Narcs are life-sucking energy wasters, and having them in our lives is just a black hole of neediness and unreciprocated efforts. Another great video! Thanks Dr C. Hi to Gus!
Yes they do. So I stopped absorbing their toxic energy, and started focusing on myself as most of what they say is arising from their emotional needs. It's irrelevant. They just use your presence and energy to fulfill their needs
Finally got to watch the stream (7 hours later) with Top Chat on. I laughed at your 2nd age comment, but many of us Yanks don't know how taxing a VAT is. I'd have chimed in from Thrash's suggestion that I'm 406, but I'm only 1 in dog beers. Starting last week.
Wow, Amanda, in just 1 sentence you put it all together - so spot on!!! 👏👏👏 Hope, you are doing fine and of course I will keep my fingers crossed for you 🤞😉❣
@@aaronkwolfe Ha ha. I suppose I could have said 39 + interest. I hope you're ok after your I.V. treatment. Did you wear a funny shirt and have some jokes ready for the nursing staff? Take care 🙏
@roxymovie3938 Hi, roxy. I'm ok, thanks. I had a good conversation with my lads last week. I will probably sell my little house next year and have given my eldest the option to buy. His girlfriend is always with him when he's here anyway. If my youngest is lucky, he will have the opportunity to rent a room from him. With my mobility issues, I need to live somewhere on one level. I reckon they are old enough to manage 👍 I hope you're daughter is doing OK and you are enjoying your space. Take care 🙏
@@amandaliverpool3374 I did both, Amanda. Joke is coming Wednesday or Thursday, and shirt was “It’s not polite to stare. But I understand.” That got laughter.
Lately I've been thinking the problem with narcissists (as though there's only one!) is they're not content to be the centre of attention, they have to consume your whole gaze.
#10 is if they have an issue you will have no idea. Months later you’ll find the knife in your back and you will be stunned the narcissist could act normally while they are plotting your destruction.
Some people from my past I suspected are narcissists have done that to me. We appeared to be getting along okay, but then they come out with their issues they have with me and instead of telling me what really bothers them and wanting to fix it, they want to give up on me. Threaten to end the relationship or friendship. Or they act like they expected me to already know what to do already. Or maybe they will do something horrible out of nowhere and act like I was the problem. What really gets me is that some of these people were willing to put up with others who were difficult or annoyed them, they complained to me about troubles their family, friends or ex did, yet were willing to put up with them longer than with me, when I try to be as easy going, drama free as possible.
@@Dj.D25 It sounds like you have a lot of narcissists too. I hope you find healing. I’m healing by not caring anymore. I have casual friends and I will hang out. It just doesn’t mean anything anymore. I don’t reach out to find out why I was ghosted and I don’t care what lies are told. So be it.
They need your praise, but treat you so badly that you don’t have any praise for them anymore. They just disgust you. My ex would insult me and then ask me to accept it either with a hug/or with a cheers of cups. I said, I’m not doing that…and then the rage would start.
This is so true. And occasionally they throw you a small bone - 'I'm not perfect, I'm only human' - but there's never any real owning up to inadequacies.
There’s no solving their anger problems. I triggered a narc by turning down meeting them because they were hungover from overindulgence the previous night and awoke the next morning to their demands of an apology because they felt hurt I had called them out. They turned down my offer of meeting them in person to discuss matters and address their feelings, instead insisting that I needed to apologise via text message before they would see me. They need you to capitulate and it showed me that I was dealing with a child.
1. They need your praise/adoration 2. They need heart connections 3. They need to be known 4. They need you to solve their anger problems 5. They need to be better than 6. They need to be right - disproportionally 7. They need favored treatment 8. They need the appearance of good coping skills 9. They need to feel necessary Be aware: 》At the core Narcs fear rejection/abandonement 》Being open & vulnerable would imply that you would see their inadequacies and that they are being equal to you Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
@aslannette Janette, you are very welcome and thank you for your reply. I often make notes for I am a more visual learner and besides it might help others as well. Dr Carter's voice is quite speedy for he likes to put lots of content into 15 min. So it makes sense that you pause the video to absorb what he said 😊 and by the way it is far better for your brain to just listen instead of listen and taking notes at the same time 😉 Wishing you a wonderful healing journey 🙏💛🙏
Everything with a narcissist is either hidden, damaged or broken. Life is too short! Get Healthy, Be Healthy and Stay Healthy! Thanks TH, DR C and SIR GUS (Gus is really living his best life in this one! GO GUS!)
We have 6 cats. There is one female who enjoys sleeping right next to me every night. I understand what it’s like to be so close to an animal like that. 😊
They need us to need them. It blows my mind, the extremes they went through so we’d believe it. Dr. C., I am very thankful for the guidance and direction you give us each week. The best support I’ve ever had is here with you and Team Healthy…people I never even met! Thank you 🙏 ❤🤗🕊
My ex narc definitely thought his opinions were the only one's that mattered. Conversations with him usually went like this: I'd say "you contradict everything I say". He'd reply "no, I dont". Then I'd say "see, you just did". He was also very needy and immature. But God help you if you needed something from him. It drives you nuts.
Very insightful. Also, if you want to totally baffle the narc, address their meanness, and say that they therefore are unlikable to you. OMG. The logical side of them will be forced to reason. Afterall, do THEY like mean people? So their next question will be "How was I "mean". Leave 'em in a quandary. Don't even engage. 😅🎉 You just earned your freedom.
They must be absolutely exhausted? Even someone talking to another person in a different room has to be controlled I have noticed.. So strange. Is it a "curable" thing I wonder? .. Maybe we should all start doing the "bow down" gesture to them! LOL.. Thank you Dr Les.
It’s really sad. Lots of needs that they shoot themselves in the foot about, and spend so much effort ensuring won’t get met. Trapped in their own cycles. Really really sad.
Narcs should take the least amount of head space in our lives. I repeatedly remind myself to focus on my needs and stay calm around them. Overtime, it has become a habit. I also always watch for any new patterns in narcs, as their insecurities grow and their attitude shifts. New triangulation is formed. Or they become bitter through adversities, and aging.
i have paranoid schizophrenia it has been hard but i learning to trust again thank you doctor i am ready to date again thank doctor i have met a lot narcissist parents that control there adult daughter who they can date it is very frustrating but I will find a good woman.
My therapist recommended that I listen to your videos. They have been real eye-openers and explain a lot of what I have been experiencing. You certainly have helped me have a new view on what is happening in my life, and how to help myself more.
This video from Dr. C was-actually, as usual!!-so FULL to overflowing with powerful items, condensed into 14 minutes. Thank you, Roxie, for your notes! I so often appreciate your excellently written summaries! This time I wanted to thank you, personally!
Thank you Dr C and Gus!! ❤ I really needed this today!! I've been dealing with a narcissist boss and he's been very negative and critical and even downright cruel lately even more than usual.. I'm happy to hear that this man cannot be happy without putting me down especially when he is disregulated.. so clear and insightful!! Go Team Healthy!!
Thought I had insomnia but have realised that it's staying in a fight or flight mind because they are in the house. They rant, rage then they go to sleep. You can't sleep though.
Thank you for your education. I have gained so much knowledge that has guided me through this difficult journey of self awareness in dealing with narcissism. God bless you. ❤
Gus looks, in this video, like the way I felt having come away from "conversations" about why I was the sole cause of the failure of my marriage. Glad that part of my life has ended and I found Dr. Carter to help with the healing process. It's been three years on now and every day I wake up, happy that I am on the path to healing and much more assured in the meaning of life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I love your delivery dr.C...you make me laugh at the right points throughout, and it lightens our burdens of dealing with the subject of narcissism...Your wife is one lucky lady ❤ Thank you.
Awesome, Dr. C! This video explains behaviors I'd asked yesterday. That a narcissist "needs" to have a posse to follow them - flying monkeys in training, I suppose. This narcissist will express "I'm hurting" but only in the context of "and it's all because of you". They are 50 years old. Certainly capable of seeking help. Thanks again for being a beacon for us!! 💜🐾
I used to feel for my narcs lack of emotional connectedness, after 24 years of my love and understanding, I never for a second thought that he would cheat on me. But he did, 8yrs ago, and even with proof, denied every second of his involvement. I accepted it, and wanted to work on the relationship. YOU CANT STAY, IF THEY DONT ADMIT. What ended up happening was the projection. I was promiscuous, I was the liar etc etc. I left 8 months ago. And still healing from his narc rage abuse and gaslighting. Leave as soon as you can. It doesnt get better, and the longer u stay, the longer it will take to heal. Thanks Dr C.
I feel like my husband is spiraling but I don’t know. He doesn’t groom himself anymore and he stomps around the house going 90 mph and the animals just scatter and if my dog that is old and dying doesn’t move quick enough he will sit on her . I don’t like my life right now and trying to fix it but I am to controlled . This is the only space thank you Dr c that I can get any help . I love you team healthy .
Dr. C., You are our gift! You show us the way to realize that we are valuable and deserve to be treasured and respected. Team Healthy, we are in the presence of someone very special and so deserving of our praise....Guess what? He is not false. He is so true. He tells it just like it is and is the absolutely best....AND.... he is NOT a narcissist. Simply an expert in his field, yes, the 'real deal' Standard Bearer....our one and only Dr. C! Thank you from the depths of my once broken heart.❤❤❤❤❤
I really appreciate your videos, Dr. C!! I'm so glad to be on Team Healthy and with your expert guidance, its easier to _stay_ on Team Healthy. I got a hoovering text from my ex (narc) today (saying that he's sorry... which, of course, isn't anything genuine) and since I have gone No Contact, your advice and the advice from Danish (the narc abuse coach) I was able to stand firm, not take the bait and not engage with him. At all. I knew it was only a trap. I wouldn't believe he was sorry if he had it tattooed on his forehead.
Another eye-opening, helpful video. Makes me feel better about myself but sad for my tormentors. They are in a dark place indeed. Thanks again Dr. C 🇬🇧🥰
I have been watsching your videos, and I love the content. I have a child with a woman who I have the impression fits so many of these narcisistic characteristics. But I find it diffucult to find tips on how to deal with her. We have a daughter together and she controls absolutely everything. I have tried suggesting counseling, but she says everything is perfect as it is. She keeps me from seeing my daughter and limits my time with her. Its so sad.
@@SurvivingNarcissismNo truly I thank you. I have just found your videos today and they are the best videos out there that I have seen on the topic. It's really helping me to understand more about the dynamics of difficult situation and the behaviours of the narcissistic abuser and I have found much reassurance that I am not alone in my coping with this. Thank you so much for providing the different tools to be able to deal with this type of overwhelming abuse. With every good wish for your future health and happiness. Kindest wishes. Lucy.
My adult son has destroyed his family all for the sake of his new woman iv been through this so many times in the last 20 yrs if you say anything to him hes now giving the silent treatment for over a year hes a lost soul and he is very needy ans afraid of being alone thank you for this video its so hard at times realise how broken he is but puts on that false front dr carter you truly are a very caring man and hi to gus from a very hot Australia 🇦🇺
Why is my covert narcissist husband acting so very nice to me the last few days? It really plays with my mind!!! Can I really think and trust that he realizes how he has been treating me. It is so very difficult for me to trust him!!!
Dr. C this was right on point I’ve laughed. I’ve just thought and just have such certainty. You are phenomenal and it does make their logic some kind of way understood thank God I am free of trying to be late but living a better life in the mist of it all bless you.
I wish that I had real loving mother instead of the narcissistic superficial loving mother that I finally figured out that I have had my entire life. I have had so many screwed up relationships because of this.
Dr. Carter, do you think people should give advice only when asked? Could you please elaborate on when and how to give advice when you want to support someone without being narcissistic?
If you were half a human being & only adult from the neck down then you’d be concerned about a disguise too 🤦♀️ so you could put on a monster mask or a cool dude face & pretend to be a whole person 🤷♀️ but that doesn’t work very well in intimate situations 🙍♀️ smoke & mirrors as a way of life is so confusing!
"Only adult from the neck down" - Carol, this really made me laugh although it is quite sad. Your comment makes very much sense for you are shifting the perspective 👏👏👏
Once i said to my soon be ex when she was just seeking to find something wrong on me :: I don't think I have right to dump my negative emotions on anyone around ..lol that was some response, how she is entitled to do so.
@@well_weathered Betting that they are conscious of A need, but not aware of just what that need is. So they will continue in their behavior, ignoring the law of diminishing returns. “It felt good once before, so I’ll do it again, only more so this time. Yeah, that’ll work.”
Omg, Aaron! That is so true! Pushing the limits more and more until they get caught. And even THAT doesn’t change their behavior. (Sending lots of positive vibes your way for sure tomorrow.)
I hope everything goes well. 🌹I didn't want to pry. Thank you for letting me know about Ordinary Angels. It was a great movie. I happened to catch Gaslight (1944) last evening, Just WOW!
I’ve just left a job I liked because of a narcissist. I couldn’t deal with them anymore. I had to walk. I’m a man of faith and the narcissist was a Christian too. He knew scripture and I stupidly opened up to him before he turned on me and put me down and threw me under the bus . Talking behind my back, putting me down and making me appear incompetent. How can you be a Christian and be a narcissist?? It’s really affected me
I’m sorry that happened to you! The fact is this person is most likely a Christian in name only. Shake the dust off your feet like Jesus said and move on like you did. Good for you!
The Bible says: “You will know them by their fruit.” Calling yourself a Christian does not make you a Christian. It’s your behavior (how you treat others) that makes you a Christian. Jesus was always confronting narcissists about their hubris (self-perceived superiority) and hypocrisy.
They're pretend Christians! At their core their evil and know it! Very dangerous. The narc, I knew actually resembled the devil on the night I left. Facially, bodily, covered in pussy sores! The worst experience ever! Strange noises in the house, evil frog sound when he was asleep coming from him. That one night and last even I was acting different! It's a fact, and I left for good. I say good riddance Brian sandford, fake Christian! Praying for all on here, who've gone thru it and survived. It doesn't feel like it but put your faith in prayer🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
This “Christian” is in name only. One of Jesus’ parables was about the separating of sheep & goats, wheat & tares when He returns to judge at the End Times. I’m so sorry this happened to you, especially if you’re new to the Christian faith. But, please realize there are real Christian’s-wheat & sheep-in the world. I pray you can connect to the real Christians!
Dr.C sometimes I just can’t resist offer help, just yesterday I wanted help that female that I suspect she is covert, with a instrument, she just responded no I got it with out saying thank you and with agitation, this just confirms when you say narcissist thinks they don’t need our help and covertly thinks on top of that we are stupid.
Thank you so much for this DR Les, You're a beautiful soul, A great bloke, I have upmost Respect for you, Gus is so zen 😃🐶💜💙💛💚❤🌌🌈 Peace, love, Respect to you , Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the universe, The most high, God is great 🌈🌌💛💜❤💚💛🐶😃🤗✌🌲😊👽🕊🦁🐉😇🦄🌷🌹😍☘
My stepfather pulled this trick which seemed innocent until I realized it wasn't. Before he would tell a joke or say something funny he would start to chuckle as if to say "you'll find this funny like I do." Of course this realization came due to many other selfish acts of his that caused pain to others. He did not like it if you didn't find what he said funny. You would pay the price if you didn't. I refer to him as the "big prick."
Hey gang, I’m noticing a quirky thing in YT comments: when I read “Top” Comments, some of the replies are excluded. I noticed my original one shows 10 replies, but when I go to “Newest” first, it shows All 12 replies.
Hi Aaron, I can only see 10 replies on your original post. Sometimes it is a real mess with the comments for 1. Some are hidden (you can only see them when you know who answered you by going onto their profile) 2. Some never show up because yt deletes them after a minute
@@roxymovie3938 Roxy, I sometimes check with another YT account I have that hasn’t blocked trolls or subscribed to this, my primary channel. I noticed before that Top comments might get filtered, where Newest doesn’t. Same for replies to comments. I’ve also noticed that YT doesn’t like some words, and filters out an entire comment or reply if that word is used. I just don’t know what those words are.
@@roxymovie3938 PS - I also sometimes use my other account to add one more “like” to his stream and replies. Dunno if that helps his monetization matrix, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I’m inquisitive. I’m a thinker. I want to understand. This channel aids me in all 3 areas, and for that, I am extremely grateful, Dr. C.
Dr.C in your expert opinion do you think,every time narcissist goes through cycle of idealisation and devaluation and discard is trying to have a successful individuation that never had with their mother , I have heard this from self proclaimed professor of psychology and I never got Freud. Your explanation of narcissism sits better with me.
What you describe is not the path for successful individuation. Freud would refer to small children trying to find themselves and at an early age, it can manifest in anger. But the older a person becomes, devaluation becomes tied to raw selfishness and the need to compensate for inferiority feelings. Alfred Adler became known for explaining that dynamic.
be a naturally GOOD SOUL. Virtuous. So confident in FAITH in God and the faith practices that 'raise us up' . . . we can live a quiet, GOOD, 'fruitful' life on earth... but with understanding of the BETTER LIFE 'fully with God.' This is called 'maturity of spirit.' YES, it is what a 60s generation of 'kids' (teen years to 'whatever age') are still struggling with. Why? They abandoned the religion of FAITH. (the practices of faith... kneeling and worshipping, worship meaning 'praise of THE GOD,' Thanksgiving TO 'The God,' and Petition 'as one' to THE GOD (which requires a humility that we do not know it all) , , , there's a lot of angry, insecure, immature SOULS out and about... who need to 'convince' THEMSELVES of 'how great they are.' (as is being said in this video) NON HUMBLE world it is. Moral 'subjectivity' ... it it is good for me... its good, and YOU are not to tell me anything. (so secure of their truths... but THEY CAN'T JUST LISTEN for fear they might have to change or that someone is trying to change them.' Sum it up as NON HUMBLE. (humble is weakness... they were taught somewhere ASSERTIVE is 'the way' to get ahead. JUST ENDURE ... say nothing. LIVE a GOOD LIFE and pray for EVERYONE including self.
Dr C, Is not liking to admit they don't know something a trait? I've noticed that if this person asks me a question and I honestly don't know the answer, they get very upset and agitated with me. I found later it was to look knowledgeable to someone else?
Deb, what you are describing here is very typical for Narcissists. When they ask you a question you cannot answer, they nearly always get passive aggressive, agitated with you. In fact this is a manipulation technique to wear you down.
No, I would not consider this as part of the lovebombing because lovebombing is the faked idealization of the other person. Just once talking about their neediness when you first meet, tells you in fact that this person has an agenda with you.
@@roxymovie3938 Actually fake vulnerability, saying you're needy for example, can be a part of lovebombing. It is fake intimacy. They also hope it will cause you to show them your weaknesses. Then they save those for the discard and invalidation.
The Narc who thought me the best life lessons that I badly needed is afraid of death and goes into overdrive when yet another family member dies , While I was kind to him when another one died recently, I did tell him that we all have to go at some point but we need to live while we are here , he scooted away very quickly on hearing that . I truely believe that he needs something to fight about & someone to die so that he can feel alive .
Sometimes I wonder if it's really okay to want to be noticed, but you're not necessarily a narcissist. Such as being appreciated for your talents, knowledge and skills, and you know you're not exactly average. You know you have more to offer than the average person because you did the research, looked at the experts or best people who have high quality standards and you try to be like them because you appreciate high quality products or standards. Yet you notice other people who clearly aren't as skilled and knowledgeable as you are in something get plenty of success, attention or praise. Sometimes these successful people are narcissists themselves. I have watched narcissists complain about not getting the attention they feel they deserve, they go on rants about how their way of doing things is how it ought to be done, yet often times their way of doing things is so odd to the point where it's clearly not working or making things more difficult for them and everyone else, yet refuse to listen to the advice of others.
Narcs are life-sucking energy wasters, and having them in our lives is just a black hole of neediness and unreciprocated efforts. Another great video! Thanks Dr C. Hi to Gus!
Facts!!
Problem is that they project their BS on others
Right Ivana
Yes they do. So I stopped absorbing their toxic energy, and started focusing on myself as most of what they say is arising from their emotional needs. It's irrelevant. They just use your presence and energy to fulfill their needs
And everyone takes it! Like a dictator that everyone looks up to.
They try and drain our self confidence and use it themselves.
Finally got to watch the stream (7 hours later) with Top Chat on. I laughed at your 2nd age comment, but many of us Yanks don't know how taxing a VAT is. I'd have chimed in from Thrash's suggestion that I'm 406, but I'm only 1 in dog beers. Starting last week.
Wow, Amanda, in just 1 sentence you put it all together - so spot on!!! 👏👏👏
Hope, you are doing fine and of course I will keep my fingers crossed for you 🤞😉❣
@@aaronkwolfe Ha ha. I suppose I could have said 39 + interest. I hope you're ok after your I.V. treatment. Did you wear a funny shirt and have some jokes ready for the nursing staff? Take care 🙏
@roxymovie3938 Hi, roxy. I'm ok, thanks. I had a good conversation with my lads last week. I will probably sell my little house next year and have given my eldest the option to buy. His girlfriend is always with him when he's here anyway. If my youngest is lucky, he will have the opportunity to rent a room from him. With my mobility issues, I need to live somewhere on one level. I reckon they are old enough to manage 👍
I hope you're daughter is doing OK and you are enjoying your space. Take care 🙏
@@amandaliverpool3374 I did both, Amanda. Joke is coming Wednesday or Thursday, and shirt was “It’s not polite to stare. But I understand.” That got laughter.
Narcissists don't just want your praise, they want your WORSHIP
I recognized that I hero-worshiped, and now it's a red flag. If I'm hero-worshiping, I need to step back and reevaluate.
Yes, they want to be worshiped. They are like Satan. They want to take to take the place of Jesus.
Thou shalt not worship false idols or narcissists…
Lately I've been thinking the problem with narcissists (as though there's only one!) is they're not content to be the centre of attention, they have to consume your whole gaze.
and if you do not give them what they want than something is wrong with you. I have finally figured that is exactly how my mother acts.
How I love this: "the narcissist is gonna be someone who is gonna be in my rearview mirror."
#10 is if they have an issue you will have no idea. Months later you’ll find the knife in your back and you will be stunned the narcissist could act normally while they are plotting your destruction.
Some people from my past I suspected are narcissists have done that to me. We appeared to be getting along okay, but then they come out with their issues they have with me and instead of telling me what really bothers them and wanting to fix it, they want to give up on me. Threaten to end the relationship or friendship. Or they act like they expected me to already know what to do already. Or maybe they will do something horrible out of nowhere and act like I was the problem.
What really gets me is that some of these people were willing to put up with others who were difficult or annoyed them, they complained to me about troubles their family, friends or ex did, yet were willing to put up with them longer than with me, when I try to be as easy going, drama free as possible.
@@Dj.D25 It sounds like you have a lot of narcissists too. I hope you find healing. I’m healing by not caring anymore. I have casual friends and I will hang out. It just doesn’t mean anything anymore. I don’t reach out to find out why I was ghosted and I don’t care what lies are told. So be it.
Yes
They need your praise, but treat you so badly that you don’t have any praise for them anymore. They just disgust you.
My ex would insult me and then ask me to accept it either with a hug/or with a cheers of cups. I said, I’m not doing that…and then the rage would start.
Dr.C and team healthy, narcissists have fear of rejection however everything they do leads them to their very rejection and they will never get it!
That is so true. They are their own worst enemies and relationship destroyers.
Agreed 👍
Correct. Why learn/grow when one already knows everything 🤔
I so agree ! 💯
38 years of marriage and he just retired… I just found out we don’t really have any savings! He’s spent it all on hobbies and hid everything from me !
This is so true. And occasionally they throw you a small bone - 'I'm not perfect, I'm only human' - but there's never any real owning up to inadequacies.
They need your praise but they will knock you down
And once they knock you down they step on you. If bleeding they stab you.
@@catherinewindsor1654 Yes always kick you when you're down
There’s no solving their anger problems. I triggered a narc by turning down meeting them because they were hungover from overindulgence the previous night and awoke the next morning to their demands of an apology because they felt hurt I had called them out. They turned down my offer of meeting them in person to discuss matters and address their feelings, instead insisting that I needed to apologise via text message before they would see me. They need you to capitulate and it showed me that I was dealing with a child.
1. They need your praise/adoration
2. They need heart connections
3. They need to be known
4. They need you to solve their anger problems
5. They need to be better than
6. They need to be right - disproportionally
7. They need favored treatment
8. They need the appearance of good coping skills
9. They need to feel necessary
Be aware:
》At the core Narcs fear rejection/abandonement
》Being open & vulnerable would imply that you would see their inadequacies and that they are being equal to you
Dr Carter 👨🦳 and Gus 🐶 thank you for another lesson full of insight 🌞🌟🌝🌈
Thanks, Roxy!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism You are quite welcome, Dr Carter.
@aslannette Janette, you are very welcome and thank you for your reply. I often make notes for I am a more visual learner and besides it might help others as well. Dr Carter's voice is quite speedy for he likes to put lots of content into 15 min. So it makes sense that you pause the video to absorb what he said 😊 and by the way it is far better for your brain to just listen instead of listen and taking notes at the same time 😉
Wishing you a wonderful healing journey 🙏💛🙏
Thank you. I appreciate your notes ❤️
@@amandaliverpool3374 Thanks, Amanda. That's very kind of you❣
Everything with a narcissist is either hidden, damaged or broken. Life is too short! Get Healthy, Be Healthy and Stay Healthy!
Thanks TH, DR C and SIR GUS (Gus is really living his best life in this one! GO GUS!)
Thanks, Bara!
You nailed it!
My beloved cat, Friend, died on Saturday. She was worth every tear, whereas narcissists are not.
Thank you Dr C and Gus for the work you’re doing.
So sorry for your loss. Our animal friends can be so comforting.
@@SurvivingNarcissismThank you.
Sorry for the loss of your friend 💜
We have 6 cats. There is one female who enjoys sleeping right next to me every night. I understand what it’s like to be so close to an animal like that. 😊
Sorry about your kitty, take care.
There is a 10th need: They need to always win. They will go through hell and high water to get a win!
Correct.
That’s also an autistic feature.
They need to be famous. They believe nthey should be wealthy and famous. They can't tolerate being ordinary. 🙄
There's the Guster! Napping away listening to Daddy. Safety for him is hearing his Daddy's voice. ♥♥♥♥♥
Gus is zen!
❤️❤️❤️🐾🐾Yesss!! I love seeing Gus there 😍
Gus is so cool.... He's just hanging. Love him❤
They need us to need them. It blows my mind, the extremes they went through so we’d believe it.
Dr. C., I am very thankful for the guidance and direction you give us each week. The best support I’ve ever had is here with you and Team Healthy…people I never even met! Thank you 🙏 ❤🤗🕊
You're quite welcome.
Spot on!!! 🎯
My ex narc definitely thought his opinions were the only one's that mattered. Conversations with him usually went like this: I'd say "you contradict everything I say". He'd reply "no, I dont". Then I'd say "see, you just did". He was also very needy and immature. But God help you if you needed something from him. It drives you nuts.
You eventually see narc as an immature infant. What a contrast to love bomb phase!
@@angelablaney4575 So true. I often felt that he wanted a mommy and not a relationship.
@@Xaxtarr_Neonraven I don't think it's just you. UA-cam has been shadow banning quite a few of my comments too.
Very insightful. Also, if you want to totally baffle the narc, address their meanness, and say that they therefore are unlikable to you. OMG. The logical side of them will be forced to reason. Afterall, do THEY like mean people? So their next question will be "How was I "mean".
Leave 'em in a quandary. Don't even engage. 😅🎉
You just earned your freedom.
This happened 😂
They must be absolutely exhausted? Even someone talking to another person in a different room has to be controlled I have noticed.. So strange. Is it a "curable" thing I wonder? .. Maybe we should all start doing the "bow down" gesture to them! LOL.. Thank you Dr Les.
So you don't mind bowing to Satan?
Here, here! They do indeed steal your praise and then your worship with no conscience
Yup, so ridiculous, never gonna get your needs met if you hide them. Insanity
It’s really sad. Lots of needs that they shoot themselves in the foot about, and spend so much effort ensuring won’t get met. Trapped in their own cycles. Really really sad.
Narcs should take the least amount of head space in our lives. I repeatedly remind myself to focus on my needs and stay calm around them. Overtime, it has become a habit. I also always watch for any new patterns in narcs, as their insecurities grow and their attitude shifts. New triangulation is formed. Or they become bitter through adversities, and aging.
i have paranoid schizophrenia it has been hard but i learning to trust again thank you doctor i am ready to date again thank doctor i have met a lot narcissist parents that control there adult daughter who they can date it is very frustrating but I will find a good woman.
My therapist recommended that I listen to your videos. They have been real eye-openers and explain a lot of what I have been experiencing. You certainly have helped me have a new view on what is happening in my life, and how to help myself more.
Glad the videos resonate, and tell your therapist thanks!
You have a great therapist!
Dr. C, I just shopping at Target when I saw a doormat that actually said, “So glad you’re here.”
Chills……..(you got that right).
This video from Dr. C was-actually, as usual!!-so FULL to overflowing with powerful items, condensed into 14 minutes. Thank you, Roxie, for your notes! I so often appreciate your excellently written summaries! This time I wanted to thank you, personally!
Agree!
Thank you Dr C and Gus!! ❤ I really needed this today!! I've been dealing with a narcissist boss and he's been very negative and critical and even downright cruel lately even more than usual.. I'm happy to hear that this man cannot be happy without putting me down especially when he is disregulated.. so clear and insightful!! Go Team Healthy!!
The Narc in my life constantly often asks me questions she doesn’t want answered. She is right and everyone else is automatically wrong. 😊
We all can learn a lesson from Dr C ..... but above all, we need to chill out like Gus ... He's the man!!
Good point.
They are NOT WORTH YOUR BREATH
they need to be angry
They need to keep that anger fed
@@fancypinkg You got that right..
Thank you Dr.C every time I listen to you all my nerves system just relax that is why I am still awake and it’s 3:16 am in Sydney, thank you 🙏!
Get some rest, Fred! I want the best for you.
@@SurvivingNarcissismthank you Doc! Like wise!
I use bachflower remedies in the middle of the night when I am reliving his raging and shouting at me.@@fred.k9875
Thought I had insomnia but have realised that it's staying in a fight or flight mind because they are in the house.
They rant, rage then they go to sleep. You can't sleep though.
Thank you for your education. I have gained so much knowledge that has guided me through this difficult journey of self awareness in dealing with narcissism. God bless you. ❤
Gus looks, in this video, like the way I felt having come away from "conversations" about why I was the sole cause of the failure of my marriage. Glad that part of my life has ended and I found Dr. Carter to help with the healing process. It's been three years on now and every day I wake up, happy that I am on the path to healing and much more assured in the meaning of life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I love your delivery dr.C...you make me laugh at the right points throughout, and it lightens our burdens of dealing with the subject of narcissism...Your wife is one lucky lady ❤ Thank you.
Thanks, Heather. BTW, I love my wife.
@@SurvivingNarcissism
I hope your wife loves you in return. That’s important.
@@SurvivingNarcissismI figured as much which is the reason I said she is lucky.
I would rather spend a weekend training an ant to sing, then deal with one ever again. 😂😂😂
That made me laugh 😂
Problem is there everywhere!
Awesome, Dr. C! This video explains behaviors I'd asked yesterday. That a narcissist "needs" to have a posse to follow them - flying monkeys in training, I suppose.
This narcissist will express "I'm hurting" but only in the context of "and it's all because of you". They are 50 years old. Certainly capable of seeking help. Thanks again for being a beacon for us!! 💜🐾
What a great tale rather like one a narc tells to hide behind.
This one was a super interesting angle on narcissism. Thank you 🙏😊
I used to feel for my narcs lack of emotional connectedness, after 24 years of my love and understanding, I never for a second thought that he would cheat on me. But he did, 8yrs ago, and even with proof, denied every second of his involvement. I accepted it, and wanted to work on the relationship. YOU CANT STAY, IF THEY DONT ADMIT.
What ended up happening was the projection. I was promiscuous, I was the liar etc etc. I left 8 months ago. And still healing from his narc rage abuse and gaslighting. Leave as soon as you can. It doesnt get better, and the longer u stay, the longer it will take to heal. Thanks Dr C.
I feel like my husband is spiraling but I don’t know. He doesn’t groom himself anymore and he stomps around the house going 90 mph and the animals just scatter and if my dog that is old and dying doesn’t move quick enough he will sit on her . I don’t like my life right now and trying to fix it but I am to controlled . This is the only space thank you Dr c that I can get any help . I love you team healthy .
Amanda, that sounds awful. Things have a way of working out. Stay strong 💪 🫂
Amanda, I'm pulling for you...I know you're working hard to figure this out!
🙏
Your husband has checked OUT and despises you and the life he living! You may need to leave before he hurts you and then hurt himself.
How old is your husband?
Dr. C., You are our gift! You show us the way to realize that we are valuable and deserve to be treasured and respected.
Team Healthy, we are in the presence of someone very special and so deserving of our praise....Guess what? He is not false. He is so true. He tells it just like it is and is the absolutely best....AND.... he is NOT a narcissist. Simply an expert in his field, yes, the 'real deal' Standard Bearer....our one and only Dr. C! Thank you from the depths of my once broken heart.❤❤❤❤❤
My goodness. Thank you, Nancy.
Couldn't have said it better!
So thankful for helping us!
Well said ❣️
I really appreciate your videos, Dr. C!!
I'm so glad to be on Team Healthy and with your expert guidance, its easier to _stay_ on Team Healthy. I got a hoovering text from my ex (narc) today (saying that he's sorry... which, of course, isn't anything genuine) and since I have gone No Contact, your advice and the advice from Danish (the narc abuse coach) I was able to stand firm, not take the bait and not engage with him. At all. I knew it was only a trap. I wouldn't believe he was sorry if he had it tattooed on his forehead.
Oh Gus is on his blanket today! 😊🧡
Dear Doc C., this one is so truly helpful! Sending you a giant hug😊
Thanks, Stanley!
I wish I knew this information several months back. It would have been a great help. Thank you for sharing your insights.
Missed the live stream again. The chats are usually very engaging. Oh well there's always tomorrow. Happy trails everyone.
Thank you dear Gus and Dr. C.
You are such a blessing to us.
God bless you from me
Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Another eye-opening, helpful video. Makes me feel better about myself but sad for my tormentors. They are in a dark place indeed. Thanks again Dr. C 🇬🇧🥰
I have been watsching your videos, and I love the content. I have a child with a woman who I have the impression fits so many of these narcisistic characteristics. But I find it diffucult to find tips on how to deal with her. We have a daughter together and she controls absolutely everything. I have tried suggesting counseling, but she says everything is perfect as it is. She keeps me from seeing my daughter and limits my time with her. Its so sad.
DoctorRamani has a wonderful UA-cam channel that might also be helpful for information. She definitely has videos on this topic.
Get help from CPS. Or a lawyer to get visitation rights.
Dr. Carter,
🎉I’m so excited the word is getting out about your channel!! 755!! 🎉
Gus is over therapitized! 😊
This man has the best advice out there. Thank you most sincerely.
Thanks so much.
@@SurvivingNarcissismNo truly I thank you. I have just found your videos today and they are the best videos out there that I have seen on the topic. It's really helping me to understand more about the dynamics of difficult situation and the behaviours of the narcissistic abuser and I have found much reassurance that I am not alone in my coping with this. Thank you so much for providing the different tools to be able to deal with this type of overwhelming abuse. With every good wish for your future health and happiness. Kindest wishes. Lucy.
My adult son has destroyed his family all for the sake of his new woman iv been through this so many times in the last 20 yrs if you say anything to him hes now giving the silent treatment for over a year hes a lost soul and he is very needy ans afraid of being alone thank you for this video its so hard at times realise how broken he is but puts on that false front dr carter you truly are a very caring man and hi to gus from a very hot Australia 🇦🇺
Thanks so much Dr. C. Team healthy!
Thank you, Dr. Carter. Always informative videos that make things clearer for us.
Why is my covert narcissist husband acting so very nice to me the last few days? It really plays with my mind!!! Can I really think and trust that he realizes how he has been treating me. It is so very difficult for me to trust him!!!
There is always a reason why they are being good to us, usually want a bigger favour or service in return for their kindness and generosity,
It’s good that he’s being nice but If he hasn’t sat down with you and apologized for wrongs done. He’s probably just hoovering you.
He’s probably got new supply,being nice to you is only to distract you from what he’s doing
For a change, Gus is on his blanket today. Usually, he sleeps besides it. Thanks for the podcast Dr C.
Every now and then he hits the bullseye!
It’s crazy making I need help after this situationshio
You just need to get away from them please for the sake of mental and physical health I don't care if it's a relationship or family
Dr. C this was right on point I’ve laughed. I’ve just thought and just have such certainty. You are phenomenal and it does make their logic some kind of way understood thank God I am free of trying to be late but living a better life in the mist of it all bless you.
Glad it resonated, Barbara.
My husband accused me of being needy?
BRAVO Dr Carter! Right on 🎯
I wish that I had real loving mother instead of the narcissistic superficial loving mother that I finally figured out that I have had my entire life. I have had so many screwed up relationships because of this.
Dr. Carter, do you think people should give advice only when asked? Could you please elaborate on when and how to give advice when you want to support someone without being narcissistic?
If you were half a human being & only adult from the neck down then you’d be concerned about a disguise too 🤦♀️ so you could put on a monster mask or a cool dude face & pretend to be a whole person 🤷♀️ but that doesn’t work very well in intimate situations 🙍♀️ smoke & mirrors as a way of life is so confusing!
"Only adult from the neck down" - Carol, this really made me laugh although it is quite sad. Your comment makes very much sense for you are shifting the perspective 👏👏👏
Once i said to my soon be ex when she was just seeking to find something wrong on me :: I don't think I have right to dump my negative emotions on anyone around ..lol that was some response, how she is entitled to do so.
Thanks Dr. Carter. Great help.
Glad it was helpful, Dane!
Thank you for exposing these ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon
Catching the "tape delay," as I'll likely be halfway thru a med thing when this premieres. Curious, though.
I'm curious if it's conscious or unconscious. Do they believe they have needs?
@@well_weathered Betting that they are conscious of A need, but not aware of just what that need is. So they will continue in their behavior, ignoring the law of diminishing returns. “It felt good once before, so I’ll do it again, only more so this time. Yeah, that’ll work.”
Omg, Aaron! That is so true!
Pushing the limits more and more until they get caught. And even THAT doesn’t change their behavior. (Sending lots of positive vibes your way for sure tomorrow.)
I hope everything goes well. 🌹I didn't want to pry.
Thank you for letting me know about Ordinary Angels. It was a great movie.
I happened to catch Gaslight (1944) last evening, Just WOW!
@@well_weathered...oh dear , narcs are the neediest creatures on this planet besides babies . But they are babies 🤷🤷
Spot on ! 💯
Glad you think so!
I’ve just left a job I liked because of a narcissist. I couldn’t deal with them anymore. I had to walk. I’m a man of faith and the narcissist was a Christian too. He knew scripture and I stupidly opened up to him before he turned on me and put me down and threw me under the bus . Talking behind my back, putting me down and making me appear incompetent. How can you be a Christian and be a narcissist?? It’s really affected me
I’m sorry that happened to you! The fact is this person is most likely a Christian in name only. Shake the dust off your feet like Jesus said and move on like you did. Good for you!
The Bible says: “You will know them by their fruit.” Calling yourself a Christian does not make you a Christian. It’s your behavior (how you treat others) that makes you a Christian. Jesus was always confronting narcissists about their hubris (self-perceived superiority) and hypocrisy.
They're pretend Christians! At their core their evil and know it! Very dangerous. The narc, I knew actually resembled the devil on the night I left. Facially, bodily, covered in pussy sores! The worst experience ever! Strange noises in the house, evil frog sound when he was asleep coming from him. That one night and last even I was acting different! It's a fact, and I left for good. I say good riddance Brian sandford, fake Christian! Praying for all on here, who've gone thru it and survived. It doesn't feel like it but put your faith in prayer🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
This “Christian” is in name only. One of Jesus’ parables was about the separating of sheep & goats, wheat & tares when He returns to judge at the End Times.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, especially if you’re new to the Christian faith. But, please realize there are real Christian’s-wheat & sheep-in the world. I pray you can connect to the real Christians!
Gus is cute!! Thanks Dr. For the info! 🐶😴💤💤💤💕💞💕
Great vid but I love the sleeping doggie too.
What makes narcissist irresistible in the first and repulsive in the second place?
I'll turn this Q into a video, Fred!
@@SurvivingNarcissismThank you Dr.C!
Exactly
Snap shoting
The first place is fake and phony. The second place is real and ugly.
Dr.C sometimes I just can’t resist offer help, just yesterday I wanted help that female that I suspect she is covert, with a instrument, she just responded no I got it with out saying thank you and with agitation, this just confirms when you say narcissist thinks they don’t need our help and covertly thinks on top of that we are stupid.
Yep!
Thank you so much for this DR Les, You're a beautiful soul, A great bloke, I have upmost Respect for you, Gus is so zen 😃🐶💜💙💛💚❤🌌🌈 Peace, love, Respect to you , Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the universe, The most high, God is great 🌈🌌💛💜❤💚💛🐶😃🤗✌🌲😊👽🕊🦁🐉😇🦄🌷🌹😍☘
My stepfather pulled this trick which seemed innocent until I realized it wasn't. Before he would tell a joke or say something funny he would start to chuckle as if to say "you'll find this funny like I do." Of course this realization came due to many other selfish acts of his that caused pain to others. He did not like it if you didn't find what he said funny. You would pay the price if you didn't. I refer to him as the "big prick."
Or “you’re gonna laugh”
Ya need to rename Gus to Riley….he’s living the life ❤️. Seriously though, thank you Dr. Carter for these videos. They have been so very helpful.
If I believed in reincarnation, I'd wanna come back a Dr. Carters dog. What a tough life.
Hmmm. I wonder what Gus' past life was.
I love yor advice but ... my ex narc would've bashed the shit out of me if I'd called him out on 3 of those tips ...
Hey gang, I’m noticing a quirky thing in YT comments: when I read “Top” Comments, some of the replies are excluded. I noticed my original one shows 10 replies, but when I go to “Newest” first, it shows All 12 replies.
I can't figure out the algorithms, so it you can, more power to you, Aaron!
Hi Aaron, I can only see 10 replies on your original post. Sometimes it is a real mess with the comments for
1. Some are hidden (you can only see them when you know who answered you by going onto their profile)
2. Some never show up because yt deletes them after a minute
@@roxymovie3938 Roxy, I sometimes check with another YT account I have that hasn’t blocked trolls or subscribed to this, my primary channel. I noticed before that Top comments might get filtered, where Newest doesn’t. Same for replies to comments. I’ve also noticed that YT doesn’t like some words, and filters out an entire comment or reply if that word is used. I just don’t know what those words are.
@@roxymovie3938 PS - I also sometimes use my other account to add one more “like” to his stream and replies. Dunno if that helps his monetization matrix, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I’m inquisitive. I’m a thinker. I want to understand. This channel aids me in all 3 areas, and for that, I am extremely grateful, Dr. C.
Dr.C in your expert opinion do you think,every time narcissist goes through cycle of idealisation and devaluation and discard is trying to have a successful individuation that never had with their mother , I have heard this from self proclaimed professor of psychology and I never got Freud.
Your explanation of narcissism sits better with me.
What you describe is not the path for successful individuation. Freud would refer to small children trying to find themselves and at an early age, it can manifest in anger. But the older a person becomes, devaluation becomes tied to raw selfishness and the need to compensate for inferiority feelings. Alfred Adler became known for explaining that dynamic.
@@SurvivingNarcissismexactly adult can find their healthiness and growth in adults world in adult ways. Thank you!
be a naturally GOOD SOUL. Virtuous. So confident in FAITH in God and the faith practices that 'raise us up' . . . we can live a quiet, GOOD, 'fruitful' life on earth... but with understanding of the BETTER LIFE 'fully with God.' This is called 'maturity of spirit.' YES, it is what a 60s generation of 'kids' (teen years to 'whatever age') are still struggling with. Why? They abandoned the
religion of FAITH. (the practices of faith... kneeling and worshipping, worship meaning 'praise of THE GOD,' Thanksgiving TO 'The God,' and Petition 'as one' to THE GOD (which requires a
humility that we do not know it all) , , , there's a lot of angry, insecure, immature SOULS out and about... who need to 'convince' THEMSELVES of 'how great they are.' (as is being said in this
video) NON HUMBLE world it is. Moral 'subjectivity' ... it it is good for me... its good, and YOU are not to tell me anything. (so secure of their truths... but THEY CAN'T JUST LISTEN for fear
they might have to change or that someone is trying to change them.' Sum it up as NON HUMBLE. (humble is weakness... they were taught somewhere ASSERTIVE is 'the way' to get ahead.
JUST ENDURE ... say nothing. LIVE a GOOD LIFE and pray for EVERYONE including self.
How is Gus?
He's much better and has completed his treatments! Thanks for asking.
Dr C, Is not liking to admit they don't know something a trait? I've noticed that if this person asks me a question and I honestly don't know the answer, they get very upset and agitated with me. I found later it was to look knowledgeable to someone else?
Deb, what you are describing here is very typical for Narcissists. When they ask you a question you cannot answer, they nearly always get passive aggressive, agitated with you. In fact this is a manipulation technique to wear you down.
Dr C, I see you've met my brother😅
the book MIND GAMES The Dual Facets of Manipulation and Dark Psychology
What if they talk about their neediness when you first meet, but not again. Would that be considered a part of lovebombing?
No, I would not consider this as part of the lovebombing because lovebombing is the faked idealization of the other person. Just once talking about their neediness when you first meet, tells you in fact that this person has an agenda with you.
@@roxymovie3938
Actually fake vulnerability, saying you're needy for example, can be a part of lovebombing. It is fake intimacy. They also hope it will cause you to show them your weaknesses. Then they save those for the discard and invalidation.
Yelp
The Narc who thought me the best life lessons that I badly needed is afraid of death and goes into overdrive when yet another family member dies , While I was kind to him when another one died recently, I did tell him that we all have to go at some point but we need to live while we are here , he scooted away very quickly on hearing that . I truely believe that he needs something to fight about & someone to die so that he can feel alive .
3:50 they need Heart connections... Like Aztecs, or maybe worshippers of Kali... 😶... 🤭... 😶🌫️
Is it a wonder that many of us subjected to narcissistic abuse think of suicide?
Not surprised but they're not worth it. Just leave.
Please don’t! Your life is precious-above & despite the lowlife narc!
❤❤❤❤
Sometimes I wonder if it's really okay to want to be noticed, but you're not necessarily a narcissist. Such as being appreciated for your talents, knowledge and skills, and you know you're not exactly average. You know you have more to offer than the average person because you did the research, looked at the experts or best people who have high quality standards and you try to be like them because you appreciate high quality products or standards. Yet you notice other people who clearly aren't as skilled and knowledgeable as you are in something get plenty of success, attention or praise. Sometimes these successful people are narcissists themselves.
I have watched narcissists complain about not getting the attention they feel they deserve, they go on rants about how their way of doing things is how it ought to be done, yet often times their way of doing things is so odd to the point where it's clearly not working or making things more difficult for them and everyone else, yet refuse to listen to the advice of others.
?How come Gus seems always sleeping while you are talking dr.Carter?🤪
They milk the 🐄 and steal the cows friends 😆
This was my ex-boss. She fired me.