is one of the best stepmothers in t.v.
They show Mike Brady as a good stepfather but Carol Brady was equally a good stepmother.
I got a little sad when this vídeo showed a scene from Enchanted yet proceeded to never talk about it.
It's funny because, now that I think about it, we can find two kinds of stepmother in that movie : the good stepmother ( Giselle, Indina's character) and the evil stepmother ( the Prince's stepmom)...which, now that I think about it more, she's not technically an evil stepmother and we get that from te way she talks to her stepson, but more of an evil mother-in-law, yet it kinda fits on the stereotype, I think...?
But what's very interesting is that the film also shows us that stepmothers can be just as good as normal mothers. If you look at it, in the beginning we see the lawyer's daughter annoyed by her father's girlfriend, even though we only see her trying to be nice to the girl, then Giselle explains to the little girl that stepmothers can be good and, at the end, the princess becomes a stepmother herself and loved by her stepdaughter.
So, yeah, again, this movie also talks about this trope and (maybe) subverts it...?
I'm sorry for all of the exitations and the fact I can't recall the name of the characters, I haven't seen it for a while.😅
I still hope this adds something to the discussion.😊
I... wow. It’s been a long time since I watched Enchanted and the point of Giselle becoming a step mother didn’t even register in my kid brain because she was so nice and everyone seemed happy with the situation
My stepmother was one of the kindest and warmest women I'd ever known. I was genuinely happy for my dad when I found out he had met someone, and even happier after I met her and saw how nice she was. She sadly passed away from cancer 4 years ago.
I have one for you: Ive always been fascinated by the "rebellious teen" storylines like in the movies "Kids" and "thirteen" or tv shows like "skins" and "euphoria". it would be nice to see an in depth analysis of those.
yes like effy. theres SOOO much to unpack there 😳
@@cnstqnce2841 That would be interesting. Like the good kid goes bad trope.
I do remember thinking my stepdad was gonna keep my mom happy and busy. No. He came in power tripping. Stepmom literally an angel, always loved me and she was with my dad b4 my birth. My dad has been passed 9 years now n my bond w stepmom is stronger than with anyone 💞 cant imagine my life without that amazing woman.
I think a GREAT deconstruction of this troop is the first Nanny Mcphee. I remember being raised on Cinderella and watching Nanny Mcphee when I was 7, and seeing this scene where all the kids complain about their father getting remarried because "stepmothers are always wicked, you see it in the fairytales." It looks like he's going to get engaged to this awful, evil-stepmother stereotype- and then he changes his mind and marries a woman who loves the kids and who the kids love- and the kids outright say 'Well, I guess the fairytales aren't ALWAYS right'
I think it's awesome how this video shows that the trope has such a valid sociological reason for forming, but how that reason just isn't relevant anymore!
Say what you will about Stepmothers but Elaine Hendrix in The Parent Trap is the reason that I started first considering the possibility that I was bisexual 😂😂😍
I think the stepmother in Cinderella has more depth than people give her credit for. I don't think she's good or justified, just more dimensional.
I think she was unhappy with her daughters from the very start, as she doesn't seem to be very pleased with them and perhaps wanted them to be more talented, skilled, or intelligent, like Cinderella. She had status once, until her husband died, and married another man, maybe hardened by the fact that it wasn't out of love but necessity for his daughter.
The stepsisters never car d for Cindy because they never had an ounce of true love in their lives and so couldn't practice it. I wouldn't be surprised if the Stepmother compared the two often and had to compete with one another or felt less than.
Then comes Cinderella, who's kind and good, even with the loss of both her parents, much to their envy. She has everything they wanted-and yet had nothing, as she's a maid.
Comes the ball, where they have a chance to be happy and marry well for the sake of STATUS, not happiness, unlike Cinderella who just wants to go to the ball to have fun and escape her duties. She has the luckiness of meeting the prince, who loves her for her and doesn't mind the other maidens who probably just want him for his money and title. When they realize it, this would just infuriate the sisters and their mother, leaving them in disarray.
One of the many reasons why I love Cinderella and her fairy tale.
I noticed in the Drew Barrymore version, the stepmother isn't nice to her own daughters either. She's nearly as abusive as she is towards Danielle, but she's still not warm and motherly.
@@victoriaa9933 rather she favors one and puts down the other.
@@victoriaa9933 that one is a lowly baroness too. She honestly thought her daughter could marry a prince? Yeah right, you'd better be duchess or higher for that.
@@Passions5555 yes she's nicer to the blonde - whose performance was brilliant.
I have 2 stepdaughters and I often joke that I'm their evil stepmother and I make evil witch laughs when I do it. It cracks them up and it's sort of a reverse psychology tactic because they love to tell me how wrong I am and how so NOT evil I am. We're far from perfect but I'm so thankful for my blended family, including their mom.
The stepparent tropes are probably related to different types of abuses experienced by the child growing up. A mother’s abuse is often more silent in the forms of psychological abuse and neglect. While the father’s abuse is physical, often violent and some of them are just all together not present. But, because we are scared of criticizing our mothers, since they are our primary caregivers, we create an entire trope(subconsciously or consciously) to reflect their abuse. Since step mothers are not the same as biological mothers, there is less guilt attached to criticizing them. However, because many people that have trauma from their fathers do not have father figures all together, they create the idea of a step father to make that for that and create an ideal image of a father. Also, another reason why there are much more positive portrayals of step fathers is that probably more people have absent fathers rather than extremely abusive mothers. If you are interested in stuff like this I really recommend Jordan Teresa’s series on daddy&mommy issues!
I had a stepmother who was jealous of my existence and made the little time I got to spend with my father unnecessarily tense. Thankfully, we were able to honestly discuss these events when I reached adulthood and now have a very loving relationship, but it took decades to reach this point.
As a step mother and step grandmother myself--the most stigmatized kind, younger than her spouse and his oldest child--losing my tenuous connection with those children and never truly being accepted by the family at large has been one of the great pains of my life.
Thank you for this fair look at the stepmother.
I thought of adopting kids in my youth and people who deny that a step parent or adoptive parent could be truly loving offend me deeply.
I suspect it reflects their own view of love as tribal and possessive and inability to imagine a love not rooted in biology.
As a very empathic person, I actually don't understand how anyone can fail to feel love when faced with the vulnerability and naive openness of a child's being.
If we are already doing family tropes, do either the cool uncle or cool older brother next.
Or the weird/creepy uncle
Cool older sister too
To be fair, the reason stepfathers get a pass is partially that uncles are usually the go-to male villain (Hamlet, Richard III). After all, they have a better chance at inheritance than a stepfather. To a lesser extent, godmothers (Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty) also have a better reputation than godfathers (Godfather Death, The Godfather).
On another note, this video acknowledging the examples in the 1965 Cinderella and The Slipper and the Rose assures me they actually put a lot of thought into this.
honestly love how they portrayed the step-mom in queen's gambit. at first i thought the mom's gonna exploit beth or something but im glad they switched it up and instead explored their closeness together
Now that we are starting to go down the horror path, consider horror's evolution/tropes. This includes 70's-90's slasher, 00's torture porn, 10's to now slow burn indie and foreign horror. Cabin in the Woods (which I loved) ticked off several horror fans by making fun of several horror tropes.
What about 60s - whenever horror tropes?
I always thought that Alison Janey's stepmother character in Juno was awesome and really subverted the evil stepmother trope!
I think Enchanted is one of the best examinations of the trope. In the fairy tale world, the stepmother (the queen) is evil. But in the real world, Giselle ends up a stepmother, and she is the perfect mother. Even the almost stepmother (played by Idina Mendel) is also lovely. The fact that it didn’t work out had nothing to do with her personally
Maria from Sound of Music is a good stepmother
In a way, she was chosen by the von Trapp kids
This is the narcissistic mother, who is much more common then you'd think. The stepmom part is to get some distance, but if you grew up with an abusive narcissistic mother you know exactly what I mean. You long for a "real mom", trust me.
Would love to see The Take discuss adoption, found families and biological families - as an adoptee, I've noticed over the years that there's this narrative of blood-related superiority which continues to saturate the media.
Plot lines surrounding finding your "real" parents, adoption as a last resort, having it be some big secret, resenting non-biological parents even if they were the ones to raise and care for you, etc. are all too common. I'd love to see the many poor and overused examples of this trope (Hercules, Avengers' Loki, Spencer Hastings in PLL, Jon Snow in GOT, literally there are so many) compared to the few but well-done depictions of adoption and found families (Matilda, Meet the Robinsons, freaking Over the Hedge, Anne with An E).
Adoption micro-aggressions are real and something literally nobody talks about regarding media
You forgot the Kung Fu Panda trilogy, which has one of the best positive portrayals of adoption and found families imo.
@@crod9905 YES, I knew there were more. Also, there's def something to be said about the fact that a lot of found family narratives are depicted by cartoon animals
You forgot 'Angels In The Outfield' which has both positive representations for foster parents and adoption.
It kinda overlaps with ableism "well obviously you would have never WANTED to have gotten into accident where you got disabled right?" and being disingenuous in ignoring how that doesn't mean your life isn't worth living. Like people think that "well, obviously if you got adopted, something awful happened in first place" (either parents died or were awful people or etc).
I think its part of how people don't really want to accept that you can have happy life even if awful things have happened in your life? And how writers way too often try to write stories where characters want to go back to the fictional perfect life instead of learning to become happy in their current situation because they can't imagine someone being able to be happy in that situation?
Wait, why do you mention Jon snow? Catelyn resents him, but he wouldn't have anything against her if she didn't acted this way.
One positive step father figure that I always remember in television is the dad in Homeward Bound, you don't necessarily think of it much because the main plot is of course the cute little fuzzy animals but there is a whole side plot in which he is trying his best to respect the children's wishes but also trying to develop a relationship with each of them, with Peter the oldest being the most resistant because he misses his father who is no longer with them.
Correct me if I'm wrong about this: in Trainwreck, Amy's sister is a stepmom who thinks of her stepson as her own son, but her family considers her biological baby to be her "real" son.
I think a part of the evil stepmom is that men don't understand how someone can just love another person without a biological drive. Men see children as a continuation of their line, and so there is a lot of pressure for daughters to have children of their own to continue their father's line. Furthermore, the pain of childbirth is often seen as the cost of having children. A stepmom who loves her stepchildren threatens that view, as she has all the benefits of having children without the pain of childbirth.
Oddly enough, having a healthy relationship with one's stepparents is a great thing, and can promote positive development.
Great point. Also, many women used to die young in childbirth, which showed them as making the ultimate sacirifice ie. giving her life for the child left behind. This means that they were practically saints without even embarking on the challenges of parenthood.
Men can have children without the "cost" of childbirth. lol. They must not be real parents then.
This trope has a long history in both culture and psychology. Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study) is a basic test which correlates highly with negative life outcomes like drug abuse, depression and prison. Children who are raised in a household with a step parent are FAR more likely to suffer from these negative life outcomes as adults.
The Take has me unlearning my internalized misogyny one video at a time, so grateful for this channel
I’m glad the stepmother/daughter dynamic of “the Queen’s Gambit” was highlighted. I found it refreshing, sweet, and touching.
Same
The thing is, stepparents very often are actually awful. I have very few friends who have a good relationship with their stepparents. I was so ready to tolerate and even like my stepmother as a child. I had no problem with a new person coming to my life and my dad's household. But overtime she started to order me around all the time. I had to sacrifice so much of my free time, social life and extracurricular activities to help her and my dad raise my half siblings. And I was never given a choice to say no, ever. Everytime I tried to explain to her that she's overstepping her boundaries, that she's not my actual parent and that I do not have to do anything and everything she asks of me, my dad came in and basically said that he, as my parent who I do answer to, is ordering me to listen to her just as I listen to him. So she kept abusing it. I think I could count on one hand all the times she said "please" when she asked me to help with something. And everytime I called her out for it and said that I'd appreciate it if she was more polite and just said "please" so that I don't feel inferior to her, she said that we aren't equal and that she does not have to say "please" when she asks me to do stuff because I'm just obligated to do it without questioning her. Anytime I tried to say no, she got furious and my dad told me off and called me selfish and spoiled. Now I'm almost 20 and I don't know how to say no to anything cause I feel like no matter how busy, mentally or physically exhausted I am, if I say to to anyone who's asking me for anything, I'm a sefish and horrible person if I say no. And my needs should always come last. They're not important. (I have a stepdad too and he's awful as well just in a different way... I don't know what is it about stepparents. My take is that most people become very toxic when they have an authority over someone and since we don't love our stepparents the same way we love our parents, we're less willing to excuse their toxic behaviour and more willing to ruin our relationship when they overstep their boundaries.)
For my fairy tale retellings (I'm an aspiring writer), I was thinking on humanizing the stepmother, both good and bad; Cinderella's stepmother was indifferent toward her stepdaughter, feeling neither love nor hate for her, but she did stole her father away from a kindhearted teacher whom he originally intended to marry, even though Cinderella was still mourning her mother's death due to her feeling guilty at her death in childbirth, and the stepmother was already a wicked woman who has shady dealings in the slave trade and orphan-selling/child-trafficking business (which is how her family made their fortune). However, when the stepmother suffers a miscarriage, she superstitiously and irrationally blames both Cinderella and her mother's/husband's late wife's ghost, and she takes in Cinderella (while still abusing her) as recompense for her miscarriage. Their is also a symbolic comparison between the stepmother and mother's ghost to the Judgement of Solomon (with two women fighting over a child).
For Snow White, she is at peace and gets along fine with her stepmother, a meek and pleasant woman. Its her step-grandmother that loathes her; a domineering, narcissistic, and abusive sociopath who kills any granddaughters born into her family, as she fears of a prophecy that a granddaughter would not only outmatch her in beauty but also be the literal death of her. And like Cronus of Greek mythology, she cannibalizes the baby girls, consuming their hearts and livers. The stepmother has enough of her mother's monstrosity and sets out to protect both her own future daughter(s) and stepdaughter.
SNL made the CUTEST skit about step mothers with Melissa McCarthy. I don’t even have step parents and I was crying because it was so wholesome.
She's great! Didn't see it but so glad she did that...
(I Hate seeing her weight played for laughs and her characters typecast as "gross."
Loved Mike & Molly.)
There's also the one with Natalie Portman "My Little Stepchild"
I have been having a Stepmother for 15 years. She's good to my dad and I genuinely like her.
My own sister is a stepmother and has kids of her own. Her new husband and step-kids are awesome. I am the proudest auntie ever.
I LOVE THAT VERSION OF CINDERELLA STARRING BRANDY AND WHITNEY HOUSTON SO MANY DIFFERENT RACES AND CULTURES MIXED TOGETHER AND SO INTERESTING I LOVED IT AS A KID 🥰😍
Thank you! I requested this long ago and I'm a stepmother. Honestly it's VERY HARD being a stepparent. Constantly walking the line of I'm not your actual parent but I'm an adult in your life that has to be a good influence and caregiver. It's not easy stepping into a situation where a child has been raised for years by a single dad and their biological mother is absentee and occasionally on drugs. I refer to my step daughter as my kid and we're very close but it's also hard/uncomfortable when you have to discipline them for lying or doing something bad. It took a few years to get to the point where we feel like a normal family. It feels great that she now comes to me with problems and puberty questions. Heck she feels more comfortable talking to me than she does her own father. Being a stepparent is not easy and it's a lot to consider before getting into a relationship with someone.
My stepmother is actually horrible and mentally ill, but my father exposed me to this horrible person. Fathers need to be judged, if nothing else, for choosing women who treat their children horribly. At the end of the day, fathers enable ”evil” stepmothers…
Absolutely. People are like my step whatever (or in laws) are terrible and I'm like you have a parent (or spouse) problem then, don't you? Your children (and spouse) come first
I love the mention of Disenchantment in which the stepmother(Una) is revealed to be the honest woman who despite not bonding with Bean did want what a queen would want for her princess - to fill the role assigned to them, while Dagmar, Bean's mother, used her maternal bond like a poisoned apple to lull the royal family of Dreamland into a false sense of security.
Chris Columbus gets a lot of flack, but 'Stepmom' is my favorite movie of his. One of the things I thought was interesting was the role reversal on the trope. Susan Surrandon's biological mom was the one jealous of Julia Roberts, and actively tried to sabotage her efforts to bond with *her* kids. (This mirrored the situation happening with my mom and my stepmom around the same time.)
I'd also like to shoutout to "Tangled''s Mother Gothel. Even though she straight up stole Repunzel as a baby and raised her as her own, she fits the Wicked Stepmother trope, being a threat to and gaslighting our heroine her whole life growing up.
I love Stepmom. It made me cry
What did Chris Columbus do?
@@PrincessLioness He directed that film along with Home Alone, the first 2 Harry Potters, etc.
@@blondetiger3940 Yeah but why does he get flack, last time I checked, those movies aren’t bad.
Not only that, but Gothel abandoned her actual daughter just so she could have Rapunzel and, more importantly to her, the healing powers she possessed.
I would guess step mothers aren't loved as much when kids retain a strong relationship with their bio mothers after divorce. It's more typical for dads to take a step back after divorce, so there is more opportunity for kids to develop a closer relationship with a step dad if their bio dad isn't in the picture as much. Like in situations where the kids live with their mom and step father full time and only see dad and step mom on the weekends. It would make sense that in those situations, kids to have a stronger relationship with whichever step parent they spend the most time with.
I personally feel that this is a very damaging thing for step parents and also to add that the step dad version is very different but in away it evens out for the godmother/godfather version with godfathers being the schemy type and the godmother being a magical figure
One of the best stepparent characters I've seen in film or TV, was Dee from "Moesha." She was so caring and loving towards Moesha and Miles. I wish you mentioned her in the video.
I remember going to great lengths to avoid refering to my stepfather with that word. For me, there was something intrinsically evil about the word itself, that I found it offensive to call him that as I love him very much. That's got to show you what bad reputation the steparents have.
Thank you so much for this. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. My Fiancé has two boys from a previous marriage. She basically told him he can have the kids and the house. She plays the part of the “perfect” mother for show but in reality she hardly sees them or makes an effort to talk to them unless it makes her look good.
I have been in their lives for over two years now and have a one year with their father. They are being raised to get as brothers, not half brothers. They call me mama and their bio mom mommy. She hated when they called me mommy and stared calling her mommy “her name”. She would yell at my Fiancé using the words “watch”and “take care of” interchangeably. She made it clear that I watch them and she takes care of them. Meanwhile she has a special education degree, and I am them one that had to do their schooling at home even when she was jobless for months. She couldn’t help. Sorry for the rant. Yesterday was really bad for me.
The modern trope was boosted by the people who wrote down and or collected European folklore "sanitizing" the stories, in many cases it was originally very much the bio-mother who was evil. The idea of a mother hating or even harming her own kids (which is very much a thing that happens, especially with narcissistic personality disorder and other severe psychological issues) was just not compatible with Christian-conservative family values so it had to go. The step-mum was just a cop out.
Edit: Yeah, they mentioned it. Ignore this comment I guess, lol.
It seems this trope isn't limited to Western narratives. One of my favorite folktales from Japan, "The Mirror of Matsuyama", features a wicked stepmother. Although at least there, the stepmother realizes the error of her ways and comes to treat her stepdaughter with kindness.
it's also a statistical fact that step mothers are introduced to the kids earlier than stepfathers and with less regard to weather they are ready for it. Men are naturally expecting women to just be charmed by their kids and become instant mothers regardles of weather they ever had kids of their own. Men on the other hands are being introduced slowly to the wife's kids, with baby steps and treated like heroes if they do literally anything, while if the step mum is not being perfect, she get's criticised.
Yeah, I am trying to be a step mum.
My father is eager to get married at 62 . We just had a long talk about it yesterday. This video is right on time. Even though both my brother and I are grown adults it is still scary to see him bringing a step mother for us.
Lilo and Stitch: Lilo; how trauma can effect a family and children
Hot damn, The Take always picks the best opening/closing lines to their videos. The closer for this video "She could have us both, love us both" is especially heartwarming and profound.
Matilda is an amazing example of how a child's adoptive mother (Miss Honey) is much more loving and kind than her biological family, with her biological mother being dismissive and neglectful. I always loved Miss Honey.
I’m happy to say my stepmom was an incredibly important person in my life, and still have a close relationship with my step family. I know that’s not everyone’s experience but it was mine.
This was something in my culture way before Hollywood got a hold of it, and I suspect it's the case for most cultures on earth. People blaming this trope on Hollywood are woefully uninformed. A stepparent being at odds with stepkids is a trope as old as time.
Well done, The Take! Most of us have had to learn to deal or even love a stepparent, through a lot of negative feelings and possibly even painful situations because of this trope. As a millennial, I’ve grown up with a step grandmother and two stepfathers, and I have witnessed the change in narrative as divorce and separations grew from taboo to normal and now even glamorous (Modern Family). Watching this video essay made me feel happy and grateful. Also, this is public mental health service for sure 👏🏻 💜
The TV show "Please Like Me" has a brilliant stepmother character, Mae, that's shown to be fierce, funny, smart and do wonders for the man she marries and his extended family. She's one my favorite characters on the show.
I recently rewatched "Stepmom" and was amazed by how forward thinking it was for its time. Also this trope made me think of the evil or difficult mother-in-law trope. I don't know if you already done one or if you think it exists but to me it is a very common one and just like the stepfather, the father in law is also shown in a better light, usually more accepting and kinder to the daughter-in-law.
We need a Bad Dad Trope video.
Maybe more like a Useless Dad Trope...
What about the overprotective dad trope
@@taylor_green_9 Ooooh the Fucking Stupid Authority Figure trope!
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 That's a good one. Those bastards are frustrating but oh so satisfying to watch fall victim to their own stupidity and pride
This made me realize that I have seen dozens of heartwarming videos on UA-cam of step-dad’s officially adopting their step kids. I have never seen one of a step-mom adopting the kids.
I blame Disney for this trope being so popular.
This trope has existed in numerous folktales pre-Disney but I do have to admit that Disney does play quite a large role in its popularity
Likewise, while this Trope existed long before Disney's versions, Disney definitely played a huge part in popularising this character!
Disney made it more popularized. It would be a miracle if they do a movie about good step parents
@@millsgurl8358 They did with Enchanted
@@zendayasfruityfrenchfry1784 what kind of zobo do you like sweet or spicy or savory
This one made me cry. I was the daughter of multiple step-parents. When I was a teenager, I became the stepmom to a son. He and I were 11 years apart; his father and I were 12 years apart. It was a constant struggle for the 16 years we were married, plus two years before. Now I’m single for the first time in my adult life, with two wonderful, amazing children, and I am so terrified to bring someone into their lives. Thank you for making this.
Interesting story I read years back from an alternative faerie tale universe: Snow White's stepmom realized that Snow's biological dad was missing his dead wife so much that he was attempting to sexually molest his own daughter. The story ends with the stepmom taking Snow away on horseback in the dead of night to escape.
That comment near the end about how the relationships take time basically describes my sister vs me. She moved away for college instead of spending time in the same household with our step-family, and she is incredibly bitter towards our step-mom and dad; I spent a few years at home saving up for college and so got to live with, fight with, and laugh with our step-mom. I have the opposite attitude towards our step-family.
My own stepmother is actually a good mother to me. She's raised me more and has taught me more.
Honestly I used to believe this trope was for reality.
I loved the way American Girl's Josefina stories tackled the "new mom". It was a great read to one of the children I worked with who struggled with a new stepmom. Of course, it was made easier because she was already their aunt. Another good one was The Sound of Music. My mother is now going through navigating life as a "stepmom". It's hard to shake this trope. Stepmoms might get married to the father, but sometimes, they aren't treated as part of the family, and that can create the stepmom into someone who is unhappy, lonely, and bitter.
My dad had a few stepfathers in his life. Each one either abused him or was a dead-beat. He vowed to never marry again if my mom died first. And they both made their wills to say that whatever money and property they acquired together would go only to us kids--the new husband wouldn't see a dime. My mom won't even fathom getting married again if my dad died. "I don't want to train someone new!" 🤣 They'll be married 50 years this summer.
Thats such a bittersweet story Bless your parents, esp ur dad!
Bart: if fairy tales taugth us anything is that first wives are perfect & second ones are horrrendous
Homer: yeah, and in real life its the opposite
Dissapoointed this clip was missing
In the antman movies, I know that Hope and Cassie aren’t actually stepmother and stepdaughter, but I do like how Cassie actually have positive relationships with her stepfather and Hope. A small little detail I love in those movies.