Intimacy After Colon + Rectum Removal | Let's Talk IBD
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- Опубліковано 29 лис 2020
- Today I talk about my experience with intimacy after proctocolectomy surgery. As I gain comfort, I am sure to improve in speaking about this!
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#ostomy #ibd #chronicillness
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We really need to normalize talking about sexual health. It's just part of being human.
Thank you!
And by normalize, how often would these conversations happen?
@@SbjsksmNx I don't think we necessarily need to talk about it more but it would be nice if there was no stigma around sexuality and sexual health.
It is. And when you don't function in a straightforward way, it is really important to be able to discuss it in a practical manner. If you can't, then you need to be with someone else or no one at all. A lot of men will never accept that women's parts are anything more than just a hole to be used for own pleasure, end of story. Fortunately, some of us have been blessed with a specimen of an evolved species of male as partner. They deserve all the praise in the world, because they make all the difference. I also have IBD.
@@nindigo2038 I'm lucky that my partner is very understanding. Unfortunately some medical professionals get weird about it though, it's a normal part of life and people need to get over it.
Anyone who could possibly say your videos are vulgar would be totally wrong!!! You are polite,
dignified and so courageous!! Anyone close to you can only be proud x
This isn’t vulgar in the least. I don’t have Crohn’s, but I have fully enjoyed your videos. I admire your strength.
Emily Noggles Lol thanks
SAME
Same lol.. her videos are just super fascinating.
Hearing you articulate "bah, we need to adjust positions!" is really helpful. It's the logistical dialogue we don't hear in movies or tv unless they're using it as an awkward joke. Jokes can be great, but it's also important to hear how it can happen in a normalizing context.
Yessss!!!
I don't have IBD or any of the procedures you have had but I love learning about people's diseases/conditions/procedures so I can be more sympathetic or just informed in case I meet someone who does or just to learn about what other people are going through. so I just want to let you know i love your channel. Your personality is awesome and I guess i just wanted to tell you it's super enjoyable and informal for someone who doesn't know anything about these things. 💜 Thank you for being so open on the interwebs!
same!
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT! BEAUTIFUL LADY! WORKED AT THE HOSPITAL FORTY YEARS, BUT STILL WANT TO LEARN AS MUCH AS I CAN ABOUT EVERYTHING!! YOU ARE LIVING YOUT LIFE TO THE FULLEST!! GOD BLESS YOU!!
You’re so sweet for trying to learn. That’s what’s going to make you a simply remarkable human being by not being ignorant and by being compassionate! Many thanks! 🙏🏻
This is why I watch Maggie and many other creators as well
Moon Child I agree. I like to be informed And it has helped me understand what others are going through. A friends son has many health issues and when I can understand what he is going through is so helpful
What a beautiful husband you have such a caring, understanding, and patient. I'm glad you two are a couple
Honestly, I would expect any half decent human to act just like him. We’ve got a name for those who can’t put their partners health and pain above getting their genitals wet, and it ain’t a cute one lol
@@-MaryPoppins- it tastes a lot from a person to be this flexible and selfless with something as vulnerable as intimacy.
@@adaharrisonn yes, but I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t expect it. Sexuality is such a fickle thing, here today, gone tomorrow, then back again. Especially people who are going to be pregnant, often times it can be YEARS before it’s comfortable to have sex vaginally again. I wouldn’t want a partner who can’t understand what “I’m in pain right now” means 🥴
@@-MaryPoppins- truuuuue. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
@@adaharrisonn never forget you deserve what you’d put out hun!!! The very best, no matter what your disability/ability. Never forget it!
I’m constantly in awe of your bravery.
@Judy Ivie Judy, you are so correct. Maggie and Zac are my heroes. Two very strong (stronger then me) people.
Simp
@@JusticeGamingNY 🙄 what are you 14?
Damn girl, you're a total Rockstar.
I can't even imagine how grateful people are that you can freely talk about what you deal with.
You're just amazing.
My second birth was a nightmare, I ended up with an episiotomy and forceps but the forceps tore straight through my vaginal wall and my perineum. I had hundreds of stitches and recovery was ROUGH so the thought of beginning intimacy again was the LAST thing on my mind. Totally relate to associating any touch in that area with pain, I’m still dealing with this. My baby is 8 months old now and I’m still recovering, I’m still having pain daily and sex still isn’t fun but I’m trying. Even though we are in very different situations I really relate to your videos. Sending love 💖💖
Ah hello!!! I found your videos recently and was eagerly anticipating this video and very surprised to hear my name at the end - thank YOU!! 💛 and thank you for sharing your experiences - so valuable!
Of course!! I had to share what you do for the community (whether people have stomas or not!). Thank you for what you do!!
I've been with my husband 13 years. He's been with me through my entire journey. We had not been intimate in over 6 months (I had back to back surgery) the first time after my barbie butt that we were intimate, it was honestly the most connected I've ever felt to him. The time and care he took to make sure he wasn't hurting me. They love, the gentle touch. Yes it was different but not werid or worse my any means. Now 6 years post operation, things are back to normal. Anything and everything goes hehe.
Researching the subject because my friend is having this procedure soon. And when I hit her with the words "Barbie butt" she giggled like I haven't heard in months. It's part of our language now. She needed that. Thank you. Hope things are going well! 🙂
Admittedly, I watched this, not because it applies to me, but out of curiosity. Oh. My. Gosh. For those to whom this information is applicable, I can only assume they are eternally grateful. I can imagine upon being diagnosed with Crohns, needing invasive surgery, relearning to do whatever used to be routine all over & under different/difficult circumstances takes it’s toll on a person. You handled a tough topic honestly, openly, and with grace. Well done. I wish you well and hope you continue to encourage and mentor those in need.💕
After my first baby (I’m 70) I was VERY immature and scared sex was going to hurt and I had no one to ask. I know this is totally different but you are helping the girls that are going through what you have.
Can't help but grimace at the thought of the pain.
Me too!
My good friend had a very difficult labor, so much so, that she needed a lot of stitches and she was also internally damaged. Her baby was too big and they should of done a C section, she was cut during the delivery process. To this day she has not healed properly, and she also had to wait a long time before she could be intimate again with her husband. She is too scared to have another baby, it would have to be via C section. She said her rectum was also affected. I think this is very helpful to a lot of people because there are many people who have difficulty with intimacy due to a medical condition.
Same thing happened to me had a third degree tear and lots of stitches! I’ll never be the same and would rather not have Intercourse, it’s painful. I have only one child because I did not want to give birth again!
Perineal massage is very helpful for those in fear of this. Do your research. It works.
Same thing happened to me. I went 13 years crying my way through sex. I was finally diagnosed with pudendal neuralgia and put on Gabapentin. I can finally have pain free sex, BUT Gabapentin makes it a little more difficult to, uhm, finish 😉. I couldn't wear tampons anymore either. I ended up getting a hysterectomy at the age of 25. I still have problems, but I can live an almost normal life, there's just limitations.
I have seen patients have success with a urogynecologist and colorectal surgeons that have been able to help women who have had severe tears and cuts during vaginal child birth.
May I suggest that your friend seek out a specialist in urogynecology, even if she has to travel. She may need reconstructive surgery, and her current physician may not have the knowledge or skills to help her.
your honesty and open-ness blows me away. I am a nurse too! I was an ICU nurse for 20 years so I have taken care of Soooo many ostomy patients. You without a doubt change someone's life on a daily basis. Ostomy or not. xoxoxo
I have to say you are spot on about going slow and especially taking time with the foreplay. One thing I recommend (from a guys perspective just as a disclaimer but it seems to work) is fingering for a gradual stretch so there isn't so much instant pressure upon penetration. I've just found this to be very effective with my ex. She was one who'd be very tense before we'd have sex and this not only released that tension, but also allowed for a gentle gradual stretch that made "accommodation" mentally and physically easier. Just my thoughts, but if it helps someone then great. BTW this technique works in any intimate situation not just post-surgical so this is to help all guys treat all ladies a tad gentler. Thanks for hearing me out.
Your mind is an incredibly powerful thing when things have healed.
Hey love I’m a pelvic floor physical therapist and I absolutely love your channel AND THIS VIDEO. Your awareness of your body is amazing. Keep up the amazing work!
I would like people to understand in case they don’t know, sex can be a variety of things it can be oral. It can be touching. It can be whatever you make. It doesn’t always have to be penetration to call it sex
My partner found your channel and shared this video with me along with your previous one in intimacy with an ostomy (I have both an ileostomy and a urostomy). Thank you so much for doing these videos on the topic. I have not had sex since my surgeries in 2008, due to fear of the bags leaking, but these videos have helped me feel more confident with my new partner.
See this is something on my list for why I'm hesitant about proctocolectomy surgery. but with having my ostomy for 8 years I know I need to have it soon.
One is recovery time, basically how much time off work. Scaring, i.e. wound healing/ reopening. Comfort, how it will feel. And then Intimacy... currently I have some mucus discharge from everything that's left. And as pelvic muscles move during sex, there tends to be some discharge around when I am intimate, so my worry is something similar to your nervousness that things will be painful, or stretch or even worst case the wound reopening...
Thankfully my current partner and I have good communication when it comes to intimacy, and we have briefly discussed me having surgery in the future, and he is so supportive and accepting. I really got lucky with him.
I just had on recovery is slow I’m on my 6th week after surgery still not released for work hopefully Wednesday. Still sore though wished the would have warned me. My hysterectomy was a lot less painful and was pretty much functioning in 2 weeks after.
You didn’t get lucky hun, the bare minimum that you deserve is someone who CARES about your comfort, wants, and needs. Please remember that. He’s not doing you a favor by caring about your health. He isn’t being nice or sweet. He’s being A GOOD HUMAN❤️ I hope you heal incredibly fast after your procedure, and I pray you never experience the pain you’re worried about!
I don’t have any of your health conditions but I do have vaginismus which makes anything penetrative excruciatingly painful for me. It’s for a different reason, but it’s still helpful to know that you were able to train your brain and body to calm down. I hope to be able to do the same one day
If people think you're being "vulgar" thdy have something very wrong with them.
You're approaching the subject extremely respectfully IMO.
And if someone doesn't want to hear about that stuff they don't have to, they can go watch cute puppies or kittens on another channel.
I am 11 months post rectal cancer radiation and have only just attempted sex. Yes, PAINFUL and tense but my hubs is very considerate and understanding. I'm close to 60 so periods aren't an issue nor tampons so this was an apprehensive decision to make.
I received a miracle and the cancer was eradicated with my treatments so no surgery was necessary. But it is difficult to even think about sex after such pain has been experienced. Patience. Understanding. Communication. All are important
I am in nursing school and watching ostomy videos just because I was so curious about a real life perspective. Ive watched a few of your videos because this is really a subject that isn't discussed. I barely found any articles regarding intimacy, removals, etc. I didn't even know that this was a real life surgery after getting the ostomy.
Thank you for your transparency!! Thank you for being open!! This would be so helpful for young women that have Crohn's and ostomy, etc. So Good!!
It's truly remarkable how resilient the human body can be! I don't have any sort of digestive issues so I'm mostly here to learn, but I love how these tips can be pretty universal. Take things slow, communicate, don't be afraid to use things that assist...etc.
I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I'm really looking forward to vlogmas 🥰
I'm glad you are encouraging your viewers to okay with using toys. Too many people are scared/ashamed of using them. It can make a big difference for anyone with any kind of intimacy problem.
Thank you so much for being so open, honest and de-stigmatising this sort of conversation!
so glad i found your channel; i LOVE your energy xo
Waiting patiently and can’t wait! 🥰❤️🥰
Thank you for your openness and honesty.
I really needed this video. Honestly this has helped.
Bravo! So honest and helpful. Thanks so much!
Love your calm matter of fact dialogue
I'm so happy to see you happy now!!
I don't have chrohns even though I had to have all the tests to rule it out but I do have IBS and PCOS and Endometriosis. The problems and pains cause so much trouble with my intimate life and I too have a very supportive fiance. So many of these issues relate to me so it's nice to have someone talk about. Love you Maggie! Thank You ❤
Such a important video!! You are awesome girl.
I just commend you in sharing your story
IDK how did YT lead me here, but I listened to your whole story. You are so brave and courageous. I'm amazed. Kudos to you lady!
I love your calm, honest approach to all subjects. Thank you.
I can only listen to this from you and you only. You are a warrior
God bless you, Maggie!
You're so courageous. God bless you and Zak. Much love from South Africa
Love and support you so much! You're such a kind wonderful soul and you're so strong and lovely. Thank you for being so honest and authentic with us about your experience. Wishing you all the kindest days to come❤
You are doing such good things for those with this medical procedure. Respect!!
First time watching your channel. You're so brave! Thank you.
You are helping so many people!!! I just wanted to say thank you on their behalf!!!!
Brilliantly informative and frank video. I love watching Hannah Witton too!
You are such an inspiration!
You are amazing....people need to hear these things
How friggin cool for you to address such a difficult topic. I'm sure this is going to help a lot of people. You rock, Maggie! ❤
You do such a great job on telling your story your so relaxed, Good luck to u in the future.
Classy, informative and completely honest as normal 👏👏
Thank you for talking so openly and informative about this! I have nothing to do with IBD but I know that it's an important topic 😊
Very tactful and informative video. I appreciate ur honesty cant be easy to talk about but u make it not awkward at all
your such a role model and inspire so many thanks for sharing your story another great video
You are SO BRAVE. This was an amazing video ! Thank you for sharing
You're so brave ❤❤❤❤ God bless you dear
You are inspiring Maggie! I’ve loved watching your journey, thank you for being so honest and normalising these things! Love from Australia 💛
Thank you for your cander on this subject. 🧡
I came across your video accidentally and I couldn’t help but subscribe. you are an awesome human being, very wise and obviously so caring
Zak is certainly a special person. 😇 I think you’re a beautiful couple. 👰🏻♀️🤵♂️
This is a super important topic - no need to apologize for ANYTHING!!! You’re doing a wonderful, amazingly helpful thing here - thank you!!!
I don’t/haven’t experienced what you’ve gone through, but you really are a hero and saint to many, many people. Rock on chic, MUCH much respect!
Thank you so much for this video! I can really relate to the emotional side of things when it doesn’t quite work out as intended. It’s reassuring to know others feel this way. Xx
You seem like an MD: your tenor and knowledge. Very well spoken.
Your honesty and practical speaking makes this subject so much of an open table for understanding and you are doing a great service in presenting Crohn's!
You deserve all the happiness in the world!!
You are strong, kind of funny, open and honest. Absolutely amazing young woman.
You are an amazing woman. Absolutely fantastic. 🥰
Thanks for posting, best wishes to you Maggie.
Thank you so much for this candid video. It IS so important. I'm sorry to hear of this challenge. I would have totally cried too.
After 40 years with an ileostomy and although I don’t have a BB, I have many scars from fistula from before my final op. There was nothing like this open talk so I think it’s wonderful that all the new ostomists are able to learn from you. So thank you for your continuing story.
Very helpful and educational!
Very important info, thank you for being brave enough to talk frankly about it.
You’re a very good person to share your personal life in this manner. Bravo for your openness to help inform others.
Bravo!
And you did it so well.
Thank you.
your hair looks gorgeous in this video.. thanks for talking about this. it goes so unsaid usually because its such a taboo topic.
I absolutely love your candid honesty. I don't have an ostomy, but absolutely love your videos. Thanks So Much for sharing your life with us.
Another wonderful video. Maggie you are so incredibly brave and so sweet for sharing this intimate conversation with us. We knew zak was great before but he’s just an awesome and patient hubby as well! You give me so much strength just by watching your bravery! Many blessings to you both as always! 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
i just love your videos with you and zack
You and your husband are the sweetest. I really enjoy your uploads... Really informative yet super fun. I love how full of life you are ❤
Gosh where has the time gone can’t believe it’s a year already as always your videos are informative and honest you are simply the best at this
This has really helped me. I havent had surgery or dealing with this but I am dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety around sex. That association you were having is kind of what I am going through and this has started to help me think about what I can do to help. Thank you!
Hi Maggie, I just found your channel and wanted to take moment to praise you for your honesty and openness in speaking about your illness. You are vibrant and brave and blessed. I believe keeping an optimistic outlook on life is inspiring to all of us battling chronic life altering illness. I admire your grace and humor in discussing difficult topics. Keep doing what you are doing. You are making a positive difference.
Wow. Thank you for being so explicit so people with that desease can understand life after this kind of procedure.
What an educated cultured lady this is! Talking so openly about delicate matters in order to help other people out there with similar problems. I guess that when Maggie herself had problems years ago there was no one to turn to in order to ask for advice. Now she is making sure that other people don’t have that problem. She is the epitome of selflessness……still thinking of other people when she has her own problems to deal with. A true star.
God bless you both xx what amazing people you are, both of you deserve the best life can offer. Zac is gorgeous inside and out but so are you. Love in abundance Annette from North Yorkshire UK.
Thank you for talking about this! I've been struggling with this after my chemo and radiation and have been so ashamed, disappointed and frustrated with myself---this was so helpful!
Thank you for always sharing your personal insight on you issues. Love your finger nail polish.
I imagine that some positions are less painful than others. Also, a glass or two of wine probably helps with the relaxing of the mind! Keep up the good work! I truly enjoy your videos!
I'm brand new to your channel. I celebrated my 20 year anniversary with my ileostomy this past January. Like you, I am blessed to have such a loving and understanding husband. He's seen me during the good, the bad, and the ugly and has helped me through my journey with ulcerative colitis. Thank you for normalizing sexual health with having an ostomy. Glad to hear you're on the "other end" of the surgery and are doing so well!
Thank you so much for the video!!
Hi! I don't have any medical issues, but I happened upon your channel and have been following you for a while. I really admire you. You are very strong and I am sure you are helping
many people. God bless you and your husband!! ❣
Beautiful Couple inside and out! God bless you Maggie. I am so happy you have such a wonderful husband!
You're so courageous. There are many people who need information like this and you're personally doing it👏
Thank you for a very interesting video and for your bravery!
The way you described painful sex because of tension, I’ve gone through that myself, and I recognised myself in what you were saying. I takes a lot of time to change that back again but as you said taking it slow and using things that can help ease even more is a very good way to start.
Thank you for sharing this.
You are amazing. Thank you for your honestly and openness. Greetings from England.