How We Live With Autism: Our Special Needs & Strengths | Wired Differently | CNA Documentary
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- Опубліковано 8 кві 2022
- What happens when a child is hard to accept? Two families open up to us. We uncover the hidden tolls of autism within the family, the strains in family dynamics, the emotions, the guilt and the challenges they face in helping their children.
Marcus, now 25, was found to be autistic at 3. Due to the stress of his stepfather not accepting his autistic behaviours, a meltdown saw Marcus threatening his stepdad with a pair of scissors. Caught between the two, Marcus’ mother, Mary, does everything she can to help Marcus find his independence and start a new life on his own.
Andric is 6 - the eldest of three kids. Parenting feels even harder, when doing homework becomes a tussle with violent meltdowns. Andric’s mother, Amanda, struggles to cater to his needs as an autistic child without neglecting her younger son and baby girl. Prompted by other mothers with autistic kids, Amanda tries to find ways to secure Andric’s financial future so he wouldn’t have to depend on his younger siblings.
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About the show: What do you do when the child in the family is wired differently? CNA follows four families in Singapore who have been fractured by a child whose problems go beyond what ordinary children face.
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I’m so sorry Marcus had to endure an abusive stepfather. Let’s hope Singapore continues to move forward with their acceptance and understanding of individuals with ASD.
The mother shouldn't have married such an abusive person in the 1st place.
I am so sorry that the maids working under Marcus is going to be treated like a living hell ! Because Marcus basically wants maid to do all the ‘dirty work’ for him ! I might be feeling more sorry for the Maids working under him as compared to his abusive father. It is also, not as if Marcus is the only one Austistic person with Abusive father. Many other also do but just go unreported.
I don't think the stepfather is outright abusive though. He is indifferent and intolerant towards Marcus, but his attitude is very mainstream and normal. He just doesn't give a crap about Marcus.
@@russiasucks7170 tbf also neurotypical think like that to have a maid cause lazy so it's not a ASD mindset.
@@alecrosewell6959 regardless of having a ASD or not, it does not discount or rather spare him to issuing such a statement. On the other hand, there is no research evidence neither clinical practice evidence to say that ASD can impair basic morality right ?
As a mum with a son with Autism, I was truly disturbed by the second lady choosing her husband over her amazing son. I felt heartbroken for Marcus when the stepfather punished him for drawing in the air, that’s stimming it helps autistic people relax. Yes it’s really hard having special needs child but end of the day no parent or child chose to be in that club, so I hate when adults act so cruel towards people for being who they are. I have three children and my son with autism has this extra innocence and love about him. ❤️
I made a shortfilm about autism, since i’m autistic myself and have a strong dislike for the representation in film. I hope you like it! ua-cam.com/video/dr4bX8qmed0/v-deo.html
Same. My heart broke listening.
Yeah, I say of all neurodevelopmental disorders, autism even at this modern age, still tops as having the greatest deal of mystery surrounding it. Most people are still unaware and ill informed about it, despite thousands of awareness programs and high profile public health findings and announcements. This is why new parents and their families usually experience having a hard time accepting a diagnosis:
- Wives and husbands blaming each other
- Parents of both sides blaming the opposite spouses in various ways
- Couples blaming themselves, even entertaining the idea of suicide or giving away the kid etc.
The fear of the unknown and mystery dreads into couples and their families, and its just right to hear both sides of the isle and recognize that having a kid diagnose with autism or other lifelong neurodevelopmental disorders should never be initially called a "blessing", it is ok to grieve and feel various negative feelings in how long you want.
Shut up lah, autistic people needs to go to imh
he is an adult already, why his mom must sacrifise her life????
I think it is very brave of Marcus' mum to admit that she should have supported the son more. Being a primary caregiver means you have to make very difficult decisions. We shouldnt judge because one would never know what you would do in the same situation. I am glad to see both of them mending their relationship and still be in each others lives. all the best!
I agree. At least, Marcus’s mom is emotionally honest.
considering what the mom did, she had best never contact him again
Great comment!👏🏽
Can tell that Mary loves her son. Marcus also learns to be independent now that he stays on his own. It’s good that he is high functioning and has a job.
And his job is really impressive. Modeling something like a lotus is not easy to do. Working with Blender nodes is definitely not beginner's level.
The second lady should’ve ditched the man the moment there was a hint he wouldn’t accept her son. So sad for the son .. but on the bright side, him moving out has given him even more room to grow and develop independence.
I think more like the stepfather shouldn't have married her, given that her son already existed. If you know you are a traditional Chinese man, and you don't accept such people, then don't marry her. Or tell her that the condition of marriage is that she abandons her son.
Agree
I agree. Mothers should always pick their child over her man in normal situations. What I mean is the child action is not in the wrong. In this situation, she should pick her son. Find a man who love her and have some sympathy and some love for her son. But I think some woman cannot survive on their own, like financially or emotionally dependent. Parents of special need kids have a challenging life and so admirable.
Yeah I agree
If I was the child I’ll be heart broken
Amanda deserves a medal, she does everything so beautifully, you are such a great Mum Amanda
Definitely better than the other mom who chose the husband over her son.
I love you Marcus! You are right for you. I have Asbergers too. Or ASD now. My son and his daughter also have it. We are very smart but different. I didn’t know this until my granddaughter was diagnosed and I was in my 60’s. We have to make our own life our own way. We are so different and nurotypicals cannot understand us. Much pressure to make us conform to their ways. I found that I need to live alone. I found work that is for me in late 1978. I became a software developer and a network engineer. Learned to build networks on my own and first. Now I like the way I am. We can do things that regular people can’t do. Your mom is wonderful but she can never understand you. She wants to make you normal so you can succeed in life and she doesn’t have to worry. You can learn from her how to do some things, like dealing with getting your own apartment, etc. but you are learning to make your own way. Might be good if you can find others like you ASD to meet up with so you know you are not alone. We all speak the same language and it is fun to be together. We have similar difficulties. Maybe even online at first. We get so much pressure with NT’s trying to control us to make us act like them because we make them uncomfortable. We are different but not wrong. Keep on being you! Good luck and never give up,
Thank you for covering this CNA insider. This is great and educational content that raises awareness for ASD. I’m a sister to a younger autistic brother so the part where Amanda spoke to the specialist on whether or not it’s the sibling’s responsibility to take care the autistic brother, touched me.
22:13 it’s so true.. siblings of special children don’t have to care of them.. they have their own lives to live
Amanda is such a compassionate and accepting parent
Another excellent documentary with rare insights on the daily lives of families with family members who have ASD
Great video. Makes us think of what families with special needs children go through. Much respect especially these 2 wonderful mothers.. some of our sacrifices and struggles pales in comparison to theirs. And Marcus is a really bright young man.
This is an excellent documentary, understanding the ups and downs living and nurturing autistic children. I love that it covers everything including not to burden other children to take care of their special siblings.
Beautiful children and mothers. 💝
Was so relieved Andric's mother changed her mind from asking his brother to watch over him. She kept saying Andric was special but to a little child, they will interpret it differently. "If 哥哥 special, can 第第 and 妹妹 not be special too?"
As an Adult with autism, i think its a really good Video that people without autism can relate to the person with and can understand that we don’t do it on purpose and don’t noticed it sometimes.
I feel that drawing in the air and talking to oneself are not "bad habits" or mistakes. They're ways for some of those with autism to self-soothe, or just live. It's like how we sing in the shower, and it makes no harm. Even people without autism do it as well! This is my own opinion and I don't mean to offend anyone, just to share a different perspective to look at these habits?
I am a single mother of a 20 year old Autistic Son. I cannot possibly understand how this woman can choose her husband before her special needs child. She called the police over the scissors? How about calling the police for pushing your son to the floor, then you decide to leave him alone in the hospital for 3 days, instead of telling your husband to leave .She is the example of what not to do with an autistic child. If you approach Austic children the same as traditional children, and have
a traditional result, that would be the cure!!!! There is a mentally healthy approach to autistic adult independence, and this is not it!
I agree with what you said, l was an elementary school assistant,before retire, working with special needs children in inclusive education system. My experience mostly with autisim children 4 to 8 years old. After retirement, l still volunteer work with the boy l had before retirement!
Exactly, you are single, of course you cannot understand. But even if you could, she herself saw her mistake of not siding more with her son. No need to judge her for something she has already recognized.
@@TeaCup1940 She is a mother of a special needs adult. What does being single have anything to do with it? If she saw her mistake I don't understand why she still chose not to divorce her husband.
Excellent this programme..i never knew any thing about autism.. It made me sit up and think how we really take every thing for granted.. The ones who are wired differently have a real challenge on their hands..parents need to be commended on how they handle their kids that are autistic
Thanks for sharing this insight, it can be very tough for anyone, hope the society can be more caring towards them, and have a community whereby the kids have someone to listens n helps when needed.
After reading the commands, we should stop blaming the mothers, They are humans too. No one is perfect. The mothers are doing the best they know how
Taking care autistic children is a huge learning curve. You are leaning new things everyday. Society should give these families more support, less judgement.
Mother india
Marcus is one hellava badass! "I'll have to change my behaviour to accept her (my girlfriend) for who she is." Woohoo!!!! NOW THAT'S A LOAD OF CONFIDENCE!
Poor Marcus,.. as a mother, I am very sad for him😢😢
All I can say is, not easy. Kudos to all these parents and families w special needs kids.
And siblings too!!!
Poor Mary, hard decisions to make. Very courageous woman. We can't always understand people's life and choices and should not judge. We all do the best we can.
Yes we should not judge because we don’t have the full picture
True but sadly people do judge
Probably not easy for Mary also .
She has other kids to take care of too
Stepdad needs to be gone. Not Marcus.
I feel for your Amanda. The meltdown at the lift due to change in schedule beyond our control.. look from public that we can’t “manage” our own kid getting one way communication from my 6 turning 7 years old, despite sending him for ST for half his life.
Amanda and Mary, you are both amazing mothers.
Amanda is an amazing friend mom and support to herself as well as her family and others. ❤️
Parents with special need to understand this: It is not the
responsibility of the other siblings to take care of the special needs sibling when they grow up. They have their own life to run and will have their own family. Some special needs children are learnable (especially autistic children), with the support of professionals and parents, they can learn self help skills.
too. The first step is the parents willing to reach out to get help!
another real and practical content. Good job
First of all amazing doc, I learned autism and how feel, what face it. They’re understanding, brave.
Very hard to expect siblings to take care of one another, parents have to train the kids to be independent and put aside savings for the vulnerable one when they are no longer around. Marcus is very articulate and he can work, glad he is not living with his stepdad.
Thank u, Amanda!
U r a capable mother!!!
Great job on showing the under talked side of ASD
Excellent documentary! Must watch
We are chosen! I will think about that sentence from now on when I feel down! Thank you 🙏
Excellent video!!! Marcus is so intelligent and enduring. Kudos to the moms, great job 👏
Poor Marcus... it must be hard to have such a step father and mother. As a mother she ought to support her son.
Were you there?
I never marry a man if he could not go along my autistic child, my son coming from my belly but a new man we meet when we already big
No wonder Marcus lives alone Mary seems like a real piece of work
I am a sped teacher and I have a nephew with ASD which is living with me.. He is now 7 years old and I always break the routine he is familiar with so that he can manage his emotions and prevent melt down. At first its hard but now I am happy for him because he surpassed the training I did... Now whenever i asked him to do this and that when its out of his routine... He is fine with it...
respect to the moms, keep it up
I'm a special education Para pro I live in San Diego and work for. The La Mesa Spring Valley School District. I love to see the progress of my students and watch them become better in there skills. Great film for parents and educators.
Oh yes, I have a son who is on the spectrum. He’s considered on a lower support level but I wouldn’t have gotten the answers and support for him if it wasn’t for my colleagues who advocated that he should get speech and occupational therapy to further build on his milestones (I work in childcare and he used to go to the same workplace I go to but I work in a different preschool). It was a lot of hard work because he had trouble with regulating his emotions and he used to lash out physically by scratching (now it a really rare occasion). He is still working on his social communication skills. He stims by spinning objects and needs reminders to focus every now and then. He’s very affectionate and tends to seek sensory things like he needs cuddles or soft things to regulate. Now He’s in year one and is a SRC member of his class and does Taekwondo.
I lived most of my life not knowing I had Autism. It was until a few years ago in my mid 20's that I learned I'm Autistic and a lot of things in my life make sense now. I always knew I was different from everyone else but that made me think I was just really weird. Now that I know that there are others like me I feel a huge relief. I just hope that there's more awareness in Autism in girls now than there was in my childhood (which was in the 90's) because I do think it's very important to know that you're Autistic if you really are. I feel like things would have been a lot different for me had me and my parents known I was Autistic. For one they wouldn't have seen me so much as a "troubled child" and they wouldn't have beaten me as much as they did because they would have known I couldn't help the way I was. Also, I could have received more help in school, help that I needed but instead I graduated high school and even finished college without even knowing I was Autistic. I struggled so much on my own when I should have been receiving help.
Same here
You should be proud of yourself for achieving college graduation without intervention. You made it! Don’t let a label hold you back.
@@NEPatsfanclub puzzle piece symbol is a derogatory sign these days for neurodivergent folks, we use an infinity ♾️ symbol now 😊
@@sadpuppies1423 I don’t use it any out of respect because I’m trying to respect other people especially with autism because Autism is around and that’s just my self and I always thought puzzle pieces were cool and I respect you but I was told before that wasn’t but they were very rude to me that was rude back and I respect you if you think it’s derogatory I am sorry I will remove it if I have a mystery sign I will replace it with and physically sign, but I also know about the three colored hats. I don’t know who’s that anymore but see ya I always thought puzzles are cool I was good I like the 3-D puzzles and stuff but I just always thought puzzle pieces were cool like when I found the loose one I always found try to find a white puzzle one too, so I was never really good with puzzles, but I do them once in a while my kids like them but I don’t respect I will respect you, but I don’t really respect that other one that was rude that we were rude back-and-forth to his end. I apologize to you if you have someone who is autistic or if you’re autistic yourself I’m sorry
@@NEPatsfanclub hey its ok! im autistic myself, you can find more info thru researching why a puzzle piece limits on the identity of neurodivergency! thank you for being considerate and i do love a good puzzle myself ☺️👍
Im crying for marcus, its very hard for them all.oftentimes, people cannot understand having special needs child,the expectation of people around you as a mother.
Leslie the boss of Marcus seems to be a good boss who recognizes the strenghts of his employees. Kudos to him.
We cannot judge any parent who is on this show. We don't know the entire story. However, I do applaud the parents for being on the show to help parents who are in similar situations. I also agree that adults should be more understanding - but we cannot change everyone and it would be very difficult especially if they have always believed one thing their entire life. We also need to be understanding (not agree with) people who have grown up in a certain environment, for example, in a religious household but have very bigoted minds. You cannot change bigoted mind overnight even if they wanted to... but are they trying and open to accepting ALL people? If yes, I'll support them... but if they are not inclusive and do not believe in equality/equity, then I have no respect for them and don't think much about them. No matter your height, no matter your size, no matter your race, no matter your sexual orientation, no matter your disability/ability, etc. we are all humans and deserve respect/equality.
I agree that the first mum should not burder the younger bro. No one should be born to take care of someone else. If she really wants to be sure hes ok make sure she earns enough to afford caregiver until whenever
We will not be able to fully understand until we are put into that position. If you are an only child for example, also born to take care of someone.
Sad that she favoured the abusive husband over her child, I don't understand it to be honest, my children come first always
I don't think the stepfather is outright abusive though. He is indifferent and intolerant towards Marcus, but his attitude is very mainstream and normal. He just doesn't give a crap about Marcus.
If the stepfather loves his wife he will accept her son and understand her situation. I feel the same way she seem to put her husband first.
Why should she leh? He got autism lah!
i am a single parent with ASD kid. Been contemplating alot on doing full time and give up work. They live by schedule which I am unable to give... I appreciate the parents who can proceed following schedules for their kids.
Marcus, you keep excelling and proving unsupported individuals wrong. You got this!
Very educational and eye opening.
I am so much privl3dge
Tqvm for this video. There r sooo many kids who have ASD today in sg
I am trying so hard NOT to
judge Mary, but you know he’s special needs right. If anyone needs to make changes, it’s us normal people NOT special needs people! You’re afraid something happens to him?? then he should be staying at Home to be cared for. I can’t believe that you even sent him to IMH. That was so sad to hear! Yes one is your son, the other is just a husband.
I speak firsthand ! I am a parent of a special needs adult who is 24 !
Between her 2nd husband and her son, the choice is clear - she should choose her son, who has no choice to be born by her with special needs. Her 2nd husband should be the one to leave if he cannot accept a step special needs kid in the first place. This mum seems 'special' in her thinking and choices.
Yeah, I really can't believe she chose the stepfather over her own child. The stepfather sounds like an intolerant bully. So what if Marcus draws in the air with his fingers and likes to play games alone in his room? Is Marcus now not allowed to visit his mother's home if the stepdad is home, etc, etc?
@@exxxxcellent a woman also who has been a caregiver also needs to be loved and cared for. lets not judge when we do not have the full story. who are we to tell people what to do? It must have been very tough
Disagree. It is the duty of special needs people to change and improve, with the assistance of medical staff and their caregivers. Society don't change. You change
@@exxxxcellent i do definitely think it takes both parties to change (as in we need to help them build the right skills and habits to integrate in society so they do need to change, but on our part we need to learn acceptance too) as it always takes two hands to clap.
But walaoeh if that was the criteria for punishment I think even regular young adult also kena punished zzz why cannot stay in your room. Lol. I introvert in my room a lot too. Haha. What's wrong with drawing in the air?!?! (I mean, sure it's not an "ordinary" habit but its harmless and probably self-regulating?)
😑
Marcus, you are very wise. You have made the right choice. I respect you.
Marcus speaks very eloquently
Marcus sounds like a very decent intelligent young man with some areas of limitations. You must never provoke an autistic person. As a mother you should note his positives and build on that. I would suggest you sign up for group counseling on coping and managing autistic children.
Its VERY unfair that at 4.yo , the younger child is already been told that he has to take care of his older brother !!!
and by the way Marcus, I dont see the point of folding laundry too ;p LOL
I wish these documentaries would highlight the extreme sleep disturbances.
I feel so sorry
AboUt Marcus
Marcus my heart goes out to you.
Generally society cant accept or understand how & why autism spectrum kids react & misunderstood. Is important the society is expose to understand the difference thinking kids with autism. To all parents with mentally challenged kids , be strong always. Me , a father with an autistic daughter.
The husband is a terrible and controlling human being. I don't see what the issue is that he has with Marcus for talking to himself and drawing in space. If that's what Marcus needs to regulate his body, then so be it. Not to mention him having a problem with spending too much time on the computer. Yeah, not the best habit, but how does that affect the stepfather? It's sad that the lady chose him over her own son.
Mery truly infuriates me - trying very hard to understand where she is coming from and how hard it is to have personal relationships as a caregiver. However, she is his mother! She has full responsibility for what happens to him, that goes for any child and especially a special needs child. How can she just abandon him because “her second husband is short on temper”? How neglectful and selfish! I am glad Marcus is doing so well now
don't do that, don't walk away, do this, .... are not helpful for your child to hear. You may try to maximise positives, like "I see you (doing this), " then nod approvingly, "I like it when you say ..." , then smile approvingly too. Let him just go through doing the things you don't want him to do, and don't give him any attention until the wrong behaviour is over. Tell the other sibling "your brother is special ... you are awesome " to mitigate the effects of diminishing self esteem.
Hopefully, the uncalled for behaviours will decrease over time when he finds that he's not being given the wrong attention he's seeking. So purposefully look out for whatever good behaviours he's doing and praise/encourage him.
Excellent mom!❤
Let’s be compassionate with special kids.
Omg, I’d love to be friends with Marcus!!
Please do. He never get to have a girl friend.
The 2nd lady put the man before her son. Smh
I like how her husband pushed her son but the son got accused of threatening him? Seems more like the stepfather needs to see a psych or a therapist LOL
He will be very bright, trust me❤, pay more attention on him, try not to give medications if possible, he will get better and better when he older.
That stepdad sounds absolutely vile.
They are the same gestures and routines,despite of nationalities,my eldest have an autism too😢I am a filipino ,hoping my son will be high functioning autism too 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
When parents choose to have kids, the kids bear the risk of their choice - autism being just one facet of that risk. But I respect these parents for remaining committed and trying their best to help their children. No easy task!
I can see myself in Marcus, just like him I'm autistic and am also addicted to a video game (in one day I played 7 hours of it, that game was battle cats).
You must have giant cats to battle with
Same here autistic gamer girl here
I ALWAYS wished I had a parent or guardian that understood I was struggling and didn't just assume I was trying to give them a hard time or being rebellious or bad. I wish they would have rubbed my back or held me or told me I was okay when I was freaking out. But they just took it as a personal attack and assumed I was bad and didn't want them around, when in fact I needed them.😔
The more I watch the more I see Marcus is a G!!!!
I also stopped my son speech therapy because it is too costly, $2000++ expenses per month is also too much for me. My job with Far East Organisation also affected, bosses that always interested in KPIs is not even compassionate enough for families like this.
The speech therapy really over charged .
Free education and therapy for all globally.
Marcus has a good mother. So sorry things are difficult (I am sure painful) for her. I am sure Marcus will care for his mom in her later times.
I have ASD and if my mum chose a new husband over me I would never see her again! Though it sounds like he is better far away from that nasty sounding stepdad god knows what the mum sees in him. Sounds like he did no research into ASD and what his step son was doing eg the strimming etc She made me so so angry and my heart breaks for Marcus. I’m blessed I have a mum and dad who understand me and my ASD
I don't understand why Marcus's mother allowed her husband to abuse her son.
I do wish that mom would not coerce her healthy son into getting a vaccine that he doesn’t want or need. He’s not wrong that there are serious side effects for some people. It should be a risk/benefit analysis for each individual. Honestly, he is speaking about his decision using more critical thinking than his mom is.
Your comment aged like fine wine. Well done.
this reaffirms my decision not to have children
Lol
Yes so many people have children without even considering the likelihood of disabilities or disorders
Good that you would be honest with yourself
He smart, making is own decisions.
23:00 doesnt only apply to special needs kids. reminds me of that 1 family (in sg) that has 6 kids. wtf the parents expect the older kids to parent the siblings. messed up.
I'm a mom with autism and I believe my daughter (age very young) also has autism either that or adhd. I have been watching her closely but I've had an extremely hard time doing so still because I live amongst abusive parents as well. The home environment is very toxic.
Jiayou, mommies 💪
Should consider Makaton (speech and sign language) for younger kids with mild ASD
A tolerant yer practical take on neurodiversity. As autistic myself, I approve (Y).
watching your channel to know more about this condition-Mikaela Cuento🇵🇭 👋👋
Even before listening to the expert, I already wrote this that the other mother probably shouldn't burden her younger son with the care of his brother. I mean, you created the problem, you solve it. Don't foist it off onto a innocent fellow.
Having autism is a created problem? Care to explain?
@@hikipediaaidepikih4604 By giving birth to the older child. She should own the issue, and not burden the innocent younger child with his care. He didn't ask to be born.
Nobody chooses to be born autistic or having any forms of disabilities. You don't have any form of empathy at all don't you?
@@hikipediaaidepikih4604 Sigh. Are you an idiot? Read my post again. If you are not good with English, then it is your own problem and you should read carefully.
In the past kids like these will be beaten up for being naughty. Spreading awareness is so important.
You have to pay out of your own pocket for the therapy? NO Government help at all, how about the school for kids with Autism, I have seen one if not two episode where they can go to a special school back in Singapore? I have two sons on the spectrum but we are currently living in the US but they do not have specialize school for kids with Autism, they do have ABA therapy, speech and etc. The thing here is you can give them cbd gummies which is not allowed in Singapore.
i would give free speech therapy to andric hes such a sweet boy 😞
The starting part gives me anxiety.
sweet people.
I've been depressed for the past few days, because I daydream maladaptively. Although, now I see people have way more severe problems.😢
Im autistic and my family is abusive
I'm still trying to find a way out
I finally got my confirmed diagnosis so that is exciting 😁👍🏽
Just a suggestion, leave your family and don't care what your family has to say
Amanda needs to learn to how be more patient with Andrew. I understand that she wants him to do well but her technique isn't working. She needs to approach things like homework in a different way.