30 Essential Ideas you should know about ADHD, 8D The Importance of Being Proactive
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- Опубліковано 20 сер 2014
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Transition Planning
Positive and Negative Reinforcement
Review the system out loud with your kid, when he makes a mistake help him figure out where he messed up for his sake, and then shut up. You are wanting to help the kid establish hindsight, you are not trying to beat him over the head for it is in the past, and there is only so much hindsight you can instill into an ADHD person for it is not knowledge, it is the use of knowledge in everyday life.
Behavior Monitoring Card
Token Reward System, making it into a currency makes it easier to consistently do and it is easier to make the ADHD person realize these points which you get instantly can be converted into long term rewards. It is now like a video game.
Reactive Parenting works worse, and it is more stressful.
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Funny. The Doctor is talking about ADHD and breaking big things up into smaller pieces, and whoever is running this channel has broken this long video into bite-sized pieces of 10 mins or less. 👍😀
This channel is the parent we all need!
This exactly! Made me grind through the whole series instead of unavoidably dropping it
Yes, though unfortunately they've front-ended every single title with the same dentical phrase, so when conducting a UA-cam search for them, UA-cam truncates the title to just the first few words, so it's impossible to tell which order they come in, or that in fact there's any difference between one video and the next.
For years, I thought there was only 1 video with 30 essential ideas in it, not realising there were 30 _different_ videos all with almost identical thumbnails. Bad bit of planning there. 🙄
@@221b-Maker-Street It's all one playlist though. It does still rely on the viewer knowing some of the ins and outs of youtube function.
Why is there only 27 videos in the playlist I'm watching?
But how does an adhd adult do this for themselves?
This ^^
The only things I can think of are:
1.) Have a significant other that understands your disorder and is willing to put up with it to offer rewards and punishments (kind of like a romantic parent in a way). Sexual rewards, while taboo, can be extremely incentive for the ADHD mind, especially if your SO restricts your ability to masterbate with some type of Chasity device. Yes, this is extremely taboo, but effective. Longer periods of time without sexual stimulation will make you more desperate to receive said sexual stimulation, meaning you will do your tasks if it means you can satisfy that need.
2.) Having a strong support system of friends and family that understand your disorder that make you tend to your goals with the fear of social consequence and they can offer the rewards of praise or even money/gifts for achieving goals.
I created a weekly template with all awake hours (for me). I record what I do. I keep it to be specific. Break, snack coffee, clean desk, plan tomorrow, work on email, work on proposal, got distracted outside on the garden, fell into an infinity pool, wake up, went to bed. Because I'm working from home due to covid, I have the sheet at my desk.
Do an Eisenhower matrix for tasks, measuring importance versus urgency... But I find almost every planned is urgent an important.... So then I use a prioritization matrix. Difficulty versus impact. Difficult based on what I feel not what other people think.
If a task is easy, and high impact - it's an easy win.
If the task is difficult and high impact - you need to break it down to easier smaller bite sized tasks consider it as a project, write out all the steps ( I do this for returning Amazon orders into 5 steps)
If it's low impact, and easy - it's a lower priority.
If it's low impact and difficult - find a friend, break it down, reframe it, maybe it's not necessary.
Things that take YOU a long time - but not for others (reading) I recommend a stopwatch timer ( per page.) You want an aimed timer measurement of 2-5 minutes per thing.
@@shadowxgaming4247 Wtf? lmao
@@shadowxgaming4247 Thank you :>
@@AM.000I'll definately try this ^-^
And as far as asking my children's friends parents to fill out cards for me about their behavior at their house, that's a great way to make sure my kid doesn't end up with any friends. I could imagine the lovely conversation that would ensue at the PTA meeting or the Girl Scouts meeting. I would then be known as "The Helicopter Parent from Hades."
Children need some time in the day when they can be unorganized. When they can be themselves in a safe unstructured environment. Kids need to have fun. If an ADHD child is having goal oriented fun, they are learning. Team sports, in particular, come to mind. As long as the fun is constructive and safe. I trust those other people to make it that way if I don't I won't allow my child to participate in that activity or hang out with that friend. End of story
"We live in a largely democratic world where the free exchange of ideas is valued. "
And yet you tell a person to go "fuck herself" calling her a "pretentious bitch" and "nazi" when she expressed her opinion....
you come across very pretentious yourself and the way you write doesn't sound like something you'd encounter in the "intellectual community".
For unstructured time, let him play in the woods or at the beach or something. Dont expect him to sit patiently at a cub scouts meeting, he isnt learning or having fun lol
Those cards at school were humiliating and othering especially in the few cases I was allowed to participate in mainstream classes. They never felt like "accountability" it was just a Bad Child Sheet. And I quickly grew to associate them with corporal punishment and being forced to fawn to protect myself.
@Plasmafox I'm sorry that happened to you. People see a disorganized/dysregulated child and they want to create even more complex systems to box them into a corner. My kid had these 3 "blurt beans" velcroed to her desk at school and she was supposed to give one to her teacher every time she interrupted in class. It was an exercise in humiliation and- it was also an extra step. They just made the structure MORE complicated for someone with adhd. It also causes the kid to tune out so they dont interrupt. They are going to raise a generation of absolutely neurotic and dysfunctional ADHD people with this stuff. You have to SIMPLIFY systems to make them work for people with adhd. I deal with my own adhd by being a minimalist.
Obviously You are a great guy with good intentions, but , you fail to see that the most important thing in order to get compliance from an ADHD kid is to make the activity fun that isn't necessarily giving them stupid rewards all the time sometimes it can be as simple as doing your homework with a fountain pen. if you change it up all the time the novelty will maintain their attention.
The use of the term "consequences" over the course of this video is being misunderstood here. When Dr. Barkley talks about spreading consequences throughout the whole of a task, a consequence may refer to something that makes the task more fun or exciting as well as disciplinary action for when the task is not being completed. I think this is where the misunderstanding is coming into play. I'd like to hear more about the rewards that you have used for you children because I bet that lots of people will benefit from hearing. Just as Dr. Barkley stated in his previous videos, the effectiveness of these consequences for particular children is discovered through trial and error. The more stuff people have to try, the more effective solutions individual parents will come up with for their own children. Thank you for the input and by the way, I'm ADHD as well
maybe one could add that when pedagogues speak about "consequences", they don't speak about "punishment". A consequence is a "natural" result of the situation. A punishment is "artificially" added to the situation.
So, if the plan for the day is to go to the playground, to bath, to have a bedtime story and then to go to bed on time, and your child ends up dawdling to go home from the playground, what happens is, that it takes the bath (that's necessary) and afterwords it's already time for bed. The consequences of dawdling would be that there's no time left for things that are not essentially necessary like the bedtime story.
A punishment would be, that for dawdling at the playground, you prohibit your child to watch TV the next day. Watching TV has nothing to do with the dawdling situation. It's artificially added to the situation.
Another thing to add is that positive reinforcement (like praise or rewards) are more effective than negative things, as of science.
Brilliant talk. But please, show me a parent with ADHD (or any parent) having the discipline to stick to those evaluation cards. Well, maybe a parent with Asperger...
For anyone having a child in highschool with ADHD who panics during exams and tests because of the amount of pages/questions and they freeze because of the overwhelming idea of having to finish all these pages/questions in time => Ask the school to print out every question on a different page and let the teacher only give 5 pages at the time. In my case this little adaption did wonders
0.33 Lol my grandma has been watching tv 6-8 hour for many decades, It can be heard from all rooms
Do you have an example of the cards that we can use ?
What if people are evaluating the child’s disability as a misbehavior- when the child doesn’t recognize for example, that the class has shifted to a new subject as quickly as the rest of the students so therefore the child is “off task” for small periods of time during transitions that add up. I can see a child’s self esteem being damaged by the reward system depending on the teacher/individual rewarding the child if that caregiver or teacher does not fully understand adhd and the child’s abilities and limitations.
This is more of an issue with the teacher. You will always have faster/slower children, regardless of ADHD. I remember back in school that the teacher automatically said my name over time evrytime they shifted to a new subject, and I was gratefull for them doing so haha otherwise I would've been 2 subjects behind when I noticed the guy next to me was pulling out the book for the 5th subject hahaha :) In the evaluation is eventually done by a parent, a teacher might always give a 3 on 5 points and the parent might say "That's from that teacher? And for that behaviour (when written down by them), that's still a 5" Hope this helps :)
It's not just self esteem, those "off task" points add up to being locked in an isolation room and then made to apologize for it. Any resistance at any point results in violent restraint. It just becomes corporal punishment- child abuse.
@@Nicogs I was in 3 different schools' special ed, a group home, a day treatment "school", two institutions and it was the same at all of them. It's not one teacher or one facility, this is the pattern at all of them. Teachers that care and help are a minority, and burn out quickly. For everyone else, you're just willful and misbehaving and need to be punished.
This guy has some good ideas, but he has a really sad view of adhd kids. Our whole lives we're made to feel like we're not enough. Having parents that love and accept us faults and all I so important. Let us make mistakes, you can't watch your children all the time, it's not healthy. Give us responsibility, expect more of us, but don't berate us every time we fail. We get that in all areas of our life in this competitive, compliant world. Parents just need to love and accept us
I think the problem is there's a difference between holding someone accountable and berating, and most people think they're the same thing. It's a fine line, mind you, but I absolutely think the ideal for an ADHD kid is responsibility, high expectations, and accountability but without pestering, nagging, berating... I just think unless you care a lot as a parent to try to straddle that line, usually it tips over into not caring anymore or into being too critical.
Essentially, expect more from the kid, and support them each time they fail. Figure out what's going wrong, as he says often in his videos, build the scaffolding that prevents falling. But that's how I see what he's saying. I think he's trying to encourage parents to develop resilient kids instead of ones that are made to feel they're not enough, by tackling it at the root, the ADHD kid who hasn't yet gone through these types of experiences, and changing the narrative.
Did you watch the whole series? He exactly points this out. The idea is to accept the things you will have a harder time to do as a normal human being and adapt to it. If you are far sighted, you accept it, and wear glasses. Your eyes aren't enough. You can't always wear your glasses, and you probably will run in to a wall while going to the bathroom at night. But when you drive, you have to adapt to reach the same results as a normal sighted person. The same thing is what Dr. Barkley describes but instead of far-sighted, it's ADHD. The problem is that the mistakes made by children with ADHD can have severe consequences for others, and themselves, in another video of this presentation he suggests having a time to check up on your kid every X time. "We get that in all areas of our life in this competitive, compliant world." => true and you will have a harder time to achieve the same levels as someone without ADHD, he is suggesting to put in that extra work so that you can get to that point, instead of just "accepting it" and not taking action on it
Speaking as the ADHD parent, this system is rediculous. My kids both have adhd, so do myself and husband, and this would NEVER happen in our house. Accountability, sure, but this is micromanagement and the real world doesn't operate this way. the complexity of this system is too much for people with ADHD to maintain. You can teach kids to give themselves incentives. I wrote my masters thesis by periodically rewarding myself with chocolate for staying seated and focused. At the end of a good day of solid work, I'd have wine, beer or icecream. if I didn't work on the thesis I didn't get the treat. I got an A on the thesis.
How did you stop yourself from rewarding yourself even if you didn't fully succeed? I find the temptation unbearable and I can't focus, because I'm thinking about the reward too much!
Same! If I succeed? Chocolate and wine. If I fail? Chocolate and wine. Your theory is good but it wont work in practice
I agree with all the commentators in this thread - self-accountability doesn't work very well to most people with ADHD - you, of course, may be an exception to this rule, but most of us cannot resist the temptation of stimulation if there isn't anything stopping us from cheating the system. If we have candy and we are only supposed to eat it if we finish an assignment, we will just eat the candy and not finish the assignment.
@@shadowxgaming4247 The comments are showing exactly why every plan has to be customised to the individual. The principle is the same (reinforce a desired behavior) but how it looks like for each person will be different.
@@shadowxgaming4247 This was my problem with Habitica! I liked it at first, but pretty soon I bit off more than I could chew, and it got overwhelming, and more penalizing (guilt) than motivating (pleasure/completion), as I didn't have enough spoons to do every thing every day (or even to remember the things, or to remember to log in daily). So I wound up making some rewards, that included watching TV shows... yet I'd trigger the reward for one episode and there went my night with many episodes. And I made a reward that was basically just "pay X to say you did all your tasks" (so I wouldn't get penalized by the system), and the price point was off so it just went downhill from there.
I mean I still recommend giving it a shot, but I don't think it works for me because of that lack of ability to hold myself accountable on a regular basis. Having some external means of accountability is so, so important! Having someone who can help you with your accountability is crucial, but so many of us don't have someone like that in our lives -- or the ones in our lives who *could* fill that role don't understand our issues or don't take them seriously or don't bother helping out that way. It's frustrating.
I am a 1 person society. You’ll just passing through