The 5 things you do wrong in the eyes of a narc. 1. Breathe 2. Exist 3. Have an opinion 4. Have a voice 5. Exercise your right to use 4 and 5 or all of the above in their presence.
He told me “You say what you think” with horror in his face, I tried so many times to explain I was not criticizing him, I couldn’t understand why he was so susceptible.... now I know is funny
Yep, you'll never get closure from a narc, don't bother, just move on with your life and find someone who's willing to treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve.
The narcissist gives closure to you when they devalue you THE FIRST TIME. It is ones own responsibility to know their own deal breakers and to implement the consequences. The assaulted police officer does not wait for closure from the person who assaulted them. The assaulted police officer implements the consequence for assaulting the police officer. The consequences are high. The consequences from any victim of *any* abuse should be the same: zero tolerance, no contact, at the least. The idea of waiting for closure from the narcissist is just another way of extending the enabling of the narcissist in your life. In your life, your voice has to hold the power, always. With devaluation, narcissists undermine a person's sense of power, a lack of faith in their own perceptions. At first devaluation, there is no more conversation. Devaluation destroyed that, by definition.
@@zz-gh2xp well it's been 6 months since your comment. Just curious is the divorce final? How are you doing now? I sure hope all's well with you and that now you can live a happy life.
I’m so glad I listened to your advice of keeping my mouth shut when a vicious smear campaign was going on behind my back, when I was contacted by 3rd parties or when I was tried to be drawn back in. I was in pieces behind closed doors, I was so angry- the unfairness of it all was devastating and soul crashing. However. In public I said NOTHING. I hope it was killing him.
Been there. God bless. And yeah There’s nothing you can say or do. You’ll just look crazy. I would tell myself “God knows the truth and that’s all that matters” and repeated it until I believed it. ❤
If you love yourself enough its easy to go no contact. I had no problem after 36 years divorcing and no contact ever since. Three years now. Once i got the knowledge i ended it. Like you say once you know you go, get out and stay out.
Thank You for saying 36 years...because tha'ts how long it's been for me...and I was too ashamed to say so. HG Tudor has opened my eyes, along with all the comments, like yours.
Best way how I did get rid of Narc I deliberately became needy ( was hard as I am very independent and self sufficient ), purposely put on weight, neglected my hygiene he was a clean freak ( yes I know extreme but it worked ( I was very fit). I was anyways negative around him and enjoyed the confusion on his face :-)) . He left very soon after and even is not attempting on hoovering back. To do all of that was super hard and I was Disgusted with myself but it worked as a charm . Now I live happy life back to my best self physically and mentally and he is blocked from everywhere. People It is possible !
HGs work is brilliant. I did so much wrong n paid 4 it. When I enforced my NC GOSO, the hoovering basically stopped. My logic is winning over my emotional thinking. And this education has been key in understanding the dynamics of it all.
She saw how close her 82 year old mother and I had become. "Mom" calls me everyday; sometimes several times and I enjoy our conversations. By the tone of her voice, I know that there are times her daughter is listening in. I know that I need to leave her mother behind, too. The thought of this is painful and I know she knows this. So tired of being played.
He,me...we always found a way to contact each other every 3 to 4 months. This has gone on for almost 7 years. The intimate part ended completely 7 years ago. So I'm clueless of why this unprofitable contact happens. The pattern has changed recently. Its been almost 5 months! I had to completely delete my social media, change my number. We live in a somewhat small town so I'm clueless of how long this will last. Maybe it's over, maybe we are both free. I must say,the last time I seen him I was repulsed, sickened by the whole fiasco I allowed myself to partake in...Narcissist and Empathic individuals do a morbid dance. There's no closure, no honest reasons. A rollercoaster ride in hell .
Oh don't they just! ...But being wise helps us break the pattern. Don't look back! I found my Narc died. In a way that was very freeing. He was incredibly damaging, BUT we have to *ALLOW* ourselves to be damaged.
So sorry! I have been thru this twice in my life. Both exes threatened me w/suicide when I tried to leave. Just found out that one of them succeeded! Grief=NO Relief=Yes I will never, ever have to see him again! Whew!
I promise you, I am in no way interested, or even trying to get even with him. I'm passed all that now. I'm not even jealous anymore. (I truly have moved on), but I'll be polite and decent to him, when there will be any interaction. Unlike him, I don't mind being alone. If I accidentally should meet another, then so be it, but I'm not looking to replace him. Don't mean to brag, but I'm healthy in that aspect. But I wasn't always this way. I evolved to this point and stage. It comes with age, my dear.
Loosing my mind!!! This crazy person, who constantly would throw me out like yesterday’s trash every other month, is trying to ruin my life. He would do weird things like block my phone number, but then tell me that I should still call him from a different number if I needed to, I was so confused. He would tell me it was over, but two days later, be back. He would send me pics of different major cities when he was really just gone for work, and claim that he moved, just to listen to me scream at him asking why he didn’t tell me he was leaving, And laugh at my reaction! Now im thinking it was just to make me look like the crazy one and smear me. Finally, when it became apparent that nothing I did would ever be enough for him, and he really was starting to scare me, I escaped. One day it just hit me that no, it’s not normal for sex to hurt, and no, i shouldn’t be covered in bruises afterwards. I’m disgusted w myself for all the excuses I made up for him in my head. I just wanted what we had in the beginning. Now, almost a year later, I have him blocked everywhere. I thought it was enough and he was gone for good. Then he started showing up at my work, but I never made contact to tell him that I knew he was there. I did nothing. Now, I just found out that he messaged my twin sister and told her everything about my private life!! He called my mom saying he was “worried” . He knows damn well that no one in my life would approve of our relationship, so now he’s telling my family about us, claiming he’s worried about me. He doesn’t give one fuck about me. I hate him!!!! Why??!!!
Bonnie Murray - Please get a restraining order, and please get help from a therapist who has experience with treating victims of Narcissistic Abuse. Also, binge watch the HG Tudor videos. God bless.
@@yl5020 thanks for your advice! I’m afraid you’re right, it may be time for a restraining order. HG’s videos have been a life saver to me in helping me understand. I guess I’ve been hoping that if I just stay NC and give no reactions to his attempts to control me, he would just give up and leave me alone. contacting my family and faking concern is just going way too far. Perhaps I could use a professional’s help, I’m tired of looking over my shoulder constantly, I’m tired of worrying he’ll hurt me or my kids. I’ve considered giving in just so as not to provoke him and out of fear he’ll set my house on fire or something crazy like that
@@bonniemurray143 NPD likes to see your reaction when they started devalued you - whether its angry, pissed off, mad, cried, and elses. Its all is a fuel to them. My suggestion is _don't ever give any responses._ I used to keep looking into my phone, gave a little smirk when he started talking nonsense or only gave him a second glance to make he knows that _he is nothing_ for me. This simple acts will make them frustated. Hope this will help you. Be strong. GBU.
@@bonniemurray143 it's been 6 months since your comment. I sure hope all's well with you. If you see this plz reply with at least an "I'm ok". After reading your comment I'm concerned for your safety.
I am just now, FINALLY aware, at age 50, that I'm a narc magnet! wtf??I had no idea. So naive! Once an easy going~~ 'social butterfly'~~ NOW a hermit w/trust issues. Good thing I enjoy my own company! sigh.. BUT, IT's NOT OVER 4ME: I am currently being terrorized by a new neighbour. I told him to 'leave me the F' alone', BIG MISTAKE! I now often find my yard tools/equipment tampered with. I told my landlord AND THEN... find my car tires slashed/windshield smashed. I hid the lawnmower gas & too afraid to use bbq. I now sneak into my house, leaving the lights out. Sitting in the dark, watching your videos. OMG!! Sooo overloaded w/emotion, flooded w/past pain, I can't breathe....yet somehow, I CAN. I get it now. This is my awakening! I finally understand?? I will let it ALL go, forgive myself & move fwd. Wish me luck! AND NOW...dealing w/buddy next door~~nothingnessssss~~finding my Zen in Zero~~namaste~~peace out~~TY
Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again Because a vision softly creeping Left its seeds while I was sleeping And the vision that was planted in my brain Still remains Within the sound of silence~~~ In restless dreams I walked alone...
I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles it's a very, very Mad world, mad world........ I need help!!
I probably have made all the mistakes you described. At the time I didn't understand narcissism as I do now, also I believed my own emotional thinking, so I got more and more entangled with the narc. Thank you HD, I think that this was of the best so far! Your insight is amazing, I always get so much from it! Cheers!
When I left I put a note on the fridge saying: he could keep all the things I left. I didn't need to come back for them 👏💯 didn't want a reason for him to reach out to me!
My ex stole a bunch of my stuff when he moved out. I had to call him each time I needed something to see if he took it. He sent me money to replace the items. I should have just taken the loss. It could have been to Hoover me or he he just felt entitled to it, maybe both.
He'll try and make you see him somehow,they always do.He'll try getting in the midst of common folks you know to get messages to you.... They are weird cruel creatures. I'm removed from one for over 20yrs and still get hoovers.. There relentless.Just wait you'll see what you need to see. You will know you truly have healed when you can care less..I laugh at them they are quite hilarious beings once you figure them out..I can't stop laughing when I think back to some of their childish antics. My newest/oldest one,wld come visit me and here I'd be sewing, dancing,cooking making plans,his face wld be in shock. He wld be extremely bothered seeing me so happily unbothered. He'd hoover even harder to get me back.He's spent so much money this year on me trying to get me back,its absolutely hilarious..I know that if I did it wld be the same old cycle...So why wld I? He was used to seeing me laying around feeling sorry for myself rumination on full speed about these idiots.He knows that I have them (narcs)all around me siblings,childrens exes,parent,etc.... Seeing me doing great was crushing him lil by lil he finally went into a full blown phychosis...I'm never going back...ever..
@@melinatedvessel6840 I'm proud of you!! Mine, in am attempt to get me back, tried to commit suicide unfortunately for him he was successful. I know he never intended to be successful but rather it was only an attempt to gain my attention. At first I did feel very guilty and played stupid messages through my own mind. I would say to myself if I had only done this or done that he wouldn't be dead (he was the father of my 3 now adult children). I don't know if I would have felt bad if it hadn't been for the children. At the time the children were 20, 22 and 24 with the 24 yr old being 6 months pregnant at the time with what turned out to be our 4th grandchild. There's now 6 grandchildren and he never got to see any of them. His loss because I am very happy with my life now and get to enjoy my grandbabies any time I want.
HG please acknowledge the ones who got away & weren’t discarded. Anger & disbelief that i dare finally escape lead to absolute FURY that lasted til I finally had the strength to fight back- with a judge. (I left initially last March) If you need to fight back, & aren’t in need of a protective order, you don’t need to fight back. If you are afraid, seek help. Otherwise move on & don’t linger on revenge. My narc was blocked everywhere since last November. Finally had to change my number becajse he made hundreds of fake numbers to blow me up novbr and day to scare me. Wasted a year of that transitioning into burner social media accounts. They will always find loopholes I’ve learned. Make it as hard as possible for them to find those holes. I promise the pain and the absolute agony of feeling line an empty shell will fade. Give yourself the distance to find that healing. The victimized weak victimized mindset does shift. I promise.
This really reminds me of all the people who are victims of murders The victims always wanna know why?? If they knew this information it would help them so much to not expect closure from the Psychopath
Dear hg You are so right. I did not see him For 29 years. I did not know about I Have learned from you. It was so Close. After all the work I had done On myself. I was a hares whisker From falling for it again. I turned Away.. without knowing why He died a year later. He did not leave anything in his will For us.
In other words, getting us to break no contact is just a game for the Narcissist to see how precious/desirable they are that we can't keep away from them?
Hindsight is 20-20.. A loop... A spiral Break the loop... Stop being a victim Be a casualty of War And walk out of The valley And if revenge is desired... Wait.... No contact regime... See that the valley is actually 2 Escarpments facing each other.... Gaze upon the view.... The enemy is either confident Chasing your ghost in the valley Or confuzed in the Fog
@@hgtudor-theultra I'm in ninja mode. Send t SOB free samples of adult diapers for his birthday anonymously... Woo hoo! Felt good for my thought fuel 🤭😉
@@hgtudor-theultra Re ''No more''.... I just let it be known that I'd not let my Narcissist come and collect his things/come and spend the weekend ''As Friends''..I put on a fake cheery voice on the phone, but I felt a power shift... to my advantage. Occasionally I'd google his name, and saw an obituary. It gave me closure. I am certain had I let him come over for the weekend, I'd be sucked right back in. I thought I could ''Change'' him...Be 'The one'' who understood his pain from the past... What a fool I was! A book ''Women who love too much'' helped me at the time.. I discovered your videos because of the Markle Debacle with Harry... I hope Harry escapes, but it may damage him in so doing, as so many will say ''*We warned you!*'' Outsiders can see a Narcissist/Empath do their viper dance from sixty paces. Very interesting vids that ring true to my own experience as a victim of a Narcissist.
@@hgtudor-theultra your comments crack me up. Seriously. "Well played" is the thought I have when cracking up. There are so many yt channels educating people on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse/people. You found a way to do it differently. I don't for a second believe you are actually a narcissist. I believe you are using the psychology/knowledge you have/have learned to stand out among the other yt channels. What is great is the consistency that shows in your replies. You play the part well! Hat tip to you, sir.
@@laurenbatson5918 really? Seriously, do you think it's all an act? If so I agree with you but honestly I don't get that feeling at all from him. I am a psychic empath (not at all like the empaths with which HG speaks about in his videos) and am usually right about my feelings regarding someone and I've never felt as if this man's putting on an act for the benefit of UA-cam or those that watch/listen to him. I very well could be totally off and you may well be correct. Either way I definitely do appreciate what he does and understand why he does it. *side note I've been asked many times if I'm a psychic empath why didn't I know my children's father was a narcissist and that reason is because I was in love with him and that love was blinding my psychic empathic abilities. At the time I didn't understand my abilities like I do now. I'm now in my late 50's and when I met him I was only 20. I've had many years to understand and develop my abilities.
Lauren Batson, yeeees, THIS MAN îs other deluceive, other exclusivly human! Wow, i don t see him a narc, they are creating different type of chanels, as good felows...
Agree....A Narcissist I went out with left a lot of stuff at my house, which I thought was strange. I sent it all back in a parcel. {Cost me a lot in postage, and he was so say ''Upset''. {Yeah, right!}
Well done on sending it pack. The cost of your postage is nothing to the wounding you caused AND the aggravation you have saved yourself handing it over in person.
I am learning so much HG. Would you consider doing a video for those of us who have to continue contact because of children? How do I best navigate for me and my daughter? Your insights are so powerful. You're obviously very intelligent and understand this stuff has impact but you don't feel what we feel. It is real and visceral. You are helping us more than you will know x
Everything You say is so very true. I encountered every Hoover there was, from telling me he was going to commit suicide and then setting a plot to making me think it was really going to happen, keeping my stuff asking if I would come and get it. Telling me he was going to put the dog asleep, Tried to make me feel remorse for escaping. The list goes on. The last was when He tried to triangle me with the new fuel source, started to devalue her, his other fuel that was on the shelf he started devaluing her and became nice to me. I knew from listening to HG Tudor videos what he was trying to do. So I didn’t contact him back and when he used a 3 RD party to contact me with a important message I relayed the message to him. He did a corrected devaluation for not calling him for a week. I blocked Him. (Knowing 2 gone in one week should up set the balance) My emotional thinking is gone and has been gone for 6 months or so. Didn’t want him back just wanted him gone.
I am so sorry you had to suffer this. However, you are not in "no contact" if you are reading and/or listening to his messages. As HG Tudor so brilliantly taught us, "no contact" is not just about not replying the the narcissist; it's ensuring that the narcissist's messages cannot even reach you.
Why is this asking me last night if I need him to help me because his heart is telling him something is wrong with me , that I’m losing myself? He discarded three months ago snd is in a full blown relationship with a new person yet he’s texting me from her house last night on his bday. It’s like he’s feeling guilty or he was drunk. Was even telling me he misses me , that I’m beautiful. Then this morning I heard nothing from him all day. What’s going on hg? She’s his perfect supply: no kids, lives alone
There is no such thing a "perfect" supply to these people. They are constantly reevaluating people from their past as the ones that got away. You could be a super model or Fiona from Shrek. They are always seeking the unattainable people in their scattered minds.
You ve been hoovered. He needed fuel by engaging with you. Ego trip. To see, he can get control over you by selling you his bu£&s&@t. You can empower yourself by going no contact. HG material has opened my eyes and gave me the tools to truly thrive in my life. God bless him🤩 Arm yourself with the knowledge he shares. Wishing you well on this journey of self discovery 🦋🍀🌟
@@hgtudor-theultra whhy is he telling me he can help me get better because his heart told him something is wrong? He’s with her, spends all his time with her he haven’t been by to see our daughter n his birthday. Why all of a sudden now after three months he’s offering to help me ?
Agreed. Don't seek revenge. I have problem that some of my camera gear is at her flat. Almost 4 months later I want to get it back, but I dont want to deal with the drama. To make matters worse, letters for her are still being delivered to my house. Smh.
When leaving after separating his and her items with lawyers present and movers had left to deliver my items to my house...ex stood in driveway waiting for me to say something to him as I back out of his driveway. Often I tell friends.."What do you think I told him as I was leaving??" Of course they want to know... I tell them..."Not a d**n thing...he wasnt worth my time to piss on...much less to say goodbye to"..
All he said to me on very regular basis over the past 12months was “you are Lucky” and “ you are sensible”. I did not feel lucky and I had to be sensible someone had to be. Sad role I played just a Volunteer PA or Slave only good enough to wash his clothes pay the bills and business needs. While he sat with the SOD of Retired self employed auto restorer.
Not being a azz or anything I could careless about the closure, yeah I did the discard big deal, but I've went completely no contact and have gotten stalked etc, but I just went on with my life and later started dating this very nice lady and was just out in about and then there it was WOW lmao she was mad, I didn't try to rub it in her face or anything, I didn't even tell my new girl about this subject or about her seeing us out I figure that the ex wasn't even worth talking about or anything,but OMG I was LMFAO inside when she saw me with someone so much better 🤣 no revenge is the best revenge.blank
I think what eventually happens is that people start to see these people's drama & ratioinal people will all try to stay away. They will only be left with fools & idiots all around. No smart person would want to be anywhere near people like these. They will ultimately be left all alone.
Your comment made me laugh. The way you worded it makes it sound like this is a regular occurrence for you throwing all of your ex's things away as if you had many many exes.
I know a way to get closure but you have to have the patience of a saint, you won't get it from them, and you need to be well versed in narcissism (due to having one or both parents cluster B and you've been through therapy and detailed study) so know the game and know it well. Emotional self control is mandatory and excellent problem solving skills (preferably the gifts of a forensic profiler, a superb dot connector) and enhanced intuition...as well as empathy to see things through their eyes and gauge cause and effect on the narc....it's takes a long time and many don't want it that bad. I always can't move on until I get it but in the eyes of the exnarcs + that is exactly what I'd done and did well at life. None of these 5 happen to me because when I know the mask has slipped I KNOW what I have to do. Get away and get all that emotion out by myself somewhere. Then take action! You can't tell anyone what you are doing either...no one (unless you hire some help outside of anyone they know. Personal friends will fall into emotional thinking all to often and not understand your end game so forget it. Not to mention tell on you without even knowing they are sometimes...vent to NO ONE close. Your attitude needs to be every one just needs to mind their own business and it's over. Don't over do happiness or sadness. Gray rock everyone). Then you start a journal that doubles as your evidence book. Everything goes in there , even information that seems irrelevant regarding the narc and his family or constituents. Times and dates are mandatory. Wait for people to talk to you, offer information to you, never discuss him but don't blow them off when they want to tell you something...then change the subject as if you are no longer concerned. The internet is your friend, use it. It's like solving a case and it CAN be done without illegal stalking and sticking to genuine no contact. Eventually, all your daily entries will be able to connect to other entries and a picture will begin forming. It's therapeutic as well as entertaining after the worst of the pain subsides,but emotional intelligence and emotional self control/discipline is mandatory.!!You have to not let any of the narc's moves and countermoves effect your focus , break you, or pull you back in, in any way shape or form, and KNOW that's it's over and not rationalize the horror of the situation or even entertain that you could ever work it out or go back to these types, you can't. It's not an option. They can be got...timing is everything and still being yourself. THis is for closure only and not revenge or to win them back... ;). Huggs out to everyone who has dealt with this level of hell in life. They love me those SOB's! I know I'm not codependent though and this may work in my favor. I have thick skin and a tough streak but I've also known what I've been dealing with since before it went main stream...back in the 90's. HG Tudor is right and on point on everything when it comes to their thinking. The last one was a greater though...whew...biggest ride from hell yet. The Mid-range and lesser will get emotional and slip up and you can connect dots that way but it takes skill when dealing with the highly intelligent types that are self aware.
I would like to tell you how I was able to get over my ex covert. This is very much a whole world but I got some ethical revenge but in a big way by doing exactly what you described.
What if the narc tried to triangulate and bait you to break no contact the entire year him and the new IPPS were together while she moved in with him? What if they both engaged in harassing me with spoof calls from burner numbers and fake accounts ? Why did he never go away and “forget” me and enjoy the golden period with her? Maybe for four weeks max he did and he came back with texts then calls I never broke and it came like clockwork . They scare me! Is she a narc too?
Lmao ok soi made this mistake but uppn meeting him in the parking lot i happened to have a box with all his crap clothes, hats, any and all photos of us, letters he wrote etc... He didn't want it so i pulledit out of my trunk and just let it remain on the ground of the parking lot within five min a bunch of random homeless ppl or junkies ransacked it and the only thing left was a cpl of photos 😅
No they don't and if they do, they don't/won't ever feel it. Never! Not fair, they dont care I've wasted soooo many yrs of my life on that fantasy~~trying to forget about it! Time to Re-Focus, onto the new~~ btw** in Awake-mode I'm ok. Sleep-mode=not ok. Dream-mode=not gonna say
HG, is there a reason as to why my narc ex told me he loved me and missed me and then decides to bring up divorce and cause a conversation that essentially blamed me for his leaving and he has yet to even file for divorce even though he has the resources to do so? This convrrsation took almost a month ago. He hasn't spoken to me since that conversation.
He's yanking your chain. Torturing you is his fav food. This will never, ever change, sadly. Get off the menu asap! It's the only thing you can do. Sad but true.
@GogoGrrl007 is right... guessing by what he last said to you, it sounds like he is using the threat of divorce to arouse fear and neediness to get you back into his control... I think its called 'hoovering'... if he's using this technique, its because he sees how needy you are... is that true ?..if so, you may need to go NO Contact for good. And the reason he has not spoken to you, is beause he is waiting for the poison to spread inside you... and it is working. How... because your thinking about it seems to be bothering you, and has led to you asking about his intentions here in the comments section of an Ultra Narc... is this helping ?
He got angry I would not see him during covid,he came by uninvited and I said no,he got angry,on Dec 16th did not call me until jan 26( I never called him) called again Feb 26,after that he has been calling once or twice a week for the last 2 months, dropping off flowers twice,I have never returned his call since Dec 16th, Know better,do better!
Yet you tell me to go no contact and I'm talking no contact of forward 6 months but at that is very very very hard to do when you have 4 children together and we have to co parent so So also her new fuel source is another empathic person who has a mental counselor a counselor for youth so she thinks he has all the answers and goes with what he says but actually he has no idea what the h*** is up against and I know for a fact they have argued and fought many times over this last year many times so I just wanted try to figure out how to make sure I don't go down that road anymore and we're done the kids are a huge problem huge huge huge because they're being mentally abused help me please
The only person you can change is yourself. You cannot change *her*. It is vital that you carry on seeing your children {For them to be happier} Can you not just pick up the kids, take them out for the day, then return them to her with minimal contact? Christmas is always tricky with split up families, but you have to make the best of it. It is par for the course that poison mothers try to talk down 'Dad'...But show your kids you love them..NOT by buying them things, but by listening to them, doing things with them, Supporting them emotionally. They will know you love them, and this will help attenuate her bitchy comments about you to them. 👍
P.S. If you have child/ren, it is impossible to go ''No Contact''... I get on ok with my Ex. Husband now, so am speaking from experience ..The kids must be both of yours priority. What made me really happy....For the first time ever, my { now adult} child and ex's other {adult} child met up recently and really got on. {Half siblings} I hope this lasts. It isn't easy, but focus on the children.
OK HG again I message you several times trying to figure out and find out how I can deal with my wife who is a malignant be narcissus mid range so it is because we have 4 children so C keeps that world over my head well plus the kids over my head and the kids don't talk to me because I was proven to be the evil one the edit I'm not I've never done nothing in my life to prove so I it is stow so so struggling because my kids are being brainwashed it is about the children and I don't know what to do
So sorry for your pain. Keep watching ALL the videos, many,many times if needed. All the answers are there. You might not like these answers, they may go against everything you feel. Seriously, just sit, listen & learn over & over=re/un-brainwash yourself. It took me a very long time to understand how to cope with these 'demons'. ie. I used to 'stick up' for myself & defend the lies, etc. etc. The opposite it true. Sad but true & very hard to do. Stop the fight. Do nothing ...and then...more nothing and then...more nothing. sigh~~ I know its so hard right now, but be cool. Your children will soon grow up, find you and need U(later), Try your best to be loving, patient & kind as much as you can. As adults, you will have more time to get to know them, hopefully for the rest of your long life. Seriously, chill out for now. There is no 'win' in war. Sit, listen, learn, get some local professional advice & find all the best help/info you can. Be strong
Your comment is understandable and the unfairness will never alter. Therefore you need to avoid being involved in any form at all to be exposed to the unfairness.
Woof Olliesmydog It sure is unfair and I absolutely love your cute little dog! He's got the same name as my nephew, who I don't know, due to huge narcissism issues in my family and he lives in another country. ❤
I want to heal and move on. But I can’t help feeling that if I stick around “for just a little longer” things might change... his future faking is so good it’s almost believable...
Your Emotional Thinking is high. It has to be because you are still with the narcissist. Your ET is corrupting your empathic traits of decency and the desire to heal and fix so that you remain in place, feeding your addiction and interacting with the narcissist. The narcissist will not change. He will instead future fake your life away. Get Out and Stay Out. If you are in any doubt as to whether your partner is a narcissist, take the narc detector, then you know for sure and can make an informed decision. narcsite.com/narc-detector-2/
*They won't change!!!!!!!!* I read a book called ''Women who love too much''....It really helped. You *Won't* change him. No one can change another, only themselves. Cut free! Only then can you heal. You can do it.
If an empath asks for closure isnt he just hoovering the Narcissist to respond just like the narc does to get the Empath sucked back into the life of the narc..??
Hello HG! What can you tell us about a narcissist in his last times of terminal illness? About if his supplies starts to fall apart, and when he feels that he loses his power in certain different ways. It cannot feel good, even and foremost for a narcissistic man. What is your expert-opinion?
Critical thinking and logic is key, and not emotional thinking. Funny (in a sardonic sense) that once this is realized, the fuel source is gone. Thank you for your videos. It's good to see people learning from the truth.
he was not a narc... I suspect that you were just punishing him for some minor indiscretion... you may want to look at your expectations as the source of the problem.
1. Breathing 2. Doing what I want, instead of what he wants 3. Not working hard enough, and fast enough 24/7 4. Mentioning to others in front of him, what he did. He seemed gobsmacked I would do that 5. Saying no My narc threatened suicide I took the matter seriously and tried to reason with him. The third time he threatened suicide he stated he would shoot himself, but then in his next breathe changed it to cutting his wrists in the shower. I knew straight away he had changed how he would kill himself because I knew he didn't own a gun, this showed he was calculating. Once I got away from him I reasoned he needed some Police attention and called the cops, he did not like that, but suicide isn't mentioned anymore.
I believe I did fall into that trap at the end of The Break-Up when I was packing to move out Mr norky's grandson died of a drug overdose at the age of 18 I recently found the anger and the Justice to use that situation to prove to the narky that his behaviors did not go unpunished. Thankfully he did not answer the phone I was able to make the statement that yes there is a God that punishes for narcissistic abuse. There is karma that is created by abusing a woman with a disability that will he was fully aware of. The karma and the consequence was in the loss of his eighteen-year-old grandson and had he been a better man he would still have a grandson. It didn't feel cruel it didn't feel hateful it felt as if the grade was given for a failure to be human to a narcissist who has damaged not only me but to a whole wake of women. You would think mr. Narky would have figured it out when his last wife took him for almost a million dollars. And I had nothing to give him no money no resources just time kindness affection and love and he beat me down to the point of making a suicide attempt.
I made one mistake then I just kept making more even when I started catching on and thus beginning to speculate just how sorry I was going to be... the giveaway was the brows. If those browse raised in that "Well, well, well, look at you... you think so?" *gulp as the urge to be understood intensifies* Thinking to myself "Just. You. Shut. Your. Mourh." Out loud "... I just think it's funny ...'
what is the difference between a narcissist and someone who just wants your life insurance and your money and social welfare care money for a sick person in the household that do not exists but it is you - maybe there are only criminals and no narcs ......
Read up on Anti-social personality disorder (ACPD). Sociopaths engage in criminal activities and breaking the law is a character trait of someone with ACPD. It is also in the cluster b personality disorders with NPD.
I don't get it: if you're a psychopathic narcissist, how are you able to so clearly lay down how to thwart narcissists? It can't purely be in order to make money... Is it a grandiose way of demonstrating that you are supremely aware in comparison to most narcissists? Possibly the gratification of likes & views? Hmmm...
I felt ill before listening to this video but as I listened I felt hatred and disgust ...that you're calling it five mistakes on the 'victims' part and explaining all the NPD behaviour as if it makes perfect sense.
It all does make perfect sense to him because he's a narcissist. It's nauseating to you because you are not. If and when u are able to remove your emotions from that fact, you could find his perspective helpful - meaning you understand how they think and operate... Which in turn, will help give you a shield of protection thru knowledge. Then when you find yourself tangled up with one - you will know how to deal with it accordingly. Aka - what NOT to do. Don't take any of it personal - it's not about you. At all. Saying this with pure empathy btw lol
@@hgtudor-theultra I'm looking forward to it too. Becoz that is wat made me sense t difference in mirror, a obviously mid range w possibly w another IPSS forgot my traits and was mirroring another person
The 5 things you do wrong in the eyes of a narc.
1. Breathe
2. Exist
3. Have an opinion
4. Have a voice
5. Exercise your right to use 4 and 5 or all of the above in their presence.
No 1 breathe , this actually happened to me whilst lying in bed with my ex . Stop breathing on me she said FFS
He told me “You say what you think” with horror in his face, I tried so many times to explain I was not criticizing him, I couldn’t understand why he was so susceptible.... now I know is funny
Facts
6. Breathing WITHOUT them...
Hahaha
Yep, you'll never get closure from a narc, don't bother, just move on with your life and find someone who's willing to treat you with the respect and dignity that you deserve.
Exactly it's hard but doable
Logic.
Yep
@@hgtudor-theultra Truth
The narcissist gives closure to you when they devalue you THE FIRST TIME. It is ones own responsibility to know their own deal breakers and to implement the consequences. The assaulted police officer does not wait for closure from the person who assaulted them. The assaulted police officer implements the consequence for assaulting the police officer. The consequences are high. The consequences from any victim of *any* abuse should be the same: zero tolerance, no contact, at the least. The idea of waiting for closure from the narcissist is just another way of extending the enabling of the narcissist in your life. In your life, your voice has to hold the power, always. With devaluation, narcissists undermine a person's sense of power, a lack of faith in their own perceptions. At first devaluation, there is no more conversation. Devaluation destroyed that, by definition.
The best revenge is to live your life to the full. Fill every day with meaningfulness and smiles.
And watch while they fuck up their own lives
@@tuhaka5212 te Rut ityo yryfyty tutu y yy
Good to do but of no interest to your narcissist they don't and never cared
I wonder do most narcissists know they are a narcissists
@@Raylufc NO.THEY DO NOT.
I just waited and bored him to leave...my life is calm and happy now..😁
That amused me.
@@hgtudor-theultra everything about it amuses me now..half way through a divorce...I laugh at him every day..I know that he hates that...hehe he.
😅😂😂😂😂
It's very easy to bore a narcissist. I did that too. Kudos to you for handling it in a marriage setting. 🙏
@@zz-gh2xp well it's been 6 months since your comment. Just curious is the divorce final? How are you doing now? I sure hope all's well with you and that now you can live a happy life.
"Do not seek closure from us,make your own closure".Yep...these are some wise words.
Indeed they are.
i have been begging him for a MONTH for closure. he is not speaking to me yet started following me on instagram and has deactivated his fb. aghhhh
@@thatrunningirl sorry to hear that my wife left me August 12 years of marriage
@@thatrunningirl How's is going for you now. It's been 6 months since your comment and I sure hope all's well.
@@conqururfear I hope all's well now for you.
" SILENCE SPEAKS VOLUMES & ACOMPLISHES MUCH" Calvin E. Warren
The biggest injury you can cause Narcs is absolute no contact in any shape, way or form without any warning.
Seeking justice is an empathic trait! Who knew.. 🤔
I’m so glad I listened to your advice of keeping my mouth shut when a vicious smear campaign was going on behind my back, when I was contacted by 3rd parties or when I was tried to be drawn back in. I was in pieces behind closed doors, I was so angry- the unfairness of it all was devastating and soul crashing. However. In public I said NOTHING. I hope it was killing him.
It deeply injured him.
Well done on keeping your mouth shut. He would only be wounded if he witnessed your silence.
@@hgtudor-theultra silent and seemingly happy 😊 also taking care of yourself, without them.......✍🏾✅✅✅
@@jasminemcknight3403m my B
Been there. God bless. And yeah There’s nothing you can say or do. You’ll just look crazy. I would tell myself “God knows the truth and that’s all that matters” and repeated it until I believed it. ❤
I “took” closure with the last discard! He said “Goodbye!” (Again) This time I responded with, “Finally! Thank you! Goodbye!” 😂
Same !
Shiiiiiiiiiit he wouldn't have gotten that MUCH 😩😭😂😂🥶⚡
good job YOU!
Did that work? Or is it still trying?
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
The only closure most of us will get is hearing the truth from HG. At least he dispells the conscious dissonance. You get your reality back.
I was just saying this to myself !!!
Silence is golden 🇦🇺🙏
Went no contact 2 years ago and never broke it !
Well done.
If you love yourself enough its easy to go no contact. I had no problem after 36 years divorcing and no contact ever since. Three years now. Once i got the knowledge i ended it. Like you say once you know you go, get out and stay out.
That's awesome!! Congratulations 👏👏👏
I'm so happy for you.
Thank You for saying 36 years...because tha'ts how long it's been for me...and I was too ashamed to say so.
HG Tudor has opened my eyes, along with all the comments, like yours.
Oh that is why when i blocked him he unblocked me...he want me to contact him well i didn't and will never do
Same here. When i blocked him he unblocked me 🙄
You should not be looking to see if you are blocked or unblocked, that is a breach of no contact. Well done though on not contacting him.
Is it really possible for the person you block to unblock your block ?????
@@mybffglobalnetwork good question.... Researching now.....
@@mybffglobalnetwork no,
Best way how I did get rid of Narc I deliberately became needy ( was hard as I am very independent and self sufficient ), purposely put on weight, neglected my hygiene he was a clean freak ( yes I know extreme but it worked ( I was very fit). I was anyways negative around him and enjoyed the confusion on his face :-)) . He left very soon after and even is not attempting on hoovering back. To do all of that was super hard and I was Disgusted with myself but it worked as a charm . Now I live happy life back to my best self physically and mentally and he is blocked from everywhere. People It is possible !
I wonder what HG would make of that successful tactic. Ha Ha.
@@Mina-gm3pg hmm not too sure...
Hysterical ! You are a brilliant tactician .
@@agotahorvath when all other options are not working , time for extreme .
Brilliant!
HGs work is brilliant.
I did so much wrong n paid 4 it.
When I enforced my NC GOSO, the hoovering basically stopped.
My logic is winning over my emotional thinking.
And this education has been key in understanding the dynamics of it all.
She saw how close her 82 year old mother and I had become. "Mom" calls me everyday; sometimes several times and I enjoy our conversations. By the tone of her voice, I know that there are times her daughter is listening in.
I know that I need to leave her mother behind, too. The thought of this is painful and I know she knows this. So tired of being played.
He,me...we always found a way to contact each other every 3 to 4 months. This has gone on for almost 7 years. The intimate part ended completely 7 years ago. So I'm clueless of why this unprofitable contact happens. The pattern has changed recently. Its been almost 5 months! I had to completely delete my social media, change my number. We live in a somewhat small town so I'm clueless of how long this will last. Maybe it's over, maybe we are both free. I must say,the last time I seen him I was repulsed, sickened by the whole fiasco I allowed myself to partake in...Narcissist and Empathic individuals do a morbid dance. There's no closure, no honest reasons. A rollercoaster ride in hell .
Oh don't they just! ...But being wise helps us break the pattern. Don't look back!
I found my Narc died. In a way that was very freeing.
He was incredibly damaging, BUT we have to *ALLOW* ourselves to be damaged.
So sorry! I have been thru this twice in my life. Both exes threatened me w/suicide when I tried to leave. Just found out that one of them succeeded! Grief=NO Relief=Yes I will never, ever have to see him again! Whew!
@@Oakleaf700 Sorry but I do not agree with that. I did not asked to be damaged. I just was by my mother and other family members.
@@Oakleaf700 "In a way"? You were gifted the ultimate freedom!
I promise you, I am in no way interested, or even trying to get even with him.
I'm passed all that now.
I'm not even jealous anymore.
(I truly have moved on), but I'll be polite and decent to him, when there will be any interaction.
Unlike him, I don't mind being alone.
If I accidentally should meet another, then so be it, but I'm not looking to replace him.
Don't mean to brag, but I'm healthy in that aspect.
But I wasn't always this way.
I evolved to this point and stage.
It comes with age, my dear.
…..Doing something stupid,You’ve got that right H.G.😡
EXCELLENT HG!! If you listen, learn, and apply it will be the best outcome for you.
So spake the voice of logic.
@@hgtudor-theultra Yes Ive learned logic over emotion. I sit back and observe now. Thank ya so much!!
Loosing my mind!!! This crazy person, who constantly would throw me out like yesterday’s trash every other month, is trying to ruin my life. He would do weird things like block my phone number, but then tell me that I should still call him from a different number if I needed to, I was so confused. He would tell me it was over, but two days later, be back. He would send me pics of different major cities when he was really just gone for work, and claim that he moved, just to listen to me scream at him asking why he didn’t tell me he was leaving, And laugh at my reaction! Now im thinking it was just to make me look like the crazy one and smear me. Finally, when it became apparent that nothing I did would ever be enough for him, and he really was starting to scare me, I escaped. One day it just hit me that no, it’s not normal for sex to hurt, and no, i shouldn’t be covered in bruises afterwards. I’m disgusted w myself for all the excuses I made up for him in my head. I just wanted what we had in the beginning. Now, almost a year later, I have him blocked everywhere. I thought it was enough and he was gone for good. Then he started showing up at my work, but I never made contact to tell him that I knew he was there. I did nothing. Now, I just found out that he messaged my twin sister and told her everything about my private life!! He called my mom saying he was “worried” . He knows damn well that no one in my life would approve of our relationship, so now he’s telling my family about us, claiming he’s worried about me. He doesn’t give one fuck about me. I hate him!!!! Why??!!!
Bonnie Murray - Please get a restraining order, and please get help from a therapist who has experience with treating victims of Narcissistic Abuse. Also, binge watch the HG Tudor videos. God bless.
@@yl5020 thanks for your advice! I’m afraid you’re right, it may be time for a restraining order. HG’s videos have been a life saver to me in helping me understand. I guess I’ve been hoping that if I just stay NC and give no reactions to his attempts to control me, he would just give up and leave me alone. contacting my family and faking concern is just going way too far. Perhaps I could use a professional’s help, I’m tired of looking over my shoulder constantly, I’m tired of worrying he’ll hurt me or my kids. I’ve considered giving in just so as not to provoke him and out of fear he’ll set my house on fire or something crazy like that
Jus becouse he can and it's fun for him.. That's why
@@bonniemurray143 NPD likes to see your reaction when they started devalued you - whether its angry, pissed off, mad, cried, and elses. Its all is a fuel to them. My suggestion is _don't ever give any responses._ I used to keep looking into my phone, gave a little smirk when he started talking nonsense or only gave him a second glance to make he knows that _he is nothing_ for me. This simple acts will make them frustated. Hope this will help you. Be strong. GBU.
@@bonniemurray143 it's been 6 months since your comment. I sure hope all's well with you. If you see this plz reply with at least an "I'm ok". After reading your comment I'm concerned for your safety.
I am just now, FINALLY aware, at age 50, that I'm a narc magnet! wtf??I had no idea. So naive!
Once an easy going~~ 'social butterfly'~~ NOW a hermit w/trust issues.
Good thing I enjoy my own company! sigh.. BUT, IT's NOT OVER 4ME:
I am currently being terrorized by a new neighbour. I told him to 'leave me the F' alone', BIG MISTAKE!
I now often find my yard tools/equipment tampered with. I told my landlord AND THEN...
find my car tires slashed/windshield smashed. I hid the lawnmower gas & too afraid to use bbq.
I now sneak into my house, leaving the lights out. Sitting in the dark, watching your videos. OMG!!
Sooo overloaded w/emotion, flooded w/past pain, I can't breathe....yet somehow, I CAN. I get it now.
This is my awakening! I finally understand?? I will let it ALL go, forgive myself & move fwd. Wish me luck!
AND NOW...dealing w/buddy next door~~nothingnessssss~~finding my Zen in Zero~~namaste~~peace out~~TY
Sorry HG. Spreading your word all over the world! and now, back to grey rock mode....
Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence~~~
In restless dreams I walked alone...
I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad world, mad world........
I need help!!
I probably have made all the mistakes you described. At the time I didn't understand narcissism as I do now, also I believed my own emotional thinking, so I got more and more entangled with the narc. Thank you HD, I think that this was of the best so far! Your insight is amazing, I always get so much from it! Cheers!
HG is “my narc” now. 😅
Thank You Again, H G!!!!♡
When I left I put a note on the fridge saying: he could keep all the things I left. I didn't need to come back for them 👏💯 didn't want a reason for him to reach out to me!
You are brilliant! To have the ability to see in a convoluted perspective like you do, like a contortionist. What a mind!
My ex stole a bunch of my stuff when he moved out. I had to call him each time I needed something to see if he took it. He sent me money to replace the items. I should have just taken the loss. It could have been to Hoover me or he he just felt entitled to it, maybe both.
Correct.
I want to remain NC, but I would love to know all the details when everything goes to hell for him.
Easily done, listen to my work and you will find this out without any downside.
@@hgtudor-theultra Thank you, HG, for providing us with insight so that we can stay beyond the spheres.
same !!!
He'll try and make you see him somehow,they always do.He'll try getting in the midst of common folks you know to get messages to you....
They are weird cruel creatures.
I'm removed from one for over 20yrs and still get hoovers.. There relentless.Just wait you'll see what you need to see.
You will know you truly have healed when you can care less..I laugh at them they are quite hilarious beings once you figure them out..I can't stop laughing when I think back to some of their childish antics.
My newest/oldest one,wld come visit me and here I'd be sewing, dancing,cooking making plans,his face wld be in shock.
He wld be extremely bothered seeing me so happily unbothered.
He'd hoover even harder to get me back.He's spent so much money this year on me trying to get me back,its absolutely hilarious..I know that if I did it wld be the same old cycle...So why wld I?
He was used to seeing me laying around feeling sorry for myself rumination on full speed about these idiots.He knows that I have them (narcs)all around me siblings,childrens exes,parent,etc....
Seeing me doing great was crushing him lil by lil he finally went into a full blown phychosis...I'm never going back...ever..
@@melinatedvessel6840 I'm proud of you!! Mine, in am attempt to get me back, tried to commit suicide unfortunately for him he was successful. I know he never intended to be successful but rather it was only an attempt to gain my attention. At first I did feel very guilty and played stupid messages through my own mind. I would say to myself if I had only done this or done that he wouldn't be dead (he was the father of my 3 now adult children). I don't know if I would have felt bad if it hadn't been for the children. At the time the children were 20, 22 and 24 with the 24 yr old being 6 months pregnant at the time with what turned out to be our 4th grandchild. There's now 6 grandchildren and he never got to see any of them. His loss because I am very happy with my life now and get to enjoy my grandbabies any time I want.
HG please acknowledge the ones who got away & weren’t discarded. Anger & disbelief that i dare finally escape lead to absolute FURY that lasted til I finally had the strength to fight back- with a judge. (I left initially last March)
If you need to fight back, & aren’t in need of a protective order, you don’t need to fight back. If you are afraid, seek help. Otherwise move on & don’t linger on revenge.
My narc was blocked everywhere since last November. Finally had to change my number becajse he made hundreds of fake numbers to blow me up novbr and day to scare me.
Wasted a year of that transitioning into burner social media accounts. They will always find loopholes I’ve learned. Make it as hard as possible for them to find those holes.
I promise the pain and the absolute agony of feeling line an empty shell will fade. Give yourself the distance to find that healing. The victimized weak victimized mindset does shift. I promise.
This is an expert Video. Thank You HG❣
You are welcome.
This really reminds me of all the people who are victims of murders The victims always wanna know why?? If they knew this information it would help them so much to not expect closure from the Psychopath
Dear hg
You are so right. I did not see him
For 29 years. I did not know about I
Have learned from you. It was so
Close. After all the work I had done
On myself. I was a hares whisker
From falling for it again. I turned
Away.. without knowing why
He died a year later.
He did not leave anything in his will
For us.
In other words, getting us to break no contact is just a game for the Narcissist to see how precious/desirable they are that we can't keep away from them?
Hindsight is 20-20..
A loop...
A spiral
Break the loop...
Stop being a victim
Be a casualty of War
And walk out of
The valley
And if revenge is desired...
Wait....
No contact regime...
See that the valley is actually
2 Escarpments facing each other....
Gaze upon the view....
The enemy is either confident
Chasing your ghost in the valley
Or confuzed in the Fog
Trust me I establish my no contact. Not breaking it.
Is it solid and robust? If so, well done.
@@hgtudor-theultra I'm in ninja mode. Send t SOB free samples of adult diapers for his birthday anonymously... Woo hoo! Felt good for my thought fuel 🤭😉
@@hgtudor-theultra Re ''No more''.... I just let it be known that I'd not let my Narcissist come and collect his things/come and spend the weekend ''As Friends''..I put on a fake cheery voice on the phone, but I felt a power shift... to my advantage.
Occasionally I'd google his name, and saw an obituary.
It gave me closure.
I am certain had I let him come over for the weekend, I'd be sucked right back in.
I thought I could ''Change'' him...Be 'The one'' who understood his pain from the past...
What a fool I was! A book ''Women who love too much'' helped me at the time.. I discovered your videos because of the Markle Debacle with Harry... I hope Harry escapes, but it may damage him in so doing, as so many will say ''*We warned you!*''
Outsiders can see a Narcissist/Empath do their viper dance from sixty paces.
Very interesting vids that ring true to my own experience as a victim of a Narcissist.
@@Oakleaf700 I too found HG through all the H&M crap. So glad I did.
Hes right, we do it for answers. Thing is I have answers through videos like this so I dont need the narc to lie even more to me.
HG, you are essential to my healing at present. This frightens me, nonetheless, I thank you. Thank you so much for helping me !
Indeed I am and you are welcome.
@@hgtudor-theultra your comments crack me up. Seriously. "Well played" is the thought I have when cracking up. There are so many yt channels educating people on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse/people. You found a way to do it differently. I don't for a second believe you are actually a narcissist. I believe you are using the psychology/knowledge you have/have learned to stand out among the other yt channels. What is great is the consistency that shows in your replies. You play the part well! Hat tip to you, sir.
@@laurenbatson5918 really? Seriously, do you think it's all an act? If so I agree with you but honestly I don't get that feeling at all from him. I am a psychic empath (not at all like the empaths with which HG speaks about in his videos) and am usually right about my feelings regarding someone and I've never felt as if this man's putting on an act for the benefit of UA-cam or those that watch/listen to him. I very well could be totally off and you may well be correct. Either way I definitely do appreciate what he does and understand why he does it.
*side note
I've been asked many times if I'm a psychic empath why didn't I know my children's father was a narcissist and that reason is because I was in love with him and that love was blinding my psychic empathic abilities. At the time I didn't understand my abilities like I do now. I'm now in my late 50's and when I met him I was only 20. I've had many years to understand and develop my abilities.
Lauren Batson, yeeees, THIS MAN îs other deluceive, other exclusivly human! Wow, i don t see him a narc, they are creating different type of chanels, as good felows...
Agree....A Narcissist I went out with left a lot of stuff at my house, which I thought was strange.
I sent it all back in a parcel. {Cost me a lot in postage, and he was so say ''Upset''. {Yeah, right!}
Well done on sending it pack. The cost of your postage is nothing to the wounding you caused AND the aggravation you have saved yourself handing it over in person.
@@hgtudor-theultra Thanks!
I am learning so much HG. Would you consider doing a video for those of us who have to continue contact because of children? How do I best navigate for me and my daughter? Your insights are so powerful. You're obviously very intelligent and understand this stuff has impact but you don't feel what we feel. It is real and visceral. You are helping us more than you will know x
Please see this narcsite.com/how-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist/
My wall is made of steal welded. Thanks to you helping to understand what the game is. My XnARC can Hoover and reopen your own wound.
Closure comes from withen yourself. Not from the other person.
Excellent and true lived it
Thank you😁
You are welcome.
I definitely made it to easy for him. No more, learned my lesson, escaped him, hopefully for good this time.
Hopefully?? Duuuude, call it=GAME OVER!! done&done Stick to the plan! (please!)
I love the Art
Animals Symbolic
Working as one.
Everything You say is so very true. I encountered every Hoover there was, from telling me he was going to commit suicide and then setting a plot to making me think it was really going to happen, keeping my stuff asking if I would come and get it. Telling me he was going to put the dog asleep, Tried to make me feel remorse for escaping. The list goes on. The last was when He tried to triangle me with the new fuel source, started to devalue her, his other fuel that was on the shelf he started devaluing her and became nice to me. I knew from listening to HG Tudor videos what he was trying to do. So I didn’t contact him back and when he used a 3 RD party to contact me with a important message I relayed the message to him. He did a corrected devaluation for not calling him for a week. I blocked Him. (Knowing 2 gone in one week should up set the balance) My emotional thinking is gone and has been gone for 6 months or so. Didn’t want him back just wanted him gone.
I am so sorry you had to suffer this. However, you are not in "no contact" if you are reading and/or listening to his messages. As HG Tudor so brilliantly taught us, "no contact" is not just about not replying the the narcissist; it's ensuring that the narcissist's messages cannot even reach you.
Why is this asking me last night if I need him to help me because his heart is telling him something is wrong with me , that I’m losing myself? He discarded three months ago snd is in a full blown relationship with a new person yet he’s texting me from her house last night on his bday. It’s like he’s feeling guilty or he was drunk. Was even telling me he misses me , that I’m beautiful. Then this morning I heard nothing from him all day. What’s going on hg? She’s his perfect supply: no kids, lives alone
There is no such thing a "perfect" supply to these people. They are constantly reevaluating people from their past as the ones that got away. You could be a super model or Fiona from Shrek. They are always seeking the unattainable people in their scattered minds.
You ve been hoovered. He needed fuel by engaging with you. Ego trip. To see, he can get control over you by selling you his bu£&s&@t. You can empower yourself by going no contact. HG material has opened my eyes and gave me the tools to truly thrive in my life. God bless him🤩 Arm yourself with the knowledge he shares. Wishing you well on this journey of self discovery 🦋🍀🌟
@Victoria good to read.
@@hgtudor-theultra whhy is he telling me he can help me get better because his heart told him something is wrong? He’s with her, spends all his time with her he haven’t been by to see our daughter n his birthday. Why all of a sudden now after three months he’s offering to help me ?
@@30lacieful it’s a trick and a lie.
Agreed. Don't seek revenge. I have problem that some of my camera gear is at her flat. Almost 4 months later I want to get it back, but I dont want to deal with the drama.
To make matters worse, letters for her are still being delivered to my house. Smh.
Thank you HG
It all really has to do with Predator VS Prey Doesn't it?
When leaving after separating his and her items with lawyers present and movers had left to deliver my items to my house...ex stood in driveway waiting for me to say something to him as I back out of his driveway. Often I tell friends.."What do you think I told him as I was leaving??" Of course they want to know... I tell them..."Not a d**n thing...he wasnt worth my time to piss on...much less to say goodbye to"..
All he said to me on very regular basis over the past 12months was “you are Lucky” and “ you are sensible”. I did not feel lucky and I had to be sensible someone had to be. Sad role I played just a Volunteer PA or Slave only good enough to wash his clothes pay the bills and business needs. While he sat with the SOD of Retired self employed auto restorer.
FEEL point blank. They hate you can, and they SURVIVE by means of needing to witness it, as they cannot!
Emotional suicide has become so appealing! You answer all the "whys".
Thank you HG. Prego!
Not being a azz or anything I could careless about the closure, yeah I did the discard big deal, but I've went completely no contact and have gotten stalked etc, but I just went on with my life and later started dating this very nice lady and was just out in about and then there it was WOW lmao she was mad, I didn't try to rub it in her face or anything, I didn't even tell my new girl about this subject or about her seeing us out I figure that the ex wasn't even worth talking about or anything,but OMG I was LMFAO inside when she saw me with someone so much better 🤣 no revenge is the best revenge.blank
I think what eventually happens is that people start to see these people's drama & ratioinal people will all try to stay away. They will only be left with fools & idiots all around. No smart person would want to be anywhere near people like these. They will ultimately be left all alone.
I always thrown all of my ex's stuffs on garbage. Now i see the benefits on always doing something like this 💃
Your comment made me laugh. The way you worded it makes it sound like this is a regular occurrence for you throwing all of your ex's things away as if you had many many exes.
This is really helpful. Thank you
amazing as usual
They are goons. Once you understand what they are it should be easy to ghost them. Sell their shit and dont care about yours. Move on
I know a way to get closure but you have to have the patience of a saint, you won't get it from them, and you need to be well versed in narcissism (due to having one or both parents cluster B and you've been through therapy and detailed study) so know the game and know it well.
Emotional self control is mandatory and excellent problem solving skills (preferably the gifts of a forensic profiler, a superb dot connector) and enhanced intuition...as well as empathy to see things through their eyes and gauge cause and effect on the narc....it's takes a long time and many don't want it that bad. I always can't move on until I get it but in the eyes of the exnarcs + that is exactly what I'd done and did well at life. None of these 5 happen to me because when I know the mask has slipped I KNOW what I have to do. Get away and get all that emotion out by myself somewhere. Then take action! You can't tell anyone what you are doing either...no one (unless you hire some help outside of anyone they know. Personal friends will fall into emotional thinking all to often and not understand your end game so forget it. Not to mention tell on you without even knowing they are sometimes...vent to NO ONE close. Your attitude needs to be every one just needs to mind their own business and it's over. Don't over do happiness or sadness. Gray rock everyone). Then you start a journal that doubles as your evidence book. Everything goes in there , even information that seems irrelevant regarding the narc and his family or constituents. Times and dates are mandatory. Wait for people to talk to you, offer information to you, never discuss him but don't blow them off when they want to tell you something...then change the subject as if you are no longer concerned. The internet is your friend, use it. It's like solving a case and it CAN be done without illegal stalking and sticking to genuine no contact. Eventually, all your daily entries will be able to connect to other entries and a picture will begin forming. It's therapeutic as well as entertaining after the worst of the pain subsides,but emotional intelligence and emotional self control/discipline is mandatory.!!You have to not let any of the narc's moves and countermoves effect your focus , break you, or pull you back in, in any way shape or form, and KNOW that's it's over and not rationalize the horror of the situation or even entertain that you could ever work it out or go back to these types, you can't. It's not an option. They can be got...timing is everything and still being yourself. THis is for closure only and not revenge or to win them back... ;). Huggs out to everyone who has dealt with this level of hell in life. They love me those SOB's! I know I'm not codependent though and this may work in my favor. I have thick skin and a tough streak but I've also known what I've been dealing with since before it went main stream...back in the 90's. HG Tudor is right and on point on everything when it comes to their thinking. The last one was a greater though...whew...biggest ride from hell yet. The Mid-range and lesser will get emotional and slip up and you can connect dots that way but it takes skill when dealing with the highly intelligent types that are self aware.
I would like to tell you how I was able to get over my ex covert. This is very much a whole world but I got some ethical revenge but in a big way by doing exactly what you described.
What if the narc tried to triangulate and bait you to break no contact the entire year him and the new IPPS were together while she moved in with him? What if they both engaged in harassing me with spoof calls from burner numbers and fake accounts ? Why did he never go away and “forget” me and enjoy the golden period with her? Maybe for four weeks max he did and he came back with texts then calls I never broke and it came like clockwork . They scare me! Is she a narc too?
When I ended it with the narc in March, I tossed what he left behind and went no contact. Don't care to know anything else.
Never engage in contacting again. 💀💀💀💀💀😢😢😢😢😢 Cut any emotions towards them. Do not respond l!!!
Lmao ok soi made this mistake but uppn meeting him in the parking lot i happened to have a box with all his crap clothes, hats, any and all photos of us, letters he wrote etc... He didn't want it so i pulledit out of my trunk and just let it remain on the ground of the parking lot within five min a bunch of random homeless ppl or junkies ransacked it and the only thing left was a cpl of photos 😅
Haha! I just pictured that. Too funny, because I would have done the same. I'm really sorry you had to do that though.
Do they ever get back what they do to others?
Yes. They do.
I don’t think so.
No they don't and if they do, they don't/won't ever feel it. Never! Not fair, they dont care
I've wasted soooo many yrs of my life on that fantasy~~trying to forget about it!
Time to Re-Focus, onto the new~~
btw** in Awake-mode I'm ok. Sleep-mode=not ok. Dream-mode=not gonna say
HG, is there a reason as to why my narc ex told me he loved me and missed me and then decides to bring up divorce and cause a conversation that essentially blamed me for his leaving and he has yet to even file for divorce even though he has the resources to do so? This convrrsation took almost a month ago. He hasn't spoken to me since that conversation.
He's yanking your chain. Torturing you is his fav food. This will never, ever change, sadly.
Get off the menu asap! It's the only thing you can do. Sad but true.
@GogoGrrl007 is right... guessing by what he last said to you, it sounds like he is using the threat of divorce to arouse fear and neediness to get you back into his control... I think its called 'hoovering'... if he's using this technique, its because he sees how needy you are... is that true ?..if so, you may need to go NO Contact for good. And the reason he has not spoken to you, is beause he is waiting for the poison to spread inside you... and it is working. How... because your thinking about it seems to be bothering you, and has led to you asking about his intentions here in the comments section of an Ultra Narc... is this helping ?
"What the fuck is closure?" - Eric Cartman
ow owww owwwwww! the dog in the pic is the narc howling at the moon, although i still want him to hoover me lol :D
He got angry I would not see him during covid,he came by uninvited and I said no,he got angry,on Dec 16th did not call me until jan 26( I never called him) called again Feb 26,after that he has been calling once or twice a week for the last 2 months, dropping off flowers twice,I have never returned his call since Dec 16th, Know better,do better!
Yet you tell me to go no contact and I'm talking no contact of forward 6 months but at that is very very very hard to do when you have 4 children together and we have to co parent so So also her new fuel source is another empathic person who has a mental counselor a counselor for youth so she thinks he has all the answers and goes with what he says but actually he has no idea what the h*** is up against and I know for a fact they have argued and fought many times over this last year many times so I just wanted try to figure out how to make sure I don't go down that road anymore and we're done the kids are a huge problem huge huge huge because they're being mentally abused help me please
The only person you can change is yourself.
You cannot change *her*.
It is vital that you carry on seeing your children {For them to be happier}
Can you not just pick up the kids, take them out for the day, then return them to her with minimal contact?
Christmas is always tricky with split up families, but you have to make the best of it.
It is par for the course that poison mothers try to talk down 'Dad'...But show your kids you love them..NOT by buying them things, but by listening to them, doing things with them, Supporting them emotionally.
They will know you love them, and this will help attenuate her bitchy comments about you to them. 👍
P.S. If you have child/ren, it is impossible to go ''No Contact''...
I get on ok with my Ex. Husband now, so am speaking from experience ..The kids must be both of yours priority.
What made me really happy....For the first time ever, my { now adult} child and ex's other {adult} child met up recently and really got on. {Half siblings}
I hope this lasts.
It isn't easy, but focus on the children.
Show your kids a consistent, structured home. Do peiductive things with them. Not just entertainment. Don't ask about your ex.
@@lydiamalone1859 So so so true Lydia!!
No contact... forever! The only way!
I will go grey rock or no contact
OK HG again I message you several times trying to figure out and find out how I can deal with my wife who is a malignant be narcissus mid range so it is because we have 4 children so C keeps that world over my head well plus the kids over my head and the kids don't talk to me because I was proven to be the evil one the edit I'm not I've never done nothing in my life to prove so I it is stow so so struggling because my kids are being brainwashed it is about the children and I don't know what to do
So sorry for your pain. Keep watching ALL the videos, many,many times if needed. All the answers are there.
You might not like these answers, they may go against everything you feel. Seriously, just sit, listen & learn over & over=re/un-brainwash yourself. It took me a very long time to understand how to cope with these 'demons'. ie. I used to 'stick up' for myself & defend the lies, etc. etc. The opposite it true. Sad but true & very hard to do. Stop the fight. Do nothing ...and then...more nothing and then...more nothing. sigh~~
I know its so hard right now, but be cool. Your children will soon grow up, find you and need U(later),
Try your best to be loving, patient & kind as much as you can. As adults, you will have more time to get to know them, hopefully for the rest of your long life. Seriously, chill out for now. There is no 'win' in war.
Sit, listen, learn, get some local professional advice & find all the best help/info you can. Be strong
It's all just so unfair.
Your comment is understandable and the unfairness will never alter. Therefore you need to avoid being involved in any form at all to be exposed to the unfairness.
That's life....it seems to be unfair to all of us, whatever it 'brings' you. Life is for living.
Woof Olliesmydog It sure is unfair and I absolutely love your cute little dog! He's got the same name as my nephew, who I don't know, due to huge narcissism issues in my family and he lives in another country. ❤
I want to heal and move on. But I can’t help feeling that if I stick around “for just a little longer” things might change... his future faking is so good it’s almost believable...
Your Emotional Thinking is high. It has to be because you are still with the narcissist. Your ET is corrupting your empathic traits of decency and the desire to heal and fix so that you remain in place, feeding your addiction and interacting with the narcissist. The narcissist will not change. He will instead future fake your life away. Get Out and Stay Out. If you are in any doubt as to whether your partner is a narcissist, take the narc detector, then you know for sure and can make an informed decision. narcsite.com/narc-detector-2/
*They won't change!!!!!!!!*
I read a book called ''Women who love too much''....It really helped.
You *Won't* change him. No one can change another, only themselves.
Cut free! Only then can you heal.
You can do it.
Trust me..their future faking is all part of the plan to keep you needing them!
If an empath asks for closure isnt he just hoovering the Narcissist to respond just like the narc does to get the Empath sucked back into the life of the narc..??
Right!
Hello HG! What can you tell us about a narcissist in his last times of terminal illness? About if his supplies starts to fall apart, and when he feels that he loses his power in certain different ways. It cannot feel good, even and foremost for a narcissistic man. What is your expert-opinion?
I remember the Frank and Nancy Sinatra song “Something Stupid”
Critical thinking and logic is key, and not emotional thinking. Funny (in a sardonic sense) that once this is realized, the fuel source is gone. Thank you for your videos. It's good to see people learning from the truth.
You can keep items with their DNA for later use!!
My exnarc bf will never contact me again as I did the hoovering and got on his last nerve.😊
he was not a narc... I suspect that you were just punishing him for some minor indiscretion... you may want to look at your expectations as the source of the problem.
1. Breathing
2. Doing what I want, instead of what he wants
3. Not working hard enough, and fast enough 24/7
4. Mentioning to others in front of him,
what he did. He seemed gobsmacked I would do that
5. Saying no
My narc threatened suicide I took the matter seriously and tried to reason with him. The third time he threatened suicide he stated he would shoot himself, but then in his next breathe changed it to cutting his wrists in the shower. I knew straight away he had changed how he would kill himself because I knew he didn't own a gun, this showed he was calculating.
Once I got away from him I reasoned he needed some Police attention and called the cops, he did not like that, but suicide isn't mentioned anymore.
I never do anything wrong 🤥
Now, you can stop mirroring me.
Hahaha!
😄
🤣
😂😂😂
I believe I did fall into that trap at the end of The Break-Up when I was packing to move out Mr norky's grandson died of a drug overdose at the age of 18 I recently found the anger and the Justice to use that situation to prove to the narky that his behaviors did not go unpunished. Thankfully he did not answer the phone I was able to make the statement that yes there is a God that punishes for narcissistic abuse. There is karma that is created by abusing a woman with a disability that will he was fully aware of. The karma and the consequence was in the loss of his eighteen-year-old grandson and had he been a better man he would still have a grandson. It didn't feel cruel it didn't feel hateful it felt as if the grade was given for a failure to be human to a narcissist who has damaged not only me but to a whole wake of women. You would think mr. Narky would have figured it out when his last wife took him for almost a million dollars. And I had nothing to give him no money no resources just time kindness affection and love and he beat me down to the point of making a suicide attempt.
I only want the closure of their casket...
I totally understand that statement for sure. When my narcissist mother died all I felt was utter relief. No longer could that woman hurt me or mine.
I made one mistake then I just kept making more even when I started catching on and thus beginning to speculate just how sorry I was going to be... the giveaway was the brows.
If those browse raised in that
"Well, well, well, look at you... you think so?"
*gulp as the urge to be understood intensifies*
Thinking to myself
"Just. You. Shut. Your. Mourh."
Out loud
"... I just think it's funny ...'
How do I get in touch with you for a personal session?
If you want closure dump them first drop them like a bad habit
what is the difference between a narcissist and someone who just wants your life insurance and your money and social welfare care money for a sick person in the household that do not exists but it is you - maybe there are only criminals and no narcs ......
Read up on Anti-social personality disorder (ACPD). Sociopaths engage in criminal activities and breaking the law is a character trait of someone with ACPD. It is also in the cluster b personality disorders with NPD.
Hannibal Lector of the vampires. Vampire consultant.
Well my Dad taught me well lm my dads favorite child out of five kids lol
I don't get it: if you're a psychopathic narcissist, how are you able to so clearly lay down how to thwart narcissists? It can't purely be in order to make money... Is it a grandiose way of demonstrating that you are supremely aware in comparison to most narcissists? Possibly the gratification of likes & views? Hmmm...
You need to listen to that song again....its SAYING something stupid
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I felt ill before listening to this video but as I listened I felt hatred and disgust ...that you're calling it five mistakes on the 'victims' part and explaining all the NPD behaviour as if it makes perfect sense.
They are mistakes because they lead to problems for you, or did you struggle to understand that?
It all does make perfect sense to him because he's a narcissist. It's nauseating to you because you are not. If and when u are able to remove your emotions from that fact, you could find his perspective helpful - meaning you understand how they think and operate... Which in turn, will help give you a shield of protection thru knowledge. Then when you find yourself tangled up with one - you will know how to deal with it accordingly.
Aka - what NOT to do.
Don't take any of it personal - it's not about you. At all.
Saying this with pure empathy btw lol
Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t know what you were tangling w prior. You do now w HG’s education. Best revenge is to go live your life !
He's being facetious!
How about just don't fuck with them. You'll end up insane and they ho on doing what they do
Please explain “character traits” in a video.
It will be explained.
@@hgtudor-theultra I'm looking forward to it too. Becoz that is wat made me sense t difference in mirror, a obviously mid range w possibly w another IPSS forgot my traits and was mirroring another person