Can we talk about how defeated / exhausted Cole looked at the reunion and she's glowing...she said he killed her self confidence but SHE literally destroyed his self esteem
Exactly how you gonna tell someone you destroyed my self confidence and in the next breath say you’re a good man. And then her friends/ family cheering i was baffled.
@@licialee283 She probably arranged that ahead of time. No way it happened organically just like that. Everyone would have been caught off guard. The only way that happens is if you agree with them to do it ahead of time. Notice how it was only her close friends that clapped, not her family.
He was defeated and exhausted because Zanab entirely broke him down and gaslit him until he geniunely believed he was a terrible person. She was emotionally and mentally abusing him throughout the entire season and all of the producers and other contestants were watching and letting it happen.
I feel like it spoke volumes that the editing team was willing to release the cuties footage. Normally they wouldn’t care. But for them to release it, shows they knew that zanab was villinizing Cole way more than needed.
I'm really surprised that the hosts didn't stand up for Cole more with how he was being ganged up on. Also Bartise was way worse than Cole and received almost no backlash.
@@tonysiouxfan I would say that may be because Zanab was very mean and back talking from Cole while Nancy did not victimize herself to her girl friends. (excuse my French)
I'm surprised you didn't mention that whole situation after their first night together, when she woke up feeling rejected and already extremely passive-aggressive, while Cole was clearly asking her to throw him a bone (he draws a heart in the shower, wants to wear matching outfits, asks her quietly "You still actually care about me, right?") and she kinda shuts him down every step of the way, if not with her words, with her standoffishness. That was BEFORE he met Colleen. Zanab was already demonstrating she had personal (self-esteem) issues going on.
I definitely agree. There was even the moment before this were she asked him 1000 times about how she looks without her makeup. I knew from there she struggles with self esteem
The fact that Z’s stepmother came to console Cole after she left him at the alter for supposedly “destroying her confidence” shows that they knew what was really happening with her.
The way he tried to assure her that he didn't do it on purpose hurt so much. Not only was he obviously not aware of Zanabs grievances before the altar, but even without fully understanding what he did wrong, he wasnt rejecting the idea that he did, only able to say in full confidence that he didnt *try to hurt her. Biggest oof.
I also appreciate the fact that Zainab's step-mum prayed for/with Cole when they went to meet her. She is an awesome woman and she broke any doubt for Cole to be with Zainab then Zay singlehandedly shattered his hopes and dreams.
I’m not gonna lie, I CRIED when I watched the Reunion and saw Cole break down. It was really painful to watch someone be so hurt and frustrated like that. This analysis was so good. Both had moments in the wrong, but I truly feel from what we saw, Cole seemed like a good guy, just a little immature.
And the fact that nobody came to his defense. None of the guys! They aren’t his friends all because they probably listened to their fiancés take on cole n jumped on the bandwagon of “coles the bad guy”
Aww I cried too. It was SO SAD how she felt about him and all he did was love her. He was so uninterested in women who couldn't take a joke but he was SUPER patient with her even though she was sucha downer. From the start I could already tell if he stayed in that relationship she would RUIN HIM! I was like this relationship is not gonna end well. She would get so offended about little things he did like she wanted to control his whole life and change him. She was SUPER INSECURE right off the bat. How is she gonna blame him for that? He probably asked her if she was bipolar bc she CLEARLY acts it. I don't even think that Convo was malicious, I think he honestly cared for her and wanted to b there for her but unfortunately her insecurities got in the way. She's never gonna find love till she comes to the realization that she has insecurities she needs to work on
Really disappointed the hosts didn't ask some of the other problematic couples more in depth questions during reunion. They should incorporate couples therapy during the course of the show.
Yes, the reunion was the Cole and Zanab show. The producers saw all her insecurity in the footage so that the hosts could have at least asked Zanab about that. And Bartisse and especially Matt had some shit to answer for
Bartise sucks. Nancy is beautiful, kind, and open minded, yet Bartise treated her like trash once he saw Raven. And at the reunion, he acted all high and mighty and standoffish…. The audacity. Couldn’t stand him even then. They should have ripped him to shreds. At least Cole looked remorseful at the reunion. Also Matt’s anger issues need to get under control.
i feel like the producers, to the detriment of the cast, WANT messy drama. they WANT couples to find reasons to fight and have been subtly pushing for that as seasons progressed. Every event has alcohol, and plenty of it, to get people to say and do stupid things with their guards lowered. They also have started bringing people back who might stir up drama (shaina in s2, andrew in s3, though andrew wasnt as successful as shaina in this regard) It feels similar to early love island and I suspect, like love island, its quickly going to be mired in controversy that will force the producers to start being more mindful of their cast's mental health
So happy to find this video - my friends thought I was nuts when I tried to tell them I didn’t think Cole was that bad! I thought it was ludicrous that they decided to vilify Cole at the reunion when Bartise was cheating’s #1 poster boy and Matt was three drinks and a temper tantrum away from domestic violence.
EXACTLY!!! I also was appalled at the way everyone seemed to want to jump on Zeneb's bandwagon in vilifying Cole, when he was the one who got humiliated at the alter!! It was as if they all had Stockholm syndrome and needed to continue to bash him. And when Brennan started trying to lay into Cole, I thought, What on Earth??!!? You're getting upset at a man because of something your wife told you that her friend told her that this man supposedly did MONTHS ago, how ridiculous! All the while Bartise is strutting around looking like a clown with his hair-do that looked like Agnes from 'Despicable Me'...
I totally agree! I just finished the series & had to come to UA-cam to see if anyone else felt bad for Cole. His comments about Colleen & physical appearance early on were hurtful but not only was he being honest, he also apologized very often. I felt so bad for Cole after she made that passive aggressive speech at the wedding. He was not that bad. And she was the one with the issues all along. She had a controlling, nagging spirit & convinced the whole cast that he was the villain. I kept telling myself “if Cole were my son, I would have had to have words with little miss Za. She was wrong
This entire analysis was SO GRATIFYING! I think you were really fair, bc everyone is calling Zanab a liar, but it absolutely seems like she 1000% believes what she’s saying. She definitely sees a glass half full as empty. Watching Cole be humiliated at the Altar was so upsetting for me. I felt heartbroken for him. Zanab prayed before she shredded him to play the Morality card. She really thought that speech was a righteous kill and it was just retaliation.
@@azac9627 I didn’t say what she said was true. Having distorted cognition means you believe your perception, even if it’s not reality. So again, I don’t think Zanab is a liar. I think lying implies you have the awareness that you’re bending the truth. I think she’s delusional and as a byproduct, misinterprets her environment often.
@@MissKashira Exactlyyyyy!!!! I saw somewhere they were calling her narcissistic etc and as someone who has dealt with three narcs in different capacities, she was not. She is, just as you said; wounded and striking back.
@@WilliamsPinch That’s scary because she could really put someone in jail. If we didn’t see the cutie video, we would believe Cole tried to regulate her eating. Instead he was concerned that she hasn’t eaten all day. I only eat a banana for breakfast $ lunch too, but I’ve always been like that.
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned are Cole’s last words before Zanab’s rejection. He is literally looking at her so full of love and he says, “I just want to kiss you!” and she coldly shuts him down. I was so sad for him. It was so clear how much he loved her. Nothing he said would have made a difference. Zanab’s perception clouded everything. She had her own script.
Because he was clueless!! That is not a positive trait for him!! She APPROPRIATELY shuts him down because he clearly was on a different planet than everyone else. He was delusional to ignore all of his poor behavior throughout.
What I don't feel like people mention enough is Cole's growth during this season. Not only did he go and talk to Matt, but he also began to give Zanab intentional comments about how he found her beautiful. He internalized what she had to say after their rating conversation, stopped comparing her to others, and began to focus on how to make her feel special. Meanwhile, she continued to belittle him after the honeymoon despite his comments to her that it didn't make him feel loved. Also, don't get me started on their argument before the wedding. How could she sit there at the reunion and say that he let her walk away when he followed her out the door??? He was trying to have a genuine conversation but she wasn't hearing it. She clearly knew her answer before the alter and lied to his face that night. That night's events were when I began to lose respect for her, which continued to decrease with her altar speech, and it was finally all gone when she spoke her "truth" during the reunion. So petty and vile.
I couldn’t do this show because if I liked you yesterday based off vibes & I see you in person & see you’re physically my type. I would still have feelings for that person. Feels don’t stop because one started to like another. I wouldn’t have said anything until after we were a strong couple.
I felt like Cole was made to be a villain and although he didn’t always say the right thing, Bartise was worse by far in my opinion. Also I believe having someone like you with your background on the show to guide them along the way would be so helpful for these couples.
I’m actually surprised Cole was going to say yes at the wedding. I can’t believe he was about to be okay with being treated like that the rest of his life.
@@Momoiro0 you are giving narcissistic vibes. Clearly because she she said he was with a girl the day before but didn't talk about how she was having a stripper grind on her the day before with his dick pretty up on her body. She is a liar. She accused him of body shaming her. Well what do you know, he asked her why are you only eating a banana? And you will destroy the appetite if you do eat that orange for later. You need to go sleep. ✋stop
I am in no way diagnosing, but Zay set off every red flag trigger in me created by my experience with covert narcissistic abuse. She set herself up with a compassionate story, started mini digging and criticizing Cole from the jump, gathered her flying monkeys, and destroyed that dude at the altar. And the reunion... the gaslighting. The worst was watching Cole internalize her misdirection and break down coz I know that feeling. She's really good at it. Again, not diagnosing but I saw the gauntlet of all the abusive behaviors. Cole isn't an angel, but you can see him learning. She did not.
There is a lot of overlap between seemingly narcissistic behavior and having a trauma background which leads to toxic (but often unconscious) ways of trying to protect yourself. Not being able to admit fault, and setting yourself up as the victim of the story is true for covert narcissists, but it’s also true for people who are unconsciously terrified of being abandoned (having an ingrained belief that being less that flawless will end with abandonment or abuse). I behaved in a similar way as her when I was younger, ironically because of being raised by a covert narcissist. You could be right, I’m just saying there are other explanations as well. Either way, I agree it’s a red flag.
@@pufpufpuffin I would disagree in this case because of the way she very intentionally lies, gaslights him and treats him in a psychologically abusive way with a stone cold face. The way she has zero empathy in every conversation is a very strong indicator of narcissistic personality disorder. And I am not one of those ppl who throw this term around lightly.
Cole later (in an interview) revealed the production staff told him to go talk to Colleen at the pool and they generally try to set up those sorts of conversations for the drama. But he said he normally would've not approached her and had wanted to just hang out with Zanab there. That's an important detail. And both Cole and Colleen have said they weren't ever that interested in each other in the pods. The editing just made it seem that way.
Yes it was obvious that the production crew set that up, like they set up Bartise and Raven, they wanted to get drama because these previously liked each other and there wasn't any juicy drama happening otherwise. The Cole and Colleen thing was blown way out of proportion because the production had nothing else. Cole and Colleen were being honest in saying they found each other attractive physically but not emotionally and there's nothing wrong with that, isn't that the whole point of the show???
I think it’s because Matt got married. They need that to sell the show / experiment. So they didn’t go looking under the hood. If Colleen had said no, they probably would have discussed it.
Honestly, bartise was way more disrespectful than Cole. Atleast Cole didn't tell his fiancee that he found another girl to be perfect. Bartise was shoving in Nancy's face that he found raven to be a perfect match for him just based on looks.
I hope Cole sees this video somehow. He’s not crazy. There was a lot of toxicity coming from just her end of the relationship, but I’m not sure anyone has told him/confirmed that for him☹️
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I was thinking this exactly. I don't think Zanab seeing this video would do much good as she is too defensive to see the truth in it. But I hope he sees this, or similar.
I hope the other ladies from the show watch it (and the cuties video), too. But, after watching “After the Alter:1 Year Later, it’s apparent they did not and still believe Zanab 100%.
I'm so glad a therapist finally called her out on her crap. Not many others seem to think that way. But you're spot on. I felt the exact same way. She manipulated so many people. Thank you for being unbiased and fair. I would trust you as a therapist for sure.
Exactly, psychologist in Seattle initially was siding with zanab....lolz . Alot of presumptions he made like when did zanab call out her friends for clapping at the altar? That didn't happen. He misinterpreted when she said, "Was it super ghetto when my friends clapped?" while she looked proud that that happened.
A professional who would be willing to determine anything from a legitimately psychological standpoint for any of these people based on an extremely edited reality television series on Netflix should not be practicing. It is so incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate and if she genuinely believes that we can actually know anything about these people or their relationships from watching this show she's delusional.
@@4ledki yeah I noticed that too I was like my dude that’s not what happened. She also did talk to them to trash about Cole before which when she said no she didn’t she was referring to telling them she was going to say no and that she was going to say that to Cole on the altar. Which dr Honda misinterpretted and I was like my dude no 😭
@@4ledki these days he's been posting videos of his analysis on the Zanab and Cole situation, the cuties scene, the reunion, interviews with both, and his perspective is definitely not pro-Zay.
Can you break down Nancy's BLINDNESS towards bartisse? She's such a strong and smart woman and it was hard watching her be such "weak" and submissive person in that relationship
Yea Baritsse thought he was coming up on something. Nancy should have walked away. But I think they get paid to see this through bc there’s no way I thought they would make it.
@@angelrebekah9153 she didn’t say that! A fetus is not a “child.” If a woman knows a pregnancy may be challenging (or for any other reason), she’s allowed to abort
The most telling/horrible moment was in the cuties scene but was not the food thing. It was the fact that he was trying so hard to be kind to her and involve her family, talk about their future and she was clearly not interested. She was cold and dismissive, she knew then that she was saying I don't.
I think she was to hurt to really see what he was saying. I think the crew really set them up for more misunderstandings than they were capable to fix so she just lost hope.
I hope she’s ok her husband could be a bit spoiled, controlling and gaslighty in front of cameras so I hope their relationship is better than what we’ve seen.
Matt reminds me of the husband in “Sleeping with the Enemy” with Julia Roberts. Started off all nice, then not so nice. She should have said NO at the alter. I genuinely fear for her safety and her body language spoke volumes at the Reunion. She is terrified of another blowup from him. He is EXTREMELY VOLATILE.
That’s what I was thinking because that was like the very first thing they mentioned @the reunion and the way Matt reacted everytime they brought it up during the show, I’m sure she was nervous which carried on throughout the rest of the reunion
I'm a therapist for over 22 years and I have worked with many couples with a similar dynamic. Your comments and analysis was spot on. I felt very frustrated watching this show too. I think that Zanab needs individual therapy to work through her issues. Cole is a little immature but he's also young and my sense is that he would have been a good partner for a woman that was not passive aggressive and had more patience and maturity in the face of his immature moments. This couple was not a match and I think that eventually she would have harmed him much more than he harmed her. The way he broke down crying at the reunion while she was the martyr who had already forgiven him but yet they were still insulting him 🙉
His tears were fake 100%. He gaslit her so much it’s hilarious how everyone is defending him in the comments. I don’t say that she doesn’t have issues and wasn’t gaslighting him as well. But he gaslit her so much like wow The way he talked to Coleen at the pool party was beyond disrespectful. Asking her if she was bipolar and using words like thats “insane” and “crazy” is gaslighting in its purest form. You make the other person feel insane and spot their insecurities just to say things that will trigger those insecurities. Then he gives her a good time again. And then he says that they connect emotionally but that he connects with Colleen physically. Like how’s that gonna make someone feel. He knew that she has low self esteem. Not his fault, but he knew it and still decided to pull this bullshit. Like, he knew exactly what he was doing. Also, he told her that she looked “completely different” without makeup. He made a lot of “small comments” that don’t seem that bad and then he plays them down and doesn’t take accountability for his words And then he cried when she called him out. Because narcs don’t like looking bad in public, and he is so self centered. Omg i never wanted to be the bad guy 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 how could you call me out I mean I just told you that I’m more attracted to someone else whilst being engaged to you and then I flirted with her big time even though I knew that you were already insecure about her, how dare you call me out for that? Narcs always want a “real” and “deep” relationship even though they aren’t able to have a real bond. She wasn’t perfect either and I didn’t like her but he was so narcissistic. You tell me about your insecurities, I will be disrespectful and trigger your insecurities, when you feel more insecure which is just a natural response but I will make you feel like that’s a you problem and I will make you feel like you’re going crazy And if you don’t stop calling me out I will start crying and playing the victim. Like how on earth isn’t that screaming narcissist?
even though i was incredibly annoyed at him and how he behaved at some points, he definitely seemed an earnest person who truly loved her. the way he brought up how she just left and didn't talk to him made me think the whole thing was very harmful for him. he seemed a bit depressed tbh
@@fynn8954 girl you have no idea how hard it is to fake crying and emotion like that. The guy looked like a tomato, flushed and red, his face went all ugly and his voice was cracking left and right. He was not faking emotion. Throughout the entire season I just thought of cole as a POS for many things, but he's definitely not the villain here. The cutie story, altar speech, and reunion behaviour of zay really shows her true face.
@@czowiekpismo9541 1) I’m obviously male so Idk where the “girl” is coming from. 2) it’s so easy to fake the tears for someone with NPD. It’s not hard at all. I have ASPD and if you asked me to I could start crying like that in a heartbeat 3) even if you think that the fake tears aren’t fake how can you excuse the rest of his behaviour
@@czowiekpismo9541 1) I’m obviously male so Idk where the “girl” is coming from. 2) it’s so easy to fake the tears for someone with NPD. It’s not hard at all. I have ASPD and if you asked me to I could start crying like that in a heartbeat 3) even if you think that the fake tears aren’t fake how can you excuse the rest of his behaviour
Thank you! Cole never changed. He was the same person in the pods and in the real world. He is always joking and very straightforward no matter if the words may hurt. She chose him knowing this. I honestly had my reservations about him in the beginning but after the chat with Colleen I thought he had hope. After their first night together Zanab completely lost me because she completely demeaned herself placing her worth on how Cole found her attractive when arguably she was the most attractive female on the season. She has absolutely no confidence in herself and for her to try and embarrass Cole and try to portray him the way she did, she’s the one that destroyed his self confidence.
That was the craziest part zanab really is a beautiful women. On the reunion she was by far the most good looking women on that couch. But her personality and her insecurities tank her outer beauty
Love Is Blind needs to hire you as the therapist for each couple. They should get a session with you after the proposal, after they move in and get settled and right before the wedding. Another solid analysis! Her insecurities and instability were a huge factor and Coles immaturity and ignorance as well.
Cole was insensitive at times but he did not emotionally abuse Znab. She was so insecure that she created an idea of the truth. She lied and said he controlled what she ate. She was always the aggressive one and would storm off whenever he would ask her to be nice.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one that thought the same thing. He has been thrown so much hate when he wasn't even wrong ! I hope he does find a great woman.
She couldn’t let loose, have fun or laugh, acts toxi, stuffy passive aggressive and couldn’t be playful; she’s broken and not on the same page as Cole.
You hit the nail on the head! Zay was insecure from the very beginning. Cole was childish and said some things that weren’t right, but she needs to work on herself some more before going into her next relationship. They ultimately were not right for each other so glad they went their separate ways
Cole never said anything wrong, or felt anything wrong. Everything he said/felt was valid, and was off of the backend of zanab's questioning. Lets put the blame where it is please and stop trying to spread it to cole. Cole spoke the truth at all times even if it may not be deemed nice to hear. DON'T ask if you don't want a certain answer. Women love to do these sh1t tests.. it's exhausting!
On point! I was so mad about the 'girl power' at the reunion. Like... a woman kan be wrong. A woman can be manipulative. And they just, with no doubt, trusted Zay's version. And no one has apologised to Cole. I'm so saddened and frustrated of the double standards. Men can be victims! He was destroyed TWICE! The nerve of her (and the women AND Brennon)! He was heartbroken and yearning for her approval and she embarrassed him at the altar and the girls think that HE should reach out?! Like why would he?? So glad that you included that. That was just... beyond common sense other than typical gender roles.
Yes!!!! Z was out for blood. She said she could destroy him and damn did she do that. She is so calculating that she managed to get everyone on her side..
I feel like people keep forgetting that is is all EDITED. How we see Zenab and how we see Cole is fake. The girls at the reunion said there was sooo much more not shown. I don’t think that’s a lie. He was immature and just rude. She was shown as insecure. But please understand all of this is not real.
@@jene70811 Yes I agree, for all we know the editors wanted there to be this narrative arc where at the beginning it was cut to make Cole seem like the bad guy, and by the end, it was revealed that Zay was the bad guy, as to create a dramatic twist for the viewers. The truth is, given how immature Cole was and how he struggled to be able to consider how his words would impact people, I can definitely see him saying way more ridiculous things off-camera. However, the point still stands that Zay brought her insecurities into the relationship and Cole didn't create them, only at most exacerbated them by being more callous than he should have been. I feel like anyone walking away from this thinking they have the whole story and can definitively declare either Cole or Zanab as the "right" or "wrong" one was played by the clearly toxic producers of this show. To me, this is just a very clear case of complete incompatibility.
It was painful to watch what Cole went through with her. I felt terrible for him, he didn’t deserve what she put him through and I hope one day she can give him an apology for publicly dragging him through hell. I hope he has recovered ok.
Thank you so much for that analysis!!! It makes me feel not crazy because that's exactly how I saw it too. Felt so bad for Cole. He was in no way perfect or without error through this but it really felt like he tried and cared about her. That meal on episode 9 was so painful to watch! Her whole tone and body language said the exact opposite of what she was saying with her words. I appreciate them showing the "Cutie incident" footage soooo much. It clarified to me exactly what was going on.
Right from the argument about Cole not saying “great” and saying “so good” instead I knew it was going to be a tough relationship. She was having issues even before Cole officially met Colleen
I think the people who continue to stand by Zanab hold onto that Colleen scene and ignore the previous scenes where Zanab was already insecure. Who cares if someone uses the word good vs the word great?
This was excellent. I was so confused as to why no one could see that Zanaab was the real problem. Cole was immature and reminded me of an innocent, clueless boy. Zanaab was very insecure and her self esteem was already low before Love is blind. I'm so glad the producers showed us the cuties clip. She blew that out of proportion. I felt so so bad for Cole at the reunion. They tried to rip him to shreds. They should've really hopped on Bartise. He was this season's Shake.
That poor guy was so confused as to why she was treating him that way. I would never let anyone treat me and talk to me the way she spoke to him. I hope she gets the help she needs because she is hurting.
The cuties scene showed us exactly how one sided everything from zanab was. Zanab felt attacked by the cuties comment and made her whole narrative around that even though cole showed sorry for her not eating and she didn’t explain to him why that upset her. She internalizes things that are said to her because she won’t actually say what she means. I feel like she deserves the title of nag/insecure woman that we all saw.
I agree. Cole was immature yes, but naive and actually really tried and seemed to really wanted it to work. But because he was also immature, he didn't know how to stand up for himself and people didn't respect him as much. Bartese should have been shredded but he had a false confident front, he was more calculative and he knew how to defend himself. Basically Cole was an easy scape goat. It was heart breaking to see. I wished his parents were standing by his side even if they didn't agree, at least they could have met her and gave him sound advice to run from that rs.
I, too, am a therapist (Marriage and Family Therapists stand up!!!) and I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY with your analysis of Cole and Zanab's relationship. I have nothing to add... I couldnt have said it better myself! Zanab has some work to do and I truly hurt for Cole. I can only imagine how he felt when it felt like no one saw his intentions and I honestly believe he had good intentions from the start!
My boyfriend is currently in grad school for LMFT and this relationship was absolutely a rollercoaster to watch together. Our conversations and thoughts on "who's right and wrong" in this relationship 1000% line up with your analysis. It was hard to watch Cole get shit on like he was at the wedding and reunion. I'm all here for women supporting women but none of the women at the reunion had any corroborating evidence for the things that Zay was accusing Cole of. I felt bad for him. He had opportunity to in turn villainize Zay for her own passive aggression but instead clarified that though the editing made him "look goofy and her naggy" his reality as he experienced it was much more in the middle. That was very mature of him to bring up. Getting to see the full context of "the cutie story" was so illuminating.
Yeah, seeing him downplay her incessant digs to shield her from criticism while watching her turn his absolute nothing comments into a narrative about controlling abuse is really all anyone should need to see. He had already said she was lying twice on the reunion show by then, but was still making excuses for her. I would’ve gone nuclear in that situation.
Cole rejection at the altar was traumatizing. All the time I saw the relationship was toxic and I wished if it could be broken before getting to the altar. How do you say that you love someone at tear them down like that?
You know what? With the way she portrayed the Cutie’s story, I can imagine she might have asked Cole what he did at his bachelor party, if he had fun, flirted with any girls, etc. and maybe he responded sarcastically “oh yeah Zae, some girl tried to kiss me and even gave me her number”. Or he didn’t even say any of that at all, because he seemed so thrown with her claims about that happening. I agree, her tone was so frustrating to me during the season. I’m a big person on tone, and I could understand his concerns with the way they interacted. Overall, I agree with all that you said. I’m not on either of their side but I don’t think Cole was as bad as they tried to make him seem.
Thanks for that … I guess you could be right actually. Funny thing about the cuties story was that she almost quoted him perfectly, but watching that scene changes everything.
I'm thinking the same in regards to the bachelor's party. It was probably a sarcastic throw-away comment, and he didn't remember because it was just joke. Honestly, he's just immature and doesn't have tact with his poor attempts at honesty. He still has a lot of growing to do, and I'm sure this experience has accelerated his maturation.
@@shannon9849 Agree as well … he made himself way too dependent on her approval. And yes, he acted like a dork sometimes. He was married for a couple of years - which is also why I guess he lacks a lot of experience in relationships and characters.
@@Falcodevienna Cole was only married for a few months at one point. He explained that that entire relationship was less than a year long, from dating to divorce.
About the bipolar scene, Cole was asked about it in an interview and he said he did not just ask it all of a sudden, there was a context but it was cut out. Zanab told him things like "oh You probably think i'm bipolar" multiple times so in that moment what he really meant was "so are You really bipolar as You keep saying?" but it definitely came out the wrong way.
It's funny because I was just asking myself the same question if she was bipolar 🤣 and then he asked her. I was like tbh that is a valid question on his end because the way she's been acting, like there is something there underneath. It's not normal for someone to be acting like that.
@@rinverno9 it has a lot to do with the editing, now If You choose to believe him or her its your choice; imo Cole is no saint but between him and Zanab i think its clear which one is the liar.
Our society is so sensitive and there is almost no right way to say "yo are you mental? Like do you need professional help? bc I'm not a doctor but this isn't normal" Also if that is true that she literally used the same wording of bipolar previously then it makes much more sense, especially with regard to other times she did that in the show. She constantly manifests her own insecurities and then when someone else dares to echo or suggests anything that she could take as confirmation, she vilified them.
Perfect analysis! Zanab was so hurt inside that she needed to hurt everyone around her. I truly hope she seeks therapy, she deserves to be happy and also, I’m so glad they didn’t end up together, Cole is such a nice guy, he deserves someone amazing!
I'm completely blown away... the whole time I was on Z's side but hearing you go through each of these moments made me realize I was missing some glaringly obvious signs that she was in fact gaslighting him! I'm immediately heading to your video about cognitive distortions next.
Steph this is the first therapist review of this situation (out of MANY I have watched) that hasn't made me feel like I must have just perceived it all wrong. I was nodding along to everything you were saying like YES, THANK YOU!! So glad you made this video.
Those other videos is why I find therapy so frustrating at times. I always feel like they want to make excuses for my shortcomings and not give me practical strategies for growth. I’m not going to a therapist because I think I’m emotionally solid and just want validation.
Really nice to see a THERAPIST agree that cole was not as bad of a villain as zenab wanted to paint him to be. I’ve seen so many people on instagram and the girls in the cast call him some horrible names that I definitely didn’t think was warranted. Thank you for your perspective!
I’m glad you brought up the comparison with Deepti, like you said she really believes what she was accusing Cole of and thought she had an empowering moment calling him out in front of everyone 🥴 If anyone, I wish Nancy had that Deepti moment!!
Deepti’s wedding was a week before Zanab’s. She didn’t know who Deepti was or what she said at the alter. It’s a little irresponsible of Anya to share this tbh; just shows how even therapists approach these shows with their own biases and have blind spots…
@@terickastidbits2342 they filmed the seasons at the same time and aired the chicago one first and then this one months later; hence the quick turnaround from season 2 to 3
Zay had severe self esteem issues before meeting Cole. She will never be happy with anyone until she can learn to love herself. I'm so glad you mentioned this. 9:00...the questions she asked Cole were set ups! There was no answer that would satisfy her. And her passive aggressiveness is vicious!
Omgosh thank you! I just finished the season and have been struggling with this. I have a lot of similarities to Zay and found myself having a coming to Jesus moment because it broke my heart for Cole. At first I thought I was missing something because I truly felt Cole was trying and the tone of Zay was absolutely gut wrenching. So to see the feedback and not just supporting another female just because but looking at the bigger picture made me feel better as a human being to not agree with Zay. I wish Cole all the best and I am definitely going to do a lot more self reflecting because I don't want to continue to be a Zanab in this world. Self love and confidence comes from within.
I knew from the first 20 hrs of their interaction that she wasn’t secure enough… that night when she took her makeup off and said do you still like me even though I look like such a different person, in the morning when her expectation of him having coffee/breakfast ready for her wasn’t met she gave him the silent treatment because she didn’t think he had a good time the previous night, when they had a little tiff about her saying that he didn’t have as fun the previous night as she did because she used the word great to describe it when he used the phrase so so good, when they were playing the games during their date and she said if he didn’t like her anymore because she didn’t know how to play… those were all moments where she showcased her insecurities and that was before they met up with the other couples
Zanab lives in Zanab’s world. She is bloody exhausting. She skews E-VE-RY-THING. She needs to get off her self-righteous martyr horse. She’s like a 12 year old acting like she’s got it all figured out. What she did to Cole at the alter was unforgivable. The face of one of the guests said it all like WTF! THIS is when you chose to say all this shit. She wanted to bury Cole. She should be the one asking for forgiveness instead of acting like she’s the bigger person. She’s NOT.
@@MsQuantification she defends her actions at the wedding by saying that he needed to hear all that and that he shouldn’t get away with treating women the way he treated her, but she could have just said no and went to go talk privately about it and then let him know how she felt. Like it’s ok to let someone know how their actions make you feel but the way she went about it she wanted to humiliate him in front of everyone. And I won’t believe for a second her friends didn’t know what she was going to do because the way the clapped it wasn’t something someone who is shocked would do.
@@jesss749 like I was jaw dropped during her whole monologue and then how they clap as she’s walking down the aisle I’m like way to add insult to injury…
especially when she puts all the work onto him to fix the way she was thinking. I was honestly surprised when I saw him start saying things she was asking for, and then she would still not be happy
Anxious avoidant here and I saw a lot of myself in Zay. I'm still in the process of healing but self-awareness is the first step (it was difficult to realise that actually yes I was the problem a lot of the time and actively contributing to the demise of important connections) and I hope Zanab gets there at least so she doesn't continue to hurt her partners and have the healthy relationship she deserves.
This is so spot on how I’ve felt watching this show. As someone with an anxious avoidant attachment style myself, I saw so much of my toxic traits in Zanab. It took a lot for me to grow and become more cognizant of my own behaviors. A big part of that was being vulnerable and building psychological safety with my husband.
@@terrapurvis6541 It looks different for everyone, but for me it’s developing trust and a non-judgement zone with someone that allows you to be vulnerable to share your feelings and experiences.
You are spot on girl! I had her number from the beginning all the way to the end, she loved the martyr/victim. That girl is seriously got some issues and all the way through watching the show I kept saying right out loud to myself she needs some help. She did him such a wonderful favor by not going through with what would’ve beenso destructive. Thank you for sharing.
This was a weird season for me! Usually, I either find couples I like Cameron and Lauren, or half of a pairing that I like, like Deepti but not Shake. This time, I didn't like any of the couples together, but I liked halves. But to my surprise, every single one of those halves changed my mind during the season! In this particular case, I originally liked Zanab, but was wary of Cole because he seemed like such an immature playboy. However, as I watched, he really seemed to be making an effort (yes with a few screw-ups I chalk up to his immaturity and lack of knowledge). She, however, was really leading him into tests and no-win situations, then getting petty and passive-aggressive when things didn't go her way (or for no apparent reason). The part in the finale when she said their compilation "made me out to look like a b-," no. She was doing fine at that on her own, it wasn't editing. Ripping into him at their *wedding,* in front of his friends and family, gaslighting and blaming him for her insecurities, and then being proud that her friends *clapped?* She could have gone out with class and strength, like Deepti did. Instead, IMO she went out looking petty, cruel, and classless.
Everything you said was so spot on. I felt the exact same way. I lost major respect for Alexa and Colleen for making a making it a point to state on their IG’s that they’re not apologizing to Cole and staying by Z’s side after the reunion aired.
The first conversation in the honeymoon suite, you could see she was taking things he said differently than his intentions. She also didn't say, what did you mean by that? and instead made assumptions about his intentions. I am going through therapy currently and have a similar relationship with a loved one. It's like you speak different languages.
This is so weird because I feel like I went through this with a friend. She ended our friendship because apparently I made her “walk on eggshells” but I have never been abusive or mean towards her, and was really confused that she said that. When I think about it I feel like maybe she was viewing me and what I was saying differently then what was actually happening. I feel like she had a negative perception about me and viewing what I said or did through that lens, similar to the Zay/Cole situation although my experience is in a platonic friendship. I don’t know, I just felt like Cole at the reunion who was confused by everything.
This was a helpful analysis and spot on! I agree that Zay came in with deep rooted issues that Cole was not equipped nor responsible to help overcome. She was calculated with the reunion and took no accountability for any of her actions. The alter scene was the icing on the cake and to receive an applause was the shocker. Despite his immature moments and flaws he still deserved respect. I hope she gets the help she needs but its kinda hard to see the plank in your eye when you're being cheered for on social media.
Omg THANK YOU for this. I watched the reunion episode in shock. I completly agree with your analysis! This is the way I felt through out. This was A+. I would really love to hear your analysis of Matt and Coleen next. And than maybe Nancy and Bartise. So glad I found your channel!
Thank you for this video. The way Zanab treated Cole and how he was made out as the villain was triggering for me because I was in a similar relationship with my best friend for years. It seriously effected my own self-esteem, made me constantly second-guess myself to the point I couldn't trust how I came across to anyone, began to think I was effortlessly and accidentally an out-of-control asshole, and even that maybe I didn't understand my own motivations. I loved this person and only wanted to support them, but somehow I was hurting them instead. You really helped put that in perspective for me with Cole & Zanab as an example.
Amen! Thank you so much. This was the most balanced analysis I've seen. Everyone seems to be either all on Cole's or all on Zay's side. Now I definitely lean a little more to Cole's side, but they both have a lot to work on and were just incompatible in the end.
That is very well put! The first moment I saw Zanab starting to obsess over Colleen I thought "Oh no. Please don't ruin this with insecurity. Please get over the passive aggressiveness." And it only got worse and worse. And Cole just kept acting like a twenty-something frat bro. I do wish Zanab would stop going after Cole as a way to defend herself post show.
The thing that stands out to me is they both have things to work on - but Cole accepts it and Zay doesn’t see anything wrong with herself. She comes off as someone who has fake self confidence to cover all her insecurities .
When she gave that speech at the wedding - I just knew it was more than revenge to her, she wanted to break him in front of people. She wanted him to cry. That is pure evil. She finally got that at the reunion, which is why she was saying "I forgive you" to Cole but again, she wanted him to break down which he did. She is a really bad person in my eyes.
I find her to be very rehearsed in general especially on camera. She's tactical because she has a motive. She doesn't even know how to have a sense of humor..her take on a sense of humor is being passive. I get that Cole was silly alot but my goodness. I think she knew how dry her personality was on camera that she felt the only way to deflect was to ostracize and twist his intentions. Smh..
@@selenayang1289 Agreed. Which makes her all the more devious imo. She'd been planning this for long enough to act nice to Cole's face while knowing she wanted to do this to him. How can you be that fake to somebody's face? Crazy stuff.
yes I feel like she was plotting it for weeks, and she just had him convinced that she was going to say yes when in reality, she was going to say no and belittle him all along
I was so happy to find this analysis because watching Zanab all season I felt to my core all the things you mentioned about how she twisted all the things
I could be wrong, but in the pool scene, I took what Colleen meant was more along the lines of “If we had met in a bar, you would have been someone I approach and would have gone for.” Because we had just seen her so happy with Matt, and we never saw her talk about being interested in Cole after they stopped dating in the pods. So I think she was being polite but not flirting the way Cole was intending. She wasn’t confused or struggling with being attracted to Matt.
That’s exactly what Cole said when he explained to Matt what happened. He said colleen wasn’t interested at all and it wasn’t her fault. He completely made sure Colleen was in the clear.
@@nevswain478 Exactly! People don't even realize how biased they are... I'm not saying Colleen was ready to jump Cole's bones, but she was clearly reciprocating the flattering.
I feel like I need you to be on the reunion of season 4 (if there is one) and tell them exactly how it is!!! Because I love your take on these stuffs!!
This is deep and feels spot on. The scary part is that I also think I resonate with the anxious avoidance diagnosis. I feel like you gave me something to work with when seeking therapy for myself.
I hope that somehow either Cole or Zanab stumble upon this video, and get to see things from your professional perspective. Your review clarified that Zanab wasn't ready to confront her trauma and heal while the show was going on, and hopefully she does someday. Cole on the other hand just needs more life experience so he can mature and learn a bit more about commitment; as well as trusting his gut when something isn't right. Thank you for sharing.
Was waiting for this!!! So good and thorough and the whole time I was like “damn, I can’t wait to be as intelligent in this field as her!” Please do Bartise and Nancy next because girlllllll my jaw was dropped for most of their mixed bag of interactions. They barely touched on them in the reunion and I would love your take on it! Thank you for what you do❤️
This is most balanced analysis I’ve seen. I was so tired of saying ppl pick sides when their we’re instances where both were wrong. I agree with you on the analysis of her as well. All these tests and the passive aggressive plus his immaturity actually annoyed me to the point that when they came on screen, I couldn’t wait for their scene to end cuz they were both too different
Just watched your video! I love that while you criticized Zanab, you also were fair and addressed Cole's problematic behaviour too. As someone who went to therapy for severe anxiety, you learn that your sense of reality can sometimes be warped. I think Zanab is just unhealthy but I hope she is able to see the light like I did.
I loved LOVED that they showed what was real about the cutie incident. It was amazing and horrible to watch the light drain from cole’s face throughout the weeks of abuse from zanab
Right? He was like this naive bright eyed kids at the start but during the reunion, he look exhausted and bereft. I think her toxicity really took a toll on his mental and emotional health. The show also didn't do him justice by making him the scape goat and protected Bartise. They should have showed the pool scene of Bartise and raven. He was way worse than Cole at the pool towards Raven.
Your analysis is so spot on for me. You captured it really well and you presented it in a balanced way. She never took accountability, even after the cuties video aired, coupled with the fact that she clearly bad mouthed him to the girls, ...all of that made it even worse. It feels like she intentionally wanted to hurt him. I know that we do not have all of the facts but that is just how I feel about it. I hope she reflects and I really hope Cole can get happier.
This THE BEST breakdown of these two. I'll admit, that I got sucked in by Zanab. My best friend kept saying "can't you see what she's doing?!" Once I saw the reunion and then the extra cutie oranges footage I was floored. She really was awful.
What a great analysis! I’m in my forties but struggled with a lot of similar confidence issues in my twenties and thirties that Zae did and I could see clearly that she was engaging in self destructive speech in her relationship out of a desire to feel security fromCole. we should not expect that from our partners. We need to feel confident and secure in our own right, but only time and therapy got me there, hopefully she gets there too.
THANK YOU! I had the same thoughts on their relationship and felt so bad that he was getting attacked from all sides at the reunion. You can see she was blaming Cole the whole time for her insecurities.
I know I’m a year late but I’m so glad I’m not alone in this! It seemed SO obvious to me that she was just plain nasty to him and looked for problems where there weren’t any! I was shocked that so many people were on her side in the end…
I agree! Thank you to this therapist for calling Zae out! Until she receives help, all of her relationships will end badly. Cole said some dumb things but he wasn’t malicious. She was. I hope Cole can find a woman who makes love easy.
I like how balanced you were, and you hit the nail on the head when you said that the potential for issues in their relationship started when Cole said "You're not the type of girl I'd go for, but you are what I need." I didn't even remember that until the wedding recap, but when I saw it I was like "Ooooooh ok. There's where it started."
I felt the same about this situation-I don’t know how intentional her portrayal of the situation was but her insecurities were so apparent and painful to watch. I also think the two of them showed a lack of self awareness-the way you describe her projection and gaslighting was really spot on, and it was shocking to see her act that way toward him then talk about how much she loved him and wanted to marry him. On his end I think he seemed to lack the emotional intelligence to recognize what was happening and would lash out or defend himself without understanding how his reactions were being perceived. His heartbreak at the end is believable because I think he really has no idea what happened and read the whole situation completely incorrectly
Wow...this was THE MOST SPOT ON & BALANCED perspective!! Both of them and the entire LIB crew including the hosts need to see this! Both of them were clearly not meant to be together! ZANAB needs to build herself up, a lot of work here & I hope Cole grows up too!
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for this video! It bugged me so much how Cole was picked on so much and everyone was taking Zanab’s side. There were definitely mistakes that Cole did but he didn’t need to be treated as the villain. You were spot on in that she had certain expectations that he could never reach. It seemed like no matter what he did it just wasn’t good enough. How she treated Cole at the wedding made me so mad. That was crossing the line and you NEVER say such hurtful things in front of family and friends. That is something that should be talked about in a room with just the two of them. And then seeing Cole so broken at the reunion, while everyone rolled their eyes at him was heartbreaking. I truly hope they can get some help with good therapist, like you. It makes sense that with all that Zanab faced with losing her parents, her self esteem and insecurities are low to where she truly believes what happened really did. I’m relieved that they didn’t go through with the marriage. It was a toxic relationship and it needed to end. Thank you so much for giving the point of view through a licensed Marriage Counselor. You did such a great job looking at both points of view and digging deep into the deeper roots that they were dealing with. So many people who bring up this couple on their channel have chosen one side to take. It seems like a large majority took Zanab’s word over his. It is so refreshing to hear someone speak out about what really happened. Thank you.
Im ngl, Zanab was the hardest for me to watch in all the seasons cause her perception of everything was just soooo off, and I never thought Cole was the villain, when she started with that "policing my eating" I was like ".... knowing you, that's probably not quite what happened" I was like screaming st my screen that she should go to therapy
THIS VIDEO. YESSS!!! Exactly what I've been thinking based on everything shown (since we can't make assumptions based on speculation). I'm soooo glad I found you. For a second, I thought I was going crazy. THANK YOUUUU!!!! ❤️ 💙
Tysm for this video. I just finished watching the reunion and it made me really emotional. I have been friends with someone like Zanab before and it was really triggering to watch her treat him like that and then turn around and vilify him to the girls. And seeing the other girls belittle him and defend her hurt so bad. I've lost insanely close friendships because of a girl like her and I know how much it hurts. You question your sanity, your reality, your behavior, your ability to love and whether or not you deserve it. I really hope she gets help because if she doesn't she'll continue doing this to every person in her life until she feels superior to everyone around her. I wish nothing but the best to Cole and hope he finds a woman who will treat him with kindness and love.
I’m sorry that happened to you, and while I don’t wish that situation on you it makes me feel relieved to find someone who understands the same experience as me.
Ahhh thank you for talking about this! The tone was everything for me. She constantly said she was so ready to marry him when she very obviously was not and her tone and actions communicated that clearly.
This is it! This is what the reunion show needs, a therapist to go through the season and really bring people to a point of realization. This is what is missing! Not the silly surface questions, but rather serious questions that can actually HELP these people not only prepare for marriage or to live better as married couples and to grow as people in general
Agreed, they were both problematic but she really wasn't even able to see the situation for what it was. Edit: please talk about Matt and his aggression! That was scary!
CUTIES STORY: didn’t prove anything to Zanab‘a allegations. He genuinely was asking why aren’t you eating at all. When he started crying on that couch when lies were being told - I felt that so deep because I’ve been there before. Ppl lying/manipulating the story to have power over me 😡 Zanab told herself unnecessary stories that just weren’t true. And Cole just needed to be more mature towards Zanab.
I think she really believed the stories, Trauma can get you to have distorted experiences based on your dark past. To her this is all very painful and not to manipulate anyone
So much of your analysis resonates with how I felt watch their “love” story. I was once in the place of the girls around Z, where I was believing the manipulative tactics my friend was reframing interactions with her husband. I started picking up on very small discrepancies in her version of the “truth” eventually, but sadly never gave the man in the situation (who was also a mutual friend) an opportunity to speak for himself and expose his “truth.” It got to extreme toxic levels and when he had the “breakdown” moment similar to Cole during their reunion, I think I realized that I’d been hoodwinked by my friend. This was all 15 years ago, and watching C and Z (and the mean girls/Brennan club react the way they did) brought back enough trauma that I actually reached out to the man to apologize. Never too late to give an apology, I believe.
I am so glad you made this because I saw what you saw and was so sad how much of a villain she tried to make him out to be. Was he immature, yes, but I saw him trying to grow throughout the season. Her speech at the wedding was out of order. Like you said she had no self esteem to shatter.
It was the way they were all laughing at the playback of her scenes where she was chewing him out. All while they accused him of not taking accountability when he was the one apologizing throughout the season!!
Omg this was SUCH a great analysis. I've gone on a rabbit hole of Love is Blind reactions and this hit it out of the park. Every point you mentioned was right on the mark. The most frustrating point is that even through to the end, Zay had this self entitled no remorse attitude and Cole broke down and you mentioned didnnot look like he was doing well at all. I hope they heal, I hope Zay gets therapy and grows from this.
Can we talk about how defeated / exhausted Cole looked at the reunion and she's glowing...she said he killed her self confidence but SHE literally destroyed his self esteem
Exactly how you gonna tell someone you destroyed my self confidence and in the next breath say you’re a good man. And then her friends/ family cheering i was baffled.
@@licialee283 She probably arranged that ahead of time. No way it happened organically just like that.
Everyone would have been caught off guard.
The only way that happens is if you agree with them to do it ahead of time.
Notice how it was only her close friends that clapped, not her family.
@@miguelzavaleta1911 oh absolutely it sounds so rehearsed yet it’s contradictory.
@@licialee283 Probably because they saw how he was with her and knew she shouldn’t put up with it.
He was defeated and exhausted because Zanab entirely broke him down and gaslit him until he geniunely believed he was a terrible person. She was emotionally and mentally abusing him throughout the entire season and all of the producers and other contestants were watching and letting it happen.
I feel like it spoke volumes that the editing team was willing to release the cuties footage. Normally they wouldn’t care. But for them to release it, shows they knew that zanab was villinizing Cole way more than needed.
Let's not forget it's a show tho - the producers releasing that footage got them what they wanted - for you to talk about it more :)
@drakebellfreak94 If Cole was as awful as Zanab claimed then they would have shown it. More drama means more eyeballs. Zanab has serious issues.
I'm really surprised that the hosts didn't stand up for Cole more with how he was being ganged up on. Also Bartise was way worse than Cole and received almost no backlash.
she really is a gross person i couldn’t stand watch her yell at him all the time over her own issues.
@@tonysiouxfan I would say that may be because Zanab was very mean and back talking from Cole while Nancy did not victimize herself to her girl friends. (excuse my French)
I'm surprised you didn't mention that whole situation after their first night together, when she woke up feeling rejected and already extremely passive-aggressive, while Cole was clearly asking her to throw him a bone (he draws a heart in the shower, wants to wear matching outfits, asks her quietly "You still actually care about me, right?") and she kinda shuts him down every step of the way, if not with her words, with her standoffishness.
That was BEFORE he met Colleen.
Zanab was already demonstrating she had personal (self-esteem) issues going on.
100%
Yessssssssss💯💯💯💯💯
Yes and she did the same thing several times to her stepmom and only parent
That’s the part that breaks the whole “she started feeling that way after the Colleen issue”. That scene tells you that this is her true nature.
I definitely agree. There was even the moment before this were she asked him 1000 times about how she looks without her makeup. I knew from there she struggles with self esteem
The fact that Z’s stepmother came to console Cole after she left him at the alter for supposedly “destroying her confidence” shows that they knew what was really happening with her.
The way he tried to assure her that he didn't do it on purpose hurt so much. Not only was he obviously not aware of Zanabs grievances before the altar, but even without fully understanding what he did wrong, he wasnt rejecting the idea that he did, only able to say in full confidence that he didnt *try to hurt her. Biggest oof.
I also appreciate the fact that Zainab's step-mum prayed for/with Cole when they went to meet her. She is an awesome woman and she broke any doubt for Cole to be with Zainab then Zay singlehandedly shattered his hopes and dreams.
THIS. EXACTLY THIS
I’m not gonna lie, I CRIED when I watched the Reunion and saw Cole break down. It was really painful to watch someone be so hurt and frustrated like that. This analysis was so good. Both had moments in the wrong, but I truly feel from what we saw, Cole seemed like a good guy, just a little immature.
Omg, me too, felt so sad Cole. He was like a happy puppy that kept getting it ‘wrong.’
And the fact that nobody came to his defense. None of the guys! They aren’t his friends all because they probably listened to their fiancés take on cole n jumped on the bandwagon of “coles the bad guy”
@@nicolab1708 exactlyyy
Me too. Omg. I bawled.
Aww I cried too. It was SO SAD how she felt about him and all he did was love her. He was so uninterested in women who couldn't take a joke but he was SUPER patient with her even though she was sucha downer. From the start I could already tell if he stayed in that relationship she would RUIN HIM! I was like this relationship is not gonna end well. She would get so offended about little things he did like she wanted to control his whole life and change him. She was SUPER INSECURE right off the bat. How is she gonna blame him for that? He probably asked her if she was bipolar bc she CLEARLY acts it. I don't even think that Convo was malicious, I think he honestly cared for her and wanted to b there for her but unfortunately her insecurities got in the way. She's never gonna find love till she comes to the realization that she has insecurities she needs to work on
Really disappointed the hosts didn't ask some of the other problematic couples more in depth questions during reunion. They should incorporate couples therapy during the course of the show.
Yes, the reunion was the Cole and Zanab show. The producers saw all her insecurity in the footage so that the hosts could have at least asked Zanab about that. And Bartisse and especially Matt had some shit to answer for
Agreed!
Yes i agree!
Bartise sucks. Nancy is beautiful, kind, and open minded, yet Bartise treated her like trash once he saw Raven. And at the reunion, he acted all high and mighty and standoffish…. The audacity. Couldn’t stand him even then. They should have ripped him to shreds. At least Cole looked remorseful at the reunion.
Also Matt’s anger issues need to get under control.
i feel like the producers, to the detriment of the cast, WANT messy drama. they WANT couples to find reasons to fight and have been subtly pushing for that as seasons progressed. Every event has alcohol, and plenty of it, to get people to say and do stupid things with their guards lowered. They also have started bringing people back who might stir up drama (shaina in s2, andrew in s3, though andrew wasnt as successful as shaina in this regard)
It feels similar to early love island and I suspect, like love island, its quickly going to be mired in controversy that will force the producers to start being more mindful of their cast's mental health
So happy to find this video - my friends thought I was nuts when I tried to tell them I didn’t think Cole was that bad! I thought it was ludicrous that they decided to vilify Cole at the reunion when Bartise was cheating’s #1 poster boy and Matt was three drinks and a temper tantrum away from domestic violence.
EXACTLY!!! I also was appalled at the way everyone seemed to want to jump on Zeneb's bandwagon in vilifying Cole, when he was the one who got humiliated at the alter!! It was as if they all had Stockholm syndrome and needed to continue to bash him.
And when Brennan started trying to lay into Cole, I thought, What on Earth??!!? You're getting upset at a man because of something your wife told you that her friend told her that this man supposedly did MONTHS ago, how ridiculous!
All the while Bartise is strutting around looking like a clown with his hair-do that looked like Agnes from 'Despicable Me'...
I totally agree! I just finished the series & had to come to UA-cam to see if anyone else felt bad for Cole. His comments about Colleen & physical appearance early on were hurtful but not only was he being honest, he also apologized very often. I felt so bad for Cole after she made that passive aggressive speech at the wedding. He was not that bad. And she was the one with the issues all along. She had a controlling, nagging spirit & convinced the whole cast that he was the villain. I kept telling myself “if Cole were my son, I would have had to have words with little miss Za. She was wrong
THIS!!! Like nobody was seeing that Matt is a walking red flag? Even in the new episode of the party I’m shocked Cole is still the villain.
100%
@@sarahpescosolido2085 Brennan knows he's emasculated by Alexa and her father, and that's the insecurity he projects upon Cole
This entire analysis was SO GRATIFYING! I think you were really fair, bc everyone is calling Zanab a liar, but it absolutely seems like she 1000% believes what she’s saying. She definitely sees a glass half full as empty. Watching Cole be humiliated at the Altar was so upsetting for me. I felt heartbroken for him. Zanab prayed before she shredded him to play the Morality card. She really thought that speech was a righteous kill and it was just retaliation.
whether she believes what she's saying or not its still a lie
You can believe the sky is red… still a lie
@@azac9627 I didn’t say what she said was true. Having distorted cognition means you believe your perception, even if it’s not reality. So again, I don’t think Zanab is a liar. I think lying implies you have the awareness that you’re bending the truth. I think she’s delusional and as a byproduct, misinterprets her environment often.
@@MissKashira Exactlyyyyy!!!! I saw somewhere they were calling her narcissistic etc and as someone who has dealt with three narcs in different capacities, she was not. She is, just as you said; wounded and striking back.
@@WilliamsPinch That’s scary because she could really put someone in jail.
If we didn’t see the cutie video, we would believe Cole tried to regulate her eating. Instead he was concerned that she hasn’t eaten all day.
I only eat a banana for breakfast $ lunch too, but I’ve always been like that.
One thing that hasn’t been mentioned are Cole’s last words before Zanab’s rejection. He is literally looking at her so full of love and he says, “I just want to kiss you!” and she coldly shuts him down. I was so sad for him. It was so clear how much he loved her. Nothing he said would have made a difference. Zanab’s perception clouded everything. She had her own script.
Right. She straight lied about everything to make herself feel better/look better. Thank God for video footage
That woman is PSYCHO!
Because he was clueless!! That is not a positive trait for him!! She APPROPRIATELY shuts him down because he clearly was on a different planet than everyone else. He was delusional to ignore all of his poor behavior throughout.
@@philmccracken2534thank you. That's what I was thinking.
@@rosiekapun207 People love to just shit on Zanab and ignore cole’s horrible behavior and I’m just not here for it
What I don't feel like people mention enough is Cole's growth during this season. Not only did he go and talk to Matt, but he also began to give Zanab intentional comments about how he found her beautiful. He internalized what she had to say after their rating conversation, stopped comparing her to others, and began to focus on how to make her feel special. Meanwhile, she continued to belittle him after the honeymoon despite his comments to her that it didn't make him feel loved.
Also, don't get me started on their argument before the wedding. How could she sit there at the reunion and say that he let her walk away when he followed her out the door??? He was trying to have a genuine conversation but she wasn't hearing it. She clearly knew her answer before the alter and lied to his face that night. That night's events were when I began to lose respect for her, which continued to decrease with her altar speech, and it was finally all gone when she spoke her "truth" during the reunion. So petty and vile.
Agree. Well put. I'd also say, he is 26. So young and he seems so desperate to grow and be a better person.
Cole was not responsible for her insecurities, but she wanted to push her issues onto him
Absolutely right. I wish someone said that at the reunion.
I couldn’t do this show because if I liked you yesterday based off vibes & I see you in person & see you’re physically my type. I would still have feelings for that person.
Feels don’t stop because one started to like another.
I wouldn’t have said anything until after we were a strong couple.
@@cindyben3089 he said that he was still attracted to her personality tho
I said this!
That part 😔
I felt like Cole was made to be a villain and although he didn’t always say the right thing, Bartise was worse by far in my opinion. Also I believe having someone like you with your background on the show to guide them along the way would be so helpful for these couples.
YES Bartise got off way too easy
Yes!! They need to have a couples therapist on that show.
That’s actually a GREAT idea! Like, seriously, call Netflix!
1000% they attacked Cole more than Bartise, why?!!!
Bartise was worst but her fiance didnt want to see it, she was dying to marry him but it was really obvious he liked Raven
I’m actually surprised Cole was going to say yes at the wedding. I can’t believe he was about to be okay with being treated like that the rest of his life.
I’m glad he didn’t get to say I do, he dodged a bullet for sure!
👍👍
I’m dating a younger man. 15 years younger. And I would never disrespect or speak to him the way she does. She showed her true character.
@@RomanticImages Shameful
@@Momoiro0 you are giving narcissistic vibes. Clearly because she she said he was with a girl the day before but didn't talk about how she was having a stripper grind on her the day before with his dick pretty up on her body. She is a liar. She accused him of body shaming her. Well what do you know, he asked her why are you only eating a banana? And you will destroy the appetite if you do eat that orange for later. You need to go sleep.
✋stop
I am in no way diagnosing, but Zay set off every red flag trigger in me created by my experience with covert narcissistic abuse. She set herself up with a compassionate story, started mini digging and criticizing Cole from the jump, gathered her flying monkeys, and destroyed that dude at the altar. And the reunion... the gaslighting. The worst was watching Cole internalize her misdirection and break down coz I know that feeling. She's really good at it. Again, not diagnosing but I saw the gauntlet of all the abusive behaviors. Cole isn't an angel, but you can see him learning. She did not.
You're absolutely right, I agree, she does appear covertly narcissistic.
There is a lot of overlap between seemingly narcissistic behavior and having a trauma background which leads to toxic (but often unconscious) ways of trying to protect yourself. Not being able to admit fault, and setting yourself up as the victim of the story is true for covert narcissists, but it’s also true for people who are unconsciously terrified of being abandoned (having an ingrained belief that being less that flawless will end with abandonment or abuse). I behaved in a similar way as her when I was younger, ironically because of being raised by a covert narcissist. You could be right, I’m just saying there are other explanations as well. Either way, I agree it’s a red flag.
THIS!!!!! 👏👏👏 I was shocked that she didn't come to this conclusion when it's so obvious.
@@pufpufpuffin I would disagree in this case because of the way she very intentionally lies, gaslights him and treats him in a psychologically abusive way with a stone cold face. The way she has zero empathy in every conversation is a very strong indicator of narcissistic personality disorder. And I am not one of those ppl who throw this term around lightly.
@@pufpufpuffin Believe it or not, NPD traits often have roots in childhood trauma, so the two situations you’re describing are not mutually exclusive
Cole later (in an interview) revealed the production staff told him to go talk to Colleen at the pool and they generally try to set up those sorts of conversations for the drama. But he said he normally would've not approached her and had wanted to just hang out with Zanab there. That's an important detail. And both Cole and Colleen have said they weren't ever that interested in each other in the pods. The editing just made it seem that way.
Exactly. This is tv, they want drama to get more views so they force stuff like this.
Yes it was obvious that the production crew set that up, like they set up Bartise and Raven, they wanted to get drama because these previously liked each other and there wasn't any juicy drama happening otherwise. The Cole and Colleen thing was blown way out of proportion because the production had nothing else. Cole and Colleen were being honest in saying they found each other attractive physically but not emotionally and there's nothing wrong with that, isn't that the whole point of the show???
I agree with your assessment. The reunion vilified Cole but didn’t even touch on Matt’s serious anger issues. I thought that was strange.
I think it’s because Matt got married. They need that to sell the show / experiment. So they didn’t go looking under the hood. If Colleen had said no, they probably would have discussed it.
I am gonna be honest if Matt ever gets physical it shows "the show" can claim we never saw this coming we are not at fault.
Honestly, bartise was way more disrespectful than Cole. Atleast Cole didn't tell his fiancee that he found another girl to be perfect. Bartise was shoving in Nancy's face that he found raven to be a perfect match for him just based on looks.
I agree, I can see him being super abusive. In the reunion, you can read her body language, and it looked off.
Matt seems like he was an abuser in his past relationship.
I hope Cole sees this video somehow. He’s not crazy. There was a lot of toxicity coming from just her end of the relationship, but I’m not sure anyone has told him/confirmed that for him☹️
I was thinking this exactly. I don't think Zanab seeing this video would do much good as she is too defensive to see the truth in it. But I hope he sees this, or similar.
I hope the other ladies from the show watch it (and the cuties video), too. But, after watching “After the Alter:1 Year Later, it’s apparent they did not and still believe Zanab 100%.
@@l.edwards1082 I haven’t watched After the Alter yet. Wow that sucks..
I'm so glad a therapist finally called her out on her crap. Not many others seem to think that way. But you're spot on. I felt the exact same way. She manipulated so many people. Thank you for being unbiased and fair. I would trust you as a therapist for sure.
Exactly, psychologist in Seattle initially was siding with zanab....lolz . Alot of presumptions he made like when did zanab call out her friends for clapping at the altar? That didn't happen. He misinterpreted when she said, "Was it super ghetto when my friends clapped?" while she looked proud that that happened.
@@4ledki Yeah psychologist in Seattle is a nice guy but I definitely don't agree with all his perspectives.
A professional who would be willing to determine anything from a legitimately psychological standpoint for any of these people based on an extremely edited reality television series on Netflix should not be practicing. It is so incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate and if she genuinely believes that we can actually know anything about these people or their relationships from watching this show she's delusional.
@@4ledki yeah I noticed that too I was like my dude that’s not what happened. She also did talk to them to trash about Cole before which when she said no she didn’t she was referring to telling them she was going to say no and that she was going to say that to Cole on the altar. Which dr Honda misinterpretted and I was like my dude no 😭
@@4ledki these days he's been posting videos of his analysis on the Zanab and Cole situation, the cuties scene, the reunion, interviews with both, and his perspective is definitely not pro-Zay.
Can you break down Nancy's BLINDNESS towards bartisse? She's such a strong and smart woman and it was hard watching her be such "weak" and submissive person in that relationship
I agree, it felt like she was willing to settle, and yet, she has so much going for her.
Yea Baritsse thought he was coming up on something. Nancy should have walked away. But I think they get paid to see this through bc there’s no way I thought they would make it.
Many women do this….the majority actually
I don't feel bad for her. She thinks children with disabilities should be aborted. That's disgusting and I think that was the final straw for him.
@@angelrebekah9153 she didn’t say that! A fetus is not a “child.” If a woman knows a pregnancy may be challenging (or for any other reason), she’s allowed to abort
The most telling/horrible moment was in the cuties scene but was not the food thing. It was the fact that he was trying so hard to be kind to her and involve her family, talk about their future and she was clearly not interested. She was cold and dismissive, she knew then that she was saying I don't.
I think at this stage, she already knew what she was planning. She knew there was no future and didnt even bother to entertain his ideas.
I think she was to hurt to really see what he was saying. I think the crew really set them up for more misunderstandings than they were capable to fix so she just lost hope.
Did anyone notice how tense colleen looked during the Reunion? It actually gave me chills to see her this quiet and uneasy
I hope she’s ok her husband could be a bit spoiled, controlling and gaslighty in front of cameras so I hope their relationship is better than what we’ve seen.
She was worried there would be a Cole-Colleen scene again!
Matt reminds me of the husband in “Sleeping with the Enemy” with Julia Roberts. Started off all nice, then not so nice. She should have said NO at the alter. I genuinely fear for her safety and her body language spoke volumes at the Reunion. She is terrified of another blowup from him. He is EXTREMELY VOLATILE.
That’s what I was thinking because that was like the very first thing they mentioned @the reunion and the way Matt reacted everytime they brought it up during the show, I’m sure she was nervous which carried on throughout the rest of the reunion
@@AnnabelleJARankin I thought this too.
I'm a therapist for over 22 years and I have worked with many couples with a similar dynamic. Your comments and analysis was spot on. I felt very frustrated watching this show too. I think that Zanab needs individual therapy to work through her issues. Cole is a little immature but he's also young and my sense is that he would have been a good partner for a woman that was not passive aggressive and had more patience and maturity in the face of his immature moments. This couple was not a match and I think that eventually she would have harmed him much more than he harmed her. The way he broke down crying at the reunion while she was the martyr who had already forgiven him but yet they were still insulting him 🙉
His tears were fake 100%. He gaslit her so much it’s hilarious how everyone is defending him in the comments. I don’t say that she doesn’t have issues and wasn’t gaslighting him as well. But he gaslit her so much like wow
The way he talked to Coleen at the pool party was beyond disrespectful.
Asking her if she was bipolar and using words like thats “insane” and “crazy” is gaslighting in its purest form. You make the other person feel insane and spot their insecurities just to say things that will trigger those insecurities.
Then he gives her a good time again.
And then he says that they connect emotionally but that he connects with Colleen physically. Like how’s that gonna make someone feel. He knew that she has low self esteem. Not his fault, but he knew it and still decided to pull this bullshit. Like, he knew exactly what he was doing.
Also, he told her that she looked “completely different” without makeup. He made a lot of “small comments” that don’t seem that bad and then he plays them down and doesn’t take accountability for his words
And then he cried when she called him out. Because narcs don’t like looking bad in public, and he is so self centered. Omg i never wanted to be the bad guy 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 how could you call me out I mean I just told you that I’m more attracted to someone else whilst being engaged to you and then I flirted with her big time even though I knew that you were already insecure about her, how dare you call me out for that?
Narcs always want a “real” and “deep” relationship even though they aren’t able to have a real bond.
She wasn’t perfect either and I didn’t like her but he was so narcissistic.
You tell me about your insecurities, I will be disrespectful and trigger your insecurities, when you feel more insecure which is just a natural response but I will make you feel like that’s a you problem and I will make you feel like you’re going crazy
And if you don’t stop calling me out I will start crying and playing the victim.
Like how on earth isn’t that screaming narcissist?
even though i was incredibly annoyed at him and how he behaved at some points, he definitely seemed an earnest person who truly loved her. the way he brought up how she just left and didn't talk to him made me think the whole thing was very harmful for him. he seemed a bit depressed tbh
@@fynn8954 girl you have no idea how hard it is to fake crying and emotion like that. The guy looked like a tomato, flushed and red, his face went all ugly and his voice was cracking left and right. He was not faking emotion. Throughout the entire season I just thought of cole as a POS for many things, but he's definitely not the villain here. The cutie story, altar speech, and reunion behaviour of zay really shows her true face.
@@czowiekpismo9541 1) I’m obviously male so Idk where the “girl” is coming from. 2) it’s so easy to fake the tears for someone with NPD. It’s not hard at all. I have ASPD and if you asked me to I could start crying like that in a heartbeat 3) even if you think that the fake tears aren’t fake how can you excuse the rest of his behaviour
@@czowiekpismo9541 1) I’m obviously male so Idk where the “girl” is coming from. 2) it’s so easy to fake the tears for someone with NPD. It’s not hard at all. I have ASPD and if you asked me to I could start crying like that in a heartbeat 3) even if you think that the fake tears aren’t fake how can you excuse the rest of his behaviour
Thank you! Cole never changed. He was the same person in the pods and in the real world. He is always joking and very straightforward no matter if the words may hurt. She chose him knowing this. I honestly had my reservations about him in the beginning but after the chat with Colleen I thought he had hope. After their first night together Zanab completely lost me because she completely demeaned herself placing her worth on how Cole found her attractive when arguably she was the most attractive female on the season. She has absolutely no confidence in herself and for her to try and embarrass Cole and try to portray him the way she did, she’s the one that destroyed his self confidence.
Misery loves company.
That was the craziest part zanab really is a beautiful women. On the reunion she was by far the most good looking women on that couch. But her personality and her insecurities tank her outer beauty
@@AF-gy7vu She’s lighten her hair and still unhappy with herself.
THIS! I’ve been saying this since day one ugh I’m just glad everyone agrees now 😩❤️
I agree. Except for her being the most beautiful. Not so IMHO
Omg yes the cutie scene gave us the light we needed. She’s crazy
100% he was even concerned about her only having a banana that day...i think she really is bipolar
@@ShyTee21 yep she reads things into his words big time
Love Is Blind needs to hire you as the therapist for each couple. They should get a session with you after the proposal, after they move in and get settled and right before the wedding. Another solid analysis! Her insecurities and instability were a huge factor and Coles immaturity and ignorance as well.
Yessss
Cole was insensitive at times but he did not emotionally abuse Znab. She was so insecure that she created an idea of the truth. She lied and said he controlled what she ate. She was always the aggressive one and would storm off whenever he would ask her to be nice.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one that thought the same thing. He has been thrown so much hate when he wasn't even wrong ! I hope he does find a great woman.
Exactly girl.100% agree
She couldn’t let loose, have fun or laugh, acts toxi, stuffy passive aggressive and couldn’t be playful; she’s broken and not on the same page as Cole.
I agree with what you said 10000%
You hit the nail on the head! Zay was insecure from the very beginning. Cole was childish and said some things that weren’t right, but she needs to work on herself some more before going into her next relationship. They ultimately were not right for each other so glad they went their separate ways
So glad!
Yes! This is an "everyone sucks here" situation
Cole never said anything wrong, or felt anything wrong. Everything he said/felt was valid, and was off of the backend of zanab's questioning. Lets put the blame where it is please and stop trying to spread it to cole. Cole spoke the truth at all times even if it may not be deemed nice to hear. DON'T ask if you don't want a certain answer. Women love to do these sh1t tests.. it's exhausting!
And he shouldnt work on himself? Yeah right
@@nevswain478 did you watch the same show? I dont think so
On point! I was so mad about the 'girl power' at the reunion. Like... a woman kan be wrong. A woman can be manipulative. And they just, with no doubt, trusted Zay's version. And no one has apologised to Cole. I'm so saddened and frustrated of the double standards. Men can be victims! He was destroyed TWICE! The nerve of her (and the women AND Brennon)! He was heartbroken and yearning for her approval and she embarrassed him at the altar and the girls think that HE should reach out?! Like why would he?? So glad that you included that. That was just... beyond common sense other than typical gender roles.
Yes!!!! Z was out for blood. She said she could destroy him and damn did she do that. She is so calculating that she managed to get everyone on her side..
Ty for pointing out brennons part in it. He was shucking n jiving fs!
I feel like people keep forgetting that is is all EDITED. How we see Zenab and how we see Cole is fake. The girls at the reunion said there was sooo much more not shown. I don’t think that’s a lie. He was immature and just rude. She was shown as insecure. But please understand all of this is not real.
@@jene70811 true, but there was no need for them to attack him like that..show or not
@@jene70811 Yes I agree, for all we know the editors wanted there to be this narrative arc where at the beginning it was cut to make Cole seem like the bad guy, and by the end, it was revealed that Zay was the bad guy, as to create a dramatic twist for the viewers. The truth is, given how immature Cole was and how he struggled to be able to consider how his words would impact people, I can definitely see him saying way more ridiculous things off-camera. However, the point still stands that Zay brought her insecurities into the relationship and Cole didn't create them, only at most exacerbated them by being more callous than he should have been. I feel like anyone walking away from this thinking they have the whole story and can definitively declare either Cole or Zanab as the "right" or "wrong" one was played by the clearly toxic producers of this show.
To me, this is just a very clear case of complete incompatibility.
It was painful to watch what Cole went through with her. I felt terrible for him, he didn’t deserve what she put him through and I hope one day she can give him an apology for publicly dragging him through hell. I hope he has recovered ok.
Thank you so much for that analysis!!! It makes me feel not crazy because that's exactly how I saw it too. Felt so bad for Cole. He was in no way perfect or without error through this but it really felt like he tried and cared about her. That meal on episode 9 was so painful to watch! Her whole tone and body language said the exact opposite of what she was saying with her words. I appreciate them showing the "Cutie incident" footage soooo much. It clarified to me exactly what was going on.
Right from the argument about Cole not saying “great” and saying “so good” instead I knew it was going to be a tough relationship. She was having issues even before Cole officially met Colleen
That’s a good point
Yep! All all the drama she would cause about her makeup or hair
Yeah the "good" and "great" thing. I saw the look in her eyes and thought the exact same thing you did
I think the people who continue to stand by Zanab hold onto that Colleen scene and ignore the previous scenes where Zanab was already insecure. Who cares if someone uses the word good vs the word great?
That was the exact moment for me too, I was like uh oh....
This was excellent. I was so confused as to why no one could see that Zanaab was the real problem. Cole was immature and reminded me of an innocent, clueless boy. Zanaab was very insecure and her self esteem was already low before Love is blind. I'm so glad the producers showed us the cuties clip. She blew that out of proportion. I felt so so bad for Cole at the reunion. They tried to rip him to shreds. They should've really hopped on Bartise. He was this season's Shake.
Omg yes! I didn't like Cole at first but after seeing those real tears and accountability at the reunion, I have changed my mind. He is so clueless.
That poor guy was so confused as to why she was treating him that way. I would never let anyone treat me and talk to me the way she spoke to him. I hope she gets the help she needs because she is hurting.
The cuties scene showed us exactly how one sided everything from zanab was. Zanab felt attacked by the cuties comment and made her whole narrative around that even though cole showed sorry for her not eating and she didn’t explain to him why that upset her. She internalizes things that are said to her because she won’t actually say what she means. I feel like she deserves the title of nag/insecure woman that we all saw.
I agree. Cole was immature yes, but naive and actually really tried and seemed to really wanted it to work. But because he was also immature, he didn't know how to stand up for himself and people didn't respect him as much. Bartese should have been shredded but he had a false confident front, he was more calculative and he knew how to defend himself. Basically Cole was an easy scape goat. It was heart breaking to see. I wished his parents were standing by his side even if they didn't agree, at least they could have met her and gave him sound advice to run from that rs.
Legit! Bartise and Nancy was definitely more of a Shake and Deepti situation. I couldn’t stand him.
I, too, am a therapist (Marriage and Family Therapists stand up!!!) and I agree WHOLEHEARTEDLY with your analysis of Cole and Zanab's relationship. I have nothing to add... I couldnt have said it better myself! Zanab has some work to do and I truly hurt for Cole. I can only imagine how he felt when it felt like no one saw his intentions and I honestly believe he had good intentions from the start!
My boyfriend is currently in grad school for LMFT and this relationship was absolutely a rollercoaster to watch together. Our conversations and thoughts on "who's right and wrong" in this relationship 1000% line up with your analysis. It was hard to watch Cole get shit on like he was at the wedding and reunion. I'm all here for women supporting women but none of the women at the reunion had any corroborating evidence for the things that Zay was accusing Cole of. I felt bad for him. He had opportunity to in turn villainize Zay for her own passive aggression but instead clarified that though the editing made him "look goofy and her naggy" his reality as he experienced it was much more in the middle. That was very mature of him to bring up. Getting to see the full context of "the cutie story" was so illuminating.
Yeah, seeing him downplay her incessant digs to shield her from criticism while watching her turn his absolute nothing comments into a narrative about controlling abuse is really all anyone should need to see.
He had already said she was lying twice on the reunion show by then, but was still making excuses for her.
I would’ve gone nuclear in that situation.
One thing I want people, especially women, to know is that supporting women includes telling us when we're wrong. Nobody gets that.
Cole rejection at the altar was traumatizing. All the time I saw the relationship was toxic and I wished if it could be broken before getting to the altar. How do you say that you love someone at tear them down like that?
Please do Matt and Colleen next! I really feel like he presented a lot of DV characteristics and was very concerned for their relationship!
Agree
He’s scared me too.
What does DV mean?
Please
@@anne2872 domestic violence
You know what? With the way she portrayed the Cutie’s story, I can imagine she might have asked Cole what he did at his bachelor party, if he had fun, flirted with any girls, etc. and maybe he responded sarcastically “oh yeah Zae, some girl tried to kiss me and even gave me her number”. Or he didn’t even say any of that at all, because he seemed so thrown with her claims about that happening. I agree, her tone was so frustrating to me during the season. I’m a big person on tone, and I could understand his concerns with the way they interacted. Overall, I agree with all that you said. I’m not on either of their side but I don’t think Cole was as bad as they tried to make him seem.
Thanks for that … I guess you could be right actually. Funny thing about the cuties story was that she almost quoted him perfectly, but watching that scene changes everything.
I'm thinking the same in regards to the bachelor's party. It was probably a sarcastic throw-away comment, and he didn't remember because it was just joke. Honestly, he's just immature and doesn't have tact with his poor attempts at honesty. He still has a lot of growing to do, and I'm sure this experience has accelerated his maturation.
@@shannon9849 Agree as well … he made himself way too dependent on her approval. And yes, he acted like a dork sometimes. He was married for a couple of years - which is also why I guess he lacks a lot of experience in relationships and characters.
@@Falcodevienna didn’t he say he was only married for two months before?
@@Falcodevienna Cole was only married for a few months at one point. He explained that that entire relationship was less than a year long, from dating to divorce.
About the bipolar scene, Cole was asked about it in an interview and he said he did not just ask it all of a sudden, there was a context but it was cut out. Zanab told him things like "oh You probably think i'm bipolar" multiple times so in that moment what he really meant was "so are You really bipolar as You keep saying?" but it definitely came out the wrong way.
It's funny because I was just asking myself the same question if she was bipolar 🤣 and then he asked her. I was like tbh that is a valid question on his end because the way she's been acting, like there is something there underneath. It's not normal for someone to be acting like that.
the smurk on his face has also cut off? oh boy
@@rinverno9 it has a lot to do with the editing, now If You choose to believe him or her its your choice; imo Cole is no saint but between him and Zanab i think its clear which one is the liar.
Honestly I thought there was more to that. Zay is someone who goes off by being a victim. And that’s the role she’s been playing since she was a kid.
Our society is so sensitive and there is almost no right way to say "yo are you mental? Like do you need professional help? bc I'm not a doctor but this isn't normal"
Also if that is true that she literally used the same wording of bipolar previously then it makes much more sense, especially with regard to other times she did that in the show.
She constantly manifests her own insecurities and then when someone else dares to echo or suggests anything that she could take as confirmation, she vilified them.
Perfect analysis! Zanab was so hurt inside that she needed to hurt everyone around her. I truly hope she seeks therapy, she deserves to be happy and also, I’m so glad they didn’t end up together, Cole is such a nice guy, he deserves someone amazing!
I'm completely blown away... the whole time I was on Z's side but hearing you go through each of these moments made me realize I was missing some glaringly obvious signs that she was in fact gaslighting him! I'm immediately heading to your video about cognitive distortions next.
Whoa watch sixteenleo as well. He made a long video about this topic.
I'm glad I was never taken in by that woman's lies.
Same here!
Steph this is the first therapist review of this situation (out of MANY I have watched) that hasn't made me feel like I must have just perceived it all wrong. I was nodding along to everything you were saying like YES, THANK YOU!! So glad you made this video.
Ditto!!!
Sameee.. I kept on saying yes, YES and yes
Those other videos is why I find therapy so frustrating at times. I always feel like they want to make excuses for my shortcomings and not give me practical strategies for growth. I’m not going to a therapist because I think I’m emotionally solid and just want validation.
THE TOOOONNNNEEEEEE ughhhhh yes
Really nice to see a THERAPIST agree that cole was not as bad of a villain as zenab wanted to paint him to be. I’ve seen so many people on instagram and the girls in the cast call him some horrible names that I definitely didn’t think was warranted. Thank you for your perspective!
I’m glad you brought up the comparison with Deepti, like you said she really believes what she was accusing Cole of and thought she had an empowering moment calling him out in front of everyone 🥴
If anyone, I wish Nancy had that Deepti moment!!
Yes! I thought for sure Nancy was going to have that moment!
Deepti’s wedding was a week before Zanab’s. She didn’t know who Deepti was or what she said at the alter. It’s a little irresponsible of Anya to share this tbh; just shows how even therapists approach these shows with their own biases and have blind spots…
@@ZS-dd1lf That's true! But Anya said Zainab wanted to have the same moment as Deepti, not because she wanted to be a Deepti 2.0 :)
@@ZS-dd1lf that’s inaccurate they weren’t even in the same season
@@terickastidbits2342 they filmed the seasons at the same time and aired the chicago one first and then this one months later; hence the quick turnaround from season 2 to 3
Zay had severe self esteem issues before meeting Cole. She will never be happy with anyone until she can learn to love herself. I'm so glad you mentioned this. 9:00...the questions she asked Cole were set ups! There was no answer that would satisfy her. And her passive aggressiveness is vicious!
Omgosh thank you! I just finished the season and have been struggling with this. I have a lot of similarities to Zay and found myself having a coming to Jesus moment because it broke my heart for Cole. At first I thought I was missing something because I truly felt Cole was trying and the tone of Zay was absolutely gut wrenching. So to see the feedback and not just supporting another female just because but looking at the bigger picture made me feel better as a human being to not agree with Zay.
I wish Cole all the best and I am definitely going to do a lot more self reflecting because I don't want to continue to be a Zanab in this world. Self love and confidence comes from within.
I knew from the first 20 hrs of their interaction that she wasn’t secure enough… that night when she took her makeup off and said do you still like me even though I look like such a different person, in the morning when her expectation of him having coffee/breakfast ready for her wasn’t met she gave him the silent treatment because she didn’t think he had a good time the previous night, when they had a little tiff about her saying that he didn’t have as fun the previous night as she did because she used the word great to describe it when he used the phrase so so good, when they were playing the games during their date and she said if he didn’t like her anymore because she didn’t know how to play… those were all moments where she showcased her insecurities and that was before they met up with the other couples
Zanab lives in Zanab’s world. She is bloody exhausting. She skews E-VE-RY-THING. She needs to get off her self-righteous martyr horse. She’s like a 12 year old acting like she’s got it all figured out. What she did to Cole at the alter was unforgivable. The face of one of the guests said it all like WTF! THIS is when you chose to say all this shit. She wanted to bury Cole. She should be the one asking for forgiveness instead of acting like she’s the bigger person. She’s NOT.
@@MsQuantification she defends her actions at the wedding by saying that he needed to hear all that and that he shouldn’t get away with treating women the way he treated her, but she could have just said no and went to go talk privately about it and then let him know how she felt. Like it’s ok to let someone know how their actions make you feel but the way she went about it she wanted to humiliate him in front of everyone. And I won’t believe for a second her friends didn’t know what she was going to do because the way the clapped it wasn’t something someone who is shocked would do.
@@mariateperez4832 that clapping scene pissed me off….because they embarrassed that man big time
@@jesss749 like I was jaw dropped during her whole monologue and then how they clap as she’s walking down the aisle I’m like way to add insult to injury…
especially when she puts all the work onto him to fix the way she was thinking. I was honestly surprised when I saw him start saying things she was asking for, and then she would still not be happy
Anxious avoidant here and I saw a lot of myself in Zay. I'm still in the process of healing but self-awareness is the first step (it was difficult to realise that actually yes I was the problem a lot of the time and actively contributing to the demise of important connections) and I hope Zanab gets there at least so she doesn't continue to hurt her partners and have the healthy relationship she deserves.
This is so spot on how I’ve felt watching this show. As someone with an anxious avoidant attachment style myself, I saw so much of my toxic traits in Zanab. It took a lot for me to grow and become more cognizant of my own behaviors. A big part of that was being vulnerable and building psychological safety with my husband.
Me too, me too.
Same here! Glad to know I’m not alone! It was very eye opening seeing how she was seeing things through a clouded lens of her insecurities.
What does building psychological safety look like?
@@terrapurvis6541 It looks different for everyone, but for me it’s developing trust and a non-judgement zone with someone that allows you to be vulnerable to share your feelings and experiences.
You are spot on girl! I had her number from the beginning all the way to the end, she loved the martyr/victim. That girl is seriously got some issues and all the way through watching the show I kept saying right out loud to myself she needs some help. She did him such a wonderful favor by not going through with what would’ve beenso destructive. Thank you for sharing.
This was a weird season for me! Usually, I either find couples I like Cameron and Lauren, or half of a pairing that I like, like Deepti but not Shake. This time, I didn't like any of the couples together, but I liked halves. But to my surprise, every single one of those halves changed my mind during the season! In this particular case, I originally liked Zanab, but was wary of Cole because he seemed like such an immature playboy. However, as I watched, he really seemed to be making an effort (yes with a few screw-ups I chalk up to his immaturity and lack of knowledge). She, however, was really leading him into tests and no-win situations, then getting petty and passive-aggressive when things didn't go her way (or for no apparent reason). The part in the finale when she said their compilation "made me out to look like a b-," no. She was doing fine at that on her own, it wasn't editing. Ripping into him at their *wedding,* in front of his friends and family, gaslighting and blaming him for her insecurities, and then being proud that her friends *clapped?* She could have gone out with class and strength, like Deepti did. Instead, IMO she went out looking petty, cruel, and classless.
Everything you said was so spot on. I felt the exact same way. I lost major respect for Alexa and Colleen for making a making it a point to state on their IG’s that they’re not apologizing to Cole and staying by Z’s side after the reunion aired.
The first conversation in the honeymoon suite, you could see she was taking things he said differently than his intentions. She also didn't say, what did you mean by that? and instead made assumptions about his intentions. I am going through therapy currently and have a similar relationship with a loved one. It's like you speak different languages.
This is so weird because I feel like I went through this with a friend. She ended our friendship because apparently I made her “walk on eggshells” but I have never been abusive or mean towards her, and was really confused that she said that. When I think about it I feel like maybe she was viewing me and what I was saying differently then what was actually happening. I feel like she had a negative perception about me and viewing what I said or did through that lens, similar to the Zay/Cole situation although my experience is in a platonic friendship. I don’t know, I just felt like Cole at the reunion who was confused by everything.
This was a helpful analysis and spot on! I agree that Zay came in with deep rooted issues that Cole was not equipped nor responsible to help overcome. She was calculated with the reunion and took no accountability for any of her actions. The alter scene was the icing on the cake and to receive an applause was the shocker. Despite his immature moments and flaws he still deserved respect. I hope she gets the help she needs but its kinda hard to see the plank in your eye when you're being cheered for on social media.
Omg THANK YOU for this. I watched the reunion episode in shock. I completly agree with your analysis! This is the way I felt through out. This was A+. I would really love to hear your analysis of Matt and Coleen next. And than maybe Nancy and Bartise. So glad I found your channel!
Thank you for this video. The way Zanab treated Cole and how he was made out as the villain was triggering for me because I was in a similar relationship with my best friend for years. It seriously effected my own self-esteem, made me constantly second-guess myself to the point I couldn't trust how I came across to anyone, began to think I was effortlessly and accidentally an out-of-control asshole, and even that maybe I didn't understand my own motivations. I loved this person and only wanted to support them, but somehow I was hurting them instead. You really helped put that in perspective for me with Cole & Zanab as an example.
Amen! Thank you so much. This was the most balanced analysis I've seen. Everyone seems to be either all on Cole's or all on Zay's side. Now I definitely lean a little more to Cole's side, but they both have a lot to work on and were just incompatible in the end.
Thank you! I agree with you completely
That is very well put! The first moment I saw Zanab starting to obsess over Colleen I thought "Oh no. Please don't ruin this with insecurity. Please get over the passive aggressiveness." And it only got worse and worse. And Cole just kept acting like a twenty-something frat bro. I do wish Zanab would stop going after Cole as a way to defend herself post show.
The thing that stands out to me is they both have things to work on - but Cole accepts it and Zay doesn’t see anything wrong with herself. She comes off as someone who has fake self confidence to cover all her insecurities .
When she gave that speech at the wedding - I just knew it was more than revenge to her, she wanted to break him in front of people. She wanted him to cry. That is pure evil. She finally got that at the reunion, which is why she was saying "I forgive you" to Cole but again, she wanted him to break down which he did. She is a really bad person in my eyes.
She is evil. Saying I forgive you with a poker face when he broke down into tears. I feel sorry for Cole. He deserves justice.
Ya her speech was 100000% rehearsed. She knew exactly what she was doing. Very calculated. My heart BROKe for poor Cole
I find her to be very rehearsed in general especially on camera. She's tactical because she has a motive. She doesn't even know how to have a sense of humor..her take on a sense of humor is being passive. I get that Cole was silly alot but my goodness. I think she knew how dry her personality was on camera that she felt the only way to deflect was to ostracize and twist his intentions. Smh..
@@selenayang1289 Agreed. Which makes her all the more devious imo.
She'd been planning this for long enough to act nice to Cole's face while knowing she wanted to do this to him.
How can you be that fake to somebody's face? Crazy stuff.
yes I feel like she was plotting it for weeks, and she just had him convinced that she was going to say yes when in reality, she was going to say no and belittle him all along
Love your perspective. You should definitely be a consultant on the show. Someone send this video to Zay!
Wow, thank you!
I completely agree! They need to cut Steph Anya a check!
Unfortunately I feel like if Zay saw this she would still deny her behaviour and try to distort reality
💯
I was so happy to find this analysis because watching Zanab all season I felt to my core all the things you mentioned about how she twisted all the things
You gained yourself a follower, you were so spot on with this analysis
I could be wrong, but in the pool scene, I took what Colleen meant was more along the lines of “If we had met in a bar, you would have been someone I approach and would have gone for.” Because we had just seen her so happy with Matt, and we never saw her talk about being interested in Cole after they stopped dating in the pods. So I think she was being polite but not flirting the way Cole was intending. She wasn’t confused or struggling with being attracted to Matt.
Did you watch her body language? How she touches her hair?
Exactly! They made it a big deal than it was.
That’s exactly what Cole said when he explained to Matt what happened. He said colleen wasn’t interested at all and it wasn’t her fault. He completely made sure Colleen was in the clear.
ah yes.. two people say the same thing with same body language.... and the woman gets the out, the man stays the villain. typical.. lmfao..
@@nevswain478 Exactly! People don't even realize how biased they are...
I'm not saying Colleen was ready to jump Cole's bones, but she was clearly reciprocating the flattering.
I feel like I need you to be on the reunion of season 4 (if there is one) and tell them exactly how it is!!! Because I love your take on these stuffs!!
YES! Like can we swap Nick & Jess for our good sis Anya!! 😂
Seriously, at this point we need her
This is deep and feels spot on. The scary part is that I also think I resonate with the anxious avoidance diagnosis. I feel like you gave me something to work with when seeking therapy for myself.
I hope that somehow either Cole or Zanab stumble upon this video, and get to see things from your professional perspective. Your review clarified that Zanab wasn't ready to confront her trauma and heal while the show was going on, and hopefully she does someday. Cole on the other hand just needs more life experience so he can mature and learn a bit more about commitment; as well as trusting his gut when something isn't right. Thank you for sharing.
This is the best reflection I’ve heard. Thank you
Was waiting for this!!! So good and thorough and the whole time I was like “damn, I can’t wait to be as intelligent in this field as her!”
Please do Bartise and Nancy next because girlllllll my jaw was dropped for most of their mixed bag of interactions. They barely touched on them in the reunion and I would love your take on it! Thank you for what you do❤️
Having a therapist like you to check in with the couples would be such a welcome addition to the show IMO.
This is most balanced analysis I’ve seen. I was so tired of saying ppl pick sides when their we’re instances where both were wrong. I agree with you on the analysis of her as well. All these tests and the passive aggressive plus his immaturity actually annoyed me to the point that when they came on screen, I couldn’t wait for their scene to end cuz they were both too different
Love your analogy! I couldn't agree more.
Just watched your video! I love that while you criticized Zanab, you also were fair and addressed Cole's problematic behaviour too. As someone who went to therapy for severe anxiety, you learn that your sense of reality can sometimes be warped. I think Zanab is just unhealthy but I hope she is able to see the light like I did.
I loved LOVED that they showed what was real about the cutie incident. It was amazing and horrible to watch the light drain from cole’s face throughout the weeks of abuse from zanab
Right? He was like this naive bright eyed kids at the start but during the reunion, he look exhausted and bereft. I think her toxicity really took a toll on his mental and emotional health. The show also didn't do him justice by making him the scape goat and protected Bartise. They should have showed the pool scene of Bartise and raven. He was way worse than Cole at the pool towards Raven.
Your description of anxious avoidant is really kind and caring towards Zanab❤
Your analysis is so spot on for me. You captured it really well and you presented it in a balanced way.
She never took accountability, even after the cuties video aired, coupled with the fact that she clearly bad mouthed him to the girls, ...all of that made it even worse. It feels like she intentionally wanted to hurt him. I know that we do not have all of the facts but that is just how I feel about it. I hope she reflects and I really hope Cole can get happier.
Nice analysis, spot on 👍🏻
This THE BEST breakdown of these two. I'll admit, that I got sucked in by Zanab. My best friend kept saying "can't you see what she's doing?!" Once I saw the reunion and then the extra cutie oranges footage I was floored. She really was awful.
What a great analysis! I’m in my forties but struggled with a lot of similar confidence issues in my twenties and thirties that Zae did and I could see clearly that she was engaging in self destructive speech in her relationship out of a desire to feel security fromCole. we should not expect that from our partners. We need to feel confident and secure in our own right, but only time and therapy got me there, hopefully she gets there too.
Oh hell yes! This is going to be so good. The reactions from Licensed MH professionals online has been such a mixed bag. I’m awaiting your take!!
Yes!!! Can you make it tonight??
Already turned on the notification! 🕺🏾
THANK YOU! I had the same thoughts on their relationship and felt so bad that he was getting attacked from all sides at the reunion. You can see she was blaming Cole the whole time for her insecurities.
I know I’m a year late but I’m so glad I’m not alone in this! It seemed SO obvious to me that she was just plain nasty to him and looked for problems where there weren’t any! I was shocked that so many people were on her side in the end…
I hope in some way Cole is able to see this video. I believe he needs to hear this, he was so hurt! This still pains me.
Let’s hope they both see all of the videos!
He has confirmed that he has been in therapy since the show, so hopefully he has an amazing therapist who tells him this.
I agree! Thank you to this therapist for calling Zae out! Until she receives help, all of her relationships will end badly. Cole said some dumb things but he wasn’t malicious. She was. I hope Cole can find a woman who makes love easy.
I love that you are able to be objective in your analysis while showing empathy to both of them.
I like how balanced you were, and you hit the nail on the head when you said that the potential for issues in their relationship started when Cole said "You're not the type of girl I'd go for, but you are what I need."
I didn't even remember that until the wedding recap, but when I saw it I was like "Ooooooh ok. There's where it started."
Cole was definitely not the villain. I’m glad this video exists.
my mom came in the room when i was watching this season and after hearing Zanab talk for 30 seconds goes “I don’t like her. She’s mean.” 😂
FINALLY!! Someone speaking the truth on this coupe! Gosh - Zaynab was so painful to watch and I truly believed Cole when he said SHE destroyed him
I felt the same about this situation-I don’t know how intentional her portrayal of the situation was but her insecurities were so apparent and painful to watch. I also think the two of them showed a lack of self awareness-the way you describe her projection and gaslighting was really spot on, and it was shocking to see her act that way toward him then talk about how much she loved him and wanted to marry him. On his end I think he seemed to lack the emotional intelligence to recognize what was happening and would lash out or defend himself without understanding how his reactions were being perceived. His heartbreak at the end is believable because I think he really has no idea what happened and read the whole situation completely incorrectly
Wow...this was THE MOST SPOT ON & BALANCED perspective!!
Both of them and the entire LIB crew including the hosts need to see this!
Both of them were clearly not meant to be together!
ZANAB needs to build herself up, a lot of work here & I hope Cole grows up too!
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for this video! It bugged me so much how Cole was picked on so much and everyone was taking Zanab’s side. There were definitely mistakes that Cole did but he didn’t need to be treated as the villain. You were spot on in that she had certain expectations that he could never reach. It seemed like no matter what he did it just wasn’t good enough. How she treated Cole at the wedding made me so mad. That was crossing the line and you NEVER say such hurtful things in front of family and friends. That is something that should be talked about in a room with just the two of them. And then seeing Cole so broken at the reunion, while everyone rolled their eyes at him was heartbreaking. I truly hope they can get some help with good therapist, like you. It makes sense that with all that Zanab faced with losing her parents, her self esteem and insecurities are low to where she truly believes what happened really did. I’m relieved that they didn’t go through with the marriage. It was a toxic relationship and it needed to end. Thank you so much for giving the point of view through a licensed Marriage Counselor. You did such a great job looking at both points of view and digging deep into the deeper roots that they were dealing with. So many people who bring up this couple on their channel have chosen one side to take. It seems like a large majority took Zanab’s word over his. It is so refreshing to hear someone speak out about what really happened. Thank you.
Im ngl, Zanab was the hardest for me to watch in all the seasons cause her perception of everything was just soooo off, and I never thought Cole was the villain, when she started with that "policing my eating" I was like ".... knowing you, that's probably not quite what happened" I was like screaming st my screen that she should go to therapy
THIS VIDEO. YESSS!!!
Exactly what I've been thinking based on everything shown (since we can't make assumptions based on speculation). I'm soooo glad I found you. For a second, I thought I was going crazy.
THANK YOUUUU!!!! ❤️ 💙
Glad you enjoyed it!
Tysm for this video. I just finished watching the reunion and it made me really emotional. I have been friends with someone like Zanab before and it was really triggering to watch her treat him like that and then turn around and vilify him to the girls. And seeing the other girls belittle him and defend her hurt so bad. I've lost insanely close friendships because of a girl like her and I know how much it hurts. You question your sanity, your reality, your behavior, your ability to love and whether or not you deserve it. I really hope she gets help because if she doesn't she'll continue doing this to every person in her life until she feels superior to everyone around her. I wish nothing but the best to Cole and hope he finds a woman who will treat him with kindness and love.
I’m sorry that happened to you, and while I don’t wish that situation on you it makes me feel relieved to find someone who understands the same experience as me.
Ahhh thank you for talking about this! The tone was everything for me. She constantly said she was so ready to marry him when she very obviously was not and her tone and actions communicated that clearly.
This is it! This is what the reunion show needs, a therapist to go through the season and really bring people to a point of realization. This is what is missing! Not the silly surface questions, but rather serious questions that can actually HELP these people not only prepare for marriage or to live better as married couples and to grow as people in general
Agreed, they were both problematic but she really wasn't even able to see the situation for what it was.
Edit: please talk about Matt and his aggression! That was scary!
CUTIES STORY: didn’t prove anything to Zanab‘a allegations. He genuinely was asking why aren’t you eating at all. When he started crying on that couch when lies were being told - I felt that so deep because I’ve been there before. Ppl lying/manipulating the story to have power over me 😡 Zanab told herself unnecessary stories that just weren’t true. And Cole just needed to be more mature towards Zanab.
I think she really believed the stories, Trauma can get you to have distorted experiences based on your dark past. To her this is all very painful and not to manipulate anyone
So much of your analysis resonates with how I felt watch their “love” story. I was once in the place of the girls around Z, where I was believing the manipulative tactics my friend was reframing interactions with her husband. I started picking up on very small discrepancies in her version of the “truth” eventually, but sadly never gave the man in the situation (who was also a mutual friend) an opportunity to speak for himself and expose his “truth.” It got to extreme toxic levels and when he had the “breakdown” moment similar to Cole during their reunion, I think I realized that I’d been hoodwinked by my friend. This was all 15 years ago, and watching C and Z (and the mean girls/Brennan club react the way they did) brought back enough trauma that I actually reached out to the man to apologize. Never too late to give an apology, I believe.
I am so glad you made this because I saw what you saw and was so sad how much of a villain she tried to make him out to be. Was he immature, yes, but I saw him trying to grow throughout the season. Her speech at the wedding was out of order. Like you said she had no self esteem to shatter.
THIS WAS SO GRATIFYING TO WATCH!!!
It was the way they were all laughing at the playback of her scenes where she was chewing him out. All while they accused him of not taking accountability when he was the one apologizing throughout the season!!
Omg this was SUCH a great analysis. I've gone on a rabbit hole of Love is Blind reactions and this hit it out of the park. Every point you mentioned was right on the mark. The most frustrating point is that even through to the end, Zay had this self entitled no remorse attitude and Cole broke down and you mentioned didnnot look like he was doing well at all. I hope they heal, I hope Zay gets therapy and grows from this.