If it helps, as the person saying that I usually go with "you can come if you want" so the person is invited but it doesn't come off like I'm begging or putting pressure on them. I feel like if I say "hey I want you to come" the person might feel pressured to go even if they're social battery is already drained. It's more so to be considerate of what the other person wants, but it's definitely NOT out of habit or to just be polite. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that the people around us are there because they want to be. We're all adults and idk about you but I don't do things I don't enjoy like when I was 8 and my parents said I had to. If I spend time with someone it's because I genuinely want to.
@@saraaaf (Please do not take this as me being rude) It doesn’t help. As explained by fellow ADHD’ers, our brains immediately view that was “we don’t want you around.”
Teenage me could desperately have used this video and people inviting me places that way. Thats how i invite people places now to make sure they know theyre wanted.
I actually fo OBERBOARD to avoid this issue because I'm afraid of mak8ng OTHER people feel like I feel. So, in this case, I would EXCITEDLY say, "Omg you should come with us!" so as to leave NO doubts that they are indeed invited and wanted. 😂😊❤
This is so hard because I hate this and it makes me anxious, feel pressured and overwhelmed. It's funny how much our mental health needs can conflict eachother. I feel like it's a threat sometimes when people as like this LOL
@Lorie Anne ADHD is actually under-diagnosed, especially in AFAB people since they usually aren’t hyperactive. It is something that you can’t just learn skills and be perfectly fine and normal. Learning strategies can be helpful, but actual medical care is better. ADHD is caused by structural differences in the brain that limit the amount of free floating dopamine, which causes behaviors intended to seek out more dopamine. You can’t just learn skills and ways to raise your dopamine levels without medication that wouldn’t be really difficult in a society that doesn’t work for people with ADHD. Not to mention that whether you have a secure attachment or not is something that is caused by the way your parents treat you as a very young child and might need a therapist to work through. It’s not something you can easily fix. Even if that was the problem here, which it isnt, that’s still a problem that needs a therapist and medical care to properly handle. People with ADHD, including myself, struggle with RSD because our brains are constantly going way faster than it should. We can’t help but pick out every little thing and overthinking it. If someone doesn’t say something clearly enough, like with the statement “you can come if you want” we overthink and doubt what to do. What’s meant as “we want you to come but if you don’t want to that’s fine” quickly turns into “you can come I guess but we don’t care/want you to” in our heads. We aren’t offended, we’re genuinely struggling and can’t tell if people want us around or not when they say things like that.
No doubt! You can come, if you want is exactly like saying, I’m not inviting you, but if you must come along, that’ll be fine……I guess! That’s what I hear anyway. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 38 years old.
I don't have ADHD and find this statement backhanded and fake. It's just a shitty way to invite someone. She the person wording it that way def does not want you there.
This is how severe this symptom is for me, I was sat watching it thinking yes but if they’d wanted you there they would have invited you when they initially made the plans and now you’re an afterthought, I literally feel rejection on other peoples behalf for fake situations. And if this had have been me I would have been holding back tears 😂
I think that way too. people in my own family rarely invite me to whatever they're doing all together even though they claim I'm important to them and they like being around me but then they'll do things and I find out weeks later or the same day they'll randomly send me pictures of them all. I never feel like a priority ever.
@@felicityjohnston9276 I'm afraid to say that your family sounds like their gaslighting you. It's completely fine to not invite someone once in a while, but what you described is not normal. I'm sorry 😢
@tianamarie989 maybe. their excuse is always that they thought I would say no anyways so they didn't bother. like yeah there's stuff I've said no to when asked in the past but that's not a reason to ignore my existence entirely. and the no I've said is towards stuff I've already done many times growing up that I'm bored of and see no pleasure happening from them. I dont prefer wasting money I don't have or my energy and time when I know I am gonna be bored and wish I never went. but it would feel better them giving me the option!
@tianamarie989 another excuse I'm told is that I'm out of their way. but im only 30 minutes if that from all of their houses AND they go MUCH farther to so things without me so that feels like a slap in the face.
for me, the issue here would be the fact that they admitted to already having plans and didnt think to invite you - and wouldnt have, until you kind of forced their hand by asking to make plans on that day. that would send me into a DEEP spiral, and it has
Yes I feel this too but am slowly overcoming it. I have recognized this and tell myself that it’s okay to feel this way. I remind myself that not everyone thinks/overthinks things like this. I try to keep it simple with myself by allowing myself to not think too much into it but beware of it. Anytime I think of the situation I watch a show or talk with someone (I also have ADD so doing this allows my brain to switch the topic and probably will not remember the situation). Hope this makes sense 😅
This is exactly what she’s referring to! There are so many ways plans come about, haven’t you ever thought last minute “oh we shouldve texted ___ to come!” or extended the sentiment “i wish you were there!”
I’ve lost so many friends over this I’m in my early thirties and just now realizing it is a thing. Being undiagnosed most of my life has left me with so many scars.
Diagnosis doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re getting the resources you need. To most providers it’s just a green light for meds and 👋 see you in six months, sadly. Knowing yourself is a big part of living with this condition, especially if you’re not medicated or in therapy.
My SO and I had a longtime friend over for dinner. She was sharing with us a struggle that she was having, and so I told her about a time when I experienced something similar. My SO was like, "It isn't about you." Our friend said, "Morgan is neurodivergent and is relating to me and trying to make me feel better by sharing her experience so I feel less alone in this," and my SO seemed pretty floored; he'd clearly never considered that, and because Ihad never consciously reasoned it out that way, i couldnt expkain it. But it was spot on. I almost cried. :)
The fact that your SO said that in front of a friend in the first place is disturbing.. If they had concerns they should have talked to you about it in private or seen how your friend took it instead of just putting you down.
I am doing it all the time but i have to state it that i am trying to relate to what you are saying and not make it about me. The more i learn about neurodivergence the more i am sure i found my people...
People that say 'it isn't about you' are really rude. Sharing your experience isn't making it about you. You are attempting to comfort the other person for the exact reasons your friend laid out. I really hope you addressed with your SO how to treat you in the future. It's like they thought they had to take you down a peg. I'm glad your friend stood up for you. I think part of why your SO was floored is they weren't used to being confronted.
That's what it's called!! I always get super emotional when things like this happen, even as a kid I'd just break down crying. I was always told I was "being a fairy" I never knew it was a part of ASD. Now it makes sense
my mom has ADHD and i’ve always shared a lot of the same struggles as she did, but somehow didn’t consider that it could be a possibility for me until recently. every time i see something like this, that i always thought was just me being “sensitive” like i was always told, i really wonder. diagnosis aside, learning about ADHD alone has made me feel better knowing that at least some of what i go through is understood by others. i know you’re talking about ASD and not ADHD like the video, but still. i hope there will eventually come a time where kids aren’t shamed for being emotional, especially when children are still learning how to regulate and process those emotions! hell, even adults shouldn’t be criticized for something they can’t control! of course you can learn how to process and regulate emotions differently, but the emotions don’t just go away. that seems simple enough but it was honestly one of my biggest takeaways from therapy.
I did this a week ago 😭 I’m glad I know what I was actually doing… I went on a full rant about it to one of my closer friends about how “they probably don’t even want to hang out, they probably hate me” 😶💀
I love/hate learning all this. I love it because it explains my life. I hate because I'm 56 and now hearing these things. I want a do over with all this knowledge. My life would have went differently. But it's for my daughter now and helping her learn and navigate. Love you beautiful people. Keep going, you're doing great and helping so many others!! ❤❤❤
SAME. Diagnosed with Autism at 54 and wishing so much I could tell my younger self what I know now. I find that all of these videos resonate with me. I know the overlap of ND conditions is wide, or I have AuADHD. I am so much kinder to myself now.
Learning more about rsd always makes me cry. It was so painful growing up! And even though i have worked through a lot of things, it still impacts me a lot socially and also triggers panic attacks for me.
Same my brain is constantly looking to trap me in gotcha moments and downward spirals. If that was me I’d probably be thinking “they are making plans without me because they secretly hate me and are trying to distance themselves from me. They don’t actually like me they are just being nice”
My husband has to constantly translate stuff like this for me. I only had two friends growing up and they understood that they had to tell me “you’re coming,okay?” Instead of asking if I wanted to come because I’d always say no for fear that they really didn’t want me there. They still do it. 😂😅
This is why I don’t say “come if you want” anymore. I say “I’d love for you to come” “love to have you” I also say don’t feel pressured because I tend to feel pressured to go somewhere when invited
I think it be even better if you just ask them to come. Like "will you come out with us for drinks?" Or even better than that is "We're going out for drinks if you'd care to join us."
I started saying if you want because people stood me up all the time for a while and I just assume no one really wants to be my friend and just talks to me to be nice and not because they actually like me. So much so that a couple years ago now I had someone I considered a friend invite me to a party but I didn't get the message because my phone was messed up during the three days she texted out invites (she didn't know about it) and I kept hearing about everyone else we knew going to the party but I hadn't heard anything so I assumed they didn't want me there. Fast forward to a friend texting me the night of the party asking why I wasn't there and I said I wasn't invited. She went to the hostess and asked directly and the hostess friend of ours was like no she was invited! I ended up being able to make it and the hostess asked why I hadn't talked to her about it because we're friends and I can ask her things like that and I nearly cried because I didn't think she thought of me as a friend and I was so used to people icing me out of things I didn't want to ask and be directly rejected (also what would happen before). I wish I could be confident people actually liked me
My boyfriend constantly tells me “Come if you want” And it literally just caused a fit a few min ago. He tells me in too sensitive, I didn’t know this was a thing.
@@jimmlmao wow I'm sorry but you don't have good friends then, I don't know if I'd even call them friends. They obviously don't care about you, or take your feelings and experiences seriously. Good friends want to help you, not hurt you.
@@micaela2284 no man i mean if i act like a blue haired lady and say "oH tHiS iS sO aDhD" and "tHiS Is bEcUaSe oF MY aDhd" I would get called a restart
This is exactly why i hate, “if you want”. I need affirmative action. “I need you to come.” “I want you to come.” “I’d like it, if you showed up.” Everyone just calls me a sensitive crybaby y’know? But it feels like you don’t really cate about me, its either or to you
If I asked in the latter 3 ways I would feel like I was emotionally manipulating the person and subtly pressuring them to come ^^; but I think I have trauma from being told for years that asking anything in that phrasing is rude, manipulative, demanding etc no matter what tone I use
@@nobodyanon Well the context is Person 1 is already looking to hang out. (Obviously their personality could be less social.) I guess if someone is looking to hang out but you already have plans you could easily just tell them. 'I'm interested in hanging out still, are you interested in the event and want to come with us?' Because it sets it up for both parties to be able to communicate. I think OP's comment doesnt give a question to the other person. But literally every single person has a spectrum of what they're okay with when it comes to communication.
I do this too! My brain is constantly looking to trap me in gotcha moments and downward spirals. If that was me I’d probably be thinking “they are making plans without me because they secretly hate me and are trying to distance themselves from me. They don’t actually like me they are just being nice.”
Ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy. Friends give each other the benefit of the doubt. They don't assume the worst, by assuming the worst -even if it is a spiral that you don't know how to control- you are not behaving like a friend. Your friends will pick up on that, and eventually will distance themselves. The good news is that it is possible to learn to control these spirals with cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy) it is the most scientifically proven method for effective treatment in therapy. And there are tons of resources available online if you can't afford a psychologist.
Yeah I feel like that's the real reason this is a thing... This is just good social reading, I don't want to go if I'm not invited. If there's a better example then maybe RSD is real but it seems like this one is getting to the "everything can have a label" level.
@@taylorbritt499 what makes you think it’s “everyone in the friend group”? The skit takes places with a subset of people - we don’t know how big the friend group is. Regardless, it’s ok to hang out (and want to hang out) with a smaller subset of a group. That doesn’t mean you don’t like a person, it just means you’re looking for a specific experience that you get from the people you invite. And in those cases, go hang out with a different group of people. If you don’t have another group - it’s time to branch out! There are awesome people everywhere, you’re missing out by not finding them.
@@imdeadserious6102 Yeah, but dont forget that it couldve been a spur of the moment plan originally, and they just didnt plan it in detail enough to plan on inviting more people❤️😊 without knowing details like those, we cant assume. Theres many other possibilities, too💕
@@imdeadserious6102 oh also! The, everything can have a label comment; I wanted to say that you shouldnt look at it like that. It doesnt matter what the label is, it's just useful as a convenient way to research or talk about it. The whole point is just so that you know what to look out for incase you tend to have a habit of doing the said thing, as it's usually common for people with this disorder to think, react, etc this way. If you have the disorder and the tendency, then you know to watch out for your own biases, which is very important for sociology, your own psychology, and the path to inner peace❤️😄 God bless💕
...She actually started with "Sorry" which sounded absolutely like...'No you can't'. So...very good example for explaining that. So mind-blowing that you do these videos
RSD is a psychical sensation for me, like a literal knife in my sternum. It’s gotten better the more I’ve embraced my neurodivergence, but I have to actively work so that it isn’t triggered.
Yeah sometimes I wonder if I don't have ADHD and then a social interaction gives me an intense burning sensation and I can't breathe and I want to scratch my skin off and -- well. If that were normal people would mention it more.
this vid is describing my mum. She's obsessed about "not wanting to impose" or "be a burden" and reads far too deeply into very casual comments and questions like this
I find myself with tears in my eyes now, knowing that that feeling is actually what’s going on in my head. I’m not the only one who thinks like this 😭. I am always afraid of the rejection even though it most likely wont happen. But I also have been excluded from things before so there’s also that.
Solution: Go do fun things alone, this trains your mind to be more outcome independent. Ill go to concerts by myself alot, I hardly make new friends but I usually have a blast and even strike a few good conversations.
@@Primatenate88 That’s not always the solution when you do things by yourself 99% of the time, which I currently do. I always do things by myself. Being broke also doesn’t lend itself to being able to “go do fun things” too. Your response is not helpful.
@@SkullMama89 Well yeah you cant really do anything fun for under 20 bucks since thats about the cost of either: fireworks, a twelve pack, some weed, or a few cans of spray paint... But thats just the reality of society... Shit you could even steal some things or break bottles and have some free degenerate fun. You should watch trailer park boys
@@Primatenate88 As a single parent of a child that’s not even 3 years old yet, that’s not feasible for me either. Risk getting my son taken from me if caught doing dumb teenager crap, no thank you.
I can't believe what a classic case of ADHD I have 53 years old and I am just finding out. It's been such a long hard Road. How different my life coulda been if I'd just known. Thank you, to you and all the content creators. You've changed my life.
Okay I knew a lot of things about my AD[H]D, but you're putting words to feelings over had for my whole life and didn't know were common. It feels almost intrusive, but also thank you!
I was suspected to have ADHD my whole childhood I officially got diagnosed in high school, but the last couple of years I have learned that things I thought were just personality traits to me are actually normal for people with ADHD, like being late all the time or this incident here also my daughter is severely ADHD and she has texture issues with certain foods I didn't even know that could be an ADHD thing it's just crazy!
@@krystalrose5874 I have texture issues as well. I'm not even able to eat if there aren't small/dessert spoons and forks around. I always know where my place at the table is when I go home for holiday dinners because people know about my utensil issue. Large silverware freaks me out, I'm glad my family didn't force it on me growing up.
I’m bawling. I feel so heard. I’m constantly surrounded by a dialogue that enforces the thought that ADHD isn’t real and that I’m just an attention seeker but I feel so seen and validated right now. Thank you :)
@sknight8621 nah. I'm not any sort of professional (just a fellow ADHD'er), so this is just my hypothesis here, but I wonder if part of it is how common it is for ADHD kids to struggle socially growing up. Years and years (especially in childhood) of being picked on, bullied, and excluded by peers compounded by statistically significant higher rates of chastisement and critiquing by adults (there's research on this) and being told we're too much does a number on one's sense of self-worth. It's thought patterns like the one portrayed in the video that led me to take a semester off college my sophomore year. This is a very specific facet of anxiety, and those of us with ADHD experience it far more than our non-ADHD counterparts.
@@rylieread1865 Im a therapist and this is the kind of work I can get behind. Presenting a narrative that connects the dots and makes sense of the experiences that are happening now by connecting them to your experiences of growing up with ADHD. As a professional, I worry about the over pathologizing that is seemingly happening, such as saying people with ADHD also have RSD. I’m glad that some people in this comment section feel heard/validated, but I don’t want them to be bogged down by all these labels that are created in the pseudo psychology of the internet.
Same my brain is constantly looking to trap me in gotcha moments and downward spirals. If that was me I’d probably be thinking “they are making plans without me because they secretly hate me and are trying to distance themselves from me. They don’t actually like me they are just being nice”
Well, to be fair, that is what it is: overthinking. You end assuming things that you aren't really sure it's true. But as overthinking is real and hard to deal with, it can also be a symptom of something greater/bigger. It's not really wise to self diagnose but it feels relieving though to have a clue or name with what we're dealing with time to time.
I have ADHD and have been diagnosed since 3rd or 4th grade. I never knew this was a part of it. I still feel so scared of rejection. I don't really know how to have friends and I'm 32. It feels good to know I'm not that abnormal. I literally cry at home when people are nice to me it feels so foreign. I also have complex trauma, anxiety and depression so it's a mixture of things. It can be really debilitating.
I have BPD, which includes all of the above. The more I learned and the older I have got, I’ve tried to really explain myself when I start a new relationship or friendship and it’s HARD to do. I wind up obsessing that I’m not being heard, that they think I’m weird and annoying, that I’ve upset someone and didn’t pick up on it, etc. it’s frustrating…I would love a map or guide to social situations like this lol
Hey, my partner of 10 years has BPD-- if he hadn't explained stuff it would have been a total disaster. Please keep telling people and the right person will be wearing you out trying to extract the information to treat you well. If you have to push it on them, leave them.
Ok first a me-example. You can skip it if you want. I do have a question for you in the second part of my comment (and perhaps then my example is more "speaking" to you as an example you could totally see yourself in. I have all these with Asperger's. Especially the hurting someone and not picking up on it. I have now tried to make clear twice what I meant or why I said it. One was afraid bro would come and would be superblunt about it, even set a max amount of cash per month because she can't speak well after a stroke and cannot explain well why she needs cash again. But I noticed she got affected by it so I did my best to explain. I knew though it wasn't enough. Today it came up again and she cried. She, truthfully,she didn't spend that much. So I tried to say again she should not worry about it and do what she always does. The thing for my brother is more that he can't see what the cash is spent on. Like normally you buy clothes online. So brother knows and can put that in your budget for that month under whatever name he gives it, like "clothes". But when you buy cash, he doesn't know that, he only sees you need cash quicker than usual. And dont worry from here on. You go on doing what you always did. You do not spend too much by any means. But I think for brother it can help to know that you spent 20 euros on a short and maybe next week 30 on a bag you will use. Because I KNOW if I ask him that you saw this online and ask if you can buy it he would say yes but also right away know what you spent it on. So if you buy something now I know it will be okay that you bought it, but if he knows it's a shirt and a bag he can book it under "clothing" and it is much more transparent why you may need cash quicker. And to be very sure, as her memory is not the best, I sent her a card telling her to basically "scr*w what brother said and to do what she always did. Then I would handle any items like a short or a bag with brother. You just buy it, I'll make sure he can book it in the right place. So, now I want you to forget it all. You just go do what you always did because YOU DO NOTHING WRONG. Please always remember that and hopefully you will be able to forget about this and just live like you always have: spend a little here, a little there, sometimes maybe twice a week, sometimes more than a week of 2 go by. It's not you, it's brother. And I can help him clear things up so all will turn out to be perfectly fine. It really, really is no issue at all and I already explained to brother. Please don't be sad anymore and try to let it go ok? Love you" That's about how far my Asperger's takes me. Makes me explain it 3 Times and still scared it will stick with mom. I should have shut up but I really was scared he would ask her in his blunt way and even set a limit for her which is totally unfair. So after my stupid remark I had a lot of damagerepair to do. I should have said to write down ",clothing" for Marco so he gets a clearer picture where your money goes. He now is a little confused why in his eyes it seems you started to spend more lately but I can tell him why that is and that in reality it's not because you spend more but because you pay cash for things you otherwise get ordered online by me and he knows what he has to transfer to me. Paying cash, he doesn't know and for his administration he likely needs a category of "clothing/accessories/other" That would have been less upsetting for my mom since now it doesn't say that brother feels you need cash much quicker lately and wants to know why'. Like ugh.. I should have thought it through. But I hope that my explanation today and the card so she can read it again will help her go back to living her life like she has done and not think 'oh no it's 30 euros, I'm not allowed/able to buy that." Somehow I feel it will take some time before she's confident again. I do get my brother's question though so hopefully my proposal will be good for him and more importantly to me, my mom, so he won't set a budget which is seriously unfair to my mom. That's essentially what I tried to prevent and then I took the wrong route myself. If you feel you may have upset someone and didn't pick up, perhaps ask that person? Try not to do it every time, people tend not to like it if they need to reassure someone after every meeting. But sometimes it's fine. You can also wait and see if next time they treat you any different. At that moment you can either feel nothing changed and you're good or that's the point where you ask and if necessary explain and apologize. You say you haelve BPD. I have been diagnosed (wrongly) with it before. Have you ever been tested for autism spectrum disorders? Because what you write above sounds familiar to me as an Asperger. Or are you diagnosed BPD of the introverted kind? If not the latter and they also say you don't have that variant, you might want to see if they will test you for ASD. How do you feel about eye contact? Have you always had Trouble in social situations reading a room and understanding social cues and clues? I hope you feel free to answer me. Because any intensity could actually be because you got overstimulated and it gets too much and *explosion* or *implosion*. Do you get overstimulated quickly? How about sounds? Like a loud bus is more overstimulation. But what about it's quiet, you're watching tv or reading or playing a game... And then the neighbour had his music or tv on. Just loud enough for you to hear it, to hear the mumbling of a voice, or beats, even an entire song? How do you respond to loud or maybe even more soft sounds you cannot control, while you do fine if you play the same thing yourself. But the "sounds others make"-part.... Does that make you more than a bit irritated? Like really irritated? Pretty darn angry, in fact? I will wait for your reply to these questions. No worries, I won't judge, especially after my story which makes me feel vulnerable. But it's ok. And if you can relate, and you can answer my questions, also to the person above me, I will come back to you. Oh and btw, a common coping mechanism in BPD, S-harm.... It's actually also something that happens more than people know in people with autism spectrum disorders. Just saying....
I feel this in my soul, I am always terrified of people secretly hating me, even my best friend of like 13 years who I know loves me to bits but the anxious thoughts are always there
This is remarkable: there is a name for this phenomenon. Olivia, these videos are pure genius, and a gift to humanity. I just turned 59, and I had no idea that other people suffered rejection like I do; the anguished bouts of grief over rejections that didn't happen have been a pure waste of time and energy.
My thought exactly, you made plans without that person and then when they asked you what you were doing you ended with “you can come if you want” a friends response would be something like “I was going to text you but it slipped my mind do you have any plans? You should totally come with!”
@@10Raccoon Yeah but some ppl don't realize that that's the connotation and end up using it flippantly towards their friends that they wouldn't have minded had the friends joined
@@neji3489 not really, more like “you should totally come if you’re not busy” would be more inviting and doesn’t put pressure on the person. “Would you like to come” almost feels like a pity invite like you weren’t going to invite them but now feel like you have too
THANK YOU ❤️. This was done SO well and complete in adding how the Courtney character gets to explain how situational dynamics can lead to misinterpretation too!
Lol this might be one of the reasons of why I don’t let myself get too close with people because of the fact that you asked them to make plans but they already had plans without you. How I saw this was you asked them to go do something and they felt like they had to invite you because you asked to hangout.
I mean for all you know they could’ve made plans two minutes beforehand and didn’t have a chance to invite her before she invited them to hang out. I prefer not to assume my friends have malicious intentions unless there’s verifiable evidence over a significant period of time
God damn it did this give me goosebumps, i always thought i was just “super sensitive” like everyone always tells me. Or that “you take everything the wrong way” when i feel like theyre only inviting me “bc they feel bad” jesus adhd is insane
Omg I have that problem! I'm not self-diagnosing, so I'm not sure if I have RSD, but I've have a lot of trauma from past relationships, and fake friends not actually liking me which makes it really hard for me to realize that my friends actually want me around.
I'm the same. I used to have a lot of "friends" who only wanted anything to do with me when I had money but when I was skint and would be sitting with no food cigarettes etc and THEY had money, they didn't want to know
When she said "I fear rejection that has not happened and likely will never happen" I felt that so much. I constantly have these unreasonable fears about random things.
@@origamikiddo2625 I don't know how dysfunctional my family is because I definitely feel sometimes that it's pretty messed up, and that's the same reaction I get from outside, but I also feel sometimes like it's all okay, I'm overreacting and outside people just don't know the whole story.
Props to Courtney for asking the question and Olivia for her willingness/ability to answer honestly. My RSD can be absolutely crippling - especially when no one explicitly asks/invites to group events (like, say, a corporate lunch where everyone is going, or a Christmas party that everyone attends, or the like).
This would have saved so many friendships of mine because I always feel like my friends don’t want to hang w me. 41 years old and I just now hear of this… wow
Absolutely same! I eventually got dropped by alot of my old friends because of my own issues. I never knew enough to explain anything like this to them but I think it could've helped if I'd only known!
Im too scared to keep watching your videos, the realisation of me having ADHD & not just being an absolute Loon with a weird personality, I don't know how to handle 😭😭
I don't know for sure whether or not I have ADHD (I've been meaning to find someone who can do me some tests to get a diagnosis either confirming or denying it), but this video made me cry because I thought that I was just being absolutely weird and self-centered. And it's really scary to think that maybe this is what usually happens to me.
I also have ADHD (I was officially diagnosed when I was younger, but I didn't realize what that actually meant for me and my brain). I highly recommend how to ADHD (it's what helped me to stop feeling so out of control and.... Screaming. My mind was screaming.) Now I can do at least one or two things a day more often than not. I also recommend finding a specialist to help more. Your are an individual and your symptoms and conditions aren't going to be the same as anyone else's. So you really need to speak to a professional about your diagnosis in particular. This is just to help in the meantime (like a bandage until you can reach a hospital). I can't right now because there's higher priorities for me. But it's on the list
I had a similar situation happen yesterday. I was finally able to work through the situation and see that it was not rejection. The person's other plans were already standing and mine were last minute. I appreciate the integrity of their not cancelling on the other person.
I'm learning so much from your account and it really makes me want to talk to my therapist about it. I relate so much more than I knew and i thought all of these things were just me.
I’m genuinely starting to think I have ADHD… I’ve watched a lot of your videos and I relate too much to them. My parents think I might have ADHD too. At least there are people that are going through the same things as me and I don’t feel so left out anymore ❤️
Don't feel bad for wondering if one might have ADHD well into adulthood. I'm a senior citizen and just got diagnosed with ADHS, PTSD, major depression, anxiety (related to trauma) and panic attacks. I'm fully retired. I've found the diagnoses are more amusing and explain soooo much!
Wonderful video but I'm honestly so happy to see such a supportive comment section. I was worried people were going to thrash the video but everyone is so loving and supportive. It gives me hope. 😊 Much love and support to everyone doing their best and fighting to create a better life!
I remember watching this ages ago and it hits so hard. Even the second invite I still wouldn’t have believed them bc my brain would assume if they actually wanted me there they would’ve invited me in the first place 😢
Yep. I'd be feeling like they were just being polite. I try to logically think that plans were just made when I wasn't there, as opposed to them not wanting to me there, however this always trumps logic. It must be nice not to have this.
You are a true blessing mate. The flavor of ADHD that I have comes with a hefty sprinkling of RSD, but I am absolutely terrible at trying to describe things like this and you put it so perfectly. I'm 100% saving this video so I can show it to my friends, hopefully it will help, thank you so much /g
The secret best thing about these videos is the openness and willingness to explain and express yourself as the ADHD person that might be the biggest hurdle for some is figuring out how to explain your problems to others so they can in turn treat you in a more manageable way
Oh my gosh thank you for this!!! I have ADHD and I’m constantly worrying that my friends don’t like me or want to be around me or that I’m not worthy of being their friend. Thank you so much for bringing light to this it all makes so much sense now!
Would you think that it specifically would need to be diagnosed tho? I have diagnosed adhd too and this all happens to me but the situations are really weird to explain
This happened to me literally last night. I believed since middle school that I have ADHD but my parents or teachers would gaslight me or say I'm just being a bad child. I want to get tested but since I've been asking to get tested for years and been rejected now I'm scared too. But I've done many research and seen SOOO many things that I STRONGLY make me relate to this. I'm so grateful for stuff like this that makes me feel like I'm not crazy. Thank you.
I never knew this behavior of mine was actually a symptom of my ADHD or that it had a name until just now. THANK YOU SO MUCH. You make me feel so normal. Subscribing! Much love. ❤❤❤
its not, and it doesnt, it's just self-worth issues combined with bad communication. So many people in these comment threads seem so happy to align themselves with a label after watching a video describing inner insecurities. Dont be so quick to put your self in a box.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and I'm still learning! I find it hard sometimes to explain what it is and how it affects me. The way you describe things less clinically and use examples, is really interesting and should be easier for other people to understand. 🙂💙
A part of me appreciates the attention and openness with adhd and its symptoms But at the same time I don't like having names for all my problems cause now I can keep track and the list is getting depressing longer than it already was🥺 This is always my problem, I can't tell if people like me or not unless they tell me, let's just say high-school was a very uncomfortable and awkward, over stepping of boundaries for all involved My adhd is also so bad that I actually hate the feeling of an empty mind It's why I don't like being high,makes things too fuzzy and I don't like that I need to be able to think,I spend 90% of my time in my head so if I just lose 90% of who I am what do I do,it's boring and boring is uncomfortable
@I steal joy from babies mm crispy joy 🇺🇦 omg i thought i was alone on this-- you and the original commenter both were able to say how i felt! I kinda also feel really seen! It sucks how much i just cant tell, and i always overthink stuff with my friends. Sometimes I'm scared they aren't even my friends and are just doing it out of pity, even tho I'm sure it's not ture (at least for a few of them) I'm struggling to be honest with some of them, scared I'm being too much to the point i dont even talk to them unless i make up a reason i HAVE to talk to them. And idk if they're annoyed by it or not (worst part is they also have adhd) And I'm always put into social situations more then my twin sister, since she is autistic and got diagnosed first, and now that I'm starting to have more issues with it but even if I'm diagnosed it seems like my mom doesn't understand that. Luckily my sister is more understanding but ya know, she also kinda dismisses it, but we talk it out and she's apologetic about it, and helps out Especially with my friends issue It's so hard to put it into words, but you said it perfectly And the part of always needing to keep thinking, i have the same issue, tho it sucks bc of school. So i started to take medication to help And it did! But now the longer i take the more unmotivated i feel to do what i loved doing, my comics and writing Bc my head gets TOO blank, but i was told to not stop taking it even after school is over for summer I'm trying to get better, but bc I'm so tired of hearing my mom complain about how expensive therapy gets (even tho it's my grandma who pays) i just dont wanna keep going back, it's mentally exhausting, and even tho I'm told to ignore it i cant I stopped so we could use the money for therapy to get a diagnosis, but it's been months already, we just used the momey so we could travel to London But now i just cant really think of going back anymore even if i want to I've come a long way luckily and have been doing better at least, i just know i still got alot to work with :/
If it's not too much for y'all, I'd like to add my cautionary tale to the mix. I'm only a few years shy of 50 and have dealt with these same issues all my life, but during my formative years, none of these terms/diagnoses really existed, at least not within my realm of possibility. I was tested for ulcers and a myriad of other digestion issues, amongst other things. My mom and Dr were on top of any medical issues, but no one thought to check my brain out, Ig. I never felt like I fit in anywhere, not with "friends" or family (I put friends in quotations because, aside from my best friend of 30+ years, I'm not sure if I've ever had a true friend). As it stands nowadays, I'm seeing a psych Dr and therapist and am trying to overcome most of the coping mechanisms I've put in place over the years to try to protect myself from rejection and the immense pain it causes me. My words of advice.. please, please, please try to get professional help as young as possible, so you can learn the proper skills to help you navigate life from the get, instead of having to break bad habits and learn new ones later on. Don't get me wrong, it's never too late, but it'll save you so much grief to get it right from the start. Like I said, I'm trying to switch up my terrible coping habits for much better ones, but at this point in time, the only people I associate with in everyday life are my mom and my 3, adult kids. I talk to my best friend on a semi-regular basis, but we only see each other a couple/few times a year because I've reverted back to my agoraphobic ways since the pandemic began. Again, sorry if I'm overstepping, I would just hate for anyone else like me to put themselves through all the unnecessary pain and suffering, such as I've experienced. I wish you guys the best as you travel through this life and please know that none of these issues are your fault and you deserve to be happy and healthy, mentally and physically. Hope y'all are having a great week, stay safe out there!
@@Kimi_Khaos hey its fine, it's nice to hear the perspective of someone who's older about this I'm only a kid, just recently turned 16, i started therapy at 13 but i only got diagnosed and gotten treatment this year, so it's all new territory for me And i honestly kinda feel happy? In a way with your comment, i just hope i myself was kr am not overstepping anything 😅 My therapist did help alot, and thanks to her i am now trying to do better, and thanks to some friends who actually stuck around with me this year, i started to do better Not only in trying to keep my metal health in a good state but physical as well! But i know i still and will still struggle without help Which is something I'm debating alot, since most of the time with my school being a unprofessional mess, i get too tired to even talk in therapy properly without almost passing out And on top of that, my mom complaining about the expenses so many times, i just stopped I wanna go back, but rn i wanna try and find a way to go back without being mentally exhausted from it so often, or feeling guilty about it Money is a huge issue in my family, not that we're poor, but there are many fights because of it Mom grew up with a rich dad, and my dad grew up in a "poor" family, and its a constant fight on how we use money I just know my therapist (which is alos one of my mom's friends) is very understanding and is open to help whenever she can
Just want to say that you're doing something really important here. I'm sure this info gets tons of people asking questions like, "do I have that?" Putting a name to something is such a big help, and such an important step towards people understanding themselves. Channels like yours were a big help in learning about my own ADHD. Also, don't know if you've already done a video on it, but could explain the difference between the DSM 5 classifications of ADHD Inattentive and Hyperactive vs the old classifications of ADD (Inattentive) and ADHD (Hyperactive)?
I found this channel yesterday and have found sooo many very relatable things that i struggle with on a daily basis! Sometimes it feels like i’m all alone in these ways of thinking, but although it makes me sad so many other people struggle with this, i’m also very happy to have found a community that understands and spreads awareness about AD(H)D ❤❤ We’re all in this together :)
I have a question: Do other adhd + anxiety people have a thing where you sometimes feel like others think you’re faking? Sometimes panic attacks or adhd symptoms happen at very inconvenient times and make me feel inferior to others Like, why won’t my brain let me clean the kitchen when asked or do my hw on time? And comments arise that make me feel like parents don’t believe me(or at least my mother) Sorry I started rambling I’ll shut up now
Sweetie I am 34 and I didn't go to doctor to get diagnose until I was around 25 and already had kids of my own. I still feel like I have to convince some people that I really do have it. I am constantly trying to balance the need for them to understand what it's like to have ADHD, for me, and feeling like the don't believe me or I'm just making excuses. Even when I try to tell them, it's not an excuse it's an explanation'. Truth is with the exception of my siblings who where all diagnosed with ADHD as kids, I honestly don't know if it's all in my head or if people really think that.
I had the same issue with my dad growing up. He hates having a daughter that has Asperger’s, ADHD, anxiety, depression, RSD and some learning disabilities. My sisters are over achievers and I was always compared and expected to be just like them. I grew up going to a private Catholic school and he would pay for me to move forward in grades. I’m 38 and we still have issues. I now live 2 states away and just visited him for the first time in 7 years. It went surprisingly well because it was 2 short visits both 1 hour each. What saved me growing up was my Mom and my older sister. My Mom got me and still gets me help with whatever I need or want and my sister has always been my champion and a very important mouth piece for me. She knows me so well that growing up if I was getting screamed at by my father my sister would be there to stand up for me and reply to him with what I was thinking and feeling because unfortunately I completely shutdown when I’m getting yelled at. So I can’t talk or move. The number one suggestion I would have would be to ask your parents to come into a therapy session with you so that your therapist can explain and discuss what you have been diagnosed with. If after doing that you still feel like they don’t believe you then I would ask your therapist if they had any groups that you can join so that you can get support from an outside source. Sorry I rambled but I hope this helps. Please know you aren’t alone there are a lot of people in your situation. Idk if you are apart of any social media but I use to have Facebook and they had some good groups that you may want to join so that you can talk to other people who are just like you.
Prior to discovering your content I was kindof blunt with alot of my wording, but your videos explained alot of things to me in a manner that I can understand them on a deeper level. In short very good content keep it up :)
I remember my friends moving to a different table, they didn't tell me to stay or to not follow them, but I ended up staying at the first table and crying and ever since that I avoid them and we're not friends anymore
I have the opposite problem where whenever my friend is talking about something and it feels like something he could have invited me to but he's not inviting me then I feel like he's pre-judging whether or not I'd want to go without actually asking me. He's my only friend so I never get to socialize unless he invites me to something.
It sucks that he's your only friend. If I may suggest, perhaps go to a bar and make some more playing pool? Or find some other point of connection in your life like work colleagues and see if any of them want to hang out. Just trying to say I'm sorry you only have one friend and I hope it changes bc that sucks.
sorry, this brushed me the wrong way a bit. if you want to socialize but dont get to much with this friend, why dont you make more? it seems like a lot of pressure on him being your only friend so that you can socialize. of course, maybe he doesnt mind this. this just resonates with me personally as someone in similar shoes as your friend.
Wow, this was relatable . Unless someone says specifically they are inviting me AND they want to spend time with me, it just seems like they don't and are just saying it so they don't feel bad. Like offering someone you know that is allergic to peanuts a peanut butter sandwich and when they say no, they can say well at least I asked and offered you some.
You’ve made me understand myself a LOT. Thank you. Being able to tell people clearly what’s going on with me through the words you say, has helped a lot. Thank you again!
This condition ruined my mom’s life. I wish we knew about it while she was still alive. She grew up in an era where ADD was a complete unknown, much less RSD. The number of times I had this exact discussion with my own mom about joining her own grandkids on an event 😢😢😢😢
Olivia, you have helped- and continue to help- me learn and understand so much about why I am the way I am. I never knew until I started watching your videos just how many different ways ADHD can affect you besides just attention-related stuff. I’m 42 and have been like this nearly my whole life (it got especially bad in my 30’s and is now at its absolute worst), and it’s SO GOOD to finally have an a concrete explanation for why I experience this.
Ugh and I thought I was just being a over sensitve person, I'm so glad I found your channel it helps me understand my ADHD so much better. I almost ended a friendship because of this thank goodness I didn't.
Yeah it pretty much is being sensitive and overthinking. I don’t like how every individual feeling needs a new label/name attached to it. People who are sensitive are *also* afraid of rejection that could happen not just the rejection that has happened. Plus if you have low self esteem you could feel unwanted and assume nobody wants you which can fuel this fear of rejection. Another one is if you have been rejected all your life, you could be assuming more rejection to happen as a coping mechanism in order to dampen the blow when you do get rejected. Being sensitive isn’t bad but work on how you react to rejection rather than try to make others leap over hurdles because you are hurt over things that weren’t even said. I’ve had low self esteem and did a lot of work through therapy to redirect my emotions and fear of a rejection that could happen. It can be helped, do work to reassure yourself instead of relying on others to reassure you.
@@astridlafere6707 Agreed, especially with your comments about how a new label/name needs to be attached to a ‘symptom’, and your point about having other people change the way they speak to accommodate you.
your videos are so comforting because they remind me that I’m not alone in the struggles that I face day to day. I have ADHD too, and your videos have really helped me to understand more about myself and help me put names to the things I’ve been experiencing my whole life
They properly didnt mind you joining but the fact that they weren’t excited to know that you were going to join is what made the decision on not joining. In my head, it plays out like this “oh, it’s Hugo, yeah sure whatever” “I don’t mind not going. I don’t really care” “it’s whatever, do you want to go?” “Naw, it’s cool” lol every time!!! People just don’t like rejecting people. Everybody likes to be the good guy !!!
I got diagnosed last september at 41. Your pain is felt, shared, and very valid. *hugs* We never deserved to be gaslit by people who "knew better" when we had no way to fight back, felt invalidated, and not believed.
I understand this feeling as someone who is both ADD & shy/introverted, however.. expecting the world to change to accommodate us (reguardless of why/how) is impractical at minimum. Yes, it sucks to be "neuro-divergent" sometimes, but, it's also unfair to expect the world to cater to our needs. Be well my friends.. we are all pilgrims embarking on our own epic journeys ❤
Think this is true in the case of strangers, but the more loved ones get to know and care about you, the more they should want to accommodate your needs and feelings. e.g., an acquaintance might invite me to see a horror movie, but a friend or family member would know better [and I would tell them I don't watch those! ] so they would insist on watching a different movie with me.
So I never diagnosed myself with any mental health problems besides Depression and anxiety, I think I just found out I might have RSD apparently since these exact things she acting out, I think all the time because I'm the more shy, quiet person in my group of friends and I always think they don't like me or I'm interupting something even when my friends do offer just ending with "or something", like this describes me a lot and I'm honestly glad I'm not alone 😌 I'm pretty sure their real friends though especially one specific person I've been friends with for more then like 3 years
Same and I can’t really seem to keep friendships very long, I think I may have ADHD as well. I hope that you can figure out what it is and life gets a lot better for you now if it isn’t already!🥰
Try to make friends with other neurodivergent (people with ADHD, autism, OCD, etc.) people. I swear that it's sooo much easier being friends with someone who GETS it.
Thank you for explaining this in a way that everyone can understand. You are so young, yet so wise. Thank you for the inspiration, education and the occasional dose of giggles as we all figure it out together.
it isnt a real medical diagnosis nor medical term so no you were not diagnosed. Thats a term that general public created to describe their feelings of situations for those in the spectrum. In other words, a self diagnosis.
not everything needs a label and diagnosis guys i have this tendancy but calling it a dysphoria is a bit much it's rooted in past rejection mixed with pride for me as well as culture atleast and whilst it's nice to hear it verbalised overdiagnosing yourself with random conditions seems very gen z and excessive
Bless it. The tone of voice when she said "you can come if you want" is one I associate with my childhood bullies, a mocking/passive aggressive tone. I imagined in her head she was smirking and thinking me a loser. Bullying sucks. Rsd sucks. Big suckfest all around! But the kindness of friends reassures the soul 💚
Thank you for explaining it at the end!!! I thought it made it soo much better and more understandable!!! Youre awesome, I have a feeling your channel is just going to keep blowing up ❤️ Im so glad youre spreading awareness, as people tend to not even know *how* to research these things on their own. Thank you! God bless💕😄
Oh Jesus.. stop. What is happening. Stop labeling everything. Rsd? How about you acknowledge your feelings and talk them out without the label and realize youre human
it's about frequency and intensity. Even neurotypical people occasionally feel rejected due to miscommunication, but neurodivergent people often feel rejected to the point where they spiral into days or weeks of depressive episodes over someone who didn't even believe they had said anything that could be seen as a rejection.
"You can come if you want" that's what gets me. Literally if you say that immediately I'll think you hate me and do t want me to come
Nah frfr. It's like "Eh we don't really care but we just asked you because you've put us in a spot" even though that may not be the case.
Exactly!
If it helps, as the person saying that I usually go with "you can come if you want" so the person is invited but it doesn't come off like I'm begging or putting pressure on them. I feel like if I say "hey I want you to come" the person might feel pressured to go even if they're social battery is already drained. It's more so to be considerate of what the other person wants, but it's definitely NOT out of habit or to just be polite. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that the people around us are there because they want to be. We're all adults and idk about you but I don't do things I don't enjoy like when I was 8 and my parents said I had to. If I spend time with someone it's because I genuinely want to.
@@saraaaf (Please do not take this as me being rude) It doesn’t help. As explained by fellow ADHD’ers, our brains immediately view that was “we don’t want you around.”
I always say that bc maybe they DON’T want to come and I offend them or something
“If you’re able to come with us, I’d love to have you there” Is my go-to when inviting people. You have to let people know that they are wanted ❤
That’s a really good way to say it!
Teenage me could desperately have used this video and people inviting me places that way.
Thats how i invite people places now to make sure they know theyre wanted.
Yes! RSD or not, phrasing it that way makes people feel much more valued and appreciated.
I actually fo OBERBOARD to avoid this issue because I'm afraid of mak8ng OTHER people feel like I feel.
So, in this case, I would EXCITEDLY say, "Omg you should come with us!" so as to leave NO doubts that they are indeed invited and wanted. 😂😊❤
This is so hard because I hate this and it makes me anxious, feel pressured and overwhelmed. It's funny how much our mental health needs can conflict eachother. I feel like it's a threat sometimes when people as like this LOL
I’m literally crying. I have ADHD and I do this all the time. Wow! it makes so much sense now. Thank you
Same
Saaammmeee 😭😭
Like genuinly, almost like breaking & accepting it finally y'know, iv lost so many good friends because if it too 😔
Me toooo
Same ♡
✨RSD, ADHD, and anxiety✨
best combo
and cptsd 😂
@@ivy5645 oof I can’t even imagine
Best combo ever no one ever its a hot steeeming pile of dog shit
Plus OCD...
@@ivy5645 that's when my brain starts really cooking 😂
The end got me. May have this. “You can come if you want” gives me a bad feeling inside and I suddenly don’t wanna go
@Lorie Anne ADHD is actually under-diagnosed, especially in AFAB people since they usually aren’t hyperactive. It is something that you can’t just learn skills and be perfectly fine and normal. Learning strategies can be helpful, but actual medical care is better. ADHD is caused by structural differences in the brain that limit the amount of free floating dopamine, which causes behaviors intended to seek out more dopamine. You can’t just learn skills and ways to raise your dopamine levels without medication that wouldn’t be really difficult in a society that doesn’t work for people with ADHD.
Not to mention that whether you have a secure attachment or not is something that is caused by the way your parents treat you as a very young child and might need a therapist to work through. It’s not something you can easily fix. Even if that was the problem here, which it isnt, that’s still a problem that needs a therapist and medical care to properly handle.
People with ADHD, including myself, struggle with RSD because our brains are constantly going way faster than it should. We can’t help but pick out every little thing and overthinking it. If someone doesn’t say something clearly enough, like with the statement “you can come if you want” we overthink and doubt what to do. What’s meant as “we want you to come but if you don’t want to that’s fine” quickly turns into “you can come I guess but we don’t care/want you to” in our heads. We aren’t offended, we’re genuinely struggling and can’t tell if people want us around or not when they say things like that.
@@aylmerij9760 Thank You 💜🧡❤
No doubt! You can come, if you want is exactly like saying, I’m not inviting you, but if you must come along, that’ll be fine……I guess! That’s what I hear anyway. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 38 years old.
@@justkaren6450 Yeah 😓
I don't have ADHD and find this statement backhanded and fake. It's just a shitty way to invite someone. She the person wording it that way def does not want you there.
This is how severe this symptom is for me, I was sat watching it thinking yes but if they’d wanted you there they would have invited you when they initially made the plans and now you’re an afterthought, I literally feel rejection on other peoples behalf for fake situations. And if this had have been me I would have been holding back tears 😂
I think that way too.
people in my own family rarely invite me to whatever they're doing all together even though they claim I'm important to them and they like being around me but then they'll do things and I find out weeks later or the same day they'll randomly send me pictures of them all. I never feel like a priority ever.
@@felicityjohnston9276 I'm afraid to say that your family sounds like their gaslighting you. It's completely fine to not invite someone once in a while, but what you described is not normal. I'm sorry 😢
@tianamarie989 maybe.
their excuse is always that they thought I would say no anyways so they didn't bother. like yeah there's stuff I've said no to when asked in the past but that's not a reason to ignore my existence entirely. and the no I've said is towards stuff I've already done many times growing up that I'm bored of and see no pleasure happening from them. I dont prefer wasting money I don't have or my energy and time when I know I am gonna be bored and wish I never went.
but it would feel better them giving me the option!
@tianamarie989 another excuse I'm told is that I'm out of their way. but im only 30 minutes if that from all of their houses AND they go MUCH farther to so things without me so that feels like a slap in the face.
Same!
for me, the issue here would be the fact that they admitted to already having plans and didnt think to invite you - and wouldnt have, until you kind of forced their hand by asking to make plans on that day. that would send me into a DEEP spiral, and it has
Yeah me too I've never seen someone articulate it so well but this would be my exact thought process also
Yes I feel this too but am slowly overcoming it. I have recognized this and tell myself that it’s okay to feel this way. I remind myself that not everyone thinks/overthinks things like this. I try to keep it simple with myself by allowing myself to not think too much into it but beware of it. Anytime I think of the situation I watch a show or talk with someone (I also have ADD so doing this allows my brain to switch the topic and probably will not remember the situation). Hope this makes sense 😅
Yes this
This is exactly what she’s referring to! There are so many ways plans come about, haven’t you ever thought last minute “oh we shouldve texted ___ to come!” or extended the sentiment “i wish you were there!”
Same!
I’ve lost so many friends over this I’m in my early thirties and just now realizing it is a thing. Being undiagnosed most of my life has left me with so many scars.
Exactly the same for me.
59 here and just realising it 😂😂😂✨️
Diagnosis doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re getting the resources you need. To most providers it’s just a green light for meds and 👋 see you in six months, sadly. Knowing yourself is a big part of living with this condition, especially if you’re not medicated or in therapy.
Same here
@@sithticklefingers7255 well said 👍🏻
My SO and I had a longtime friend over for dinner. She was sharing with us a struggle that she was having, and so I told her about a time when I experienced something similar. My SO was like, "It isn't about you." Our friend said, "Morgan is neurodivergent and is relating to me and trying to make me feel better by sharing her experience so I feel less alone in this," and my SO seemed pretty floored; he'd clearly never considered that, and because Ihad never consciously reasoned it out that way, i couldnt expkain it. But it was spot on. I almost cried. :)
The fact that your SO said that in front of a friend in the first place is disturbing.. If they had concerns they should have talked to you about it in private or seen how your friend took it instead of just putting you down.
@@Persephoneia01 I felt the same. The SO sounds insensitive.
The longtime friend is the real one here, SO sounds a little insensitive.
I am doing it all the time but i have to state it that i am trying to relate to what you are saying and not make it about me. The more i learn about neurodivergence the more i am sure i found my people...
People that say 'it isn't about you' are really rude. Sharing your experience isn't making it about you. You are attempting to comfort the other person for the exact reasons your friend laid out. I really hope you addressed with your SO how to treat you in the future. It's like they thought they had to take you down a peg. I'm glad your friend stood up for you. I think part of why your SO was floored is they weren't used to being confronted.
That's what it's called!! I always get super emotional when things like this happen, even as a kid I'd just break down crying. I was always told I was "being a fairy" I never knew it was a part of ASD. Now it makes sense
Fairies can't come if not invited...omg
@@pestilenssi8979 i would’ve hated being called that as a kid, but you do have a point LOL! if only that was the way people meant it 😅
my mom has ADHD and i’ve always shared a lot of the same struggles as she did, but somehow didn’t consider that it could be a possibility for me until recently. every time i see something like this, that i always thought was just me being “sensitive” like i was always told, i really wonder.
diagnosis aside, learning about ADHD alone has made me feel better knowing that at least some of what i go through is understood by others. i know you’re talking about ASD and not ADHD like the video, but still. i hope there will eventually come a time where kids aren’t shamed for being emotional, especially when children are still learning how to regulate and process those emotions! hell, even adults shouldn’t be criticized for something they can’t control! of course you can learn how to process and regulate emotions differently, but the emotions don’t just go away. that seems simple enough but it was honestly one of my biggest takeaways from therapy.
Also doesnt help when i was always left out as a kid.
Maybe it was just that actually
@@pestilenssi8979 the same with vampires
I did this a week ago 😭 I’m glad I know what I was actually doing… I went on a full rant about it to one of my closer friends about how “they probably don’t even want to hang out, they probably hate me” 😶💀
Been there.
Yup same. Been there
I love/hate learning all this. I love it because it explains my life. I hate because I'm 56 and now hearing these things. I want a do over with all this knowledge. My life would have went differently.
But it's for my daughter now and helping her learn and navigate.
Love you beautiful people. Keep going, you're doing great and helping so many others!! ❤❤❤
ME TOO! I would love to know how people get diagnosed with this stuff. My Dr has never been any help.
One of us. One of us.
Me too. I'm 41 and have battled anxiety, and now I see other issues I have being explained.
Yep 56 year old here and I was just working with these feelings today only to find us a video and realize it's just another ADHD thing ...mind blowing
SAME. Diagnosed with Autism at 54 and wishing so much I could tell my younger self what I know now. I find that all of these videos resonate with me. I know the overlap of ND conditions is wide, or I have AuADHD. I am so much kinder to myself now.
Wow I knew I wasn’t a freak and it just had something to do with the way my brain works
Same aaa
I did not know this was normal. I'm gonna cry... I've felt so out of place all my life.
Same wtf
Ikr
You're probably still a freak
Learning more about rsd always makes me cry. It was so painful growing up! And even though i have worked through a lot of things, it still impacts me a lot socially and also triggers panic attacks for me.
"the worst they can do is say no"
YES AND I HATE IT
@@barbieoftheweek same
I feel this so deeply and bad i knew I wasn't being dramatic
Same my brain is constantly looking to trap me in gotcha moments and downward spirals. If that was me I’d probably be thinking “they are making plans without me because they secretly hate me and are trying to distance themselves from me. They don’t actually like me they are just being nice”
My husband has to constantly translate stuff like this for me. I only had two friends growing up and they understood that they had to tell me “you’re coming,okay?” Instead of asking if I wanted to come because I’d always say no for fear that they really didn’t want me there. They still do it. 😂😅
This is why I don’t say “come if you want” anymore. I say “I’d love for you to come” “love to have you” I also say don’t feel pressured because I tend to feel pressured to go somewhere when invited
Same and being pressured makes me not want to hang out, so I have a bad habit about lying about having plans or having to do something.
I think it be even better if you just ask them to come. Like "will you come out with us for drinks?" Or even better than that is "We're going out for drinks if you'd care to join us."
I started saying if you want because people stood me up all the time for a while and I just assume no one really wants to be my friend and just talks to me to be nice and not because they actually like me. So much so that a couple years ago now I had someone I considered a friend invite me to a party but I didn't get the message because my phone was messed up during the three days she texted out invites (she didn't know about it) and I kept hearing about everyone else we knew going to the party but I hadn't heard anything so I assumed they didn't want me there. Fast forward to a friend texting me the night of the party asking why I wasn't there and I said I wasn't invited. She went to the hostess and asked directly and the hostess friend of ours was like no she was invited! I ended up being able to make it and the hostess asked why I hadn't talked to her about it because we're friends and I can ask her things like that and I nearly cried because I didn't think she thought of me as a friend and I was so used to people icing me out of things I didn't want to ask and be directly rejected (also what would happen before). I wish I could be confident people actually liked me
Same. I hate it more than anything
My boyfriend constantly tells me “Come if you want”
And it literally just caused a fit a few min ago. He tells me in too sensitive, I didn’t know this was a thing.
This is also how anxiety feels. Anything can start a spiral of doubt, paranoia and anxiety
RSD, ADHD and anxiety is probably one of the worse combos out there
I have ADHD and if I said to my friends:
Sorry I have adhd and I'm more sensitive to rejection 🤓👆
They'll go like: bro stfu we don't care restart
@@jimmlmao wow I'm sorry but you don't have good friends then, I don't know if I'd even call them friends. They obviously don't care about you, or take your feelings and experiences seriously. Good friends want to help you, not hurt you.
@@micaela2284 no man i mean if i act like a blue haired lady and say "oH tHiS iS sO aDhD" and "tHiS Is bEcUaSe oF MY aDhd" I would get called a restart
@@jimmlmao you aren't making sense dude
This is exactly why i hate, “if you want”.
I need affirmative action.
“I need you to come.”
“I want you to come.”
“I’d like it, if you showed up.”
Everyone just calls me a sensitive crybaby y’know? But it feels like you don’t really cate about me, its either or to you
If I asked in the latter 3 ways I would feel like I was emotionally manipulating the person and subtly pressuring them to come ^^; but I think I have trauma from being told for years that asking anything in that phrasing is rude, manipulative, demanding etc no matter what tone I use
@@nobodyanon Well the context is Person 1 is already looking to hang out. (Obviously their personality could be less social.)
I guess if someone is looking to hang out but you already have plans you could easily just tell them.
'I'm interested in hanging out still, are you interested in the event and want to come with us?'
Because it sets it up for both parties to be able to communicate.
I think OP's comment doesnt give a question to the other person. But literally every single person has a spectrum of what they're okay with when it comes to communication.
you are a sensitive cry baby
I do this too! My brain is constantly looking to trap me in gotcha moments and downward spirals. If that was me I’d probably be thinking “they are making plans without me because they secretly hate me and are trying to distance themselves from me. They don’t actually like me they are just being nice.”
I know, this video makes so many things make sense.
Also, your pfp is freaking amazing.
Me too 🥲 I hate it
LITERALLY ME
Then it turns out to be true
Ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy. Friends give each other the benefit of the doubt. They don't assume the worst, by assuming the worst -even if it is a spiral that you don't know how to control- you are not behaving like a friend. Your friends will pick up on that, and eventually will distance themselves. The good news is that it is possible to learn to control these spirals with cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy) it is the most scientifically proven method for effective treatment in therapy. And there are tons of resources available online if you can't afford a psychologist.
My Adhd ass spiraling for her: 🧐why did they all make plans and not invite her till she found out?
SAME I thought about that too like why would y'all make plans with everyone in the friend group but 1 person... Seems shady
Yeah I feel like that's the real reason this is a thing... This is just good social reading, I don't want to go if I'm not invited. If there's a better example then maybe RSD is real but it seems like this one is getting to the "everything can have a label" level.
@@taylorbritt499 what makes you think it’s “everyone in the friend group”?
The skit takes places with a subset of people - we don’t know how big the friend group is.
Regardless, it’s ok to hang out (and want to hang out) with a smaller subset of a group. That doesn’t mean you don’t like a person, it just means you’re looking for a specific experience that you get from the people you invite.
And in those cases, go hang out with a different group of people.
If you don’t have another group - it’s time to branch out! There are awesome people everywhere, you’re missing out by not finding them.
@@imdeadserious6102 Yeah, but dont forget that it couldve been a spur of the moment plan originally, and they just didnt plan it in detail enough to plan on inviting more people❤️😊 without knowing details like those, we cant assume. Theres many other possibilities, too💕
@@imdeadserious6102 oh also! The, everything can have a label comment; I wanted to say that you shouldnt look at it like that. It doesnt matter what the label is, it's just useful as a convenient way to research or talk about it. The whole point is just so that you know what to look out for incase you tend to have a habit of doing the said thing, as it's usually common for people with this disorder to think, react, etc this way. If you have the disorder and the tendency, then you know to watch out for your own biases, which is very important for sociology, your own psychology, and the path to inner peace❤️😄
God bless💕
...She actually started with "Sorry" which sounded absolutely like...'No you can't'. So...very good example for explaining that.
So mind-blowing that you do these videos
RSD is a psychical sensation for me, like a literal knife in my sternum. It’s gotten better the more I’ve embraced my neurodivergence, but I have to actively work so that it isn’t triggered.
Yeah this video is painful for me to listen to.
Oh that sounds awful! Has the work gotten easier over time?
@@GameOnWithFamilyJamSame.
Yeah sometimes I wonder if I don't have ADHD and then a social interaction gives me an intense burning sensation and I can't breathe and I want to scratch my skin off and -- well. If that were normal people would mention it more.
ye it feels like the inside of me just drops and becomes empty
“I don’t want to bother people” is something I have said so many times
this vid is describing my mum. She's obsessed about "not wanting to impose" or "be a burden" and reads far too deeply into very casual comments and questions like this
I find myself with tears in my eyes now, knowing that that feeling is actually what’s going on in my head. I’m not the only one who thinks like this 😭. I am always afraid of the rejection even though it most likely wont happen. But I also have been excluded from things before so there’s also that.
Solution: Go do fun things alone, this trains your mind to be more outcome independent. Ill go to concerts by myself alot, I hardly make new friends but I usually have a blast and even strike a few good conversations.
@@Primatenate88 That’s not always the solution when you do things by yourself 99% of the time, which I currently do. I always do things by myself. Being broke also doesn’t lend itself to being able to “go do fun things” too. Your response is not helpful.
@@SkullMama89 Well yeah you cant really do anything fun for under 20 bucks since thats about the cost of either: fireworks, a twelve pack, some weed, or a few cans of spray paint... But thats just the reality of society... Shit you could even steal some things or break bottles and have some free degenerate fun. You should watch trailer park boys
@@Primatenate88 As a single parent of a child that’s not even 3 years old yet, that’s not feasible for me either. Risk getting my son taken from me if caught doing dumb teenager crap, no thank you.
This happens to be but I think it's just anxiety
I can't believe what a classic case of ADHD I have 53 years old and I am just finding out. It's been such a long hard Road. How different my life coulda been if I'd just known. Thank you, to you and all the content creators. You've changed my life.
Okay I knew a lot of things about my AD[H]D, but you're putting words to feelings over had for my whole life and didn't know were common. It feels almost intrusive, but also thank you!
I was suspected to have ADHD my whole childhood I officially got diagnosed in high school, but the last couple of years I have learned that things I thought were just personality traits to me are actually normal for people with ADHD, like being late all the time or this incident here also my daughter is severely ADHD and she has texture issues with certain foods I didn't even know that could be an ADHD thing it's just crazy!
@@krystalrose5874 I have texture issues as well. I'm not even able to eat if there aren't small/dessert spoons and forks around. I always know where my place at the table is when I go home for holiday dinners because people know about my utensil issue. Large silverware freaks me out, I'm glad my family didn't force it on me growing up.
Please be aware that RSD is not a condition it was just introduced less than 2 months ago by tumblr
@@pequenaesposa3286 definitely heard about it before then
Sidenote, your username is tasty
I’m bawling. I feel so heard. I’m constantly surrounded by a dialogue that enforces the thought that ADHD isn’t real and that I’m just an attention seeker but I feel so seen and validated right now. Thank you :)
just a heads up this has absolutely nothing to do with ADHD, its just social anxiety
@sknight8621 nah. I'm not any sort of professional (just a fellow ADHD'er), so this is just my hypothesis here, but I wonder if part of it is how common it is for ADHD kids to struggle socially growing up. Years and years (especially in childhood) of being picked on, bullied, and excluded by peers compounded by statistically significant higher rates of chastisement and critiquing by adults (there's research on this) and being told we're too much does a number on one's sense of self-worth. It's thought patterns like the one portrayed in the video that led me to take a semester off college my sophomore year. This is a very specific facet of anxiety, and those of us with ADHD experience it far more than our non-ADHD counterparts.
@@rylieread1865 Im a therapist and this is the kind of work I can get behind. Presenting a narrative that connects the dots and makes sense of the experiences that are happening now by connecting them to your experiences of growing up with ADHD. As a professional, I worry about the over pathologizing that is seemingly happening, such as saying people with ADHD also have RSD. I’m glad that some people in this comment section feel heard/validated, but I don’t want them to be bogged down by all these labels that are created in the pseudo psychology of the internet.
@@rylieread1865 nicely thought out, you may have a point!
Do you have any concrete evidence for that last statement?@@rylieread1865
I thought that was just me overthinking like….everything
Same my brain is constantly looking to trap me in gotcha moments and downward spirals. If that was me I’d probably be thinking “they are making plans without me because they secretly hate me and are trying to distance themselves from me. They don’t actually like me they are just being nice”
I do the same do I have rsd?
Me
Well, to be fair, that is what it is: overthinking. You end assuming things that you aren't really sure it's true. But as overthinking is real and hard to deal with, it can also be a symptom of something greater/bigger. It's not really wise to self diagnose but it feels relieving though to have a clue or name with what we're dealing with time to time.
I thought everyone felt that or that I was dumb
I have ADHD and have been diagnosed since 3rd or 4th grade. I never knew this was a part of it. I still feel so scared of rejection. I don't really know how to have friends and I'm 32. It feels good to know I'm not that abnormal. I literally cry at home when people are nice to me it feels so foreign. I also have complex trauma, anxiety and depression so it's a mixture of things. It can be really debilitating.
that’s why i always tell my friends, “i’d love for you to join us”
I have BPD, which includes all of the above. The more I learned and the older I have got, I’ve tried to really explain myself when I start a new relationship or friendship and it’s HARD to do. I wind up obsessing that I’m not being heard, that they think I’m weird and annoying, that I’ve upset someone and didn’t pick up on it, etc. it’s frustrating…I would love a map or guide to social situations like this lol
i also have bpd and think like they do in the video. i didn’t know that it was bc of my bpd
Hey, my partner of 10 years has BPD-- if he hadn't explained stuff it would have been a total disaster. Please keep telling people and the right person will be wearing you out trying to extract the information to treat you well. If you have to push it on them, leave them.
Ok first a me-example. You can skip it if you want. I do have a question for you in the second part of my comment (and perhaps then my example is more "speaking" to you as an example you could totally see yourself in.
I have all these with Asperger's. Especially the hurting someone and not picking up on it.
I have now tried to make clear twice what I meant or why I said it. One was afraid bro would come and would be superblunt about it, even set a max amount of cash per month because she can't speak well after a stroke and cannot explain well why she needs cash again.
But I noticed she got affected by it so I did my best to explain. I knew though it wasn't enough. Today it came up again and she cried. She, truthfully,she didn't spend that much. So I tried to say again she should not worry about it and do what she always does. The thing for my brother is more that he can't see what the cash is spent on. Like normally you buy clothes online. So brother knows and can put that in your budget for that month under whatever name he gives it, like "clothes". But when you buy cash, he doesn't know that, he only sees you need cash quicker than usual.
And dont worry from here on. You go on doing what you always did. You do not spend too much by any means. But I think for brother it can help to know that you spent 20 euros on a short and maybe next week 30 on a bag you will use. Because I KNOW if I ask him that you saw this online and ask if you can buy it he would say yes but also right away know what you spent it on. So if you buy something now I know it will be okay that you bought it, but if he knows it's a shirt and a bag he can book it under "clothing" and it is much more transparent why you may need cash quicker.
And to be very sure, as her memory is not the best, I sent her a card telling her to basically "scr*w what brother said and to do what she always did. Then I would handle any items like a short or a bag with brother. You just buy it, I'll make sure he can book it in the right place.
So, now I want you to forget it all. You just go do what you always did because YOU DO NOTHING WRONG. Please always remember that and hopefully you will be able to forget about this and just live like you always have: spend a little here, a little there, sometimes maybe twice a week, sometimes more than a week of 2 go by. It's not you, it's brother. And I can help him clear things up so all will turn out to be perfectly fine. It really, really is no issue at all and I already explained to brother. Please don't be sad anymore and try to let it go ok? Love you"
That's about how far my Asperger's takes me. Makes me explain it 3 Times and still scared it will stick with mom. I should have shut up but I really was scared he would ask her in his blunt way and even set a limit for her which is totally unfair. So after my stupid remark I had a lot of damagerepair to do. I should have said to write down ",clothing" for Marco so he gets a clearer picture where your money goes. He now is a little confused why in his eyes it seems you started to spend more lately but I can tell him why that is and that in reality it's not because you spend more but because you pay cash for things you otherwise get ordered online by me and he knows what he has to transfer to me. Paying cash, he doesn't know and for his administration he likely needs a category of "clothing/accessories/other"
That would have been less upsetting for my mom since now it doesn't say that brother feels you need cash much quicker lately and wants to know why'. Like ugh.. I should have thought it through. But I hope that my explanation today and the card so she can read it again will help her go back to living her life like she has done and not think 'oh no it's 30 euros, I'm not allowed/able to buy that."
Somehow I feel it will take some time before she's confident again. I do get my brother's question though so hopefully my proposal will be good for him and more importantly to me, my mom, so he won't set a budget which is seriously unfair to my mom. That's essentially what I tried to prevent and then I took the wrong route myself.
If you feel you may have upset someone and didn't pick up, perhaps ask that person? Try not to do it every time, people tend not to like it if they need to reassure someone after every meeting. But sometimes it's fine. You can also wait and see if next time they treat you any different. At that moment you can either feel nothing changed and you're good or that's the point where you ask and if necessary explain and apologize.
You say you haelve BPD. I have been diagnosed (wrongly) with it before. Have you ever been tested for autism spectrum disorders? Because what you write above sounds familiar to me as an Asperger. Or are you diagnosed BPD of the introverted kind?
If not the latter and they also say you don't have that variant, you might want to see if they will test you for ASD.
How do you feel about eye contact? Have you always had Trouble in social situations reading a room and understanding social cues and clues? I hope you feel free to answer me.
Because any intensity could actually be because you got overstimulated and it gets too much and *explosion* or *implosion*.
Do you get overstimulated quickly? How about sounds? Like a loud bus is more overstimulation. But what about it's quiet, you're watching tv or reading or playing a game... And then the neighbour had his music or tv on. Just loud enough for you to hear it, to hear the mumbling of a voice, or beats, even an entire song? How do you respond to loud or maybe even more soft sounds you cannot control, while you do fine if you play the same thing yourself. But the "sounds others make"-part.... Does that make you more than a bit irritated? Like really irritated? Pretty darn angry, in fact?
I will wait for your reply to these questions. No worries, I won't judge, especially after my story which makes me feel vulnerable. But it's ok. And if you can relate, and you can answer my questions, also to the person above me, I will come back to you.
Oh and btw, a common coping mechanism in BPD, S-harm.... It's actually also something that happens more than people know in people with autism spectrum disorders. Just saying....
You're comment open my eyes... I may have NPD and BPD... I'll go to a doctor to get that check out so i can get diagnose
Same! BPD is so hard to deal with
I feel this in my soul, I am always terrified of people secretly hating me, even my best friend of like 13 years who I know loves me to bits but the anxious thoughts are always there
This is remarkable: there is a name for this phenomenon. Olivia, these videos are pure genius, and a gift to humanity. I just turned 59, and I had no idea that other people suffered rejection like I do; the anguished bouts of grief over rejections that didn't happen have been a pure waste of time and energy.
"come if you want" is a shitty way to invite anyone period.
It's a polite way to tell someone you have plans and don't want them there, but make them feel like not going is their choice.
My thought exactly, you made plans without that person and then when they asked you what you were doing you ended with “you can come if you want” a friends response would be something like “I was going to text you but it slipped my mind do you have any plans? You should totally come with!”
Does "would you like to come with us?" Okki?
@@10Raccoon Yeah but some ppl don't realize that that's the connotation and end up using it flippantly towards their friends that they wouldn't have minded had the friends joined
@@neji3489 not really, more like “you should totally come if you’re not busy” would be more inviting and doesn’t put pressure on the person. “Would you like to come” almost feels like a pity invite like you weren’t going to invite them but now feel like you have too
THANK YOU ❤️. This was done SO well and complete in adding how the Courtney character gets to explain how situational dynamics can lead to misinterpretation too!
Fr
Lol this might be one of the reasons of why I don’t let myself get too close with people because of the fact that you asked them to make plans but they already had plans without you. How I saw this was you asked them to go do something and they felt like they had to invite you because you asked to hangout.
I mean for all you know they could’ve made plans two minutes beforehand and didn’t have a chance to invite her before she invited them to hang out. I prefer not to assume my friends have malicious intentions unless there’s verifiable evidence over a significant period of time
It’s so good you educate people, so much hurt could be avoided in my life if I knew myself better
Holy crap. I’m nearly speechless. All of my life I’ve been told I’m too sensitive and your shorts are making so much make sense.
God damn it did this give me goosebumps, i always thought i was just “super sensitive” like everyone always tells me. Or that “you take everything the wrong way” when i feel like theyre only inviting me “bc they feel bad” jesus adhd is insane
Yes!!!, its nuts !! 😮😮😮
Oh my god, i didn't know until now that there was such a thing as rejection sensitivity syndrome but oh boy do i relate to this!
Omg I have that problem! I'm not self-diagnosing, so I'm not sure if I have RSD, but I've have a lot of trauma from past relationships, and fake friends not actually liking me which makes it really hard for me to realize that my friends actually want me around.
I'm the same. I used to have a lot of "friends" who only wanted anything to do with me when I had money but when I was skint and would be sitting with no food cigarettes etc and THEY had money, they didn't want to know
When she said "I fear rejection that has not happened and likely will never happen" I felt that so much. I constantly have these unreasonable fears about random things.
@@origamikiddo2625 I don't know how dysfunctional my family is because I definitely feel sometimes that it's pretty messed up, and that's the same reaction I get from outside, but I also feel sometimes like it's all okay, I'm overreacting and outside people just don't know the whole story.
Nah i wasn't diagnosed with RSD but already know I have it 😑 I basically have every little thing that people with adhd have
Rsd is not on DSM-5 so you can't be diagnosed with it, but it is still commonly experienced especially with individuals who have ADHD and ASD
Props to Courtney for asking the question and Olivia for her willingness/ability to answer honestly. My RSD can be absolutely crippling - especially when no one explicitly asks/invites to group events (like, say, a corporate lunch where everyone is going, or a Christmas party that everyone attends, or the like).
This would have saved so many friendships of mine because I always feel like my friends don’t want to hang w me. 41 years old and I just now hear of this… wow
Just ask them to be incredibly blunt and explicit with you! And say "hey, we good? Checking in."
42 and yup......
40, yep, same
Absolutely same! I eventually got dropped by alot of my old friends because of my own issues. I never knew enough to explain anything like this to them but I think it could've helped if I'd only known!
I don’t talk to very many people bc of it.
Im too scared to keep watching your videos, the realisation of me having ADHD & not just being an absolute Loon with a weird personality, I don't know how to handle 😭😭
This is what most people feel like when seeing this type of stuff. Btw every ADHD symptom happens to normal people as well.
Same! This one almost gave me a panic attack!
I don't know for sure whether or not I have ADHD (I've been meaning to find someone who can do me some tests to get a diagnosis either confirming or denying it), but this video made me cry because I thought that I was just being absolutely weird and self-centered. And it's really scary to think that maybe this is what usually happens to me.
I also have ADHD (I was officially diagnosed when I was younger, but I didn't realize what that actually meant for me and my brain). I highly recommend how to ADHD (it's what helped me to stop feeling so out of control and.... Screaming. My mind was screaming.) Now I can do at least one or two things a day more often than not.
I also recommend finding a specialist to help more. Your are an individual and your symptoms and conditions aren't going to be the same as anyone else's. So you really need to speak to a professional about your diagnosis in particular. This is just to help in the meantime (like a bandage until you can reach a hospital). I can't right now because there's higher priorities for me. But it's on the list
I wish people were this welcoming and didn't tell me to get over myself instead 😭
I had a similar situation happen yesterday. I was finally able to work through the situation and see that it was not rejection. The person's other plans were already standing and mine were last minute. I appreciate the integrity of their not cancelling on the other person.
I'm learning so much from your account and it really makes me want to talk to my therapist about it. I relate so much more than I knew and i thought all of these things were just me.
I’m genuinely starting to think I have ADHD… I’ve watched a lot of your videos and I relate too much to them. My parents think I might have ADHD too. At least there are people that are going through the same things as me and I don’t feel so left out anymore ❤️
Me too. Im in my 40s and just now figuring this out
Don't feel bad for wondering if one might have ADHD well into adulthood. I'm a senior citizen and just got diagnosed with ADHS, PTSD, major depression, anxiety (related to trauma) and panic attacks. I'm fully retired. I've found the diagnoses are more amusing and explain soooo much!
AHHH OMG THIS MAKES MORE SENSE THANK YOU I AM GOING TO SEND THIS TO PEOPLE I SPEAK TO ALOT this will help soooo much
Wonderful video but I'm honestly so happy to see such a supportive comment section. I was worried people were going to thrash the video but everyone is so loving and supportive. It gives me hope. 😊 Much love and support to everyone doing their best and fighting to create a better life!
Samee!
I remember watching this ages ago and it hits so hard. Even the second invite I still wouldn’t have believed them bc my brain would assume if they actually wanted me there they would’ve invited me in the first place 😢
That part lol
Yep. I'd be feeling like they were just being polite. I try to logically think that plans were just made when I wasn't there, as opposed to them not wanting to me there, however this always trumps logic. It must be nice not to have this.
Ohhhh I thought I was just really sensitive. It makes so much sense now! Thank you!
You are a true blessing mate. The flavor of ADHD that I have comes with a hefty sprinkling of RSD, but I am absolutely terrible at trying to describe things like this and you put it so perfectly. I'm 100% saving this video so I can show it to my friends, hopefully it will help, thank you so much /g
The secret best thing about these videos is the openness and willingness to explain and express yourself as the ADHD person that might be the biggest hurdle for some is figuring out how to explain your problems to others so they can in turn treat you in a more manageable way
"You can come if you want" is literally someone telling me that they don't want me there in my mind.
Same. And it's a really horrible feeling.
😮that’s what this is!?
Oh my gosh thank you for this!!! I have ADHD and I’m constantly worrying that my friends don’t like me or want to be around me or that I’m not worthy of being their friend. Thank you so much for bringing light to this it all makes so much sense now!
Would you think that it specifically would need to be diagnosed tho? I have diagnosed adhd too and this all happens to me but the situations are really weird to explain
There's no chance I have ADHD and I also think like that.
This I the comment that actually made me cry. I feel the same.
This happened to me literally last night. I believed since middle school that I have ADHD but my parents or teachers would gaslight me or say I'm just being a bad child. I want to get tested but since I've been asking to get tested for years and been rejected now I'm scared too. But I've done many research and seen SOOO many things that I STRONGLY make me relate to this. I'm so grateful for stuff like this that makes me feel like I'm not crazy. Thank you.
I never knew this behavior of mine was actually a symptom of my ADHD or that it had a name until just now. THANK YOU SO MUCH. You make me feel so normal. Subscribing! Much love. ❤❤❤
its not, and it doesnt, it's just self-worth issues combined with bad communication. So many people in these comment threads seem so happy to align themselves with a label after watching a video describing inner insecurities. Dont be so quick to put your self in a box.
I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and I'm still learning!
I find it hard sometimes to explain what it is and how it affects me.
The way you describe things less clinically and use examples, is really interesting and should be easier for other people to understand. 🙂💙
A part of me appreciates the attention and openness with adhd and its symptoms
But at the same time I don't like having names for all my problems cause now I can keep track and the list is getting depressing longer than it already was🥺
This is always my problem, I can't tell if people like me or not unless they tell me, let's just say high-school was a very uncomfortable and awkward, over stepping of boundaries for all involved
My adhd is also so bad that I actually hate the feeling of an empty mind
It's why I don't like being high,makes things too fuzzy and I don't like that
I need to be able to think,I spend 90% of my time in my head so if I just lose 90% of who I am what do I do,it's boring and boring is uncomfortable
@I steal joy from babies mm crispy joy 🇺🇦 omg i thought i was alone on this-- you and the original commenter both were able to say how i felt! I kinda also feel really seen!
It sucks how much i just cant tell, and i always overthink stuff with my friends. Sometimes I'm scared they aren't even my friends and are just doing it out of pity, even tho I'm sure it's not ture (at least for a few of them)
I'm struggling to be honest with some of them, scared I'm being too much to the point i dont even talk to them unless i make up a reason i HAVE to talk to them. And idk if they're annoyed by it or not (worst part is they also have adhd)
And I'm always put into social situations more then my twin sister, since she is autistic and got diagnosed first, and now that I'm starting to have more issues with it but even if I'm diagnosed it seems like my mom doesn't understand that. Luckily my sister is more understanding but ya know, she also kinda dismisses it, but we talk it out and she's apologetic about it, and helps out
Especially with my friends issue
It's so hard to put it into words, but you said it perfectly
And the part of always needing to keep thinking, i have the same issue, tho it sucks bc of school. So i started to take medication to help
And it did! But now the longer i take the more unmotivated i feel to do what i loved doing, my comics and writing
Bc my head gets TOO blank, but i was told to not stop taking it even after school is over for summer
I'm trying to get better, but bc I'm so tired of hearing my mom complain about how expensive therapy gets (even tho it's my grandma who pays) i just dont wanna keep going back, it's mentally exhausting, and even tho I'm told to ignore it i cant
I stopped so we could use the money for therapy to get a diagnosis, but it's been months already, we just used the momey so we could travel to London
But now i just cant really think of going back anymore even if i want to
I've come a long way luckily and have been doing better at least, i just know i still got alot to work with :/
If it's not too much for y'all, I'd like to add my cautionary tale to the mix.
I'm only a few years shy of 50 and have dealt with these same issues all my life, but during my formative years, none of these terms/diagnoses really existed, at least not within my realm of possibility. I was tested for ulcers and a myriad of other digestion issues, amongst other things. My mom and Dr were on top of any medical issues, but no one thought to check my brain out, Ig. I never felt like I fit in anywhere, not with "friends" or family (I put friends in quotations because, aside from my best friend of 30+ years, I'm not sure if I've ever had a true friend). As it stands nowadays, I'm seeing a psych Dr and therapist and am trying to overcome most of the coping mechanisms I've put in place over the years to try to protect myself from rejection and the immense pain it causes me.
My words of advice.. please, please, please try to get professional help as young as possible, so you can learn the proper skills to help you navigate life from the get, instead of having to break bad habits and learn new ones later on. Don't get me wrong, it's never too late, but it'll save you so much grief to get it right from the start. Like I said, I'm trying to switch up my terrible coping habits for much better ones, but at this point in time, the only people I associate with in everyday life are my mom and my 3, adult kids. I talk to my best friend on a semi-regular basis, but we only see each other a couple/few times a year because I've reverted back to my agoraphobic ways since the pandemic began.
Again, sorry if I'm overstepping, I would just hate for anyone else like me to put themselves through all the unnecessary pain and suffering, such as I've experienced.
I wish you guys the best as you travel through this life and please know that none of these issues are your fault and you deserve to be happy and healthy, mentally and physically. Hope y'all are having a great week, stay safe out there!
@@Kimi_Khaos hey its fine, it's nice to hear the perspective of someone who's older about this
I'm only a kid, just recently turned 16, i started therapy at 13 but i only got diagnosed and gotten treatment this year, so it's all new territory for me
And i honestly kinda feel happy? In a way with your comment, i just hope i myself was kr am not overstepping anything 😅
My therapist did help alot, and thanks to her i am now trying to do better, and thanks to some friends who actually stuck around with me this year, i started to do better
Not only in trying to keep my metal health in a good state but physical as well! But i know i still and will still struggle without help
Which is something I'm debating alot, since most of the time with my school being a unprofessional mess, i get too tired to even talk in therapy properly without almost passing out
And on top of that, my mom complaining about the expenses so many times, i just stopped
I wanna go back, but rn i wanna try and find a way to go back without being mentally exhausted from it so often, or feeling guilty about it
Money is a huge issue in my family, not that we're poor, but there are many fights because of it
Mom grew up with a rich dad, and my dad grew up in a "poor" family, and its a constant fight on how we use money
I just know my therapist (which is alos one of my mom's friends) is very understanding and is open to help whenever she can
I've had adhd for almost all my life and always felt this and never knew, still learning about how it functions to this day, thank you
im screaming internally. this always happens to me and im so glad to have an explaination for this
Just want to say that you're doing something really important here. I'm sure this info gets tons of people asking questions like, "do I have that?" Putting a name to something is such a big help, and such an important step towards people understanding themselves. Channels like yours were a big help in learning about my own ADHD. Also, don't know if you've already done a video on it, but could explain the difference between the DSM 5 classifications of ADHD Inattentive and Hyperactive vs the old classifications of ADD (Inattentive) and ADHD (Hyperactive)?
Oh My God Thank You! I’ve never heard of this but this is my daughter! She was diagnosed with ADHD many years ago and this makes so much sense!!
I honestly thank you for raising awareness about that, it's not really easy to talk about
I found this channel yesterday and have found sooo many very relatable things that i struggle with on a daily basis! Sometimes it feels like i’m all alone in these ways of thinking, but although it makes me sad so many other people struggle with this, i’m also very happy to have found a community that understands and spreads awareness about AD(H)D ❤❤ We’re all in this together :)
I feel this- the other day I saw the phrase "I need to be enthusiastically invited otherwise I feel like I'm not welcome" and I just felt so seen 😂
Omg I was literally overthinking about my friend saying “I can’t. Call”
And we haven’t talked in a while and I was terrified- 😅
Wow I really need to learn about my own brain more.
Same here
This channel has been very enlightening of only o has known this stuff 30+ years ago...
Thank you for sharing this, I just went and cried in my closet. I always thought I was just being overly sensitive and attention seeking.
I have a question:
Do other adhd + anxiety people have a thing where you sometimes feel like others think you’re faking? Sometimes panic attacks or adhd symptoms happen at very inconvenient times and make me feel inferior to others
Like, why won’t my brain let me clean the kitchen when asked or do my hw on time? And comments arise that make me feel like parents don’t believe me(or at least my mother)
Sorry I started rambling I’ll shut up now
Dont shut up you are totally valid in your feelings. I have had similar situations and feelings and still do.
Sweetie I am 34 and I didn't go to doctor to get diagnose until I was around 25 and already had kids of my own. I still feel like I have to convince some people that I really do have it. I am constantly trying to balance the need for them to understand what it's like to have ADHD, for me, and feeling like the don't believe me or I'm just making excuses. Even when I try to tell them, it's not an excuse it's an explanation'. Truth is with the exception of my siblings who where all diagnosed with ADHD as kids, I honestly don't know if it's all in my head or if people really think that.
I had the same issue with my dad growing up. He hates having a daughter that has Asperger’s, ADHD, anxiety, depression, RSD and some learning disabilities. My sisters are over achievers and I was always compared and expected to be just like them. I grew up going to a private Catholic school and he would pay for me to move forward in grades. I’m 38 and we still have issues. I now live 2 states away and just visited him for the first time in 7 years. It went surprisingly well because it was 2 short visits both 1 hour each. What saved me growing up was my Mom and my older sister. My Mom got me and still gets me help with whatever I need or want and my sister has always been my champion and a very important mouth piece for me. She knows me so well that growing up if I was getting screamed at by my father my sister would be there to stand up for me and reply to him with what I was thinking and feeling because unfortunately I completely shutdown when I’m getting yelled at. So I can’t talk or move. The number one suggestion I would have would be to ask your parents to come into a therapy session with you so that your therapist can explain and discuss what you have been diagnosed with. If after doing that you still feel like they don’t believe you then I would ask your therapist if they had any groups that you can join so that you can get support from an outside source. Sorry I rambled but I hope this helps. Please know you aren’t alone there are a lot of people in your situation. Idk if you are apart of any social media but I use to have Facebook and they had some good groups that you may want to join so that you can talk to other people who are just like you.
this is giving imposter syndrome, you are not alone
you explain things so well, as a person with ADHD it makes a lot of sense now why things like this happen
this has absolutely nothing to do with ADHD though... it's just social anxiety
@@sknight8621 oh lol well i have that to so it makes sense either way (edit: I misspelled well ☠️
Prior to discovering your content I was kindof blunt with alot of my wording, but your videos explained alot of things to me in a manner that I can understand them on a deeper level.
In short very good content keep it up :)
Wow. I am just shocked. This has been my thought process my entire life when it comes to this. Thank you Olivia.
I remember my friends moving to a different table, they didn't tell me to stay or to not follow them, but I ended up staying at the first table and crying and ever since that I avoid them and we're not friends anymore
I have the opposite problem where whenever my friend is talking about something and it feels like something he could have invited me to but he's not inviting me then I feel like he's pre-judging whether or not I'd want to go without actually asking me. He's my only friend so I never get to socialize unless he invites me to something.
It sucks that he's your only friend. If I may suggest, perhaps go to a bar and make some more playing pool? Or find some other point of connection in your life like work colleagues and see if any of them want to hang out. Just trying to say I'm sorry you only have one friend and I hope it changes bc that sucks.
sorry, this brushed me the wrong way a bit. if you want to socialize but dont get to much with this friend, why dont you make more? it seems like a lot of pressure on him being your only friend so that you can socialize. of course, maybe he doesnt mind this. this just resonates with me personally as someone in similar shoes as your friend.
Wow, this was relatable . Unless someone says specifically they are inviting me AND they want to spend time with me, it just seems like they don't and are just saying it so they don't feel bad. Like offering someone you know that is allergic to peanuts a peanut butter sandwich and when they say no, they can say well at least I asked and offered you some.
You’ve made me understand myself a LOT. Thank you. Being able to tell people clearly what’s going on with me through the words you say, has helped a lot. Thank you again!
This is so helpful. I have a friend that has ADHD and she’s like this. Now I can help her feel more welcomed!! Thank you!
Just when I thought my ADHD didn’t have any more surprises-
Exactly!! Now I got TWO kinds of dysphoria to keep track of? FFS.
This condition ruined my mom’s life. I wish we knew about it while she was still alive. She grew up in an era where ADD was a complete unknown, much less RSD.
The number of times I had this exact discussion with my own mom about joining her own grandkids on an event 😢😢😢😢
Olivia, you have helped- and continue to help- me learn and understand so much about why I am the way I am. I never knew until I started watching your videos just how many different ways ADHD can affect you besides just attention-related stuff. I’m 42 and have been like this nearly my whole life (it got especially bad in my 30’s and is now at its absolute worst), and it’s SO GOOD to finally have an a concrete explanation for why I experience this.
How do you put all my feelings into such succinct videos all the time?
Ugh and I thought I was just being a over sensitve person, I'm so glad I found your channel it helps me understand my ADHD so much better. I almost ended a friendship because of this thank goodness I didn't.
I think this is just called being *sensitive* 😅 I've been like that my whole life and only manage by "pretending" it doesn't hurt.
I can relate to this comment.
Yeah it pretty much is being sensitive and overthinking. I don’t like how every individual feeling needs a new label/name attached to it. People who are sensitive are *also* afraid of rejection that could happen not just the rejection that has happened. Plus if you have low self esteem you could feel unwanted and assume nobody wants you which can fuel this fear of rejection. Another one is if you have been rejected all your life, you could be assuming more rejection to happen as a coping mechanism in order to dampen the blow when you do get rejected.
Being sensitive isn’t bad but work on how you react to rejection rather than try to make others leap over hurdles because you are hurt over things that weren’t even said. I’ve had low self esteem and did a lot of work through therapy to redirect my emotions and fear of a rejection that could happen. It can be helped, do work to reassure yourself instead of relying on others to reassure you.
@@astridlafere6707 Agreed, especially with your comments about how a new label/name needs to be attached to a ‘symptom’, and your point about having other people change the way they speak to accommodate you.
Thank you! Gahhhleee there’s a “condition” for every negative feeling…
She does have an answer to that point in the video. Watch it again.
your videos are so comforting because they remind me that I’m not alone in the struggles that I face day to day. I have ADHD too, and your videos have really helped me to understand more about myself and help me put names to the things I’ve been experiencing my whole life
They properly didnt mind you joining but the fact that they weren’t excited to know that you were going to join is what made the decision on not joining. In my head, it plays out like this “oh, it’s Hugo, yeah sure whatever” “I don’t mind not going. I don’t really care” “it’s whatever, do you want to go?” “Naw, it’s cool” lol every time!!! People just don’t like rejecting people. Everybody likes to be the good guy !!!
THIS IS SO ACCURATE 😩 newly aware of my likely ADHD at 37yo and this is my life.
I got diagnosed last september at 41. Your pain is felt, shared, and very valid. *hugs* We never deserved to be gaslit by people who "knew better" when we had no way to fight back, felt invalidated, and not believed.
I feel so seen right now. I literally didn’t know this was a real condition.
You are a mental health angel, my friend 🌸 Thank you, kindly ❤️
I understand this feeling as someone who is both ADD & shy/introverted, however.. expecting the world to change to accommodate us (reguardless of why/how) is impractical at minimum. Yes, it sucks to be "neuro-divergent" sometimes, but, it's also unfair to expect the world to cater to our needs. Be well my friends.. we are all pilgrims embarking on our own epic journeys ❤
Think this is true in the case of strangers, but the more loved ones get to know and care about you, the more they should want to accommodate your needs and feelings. e.g., an acquaintance might invite me to see a horror movie, but a friend or family member would know better [and I would tell them I don't watch those! ] so they would insist on watching a different movie with me.
@@leafm5375Uh, no. You should deal with your own childish narcissistic insecurities on your own like literally everyone else. Get over yourself.
@alfredhitchcook4996 lmao says the actual narcissist. Nice projection but we're not taking your kind's gaslighting bullshit anymore. 🤡
So I never diagnosed myself with any mental health problems besides Depression and anxiety, I think I just found out I might have RSD apparently since these exact things she acting out, I think all the time because I'm the more shy, quiet person in my group of friends and I always think they don't like me or I'm interupting something even when my friends do offer just ending with "or something", like this describes me a lot and I'm honestly glad I'm not alone 😌 I'm pretty sure their real friends though especially one specific person I've been friends with for more then like 3 years
Same and I can’t really seem to keep friendships very long, I think I may have ADHD as well. I hope that you can figure out what it is and life gets a lot better for you now if it isn’t already!🥰
That's why I stopped making new friends. There is too much for me to handle it.
Try to make friends with other neurodivergent (people with ADHD, autism, OCD, etc.) people. I swear that it's sooo much easier being friends with someone who GETS it.
Thank you for explaining this in a way that everyone can understand. You are so young, yet so wise. Thank you for the inspiration, education and the occasional dose of giggles as we all figure it out together.
I'm diagnosed with RSD and you are the reason I noticed. Thank you so much for your content! ❤️
it isnt a real medical diagnosis nor medical term so no you were not diagnosed. Thats a term that general public created to describe their feelings of situations for those in the spectrum.
In other words, a self diagnosis.
not everything needs a label and diagnosis guys
i have this tendancy but calling it a dysphoria is a bit much
it's rooted in past rejection mixed with pride for me as well as culture
atleast and whilst it's nice to hear it verbalised overdiagnosing yourself with random conditions seems very gen z and excessive
medicalization of everything now...
Bless it. The tone of voice when she said "you can come if you want" is one I associate with my childhood bullies, a mocking/passive aggressive tone. I imagined in her head she was smirking and thinking me a loser. Bullying sucks. Rsd sucks. Big suckfest all around! But the kindness of friends reassures the soul 💚
Thank you for explaining it at the end!!! I thought it made it soo much better and more understandable!!! Youre awesome, I have a feeling your channel is just going to keep blowing up ❤️ Im so glad youre spreading awareness, as people tend to not even know *how* to research these things on their own. Thank you!
God bless💕😄
I didn't know it was an actual SOMEthing to research. I just felt rejected everywhere.
there's a name for this?! I did not know that but I am glad to know now because I thought I was just being dumb-
Oh Jesus.. stop. What is happening. Stop labeling everything. Rsd? How about you acknowledge your feelings and talk them out without the label and realize youre human
it's about frequency and intensity. Even neurotypical people occasionally feel rejected due to miscommunication, but neurodivergent people often feel rejected to the point where they spiral into days or weeks of depressive episodes over someone who didn't even believe they had said anything that could be seen as a rejection.
Why is your voice so satisfying to listen to