how to: STOP BEING A PEOPLE PLEASER!!!
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2020
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Hi I'm Chipo I'm a people pleaser. This message has opened my eyes to my fears of people walking away from me and my fear that they don't need me anymore. I realised I don't have bounderies. As in typing this tears are rolling down my eyes because I need to set bounderies or people will walk all over me and not care because I'm too nice to step up. Thank you for this message 💖
That’s growth! I know how you feel and you aren’t alone. I’m learning to say “no” and to speak up for myself and do what I want to do. You can do this and good luck! You’re not alone 💖
wow ! so true, i can relate.. so please let us be confident
♥️♥️♥️♥️
Praying for you Chipo! May God remove all fears of the faces of men out of your life and heal you from anything that has caused this to you. You sound like an incredibly thoughtful person and you deserve relationships that treat you as such!!
We're in this together. Put yourself first, day by day, and it'll get easier overtime. We've got this!
"The realest ppl dont have alot of friends"
-Tupac
True
Have more haters than anything
I must be the realest mf bc i have 0 friends 🤣😂
@@flashylights 😄
@@freshmanjeans let em kno
“No is a complete sentence.” Periodt.
Exactly ❤
Ohhh I have had it fail before.. 🥺😞😭
“you’re not losing good people you’re losing people that are not good for you” preach sis👏🏿
I agree
I agree 💯
Exactly!
I feel like my people pleasing has lead to having poor friendships. I’ve noticed most of my friends really only talk to me when they need something. Now that we’re at home constantly none of my friends seem to remember I exist. This ends now.
Girl it’s been the same experience for me! 😔
Same
Hi
When they disappear, it's the perfect time to prepare mentally, put the boundaries in place for when they want to come back.
Same my “friend” only texts me when she wants something from me or she’s inviting me out but any other time she doesn’t even respond and I notice that she’s active on social media
Many of us need to start saying NO to our toxic parents.
Toxic parents are a real thing. Disciplining your kids vs controlling them are two very different things.
Dolly Ninja facts
Well said
Oouu I need a whole video on this!!
Periodttt!!!😤
When you stop being a people pleaser, family members will try to create a narrative that you are mean. Girl, bye.
Same thing that happened to me only that she said" your not following the bible and not being a good Christian" and perceived that as being a mean/horrible person no i was being myself what she didn't know was that person I was saying no to was trying to sexually assault me in school edit:I didn't say anything because I was ashamed and already that I couldn't stand up for myself. Moral of the story don't feel like you have to explain your choices in life to anyone else even your family.
Wow, I am sorry to hear that. We as reformed people pleasers have to protect our mental and physical health. These people are liked, vampires. When I got sick those same takers turned their a** to me.
The most self-loving thing you can do for yourself is to say "Hell no"
Yup
This happened to my mum. She was walked on her whole life by my father and when she finally said no he labelled her as being 'lazy' and rude🙄
Always hate when parents tell kids to “fix their face”. Kids are people, not slaves. They’re allowed to have their voice, and opinions and feelings. They are allowed to have a bad day just like we are. Teaching kids to put on a facade and neglect themselves teaches them to become a doormat in adulthood. They need to learn to communicate their feelings respectfully, listen to another’s point of view and set their own boundaries so that they do the same when they grow up.
Yes!!! So much truth to that 😍 I’m so glad I came across your comment, it made my day so much better!! ♥️
I am my own person 💗
I agree, but then at the same time we should also be mindful .Bc let say someone who doesn’t know us always see our face frown. We can loose blessings and opportunities. If u know what I mean . & sometimes we have to train ourselves to also try to keep a positive attitude bc we can’t let our emotions effects our actions
@@0nly.bhadbby40 Oh please! Obviously you want to teach your descendants to be a people-pleaser, like a doormat. Let the children express themselves.
Darryan Newkirk Excellently said! Can I borrow your text?!
This is 1000%. My mother made me a people pleaser and I'm suffering as a result. Everything you said is 1000000%
Same boat!!
Same here. Honestly, what is it with mothers trying to make their little girls obedient? Some are too traditional and don't know how to raise their girls into strong independent women.
My mother make me a people PLEASER too I agree with you 1000% and every thing she say.
My mother made me a people pleaser
I’m different now 😅
Mindset will transform your life!😮
Live to please GOD, not the people of this world.
I need this tattooed on me 😅
Exactly! People are too hard to please anyway!
Ppl have nothing for us to offer: only God has
💯
Ya definitely. Pleasing an imaginary friend is TOTALLY where its at
I swear once I start saying no, my circle became nonexistent. Lol, I don't know how to make friends at my age but I'm just going to work on myself for now on.
Same over here. I was also the one initiating stuff. Once i took some ‘me time’ and stop starting the convo my whatsapp conversations have been dry.
I told myself to stop. I did. But still when people made the first move i saw myself being too invested. Like they drop 1 sentence, and here i am being al genuine, interested and enthusiastic writing 5 sentences, asking questions and making jokes. And all i get is a lousy ‘lol’.
So i told myself that don’t want to please people in order to get a certain reaction to make myself feel better. But instead i should make myself feel better by actually hanging out and investing in people that genuinely like me (back). And i shouldn’t put my whole self out there.
Well it’s been a few years... and i’m still on my own. But i’m living the life. I reached a stage where i’m emotionally strong and i can not care when some one only comes to me with their problem.
I can relate! But trust me its all worth it in the end! :)
Yep, I used to be the one blowing up the group chat and asking people if they want to do this and that. But I stopped because it's not worth it. Now I just do stuff by myself, but still I want to be with my friends sometime, but I'm trying to be comfortable by myself.
I need yalls opinion on something. There's this friend of mine, and I've considered her a close friend for a while, even got her a Christmas gift. So lately on my feminine/level up journey I've been thinking that I'm not really a close friend to her or anyone of my friends for that matter. Recently, she texted me on snap and asked my if I could help pitch in for an Airbnb for her bday and I agreed ofc. But I've been thinking I should back out because I feel like I'm being used. I understand that people are busy with work and school, but me and her don't talk and hang out much, and it seems like she only ever talked to me frequently these past two semesters because we live 5 minutes from eachother and go to the same community college. I already asked Ashera7 last night on her live, and a few people said I should back out. Idk, maybe I'm overreacting. Can I have y'all opinion?
QQ AA same!!!! My WhatsApp have been so dry !! And I definitely get you with being too interested.. it’s definitely a work in progress
I went through a depressive episode and one day I woke up and said, ‘I want to be treated better.’ I will no longer agree to be dismissed. I will no longer be a fifth option because you know I’m dependable. Deleted all the vampires from my phone and I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Started asking myself ‘what do I want?’ and I haven’t looked back since.
I just had this moment yesterday!! I feel So Good 🌝
Don't be afraid to lose people. Be afraid of losing yourself by trying to please everyone around you.
You don’t derive a sense of worth from showing others how selfless you can be, it leaves you depleted, insecure and anxious because you are struggling with feelings of guilt, loneliness and rejection when people don’t reciprocate your ‘kindness’. It’s a vicious cycle that’s hard to break free from, we have to learn to set boundaries and stick to them!
best advice in here !
Well said!
Being “nice” makes people think they don’t know you when you finally tell them “No”. They take that no personally.
Ultimately, being “nice”(people pleaser) attracts those who want to take from you and they cannot understand or respect you when you finally say “No”.
i used to be a people pleaser and at the end, it only got me hurt 🥺 when i wasn’t liked by others i would get frustrated and ask myself what was wrong with me, when in reality it had nothing to do with me but with others.
I felt this one🥺
Exactly
Me too
I was a people pleaser for a really long time ( 22 y) now I'm 23 it's been 6 month since I stopped this behavior , I kinda have no friends now I discovered all of the old one are fake ! But I have never been happier before ❤️
Facts! Bad mind frenimies will flee clearing they way for good peeps.
I’m 22 and I recently noticed this behavior, I’m gonna change that now that I’m more aware of what I’m actually doing
You will find 2-3 very good ones, you just won’t have 30 friends :)
A lost someone who I thought was my best friend after I said no to her for the first time...I don’t regret it though. No need for manipulating people in my life
Preach sis! Good for u! :)
👏🏾❤️
omg mee too😱😱 im proud of us!!!
PREACH !!!
misskankalin same fr!!! And somehow she twisted it that I was overreacting. Trust me your growth will be a hundred times better than any best friend. Proud of you:))
"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
--Winston Churchill
Yessssssssss
I was always a people pleaser because of my mother. Whenever I said no to something she would get super mad, yelled and ignored me for weeks. Just aweful. Now, I am much stronger- thank GOD- and I learned to say no
🥲
I truly believe that people pleasing is a disease that ends up hurting individuals more than they realized. The individuals that often feel the need to constantly please others end up having major boundaries issues and end up disrespecting others that does have boundaries. It's important to look deeper inside and ask yourself who was i before the world told me who I was. This is such a deep chat I love that you explored it beauty
Absolutely!!! I am working to reverse all of it! The crazy part is, I can say “no” and be very opinionated, but, I’m not consistent with it. I need to learn to be this way every time it call for ✨
@@AboveRubiesTV I'm so happy to hear that love. You deserve to be your own person without having to think about others feelings all the time. Those that truly love you would want you to be your own person more than having to suffocate your own thoughts and joy.
By accepting yourself the way you are, instead of putting yourself down and insisting that you measure up to some imaginary and impossible ideal of how you think you should be, you'll often feel much better about yourself and others. You'll get into the flow of life and grow instead of staying stuck the way you are. Self acceptance becomes the doorway to intimacy and growth.
@@nicksmith-cx1fx So true. I couldn't agree more.
Literally my story!
I asked her once in the comments to do a video about this and she actually did, thank you very much💞
Yes, that was very nice of her
Good on you - congratulations!
Where can I contact her to ask her for some advice?
Great
@@rohrohbaybie I just commented on a random UA-cam video of her. But you can try Instagram Dms or maybe her email address if she has it in her bio
When you stop pleasing people they'll turn on you as if you owe them something. Your circle will get smaller. You saying NO will eventually give you the confidence you need💚. At the end people will use you for their own benefit. Even family members and close friends. You cannot make anyone happy if you cannot make yourself happy💕
"When you set boundaries (...) you're not gonna loose good people - you're gonna loose bad people", those who were happy to manipulate you.
Words we always should remember! Ty so much for this! ♡
"realized that you actually have nothing to show for your life because you were so busy focusing in and working in somebody else's life" yes unfortunately this is about me I am thankful for your sharing God bless you!
@Bridget Martha did you learn by this situation because you realized that was naive and you don't trust people anymore in this way? or you had to work on your self-esteem and confidence until you built such boundaries?
@Bridget Martha okay it can say that you believed in utopia that everyone is good but this situation changed your point of view.
it quite good if you can adjust your beliefs to the reality
General I agree with you but something in me still wants to believe that unconditional love exist the fantasy causes me a lot of trouble. Despite I am disappointed people I cannot resolve this fantasy. I am an addict and this is part of my disease but I'm curious how your life look? are you going normal life? have happy family and yuo are satisfied in your life? are you christian?
I also realized this too after watching the video. Time to pull my sleeves up and get to work
I hate confrontation and I’m very afraid of rejection and I never get treated well and I always feel like I’m not good enough or I have to make up for something and I don’t know how to stop it , it really frustrates me
I’ve been there, and I still struggle with some aspects of this need for growth. May I suggest Julia Kristina on UA-cam? She’s a therapist who addresses People Pleasing, and advises on how to set and enforce boundaries, in addition to learning ways to say “No.”
I hate fighting with people myself, and I’m soft spoken, and an Introverted HSP. But I’ve gained more confidence to be unapologetically me, and it does take time to get out of the People Pleasing mode.
Build more worth for yourself and come to the understanding that you can't help everyone , help who you can and keep it moving , don't let anyone hinder you from development of yourself, also avoiding confrontation is not bad , it's more so finding the balance sometimes you'll have to minimise rather than avoid confrontation.....I have been where you are so I understand.🙏
Yes you are good enough. You need to say these 3 words to yourself everyday "I am enough". Don't let people convince you otherwise. Focus on yourself and your needs. Read books and watch UA-cam videos on how to build your self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. Write down everything about your life that makes you feel inferior and sad. Then begin to work on them eg lose weight, do your hair, nails, improve your dressing, dump any toxic person that bullies you and make you feel inferior, etc. UA-cam has a lot of resources for addressing any problem you might have. If your feeling of inadequacy is due to past traumatic experiences, you can seek anonymous online counseling or make face-to-face appointment. Once you begin to feel that you are enough, you will get the courage to set and enforce your boundaries without fear. You will definitely lose bad people but the good ones will stay. Above all, real wholeness is only found in Jesus. Have you considered accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Saviour? Jesus Christ loves you very much and deeply cares about you and you need Him
Right there with you!! 🙌
@@diplomatdiplomat2800 very good
I think this feeling of having to please other people mostly starts when your young. Like when I was young I used to always like what my dad liked, always agree with him just to get him to talk to me and like me. I also used to laugh whenever he would criticize how I look, and took it as some kind of bonding. And I see it as I grow older, how when someone criticizes me, I laugh it off and view it as some kind of bonding. I sometimes get anxiety when I reject people and immediately start apologizing even though it’s their fault. I used to always follow my older sister around and always want to please her But now that I am growing and looking out for myself, I can see my family getting uncomfortable and trying to change me back, but that’s not happening and I love it
my heart broke reading your story girl. i hope you stronger and have your own voice now
Not try to get him to like you chile 😭 lord, some people don't deserve children. Love and healing to you sis 😩❤❤
I had to write down ”I am not concerned to be liked. I prefer to be respected. And the only people who are respected are those who stand for something” and “Have boundaries”. Intelligent as always❤️
I was raised by a narcissist so I was pretty much groomed to being a people pleaser to keep the peace. And these tips are great thanks Breeny 💕
Same here sis! My mum is controlling and expects me to be people pleaser even in church even when they bullied me but stood up for myself and she wants to kick me out
Yes. There is a relation between being raised by narcissists and being a people pleaser
Same sis that’s whole “keep the peace in the family “ get on my nerves 🥴. People literally look for trouble
Me too!! I mean usually parents can have some toxic tendencies but they can be the most caring though. Mostly cuz their not educated enough so it's normal. But, it's good that we all know why we become people pleasers is bc we have to keep the peace. Especially when you have a really controlling narcissistic brother who blames and thinks they know everything about you cuz they've been with you for so long?? Girl, mhm, byee! And it sucks cuz when I try to stand up for myself, it ends up becoming a fight, and he can't stop talking, starts attacking me verbally, and I just have to burn all the weight with silence. And I just have to keep the peace for so long for my parents n it sucks cuz I'm the youngest and he's the middle child, I have to learn and carry the burden of my siblings toxic traits. I really love myself and ik I have so much potential. I should just worry about myself first and then others. It doesn't mean to like oh put yourself first in EVERYTHING. It means that you're a priority no matter what and you have control of your life to best of OTHERS ❤️ by being real to you
It really bothers me that Breeny doesn’t have more subscribers. She’s literally dropping gems for free and helping women all over while gossip channels get more views and subscribers 🙄
Same here I was thinking the same thing. Been following for years and surprised but it's probably cos she's more private, people are too nosey.
I agree. People want ‘tea’ and all that toxic stuff
❤
agree but we dont want that energy over here sis lol like attract like
May be She has Quality people over quantity ♥️
The fact people learn having no boundaries is the only way to feel safe is extremely scary, in my opinion.
It is. It really IS. I am not teaching my daughters to stay safe all of the time. Be smart but yeah sometimes you can’t play it safe.
It’s how we protected ourselves w childhood trauma. Becoming invisible and agreeable
So true 💯💯💯“ If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything”
Ughhhhh I'm one of those people who are "too nice" and it is NOT a compliment. You're right how the word "nice" doesn't really say anything about whatever it's describing
Is time to change that by putting you first now💚
Change now
So true!!
Also important point is to be Selective about who u let in in the first place. Set a standard first for anyone to even be in your space. Enforce boundaries as needed but if they are crossed once maybe twice.. let them go
This is so true!!! It's a hard lesson to learn but an important one.
Yes
This is so true, I was a total people pleaser to my family and friends, my so called friends used to walk all over me and had me buying all sort of things, my sister had me buying stuff for her all over the place, when I finally told my sister no, once my sister literally stop talking to me, my friends stop talking to me... my life is better with out them now even tho I'm a bit lonely.
Same. My sister and a coworker were taking advantage of my kindness. When I say no, they acted like they didn't hear it. I started standing my ground and that's when these adult women started throwing tantrums or give me the silent treatment. I cut contact with both. It was difficult at first but the fog cleared from my mind. It's been much better since.
Hey guys. When someone stops talking to you or gets angry for saying no. Their reaction says way more about them than it says about you. You revealed their true colors. They were looking for doormats and pushovers.
Better to be alone then to be taken advantage of
:(
If I have to be alone to just to maintain my dignity, self-respect, character, and esteem then that is what I will do. I am not going out of my way for people anymore.
I am a people pleaser. I am such a people pleaser to the point where I can’t even choose my own hairstyle without people’s approval. I’ve never had boundaries and always find myself being taken advantage and sadly I can’t even confront them. Thank you for this. From today onwards I want to make a conscious decision to stop!!!
How is it going for you now?
I remember being like that. I would always ask people for their opinion about everything I did/wanted to do. I didn't want to seem like I was doing something wrong.
The answers were within me the whole time.
Dang, I felt that.
“ I want to be respected, not liked”
People pleaser want the assurance and validity of worth. It’s like emotionally being a babe in that emotional part of our mind. We never grew up to feel “secure” in our emotions, thoughts and career paths. So even if we succeed in an area or two of life, someone we care or put value in can come and knock down all our esteem because we failed to value ourselves and affirm ourselves. We are emotionally delayed because we haven’t practiced it for ourselves. Sad, but true and the truth shall set us free. Denial and living as a people pleaser will just continue to leave us in bondage to people, depressed, delayed and defeated. I’m no longer a people pleaser.
Yes!! Could not have said it any better!
Wow! That described me and how I feel. WOW!!! I took a screenshot. WOW
I just remembered memories from my childhood, how much my grandmother favored my older sister more and the lengths I would go to try get her to like me. I'm mad that now this habit has become a natural habit for me, feeling uncomfortable in myself for the sake of others, even strangers!
@@fatmahalsalem8226 I'm sorry that you went through that but I believe every hardship is a lesson that we should make sure doesn't get repeated. Especially if we become parents, teachers or in any leadership role. Make peace with the past and reclaim your future by first validating and loving yourself and living in your full and complete self. Even if it means taking time out to go through your self healing journey. All the best.
@@lounic0216 Thanks alot dear♡ it is a slow but steady journey, and I am ever so lucky to have had the chance to hear these words Breeny said as it proved alot about myself I never would have noticed before. Since its been a year since you posted and you've been so kind as to answer, might I ask how you're feeling now since the time has passed? Hopefully all is well and much self development has occurred. 🙏
I told my friend no to work on a project with her because I knew she wouldn't do the work necessary and I need to do well to enter uni this semester. This girl got angry, didn't talk to me for a month and tried to invite me to her birthday house party (it cost money to enter) even though she still wasn't talking to me and ignoring me. And my other friend sided with her so I was alone almost the whole semester until corona. she later gave a half-ass apology. I was so fed up because I was always helping her with assignments and studying while I had my own shit to take care of. I'm never doing that again
You're better off not having her as your friend...
@@Varaidzo1 yes I know, I'm slowly trying to let go and make new friendships with other people. It's just very hard because this whole situation made me feel like I was horrible person and friend for saying no
Coco W. You were not being a bad friend by saying no. I’ve been in that situation sooo many times. It sounds like she was just using you for when it was convenient for her, and that, is NOT A real friend.
@@TheChristinameeee Thank you for your advice❤, this was truly an eye opening for me because I'm so used to allowing people use me like this but would be so frustrated when I couldn't count on them when is needed. I'm really re-evaluating my circle and myself to not allow being used and a people pleaser again
Coco W. Yess👏🏾👏🏾 you got this girl!
“discomfort of being disappointing to other people” wow this really hit me😞
Yesssss. This reminded me of a quote 'There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.'💖
Girl you sold that vacuum better than a Dyson advert 😂
“No is a complete sentence” 🙌🏾🙌🏾! Needed this. Thank you Bree 😘
This video I needed 🙏🏾
You can say that again 🙏
This vidro is mindblowing and very understandable.
its crazy to see that ppl i see as non people-pleaser even watch videos like this, humbling and motivating tbh!! luv ur vids btw xx
Yes ma'am speak!
When you stop people pleasing - you will lose certain people but just know that is okay. Your peace and authenticity is worth so much more than others opinions. Keep doing you💗
Don’t ever stop doing videos in your car :(
why?
God is so good. This video is sent from God to me. My close friend of mine has been telling me that I am too nice and sweet and he is worried about me traveling to another country and being taken advantage off. He has been telling me to set boundaries and to stand up for myself and blah blah blah. He’s has been teaching me to stand up for myself. I’m 25 turning 26 in 3months and I must say, I am fed up of being too nice and sweet and people get shocked when I stand up to them. I’m glad I’m learning and it hasn’t been easy being tough but I’m glad God is teaching me and using different ways to get this message in my brain. It’s a wake up call.
Time to work on you and your happiness 💕
I was a nice person trying to please others over my values because i was afraid to be rejected and i wanted to be loved UNTIL ... i watched that video ! I am deciding that i am no longer that person in the name of Jesus. I needed to hear this today. Be blessed my dear 🙏🏽
Same 😢
I think I understand why someone will get upset/stop talking to you when you say no/stand up for yourself/set boundaries. It is because you stop giving them the ability to walk all over you and to treat you how they like.
Guilt tripping by others is another reason why we have a hard time saying no. They use guilt to get what they want. Understand that guilt tripping is a form of manipulation to change your mind after you said no.
I thoroughly dislike the word “NICE” I found out that nice people aren’t always genuine either 😏
Wow! This comment is a whole mood
Factssss
This been my struggle since I was young, I’ve always been too nice, too naive, and too innocent to forgive everyone and that got people to take advantage of it n hurt me, I didn’t know how to stop being this way and I hate it. Thank you so much for the video it came in the perfect time. 🙏
This cut DEEP! I am that person that looked back and saw everyone around me achieving all their goals and always there to support but realised I was getting nowhere. Always looking for the next person to help and forgetting that i need help too. It's quite painful when you realise you're always the one checking on people and being there for them and no one actually reciprocate. Thanks for the vid. Its tough to change old habits but it starts when you take time to evaluate whats going on
I used to work with a people pleaser very closely and I swear at one point I started to feel bad about myself, thinking that I'm a selfish person because I didnt want to please everyone as much as she did. I then realized that she did that only because she needed validation from everybody for her actions... I then made my boundaries clear and we split ways and it was the best decision ever.
definitely realized this about myself earlier this year, insecurity is sick! currently reading "boundaries" by Cloud & Townsend. You won't find me being walked over this year 🥴
How’s the book?
@@tessa4181 Only a few chapters in but definitely already learning so much, & I really appreciate that it is Christ-centered and lays emphasis on boundaries as a Believer.
Elizabeth Adeyemi it’s Christ centered too?! Adding it to my reading list! Thanks🙏🏾
I’m reading that book right now too! I really feel that it’s life changing. Although the Bible quotes are a little bit excessive. Even though I am Christian. But I listen to some of it everyday on audible. And I’m starting to be able to tell people No for the first time in my life and not feel guilty for it.
God just brought this back to my mind today in prayer to buy this book and read it ASAP!
Watched Breeny’s video and now reading your comment is further confirmation!! Thank you for sharing beautiful! 🥰💖
I needed this😭Can you please make a video about isolating yourself? That’s something I’ve been struggling with and I don’t know why I do it.
Yes I would love a video on this as well. Sometimes in an effort to shield ourselves when faced with a situation where people are antagonistic or bullies, we can tend to isolate ourselves in an effort to protect ourselves. While done with a natural instinct to protect ourselves, isolation can end up being a bad strategy. Essentially advice about how to shield ourselves against mean people without isolating ourselves.
Shawna Shawna yes, please?
I can relate with all of you guys
I have been a people pleaser since I was a child because of being bullied for so many years and experiencing trauma. I really find courage and inspiration to set my boundaries watching this. Thank you ❤
Breeny every time I am filled with anger at myself for being a pushover I watch you and I feel so much better again, thank you for being such a rock
"NO" IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE! saying it louder!!!
NO. Not Today
@@rashimasimmons7583 hahaha I see you Army
Sis get a podcast, please
“You’re not losing good people, you are losing people who are not good for you” Wow. This video is so needed thank you. I struggle with people pleasing esp at my job with certain people who are very type A assertive and borderline intimidating personality.
It's sooo easier said than done. I've gotten so tired of being stepped on people, I keep saying to myself to just say no. But I literally can't. I feel awful and mean for saying no. But I really need to listen to this because it's too exhausting and draining to be a person who is always too nice all the time
Start by saying “let me get back to you” sometimes you will do it but you made a stand. It’s not easy. You are aware of it as a problem, that’s a good start.
Hey, birthday twin!!! I’m a recovering people pleaser. I always consider everyone’s feelings-personal life and workplace life. I’m OVER it!! I’ve been working on my boundary issues because when I feel cornered from pleasing all the time, I explode!! I hate that lol
that feeling when you´ve been smiling and been so so nice towards somebody, and they don´t even put 1% of their effort in it to give you that `happy connection´ .. :( makes you feel finished sometimes
Anna Amy Yes!! It makes me want to be on guard most times. But, I’ve realized, the real ones appreciate!
I’m curious, when is your birthday?
Rachelle C My birthday is July 9th
@@AboveRubiesTV I knew that's why I could relate to her videos mines July 16th Hey Cancer♋
I swear the universe is sending me messages today! I literally just texted my best friend saying that I’m too nice to people. And everything you’re saying is so true! I’ve been reading this self help book called Boundaries and it talks about this as well. The people pleasing coming from a fear of rejection. And how much it hurts the person being nice all the time.
I was a people pleaser for a long time. I was always afraid of hurting other people's feelings or worried about the idea that they wouldn't want to be my friend. Silly I know especially since a lot of the times the people I didn't want to hurt didn't have a problem walking all over me. I've learned that I should never have to sacrifice my comfort for others to be happy and I'm a grown-ass woman I should never be afraid to speak my mind or have an opinion. PERIODT!
Omg when she said “you’re not losing good people you’re losing people who are bad for u” it’ just hit hard! All I can say is 🙌👌
Hurtful, she came for my neck. Needed it. I appreciate you! You help me out so much.
Ahaha! As soon as I saw the video pop up on my feed, I said, "She's about to come for my neck!"
I needed to hear this. I've always wondered to myself why all my partners (ex and current) walk all over me. Well me and my boyfriend fell out and he gave me the silent treatment, he was at fault and got angry for me pointing out a boundary. I then apologised because he was using the silent treatment. I then asked myself why did I apologise if I wasn't in the wrong? My mum then said it's because you are a people pleaser. I didn't even realise I was doing it. When growing up, my mum was the one to shout about everything so it was like walking on egg shells and that explains why I am a people pleaser. I would always agree with her just to stop arguing.
This made me so uncomfortable 😭🤢 it’s so me. Thank you 😭😭😭❤️ I’m creating boundaries from now on and not gonna feel sorry for it!!!
This is tough love, thank you. I've also had to learn to even realise when people are walking over me, as I am naturally a somewhat easy-going person, who likes others to be comfortable. This is not necessarily bad, but I need to immediately recognise when I'm allowing people to stifle or exploit me and when they are happy doing this. I'm also teaching myself to not be afraid of speaking to people in the same way if they use a rude tone or talk down to me with no authority to (what do I look like to you??). My life cannot and will not be spent being submissive and making other people comfortable, and I need to sort this out now because God forbid I will ever be like this as a parent.
My case is I was very lonely with no real friends in my adolescent (obviously very formative) years. Now nearly 24, and somewhere in my head I still have a fear that everyone will leave me and I'll be on my own and unloved again. But I'm big now, and I'm blessed with lots of friends that love me. It's time to grow up.
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Oh Breeny, it's been a year and a half since i'm following you. I never commented but this video here speaks to my soul. I paid the cost of being a pleaser. I realized that I had a rejection problem and I actually like the way you describe it. It is 100% true, in the past i'd rather hurt myself than discontent or hurt anybody else. When I was healing from my last breakup, I adressed that issue and worked hard to overcome it. Cuz I realized that even with my significant other I was constantly bethraying myself because I was afraid. I learned to love myself no matter what and also to forgive myself. And yes It does not make you a wrong person if you prioritise yourself to others need. It was such a long journey. The Lord healed me through this process. I pray for people facing the same situation. You are not alone ! Pleasers are often judged as hypocrites while they simply think they are acting well and have their own issues.
This was me two years ago thank God for a transformation 🙏🏾 ❤️
good for u sis!
I realized that being nice and kind are two different dimensions- being nice is a covert personality trait; being kind is a character trait. Thank you for this enlightening video.
I have unfortunately lost a few "best friends" after I stopped letting them walk all over me. The second I started saying "no", they dropped me. As a result, I have few friends. My fault for not setting my boundaries from the very beginning rather than waiting until I can't stand it anymore
Better to be alone than in bad company
I had a friend that took advantage of me being nice and she starts getting angry and yelling at me but at the same refuce to let go of me .. i had to block her and started working on my boundaries..
she cannot stand the fact that you pass her level, madness is the fist reaction from people actually noticing that they are doing verry bad
I had a “friend” like that... and she would constantly say how she didn’t like me and hated me... and I was like if that’s the case, then why are you always blowing up my phone all day long?? She was weird and would be one of the first ones to watch my story on snap and try to start some bs between me and her and her other friends.
@@teyairrahendrix yeah I can relate to that, my friend also used to say am not good friend of her and wants my attention all the time .. like a slavery or something... its a bad feeling to have such people around
Maro hs which is why I stopped extending myself to others. The little heffa would say smash stuff like, “that’s why you don’t got no friends”. I’m grown, so having friends is the last thing on my mind. And it seems like she concerned about having friends than I do. Even my old friends would say how I started to drift away from them, and I was ALWAYS a good friend to them than they were to me. I’m asocial anyway and don’t like to be under a lot of people.
That's pretty much what happens💕
All my life people tried to take advantage on me , and I become like a slave to them . My mom said to be nice to people and to avoid conflicts , if a person wants to scream at me because he wants a certain thing from me , I should give that thing to them so we don't argue , that's what she said . Everytime I said to her that I had to escape this situation she gave me some adivice like : be good to other people , stay out of conflicts . One time I was sick and I messaged a classmate to give me the homework , that classmate treated me rude all the time and was disrespectful to me . My mom said that I have to give her a chocolate for giving me the homework and in this way , by giving her that chocolate , we can become friends . I am definitely a people pleaser and I will follow your advice for gaining some respect that I rely need . Thank you for this video .
co-dependency is what that is called. I'm stepping into this at first it was uncomfortable, because I have an anger problem that stemmed from childhood abused. So when I would stand up for myself some of the anger came out with it. But I know God is helping.
Hi, my name is Shalewa and I am a people pleaser. I have been all my life but the suffering is honestly exhausting and I have realized my self worth enough to know that I deserve better. I know now that I am the only thing that should be on my radar. I pray that as I grow my friendships do not diminish. But if it does, another one bites the dust.
I needed to hear this, my manager takes advantage of me because I'm a "nice" person. I hate it!
People pleaser= tormented and controlled when you failed to guard all that YOU should value of yourself ( mind, time, emotions, passions, morals, etc).
My ex was a people pleaser. He wouldn't say no to ANYTHING I asked .. i just thought he had no balls and I didnt feel protected in the sense that he would be like that to everyone else (not having any boundaries). I felt guilty accepting or even asking for stuff sometimes because I know he just would just give give give. And I wanted him to at least get the picture. .we broke up because of that same reason. You just have to set limits otherwise people will just take all they can get. Love this video 👏🏽💕
Thank you for this! I feel like I’ve become such a people pleaser that I started to become lazy in relationships. Because if I try, they might expect more from me... I just want to be left alone..
I see my self as a people pleaser often. I belive it stems from low self esteem caused by being picked on as a child. What Breeny said. But mostly fear, fear or rejection.
Low self opinion and placing others on a pedestal are risk factors to people pleasing.
I was also a victim of being a people pleaser.. i always cared about others feelings not mine.. but when i raised my standards boom I'm alone ,😫😫but i have God so I'm good
I’m so happy I saw this video. It made me realize that I can’t please everyone and there will always be someone who hates me, so why not just be nice to myself and focus on me and my own well-being? Breeny Lee, you truly changed my entire perspective about myself and other people in only 14 minutes. This video was powerful.
Breeny Lee just called me out. And saved me thousands in therapy. Thank you for this video - seriously, this is all me. I’m going to save this video and watch it over and over until I grow out of being a people pleaser! ❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼
It's crazy I never really thought about relating it to my childhood but the minute you said that so many things started adding up. My family are African and my mum was raised to pretty much have a conservative mindset by my grandmother, and she never really tore away from that. I was born in London and obviously was surrounded by completely different beliefs compared to her, and as I emulated that and began to experiment and become my own person, I don't think she could handle that. Whenever I would defend myself against her, or talk about topics that were maybe 'radical', I remember being scolded for it, yelled at or hit. I didn't think it still affected me, but today I realise that it did. For a while I remember thinking there was something wrong with me because that's how she'd make me feel, so I retreated into myself. Toned myself down for her. I'm 23 now and trying my hardest to unlearn it, because 'toning myself down' has allowed others to walk all over me. I really appreciate this video!
I was a big people pleaser since 8 years old when I was adopted. It took until 3 years ago for me to start to realize that I needed to care for myself too. I started standing up for myself and now I just feel free honestly. I still have a ways to go but I'm getting there. I also feel like people in my professional life have more respect for me
This is so good! I am a recovered codependent and this is something I have to work on DAILY. I have to say she is right, I lost so many people because I kept reinforce my boundaries.
Hi there, I think I can explain why. You revealled their true colours when you stop giving them benefits. The many people you lost are looking for pushovers and doormats.
This is so me! In the past I have been so stupid would let friends and male partners lend money off me never got it back and just treated like a door mat. Would be bullied and manipulated into it most of the time. Wish I was a stronger person. “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”. Thank you Breeny needed to hear this💗
This is something that I used to struggle with big time, i was the biggest people pleaser! However since setting boundaries and cutting off certain people, I feel soo much better and lighter! 🙌🏻 Never allow anyone walk all over you or take advantage of you guys! 🙏🏻
WHEN I SAY THIS CAME AT THE RIGHT TIME. ITS ALMOST SCARY BUT GOD KNEW I NEEDED THIS AND SENT U. THANKYOU BREENY SND THANK-YOU JESUS
As a child I ve always wanted to please my parents so that I can just get some affection and their time ... my mom would always compare me with her friends children and tell me how lucky her friends are to have such amazing kids.. But somehow I failed in making them happy.. As I grew up I realised how much I just want to please people I meet so that they will appreciate me or even value me. Thank You so Much for making this Video . It was definitely a message from Jesus.
Getting closer to God this year and I prayed ‘ God reveal my heart and all things that need to get out’ guess what? i’m a people-pleaser. And boyy i was like nahh Jesus i’m just a nice person. whoooshhh this video just slapped me right in the face. Thank God for change. Boundaries has really been the word of the year. Thank u for this video !
Nice 💕
Omg i really needed this video, lately i have realized that i'm such people pleaser( I literally try to please everyone my family and my friends (especially them ) but I understood that I do that to not lose people or hurt their feeling if I ever say no to them. but not anymore I have the right to have stable relationships without me trying so hard to please them and I learned to focus on myself and priorities myself first .thank you so much❤ I really love your videos and u r so pretty your friend from somalia 🙏🏽
I’m taking a mental health break for a few days because I lost my own worth, and always wondering why I let people walk over me and just have a burden all the time. I’ve started watching your videos and it’s like a slap in the face. It’s very refreshing, though. You made me glo up mentally.
Excellent video, Breeny! You're laying down the wisdom like always! I've been like this since primary school. I used to let people copy my work or borrow my things (sometimes didn't get them back) even when I didn't want them to, but because I was afraid of "losing" people or being rejected, I let them do it. The saying should be "People pleasers finish last!" I always say when you are nice, you attract all kinds of people--especially the deceptive ones. You don't care about yourself if you don't set any boundaries!
“If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything” ahhhh LOVE this statement! ♥️♥️ Thank you for your videos they have honesty helped me clean up some things in my life so much!
"You stand for nothing, you fall for everything"
On point 🔥
I come back here every now and then. 'You're so nice' is what my crush told me a few days before ghosting me...this video opened my eyes when I first saw it and its true, people have no respect for 'nice' individuals. I don't want to be nice anymore, but with no real sense of self or confidence (as a result of traumatic childhood and lack of personality), idk what else i could be. I have gotten a little better over the years though.
This made me think about the time I cut off my friends after high school because I was done with the way they treated me, I forgave them constantly and disregarded my feelings because others would say shit like "you're thinking too much". I was hesitant but looking back at it, I don't regret it at all... In fact, my only regret is that I didn't do it way sooner!
Don't question cutting someone off if you know they're bad for you, and if you're finding it difficult, do it slowly.