When you mentioned the chasm I said, "Yes!". My ex hated being alone with his own thoughts and avoided it at all costs. He mowed his lawn twice a week, kept his vehicles/ home spotless and meticulously serviced, maintained a perfect credit score, dressed well, went to the doctor/dentist for checkups religiously, and he spent every spare moment in between browsing social media on his tablet while simultaneously watching television. All in a desperate attempt to distract himself from the unease lurking just below the surface.
Being sad or depressed really sucks, but I'm glad I can feel happiness, joy and love. It might be a rollercoaster of emotions but at least I'm not missing out on the ride.
I think the point of the information being provided is to help victims of narcissistic behavior... rather than to pity. If you are a victim, just take the education to identify and abstain from these types.
If I had known that I attract narcissists they way I do, I would have never married. I've been single 32 years now and hope to live long enough to celebrate 50 years of being a single woman away from a narcissist!
You did confirm something that I'd noticed and suspected with my narc - that she doesn't ever seem to feel sadness, and she doesn't understand or care when I feel sad either. I've always found this particularly notable and difficult. She gets angry - her version of sadness is to say she's pissed off, but that to me is not the same thing at all. It's like someone who's operating with a very limited palette of colours. We have a colour for sadness, but she doesn't, so she has to use the one that is closest to that, which is anger.
Never have I been so happy to say I'm proud I was an emotional mess. Although sadness, pain n grieving sucks... I can feel happiness, kindness and care for others n myself, I can feel joyous, euphoria, I can laugh a real laugh, I love to hear about others success, I feel remorse, and I'm HUMAN!!! HAPPY and CONTENT TO BE HUMAN! Thank you HG. YOU HAVE SAVED ME FROM NARCS AND MYSELF.
Mine told me he can't feel joy.. and that he liked being around my energy. If I only knew then what I now know. He 'appeared' 'happy' when he bought something for himself or was about money gain. He suffered from depression.. got very low.. was very insecure.. then would flip and become arrogant. He was empty - void - it was always about image. He would even mimic characters on TV or in the movies - even saying the same lines.. He was all fake - a fake human being.
All of this explains one of the reasons why there’s always so much chaos in most narcissist’s lives. Never being content, always having to keep the construct intact with glue & character traits, constantly needing more, replacing, adding to, & fixing them, and the construct is forever fluid, changing, moving to fit their needs. It equals chaos for many, & constant rebuilding, but this is normal for most of them, the unaware ones - its’s very much like a black hole.
Yup. Not only are they incapable of being happy, but I’ve had narc family, friends, etc actually get frustrated with me because I was happy FOR THEM! THEY got good news or accomplished something and I was genuinely happy for them. And they would try to start a fight or devalue me for it. I’m assuming they really wanted me to feel jealous. And I didn’t, so they took that as a threat.
I beg to differ, narcs can't feel happiness, relief & satisfaction, so first, this forces them to fake feeling good, then they need to prove you can't impose this on them & control them.
I can not imagine waking up unhappy every single day & not being able to be actually happy or content. What a sad thing. That void will never be filled. 😞 Sad.
Believe or not, but I do understand how you might be feeling. I also grew up on my own and used my own resources to achieve what I have today. I also enjoy my own company, being alone without feeling lonely. But I feel deeply for others, their pain, as I can relate. I also feel a lot of regret, remorse. But in some matters I don't and that can shock people, so I don't share anymore. I find it useful listening to your experiences, as I think I could learn a lot. It's true that remorse is pointless and I find it destructive. 💙
My narcissist ex’s “happiness” was “I win.” Against people at work, against the waitperson, against a grocery store cart, his shoe, the lawnmower...whatever. But usually against his most recent ex. Sometimes his first wife, too. I’d do something he thought was adorable or “better” than the exes; he’d exclaim “I win!!” I feel like an idiot for admitting this, but it took me way too long to figure out that it very much wasn’t a compliment. .
Being “married “ to a malignant narcissist alcoholic ex I can only describe it as being trapped in a nightmare with a self serving malevolent destructive robot and you are his target
Alcoholics (and other types of addicts) have a split mind, one half of their mind in connected to their mouth and the other half of their mind is connected to their hands. With their month they will say all the right things about how they are going to straighten out their life but at the very same time their hands will get hold of any money and pour booze down their throat. You can't believe anything they say, you never find out the truth about how much they drink and how many different people they owe money to.
My wife is an alcoholic and doesn't take any responsibility for her actions. After 18 years getting a divorce could not understand why she liked to row and change her own story, narrative. It's been 8 months since we separated. Getting my mind back
@@liberty8463 congratulations on your divorce. I too am recently divorced from an abusive narcissist (is that redundant?😂).I know how great it feels to get YOUR mind back. Divorce was just finalize but been living in a totally different city for 2 years now almost to the day LOL.
"I'm so sorry for what I've done" Or in my mom's case, "I'm so sorry for whatever it is you think I've done" Never, never a specific reason. Never a sincere apology.
This is so spot on. ANY sign of emotion is seen as weak. I remember once when I was overwhelmed with happiness about something that I cried- my ex husband (with a TOTALLY serious, straight face) stopped me and said “If you’re happy, why are you crying?”. 😳
It's those little comments, that give them away. Everything HD tutor is talking about I have noticed with my in-law, but never had words for it. I looked it up and I started to get my own vocabulary to how to understand and survive within her presence. Remarkably I came to my own conclusion years ago, that I could not ever be around her. I wasn't going to divorce my husband who is a normal because his family member was a narcissist. We've managed since then.
I told my Narc mother that I would appreciate her going to counselling with me. She's spat out an angry "There's nothing wrong with me". I told her she needs to apologize to me for destroying my childhood. Also, she needed to hold herself accountable". Again she spat "I have done nothing to apologize for and accountability to whom?" I give up!
I went to therapy because I had so much pain from getting no emotional love from my mother. She was not one to show physical love or emotional love. One day, for no reason she decided to put her arms around me and try and hold me in her arms to give me a hug. I froze and went emotionally numb. I felt great discomfort when she put her arms around me. I stiffened up, and couldn't feel comfortable or hug her back. I didn't feel loved by her and spent my life trying to get her love by catering to her. This was such a strange response from me. I asked her if she noticed how I stiffened up when she hugged me. She shook her head yes. I said, well that isn't a normal response for a child to have when their parent hugs them. I told her that I have always been very frustrated by our relationship. I told her that I needed to get help with this and would go to therapy. I did go to therapy but it made things worse between us. I finally gave up trying to get my mother to feel love toward me, or express her feelings. I realized that she was totally uncomfortable with her feelings and would do anything to avoid feeling emotions. I already knew from living with her that she was never accountable for her choices. She was totally selfish. She was always right (in her mind) so she never had any need to apologize for anything. She thought of herself as superior to others. She was a genius, and very proud of her intellect. In her day, she was a great natural beauty. She had flawless skin, thick shiny full-bodied wavy hair, and a waist that looked like she was wearing a tightly pulled corset. My relationship with her was the most painful of my life. Before she died, she told me that she knew that she had failed me. From her, this was huge. Even then she turned her failure to give me what I had needed from her as my mother to almost be my fault. She said you needed one of those nurturing mothers. Followed up by a dry statement of fact, that's not me. I felt like saying no sh_t! She had been dying from a rapid, late-onset MS. She lost control of her body and could barely speak. It took a great deal out of her to utter a few words in a slow, soft, weak voice. I was grateful that she spoke these words to me before she passed.
I said something to my husband about people who are hurting and he asked me what I meant by "hurting." I knew he felt no empathy, sympathy, or compassion for me or others who were having a tough time, but that was the first time he admitted it.
I often wish I could feel less guilt & empathy, too much of anything is bad, when there’s no balance. But one consolation is that not having any would be so much worse.
It’s exhausting to be a narcissist, on my opinion. They are always, always manipulating and constantly lying 🤥. I have a sister like that. Every time I speak with her it’s like a constant guarding to see where the lies and deceit will be coming from that day. The I’m sorry , it’s my fault, didn’t meant to hurt you , have NEVER come out of her mouth. Amazing
I'm 26 years and finally out. Unfortunately he caused me to have a breakdown in front of the police and now I'm in trouble. Pray 🙏 for me to get my charges dropped. Couldn't leave early because he would do whatever he could to make sure that I wouldn't make it. I guess that I'm lucky that he finally wanted to get rid of me! I'm too argumentive! Now he is telling anyone that will listen to him that I'm crazy and need mental health!
This is my Mother: Selfish, searching for pity, getting happiness from objects, stealing when she could, & spreading lies. She felt she would come & live with me. No! I closed that door!
I had a mother just like that. She died at the age of 69 alone in the ER. All I felt was relief. Relief it was finally over. No longer could that woman, who my sister's and I called "The Mother" and a few other choice words depending on the offense and the general attitude of the day, hurt me, interfere with my life or the lives of my children. I've never shed even 1 tear over her death and doubt I ever will. I knew she wasn't right but never knew exactly what it was till I went to nursing school and then worked in a psych unit of a major city jail. I asked my Aunt 1 day (this aunt is my dad's sister so no relation to The Mother except for a victim) how could 2 ppl, such as my maternal grandparents, who were the best grandparents I could ever have asked for, produce such an evil vial offspring and her reply to me was have you ever seen the movie The Bad Seed? Well, actually I had but never made the connection. *Side note This woman was an only child. I've often wondered why my grandparents didn't have any more and have come to the conclusion that she must have been horrible as a child and they were afraid another 1 would be the same.
I love all your videos because I feel like I’m going straight to the source to get honest insight into how my ex narc felt and thought. He has tried to Hoover me several times this year. I implemented no contact since Jan 1st. He actually tried again yesterday as I was listening to one of your videos and it helped me to not answer the Hoover. So thank you for your honesty and transparency in your videos. You are a blessing to me!!
@@hgtudor-theultra Love It!! I'm sure you are a smooth & slick force to be reckoned with. I would definitely run for the Hills! LOL thanks again HG!! Keep em Coming. I'm loving ya all the way from Knoxville, TN!!
When I discovered my ex-narcissist had a girlfriend for the first six months after being with me I asked him if he felt guilty or bad, his response; “No, I didn’t until you just mentioned it” 😱 He definitely didn’t exhibit happiness, in fact I had more fun by myself than with him! He was a master at acting sad and self pity! I’m so glad I kicked him to the curb, changed my phone number and blocked him from ALL social media and all avenues of contact.
This is one of the best videos of yours I’ve seen. And makes me think that your knowledge of yourself is incredibly high. Most of the time the “normal” or “empathic” people do not know themselves so well. Often we do not know deeply why we behave in a certain way. Life is not a straight road and there is no such thing as being always right or always wrong. But knowing ourselves is the strongest power. And higher aim. Thank you
It makes me happy or satisfied to know that the narcissists in my life experience Impending doom or an unsettled feeling when their fuel gets low. Does this make me a narcissist? My mother-in-law narc never likes emotion. She needs EVERYONE to say "EVERYTHING IS GREAT" anytime someone says they're sad or even they're really happy she'll knock them down. She will literally say While looking me straight in the face, "Just say everything's great!" She has said this several times to me directly.
I also have never seen a narc experience panic. In the most traumatic situations she was as cold and aloof as a statue. One time on the phone she was describing a friend's suicide, and it was so shallow, so empty. She might as well have been giving a weather report...creepy.
Thank you for your candid truthfulness about these 7 things a MARC does not feel👊🏻! I have been apart from a Narcissist fir 3 years now, after being married to him fir 40 years😢! It has given me even more mental and emotional freedom to understand these emotions that Narcs do not feel. That is the main reason us Empaths stay so turbulent within our own minds when we leave a Marc, or become discarded. We imagine all these negative emotions are what the Narc is feeling afterwards 😫. How stupid of us!👎🏻! Im benefitting greatly from your revelations concerning Narcissism, which in turn empowers me to put those residual empathic emotions away and move on. Like my father used to say, Never look back at ANYTHING👎🏻. Like a farmer who plows his fields. Should he be constantly looking back, the furrows will be crooked👿😢! Forget, and move on to bigger and better things❤️🥰. Thanks again HG for sharing 😉
The narcissist has no power.....over himself.....to give, live, or love unselfishly. He is in a prison of constant manipulation that he takes to the grave. He is the Lord of the Flies.
I am happy for those who feel anger or rage all the time and aren’t aware of it because if you feel it constantly I think they will not live their life very long! 🥴 I myself can be very angry sometimes but after a day or two the anger is sucking the life out of me and then the feeling and the need to get back to normal takes overhand! I think that’s most humans inner survival mode! Thank God for that 😬
The loathing isn't self loathing. They loathe you, and anyone else who gets away. They loathe your happiness, even as they serve it up to you on a platter.
There are many questions. The last stuff he was talking about (loneliness) . I have lived like him in that respect; taking care of myself, always alone and not being lonely. All of it. Yet I am here because of trying to learn about my narc. Nothing else is really me in the category of narcissism, I spent 40 years trying to cope with the narc, all my tears and time spent chewing on why why why. I do know NOW but not then. I have really changed inside from all the knowledge that I have gleaned, so much joy has replaced the turmoil. Yes CHRIST JESUS has been there all along with me and maybe that is why I seem like a lone wolf. You’d never know it by the way I love to meet and be around people, but when it’s time to part I am just as happy to be alone again. I relish the alone time ❤️
The loneliness part caught my attention....I am listening to your vids to gain a greater insights about my sister, she has of course created the entire distancing situation herself, she has alienated almost everyone from her life but she seems to be very unhappy and sad about the situation, mentioning she can't talk to anyone; hearing your insights about inability to feel sadness or loneliness is so interesting...
Excellent insight. I look into my rearview mirror and see all of this. Feeling conflict within myself in absorbing your tutelage, I fluctuate between epiphany and despair. The epiphany is wonderful; the despair is all too painful. I also feel shame for not caring for myself more. I remember once when I wasn’t feeling well, I didn’t greet him at the door as I had for over 18 years, when he came home from work. But I did have dinner ready, as per usual. I thought it was a sweet moment when he loaded his plate, brought it into our bedroom, knelt by the bed, and proceeded to eat in my company. The appreciation dissolved after I asked him something about needing quiet because I wasn’t feeling well, and was that OK, when he replied with just one word. “No.”
A busy person can have much to do and be surrounded by people and yet feel lonely. I accept what you say HG about what you don't feel- it's fascinating. Thank you
Thank you. I found this particularly helpful. There is a narcissist in my life who has expressed a great deal of what they no doubt believe to be genuine sadness. Understanding that the mid-range experiences self-pity. But this is the only form of sadness they experience and thus think that that’s the whole of the emotion makes a great deal of sense out of that situation.
All I can say is THANK YOU HG. You have taught and continually to teach me something new every day. Knowledge is power and you have given me sooooo much power to deal with and handle my narc mother. Much fuel to you, Our Glorious Narrator
Awk there's a sad coldness to narcissists, I can't honestly imagine living like that, like they find supply from grief 😔. We all have different needs to be fulfilled in life. I just want peace and calm, no more chaos X
dear Mr. Tudor...unable to sleep, apparently addicted to the tones of your voice, I bumped into this video and the Myth of Icarus comes to mind applicable for empath and narcissist. In the all to brief time I have been listening, perhaps this conclusion is shortsighted, but I suggest we contain both attributes in varying degrees depending on who we meet, work with or are born to. Do not deride the narcissist for all you claim you/they lack and do not feel; it takes enormous courage to live with wax wings and fly straight into the eye of the Sun....sleep well dear Prince, rs.
Narcs are a very complex creature but all are similar which makes it somewhat easier to figure them out! It just takes time! Something most of us don't have a lot of!
Listening to you ,I am criying right now ,I feel like I have been robed all my life. I longed so much to understand how he felt ,when he was playing those games with me. I ended up thinking I was the one with problem. I feel bad when I do wrong to anyone and I am able to apologize I was made to apologize for things I was sure I did not do. And I worked so hard to try to make them see who is wrong. It never worked.
Actually maybe you should say you feel fueled today... or whatever day... This totally brings back some memories... pay attention when someone throws around the word 'happy' mine was obsessed with this and would always say 'are you happy now' after what I thought was a nice time together as those were few and far between because I was always triangulated with others (friends, family, electronics, his phone...) someone with the emotional maturity of a 2 year old cant possibly connect with anyone on any real level! Drop it like a hot rock people!
I believe I grasp viewing your kind through my lens. I can wrap my mind around that fairly easily. What I struggle to understand is how you know what “guilty” feels like to begin to mimic or display in appropriate interactions. I think of this like trying to describe the taste of chocolate? So it’s not that you feel and choose to not acknowledge, correct? It’s just not there? Honestly, there are times when I wish I didn’t feel every damn thing I interact with, be it man or beast. It’s exhausting. Your not dealing with that sounds like a breather, but I’d not want it that way always. I keep listening because every time I do, I pick up a better understanding both of myself and the narcs in my life, past or present.
The narcs do feel something. They feel paranoia 24/7. I know because my ex girlfriend was paranoid about everything which boosted her jealousy n insecurities beyond this universe.
As soon as this interesting video ends I am moving onto the one you just suggested HG: something about envy which I have felt from my older cousin and perhaps the lifelong ex friend I also had to kick out recently when I woke up. Thanks, more than ready to check it out.
You seem to have the most disdain for the mid-rangers. Having one in my life now and also a myriad of knuckle-dragging lessers in my past (was “raised” by 2 of them unfortunately), I have to say that the mid-ranger is the slimiest and most pathetic of them all. Thank you for the the enlightenment and clarity your channel has provided me.
U r such a mere shadow of a real person. How unfortunate for u to never have the these feelings as part of ur life. U have missed out greatly and do not even realize it. Very sad.
Listening to this, I realize now why I’ve been lucky and not had any narcissists in my life. If there’s a major flaw I have it’s my incredibly short attention span for boredom. I suspect narcissists are quite boring emotionally. They’re probably capable of providing intellectual stimulation but are stunted from an emotional and spiritual sense and I (by pure chance) never permitted one to hook me.
Although HG says that narcs do not feel lonely the 2 narcs I had relationships with never liked being alone, did not enjoy their own company. If they found themselves alone at any time they either got on the phone or went out to find people to be with. Both are extreme extroverts who think that everyone loves them
Thank you for sharing your experience and information. Funny remark : You got me curious as to how a narcissist or psychopath would react to the influence of an xtc tablet. Especially xtc, because it has that characteristic of making people 'happy' and 'joyful'...
My narcissist has said before that he doesn't think he's ever been happy, but he is always saying he is lonely or was lonely. So saying he's lonely is just to get sympathy/attention/fuel; that one blew me out of the water, because it never crossed my mind.
"I'm so lonely...I'm so ronery"...that makes me giggle. But as someone with an empathic nature, though I am appalled at the list of emotions the narcissist cannot feel nor experience, I can't help feeling some sort of relief that the narcissist doesn't feel lonely. Of course, why would a narcissist even experience loneliness when they make sure to work on surrounding themselves with ample narc supply? They don't and I bet, won't give it the time of day. Their restlessness and inability to be content keeps them too busy to be what we call "lonely"... I guess the "howling emptiness" or "abyss" H.G. Tudor mentions, is what their kind dread. I wonder if that is some sort of equivalent of what human loneliness could be, which I can safely assume, most humans avoid. So, while a Narc works 24/7 for their supply, regular people ought to work just as hard to find what makes them whole...joy, happiness, peace, contentment. Look forward to that, not backwards to what happened, just like they do in their way...
Thank you H.G. You’ve given me so many tools to work with in my world. And I love your voice. The inflection reminds me of Rupert Everett. Thanks again for all the enlightenment
Among the many red flags during my 'situationship' with a malignant grandious narcisssist was the time he showed zero sadness or emotion of any kind after we watched a heartbreaking movie about child sex trafficking. That day I knew something was very very wrong.
Hey HG !, thank you to the greatest extend for especially this video ! - in a certain way it is " the most important and key one" for all empathic individuals and especially those who have become prey and victim to a narcissist (and other of the cluster-b range) and those who will in the future. I can not state that enough ! - of course all of your work is greately appreciated and mighty important and as you correctly claim: it is unrivaled and will create a legacy ! - and I as an empath can testify that this is a factual and founded statement and not based on "grandiosity". Appreciate your work to the utmost - I will follow up with more comments and questions.
You must be a Very interesting person! Never bored or lonely tells me that!!! And time is irrelevant in a loving happy place❤️. When you get along with yourself and keep occupied time does slip away. You must be one of the rare individuals that are perfectly balanced and in tune with true life. Cheers, I wish there were more like you🥰🌸💪🏻🥂
If u tapped in hacked ur neuro network u could feel those emotions. It takes time however the brain being neuroplatic absolutely has rhw ability to change heal create dendrites associated with those thoughts feelings you don't have and which make someone Narsisistic. Along with an attempt at surrender to tap into the supernatural aspect of healing. Its pretty profound. Feel bad for people who are so deep sad inside like you who feel change is impossible amd that u dont want it because u have never tasted it. When u taste true joy and peace amd surrender power its an addiction you can't comprehend
This is so satisfying. After finally understanding what the hell was wrong with her I now understand that condescending, contemptuos piece of work better than she understands herself. She probably doesn't have a clue she's a narcissist. Not smart enough. She's a baby in a grown up body with half a century's worth of training in blame shifting, projection and all the other machinations she calls insecurity due to previous trauma. Thank you!
The crazy thing is I can relate to all of these feelings. I wonder if that's what makes me a super empath. Esp Hg saying all his life he's had to look out for himself. I love my independence but I realize that I have an unnaturally overly self reliant way of existing.
Their sorry really means, "I'm sorry that I got caught."
M
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ja hahaha!!
He told me those exact words... if we listen to them carefully.. We would know all their deepest secrets.. because they can't keep anything bottle up.
1. Remorse
2. Happiness
3.Sad
4.Joy
5.Contentment
6.Guilt
7.Lonely
So basically they have no feelings
When you mentioned the chasm I said, "Yes!". My ex hated being alone with his own thoughts and avoided it at all costs. He mowed his lawn twice a week, kept his vehicles/ home spotless and meticulously serviced, maintained a perfect credit score, dressed well, went to the doctor/dentist for checkups religiously, and he spent every spare moment in between browsing social media on his tablet while simultaneously watching television. All in a desperate attempt to distract himself from the unease lurking just below the surface.
Being sad or depressed really sucks, but I'm glad I can feel happiness, joy and love. It might be a rollercoaster of emotions but at least I'm not missing out on the ride.
I think the point of the information being provided is to help victims of narcissistic behavior... rather than to pity. If you are a victim, just take the education to identify and abstain from these types.
Yesss!! I agree. And the greatest of these is LOVE!!
You are alive man that's the point
The Vegan, yes. Feeling sadness is an indication that you are human, imo.
I wish I knew this 50 years ago before I got married - it would have explained a great deal !! Brilliant series.
Same here! Wish I had lived those years with someone else.
If I had known that I attract narcissists they way I do, I would have never married. I've been single 32 years now and hope to live long enough to celebrate 50 years of being a single woman away from a narcissist!
Me too only it’s been 40 years with a narc. I used to think it was my fault. I wish I knew !
Me too
Same here. I turned down a gorgeous man with a more normal personality for that tormentor.
You did confirm something that I'd noticed and suspected with my narc - that she doesn't ever seem to feel sadness, and she doesn't understand or care when I feel sad either. I've always found this particularly notable and difficult. She gets angry - her version of sadness is to say she's pissed off, but that to me is not the same thing at all. It's like someone who's operating with a very limited palette of colours. We have a colour for sadness, but she doesn't, so she has to use the one that is closest to that, which is anger.
Never have I been so happy to say I'm proud I was an emotional mess.
Although sadness, pain n grieving sucks... I can feel happiness, kindness and care for others n myself, I can feel joyous, euphoria, I can laugh a real laugh, I love to hear about others success, I feel remorse, and I'm HUMAN!!!
HAPPY and CONTENT TO BE HUMAN!
Thank you HG.
YOU HAVE SAVED ME FROM NARCS AND MYSELF.
Mine told me he can't feel joy.. and that he liked being around my energy. If I only knew then what I now know. He 'appeared' 'happy' when he bought something for himself or was about money gain. He suffered from depression.. got very low.. was very insecure.. then would flip and become arrogant. He was empty - void - it was always about image. He would even mimic characters on TV or in the movies - even saying the same lines.. He was all fake - a fake human being.
All of this explains one of the reasons why there’s always so much chaos in most narcissist’s lives. Never being content, always having to keep the construct intact with glue & character traits, constantly needing more, replacing, adding to, & fixing them, and the construct is forever fluid, changing, moving to fit their needs. It equals chaos for many, & constant rebuilding, but this is normal for most of them, the unaware ones - its’s very much like a black hole.
Yup. Not only are they incapable of being happy, but I’ve had narc family, friends, etc actually get frustrated with me because I was happy FOR THEM!
THEY got good news or accomplished something and I was genuinely happy for them. And they would try to start a fight or devalue me for it. I’m assuming they really wanted me to feel jealous. And I didn’t, so they took that as a threat.
The most envious people ever 😂😆 wow
yes, they are beyond nuts!
I beg to differ, narcs can't feel happiness, relief & satisfaction, so first, this forces them to fake feeling good, then they need to prove you can't impose this on them & control them.
They wake up every morning unhappy….. they only laugh when they think they humiliated you
I can not imagine waking up unhappy every single day & not being able to be actually happy or content. What a sad thing. That void will never be filled. 😞 Sad.
This has made me feel better about distancing myself from certain people. However, they're good at making you feel guilty.
Believe or not, but I do understand how you might be feeling. I also grew up on my own and used my own resources to achieve what I have today. I also enjoy my own company, being alone without feeling lonely. But I feel deeply for others, their pain, as I can relate. I also feel a lot of regret, remorse. But in some matters I don't and that can shock people, so I don't share anymore. I find it useful listening to your experiences, as I think I could learn a lot. It's true that remorse is pointless and I find it destructive. 💙
Eloquent. Enlightening. Educational.
From observing my NPD husband, I would add compassion, altruism, and personal responsibility (the urge to act in a morally upright/responsible way).
My narcissist ex’s “happiness” was “I win.” Against people at work, against the waitperson, against a grocery store cart, his shoe, the lawnmower...whatever. But usually against his most recent ex. Sometimes his first wife, too.
I’d do something he thought was adorable or “better” than the exes; he’d exclaim “I win!!” I feel like an idiot for admitting this, but it took me way too long to figure out that it very much wasn’t a compliment. .
A relief to get rid of a narcissist and it takes a long time to get over the damage they do to you.
Being “married “ to a malignant narcissist alcoholic ex I can only describe it as being trapped in a nightmare with a self serving malevolent destructive robot and you are his target
Alcoholics (and other types of addicts) have a split mind, one half of their mind in connected to their mouth and the other half of their mind is connected to their hands. With their month they will say all the right things about how they are going to straighten out their life but at the very same time their hands will get hold of any money and pour booze down their throat. You can't believe anything they say, you never find out the truth about how much they drink and how many different people they owe money to.
My wife is an alcoholic and doesn't take any responsibility for her actions. After 18 years getting a divorce could not understand why she liked to row and change her own story, narrative. It's been 8 months since we separated. Getting my mind back
Or god poor you
@@liberty8463 congratulations on your divorce. I too am recently divorced from an abusive narcissist (is that redundant?😂).I know how great it feels to get YOUR mind back. Divorce was just finalize but been living in a totally different city for 2 years now almost to the day LOL.
One year of no contact and I sooooooooo don't miss any of this.
"I'm so sorry for what I've done"
Or in my mom's case, "I'm so sorry for whatever it is you think I've done"
Never, never a specific reason. Never a sincere apology.
This is so spot on. ANY sign of emotion is seen as weak. I remember once when I was overwhelmed with happiness about something that I cried- my ex husband (with a TOTALLY serious, straight face) stopped me and said “If you’re happy, why are you crying?”. 😳
It's those little comments, that give them away. Everything HD tutor is talking about I have noticed with my in-law, but never had words for it. I looked it up and I started to get my own vocabulary to how to understand and survive within her presence. Remarkably I came to my own conclusion years ago, that I could not ever be around her. I wasn't going to divorce my husband who is a normal because his family member was a narcissist. We've managed since then.
Exactly. My husband always asked why I was whining..
Oh they feel.. anger, fear, jealousy, hatred.
I told my Narc mother that I would appreciate her going to counselling with me. She's spat out an angry "There's nothing wrong with me". I told her she needs to apologize to me for destroying my childhood. Also, she needed to hold herself accountable". Again she spat "I have done nothing to apologize for and accountability to whom?" I give up!
I went to therapy because I had so much pain from getting no emotional love from my mother. She was not one to show physical love or emotional love. One day, for no reason she decided to put her arms around me and try and hold me in her arms to give me a hug. I froze and went emotionally numb. I felt great discomfort when she put her arms around me. I stiffened up, and couldn't feel comfortable or hug her back. I didn't feel loved by her and spent my life trying to get her love by catering to her. This was such a strange response from me. I asked her if she noticed how I stiffened up when she hugged me. She shook her head yes. I said, well that isn't a normal response for a child to have when their parent hugs them. I told her that I have always been very frustrated by our relationship. I told her that I needed to get help with this and would go to therapy. I did go to therapy but it made things worse between us. I finally gave up trying to get my mother to feel love toward me, or express her feelings. I realized that she was totally uncomfortable with her feelings and would do anything to avoid feeling emotions.
I already knew from living with her that she was never accountable for her choices. She was totally selfish. She was always right (in her mind) so she never had any need to apologize for anything. She thought of herself as superior to others. She was a genius, and very proud of her intellect. In her day, she was a great natural beauty. She had flawless skin, thick shiny full-bodied wavy hair, and a waist that looked like she was wearing a tightly pulled corset. My relationship with her was the most painful of my life.
Before she died, she told me that she knew that she had failed me. From her, this was huge. Even then she turned her failure to give me what I had needed from her as my mother to almost be my fault. She said you needed one of those nurturing mothers. Followed up by a dry statement of fact, that's not me. I felt like saying no sh_t! She had been dying from a rapid, late-onset MS. She lost control of her body and could barely speak. It took a great deal out of her to utter a few words in a slow, soft, weak voice. I was grateful that she spoke these words to me before she passed.
Sounds just right. Walk away and never look back.
I said something to my husband about people who are hurting and he asked me what I meant by "hurting." I knew he felt no empathy, sympathy, or compassion for me or others who were having a tough time, but that was the first time he admitted it.
I often wish I could feel less guilt & empathy, too much of anything is bad, when there’s no balance. But one consolation is that not having any would be so much worse.
Love it “we don’t do happy “ man is that not the truth ! Trying to be upbeat around and for a Narcissist sucks the life out of you !
It’s exhausting to be a narcissist, on my opinion. They are always, always manipulating and constantly lying 🤥. I have a sister like that.
Every time I speak with her it’s like a constant guarding to see where the lies and deceit will be coming from that day.
The I’m sorry , it’s my fault, didn’t meant to hurt you , have NEVER come out of her mouth. Amazing
My Narc husband said the strangest things when people we knew, died! 👹🔥
Important to know we shouldn’t impose our feelings on other people and presume they feel them. I think that’s where the narcissist gets the big win.
🎯
All 7 describes my soon to be ex. He has actually stated that he feels no remorse, no guilt, no shame and no fear.
My ex belittles the very idea of guilt or shame. He doesn't even understand the word "remorse."
@@northofyou33 if he doesn’t have empathy, he wouldn’t. Scary isn’t it.
THIS DESCRIBES MY LOVED ONE TO A "T".....IT IS FRIGHTENING!!! I HAVE BEEN UNDER THEIR CONTROL ALMOST 25 YEARS!!!! I AM FREE!!! KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!!!
I'm 26 years and finally out. Unfortunately he caused me to have a breakdown in front of the police and now I'm in trouble. Pray 🙏 for me to get my charges dropped. Couldn't leave early because he would do whatever he could to make sure that I wouldn't make it. I guess that I'm lucky that he finally wanted to get rid of me! I'm too argumentive! Now he is telling anyone that will listen to him that I'm crazy and need mental health!
This is my Mother: Selfish, searching for pity, getting happiness from objects, stealing when she could, & spreading lies. She felt she would come & live with me. No! I closed that door!
I had a mother just like that. She died at the age of 69 alone in the ER. All I felt was relief. Relief it was finally over. No longer could that woman,
who my sister's and I called "The Mother" and a few other choice words depending on the offense and the general attitude of the day, hurt me, interfere with my life or the lives of my children. I've never shed even 1 tear over her death and doubt I ever will. I knew she wasn't right but never knew exactly what it was till I went to nursing school and then worked in a psych unit of a major city jail. I asked my Aunt 1 day (this aunt is my dad's sister so no relation to The Mother except for a victim) how could 2 ppl, such as my maternal grandparents, who were the best grandparents I could ever have asked for, produce such an evil vial offspring and her reply to me was have you ever seen the movie The Bad Seed? Well, actually I had but never made the connection.
*Side note This woman was an only child. I've often wondered why my grandparents didn't have any more and have come to the conclusion that she must have been horrible as a child and they were afraid another 1 would be the same.
I love all your videos because I feel like I’m going straight to the source to get honest insight into how my ex narc felt and thought. He has tried to Hoover me several times this year. I implemented no contact since Jan 1st. He actually tried again yesterday as I was listening to one of your videos and it helped me to not answer the Hoover. So thank you for your honesty and transparency in your videos. You are a blessing to me!!
Indeed I am, and a nightmare to others.
@@hgtudor-theultra Love It!! I'm sure you are a smooth & slick force to be reckoned with. I would definitely run for the Hills! LOL thanks again HG!! Keep em Coming. I'm loving ya all the way from Knoxville, TN!!
When I discovered my ex-narcissist had a girlfriend for the first six months after being with me I asked him if he felt guilty or bad, his response; “No, I didn’t until you just mentioned it” 😱
He definitely didn’t exhibit happiness, in fact I had more fun by myself than with him! He was a master at acting sad and self pity! I’m so glad I kicked him to the curb, changed my phone number and blocked him from ALL social media and all avenues of contact.
Good for You!! Move on with your life.
This is one of the best videos of yours I’ve seen. And makes me think that your knowledge of yourself is incredibly high. Most of the time the “normal” or “empathic” people do not know themselves so well. Often we do not know deeply why we behave in a certain way. Life is not a straight road and there is no such thing as being always right or always wrong. But knowing ourselves is the strongest power. And higher aim. Thank you
7babi3 I totally agree that it's not just highly narcissistic people who aren't aware of their issues! 👍
This was the best video - if one cannot feel joy....which I noticed....then all hope is lost!
Amazing ...your described my ex and his lack of emotions perfectly
It makes me happy or satisfied to know that the narcissists in my life experience Impending doom or an unsettled feeling when their fuel gets low. Does this make me a narcissist?
My mother-in-law narc never likes emotion. She needs EVERYONE to say "EVERYTHING IS GREAT" anytime someone says they're sad or even they're really happy she'll knock them down. She will literally say While looking me straight in the face, "Just say everything's great!" She has said this several times to me directly.
I also have never seen a narc experience panic. In the most traumatic situations she was as cold and aloof as a statue. One time on the phone she was describing a friend's suicide, and it was so shallow, so empty. She might as well have been giving a weather report...creepy.
Thank you for your candid truthfulness about these 7 things a MARC does not feel👊🏻!
I have been apart from a Narcissist fir 3 years now, after being married to him fir 40 years😢!
It has given me even more mental and emotional freedom to understand these emotions that Narcs do not feel.
That is the main reason us Empaths stay so turbulent within our own minds when we leave a Marc, or become discarded. We imagine all these negative emotions are what the Narc is feeling afterwards 😫. How stupid of us!👎🏻!
Im benefitting greatly from your revelations concerning Narcissism, which in turn empowers me to put those residual empathic emotions away and move on.
Like my father used to say, Never look back at ANYTHING👎🏻. Like a farmer who plows his fields. Should he be constantly looking back, the furrows will be crooked👿😢!
Forget, and move on to bigger and better things❤️🥰.
Thanks again HG for sharing 😉
You are welcome.
Another really good one, I finally am clear re. my sister, an upper mid-ranger.
The narcissist has no power.....over himself.....to give, live, or love unselfishly. He is in a prison of constant manipulation that he takes to the grave. He is the Lord of the Flies.
Mostly just anger rage is all they
" feel"
I am happy for those who feel anger or rage all the time and aren’t aware of it because if you feel it constantly I think they will not live their life very long! 🥴
I myself can be very angry sometimes but after a day or two the anger is sucking the life out of me and then the feeling and the need to get back to normal takes overhand! I think that’s most humans inner survival mode! Thank God for that 😬
They also feel fear, envy and hatred
What a life 🥴
The only thing a narc feels is deep self loathing and envy .
My ex used to talk of a 'deep emptiness'.
And shame
They hate everyone and stew in rage
The loathing isn't self loathing. They loathe you, and anyone else who gets away. They loathe your happiness, even as they serve it up to you on a platter.
It’s so sad 😞 That’s why they try to destroy people who are not that.
There are many questions. The last stuff he was talking about (loneliness) . I have lived like him in that respect; taking care of myself, always alone and not being lonely. All of it. Yet I am here because of trying to learn about my narc. Nothing else is really me in the category of narcissism, I spent 40 years trying to cope with the narc, all my tears and time spent chewing on why why why. I do know NOW but not then. I have really changed inside from all the knowledge that I have gleaned, so much joy has replaced the turmoil. Yes CHRIST JESUS has been there all along with me and maybe that is why I seem like a lone wolf. You’d never know it by the way I love to meet and be around people, but when it’s time to part I am just as happy to be alone again. I relish the alone time ❤️
The loneliness part caught my attention....I am listening to your vids to gain a greater insights about my sister, she has of course created the entire distancing situation herself, she has alienated almost everyone from her life but she seems to be very unhappy and sad about the situation, mentioning she can't talk to anyone; hearing your insights about inability to feel sadness or loneliness is so interesting...
Excellent insight. I look into my rearview mirror and see all of this. Feeling conflict within myself in absorbing your tutelage, I fluctuate between epiphany and despair. The epiphany is wonderful; the despair is all too painful. I also feel shame for not caring for myself more.
I remember once when I wasn’t feeling well, I didn’t greet him at the door as I had for over 18 years, when he came home from work. But I did have dinner ready, as per usual. I thought it was a sweet moment when he loaded his plate, brought it into our bedroom, knelt by the bed, and proceeded to eat in my company. The appreciation dissolved after I asked him something about needing quiet because I wasn’t feeling well, and was that OK, when he replied with just one word. “No.”
The ex (Narc) told me he hated being on his own…and could not live on his own…
They don’t feel Love either…
A busy person can have much to do and be surrounded by people and yet feel lonely.
I accept what you say HG about what you don't feel- it's fascinating. Thank you
Thank you. I found this particularly helpful. There is a narcissist in my life who has expressed a great deal of what they no doubt believe to be genuine sadness. Understanding that the mid-range experiences self-pity. But this is the only form of sadness they experience and thus think that that’s the whole of the emotion makes a great deal of sense out of that situation.
They feel happy at others' misfortunes!
All I can say is THANK YOU HG. You have taught and continually to teach me something new every day. Knowledge is power and you have given me sooooo much power to deal with and handle my narc mother. Much fuel to you, Our Glorious Narrator
A very simple explanation of what a Narcisist is .Very knowledgeable .Brilliant!
Awk there's a sad coldness to narcissists, I can't honestly imagine living like that, like they find supply from grief 😔. We all have different needs to be fulfilled in life. I just want peace and calm, no more chaos X
dear Mr. Tudor...unable to sleep, apparently addicted to the tones of your voice, I bumped into this video and the Myth of Icarus comes to mind applicable for empath and narcissist. In the all to brief time I have been listening, perhaps this conclusion is shortsighted, but I suggest we contain both attributes in varying degrees depending on who we meet, work with or are born to. Do not deride the narcissist for all you claim you/they lack and do not feel; it takes enormous courage to live with wax wings and fly straight into the eye of the Sun....sleep well dear Prince, rs.
Narcs are a very complex creature but all are similar which makes it somewhat easier to figure them out! It just takes time! Something most of us don't have a lot of!
Hence why my material does it for you.
Listening to you ,I am criying right now ,I feel like I have been robed all my life. I longed so much to understand how he felt ,when he was playing those games with me. I ended up thinking I was the one with problem. I feel bad when I do wrong to anyone and I am able to apologize I was made to apologize for things I was sure I did not do. And I worked so hard to try to make them see who is wrong. It never worked.
Actually maybe you should say you feel fueled today... or whatever day...
This totally brings back some memories... pay attention when someone throws around the word 'happy' mine was obsessed with this and would always say 'are you happy now' after what I thought was a nice time together as those were few and far between because I was always triangulated with others (friends, family, electronics, his phone...) someone with the emotional maturity of a 2 year old cant possibly connect with anyone on any real level! Drop it like a hot rock people!
So marvelous to now understand people I could never unravel their behavior. Bravo for the very needed knowledge.
I believe I grasp viewing your kind through my lens. I can wrap my mind around that fairly easily. What I struggle to understand is how you know what “guilty” feels like to begin to mimic or display in appropriate interactions. I think of this like trying to describe the taste of chocolate? So it’s not that you feel and choose to not acknowledge, correct? It’s just not there?
Honestly, there are times when I wish I didn’t feel every damn thing I interact with, be it man or beast. It’s exhausting. Your not dealing with that sounds like a breather, but I’d not want it that way always.
I keep listening because every time I do, I pick up a better understanding both of myself and the narcs in my life, past or present.
They do feel.
Hate, anger,jealousy and all other bs.
Nobody suggested to the contrary.
@@hgtudor-theultra It's a good thing narcs can feel.... saddest part is only negative emotions.
great to have insight on the thought process. it is clear i impose how i process feelings on to others. i am wrong and stand corrected. thx
Excellent as always such genuine feelings they cant have
Fo ril
My narc literally said he couldn't have empathy for me because it weakened him. He thought empathy meant joining a pity party.
The narcs do feel something. They feel paranoia 24/7. I know because my ex girlfriend was paranoid about everything which boosted her jealousy n insecurities beyond this universe.
What you have just described is a hell on Earth and it will only get much, much worse for you.
Great video! Mr. Tudor thank you for giving us the accurate information about Narcissism.
As soon as this interesting video ends I am moving onto the one you just suggested HG: something about envy which I have felt from my older cousin and perhaps the lifelong ex friend I also had to kick out recently when I woke up. Thanks, more than ready to check it out.
You seem to have the most disdain for the mid-rangers. Having one in my life now and also a myriad of knuckle-dragging lessers in my past (was “raised” by 2 of them unfortunately), I have to say that the mid-ranger is the slimiest and most pathetic of them all. Thank you for the the enlightenment and clarity your channel has provided me.
The Ultras will break you.
U r such a mere shadow of a real person. How unfortunate for u to never have the these feelings as part of ur life. U have missed out greatly and do not even realize it. Very sad.
Listening to this, I realize now why I’ve been lucky and not had any narcissists in my life. If there’s a major flaw I have it’s my incredibly short attention span for boredom. I suspect narcissists are quite boring emotionally. They’re probably capable of providing intellectual stimulation but are stunted from an emotional and spiritual sense and I (by pure chance) never permitted one to hook me.
Although HG says that narcs do not feel lonely the 2 narcs I had relationships with never liked being alone, did not enjoy their own company. If they found themselves alone at any time they either got on the phone or went out to find people to be with. Both are extreme extroverts who think that everyone loves them
Excellent! Thank you!
You are welcome.
Thank you for this HG. Spot on💯
Thank you for sharing your experience and information. Funny remark : You got me curious as to how a narcissist or psychopath would react to the influence of an xtc tablet. Especially xtc, because it has that characteristic of making people 'happy' and 'joyful'...
Well done hg Tudor we all love you ❤️
My narcissist has said before that he doesn't think he's ever been happy, but he is always saying he is lonely or was lonely. So saying he's lonely is just to get sympathy/attention/fuel; that one blew me out of the water, because it never crossed my mind.
"I'm so lonely...I'm so ronery"...that makes me giggle. But as someone with an empathic nature, though I am appalled at the list of emotions the narcissist cannot feel nor experience, I can't help feeling some sort of relief that the narcissist doesn't feel lonely. Of course, why would a narcissist even experience loneliness when they make sure to work on surrounding themselves with ample narc supply? They don't and I bet, won't give it the time of day. Their restlessness and inability to be content keeps them too busy to be what we call "lonely"... I guess the "howling emptiness" or "abyss" H.G. Tudor mentions, is what their kind dread. I wonder if that is some sort of equivalent of what human loneliness could be, which I can safely assume, most humans avoid. So, while a Narc works 24/7 for their supply, regular people ought to work just as hard to find what makes them whole...joy, happiness, peace, contentment. Look forward to that, not backwards to what happened, just like they do in their way...
HG Quick Question: How would it effect a Narcissist if they were stranded on a desert island with no other people around to provide fuel?
Thank you H.G. You’ve given me so many tools to work with in my world. And I love your voice. The inflection reminds me of Rupert Everett. Thanks again for all the enlightenment
Among the many red flags during my 'situationship' with a malignant grandious narcisssist was the time he showed zero sadness or emotion of any kind after we watched a heartbreaking movie about child sex trafficking. That day I knew something was very very wrong.
You are AWESOME!! Thank you so much for sharing! I appreciate YOU! 🥰
Hey HG !, thank you to the greatest extend for especially this video ! - in a certain way it is " the most important and key one" for all empathic individuals and especially those who have become prey and victim to a narcissist (and other of the cluster-b range) and those who will in the future. I can not state that enough ! - of course all of your work is greately appreciated and mighty important and as you correctly claim: it is unrivaled and will create a legacy ! - and I as an empath can testify that this is a factual and founded statement and not based on "grandiosity". Appreciate your work to the utmost - I will follow up with more comments and questions.
You are welcome.
@@hgtudor-theultra thank you HG ! - I do appreciate and will make use of that.
I really appreciated this one.
Hi from Sal great video thx hun 😊⭐️🇬🇧
I have lived a deeply solitary life but I have never felt bored or lonely because I have no awareness of time passing.
That's what meth can do.
@@hgtudor-theultra LOL!
@@hgtudor-theultra You are sooo funny! I freakin love youuuuu ❤❤❤❤💯💯💯
You must be a Very interesting person! Never bored or lonely tells me that!!! And time is irrelevant in a loving happy place❤️. When you get along with yourself and keep occupied time does slip away. You must be one of the rare individuals that are perfectly balanced and in tune with true life. Cheers, I wish there were more like you🥰🌸💪🏻🥂
Yes,they are very busy.It alot of time consuming one needs,Very good to know ,that I known this and hearing you say so.Thanks for
Definitely learned some valuable things. With the AI voice I found this to be incredibly creepy. I wouldn’t be back for more 😈
Soldiers, surgeons, pilots....it seems some professions need your kind
If u tapped in hacked ur neuro network u could feel those emotions. It takes time however the brain being neuroplatic absolutely has rhw ability to change heal create dendrites associated with those thoughts feelings you don't have and which make someone Narsisistic. Along with an attempt at surrender to tap into the supernatural aspect of healing. Its pretty profound. Feel bad for people who are so deep sad inside like you who feel change is impossible amd that u dont want it because u have never tasted it. When u taste true joy and peace amd surrender power its an addiction you can't comprehend
This is so satisfying. After finally understanding what the hell was wrong with her I now understand that condescending, contemptuos piece of work better than she understands herself. She probably doesn't have a clue she's a narcissist. Not smart enough. She's a baby in a grown up body with half a century's worth of training in blame shifting, projection and all the other machinations she calls insecurity due to previous trauma. Thank you!
The crazy thing is I can relate to all of these feelings. I wonder if that's what makes me a super empath. Esp Hg saying all his life he's had to look out for himself. I love my independence but I realize that I have an unnaturally overly self reliant way of existing.
thank
you for your hardwork HG.. form 🇸🇽
Have to listen to a lot right now ten months later thank you for this thank you for these being available
Thank you HG
Only 7 I can count more than that they don't care about any thing in fact they only care about one thing, themselves.
Excellent information HG! Thank you!
Thank you Bobbi.
I just hope you get by in life without any real internal struggles. You help us all go through ours.
Thank u for ur teachings.
Dearest HG, thankyou for this excellent video. I have come to the conclusion that I seek to become a narcissist, asap.