Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited) Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> urlgeni.us/MCTSSAAH2DS Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ua-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
This is practically my situation hahahah, never married but it was a proper long term relationship. I have been learning from Geoffery for the last 3 months but only felt some change in the last month. On the breakup 2 months ago, She said all the usual things don't change for me, stop trying, find someone who will love you for who you are But like you said in my previous comment Geoffery, I've doubled down on the processes despite her being with a new partner. And im applying it to every aspect of my life that i can, work, family and talking to her too When she told me what he could provide her that I couldn't such as support and consolation in arguements, I used that as fuel and took that not as an attack but advice. I doubled down on the frameworks, learning how to emphasise with her, be more present, paraphrase and be antithetical
Glad to read that you're choosing to use the Frameworks when your partner is expressing tough truths to you. Imagine the alternative if you had NOT used the Frameworks and had doubled down on your hypothetic thinking. Wouldn't that have PROVEN to your partner that you cannot provide her support/consolation? That your default is to argue with her when she's being genuine with her expressions?
I have not managed to join the program, but im using everything i can by watching rewatching and taking notes from every one of your videos. To anyone that sees this, honestly Geofferys Videos work what he teaches is beyond just letter writing and simply telling you what traits you need. He tells you what to do and work on to actually develop those traits @@GeoffreySetiawan
@@GeoffreySetiawan just echoes everything we learn in the program! It’s just fun listening to saboor talk more about his story. Cass challenging you G, that was hilarious!
Saboor here, feel free to ask your questions here. As I said in the interview, from 1:55:15 onwards, jot them down here. If there are enough solid questions, we'll be more than happy to do a followup or a Q&A session!
Another question I have is , is there a specific way of looking within that will help us find thoughts and facts with enough emotional weightage for us for the autosuggestions to be successful or is it just a trial and error thing . How can we make sure we’re pulling from the most jaw dropping and gut wrenching parts of our lives that will snap us back into reality every time we think of them .
So excited to hear more from Saboor! Seems so knowledgeable and confidence. Great example of a mentor to look up to! Haven’t watched this video yet but I’m so excited 😂
After you finish this video, I think you'll see why I hired him :) After you finish the video, let me know what the most eye-opening realizations were for you!
My situation is very similar to yours Saboor. Divorced very quickly. Doesn’t believe I can change. Your story is inspiring. No matter what, I cannot continue to be the same person. I must be better.
Great story! Personally separated since 4/2023, divorced a year later. She started dating one of their coaches 5 months after separation. Sometimes wish we had no contact but have two sons. Definitely tethered but working on it and becoming a changed person. Sometimes she asks to have the boys stay with me so she can go on dates with him, things that I wanted to do together. I let them stay because I want to be with my sons and for her to maybe feel a little safer...but also feel like a doormat. The program talks about becoming a performer and practicing for the worst case scenario. Keep thinking that I'll see an engagement ring on her finger but of course that's an outcome thought.
@@gsmith46 A common misunderstanding of safety is that it is being a doormat. No one can feel safe, admire, align or feel passion with a doormat. If you are in the program, this balance should be deeply mastered and attained through the balance of power, intention and interdependence. If not in the program, we have a lot of videos on this balance of power, so you can at least get a conceptual understanding of it.
@@gsmith46 Phase 5, all modules. However, remember that it is VERY DANGEROUS to learn advanced concepts before mastering the basics. Here are the facts for you: Sept. 10, 2023 - You were given a gentle, but stern, wake-up call from myself, coaches and other members that you aren't doing the program, focused on TBUs and to please get back on track. Again on Sept. 17, 2023. You made a re-commitment post on Sept. 24, 2024. From Sept. 28 - Dec. 7, 2023, you posted 4 more posts on getting rid of your victim mindsets, which the coaches identified flaws in. But crickets since then. No follow-ups or iterations. You left the program in Phase 1 Module 3. So Q1 - Are you SURE you are at a position where you are ready to learn the more advanced concepts? Q2 - You make it seem like you have done everything you could, and all that is happening to you is out of your control. Is it really? Interesting Note - Exactly 4 of the 5 of the people who gave you the gentle, but stern, wake-up call on Sept. 17, 2023 all have had their results (That I know of - the other 1 could have had success too). Q3 - Given that you haven’t done much to really “improve” yourself, why is it such a mystery for you that your circumstances and your partner’s mind about you have not changed? Interesting note - This is why I am very skeptical whenever people tell me they have done everything they could. This has happened 3 times with clients, and each time, when we are able to investigate deeply and objectively, it is easy to see they have done very little of anything. So where have you been?
Understood and appreciate your response. Q1: no, but challenging to be in this situation without completing the program or at least being further along. It's like being forced to play in the NBA without the skills or talent. Q2: never said I've done all I could. Q3: not a mystery. I admit that I got stuck in the program, and in TBU, and have been barely surviving.
Cass, THANK YOU from my heart , as a student of Saboor ( and Geoffrey of course)who has helped me a lot ,out of some pretty dark places and continues Thank you for your support.
I've been listening to you for a couple of months now, which is exactly how long my wife and I have been separated. I have been creating an internal shift. It is helping, but it doesn't seem like we will reconcile. I don't know what to do.
It's an interesting predicament that i'm in because it seems that Saboor went no-contact for a period of months before his ex-wife reached out to him where as there are videos on Geoffrey's channel which advise to "not give up" on showing your ex that you're actively trying to change due to the risk of having the intention of "changing" look like it was bred out of manipulation.
Worked on my processes, the gunk started coming out today. G is NOT lying when he says that first water is gunk. Tough truths for sure, but I find them so ridiculous now. Like…who the fuck was I then? A child.
Great interview with a lot of great points and advice! I’ve been following the program as best I can but I’m a bit stuck. After 7months seperated I ask my wife is she was willing to meet up and try to get to know each other as friends again. I definitely expected too much because of my changes and As you can imagine I was met with a hard no and that isn’t what she wants. I replied very well and told her that i respect her decision. I have knuckled back down onto the process and waiting for the next opportunity I get for her to show resistance. We don’t talk or meet at all. So my question is. I don’t want to manufacture conversation but I always don’t want to play aloof. What’s the middle ground I can plant seeds? Or are the only times I can plant seeds are whenever she decides to talk to me and test me?
John, can you clarify what "Program" you are referring to? The reason I ask is that if you were in the program, saying "I ask my wife is she was willing to meet up and try to get to know each other as friends again." would not be an issue. In the program, we give you the TTH script in Module 4, which you should have used. And before that, we give you the tools you need to understand POC & Resistance in Module 3. The processes to get rid of the VMs so that you can execute the TTH well in Module 2. And the do's and don'ts in Modules 1 - 2. You would know that reaching out like that is NOT is our "Do's" list. So again, can you clarify what "Program" you are referring to?
I have been following your program as best I can with all the amazing content you provide especially the 8 part hour long internal shifts videos. Unfortunately I am with another program so can’t afford yours but have been following intently. I treated the haemorrhage by replying to my wife that I respect her decision, I understand her position in not wanting anything more and that I’m here to support whatever action or decision she decides to take. Since then I havnt contacted her and continue to working on untethering more, working on my internal shifts and hopefully you do a video in depth of the frameworks so I can practice that more with people around me. So really the only way to plant seeds is if, and when she gives me a chance to talk and I can show my changes.
@@Johnjohn-187 Phew! Okay, remember the many parts of that 8-hour series where I warn you against how easy it is to mis-understand, and why it is crucial to not learn in a bubble? How if you cannot join the program, you need to be asking questions? I think that applies here. Let's just pick one instance... You asking "I ask my wife is she was willing to meet up and try to get to know each other as friends again." would not be an issue." Again, that is NOT a framework, not a TTH. In fact, this goes AGAINST it. So imagine this - imagine you go to a doctor, and he says "You need to administer this medication exactly as prescribed. Nothing more, nothing less. If you deviate, it will not work. So please, before you do, ask questions if you need to!" And you come back and say "Hey Doc, it's not working! I did administer the meds, but NOT exactly with the HOW you mentioned. Also, I also mixed that meds with 3 other ones from others doctors. What would you tell that patient?
@@GeoffreySetiawan very true Geoffrey. I guess because i just have the UA-cam videos I will miss the mark but I will continue asking the right questions. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Are there any videos you recommend I go back to watch and study again based on my actions and my responses ?
@@Johnjohn-187 I would start at the basics of the internal shifts again. If you missed that warning, no telling what else you may have missed, no? Also, ask yourself - What VMs or DoDs could I be falling for if I rush a conversation or rsh my partner for a decision when you know she isn't ready?
I’ve destroyed security with my partner and the resistance is a lot to deal with. especially with her being disrespectful to me and this point. I know my situation is not unique but I don’t know what to do at this point. She goes from being super angry from what I’ve done to she’s told me we’re in a grey area (which I don’t like or do grey) but we’re together just not with the title. To then being angry all over again from the very same thing that I destroyed safety with.. what do I do? How do I fix this or do I just walk away?
How do you go from only discussing things that involve the kids to discussing things that involve the marriage ? Or is it even something I should be looking to do. I guess I’m sorta at a loss at the steps I need to take but I know I’m focused on myself at the moment. Context here: separated a year - stone walled or ignored whenever discussing the marriage.
I am going to go on a limb as I have been trying to live these teachings. This is because she doesn’t “feel” your changes. And when I go by your comment, and I could be wrong, you appear to be tethered to the outcome. This tethered nature will poison anything you do as it taints your changes to not be genuine but instead to be done for the need of an outcome, in your case the relationship with your wife. To have true internal shifts and real changes you need to untether and learn to really love whatever process of change you decide to follow. Just be sure it is the right process. When your partner sees that there is genuine change she will naturally regain that attraction as she can now see a trajectory of being able to work through the issues. At least this is what I believe
@@livewithinthedream I have to agree with you on that one. I realize I am tethered and that is what is holding me back. I need to untether that’s something I’ve tried working on but can’t figure out how to when I feel like I am untethered something happens and shows me I’m not. I’ll look at a video I seen Gefforey break it down and I’ll begin that process! Thanks for the feedback.
if she is stonewalling and I am genuinely worried about her health, since I know she have had eating disorders in the past, and last I saw her she had lost an unhealthy amount of weight, what can I do to help her?
If she is stonewalling you, does that mean she feels safe with you? To share her problems with you? To go through her problems with you? To resolve the problems together with you? To express her scars and her blockers with you? Do you think she will feel safe enough to listen to your suggestions? To listen to your advice? If she doesn't feel safe with you, why do you think that is? Do you think there is a reason why we say that the foundation for every relationship is safety? For example, while the problems will still be there, but do you not see how creating safety will allow YOU to be the person that she shares her problems with? To go through her problems with? To resolve the problems together with? To express her scars and her blockers with? So you ask, what can I do? Isn't the answer to this the same as the answer we've given in all our resources? Put yourself in a position where she actually wants your help. Learn to create the 5 pillars. Backed up by internal shifts. Backed up by strong ID shifts. No? To date, we've done 120+ interviews, all of these people have different circumstances, but all were caused by the same things (Broken 5 pillars), and all were resolved by the same things (re-create the 5 pillars). Do you see a pattern here? :) Hint: Be careful of the many subtle ways your destroy safety. For example, sometimes, men think that solving your partner's problems and trying to tell her that she can feel safe, is creating safety. We have a lot of videos on this, like the Paradox of Logic, urgency illusion, to name a few. Feel free to look 'em up and soak up some new paradigms!
50:30 -> Ironically this program teaches the changes that she wants to see you make, but could be perceived initially as learning “manipulation tactics”. Though this is impossible since the changes require making internal changes first, but this is the paradox of change. It is really hard to accept something when you only know it to be something else, until it is confirmed that it really is different.
My ex has A new partner introducing with her family they seems so inlove coz a friend told me about them. Theyre more than a year now. Im blocked for almost 3 years now.
Does that change the fact that you need to become a better person tho ? Here you have something that will give u the tools to build a great relationship with anyone , doesn’t matter if your partner is no contact or seeing somebody else or whatever fact of the matter will always be that you need to get better otherwise ur doomed to repeat the same story over and over again. So put the work in maybe she’ll come back or maybe ull find someone else either way this next time ur going to create a bond like uve never had before
Saboor here. As i said in my interview, do you see how stewing on this shit does objectively NOTHING to improve your situation? You have a choice, no? Get busy growing to become irreplaceable to your partner, or get busy stressing that someone else is irreplaceable to your partner. Which option do you think your partner would prefer to come back to? Considering ALL the success stories we have, including my own where I dealt with far more challenges that I discuss in this interview, which option do you think we ALL chose to get the success of our dreams?
@@ahmedshah5922 Love what you're saying here, my guy :) If we give up and get all demotivated on creating massive changes because the outcome is taken away from us, then aren't we showing our partners that our changes aren't genuine? That they are conditional? And, isn't that the REASON our partners never trusted us in the first place? Regardless of the outcome, don't we need to double down on the processes and become irreplaceable ANYWAY? If not for the current relationship, then for a new one? It's like you said, ahmedshah. If we don't learn from our mistakes, then we will be DOOMED to repeat the same cycles of failure over and over...
Question, wouldn't you say the people asking themselves if their partner is "going to leave again" are struggling with a blind spot? Just curious, as to me that screams FAE bias, as it shows that they are associating it with a character problem. Anyway, it was a great interview. There are always hidden moments/gems hidden within the conversation. I am fucking happy right now because I can finally, FINALLY, easily and fluently follow along with the discussion of the process, discussions, emotions, and mindsets. It comes naturally; and I will tell those watching it has to become a daily routine that you enjoy before it sticks and becomes your everyday thought process. KEEP WORKING ON YOU
Sure! And it usually shows a lot of insecurities from weak processes as well. Basically, they are saying "I do not have enough faith in my partner's process, or my own process, to ensure that this will be successful long-term. I do not know how to manufacture a successful culture in a relationship." Let's put it this way - to date, we have not had ONE case where they reconciled after an affair, that eventually relapsed. Also, notice that whenever we ask this question, a lot of my clients don't really know how to answer deeply, because it's just not a question they think about. Imagine being so confident that you don't even consider certain fear-based questions. That's a boss move!
Agreed. And I have noticed this, the notion that clients don’t have an answer as they haven’t considered that an option. It shows the assurance that they hold in their process. I have also noticed almost every video someone asks this or calls it simp but quite honestly…to be that confident is quite the opposite of simp traits.
@GeoffreySetiawan the marketing piece you had was so good! These videos ARE your marketing. The people who have done the work and gotten the results. Thats all the marketing you need. I've done the Marriage Helper thing, Josh Hudson...(well the free stuff). But I've gotten more from YOUR videos and I've seen the results from fucking GOATS like Saboor.
Porn is nothing more than watching women who were sexually abused as children reliving their childhood trauma on film as adults. Once you are able to see it for what it is, it is easy to be disgusted by it.
Hey guys hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 5 Proven Steps to Rebuilding Your Relationship/Marriage. (Warning: Spots are limited)
Here is the link to the MASTERCLASS! -> urlgeni.us/MCTSSAAH2DS
Download the FREE GUIDE! -> relationshipsmastered.com/healing-partner-emotions
To see how all my clients have achieved massive success through dire & hopeless circumstances, click here! ua-cam.com/play/PLQ8tvyhQlPzsNm-vC_g_8SWGcJRngefgU.html
This is practically my situation hahahah, never married but it was a proper long term relationship. I have been learning from Geoffery for the last 3 months but only felt some change in the last month.
On the breakup 2 months ago, She said all the usual things don't change for me, stop trying, find someone who will love you for who you are
But like you said in my previous comment Geoffery, I've doubled down on the processes despite her being with a new partner. And im applying it to every aspect of my life that i can, work, family and talking to her too
When she told me what he could provide her that I couldn't such as support and consolation in arguements, I used that as fuel and took that not as an attack but advice. I doubled down on the frameworks, learning how to emphasise with her, be more present, paraphrase and be antithetical
Glad to read that you're choosing to use the Frameworks when your partner is expressing tough truths to you.
Imagine the alternative if you had NOT used the Frameworks and had doubled down on your hypothetic thinking.
Wouldn't that have PROVEN to your partner that you cannot provide her support/consolation? That your default is to argue with her when she's being genuine with her expressions?
I have not managed to join the program, but im using everything i can by watching rewatching and taking notes from every one of your videos.
To anyone that sees this, honestly Geofferys Videos work what he teaches is beyond just letter writing and simply telling you what traits you need. He tells you what to do and work on to actually develop those traits
@@GeoffreySetiawan
Excited to watch this!! Let’s fucking go!
Happy to hear it!
Let me know what you found to be most groundbreaking takeaway from today's interview!
@@GeoffreySetiawan just echoes everything we learn in the program! It’s just fun listening to saboor talk more about his story. Cass challenging you G, that was hilarious!
@GeoffreySetiawan that if Saboor can get results anyone can.
Saboor here, feel free to ask your questions here.
As I said in the interview, from 1:55:15 onwards, jot them down here. If there are enough solid questions, we'll be more than happy to do a followup or a Q&A session!
How did you go about quitting your porn addiction saboor
Another question I have is , is there a specific way of looking within that will help us find thoughts and facts with enough emotional weightage for us for the autosuggestions to be successful or is it just a trial and error thing . How can we make sure we’re pulling from the most jaw dropping and gut wrenching parts of our lives that will snap us back into reality every time we think of them .
Saboor, you are a fucking hero. Looking forward to this interview
Dude... seriously give us more. I love it when these interviews come up
Saboor did you both get remarried?
So excited to hear more from Saboor! Seems so knowledgeable and confidence. Great example of a mentor to look up to! Haven’t watched this video yet but I’m so excited 😂
After you finish this video, I think you'll see why I hired him :)
After you finish the video, let me know what the most eye-opening realizations were for you!
Thank you for your service guys, keep up the good work & may you continue to grow😊
My situation is very similar to yours Saboor. Divorced very quickly. Doesn’t believe I can change. Your story is inspiring. No matter what, I cannot continue to be the same person. I must be better.
Great story! Personally separated since 4/2023, divorced a year later. She started dating one of their coaches 5 months after separation. Sometimes wish we had no contact but have two sons. Definitely tethered but working on it and becoming a changed person. Sometimes she asks to have the boys stay with me so she can go on dates with him, things that I wanted to do together. I let them stay because I want to be with my sons and for her to maybe feel a little safer...but also feel like a doormat. The program talks about becoming a performer and practicing for the worst case scenario. Keep thinking that I'll see an engagement ring on her finger but of course that's an outcome thought.
@@gsmith46 A common misunderstanding of safety is that it is being a doormat. No one can feel safe, admire, align or feel passion with a doormat.
If you are in the program, this balance should be deeply mastered and attained through the balance of power, intention and interdependence.
If not in the program, we have a lot of videos on this balance of power, so you can at least get a conceptual understanding of it.
Makes sense but haven't found that balance. Particular module?
@@gsmith46 Phase 5, all modules. However, remember that it is VERY DANGEROUS to learn advanced concepts before mastering the basics.
Here are the facts for you:
Sept. 10, 2023 - You were given a gentle, but stern, wake-up call from myself, coaches and other members that you aren't doing the program, focused on TBUs and to please get back on track.
Again on Sept. 17, 2023.
You made a re-commitment post on Sept. 24, 2024.
From Sept. 28 - Dec. 7, 2023, you posted 4 more posts on getting rid of your victim mindsets, which the coaches identified flaws in.
But crickets since then. No follow-ups or iterations. You left the program in Phase 1 Module 3.
So Q1 - Are you SURE you are at a position where you are ready to learn the more advanced concepts?
Q2 - You make it seem like you have done everything you could, and all that is happening to you is out of your control. Is it really?
Interesting Note - Exactly 4 of the 5 of the people who gave you the gentle, but stern, wake-up call on Sept. 17, 2023 all have had their results (That I know of - the other 1 could have had success too).
Q3 - Given that you haven’t done much to really “improve” yourself, why is it such a mystery for you that your circumstances and your partner’s mind about you have not changed?
Interesting note - This is why I am very skeptical whenever people tell me they have done everything they could. This has happened 3 times with clients, and each time, when we are able to investigate deeply and objectively, it is easy to see they have done very little of anything.
So where have you been?
Understood and appreciate your response. Q1: no, but challenging to be in this situation without completing the program or at least being further along. It's like being forced to play in the NBA without the skills or talent. Q2: never said I've done all I could. Q3: not a mystery. I admit that I got stuck in the program, and in TBU, and have been barely surviving.
Cass, THANK YOU from my heart , as a student of Saboor ( and Geoffrey of course)who has helped me a lot ,out of some pretty dark places and continues
Thank you for your support.
I've been listening to you for a couple of months now, which is exactly how long my wife and I have been separated. I have been creating an internal shift. It is helping, but it doesn't seem like we will reconcile. I don't know what to do.
Great informative interview from the heart ❤️
You are helping me. Thank you very much. I value your words.
It's an interesting predicament that i'm in because it seems that Saboor went no-contact for a period of months before his ex-wife reached out to him where as there are videos on Geoffrey's channel which advise to "not give up" on showing your ex that you're actively trying to change due to the risk of having the intention of "changing" look like it was bred out of manipulation.
Worked on my processes, the gunk started coming out today. G is NOT lying when he says that first water is gunk. Tough truths for sure, but I find them so ridiculous now. Like…who the fuck was I then? A child.
Great interview with a lot of great points and advice! I’ve been following the program as best I can but I’m a bit stuck. After 7months seperated I ask my wife is she was willing to meet up and try to get to know each other as friends again. I definitely expected too much because of my changes and As you can imagine I was met with a hard no and that isn’t what she wants. I replied very well and told her that i respect her decision. I have knuckled back down onto the process and waiting for the next opportunity I get for her to show resistance. We don’t talk or meet at all. So my question is. I don’t want to manufacture conversation but I always don’t want to play aloof. What’s the middle ground I can plant seeds? Or are the only times I can plant seeds are whenever she decides to talk to me and test me?
John, can you clarify what "Program" you are referring to?
The reason I ask is that if you were in the program, saying "I ask my wife is she was willing to meet up and try to get to know each other as friends again." would not be an issue.
In the program, we give you the TTH script in Module 4, which you should have used.
And before that, we give you the tools you need to understand POC & Resistance in Module 3.
The processes to get rid of the VMs so that you can execute the TTH well in Module 2.
And the do's and don'ts in Modules 1 - 2.
You would know that reaching out like that is NOT is our "Do's" list.
So again, can you clarify what "Program" you are referring to?
I have been following your program as best I can with all the amazing content you provide especially the 8 part hour long internal shifts videos. Unfortunately I am with another program so can’t afford yours but have been following intently. I treated the haemorrhage by replying to my wife that I respect her decision, I understand her position in not wanting anything more and that I’m here to support whatever action or decision she decides to take. Since then I havnt contacted her and continue to working on untethering more, working on my internal shifts and hopefully you do a video in depth of the frameworks so I can practice that more with people around me. So really the only way to plant seeds is if, and when she gives me a chance to talk and I can show my changes.
@@Johnjohn-187 Phew! Okay, remember the many parts of that 8-hour series where I warn you against how easy it is to mis-understand, and why it is crucial to not learn in a bubble? How if you cannot join the program, you need to be asking questions?
I think that applies here.
Let's just pick one instance...
You asking "I ask my wife is she was willing to meet up and try to get to know each other as friends again." would not be an issue."
Again, that is NOT a framework, not a TTH. In fact, this goes AGAINST it.
So imagine this - imagine you go to a doctor, and he says "You need to administer this medication exactly as prescribed. Nothing more, nothing less. If you deviate, it will not work. So please, before you do, ask questions if you need to!"
And you come back and say "Hey Doc, it's not working! I did administer the meds, but NOT exactly with the HOW you mentioned. Also, I also mixed that meds with 3 other ones from others doctors.
What would you tell that patient?
@@GeoffreySetiawan very true Geoffrey. I guess because i just have the UA-cam videos I will miss the mark but I will continue asking the right questions. Thanks for taking the time to reply. Are there any videos you recommend I go back to watch and study again based on my actions and my responses ?
@@Johnjohn-187 I would start at the basics of the internal shifts again. If you missed that warning, no telling what else you may have missed, no?
Also, ask yourself - What VMs or DoDs could I be falling for if I rush a conversation or rsh my partner for a decision when you know she isn't ready?
I’ve destroyed security with my partner and the resistance is a lot to deal with. especially with her being disrespectful to me and this point. I know my situation is not unique but I don’t know what to do at this point. She goes from being super angry from what I’ve done to she’s told me we’re in a grey area (which I don’t like or do grey) but we’re together just not with the title. To then being angry all over again from the very same thing that I destroyed safety with.. what do I do? How do I fix this or do I just walk away?
How do you go from only discussing things that involve the kids to discussing things that involve the marriage ? Or is it even something I should be looking to do. I guess I’m sorta at a loss at the steps I need to take but I know I’m focused on myself at the moment.
Context here: separated a year - stone walled or ignored whenever discussing the marriage.
I am going to go on a limb as I have been trying to live these teachings.
This is because she doesn’t “feel” your changes. And when I go by your comment, and I could be wrong, you appear to be tethered to the outcome. This tethered nature will poison anything you do as it taints your changes to not be genuine but instead to be done for the need of an outcome, in your case the relationship with your wife.
To have true internal shifts and real changes you need to untether and learn to really love whatever process of change you decide to follow. Just be sure it is the right process.
When your partner sees that there is genuine change she will naturally regain that attraction as she can now see a trajectory of being able to work through the issues. At least this is what I believe
@@livewithinthedream I have to agree with you on that one. I realize I am tethered and that is what is holding me back. I need to untether that’s something I’ve tried working on but can’t figure out how to when I feel like I am untethered something happens and shows me I’m not. I’ll look at a video I seen Gefforey break it down and I’ll begin that process! Thanks for the feedback.
if she is stonewalling and I am genuinely worried about her health, since I know she have had eating disorders in the past, and last I saw her she had lost an unhealthy amount of weight, what can I do to help her?
If she is stonewalling you, does that mean she feels safe with you? To share her problems with you? To go through her problems with you? To resolve the problems together with you? To express her scars and her blockers with you?
Do you think she will feel safe enough to listen to your suggestions? To listen to your advice?
If she doesn't feel safe with you, why do you think that is?
Do you think there is a reason why we say that the foundation for every relationship is safety? For example, while the problems will still be there, but do you not see how creating safety will allow YOU to be the person that she shares her problems with? To go through her problems with? To resolve the problems together with? To express her scars and her blockers with?
So you ask, what can I do?
Isn't the answer to this the same as the answer we've given in all our resources?
Put yourself in a position where she actually wants your help.
Learn to create the 5 pillars.
Backed up by internal shifts.
Backed up by strong ID shifts.
No? To date, we've done 120+ interviews, all of these people have different circumstances, but all were caused by the same things (Broken 5 pillars), and all were resolved by the same things (re-create the 5 pillars). Do you see a pattern here? :)
Hint: Be careful of the many subtle ways your destroy safety. For example, sometimes, men think that solving your partner's problems and trying to tell her that she can feel safe, is creating safety. We have a lot of videos on this, like the Paradox of Logic, urgency illusion, to name a few. Feel free to look 'em up and soak up some new paradigms!
50:30 -> Ironically this program teaches the changes that she wants to see you make, but could be perceived initially as learning “manipulation tactics”. Though this is impossible since the changes require making internal changes first, but this is the paradox of change. It is really hard to accept something when you only know it to be something else, until it is confirmed that it really is different.
You got it! Let the doubts happen - if you are consistent enough, in the right ways, for long enough, the doubts will eventually dissipate.
My ex has A new partner introducing with her family they seems so inlove coz a friend told me about them. Theyre more than a year now. Im blocked for almost 3 years now.
Does that change the fact that you need to become a better person tho ? Here you have something that will give u the tools to build a great relationship with anyone , doesn’t matter if your partner is no contact or seeing somebody else or whatever fact of the matter will always be that you need to get better otherwise ur doomed to repeat the same story over and over again. So put the work in maybe she’ll come back or maybe ull find someone else either way this next time ur going to create a bond like uve never had before
Saboor here.
As i said in my interview, do you see how stewing on this shit does objectively NOTHING to improve your situation?
You have a choice, no?
Get busy growing to become irreplaceable to your partner, or get busy stressing that someone else is irreplaceable to your partner.
Which option do you think your partner would prefer to come back to?
Considering ALL the success stories we have, including my own where I dealt with far more challenges that I discuss in this interview, which option do you think we ALL chose to get the success of our dreams?
@@ahmedshah5922 Love what you're saying here, my guy :)
If we give up and get all demotivated on creating massive changes because the outcome is taken away from us, then aren't we showing our partners that our changes aren't genuine? That they are conditional?
And, isn't that the REASON our partners never trusted us in the first place?
Regardless of the outcome, don't we need to double down on the processes and become irreplaceable ANYWAY? If not for the current relationship, then for a new one?
It's like you said, ahmedshah. If we don't learn from our mistakes, then we will be DOOMED to repeat the same cycles of failure over and over...
Question, wouldn't you say the people asking themselves if their partner is "going to leave again" are struggling with a blind spot? Just curious, as to me that screams FAE bias, as it shows that they are associating it with a character problem.
Anyway, it was a great interview. There are always hidden moments/gems hidden within the conversation. I am fucking happy right now because I can finally, FINALLY, easily and fluently follow along with the discussion of the process, discussions, emotions, and mindsets. It comes naturally; and I will tell those watching it has to become a daily routine that you enjoy before it sticks and becomes your everyday thought process. KEEP WORKING ON YOU
Sure! And it usually shows a lot of insecurities from weak processes as well.
Basically, they are saying "I do not have enough faith in my partner's process, or my own process, to ensure that this will be successful long-term. I do not know how to manufacture a successful culture in a relationship."
Let's put it this way - to date, we have not had ONE case where they reconciled after an affair, that eventually relapsed.
Also, notice that whenever we ask this question, a lot of my clients don't really know how to answer deeply, because it's just not a question they think about.
Imagine being so confident that you don't even consider certain fear-based questions. That's a boss move!
Agreed. And I have noticed this, the notion that clients don’t have an answer as they haven’t considered that an option. It shows the assurance that they hold in their process.
I have also noticed almost every video someone asks this or calls it simp but quite honestly…to be that confident is quite the opposite of simp traits.
@GeoffreySetiawan the marketing piece you had was so good! These videos ARE your marketing. The people who have done the work and gotten the results. Thats all the marketing you need.
I've done the Marriage Helper thing, Josh Hudson...(well the free stuff). But I've gotten more from YOUR videos and I've seen the results from fucking GOATS like Saboor.
How did you overcome your Porn Adiction?
Porn is nothing more than watching women who were sexually abused as children reliving their childhood trauma on film as adults. Once you are able to see it for what it is, it is easy to be disgusted by it.
Life changing videos,
I do have a really personal question, I was wondering if I can please ask you in an email
Anyone reading this that joined the program, can I please email you to ask a private question, anyone please!