Thanks, Debra and Raven! I will immediately relay this to my wife haha. But seriously, I appreciate this and I'm just glad to be able to spread the message. I think it's more important now than ever. Please share! :-)
this is probably the best Ted talk I've ever seen. imho "A lot of times, the other side is blissfully unaware of the impact that their behavior has on us... and this is precisely why it is OUR responsibility to STAND UP and SAY Something if we really care about the relationship and we really care about making positive change." - so many times have I thought that the other party should just know their impact... that they should read my mind.
Kwame, I've watched this video over and over. There's some amazing humor, research, and anecdotes that helped us connect to your message. I can't reiterate enough how great this was.
What an amazing presentation. I saw myself in this man's struggle and was able to help guide my son with his conflict at school. Great gems of wisdom and compassion.
I had to put my phone down and close my eyes so that I can take in what he was saying because looking at this handsome man I was losing the words. He was great.
Okay this video pretty much changed my outlook on conflict. I'm a people pleaser too, so it's nice to hear from a successful "reformed people pleaser" on what worked for him.
Kwame was an amazing speaker at a Leadersgip Conference in my company today. Came to check out his Ted talk and signed up for his Negotiate Anything podcast too. I don't ever listen to podcasts but he was so impressive and I think I can learn a lot from him. Thank you Kwame!
Cant explain how grateful I am for coming across this video. I’m dealing with avoiding conflict with my partner and want to work on myself to stop myself doing this (shutting down) . Had the same experience when younger with forming relationships and now have a better understanding 🙏🏾
Glad to listen to your lecture 30mins before I am going to fight with a colleague to negotiate my rights, still a little stressed， but I need to be brave， not matter the result at least I expressed my feelings
I practiced this skill years ago. But doing so presupposes a minimum level of skills with the people you engage with. If they don't have this, compassionate curiosity may end up inflaming the situation. which may just result in learning more weird ways people can abuse you...But for those who understand your coming from a caring place, it can work wonders 😊
I see your point Agatha fry & agree, but it becomes just that bit more challenging shall we say if a person is telling you to Get F****** or holding a knife in your face. In an industry build on hiding incidents such as this (Oil & Gas). I'm thankful to be out of it, although have more than halved my income to do so. You see in that industry having an education etc I was treated like I was from another planet..... That's what I mean by using said techniques is of great value when others have a minimum level of understanding etc In how they will conduct themselves... cheers
tanju hassan this method works about as well as the other person wants to. There's a lot of ways somebody can answer "What is it that's bothering you?" that will literally dead end the conversation and any productivity. I think the best way to confidently engage in conflict is something he left out. Make sure you have a plan b of action after the compassionate curiosity. Keep it pushing, no matter what that person says or does. That eliminates the anxiety of conflict, it really doesn't effect you either way
I am a mental health professional for almost 3 decades. I totally agree with you. It doesn't work with people who have apparent personality disorder (mainly narcissistic and anti-social) and emotional dysregulation. Yet, I think his talk is right on target for the majority of people who are not significant for major personality disorder with no significant emotional dysregulation.
tysm for sharing your experiences and insight on this skill. I very much was trying to find a way to explain this same phenomenon i've realized; compassionate curiosity will outright not work for people who do not have the certain communication skills, or do not let down their guard at all. As Kwame said, it takes vulnerability from you to be open to what they have to say, and not judge. Some people will see you trying this technique as "weakness," and end up taking advantage of the situation.
Great great talk . Modern society teaches us to achieve by agreeing to dis agree. Conflict is indeed a opportunity. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
what a great lecture, Ive learned sooo much from this lesson. I will try to implement compassionate curiosity to improve the relationship in my personal and professional life. I must admit i am most of the time a people pleasure because i don't like conflict, but this trait isn't healthy for me nor for my development. i will look at conflict as opportunities and during those times of conflict make my goal to learn and not to teach.
Kwame, I sincerely appreciate the knowledge you willingly shared to all of us, and I'm eager to learn more. I feel like im in a situation where I'm completely open to change and learning how to overcome familiar practices with conflict (growing up with swearing, yelling, etc.) Although it feels uncomfortable and unnatural at this moment. I'm seeking success in my social life, and financial life, and wish to pursue a mentor as you did. The hardest part is figuring out where to begin.
That was an outstanding Ted Talk Kwame. I will definitely be taking this newfound insight and apply it to my professional and personalized. Thank you so much.
Kwame Christian Esq., MA I was least expecting a reply from your end! One of the reason to mention the podcast thing in my comment was so that even others could go through your podcasts, because we often miss reading the description box. You said you were a people pleaser, I could connect with you so much, you are a very good motivator. Anyway, I have only been through the introductory podcast, and honestly... I loved it! The way you try to relate everything with your personal experiences, that's what makes all your piece of work informative and helpful. P.S.- sorry for making my comment stretch this long but I just wanted to sum up what exactly I felt about your work. And also I was just wondering, where is that friend of yours with whom you shared your initial winnings during your college time? Anyway, I wish you a flourishing life ahead!
Fantastic! This made my day. I really appreciate your kind words. Let me know if you have suggestions for future episodes. My friend Chris Bordenave is a corporate lawyer in LA. He's doing really well and he still negotiates like a champ!
I like this. I have noted that some people, both men and women, feel threatened whenever seeing someone with a disability begin to succeed in the same career they work so hard in or on the same turf they are in at the time. Maybe because it makes them realise they are not all that superior to others who have already failed while not having any visible disability. I have noticed too that some of those same men regard all of us women as having a disability right from the start too. Which is why I like learning from people from other minorities on how to cope with that sort of thing. Like people from other minorities who live in the same city I live in who were leaving their doors unlocked during the Fort McMurray fire in the year 2011 just in case any young people needed shelter from the smokey air and/or they needed something to eat and a safe place to reileve themselves of waste.
I think this is the best Tedtalk I’ve ever watched. I laughed so much but I actually learned something I can apply to my life and why I should apply it. I also resonated so much with not fitting in so I became really popular, but I never realised that was why I’d become so bad at conflict (I freeze and feel intense fear like I’m going to choke on it). Does this guy have a book?
Geat talk. However, think there might be a fourth fear response. Fawn; is a response where a person metaphorically roles over and submits not to a preditor but to a higher status individual. It is a response seen in almost all social animals.
I don't know but I think the flight, fight, or freeze response is automated. You can only use the pre-frontal cortex (or compassionate curiosity) if you don't really feel threatened by the conflict. So long as you feel threatened by it, I believe the amigdala automatically jumps in, whether you like it or not. What I typically do is flight as revisit. In the heat of the moment with all the emotions riled up I flee to let everyone calm down, think things through and revisit the conflict using compassionate curiosity.
Awesome message! I really needed to hear this and will be leveraging these tools to resolve conflicts and improve relationships. I had to watch it twice because the speaker is handsomely distracting.
"We are fighting modern day battles with pre historic tools" very well said
This caught my attention too. Thank you for writing it out…I tried getting the last part of the statement but could not… lol…
But what exactly the meaning of that ?
like committing genocide as opposed to resorting to a policitcal and social solution based on equality @@clarasonga6292
This man is outstanding. Why are crazy people in government when we could have fine souls like this one steering the ship of state?
Debra Smith I was just thinking mercy his wife has a perfectly good looking well built man. Wow and he is on his game wow
Thanks, Debra and Raven! I will immediately relay this to my wife haha.
But seriously, I appreciate this and I'm just glad to be able to spread the message. I think it's more important now than ever. Please share! :-)
But seriously may God bless you in inspiring others...thank you for the message.
agree 100%
Because it's part of politics , and the politicians must act like that , it's part of the character they want to show to people
this is probably the best Ted talk I've ever seen. imho
"A lot of times, the other side is blissfully unaware of the impact that their behavior has on us... and this is precisely why it is OUR responsibility to STAND UP and SAY Something if we really care about the relationship and we really care about making positive change." - so many times have I thought that the other party should just know their impact... that they should read my mind.
Kwame, I've watched this video over and over. There's some amazing humor, research, and anecdotes that helped us connect to your message. I can't reiterate enough how great this was.
My thoughts, exactly. 🙂
What an amazing presentation. I saw myself in this man's struggle and was able to help guide my son with his conflict at school. Great gems of wisdom and compassion.
I had to put my phone down and close my eyes so that I can take in what he was saying because looking at this handsome man I was losing the words. He was great.
Haha thanks!
Kwame Christian Esq., MA I am so embarrassed, I didn’t expect you to read that comment...
LOL
Okay this video pretty much changed my outlook on conflict. I'm a people pleaser too, so it's nice to hear from a successful "reformed people pleaser" on what worked for him.
Absolutely
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is Life. Thank you for making this potentially complex and intimidating concept so relatable!
except that it gets soggy so quickly
What did the statement mean
Kwame was an amazing speaker at a Leadersgip Conference in my company today. Came to check out his Ted talk and signed up for his Negotiate Anything podcast too. I don't ever listen to podcasts but he was so impressive and I think I can learn a lot from him. Thank you Kwame!
Thank you for mentioning his podcast! I saw it in your comment before I read the video notes and subscribed.
Cant explain how grateful I am for coming across this video. I’m dealing with avoiding conflict with my partner and want to work on myself to stop myself doing this (shutting down) . Had the same experience when younger with forming relationships and now have a better understanding 🙏🏾
Glad to listen to your lecture 30mins before I am going to fight with a colleague to negotiate my rights, still a little stressed， but I need to be brave， not matter the result at least I expressed my feelings
What an utterly captivating guy! Loved the message and was so engrossed with how he put it across. Great talk.
I practiced this skill years ago. But doing so presupposes a minimum level of skills with the people you engage with. If they don't have this, compassionate curiosity may end up inflaming the situation. which may just result in learning more weird ways people can abuse you...But for those who understand your coming from a caring place, it can work wonders 😊
tanju hassan So this method might lead to learning how to apply healthful boundaries as well.
I see your point Agatha fry & agree, but it becomes just that bit more challenging shall we say if a person is telling you to Get F****** or holding a knife in your face. In an industry build on hiding incidents such as this (Oil & Gas). I'm thankful to be out of it, although have more than halved my income to do so. You see in that industry having an education etc I was treated like I was from another planet..... That's what I mean by using said techniques is of great value when others have a minimum level of understanding etc In how they will conduct themselves... cheers
tanju hassan this method works about as well as the other person wants to. There's a lot of ways somebody can answer "What is it that's bothering you?" that will literally dead end the conversation and any productivity.
I think the best way to confidently engage in conflict is something he left out. Make sure you have a plan b of action after the compassionate curiosity. Keep it pushing, no matter what that person says or does. That eliminates the anxiety of conflict, it really doesn't effect you either way
I am a mental health professional for almost 3 decades. I totally agree with you. It doesn't work with people who have apparent personality disorder (mainly narcissistic and anti-social) and emotional dysregulation. Yet, I think his talk is right on target for the majority of people who are not significant for major personality disorder with no significant emotional dysregulation.
tysm for sharing your experiences and insight on this skill. I very much was trying to find a way to explain this same phenomenon i've realized; compassionate curiosity will outright not work for people who do not have the certain communication skills, or do not let down their guard at all. As Kwame said, it takes vulnerability from you to be open to what they have to say, and not judge. Some people will see you trying this technique as "weakness," and end up taking advantage of the situation.
This is the most impacting on my personal life TED talk I've heard. Thank you!
Great great talk . Modern society teaches us to achieve by agreeing to dis agree. Conflict is indeed a opportunity. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
Great talk Kwame! Truly an honour to have you on my podcast today. Can't wait to publish and get your message out to more people!
what a great lecture, Ive learned sooo much from this lesson. I will try to implement compassionate curiosity to improve the relationship in my personal and professional life. I must admit i am most of the time a people pleasure because i don't like conflict, but this trait isn't healthy for me nor for my development. i will look at conflict as opportunities and during those times of conflict make my goal to learn and not to teach.
Kwame, I sincerely appreciate the knowledge you willingly shared to all of us, and I'm eager to learn more. I feel like im in a situation where I'm completely open to change and learning how to overcome familiar practices with conflict (growing up with swearing, yelling, etc.) Although it feels uncomfortable and unnatural at this moment. I'm seeking success in my social life, and financial life, and wish to pursue a mentor as you did. The hardest part is figuring out where to begin.
It's the compassionate presentation for me.
That was an outstanding Ted Talk Kwame. I will definitely be taking this newfound insight and apply it to my professional and personalized. Thank you so much.
Great talk. Hope everyone is having an awesome evening! :)
Hope you are too!
We are fighting modern day battles with pre historic tools, well said
Well done Kwame, That is an excellent way to resolve conflict and gain confidence.
Thanks!
What an impressive personality!
It made me go and check his podcasts too.
Thanks! I hope you liked the podcast.
Kwame Christian Esq., MA I was least expecting a reply from your end! One of the reason to mention the podcast thing in my comment was so that even others could go through your podcasts, because we often miss reading the description box.
You said you were a people pleaser, I could connect with you so much, you are a very good motivator.
Anyway, I have only been through the introductory podcast, and honestly... I loved it! The way you try to relate everything with your personal experiences, that's what makes all your piece of work informative and helpful.
P.S.- sorry for making my comment stretch this long but I just wanted to sum up what exactly I felt about your work.
And also I was just wondering, where is that friend of yours with whom you shared your initial winnings during your college time?
Anyway, I wish you a flourishing life ahead!
Fantastic! This made my day. I really appreciate your kind words. Let me know if you have suggestions for future episodes.
My friend Chris Bordenave is a corporate lawyer in LA. He's doing really well and he still negotiates like a champ!
Kwame Christian Esq., MA Surely I will!
Nice to hear about your friend.
Thank you!
I'd love to check out the podcast! What's it called?
Being a student of communication and management I'm so thankful for this informative and enlightening speech.
🎩🎩 Off to you
Conflict can teach us amazing lessons. Thanks for sharing
I like this. I have noted that some people, both men and women, feel threatened whenever seeing someone with a disability begin to succeed in the same career they work so hard in or on the same turf they are in at the time. Maybe because it makes them realise they are not all that superior to others who have already failed while not having any visible disability. I have noticed too that some of those same men regard all of us women as having a disability right from the start too. Which is why I like learning from people from other minorities on how to cope with that sort of thing. Like people from other minorities who live in the same city I live in who were leaving their doors unlocked during the Fort McMurray fire in the year 2011 just in case any young people needed shelter from the smokey air and/or they needed something to eat and a safe place to reileve themselves of waste.
That was excellent! Thank you so much sir. I will use this information daily I’m sure.
He's so genuine compared to others I have watched! I found this video funny, informational, and beneficial :)
Very entertaining. Wonderful and engaging. Not a dull moment and a different approach to conflict than most everything else on the market.
Great message Kwame- and well delivered! Im looking forward to having you as a guest on our podcast
Enjoyed this. Great job!!😊
Great talk! I am wondering why we don't have people like him leading the country!!
Haha thanks!
Kwame for president! :)
Possibly because he is not running for election.
@@moyshekapoyre 🙄
TEDx Channel Iam Honored to See Them Always
Shoutout to all the people watching this to deal with negative people they can’t avoid
I think this is the best Tedtalk I’ve ever watched. I laughed so much but I actually learned something I can apply to my life and why I should apply it.
I also resonated so much with not fitting in so I became really popular, but I never realised that was why I’d become so bad at conflict (I freeze and feel intense fear like I’m going to choke on it).
Does this guy have a book?
I've never related to an intro so much in my life
Yes it's amazing and helpful
😂😂😂😂
Hahahaha
Just loved it, respect
Unique talk. Loved it! And I am going to use it daily.
What a cool guy! So calm and full of humour!
Just what was needed. Thank you.
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
Great.... I was struggling with something that bothered me when I stated listening to this. This speech put a smile on my face😊😊
Very whimsically thought provoking! Awesome!
Excellent excellent teacher
GREAT SPEAKER!
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is actual life though. Great message, I think we all could be a little bit more compassionately curious.
Simply wonderful and inspiring
Geat talk. However, think there might be a fourth fear response. Fawn; is a response where a person metaphorically roles over and submits not to a preditor but to a higher status individual. It is a response seen in almost all social animals.
You're 100% right. Great addition. Thanks for this!
Excellent session on Conflict Negotiation.
How eloquently delivered. Learned so much in such a short video. Next challenge: real life application haha
wonderful ted!
Fantastic, so motivating, fun and eye opening! Thank you Kwame
You are a great speaker!
Awesome. Thank you for this talk.
This was very informational and was very easy to listen to.
Amazing, thank you!
You've really made my day. I am beginning to have a rethink on how I handle situations where the parties are on edge.
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Let me know how it goes when you try it out.
This is one of the best Tedx I have ever seen. So funny and Crunchy! thank you for sharing great points. will try to remember. No Granola!
There is a difference between being liked and being respected
I don't know but I think the flight, fight, or freeze response is automated. You can only use the pre-frontal cortex (or compassionate curiosity) if you don't really feel threatened by the conflict. So long as you feel threatened by it, I believe the amigdala automatically jumps in, whether you like it or not. What I typically do is flight as revisit. In the heat of the moment with all the emotions riled up I flee to let everyone calm down, think things through and revisit the conflict using compassionate curiosity.
Thank you, that was an amazing TED Talk.
Loved this, thanks 🙏
Awesome Thoughts.
Thank you so much... For the Compassionate curiosity point.
Amazing talk! Thank You!
I needed this, thanks Kwame
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
💛 Compassionate curiosity! 🙌
Amazing, everything!
Great talk Kwame!
Thanks, bro!
Great job Kwame!!!!
Excellent talk!
I just got done watching this in school
Outstanding!
Great Tedx Talk
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
Excellent presentation! He had content and poise.
Very well done ! Learnt so much. I am going to checkout more of your work.
Very impactful
This was Great! Love your sense of humor. Great speaker!
Such an excellent talk. 💪
Love this guy
love this one thank you!
Amazing! Top 10 for sure
Great presentation but wow was the audience feeling like laughing that day
Only through conflict do we evolve
That's right!
Amazing talk!
soo proud of you
Awesome ✌
This is awesome, cheers from Rome.
Awesome message! I really needed to hear this and will be leveraging these tools to resolve conflicts and improve relationships. I had to watch it twice because the speaker is handsomely distracting.
haha
Amazing speech
Thank you!
Yes❤
Absolutely love this!
Thanks!
He had me at, “Cinnamon Toast Crunch”. 😂❤️
Yes, this is so true!!
Thank you for sharing ! ❤
My pleasure!
Great Ted Talk. Thank you
Thanks, Isabell! Please share if there's someone you think could benefit from it. :-)
Wait! What was the conversation you had with your wife? Especially: How did you begin? Thank you very much for your time! Excellent video.
Very god!! I read a book about this. The name of the book is Nonviolent Comunication by Marshall Rosenberg!
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I'll check out that book.
Excellent!
Anyone else here from CCV?
Amazingly presented, loved it!