Read the blog here: atozenlife.com/toxic-people/ TBH, I almost didn't share this video because of all the terrible emotions welling up inside of me as I edited it: shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear, etc. But then I thought about how the person who did this to me walks around (probably without one iota of guilt) and I realized how unfair it was that I - THE VICTIM - feel all that! So drop me a green heart 💚 emoji if you're picking up what I'm throwing down and/or if you've dealt with (or are currently dealing with) toxic people in your life in honor of National Mental Health Awareness Month.
I had a few years of wondering if I was the toxic person. I removed so many toxic people from my life and stopped spending time with my family that I began to fear that there was something wrong with me. I felt a little like the character in gaslight, not certain of my reality. How could all those people be wrong? I must be the 'bad guy'. In hindsight, I think it was a bit of both sides. I do have anxiety and a less than ideal childhood experience, so I never really learned how to make friends in the first place. I chose toxic people without realizing it. That created a cycle of relationships where I allowed people to bully me and occupy my personal space and accepted that I was the unreasonable one and that I was almost always in the wrong. Now that I am older and hopefully wiser, I think that I recognize those red flags a little better than I used to. I have learned how to say 'no' to people who ask for too much and I have accepted the fact that my family and I have parted ways now that they have realized that I will no longer be bullied. In my opinion, in order to have a good quality of life, it is critical to declutter people who are toxic to you.
I think that this is a very important observation, and people who have been immersed in the cycle for so long have difficulty recognizing, like you said! Hugs and healing to you. 💚
I could have written this myself. I had a VERY bad childhood and did not know or understand that people were abusing me. I know better now. I went to counseling and bounced some of this stuff off them, and they agreed that these people were in the wrong and I needed to get away from them. My family had to go. But I also stopped seeing my husband's family. I felt as you did, can all these people be wrong? But they were treating me like a non-person. I was not one of them, I was not told about family events, I was not included in certain gift exchanges. Once my name was not even signed on a card that was, "from the whole family!" My husband always forgot to tell me everything, and he thought I was overreacting. It had to stop. I still don't understand why they did this, and why I was not good enough for them. They did this to the other sister-in-law, too, so it just wasn't me. What the heck is their problem? Maybe this is passive aggressive, I don't know. I think my husband shows passive aggressive behavior, so maybe the whole family is like that for some reason.
@@petmomful2260 Your experience is indeed quite similar to mine. My mother and sister once left my name out of the family holiday gift pick without telling me. They were on the outs with my other sister and assumed that because she opted out of the gift pick, that I would do so as well. When my mom realized that there was no gift under the tree for me, she rushed out and bought me some drugstore items and laughed about it as if she and my sister hadn't caused the situation in the first place. It's that sort of 'mean girl' and weirdly childish and simple-minded behaviour that began to convince me that I was not imagining things, that they actually /were/ doing these awful things to me and excluding me from my own family circle and then finding ways to blame me for anything that turned out to be awkward, such as one of them being caught in a flat out lie. I also fell out with my in-laws over money and other very toxic reasons. My husband and I went through some rough times with our families and he is now very realistic about the unhealthy behaviours of his family. He goes for the odd occasion or holiday to share a meal or say hello to his mother, but he stays away from them otherwise. This comment section makes me think that this sort of situation may be more common that I would have thought. It helps to know that there are other people out there who know how you feel, others who also see the changes in the gaslight and can confirm the /you/ are not the crazy one.
@@Carobmoth Yes, I guess it is common. My problem is that my husband takes THEIR side. He thinks I am overreacting and no one has done anything wrong. So he goes and sees his family without me. I feel for you a lot. It is so hard to understand why people go out of their way to be so mean. My oldest sister is a narcissist and for years they have been having a game night/Xmas without my family. We are not invited because I finally stood up to her and said that she was lying. The rest of the family goes along to keep the peace, I guess. Such a toxic environment.
Sadly, I stopped a 50+ year friendship 5 years ago for similar situation. She crossed the boundaries of my family and lied to me about it. When I kindly sent her a text telling her it makes it hard to trust her, I was cursed out like you wouldn’t believe! The words used I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy! It was then I recognized the years of gossip and gaslighting anyone she didn’t agree with, and I cut it off. Other friends we share don’t understand it all. Only one still speaks to me, and I’m very cautious with her. Although she’s not a gossip, I still lean on the cautious side. At 63 yrs of age, I have no time for this drama that women my age create. Life is too short. The peace I have since making this decision has confirmed it was a right one.
I am not proud to say that I was and can still be a toxic person. It stems from massive insecurity that was engrained in me at an early age and through my formative years through my parents’ actions. This is not an excuse and I try hard through therapy and self-help to rid these traits. I am a work in progress and even though I still have a lot of insecurities, I try to identify and acknowledge when I can (hard in the moment) and reflect and reground myself. To anyone who has the same experience as me, please be kind to yourself but keep working on it and don’t give up. Let’s not pass our traumas onto others, especially those we love, including the next generation ❤.
most of my family is rather a toxic person or an emotional vampire. After YEARS and YEARS and YEARS of being abused and taken advantage of I CUT... THEM... OFF!!! I was called a monster but I don't care. My life very peaceful now.
When you are immediately feeling guilty, because so many human relations went wrong, and you use this list to check if you are toxic, and then remember that those people would not do that
I don't think I've ever had a good experience "reconnecting" with an old friend from childhood. In every case, they changed for the worse or I'd "outgrown" them 💔
I have a couple of people like that in my extended family. They got me pretty good a few years back. They love bombed me into believing that they wanted to move into my area and make a "new start". I spent a lot of my resources and time helping them and listened to all their stories of how they'd been victimized all their life.... only to find they were a flaming narcissistic mother-son duo who wore me out! She actually had designs of taking over my property. I cut them off completely once I saw their true nature but not before she'd convinced some other individuals in my life to be her flying monkies. I held my head up high and went on with my life. Now a few years later they've fallen out with everyone else in the family. They just move from victim to victim leaving a trail of misery in their wake. I realize they prey on kind, accepting people like us.
Yep I had a so called friend like that. She never had any food so our group paid for it, also when we all went on holiday we paid for that too. In the end we became suspicious when she asked us to pay her cats vets bills. We contacted the Vets and it was a lie. She hid her food in a cupboard when we were there. Her family had disowned her and she had changed her name. She was a con artist. She even threatened suicide but when we contacted her Drs that was a lie too. Horrid women. Later we heard she even bragged about nicking £9k off a women in a wheel chair. There were 16 of us and we all fell for it. No one expects someone to be like that.💚
Any time someone threatens suicide call the authorities. Take it seriously. Suicide needs professional help.. They are really suicidal, or call their manipulating bluff. In the USA they will lock them up for 72 hours to evaluate them. They need help putting a stop to their behavior regardless.
@@danikeebler1662 I did. I dropped everything, and arrived at her house. She laughed and said she was bored. I contacted her Dr, social services etc., it was all a scam to get money. She even did a cancer fund raiser and kept the money.
💚I was a doormat in my 20’s. I gave away a lot of money to toxic people and I wasn’t even making very much but they seemed to need it so much more. I was actually going without to help them. Of course, they were only around when they needed something. One taker after another. Then I listened to a cassette series of a book (showing my age) called Speak Up, Set Limits, and Say No. Once I grew a spine all these “friends” just melted away. It’s over 30 years later and I still think of that series that totally changed my life.
Similar situation happened with my husband and a long-time friend of his. I saw the toxicity before my husband did and even though I was relieved when it all ended, my heart still broke for my husband the night he kicked his friend out. Something I read a few months afterwards though really put it in perspective....ppl like that see everything as theirs, you just happen to be wearing it or using it, etc. The watch on your wrist is theirs, you just happen to have it on right now. The money you have is theirs, it just happens to be in your checking account.
Thank you for sharing this story from your life. I have a coworker that is dealing with family that mistreats her in these ways. Great information! If people are truly responsible, then a written plan with goals is not too much to set in place before anything happens
I have a friend of 20 years who has every single one of these traits, especially the last one. I’ve been distancing myself as being friends with her is emotionally draining and frustrating.
It took me a long time to recognize these traits in a family member because I couldn’t wrap my mind around the behavior. I’ve since learned a lot about toxic people and now I have no contact. I’m sad about it but I couldn’t continue taking her mental abuse. Great video!
Thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced this. It is very unsettling isn't it. Afterwards one can find themselves questioning their instincts and good judgment. At least for me, I find it very challenging to trust people now.
Oh my ! What a shock! i just realized that my ex best friend was a toxic person! You described her perfectly, she did all the things you mentioned! Luckily I ended that relationship years ago! thanks!
Really great video and crazy story. Not going to lie I got really into the story, and got emotional because I hate this kind of behaviour. Thank you for taking such an impactful story and turn it into something everyone can learn from
Thank you! I was OK when I was talking about it, but when I was editing I had a hard time getting through listening to it again. I’ll consider it worth it if I can help at least one person by sharing! 💚
I hear so many stories about toxic people, and I've also had a fair share of them in my life. So I've actually recently started to wonder if I'm not unknowingly toxic myself 😂
💚 I have always been a trusting person, and I have lived through many of these kinds of relationships. Where my struggle is most deep is telling myself I am the one who is wrong (I’ve bought into the gaslighting). I’ve finally withdrawn so far that I’m “safe” now. Thank you for putting yourself out there to teach us that those things are not normal or right.
I was nearly 70 before I was able to put absolute distance between myself and the last few toxic people in my life. I realized what they were doing but they were either extended family members or old friends. And it was difficult to disengage completely. But i had a life threatening illness which helped me gain the courage and perspective to boot 'en all out! As soon as I got home from the hospital I announced I would no longer be over extending myself to anyone else and needed to focus on my health and well-being. It took awhile before they realized I was serious and they made a few tries to weasel back in. But they wilted under my calculated stony silence! And I am healthier, happier and wealthier with those people gone out of my life. They are still out there running their scams on other caring individuals and leaving a trail of misery and broken relationships everywhere they go!
Toxic people love to prey on caring empathetic individuals like you and me. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thanks for the signs to look out for too. ❤
💚 I am currently married to a person like this (they’re also known as narcissists) and have six children with him. He is CONSTANTLY blaming me for everything…even a hit and run car accident was my fault! Constantly gaslighting me. I’ve tried to get away from him but it is almost impossible. I’m so stressed out and frustrated because he’s ruining my life and the kids’ lives. I’m so sorry you went through all that, but thank you for sharing it. Hopefully it will help others recognize and remove toxic people in their lives. 💚💚
my very toxic sister always brags to me about how many friends she has, insinuating that I have none. I always tell her I only keep people in my life who add to my happiness and so far, there are too many troubled people looking for someone to dump on. If I kept everyone in my life who I ever met, I would be a sadder person. Sometimes being alone is so much better than being with users and abusers.
Wonderful! You just explained my 65 yr old uncle to a TEE! He bummed off my family for 3 weeks. It was a short but ugly whirlwind. He's gone now and we'll informed to never return. I chose to love him FROM A DISTANCE!
💚 My daughter and I have similar stories. Mine I can talk about without getting emotional most of the time, it was my Mother-in-law(MIL) , whom we last saw 14 years ago and she has since died. My daughter not only grew up under her grandmother's toxic ways, but has had a more recent experience. I have sent my daughter this video link and I hope it helps her to realize that other people share in this experience. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was lucky and when we left my MIL, my husband was with me and agreed we could not continue to have his mother in our lives. Also, I found it helpful to review narcissistic personality disorder, of which my MIL checked all/almost all of the boxes.
My sister is like your ex friend and my mom used to say "I just don't understand how one person can be so unlucky and misunderstood" but not as a way to question her, as a way to tell me my sister never does anything wrong! I began to realise my whole family is unfortunately deeply toxic and no one wants to be better, they want to excuse each other and truth telling is the only actual sin. I can't live that way, and when I tried to have a relationship with them while being my authentic self the stress put me in hospital. So now I'm free of them.
Wow. The 6 Signs of a Toxic Person was like a playlist of my sister's traits. All the horrible people in her life. The inability to take care of herself. Etc., etc. I have always tried not to criticize so she would have at least one person in her life to talk to that doesn't put her down. However her current self-made situation is so dismal, I tried to give her some advise. It was not received well. I was shut down! My brother is a train wreck also. It is exhausting trying to love toxic people. Thank you for sharing your story. Your openess and honesty will help others see what they are dealing with and hopefully strengthen their resolve to distance themselves from toxic people, as it did for me.
I understand you... Kind, loving people find it very difficult to discard someone, especially a family member, however toxic they might be... But that is the right thing to do. Once a wise person gave me following advice, helping to end a toxic relationship where my boyfriend was even physically abusive: the good advice was: don't let them do this to you, because that way, you validate that behaviour. You actually signal to them that it's o.k. to behave that way... If they always find someone who tolerates their misbehaviour, they are never forced to suffer the consequences of their actions. They are saved from that pain, however, that pain might have helped them to become a better person and change that behaviour. After this advice, I broke up. Actually, I think many other things could be said: like value yourself more and respect yourself more, that might be a better reason for not letting these toxic people stay; however, I understand why that pastor told me this. He knew I didn't love and respect myself. So I wouldn't said no for my own sake. But I did love that person, so I did the right thing for his sake.
I’ve had 3 “friends” that were users, mooches, or gaslighters. All before age 23. Now I’m a bit jaded and haven’t made any new friends other than a couple through my husband. I still have two good friends from age 18, so I’m beyond great full for them.
This sounds like my brother, he doesn’t steal from people, but he is always asking for money, and he always blames it on bad energy and people with the bad energy 🙄
Thanks for being willing to share. Growing up, my mother was the toxic person in my life, yelling or hitting when she didn't get her way right away and either justifying her behavior or denying it ever happened when confronted. Makes you feel like you are crazy, or just drives you crazy with the lying! I am now basically married to my mother! My husband regularly pitches hissy fits about anything and everything and you are never quite sure what it is going to be. (I got yelled at today for throwing out the plastic magazine wrapper he left on the living room floor. Apparently he saves those and I have ruined his life by throwing one out.) If I say anything about how his behavior makes me feel, he goes on the offensive and tells me what a jerk I am and that I just make things up to make him look bad. The other options are that it is my choice to be upset by what he says and does and there is nothing he can do about it, or there are so many more things he could complain about but he is such a nice guy and holds back a lot of the criticism he could share. My sister has decided to follow in my mother's footsteps with a slight twist, if you say anything about how the yelling or criticism or belittling makes you feel, she cancels things and refuses to talk to the rest of the family for a good long while and when everyone is all worried and upset, she says she has been "told about herself" and is too hurt to deal with anyone, like the person she yelled at is the mean one and she is the poor victim. Needless to say, since they are all family, I can't just discontinue the relationships, but having people be open about toxic people and especially gaslighting has been such a relief. For so long we as a society blamed people for having a victim mentality and basically implied that they brought it on themselves. Reality is, there are mean people out there, there are liars, and putting off bad behavior on to someone else doesn't make it right. And yeah, my hands are shaking trying to type this. ;)
If only I had known these signs 20 years ago when I made an important life choice. UA-cam hadn't been invented. You are soooooooo right. Each time you talked about a sign I said "yes, that's one, yeap that too, oh yea this one also".The only one I couldn't relate was the last one. But it makes no difference, its the least important of all. The negativity of these people is piercing through your heart.
OMG I didn’t realize I was friends with a toxic person for more than 15 years. I finally removed her from life now watching this video was a confirmation that I did the best for my own sanity and I do not feel bad for removing her.
As someone who owns the film Gaslight, I can tell you that the husband didn’t use the gaslights in the house as a strategy in his manipulative tactics. The gaslights in the house dimmed because he was in the attic using light. Very great movie.
Ouch! What a terrible experience to have to go through! Toxic people - behaviour sounds very much like narcissism! 🙄 It's amazing how often we don't see it even if it's right on front of our eyes, we then think there's something wrong with US, that we aren't kind, or patient or tolerant enough with them. I have found Dr Ramani's videos on narcissism on UA-cam amazingly helpful 😊
Thank you for sharing that experience. It took courage to allow us into your past like that. I applaud the content and your efforts to help people recognize and cull out the human clutter that can bring toxic energy into our lives.
I thought of something while watching this great video. Your aunt was helping your toxic friend and you as well. If your aunt didn't know you very well then she could see you as toxic too and this is something a toxic person can do is make you look bad to others even when all you were doing was trying to help.
Hey I’m a fellow Hoosier too! I had a toxic work environment. The boss was never at work in normal working hours, if she worked at all. She use to call the employees while she was home to stir up trouble among co workers. Lots of gaslighting there too.
When my husband and I first got engaged we got another couple in to pay half the rent. My fiancé had to work away sometimes and he would write to me. Sometimes in conversations she would bring up something that I would think how did she know that I’ve never spoken to her about that and realised she must be reading our letters in my bedside drawer. Then I came home from work one lunchtime and she was using a frypan of mine that was an engagement present that I had stored my presents at the top of our wardrobe for when we got our own house. When I confronted her she said oh the frypan in the kitchen isnt very good so I went looking for another. (What in my wardrobe 🤬). I went through all my other presents and she had pretty much used everything. She told me she worked when she moved in but she didn’t so she had all day to go through our things. The next week we said we had bought a house and are moving so they need to go.
Oh boy! We shared our house with another couple once. It was our house but they brought all their furniture so it was very crowded as they had soooo much stuff. It was not a good experience despite them actually being quite nice people. I cant imagine having that experience with toxic people.
A "friend" from high school reappeared in my life recently. She was verbally and emotionally abusive in high school and played the victim every chance she got. The relationship finally broke after she graduated but she "apologized" over social media recently and tried to get back in my life. We hung out once. Just for context, I have bipolar disorder and have been in therapy for several years. She started doing the same stuff from high school when I made a comment about not being sure if I could attend her birthday party. Except now she has the extra annoyance of being self-righteous with everything. She goes off on me when I say that I think I can actually make it, and plays the victim once more. A thirty three year old woman is THIS upset that someone she has hung out with once in the past fourteen years decided to COME to the birthday party that she invited me to. Also for context, the reason that I might not have come was because I was going through intensive outpatient therapy because I wasn't doing well. Luckily, my meds got changed and it helped greatly. Did not go to her party, did not provide an explanation, and have not had contact since. Told all of this to my therapist because she made me feel like I was the crazy one and that I was being horrible. He basically said I did the right thing and called her narcissistic. Cut these people out of your life! You deserve better!
Any relationship that makes you feel worse about yourself, rather than better, is toxic! When you are left feeling unloved, drained and have been attacked in any way, is a sure sign that you're in a toxic relationship. No one is worth staying in a relationship that causes you constant pain and heartache.💔 💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
wow! This is my first people-centered video of yours that I have seen and it was awesome. I loved that it was informative, entertaining, super clear. thank you! ❤
As I have decluttered my physical space, I have also been working on decluttering my life of toxic people. So difficult because I seem to attract them. It used to drive my mom crazy; she said that the more people tried to warn me about someone the more I would stick up for them. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this, but I’m glad that you came out of this stronger and wiser. Thank you for sharing this; it’s helpful, and I’m going to check out the blog post.
I just wanted to thank you soooo much for this video... I watched it right after you posted it, but only now did I really find a use for the tips you gave. I just avoided a toxic person I hadn't seen in 8 years and suddenly came into my life, told me a lot of bad things about how her husband mistreated her, that their house is falling down (literally) and that she really needs a new place etc. A very sad story and a very fast move: she wants to celebrate our children's birthdays together. And she keeps asking me a lot of favors (creating an invite to her kid's party, asking the children's teacher to talk to her since the phone broke, etc.), but she's so rude and needy at the same time, and she doesn't have respect for boundaries... I'm so grateful to have these tips in mind!
Thanks for sharing your experience. This is a good reminder too. I'm going to share this with my teen daughter, who is so sweet and friendly with everyone and might fall for someone like this. I've had many similar experiences too and have been gaslit in many of my close relationships throughout my life, which is why I now keep a wide healthy boundary up (except for with my teen kids). I have always questioned whether I'm the toxic one, because of having all these relationships with super toxic persons as well. That is why I believe gaslighting is the worse form of abuse. Thanks too for all your videos. They have been good reminders to motivate me to simplify my life more. I've always been a minimalist, but having kids has made that harder to do. I'm currently reducing all my mementos of them - biggest challenge yet. I highly recommend taking a picture before letting go of sentimental items too. It's the only way I've been able to do it.
I have found personally that it is the nice folks who are willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Been there, done that. It has taken me decades to learn to immediately repel the "fleas of life" 😩👍🏻
Very right. Just they may say sort of sorry without really accepting any fault. They may ‘support’ themselves, but to look good and not towards detoxication (because they deny any toxicity).
You don’t know how badly I needed this video❤️ it came RIGHT on time. I love your channel so much! It’s helped me so much and you continue to help me💯🥰
I try to just take my own inventory nowadays. I wasn't a great person when I was younger and feel shame about some of my behaviour. It's easy to point the finger.
I had a toxic parent that I almost cut out of my life years ago. Instead, for many reasons, I decided the best route was to just not share any more with that parent than I had too. Sadly, that continued from 1989 until their death in 2014. It's a lot easier to ditch toxic friends than a parent. Your story is very similar to my toxic parent: always the victim, always right, turned the tables so it was always someone else's problem. Lots of passive aggressive behavior.
Wow I'm sad that happened to you. I'm glad you know the coach who remembered seeing "Stacey" so you both could confront her! Sounds like she was driving illegally too! What a mess. Glad she's gone for good. :) Hugs! Thank you for being brave to tell your story.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this! But makes for a great story and declutter video today♥ Each experience with a toxic person makes identifying the next one easier and faster. #6 is new to me but so true!
Thank you SO much for posting this video. I was recently thinking about reconmecting with a niece because family is important to me. But she fits every single one of these warning signs. I can't do that to my family again. If her mom tries to push that relationship again, I'm just sending her this video
I've recently walked away from several friendships where the other person was toxic or had become toxic. It's hard, I totally get why it's such an emotional topic. Two were short term friendships, but the other one has been since my teens. I guess I grew tired of lies, half truths, being made to feel bad about myself when in truth, I had done nothing wrong. I miss the people I thought they were, but I don't miss the drama.
There are a few other types of toxic people. One such person I know...often picks critically at me, pointing out errors that she herself makes just as frequently. I started feeling uneasy being around her because she seemed ... I can't put a finger on it...but I felt like she was trying to take me down. I learned to let it roll off my back, until she did something weird that was a direct attack, strange...she moved something important to me. Not extremely hidden, but I had no idea where it was or what happened or why. I came upon it later as I went about my day. There was NO reason to move my tiny file cabinet - and it was a real pain to me to have to go a distance to access my files, That;s when I realized she's just odd, possibly slightly autistic. I avoid her now. (I used to go out of my way to include her, draw her out, confide in her, grow closer... she's socially awkward. She also let slip a few things that tell me she's like certain celebrities - she wants certain jobs that could give her fame and importance, but although she has skills, she doesn't have the skills suited to what she really wants.
You described it well: they constantly!!! pick at others and criticize others. They want to make you feel weak so they can better manipulate you, and so they can feel better (I just use "you" in general sense). Because, instead of working on themselves, they just point fingers at everyone else, it's always the fault of others, but they have this facade that they are perfect, flawless. These people are narcissists! Look up narcissism, for example the free video channels Surviving narcissism by Dr Les Carter and DoctorRamani.
Wow, what a story! Wanna hear mine, lol. The senior-most employee at my job, been here 16 years, is one of these people. Looong story short, she stole thousands of dollars from the company, I'm the one who caught her through bookkeeping. Her reasoning for her actions made literally no sense. She felt she deserved more for her job, so she would disguise personal purchases as company expense. My boss is either a kind man or a fool, for she is still here. I have to deal with her toxic bullshit everyday. I wish I could cut her from my life, but I love where I work, I just can't stand her.
Unfortunately my Mom is a toxic person. It is very stressful and hard living with her. Right now though I don't have a choice as my son has cancer and I am a single mom. It all was just to much to handle having an apartment on my own.
omg - this has happened to me! I live in Indiana! Maybe I need to move! (just kidding). But I've had something very similar happen twice in my life, and I really am in Indiana. I'm glad you shared this. That is happened to me twice made me feel like an idiot, but no, there are some seriously screwed up people out there! Oh yes -- one of them chose to "gossip" falsehoods about me to those in my social circle to whom I'd introduced her. That left lasting wounds. I finally learned.
Don't feel like a fool. They are masters at manipulation. Otherwise, they couldn't make a living this way. Besides, it only shows you are a very kind and compassionate person (which quality they tried to destroy). It's a very good thing, that there are still good people out there. Now you are wise too, so you won't be taken in. A little waryness and going slow with trust can help avoiding them. Because that thing about them going swift and disregarding your boundaries is so true, and such a huge red flag. Getting money/some benefit out of you is also their common goal.
This reminds me of sth I have experienced.. I had a very good friend, we were very close to each other. But she was lying about things- she was lying about having cancer and being abused by her parents- none of that was true, so my other friends and me „decluttered“ her out of our lifes- sad story
I'm easy manipulated I don't know if I'm a toxic person so I always advise everyone not to be my friend. Warning may come with problems get out while you can I guess that goes for other relationships too. Now that I'm reading it it sounds more like depression. Anyway thanks for sharing Marissa.
Read the blog here: atozenlife.com/toxic-people/ TBH, I almost didn't share this video because of all the terrible emotions welling up inside of me as I edited it: shame, embarrassment, guilt, fear, etc. But then I thought about how the person who did this to me walks around (probably without one iota of guilt) and I realized how unfair it was that I - THE VICTIM - feel all that! So drop me a green heart 💚 emoji if you're picking up what I'm throwing down and/or if you've dealt with (or are currently dealing with) toxic people in your life in honor of National Mental Health Awareness Month.
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"If you got to fool someone, it doesn't mean you are smart and they are stupid, it means they trusted you more than you deserve"
I had a few years of wondering if I was the toxic person. I removed so many toxic people from my life and stopped spending time with my family that I began to fear that there was something wrong with me. I felt a little like the character in gaslight, not certain of my reality. How could all those people be wrong? I must be the 'bad guy'. In hindsight, I think it was a bit of both sides. I do have anxiety and a less than ideal childhood experience, so I never really learned how to make friends in the first place. I chose toxic people without realizing it. That created a cycle of relationships where I allowed people to bully me and occupy my personal space and accepted that I was the unreasonable one and that I was almost always in the wrong. Now that I am older and hopefully wiser, I think that I recognize those red flags a little better than I used to. I have learned how to say 'no' to people who ask for too much and I have accepted the fact that my family and I have parted ways now that they have realized that I will no longer be bullied. In my opinion, in order to have a good quality of life, it is critical to declutter people who are toxic to you.
I think that this is a very important observation, and people who have been immersed in the cycle for so long have difficulty recognizing, like you said! Hugs and healing to you. 💚
I feel this in my soul!!
I could have written this myself. I had a VERY bad childhood and did not know or understand that people were abusing me. I know better now. I went to counseling and bounced some of this stuff off them, and they agreed that these people were in the wrong and I needed to get away from them. My family had to go. But I also stopped seeing my husband's family. I felt as you did, can all these people be wrong? But they were treating me like a non-person. I was not one of them, I was not told about family events, I was not included in certain gift exchanges. Once my name was not even signed on a card that was, "from the whole family!" My husband always forgot to tell me everything, and he thought I was overreacting. It had to stop. I still don't understand why they did this, and why I was not good enough for them. They did this to the other sister-in-law, too, so it just wasn't me. What the heck is their problem? Maybe this is passive aggressive, I don't know. I think my husband shows passive aggressive behavior, so maybe the whole family is like that for some reason.
@@petmomful2260 Your experience is indeed quite similar to mine. My mother and sister once left my name out of the family holiday gift pick without telling me. They were on the outs with my other sister and assumed that because she opted out of the gift pick, that I would do so as well. When my mom realized that there was no gift under the tree for me, she rushed out and bought me some drugstore items and laughed about it as if she and my sister hadn't caused the situation in the first place. It's that sort of 'mean girl' and weirdly childish and simple-minded behaviour that began to convince me that I was not imagining things, that they actually /were/ doing these awful things to me and excluding me from my own family circle and then finding ways to blame me for anything that turned out to be awkward, such as one of them being caught in a flat out lie. I also fell out with my in-laws over money and other very toxic reasons. My husband and I went through some rough times with our families and he is now very realistic about the unhealthy behaviours of his family. He goes for the odd occasion or holiday to share a meal or say hello to his mother, but he stays away from them otherwise. This comment section makes me think that this sort of situation may be more common that I would have thought. It helps to know that there are other people out there who know how you feel, others who also see the changes in the gaslight and can confirm the /you/ are not the crazy one.
@@Carobmoth Yes, I guess it is common. My problem is that my husband takes THEIR side. He thinks I am overreacting and no one has done anything wrong. So he goes and sees his family without me. I feel for you a lot. It is so hard to understand why people go out of their way to be so mean. My oldest sister is a narcissist and for years they have been having a game night/Xmas without my family. We are not invited because I finally stood up to her and said that she was lying. The rest of the family goes along to keep the peace, I guess. Such a toxic environment.
Sadly, I stopped a 50+ year friendship 5 years ago for similar situation. She crossed the boundaries of my family and lied to me about it. When I kindly sent her a text telling her it makes it hard to trust her, I was cursed out like you wouldn’t believe! The words used I wouldn’t say to my worst enemy! It was then I recognized the years of gossip and gaslighting anyone she didn’t agree with, and I cut it off. Other friends we share don’t understand it all. Only one still speaks to me, and I’m very cautious with her. Although she’s not a gossip, I still lean on the cautious side. At 63 yrs of age, I have no time for this drama that women my age create. Life is too short. The peace I have since making this decision has confirmed it was a right one.
I am not proud to say that I was and can still be a toxic person. It stems from massive insecurity that was engrained in me at an early age and through my formative years through my parents’ actions. This is not an excuse and I try hard through therapy and self-help to rid these traits. I am a work in progress and even though I still have a lot of insecurities, I try to identify and acknowledge when I can (hard in the moment) and reflect and reground myself. To anyone who has the same experience as me, please be kind to yourself but keep working on it and don’t give up. Let’s not pass our traumas onto others, especially those we love, including the next generation ❤.
Clutter comes in human form too ❤️
Yes! And all the emotions they bring with them. ❤️
Agreed
most of my family is rather a toxic person or an emotional vampire. After YEARS and YEARS and YEARS of being abused and taken advantage of I CUT... THEM... OFF!!! I was called a monster but I don't care. My life very peaceful now.
You’ve got to look out for YOU! 💚
I can relate. Zero contact for about 20 years now. No guilt, no drama, no stress, no manipulations. Peace is wonderful. Blessings to you. 💚
When you are immediately feeling guilty, because so many human relations went wrong, and you use this list to check if you are toxic, and then remember that those people would not do that
I don't think I've ever had a good experience "reconnecting" with an old friend from childhood. In every case, they changed for the worse or I'd "outgrown" them 💔
That can be disappointing, for sure. 😞
I have a couple of people like that in my extended family. They got me pretty good a few years back. They love bombed me into believing that they wanted to move into my area and make a "new start". I spent a lot of my resources and time helping them and listened to all their stories of how they'd been victimized all their life.... only to find they were a flaming narcissistic mother-son duo who wore me out! She actually had designs of taking over my property. I cut them off completely once I saw their true nature but not before she'd convinced some other individuals in my life to be her flying monkies. I held my head up high and went on with my life. Now a few years later they've fallen out with everyone else in the family. They just move from victim to victim leaving a trail of misery in their wake. I realize they prey on kind, accepting people like us.
Yep I had a so called friend like that. She never had any food so our group paid for it, also when we all went on holiday we paid for that too. In the end we became suspicious when she asked us to pay her cats vets bills. We contacted the Vets and it was a lie. She hid her food in a cupboard when we were there. Her family had disowned her and she had changed her name. She was a con artist. She even threatened suicide but when we contacted her Drs that was a lie too. Horrid women. Later we heard she even bragged about nicking £9k off a women in a wheel chair. There were 16 of us and we all fell for it. No one expects someone to be like that.💚
😳 That is unbelievable. Sorry you had to go through that!
Any time someone threatens suicide call the authorities. Take it seriously. Suicide needs professional help.. They are really suicidal, or call their manipulating bluff. In the USA they will lock them up for 72 hours to evaluate them. They need help putting a stop to their behavior regardless.
@@danikeebler1662 I did. I dropped everything, and arrived at her house. She laughed and said she was bored. I contacted her Dr, social services etc., it was all a scam to get money. She even did a cancer fund raiser and kept the money.
💚I was a doormat in my 20’s. I gave away a lot of money to toxic people and I wasn’t even making very much but they seemed to need it so much more. I was actually going without to help them. Of course, they were only around when they needed something. One taker after another. Then I listened to a cassette series of a book (showing my age) called Speak Up, Set Limits, and Say No. Once I grew a spine all these “friends” just melted away. It’s over 30 years later and I still think of that series that totally changed my life.
I just searched and you can listen to the book here on UA-cam! Thanks!
You are describing an ex husband! I spent years thinking I must be crazy, because it couldn’t be him. I expect this has happened to others too.💚
Similar situation happened with my husband and a long-time friend of his. I saw the toxicity before my husband did and even though I was relieved when it all ended, my heart still broke for my husband the night he kicked his friend out. Something I read a few months afterwards though really put it in perspective....ppl like that see everything as theirs, you just happen to be wearing it or using it, etc. The watch on your wrist is theirs, you just happen to have it on right now. The money you have is theirs, it just happens to be in your checking account.
Sounds like entitlement! 🤔
Thank you for sharing this story from your life. I have a coworker that is dealing with family that mistreats her in these ways. Great information! If people are truly responsible, then a written plan with goals is not too much to set in place before anything happens
I have a friend of 20 years who has every single one of these traits, especially the last one. I’ve been distancing myself as being friends with her is emotionally draining and frustrating.
It took me a long time to recognize these traits in a family member because I couldn’t wrap my mind around the behavior. I’ve since learned a lot about toxic people and now I have no contact. I’m sad about it but I couldn’t continue taking her mental abuse. Great video!
Thanks for watching, Wendy. 💚
SAME ! It IS sad. But much better to be free of their relentless toxicity & insanity.
Bad people recognize good ones immediately. I have been through that. And it always the closest friends. Now I am very careful.
Thank you for sharing. Sorry you experienced this. It is very unsettling isn't it. Afterwards one can find themselves questioning their instincts and good judgment. At least for me, I find it very challenging to trust people now.
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Oh my ! What a shock! i just realized that my ex best friend was a toxic person! You described her perfectly, she did all the things you mentioned! Luckily I ended that relationship years ago! thanks!
Really great video and crazy story. Not going to lie I got really into the story, and got emotional because I hate this kind of behaviour. Thank you for taking such an impactful story and turn it into something everyone can learn from
Thank you! I was OK when I was talking about it, but when I was editing I had a hard time getting through listening to it again. I’ll consider it worth it if I can help at least one person by sharing! 💚
I hear so many stories about toxic people, and I've also had a fair share of them in my life. So I've actually recently started to wonder if I'm not unknowingly toxic myself 😂
As long as you can reflect your behavior and are wondering if it might be that you are the toxic one...then you're NOT😃
💚 I have always been a trusting person, and I have lived through many of these kinds of relationships. Where my struggle is most deep is telling myself I am the one who is wrong (I’ve bought into the gaslighting).
I’ve finally withdrawn so far that I’m “safe” now. Thank you for putting yourself out there to teach us that those things are not normal or right.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve also experienced these struggles. 💚 I’ll be wishing you the best in your healing journey.
oh My. you have told my story. You have put into words I could never enunciate so clearly. I'm so glad I saw your reply
I was nearly 70 before I was able to put absolute distance between myself and the last few toxic people in my life. I realized what they were doing but they were either extended family members or old friends. And it was difficult to disengage completely. But i had a life threatening illness which helped me gain the courage and perspective to boot 'en all out! As soon as I got home from the hospital I announced I would no longer be over extending myself to anyone else and needed to focus on my health and well-being. It took awhile before they realized I was serious and they made a few tries to weasel back in. But they wilted under my calculated stony silence! And I am healthier, happier and wealthier with those people gone out of my life. They are still out there running their scams on other caring individuals and leaving a trail of misery and broken relationships everywhere they go!
Toxic people love to prey on caring empathetic individuals like you and me. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thanks for the signs to look out for too. ❤
💚 I am currently married to a person like this (they’re also known as narcissists) and have six children with him. He is CONSTANTLY blaming me for everything…even a hit and run car accident was my fault! Constantly gaslighting me. I’ve tried to get away from him but it is almost impossible. I’m so stressed out and frustrated because he’s ruining my life and the kids’ lives. I’m so sorry you went through all that, but thank you for sharing it. Hopefully it will help others recognize and remove toxic people in their lives. 💚💚
I hope things get better for you, I been there too. Hugs from Texas sent your way.
This is terrible! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. 😢
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my very toxic sister always brags to me about how many friends she has, insinuating that I have none. I always tell her I only keep people in my life who add to my happiness and so far, there are too many troubled people looking for someone to dump on. If I kept everyone in my life who I ever met, I would be a sadder person. Sometimes being alone is so much better than being with users and abusers.
Wonderful! You just explained my 65 yr old uncle to a TEE! He bummed off my family for 3 weeks. It was a short but ugly whirlwind. He's gone now and we'll informed to never return. I chose to love him FROM A DISTANCE!
💚 My daughter and I have similar stories. Mine I can talk about without getting emotional most of the time, it was my Mother-in-law(MIL) , whom we last saw 14 years ago and she has since died. My daughter not only grew up under her grandmother's toxic ways, but has had a more recent experience. I have sent my daughter this video link and I hope it helps her to realize that other people share in this experience.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was lucky and when we left my MIL, my husband was with me and agreed we could not continue to have his mother in our lives. Also, I found it helpful to review narcissistic personality disorder, of which my MIL checked all/almost all of the boxes.
My sister is like your ex friend and my mom used to say "I just don't understand how one person can be so unlucky and misunderstood" but not as a way to question her, as a way to tell me my sister never does anything wrong! I began to realise my whole family is unfortunately deeply toxic and no one wants to be better, they want to excuse each other and truth telling is the only actual sin. I can't live that way, and when I tried to have a relationship with them while being my authentic self the stress put me in hospital. So now I'm free of them.
Wow. The 6 Signs of a Toxic Person was like a playlist of my sister's traits. All the horrible people in her life. The inability to take care of herself. Etc., etc. I have always tried not to criticize so she would have at least one person in her life to talk to that doesn't put her down. However her current self-made situation is so dismal, I tried to give her some advise. It was not received well. I was shut down! My brother is a train wreck also. It is exhausting trying to love toxic people. Thank you for sharing your story. Your openess and honesty will help others see what they are dealing with and hopefully strengthen their resolve to distance themselves from toxic people, as it did for me.
I understand you... Kind, loving people find it very difficult to discard someone, especially a family member, however toxic they might be... But that is the right thing to do. Once a wise person gave me following advice, helping to end a toxic relationship where my boyfriend was even physically abusive: the good advice was: don't let them do this to you, because that way, you validate that behaviour. You actually signal to them that it's o.k. to behave that way... If they always find someone who tolerates their misbehaviour, they are never forced to suffer the consequences of their actions. They are saved from that pain, however, that pain might have helped them to become a better person and change that behaviour. After this advice, I broke up. Actually, I think many other things could be said: like value yourself more and respect yourself more, that might be a better reason for not letting these toxic people stay; however, I understand why that pastor told me this. He knew I didn't love and respect myself. So I wouldn't said no for my own sake. But I did love that person, so I did the right thing for his sake.
💚thank you, it’s hard to admit that you have been fooled by someone like this but it’s really positive to acknowledge it and declutter them xx
It’s so hard when you/us obviously love the person/people. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so hard to discern in the first place. ❤️
So good and so real. These people are everywhere.
I’ve had 3 “friends” that were users, mooches, or gaslighters. All before age 23. Now I’m a bit jaded and haven’t made any new friends other than a couple through my husband. I still have two good friends from age 18, so I’m beyond great full for them.
This sounds like my brother, he doesn’t steal from people, but he is always asking for money, and he always blames it on bad energy and people with the bad energy 🙄
Thanks for being willing to share. Growing up, my mother was the toxic person in my life, yelling or hitting when she didn't get her way right away and either justifying her behavior or denying it ever happened when confronted. Makes you feel like you are crazy, or just drives you crazy with the lying! I am now basically married to my mother! My husband regularly pitches hissy fits about anything and everything and you are never quite sure what it is going to be. (I got yelled at today for throwing out the plastic magazine wrapper he left on the living room floor. Apparently he saves those and I have ruined his life by throwing one out.) If I say anything about how his behavior makes me feel, he goes on the offensive and tells me what a jerk I am and that I just make things up to make him look bad. The other options are that it is my choice to be upset by what he says and does and there is nothing he can do about it, or there are so many more things he could complain about but he is such a nice guy and holds back a lot of the criticism he could share. My sister has decided to follow in my mother's footsteps with a slight twist, if you say anything about how the yelling or criticism or belittling makes you feel, she cancels things and refuses to talk to the rest of the family for a good long while and when everyone is all worried and upset, she says she has been "told about herself" and is too hurt to deal with anyone, like the person she yelled at is the mean one and she is the poor victim. Needless to say, since they are all family, I can't just discontinue the relationships, but having people be open about toxic people and especially gaslighting has been such a relief. For so long we as a society blamed people for having a victim mentality and basically implied that they brought it on themselves. Reality is, there are mean people out there, there are liars, and putting off bad behavior on to someone else doesn't make it right. And yeah, my hands are shaking trying to type this. ;)
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@M R Thank you. 🙂
If only I had known these signs 20 years ago when I made an important life choice. UA-cam hadn't been invented. You are soooooooo right. Each time you talked about a sign I said "yes, that's one, yeap that too, oh yea this one also".The only one I couldn't relate was the last one. But it makes no difference, its the least important of all. The negativity of these people is piercing through your heart.
😢 Sorry you had to go through that!
💚 Thank you for sharing Marissa!!💕 I take note of everything you said, so it dosen’t happen to me again. These type of people shouldn’t exist. 😔
Thanks for the support, Maria - I hope you don’t have any encounters like this yourself in the future. 💚
I'm so sorry you got treated that way! I appreciate some talks that aren't just positive -- it's helpful.
Narcissism is also toxic too. I don't have Facebook or Twitter accounts, because I can't stand those self-promotions and narcissism.
Oooh, I’m actually talking about this topic in next week’s video…I just can’t do those apps or TikTok. 🤪
OMG I didn’t realize I was friends with a toxic person for more than 15 years. I finally removed her from life now watching this video was a confirmation that I did the best for my own sanity and I do not feel bad for removing her.
Hindsight is 20/20. So many of my “friendships” in my 20s were toxic.
Sorry you had this experience too, Erica - I think opening up about this just goes to show, this is more common than we realize! 💚
@@AtoZenLife I’m so glad you shared. It’s important for women to recognize that kind of toxicity.
As someone who owns the film Gaslight, I can tell you that the husband didn’t use the gaslights in the house as a strategy in his manipulative tactics. The gaslights in the house dimmed because he was in the attic using light. Very great movie.
Ouch! What a terrible experience to have to go through!
Toxic people - behaviour sounds very much like narcissism! 🙄
It's amazing how often we don't see it even if it's right on front of our eyes, we then think there's something wrong with US, that we aren't kind, or patient or tolerant enough with them. I have found Dr Ramani's videos on narcissism on UA-cam amazingly helpful 😊
Me too, I also watch Dr Ramani! Dr Les Carter too, his channel is Surviving narcissism.
Thank you for sharing that experience. It took courage to allow us into your past like that. I applaud the content and your efforts to help people recognize and cull out the human clutter that can bring toxic energy into our lives.
fully agree with this, well said!
I thought of something while watching this great video. Your aunt was helping your toxic friend and you as well. If your aunt didn't know you very well then she could see you as toxic too and this is something a toxic person can do is make you look bad to others even when all you were doing was trying to help.
Wow, what a story. It just shows how innocent you were and how much faith and trust you have in people.
Wow that is exactly someone who’s in my life right now. Every single point. Thanks for the heads up!
Hey I’m a fellow Hoosier too! I had a toxic work environment. The boss was never at work in normal working hours, if she worked at all. She use to call the employees while she was home to stir up trouble among co workers. Lots of gaslighting there too.
That’s such a wild story, I’m so sorry someone that you could have had such a deep connection with treated you so poorly 🙁
Not a deep connection then
Great tips. Thanks for sharing. Toxic ppl are such energy suckers.
At the three minute mark I have to admit alarms started going off.
Oh girl, I’ve had some seriously toxic people in my life, and one by one have let them go - very good video
When my husband and I first got engaged we got another couple in to pay half the rent. My fiancé had to work away sometimes and he would write to me. Sometimes in conversations she would bring up something that I would think how did she know that I’ve never spoken to her about that and realised she must be reading our letters in my bedside drawer. Then I came home from work one lunchtime and she was using a frypan of mine that was an engagement present that I had stored my presents at the top of our wardrobe for when we got our own house. When I confronted her she said oh the frypan in the kitchen isnt very good so I went looking for another. (What in my wardrobe 🤬). I went through all my other presents and she had pretty much used everything. She told me she worked when she moved in but she didn’t so she had all day to go through our things. The next week we said we had bought a house and are moving so they need to go.
Oh boy! We shared our house with another couple once. It was our house but they brought all their furniture so it was very crowded as they had soooo much stuff. It was not a good experience despite them actually being quite nice people. I cant imagine having that experience with toxic people.
Holy moly, I had to go lie down after that story. What an exhausting "friend"! Thank you for sharing!
A "friend" from high school reappeared in my life recently. She was verbally and emotionally abusive in high school and played the victim every chance she got. The relationship finally broke after she graduated but she "apologized" over social media recently and tried to get back in my life. We hung out once. Just for context, I have bipolar disorder and have been in therapy for several years. She started doing the same stuff from high school when I made a comment about not being sure if I could attend her birthday party. Except now she has the extra annoyance of being self-righteous with everything. She goes off on me when I say that I think I can actually make it, and plays the victim once more. A thirty three year old woman is THIS upset that someone she has hung out with once in the past fourteen years decided to COME to the birthday party that she invited me to. Also for context, the reason that I might not have come was because I was going through intensive outpatient therapy because I wasn't doing well. Luckily, my meds got changed and it helped greatly. Did not go to her party, did not provide an explanation, and have not had contact since. Told all of this to my therapist because she made me feel like I was the crazy one and that I was being horrible. He basically said I did the right thing and called her narcissistic. Cut these people out of your life! You deserve better!
Any relationship that makes you feel worse about yourself, rather than better, is toxic! When you are left feeling unloved, drained and have been attacked in any way, is a sure sign that you're in a toxic relationship. No one is worth staying in a relationship that causes you constant pain and heartache.💔
💙UA-camr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
wow! This is my first people-centered video of yours that I have seen and it was awesome. I loved that it was informative, entertaining, super clear. thank you! ❤
The fact that it took you quite some time to kick her out only testifies to what a good person you are.
As I have decluttered my physical space, I have also been working on decluttering my life of toxic people. So difficult because I seem to attract them. It used to drive my mom crazy; she said that the more people tried to warn me about someone the more I would stick up for them. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this, but I’m glad that you came out of this stronger and wiser. Thank you for sharing this; it’s helpful, and I’m going to check out the blog post.
I just wanted to thank you soooo much for this video... I watched it right after you posted it, but only now did I really find a use for the tips you gave. I just avoided a toxic person I hadn't seen in 8 years and suddenly came into my life, told me a lot of bad things about how her husband mistreated her, that their house is falling down (literally) and that she really needs a new place etc. A very sad story and a very fast move: she wants to celebrate our children's birthdays together. And she keeps asking me a lot of favors (creating an invite to her kid's party, asking the children's teacher to talk to her since the phone broke, etc.), but she's so rude and needy at the same time, and she doesn't have respect for boundaries... I'm so grateful to have these tips in mind!
Thanks for sharing your experience. This is a good reminder too. I'm going to share this with my teen daughter, who is so sweet and friendly with everyone and might fall for someone like this. I've had many similar experiences too and have been gaslit in many of my close relationships throughout my life, which is why I now keep a wide healthy boundary up (except for with my teen kids). I have always questioned whether I'm the toxic one, because of having all these relationships with super toxic persons as well. That is why I believe gaslighting is the worse form of abuse. Thanks too for all your videos. They have been good reminders to motivate me to simplify my life more. I've always been a minimalist, but having kids has made that harder to do. I'm currently reducing all my mementos of them - biggest challenge yet. I highly recommend taking a picture before letting go of sentimental items too. It's the only way I've been able to do it.
I have found personally that it is the nice folks who are willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Been there, done that. It has taken me decades to learn to immediately repel the "fleas of life" 😩👍🏻
I got the “you are mistaken” a couple of times. Luckily for me I wasn’t lucrative enough and she moved on.
Toxic Behaviour Precisely explained in the video , keep making this self educating stuff!❤👍🙏
great video, one of ur best in my opinion, very informative but concise, what a creepy "friend' she was,
Very right.
Just they may say sort of sorry without really accepting any fault.
They may ‘support’ themselves, but to look good and not towards detoxication (because they deny any toxicity).
You don’t know how badly I needed this video❤️ it came RIGHT on time. I love your channel so much! It’s helped me so much and you continue to help me💯🥰
Thanks so much for being here. 🥰
Awesome posting. So helpful. Sorry you had a “Stacey” in your life.
I try to just take my own inventory nowadays. I wasn't a great person when I was younger and feel shame about some of my behaviour.
It's easy to point the finger.
I had a toxic parent that I almost cut out of my life years ago. Instead, for many reasons, I decided the best route was to just not share any more with that parent than I had too. Sadly, that continued from 1989 until their death in 2014. It's a lot easier to ditch toxic friends than a parent. Your story is very similar to my toxic parent: always the victim, always right, turned the tables so it was always someone else's problem. Lots of passive aggressive behavior.
Wow I'm sad that happened to you. I'm glad you know the coach who remembered seeing "Stacey" so you both could confront her! Sounds like she was driving illegally too! What a mess. Glad she's gone for good. :) Hugs! Thank you for being brave to tell your story.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this! But makes for a great story and declutter video today♥ Each experience with a toxic person makes identifying the next one easier and faster. #6 is new to me but so true!
Thank you SO much for posting this video. I was recently thinking about reconmecting with a niece because family is important to me. But she fits every single one of these warning signs. I can't do that to my family again. If her mom tries to push that relationship again, I'm just sending her this video
I've recently walked away from several friendships where the other person was toxic or had become toxic. It's hard, I totally get why it's such an emotional topic. Two were short term friendships, but the other one has been since my teens. I guess I grew tired of lies, half truths, being made to feel bad about myself when in truth, I had done nothing wrong. I miss the people I thought they were, but I don't miss the drama.
Thank you so much. I just had a BFF breakup and it's been extremely difficult but necessary
My most used red flag is people who have mostly bad stories about people in their life, including ex-partners and ex-friends.
I have such people but they are my family and I can't get rid of them
😢 Can you go no contact or low contact?
You are reading my mind lately.
The drivers license move...I am having flashbacks of.the movie, Single White Female".
It sounds like your friend was a sick person. I hope you can find a way to forgive her and move on. Happy Mother's Day! 🌹
Thanks Janis. ❤️
There are a few other types of toxic people. One such person I know...often picks critically at me, pointing out errors that she herself makes just as frequently. I started feeling uneasy being around her because she seemed ... I can't put a finger on it...but I felt like she was trying to take me down. I learned to let it roll off my back, until she did something weird that was a direct attack, strange...she moved something important to me. Not extremely hidden, but I had no idea where it was or what happened or why. I came upon it later as I went about my day. There was NO reason to move my tiny file cabinet - and it was a real pain to me to have to go a distance to access my files,
That;s when I realized she's just odd, possibly slightly autistic. I avoid her now. (I used to go out of my way to include her, draw her out, confide in her, grow closer... she's socially awkward. She also let slip a few things that tell me she's like certain celebrities - she wants certain jobs that could give her fame and importance, but although she has skills, she doesn't have the skills suited to what she really wants.
You described it well: they constantly!!! pick at others and criticize others. They want to make you feel weak so they can better manipulate you, and so they can feel better (I just use "you" in general sense). Because, instead of working on themselves, they just point fingers at everyone else, it's always the fault of others, but they have this facade that they are perfect, flawless. These people are narcissists! Look up narcissism, for example the free video channels Surviving narcissism by Dr Les Carter and DoctorRamani.
decluttering friends of 30 plus years-
Wow, what a story! Wanna hear mine, lol. The senior-most employee at my job, been here 16 years, is one of these people. Looong story short, she stole thousands of dollars from the company, I'm the one who caught her through bookkeeping. Her reasoning for her actions made literally no sense. She felt she deserved more for her job, so she would disguise personal purchases as company expense. My boss is either a kind man or a fool, for she is still here. I have to deal with her toxic bullshit everyday. I wish I could cut her from my life, but I love where I work, I just can't stand her.
Unfortunately my Mom is a toxic person. It is very stressful and hard living with her. Right now though I don't have a choice as my son has cancer and I am a single mom. It all was just to much to handle having an apartment on my own.
I hope your son gets well soon. I wish him healing. 💙💙💙
Wow wow Wowzers!! That was intense!!! Sorry that went on so long and glad you got out!
All of these traits remind me of the most toxic person I’ve ever let into my life. Luckily I shut him out many, many years ago at this point.
omg - this has happened to me! I live in Indiana! Maybe I need to move! (just kidding). But I've had something very similar happen twice in my life, and I really am in Indiana. I'm glad you shared this. That is happened to me twice made me feel like an idiot, but no, there are some seriously screwed up people out there! Oh yes -- one of them chose to "gossip" falsehoods about me to those in my social circle to whom I'd introduced her. That left lasting wounds. I finally learned.
Don't feel like a fool. They are masters at manipulation. Otherwise, they couldn't make a living this way. Besides, it only shows you are a very kind and compassionate person (which quality they tried to destroy). It's a very good thing, that there are still good people out there. Now you are wise too, so you won't be taken in. A little waryness and going slow with trust can help avoiding them. Because that thing about them going swift and disregarding your boundaries is so true, and such a huge red flag. Getting money/some benefit out of you is also their common goal.
Wow. Just wow. I feel so bad you went through this. You and your Aunt. 😳
This reminds me of sth I have experienced.. I had a very good friend, we were very close to each other. But she was lying about things- she was lying about having cancer and being abused by her parents- none of that was true, so my other friends and me „decluttered“ her out of our lifes- sad story
Great Video!
💚 I am so sorry you had to deal with this.
I'm easy manipulated I don't know if I'm a toxic person so I always advise everyone not to be my friend. Warning may come with problems get out while you can I guess that goes for other relationships too. Now that I'm reading it it sounds more like depression. Anyway thanks for sharing Marissa.
I hope you’re in a place to to heal or get help. 💚
Very interesting video, thanks for uploading.
Well done!!!
Thank you!!!
My mother is toxic and I've had to cut her from my life. Mother's Day is always bittersweet. At least I know I'm a better mom than she was!
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💚Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure many people will be helped by this
An important topic!! I appreciate you delving into this topic.
Thanks my friend! 💚
So sorry that happened to you.