Gambling With The Devil: Dealing With Narcissists
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- Опубліковано 3 лис 2024
- In this clip, The Little Shaman talks about an addiction component in relationships with pathologically narcissistic people.
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Would you rather be alone by yourself or be alone with someone that makes you feel worse than alone. And then emotionally abuses you???? 😢 wake up, people. Thank you, little Shaman !
Good grief, can't nobody explain it like little Shaman!! Every video is a mic drop video! These gems are invaluable. Eeveryday I check to see if little Shaman blessed us with more pearls of knowledge. Thank you Little Shaman; you're literally saving lives out here.... for those who have ears to hear. ❤
Yes she’s fabulous❤️💯
True. Low key one of the best there is!
Fantastic
She does. Nobody does it better
Are you ok?
When The Little Shaman said “And you damn sure ain’t winning no jackpot!” I must have lost it! 🤣 🤣🤣Good Info. Much Love ❤️
😁❤
The casino was bankrupt when you him/her.
That’s why working on raising your own dopamine level will help you get emotionally detached ultimately terminating the relationship.
My last partner was a poker shark and was a HUGE gambler but only under very controlled circumstances. He was very, very careful about his losses so that he didn't lose very much. Playing poker was an addiction, and he worked very hard to refine his skill over his whole adult life.
This video helps explain his behavior towards me and other things in his life. I say "things" because really,, I was just another 'thing' in his life and when I was no longer useful or had needs of my own, he almost immediately dropped me and moved on. I could watch his behavior and was aware of what was happening and I did not ever chase him, I just let him go.
Gamblin or relationship with narcissist you are playing a losing game
I like your idea of gambling. We stay longer in these relationships thinking if I leave then the next person will just benefit from all my hard work and investments. Just like the slots, yes?
Exactly.
Literally wording it exactly this way to myself the last 6 months. Glad I've freed myself from her.
Every conversation with a narcissist is a gamble. Reminds me of a saying I heard somewhere.
When you dance with the devil, the devil doesn’t change. The devil changed you.
One of my favorite sayings. It's so true.
There is also the factor of sunk cost fallacy.
Yep. The idea that we've already invested so much.
There are two scriptures that came to mind towards the end of the video one is "don't hang out with an angry man lest you learn his ways" and "good morals are spoiled by bad company." Narcissist's can cause reactive abuse in their partner's etc which is convenient for them because they can twist things around and call you the abuser. They try to corrupt your good morals because they are jealous of your common decency which is something they don't have.
So true!! Reactive abuse, have experienced this many times. Yep, they absolutely let you know in one way or another that you're the abuser, always your fault. Thankyou for you're comment.
@@stefarfa52 My pleasure. Yes they flip the script so that you will look like the abuser and them the innocent victim. It's so evil and the covert type of narcissist is probably the worst for this deception because telling lies is in their nature, no conscience at all.🕊
After the loss of the hall of mirrors, future faking, discard, replacement, triangulation. You have a PTSD, anger, heartbreak, grief, shame, guilt, jealousy all at the same time and it's all your fault. The abuser is the victim.
I used to tell my ex that he was predictably unpredictable. He said that made no sense.
But I bet it does to all you beautiful survivors, doesn't it?
Very much!
Yes indeed, mine was exactly that!
They have no constancy. You can’t predict where they’re coming from on any given point of reference. They want to keep you guessing and not commit to any one position. It’s a hallmark of insecurity and hedging your bets.
When you said that fighting narcissism (engaging the narcissists) is a complete waste of time and could make things worse, it reminded me that I am a better person when I am not around my relatives.
Narcissists don't like good people so they try to bring you down to their own low level to feel better about themselves.🤷♀️
@@steadypace1262 yep. ❤
I have been listening to this woman for about 7 years. I've watched countless other videos on Narcissism by life coaches and doctors and NONE of them knock it out the park or explain it better than The Little Shaman. I'm just in awe of her knowledge and ease of being able to explain it. Thank you, my dear.
I notice the same, she explained it plainly in a way that hits home and its clear
I never get bored of listening to your talks 😎
“The best that you can hope for is that you dont walk out of this bankrupt casino, now, bankrupt yourself, with everything you put into it gone to keep it functioning so other people can come and lose their investments too.”
You have now provided the absolute best single sentence to concisely prognosticate these relationships. That was brilliant.
I agree. I determined two years ago that my Ex-Narcy and our 46 years relationship was bankrupt, yet I did not have the words. I just realized that I could not invest in something with so little or negative payouts.. I blocked her.
Thank you for all that you do! You should have your own television show!
The almost win! Yes! Getting out as safety as possible. I signed a lease on an apartment 🙌
This is bang on. We have been conditioned like Pavlov's dog to respond to this reward (breadcrumbing)/punishment dance with narcs.
This is so well put together, it’s the most compelling explanation I’ve ever heard.
Mind-blown. I have no words. 👏
I married a narcissist, she love bombed me for three years, then as soon as our son was born, it all changed. What I would do to be in a sane reasonable relationship. I'm okay with being wrong half the time, I'm okay with sharing responsibilities and give and take. I've never been so drained and felt so worthless in all my life. I hope to find peace and freedom again one day.
Please, you have to divorce her and take custody of the child, if you want the both of you to get out of this alive. I'm not being dramatic, this is serious, and now that you've identified the situation, you've got to do something about it - as by staying and 'trying to make it work' things will only ever get worse. Trust me. You deserve better than this, and so does your boy! Especially children get totally confused and messed up by these creatures' absurd behaviour. Good luck to you!
My wife changed the day after we got married. The veil disappeared and she showed her true colours. From then on it was a nightmare. Divorced now but it cost me financially.
The little shaman is the best.
this is a perfect way of explaining how narcissists operate i agree 1000% and the pain is sooo terrible dealing with them and they just don't care..so glad i'm out 3yrs strong 💪
And they just don’t care….. that was the hardest fact to admit for me and see. I tried and tried thinking it was going to make a different but it didn’t make one damn difference. He never ever once actually cared for or about me and he NEVER will. I’m barely fresh out from his grasp after 6 years. And now finally I can say that I just don’t care about him any more.
@@cinderellawilder it's really sad they pretend to care for yrs but once you're on to them the punishment gets worse and by then they're already dealing with someone on the side..i pray you'll get stronger and stronger each day bc dealing with these kinds of people it takes time to heal
Brilliant advice ❤❤❤❤❤
This woman is BRILLIANT!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!
Wow! So ON THE MARK!
I’ll listen to this a few more times.
Since my parents were gamblers, as well as alcoholics, and fought one another, intermittently, I have an addictive personality.
I’m currently working parts therapy with my trauma therapist, using EMDR, to placate “younger parts” that have unconsciously driven my behaviors.
What I learned from them took 30 years to break away from my last, now-ex-partner. While he was emotionally “abusive”, I was stuck attempting to figure out what would “win the next payout”! (My part in the relationship “dance”.)
It’s challenging to see that about oneself, and worthwhile making the efforts to change the behaviors.
Thanks for posting this video, Little Shaman! It’s very helpful. ❤
Wow. This was so enlightening. Thank you so very much!! Your videos are always on point but this one resonates from deep within. Keep up the great work in helping the survivors. ❤
Gambling makes sense, which is why I had to use “the sunk cost” fallacy to get myself out.
Me too. I went cold turkey with my ex-Narcy after I realized that I was not gettign anything from it. I wrote off 46 years, and moved forward. Yet, it is still a day-to-day struggle but I feel like I have regained myself.
" the only battle is with yourself" Amen Ten years and three children . When I started to "like" myself I found self respect. It was difficultly easy after that. Protective ghosted to protect my emotional world. Went grey rock with a poker face while in their presence.
A wonderful video I have listened to several times before. When experiencing pain from the relationship I had with a Narcissist, I listen to an analysis of Little Shaman. From her deep explanation, I don’t become overwhelmed with shame, sadness or anger (like I sometimes do from listening to other sources) and my learned guilt drops away. All she conveys is the unedited truth of the situation, which sets me free. Thank you, Little Shaman, for sharing the gift of your incredible understanding and insight.
Get up from the table, it’s hard, it’s painful but get up from the table! You don’t have to play!
My favorite part! I can say I FINALLY GOT UP AND STOPPED PLAYING!!!! After 6 years in his losing casino. Pfft on him!
Thank you so much for this video! It helps me justify, explain and forgive myself for staying 14 years with a narcissist! I left him in the end but questions like: Why did I stay for so long? Why did I go against my better judgement and intuition? How could I have been so naive? still linger and I still add answers to those questions! Your video is one of them!
So smart and gifted at helping others understand . I appreciate you so much
... 7 ...7 ... Lemon 😅 that sums it up perfectly.
You are amazing
Brilliant.
Woman friend, sister friend, whatever friend, you explained it just right. Thanks again.
8:00 😭😭😭 BRUTAL TRUTH!!!!!😭😭😭
The casino analogy is great. They are a bankrupt casino. Brilliant.
You always hit the mark, after so many repeated behaviors from my ex who I am still absolutely in love w/her false self I had to see what’s wrong with me. Why am I aware of her problems but not mine. So I dived in & I found not only am I codependent, trauma bonded I also have abandonment issues. I’m totally taken back. Now I see why I kept allowing the push & pull etc, etc, etc. this is not a game & I don’t gamble. I’m still working on me, daily. Thank you for all the awareness you give & encouraging me to seek therapy & finally walk away from trying to save her when it is I who needs saving.
Good for you!
My parents divorced with I was about 19, but there were years of fighting so I too had abandonment issues, so I held on to two narcissistic friends way too long. I cut one almost 20 years ago after know him for 35 years and a second one two years ago after know her for 46 years.
Brilliant analysis! The hope of a reward keeps you hoping that you'll receive something for persevering. The only thing you can do, is realize that you've already lost. We can't compromise with addiction. There's no bottom to an abyss!
This video is one part extremely helpful and one part "holy crap!!! how does she know what my relationship was like in such detail?!"
Little Shaman superior training proven by recent incident: Narc’s end of life health crisis drama verbally delivered through flying monkeys. Best part was pointing out five years no contact with the narc and that my goodbyes already had been said, relating my severing comms to the narc, “that I will see him on the clear light morning.” Info that was from the narc delivered by the flying monkey designed to sting flattened out once it was realized no contact with him nor with them had been five years of distance. Thank You Little Shaman. The battle is with ourselves and belongs to the Lord. I happen to believe in Christ and I ask the Holy Spirit for direction, and He told me never to speak to the narcissist again, so that’s what I told the flying monkey. 😂
Brilliant 🙏🏽
Incredible explaination of how narcissists use Operant Conditioning against their targets. It's similar to the testing (torture) Pavlov did to dogs and creating Learned Helplessness in them. Narcs do the same thing and becoming aware of this is part of the process of breaking the cycle and healing our egos.
Accurately spot on🔥🔥.. u r the reason for my surviving little shaman..love from India..
This is a great analogy. I used to work on slot machines in a casino. They are not set up for you to win, only to keep you hooked in by dangling the carrot in front of you. This is exactly how the narcissist operates, and as Little Shaman said, "You damn sure ain't winnin' no jackpot" lol At least with a slot machine you have a chance...
this indeed was how I felt when struggling keeping the fake friendship going. Eventually I had to go no contact and keep telling myself, this is just a bad addiction. Since then Im doing much better in my life and just feel like I wasted so much energy and time on this nobody of a person. I have quickly found much better people that I am more compatible with and just feel icky when ever that narc is being just innocently mentioned...
The slot machine/gambling analogy is 🔥 and PRICELESS!!! Please copyright that phrase LS! Then, write a book with title "Why Narcissists AREN'T Like Slot Machines!" OK. Someone make that title better but u get my point. 😂
You are BRILLIANT LS...TRULY brilliant!!!
“You damn sure ain’t winning no Jackpot when you gamble on a Narcissist” would be a great title!!! Yeah?
'Stand up from the table' - omg this made so much sense. Gambling (really mild scratchy cardy type - not losing too much but losing always losing except for a small amount here and there) has been rhe only thing that I have found addictive and though I choose not to play so as to not get hooked.... omg it is really clear that this operating pattern is at play in metaphoric casinos in my life and they are bankrupt. Yes of course learned in childhood but now I am an adult. Dear goodness. Thank you ❤
best description of why no contact is essential- brilliant
The absolute truth!
I’m finding this. I’m truly hurting. Mostly because I want him to understand me. His false perception hurts the most.
I feel I want to go back for him to realise how wrong he his about me. I even found reconnecting to just argue made me feel better. It would remind me just how evil he was.
The gambling analogy was spot on - as usual. Keep doing the universes work Little Shaman - your the most knowledgeable one out here 🙏🏾
the thing about battling our own egos i think is very profound! everyone has nastiness inside them, and some people use the existence of narcs to hide from their own demons i feel... on the positive side most people in this part of YT have been lovely, so im sure this will all go somewhere positive
I was in a good amount of abusive relationships. I really wanted to last longer than any of their previous relationships.
Wow, well said 😮
Wow! The casino is bankrupt is so true! If I only knew 46 years ago.
Ulysses It's great that you found in the end though and many people still stay, even when they do learn the painful truth about the issues, for various valid reasons.
I was able to clearly see that the last highly narcissist ex had nothing to give when he stayed with me for a relatively short period of time, so it was futile to expect anything from him, not to mention love!
It helped immensely after he "kindly" informed me that he didn't love me and was only using me, which was incentive to tell him that he had to leave my home. 😊
@@cyndigooch1162 I am happy you did not waste too much. With my situation, I lived in another state from my friend, but it took only two years to see my friend was a monster, and the truth came out unexpectedly. I acted as a friend would in a delicate family manner and she turned on me for acting as a friend. She tried to back track but it was too late. I finally saw her true character after 46 years of friendship. In short order, I blocked her forever. Good riddance to the low class piece of you know what.
There is too in the same metaphor of gambling the "sunk cost fallacy" witch plays a big role in the bond. We must cut our losses and it is very hard. You must accept you have lost to win, stop playing to win, understand it's just an horrible game and not the real deal to win. Excruciating but every day you continue put you in a more dark place. The narc ask you to choose between your heat or you soul. Choose your soul, the heart will grow again. If you choose your heart, you don't exist anymore at all. You can't live without a soul. It's possible with a broken heart. Choosing the less worst, it's where you are in life when you met and fell for one of these monsters.
'You must accept you have lost to win' 'Stop playing to win' Your statements are so true! It is really hard to accept the 'sunk costs' but the reality is there is no jackpot, ever (because the Casino is bankrupt)
Thanks!
You are so welcome. Thank you!
Yep! Gotta know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em! Going through a supposed reverse discard at the moment where it can’t even really be established between me and the narcissist as to who dumped who!
Thanks sis Cyn⚡
BEST EXPLANATION OF DEALING WITH THESE PEOPLE EVER!!!!!
I've listened to this 1000 times.
Would make Sam Vankmin blush.
That was so well explained - thank you . Trying to break from being a love addict with a narcissist is incredibly hard . This is another tool. Latest trick - letting his gambling mates watch my distressed telephone calls. I was an intelligent confident kind woman and been humiliated to max by an unintelligent unkind man just to keep a romance alive . Life can be very sad.
@Little Shaman…you made me cry again!🙏🏼
9:59 This is what I am working on right now more than ever- like, why the F do I stick around or even desire interactions with people that are GROSS.
Love your teachings little shaman ❤
I am so thankful for this. Thank you.
Wow! What a powerful episode. Thank you.
❤She's so fascinating, time seems to fly listening to these.❤
Holy lord this is the perfect analogy.
Thank you so much! Just what I needed to hear right now!! 💕
Wow! This really makes it clear! You are so right, it brings out the worst in me.
Probably the best metaphor ever 😂
You are simply the best!
i quit gambling and it was damn hard and i so relate to this being similar and i could actually feel the chemicals being released in this toxic narcissistic (relationship) and so its been so hard to get away from her and i am in a detox mode right now and really using the AA program as best i can to make it stick this time and stay away from her for ever one day at a time,
so hearing this also confirms my thoughts on the addiction.
Thank you so much for this video so very much appreciated as some more information on breaking this addiction.
Beautiful. Amen
We love you... Thank you for being in our lives. Me, my kids, my friends... All of whom I've recommended you to.
Great breakdown
Thank you for this video god bless
You are by far the best at explaining this!! Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 You make me laugh so much with your comparisons. I am so happy I found you. ❤
Great Video as always. Thanku ☀️🍃
Little Shaman wow, I've wondered where you have been! Well now, you HIT this one out of the park... This video touches upon so many of aspects of addictions..This is such EXCELLENT material, thank you so much for your expertise insight, and delivering this like you always do without missing a beat.💯👏🏻♥🙏🏼🕊
As ever...simply genius LS.
Wow that was deep and makes so much sense!!! Thank you
Mine was a covert pathological liar . I was addicted to the sex and if this BPD/ covert npd/ aspd factor 2.. could change .. she actually got worse with therapy and more rage and psychotic episodes ..knowing all and still affected me ..lil shaman has been the facts ..and great videos listen and accept
That happend to me 26years of marriage 2 kids then when she walked out she said I didn't want to get married or have kids but getting married was her idea when we had our first child it was a trapp I got love bombed discard silent treatment for 2 years gaslight projection it's horrible now she found someone else the cycle will be repeated its sad very sad you can not love them because they don't love them selves they hate mirrors
Excellent content. ❤
That was brilliant!☺️💜✨🙌🏼
Merci! Very enlightening on the long run their lost is our gain
I had a history of a gambling problem before the narc. Wow, was i a soft target.
If I had the money I would be gone already. There’s nothing like that left for me . There is no reward.!
I withstood the attempts to get me addicted but boy, I still feel after effects. That said, I knew she was trouble and put her on a vetting cycle she failed. Lol.
Edit. But you explain things very succinctly and scientifically and I am ultra cautious of being caught in anything that destabilises me emotionally. I intend to get in touch with you for in depth advice on how to function as a focussed businessman while dating. I cannot let my primordial emotions be hijacked or all my dreams will come to nothing.
Brilliant
This is so great and easy to digest
Brilliant! 👍
So true
Mine is deeper than just trauma bonding.
I believed that she was supposed to be aligned with me, as part of this ancestor simulation
1 of the most informative!
Nailed it! 🎯
Just yesterday, I determined it was my vanity that allowed me to deal with my ex-Narcy for 46 years. I thought I had a handle on her, although I did not spend alot of time with her because I lived in another state. I did not see how deceitful, evil, vile, hateful, backstabbing, duplicitious, and heartless she was. Yet, I won the war. I blocked her and she is trying to communciate with me.
Reminds me of the song Still the Same by Bob Seger😂