If you like this content and are looking for a "part 2" click here to see: "What's the matter with your parent" ua-cam.com/video/njJKxSHWXck/v-deo.html.
I probably don't understand gaslighting, but saying you are loved but refusing to see your new home even once and other behaviors that show no interest in you, seem to be gaslighting, too.
The gaslighting is always in play with narcissistic people. It's a never ending cycle of abuse. If you don't support their abusive behavior, you will be punished. No contact was my only option.
Love this video to death! Thank you for adding so much context to my one hour therapy session. It resonated with me so much. My therapist, just today, revealed that my SO is likely pathologically lying to me when she claims that her efforts while teaching were the catalyst for closing 65 Philadelphia schools. She changed the number to “up to 65” after I started searching for articles about it, but there’s zero evidence that her efforts had that effect. She then begins to gaslight me by claiming that I’m gaslighting her by demanding that she correctly represent my previous statements. She deployed multiple tactics in order to simply win. I got off the phone because she was rapidly accusing me of gas lighting her. It was heart breaking and saddening. She was projecting what she was doing. Retroactively thinking about it, it was a meeting with or unveiling of a deceiving devil. Behavior so devoid of moral compass or just the opposite. Morals doesn’t matter, winning and dominating does. 🤔
Hi Tamera thanks for this/ all your video(s). I am learning a lot about myself. I hesitated to post what I am about to say as I am super private. But decided to be transparent as my post may help not only myself, but someone else too. Tamera you have been such a help... My entire life has been spent trying to figure out the why? Why my parents treat me so different from my other siblings things had gotten so bad my siblings abuse me too. Overall I am used as the scapegoat I have been bullied, emotionally and verbally abused by my parents until I said enough and filed a cease and desist against my entire family just to try and gain some control and boundaries because I realized I too was toxic however did not want to be toxic anymore I wanted out and wanted some peace. After viewing your videos I have learned I now suffer from fight or flight. I have also learned that I had become so used to abuse... that I unknowingly accepted abuse as a lifestyle... meaning I accepted abusive and toxic relationships in my life.... I managed to break free of being in abusive relationships but now I have become the abuser here's how I either become extremely suspicious of people's motives. I am dead on a person’s ass the moment I feel my intelligence is being toyed with I go immediately into protection mode I go from zero to ten I mean I wild completely out like my mindset is I'm going to show you I am not that #itch my tongue literally is a weapon very assassinating and emasculating. However, I only become this way when provoked into anger other than that my demeanor is chilled. Nevertheless, I DON'T LIKE MY DARK PASSENGER(shadow) As this person is scary and self sabotaging. I am struggling in this area. But now at least I know why I will continue to watch your videos as they have truly helped me navigate and understand somethings personally although your videos mostly speak about family/parenting I have applied the knowledge shared in your videos to every aspect of my life and continue to navigate my way to healing. At least now I know the root cause of my behavior is a result Of PARENTING TRAUMA I can't change others behavior, but I can certainly work on my behavior and healing Thank you Tamera
You are so very welcome Jerne. I like "seeing" you on the live chats and I'm glad that you are finding hope here. It seems, from your comment, that you have suffered at the hands of your family and the pain of that realization is taking some time to move past. It sounds like the wounds you have sustained beneath the surface will surface when you feel threatened or in harms way. I would say this is also the result of relationship trauma and how you have learned to respond to harmful people in your past/life. Not sure if you follow the Christian faith (or not) but there is a passage that explains the "good and evil" or "darker" sides of who we can become in this life. The Apostle Paul (Romans 7:14-25) said "But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me...." He struggled with both sides of who he was and he acknowledged that while he was a positive and hopeful person trying to live a healthy life, he also struggled with a "darker" war inside that made him feel different from the person he had worked to become. I think most humans struggle with this "war" inside and perhaps this is the best way to explain what you are experiencing. Thankfully, as you continue to learn and heal your soul and your mind you will see your inner-being re-adjust and adapt to your new way of life.
Whew 😓 Much Respect for Calling this Out. It was hard to even Accept Validation as it was Being offered By Healthy Folks (Cognitive Dissonance, that I Needed to Work Thru as Well, by being able to ask myself: "Would I Want My Loved Ones to Accept this Behavior, and Choose to Respect Myself the Same") Good Vibes To You All🥰
One of the surreal things I ever experienced was being gaslit by my ex father in a court of law (falsified/perjured reports, documents, etc.) was some of the most unreal stuff evar! Lies don't even begin to describe what was said against me. It didn't stop there, there was not only gaslighting, but court theatre worthy of a Grammy complete with breaking voice and little alligator tears for the obviously biased, inexperienced, wanna be judge; who I believe didn't apply the law correctly in my case.
I have recently been under heavy gaslighting deception by someone in my own household and it is extremely toxic and extremely disorienting. It makes me want to not live in my own home.
I very much agree that it is "extremely toxic" and "disorienting." It's important to confirm your truth, separate from this person as much as possible (daily, monthly, yearly, etc) so that you can regain a sense of self, and have others validate and confirm your experience objectively.
@@TherapistTamaraHill yes maam. I'm really trying as best as I can. This is an elderly person so it is juggling act of doing what scripture says about how you treat an elderly person, and also not letting them continue on in this behavior and showing that I don't condone it. I have been under this cloud since early last year and it has been very toxic and so psychologically abusive/ disorienting. Things are coming to a head right now, and tonight I was just praying for relief and rescue from it because this person has crossed a serious line of disrespecting me in my house, and there is not much lower they could go at this point. And they sit back gloating and enjoying watching me angry and frustrated at their antics. The narcissim is thick you could cut it with a knife. I grew up under forms of narcissim and sociopathy so I could smell and see it from a mile away little by little as they have been here. HELP FATHER!
Thank you Tamara🌈 I am glad that animal abuser was jailed & those types of people & kids cant be rehabbed and should never be let back into society!! On another note, great expansion on this meaningful & rarely spoken of topic at a level that I have not heard from any other therapist before. My Mom gaslights yet I dont think she knows she is doing it and does not do it in a nasty vindictive way yet the minimizing & inability to talk of feelings and avoiding deep emotions is hurtful as she has had her own trauma & bottles it up. She is like a wounded child :( She is never going to change & I have learned through you I need to work on myself, & I wont close the door on her yey try to see her for what she is, her limitations & expand my life.
You're welcome! And yes, me too. He's very narcissistic and has absolutely no heart. Sadly. And although this is a hard reality to take in, you are right, she will never change. Once a child passes the age of 6 years old and they begin to show behavioral or mental health conditions including personality disorder traits with NO treatment or help, the personality is beginning to be "cemented." Once an individual reaches older age, it becomes even more impossible to change. I like your positive, balanced view of all of this.
Really good topic ✅ 🙏🏻 15:58I always wondered what my grandma was like (I never met her because she never wanted to come to the US) because her daughters (one being my "mother") are horrible horrible "women".
Yes, absolutely. It's basically communicating the message that "you aren't saying anything worth listening to" or "you aren't saying what you should say so I will say it for you." It's undermining.
Gaslighting trauma is suffering from someone manipulatively spraying on your head and telling you that it's raining. That client with the . mail-sabotaging mother could've turned mumsie into the U.S. postal inspector. That's how I stopped my sister from sabotaging my mail, along with with a friendly letter from my attorney. Shortly before mutual discard, no contact and no supply, my severe narcissist mother would "accidentally" open mail. And guess what, I completed your new book minutes ago.
If you really think about It Gasslighting is a very cruel act.😔 Why ? Because most of the times happends when you are down, or sad for some situation, you may really looking for help , that's when Gasslighting occurs 😔
Why do therapist hesitate to speak on narcissism or downplay it ? It's like they word around the topic & bring it back to something els...pretty much you. & I understand u have to start within but it seems like they are gadlightung or am I not understanding fully how therapy works.
They can discuss the topic generally but should not diagnose a person not on their couch from someone else's stories and opinions of them. I know how you feel. I suspect one or more of the people in my life are/were narcissists, but unless my therapist treats them they can't diagnose them. Many therapists are extremely hesitant to diagnose the clients they have treated. How many of us here on UA-cam have been misdiagnosed by therapists who have treated us? Many therapists are quite uncomfortable with the manual their profession uses for diagnosing. Many of us probably have CPTSD but it isn't even in the manual.
Therapists could label the behavior the client is describing without diagnosing the person who is not there. Very often they will not do this, and who knows why. A therapist told me that narcissists often do not get diagnosed because insurance will not pay for therapy for narcissists because they say narcissism is not treatable. So if a therapist wants to continue treating a narcissistic client they will diagnose something else.
If you like this content and are looking for a "part 2" click here to see: "What's the matter with your parent" ua-cam.com/video/njJKxSHWXck/v-deo.html.
Tamara is certainly a brilliant therapist, I'm just amazed that she is generous enough to share all this with us, for free on UA-cam.
Thank you so much! What God has blessed me with, I strive to share with others including all of you 😊. It's only right!
I probably don't understand gaslighting, but saying you are loved but refusing to see your new home even once and other behaviors that show no interest in you, seem to be gaslighting, too.
The gaslighting is always in play with narcissistic people. It's a never ending cycle of abuse. If you don't support their abusive behavior, you will be punished. No contact was my only option.
Very true. Well said. It's sad how predictable this pattern of behavior is.
Love this video to death! Thank you for adding so much context to my one hour therapy session. It resonated with me so much. My therapist, just today, revealed that my SO is likely pathologically lying to me when she claims that her efforts while teaching were the catalyst for closing 65 Philadelphia schools. She changed the number to “up to 65” after I started searching for articles about it, but there’s zero evidence that her efforts had that effect. She then begins to gaslight me by claiming that I’m gaslighting her by demanding that she correctly represent my previous statements. She deployed multiple tactics in order to simply win. I got off the phone because she was rapidly accusing me of gas lighting her. It was heart breaking and saddening. She was projecting what she was doing. Retroactively thinking about it, it was a meeting with or unveiling of a deceiving devil. Behavior so devoid of moral compass or just the opposite. Morals doesn’t matter, winning and dominating does. 🤔
Hi Tamera thanks for this/ all your video(s). I am learning a lot about myself. I hesitated to post what I am about to say as I am super private. But decided to be transparent as my post may help not only myself, but someone else too. Tamera you have been such a help... My entire life has been spent trying to figure out the why? Why my parents treat me so different from my other siblings things had gotten so bad my siblings abuse me too. Overall I am used as the scapegoat I have been bullied, emotionally and verbally abused by my parents until I said enough and filed a cease and desist against my entire family just to try and gain some control and boundaries because I realized I too was toxic however did not want to be toxic anymore I wanted out and wanted some peace. After viewing your videos I have learned I now suffer from fight or flight. I have also learned that I had become so used to abuse... that I unknowingly accepted abuse as a lifestyle... meaning I accepted abusive and toxic relationships in my life.... I managed to break free of being in abusive relationships but now I have become the abuser here's how I either become extremely suspicious of people's motives. I am dead on a person’s ass the moment I feel my intelligence is being toyed with I go immediately into protection mode I go from zero to ten I mean I wild completely out like my mindset is I'm going to show you I am not that #itch my tongue literally is a weapon very assassinating and emasculating. However, I only become this way when provoked into anger other than that my demeanor is chilled. Nevertheless, I DON'T LIKE MY DARK PASSENGER(shadow) As this person is scary and self sabotaging.
I am struggling in this area. But now at least I know why I will continue to watch your videos as they have truly helped me navigate and understand somethings personally although your videos mostly speak about family/parenting I have applied the knowledge shared in your videos to every aspect of my life and continue to navigate my way to healing.
At least now I know the root cause of my behavior is a result Of PARENTING TRAUMA
I can't change others behavior, but I can certainly work on my behavior and healing
Thank you Tamera
You are so very welcome Jerne. I like "seeing" you on the live chats and I'm glad that you are finding hope here. It seems, from your comment, that you have suffered at the hands of your family and the pain of that realization is taking some time to move past. It sounds like the wounds you have sustained beneath the surface will surface when you feel threatened or in harms way. I would say this is also the result of relationship trauma and how you have learned to respond to harmful people in your past/life. Not sure if you follow the Christian faith (or not) but there is a passage that explains the "good and evil" or "darker" sides of who we can become in this life. The Apostle Paul (Romans 7:14-25) said "But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me...." He struggled with both sides of who he was and he acknowledged that while he was a positive and hopeful person trying to live a healthy life, he also struggled with a "darker" war inside that made him feel different from the person he had worked to become.
I think most humans struggle with this "war" inside and perhaps this is the best way to explain what you are experiencing. Thankfully, as you continue to learn and heal your soul and your mind you will see your inner-being re-adjust and adapt to your new way of life.
Whew 😓
Much Respect for Calling this Out.
It was hard to even Accept Validation as it was Being offered By Healthy Folks (Cognitive Dissonance, that I Needed to Work Thru as Well, by being able to ask myself:
"Would I Want My Loved Ones to Accept this Behavior, and Choose to Respect Myself the Same")
Good Vibes To You All🥰
One of the surreal things I ever experienced was being gaslit by my ex father in a court of law (falsified/perjured reports, documents, etc.)
was some of the most unreal stuff evar!
Lies don't even begin to describe what was said against me.
It didn't stop there, there was not only gaslighting, but court theatre worthy of a Grammy complete with breaking voice and little alligator tears for the obviously biased, inexperienced, wanna be judge; who I believe didn't apply the law correctly in my case.
I have recently been under heavy gaslighting deception by someone in my own household and it is extremely toxic and extremely disorienting. It makes me want to not live in my own home.
I very much agree that it is "extremely toxic" and "disorienting." It's important to confirm your truth, separate from this person as much as possible (daily, monthly, yearly, etc) so that you can regain a sense of self, and have others validate and confirm your experience objectively.
@@TherapistTamaraHill yes maam. I'm really trying as best as I can. This is an elderly person so it is juggling act of doing what scripture says about how you treat an elderly person, and also not letting them continue on in this behavior and showing that I don't condone it. I have been under this cloud since early last year and it has been very toxic and so psychologically abusive/ disorienting. Things are coming to a head right now, and tonight I was just praying for relief and rescue from it because this person has crossed a serious line of disrespecting me in my house, and there is not much lower they could go at this point. And they sit back gloating and enjoying watching me angry and frustrated at their antics. The narcissim is thick you could cut it with a knife. I grew up under forms of narcissim and sociopathy so I could smell and see it from a mile away little by little as they have been here. HELP FATHER!
Thank you Tamara🌈 I am glad that animal abuser was jailed & those types of people & kids cant be rehabbed and should never be let back into society!!
On another note, great expansion on this meaningful & rarely spoken of topic at a level that I have not heard from any other therapist before. My Mom gaslights yet I dont think she knows she is doing it and does not do it in a nasty vindictive way yet the minimizing & inability to talk of feelings and avoiding deep emotions is hurtful as she has had her own trauma & bottles it up. She is like a wounded child :( She is never going to change & I have learned through you I need to work on myself, & I wont close the door on her yey try to see her for what she is, her limitations & expand my life.
You're welcome! And yes, me too. He's very narcissistic and has absolutely no heart. Sadly.
And although this is a hard reality to take in, you are right, she will never change. Once a child passes the age of 6 years old and they begin to show behavioral or mental health conditions including personality disorder traits with NO treatment or help, the personality is beginning to be "cemented." Once an individual reaches older age, it becomes even more impossible to change.
I like your positive, balanced view of all of this.
Really good topic ✅ 🙏🏻
15:58I always wondered what my grandma was like (I never met her because she never wanted to come to the US) because her daughters (one being my "mother") are horrible horrible "women".
Thank you 🙂
That's terrible. I'm sure she was something.
Would you consider putting words in someone's mouth is form of gaslighting? That is beyond frustrating.
Yes, absolutely. It's basically communicating the message that "you aren't saying anything worth listening to" or "you aren't saying what you should say so I will say it for you." It's undermining.
Gaslighting trauma is suffering from someone manipulatively spraying on your head and telling you that it's raining. That client with the . mail-sabotaging mother could've turned mumsie into the U.S. postal inspector. That's how I stopped my sister from sabotaging my mail, along with with a friendly letter from my attorney. Shortly before mutual discard, no contact and no supply, my severe narcissist mother would "accidentally" open mail. And guess what, I completed your new book minutes ago.
So Gasslighting Is not only done by psicópaths but for a toxic person.😔
If you really think about It Gasslighting is a very cruel act.😔
Why ? Because most of the times happends when you are down, or sad for some situation, you may really looking for help , that's when Gasslighting occurs 😔
You always have the cutest tops. When you got up, it became obvious there was something on the back. What is on the back??
Thank you!! If I'm thinking about the right blouse it is an Indian art form of some kind. That's all I know! LOL
Man, this was good! Thank you love!
You're so welcome!
❤
The information you have to share is very valuable
Thank you!
Why do therapist hesitate to speak on narcissism or downplay it ? It's like they word around the topic & bring it back to something els...pretty much you. & I understand u have to start within but it seems like they are gadlightung or am I not understanding fully how therapy works.
They can discuss the topic generally but should not diagnose a person not on their couch from someone else's stories and opinions of them. I know how you feel. I suspect one or more of the people in my life are/were narcissists, but unless my therapist treats them they can't diagnose them. Many therapists are extremely hesitant to diagnose the clients they have treated. How many of us here on UA-cam have been misdiagnosed by therapists who have treated us? Many therapists are quite uncomfortable with the manual their profession uses for diagnosing. Many of us probably have CPTSD but it isn't even in the manual.
@@nancybartley4610 thank you. & thank God for these youtube videos cause that's how I'm learning.
Therapists could label the behavior the client is describing without diagnosing the person who is not there. Very often they will not do this, and who knows why.
A therapist told me that narcissists often do not get diagnosed because insurance will not pay for therapy for narcissists because they say narcissism is not treatable. So if a therapist wants to continue treating a narcissistic client they will diagnose something else.