Thank you. I needed to be reminded that I am not alone in going through this. The suspicion is wearing me down. I’m continually being accused of stealing anything that she can’t find. She has done her best to smear my reputation with everyone that we know, regarding stealing her stuff. Some believe her, and don’t speak to me anymore. It’s hard not to take it personally.
I’m so sorry you are goin through that. Honestly hearing you share that makes me feel like I’m not alone. Mother h as done the same with me and some people might even think I’m being cruel. But Hera the thing you are you’re loved ones voice and at the end of the day you have nothing to feel sorry for or feel guilty or even regret for being there for your loved one because YOU ARE VALUABLE ,YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU ARE A. CHAMPION FOR DOING ALLOF THE THINGS YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO.
Yes, I have the same situation w/ my mother (for at least 2 yrs. now). I've learned to just let her her vent her frustrations & then she let's it go after a short while (so far that is). God bless you all for enduring through this as well. We need to remember it's the disease & not directed at us purposefully. Peace & continued strength & blessings to you all! 💖
Bob WE believe you... you are not alone. What I have done to help my family understand what is really going on is start a family chat group where I can update the family on my parents. I care for both of them. Dad has dementia (similar to Alzheimer's) but undiagnosed. Mom is unable to care for dad alone because of her own health issues (Dialysis, on oxygen 24/7 etc.) It is time consuming but it had helped in bringing everyone...well almost everyone(brother is not quite there yet) on the same page. Maybe that might help you with your family but remember that they are never going to understand everything you are dealing with because they ate not there 24/7 like you are but hopefully they will at least understand a little more and help defend you from other family members that have no clue. Love you all and praying for us all
Thanks, David. Right now I'm taking care of a 99 year old mom. I don't know if my future is my husband taking care me or me taking care of him. Your example will help many of us
Thank you for sharing David. Good on you for your attitudes and actions. My wife has been in a care home for over 30 months. The one thing that I have noticed is that she seems to have an underlying fear of abandonment. I see her every day but if she is upset and they allow her to phone me, I am able to calm her down. I still take her up to the local mall several times a week. Hang in there - you are familiar with "one day at a time"
Wonderful interview!! He’s doing m amazing job learning to set limits, taking care of himself AND HIS WIFE! LOTS OF HELPFUL RECOMMENDATIONS! I liked the part where he said “Sometimes it’s easier to do it myself but I HAVE to let her do it..& at her pace.”(not exact words but close!) Also.. Don’t worry about tomorrow.. stay in the moment today. Brave Careblazers are an inspiration! Thank you both! ♥️
Thank you, David, for so much honesty, wisdom and insight. The topics you covered will help a lot of Careblazers and their families. Thank you, also, to Dr Natali for your natural, conversational, respectful interview style.
Thank you for sharing, I have been looking out for mum for a lot of years now so we are both in different boats but going down the same river, I hope you stay afloat as I see by your mind set you will. God bless you and keep you strong, better said us strong!
I'm going to post this quote on my fridge (39:45): "Everyday is going to be different. I try not to figure out what's going to happen. And I try not to plan. . . . I try not to have a plan that's not flexible." So, I guess that's kind of a plan in itself!
This is always a struggle for me also trying to go "Day To Day" and somehow figure out something, or anything however if Dementia has taught me anything it's just "TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME"!!!!!!!!! P.S. That is a lot easier said than done!!!!!!!! God Bless "Ken"
This is very helpful and very true and to the point about roles in caregiver support, and how all our roles change in taking care of our LO during our "Long Good-Bye" with Dementia. In closing being a husband with my wife of 39 years you without a doubt see a large amount of the same situations take place with all of us "God Bless"!!!!!!!!!!! Ken"
I am from Australia. My father has Alzheimers and I really appreciated listening to your story and how I can help support my mother in her role as a carer. Your experience has made me both both humble and hopefully more nuanced in how we approach this journey with my father. Thank you for sharing.
Ialways listen to you when you on,my husband has also Alzheimer’s it is first for me.very hard to live like that.we are in our 80.B I enjoy watching you thank you
I can totally relate to mostly everything you mentioned, plus I have Parkinsons. I felt I was losing ground myself and with family input decided to get long term care, which began a year ago the end of this month.
My mom likes to be busy but it is hard for her to focus on tasks. I find things for her to do but she rushes through them then wants to help me with what ever I’m doing. I have gotten her arts and crafts things for her to do, It’ll keep her busy for a short period of time. My mom used to love cooking so The one thing she can focus on is peeling garlic. So I have a bunch of peeled garlic in my fridge. I also have her cut peppers and onions and that will keep her busy for a little bit as well.
I understand David's frustration with his wife's accusation regarding his female employee. It is frustrating and hurtful to the faithful spouse. It is a heavy burden to bear. Yes, it feels like they mean the accusations it even though we know it's the disease.
That's the worst part of it, and I see it first hand with my dad who has dementia. He accuses my mom of cheating, tells me I am poisoning him, and so much more and it's tough to hear. No matter how many times people tell you that it's the disease and not the person it's still not easy. You can have a thick skin for so long before it gets to you at times.
@@steviem5279 Thick skin and how many times do we leave to take a walk, anything to get away from the madness if only for a short while. Professional caregivers go home at night. For us, it's 24/7. This is so hard.
@@tomlinn7227 even for 15 minutes just to scream or even cry a little bit. The worst part is knowing how strong a person my dad was and to look at him now is difficult, he has FTD and when he gets angry it's either a barrage of name calling or he can get aggressive. Now, I don't mind of he tries and hits me because I can take it, I don't like when he tries to him my mom. I took time off from work and moved back into the house to help my mom and we take turns where she will go out for a long walk or my aunt comes pick her up and they go out and other times I go out for a bit while my mom stays home to watch him but now we're at the point where we have to get someone to come over even for a few hours. Every disease is bad but this one, IMO is the worst.
@@steviem5279 I fully agree. I’ve lived with aggression and violence for 4 years. This disease is indeed the worse, because unlike other diseases there is no logic with dementias and FTD.
@@tomlinn7227 My dad was officially diagnosed back in October but I believe he's had it for much longer as looking back we can see the signs but he was able to control himself so we wrote it off as just part of getting older but w know now that it was this disease most likely in the earliest of stages. He was 79 when diagnosed and in a few weeks he will be 80 years old. I firmly believe it was his occupation that gave him this disease as he was a house painter and back in the 60's when he came to the US and worked as a painter you had lead in the paint, almost all paints were oil based, and then you were using solvents as well and none of the guys back then were told of the hazards nor told to use masks. I can count 7 of his painter friends that either have/or had dementia or cancer and its sad to see. You're right, there really is not logic with this disease and I know the pain you are going through, my mom and I have only experienced it for a few months but you're on four years. Question, is there any meds that your wife takes that works? We've tried Seroquel when he was diagnosed at that made him 10 times worse so after two months we took him off of it. We also tried Celexa and that made my dad want to puke and that was that...but now we're t the point where it could be time to put him on a med..the doctor is suggesting trazodone but I don't know, anything that can stop the agitation, aggression, and delusions and that isn't an antipsychotic as that could be detrimental.
I feel like you may still be in shock It's really hard trying to take all this information in as there are so many forms of dementia and alzhemers My mum had dementia but never really got to the bottom of it. She was in a care home and we didn't have to worry about health care as we have the NHS Unless you have money and property x
I have been taking care of my listen to the age of the couple in the interview, my age 61 she is is only 50, so I still work full time trying to keep my wife safe at home, by her self while I work keeping her in the house her delusions take her down stairs and out our garage, my wife does not qualify for any assistance, so it's all on me family a sister full time job full time husband full time life and watch s the mom, and is in denial that my wife has dementia, frustrated, in duress, I made a wrong comment on a voicemail, so the state had talking her put her with her sister, now my wife also survived a stage 4 killer cancer 12 year's ago all my care giving has gone in a flash, now where was every body 2 month ago 2 years ago no help stressed out said the wrong thing,, my wife has tumors raidiaded on her brain, two groups of tumor's taking out of her spine, stroke,head trauma 2 years ago and she doesn't qualify for no assistance, just trying to hard back fired, I am crushed, love of my life is not aloud to see me anymore. What if anything do I do
Thank you. I needed to be reminded that I am not alone in going through this. The suspicion is wearing me down. I’m continually being accused of stealing anything that she can’t find. She has done her best to smear my reputation with everyone that we know, regarding stealing her stuff. Some believe her, and don’t speak to me anymore. It’s hard not to take it personally.
I’m so sorry you are goin through that. Honestly hearing you share that makes me feel like I’m not alone. Mother h as done the same with me and some people might even think I’m being cruel. But Hera the thing you are you’re loved ones voice and at the end of the day you have nothing to feel sorry for or feel guilty or even regret for being there for your loved one because YOU ARE VALUABLE ,YOU ARE LOVED AND YOU ARE A. CHAMPION FOR DOING ALLOF THE THINGS YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO.
Same situation here! Very difficult!
Yes, I have the same situation w/ my mother (for at least 2 yrs. now). I've learned to just let her her vent her frustrations & then she let's it go after a short while (so far that is).
God bless you all for enduring through this as well. We need to remember it's the disease & not directed at us purposefully.
Peace & continued strength & blessings to you all! 💖
Bob WE believe you... you are not alone. What I have done to help my family understand what is really going on is start a family chat group where I can update the family on my parents. I care for both of them. Dad has dementia (similar to Alzheimer's) but undiagnosed. Mom is unable to care for dad alone because of her own health issues (Dialysis, on oxygen 24/7 etc.) It is time consuming but it had helped in bringing everyone...well almost everyone(brother is not quite there yet) on the same page. Maybe that might help you with your family but remember that they are never going to understand everything you are dealing with because they ate not there 24/7 like you are but hopefully they will at least understand a little more and help defend you from other family members that have no clue. Love you all and praying for us all
David is an amazing and wise man. God bless him 🌻
Yes, when someone acknowledges our pain, our frustration. How grateful we are.
Agree!! That was a powerful reminder!! We sure do need that!
Thanks, David. Right now I'm taking care of a 99 year old mom. I don't know if my future is my husband taking care me or me taking care of him. Your example will help many of us
Thank you for sharing David. Good on you for your attitudes and actions. My wife has been in a care home for over 30 months. The one thing that I have noticed is that she seems to have an underlying fear of abandonment. I see her every day but if she is upset and they allow her to phone me, I am able to calm her down. I still take her up to the local mall several times a week. Hang in there - you are familiar with "one day at a time"
Wonderful interview!! He’s doing m amazing job learning to set limits, taking care of himself AND HIS WIFE!
LOTS OF HELPFUL RECOMMENDATIONS!
I liked the part where he said “Sometimes it’s easier to do it myself but I HAVE to let her do it..& at her pace.”(not exact words but close!)
Also.. Don’t worry about tomorrow.. stay in the moment today.
Brave Careblazers are an inspiration!
Thank you both! ♥️
Thank you, David, for so much honesty, wisdom and insight. The topics you covered will help a lot of Careblazers and their families.
Thank you, also, to Dr Natali for your natural, conversational, respectful interview style.
Thank you for sharing, I have been looking out for mum for a lot of years now so we are both in different boats but going down the same river, I hope you stay afloat as I see by your mind set you will. God bless you and keep you strong, better said us strong!
I'm going to post this quote on my fridge (39:45): "Everyday is going to be different. I try not to figure out what's going to happen. And I try not to plan. . . . I try not to have a plan that's not flexible." So, I guess that's kind of a plan in itself!
Exactly!! I loved that too!
This is always a struggle for me also trying to go "Day To Day" and somehow figure out something, or anything however if Dementia has taught me anything it's just "TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME"!!!!!!!!! P.S. That is a lot easier said than done!!!!!!!! God Bless "Ken"
David, thank you for sharing! The careblazer is the one that needs to make the change. And yes, it is difficult.
Thank you, David, for sharing with us. I can see you are a very wise, sensible, and caring husband to your wife. She is so blessed to have you there!
Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope as a careblazer. Blessings!
This is very helpful and very true and to the point about roles in caregiver support, and how all our roles change in taking care of our LO during our "Long Good-Bye" with Dementia. In closing being a husband with my wife of 39 years you without a doubt see a large amount of the same situations take place with all of us "God Bless"!!!!!!!!!!! Ken"
Thank you for sharing💔
I am from Australia. My father has Alzheimers and I really appreciated listening to your story and how I can help support my mother in her role as a carer. Your experience has made me both both humble and hopefully more nuanced in how we approach this journey with my father. Thank you for sharing.
Ialways listen to you when you on,my husband has also Alzheimer’s it is first for me.very hard to live like that.we are in our 80.B I enjoy watching you thank you
Heartwarming and helpful stories. Thank you for sharing!
He is describing my life with my husband, especially not wanting me to go anywhere even the grocery store.
Thank you, David. Enjoyed and learned from your story.
God bless you for.all that you do!
Very good interview. Dr. Natali, one note, your website is misspelled at the end of the video. 😊
Thanks for letting me know!
Thank you for the story.His wife has been alone a lot. I wonder about his travels.
I can totally relate to mostly everything you mentioned, plus I have Parkinsons. I felt I was losing ground myself and with family input decided to get long term care, which began a year ago the end of this month.
Thank you so much!
My mom likes to be busy but it is hard for her to focus on tasks. I find things for her to do but she rushes through them then wants to help me with what ever I’m doing. I have gotten her arts and crafts things for her to do, It’ll keep her busy for a short period of time. My mom used to love cooking so The one thing she can focus on is peeling garlic. So I have a bunch of peeled garlic in my fridge. I also have her cut peppers and onions and that will keep her busy for a little bit as well.
I understand David's frustration with his wife's accusation regarding his female employee. It is frustrating and hurtful to the faithful spouse. It is a heavy burden to bear. Yes, it feels like they mean the accusations it even though we know it's the disease.
That's the worst part of it, and I see it first hand with my dad who has dementia. He accuses my mom of cheating, tells me I am poisoning him, and so much more and it's tough to hear. No matter how many times people tell you that it's the disease and not the person it's still not easy. You can have a thick skin for so long before it gets to you at times.
@@steviem5279 Thick skin and how many times do we leave to take a walk, anything to get away from the madness if only for a short while. Professional caregivers go home at night. For us, it's 24/7. This is so hard.
@@tomlinn7227 even for 15 minutes just to scream or even cry a little bit. The worst part is knowing how strong a person my dad was and to look at him now is difficult, he has FTD and when he gets angry it's either a barrage of name calling or he can get aggressive. Now, I don't mind of he tries and hits me because I can take it, I don't like when he tries to him my mom. I took time off from work and moved back into the house to help my mom and we take turns where she will go out for a long walk or my aunt comes pick her up and they go out and other times I go out for a bit while my mom stays home to watch him but now we're at the point where we have to get someone to come over even for a few hours. Every disease is bad but this one, IMO is the worst.
@@steviem5279 I fully agree. I’ve lived with aggression and violence for 4 years. This disease is indeed the worse, because unlike other diseases there is no logic with dementias and FTD.
@@tomlinn7227 My dad was officially diagnosed back in October but I believe he's had it for much longer as looking back we can see the signs but he was able to control himself so we wrote it off as just part of getting older but w know now that it was this disease most likely in the earliest of stages. He was 79 when diagnosed and in a few weeks he will be 80 years old. I firmly believe it was his occupation that gave him this disease as he was a house painter and back in the 60's when he came to the US and worked as a painter you had lead in the paint, almost all paints were oil based, and then you were using solvents as well and none of the guys back then were told of the hazards nor told to use masks. I can count 7 of his painter friends that either have/or had dementia or cancer and its sad to see. You're right, there really is not logic with this disease and I know the pain you are going through, my mom and I have only experienced it for a few months but you're on four years.
Question, is there any meds that your wife takes that works? We've tried Seroquel when he was diagnosed at that made him 10 times worse so after two months we took him off of it. We also tried Celexa and that made my dad want to puke and that was that...but now we're t the point where it could be time to put him on a med..the doctor is suggesting trazodone but I don't know, anything that can stop the agitation, aggression, and delusions and that isn't an antipsychotic as that could be detrimental.
I feel like you may still be in shock
It's really hard trying to take all this information in as there are so many forms of dementia and alzhemers
My mum had dementia but never really got to the bottom of it. She was in a care home and we didn't have to worry about health care as we have the NHS
Unless you have money and property x
I have been taking care of my listen to the age of the couple in the interview, my age 61 she is is only 50, so I still work full time trying to keep my wife safe at home, by her self while I work keeping her in the house her delusions take her down stairs and out our garage, my wife does not qualify for any assistance, so it's all on me family a sister full time job full time husband full time life and watch s the mom, and is in denial that my wife has dementia, frustrated, in duress, I made a wrong comment on a voicemail, so the state had talking her put her with her sister, now my wife also survived a stage 4 killer cancer 12 year's ago all my care giving has gone in a flash, now where was every body 2 month ago 2 years ago no help stressed out said the wrong thing,, my wife has tumors raidiaded on her brain, two groups of tumor's taking out of her spine, stroke,head trauma 2 years ago and she doesn't qualify for no assistance, just trying to hard back fired, I am crushed, love of my life is not aloud to see me anymore. What if anything do I do
Your banner website name was spelled incorrectly Dr Natalie.
Some of your links above have been corrupted.
I'll update all the links so sorry
I feel bad for him,but he sounds like he has a few issues too.