The Trauma of Infidelity Will Make You Do What You Never Thought You Would Do
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- Опубліковано 9 вер 2024
- Samuel shares insight in today's video on how infidelity can seemingly drowns it's victims.
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
Most hurtfull,destructive experience ever,a rollacoaster of emotions.
true, that is the worst for destroying your self-esteem, destroying your trust because it is done by the person you love so much
Totally agree!!!! I'm currently dealing with this! :(
🙏🏻 I’m sorry we are all going through this
Many thanks, I have been researching "heal after affair" for a while now, and I think this has helped. Ever heard of - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (Have a quick look on google cant remember the place now ) ? Ive heard some super things about it and my m8 got great success with it.
I wish I had a success story but I don’t! He pushed me further away with how he handled the affair. The trauma I’ve experienced is like no other and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Thanks for the video because it sums how I feel up perfectly.
you're very welcome. i'm sorry for the pain of it all. i know it's devastating. i'm confident you can heal though and keep going forward in life.
I feel like if a person reacts badly to their trauma it should be expected. The other person did the nasty deed of cheating.
ive only gotten worse in the past few years, unfortunately. though im kinda envious of those who are able to recover and come out of this rebuilt, im still happy for them. however, i just want people to remember that, in reality, not all of us are so lucky so please still try to understand or show empathy to those of us who are changed forever.
So true. It takes 2 to get through the process.
I feel your pain :(
It's been a year n 2 months n I'm still at the bottom, its complete hell on earth, I keep wanting answers, I will never understand why, I cry so much n often, I wish it would just go away but I don't think it ever will.........I still can't look at myself in the mirror without breaking down into tear...I wish no one would ever feel this way n I am truly sorry you are......
@@veronicad8742 4 years here, agony. He is breadwinner,,nice person, just never talked about it.
@@veronicad8742 me too
I’m in a new relationship and I have been experiencing terrible hyper-vigilance and intrusive thoughts about infidelity and betrayal. It’s soul crushing because he isn’t my ex- this is supposed to be about us building something new. But here I am feeling so stuck in past trauma
Easy to say when you're the cheater. It's not so easy when you are the cheated on.
I am the one cheated on.
It is easy to say for us too.
Dwelling and ruminating will only, and I mean ONLY lead to more pain. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over yourself. For the sake of your relationship. If you dwell, the pain will swell.
Oh and FYI, I just found out 3 weeks ago. Be better.
23 years later and i still have intrusive thoughts.
I get angry then blame myself I feel the fool and inadequate I want things to be better but it's hard to forget nor forgive
thanks for posting eddie. this article will help you: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/forgiving-infidelity-not
Eddie p well you have to realize what the other person did to you has nothing to do with you but a lot about themselves, that person has something they lack with them or probably don’t love themselves to begin with. This is the time for you as a person to rediscover you’re self worth this isn’t the end but think of the trauma as a transcending Of yourself to a new beginning and a fresh start something that I think a lot of us can have.
@@robertjazz3613 lies. Cheaters cheat for a reason usually unhappy in a relationship as that person sucks like life out of them. I was cheated on and deserved it . I became a better person from it
@thepenetrator2006 lol. Sad. But very few people are completely happy with their partner to be honest. The commitment and agreement is to be true and honest and at least not betray otherwise why be exclusive or marry. Ppl cheat because their moral fortitude is low and they will choose the lowest way to deal with issues typically exist for the both partners. No one can make u choose or force u to cheat. If you excuse this just say you justify cheating. There's a choice, get the heck out or be an a hole and cheat.
I can’t believe this is happening to my marriage after 23 years and for the most part 19 years of us being best friends. Thank you for all your videos you are helping me cope to the best ability that I can. You are all such a blessing.
you're very welcome. im glad you found the videos and they are helping you. it's a tough road so go easy on yourself but get the best help possible. look at affair recovery.com for great support, articles, videos and more. it will be a safe place you can trust for help and healing.
This describes 2 people who are both willing to do the work. It's not helpful where the betrayer makes little effort
There is no REAL GOOD payoff for infidelity. Thank you for teaching from the inside
I made him leave , and no contact, that alcoholic, narcissistic , player, 3.5 months later, I have anxiety and depression, etc.. :(
It’s been 6 months since it happened
She came and took him away. Yes, a few days after we got back together. They don’t talk to each other at all since he came back, but I think about it everyday.
I can’t get over it.
you'll need recovery work my friend. you'll need to get help and support to get through it. it's possible, but not easy and if you're doing it alone, be sheer raw grit and strength it's even harder. here is a course you can take: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope and here is a scholarship link should funds be tight right now: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request
5 years later and right after she had completely changed for the better for us but the trauma feels worse than the first few years after finding out. Don’t know why but I’m trying.
I’m about to take the harboring hope course. I fear this betrayal will hurt forever. I’m living in HELL
Made me reject dating and intimate relationships all together.
Normal reaction in the immediate aftermath. But if you let it be your permastate you're depriving your future life just because you happened to attatch to a wrong person. I wont let one dude dictate my future life in that way.
That’s where I am right now.
My husband and I have been married almost 6 years. We have three young children and he works two jobs and I do in home daycare. We do not get much free time or time together and we definitely have let our relationship take a back seat. I found out this week that he slept with someone. A random person from a bar. He got wasted and left with her and they had sex. And I am devastated. I have never felt this type of pain. He is the nicest, kindest person and I’ve NEVER imagined this could happen. Ever. But now I don’t know what to do. He has moved into his parents for now. Our kid’s don’t know what’s happening but they know something is off. I am just unsure how to ever let it go.
How are you doing?
I hope you are okay but at least there was no relationship and he was compromised and not intentional. I hope you don’t feel I am minimizing your pain, but I honestly would take your situation vs mine where he admitted to developing feelings for the other and possibly having a soul tie and feeling like he doesn’t have closer…😳
A boat full of emotions making you feel to leave while living in the cruel world where the betrayer just wants to enjoy giving more and more pain. 😢 10 years of the love just thrown away by a one day stranger.
I also wish I had a success story. But my ex didn’t want to work on fixing our marriage. He blindsided me when I came home from work one day by telling me he was in love with an old friend of his. He said he’d loved her for 40 years!!! We had been married for 38 years and together for 39 years. So he left me for the other woman and never looked back. The divorce was finalized 11 months later. Guess he’s happy now but I’m still shell shocked.
i'm terribly sorry. take care of you and find help for your own healing and trauma.
No it is not ten inches of water!!! It is the deepest water!! 😢😢😢
That last part hit home so much. I feel like it’s a huge barrier and sends me pushing myself away
My husband has cheated with his ex over the 8 years we've been married. When I found out he apologized but he did it again . I forgave him the first time but now it's happened again. I don't trust him now that he's saying it's over for good.
wow, 8 years and then a relapse. I'm terribly sorry. you absolutely need expert help friend. i would tell him he needs to come to the ems weekend with you asap: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend he will be with experts there who have been through it personally and are therapists with up to 33 years experience treating it. it may save his life and your marriage. anything less than that may not work my friend.
I'm on wrong video. Teaching cheaters. How should I move forward as a cheatie? One who has been cheated on . My thoughts right now are two options. You lie tell me it never happened I replace the knowledge with that. Excepting my role in the infidelity. Never speak of it again. Or I lie to you forgive you hold it over your head forever. Yup thanks for listening.
Of course a cheater would minimize trauma. As a man who’s in fact the betrayed it’s really hard to listen to you bro
I am ok , unless I get a reminder from a song or something someone might say. That brings the memory back .
Same here either a song or someone says something
Drowning victim is good analogy, and not to make light of this sometimes terrifying event... but as a person of faith, I never thought I would be so baptized. I am the betrayed, wildcat. The unfaithful hold a preserver if they commit to casting it rightly. Even if they don't there is LIVING WATER.
I'm 2 weeks after discovery...I thought we got a game plan going but today I'm all distraught all over again. Crying, withdrawn, angry, hopeless..... normal? Are these swings normal? Just feeling alone...
at two weeks...absolutely normal. are you getting any kind of help? try the free bootcamp asap: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp
Tell me about it.. A complete rollercoaster of emotions.. You think you're handling it pretty well one day, just to feel hopeless the next day.. Real life challenge, especialy when you have to deal with other everyday issues and have kids on top of that.. But we have to be strong and not give up. Good luck on your recovery and I hope you do well.
It’s different for everyone
You are a lucky man that Samantha is still with you..i have just had my partner do this to me you are right i lash out not in a physical way But I'm not the same as i was .he is trying and he is giving time he dose listen. . I will be honest when i see that selfish side come out i do cut him back down. (Words) because that is sets me off seeing the greedy side of him . Im still with him and will be if he keeps trying. Your videos did make him see what he has done thank you both for your story's
I forgive but I don't forget.
I will never forgive nor forget
Your videos are always so helpful, I have been gaining a lot of knowledge and understanding from them. The only thing I don’t know how to manage is the verbal abuse from the betrayed. I know the anger and rage needs to be expressed but when will the verbal abuse stop? It was an issue prior to the affair and now it is the worst it’s ever been because of my actions. If the betrayer is accepting responsibility, trying and doing the work and trying to rebuild. When does the verbal abuse stop?
Another helpful video. Thank you, Samuel!
I feel like I'm drowning. And I know she does. I hate myself for hurting her... And one of the few things I pride myself on, is being a brutally honest person, and now she thinks I'm this awful person incapable of the truth.
you made an awful choice....as did i and so many. what are you doing for help and recovery work? often times, she won't believe you, but she may believe the help you receive and the process you commit to.
I made AWFUL choiceS. Choices I'm not proud of. Choices I would change if I could.
But, I see all of these betrayed women who stay with boyfriends/husbands that it seem don't care! They don't change, don't think they need to, don't see problems in some of the things they do, etc. While I'm here, as a man that yes screwed up and hurt the woman I love very badly, but it wasn't even a second thought in my mind to stop what I was doing, never do it again, and change the way I approach things and think about things. I have tried to learn more about the woman I love, I have tried to learn more about myself, I have removed anything and everything that could give her reason to be concerned, and she is still struggling big time and I hate it for her. It has been over a year, and she stayed when nobody would've blamed her, not even me, for leaving. We have made progression, and she has definitely tried, but just can't seem to move forward. We had another big fight almost a week ago due to a trigger, but we usually work through it and get through it... This time when she said she was done it felt more like she meant it, than the other thousand times she has said it. It hurts. But I love her, and if me going away is what she needs, then I'm going to have to suffer... And right now I am. I'm open to suggestions here... I have tried everything...now I'm terrified that I really did screw up the best thing to ever happen to me...it has just taken her longer to realize she can't do it. I don't know what to do...I'm afraid there is nothing I can do.
what help have you received professionally? what help at all have you been utilizing? that will help me with what I can suggest. you can also email me at samuel@hope-now.com
@@samshealingpodcast sent you an email. It's kind of long. And I know I left out ALOT. But I am more than happy to answer anything, and I have nothing to hide. I want to do whatever it takes to help her through this. I still want to marry this girl and spend the rest of my life with her. She's everything I've always wanted and prayed for and hoped for. I am quite mad at myself for hurting her.
@@patrickmeyer358 hi there, damn reading your comment is hard because I am the betrayed too… and aime things I just can’t get them.
Well I hope you are going good
That the both of you survived this
🙏🏻
If not, I would be sorry even if it’s hard to admit
This is very dodge speak .... not really dealing with the core problems
My H has been fully committed to my healing. He is doing everything in his power now. The first 5 days were really rough. A lot of arguing, blaming etc. Then he just ignored me and acted with no remorse. Until we talked he didn't blame me, he took full responsibility and apologized. Here's my question.... what about hysterical bonding? After 5 days of being so angry and hating him...I now just want to be near him and have sex etc. Is this normal? I guess he was allowing me to be angry the first 5 days.
it can be real yes...but it's also normal for the betrayed spouse to be highly ambivalent...push pull, draw near pull away. It could be hysterical bonding sure, or it could be the betrayed ambivalence trying to attach and pull back. at any rate, it's highly normal.
Well he married the adultress that broke us up..Neither are remorseful for what they've done.
Deedee, very sorry to hear that. i hope you're doing Ok all things considered.
Overcoming Infidelity I'm raising our children on my own the best way I can. I just don't understand why he is not even sorry for hurting us.
well, he can't be sorry as that would mean he would be admitting he was wrong. it would mean owning up to what he's done and breaking up the family and causing pain and if he does that he admits he made a mistake and he doesn't want to admit that or own that or fess up to that. he has to justify it in his mind first, then to everyone else so anything that challenges that view is going to be ignored or refuted by him.
Deedee Neri It won’t last, believe me. It never does. You will reap what you sow.
Deedee Neri Hey, when you make your way out of this (and you will) you'll be amazed at how strong, graceful, and awesome you really are!
How long do I have to wait for her to come clean? Should i wait till we see a therapist in 2 weeks? I'm ready now to take the whole thing on at once as opposed to slowing being told about this and that over a period of time.....what if she's not completely truthful when coming clean? What do I do???
hi brian, i would see if she will do full disclosure with you now, if you both can handle it. i have some articles to send you but have no idea how to send them here. can you email me? samuel@hope-now.com and i'll send you the full disclosure articles.
I can handle it I think she is more worried about what others may think of her...
i can help but you'll need to email me so i can email you a few documents my friend.
I'm in the same situation. My wife has admitted to certain things but deep down in my gut I believe she's not being 100% honest on the whole situation.
So true!
She slept with him many times and had an affair for 4 years. Now when he was blackmailing her , she was remorseful and repentance crept in and she disclosed me everything...What should I do ??
get expert help as soon as possible. it will take time and effort, but clarity and healing can happen. you'll also want to do recovery work for relapse prevention. that's going to be essential my friend.
You have to except the fact of being hurt Of being in pain , the best think you can do is in Focusing on you and ask yourself what do you want what do you need ?
And then with time you can find forgiveness
And this forgiveness will come back to you
Was he the one who cheated? Where is Samantha to tell her story?
Hi Kim, if you search our videos you will find videos with Samantha
Best info
thank you. glad you're on the site and watching. hope the videos continue to help you.
given up
Hi
Sounds grwat until the narcasistic psycosis leaves you broke ,betrayed,or worse. HERresponsibility peeiod. Getting an understanding is awesome but no excise
May i ask what if my wife no longer wants to fix it
you have to decide what next steps you are going to take Misha. you may need to focus on your own healing and your own recovery work.