"Who am I going to church to meet?" Maybe that is not the right question. Years ago my wife left and married the man she had had a 2 year affair with. So I raised my daughters by myself. They are in their 30s now and also single. When we are at church, people their age do not talk to them. Only people my age talk to them. I have actually stood back and watched this happen. And this is not an unfriendly Church. The people are very warm and caring. There are also no single men their age at my church and the single women are older. So what are there prospects for finding a husband here or connecting with women they have anything in common with? Christ is here but the opportunity for strong connection is not. Stephen Covey said, "As long as you keep doing what you're doing, you will keep getting the same results." Many times in the scriptures, we are told to wait on God. But don't forget many times in scripture we are told to get up and go. Did you know, only 2% of Christians are married to a person they met at church? Our church used to have an Adult Singles Ministry but it was not encouraged or supported then was discontinued. I think it was misunderstood that it was a coed Bible study. But it was actually a support group for lonely, hurting, misunderstood people. I did not believe my daughters when they told me married women avoid talking to single women, until I actually watched it happening. My daughters are not a threat to husbands. Nor are they feminist but they are hard-working women that have little in common with young wives and mothers that make up most of the congregation. When a person shows up with a spouse, they are welcomed on a different level because they fit in. People tend to connect with people they have something in common with. So part of the problem is not just going to church to find a spouse, but not fitting in as church family. Myself and my daughters are a family. But we do not fit the mold of family in most churches. Single people did not make this mold. This mold was formed by married people in churches. Half of adults 25 to 75 are unmarried or live alone. It is the largest Mission Field available but is ignored by most churches thus growth tends to be from Young married couples and Families. I am not disagreeing with anything said in this video. He is correct and this was very informative. However I am pointing out that we may not be addressing the right issues. I recall a statement in a blog where a pastor said, "I don't want my church to become a dating service". Another pastor responded by saying, "If you don't want people to meet their future spouse at your church, where would you prefer they meet them? In the world?" If people are discouraged from eating junk food but there is no healthy food provided, what are they going to do? And how long before they suffer the consequences?
Thanks so much for sharing - and it sounds like a really hard situation. Nick actually did another talk that might speak to this a bit: ua-cam.com/video/sCrJ5o97k94/v-deo.html - it's about how you can feel like a second class christian as a single and how married people are valued above singles in the church. Really praying for you and your daughters in your community, they could always try our dating app to broaden the scope of people they'll meet....?!
Sir, you made me cry. Your daughter’s experiences have been my life long experienced as a just-turned-50 single woman who was raised in the church. God may love me, but the church hates me. I wish I could offer advice or encouragement to your daughters, but I can’t and that grieves me. I can only pray for them and offer to them that they are not alone.
Attending church isn't a guarantee that anyone is a Christian. Some people are their for the wrong reasons. The songle people can get involved in mission groups at various churches and may meet someone through building friendships, but regular church isn't a singles event.
Darkness in men. Something happens to many Christian men when they reach what the world calls "midlife crisis." They cheat on their wives and often run off with another woman.
I CANNOT WAIT! I am soooo single and there’s no one at church who I would date. They are either married, dating someone else, or not interested in dating.
im in the same position. Yes i understand that one does not go to church to prioritise meeting someone above worshipping God. But it does become a little "lonely" when the Church does talk about marriage and family a lot. not sure about you, but as a single, I do tend to have a habbit of looking at peoples hands (to spot any rings) 😀.
@@oliveribanez waooo Oliver ...i am your follower and i didn't know that you believe in God or Cristhian. I suspected something like that but i was not sure.. whatever God bless you and good your work in UA-cam...
No one talks about how lonely it is being a single early twenties christian, so so lonely especially as a woman - it feels like the church only values you when you are married
Same for us single guys over 30. We don't exist. The only advice we get is to enjoy being single. One reason I don't join a church is the way they treat singles. Everyone is married and all they say is don't idolize marriage. Well they all married so... and it doesn't matter which denomination you go. Only in the most charismatic "churches" are there any single women at all. But then they're 25 to 30 and they won't date guys older than 35. So we have to go to Asia to find someone. I'm old enough to know what I want and I don't feel sorry for wanting a partner. All this nonsense about trying to 3mbrace a bad situation instead of trying to make it better...what if I told the sick people to not seek healing but just be content in their sickness? No thanks. I won't give money to a place that disrespects me on a basic level. I rotate between churches that have good enough teaching and enjoy the free coffee and just like the people I meet pretend to enjoy the ever shallow chatter and then disappear for another week. Churches don't even try to attract single men here. Maybe one event a year. No thanks.
@@Dilley_G45 I understand what you're saying. It's really sad. I have often felt the same way because whenever there's a sermon and they want to give an example of how to handle things they always say sit down with your family, pray with your family, pray with your partner, what about the singles? I've noticed that whenever they give a sermon in most churches they don't refer to singles. They don't talk about the single life at all. It is very difficult.
The fact is God created male and female, we are made is his image and he knows our needs we should pray for his wisdom in all things and be open to his direction for example evangelism and being social Christians for example couples have single friends and the church is for single and families for God says he places the lonely in families the church 🛐 is our spiritual family 👪 relating well to it and God is the beginning of healing in our relationships even as single adults of any age.
“Don’t neglect the gathering of yourselves together” makes it pretty clear that other people are an important reason to go to church. God was in your house before you left it; and He’ll be at the new place with the single people. If it’s a bad church, then you got something more serious to weigh there.
Disagree here. There is no biblical conjuring that can tell you it's wrong to visit other churches to find a spouse from time to time. If you fall for that thinking, time start thinking for yourself in my view. Someone can go to church to meet God AND to find a spouse. To judge someone's motives as unsound is to judge something we simply don't know.
Conservative Christians abandon a governor who shot a dog that needed to be put down. We shoot our wounded. Communists are in lock step on accomplishing their goals and are willing to wait decades for success. Christians get mad at others because they are offended by some minor issues. Then we wonder why the country is going to Hell!
So true, couldn't have come at a better time. I had been feeling exactly like this a couple of months ago and God made me understand this truth when I went to the new church, I am now back in my old church. I also agree with joining in on the fun activities of the neighbouring church like the small groups activities every once a while. Bottomline, I think everyone should pray about such decisions and if you feel God leading you to continue in the new church then go ahead. thanks for this message.
I'm committed to my church but I am lonely and don't want to be. I don't know how to be present in the moment anymore. Singleness just ends up being the pinnacle of my thoughts most of the time.
@@be_saltHi, I don't know if many realize that it's not a ' season' for many anymore:( It will be their constant state in life, even though they cry desperately to God for relief from the isolation- because marriage will not come to many in our culture today. And it's declining still. That's why it's a deeper issue than what it used to be ' just a season'. I've watched this the past 20 years with many singles in church still not married. Many people. Good people. It's getting worse. And I'm a very optimistic person - and also realistic. This issue is happening all around us. It is very dangerous spiritually and mentally for the singles. You can't be a perpetual outsider in church.
so i watched this video as one of those people who do go to church 1) to worship and praise our Lord, but (2) to see and find a potential mate. and yes at times ive prioritised (2) above (1) but as a 34yr old who feels all these things of lonliness and "FOMO" its challenging to not go to Sunday service and forget about being single for that 1hr or 2, but rather still carry that weight especially in a "family and marriage" style commuinty churc. i believe that singles thrive with other singles... i just sometimes feel the church (some, not all) dont "see" singles and the struggles they face daily (some, not all) because they have something that we look for already (family, a spouse, a home) im trying daily to shift my focus back on Him, and to trust that He knows my needs and will provide...one day
It is really tricky and totally get it - we actually just released a video about the struggles on singleness. Sounds like you're in a good place though looking to Him
I think that ultimately, the only solution is to keep on praying for a spouse and ask some of the closest friends to join you in this prayer. Of course, besides that continue to do the things you want to do and continue to serve the Lord.
This is like a sermon! 😄 So true and deep. My church and small group are of people a lot older than me, and it's a thriving church. I tried "young adult" churches when visiting a different town, but they were mostly cliquey and lacked wisdom. If God wants to lead you to someone, he will, if we remain in faith. (I find the videos too long sometimes, but this was apt for the topic.)
This is me same go to church with older mentors and have been in many young adults groups and nothing ever happens no woman interested in me only one time. All the college groups are cliché
What I do we do/can we do? Singles sites aren’t that helpful. But then also our expectations of the sites it’s always about the photos . When I think of my last girlfriend I met in person- we both would not have connected online but “swiped left” (or equivalent). I think we should swipe right a bit more and become friends first - you never know!
I've tried swiping right more but when I ask basic questions about Christianity people can't even answer them. Dating sites don't have Christians they have posers
Over covid i got really fed up with the place i was attending. Ive gone to churches that always have a healthy amount of singles....but rarely do they do anything for them. Not even a singles group. They started elevating marriage next to righteousness. Then they started a singles group. I began to go...then realized it was not for me when their messages began to be about how all singles are time wasters, unfulfilled, should be volunteering more, worse yet the singles group now has married people babysitting us. Literally singles are not allowed to pray alone in a group. Its nonsense. Overall they have begun going into hard complementarian beliefs. I cant support that. There is no place for me as an educated single female. Its exactly what they hate (but wont openly say so - instead you get snide remarks from people). It is so cruel. I dont even feel like i have one Christian friend and i have attended church for 30 years. Im beginning to think "christians" only want cookie cutter families. Not singles. Also every church has more women than men. The men are able to play the field and date girls half their age.. worse yet because they tell everyone kids are the epitome of existence, women are seen as undesirable after about 27..max 30 if you are extra hot. Its no place for someome over 35. You end up being excluded from community.
I mean that is unfortunate but it's not a church phenomenon. All women start to struggle with finding men after 30. Men want families, we worked away our 20's establishing ourselves so we could support that family.
For me personally it has been fulfilling to join a church that has outreach ministries for the homeless and others in need. They also have weekly small groups for people at all phases of life.
So true and well explained. God bless! He is able to provide our needs although we in our human minds think we need to do something about it. Trust that He will make everything beautiful in His time
This was so good! So helpful. Keep our eyes on You, Jesus. You’ll bring the increase. Bless your single sons & daughters with a strong desire for more of you as we ready ourselves to worship together and sit at your table. Connect as you see fit.
God is your greatest reward. Bind the devil over that thought because some people were born without limbs and are Married with kids. That doesn’t come from God. She is out there also looking for you and in Jesus name we call her right now.
Being single and over 30 in the church is a depressing place to be! The church has failed single people in meeting their future spouse, it's no wonder more Christians are resorting to online dating apps :/ sad times indeed
Watching AGAIN!!!! I think it's great where I'm going right now. And I will continue to do that on Sunday mornings. But I do need to find some social outlets very badly here in Austin. I desperately do need that communication and that connection with other singles married couples elderly senior citizens it doesn't really matter. I just need the connection with people. Because church starts and ends and everybody goes to their car and leaves. And that's fine that's what everyone has always done for the most part. I just need to find community and connection so that I can continue to be growing in my faith and in my social skills. I love people. I get so excited when I know I'm going to go and hang out with people. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@be_salt I've been trying to figure that out. Although Austin is about 35 mi away. The Lord moved me out into the middle of the country so I don't know what he's up to. I love it out here but I need to find people. 😍🙏
Thank you. I needed this. What you said about people not recognising the signs that showed Jesus being God and King and only caring about the food that met their need resonated with me. As I prayed today I said to God those same things and I apologised that I too am guilty of only seeking him because I am asking for things instead of talking to him for fellowship. I’ve been stuck in a loop in my mind feeling sorry for myself. I don’t want to continue like this.
I attended the zoom discussion on this. Left uninspired. Message seems to be saying stay in your church and serve- like that’s going to find a husband. I agree that you should serve but if the dating pool isn’t there then that isn’t a satisfactory answer in my opinion.
I have often felt that as a childless single I have nothing to offer the others. That I am not a true member of the Body of Christ. They constantly talk about how women are used by God as wives and mothers and can only please Him by these roles. I don't fit in and at fifty know that I never will. I can never be a true member of Christ's Church.
Your experience resonates with me as another childless single woman who just ticked over fifty. I stopped attending women’s events and conferences long ago because they were just parenting and marriage seminars in disguise. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating to know how little the church values you.
I wonder if those couples at church you mentioned can say they followed your way of thinking.. and how did they meet their spouse? I think we need more videos like that. It's a great video but we don't really ever hear what worked for people.
Yeah it's funny. People leave Church after high school or latest after uni. Then come back in their late 20s or early 30s with a husband and kids. Wonder where they all meet 😆. But I hardly ever see people on their 20s at church at all
Sorry for ranting, I'm grateful for my life, but I hate how the churches in my area don't have any young Catholics. I got 2 free tickets to a church party, and I can't think of a single girl who could go with me. All the girl friends I know are either married/dating or live too far away... the secular friends I have are single but I don't wanna invite them because I haven't spoken to them in a while since my reversion. I want a true Catholic friend who is single like me to go, I don't have any relatives either.
I disagree with having to stay within a church if you don't feel your partner is there. 1. Church is where 2 or more meet more than just a the Sunday building; 2. You're not robbing a church for moving to another church for a partner. This is a concerning way to think it forces guilt upon people. As long as you are seeking God in obedience he will provide opportunity to work alongside him in building his kingdom. God is everywhere we go not just stagnant; 3. One of Gods first commandments to humankind was to go forth and multiply. Yes Jesus adds onto this by talking about creating Christians who make Christians. But in Genesis this is heavily directed towards creating a family. There is so much deep understanding that God wants to teach us from a family and children; 4. God created woman for man as he knew how much we needed one another. To put God first is to also understand he radically cares about our desires and family is one of them; 5. We are called sojourns in the bible. For we are only temporarily here to focus on eternity yes. But look at Israel, look at the apostles, they planted roots but moved around sharing the gospel. Average mission trip was 3 years. Having a church body is vital each week but our seasons change our church family changes. Our stage of life and moving towards marriage changes. 6. How many bible verses does God talk about understanding our desires and giving us what we need? God talks about marriage and children hundreds of times throughout the bible as being one of those desires that is Godly!!! He created man and woman, he defined marriage, he created child birth.... There's a reason it's such a huge desire for nearly every Christian. Where in the bible does it say to sit still, stay in a church and feel lonely with these God given desires? It doesn't therefore if a season comes upon us where God is pressing into this we should be respondent to it. If you desire a family, do not feel guilty for pursuing a family. God is on your side with this.
I no longer attend church. I know that I am out of step with the Scriptures on this, but I can not keep hearing that all is well when it's not! And sitting among young families with swiggley kids doesn't help either...
What are your thoughts on single dads in church? I was young when I had my kid (17) I had a lot of issues that I was dealing with at that point in my life and I was expected to be a Man at that age when I was just a teenager tried making it work with baby momma but I had a lot issues to work and we both separated due to me not meeting her need as a man (income, maturity) 8 years later I’m a hardworking man with a decent income and skills but getting back with my baby momma is out the picture what would you recommend to people in similar situations??
Really hard situation, but we believe God can redeem us and our circumstances. If you feel in a place where God has turned your life around and you could support another family, go into your future with new maturity and eyes wide open
This is why I go on dating apps. If you are expecting to meet someone through church or social groups, you're living in hope and it might never happen. Time to do something, not just expect a "miracle" which only happens for a few Christians.
Apps are a total joke. Maybe they work for guys but they def do not work for women. I tried for almost two years. Just asking basic questions like how often do you attend church, what does it mean to be a Christian, how does Christianity shape your ethics and literally couldn't find anyone !!!!!!
@@rachelm9350 that sucks to hear. I actually like to ask people pretty soon after matching questions about church, and then hopefully talk about faith after that. A fair few don't really go beyond the church question so I do feel your pain.
So, what' s The point on being part of a comunity then? Yeah I expect to meet Jesús at church but, also people , because if I don't have comunion and spend time with others , what would be The difference between assist and stay Home? people seem to ignore that going to church while You are loooking For your spouse with no luck at all and sorrounded by others that they do it might be Even painful. Seriously I do not blame anyone that considers switch churches to find its spouse.
What about having a home church that you like to meet with Jesus on a Saturday or a Sunday depending on the church and trying different churches to see what other small groups you can get involved with and some being singles groups? So meeting with Jesus on Sunday and sticking with that church to meet with Jesus but trying other churches small groups to find single women? What do you say to that sir?
Im going to my mates church tomorrow, not for to meet women or the fact im single but to see what his church is like compared to mine as im curious to know what he learns at his church
Agree, We should be putting God first not our desires, i have been down this road, just as any other here, for the wrong reason, i have done church hopping in the past, you can try and try if God does not want us to get married then he knows Best his will.👍🙂
I go to the bible, prayer, and worship to spend time with God which I mostly do at home alone, I go to "church" to also praise, worship the Lord but as a congregation with other members of the body of believers aka the Church. The church building provide a location where believers can congregate to fellowship and live life with others believers who share the same values. So we do spend time with the Lord in church but the purpose is to congregate that is what the bible wants us to do, they bible wants us to share our giftings within the body of the Church so I see nothing wrong with someone switching congregations if they are noticing that they are not producing fruits and growing in their relationships with other believers. *someone is not "leaving the Church" if they decide to attend service at a different "church" congregation as all individual "churches". are members of the global Church the bible speaks on, the Church being the body of believers. the entire body of believers not just one church congregation. So a believer changing church congregations is not leaving the Church if they decide to switch church congregations to attend a church more suited to this season in their life. It is ok to fellowship with other brothers and sisters of christ if you are finding your current situation is not producing fruit.
Jesus has always been the center of it all. Who goes to church to meet someone for marriage? It can happen , but don’t see us as selfish believers showing up just cause we want something cause that’s not true. A non believer will not find himself thinking. “Let me go to church and find a mate”. We are already there because we are Christ ‘s. I think it wasn’t well addressed There are Christian singles everywhere. We just need to socialize more because 90% of the time at your church, no one sees you ( really). For me, I do church, work, grocery store, home, repeat cause I have a toddler and I am the only parent. So it’s really hard if not impossible for me to socialize. I tried SALT lately and almost God scammed, so I deleted my account and will just trust God enough to the point of not helping him help me. Just socialize more and travel a bit if you can. Of course pray before ever intentionally heading out cause it can happen anywhere. Good luck to us. ❤ N.B: God is for us. At the end we win 🏆
We absolutely win with Jesus. Sorry about your bad experience on the app, we're in the process of stepping up security on there so if you feel prompted to try again, you might have a different experience
I wasn’t going to comment but I felt compelled to do so. I left my church during the pandemic because there wasn’t a place for singles, nor were singles cared for. I saw that the married couples, children, etc had a group but not singles. I find it very frustrating and annoying that singles are told to fix their eyes on Jesus or serve when the same things are not asked of married couples. Singles have lives as well. Singles are important as well. I don’t feel like singles have a place in the church and I think the question has to be what can we do about this? I don’t see anything wrong with choosing a choice for more options to meet potential mates, but with their being more singles in a particular church that means that you have more people to connect to who understand your season of and the joys and heartbreak that come with them. Married people often look deer caught in headlights when addressing single issues. If I’m being honest, I left my church because I did not want to become bitter and jealous. If I would have stayed there is a strong chance that I would have fallen away. I think this is a complex issue that will take more discussions and people sharing their stories for real change to happen in the church.
Thanks for adding to the conversation. We have another video expressing the idea that singles often feel like second class citizens in the church. We all need to work together to bring a kingdom mentality on this issue
If your church has people you can date, that's a good place to start (provided a breakup wouldn't cause one of you to want to leave the church), but there's so much more to church besides dating that it doesn't make sense for most people to be expected to find their spouse at church. What needs to be happening is for at least one church in an area to offer some sort of event where people in similar life stages can meet each other (whether for dating or for the types of connection that can only exist between people in those life stages), while also encouraging them to keep going to their current church if that's God's will, and they can advertise this event to other churches in the area (and you can find it if you start looking for an event like this or for another church to visit). If you're in this situation, maybe you can talk to your church about whether they might be able to start some sort of event like this (with you helping in whatever ways would be feasible for you).
Who am I going to church to meet? Brothers and Sisters in God? Wait - does your church have a program for teaching and matching women and men from 20 to 27 about wedlock and dynamics of God respecting couples? No? Why not - if you don't teach them nightclubs and biology cravings will Honestly men who are ready to take a wife, should interview church pastors to know how the young women in their flock have been raised their values, if they disagree with the pastor on anything significant biblically, and if the church has the capability to help raise his family or how much does he need to lead the family vs help from mature people in church when things get tough. Plan your lives men! Bible and society make it clear - You decide who you will enter wedlock with, you decide how hard you want to work to raise a family, you are responsible for building character into your son's and daughters.
You make some very good points that offer a place for serious self-reflection and prayer. I only take issue with you last takeaway and this may be the biggest hurdle to overcome. I can’t speak for all churches, but the ones that I have been involved in make it very clear that singles are not welcome in ministry. I can’t speak for single men and am open to correction here, but it seems especially prevalent with single women. Married women are used preferentially in ministry and service. I’ve seen the church be open to single men operating in their gifts and that is wonderful because their energy and drive can be channeled to serve God just as Paul exhorted. But if a single woman volunteers and offers paths for service? Nope. Can’t have that. But it’s amazing how quickly that single woman gets plugged into every aspect of the larger church operation when she gets back form the honeymoon. NOW she’s a real person. It’s amazing how quickly she transforms.
It is lonely being single at every age. I think too many Christians subscribe to the idea that when it comes to relationships such as friendships with other single people and Learning how to find someone to marry, any proactive initiative is considered idolatry. Even if in such a pursuit you are addressing gaps in your social skills and growing in your ability to relate to other people supporting them and being supported by them and encouraging one another. Even if taking initiative in finding relationships strengthens your walk with God they usually find a way to twist that up and gaslight you into believing that you must be committing some "hidden sin" or else you would "just wait until someone else notices you and introduces someone to you" and that if you were really not committing idolatry and if you really trusted God, then you would never even mention that you are interested in marriage. I have see them attempt to match people up like arranged marriages as well as keeping certain people single and then try to manipulate them into accepting it. It is an unrealistic strategy.
Don't go church hopping to find a mate. Churches are generally awful palaces to meet people of the opposite sex who are interested in marriage unless they are single with kids. GO on a missions trip or some other venue which takes you out of the normal comfort zone. You'll meet people from all over the place who like you are searching for something,.
Pastor, I want to ask that the church should be a place to serve and praise GOD. So why do people think it's okay to go to church just to find a date? Dating is not bad, but church is not the place to look for a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you like someone, it would be better to talk after church and respect each other, but let's not forget that either. It’s Not bad. The point here is not at all that they spoil themselves by touching what should not be done before marriage.
Well I made this mistake we try to go for church for every single thing which is not a bad thing but if you don't start going to church and focusing on the relationship with Jesus first then that's where things will go wrong. Because if you're going there and focusing on one aspect of your life like a relationship well you're not really concentrating on Jesus I'm guilty of that. But I've heard from so many people you focus on Jesus and everything will come into line and put the Trust In even it may be hard especially for what you probably been through but I believe it'll happen in the produses first and watch. Don't lose faith is too easy trust me I've been there especially in the relationship Department.
I personally think you can meet Jesus anywhere and church is a place where you go to be with people who believe in the same thing as you so if there are no people at your current church who you can fall in love with and get married then why not move to another church, if you want to move to another church to hopefully meet someone, you can meet Jesus on your bed , in your kitchen, in your car , anywhere, but you can't meet someone to Marry anywhere.
My humble opinion I believe most church buildings make it sound like. Only way too have an interesting life is too be married with kids saying you’re not complete In God until you’re married. On the flip side when you read the Bible it talks about God completing you seek yee first the kingdom of Heaven. The Bible don’t talk a whole lot on being married with kids. Even the majority of disciples we’re single. And family can be your brothers and sisters in Christ not limited to a man and woman married with kids as sone churches try too paint. I’ll say this last thing bruh I forgot too add. As a single 37 year old man I’d rather be single than too be once married to a cheating wife. Least when I’m single I don’t have committing adultery hanging over my head after my wife left me for another man. That’ll be rough sitting at home thinking why can’t I get married again I was faithful she wasn’t. So only way for me too be married again is if my wife came back to me or she passes on. Being single isn’t so bad after all
Kevin, please read Matthew 5:32. If your spouse commits adultery, you have grounds for divorce. But more importantly, why did your mind go to this possibility instead of a happy marriage?
I would not want to be involved with someone who I go to the same church with unless she was like me act like there is no relationship. I just don't like people up in my business and I know girls share a lot more about their relationships especially when it's new and exciting. You should go to a church because God wants you there I say this a someone 40+ never married I go to a church that has about 30 people.
I do agree and disagree. God has blessed a union betweeen man and a woman. God told us to get married and multiply. And a family is the smallest unit of church. But God doesn not deliver your spouse to your door. He is not an ubereats delivery man. I think if you are praying to meet your half, you need to go out and meet people to find the 'one'. Issacs servant travelled a long distace to find Rebecca. God did not deliver Rebecca to Issacs tent. The servant put lot of effort to search and found Rebecca.
Been there done that? But also it is a supply chain issue. It doesn't just have to do with church settings. Even in the secular world as well in most major cities women out number men. It creates a culture where men need not pursue women in any way. They can also be pigs or players without consequence. Women become viewed like a cheap cow. Add in the attitude in the secular world that sex is all that matters, and in the Christian world that your female body is like a cow or oven for babies, and there is no place for the many many single educated women in their late twenties and beyond. Zero place for them. You are too old for Christians and you are not putting out for the secular male. This is the situation many many of my friends find themselves in. They are nice women, many with graduate degrees some want kids, some don't, but no one is interested in them. I even know some that look like models and no one ever asks them out, or very strange "alpha" types just play them!
It's definitely not about dating. It's about not feeling isolated one more time during your week. Body of Christ should be ne the most connected place for everyone. Singles, find a church that is a welcoming community, not for dating but to feel a part of sitting in the pew, at Bible study, etc. and not on the outskirts. It's not good for mental health to be isolated 'again '. Find a church to fellowship with people who connect with you/ you with them, and to worship God. I don't think this poster realizes how isolating the world is today. Single people have a dangerous challenge and I don't mean you need to get married at all-- but your connectivity ought to be deep and fulfilling - because it shouldn't be at the bar where you find your deep connections. Loneliness is an epidemic in America and perhaps many other countries. Find a place you truly belong - with others- whether married or single others, to worship and find healthy fellowship. That's a human need and God wants that filled, no doubt!.
I think you can have it both ways have a home church and seek out other churches that have singles small groups at the same time. So have a home church but seek out other churches also to find a godly man or woman. Proverbs tells us: He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD!! Proverbs 18:22 No man should have to be forced to stay single if you want to find a christian woman to date you can don't leave your home church whereever you go but seek out other churches small groups to find a godly woman. I think my advice is more helpful then his of just suffering, being lonely and not finding a future wife. Solomon who wrote Proverbs I believe had better advice, make God #1 but also seek out godly women to date on top of that. For He or she who finds a husband or a wife finds a blessing and finds favor with the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) it is not either or you can have both. And if you find a godly woman or man that you want to date you find favor with God. God created Adam for Eve and Eve for Adam no man or woman should have to stay single. God created man and woman to find a suitable man and to be fruitful and multiple if you want to have kids nothing wrong with wanting a partner that could end up being your husband or wife later on. It is not right for man or woman to be alone. God made us for each other so men seek out godly women and women seek out godly men to date nothing wrong with that at all.
Singleness, Non-singleness these are all concepts that shouldn't bother anyone in the Church where you go to meet God. Marriage is an institution of God but the Church shouldn't be a place for Married vs Unmarried drama.
I agree with what you are saying. But you and I both know that there is nothing wrong with Pursuing a potential godly spouse. In fact if we are called to manage God specifically commands us to use our gifts for His glory. Yes our focus should be first and foremost on Him and we should be content in Him first. But that really should be a no brainer to us by now. Yes our greatest desire should be for Christ. But that strong desire doesn’t always mean that it supplants our desire for God. That desire needs to be strong for us to pursue it with the intensity it requires. God gives us these desires and feelings for a reason. And he does this for those he has equipped for marriage. He doesn’t give us gifts that we will not use. And He doesn’t do anything halfway. (Singles reading this rest assured in that) There is actually a perceived lack of support for single people in the church and many people can affirm this. No you shouldn’t just leave your church because people your age might not be there. But if you are not finding satisfaction in a that very specific aspect in your life where you are (which is a godly desire by the way) you have the prerogative to visit other churches. Maybe not to join them but to meet other godly people. To pursue righteousness, faith love and peace with them. Calling on the lord out of a pure heart. This would be a mistake if it was done without the guidance of God. If you are trying to take matters into your own hands. Which is always wrong. But what if someone has been praying for it for a long time and they feel led to try a new one out? The soul of the slugard craves but is not satisfied. But the soul of the diligent reaps a bountiful harvest. I would argue in good faith that if a church only caters towards married couples and people with the gift of singleness there are some biases and problems with that church. And since marriage and godly relationships are actually a means to grow in and glorify God through then it is not the wrong idea to change churches if it is done in faith for the right reasons. There is error on both sides here. Not just on the desperate singles side. I hope you can see that the want to meet other godly singles isn’t only for selfish and thereby erroneous reasons. And especially since there are many other means to serve God while also meeting plenty of people your age. (like service projects and community outreach etc)
“However, the Most High does not dwell in temples made with hands, as the prophet says:" (Acts 7:48) "Do you not know that you yourselves are God's temple, and that God's Spirit dwells in you?" (1 Corinthians 3:16) "Thus saith the LORD, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that ye build unto me? and where is the place of my rest?"…( Isaiah 66:1,2) Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father.".........(John 4:21) Scripture is clear that God dwells under the skin of New Testament believers, we go to fellowship at church, home church, cathedral etc, etc,.. to meet other believers who have The Lord God living inside them. The Lord is not sitting in a building waiting to meet anyone-this idea that we go to a building to meet God first is alien to New Testament. "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly." (Matthew 6:6). What a Christian can`t plough the field, sing to the Lord and talk to a future spouse in the same field? What a Christian cannot make friends, talk to God, enjoy Christian community, serve others and find a spouse at church? Are these activities not about The Lord God? If a person has the desire to find a spouse, please go and look for one even if it means leaving your current church, because it is more than likely that The Lord put that desire within you to search for a Christian spouse to bring Him glory. Also you are more likely to find a spouse at a Christian church or event, so don`t think you are putting God second because you are not! "He/she who finds a wife/husband finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22) A healthy church will pray and equip a person in their search for a spouse, and will leave the door of fellowship, friendship and family love open if a Christian brother/sister so wish to return with or without a spouse. Christians are so few and our choices are sometimes limited due to geography and doctrinal belief. May the Lord bless you in your search for a spouse-Peace!
Ummm. Church isn't a place to find a date!!!!! No. Just NO. Being single can be lonely, but the VERY last place I go to, to be hit on, is a church. Go to church to meet God. Start a single's mission group to participate in our mission as a church, and "perhaps" you will meet someone, but it is Not the goal.
So in short, you’re using the Word to shame people into believing that them desiring marriage (something God Created) is the equivalent of idolatry. Interesting 🧐
@@be_salt But again, you're assuming thats whats at the root of it given whats on the title. For the person that wants to meet a Christian spouse, the church is a perfect place to meet them. God Created marriage so one embracing that is not sinful nor does it automatically correlate to idolatry. This is just another shame game being ran. Here's a question for you, are you even married? Do you have a significant other? I ask because there's a big trend of people giving advice to others that they themselves don't even live. Especially in this regard. I would be very iffy about taking marriage and relationship advice from a single person especially one leveling these kind of talking points to shame believers into singleness. If you want to stay single for the rest of your life (assuming you are single) then that's on you. However, your personal convictions are not Scriptural mandates and are strictly between you and Jesus. You can't impose that on anyone else. God bless and peace.
There was a difference in my single life in my 30’s than there was in my 20’s. Too much or too little of anything is bad. If you are deprived of food for 30 days your desire for nourishment will superceed your desire for that daily devotional.
This is awful advice which I would not recommend anybody to follow. Especially older women who are seeking to be married. If you cannot find a husband in your church then it is perfectly okay to visit other churches to find one. The youtuber actually agrees with this point but limits it only to events that will not interfere with your main Sunday service. The big flaw in his argument is that he presents Sunday service as putting God centre. Even if that was true (which it is not), under his logic the woman would still be putting God first by visiting other churches to find a man. This youtuber however, makes a distinction between attending your home church service in priority of another. Then I would ask is Christ is one service and not the other? and what is binding the woman to that place only? Listen to me very carefully women, you will die single and lonely if you do not make the necessary sacrifices to look for a husband. You are not abandoning Christ or your fellowship by looking for a husband in another church and any suggestion that you are is cultish. A church is not a Sunday service but a larger body of believers. I am not saying that you should leave your church to look for a man, I am saying that you should be willing to visit other churches in search for one. Even if that means you stop going to your main Sunday service for a period of time. There is more to say but I think I will leave it here.
"Who am I going to church to meet?" Maybe that is not the right question.
Years ago my wife left and married the man she had had a 2 year affair with. So I raised my daughters by myself. They are in their 30s now and also single. When we are at church, people their age do not talk to them. Only people my age talk to them. I have actually stood back and watched this happen. And this is not an unfriendly Church. The people are very warm and caring.
There are also no single men their age at my church and the single women are older. So what are there prospects for finding a husband here or connecting with women they have anything in common with? Christ is here but the opportunity for strong connection is not.
Stephen Covey said,
"As long as you keep doing what you're doing, you will keep getting the same results." Many times in the scriptures, we are told to wait on God. But don't forget many times in scripture we are told to get up and go.
Did you know, only 2% of Christians are married to a person they met at church? Our church used to have an Adult Singles Ministry but it was not encouraged or supported then was discontinued. I think it was misunderstood that it was a coed Bible study. But it was actually a support group for lonely, hurting, misunderstood people.
I did not believe my daughters when they told me married women avoid talking to single women, until I actually watched it happening. My daughters are not a threat to husbands. Nor are they feminist but they are hard-working women that have little in common with young wives and mothers that make up most of the congregation. When a person shows up with a spouse, they are welcomed on a different level because they fit in.
People tend to connect with people they have something in common with. So part of the problem is not just going to church to find a spouse, but not fitting in as church family. Myself and my daughters are a family. But we do not fit the mold of family in most churches.
Single people did not make this mold. This mold was formed by married people in churches. Half of adults 25 to 75 are unmarried or live alone. It is the largest Mission Field available but is ignored by most churches thus growth tends to be from Young married couples and Families.
I am not disagreeing with anything said in this video. He is correct and this was very informative. However I am pointing out that we may not be addressing the right issues. I recall a statement in a blog where a pastor said,
"I don't want my church to become a dating service". Another pastor responded by saying,
"If you don't want people to meet their future spouse at your church, where would you prefer they meet them? In the world?"
If people are discouraged from eating junk food but there is no healthy food provided, what are they going to do? And how long before they suffer the consequences?
Thanks so much for sharing - and it sounds like a really hard situation. Nick actually did another talk that might speak to this a bit: ua-cam.com/video/sCrJ5o97k94/v-deo.html - it's about how you can feel like a second class christian as a single and how married people are valued above singles in the church.
Really praying for you and your daughters in your community, they could always try our dating app to broaden the scope of people they'll meet....?!
As a fellow young single Christian lady - thank you sir for saying this! ❤️
Sir, you made me cry. Your daughter’s experiences have been my life long experienced as a just-turned-50 single woman who was raised in the church. God may love me, but the church hates me. I wish I could offer advice or encouragement to your daughters, but I can’t and that grieves me. I can only pray for them and offer to them that they are not alone.
Attending church isn't a guarantee that anyone is a Christian. Some people are their for the wrong reasons. The songle people can get involved in mission groups at various churches and may meet someone through building friendships, but regular church isn't a singles event.
@@LeslieMcHugh❤
Why is it that so many married Christians are totally heartless & unsympathetic toward singles?
Toxic wives club!
It's very sad
Mean Girls get religion.
The wives fear that the single women will lure their husbands away!
Darkness in men. Something happens to many Christian men when they reach what the world calls "midlife crisis." They cheat on their wives and often run off with another woman.
I CANNOT WAIT! I am soooo single and there’s no one at church who I would date. They are either married, dating someone else, or not interested in dating.
im in the same position. Yes i understand that one does not go to church to prioritise meeting someone above worshipping God. But it does become a little "lonely" when the Church does talk about marriage and family a lot. not sure about you, but as a single, I do tend to have a habbit of looking at peoples hands (to spot any rings) 😀.
@@ashholland8291 look at hands to spot rings.....🤣🤣🤣 so true
Its difficult to find true believers nowdays
Glad this was a relevant topic
@@oliveribanez waooo Oliver ...i am your follower and i didn't know that you believe in God or Cristhian. I suspected something like that but i was not sure.. whatever God bless you and good your work in UA-cam...
No one talks about how lonely it is being a single early twenties christian, so so lonely especially as a woman - it feels like the church only values you when you are married
It is definitely lonely
Same for us single guys over 30. We don't exist. The only advice we get is to enjoy being single. One reason I don't join a church is the way they treat singles. Everyone is married and all they say is don't idolize marriage. Well they all married so... and it doesn't matter which denomination you go. Only in the most charismatic "churches" are there any single women at all. But then they're 25 to 30 and they won't date guys older than 35. So we have to go to Asia to find someone. I'm old enough to know what I want and I don't feel sorry for wanting a partner. All this nonsense about trying to 3mbrace a bad situation instead of trying to make it better...what if I told the sick people to not seek healing but just be content in their sickness? No thanks. I won't give money to a place that disrespects me on a basic level. I rotate between churches that have good enough teaching and enjoy the free coffee and just like the people I meet pretend to enjoy the ever shallow chatter and then disappear for another week. Churches don't even try to attract single men here. Maybe one event a year. No thanks.
@@Dilley_G45 I understand what you're saying. It's really sad. I have often felt the same way because whenever there's a sermon and they want to give an example of how to handle things they always say sit down with your family, pray with your family, pray with your partner, what about the singles? I've noticed that whenever they give a sermon in most churches they don't refer to singles. They don't talk about the single life at all. It is very difficult.
The fact is God created male and female, we are made is his image and he knows our needs we should pray for his wisdom in all things and be open to his direction for example evangelism and being social Christians for example couples have single friends and the church is for single and families for God says he places the lonely in families the church 🛐 is our spiritual family 👪 relating well to it and God is the beginning of healing in our relationships even as single adults of any age.
I feel the same
“Don’t neglect the gathering of yourselves together” makes it pretty clear that other people are an important reason to go to church. God was in your house before you left it; and He’ll be at the new place with the single people. If it’s a bad church, then you got something more serious to weigh there.
Disagree here.
There is no biblical conjuring that can tell you it's wrong to visit other churches to find a spouse from time to time.
If you fall for that thinking, time start thinking for yourself in my view.
Someone can go to church to meet God AND to find a spouse.
To judge someone's motives as unsound is to judge something we simply don't know.
Thanks for joining in the conversation and offering another viewpoint
Absolutely true!
Not wrong there.
I've seen families leave churches because of a lack of children's activities.
Conservative Christians abandon a governor who shot a dog that needed to be put down. We shoot our wounded. Communists are in lock step on accomplishing their goals and are willing to wait decades for success. Christians get mad at others because they are offended by some minor issues. Then we wonder why the country is going to Hell!
So true, couldn't have come at a better time. I had been feeling exactly like this a couple of months ago and God made me understand this truth when I went to the new church, I am now back in my old church. I also agree with joining in on the fun activities of the neighbouring church like the small groups activities every once a while. Bottomline, I think everyone should pray about such decisions and if you feel God leading you to continue in the new church then go ahead. thanks for this message.
Exactly. Making rules for everyone is what grace saved us from
Thanks for sharing that, hope God is blessing you where you are
I'm committed to my church but I am lonely and don't want to be. I don't know how to be present in the moment anymore. Singleness just ends up being the pinnacle of my thoughts most of the time.
It's a really hard season, so true, may God give you all the strength you need
@@be_saltHi, I don't know if many realize that it's not a ' season' for many
anymore:(
It will be their constant state in life, even though they cry desperately to God for relief from the isolation- because marriage will not come to many in our culture today. And it's declining still. That's why it's a deeper issue than what it used to be ' just a season'. I've watched this the past 20 years with many singles in church still not married. Many people. Good people.
It's getting worse. And I'm a very optimistic person - and also realistic. This issue is happening all around us. It is very dangerous spiritually and mentally for the singles. You can't be a perpetual outsider in church.
so i watched this video as one of those people who do go to church 1) to worship and praise our Lord, but (2) to see and find a potential mate. and yes at times ive prioritised (2) above (1) but as a 34yr old who feels all these things of lonliness and "FOMO" its challenging to not go to Sunday service and forget about being single for that 1hr or 2, but rather still carry that weight especially in a "family and marriage" style commuinty churc. i believe that singles thrive with other singles... i just sometimes feel the church (some, not all) dont "see" singles and the struggles they face daily (some, not all) because they have something that we look for already (family, a spouse, a home)
im trying daily to shift my focus back on Him, and to trust that He knows my needs and will provide...one day
It is really tricky and totally get it - we actually just released a video about the struggles on singleness. Sounds like you're in a good place though looking to Him
AMEN to that!
Amen
I think that ultimately, the only solution is to keep on praying for a spouse and ask some of the closest friends to join you in this prayer. Of course, besides that continue to do the things you want to do and continue to serve the Lord.
This is like a sermon! 😄 So true and deep. My church and small group are of people a lot older than me, and it's a thriving church. I tried "young adult" churches when visiting a different town, but they were mostly cliquey and lacked wisdom. If God wants to lead you to someone, he will, if we remain in faith. (I find the videos too long sometimes, but this was apt for the topic.)
This is me same go to church with older mentors and have been in many young adults groups and nothing ever happens no woman interested in me only one time. All the college groups are cliché
Nick really did go deep
What I do we do/can we do? Singles sites aren’t that helpful. But then also our expectations of the sites it’s always about the photos . When I think of my last girlfriend I met in person- we both would not have connected online but “swiped left” (or equivalent). I think we should swipe right a bit more and become friends first - you never know!
Yeah maybe dating culture needs to change - we are pretty rejecting
I've tried swiping right more but when I ask basic questions about Christianity people can't even answer them. Dating sites don't have Christians they have posers
Over covid i got really fed up with the place i was attending. Ive gone to churches that always have a healthy amount of singles....but rarely do they do anything for them. Not even a singles group. They started elevating marriage next to righteousness. Then they started a singles group. I began to go...then realized it was not for me when their messages began to be about how all singles are time wasters, unfulfilled, should be volunteering more, worse yet the singles group now has married people babysitting us. Literally singles are not allowed to pray alone in a group. Its nonsense. Overall they have begun going into hard complementarian beliefs. I cant support that. There is no place for me as an educated single female. Its exactly what they hate (but wont openly say so - instead you get snide remarks from people). It is so cruel. I dont even feel like i have one Christian friend and i have attended church for 30 years. Im beginning to think "christians" only want cookie cutter families. Not singles. Also every church has more women than men. The men are able to play the field and date girls half their age.. worse yet because they tell everyone kids are the epitome of existence, women are seen as undesirable after about 27..max 30 if you are extra hot. Its no place for someome over 35. You end up being excluded from community.
This is so sad to hear. God definitely has a place for you, if only they could see it. Hope he leads you in what to do next.
Gurl ;( I wish I had a single Catholic friend. I hate being a 3rd wheel.
I wonder if they really WANT all single women over thirty to drop out. They certainly don't care about our souls.
I mean that is unfortunate but it's not a church phenomenon. All women start to struggle with finding men after 30. Men want families, we worked away our 20's establishing ourselves so we could support that family.
@@kinsellakpYes it is. The secular world is more open & accepting of "older" over 30!! 🤪 women. In the church they show their true colors.
For me personally it has been fulfilling to join a church that has outreach ministries for the homeless and others in need. They also have weekly small groups for people at all phases of life.
I am so glad to see people like you speak with wisdom from the word of God.
Amen
This was so perfectly timed.
So glad to hear
So true and well explained. God bless! He is able to provide our needs although we in our human minds think we need to do something about it. Trust that He will make everything beautiful in His time
Amen
Oh my word... this video could not have come at a better time. I've been feeling this a lot lately. Interested to hear what you guys say about this
Glad it was well timed - thanks for joining in the conversation
This was so good! So helpful. Keep our eyes on You, Jesus. You’ll bring the increase. Bless your single sons & daughters with a strong desire for more of you as we ready ourselves to worship together and sit at your table. Connect as you see fit.
such a wonderful video. Thank-you!
Glad you enjoyed it!
As a legally blind man it’s hard for me too find a wife that’ll accept me for who I am despite I don’t have perfect eyesight as she has.
That's really tricky, an extra obstacle to overcome by the grace of God
God is your greatest reward. Bind the devil over that thought because some people were born without limbs and are Married with kids. That doesn’t come from God. She is out there also looking for you and in Jesus name we call her right now.
Being single and over 30 in the church is a depressing place to be! The church has failed single people in meeting their future spouse, it's no wonder more Christians are resorting to online dating apps :/ sad times indeed
Thank you. What a timely video.
You're welcome
Wow!! This is beautiful, spot on and perfectly timed. Thank you 🦋
You are so welcome
This is a profoundly needed video!!!
We agree!
@@be_salt Have a beautiful day! ❤️
I’ve thought of this many times and this video confirms what I believe God has been telling me, thank you.
When you are in a relationship with Jesus, you fall in love with Him. ♡
For guys that’s kinda gay.
Watching AGAIN!!!!
I think it's great where I'm going right now. And I will continue to do that on Sunday mornings. But I do need to find some social outlets very badly here in Austin. I desperately do need that communication and that connection with other singles married couples elderly senior citizens it doesn't really matter. I just need the connection with people. Because church starts and ends and everybody goes to their car and leaves. And that's fine that's what everyone has always done for the most part. I just need to find community and connection so that I can continue to be growing in my faith and in my social skills. I love people. I get so excited when I know I'm going to go and hang out with people.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I wonder if there are any social events you could attend in Austin
@@be_salt I've been trying to figure that out. Although Austin is about 35 mi away. The Lord moved me out into the middle of the country so I don't know what he's up to. I love it out here but I need to find people. 😍🙏
I totally understand that yearning for community and connection. It's kind of where I am right now. I do pray God leads us to the right people
Thank you. I needed this. What you said about people not recognising the signs that showed Jesus being God and King and only caring about the food that met their need resonated with me. As I prayed today I said to God those same things and I apologised that I too am guilty of only seeking him because I am asking for things instead of talking to him for fellowship. I’ve been stuck in a loop in my mind feeling sorry for myself. I don’t want to continue like this.
Amen
Thanks for sharing!!
I attended the zoom discussion on this. Left uninspired. Message seems to be saying stay in your church and serve- like that’s going to find a husband. I agree that you should serve but if the dating pool isn’t there then that isn’t a satisfactory answer in my opinion.
Glad you're joining the conversations - we're not all going to agree
@@be_salt My message above was a little aggressive, born out of frustration. I’m praying that this lack will change soon. 🙏
So beautiful! Thank you!
This made me think a lot... thank you for this, I needed it. God bless you.
Glad it was helpful!
I feel guilty even though you say I shouldn't. Dear pastor Nick, thank you for letting God speak through you! God bless you!
God bless you for speaking up
I have often felt that as a childless single I have nothing to offer the others. That I am not a true member of the Body of Christ. They constantly talk about how women are used by God as wives and mothers and can only please Him by these roles. I don't fit in and at fifty know that I never will. I can never be a true member of Christ's Church.
Your experience resonates with me as another childless single woman who just ticked over fifty. I stopped attending women’s events and conferences long ago because they were just parenting and marriage seminars in disguise. It’s heartbreaking and frustrating to know how little the church values you.
I wonder if those couples at church you mentioned can say they followed your way of thinking.. and how did they meet their spouse? I think we need more videos like that. It's a great video but we don't really ever hear what worked for people.
We have some stories on the channel
Yeah it's funny. People leave Church after high school or latest after uni. Then come back in their late 20s or early 30s with a husband and kids. Wonder where they all meet 😆. But I hardly ever see people on their 20s at church at all
The church is failing to help people meet their spouse! It's no wonder more Christians are resorting to online dating apps :/
This is soo good 👏
Glad you enjoyed it!
So so so good!
Glad you enjoyed
Really great 🙏🏾 thank you
You are so welcome
Sorry for ranting, I'm grateful for my life, but I hate how the churches in my area don't have any young Catholics. I got 2 free tickets to a church party, and I can't think of a single girl who could go with me. All the girl friends I know are either married/dating or live too far away... the secular friends I have are single but I don't wanna invite them because I haven't spoken to them in a while since my reversion. I want a true Catholic friend who is single like me to go, I don't have any relatives either.
For people considering leaving cause of this its usually not the only problem they are having. Its one of a few issues.
I solved the issue of being lonely in church. I left church. I know that is not in alignment with Scripture, but I would rather stay home.
That's sad
@be_salt Perhaps but it doesn't change how I feel.
I disagree with having to stay within a church if you don't feel your partner is there.
1. Church is where 2 or more meet more than just a the Sunday building;
2. You're not robbing a church for moving to another church for a partner. This is a concerning way to think it forces guilt upon people. As long as you are seeking God in obedience he will provide opportunity to work alongside him in building his kingdom. God is everywhere we go not just stagnant;
3. One of Gods first commandments to humankind was to go forth and multiply. Yes Jesus adds onto this by talking about creating Christians who make Christians. But in Genesis this is heavily directed towards creating a family. There is so much deep understanding that God wants to teach us from a family and children;
4. God created woman for man as he knew how much we needed one another. To put God first is to also understand he radically cares about our desires and family is one of them;
5. We are called sojourns in the bible. For we are only temporarily here to focus on eternity yes. But look at Israel, look at the apostles, they planted roots but moved around sharing the gospel. Average mission trip was 3 years. Having a church body is vital each week but our seasons change our church family changes. Our stage of life and moving towards marriage changes. 6. How many bible verses does God talk about understanding our desires and giving us what we need? God talks about marriage and children hundreds of times throughout the bible as being one of those desires that is Godly!!! He created man and woman, he defined marriage, he created child birth.... There's a reason it's such a huge desire for nearly every Christian. Where in the bible does it say to sit still, stay in a church and feel lonely with these God given desires? It doesn't therefore if a season comes upon us where God is pressing into this we should be respondent to it.
If you desire a family, do not feel guilty for pursuing a family. God is on your side with this.
That was a really great alternate perspective - thanks for sharing
I no longer attend church. I know that I am out of step with the Scriptures on this, but I can not keep hearing that all is well when it's not! And sitting among young families with swiggley kids doesn't help either...
What are your thoughts on single dads in church?
I was young when I had my kid (17)
I had a lot of issues that I was dealing with at that point in my life and I was expected to be a Man at that age when I was just a teenager tried making it work with baby momma but I had a lot issues to work and we both separated due to me not meeting her need as a man (income, maturity)
8 years later I’m a hardworking man with a decent income and skills but getting back with my baby momma is out the picture what would you recommend to people in similar situations??
Really hard situation, but we believe God can redeem us and our circumstances. If you feel in a place where God has turned your life around and you could support another family, go into your future with new maturity and eyes wide open
This is why I go on dating apps. If you are expecting to meet someone through church or social groups, you're living in hope and it might never happen. Time to do something, not just expect a "miracle" which only happens for a few Christians.
Thanks - great advice - esp if you're using SALT!
@@be_salt LOL, well I am but also Hinge has been great! Just looking out for the brothers/sisters!
Apps are a total joke. Maybe they work for guys but they def do not work for women. I tried for almost two years. Just asking basic questions like how often do you attend church, what does it mean to be a Christian, how does Christianity shape your ethics and literally couldn't find anyone !!!!!!
@@rachelm9350 that sucks to hear. I actually like to ask people pretty soon after matching questions about church, and then hopefully talk about faith after that. A fair few don't really go beyond the church question so I do feel your pain.
@@trispytreems dating apps are full of scammers. People on those apps either they are using free service or using fake profile
So, what' s The point on being part of a comunity then? Yeah I expect to meet Jesús at church but, also people , because if I don't have comunion and spend time with others , what would be The difference between assist and stay Home? people seem to ignore that going to church while You are loooking For your spouse with no luck at all and sorrounded by others that they do it might be Even painful. Seriously I do not blame anyone that considers switch churches to find its spouse.
Exploring the meaning of community would be a great video
After 9 years single I left the faith.
Oh no, why did that make you leave Jesus?
there's no good reason to leave the faith. Jesus is true regardless of emotions are your experiences
@@be_salt because I was lonley. Now I'm not as lonley.
What about having a home church that you like to meet with Jesus on a Saturday or a Sunday depending on the church and trying different churches to see what other small groups you can get involved with and some being singles groups? So meeting with Jesus on Sunday and sticking with that church to meet with Jesus but trying other churches small groups to find single women? What do you say to that sir?
He endorses that at 11:45
Im going to my mates church tomorrow, not for to meet women or the fact im single but to see what his church is like compared to mine as im curious to know what he learns at his church
Agree, We should be putting God first not our desires, i have been down this road, just as any other here, for the wrong reason, i have done church hopping in the past, you can try and try if God does not want us to get married then he knows Best his will.👍🙂
Thanks for adding this
I go to the bible, prayer, and worship to spend time with God which I mostly do at home alone, I go to "church" to also praise, worship the Lord but as a congregation with other members of the body of believers aka the Church. The church building provide a location where believers can congregate to fellowship and live life with others believers who share the same values. So we do spend time with the Lord in church but the purpose is to congregate that is what the bible wants us to do, they bible wants us to share our giftings within the body of the Church so I see nothing wrong with someone switching congregations if they are noticing that they are not producing fruits and growing in their relationships with other believers.
*someone is not "leaving the Church" if they decide to attend service at a different "church" congregation as all individual "churches". are members of the global Church the bible speaks on, the Church being the body of believers. the entire body of believers not just one church congregation. So a believer changing church congregations is not leaving the Church if they decide to switch church congregations to attend a church more suited to this season in their life.
It is ok to fellowship with other brothers and sisters of christ if you are finding your current situation is not producing fruit.
It's true, you want to see fruit from all the things you're a part of
Jesus has always been the center of it all. Who goes to church to meet someone for marriage? It can happen , but don’t see us as selfish believers showing up just cause we want something cause that’s not true. A non believer will not find himself thinking. “Let me go to church and find a mate”. We are already there because we are Christ ‘s. I think it wasn’t well addressed There are Christian singles everywhere. We just need to socialize more because 90% of the time at your church, no one sees you ( really). For me, I do church, work, grocery store, home, repeat cause I have a toddler and I am the only parent. So it’s really hard if not impossible for me to socialize. I tried SALT lately and almost God scammed, so I deleted my account and will just trust God enough to the point of not helping him help me.
Just socialize more and travel a bit if you can. Of course pray before ever intentionally heading out cause it can happen anywhere. Good luck to us. ❤
N.B: God is for us. At the end we win 🏆
We absolutely win with Jesus. Sorry about your bad experience on the app, we're in the process of stepping up security on there so if you feel prompted to try again, you might have a different experience
I wasn’t going to comment but I felt compelled to do so. I left my church during the pandemic because there wasn’t a place for singles, nor were singles cared for. I saw that the married couples, children, etc had a group but not singles. I find it very frustrating and annoying that singles are told to fix their eyes on Jesus or serve when the same things are not asked of married couples. Singles have lives as well. Singles are important as well. I don’t feel like singles have a place in the church and I think the question has to be what can we do about this? I don’t see anything wrong with choosing a choice for more options to meet potential mates, but with their being more singles in a particular church that means that you have more people to connect to who understand your season of and the joys and heartbreak that come with them. Married people often look deer caught in headlights when addressing single issues. If I’m being honest, I left my church because I did not want to become bitter and jealous. If I would have stayed there is a strong chance that I would have fallen away. I think this is a complex issue that will take more discussions and people sharing their stories for real change to happen in the church.
Thanks for adding to the conversation. We have another video expressing the idea that singles often feel like second class citizens in the church. We all need to work together to bring a kingdom mentality on this issue
If your church has people you can date, that's a good place to start (provided a breakup wouldn't cause one of you to want to leave the church), but there's so much more to church besides dating that it doesn't make sense for most people to be expected to find their spouse at church. What needs to be happening is for at least one church in an area to offer some sort of event where people in similar life stages can meet each other (whether for dating or for the types of connection that can only exist between people in those life stages), while also encouraging them to keep going to their current church if that's God's will, and they can advertise this event to other churches in the area (and you can find it if you start looking for an event like this or for another church to visit). If you're in this situation, maybe you can talk to your church about whether they might be able to start some sort of event like this (with you helping in whatever ways would be feasible for you).
Such great advice
Timely.
Glad to hear
Who am I going to church to meet? Brothers and Sisters in God?
Wait - does your church have a program for teaching and matching women and men from 20 to 27 about wedlock and dynamics of God respecting couples? No? Why not - if you don't teach them nightclubs and biology cravings will
Honestly men who are ready to take a wife, should interview church pastors to know how the young women in their flock have been raised their values, if they disagree with the pastor on anything significant biblically, and if the church has the capability to help raise his family or how much does he need to lead the family vs help from mature people in church when things get tough.
Plan your lives men! Bible and society make it clear - You decide who you will enter wedlock with, you decide how hard you want to work to raise a family, you are responsible for building character into your son's and daughters.
Thanks for adding to the conversation
You make some very good points that offer a place for serious self-reflection and prayer. I only take issue with you last takeaway and this may be the biggest hurdle to overcome. I can’t speak for all churches, but the ones that I have been involved in make it very clear that singles are not welcome in ministry. I can’t speak for single men and am open to correction here, but it seems especially prevalent with single women. Married women are used preferentially in ministry and service. I’ve seen the church be open to single men operating in their gifts and that is wonderful because their energy and drive can be channeled to serve God just as Paul exhorted. But if a single woman volunteers and offers paths for service? Nope. Can’t have that.
But it’s amazing how quickly that single woman gets plugged into every aspect of the larger church operation when she gets back form the honeymoon. NOW she’s a real person. It’s amazing how quickly she transforms.
Wow, I really hope that's not true but sorry if it's true in your church
It is lonely being single at every age. I think too many Christians subscribe to the idea that when it comes to relationships such as friendships with other single people and Learning how to find someone to marry, any proactive initiative is considered idolatry. Even if in such a pursuit you are addressing gaps in your social skills and growing in your ability to relate to other people supporting them and being supported by them and encouraging one another. Even if taking initiative in finding relationships strengthens your walk with God they usually find a way to twist that up and gaslight you into believing that you must be committing some "hidden sin" or else you would "just wait until someone else notices you and introduces someone to you" and that if you were really not committing idolatry and if you really trusted God, then you would never even mention that you are interested in marriage. I have see them attempt to match people up like arranged marriages as well as keeping certain people single and then try to manipulate them into accepting it. It is an unrealistic strategy.
"7 Myths About Singleness" by Sam Alberry brings up some similar points.
Oh, thanks, will take a look
Don't go church hopping to find a mate. Churches are generally awful palaces to meet people of the opposite sex who are interested in marriage unless they are single with kids. GO on a missions trip or some other venue which takes you out of the normal comfort zone. You'll meet people from all over the place who like you are searching for something,.
Pastor, I want to ask that the church should be a place to serve and praise GOD. So why do people think it's okay to go to church just to find a date? Dating is not bad, but church is not the place to look for a boyfriend or girlfriend. If you like someone, it would be better to talk after church and respect each other, but let's not forget that either. It’s Not bad. The point here is not at all that they spoil themselves by touching what should not be done before marriage.
I'm looking or thinking of a church nearby ..
Well I made this mistake we try to go for church for every single thing which is not a bad thing but if you don't start going to church and focusing on the relationship with Jesus first then that's where things will go wrong. Because if you're going there and focusing on one aspect of your life like a relationship well you're not really concentrating on Jesus I'm guilty of that. But I've heard from so many people you focus on Jesus and everything will come into line and put the Trust In even it may be hard especially for what you probably been through but I believe it'll happen in the produses first and watch. Don't lose faith is too easy trust me I've been there especially in the relationship Department.
I personally think you can meet Jesus anywhere and church is a place where you go to be with people who believe in the same thing as you so if there are no people at your current church who you can fall in love with and get married then why not move to another church, if you want to move to another church to hopefully meet someone, you can meet Jesus on your bed , in your kitchen, in your car , anywhere, but you can't meet someone to Marry anywhere.
That's a great alternate perspective, thanks for sharing
You actually carry him everywhere you go. He lives in you!
My humble opinion I believe most church buildings make it sound like. Only way too have an interesting life is too be married with kids saying you’re not complete In God until you’re married. On the flip side when you read the Bible it talks about God completing you seek yee first the kingdom of Heaven. The Bible don’t talk a whole lot on being married with kids. Even the majority of disciples we’re single. And family can be your brothers and sisters in Christ not limited to a man and woman married with kids as sone churches try too paint. I’ll say this last thing bruh I forgot too add. As a single 37 year old man I’d rather be single than too be once married to a cheating wife. Least when I’m single I don’t have committing adultery hanging over my head after my wife left me for another man. That’ll be rough sitting at home thinking why can’t I get married again I was faithful she wasn’t. So only way for me too be married again is if my wife came back to me or she passes on. Being single isn’t so bad after all
You're right, that would be bad
Kevin, please read Matthew 5:32. If your spouse commits adultery, you have grounds for divorce. But more importantly, why did your mind go to this possibility instead of a happy marriage?
😢
I go to chruch to meet God if I dint meet anyone at church I know God will bless me with someone else I guess
Amen
I would not want to be involved with someone who I go to the same church with unless she was like me act like there is no relationship. I just don't like people up in my business and I know girls share a lot more about their relationships especially when it's new and exciting. You should go to a church because God wants you there I say this a someone 40+ never married I go to a church that has about 30 people.
you're not supposed to go to church just to find a mate. you're not supposed to go to a singles event just to find a mate.
I do agree and disagree. God has blessed a union betweeen man and a woman. God told us to get married and multiply. And a family is the smallest unit of church. But God doesn not deliver your spouse to your door. He is not an ubereats delivery man. I think if you are praying to meet your half, you need to go out and meet people to find the 'one'. Issacs servant travelled a long distace to find Rebecca. God did not deliver Rebecca to Issacs tent. The servant put lot of effort to search and found Rebecca.
Great wisdom
Wish i had a servant like Issac to search far and wide for a wife for me 🤣🤣🤣.
But what about a man like me who is legally blind? Finding a Christian woman who accepts me even I don’t have perfect eyes as she does is hard
The spirit of God lives in you. That’s proof you understand the Bible.
Been there done that? But also it is a supply chain issue. It doesn't just have to do with church settings. Even in the secular world as well in most major cities women out number men. It creates a culture where men need not pursue women in any way. They can also be pigs or players without consequence. Women become viewed like a cheap cow. Add in the attitude in the secular world that sex is all that matters, and in the Christian world that your female body is like a cow or oven for babies, and there is no place for the many many single educated women in their late twenties and beyond. Zero place for them. You are too old for Christians and you are not putting out for the secular male. This is the situation many many of my friends find themselves in. They are nice women, many with graduate degrees some want kids, some don't, but no one is interested in them. I even know some that look like models and no one ever asks them out, or very strange "alpha" types just play them!
It's definitely not about dating. It's about not feeling isolated one more time during your week. Body of Christ should be ne the most connected place for everyone. Singles, find a church that is a welcoming community, not for dating but to feel a part of sitting in the pew, at Bible study, etc. and not on the outskirts.
It's not good for mental health to be isolated
'again '.
Find a church to fellowship with people who connect with you/ you with them, and to worship God.
I don't think this poster realizes how isolating the world is today. Single people have a dangerous challenge and I don't mean you need to get married at all-- but your connectivity ought to be deep and fulfilling - because it shouldn't be at the bar where you find your deep connections.
Loneliness is an epidemic in America and perhaps many other countries.
Find a place you truly belong - with others- whether married or single others, to worship and find healthy fellowship. That's a human need and God wants that filled, no doubt!.
Am single to I want to join the site
That's great - we've replied to a separate message
I think you can have it both ways have a home church and seek out other churches that have singles small groups at the same time. So have a home church but seek out other churches also to find a godly man or woman. Proverbs tells us: He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD!! Proverbs 18:22 No man should have to be forced to stay single if you want to find a christian woman to date you can don't leave your home church whereever you go but seek out other churches small groups to find a godly woman. I think my advice is more helpful then his of just suffering, being lonely and not finding a future wife. Solomon who wrote Proverbs I believe had better advice, make God #1 but also seek out godly women to date on top of that. For He or she who finds a husband or a wife finds a blessing and finds favor with the LORD. (Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV) it is not either or you can have both. And if you find a godly woman or man that you want to date you find favor with God. God created Adam for Eve and Eve for Adam no man or woman should have to stay single. God created man and woman to find a suitable man and to be fruitful and multiple if you want to have kids nothing wrong with wanting a partner that could end up being your husband or wife later on. It is not right for man or woman to be alone. God made us for each other so men seek out godly women and women seek out godly men to date nothing wrong with that at all.
Singleness, Non-singleness these are all concepts that shouldn't bother anyone in the Church where you go to meet God. Marriage is an institution of God but the Church shouldn't be a place for Married vs Unmarried drama.
I agree with what you are saying. But you and I both know that there is nothing wrong with Pursuing a potential godly spouse. In fact if we are called to manage God specifically commands us to use our gifts for His glory. Yes our focus should be first and foremost on Him and we should be content in Him first. But that really should be a no brainer to us by now. Yes our greatest desire should be for Christ. But that strong desire doesn’t always mean that it supplants our desire for God. That desire needs to be strong for us to pursue it with the intensity it requires. God gives us these desires and feelings for a reason. And he does this for those he has equipped for marriage. He doesn’t give us gifts that we will not use. And He doesn’t do anything halfway. (Singles reading this rest assured in that) There is actually a perceived lack of support for single people in the church and many people can affirm this. No you shouldn’t just leave your church because people your age might not be there. But if you are not finding satisfaction in a that very specific aspect in your life where you are (which is a godly desire by the way) you have the prerogative to visit other churches. Maybe not to join them but to meet other godly people. To pursue righteousness, faith love and peace with them. Calling on the lord out of a pure heart. This would be a mistake if it was done without the guidance of God. If you are trying to take matters into your own hands. Which is always wrong. But what if someone has been praying for it for a long time and they feel led to try a new one out? The soul of the slugard craves but is not satisfied. But the soul of the diligent reaps a bountiful harvest. I would argue in good faith that if a church only caters towards married couples and people with the gift of singleness there are some biases and problems with that church. And since marriage and godly relationships are actually a means to grow in and glorify God through then it is not the wrong idea to change churches if it is done in faith for the right reasons. There is error on both sides here. Not just on the desperate singles side. I hope you can see that the want to meet other godly singles isn’t only for selfish and thereby erroneous reasons. And especially since there are many other means to serve God while also meeting plenty of people your age. (like service projects and community outreach etc)
Thanks for adding to the conversation
“However, the Most High does not dwell in temples made with hands, as the prophet says:" (Acts 7:48)
"Do you not know that you yourselves are God's temple, and that God's Spirit dwells in you?" (1 Corinthians 3:16)
"Thus saith the LORD, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that ye build unto me? and where is the place of my rest?"…( Isaiah 66:1,2)
Jesus said to her, “Woman, believe Me, the hour is coming when you will neither on this mountain, nor in Jerusalem, worship the Father.".........(John 4:21)
Scripture is clear that God dwells under the skin of New Testament believers, we go to fellowship at church, home church, cathedral etc, etc,.. to meet other believers who have The Lord God living inside them. The Lord is not sitting in a building waiting to meet anyone-this idea that we go to a building to meet God first is alien to New Testament. "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly." (Matthew 6:6). What a Christian can`t plough the field, sing to the Lord and talk to a future spouse in the same field? What a Christian cannot make friends, talk to God, enjoy Christian community, serve others and find a spouse at church? Are these activities not about The Lord God?
If a person has the desire to find a spouse, please go and look for one even if it means leaving your current church, because it is more than likely that The Lord put that desire within you to search for a Christian spouse to bring Him glory. Also you are more likely to find a spouse at a Christian church or event, so don`t think you are putting God second because you are not!
"He/she who finds a wife/husband finds a good thing,
And obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22)
A healthy church will pray and equip a person in their search for a spouse, and will leave the door of fellowship, friendship and family love open if a Christian brother/sister so wish to return with or without a spouse.
Christians are so few and our choices are sometimes limited due to geography and doctrinal belief. May the Lord bless you in your search for a spouse-Peace!
While this is all true, sometimes we idolise finding a spouse
Ummm. Church isn't a place to find a date!!!!! No. Just NO. Being single can be lonely, but the VERY last place I go to, to be hit on, is a church. Go to church to meet God. Start a single's mission group to participate in our mission as a church, and "perhaps" you will meet someone, but it is Not the goal.
No need to go looking in a church service for a date, we have salt now
Haha amen!
Its better visit another church than visit another religion hahahha
So in short, you’re using the Word to shame people into believing that them desiring marriage (something God Created) is the equivalent of idolatry. Interesting 🧐
Depends whether that desire is above God. It was definitely not our intention to shame
@@be_salt But again, you're assuming thats whats at the root of it given whats on the title. For the person that wants to meet a Christian spouse, the church is a perfect place to meet them. God Created marriage so one embracing that is not sinful nor does it automatically correlate to idolatry. This is just another shame game being ran. Here's a question for you, are you even married? Do you have a significant other?
I ask because there's a big trend of people giving advice to others that they themselves don't even live. Especially in this regard. I would be very iffy about taking marriage and relationship advice from a single person especially one leveling these kind of talking points to shame believers into singleness. If you want to stay single for the rest of your life (assuming you are single) then that's on you. However, your personal convictions are not Scriptural mandates and are strictly between you and Jesus. You can't impose that on anyone else. God bless and peace.
There was a difference in my single life in my 30’s than there was in my 20’s. Too much or too little of anything is bad. If you are deprived of food for 30 days your desire for nourishment will superceed your desire for that daily devotional.
This is awful advice which I would not recommend anybody to follow. Especially older women who are seeking to be married.
If you cannot find a husband in your church then it is perfectly okay to visit other churches to find one.
The youtuber actually agrees with this point but limits it only to events that will not interfere with your main Sunday service.
The big flaw in his argument is that he presents Sunday service as putting God centre.
Even if that was true (which it is not), under his logic the woman would still be putting God first by visiting other churches to find a man.
This youtuber however, makes a distinction between attending your home church service in priority of another. Then I would ask is Christ is one service and not the other? and what is binding the woman to that place only?
Listen to me very carefully women, you will die single and lonely if you do not make the necessary sacrifices to look for a husband.
You are not abandoning Christ or your fellowship by looking for a husband in another church and any suggestion that you are is cultish.
A church is not a Sunday service but a larger body of believers.
I am not saying that you should leave your church to look for a man, I am saying that you should be willing to visit other churches in search for one. Even if that means you stop going to your main Sunday service for a period of time.
There is more to say but I think I will leave it here.
Thanks for adding to the conversation
@@be_salt Thanks for allowing the comment to stay.