They are getting quicker and quicker and it's scary in my opinion. Everything is happening way to fast or when we rich certain age everything is faster? Idk😓
@@Dainari3993 there's so much to do when we are older. also, i have this personal theory that when I am in hurry and do everything quickly time runs faster. When I am chilled and do things in my pace, then I manage to do everything and there is plenty of time left. :D and also it has something to do with thinking about the future a lot. when i was a kid or teen future seemed to me as very abstract concept, now it seems far more real
It's J.E & Ace Agreed! I’m 30 and I love fashion but because I’ve had to wear uniforms to my last few jobs since I was 24 I feel like I’ve lost my sense of personal style. I try to look for inspiration but either feel it’s too mature or professional, but I don’t have an office job or fancy lifestyle. Almost all my coworkers/friends where I currently live are all between 19-25 so what they wear just feels out of my comfort zone now. I feel like things in most stores are tailored to 20s having fun, professional work attire, or retirement...😕
I'll never dress my age! Not going to happen! Lol. I'm nearly 50, and I wear ripped jeans and Converse etc. Being older doesn't mean you have to dress older (as long as you're not wearing something ridiculously young for you, if you know what I mean!) I look at some women my age and just think they make themselves look older because of the way they dress. Can't ever see me wearing frumpy clothes!! 😂
Just dress how you want :) There’s so much pressure on women to look older when we’re younger and to look younger when we’re older. We can’t ever win so wear the things you like to wear and feel good in. Who cares what people think.
I remember being the same way my first birthday after my grandfathers passed away.. thanks for not brushing over the rough parts of life, Taylor! I think it makes everyone feel a little less alone.
@@Taylor_R it gets better slowly but surely. I don't believe there's such a thing as 'getting over' the death of someone who was so pivotal in your every day life, but more so learning to adapt to (and accepting!) life without them. Remembering that death is as much a part of life as living is is very important too. Some days will be better than others - give yourself the grace to have bad days, breathe through them, and continue on. Just the other day I heard my grandfather's voice on my grandparent's voicemail while trying to call my grandmother and, two years after his death, balled my eyes out like a little kid. But realizing that isn't a setback, and more importantly letting it happen (!) is incredible and important. Allowing yourself to feel things instead of pushing through and keeping it moving helps patch the wound, at least for me personally. Not dealing with your emotions is sort of like slowly lowering mentos toward soda - it will eventually touch, bubble, and overflow. Better let things out when they come instead of the proverbial bottle exploding. I hope this helps!
@@Taylor_R Also : talk and reminisce about them as often as possible! Laughing and talking about all the good memories, funny experiences, and even the mess ups really, really helps even if sometimes it's hard.
Jessica Shearn I agree my grandmother passed away recently and I let my emotions out for a bit but now I feel better, and you’ll get through it. It’s a really strange feeling of them not being here ❤️❤️ily
I think therapy really helped me too, it really helps you untangle what your loss actually means in your life beyond just being sad that they're not there. It reaches all over your life, and talking it through with someone like a grief counselor helps you to understand, recognise, and eventually be able to accept that.
Honestly same! , just started subing her this week and I thought she was younger than me and im 25 😂..... Now im gonna have to watch all her videos so I can figure out her magic
Mimi Shimaineko I agree. Especially when living abroad...I think it takes longer. As an expat, I don’t think I’ve ever fully grieved my grandfather passing.
I wanna hug you. It's so upsetting to see you cry, but happy birthday. I turned 19 20 days ago. I've been watching you since I was 15 and hope to continue until you someday stop posting but even after that I'll still support you in spirit. You've been a large part of my life and your uploads always lifted my spirits after school on days I wasn't doing too well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR, WE LOVE YOU, you're one year ~younger~ 💙
The best explanation I ever heard of how it feels to grieve: there is a tiny box, which represents time. Inside the box is a big button, your grief. Also inside the box is a ball, bouncing around, life. When it has only been a small amount of time the box is small, the ball keeps hitting the grief button over and over as it bounces around. As time goes on the box gets bigger and bigger. The grief button and the ball stay the same size but now the ball has more room and hits the grief button less often. It never goes away but the button gets pushed less as time goes on xx thank you for sharing taylor
This is such a great description of how it feels! Thank you for this. Since losing my parents, it's been hard for me to put into words what the grief is like, and I think I'll try explaining it your way in the future.
That is so nicely put and completely relatable. Very true indeed and I'd even say it applies to other kinds of pains, like a difficult relationship that ended. Time heals and you start getting better but on some days it randomly hurts again and you don't know why or where it's coming from but the next day you might be just fine.
This year I truly spent everything alone... No mom no dad no brother... All of them passed away and I'm really struggling. I'm trying to get better but mentally j give up already. My aunts tries so hard telling me that once I hit 30, things will get better and honestly speaking..... I have about 40+ days before my birthday.... And I don't want to go another year alone.... I've been alone for so long... I just don't want to feel the same another year.
Sending you a hug, honey!💞💛💖🥰 I kinda understand what you’re going through. I know how sad it feels to feel alone. I really hope you can feel my support and that God will guide your steps to victory through this trials of life. Please take care of yourself. I care about you💞💖 Hope you can feel this hug too🥰💞💝🌤
I had a friend this year who did a "friendsgiving" instead of thanksgiving i know it could never be the same but dont shut yourself off im sure people would love to spend time with u
I know how hard it is to lose a grandparent, there’s like this hole in your heart that you aren’t sure will completely fill in again. I won’t say it ever will, but the hole gets smaller. And then you smile when you think about him singing to you on your birthday instead of feeling sad. I wish you nothing but happiness Taylor :) he is so proud of you!!!
I lost my dad and felt this exact way! And I told myself these exact words but feels different like I know for sure now that things will get better seeing these words from someone else
I think there is too much pressure associated with getting older, especially as a woman. People expect you to have a baby, be married, or achieve any sort of milestone by X age. As you get older, it can feel heavier on your mind as you may be starting to think about those thing more seriously. People also expect you to have a party or celebrate it somehow but sometimes you don't feel like it! That pressure and the fact that someone you cherished passed away (quite recently in the end) can make birthdays very emotional. It's okay to let it out! Your grandfather will always live through you and all the memories you have of him. He must have been such an amazing person, as we can literally feel your love for him through the screen. Happy belated birthday Taylor :* (I'm sure you will have a family of your own in the future, even if it's hard, families come in all shapes and sizes) A lot of love from France!
People ask those things because it is the normal human thing to do. There is no pressure if you don’t want to but late on in life if you don’t have those things they’re definitely going to weigh on your mind. Having kids, or finding love or reaching a certain milestone is just things that makes people happy, it shouldn’t be treated as an achievement of stature/bragging it is an achievement of life. The only pressure would probably be from your parents because they want to see their precious child they’ve nurtured, loved and molded have the best possible life they can think off.
@@lalloo93 I think maybe you don't realize that there is indeed pressure associated with these topics, or maybe misunderstand my message. Much like a mom who pushes her kids into things they don't like (tiger mom style I guess), it might come from a place of love and care yet it does put pressure on someone. People can't disregard their feelings because "normalcy" is that "by age 30 you have a kid or are married". This is something most women do experience, sometimes very early on (early 20s) and that's been the topic of sociological studies. Maybe you've never witnessed it, or maybe you don't "see" it happening because it seems so normal to you (assuming by your name that you are/identify as male). Either way, people cannot deny these feelings. It's not about reaching or achieving anything (achievements and self worth are based upon meeting your own expectations). My comment was not meant as any type of political or feminist statement. My english isn't perfect, so bear with me :)
@@lalloo93 there is a lot of pressure- especially with your culture. im expected to be married and have at least 1 kid in my early 20s- but i want to live my life as the 20s are the best years of your life. however, i dont want to be seen as the odd one out in my family- who didnt follow the tradition and 'isnt respecting our culture'. you may not have a lot of pressure- but the rest of us do
@@lalloo93 i can at least speak as a woman from the US that there is A LOT of pressure. I kept getting asked 'when are you going to get married' when i was mid 20s even when i was in between relationships. Then when I hit late 20s, they skip the marriage questions and ask when I'm going to have kids. Luckily my boyfriend has supported my fighting against this 'norm'. Culture expects a lot from us and anything different raises eyebrows and gets comments.
There IS pressure for women to have children of their own at least. Biological pressure. We don't have viable eggs forever and if you are someone that thinks adopting is a last, LAST resort, it can be very difficult on your self esteem if you struggle with getting pregnant which just adds to the frustrations and pressure. Other people shouldn't be a factor. If people around you are asking you questions and making you feel pressured, tell them to stop politely or choose better people to be around. Why let others control the way you feel? That's dumb. If you ladies are adults, you need to stand up for yourself and not let people get away with being inappropriate, even family and friends. They should respect you enough to listen to you. My mom would ask me "When are you gonna get married?". I've been with my boyfriend for seven years. I've had to tell her that it doesn't matter and that we will do it when we feel comfortable in our lives to do so. The last time she asked, I responded with "When you ask me things like this, it's like you don't respect me or my relationship with my SO." She's stopped asking me. She even apologized to me. So please.. advocate for yourself kindly.
I also turned 31 on December 8th and I'm at peace with it. While no one enjoys growing older, I see it as a blessing that I'm still here on this earth and able to experience the beauty of living. I wish you a wonderful and joyous 31st year.
I don't get why people despise being older..I mean, if you see an old person you're watching someone who made it that far. It's not guarantee for us to reach the same age. I've had older people asking me, in a joyful tone, if I find it difficult to take care of my grandma (we are going out together a lot) btw..I always answer that I wish to reach her age (87) especially with her vitality, and then those people seem to have an epiphany on what it really means to grew old. It's not a nuisance, it's a goal!!
@@Rose-hg8ls Oh don't do that. You're going through a hard time, I know. I've been going through onefor three years but I'm starting to reach the other side. It does get better. Is there anyone you can talk to? It's perfectly normal for your life to be a mess at 22. You're not a failure. You're so, so young.
@@Anna-fw7lm never really thought of it that way... i always despised my birthdays because i didnt want to get older, but youre right it a goal not a loss
Your granddad will always be with you as long as you carry on his memory. Live your life the way you always did, or want to. The last thing he would want is to think he was holding you back. Take him wherever you go, and he'll be celebrating birthdays and holidays with you always ❤️
Dearest Taylor, my father died some years ago on Boxing Day; therefore, I understand the the emotional state that you shared with us. Always remember that you are grieving. This process is raw takes a long time and varies from one person to another. There is nothing amiss as your grandfather's spirit touches yours on special occasions and in your dreams. My father communicated with me in dreams for a long time after his death and I learned to find consolation in them. During a different period of grief in my life I consulted a therapist who guided me through it with kindness and love. I hope that you can find the same. Prayers...
I lost my ex boyfriend in May when he was shot and killed suddenly. I experience the same exact thing as you, where I dream that he’s still alive and then wake up in the morning and realize he’s gone. It’s like being stuck in a constant loop... and because of this, I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate my 32nd birthday (Dec. 17th) and now Christmas. I just feel like I have nothing to celebrate without him here. Even though we were broken up when he passed, we always loved eachother and had an unspoken understanding that one day we’d get back together. He was my soul mate, no one has ever understood or loved me like he did (besides my mom, who passed away when I was 16). I’m thankful my dad is still alive, but I feel like he’s all I have left and I’m so scared for the day he’s gone. I’m so sad and so scared of life at the same time. Anyways, this was incredibly long winded but just wanted to let you know a fellow Sag out here can relate. I’ve watched every video of yours religiously since 2016 😊 Please do a meetup in Toronto! ♥️
What are you going through is completely normal. When my dad passed away I would cry when I ate, because he loved food so much... its being 12 years and I still get watery eyes when I think of him. You will miss him forever. You just need accept that.
Keep sharing stories about your grandpa, especially to your children, so his legacy will live on! You will never stop missing him, I was deployed in combat as a U.S. Marine when my Lola (grandma) had a major stroke and passed away... That was in 2003 and I still miss her, I remind myself doing things to keep her proud and forgive myself for not being there when she was gravely ill.
Buried one of my grandmothers last week. The other one we buried in July. This Christmas was awful. I've been crying all week and I've had nightmares constantly since both of their passings. I've started therapy in November and it is totally worth it. Sending you love. I know that it's not easy 💜
I don’t ever comment on videos but it’s been so long since I watched a video that I can really relate to. You are the only ones I know will go on camera without any make up or hair done and really show your true self - Not all made up and perfect all the time. Thank you for sharing Taylor!
It is really sad to see you so sad on your birthday. I also ended this year the hard way. My boyfriend of almost 4 years admitted to me that he cheated on me our whole relationship with different women. But actually since he told me, I never felt stronger. I really reflected everything that happenend in a way I never did before. I also am going to therapy and gonna learn even more about me, but in a way, what happened opened my eyes and I am now finding myself. Ich really hope you will find a good therapist. You will find out so much more and learn to reflect in a way you never did before. I wish you all the best!
@@brendonsforehead4961 yeah he did and still does. But it took him almost 4 years to confess. So I don't know how guilty he really felt until I he felt the consequences. But I know he did it because of self esteem issues (I think he doesn't know that though 🤣). But in a way it helped me to not be angry and just move on and work on myself. I feel anger always held me back from moving on.
@@goldengirl7625 Yes, we didn't even discuss it, it was natural to me that it was over. There would never be trust again. It is really sad because I trusted him SO much. In retrospective I feel really stupid that I did not suspect it at all. He went out so much and stayed till 6 in the morning somethimes. But he also was sooo cuddely and you would never have thought he would cheat, because he seemed so in love with me. In a way I am also proud that I was not jealous at all, because it would not have changed anything about the situation. If someone wants to cheat on you, he will - no matter what.
My grandmother died at the 30th of december, new year now is never te same as before. When the countdown starts it's like always the countdown of goodbye, like she's going away over and over again. But i'll always cherish something my boyfriends mom (from that time) said to me. People who die at the end of the year want to end it at the right time, they just don't want to start the new year. I always thought of it as a beautiful nourishment.
The grandparents singing happy birthday is one of the sweetest things I've heard - I'm gonna steal that and sing to my niece on her birthday ❤️ I hope the balance of your memories bring joy instead of pain now. Your grandpa sounds lovely and memorable.
There can be a lot of stigma around mental health luckily it’s been lifting over these last few years. The passing of a family member isn’t meant to be easy and sometimes it takes time to not hurt as much over it. My dad passed while I was going through high school exams and 4 days from my birthday. I had no time to mourn because I needed the best grades I could get and I felt I needed to be strong to help my family. It made it so didn’t spend time to mourn. I ended up going to a teen therapist after my employer sent me to one after I was told I had ptsd that got in the way of work (although I thank the guy cos I never thought of it myself but he was also a total so and so and was only doing it for his own gain). After the sessions I still had trouble but it was a little less and the acceptance of it not having to be ok or that there didn’t need to be an end of mourning really helped me. You’re a smart woman I’m glad you’ve included mental health within your videos. Recognising it yourself is huge. Some people would think they just need to get to the other side of mourning that it will take time but sometimes you physically can’t do it on your own. I know I’m just a stranger in the internet but I’m so proud of you. I think I can talk for everyone else and say we all are! You’ve built such a positive and open community. I hope all goes well for you and you have a great Christmas and a powerful new year. You started your own business! That’s a whole child in itself!
Missing your Grandfather will get easier...the sadness will never go away, but it does ease and become more bearable. My father passed away Dec 30th, 2010. Christmas and New Years was very difficult for me for many years, but now I think of the funny, happy things about my Dad instead of the sad things. This is also my 3rd Christmas without my Mom. Time. It doesn't heal exactly, but it helps make it easier.
Knitting is easier on a loom if you want to try that, sewing is a bit more mathematical without a pattern which is what you would be doing if you were designing your own clothes. I think pattern sewing would be the best to start with, and a beginner set of pajamas would be a good starting project.
Awww, Taylor...wish we could all give you a collective internet birthday hug!! Hang in there and happy birthday! May your 31st year be full of growth, love and accomplishments!
You trying to talk and hold in big tears made me cry 😭 ik how you feel, I lost my parents last year and certain things remind me of them and make me burst into tears. It is easier with time. I hope God helps to comfort you while you grieve ♥️
Happy Birthday Taylor!! I turned 30 in 2019 and ALOT happened that I wasn’t happy about. I went through a divorce and navigated singleness and coparenting my 6 year old with my ex. I say all that to say “YAY FOR THERAPY!” I’m so happy to hear you recognize the need and desire for help and that you’re not ashamed to pursue it. You won’t regret it! Therapy changed my life and I’ll be forever grateful for that resource ♥️♥️
I lost my grandma suddenly on December 7th 4 years ago. It was a shock and really shook my entire life. I still miss her daily but it has become softer. I'm not as angry or upset when I think about her not being here. (We lost her from malpractice so a lot of my grieving was anger) I try to replace that with remembering all of the happiness she brought me. We've added in new traditions for holidays to create happy memories involving her rather than just missing her through the old traditions we had. I think this has helped me and my family heal and not just be sad during the holidays. I'm sending my love and positivity to help you heal and always feel the warmth of remembrance.
Losing loved ones is so hard but it’s important to keep their memories alive. I hope you get comfortable enough with birthdays and holidays to indulge and enjoy them to an even higher extent for your grandfather because he did make them so special for you and he would want you to enjoy those special times and think of him. I lost my grandmother this year and it’s been tough too, especially seeing my grandfather over the holidays. Sharing what love I do have for the holidays and sharing it with him has been a big help 💝 wishing you and your family the best this Christmas Taylor 🤲
Hey Taylor, I just wanna say how much this video hit home for me. My dad passed in September but christmas really feels like the first holiday without him. I also watched him pass away. So I really relate too how you feel. You're not alone and I know our loved ones are always gonna be there watching over us. Much love ♡
Awe trade ya. I'm going to be 60 on my Bday. Actually wouldn't trade. I Love this period of my life. Lots of loses. And Lots of Gains. Listen you have traveled more then I have. Your young and healthy. Be brave. Be healthy. Be organized. Most be Grateful. Busy is wonderful. Life is short. Be in the moments. Many Blessings Beautiful Soul. Oh and know that all that have passed away are still with you.
Happy Belated Birthday Taylor!! Parents & Grandparents always give the best advice! My Mom always told me to slow down, to enjoy *LIFE*, to *LIVE* because as you grow older time seems to speed up! How right she was/is!! Another great quote I found when I was barely 20 was, “It is necessary to live not just exist.”! Sometimes I think we all forget to truly live and savor the moment! Much love and hugs from Montana. ✨💖✨
happy birthday, thank you for remind women in their 30s like me that they aren't washed up, dull, or drab. life isn't over just because we aren't 20 something anymore. it might seem cheesy but i just wanted to say so. looking forward to seeing the success of your new company
My grandfather passed away almost 10 years ago, when I was 12, and there is still not a single day that passes by when I don’t think about him. I struggled a lot in the beginning too because we both have the same birthday, and just like you, he would call me, and we would say happy birthday to each other and it took me years and years to simply look forward to my birthday. There is not one solution to properly grieve or “get over” a death. You’re never going to get over it. It’s something that truly becomes a part of who you are and the only thing I know is that it’s a part of life not the most beautiful part of life but there’s nothing wrong with crying still no matter how much time has passed. No one is allowed to tell you how to deal with it or when you should accept it, take your own time, and cry. You cry all you want girl.
SENDING VIRTUAL HUGS!!!!!! I think it would do most people good to focus on their mental state tbh, you dont have to have "real issues"(don't we all have those tho) to go to therapy. Everyone feels better if they have someone to talk to and a therapist is a professional in dealing with this stuff :D I hope you have a merry christmas and a happy new year and just do what you feel is best
Girl I still cry when I think of my grandpa and he passed away 12 years ago. He was my world. Grief isn’t a bad thing, I think it’s helps a little sometimes. I think my grief helps me remember him better. If it wasn’t for it I don’t think I would have all those memories. Well at least for me. My memory is terribly bad honestly. You’re a strong beautiful intelligent woman and you are going to make it through this. Thankyou for trying so hard for the larger sizing with tote. I know it’s hard to find larger sizing in Asia so it’s really sweet to hear you say you’re trying your best.
I can relate to you very much. This year has been also one of the most difficult years in my life. I have my birthday coming up this Sunday and I only want to celebrate with family. Some years I even didn't feel like celebrating at all and I feel that a person shouldn't if they don't want to. Also losing my grandfather was one of the most difficult things in my life and every Easter is a hard time for me because I have many good memories with him coloring Easter eggs and celebrating with him. It will get easier with time but sometimes the memories will come back to you and overflow you with emotions and that's okay too. Take your time and remember that you are loved. Happy holidays and a wonderful new year to you! 😘
May 2020 be our year to achieve great things and find peace within ourselves! I've been watching you since 2017. I really love how open you are to your viewers. I remember a little over a year ago, I commented on a video of yours about how I was lost in life; how I had graduated and was without a job because I didn't know what to pursue and how I had no interest in my bachelor's degree...Your viewers were so friendly, I received a lot of supportive replies from people in similar situations. I love how I can relate to you and your fans. I love watching you grow and persevere, it really motivates me to take action. Now, I have goals and plans. And to see how passionate you and Tom are about sewing and coffee, it makes me excited! I say YES! Go for it, take those sewing classes! It will help give you set new goals and have something to focus on and work towards. I want to go to a pottery class (not regularly, just once since I don't have much money). I also want a tablet to draw digitally (I've always loved art, and I want to learn proper drawing techniques and focus on improving my skill, not just doodling) and I'm also going to study next year, in a field I'm genuinely interested in. I'm going to give it my best shot! It will be challenging finding the right balance between work, study and hobbies, but it will keep me busy and it's good knowing I have a purpose.
I love the excitement of Tom and his coffee machine. Therapy is the best thing I ever did. Meditation/hypnosis and mindfulness has changed my life. In fact saved my life. I felt your pain through the screen. It will become easier to bear I promise xxx
Your grief is enormous because the love you had for him was huge. You can never replace nor should you try. As time passes you be able to remember him without pain. You have a huge circle that loves you, so lean on them when you need to. It WILL be ok.
Taylor, I love you and I know how hard this year has been for you. Your grandpa has never left and I’m sure he’s around especially today for your birthday. The people we love never truly leave our side even when they pass. Happy birthday darling - I love all your vlogs and especially the Japan ones. It inspired me to keep going for my own dream of studying in Japan and I’m waiting to hear back from a fully funded program there for the summer to see if I won. Life is truly a gift and I’m grateful you’ve allowed me to see that with your vlogs. Please keep working hard whether it’s on your vlogs or on your business, or just being the amazingly kind and incredible person you are. I’m so proud of you. Also, you mentioned having Polish heritage (I’m half myself!) so... Sto lat ♥️
I remember first seeing your vlog. I said to myself that you looked like Lisa of Blackpink and you still do. I was crying but feel proud when I turned 31 over a decades ago. I feared that my career will end there but to my surprised, I still look young even after I turned 40. I still can wear clothes that I was wearing when I was in my 30's. When I turned 50's even my dermatologist in Bangkok told me that I look like I am in my early 4o's. The secret is being happy in life, even if I have a lots of burdens on my shoulder I treated them like a little scratch into my skin. Yoga, meditation and gym helps me alot in my sad and stressful time. The nature of Korea, Japan and other Asian countries cured my soul when I felt the negativity in me. Life is beautiful, as beautiful as you are. Always be happy ☺
Holidays and birthdays are the WORST right after the loss of a loved one. It does get easier as the years pass, but you will always have that bittersweet feeling. Fortunately it becomes more of a nice memory than a devastating blow to your heart, but it never really goes away. I think it's great that you want to see a therapist though, and that will definitely help. I've been seeing someone for almost two years now and she has helped me tremendously. Even if you aren't depressed or have a serious mental illness, it really REALLY helps to talk to someone impartial who can help give you some perspective and the tools you need to take care of your own mental health. I cannot express enough how vital I believe therapy is!
I lost my Mom this past July to cancer, I really understand what you are saying and feeling, Tay! the hardest days are the ones that should bring us more joy, like birthdays and christmas, all the memories weight heavy in the heart, but I believe that she is still watching over me, and I’m pretty sure your grampa is too!!! I send you a big big hug from Mexico, wishing you a happy belated birthday and a merry christmas! Love you Taylor, thanks for share your story! ❤️
Grief is hard. This december marks two years since my Aunts death and I still grieve. Its okay to miss those who are gone, missing them is natural but coming to terms is harder. I am glad to hear that you are asking for help, its important. Thank you for always letting us in and being vulnerable. I think its important and helps a lot of people. Wish you all the best Taylor.
Taylor, baby i have almost the same reason for no longer appreciating Christmas & my birthdays. My precious mother left this world 2 days after Christmas in 2014. It has been 5 years since but I haven’t fully recovered. It feels like it was yesterday. Hang on 💪
You never cease to amaze me. Your maturity and honesty is SUCH a good example for gals watching you!! I am 40 and am very impressed by your openness with mental and physical health. You will LOVE therapy. I've participated in it off and on for 4 yrs and wouldn't be where I am today without my Catharina. Best Birthday wishes sweet girl!! Hugs from Napa 💕🤗
I feel the exact same way. I was my moms carer when she found out she had breast cancer. I’ve been struggling for 2 years with her because the memories of her passing away replays in my head when I lay in bed.. it’s made me have trouble sleeping and troubles being truly happy
I was taking care of my dad when he passed from Cancer. The last week of his life haunts me. I wish I could have the better memories be more prominent.
Yeah, I also watched my father pass away in front of me. I found solace in the fact that he wouldn't want me to be sad, or to remember how he died, but rather how he *lived*. It's been 15 years and I still struggle with this, but it does get easier ❤
Awe Taylor, I hope you can eventually look at holidays and birthdays as a positive reminder of your Grandpa. And turn it around to be a cherished and happy memories of him. It is very hard to get their I know I lost my Grandpa when I was 15 and for a long time a lot of things made me cry when it reminded me of him. Now that I am older (44) when I think of him or something reminds me of him it makes me smile and be happy I knew him, a lot of my younger cousins did have the chance to get to know him. That is another reason I am happy I got to a good place with it so I can share stories of him and not get upset when sharing with my younger cousins who did get the chance that I did. Blessings for Christmas and I hope in the New Year you can find the happiness in the memories of your Grandpa. ❤
Seeing Tom with the espresso art is so wholesome. Getting such enjoyment from a simple thing is great. I hope sewing can be an outlet for you to be creative and also bring you the same happiness. Happy belated, Taylor. Cheers to another year of growth 💞
I was really close with my grandma and I lost her 6 months ago. I find it hard talking about her and I don’t think people understand how I feel about it. People look at me like I’m crazy because it’s JUST my grandma but it isn’t like that. Taylor wish you the best I can relate to how you feel and I wish you a happy birthday.
I know exactly how you feel. lost my grandma over a year ago. We had such a strong bond. I could not even imagine loosing her some day. Her death hit me so hard, especially that I was the one who got the news in the midnight when we were on a family trip and I didn't know how to inform my family. She is not with us for over a year now, but I break into tears when something brings back my old sweet memories of her😔
Grief is like a red ball in a box. In that box there's a button and every time the ball moves, it hits the button.. at first the red ball is big and so it hits the button constantly.. but over time the ball gets smaller and won't hit the button that many times.. but every time it does, the pain and all is the same.. grief is the ball, the button is the pain/tears/memories, the box is you.. the box and the button never change and the ball only gets smaller over time but never fully vanishes. It's okay to grief, there's no time limit for that. Around this time of year I hold bittersweet memories, a lot of thoughts en tears, because I lost the one I loved so deeply around new year's day.. it's gonna be the 10th anniversary and it's hard to cope with.. so I level with your emotions.. those birthdays/holidays are the days you miss your loved ones the most and tears are a natural reaction.. It would be unhealthy if you didn't have those emotions.. so cry, let those tears flow, celebrate his life, hug the memories.. 💜
Taylor😭😭 last year my mom and my step dad died in the same year and it broke my heart to spend holidays without them😭😭 I wasn't there when my mom taking her last breath and it kills me even more!! I've been dreaming about her lately smiling and cuddling with me I love her so much I'd do anything for her
That is her visiting you if you are dreaming about her! Those that have passed often can find times when the vale is thinnest when we sleep to come see us :) what a wonderful gift!
I cry every time you cry in this video . Keep going . And remember that you were lucky to have a wonderful person like him in your life . Taylor , you are so lucky that you have a nice memories about him remember that . I know you miss him . It’s normal to be sad and missing someone . Don’t be harsh on yourself . Cry when you’re sad and laugh when u are happy . From the bottom of my heart I wish you a happy new year and all your wishes to come true . I really love you ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Taylor I feel you sm. Second Christmas without my grandpa. He was also kind of a dad to me. Life of the party, always pulling pranks, loooved everything about Christmas. Ah I miss him so so much.
Tay Tay can I just say how proud I am of you for fully accepting and acknowledging that therapy is something that you need for the next year? I swear every single year, I relate to you more and more! It's like in a sense we're growing up together.. I really hope that doesnt sound creepy? I love you Tay and I'm sorry you're going through this tough time but you are truly so blessed, your life is so full of love.
It’s so sad to see you cry, but thank you for being real with us. 💗 My grandma died at the start of December back in 2010, just a few days after my birthday. She was my best friend, she raised me because my mom was always working. It was an incredibly painful time, and the sadness still sometimes creeps up on me, but I promise it gets easier. I’m so sorry for your pain and I hope working alongside a therapist helps the process. I turned 26 last month so I’m not too far off 30 and it’s a scary thought! It’s nice watching someone who’s hit that milestone because most youtubers I watch are early 20s. Anyway, I think you’re doing amazing and I really admire you. Thank you for sharing your life with us. 💗
Happy late Birthday i cry too on my 21st birthday i lost my cousin she was 25 she kill herselef 3 days before my bday i understand youre pain have a nice day even if is hard is going to be okay he will always gona be there and guide you ❤❤❤❤🎁🎂🎈🎊
I lost my grandfather in 2003 and I still grieve for him. Grief is not linear, it has no end. However, I have found that the pain has lessened with time. We will miss them forever, but my counselor told me something that resonated in my heart. The amount of grief we feel is directly related to how much we loved them. I am so sorry your struggling. I am praying your heart and mind can somehow find some peace and calmness in the coming year.
Praying for you during this difficult time. I know therapy has really helped me through tough times. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a productive and Happy New Year!
Your mental health is important, too That was the quote that one of my closest friends said to me that finally pushed me to therapy. I was making it on my own. I was able to do what needed to be done to keep going in life, so I felt I unworthy of therapy. I always thought about how other people have it worse than me. But that quote above helped ease the guilt. I've been in therapy for just over a year now and it has really made an immensely positive impact on my life.
I can't believe your 31 already Tay. I've been following you for so long now. It feels like it was just yesterday. Wow. Time really does move fast when we're not aware of it. Anyways, I just want to say I love you and do take care of yourself. 💖 We'll always be here for you.
This is my 1st year without my mom and oh my when you were talking about your grandpa and seeing you like that really made me feel like I am not alone. I understand what you are saying 100% about holidays and never saying goodbye. Since I am in the military I live far away from home for about 3 years now and I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom and even now it all feels fake. I have a lot of dreams about her, seeing her ill in bed (the last moment I saw of her on facetime) and things I wish I said but never did. I miss her like crazy and I am flying back home tomorrow to see the rest of my family again for the 1st time since she passed in June. Thanks for making me feel not so alone in these feelings. I know we will get through this and those tears will become happy tears of memories of them
The older I get the more I come to realize what life actually is in terms of the cold hard facts whereas when I was younger, life was more like a word with no meaning to it. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense. I love how people can learn and grow so much in just a year.
Taylor! I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my step dad 3 years ago and it’s still hard especially around the big moments and family holidays. Go easy on yourself, it’s such a hard thing to loose someone so important to you! Please read the Courage to be Happy! It’s such a great book which helped me change my perspective on a lot of things including how harshly I treat myself! It’s one thing a lot of us are guilty of, being too harsh and cruel to ourselves in our head!
Happy belated birthday Taylor :) I've just turned 32 and I'm getting more comfortable with myself every year. My body might not be what is was :p But my self-knowledge has grown so much. It's definitely a big change from life in your twenties.
It’s totally natural to feel what your feeling. I hope you remember that! Shedding some emotional tears about someone passing away that was so so close is a huge change. I unfortunately couldn’t be there for my grandpa when he passed away and my mother, god help her, wasn’t even able to go to her own fathers funeral because it was over seas from us.
I never got to be close to any of my grandparents and I kind of wish I had felt this kind of grief when they passed away. Few things are purer in life than the grief we carry for others. Embrace it and it will teach you all you need to know. Sending lots of love your way xxx
@@shubsx2243 dipende da dove si vive in italia e da come si vuole vivere. Non è un posto 'facile' perché gli italiani tanto sono disposti ad aiutarti quanto a sabotarti, cambiando idea dal giorno alla notte. Per vivere in italia senza soffrire bisogna avere una capacità di adattamento molto alta e avere, come dice mia nonna, poche pippe. Beato te che stai in giappone, comunque, ho sempre avuto una certa fascinazione per quella terra e quella cultura, fin da piccola (quando internet non c'era ancora)
It'll take time to cope with the loss of such an important family member. My grandma passed away in 2011 and I'm just now accepting it. Visiting her grave and catching her up with me and the family really helped. Be patient with yourself. You will heal.
Omg Taylor you’re so well conserved. You definitely have a strong, beautiful and youthful soul that reflects on the outside. I thought you were 25 like me haha!! Love you so much girl. Thank you for the inspiration/motivation that you give in each of your videos. God bless and happy belated 31st birthday 🎂-From Los Angeles CA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂🎉🎁🎈!! When I saw you crying I just wanted to hug you!! Just talk to your grandpa sweetheart. He’s there with you and wanting you to smile. When I’m missing my dad, I just talk to him out loud, telling him I love and miss him. It helps my heart. You will see him again. Never doubt it. 💗💗💗
Thank you Taylor 👩🏾💻 for sharing so much of yourself. Finding a councilor or that calm space were you can sort out your thoughts is very important & beneficial.
Hi Taylor, Thank you for sharing your feelings and story with us. I’m going through something similar, my grandfather passed away this passed October, it will be my first Christmas & Birthday without him... it’s been so hard but your strength and rawness gives me strength. Thank you ❤️ happy birthday & Christmas !
Aww Taylor, I started crying as soon as I saw you crying... Lost my grandpa this year and I just feel deeply for you. I hope birthdays and Christmas will soon be only lit by the fond memories you have of him. Merry Christmas and much love to you
I feel like this year has been busier and messier for me too! I think that's the energy for everyone. I was also thinking last night how I need to let go of old traditions in order to not push myself too hard this year - in a way maybe that's what you're going through too, the concept of letting go of old traditions for Christmas and birthdays... perhaps you should think of it as an exciting adventure, getting to know your christmasses and birthdays without the usual traditions you had before. Like being reborn! I do feel like as it's a new decade coming up especially letting go of old traditions is integral.
Wish you everything you want it for yourself and much more...my heart is with you because I know that feeling when you should be happy but you just do not wanna because you think you will going to betray memory of that one person that should be with you....but you will not, he wants you to be happy, life goes on and he knows it so do you....Fighting ^^
Just lost my grandfather one month ago, the holidays have been really emotional for us and i have been feeling really isolatet so for some reason it makes me feel better hearing this. Lots of love och happy holidays.
Going to therapy is the best and worse you can do, but It helps a lot. The worse part is figthing with yourself and de best part is feeling and knowing who you are and feeling great. So, go, girl, go to therapy. It ain't gonna be easy, but it worthy.
Therapy is the best gift I've ever given myself. Thank you for being so open about your life and being, and I hope you find a wonderful therapist/counselor/guide to help you on that journey! Happy birthday! Enjoy this year!
Not finished the video yet. But side note beautiful young Taylor. You are grieving. Grief does not have a time frame. This person had a monumental and positive impact on your life. It will still hurt and there will be bad days. Then one day, the sadness starts to be tinged with warm memories and from there it blooms into this beautiful but melancholy thing. Only way I can describe loss. The memories will make you smile too. Go with it. If you feel it is out of control though. Don't ignore it. But. I think what the pain you describe is perfectly natural Taylor. Having people to talk to helps. Grief counsellors are great. Love u x P. S happy birthday 😊
Time really flies doesn't it? It seems like the years are getting quicker and quicker
Just Some Guy without a Mustache ...you watch everything I watch
What a fitting thing to say from jellal or should I say mystogan?
They are getting quicker and quicker and it's scary in my opinion. Everything is happening way to fast or when we rich certain age everything is faster? Idk😓
@@Dainari3993 there's so much to do when we are older. also, i have this personal theory that when I am in hurry and do everything quickly time runs faster. When I am chilled and do things in my pace, then I manage to do everything and there is plenty of time left. :D and also it has something to do with thinking about the future a lot. when i was a kid or teen future seemed to me as very abstract concept, now it seems far more real
Hehe I haven't seen you for awhile
Yes! We need clothing for women who are in their 30s but aren’t ready to dress like our mom
It's J.E & Ace Agreed! I’m 30 and I love fashion but because I’ve had to wear uniforms to my last few jobs since I was 24 I feel like I’ve lost my sense of personal style. I try to look for inspiration but either feel it’s too mature or professional, but I don’t have an office job or fancy lifestyle. Almost all my coworkers/friends where I currently live are all between 19-25 so what they wear just feels out of my comfort zone now. I feel like things in most stores are tailored to 20s having fun, professional work attire, or retirement...😕
I'll never dress my age! Not going to happen! Lol. I'm nearly 50, and I wear ripped jeans and Converse etc. Being older doesn't mean you have to dress older (as long as you're not wearing something ridiculously young for you, if you know what I mean!)
I look at some women my age and just think they make themselves look older because of the way they dress. Can't ever see me wearing frumpy clothes!! 😂
@Samantha yay! Good to hear! Think and dress younger than your age, and you keep yourself looking young 💖💖
Just dress how you want :) There’s so much pressure on women to look older when we’re younger and to look younger when we’re older. We can’t ever win so wear the things you like to wear and feel good in. Who cares what people think.
I think the key is wear something that flatters your figure. It does not have to be insanely over the top. You know what I mean.
I remember being the same way my first birthday after my grandfathers passed away.. thanks for not brushing over the rough parts of life, Taylor! I think it makes everyone feel a little less alone.
Has it gotten better since then? How did you get over it and make those moments positive again?
@@Taylor_R it gets better slowly but surely. I don't believe there's such a thing as 'getting over' the death of someone who was so pivotal in your every day life, but more so learning to adapt to (and accepting!) life without them. Remembering that death is as much a part of life as living is is very important too. Some days will be better than others - give yourself the grace to have bad days, breathe through them, and continue on. Just the other day I heard my grandfather's voice on my grandparent's voicemail while trying to call my grandmother and, two years after his death, balled my eyes out like a little kid. But realizing that isn't a setback, and more importantly letting it happen (!) is incredible and important. Allowing yourself to feel things instead of pushing through and keeping it moving helps patch the wound, at least for me personally. Not dealing with your emotions is sort of like slowly lowering mentos toward soda - it will eventually touch, bubble, and overflow. Better let things out when they come instead of the proverbial bottle exploding.
I hope this helps!
@@Taylor_R Also : talk and reminisce about them as often as possible! Laughing and talking about all the good memories, funny experiences, and even the mess ups really, really helps even if sometimes it's hard.
Jessica Shearn I agree my grandmother passed away recently and I let my emotions out for a bit but now I feel better, and you’ll get through it. It’s a really strange feeling of them not being here ❤️❤️ily
I think therapy really helped me too, it really helps you untangle what your loss actually means in your life beyond just being sad that they're not there. It reaches all over your life, and talking it through with someone like a grief counselor helps you to understand, recognise, and eventually be able to accept that.
WHAT THE HECK I THOUGHT U WERE 23 AT MOST
Honestly same! , just started subing her this week and I thought she was younger than me and im 25 😂..... Now im gonna have to watch all her videos so I can figure out her magic
@@JessAwesome nothing magic, it`s just her natural look lol
Claudia Richards lol i thought she’s 19
just wait a few year...
same I'm shook
Grief cannot be rushed. Cherish the love and memories that are a part of your being. You will be ok when you're ready to be ok. The cloud will lift!
Mimi Shimaineko I agree. Especially when living abroad...I think it takes longer. As an expat, I don’t think I’ve ever fully grieved my grandfather passing.
The first year is always the most difficult (first birthday, Christmas etc. without the person who passed)
So spot on MiMi
I’m actually shocked because I legit thought you were in your early 20’s
I wanna hug you. It's so upsetting to see you cry, but happy birthday. I turned 19 20 days ago. I've been watching you since I was 15 and hope to continue until you someday stop posting but even after that I'll still support you in spirit. You've been a large part of my life and your uploads always lifted my spirits after school on days I wasn't doing too well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR, WE LOVE YOU, you're one year ~younger~ 💙
Faith This is such a lovely message. We will love and support Taylor forever 💗
Literally samee !!
Same too!
Couldn't have said it any better ^^ I would say the same thing too.
Such a sweet long message,not even a reply 🤦🏻♂️ just heart 🤦🏻♂️
My 3year old walked in the room when I was watching this and went "oh wow, it's a fairy on the telly!" :) thought I'd share this to make you smile
The best explanation I ever heard of how it feels to grieve: there is a tiny box, which represents time. Inside the box is a big button, your grief. Also inside the box is a ball, bouncing around, life. When it has only been a small amount of time the box is small, the ball keeps hitting the grief button over and over as it bounces around. As time goes on the box gets bigger and bigger. The grief button and the ball stay the same size but now the ball has more room and hits the grief button less often.
It never goes away but the button gets pushed less as time goes on xx thank you for sharing taylor
Thats a nice explanation you have there
This is such a great description of how it feels! Thank you for this. Since losing my parents, it's been hard for me to put into words what the grief is like, and I think I'll try explaining it your way in the future.
That is so nicely put and completely relatable. Very true indeed and I'd even say it applies to other kinds of pains, like a difficult relationship that ended. Time heals and you start getting better but on some days it randomly hurts again and you don't know why or where it's coming from but the next day you might be just fine.
Lizzy what a beautiful way to put it.
This year I truly spent everything alone... No mom no dad no brother... All of them passed away and I'm really struggling. I'm trying to get better but mentally j give up already. My aunts tries so hard telling me that once I hit 30, things will get better and honestly speaking..... I have about 40+ days before my birthday.... And I don't want to go another year alone.... I've been alone for so long... I just don't want to feel the same another year.
Be strong!!!!! Everything will be fine, no one stays alone forever, you will eventually meet people who will change your life, wishing you the best
stay strong 💛💛💛 wish we could all give you a hug
Sending you a hug, honey!💞💛💖🥰 I kinda understand what you’re going through. I know how sad it feels to feel alone. I really hope you can feel my support and that God will guide your steps to victory through this trials of life. Please take care of yourself. I care about you💞💖 Hope you can feel this hug too🥰💞💝🌤
I believe in you and your ability to stay strong !! I wish you all the best for your future i hope you can find happiness soon❤
I had a friend this year who did a "friendsgiving" instead of thanksgiving i know it could never be the same but dont shut yourself off im sure people would love to spend time with u
I know how hard it is to lose a grandparent, there’s like this hole in your heart that you aren’t sure will completely fill in again. I won’t say it ever will, but the hole gets smaller. And then you smile when you think about him singing to you on your birthday instead of feeling sad. I wish you nothing but happiness Taylor :) he is so proud of you!!!
♡
I lost my dad and felt this exact way! And I told myself these exact words but feels different like I know for sure now that things will get better seeing these words from someone else
Alex Garcia grief is different for everyone so don’t rush it :) but I’m glad you find comfort knowing it eventually happens. It does! I wish you well.
Watching your husband be so happy over a coffee machine is the most pure and precious thing in the world oh my gosh “it’s from Italy. :D “ just- awww
This machine costs a fortune. Its not just a plain old coffee machine. Its the best of the best.
@@Mondoshawn That is every coffee lover's dream (cost just under USD $5,000)...I can't believe they got one omg
I think there is too much pressure associated with getting older, especially as a woman. People expect you to have a baby, be married, or achieve any sort of milestone by X age. As you get older, it can feel heavier on your mind as you may be starting to think about those thing more seriously. People also expect you to have a party or celebrate it somehow but sometimes you don't feel like it! That pressure and the fact that someone you cherished passed away (quite recently in the end) can make birthdays very emotional. It's okay to let it out! Your grandfather will always live through you and all the memories you have of him. He must have been such an amazing person, as we can literally feel your love for him through the screen.
Happy belated birthday Taylor :*
(I'm sure you will have a family of your own in the future, even if it's hard, families come in all shapes and sizes)
A lot of love from France!
People ask those things because it is the normal human thing to do. There is no pressure if you don’t want to but late on in life if you don’t have those things they’re definitely going to weigh on your mind. Having kids, or finding love or reaching a certain milestone is just things that makes people happy, it shouldn’t be treated as an achievement of stature/bragging it is an achievement of life. The only pressure would probably be from your parents because they want to see their precious child they’ve nurtured, loved and molded have the best possible life they can think off.
@@lalloo93 I think maybe you don't realize that there is indeed pressure associated with these topics, or maybe misunderstand my message. Much like a mom who pushes her kids into things they don't like (tiger mom style I guess), it might come from a place of love and care yet it does put pressure on someone. People can't disregard their feelings because "normalcy" is that "by age 30 you have a kid or are married". This is something most women do experience, sometimes very early on (early 20s) and that's been the topic of sociological studies. Maybe you've never witnessed it, or maybe you don't "see" it happening because it seems so normal to you (assuming by your name that you are/identify as male). Either way, people cannot deny these feelings. It's not about reaching or achieving anything (achievements and self worth are based upon meeting your own expectations).
My comment was not meant as any type of political or feminist statement.
My english isn't perfect, so bear with me :)
@@lalloo93 there is a lot of pressure- especially with your culture. im expected to be married and have at least 1 kid in my early 20s- but i want to live my life as the 20s are the best years of your life. however, i dont want to be seen as the odd one out in my family- who didnt follow the tradition and 'isnt respecting our culture'. you may not have a lot of pressure- but the rest of us do
@@lalloo93 i can at least speak as a woman from the US that there is A LOT of pressure. I kept getting asked 'when are you going to get married' when i was mid 20s even when i was in between relationships. Then when I hit late 20s, they skip the marriage questions and ask when I'm going to have kids. Luckily my boyfriend has supported my fighting against this 'norm'. Culture expects a lot from us and anything different raises eyebrows and gets comments.
There IS pressure for women to have children of their own at least. Biological pressure. We don't have viable eggs forever and if you are someone that thinks adopting is a last, LAST resort, it can be very difficult on your self esteem if you struggle with getting pregnant which just adds to the frustrations and pressure. Other people shouldn't be a factor. If people around you are asking you questions and making you feel pressured, tell them to stop politely or choose better people to be around. Why let others control the way you feel? That's dumb. If you ladies are adults, you need to stand up for yourself and not let people get away with being inappropriate, even family and friends. They should respect you enough to listen to you. My mom would ask me "When are you gonna get married?". I've been with my boyfriend for seven years. I've had to tell her that it doesn't matter and that we will do it when we feel comfortable in our lives to do so. The last time she asked, I responded with "When you ask me things like this, it's like you don't respect me or my relationship with my SO." She's stopped asking me. She even apologized to me. So please.. advocate for yourself kindly.
I also turned 31 on December 8th and I'm at peace with it. While no one enjoys growing older, I see it as a blessing that I'm still here on this earth and able to experience the beauty of living. I wish you a wonderful and joyous 31st year.
I don't get why people despise being older..I mean, if you see an old person you're watching someone who made it that far. It's not guarantee for us to reach the same age.
I've had older people asking me, in a joyful tone, if I find it difficult to take care of my grandma (we are going out together a lot) btw..I always answer that I wish to reach her age (87) especially with her vitality, and then those people seem to have an epiphany on what it really means to grew old. It's not a nuisance, it's a goal!!
@@Rose-hg8ls Oh don't do that. You're going through a hard time, I know. I've been going through onefor three years but I'm starting to reach the other side. It does get better. Is there anyone you can talk to? It's perfectly normal for your life to be a mess at 22. You're not a failure. You're so, so young.
@@Anna-fw7lm never really thought of it that way... i always despised my birthdays because i didnt want to get older, but youre right it a goal not a loss
@@Rose-hg8ls , I feel the same, it sucks, I want to talk with you, maybe we can find a way to be better.
there are people who enjoys geting older. actually.
Your granddad will always be with you as long as you carry on his memory. Live your life the way you always did, or want to.
The last thing he would want is to think he was holding you back. Take him wherever you go, and he'll be celebrating birthdays and holidays with you always ❤️
Dearest Taylor, my father died some years ago on Boxing Day; therefore, I understand the the emotional state that you shared with us. Always remember that you are grieving. This process is raw takes a long time and varies from one person to another. There is nothing amiss as your grandfather's spirit touches yours on special occasions and in your dreams. My father communicated with me in dreams for a long time after his death and I learned to find consolation in them. During a different period of grief in my life I consulted a therapist who guided me through it with kindness and love. I hope that you can find the same. Prayers...
I lost my ex boyfriend in May when he was shot and killed suddenly. I experience the same exact thing as you, where I dream that he’s still alive and then wake up in the morning and realize he’s gone. It’s like being stuck in a constant loop... and because of this, I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate my 32nd birthday (Dec. 17th) and now Christmas. I just feel like I have nothing to celebrate without him here. Even though we were broken up when he passed, we always loved eachother and had an unspoken understanding that one day we’d get back together. He was my soul mate, no one has ever understood or loved me like he did (besides my mom, who passed away when I was 16). I’m thankful my dad is still alive, but I feel like he’s all I have left and I’m so scared for the day he’s gone. I’m so sad and so scared of life at the same time.
Anyways, this was incredibly long winded but just wanted to let you know a fellow Sag out here can relate. I’ve watched every video of yours religiously since 2016 😊 Please do a meetup in Toronto! ♥️
Emily G. Hope you find peace and happiness!
Sending healing vibes to you💓
😢😢 im so sorry for your loss, my prayers are with you much love stay strong ❤️❤️
You are so strong!Keep going ♥️♥️
thank you all so much ♥️♥️♥️
What are you going through is completely normal. When my dad passed away I would cry when I ate, because he loved food so much... its being 12 years and I still get watery eyes when I think of him. You will miss him forever. You just need accept that.
Susana Noriega This reminds me of Anya’s Speech from The Body episode of Buffy.
Keep sharing stories about your grandpa, especially to your children, so his legacy will live on! You will never stop missing him, I was deployed in combat as a U.S. Marine when my Lola (grandma) had a major stroke and passed away... That was in 2003 and I still miss her, I remind myself doing things to keep her proud and forgive myself for not being there when she was gravely ill.
Never seen this side from her she have matures so much and going through different phase and change a lot time goes by quickly and change everything.
Buried one of my grandmothers last week. The other one we buried in July. This Christmas was awful. I've been crying all week and I've had nightmares constantly since both of their passings. I've started therapy in November and it is totally worth it. Sending you love. I know that it's not easy 💜
happy birthday !!!! u literally look like 22
When she wore contacts I thought she was like 17-19, but she was 27 lol
DUDE M 18 N I LOOK OLDER THAN HER :C
I thought she was born in 1996. I really thought we were the same age lmao
Nowadays there are many 13 years old look older than her, it's insane. Taylor is just so gorgeous.
@Shannon You are right, us youngsters of this generation just don't take care of ourselves as well as the former ones 😅
I don’t ever comment on videos but it’s been so long since I watched a video that I can really relate to. You are the only ones I know will go on camera without any make up or hair done and really show your true self - Not all made up and perfect all the time. Thank you for sharing Taylor!
It is really sad to see you so sad on your birthday. I also ended this year the hard way. My boyfriend of almost 4 years admitted to me that he cheated on me our whole relationship with different women. But actually since he told me, I never felt stronger. I really reflected everything that happenend in a way I never did before. I also am going to therapy and gonna learn even more about me, but in a way, what happened opened my eyes and I am now finding myself.
Ich really hope you will find a good therapist. You will find out so much more and learn to reflect in a way you never did before. I wish you all the best!
I am glad you are OK. What he did stinks and you deserve much better. Glad you know now and can move on, not backwards. Huggles!
Did he feel guilty? Cause usually ppl don’t confess but I’m glad you know the truth
@@brendonsforehead4961 yeah he did and still does. But it took him almost 4 years to confess. So I don't know how guilty he really felt until I he felt the consequences. But I know he did it because of self esteem issues (I think he doesn't know that though 🤣). But in a way it helped me to not be angry and just move on and work on myself. I feel anger always held me back from moving on.
Did you leave him? Please tell me you left him, you deserve so much better.
@@goldengirl7625 Yes, we didn't even discuss it, it was natural to me that it was over. There would never be trust again. It is really sad because I trusted him SO much. In retrospective I feel really stupid that I did not suspect it at all. He went out so much and stayed till 6 in the morning somethimes. But he also was sooo cuddely and you would never have thought he would cheat, because he seemed so in love with me.
In a way I am also proud that I was not jealous at all, because it would not have changed anything about the situation. If someone wants to cheat on you, he will - no matter what.
My grandmother died at the 30th of december, new year now is never te same as before. When the countdown starts it's like always the countdown of goodbye, like she's going away over and over again. But i'll always cherish something my boyfriends mom (from that time) said to me. People who die at the end of the year want to end it at the right time, they just don't want to start the new year. I always thought of it as a beautiful nourishment.
The fact that you're in your 30s is crazy girl you look like a 20yr old ❤❤
The grandparents singing happy birthday is one of the sweetest things I've heard - I'm gonna steal that and sing to my niece on her birthday ❤️ I hope the balance of your memories bring joy instead of pain now. Your grandpa sounds lovely and memorable.
There can be a lot of stigma around mental health luckily it’s been lifting over these last few years. The passing of a family member isn’t meant to be easy and sometimes it takes time to not hurt as much over it. My dad passed while I was going through high school exams and 4 days from my birthday. I had no time to mourn because I needed the best grades I could get and I felt I needed to be strong to help my family. It made it so didn’t spend time to mourn. I ended up going to a teen therapist after my employer sent me to one after I was told I had ptsd that got in the way of work (although I thank the guy cos I never thought of it myself but he was also a total so and so and was only doing it for his own gain). After the sessions I still had trouble but it was a little less and the acceptance of it not having to be ok or that there didn’t need to be an end of mourning really helped me. You’re a smart woman I’m glad you’ve included mental health within your videos. Recognising it yourself is huge. Some people would think they just need to get to the other side of mourning that it will take time but sometimes you physically can’t do it on your own. I know I’m just a stranger in the internet but I’m so proud of you. I think I can talk for everyone else and say we all are! You’ve built such a positive and open community. I hope all goes well for you and you have a great Christmas and a powerful new year. You started your own business! That’s a whole child in itself!
Missing your Grandfather will get easier...the sadness will never go away, but it does ease and become more bearable. My father passed away Dec 30th, 2010. Christmas and New Years was very difficult for me for many years, but now I think of the funny, happy things about my Dad instead of the sad things. This is also my 3rd Christmas without my Mom. Time. It doesn't heal exactly, but it helps make it easier.
Knitting is easier on a loom if you want to try that, sewing is a bit more mathematical without a pattern which is what you would be doing if you were designing your own clothes. I think pattern sewing would be the best to start with, and a beginner set of pajamas would be a good starting project.
Awww, Taylor...wish we could all give you a collective internet birthday hug!! Hang in there and happy birthday! May your 31st year be full of growth, love and accomplishments!
You trying to talk and hold in big tears made me cry 😭 ik how you feel, I lost my parents last year and certain things remind me of them and make me burst into tears. It is easier with time. I hope God helps to comfort you while you grieve ♥️
Happy Birthday Taylor!! I turned 30 in 2019 and ALOT happened that I wasn’t happy about. I went through a divorce and navigated singleness and coparenting my 6 year old with my ex. I say all that to say “YAY FOR THERAPY!” I’m so happy to hear you recognize the need and desire for help and that you’re not ashamed to pursue it. You won’t regret it! Therapy changed my life and I’ll be forever grateful for that resource ♥️♥️
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝐵𝑖𝑟𝑡ℎ𝑑𝑎𝑦🎐🤗✨💗🌸! 𝑊𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ!
I lost my grandma suddenly on December 7th 4 years ago. It was a shock and really shook my entire life. I still miss her daily but it has become softer. I'm not as angry or upset when I think about her not being here. (We lost her from malpractice so a lot of my grieving was anger) I try to replace that with remembering all of the happiness she brought me. We've added in new traditions for holidays to create happy memories involving her rather than just missing her through the old traditions we had. I think this has helped me and my family heal and not just be sad during the holidays. I'm sending my love and positivity to help you heal and always feel the warmth of remembrance.
Losing loved ones is so hard but it’s important to keep their memories alive. I hope you get comfortable enough with birthdays and holidays to indulge and enjoy them to an even higher extent for your grandfather because he did make them so special for you and he would want you to enjoy those special times and think of him. I lost my grandmother this year and it’s been tough too, especially seeing my grandfather over the holidays. Sharing what love I do have for the holidays and sharing it with him has been a big help 💝 wishing you and your family the best this Christmas Taylor 🤲
Hey Taylor, I just wanna say how much this video hit home for me. My dad passed in September but christmas really feels like the first holiday without him. I also watched him pass away. So I really relate too how you feel. You're not alone and I know our loved ones are always gonna be there watching over us. Much love ♡
Awe trade ya. I'm going to be 60 on my Bday. Actually wouldn't trade. I Love this period of my life. Lots of loses. And Lots of Gains. Listen you have traveled more then I have. Your young and healthy. Be brave. Be healthy. Be organized. Most be Grateful. Busy is wonderful. Life is short. Be in the moments. Many Blessings Beautiful Soul. Oh and know that all that have passed away are still with you.
Happy Belated Birthday Taylor!! Parents & Grandparents always give the best advice! My Mom always told me to slow down, to enjoy *LIFE*, to *LIVE* because as you grow older time seems to speed up! How right she was/is!! Another great quote I found when I was barely 20 was, “It is necessary to live not just exist.”! Sometimes I think we all forget to truly live and savor the moment! Much love and hugs from Montana. ✨💖✨
happy birthday, thank you for remind women in their 30s like me that they aren't washed up, dull, or drab. life isn't over just because we aren't 20 something anymore. it might seem cheesy but i just wanted to say so. looking forward to seeing the success of your new company
My grandfather passed away almost 10 years ago, when I was 12, and there is still not a single day that passes by when I don’t think about him. I struggled a lot in the beginning too because we both have the same birthday, and just like you, he would call me, and we would say happy birthday to each other and it took me years and years to simply look forward to my birthday. There is not one solution to properly grieve or “get over” a death. You’re never going to get over it. It’s something that truly becomes a part of who you are and the only thing I know is that it’s a part of life not the most beautiful part of life but there’s nothing wrong with crying still no matter how much time has passed. No one is allowed to tell you how to deal with it or when you should accept it, take your own time, and cry. You cry all you want girl.
SENDING VIRTUAL HUGS!!!!!! I think it would do most people good to focus on their mental state tbh, you dont have to have "real issues"(don't we all have those tho) to go to therapy. Everyone feels better if they have someone to talk to and a therapist is a professional in dealing with this stuff :D I hope you have a merry christmas and a happy new year and just do what you feel is best
Girl I still cry when I think of my grandpa and he passed away 12 years ago. He was my world. Grief isn’t a bad thing, I think it’s helps a little sometimes. I think my grief helps me remember him better. If it wasn’t for it I don’t think I would have all those memories. Well at least for me. My memory is terribly bad honestly. You’re a strong beautiful intelligent woman and you are going to make it through this.
Thankyou for trying so hard for the larger sizing with tote. I know it’s hard to find larger sizing in Asia so it’s really sweet to hear you say you’re trying your best.
I can relate to you very much. This year has been also one of the most difficult years in my life. I have my birthday coming up this Sunday and I only want to celebrate with family. Some years I even didn't feel like celebrating at all and I feel that a person shouldn't if they don't want to. Also losing my grandfather was one of the most difficult things in my life and every Easter is a hard time for me because I have many good memories with him coloring Easter eggs and celebrating with him. It will get easier with time but sometimes the memories will come back to you and overflow you with emotions and that's okay too. Take your time and remember that you are loved. Happy holidays and a wonderful new year to you! 😘
May 2020 be our year to achieve great things and find peace within ourselves!
I've been watching you since 2017. I really love how open you are to your viewers. I remember a little over a year ago, I commented on a video of yours about how I was lost in life; how I had graduated and was without a job because I didn't know what to pursue and how I had no interest in my bachelor's degree...Your viewers were so friendly, I received a lot of supportive replies from people in similar situations. I love how I can relate to you and your fans. I love watching you grow and persevere, it really motivates me to take action. Now, I have goals and plans.
And to see how passionate you and Tom are about sewing and coffee, it makes me excited!
I say YES! Go for it, take those sewing classes!
It will help give you set new goals and have something to focus on and work towards.
I want to go to a pottery class (not regularly, just once since I don't have much money). I also want a tablet to draw digitally (I've always loved art, and I want to learn proper drawing techniques and focus on improving my skill, not just doodling) and I'm also going to study next year, in a field I'm genuinely interested in. I'm going to give it my best shot!
It will be challenging finding the right balance between work, study and hobbies, but it will keep me busy and it's good knowing I have a purpose.
I love the excitement of Tom and his coffee machine. Therapy is the best thing I ever did. Meditation/hypnosis and mindfulness has changed my life. In fact saved my life. I felt your pain through the screen. It will become easier to bear I promise xxx
Your grief is enormous because the love you had for him was huge. You can never replace nor should you try. As time passes you be able to remember him without pain. You have a huge circle that loves you, so lean on them when you need to. It WILL be ok.
Happy birthday
Taylor, I love you and I know how hard this year has been for you. Your grandpa has never left and I’m sure he’s around especially today for your birthday. The people we love never truly leave our side even when they pass. Happy birthday darling - I love all your vlogs and especially the Japan ones. It inspired me to keep going for my own dream of studying in Japan and I’m waiting to hear back from a fully funded program there for the summer to see if I won. Life is truly a gift and I’m grateful you’ve allowed me to see that with your vlogs. Please keep working hard whether it’s on your vlogs or on your business, or just being the amazingly kind and incredible person you are. I’m so proud of you. Also, you mentioned having Polish heritage (I’m half myself!) so... Sto lat ♥️
I remember first seeing your vlog. I said to myself that you looked like Lisa of Blackpink and you still do.
I was crying but feel proud when I turned 31 over a decades ago. I feared that my career will end there but to my surprised, I still look young even after I turned 40. I still can wear clothes that I was wearing when I was in my 30's. When I turned 50's even my dermatologist in Bangkok told me that I look like I am in my early 4o's.
The secret is being happy in life, even if I have a lots of burdens on my shoulder I treated them like a little scratch into my skin. Yoga, meditation and gym helps me alot in my sad and stressful time. The nature of Korea, Japan and other Asian countries cured my soul when I felt the negativity in me.
Life is beautiful, as beautiful as you are.
Always be happy ☺
Holidays and birthdays are the WORST right after the loss of a loved one. It does get easier as the years pass, but you will always have that bittersweet feeling. Fortunately it becomes more of a nice memory than a devastating blow to your heart, but it never really goes away. I think it's great that you want to see a therapist though, and that will definitely help. I've been seeing someone for almost two years now and she has helped me tremendously. Even if you aren't depressed or have a serious mental illness, it really REALLY helps to talk to someone impartial who can help give you some perspective and the tools you need to take care of your own mental health. I cannot express enough how vital I believe therapy is!
As a grown up, I hate newyear too! Too much changes and the pressure is real! I’m turning 24 next year, it’s crazy how 2020 is coming so soon :(
I lost my Mom this past July to cancer, I really understand what you are saying and feeling, Tay! the hardest days are the ones that should bring us more joy, like birthdays and christmas, all the memories weight heavy in the heart, but I believe that she is still watching over me, and I’m pretty sure your grampa is too!!! I send you a big big hug from Mexico, wishing you a happy belated birthday and a merry christmas!
Love you Taylor, thanks for share your story! ❤️
Happy Birthday Taylor, ❤️ I lost my Papa (Grandpa) last month and its my first Christmas without him, I know how hard it is, sending you hugs 🤗💖
Grief is hard. This december marks two years since my Aunts death and I still grieve. Its okay to miss those who are gone, missing them is natural but coming to terms is harder. I am glad to hear that you are asking for help, its important. Thank you for always letting us in and being vulnerable. I think its important and helps a lot of people. Wish you all the best Taylor.
Taylor, baby i have almost the same reason for no longer appreciating Christmas & my birthdays. My precious mother left this world 2 days after Christmas in 2014. It has been 5 years since but I haven’t fully recovered. It feels like it was yesterday. Hang on 💪
I'm sorry for your loss, may your memories of her still warm your heart ♥️
Hannah Gruber appreciate your kind words. Everyday is a struggle since she’s the only one I got. 💔😢
You never cease to amaze me. Your maturity and honesty is SUCH a good example for gals watching you!! I am 40 and am very impressed by your openness with mental and physical health. You will LOVE therapy. I've participated in it off and on for 4 yrs and wouldn't be where I am today without my Catharina. Best Birthday wishes sweet girl!! Hugs from Napa 💕🤗
I feel the exact same way. I was my moms carer when she found out she had breast cancer. I’ve been struggling for 2 years with her because the memories of her passing away replays in my head when I lay in bed.. it’s made me have trouble sleeping and troubles being truly happy
I was taking care of my dad when he passed from Cancer. The last week of his life haunts me. I wish I could have the better memories be more prominent.
Yeah, I also watched my father pass away in front of me. I found solace in the fact that he wouldn't want me to be sad, or to remember how he died, but rather how he *lived*. It's been 15 years and I still struggle with this, but it does get easier ❤
earth star I’m sorry to here about that. I totally understand. It’s like u have no more happy memories
Diana B I’m hoping it does because it hurts like hell >.
Awe Taylor, I hope you can eventually look at holidays and birthdays as a positive reminder of your Grandpa. And turn it around to be a cherished and happy memories of him. It is very hard to get their I know I lost my Grandpa when I was 15 and for a long time a lot of things made me cry when it reminded me of him. Now that I am older (44) when I think of him or something reminds me of him it makes me smile and be happy I knew him, a lot of my younger cousins did have the chance to get to know him. That is another reason I am happy I got to a good place with it so I can share stories of him and not get upset when sharing with my younger cousins who did get the chance that I did. Blessings for Christmas and I hope in the New Year you can find the happiness in the memories of your Grandpa. ❤
Happy birthday lovely, my heart skipped a beat when I saw you wearing my rice monster hoodie 😭 I wish you & Tom a happy and healthy new year ❤️
OMG it's you! I love your videos!
Seeing Tom with the espresso art is so wholesome. Getting such enjoyment from a simple thing is great. I hope sewing can be an outlet for you to be creative and also bring you the same happiness.
Happy belated, Taylor. Cheers to another year of growth 💞
I was really close with my grandma and I lost her 6 months ago. I find it hard talking about her and I don’t think people understand how I feel about it. People look at me like I’m crazy because it’s JUST my grandma but it isn’t like that.
Taylor wish you the best I can relate to how you feel and I wish you a happy birthday.
I know exactly how you feel.
lost my grandma over a year ago. We had such a strong bond. I could not even imagine loosing her some day. Her death hit me so hard, especially that I was the one who got the news in the midnight when we were on a family trip and I didn't know how to inform my family.
She is not with us for over a year now, but I break into tears when something brings back my old sweet memories of her😔
samin nooranian same 😪
Grief is like a red ball in a box. In that box there's a button and every time the ball moves, it hits the button.. at first the red ball is big and so it hits the button constantly.. but over time the ball gets smaller and won't hit the button that many times.. but every time it does, the pain and all is the same.. grief is the ball, the button is the pain/tears/memories, the box is you.. the box and the button never change and the ball only gets smaller over time but never fully vanishes. It's okay to grief, there's no time limit for that. Around this time of year I hold bittersweet memories, a lot of thoughts en tears, because I lost the one I loved so deeply around new year's day.. it's gonna be the 10th anniversary and it's hard to cope with.. so I level with your emotions.. those birthdays/holidays are the days you miss your loved ones the most and tears are a natural reaction.. It would be unhealthy if you didn't have those emotions.. so cry, let those tears flow, celebrate his life, hug the memories.. 💜
Taylor😭😭 last year my mom and my step dad died in the same year and it broke my heart to spend holidays without them😭😭 I wasn't there when my mom taking her last breath and it kills me even more!! I've been dreaming about her lately smiling and cuddling with me I love her so much I'd do anything for her
That is her visiting you if you are dreaming about her! Those that have passed often can find times when the vale is thinnest when we sleep to come see us :) what a wonderful gift!
I cry every time you cry in this video . Keep going . And remember that you were lucky to have a wonderful person like him in your life . Taylor , you are so lucky that you have a nice memories about him remember that . I know you miss him . It’s normal to be sad and missing someone . Don’t be harsh on yourself . Cry when you’re sad and laugh when u are happy . From the bottom of my heart I wish you a happy new year and all your wishes to come true . I really love you ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Taylor I feel you sm. Second Christmas without my grandpa. He was also kind of a dad to me. Life of the party, always pulling pranks, loooved everything about Christmas. Ah I miss him so so much.
Tay Tay can I just say how proud I am of you for fully accepting and acknowledging that therapy is something that you need for the next year? I swear every single year, I relate to you more and more! It's like in a sense we're growing up together.. I really hope that doesnt sound creepy? I love you Tay and I'm sorry you're going through this tough time but you are truly so blessed, your life is so full of love.
Happy Birthday! Time goes by SO fast, I’ll be 33 in 4 days and I sometimes can’t fathom that Ive lived that many years.
It’s so sad to see you cry, but thank you for being real with us. 💗 My grandma died at the start of December back in 2010, just a few days after my birthday. She was my best friend, she raised me because my mom was always working. It was an incredibly painful time, and the sadness still sometimes creeps up on me, but I promise it gets easier. I’m so sorry for your pain and I hope working alongside a therapist helps the process.
I turned 26 last month so I’m not too far off 30 and it’s a scary thought! It’s nice watching someone who’s hit that milestone because most youtubers I watch are early 20s. Anyway, I think you’re doing amazing and I really admire you. Thank you for sharing your life with us. 💗
Happy late Birthday i cry too on my 21st birthday i lost my cousin she was 25 she kill herselef 3 days before my bday i understand youre pain have a nice day even if is hard is going to be okay he will always gona be there and guide you ❤❤❤❤🎁🎂🎈🎊
I lost my grandfather in 2003 and I still grieve for him. Grief is not linear, it has no end. However, I have found that the pain has lessened with time. We will miss them forever, but my counselor told me something that resonated in my heart. The amount of grief we feel is directly related to how much we loved them. I am so sorry your struggling. I am praying your heart and mind can somehow find some peace and calmness in the coming year.
Praying for you during this difficult time. I know therapy has really helped me through tough times. Merry Christmas and I hope you have a productive and Happy New Year!
Your mental health is important, too
That was the quote that one of my closest friends said to me that finally pushed me to therapy. I was making it on my own. I was able to do what needed to be done to keep going in life, so I felt I unworthy of therapy. I always thought about how other people have it worse than me. But that quote above helped ease the guilt. I've been in therapy for just over a year now and it has really made an immensely positive impact on my life.
I can't believe your 31 already Tay. I've been following you for so long now. It feels like it was just yesterday. Wow. Time really does move fast when we're not aware of it. Anyways, I just want to say I love you and do take care of yourself. 💖 We'll always be here for you.
This is my 1st year without my mom and oh my when you were talking about your grandpa and seeing you like that really made me feel like I am not alone. I understand what you are saying 100% about holidays and never saying goodbye. Since I am in the military I live far away from home for about 3 years now and I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom and even now it all feels fake. I have a lot of dreams about her, seeing her ill in bed (the last moment I saw of her on facetime) and things I wish I said but never did. I miss her like crazy and I am flying back home tomorrow to see the rest of my family again for the 1st time since she passed in June. Thanks for making me feel not so alone in these feelings. I know we will get through this and those tears will become happy tears of memories of them
The older I get the more I come to realize what life actually is in terms of the cold hard facts whereas when I was younger, life was more like a word with no meaning to it. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense. I love how people can learn and grow so much in just a year.
Could you elaborate what you mean by cold hard facts?
Taylor! I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my step dad 3 years ago and it’s still hard especially around the big moments and family holidays. Go easy on yourself, it’s such a hard thing to loose someone so important to you! Please read the Courage to be Happy! It’s such a great book which helped me change my perspective on a lot of things including how harshly I treat myself! It’s one thing a lot of us are guilty of, being too harsh and cruel to ourselves in our head!
Happy belated birthday Taylor :) I've just turned 32 and I'm getting more comfortable with myself every year. My body might not be what is was :p But my self-knowledge has grown so much. It's definitely a big change from life in your twenties.
It’s totally natural to feel what your feeling. I hope you remember that! Shedding some emotional tears about someone passing away that was so so close is a huge change. I unfortunately couldn’t be there for my grandpa when he passed away and my mother, god help her, wasn’t even able to go to her own fathers funeral because it was over seas from us.
Awwwwww Taylor. I wish you a happy happy birthday surrounded by with the people (and teacup poodle) you love.
I never got to be close to any of my grandparents and I kind of wish I had felt this kind of grief when they passed away. Few things are purer in life than the grief we carry for others. Embrace it and it will teach you all you need to know. Sending lots of love your way xxx
"It's from Italy!" 😁
Sometimes I need to remember that my country is known for good quality things too
Specialmente per tutto ciò che ruota attorno al cibo :)
@@Anna-fw7lm vivo in Giappone e se dici Italia tutti la adorano e apprezzano, io dico sempre se è per viaggiare è un bel posto ma per viverci no 😅
@@shubsx2243 dipende da dove si vive in italia e da come si vuole vivere. Non è un posto 'facile' perché gli italiani tanto sono disposti ad aiutarti quanto a sabotarti, cambiando idea dal giorno alla notte. Per vivere in italia senza soffrire bisogna avere una capacità di adattamento molto alta e avere, come dice mia nonna, poche pippe. Beato te che stai in giappone, comunque, ho sempre avuto una certa fascinazione per quella terra e quella cultura, fin da piccola (quando internet non c'era ancora)
It'll take time to cope with the loss of such an important family member. My grandma passed away in 2011 and I'm just now accepting it. Visiting her grave and catching her up with me and the family really helped. Be patient with yourself. You will heal.
Omg Taylor you’re so well conserved. You definitely have a strong, beautiful and youthful soul that reflects on the outside. I thought you were 25 like me haha!! Love you so much girl. Thank you for the inspiration/motivation that you give in each of your videos. God bless and happy belated 31st birthday 🎂-From Los Angeles CA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂🎉🎁🎈!!
When I saw you crying I just wanted to hug you!! Just talk to your grandpa sweetheart. He’s there with you and wanting you to smile. When I’m missing my dad, I just talk to him out loud, telling him I love and miss him. It helps my heart. You will see him again. Never doubt it. 💗💗💗
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR!
Thank you Taylor 👩🏾💻 for sharing so much of yourself. Finding a councilor or that calm space were you can sort out your thoughts is very important & beneficial.
Hi Taylor,
Thank you for sharing your feelings and story with us. I’m going through something similar, my grandfather passed away this passed October, it will be my first Christmas & Birthday without him... it’s been so hard but your strength and rawness gives me strength. Thank you ❤️ happy birthday & Christmas !
Aww Taylor, I started crying as soon as I saw you crying... Lost my grandpa this year and I just feel deeply for you. I hope birthdays and Christmas will soon be only lit by the fond memories you have of him. Merry Christmas and much love to you
Happy birthday Taylor and don’t be sad ... he wants you to be happy and just remember the good things! Kisses from Spain
socmanagil where in Spain are you from? I’m hoping to visit this summer and don’t know where to go besides Barcelona
Actually scratch that. For privacy reasons you don’t have to say that. But where do you recommend? :)
Monique Barcelona
@@monique7019 you should visit Luarca / Asturias. Search photos!
Monique the north and the east!
I feel like this year has been busier and messier for me too! I think that's the energy for everyone. I was also thinking last night how I need to let go of old traditions in order to not push myself too hard this year - in a way maybe that's what you're going through too, the concept of letting go of old traditions for Christmas and birthdays... perhaps you should think of it as an exciting adventure, getting to know your christmasses and birthdays without the usual traditions you had before. Like being reborn! I do feel like as it's a new decade coming up especially letting go of old traditions is integral.
Wish you everything you want it for yourself and much more...my heart is with you because I know that feeling when you should be happy but you just do not wanna because you think you will going to betray memory of that one person that should be with you....but you will not, he wants you to be happy, life goes on and he knows it so do you....Fighting ^^
Happy Birthday Taylor! You're so real and relatable. May you continue to grow and we'll all get to grow with you 🎂🎉
My 31st birthday is today! Thank you for sharing on this platform, even on the hard days. I always look forward to your videos, you’re awesome 💖✨
80FrontStreet happy birthday ♥️
Just lost my grandfather one month ago, the holidays have been really emotional for us and i have been feeling really isolatet so for some reason it makes me feel better hearing this. Lots of love och happy holidays.
Going to therapy is the best and worse you can do, but It helps a lot. The worse part is figthing with yourself and de best part is feeling and knowing who you are and feeling great. So, go, girl, go to therapy. It ain't gonna be easy, but it worthy.
Therapy is the best gift I've ever given myself. Thank you for being so open about your life and being, and I hope you find a wonderful therapist/counselor/guide to help you on that journey! Happy birthday! Enjoy this year!
Girl you look so good with dark hair. When you put your hair up at 3:20 I was like "DAMNNN" ♥_♥
Not finished the video yet. But side note beautiful young Taylor.
You are grieving.
Grief does not have a time frame.
This person had a monumental and positive impact on your life.
It will still hurt and there will be bad days. Then one day, the sadness starts to be tinged with warm memories and from there it blooms into this beautiful but melancholy thing. Only way I can describe loss. The memories will make you smile too. Go with it. If you feel it is out of control though. Don't ignore it. But. I think what the pain you describe is perfectly natural Taylor. Having people to talk to helps.
Grief counsellors are great.
Love u x
P. S happy birthday 😊
Your husband is so cute making coffee 😂 you guys are so adorable together ❤️