Thank you. I feel that no matter what we do, a FA can’t never fully trust their partner. They constantly think about the worst scenarios and possibility to be betrayed. That put themselves and their partner in an stressful relationship. Anything can trigger their trust issue. ANYTHING!
Yeah, I thought I was being a great partner and my FA still ran away. Wish she'd change her mind, I really loved her and was more than willing to meet her needs that she wasn't communicating
But how hurt must you be, to reject someone who loves you for you; without demanding anything more than your time and attention? I find they thrive in relationships where they give and don't receive anything in return. And that is the very environment that makes them believe that noone loves them. 🤦♀️
@@nbee6217 Omg this is so spot on. That’s how I’ve always been feeling my whole life. This channel has been eye-opening. I usually hate repetition, but I’ve been watching this videos for half a year and thought I’ve learnt it all, but every time it’s about an FA it drags me back to be fully present with myself, and serves as a reminder for me to take time from my busy life to keep healing.
@@laconsuela69 I’ve been there man! Very similar situation. It’s so frustrating because it’s like if she would have just talked to me and let me in we would have been great
My really good friend and I who is also a FA were talking about this yesterday. Her fiancé told her that he's never met anyone who hurts their own feelings as much as she does and it's such a spot on thing to say. I'm working very hard to own my own feelings and not take every single thing personal from my DA. He can write I love you a thousands times and say "mind if we do dinner instead of a sleepover tonight to get some sleep?" and all those I love yous fly right out the window and I'll take it extremely personal when all he is is just tired and needs sleep. 🙃 I've gotten a LOT better, but it's a struggle.
Thais as an FA. who doesn't want to continue the generation chain, I would Love love love to see this integrated theory information come through parenting lense as well.
I'm super thankful for your channel! I'm an INFJ and Fearful Avoidant like you. I can understand your need to help people to be aware of these patterns. We were not born to be this way and it's just circumstances in life that we encountered that made us hyper vigilant. It's good to know there's hope to reprogram. Thanks for the tips on how to improve relationships among people who may be different from each other. As a quote from a Jdrama I've recently watched, "We compensate each other's insufficiencies." ❤️😍 More power to your school! The Bible also teaches the same principle of being kind and patient towards one another.
I wish these videos were available 10-15 years ago when my emotional regulation was almost non-existent. It has been a long struggle to discover myself, be kind, accepting, less critical to myself and most importantly, finding a way to trust. Through hard work things are much easier, but I watch these videos and know it could have been much sooner with less experience of pain and frustration. Thank you for what you do x
Perfect timing. I had a one night stand this weekend being very drunk and the guy was sober and i woke up alone which was triggering, have isolated myself since it happened because of shame and the spiraling thoughts of being worthless, cheap, a bad friend/familymember and feel the need to peopleplease to make up for it but the shame is to strong to come out of isolation right now. Thank you for making me reflect and feel less alone. Shame for FA’s are really horrible.
@@lifecoachingtoronto it depends. it can be that, or it can be that they are too self-focused, or it can be that they don't really care, or they are used to that person taking care of their needs and are not interested in those roles being reversed, or that they simply are unable to. there are lots of reasons, but the bottom line is the FA can communicate their needs and just not be heard until they are practically shouting. then the person shouting seems irrational and volatile.
@@jones2277 I know what you mean. Do you think it's the mindset of "people are selfish & self-centred" which comes out in an FAs communication, even if they communicate in a light tone?
I always saw my issues as doubt, I always have doubts about people and everything. Also I felt the last part, with communication pattern, very accurate.
thank you for this video! this was very validating for me as an FA. question: could you possibly talk more about the fear of looking stupid/foolish? and also the spitefulness when triggered? when you mentioned those two things, i felt so seen! i've struggled with that my whole life, even as a kid. and even now as an adult with my therapist, i can't explain to her why it bothers me so much that i don't ever feel like a fool or stupid in a situation. but it comes up often. thanks again for a great video!
10:24. This! Thank you for this, I am calm and secure and I wondered what I did to deserve the turmoil I endured for being calm😂. Communication needs for an FA often present themself as an explosion. A long list of all the needs you have no idea about that you did not meet. Followed by an it's not working out. And when you respect their decision and leave them alone; you essentially never loved them. To self preserve you have to put yourself first but in turn you reinforce their fears that you were never to be trusted anyway so they graduate deeper into their FA tendencies. And the cycle continues.....
well.....you got our number..... Sorry you had to go through that. It's painful to see it spelled out so clearly :( Where are you at now with this person? Broken up, I presume?
@@billyb4790 Thank you. We are very much broken up. Not on speaking terms. But I am not as resentful as I was, before I started watching these videos. You eventually begin to be a lot more understanding and more empathetic. It really helps to not take things personally.
@@billyb4790 Oh no , they would never be able to get over the shame of disappointing me. They actually had a lot of respect and adoration for me. Doubt they will be able to truly forgive themselves for causing me pain. To overcome that requires vulnerability. Something very difficult for an FA.
I’m pretty sure my husband and I are both FA it’s really hard right now as we are going through a separation. It’s so strange, he just withdrew and left with all these resentments I was not aware of. But then he also is almost fighting his own brain because on one hand he wants to be with me and knows he loves me but on the other he tells himself I’m unsafe or I don’t appreciate him or didn’t love him. It’s caused him depression and anxiety and almost like post traumatic stress issues when he is around me sometimes. It was like his feelings for me were totally switched off at first and after a few months he started having these conflicting thoughts and now we are in a “together/not together” relationship.. it’s heartbreaking.
I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time ❤ my partner and I just broke up, I'm pretty sure he's FA, he broke up with me after I asked for more as I'd been compromising a lot of myself during our three years together (he has three children and time alone together was difficult to find. I love the children though too and loved spending time with them) he said he couldn't give me more then came across resentful and seemed to blame me for everything without taking accountability. It's been five weeks no contact, I cry everyday, completely heartbroken and although I know I'll be fine without him, he's the love of my life ❤ I hope things get better for you
Thank you. I've been watching your videos for a few weeks now. At the end of this video you mention how FA s will binge use substances when deactivated. I binge used sex and it is a contributing risk factor into how it completely destroyed my life. I'm in cbt individually and group, but you have helped me recognize patterns in my life.
I resonate with this very strongly. I realized Ik the past year that I fear commitment because I’m scared it’s a trap. I get triggered by people shouting because it reminds me of a close relationship that was always at a higher, critical volume.
I used to be FA leaning DA & sabotaged, at least, 97% of my relationships. I was with a good guy for 2 1/2 years & wasn’t used to not having any drama. I was bored & started withdrawing. He sensed it & started reading my journals, which is a HUGE violation. He read something he didn’t like and left. No conversation or anything. Just ABANDONED me! But I understand why.
No loss any matter. Total violation of privacy which would only grow most likely. Two years and they couldn't have a conversation. In the least to say goodbye. That's emotionally cowardly.
"I'm like a bird" by Nelly Furtado is about being FA. Unfortunately it's my theme song right now. The best I could do was to promise him that I wouldn't leave him again, but we may have done too much damage already. He is also FA but he is stronger than me. At this point we have both pulled back....however I didn't even know what FA was before the most recent break up. If we can stay connected, I'm hopeful now.
I think this is what I am. I'm 16, have amazing parents, but my first relationship was horrible. I met this girl in around November of 2020 (I was 14), and in October of 2021 (was 15) we had started dating and at the end of January of 2022 (still 15) we broke up. During that time was so many lies and just being used, for instance I would openly tell her that I didn't feel loved and she would blame me for that with stuff like "of course I love you, why would you think that??", a big part of the reason was because whenever we were together she would ditch me every time to hang out with my sister. It was just a circle of lies and deceit and honestly she had me crying and having suicidal thoughts every day. I really can't put into words all the little manipulative and bad things that happened, especially since it's been so long. Worst part of all of this was she had me so backwards that I believed that she DID love me and I was just stupid when I broke up with her, I was so torn between doing it and not doing it I was literally going insane and couldn't even tell her why I was breaking up with her to begin with. After I broke it off she didn't even seem bothered and I slowly started to realize how fake she was. I feel like this one person has brought me so many trust issues and other issues that ruin my relationships, whether platonic or romantic. Luckily most of the anxiety brought on by that experience is gone but the other issues still persist. Feels good to get this out there! This has been on my mind for a long time actually.
So many points in here that I noticed before I even knew what FA was and tried to work through those with her, then of course, that's "too much intimacy" so guess who actually ended things. 😖
Am i the only Fa who is moody?...i get high and low for no obvious reason i feel internally that i'm in a rollercuster regarding my mental health...i believe it's related to my attachment style..how can get in touch with my internal world?...i crave an explanation for my emotional state!..especially the low one...it's so confusing..i don't now what made me sad i just go with the flow i don't like it here if i have no idea what the problem is i can't fix it!💔
I'm sure this is a fearful avoidant struggle...cause the swing from anxious to avoidant happens suddenly and with no warning....somedays i feel too much and suddenly i feel nothing at all...i think too much or i don't think at all...i work everyday and then one day i wake up not able to work at all..for weeks...i relate to the world in an extreme way...
no you're not alone at all. I can relate to everything you say. Please get help. You deserve it. Start with these videos and look into The Personal Development School and/or BetterHelp online therapy. Do your best to find someone who understands attachment and personal relations- as well as anxiety and depression. I don't know how old you are but I just turned 49 and wish I got myself help a lot sooner. But I convinced myself I didn't deserve it. Don't make the same mistake. You deserve more.
I’m secure now but definitely used to lean DA, although I’ve always struggled with spitefulness when disregulated, which you say is a FA quality. While I’ve outgrown most of it, it disturbs me that I can just ruthlessly tear into someone when angered. Anger can feel like a trance. I don’t actually mean what I say. I’ll literally say anything that comes to mind that I think will trigger the other person. Every generation of women in my family are like this, so much so, that everyone just accepted it & would say “stay out of her way, she’s on a tear today!” But in the real world this behavior isn’t so widely accepted & can hurt people. Are there tips for overcoming this… meanness… for lack of a better term? Or is it just the standard techniques from mindfulness/ Buddhism like learning to pause between the stimulus & response?
I recently ended a relationship with an FA . Not primarily because of her, but because of her medaling 35 year old daughter. After a few months I began watching your videos, and became aware that withdrawing, and fight and fleeing as well as other behaviors and feelings were exactly what I was expierancing. I recently reached out to her, and she informed me that she no longer wants to hear from me, and had in fact removed anything of mine that brings back memories. We dated for only 7 months, but I believe we belong together now that I understand what she is dealing with. What do I do?
Hi Thais! Wanted to see if you could make a video on the affects of alcohol and the subconscious. I feel like many times when I have a few drinks my fearful avoidant side is heightened to the max. Is alcohol just bringing out my subconscious or is it magnifying it?
This happens to me. I'll have wine and next thing you know I'm crying in my pillow and then tend to go avoidant. That's why I feel so much more in control when I'm exercising, meditating and refraining from drinking/eating unhealthy. It's like a whole new person with me.
Is there a link between fearful avoidant attachment and chronic disease? I have an autoimmune condition and I’ve been healing my dysregulated nervous system - I grew up in a state of fight or flight, and it took me a long time to realise that wasn’t normal . I wonder how many others have the same experience?
The part about not feeling safe and fleeing, isn't that a normal human thing? Like I dont think people stay with others they feel unsafe around....What does she mean by this?
I think she means that we FA people (I am Fearful-Avoidant myself) feel unsafe with the slightest type of ‘inconsistency’, even IF the people we love are objectively good to us. And that is a matter of FA people not being able to communicate their needs well and just jumping to conclusions. Also, even if some people feel unsafe with their loved ones, it’s not like it’s easy for them to leave, especially in cases of abusive relationships.
I wish you didn't have dating apps advertised on your content. I love your videos. When we start working on ourselves dating is the last thing we should be doing to avoid resisting change and potentially harming someone else.
I’m an FA, I never throw up. I don’t think it’s an FA attribute specifically. Throwing up for 7 hours straight does not sound like anxiety, it sounds like a medical condition.
I just started seeing this girl I really like and she’s an FA . It so hard because I really want to check up on her but I don’t want to feel like I’m imposing on her boundaries as well 😢 makes me really restless
@@winxclubstellamusa SHE took the personality test and is in therapy now for GAD... She's doing well, sometimes, during the weekends she goes into silent mode but I just play my PS5. We have learned it's ok to have silence 🤐🤐🤐🤫
“ deep dive “ when there is nothing new presented is what provoked me , only new viewers would think she is giving you value when she is just advertising for her courses
Thank you. I feel that no matter what we do, a FA can’t never fully trust their partner. They constantly think about the worst scenarios and possibility to be betrayed. That put themselves and their partner in an stressful relationship. Anything can trigger their trust issue. ANYTHING!
Yeah, I thought I was being a great partner and my FA still ran away. Wish she'd change her mind, I really loved her and was more than willing to meet her needs that she wasn't communicating
But how hurt must you be, to reject someone who loves you for you; without demanding anything more than your time and attention? I find they thrive in relationships where they give and don't receive anything in return. And that is the very environment that makes them believe that noone loves them. 🤦♀️
@@nbee6217 Omg this is so spot on. That’s how I’ve always been feeling my whole life. This channel has been eye-opening. I usually hate repetition, but I’ve been watching this videos for half a year and thought I’ve learnt it all, but every time it’s about an FA it drags me back to be fully present with myself, and serves as a reminder for me to take time from my busy life to keep healing.
@@laconsuela69 I’ve been there man! Very similar situation. It’s so frustrating because it’s like if she would have just talked to me and let me in we would have been great
My really good friend and I who is also a FA were talking about this yesterday. Her fiancé told her that he's never met anyone who hurts their own feelings as much as she does and it's such a spot on thing to say. I'm working very hard to own my own feelings and not take every single thing personal from my DA. He can write I love you a thousands times and say "mind if we do dinner instead of a sleepover tonight to get some sleep?" and all those I love yous fly right out the window and I'll take it extremely personal when all he is is just tired and needs sleep. 🙃 I've gotten a LOT better, but it's a struggle.
Thais as an FA. who doesn't want to continue the generation chain, I would Love love love to see this integrated theory information come through parenting lense as well.
Yes me too!
I'm super thankful for your channel! I'm an INFJ and Fearful Avoidant like you. I can understand your need to help people to be aware of these patterns. We were not born to be this way and it's just circumstances in life that we encountered that made us hyper vigilant. It's good to know there's hope to reprogram. Thanks for the tips on how to improve relationships among people who may be different from each other. As a quote from a Jdrama I've recently watched, "We compensate each other's insufficiencies." ❤️😍 More power to your school! The Bible also teaches the same principle of being kind and patient towards one another.
I wish these videos were available 10-15 years ago when my emotional regulation was almost non-existent. It has been a long struggle to discover myself, be kind, accepting, less critical to myself and most importantly, finding a way to trust. Through hard work things are much easier, but I watch these videos and know it could have been much sooner with less experience of pain and frustration. Thank you for what you do x
Perfect timing. I had a one night stand this weekend being very drunk and the guy was sober and i woke up alone which was triggering, have isolated myself since it happened because of shame and the spiraling thoughts of being worthless, cheap, a bad friend/familymember and feel the need to peopleplease to make up for it but the shame is to strong to come out of isolation right now. Thank you for making me reflect and feel less alone. Shame for FA’s are really horrible.
All or nothing communication patterns of really hold everything in, or a really critical or really vulnerable format. Interesting.
it only seems like all or nothing because the people you try to communicate with aren't listening.
@@jones2277 You think they're just fooling around & not taking things seriously, right?
@@lifecoachingtoronto it depends. it can be that, or it can be that they are too self-focused, or it can be that they don't really care, or they are used to that person taking care of their needs and are not interested in those roles being reversed, or that they simply are unable to. there are lots of reasons, but the bottom line is the FA can communicate their needs and just not be heard until they are practically shouting. then the person shouting seems irrational and volatile.
@@jones2277 I know what you mean. Do you think it's the mindset of "people are selfish & self-centred" which comes out in an FAs communication, even if they communicate in a light tone?
@@lifecoachingtoronto not necessarily.
I always saw my issues as doubt, I always have doubts about people and everything. Also I felt the last part, with communication pattern, very accurate.
thank you for this video! this was very validating for me as an FA. question: could you possibly talk more about the fear of looking stupid/foolish? and also the spitefulness when triggered? when you mentioned those two things, i felt so seen! i've struggled with that my whole life, even as a kid. and even now as an adult with my therapist, i can't explain to her why it bothers me so much that i don't ever feel like a fool or stupid in a situation. but it comes up often. thanks again for a great video!
10:24. This! Thank you for this, I am calm and secure and I wondered what I did to deserve the turmoil I endured for being calm😂. Communication needs for an FA often present themself as an explosion. A long list of all the needs you have no idea about that you did not meet. Followed by an it's not working out. And when you respect their decision and leave them alone; you essentially never loved them. To self preserve you have to put yourself first but in turn you reinforce their fears that you were never to be trusted anyway so they graduate deeper into their FA tendencies. And the cycle continues.....
well.....you got our number.....
Sorry you had to go through that. It's painful to see it spelled out so clearly :(
Where are you at now with this person? Broken up, I presume?
@@billyb4790 Thank you. We are very much broken up. Not on speaking terms. But I am not as resentful as I was, before I started watching these videos. You eventually begin to be a lot more understanding and more empathetic. It really helps to not take things personally.
@@nbee6217 any plans on getting back together?
@@billyb4790 Oh no , they would never be able to get over the shame of disappointing me. They actually had a lot of respect and adoration for me. Doubt they will be able to truly forgive themselves for causing me pain. To overcome that requires vulnerability. Something very difficult for an FA.
@@billyb4790 Also I am enjoying focusing on myself -not keen on rekindling.
I’m pretty sure my husband and I are both FA it’s really hard right now as we are going through a separation. It’s so strange, he just withdrew and left with all these resentments I was not aware of. But then he also is almost fighting his own brain because on one hand he wants to be with me and knows he loves me but on the other he tells himself I’m unsafe or I don’t appreciate him or didn’t love him. It’s caused him depression and anxiety and almost like post traumatic stress issues when he is around me sometimes. It was like his feelings for me were totally switched off at first and after a few months he started having these conflicting thoughts and now we are in a “together/not together” relationship.. it’s heartbreaking.
I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time ❤ my partner and I just broke up, I'm pretty sure he's FA, he broke up with me after I asked for more as I'd been compromising a lot of myself during our three years together (he has three children and time alone together was difficult to find. I love the children though too and loved spending time with them) he said he couldn't give me more then came across resentful and seemed to blame me for everything without taking accountability. It's been five weeks no contact, I cry everyday, completely heartbroken and although I know I'll be fine without him, he's the love of my life ❤ I hope things get better for you
Look into Law of Assumption🙏
Discovering that Im more fearful avoidant than I thought. I still lean more anxious, but its definitely both. Some good insight, thank you!
Thank you. I've been watching your videos for a few weeks now. At the end of this video you mention how FA s will binge use substances when deactivated. I binge used sex and it is a contributing risk factor into how it completely destroyed my life. I'm in cbt individually and group, but you have helped me recognize patterns in my life.
I resonate with this very strongly. I realized Ik the past year that I fear commitment because I’m scared it’s a trap. I get triggered by people shouting because it reminds me of a close relationship that was always at a higher, critical volume.
your presentation cuts through the fog. it makes me emotional, but the validation is empowering. thank you for that
I used to be FA leaning DA & sabotaged, at least, 97% of my relationships. I was with a good guy for 2 1/2 years & wasn’t used to not having any drama. I was bored & started withdrawing. He sensed it & started reading my journals, which is a HUGE violation. He read something he didn’t like and left. No conversation or anything. Just ABANDONED me! But I understand why.
No loss any matter. Total violation of privacy which would only grow most likely. Two years and they couldn't have a conversation. In the least to say goodbye. That's emotionally cowardly.
@@ievolcisum I totally agree
What did you say in your journal? Im curious what made him wanna leave?
@@jeedwards1981 Yeah fr @PhetteHollins what did you say?
"I'm like a bird" by Nelly Furtado is about being FA. Unfortunately it's my theme song right now.
The best I could do was to promise him that I wouldn't leave him again, but we may have done too much damage already. He is also FA but he is stronger than me. At this point we have both pulled back....however I didn't even know what FA was before the most recent break up. If we can stay connected, I'm hopeful now.
IAT training was amazing! I am happy to get my certification as I will be able to help out others!
thats so cool!
@@zuko61245 Thank you!
I think this is what I am. I'm 16, have amazing parents, but my first relationship was horrible. I met this girl in around November of 2020 (I was 14), and in October of 2021 (was 15) we had started dating and at the end of January of 2022 (still 15) we broke up. During that time was so many lies and just being used, for instance I would openly tell her that I didn't feel loved and she would blame me for that with stuff like "of course I love you, why would you think that??", a big part of the reason was because whenever we were together she would ditch me every time to hang out with my sister. It was just a circle of lies and deceit and honestly she had me crying and having suicidal thoughts every day. I really can't put into words all the little manipulative and bad things that happened, especially since it's been so long. Worst part of all of this was she had me so backwards that I believed that she DID love me and I was just stupid when I broke up with her, I was so torn between doing it and not doing it I was literally going insane and couldn't even tell her why I was breaking up with her to begin with. After I broke it off she didn't even seem bothered and I slowly started to realize how fake she was. I feel like this one person has brought me so many trust issues and other issues that ruin my relationships, whether platonic or romantic. Luckily most of the anxiety brought on by that experience is gone but the other issues still persist. Feels good to get this out there! This has been on my mind for a long time actually.
My friend, this is pretty much all part of being a teenager. Don't worry, relationships will improve later in life. Hang in there.
This is awesome! So what would be helpful strategies to have to replace spitefulness?
Great video! It will help people in relationships with people who have a fearful avoidant attachment style.
Your videos have been very helpful. I wish I would have known they existed several years ago. Thank you!
Can you talk more about someone because FA because of a abusive previous relationship?
Thank you Thais, this work is surely improving lives. I have also joined the Personal Development School.
love the new haircut :)
This was very interesting. Thank you!
So many points in here that I noticed before I even knew what FA was and tried to work through those with her, then of course, that's "too much intimacy" so guess who actually ended things. 😖
thank you so much
Thank you so much 🥺🥺
Love this!
Am i the only Fa who is moody?...i get high and low for no obvious reason i feel internally that i'm in a rollercuster regarding my mental health...i believe it's related to my attachment style..how can get in touch with my internal world?...i crave an explanation for my emotional state!..especially the low one...it's so confusing..i don't now what made me sad i just go with the flow i don't like it here if i have no idea what the problem is i can't fix it!💔
I'm sure this is a fearful avoidant
struggle...cause the swing from anxious to avoidant happens suddenly and with no warning....somedays i feel too much and suddenly i feel nothing at all...i think too much or i don't think at all...i work everyday and then one day i wake up not able to work at all..for weeks...i relate to the world in an extreme way...
no you're not alone at all. I can relate to everything you say. Please get help. You deserve it. Start with these videos and look into The Personal Development School and/or BetterHelp online therapy. Do your best to find someone who understands attachment and personal relations- as well as anxiety and depression. I don't know how old you are but I just turned 49 and wish I got myself help a lot sooner. But I convinced myself I didn't deserve it. Don't make the same mistake. You deserve more.
Maybe see a therapists to make sure you don’t have bipolar disorder
I’m secure now but definitely used to lean DA, although I’ve always struggled with spitefulness when disregulated, which you say is a FA quality. While I’ve outgrown most of it, it disturbs me that I can just ruthlessly tear into someone when angered. Anger can feel like a trance. I don’t actually mean what I say. I’ll literally say anything that comes to mind that I think will trigger the other person. Every generation of women in my family are like this, so much so, that everyone just accepted it & would say “stay out of her way, she’s on a tear today!” But in the real world this behavior isn’t so widely accepted & can hurt people.
Are there tips for overcoming this… meanness… for lack of a better term? Or is it just the standard techniques from mindfulness/ Buddhism like learning to pause between the stimulus & response?
I recently ended a relationship with an FA . Not primarily because of her, but because of her medaling 35 year old daughter. After a few months I began watching your videos, and became aware that withdrawing, and fight and fleeing as well as other behaviors and feelings were exactly what I was expierancing.
I recently reached out to her, and she informed me that she no longer wants to hear from me, and had in fact removed anything of mine that brings back memories. We dated for only 7 months, but I believe we belong together now that I understand what she is dealing with.
What do I do?
Hi Thais! Wanted to see if you could make a video on the affects of alcohol and the subconscious. I feel like many times when I have a few drinks my fearful avoidant side is heightened to the max. Is alcohol just bringing out my subconscious or is it magnifying it?
This happens to me. I'll have wine and next thing you know I'm crying in my pillow and then tend to go avoidant. That's why I feel so much more in control when I'm exercising, meditating and refraining from drinking/eating unhealthy. It's like a whole new person with me.
Maybe melting your defenses to feeling your grief and your wounds :)
This is me to a tee 😢 it's all so depressing 😢 I can't afford therapy either 😢
Nailed it!
Is there a link between fearful avoidant attachment and chronic disease? I have an autoimmune condition and I’ve been healing my dysregulated nervous system - I grew up in a state of fight or flight, and it took me a long time to realise that wasn’t normal . I wonder how many others have the same experience?
The part about not feeling safe and fleeing, isn't that a normal human thing? Like I dont think people stay with others they feel unsafe around....What does she mean by this?
I think she means that we FA people (I am Fearful-Avoidant myself) feel unsafe with the slightest type of ‘inconsistency’, even IF the people we love are objectively good to us. And that is a matter of FA people not being able to communicate their needs well and just jumping to conclusions. Also, even if some people feel unsafe with their loved ones, it’s not like it’s easy for them to leave, especially in cases of abusive relationships.
I wish you didn't have dating apps advertised on your content. I love your videos.
When we start working on ourselves dating is the last thing we should be doing to avoid resisting change and potentially harming someone else.
@@evadebruijn ads are a given but I'm assuming you can control which ones on your content. Worth a shot.
How do you get a fearful avoidant ex back? Currently in 1 month of NC.
Is this the same as counterdepedency?
1:10
Why do FA's throw up? Seriously, my FA throws up every other day for 7hrs straight. Any others do this?
Anxiety!!!
I’m an FA, I never throw up. I don’t think it’s an FA attribute specifically. Throwing up for 7 hours straight does not sound like anxiety, it sounds like a medical condition.
I'm married to an FA
I just started seeing this girl I really like and she’s an FA . It so hard because I really want to check up on her but I don’t want to feel like I’m imposing on her boundaries as well 😢 makes me really restless
@@winxclubstellamusa SHE took the personality test and is in therapy now for GAD... She's doing well, sometimes, during the weekends she goes into silent mode but I just play my PS5.
We have learned it's ok to have silence 🤐🤐🤐🤫
👍
You didn’t say anything new here
It was an in depth talk, and she actually clarified some things.😉🙂
@@Ellael98 not really. it's been said in other videos.
She said something new for people who haven't watched her other videos.
“ deep dive “ when there is nothing new presented is what provoked me , only new viewers would think she is giving you value when she is just advertising for her courses
Even the book was worse than the UA-cam channel so go wipe your asses with that argument
You ever wonder why this content creator never mentions BPD? It would be bad for her business model. FAs are BPD
She has mentioned it before, search it. She also has talked extensively about CPTSD.
No, they are not. Go watch her video or dig deeper into the 9 factors and if you have 5 of them you need a professional to confirm you are BPD.
absolutely not true. some may have that personality disorder, but it doesn't mean it's interchangeable