men's obsession with women's “purity” and innocence + let’s talk about privilege[poor things review]
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- Опубліковано 15 лют 2024
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In this episode, Elle discusses the detrimental societal obsession men have with women's innocence and 'purity', and the implications of this objectification. She encourages women not to internalize these harmful narratives. Elle highlights the liberating effect of financial privilege and education, exemplified through the character of Bella in Poor Things, who outgrows her less appealing partner as she becomes older and more educated. She stresses the importance of both financial stability and education, and advises listeners to seek alternative forms of education if traditional paths may lead to financial disadvantage. Elle also talks about how money AND education are a girl’s best friend… and okay maybe diamonds… but money AND education FIRST!
![how to reclaim feminine energy [from masculine and miserable to feminine and thriving]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/etzPrHbczvk/mqdefault.jpg)
![how to reclaim feminine energy [from masculine and miserable to feminine and thriving]](/img/tr.png)
![women gatekeep relationships… not men [groom’s gross vows]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NHgDIXnVb-8/mqdefault.jpg)
As someone who is keeping myself for marriage, I demand a husband who is also a virgin. And every single time that I have turned men down because they are not virgins, they act astonished 😂
The hypocrisy 😂
@@melchiorlise2466 Yes… I tell them that them being sexually immoral is a problem for me. However, they still try to convince me that they are the „right one“. 😝
👏🏿
And they claim they are religious too lol. No religious person sin and walk around judging.
@@ragsrare3771 Yes, judgment is only for women who had that one relationship when they were teenagers and kissed s couple of times. Meanwhile they sleep with the whole city and have the audacity to think they deserve a pure woman.
"Innocent and pure" often equates to "obedient with low standards for male behavior, because she has no experience."
Spot on 👏
It also lowkey means ‘young as possible’ 🧐
@@loganmiller6603I mean take a look at Andrew tate back in romania messaging those 16+ year old girls and commenting on 20+ being too old for him lmao
Exactly. Whenever they talk about "innocence" what theyre really referring to is "uneducated enough to have no real world understanding/experience"
@@Animalisticmonkeyso you’d date a child? What’s your proof? You’re saying women like not everyone’s different?
Its almost like "they are the impurity" 😂
😂😂
Because they are.
@@moonlightsky4840And they are well aware of what they are.
@@miyangtangwan7046 right. My father taught me how unpure men are. Even my own boyfriend finds guys repulsive and dangerous, he wants nothing to do with them as much as i do 😂
Loved it
Born sexy yesterday. I think thats what the trope is called and its very popular. Women characters having adult bodies and the innocence of a child. No resistance. No individuality. The man becomes some kind of god to the woman who knows nothing about the world. Very very disturbing when you analyse it.
@VixxKong2 she is that trope because the trope isn't about the woman's thoughts it's about the men's reaction to the woman.
I think Pop Culture Detective did a video on that trope
Yup!
I remember watching The 5th Element as a teenager with my boyfriend, his best friend and my younger sister.
Mila's basically born a full grown super model wearing a few strategic bandaids!
My boyfriend's BFF is going on and on about how hot she is!
And then he said "awe... You know....
I'm not sure why but.....She was cuter before she learned how to talk!“🤢🤮
That guy was tryna to date my little sister too!
She's a Scorpio and has never been one to hold her tongue when disgusted and so she let him have it!
And demanded he drive us home!
He did! 😂
I've always admired the balls on her!
She's 5 foot and was 15 at the time too! 🔥
@@Mavaros90THAT!!!
@@Mavaros90 did we watch the same movie? Bella is a headache for those guys. And yes, it explores her evolving through life.
I mean, the director is very obsessed with the movie making extremely erotic that the actress is amazing, the level of courage to portray that woman in the sense this director wanted it. It's a good movie, depending on who's watching
00:30 men think that contact with men takes away a womans "value".
It's like men are admitting that men are detrimental to women. Its like they are admitting that men devalue woman. Its like they are admitting that men want to use, discard, and depreciate women.
How men have these views but still think they are the desirable prizes is baffling nonsensical and illogical. Like how are they the prize when their mere presence is tarnishing?
Yes vs a good man who sees a woman as a human being and not an object to be used and discarded. It’s a mindset and how they see and interact with the world. Your inherent worth can never be degraded. Good people know how to treat others with compassion and humanity 💕
This is deep! I just saw a video about some dusty man publicly complaining about his wife's body after pregnancy. I was like, Sir, you did that. It's your fault. You wanted kids. They want us to marry and have children with them and then complain because of the natural consequences of that they caused themselves, and discard to do it again with someone else.🤔 It is a paradox. Just say up front bad guys that you want the kid but you'll consider the woman ruined afterwards. Just say your only purpose is destroying other people and tossing them aside and blaming them for it. Yikes
That's true. I was "pure" until my wedding, guess what ? My ex wanted to degrade me. I refused, and he left me for "bad girls" because I was too annoying. 😂
And also, they want "fragility" not purity, they think pure girls are ok with being abused, cheating on, and never gonna leaves them.
I was in that situation
You are spot on 👏👏
@@ia7072not all men like that
Men who want women without much experience while not being the same are likely to use this because women without experience are easier to manipulate. It’s the same when men date younger girls. There are men who don’t have this intentions I know but that’s what I heard from the majority 🤷♀️
😭😭
Facts! This has been my expirience as someone completely inexperienced. That's why I have to hide it from them and just stay AWAY as soon as they show their sick intentions.
Truth! I'm not very experienced in dating even though I'm older (late 30s). I'm abstinent and it's very weird to me when guys find out I'm abstinent and they immediately equate it with "innocence" and "purity". On the flip side, when guys hear my jokes, they're surprised when they learn I'm abstinent and don't drink, smoke, etc. I've yet to meet a guy who can accept that women can choose abstinence without equating it with being "pure" and not try to manipulate her.
Fact, I was virgin until my wedding but I'm independent. Men thinks "pure girl = ok with abuse, cheating and so on ✅"
@@HaleyMaryMen are deliberately simple and limiting when it comes to knowing women.
_"Never ever believe what a below, bare minimum, low effort man, in survival mode, tells you about yourself."_
Unless it's positive, I guess. Not hate but Im confused
@@mariadoroshenko1505
Friend, a below, bare minimum, low effort man, has nothing positive to say to a woman. These kinds of men are in survival mode, and when people are in survival mode they are (usually) miserable, jealous & tend to do and say some pretty cruel things to other people around them. Often times on purpose. Which is why Elle said never believe what _/those/_ type of men tell you about yourself. They are simply passing out their misery & frustration on you in the hopes of diminishing your self confidence.
@@multifandomharlotok, got you. I had a different understanding of below bare minimum. Luckily, I've never met the type of person you're describing.
Every time I was hurt by a male HE was in goddam survival mode 😭
@@Girlyppop
It's always them! They're a plague.
As a 22 year old virgin by choice (not religious), I've had to protect myself by hiding the truth about me from men and the few women that wanted to set me up to be used. I haven't met a man worthy of trust (except my dad) because, in my experience, most just want to get you in bed, be the first and leave. Even tho I dress modestly and I'm very clear of only wanting a serious relationship based on respect, love, financial stability of both and trust. It honestly feels like there's no hope.
Yeah, it's almost like these things make us women even more of a target for men with bad intentions
@@pepperchan6471 that seems to be the case and I never understood why.
There is always hope. Also no need to feel bad about withholding a personal detail like that. You are free to choose what information you reveal about yourself.
Be patient ♥️ I was like you and I trusted the wrong guy in college and felt horrible and had to do shadow work to go back and be very compassionate with myself through his manipulation and SA. A year later I met my now husband. There’s a good man out there who is your match :) just never sacrifice your values and principles. Those matter to you. You matter to you.
@@HauteHorizon Thank you❤
Purity culture and beauty standards are simply another form of oppression and control. Every woman should maintain herself to her standards but never fall for the trap and should never get herself caught in the hamster wheel. The first time any man disrespects her is the last time she should show the door.
THIS
Standards of beauty have always been unrealistic. Women take them too seriously.
@@valerietaylor9615 it's not like it was easy to detach from society standards for women
It's gross, disgusting, and very creepy when a father is obsessed with his daughter's sex life and makes a big deal about not wanting her to ever have sex (since they don't want to lose that image of their daughters being pure, innocent etc). The idea that a girl loses her innocence and purity if she has sex is very harmful since it's just flat-out shaming women for being sexual beings. Fathers who think that way and think that their daughters will lose their innocence and purity by having sex are very disgusting in my opinion.
Men who act like their daughters are ruined after they have sex for the first time are basically supporting rape culture. These ideas are just making it harder on female rape victims than it is already is for them.
Take "Elizabeth Smart" for an example. She is now an activist against child abuse and sexual exploitation, who was kidnapped when she was 14, raped and held for nine months before she escaped. At a forum last year, Smart talked about the way that abstinence-only education made her feel "dirty and filthy" after she was raped.
"That's how easy it is to feel like you no longer have worth, you no longer have value. Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued? Your life still has no value."
Elizabeth Smart's story just shows how harmful those ideas are to women. If men actually care about their daughters and other females in their life, they would not want to support those ideas.
Do you think beauty standards are pushed by men or women?
Most of the men I know prefer natural. It's women that are pushing bbl and cat face Botox.
I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend when I was 18/19 (He was 24 and not a virgin) and he kept reminding me about how proud he was for taking my virginity. He literally brought it up once a week. I eventually told him I slept with one guy before him 😂. He believed it and he wasn’t happy about it lmao. I was planning on breaking up with him anyways and his misplaced pride for taking something from me (in his mind) enraged me😆. I had to take that power back!
You’re a queen for this omg
@@Yomel123 for real, I would not have thought to say that
YO GO GIRL
The way men gaslight women into thinking all they deserve to be is to be a mother and a trophy to assert masculinity is just awful, real masculinity is loving women old or young and not expecting them to be just their housewife/mother
But for real, a guy I dated told me when we broke up that I should never allow myself to become someone’s “status symbol” again, like he felt bad for me🤦♀️ hopeless!
This reminds me of Elvis and Priscilla Presley’s relationship a bit, where he groomed her from age 14 and went on to marry her and almost made her like his doll, only for that to lead to lack of intimacy between them and him justifying his infidelity because she was too “pure”.
This ^^
Iirc after she fell pregnant he lost all interest in her 😒
I hate seeing teen girls on TikTok romanticize and even defend the abuse she went through just bc they like his music or thought they made an aesthetically pleasing looking couple. It’s really sad
He lost physical interest after she had LOST her supposed pureness. Not the other way around. After she had had sex with him and had birthed his child, she was no longer his perfect, innocent virgin girl. He even disliked that her body had become curvier and more mature after the pregnancy.
She was now a mother. And since he had idolized his own, self sacrificing mother like a goddess (for having lived to only love and serve her one child) Priscilla became the same in his eyes: untouchable and sexless.
A mother can no longer fill the role of being a plaything and wh**re in a man´s bedroom (for men of Elvis´s mindset and personal issues).
And she was now someone who had to give all her time and love to a(nother) child in his eyes - because Elvis was nothing but an eternal, selfish, overgrown man baby, a child that had never truly grown up and broken free from Momma Gladys. So her having become the mother figure to Lisa Marie immediately made her undesirable to him.
@@Aqua23-ammg Oof what a migraine he was,behind that beautiful face
I had an older grandpa looking customer at work ask me if I’m a good girl. I’m 23 years old😐 People assume I’m younger than I am but that doesn’t mean I should hear comments like that. Men have a weird obsession with innocence that they put onto women and it’s just gross
"That's none of your business."
When I was around your age and working in retail, older men would chat me up and say things like "what grade are you in" or "you're tall for your age", assuming I was literally a child in high school. When I'd tell then my age, suddenly they weren't so excited to talk to me.
@@isbalellasame here sister 🥲
@@isbalellaterrible🙁
It is so unnerving when men ask me that. "Are you being a good girl?" or "Are you a good girl?".
"money and education are the key to women´s liberation"
@@Conservatismfailedus found the person who's mad they can't control women.
I agree with this 💯!!!!
The right mentors, teachers, fixers who have your best intentions in mind and know what they are teaching you is the best liberation. If you have money but don't know how to use it, will not liberate you then. Education can be subpar or people give you erroneous information on purpose or not tell you the whole process of getting things done. So there then Education isn't liberation. It's the right people giving you the right information and acting as fixers to make it happen for you with your strength and energy of course.
@@adithalee8660 i think you missed the point. it is impossible to control other people so you can't possibly know if you are choosing mentors, teachers, and fixers who "have your best intentions in mind". you can hope that they do but there is no way to ever know that because other people can switch up on you real fast. and when we say "education" that includes getting "the right information" from "the right people"; education is not just about going to college, it is about being a life long learner and seek information from a variety of sources. you absolutely cannot rely on others as your main avenue to independence and liberation. that's completely antithetical to the idea of independence and liberation.
If you mean real, good education, i agree. If you mean today "education" that is full woke and propaganda. No, you are just be slave to another ideology
So I didn't read the book only watched the movie. I think Bella's flaws, like being selfish, are because she is a literal child. Babies are selfish! That's normal. Also it was very disturbing thinking all these men wanted to have s3x with a child. There is a name for that
Idk how old is she supposed to be but isn't "child" a bit of an overkill? I always thought she was supposed to be around 20.
No fbi you don't get it it's only her brain that is a baby/child the body is legal
@@everylastinchofmescoveredw5629
I thought she had a babies brain though?
"It's almost like they're the impurity" 🤯 yes!
once I implied this to man he replied: " WE ARE NEVER EQUAL " XDDD
They are
Lol, I was virgin until my wedding, and you know what ? My ex wanted to degrade me but I refused, finally I was too annoying for him and he left me alone so he will be able to run after "bad girls" he used to hate.😂
Also men think that being pure is being naive, attached and controlled, someone you can abuse and cheat on.
That wasn't my case because I don't know to shut my mouth and I'm independent.. 🤐
I would love for Gen z men who are crying about not having access to virgin trad wife's to read these comments and speak on it
Wow. So sorry that happened to you. Hopefully you'll find someone good and worthy 🙏🏼
😢😢me and my ex husband, exactly.
I was a Virgin until that horrible mistake of marriage and He abused me , expecting me to perform like an adult star.
Was it for religious reasons ?
@@hikaryagravity Yes, and that's why I'm disappointed of religious men and the religion itself. No one standed for me.
I'm 20 years old almost 21, a virgin and I've never had a boyfriend. One of my biggest fears is getting into a relationship and then finding out the guy was one of those weirdos who was only fetishizing me for being "pure" or something lol
I’m 24, I had my first relationship at 23. I unfortunately did link up with one of those guys; he was incredibly manipulative, I just literally had zero frame of reference for what kind of game he was playing at with me, no idea how to handle it. The whole relationship was like psychological warfare and I tried to leave him multiple times, yet he would pull me back in with guilt. You may think, “just leave”, but when i was in the thick of it for the first time it was incredibly hard to be objective and see the forest for the trees, and especially when there was good times and sweet moments mixed in, too. Some advice, don’t ever believe the “good times” are a persons true self in a relationship, if they display anything that makes you feel uneasy deep in your gut, because that man ended up drugging me and SA me. He begged me not to leave him after, called himself a piece of shit, but I did dump him and I blocked him on everything, deleted his number, and his friends numbers etc. But I wish I had done that all much sooner
I’m not trying to scare you, i want to help you be aware of this kind of man, he is dangerous as hell and he doesn’t see you as a human being. He doesn’t actually view you as a special prize or something valuable, he hates you for your standards and how they would completely exclude him, if you knew the real him. He thinks you are better than him and he resents you for it, he wants to do disgusting things to you to prove you are not better than him. My ex rushed me into a relationship-I didn’t have good boundaries at the time and so I went along with it. But don’t let anyone do that to you, please. Listen to your gut, or as I like to say now, think with your whole body, what is it telling you?
Listen, I’m gonna leave a little laundry list here for you, things to watch out for if you want:
- if he insults you and then compliments you, or gives you backhanded compliments
- he uses therapy language wth you because he knows it will probably make you feel safer with him
- he stays close friends with his ex partners (it’s not innocent, it boosts his ego)
- he says “you’re too good for me” or “you’re out of my league” (he’s right, and he is not just being humble)
- he gets angry at you for laughing at him
- he also gets angry when you say no or deny him in any way
- he says he wants to “ruin you” (it may sound sexy, trust me it is not, he means he wants to hurt you and demean you without getting in trouble)
- he watches a lot of pornography
- * and the pornography runs incredibly demeaning on the woman, like crying and choking
- he is overly sexual with you and you can’t initiate any kind of hug or affection, without it turning into him trying to sleep with you (you may think that sounds exciting, but the kind of desire he has is not borne of passion for you as a complex person, but the ego trip of treating you like a human object)
- he wants to dominate you, or he says he likes “rough sex” (it’s actually quite painful and he knows that, and he gets off on it, and the fact that you will let him do it to you)
- he’s always asking for nudes or always trying to initiate that kind of conversation
- you get the unusual feeling from his friends that they have also seen your nudes, even if you have no evidence
- he’s always looking at your body (even in normal situations, you catch him staring at your legs, your butt, your chest, your stomach, everywhere)
- some times you feel very uneasy around him but you have no discernible reason not to trust him (your intuition knows, please (please!) listen to it)
- he tells you to change your hair or clothes or appearance (I love pixie cuts, I’ve maintained one for years, and I had very short hair when he met me. As soon as he felt comfortable enough, he told me to grow it long. It made me feel so low, because I didn’t have the words at the time, but I knew somewhere deep in my heart that I wasn’t actually his girlfriend, I was an object that he wanted to customise to his liking)
Stay safe, you deserve a loving partner who sees you for who you are and treats you like a real person. But there are a lot of brain rotted men out there who watch way too much porn, and don’t know what it really means to have a healthy relationship with a woman
@poopyshitfart omfg I'm so sorry that happened to you, it sounds absolutely horrible. I hope you're recovering from it, you're so strong for getting out of it and trying to warn other people. I think for me the reason I haven't been with anybody is because my standards for men have always been ridiculously high and I refuse to lower them for anybody, because i think that the people who want me to lower them are the ones who would never be able to have access to me otherwise. If someone thinks you're too good for them and they still want to be with you, imo they should want to work on improving themselves so they might become worthy of you, its simple logic. Otherwise, they're just humiliating themselves for no reason.
You deserve someone who treats you like you're the greatest thing in the world, and I hope you're able to recover from everything that asshole did and find someone who will love you right
Agreed and then when you wanting a man like you a virgin they get mad. They just want to use you until they get tried or you get sick then throw you and run for the other victim
As long as you keep yourself for marriage, you will be able to see which one deserves you and which one is not worthy. Think a lot before you act. From a virgin who is 4 years older than you.
same
Innocent and pure is a child and that’s what many men like.
It’s all about control, but it stems from insecurity. They’re deeply afraid of being compared to other men because many men don’t stack up in any way and once we see that the illusion is over
Absolutely, I’ve had a few men close to me in my life so far admit that we don’t need them and it’s insecurity based majority of the time. I mean, just think of which sex is chased after and valued more. And which one doesn’t usually die alone, like many men do.
Another thing is that excessive sex causes loosening of vagina thus she can't feel a thing and her partner also doesn't feel anything so this desensitisation ruins marital bliss
@@apurbadeb6479 not true, tell me you know nothing about biology and anatomy without telling me. It can adjust to the size of her partners package but will readjust once that stops and she gets a new partner to adjust to.
@@starswan
Not completely true
Then why do they have their vagina loosened after child birth and need to go under the knife to have it repaired
There are many laser tightening surgeries for women in India who have had sex with INNUMERABLE men and now feel loose down there
@@starswan
Then why do we have market flooded with vaginal tightening products and women go under knife to have tightening procedures done down there after child birth caused them to have loose vaginas
I never felt disgusted with my body... nor anything negative about the period.
Me either. I was shocked to hear that one. Sometimes I think people go to far and actually project maybe their own insecurities onto others.
@cloudsurfer73 I personally never felt that way either, but I know a lot of religions explicitly teach that women are "impure" when they're menstruating. And even in more secular households, there's a lot of shame and secrecy surrounding periods. It's definitely not an uncommon problem.
Me either. I had discomfort. But I have never felt weird or negative about my body. If anything I rested more and enjoyed myself.
I hated it, still do. Probably because I don’t want children, and every month is not only painful but also too discomfort to my daily life…And the others just complaining about me having something I never wanted…My brother and my father, They are good people but sometimes hurt me with words and apathy. I’m good with being a woman, mostly, but menstruating…I don’t think I could enjoy it. Never. At all. 25 years old, and still can’t accept I have to tolerate it. Maybe things change in the future(except for not wanting to give birth, I will never change my opinion about it), but for now, that.
To be fair, I feel disgusted with every body.
I like myself, but bodies, not really.
I mean, periods are gross, but I'm not gross for having them. They're just a thing our bodies do. Why are they bad?
In Zulu we say "intombi kayipheli, kuphela abafokazane" which means that there's no depleting a lady, only the poor excuses for men are the ones who end up depleted.
Those are one of the lesser known Zulu sayings coz God forbid we as women know we are limitless beings
Love this!
The phrase "body count" is especially disgusting.
Finally someone pointing this out!
I had a “guy friend” in high school who I started catching feeling for. He told me he wasn’t interested because I wasn’t “pure”. I was 17 and had only had one boyfriend I never became intimate with. Fast forward 8 years later he floods my Facebook messenger telling me he’s always loved me and to be with him. 💀
Tell him he’s not pure 😂
@@Yomel123 it's such a simple response that's gonna burn like lava 😂
You are lying he did never come back 😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅😅
@@apurbadeb6479 proof?
Simp boy
I wish I was the opposite. I wish I had a full grown woman's brain when I was young. That would have saved me a lot of problems and heartache.
I met my now ex-husband when I was 18 and he was 40. I adored this man! Loved him with every fiber of my naive heart... He on the other hand, well to be completely honest I'm not sure if he ever really loved me or not. However, I am sure that he loved what I could provide to him which was status, sex and my "purity". This man was my first everything and oh was he was mean about it.
See, he was very happy that I was a virgin in all aspects.... However, he wanted a naive child but he wanted that child to also be an expert at sex and carry herself as if she had a doctorate degree under her belt... But let's be clear, she had to be a virgin and not be touched by the corruption of collage life.
He really wanted the impossible, but if I had known his game I could have really played it to my advantage. If I had my current knowledge at 18 that I do now... Well let's just say things would have been very different.
As you say, and you are right, you were the innocent one. He was the one preying on you. I understand how much you would hope it never happened, however, you are free now, and as long as we live, we can create a better life for ourselves. You deserve to erase him from your life. You deserve a kind man, or woman. You deserve to be loved, cherished, adored, because that's your birthright as a woman. Anything less is BS. I send you all the love and kindess, with a virtual hug 🫂 .
@@aimielisa wow, thank you! I needed to hear that. It's over and I'm released from that time. I will keep the lessons but erase the man. *Hugs *
I am so so sorry 😢❤ God will deal with your ex-husband in His own way, right now you have to prioritize your well-being. Remember that you don’t owe anyone anything, and that there’s always a second chance everytime you wake up. Keep on keeping on and I’m so proud of you for being here ❤🎉
@@afrofaeries thank you for your support and pride. It means a lot to me.
So far I'm doing much better. I've been in therapy for a few years and I'm striving to be my own best friend everyday.
May God bring you many blessings!
@@nmut5u notice how you’re projecting? Maybe she just wanted him to respect her and care for her. You’re the one who brought up money.
Thank you so much for this 😭. I’m from India and the culture here is so conservative, they consider sexual purity to be very important.
A man persistently pursued me solely to take my virginity, it was super predatory.
I was also a target of sexual harassment when rumours of my virginity being lost were spread.
I was demonised by my mother for not being a virgin (she found my pregnancy test kit). MY OWN MOTHER.
All this lead me down to a path of self harm, isolation and depression. I’m currently in therapy.
You really don’t know how much this video means to me 😭. I feel more like a person rather than a tainted object. ❤
Things like this still happening in the world is so heartbreaking 🤧 You deserve all happiness and blessings in your life💛
I know the purity culture in India is quite strict (I'm an Indian too) , but you don't need to listen to anyone about how valuable you are....
You are still an amazing person :)
The best advice I can give you is to focus solely on your education and financial independence and try to immigrate to a developed country (most probably a west European country or Canada )
Your mom sounds like a narc to me. Have some boundaries with her....
And I hope you recover soon 💜💜
I'm so sorry, as a Mexican girl I understand you. I went for everything you described too. Send u blessings girl
Traditional cultures can be especially cruel to women. You are not tainted, you are a now a woman, not a child. You are still of much value. I wish I could tell my mother this she was married at 17....way too young in my book. When you go into marriage as a woman you're better off and so is the mental health of your kids.
Do not let men surpress you
Same with the word dating. I've dated probably over 20 guys in my past but I've only been intimate with 4 guys.
People automatically assume because you date someone that you are intimate with them. The same type of ambiguity as with the words "hooking up".
It's important to know that your opinion of yourself is all that matters because you're the only one who knows the truth.
Amen
It's just nowadays everything means sex.
Going for a coffee or meal date: sex
Hanging out : sex
Watch a movie /do an activity: sex
Even yesterday I heard a psychologist saying that men dont want anything serious from a woman on tinder because she had been 'ran through' as if having the app or meeting people from an app means women have been f.cked.
The same goes for clubs and bars.
In Iraq a woman who doesnt cover her hair is also 'ran through'.
Because in some cultures there is no dating. In traditional culture if you "date" someone it's because they are your fiance. Some religions are like this too.
Love when women wait till marriage because THEY want it to be special for themselves and not because they want to be a "pure women a man will pick"
It’s interesting to see how young Indian women are dealing with purity culture, especially in the arranged marriage market. That’s because women want to be open and honest about themselves to have more meaningful and nature relationships, but the men, regardless of their political standing and age, still want a virgin bride. Our subreddits are full of men talking about how women won’t reveal their history of intimacy (because that would endanger them and you’re not even entitled to it!) and they treat it as a betrayal or deceit.
It’s like things never changed from when we were in school and the teachers told us girls were more mature. Women are putting themselves in danger to talk freely with prospective spouses while men are resentful of being ‘scammed’ out of a virgin.
Yes,no seal no deal 🤝 hats off to Indian kings
“The women hate women” part is sad but true. I try to ignore and be indifferent toward other females but the animosity in the room is transparent. I work with females who act catty and gossip about each other, the best I can do is remain unbothered
True, but that cat fighting is inherent in a patriarchal society. Free the sisters from performative infighting for male validation and attention (most of the times). Decenter men and free yourselves
Why are we calling women “females”? That’s dehumanizing. Yet we are still calling men “men”.
In a competitive culture, yes it's true. I even find friendships hard in competitive culture.
@@yalrdyknow I guess its because men to fight and be competivie. I mean I don't get posts like these. Your in a workplace, people are competing for the top spot. But I only ever see womens talk labeled as "gossip" or "catty". I hate it :/
It’s not competition for advancement career-wise. They write about gossip and being catty, which are usually a symptom of vying for men’s attention. Women fight women cause in the patriarchy they are seen as competition for the few good men out there. Which is BS - women should be sisters helping each other
Seeing all the ways men use to keep women down just convinces me more that we are the ones who have had the power all along. Why else would men do that?
Facts
Nah, it's just gratuitous violence on men's part. They're scared of losing that ability, not of women.
@@RhythmAddictedState That does not make the men look any better. Makes it worse to be honest.
@@eulennachathen449 It isn't pretty or reassuring, but I think this is reality. We only have the power to humble men's egos. We can't escape their violence
@@RhythmAddictedState I still think it's best to disengage from men like that. Remove all attention from them. As long as there is no physical violence involved, just ignore and walk away.
girl the way you have been rewiring my brain.. like you said BESTIE WAKE UP and I AM WAKING UP and my life is changing
Haha yes same with me :D Elles videos are really the best!
I love her.❤
as someone who’s still untouched at age 23, I feel so out of my comfort zone wherever I’m past the talking stage with a guy. It seems like all they care about is taking advantage of my purity and my first time and it makes me just feel so bad. Like I’m already grown up and I should have done the deed but I haven’t. I also will feel so gross and awkward because I know nothing about that.
Don't feel pressured to "do the deed" by a certain age. I'm older than you, and I'm still untouched. Guys who were interested were mainly thinking about s*x. I don't feel pressured to do it at all. If a guy is interested, but it's for all the wrong reasons, I'm not giving him the time of day. If a guy doesn't want to truly connect with you, lacks emotional intelligence, and have a great relationship with you, don't feel pressured or obligated. It's your body, you don't have to share it with anyone who isn't worthy.
If someone is making you feel gross and awkward I don't think theyre the right person tbh. You should feel comfortable above anything - so I wouldn't worry too much, sounds like a them thing not you
Being a female virgin at 23 is rare and you should cherish that. Most girls at that age have high body counts and are seen as unattractive to guys. You’re the girl who will get married early and are considered the most attractive compared to other girls.
There's no rule that says you SHOULD already have done it. Many women are virgins into their thirties. Many leabian women never do it with a guy.
Some women live their whole life without it.
You deserve to wait for the right one. You don't lose out on anything by not having sex. Please don't think that way.
Only do what feels right for YOU.
If you feel gross just thinking about it in any context you might be asexual which is totally okay! If you want to do it eventually with the right person then don't feel pressured to do it by a certain age. The right person will make that step feel right and not gross.
You should totally drop a reading list or link a goodreads. Would love to have a spoiled girlies book club 📖
Please! I’ve finished All About Love by Bell Hooks and it made me cry 😢
She did mention some reads on her blog articles
Yesss, this is great idea, I hope she'll do it!
Girls will be girls by emer o toole, & girls don’t owe you pretty by Florence given are good non fiction books
I second this!!
My father blame all his failure on my mother sometimes he tried to blame it on me if I had said something, I always give him reality check ✅ but he is still doing this
I can't stand with his ideology even a tiny bit it's too much depressing
Same for my father. He never attended my bio mother’s funeral, and got married to my now step mother a year later.
Cut them both and the rest of the family out of my life for good. They have no contact with me whatsoever. I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas alone and I feel amazing 🎉❤
hmm same for me
he is a typical indian man
@@afrofaeries I have seen this too
One of my neighbours wife die he was so chill I can't imagine how can he be so chill his wife body was inside home and he was outside just casually talking and his child was crying
@@Siya_shrivastava It all our mother's fault who never pack their bags and go back to their home
My grandmother is still Gaslighting him if I was old enough to call police he would still beat her for no reason just because of my Grandmother
My father is literally a Man child
@@shivi5669 exactly they feel guilty even for complaining against domestic violence
Ironically, the guy who wrote “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” (Josh Harris) which led to making purity culture popular in today’s society, is no longer a Christian and now regrets writing the book.
I thought he was a deconstructed Christian? Like strictly what Jesus wanted and taught?
Now he sells courses on how to recover from the things he used to preach. So he's still basically shilling, the same as when he was a pastor.
@@catcat9582 At least back in 2020, he wrote:
"I have undergone a massive shift in regard to my faith in Jesus. The popular phrase for this is “deconstruction,” the biblical phrase is “falling away.” By all the measurements that I have for defining a Christian, I am not a Christian. Many people tell me that there is a different way to practice faith and I want to remain open to this, but I’m not there now."
Maybe he has a different particular interpretation. It doesn't matter that much. He was pushed out of being a pastor when he was exposed as helping to cover up CSA, which is rampant in conservative churches.
It’s because they get off on tainting what’s pure. We should study this behavior deeper.
There's also something going on with women dating over 35. It's like guys think The Seal is Broken, so she's DTF whoever whenever without discernment.
Yep. I did not have any experience with men, my first experience was at 20 and he was abusive towards me. I was homeschooled as well almost all my life - it was just awful. Watching this video made me feel uncomfortable because I was perfect for him. He tried telling me men did worse and wanted me to stick by him believing his lies that he was not a cheater. He would get angry and tell me to not look at his stuff. He was also possessive despite this, he hated when men gave me any sort of attention. He would gaslight me and say it was all in my head of his behavior. He ended up losing me because I finally realized the truth after being love bombed several times. Being NC, going to therapy, and raising my standards has helped me because I do not want to engage with misogynistic men.
Btw, he tells his "side chicks" and people that I am crazy instead of taking accountability. These videos are helpful and I truly appreciate it. Women need to be educated and safe, we need to look out for each other!
I'm sorry that happened to you. My story is similar. They aren't even original with their insults: we're always crazy, stupid, loose, gold-diggers, selfish, etc. Ugh... 🙄
Yes, he yelled at me and said I was selfish or probably using him/cheated. /: I'm sorry that happened to you as well.
Men wanting purity is inherently creepy to me. Like I understand wanting to be a mentor. But you can teach anyone, not just innocent people. Age doesn’t really factor into naivety, life experiences do. So if you prey on innocent/naive folk you are a menace and a predator. Specially because most of these men only like innocence cause they get to corrupt the individual, so inherently damaging. And choose young victims cause they are more likely to accept blindly into their demands.
Exactly, my mother suffered intensely because of these antiquated ideas....but she lived in pre birth control days. Being a virgin is like carrying around a balloon, nice if you have it, no big deal if you don't.
I read a lot of comments from men saying that young women (they were literally talking about teenagers) who are pushovers and seemed like a confession of the horrible things they had done to them. They say: "young women are easy to impress and convince" that disgusts me so much that I no longer want to have to know anything about that kind of men, I would really prefer to be with someone who is still a virgin like me. I know it's an exaggeration but it made me so angry, it's horrible how they treat girls. (And yes, they were talking about girls barely 16 years old)
I broke up with my ex at the end of 2023, and I think your videos definitely helped me make that decision because I just started realising the below bare minimum effort he gave me and that is deserve someone who is at least emotionally available (and more). I do sometimes miss him even thought to the relationship wasn’t healthy, but then I watch one of your videos and remember why I broke up with him the first place. Taking time for myself now but excited for the future with my new (way higher) standards ❤️
Same…I came here after I broke up…at the end of 2023 too🤝
Basically I felt so horrible about asking him to commit after his refusal I don’t regret things ending I regret the fact I let him make me try to convince him into spending life with me…I wish I could reverse my entire life just to undo this…
Good for you it is your win 🤍💪🏻
Good lord. I was in the military and guys would be like "hahahaha I hooked up with (my last name)" and like sometimes people would bother to tell me so and so is saying x,y,z and I'm just sitting there more than half the time "who? Like I dont even know that guy, how tf does he know me?" Like dudes who had seen me IN PASSING or I taught a class they were in or THEY WERE A PATIENT I TREATED, they decided that was enough contact to constitute "hooking up". Like 🙃
I did not read the book and hate the film so much. Watching a woman with child's brain have sex with multiple grown up men throughout the movie was so disturbing to me. It felt almost like a pedophilia film. It seems like the book has much more to offer than the film.
I was never taught that we are dirty in certain time or ever. That's so wrong, strange and unnatural to think. We should all stop that generational circles.
I’ve never understood the whole purity thing with virginity. Especially towards women, that somehow virginity=morals/better than others. If you are a virgin and only want to date another virgin ok fine understandable just don’t look at it from a “better than you/im more pure viewpoint” think of it as a “I just haven’t found someone I felt comfortable enough to have sex with yet and because of that I want to be with someone who also may have not felt comfortable yet.” The people who aren’t virgins yet expect a virgin partner are whole other can of worms. Virginity= pureness/higher morals never made sense to me. So somehow if a persons a virgin they’re automatically more moral or good even if they’re a complete asshole?!
Bestie Make a video on mother wounds and how to use prenups?✨✨
📝📝
You're such an icon!! 🥺 Tysm elle, I love seeing smart pretty women uplift smart pretty women
Thank you 🥹🥹
I literally saw poor things a few days ago and thought ‘I wish Elle did movie reviews, would be so cool to hear her thoughts on this’. Love u girl!
Thank you for making this video. I'm very grateful for this space. I know someone is going to mention the good old days where the men worked and the women stayed home. This was the dynamics of both sets of my grandparents, married 65 and 54 years. Both sets were poor most of their lives and guess what, the grandmas had side hustles to help keep food on the table. One worked as a maid, sold tomatoes and strawberries, baked pies etc. The good old days weren't that good.
This. All the previous generations of women in my family worked outside the home - I'm talking women that came of age in the 40s and 50s. Maybe not when their kids were really young but once those kids were in school, they went back to their jobs as teachers, bookkeepers, secretaries, etc. at least part time. (And, side note, their husbands didn't think they were 'less feminine' for it - in fact, they all had good marriages that lasted for 35+ years....)
Loved the bit about individuation as it exists on a different plane and spectrum from individualism and collectivism. You are so so so intelligent and still make these ideas so widely accessible to a wide audience if women. You are so special and have shifted my perspective on many of my experiences in an empowering way. Before coming across your channel, I had deeply analyzed the sum of my experience as a woman and felt completely disenfranchised. Thank you so much for putting yourself and these ideas out there, it is extremely courageous to say the things that you do in a public way.
This reminds me of the UA-camr yumiking or something similar. She had a baby face and was into lolita fashion. An American guy in his 40’s moved her into his house despite her being very sheltered from China aka how much would they have in common to discuss? She was still in school at the time. There would be hauls from him buying her tons of doll clothes but there was something sinister about it though she was a fan of the fashion. They got married. He got her pregnant and abandoned her once she had the baby and her body filled out in a more ‘womanly way’ despite still being tiny. There was a leaked video of him yelling at her while talking to her like she was a child at the same time. It was disturbing.
I use to watch Yumi and I saw people warning her in the comments that the man was using her and a creep. A lot of people felt very off about the whole channel and relationship. And didn’t he even abandon his child? And left them with like no money?
@@Shy-xm4kn yes, financial abuse and ownership comes as no surprise.
Wow! I wish I had heard this when I was younger! Thank you still because this is something I can show my daughter
I hope your channel will one day reach every female in the world
This is what separates you from all the other channels which cover similar topics, you're original and it's obvious you stand by what you say. Plus it takes effort to do a good review, love you Elle!
No seal no deal
you’re changing generations keep doing this we appreciate it immensely 💗💗
By promoting hook up culture
“When they’re the ones who take it away” holy sh GIRL you opened this ep with a banger monologue. BEST, BESTIE❤LYSM
I just finished my masters degree and I feel so proud of myself! I never felt this good in my life.
And I don't care that bbmle men are gonna comment how degree is useless ( they told me this when I was bachelor).
Also when it comes to women's body count, it is so funny how they think they're entitled to all the information and women's body but they can't be touched because it's just their nature.
Congratulations 🎉
Congratulations! 🎉
An inspiration!!!
@@Tee-Star thank you!
@@Josuperhero thanks! :)
YOU ARE LITERALLY A GOD SEND. A FEMALE GOD SEND. Thank you thank you thank you for such valuable content all the time. YOU are literally changing lives, changing narratives, inspiring others. So much respect for you and thank you again for what you’re doing for the world.
Most people don’t know that intimacy and sexual activity are two very different things. Intimacy can be holding hands, cuddling, hugging, kissing, etc.
Sexual activity has genitals to be involved in the mix. Doesn’t mean that intercourse needs to happen. It just means two or more people are interacting with genitalia included. Whether that be hand to genitals, mouth to genitals, foot to genitals, or genital to outer body part.
We need more women like you!! More channels like yours!! 🙌🏼💖💐
clicked so fast!! absolutely love your videos
Thank u bestie 🫶🏽🫶🏽
Would love to hear more of your thoughts about the toxicity of purity culture and hookup culture!! Thank you bestie 💖💕✨
Money and education and diamonds 💎
I’m excited to read poor things. I just finished the Four Winds and read most of on our best behavior and they are so great! Thank you for the book recommendations
So True! Money AND Education is a Girl’s best friend.
Money and education!!!! So true, I’m half way there.
I would love a take on Lolita with this insights, 'cause these flimsy 'pure and innocent' demands from men who are unworthy of our time are also predatory and are used to justify some horrible things
I'm really appreciating having a book analysis in your mix and not just tiktok reactions. Thank you for your work!
Never been this early. Love your content 💜💜
Money+education+diamonds
Brava! Bellisimo! Brava gloria hallelelujia! Jah man! Great review and great commentary as well! I loved that you pick up on the role of our own perspective in our sense of self worth. We must delve into our sense of worth and build it high as a mountain before the real world tears us all down to dust! Well done! Love you!
I looked up the definition of innocence in Wikipedia:
People who lack the mental capacity to understand the nature of their acts may be regarded as innocent regardless of their behavior. From this meaning comes the usage of innocent as a noun to refer to a child under the age of reason, or a person, of any age, who is severely mentally disabled.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau described "childhood as a time of innocence" where children are "not-knowing" and must reach the age of reason to become competent people in society.
Let that sink in.
I listen to you every week to help me keep my head up and respect myself above all else.. thanks for what you do! (Commenting on every video to make sure my timeline keeps you on it 💜
This is why I’m happy I gave my life to God personally and that I’m continuing to remain a virgin until marriage. I made the mistake of telling a group of “peers” that I was a virgin and waiting, and they laughed at me. Audibly. The pickmeishas and the dusties. They told me that I need to ‘test the car before I buy’ or ‘settle for a average man’ or ‘you’ll get married by 40’. Conforming to wordly measures is no longer a priority to me.
The Bible says that for men to love their wives like they love the church and God, wholeheartedly and strongly, and for the wives to love their husbands the same. And until then, no man will have any part of my body or soul unless said man is a husband. Amen.
Omg people laughed at me too! They aren’t my friends anymore! I’m 26 still a virgin and I used to be ashamed of it back when I was 22-23 now I do not care 😅
You won't regret this decision! Keeping your body, the temple of God pure is the greatest gift you can give yourself. The right people will respect your decisions and honor you body mind and soul.
You know, I was the same as you.
But I was left alone because I wasn't fun. 😐
Much respect for trusting yourself and trusting God! You aren’t missing out on anything- the risk of being stealthed, the risk of pregnancy, the risk of contracting STD’s, the spiritual harm, the reputational harm, the upkeep- having to go to the clinic and ensure the dirty 🍆 haver didn’t give you and STI even WITH a condom. The pregnancy scares. Girl I can keep going. I’m proud of you ❤ and screw those people who are looking down on you
@@robbbaseee5081 this ^^. STD’s are so bad right now (hospitals and nursing homes)
You know what? I thank God I found this channel. You speack super clear and right about these subjects. And so many woman in these comments that I relate to! I love it! I needed this Soo much.
Jewelry was a way for women back then, who didn't have access to banking or work, to have money independently of men, so in a way, with education, diamonds are money
I love your channel but its stirred up so much rage lol! Like you teaching us high standards made me aware of how badly I was treated before, whew!
Love it when you discuss good books, I always end up reading the ones you mention and learn a lot!! You've made such a huge difference in my life with your content, thank you 💕
There are a couple of male influencers want to have basically children either as young as 16 and younger to saying “as soon as she gets her menstrual cycle she needs to get pregnant” for them being pure. But it would be the females fault if them would be molested while being a kid…..
And like dude I would have been 10 and yea I was still a kid if we went to the more extreme logic.
This is honestly one of your best episodes ever.
Every little girl needs to learn this before puberty. Men are disgusted by themselves and other men , despite usually flattering themselves far too highly. That's why an independent woman they can't have, or even buy, will be called a whore as much as the actual prostitute charging them. They are constantly angling to use us for something, and ANY rejection against that often drives them crazy to insane.
I disagree about not bothering to fight the institution though. We can never stop fighting the institutions because it's the only thing that ever holds them accountable to even their own aims, let alone abuses, until they fall. The current state of womens' rights in the USA is proof of it. The fight never ends. So we always have to focus on fighting smarter not just harder. Being a princess or even queen didn't used to mean anything, until even those girls and women traded like chattel from childhood for treaties and property fought to be perceived and treated differently. Average women will always have to fight for freedom and real respect, ergo the need for that education and the money.
this is so true.I went on a few dates with a guy and I didn't want to go out with him anymore and didn't want to sleep with him.He called me a wh*re after
money AND education 🥺❤
Happy to see someone else who's read the book! I read it immediately after seeing the movie and I found the ending where Bella contradicts much of Archie's story so interesting. I love how the story shows how a person not socialized to accept inequality views sexism and classism as absurd. The ending where Bella becomes an advocate for women's rights, birth control, and "a loving economy" was so fitting for her character. The themes of the trauma of "being small" and growing up female were so interesting, I wish more women were able to have similar attitudes to Bella.
I love that you discussed the book AND the movie!! I love your depth
You’re amazing Elle ❤ I’m learning so much, thank you!!
I have to keep reminding myself that money and education are a girl’s best friend as I am trying to get through my degree at the moment 💕
I love your content so much!! It has shifted my mindset in such a positive and effective way. Thank you Elle! I can’t wait for more videos of yours! ❤️
Love you, elle. Thank you so much for all the good work you do !!
😊❤TY Elle!!! We LOVE this place u have created a we NEEDED it and didn't even know in some cases 😭 thank you for being the big sister I need but never had. Keep doing that work woman and GET THAT BAG BESTIE!!¡!🎉❤
thank you so much for making this podcast!
As someone who’s ex religious and use to wait til marriage(I still am a virgin just not waiting anymore) I used to be sooo afraid of sex(and still am tbh) and felt dirty when I had those thoughts, even though we’re sexual beings. I learnt nothing about sex and now I can’t believe that the religious community keeps that so taboo especially for women and leave the teaching in the hands of their “future spouse”. Im about to be 20 next week and I’m just learning about contraceptives and what to use (still clueless about this loll).
This was a great review. I would like more reviews from you. Thank you 💗
I love book review type videos and relating the messages back to real life. Love to see more of these!
The “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” line is a metaphor lol basically exactly what you’re referring to or like saying “sprinkle, sprinkle” 😅💅🏽
Ah perfect ive been binge watching your videos so excited for a new one 💕
I found your channel recently. What a breath of fresh air you are!!!!
@@adammonks591 no u
thank you Elle! great content! glad I was recommended to watch your channel 🌹
We have sooo much inherent worth & value. Thank you bestie 💗
I love your outro!! ❤It’s such a motivational boost for me to get back to studying😅
My cousin recently kicked me out her bridal party bc Jehovah’s Witness brother advised it bc I’m traveling to the country w my boyfriend and staying at a hotel aka I’m a fornicater 😂
That’s a really good idea to keep a journal while reading books! Thank you for that! Sometimes there would be something interesting that would like to delve into the topic deeper but would forget after I finishing the book. It’s like I missed opportunities to learn and grow bc I didn’t get to analyze it further.