As a woman that is child free I am puzzled how people don't understand why folks aren't having children. She's right, you are supposed 2 enjoy being a grandparent from the point of view of when you want to see your grandchildren. But the way that families and relationships are set up now I want nothing to do with Having kids of my own I'll stick to being an aunt.
yes, who you telling I am 45 and hell to the NO. I will never have or even wanted kids. I love my get up and go freedom. Heck I don't even want to be a aunt they get on my nerves
And people have the audacity to shame millennials that opt out of having children. We're not blind, we are very much aware of the responsibilities of parenthood, bringing a child into the world is not a walk in the park...
and the village doesn't want to help raise the kids anymore either. I come from a disconnected family and that caused disconnection in my parents because they had no help. I mean if you want to roll like that then don't expect your kids and grandkids to move in with you to look after you when you can't wipe your own ass.... It goes both ways. I don't have children but I'm looking forward to the nursing home unlike many of these people who do not want to create a family and only want to live their best life. Kids remember when they ask to go to grandma and grandad's and the grandparents say no.
@@marleyhill34 and the village shouldn’t that’s what’s gotten most of population with trauma…”shhhhhh don’t tell” type crap it was so much going on then I can’t even repeat it to let it out cause of the “Village” thing…Adults are a problem.
@@sexygabby30 That wasn't the case for me because my parents never got a break they were always stressed out. So my Dad was an abusive alcoholic and everyone in the family knew it but they were too far away to help and my mother is an expert at shutting down her emotions but that led to emotional neglect from her side. In a good village, you can air your disputes, wrongdoings, abuse, grievances and conflicts before the community and the elders, and get them resolved and there are consequences for actions. many voices are heard from both side and both standings like a court. But there are also bad villages where no one says anything about anything including trauma abuse and just let it slide on by and hide the skeletons in the closet.
@@marleyhill34 Y'all deadbeats who overstay your welcome until you wear out your welcome. People avoid family members, who leave their kids on them for days, & weeks. They don't show up on time and don't pay or contribute. Family don't want members taking advantage of them.
I am going to be honest...as a childfree woman I do NOT enjoy being an Aunt. In the black community, being an aunt comes with too many expectations. I just wanna relax and zone out, not look out after any children.
@@saramatthews7159 I hate to admit this, but there is only one of my siblings whose children I utterly adore and would keep without hesitation. The rest of them I utterly despise because they're just like their ratchet parents 🙄 It's definitely a struggle to be an aunt when you're already being overstimulated in your own life. I agree with you.
@@alexishill3342I’m the baby and my older siblings always got me to watch their kids for free. Now they won’t even watch mine bcs they’re busying “living life” with teens. They use the younger siblings too but when it’s time to return the favor, we are told basically oh well. That’s the only part I hate !
The sad part is a lot of the grandma's forced us to be their children sitters to our siblings. We didn't get to give a speech we had to contribute to the household like we were adults. However, she was right on a lot of the things she said.
Correct! Being here is not free. That's what I observe so far. What I eat when I was a child, I worked for it. Help my parents to be able to provide (hard labor) in the table and a bit of stuff. Now, they thought being in social media/showbiz is just for entertainment even though they earn money from it. So, still they provide even they're still infant. 🤷 Sad reality but thankfully I was able to think it thoroughly if I want to bring another human being here.
Exactly! Grandparents kept us without all this grandstanding. And we kept our siblings. He!! there used to be a freaking public service announcement that said it’s 10 o’clock, so you know where your kids are?
I had to be second mom to my younger sister who is 13yrs younger. I couldn't do much as a teen because I had to take care of her. I even went to PTA meetings for my sister.
Grandma right. I had a good friend get mad at me because i disagreed with her on this very subject. She said she needed "a break", and asked her mom to keep her 3 kids. Her mom told her no, she had things to do. She got mad at her mom. She tried to explain that she was their grandmother, and needed a break, therefore, she should watch them. I told her she was wrong to think that way. I dont have children, and one of the main reasons is because of the cost of child care. You have got to be crazy as hell to have a kid in this climate. Formula alone is $60. Aint no way!! Team grandma all the way
Yeah then mom has a psychological break and people will blame her for it. I'm not saying grandma has to be daycare. But grandma absolutely should take note of the fact that the daughter needs a break, recognize the risks associated with not getting that break, and suggest ways to help her. I'm sure grandma didn't have the same childcare costs. And I bet you that grandma had family members who stepped in and helped her. Plus, grandma doesn't get her grandkids on demand. If she can't help when mom needs it, then mom doesn't have to upend her schedule when grandma decides she misses the kids. Mom has things to do and grandma isn't contributing so she has no obligation to her. It works both ways.
@reginacameron3011 grandma should have kept her legs closed. Problem solved. Baby didn't ask to be born. It's funny. I said grandma should help daughter figure out how to handle the situation and you went straight to she should have kept her legs closed. What is the point of grandma being around at all if you can't even get advice or a tiny bit of help every now and then. Time to drop grandma. She did her job and washed her hands. Give her what she wants. If daughter refuses to bring her kids by to see grandma, I bet you grandma would make a video crying about that. It works both ways.
Well honestly if your parents don't put up with it and raised you a certain you would KNOW you cannot drop them off and leave them. I always took my kids everywhere we take care of them physically, emotionally and financially. And I have to add I grew up with my aunts and uncles dropping off their children at the house I grew up in being raised by an older woman. As a kid I saw how that harmed me as a kid having to share beds and have no privacy because of kids coming in and out of the house. So that's why I don't do it to my kids. There is a difference between a weekend but there were years of these kids in my house and bad things happened to me because of it. So I can't say the the grandparents are always innocent of this that's what they do it to them now.
She better get ready for a lifetime of not seeing her grandkids then. Next thing you know she’s going to be on here, “ I don’t know what I did wrong.” Either help raise your grandkids or get out my face.
I didn’t put my children to their grandparents. I was married they went with their dad. We worked our schedules around them not what we wanted. I worked when they were in school. My grandmother wasn’t a 304 and don’t tell me I didn’t raise mine. I was Gen x they act like they were my generation and I see my grandchildren when I do call for them. No argument. I was raised by my father whom was born 1930 and saw my grandmother when she called for me. I was raised by my parents and learned fun when I was with my grandma. Between my parents and grandma I learned to be whom I am and my daughters are the same. Grow up. We learned to figure it out. Everything else is noise.
@annaburns2865 This is an ignorant comment. As Grandparents, it is not their job to raise the grandchildren. They are there to assist, not take on the brunt of the responsibility. The fact they're laughing shows the entitlement and disrespect they have towards her. If they decide to keep the grand babies away from her because she won't allow them to take advantage of her, it says everything about them. As a Grandmother, she doesn't have to do anything. She is not obligated to raise them.
I felt this too. My daughter a Millennial is grown with my grandson. I asked for him when I desire and help out when I want. But raising him is her responsibility as she was mind. I often tell her how easy she has it because I didn't get the support that she gets from me and my husband.
If she worked oh-so hard to "get her kids out of the house", why have them in the first place? 😕 And then why do these parents have the nerve to want grandchildren and not watch them? Its not making sense. #GladToBeChildfree!
My mama told us, "Drop your kids off without permission, and CPS will be picking them up." Good for her. She raised us, and her job was well done. We let her relax in her last years. And none of us had a whole bunch of kids either. The most one of us has is 2. Parents ARE NOT YOUR free babysitters and daycare. Leave them alone and raise your own damn kids!!!
My cousin tried to do that with her firstborn with my mom, momma never opened the door and cousin ended up being late for her “event.” I’m glad my siblings know my moms boundaries and there’s a mutual respect for each others time. I get raising children is expensive but people have to ask grandparents first before dropping them off
I have two amazing parents, both in their 70s. They raised 3 of us from the 70s thru the 90s. All of us kids are college educated and living independently (I have been completely financially and otherwise independent since I graduated college). All of this done on blue collar work income, the vast majority of the time with just my dad working (mom went back to work as we left elementary school and became a school secretary primarily to get us all health insurance). We were taught that college was only going to be a reality if we earned scholarships (thank god for pell grants). Funnily enough, none of us kids decided to have our own kids! I think initially it bummed the parents out. But these days, in the political, social, employment and ecological climate we live in… they’re kinda glad we didn’t have any. But gosh, they’d have made great grandparents!!!
My mother raised her grandchildren and she is now suffering bc if it. I told her after my sister became a teen mom that she should kick her out, but she refused. Now, after all my mother has done for her, she is now abusing her bc she doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of her mother. The moral of the story is, don't raise your grandchildren.
I'm Gen X ('79) and my mother told me when I was a teen already that she will not be babysitting or dropping everything so she can raise my kids should I choose to have them. She made it clear it will only be for emergencies & granny visits. 😂 I love her for that. It got my mind right early 👏🏾 Another reason to stay childfree if it means I'll be mothering until I die.
I'm laughing because I'm a Gen xer too with Boomer parents. We Gen Xers know those Boomer parents left us on our grandparents and left us alone to fend for ourselves . We made our own food or starved. They told us they will not babysit grandkids. My mom told me she had her life to live. Boomers are not that kind of grandparent.. 😂😂
The man and woman with the glasses are telling the truth. Me and my siblings were raised by our grandparents. My mom had her freedom. Yet , she wouldn't do the same for me. She refused to help except every now and again.
My mom said the same thing & I never forgot it. That's why she has a married 26 year old (me) and my sister who's 24 and we have NO KIDS! We both know we don't have the time or patience for kids and so does she which is why we're still close 😂
Mines did too. I had my children after college and their father and I had our own place. My mom said she was going to put me out I didn’t have a boyfriend till I was 18 .😂
My parents never had to give a speech. They gave me the indication that they don't like kids. So I left home at 18 and never returned. I might go back to care for them or more likely set them up in a nursing home. If they didn't like me as an underage know-nothing-about-life little kid, I can't imagine how they would treat me as an adult big kid who knows they are dead wrong. 😅😅😅 I'm not even arguing straight to the nursing home. Argue with the staff there. I don't mind going to the nursing home myself as I'm easily pleased.
What's disturbing is when parents and relatives like her...see their daughters refusing to have children...these parents say...their daughters think they are better than them... just because they refuse to have children...smh
Not only that, don’t have kids if you don’t have help, as in a spouse or a reliable partner who actually wants to be a father and raise the children with you and take care of you if need be. This is the reason so many people just put their kids off on others(grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc.,) because they’re doing it alone because most of these children are oops babies are from situationships where neither parent actually wants them.
So several of the people made the point that their parents didn't raise them-their grandparents did. If they didn't raise y'all or your siblings why would you even think they would watch your children lol.
But the point is that it's was common enough to expect the same treatment. I don't have children, but my grandmother was a huge presence in my upbringing until she died. What were talking about is boundaries. It's OK to have them, but stop with the hypocrisy.
😂😂😂 This that whole, 'make it make sense' energy. Why would you expect a person that didn't raise you, to help you raise your kids? The irrational logic of what they demand, expect, and feel entitled to just blows my mind. And that's their biggest argument (all of them), "Well, you didn't raise me so you should help me raise my kids." One went so far as to label their parent's generation as the generation of 'crackheads'. And I'm like, you do realize that makes you all that generation of 'crack-babies'? 😂😂😂
@@GodlyWisdom_Discernment I mean, that’s not a joke though or an insult. It IS the generation of crack babies. Everybody knows this, it’s not a myth or secret. There was a whole crack epidemic and those ppl had kids, so her label wasn’t incorrect.
I agree with Grandma! The millennials/gen z's Thinking their Mom should raise their kids, because their grandmothers raised them..... Boomer (1946-1964) parents birthed Gen X (1964-1979) then ignored them, left them to pretty much raise themselves and Figure it out on their own! Gen Xer parents birthed Millennials (1980-1994)/Gen Zer's(1995-2012). IMO......the Reason alot of Millennials and Gen Zer's were Raised by their Boomer Grandparents, IS Because.....Boomers WANTED to raise their grandkids because their grandkids were viewed as their....."Do Over" children. A chance to Do and Be Better, "Parents" to their Grandkids.....Than they were..... To their own kids!
@@DeLaTr0llI babysat my sister. So my mom can work and pay bills. There’s a difference when parents are out drinking and partying all night. Some of y’all didn’t want the responsibility to take care of your own children. Plus, that young lady still at home with her momma. If you women don’t get out your feelings. When I had my boys their father and I had a place to stay.
@@Sunny-tc3ul it’s not the Child’s responsibility to care for siblings. The parents chose to have them. It’s a great skill to have but not a requirement. That’s a hypocritical ideology.
We were not raised the same. I had 3 children. There was no grandparents. Just one alive who lived in a different state. I had no help with my kids. Waited for them to be of school age to get a job myself. My kids wore hand me down from friends who had kids cause my ex husband was extremely cheap. Daycare picked up my kids from school and kept them until 5:30. I made sure to got a job that wasn't too far from the daycare. I picked them up at 5:30 and had them do their homework at the kitchen table while I cooked and was able to help them. Today, I work flexible hours so I can help with my grandchild because my daughter's hours at work are sometimes long. I'm okay with it because I don't require much. Just don't like the attitude I get if I want to do something different on her day off. It's her day off so spend it with your child, don't make plans that doesn't include your kid.
Very reasonable. My mom is going through the same after being the father figure to my nephew...because his mom chose to be a side chick...his has no father figure. My mom gave her so much freedom she popped up pregnant as soon as her son turned 2, for another man in a relationship. Long story short...my mom moved out.
As a teen my mom told me she would kick me out if I got pregnant. She was probably bluffing but I believed it… I’m 31 and still afraid to get pregnant even though I have my own place !
Some grandparents had to take care of their siblings and their own children. They are tired. They want to take time out for themselves and live their lives. I am not mad at her. Fortunately, my Grandparents did spend time with me. 6-14-2023(Wed)
To be honest, those grandparents kids people raised their siblings and kids too....my sister did. I've seen both sides in my family and they both feed into it
Nah this is the new generation of grandmother's that want their freedom to live their life and I'm not mad at it. Because old school grandmothers took care of everyone... It really took a village. It took a toll of all the good selfless grandmas, but she was treasured in the family.
Parents are like “give me grandchildren! But I’m not watching them” in this economy?? Stop pressing your children for kids unless you’re going to step up, I only feel bad for the grandparents who didn’t pressure their kids and still get saddled with them
This!!! That is my issue because these are the same grandparents who get cut off then come back claiming "I want to be in my grandchildren life/I need grand babbies". My mom was asking about grandkids like her eldest wasn't 23 and she sex shamed use into being scared of sex and reproduction. My mother used pap smears to traumatize us
I am a South African, grandparents look after grandchildren while parents work, not clubbing or partying. We also look after our parents in their old age.
That's most non-American, non-European based people of color, world wide. The family unit takes care of all dependents, children and the elderly. That's the honorable way. 🤓
@marianaya5824 But, that shouldn't take away the mother and father responsibility. In America, black women have children and the father of the children walk away and the responsibility fall on the grandmother or aunt. That's not right
@@travelerawakenings8477 I said, "THE FAMILY UNIT". That includes the parents. Only in countries where money and spending is the core value, do you see elders spending their later years in nursing homes and children stuck in daycare all day and night. FAMILY in Africa, Asia, Latin America, Hawaii, the Middle East and practically ALL Indigenous tribes that are left in America AND Canada, multigenerational families is the norm. That's all I'm responding to. smh
@marianaya5824 I agree with that, but I don't agree that parents left their children to be raised by grandparents. I was raised 100% by my grandmother. Grand parents should be a support system, not the main people raising their children. Yes, America, Canada and many countries in West Europe don't support their children enough and sometimes I saw grandmother asking to be paid to watch their grandchildren, then they will be shocked when their grand kids never come visit them when they dump them in nursing home.
Well, I am a baby boomer (66 years old) and my daughter is a millennial wife and mother of one child. We all live together under one roof. I have chosen to be there for my daughter and grandson in whatever capacity I can be of use. I could have used some help from my mother when raising my two daughters, but my mom felt the same way as this woman so I had to figure it all out on my own because my husband wasn't as helpful as I needed him to be. In this day and age, the cost of housing, childcare, food, transportation, social activities, full time work etc. is taxing to say the least on this generation of parents and I want to ease the stress for my daughter (her sister passed away from brain tumor). I am retired and I have a lot of time. I have my social activities and friends so I feel comfortable giving of myself and time in such a valuable way. We in the black community need to realize that it takes more than mom and dad to raise a happy, healthy, well adjusted child. Imagine as a wife and mother having someone in your corner that you love and trust who is ready, willing and able to be an active member of your family. I help with my grandson's education, transportation to and from school, I cook dinner on occasion and we ALL do our parts to make our family flourish! For me and my daughter it's not a burden but a blessing.
This is exactly how my family works. We’re a team. And when the elders need us they stay with their children and the kids help the parents care for them. It works both ways. We don’t live in the same house but if our parents need something fixed, painted, lawn work, whatever, they come pick up our kids and they’re happy to do it. Because they have grandparents that are involved and don’t treat them like a burden.
I don’t think that’s it. I think people that prefer to look out for number one are people with disfunctional families. They don’t see the benefit in caring for people who can’t or won’t reciprocate. And I take no issue with that. What I take issue with is when people try to make something wrong with families who are working towards a supportive environment that’s best for them.
Thank you for this one because some of us mothers understand the struggle of our children. I will take care of my grandkids instead of them going to the brink of not being able to provide at all and something worse to happen to the children. No I am there for that, they don't take advantage and are too tired for a date nite or clubbing. And I do allow for that. I love my grandbabies and they love me. Family is family. Shaloam
As a millennial, I hear grandma, but the lady in the pink fleece and the lady in the black ball cap, I truly felt them more😩. I remember staying and being baby sat with many family members along with my grandparents in my early childhood years.
I'm a millennial who is CF but I have family members my age who would push their kids off on my Aunts etc to raise because they still want to be out running the streets, smoking, drinking, and all of that so I understand what she's trying to say about her daughters being accountable for their responsibilities. Proper family planning is something that needs to be discussed more. Being careful who you have kids by is paramount. However, in these times additional support is needed more than ever. Childcare is astronomically expensive. There's a reason why people say it takes a village. Growing up my Mom's family helped out. My Dad's family helped out. My Aunts helped out. We were in afterschool programs. It was a team effort. I understand not wanting to spend your senior years raising small kids due to irresponsible children. Helping out when you see a need shouldn't be an issue though unless you just have a bad relationship with your fam. Most families don't have an issue doing that if you're active in raising your kids. Any good parent/child wouldn't even feel comfortable burdening their parents like that..well the ones I know. Parenting is hard. That's why I chose not to do it. You really need to take your finances, mental health, and lifestyle seriously if you want to take that step. Your kids shouldn't have to suffer due to poor planning.
Oh yes I totally agree with you it's important for a parent to get their lives in order before having children I'm also made the choice to be childfree
Okay, but nowadays, these grandmothers barely see their grandkids cause they don't have MONEY! They are broke, still working even if retired, and don't have the patience nor the stability to be anyone's village. You gotta pay them, drop off food, and did I mention pay for everything? They think we are banks. Village where? Our kids are in way more activities and require wayyy more than just church on Sundays. I have never been able to drop off my babies for the summer anywhere. And I was always shipped out for the entire summer. And she only had one! (Smh)🤣
The problem is you aren't defining what help should look like. Bc if it's outside the occasional grandparents visits, then you are wrong for expecting them to co parent. Once you expect them to watch the kids on a regular set schedule, you've already messed up. And if life becomes too hard to parent, then you better start looking at shared custody or foster care. Other than that, don't abuse help that is not obligatory.
Yeah, I had a lot of friends who took care of their little brothers and sisters. They cooked and cleaned like grown adults. Tell me again that you raised your kids???
I was raised by my parents, not my grandmother. Both of my parents worked full time. Mom worked days and dad worked nights. My son was not raised by his grandparents either. My husband and I both worked full time. He went to the afterschool center. During the summer he went to sleep away camp. He would spend time during spring break with my parents in Texas because they sent for him. They were able to enjoy their retirement, on their terms.
I agree with her but some of these grandmothers NEED to watch them grandkids as much as we was watching our younger siblings while they was out in them streets 😂😂😂
@@Childfree334 That part…like you saw how hard grandma had it, having to leave your siblings to babysit you why do that to yourself, especially knowing you’d have no help.
@@Happy-ey6yu Thats true but yall act like life circumstances doesnt happen. I have two and my childrens father died. You nevee know what the fuck be going on in people life. Lets not act like we all dont need help sometimes, regardless of what situation we in.
@@Zion_1010 Obviously I’m talking about the people who sit up and talk about how they don’t have help and nobody wants to babysit when they knew before they got pregnant they wouldn’t have a “village” to ease some of their burden. Like I always tell my sister, “if you get pregnant I’m not babysitting or helping you.” Same thing with my cousin who thought I was going to raise her son that SHE CHOSE to have. Y’all can’t be out here forcing people(especially these older people who now want to live their lives since their kids have grown up) to be surrogate parents to YOUR children.
I’m a millennial who is child free. So i know she ain’t talking about millennials like me 😂. And what she says is the truth. But i do want to point out when she’s talking about “the new generation”, i know she’s actually talking about gen z. Because millennials are in their 40’s and pushing 30’s now. And i wish boomers would know the difference between millennials and gen z. Millennials are not teens and early 20’s anymore, we’re at the age of possibly experiencing a midlife crises right now.
@@attitudeproblem6462 I'm a young millennial, my dad whined for a grandchild from me straight into his grave. I'm not even child free by choice, I'm just child free by circumstances.
Grandma speaking facts. And what about Grandparents that are still working trying to make a living? The young women were giggling. Day care is expensive but many young people are making more than their parents have ever made.
I'm so glad I never had kids, if I had those girls would be dead. If I had a kid who thought me setting boundaries was funny, they would learn what assault and battery looks like.
She telling the truth ❤my momma be bipolar sometimes she want to watch them sometimes she turn her phone off. 😂that’s with allllll her kids and my dad….. he favorite line don’t disturb my retirement bed 😮😂 I anit no daycare and he also will send u to voicemail 😂❤
This would be why I'd never let my kids near my parents. They don't have the full mental capacity....they never did even as parents. Not bipolar but the way they treated me and the sibling as kids made us have mental disorders as adults. Neither of us have kids...because it seemed like no one in our family enjoyed being parents.
My whole thing is: so many people gripe about how poorly their parents raised them so I wonder why would anyone want to drop off their children to grandparents that raised them so poorly?
Also alot of these parents of the millennials were the same ones who said, “hey when you giving me some grand kids???!!🤣🤣🤣 “Why you’re not married yet?” and still single😩🤔🤨?” Welp 🤷🏾♀️!
The only thing I can say in defense of people born before the 80s: they did not KNOW that they would have to work two jobs, pay for college, not afford a house, pay for daycare and all that capitalist hell. They grew up in a one worker home where insurance was part of employment and school was affordable. They did NOT know what was coming, and llater relied on parents for help because of the changes in the economy. People born after the 80s full on KNOW that being a parent means being poor and dependent on everyone yet they choose to do it anyways, then are shocked that the parents who worked constantly don't want to work more. Don't expect your parents to help - unless they asked you to make a baby, or raised you anti-abortion.
Think before getting pregnant, can I afford a child. Plan for your family. Grandparents have a life also. It was hard raising our own children and you all just want it easy. You all want our time and our money. Stand on your own two feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT TRUE. We worked full-time and part-time jobs and worked full-time and went to college part-time. I will say daycare was not as expensive and neither was college, but we worked. These young people have no idea how hard it was. We relied on public transportation. That's how we transported our kids to daycare.
you are so wrong on that. Factor into the equation that when i turned 18 in 1991, all the jobs left due to N.A.F.T.A...and had been going on even in the 1970s when i was a baby. We survived & saved money by having multiple roommates, worked full time & usually another part time, and took the bus. And most of us had our parents use our SS# for bills when we was minors that totally wrecked our future. You are talking about the 1950s era America which ended around 1989.
I’m a millennial (1991). Me and my 3 other siblings were raised by our parents but we also enjoyed time with my moms parents and her grandparents on both sides ( my grate grandparents). Great uncles and great aunts. Big cousins and my parents close friends. I’m grateful for the village we had. My mom is the oldest of 3 children and my dad is 14th of 18 children. I’m still close to my moms parents today. My other grandparents and great grandparents have passed away. But i did get to enjoy my great grandparents as an adult whilst they were still here.
I would also extend this to Aunts as well. I am so tired of everybody assuming that just because you're an Aunt you need to "step up to the plate." THEY chose to have the children, not me!
My mom did the majority of everything. That's why I believe grandparents deserve a break and if ever my children's grandparents never want to babysit I'm okay with that. They can come on vacation with us :)
Grandma has a right to her boundaries. I am sure it would be nice to get the support, but some of these young grandmas are prioritizing themselves which is fair. I am a millennial with one child and one on the way. I put myself in a position to earn from home to raise my family. My husband is there if I cannot care for them and need to be elsewhere. We designed our lives to manage our family on our own.
I understand grandma. However, most millennials were dropped off at grandparents home regularly so mom and dad can go to work, run the streets or whatever. A lot of boomers literally allowed their parents to raise the grandkids (millennials). So thats the example we saw. Boomers literally pressure millennials to have children so they can "be grandparents" so when are these boomers going to play a part in a childs life? They sure as hell didnt with their own kids, so here come the grandkids they wanted. Now only the grandparents who didnt pawn their kids off can take the stance of this grandma. But to the rest, yall too old to be running the streets, here are your grandkids, be back in a few hours.
This hits me personally because my grandparents took care of me when I was a teenager. My mom and dad didn't raise any of their teens. When I became a parent, both of them made it clear they weren't interested in taking care of the grandchildren on any level. My mom has watched my children for one evening in 16 years by herself. Even when I gave birth, my entire family lived close by but none even so much as cooked a meal while I recovered. My father in law flew to us and helped us for a month. He always wants to be involved in their lives. So, yeah, the double standard sucks but it is what it is.
thats actually fucked they wouldnt offer help after child birth at the least, its a momentous occasion and one of the hardest moments in a womens in life, foul :/
@@TheWipal I learned alot about my family during the pandemic. It opened my eyes to the reality I was running away from. I just try to do the best I can do be grateful for my helpers and my husband and I work as best we can to raise our children the right way.
My mother is the same… she had my grandparents raise me while she went 100% on her career. However, she always tells me that if I ever have children, she won’t be watching them. I think it’s just the character of the person at this point. She never embraced child rearing. I was “parentified” and baby sat my younger siblings. Now I kind of don’t want any since I feel as though I’ll have little family support.
@@Luna-mh5gr I understand why you must feel that way but I tell you that parenting, when fully embraced, is one of the most beautiful experiences life has to offer. My husband and I have 10 when I only wanted 2 but I wouldn't change it for the world (even though at times it's very difficult). We have Yah Almighty with us and He always sends us helpers along the way with encouraging words, gifts, needed items, money, jobs, food, etc. In spite of it all, we're very blessed. Just put our first born in college with a full scholarship. He graduated Salutatorian from his school. Those are the moments you poke your chest out and say, HalleluYah! It was all worth it! Blessings.
That grandma is right, and in the same light our parents should not be trying to force us to have kids just so they can have grandkids to entertain them every once in a while, because they not going to take care of the grandkids they wanted.
I’m childfree and single for life, my grandmother raised my brother and me for a few years while I was growing up because my father and mother was deployed. I don’t want to grandparent or parent, I’m good.
As an millennial I can agree with the grandmother but, on the flipside it's always the olden generation nagging their adult children into having grandkids!! (When u go bring me a grand baby home). She brought her a grand baby & here's the result ⤴️
Yep, the female parents and the aunts... pressure female offspring to have children... and when the female offspring don't want any children... female parents and all the females in the family say..."she's thinks she's better than us"...why? Because Misery loves Company...smh
Wow! This saddens me.. because I don’t have grandchildren… My mom is a wonderful grandmother and my Grandma Big Mama loved us to pieces she came for us every day and we stayed with her for the summers…. I have seen TikTok’s with grandparents coming far & wide to see there Grandbabies…grand babies are a blessing and I want some to share everything my Big Mama shared with me… both my adult children don’t want children and I have to just accept that🥺
I’m excited for that phase in my life. I can’t wait to watch my kids become parents and hold babies again. My kids all know that I 100% understand if they choose to be child free though. I have advised them to consider it. But I’m pretty sure some will want families. If not, someone will always be having a baby. I’ll just watch one of those 😂
I don't want kids because my dad abused us and my mother emotionally neglected us and with both have mental health disorders. Why would I an unhealed traumatized adult bring children into the world to traumatize them too?....or worse allow them to be traumatized by my parents? It's interesting because no one really wants to ask why some millennials and Gen X are not having children...it's because of how our parents and society raised us.
It is not easy having 2 children on the Spectrum of Autism. But i figured out how to navigate life to the best of my ability. Putting them in ABA therapy has been a great resource. When you dont really have family to step in you have to find a way to make the best of your situation and find a solution. Much love and great content!
I am so blessed my parents dont think like this. They are basically my child's second parent's. They love my daughter as their own and do for her as such. So grateful for their support and I will do the same for my grandchildren. Don't get me wrong, I told my daughter she better give me at least 10 years and make it through college before she even thinks about having kids or she would only get so much help from me because she gonna have to learn that lesson. However, I'll be there.
Grandma is definitely correct. I'm an (82) baby. I taught my 2 sons that they should go to college or do what they need to to be financially and stable and married before having kids. I taught them that things were only going to get harder and more expensive. Anyone with sense could see it coming. Also, as a grand parent I was not going to be their anytime, all the time babysitter. That's not a grandparents responsibility. I raised them and that's all I had to do. Now I want to enjoy some of my life. Anything else would be out of the kindness of my heart and my choice. They are 22 and 24 with no kids. One is in college to become a physician and the other one works off shore. They are hard working and are enjoying their lives right now. They don't want kids and struggle. They want to be financially and mentally stable before starting a family.
Same here. I'm raising my children not to have children, especially my son's. I truly believe the problem is no one brow beated their sons and taught them the correct order of life. All of these unwanted children wouldn't exist if it weren't bc of men being irresponsible.
And I’m betting that you don’t expect them to wipe your butt one day, either! You didn’t have them, so they can ‘care for you in your old age.’ I can’t STAND that. We have children because we WANT them and enjoy them..That’s it. No strings attached, you know? And like you and I, we raise them to be responsible for THEMSELVES and their families! Meanwhile, we are responsible for ourselves and making sure we have enough to retire on and elder care that won’t fall on our kids!
@@HopperJaynell No, actually I don't expect nor want them to wipe my butt if TMH graces me to get old. I was never created to be their responsibility, they were ours. We want out sons to be able to live their lives and not be STUCK taking care if elderly parents that they don't want to take care of. If they WANT to take care of us we will NEVER allow it. My husband and I have our stuff in order for that as we should. My parents raised me and my siblings and we were not passed off on grandparents only when they wanted to keep us. My husband and I raised our sons and they were with their grandparents when they WANTED to keep them and that's how it will be with my sons. If people don't want the full responsibility of being parents then they should protect themselves from making babies. People need to be asking their parents are they going to be a full time anytime baby sitter before they decide to concieve. Making babies isn't a mistake because there are to many options to NOT get pregnant. Nobody is responsible for children but their parents.
@@junitadortch8023 Exactly; and the elder care seems to be a boomer thing; I’ve noticed a lot elderly parents are expecting their kids to risk losing everything, to keep them at home; (which is great as long as there’s outside professionals who can help) and to care for them, themselves…but with no outside help. No way; I’ve told my son to sell everything I own to pay for outside help if God forbid, I come up short for elder care expenses.
Sure is. Because I pledged LONG ago to NEVER undertake any elder care after my parents shirked their roles as grandparents. Nah baby…get someone else to do it.
The homes are full of people who sacrificed for their kids. Doing all of this does not mean these kids will keep you at home. The old folks home is better than the way they treat the seniors at home smh
I raised my siblings...at 5yrs old I was cooking rice. I remember one time my mom complained to me and I was like probably 10 or 12--she said "my coworker thinks I'm sitting pretty because I have older kids who can take care of the younger ones"..and she was complaining about the state of the house when we older siblings were taking care of 3yr old and under kids and still had to feed ourselves and mind our homework...and I felt I had to forego school trips and paid extracurricular...I didn't even learn had to ride a bike (how can we afford the actual bike when we couldn't even dole out the time to teach me and my sister). But we made time for the younger kids to make sure they knew how to ride bikes and roller skate.
✋ Millennial here. She is right though because once that grandparent or anyone that isn't the biological parents the kid(s) will begin to call them mom or dad. Those deadbeat parents in turn will get mad because their kids will not call them mom or dad. Also, another point she got right is that she is supposed to live her life now. She raised her kids and taught them well and now it's time for them to fly and do their thing while she does hers. And here I understand this and I don't even have kids.
My daughters never tried to drop their kids off with me…I have awesome daughters, who are awesome moms ❤️ I am blessed because I’ve seen the other side 🎈💯🎉
Well I’m glad that they’re having the conversation! It honestly needs to be said out loud. This goes for older siblings as well. They’re not responsible!
From the time my grandson and granddaughter were born, I watched them while my daughter and son-in-law worked. I was also paid $400 dollars a month. Let me add, that I would have done it for free, as my mother did for all her grandchildren and even her great-grandchildren
My mom looked after my grandmother and my baby cousin when she was retired. the woman is a saint in that respect because she did it every day without complaint or full remuneration. I was ill from my mental health and I wish my family were much more considerate to her. Eventually, my uncle and his son sorted out the things my mother needed...but for the first 3 months, it was very rough for her no money and sleeping in the chair next to the hospital bed of my grandmother. Unfortunately,, i don't have the mental or physical capacity to be this generous....I will do what I can but everyone including myself is going to day care, foster care and nursing home care.
As I stated previously, I would have done it for free as my mother did for all of her grandchildren. My daughter works for the board of education and every pay period, money is taken out for child care. That's how she was able to pay me.
The same grandparents have encouraged their children that the way of life is to have children. Very very few parents have been realistic enough to watch and see that the "tide" is changing and encouraged their children to STAY CHILDFREE
As a Gen X and grandparent I was raised by several members of my family including both grandmothers. HOWEVER, on very rare occasions my mother watched my first child and I paid her. My mother would not watch my son without pay and that was fine (she watched him 3 times). My mother-in-law wouldn't keep the kids at all she wanted me to bring them to her and stay the whole visit, when she came into town she wouldn't stop by to see the kids because she was shopping. Fine. My children are 26, 23, and 21 now and I have 1 grandchild and 1 on the way. I LOVE my grandbaby coming to visit BUT I don't like the surprise drop-offs because you don't think I'm doing anything or if I watch her so my daughter and her partner can have a date night that turns into a date weekend because AGAIN, not respecting my time. My children were raised by ME, they don't even have a recollection of spending time with the grans except for my dad who lives in a whole other state and visits once every 6-10 years (LOL). I use to stare at my friends who would get mad if their parents couldn't watch their kids on occasion and I would say "So, you're mad because they said no this time, what about all the other 20 yes' they gave you? Bottom line, if you're going to have kids be prepared to raise them and if you get some help appreciate it but don't expect it.
As a man who had grandparents who helped my mother but was raised by my mother, I see that many people who were raised by their grandparents missed a couple of things and also attached their personal stories to this one. The grandma had no rebuttals to any of her statements to her children which leads me to believe that she actually did what a mother is supposed to do. Also, even if the children were raised by their grandparents, it is a privilege for the grandparents to take in and raise the grandkids. I think grandma is right about the entitlement mindset of some of this generation. As she laid out her points, she also said in the video that the grandkids are being dropped off so the parents can go and party which a lot of people are doing. Having support isn't mandatory and shouldn't be taken for granted. I had a similar conversation with a family member about being an uncle vs an ATM. Anyways have a good day and check out my channel to get encouragement!
Blk grandparents nowadays aren't as hands on. Blk grandparents born in the mid to late 1930's to 1940's were extremely hands on & kept the Blk family strong and united. Everyone born after then are nowadays out for themselves in the Blk family. Inflation is so high-the cost of food, child care, daycare, schooling, etc. It takes a village and Grandparents are a part of the village. They should help (offer support where they can) but it's not the Grandparents job to raise the children. That's where I draw a hard line. I get where she's coming from, BUT working parents need HELP! We know our grandparents watched us while you worked, meaning these Grandparents today had a lot of help! That seems like all she's asking for. And I'm sure her daughter(s) have paid her something for watching these kids (at least, I hope so). If they're paying you (the Grandparent) and you're unemployed (free) and thereby in a position to help your single parent daughters out with daycare and saving funds, then why would you want your daughter (& your grandbabies) to struggle? Because you not helping (stepping up) could result in your daughters being evicted, foreclosed on, making career (financial) sacrifices, or your grandbabies going hungry...those things will result in creating a big problem for you! And all because your daughters are single-handedly trying to carry on the burden of motherhood, parenting, etc, because you want to enjoy your golden years. Grandparents have earned the right to enjoy their lives! I've seen nuclear families in one household (often White families)- two generations, maybe 3 tops-that never pressure the kids to get their own home & who also watch the grandchildren & pass down customs and family traditions to their grandkids. They understand wealth building and that needing help is okay. And notice how it's always these modern, Black American grandmother's on a tear about what they're not going to do for their grandchildren. The same grandmother's that be asking, 'oh, when are you going to give me grandbabies' be the same ones saying, 'I'm not babysitting' when they're actually here. ✋🏽 While she wants to talk about millennials, instead we need to be talking about these newschool Blk grandmother's who aren't as present or helpful when it comes to the grandkids. The ones who delight in seeing their daughters (in particular) struggle to be single mothers, all b/c they struggled themselves. It's like they get a vindictive sense of pleasure out of it. And lastly, the epidemic of having babies by unreliable men (thus being single mothers) needs some serious addressing in the Blk community. It's hard enough when 2 parents are in the picture, fully present and involved. But this having babies by unreliable men and expecting to dump the responsibilities of the child onto others is beyond selfish and wrong, Blk women. We must do better! Because being a single parent is HARD and often times avoidable. If you dont have the vows exchanged & signed marriage certificate, then stop having babies. The topic of married single mothers is besides the point. 2 active, healthy parents will always be better than 1 stressed out parent.
I understand that but thats why I won't have kids because I know my mom won't help. I was forced to babysit my siblings and nephews u didn't get a choice.
Unfortunately, they did force the oldest to do what they were supposed to do... it's great that a lot of women are breaking those generational traumas...#Childfree
I love watching my grandchildren. They are adorable. But I think I was probably 9 years old the first time my mother gave me the speech about don't expect her to be a free babysitter. That was the "me" generation, the "look out for number one" generation. Babyboomers were obsessed with themselves. They didn't want to take care of their own children so of course they don't want to watch the grandkids.
I wasn't blessed to have grandparents in my life, but my sisters and brothers had our aunt and older brothers and sisters. When older sisters had children, I took care of my nieces and nephews.
I’m 64 with 4 grandchildren. My grandparents did not raise me or my sister, my parents did. Those who had parents that were “304’s” that were running the streets do have a point. However, neither my mother nor myself were “304’s” because we were raised right…some people, unfortunately, were not. Calculate the cost of child maintenance and care and if you cannot financially or emotionally afford it then do not have them. I agree with these younger people who are childless and choose to be that way because they’ve done the financial and emotional math. Kudos to them! I love my grandkids and help when I can, but my children know my boundaries, respect them, and act accordingly when it comes to me being a grandparent because they were raised right too. And that’s how you do that! Yes, it does take a village, but as with any group, there are boundaries and rules everyone needs to respect and follow 💁🏽
This!!!!! You tryna open a whole new can of worms!! Stop we not ready for that!! The treatment of BLAQ girls in the community vs the boys who are coddled. Let's not lol
100% that's whole other layer of the iceberg because even my mom has mentioned "he is my son, so that grandbaby is different"....anything they do is different
Y'all crazy for thinking you should've able to drop your kids off whenever you want to. That's craaaazy to me. I had a set of twins at 18 years old, and NEVER thought this way. I knew I was 100% responsible for my kids, that I opened my legs up to have. How entitled you have to be to think your parents are garunteed babysitters. Wild
As a woman that is child free I am puzzled how people don't understand why folks aren't having children. She's right, you are supposed 2 enjoy being a grandparent from the point of view of when you want to see your grandchildren. But the way that families and relationships are set up now I want nothing to do with Having kids of my own I'll stick to being an aunt.
yes, who you telling I am 45 and hell to the NO. I will never have or even wanted kids. I love my get up and go freedom. Heck I don't even want to be a aunt they get on my nerves
🙋 count me in! 😊
I feel this. I don’t wanna be a parent. God parent. Date anyone with kids. Nothing 😂 2 cats and being an auntie is good enough for me.
I couldn't agree more. I feel the exact same way.....
@@cosmicbrownie333 being childless without the extra pussies (cats) in my house is where I'm at. 🤣🤣
And people have the audacity to shame millennials that opt out of having children. We're not blind, we are very much aware of the responsibilities of parenthood, bringing a child into the world is not a walk in the park...
💯💯💯!!!
and the village doesn't want to help raise the kids anymore either. I come from a disconnected family and that caused disconnection in my parents because they had no help. I mean if you want to roll like that then don't expect your kids and grandkids to move in with you to look after you when you can't wipe your own ass.... It goes both ways. I don't have children but I'm looking forward to the nursing home unlike many of these people who do not want to create a family and only want to live their best life. Kids remember when they ask to go to grandma and grandad's and the grandparents say no.
@@marleyhill34 and the village shouldn’t that’s what’s gotten most of population with trauma…”shhhhhh don’t tell” type crap it was so much going on then I can’t even repeat it to let it out cause of the “Village” thing…Adults are a problem.
@@sexygabby30 That wasn't the case for me because my parents never got a break they were always stressed out. So my Dad was an abusive alcoholic and everyone in the family knew it but they were too far away to help and my mother is an expert at shutting down her emotions but that led to emotional neglect from her side. In a good village, you can air your disputes, wrongdoings, abuse, grievances and conflicts before the community and the elders, and get them resolved and there are consequences for actions. many voices are heard from both side and both standings like a court. But there are also bad villages where no one says anything about anything including trauma abuse and just let it slide on by and hide the skeletons in the closet.
@@marleyhill34 Y'all deadbeats who overstay your welcome until you wear out your welcome. People avoid family members, who leave their kids on them for days, & weeks. They don't show up on time and don't pay or contribute. Family don't want members taking advantage of them.
Aa an aunt with NO children, I completely agree with this. People are always looking for ways to shirk their responsibilities.
💯💯💯
Exactly! Being child-free never felt so good!
I am going to be honest...as a childfree woman I do NOT enjoy being an Aunt. In the black community, being an aunt comes with too many expectations. I just wanna relax and zone out, not look out after any children.
@@saramatthews7159 I hate to admit this, but there is only one of my siblings whose children I utterly adore and would keep without hesitation. The rest of them I utterly despise because they're just like their ratchet parents 🙄
It's definitely a struggle to be an aunt when you're already being overstimulated in your own life. I agree with you.
@@alexishill3342I’m the baby and my older siblings always got me to watch their kids for free. Now they won’t even watch mine bcs they’re busying “living life” with teens. They use the younger siblings too but when it’s time to return the favor, we are told basically oh well. That’s the only part I hate !
Grandma is right! She’s there for support. She’s done raising kids.
The sad part is a lot of the grandma's forced us to be their children sitters to our siblings. We didn't get to give a speech we had to contribute to the household like we were adults. However, she was right on a lot of the things she said.
Correct! Being here is not free. That's what I observe so far. What I eat when I was a child, I worked for it. Help my parents to be able to provide (hard labor) in the table and a bit of stuff. Now, they thought being in social media/showbiz is just for entertainment even though they earn money from it. So, still they provide even they're still infant. 🤷 Sad reality but thankfully I was able to think it thoroughly if I want to bring another human being here.
Exactly! Grandparents kept us without all this grandstanding. And we kept our siblings. He!! there used to be a freaking public service announcement that said it’s 10 o’clock, so you know where your kids are?
Which why a lot of us are child free now 😂
I had to be second mom to my younger sister who is 13yrs younger. I couldn't do much as a teen because I had to take care of her. I even went to PTA meetings for my sister.
The difference is back in the day they was working these new generation 🙄 be want to party and kick it
Grandma right. I had a good friend get mad at me because i disagreed with her on this very subject. She said she needed "a break", and asked her mom to keep her 3 kids. Her mom told her no, she had things to do. She got mad at her mom. She tried to explain that she was their grandmother, and needed a break, therefore, she should watch them. I told her she was wrong to think that way.
I dont have children, and one of the main reasons is because of the cost of child care. You have got to be crazy as hell to have a kid in this climate. Formula alone is $60. Aint no way!! Team grandma all the way
Yeah then mom has a psychological break and people will blame her for it.
I'm not saying grandma has to be daycare. But grandma absolutely should take note of the fact that the daughter needs a break, recognize the risks associated with not getting that break, and suggest ways to help her. I'm sure grandma didn't have the same childcare costs. And I bet you that grandma had family members who stepped in and helped her.
Plus, grandma doesn't get her grandkids on demand. If she can't help when mom needs it, then mom doesn't have to upend her schedule when grandma decides she misses the kids. Mom has things to do and grandma isn't contributing so she has no obligation to her. It works both ways.
@@mikochild2 daughter should have kept her legs close
@reginacameron3011 grandma should have kept her legs closed. Problem solved. Baby didn't ask to be born. It's funny. I said grandma should help daughter figure out how to handle the situation and you went straight to she should have kept her legs closed. What is the point of grandma being around at all if you can't even get advice or a tiny bit of help every now and then. Time to drop grandma. She did her job and washed her hands. Give her what she wants.
If daughter refuses to bring her kids by to see grandma, I bet you grandma would make a video crying about that. It works both ways.
@@reginacameron3011 And the husband what? If you're going to play that game, then the same applies to the husbands then.
If she wanted break she should have used a condom!
I am LOVING this grandma. She is absolutely right. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Like seriously!😂
Well honestly if your parents don't put up with it and raised you a certain you would KNOW you cannot drop them off and leave them. I always took my kids everywhere we take care of them physically, emotionally and financially. And I have to add I grew up with my aunts and uncles dropping off their children at the house I grew up in being raised by an older woman. As a kid I saw how that harmed me as a kid having to share beds and have no privacy because of kids coming in and out of the house. So that's why I don't do it to my kids. There is a difference between a weekend but there were years of these kids in my house and bad things happened to me because of it. So I can't say the the grandparents are always innocent of this that's what they do it to them now.
She better get ready for a lifetime of not seeing her grandkids then. Next thing you know she’s going to be on here, “ I don’t know what I did wrong.”
Either help raise your grandkids or get out my face.
I didn’t put my children to their grandparents. I was married they went with their dad. We worked our schedules around them not what we wanted. I worked when they were in school. My grandmother wasn’t a 304 and don’t tell me I didn’t raise mine. I was Gen x they act like they were my generation and I see my grandchildren when I do call for them. No argument. I was raised by my father whom was born 1930 and saw my grandmother when she called for me. I was raised by my parents and learned fun when I was with my grandma. Between my parents and grandma I learned to be whom I am and my daughters are the same. Grow up. We learned to figure it out. Everything else is noise.
@annaburns2865 This is an ignorant comment. As Grandparents, it is not their job to raise the grandchildren. They are there to assist, not take on the brunt of the responsibility. The fact they're laughing shows the entitlement and disrespect they have towards her. If they decide to keep the grand babies away from her because she won't allow them to take advantage of her, it says everything about them. As a Grandmother, she doesn't have to do anything. She is not obligated to raise them.
We worked really hard to get our kids OUT OF THE HOUSE 🎉🎉🎉
As a mom of a grown child, I really felt this. 😂
I felt this too. My daughter a Millennial is grown with my grandson. I asked for him when I desire and help out when I want. But raising him is her responsibility as she was mind. I often tell her how easy she has it because I didn't get the support that she gets from me and my husband.
@@user-tm7ip9uy5j 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Thanks but not concern. I have a pretty responsible daughter.
If she worked oh-so hard to "get her kids out of the house", why have them in the first place? 😕
And then why do these parents have the nerve to want grandchildren and not watch them? Its not making sense. #GladToBeChildfree!
@@joannebaker4925 This!! I wish I had the support that is given today.
@@marissa._THANK YOU. Why have them to wipe your hands of them?
My mama told us, "Drop your kids off without permission, and CPS will be picking them up." Good for her. She raised us, and her job was well done. We let her relax in her last years. And none of us had a whole bunch of kids either. The most one of us has is 2. Parents ARE NOT YOUR free babysitters and daycare. Leave them alone and raise your own damn kids!!!
My cousin tried to do that with her firstborn with my mom, momma never opened the door and cousin ended up being late for her “event.”
I’m glad my siblings know my moms boundaries and there’s a mutual respect for each others time. I get raising children is expensive but people have to ask grandparents first before dropping them off
I have two amazing parents, both in their 70s. They raised 3 of us from the 70s thru the 90s. All of us kids are college educated and living independently (I have been completely financially and otherwise independent since I graduated college). All of this done on blue collar work income, the vast majority of the time with just my dad working (mom went back to work as we left elementary school and became a school secretary primarily to get us all health insurance). We were taught that college was only going to be a reality if we earned scholarships (thank god for pell grants).
Funnily enough, none of us kids decided to have our own kids! I think initially it bummed the parents out. But these days, in the political, social, employment and ecological climate we live in… they’re kinda glad we didn’t have any. But gosh, they’d have made great grandparents!!!
True man. Its true.
My mother raised her grandchildren and she is now suffering bc if it. I told her after my sister became a teen mom that she should kick her out, but she refused. Now, after all my mother has done for her, she is now abusing her bc she doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of her mother. The moral of the story is, don't raise your grandchildren.
@@biblethumper8088 I would only raise grandchildren if my son and his wife were dead, and they would be put in a foster home.
I'm Gen X ('79) and my mother told me when I was a teen already that she will not be babysitting or dropping everything so she can raise my kids should I choose to have them. She made it clear it will only be for emergencies & granny visits. 😂 I love her for that. It got my mind right early 👏🏾 Another reason to stay childfree if it means I'll be mothering until I die.
My mom said the same thing and I respect it.
Child free here
I'm laughing because I'm a Gen xer too with Boomer parents. We Gen Xers know those Boomer parents left us on our grandparents and left us alone to fend for ourselves . We made our own food or starved. They told us they will not babysit grandkids. My mom told me she had her life to live. Boomers are not that kind of grandparent.. 😂😂
74 here and my momma said the same thing!
I agree that grandmothers should not be expected to watch their grand children all the time, but if they can help out they should.
She is telling the truth
The man and woman with the glasses are telling the truth. Me and my siblings were raised by our grandparents. My mom had her freedom. Yet , she wouldn't do the same for me. She refused to help except every now and again.
These folks are self sabotaging and lookn to offload migraines to grandmothers.
My Mom told me that as a teenager. I will never forget her speech. 😅
My mom told me that too, but my sister ignored her speech 🥴😂
My mom said the same thing & I never forgot it. That's why she has a married 26 year old (me) and my sister who's 24 and we have NO KIDS! We both know we don't have the time or patience for kids and so does she which is why we're still close 😂
Mines did too. I had my children after college and their father and I had our own place. My mom said she was going to put me out I didn’t have a boyfriend till I was 18 .😂
@@Sunny-tc3ul My Mom said that. She said people that have children are grown and grown people don't live at home. 😂😂😂
My parents never had to give a speech. They gave me the indication that they don't like kids. So I left home at 18 and never returned. I might go back to care for them or more likely set them up in a nursing home. If they didn't like me as an underage know-nothing-about-life little kid, I can't imagine how they would treat me as an adult big kid who knows they are dead wrong. 😅😅😅 I'm not even arguing straight to the nursing home. Argue with the staff there. I don't mind going to the nursing home myself as I'm easily pleased.
GRANDMA'S CORRECT! I'm 55 childfree, married 17 years! Soooo happy!❤
I went to grandma's maybe once a year to visit. I was raised by my parents.
Facts grandmama. My mom helped so much with my two nieces, yet not much appreciation. 😔. But I'm with the grandparents!
Watching this, unbothered drinking my ice tea, while sighing being childfree and never have to deal with that
What's disturbing is when parents and relatives like her...see their daughters refusing to have children...these parents say...their daughters think they are better than them... just because they refuse to have children...smh
Don't have kids if you can't afford them. Once I raise my kids, I'm OUTSIDE! Bump that. Time to live MY LIFE.
Not only that, don’t have kids if you don’t have help, as in a spouse or a reliable partner who actually wants to be a father and raise the children with you and take care of you if need be. This is the reason so many people just put their kids off on others(grandparents, aunts, cousins, etc.,) because they’re doing it alone because most of these children are oops babies are from situationships where neither parent actually wants them.
@Starlight-xu2uw Umm when did she say that?
Don’t have kids if you feel that way in the first place. Just enjoy your life.
So several of the people made the point that their parents didn't raise them-their grandparents did. If they didn't raise y'all or your siblings why would you even think they would watch your children lol.
Good point!
Exactly 😂
But the point is that it's was common enough to expect the same treatment. I don't have children, but my grandmother was a huge presence in my upbringing until she died. What were talking about is boundaries. It's OK to have them, but stop with the hypocrisy.
😂😂😂 This that whole, 'make it make sense' energy.
Why would you expect a person that didn't raise you, to help you raise your kids?
The irrational logic of what they demand, expect, and feel entitled to just blows my mind.
And that's their biggest argument (all of them), "Well, you didn't raise me so you should help me raise my kids."
One went so far as to label their parent's generation as the generation of 'crackheads'.
And I'm like, you do realize that makes you all that generation of 'crack-babies'? 😂😂😂
@@GodlyWisdom_Discernment I mean, that’s not a joke though or an insult. It IS the generation of crack babies. Everybody knows this, it’s not a myth or secret. There was a whole crack epidemic and those ppl had kids, so her label wasn’t incorrect.
I am a grandparent that cares for my grandkids when needed but not daily. For example school breaks because I understand the cost of childcare.
Glad to be a childfree Millennial. 🙏🏽
All of these millennials are in their feelings grandma's 100% right.😂😂😂
Yeah but if grandma had you watching her kids how Will this balance out. So many big sister baby sitters 🤔
I agree with Grandma!
The millennials/gen z's Thinking their Mom should raise their kids, because their grandmothers raised them.....
Boomer (1946-1964) parents birthed Gen X (1964-1979) then ignored them, left them to pretty much raise themselves and Figure it out on their own!
Gen Xer parents birthed Millennials (1980-1994)/Gen Zer's(1995-2012).
IMO......the Reason alot of Millennials and Gen Zer's were Raised by their Boomer Grandparents, IS Because.....Boomers WANTED to raise their grandkids because their grandkids were viewed as their....."Do Over" children.
A chance to Do and Be Better, "Parents" to their Grandkids.....Than they were.....
To their own kids!
@@DeLaTr0llI babysat my sister. So my mom can work and pay bills. There’s a difference when parents are out drinking and partying all night. Some of y’all didn’t want the responsibility to take care of your own children. Plus, that young lady still at home with her momma. If you women don’t get out your feelings. When I had my boys their father and I had a place to stay.
@@DeLaTr0llplus my mom was 35 when she had my sister.
@@Sunny-tc3ul it’s not the Child’s responsibility to care for siblings. The parents chose to have them. It’s a great skill to have but not a requirement. That’s a hypocritical ideology.
Aunties aren’t automatic babysitters either!
We were not raised the same. I had 3 children. There was no grandparents. Just one alive who lived in a different state. I had no help with my kids. Waited for them to be of school age to get a job myself. My kids wore hand me down from friends who had kids cause my ex husband was extremely cheap. Daycare picked up my kids from school and kept them until 5:30. I made sure to got a job that wasn't too far from the daycare. I picked them up at 5:30 and had them do their homework at the kitchen table while I cooked and was able to help them. Today, I work flexible hours so I can help with my grandchild because my daughter's hours at work are sometimes long. I'm okay with it because I don't require much. Just don't like the attitude I get if I want to do something different on her day off. It's her day off so spend it with your child, don't make plans that doesn't include your kid.
That’s perfectly reasonable
Very reasonable. My mom is going through the same after being the father figure to my nephew...because his mom chose to be a side chick...his has no father figure. My mom gave her so much freedom she popped up pregnant as soon as her son turned 2, for another man in a relationship. Long story short...my mom moved out.
GM CORRECT! they raised yall to be able to take care of you and your kids. They also have goals and dreams they can finally fulfill
I love this grandma...😂😂😂
Senior ppl worked all their lives to relax after, some really leave their kids 24/7 with the grandparents.
As a teen my mom told me she would kick me out if I got pregnant. She was probably bluffing but I believed it… I’m 31 and still afraid to get pregnant even though I have my own place !
Me 2 sis!!!
Lool same even though they're begging me for grandkids now 😂
My parents never said they'd kick me out but I knew they'd be so disappointed 😂 now I'm 26, married and still scared of being a teen mom.
Lol
Same but she doesn't like kids so she doesn't ask for grandkids 😂😂
Some grandparents had to take care of their siblings and their own children. They are tired. They want to take time out for themselves and live their lives. I am not mad at her. Fortunately, my Grandparents did spend time with me. 6-14-2023(Wed)
Completely forgot they used to take care of their siblings!! You ain’t never lied!
To be honest, those grandparents kids people raised their siblings and kids too....my sister did. I've seen both sides in my family and they both feed into it
Grandma is a 💯 right, I agree with her. Don't rely on Grandma I didn't tell you to get pregnant if you can't afford it
I agree with her 100%. I let my daughter know I will watch my 3 grandchildren when I have the time. PERIOD
Nah this is the new generation of grandmother's that want their freedom to live their life and I'm not mad at it.
Because old school grandmothers took care of everyone... It really took a village. It took a toll of all the good selfless grandmas, but she was treasured in the family.
I agree. Take care of your own kids.
Parents are like “give me grandchildren! But I’m not watching them” in this economy?? Stop pressing your children for kids unless you’re going to step up, I only feel bad for the grandparents who didn’t pressure their kids and still get saddled with them
This!!! That is my issue because these are the same grandparents who get cut off then come back claiming "I want to be in my grandchildren life/I need grand babbies". My mom was asking about grandkids like her eldest wasn't 23 and she sex shamed use into being scared of sex and reproduction. My mother used pap smears to traumatize us
“We worked very hard to get everybody out of the house!”😂😂😂 Yes ma’am! Duly noted!
Thats crazy, in most other cultures grandparents take an active roll in raising grandkids. I guess in The States grandparents move differently.
I am a South African, grandparents look after grandchildren while parents work, not clubbing or partying. We also look after our parents in their old age.
❤
That's most non-American, non-European based people of color, world wide. The family unit takes care of all dependents, children and the elderly. That's the honorable way. 🤓
@marianaya5824 But, that shouldn't take away the mother and father responsibility. In America, black women have children and the father of the children walk away and the responsibility fall on the grandmother or aunt. That's not right
@@travelerawakenings8477 I said, "THE FAMILY UNIT". That includes the parents. Only in countries where money and spending is the core value, do you see elders spending their later years in nursing homes and children stuck in daycare all day and night. FAMILY in Africa, Asia, Latin America, Hawaii, the Middle East and practically ALL Indigenous tribes that are left in America AND Canada, multigenerational families is the norm. That's all I'm responding to. smh
@marianaya5824 I agree with that, but I don't agree that parents left their children to be raised by grandparents. I was raised 100% by my grandmother. Grand parents should be a support system, not the main people raising their children. Yes, America, Canada and many countries in West Europe don't support their children enough and sometimes I saw grandmother asking to be paid to watch their grandchildren, then they will be shocked when their grand kids never come visit them when they dump them in nursing home.
Well, I am a baby boomer (66 years old) and my daughter is a millennial wife and mother of one child. We all live together under one roof. I have chosen to be there for my daughter and grandson in whatever capacity I can be of use. I could have used some help from my mother when raising my two daughters, but my mom felt the same way as this woman so I had to figure it all out on my own because my husband wasn't as helpful as I needed him to be. In this day and age, the cost of housing, childcare, food, transportation, social activities, full time work etc. is taxing to say the least on this generation of parents and I want to ease the stress for my daughter (her sister passed away from brain tumor). I am retired and I have a lot of time. I have my social activities and friends so I feel comfortable giving of myself and time in such a valuable way. We in the black community need to realize that it takes more than mom and dad to raise a happy, healthy, well adjusted child. Imagine as a wife and mother having someone in your corner that you love and trust who is ready, willing and able to be an active member of your family. I help with my grandson's education, transportation to and from school, I cook dinner on occasion and we ALL do our parts to make our family flourish! For me and my daughter it's not a burden but a blessing.
This is exactly how my family works. We’re a team. And when the elders need us they stay with their children and the kids help the parents care for them. It works both ways. We don’t live in the same house but if our parents need something fixed, painted, lawn work, whatever, they come pick up our kids and they’re happy to do it. Because they have grandparents that are involved and don’t treat them like a burden.
@@propainaccessories Awesome, being supportive in the family is what matters.
That’s because your daughter is your life and you don’t have one outside of her
I don’t think that’s it. I think people that prefer to look out for number one are people with disfunctional families. They don’t see the benefit in caring for people who can’t or won’t reciprocate. And I take no issue with that. What I take issue with is when people try to make something wrong with families who are working towards a supportive environment that’s best for them.
Thank you for this one because some of us mothers understand the struggle of our children. I will take care of my grandkids instead of them going to the brink of not being able to provide at all and something worse to happen to the children. No I am there for that, they don't take advantage and are too tired for a date nite or clubbing. And I do allow for that. I love my grandbabies and they love me. Family is family. Shaloam
Grandma is correct. Some parents also expect their other childfree relatives (siblings) to watch their kids for free and at anytime.
As a millennial, I hear grandma, but the lady in the pink fleece and the lady in the black ball cap, I truly felt them more😩. I remember staying and being baby sat with many family members along with my grandparents in my early childhood years.
Both those women were on point.
Yep
I'm a millennial who is CF but I have family members my age who would push their kids off on my Aunts etc to raise because they still want to be out running the streets, smoking, drinking, and all of that so I understand what she's trying to say about her daughters being accountable for their responsibilities. Proper family planning is something that needs to be discussed more. Being careful who you have kids by is paramount.
However, in these times additional support is needed more than ever. Childcare is astronomically expensive. There's a reason why people say it takes a village. Growing up my Mom's family helped out. My Dad's family helped out. My Aunts helped out. We were in afterschool programs. It was a team effort. I understand not wanting to spend your senior years raising small kids due to irresponsible children. Helping out when you see a need shouldn't be an issue though unless you just have a bad relationship with your fam. Most families don't have an issue doing that if you're active in raising your kids. Any good parent/child wouldn't even feel comfortable burdening their parents like that..well the ones I know. Parenting is hard. That's why I chose not to do it. You really need to take your finances, mental health, and lifestyle seriously if you want to take that step. Your kids shouldn't have to suffer due to poor planning.
Oh yes I totally agree with you it's important for a parent to get their lives in order before having children I'm also made the choice to be childfree
Totally agree
I wouldn't have any in this day and age.
Okay, but nowadays, these grandmothers barely see their grandkids cause they don't have MONEY! They are broke, still working even if retired, and don't have the patience nor the stability to be anyone's village. You gotta pay them, drop off food, and did I mention pay for everything? They think we are banks. Village where? Our kids are in way more activities and require wayyy more than just church on Sundays. I have never been able to drop off my babies for the summer anywhere. And I was always shipped out for the entire summer. And she only had one! (Smh)🤣
The problem is you aren't defining what help should look like. Bc if it's outside the occasional grandparents visits, then you are wrong for expecting them to co parent. Once you expect them to watch the kids on a regular set schedule, you've already messed up. And if life becomes too hard to parent, then you better start looking at shared custody or foster care. Other than that, don't abuse help that is not obligatory.
Yeah, I had a lot of friends who took care of their little brothers and sisters. They cooked and cleaned like grown adults. Tell me again that you raised your kids???
But but but…we’re just bitter.😂
I was raised by my parents, not my grandmother. Both of my parents worked full time. Mom worked days and dad worked nights. My son was not raised by his grandparents either. My husband and I both worked full time. He went to the afterschool center. During the summer he went to sleep away camp. He would spend time during spring break with my parents in Texas because they sent for him. They were able to enjoy their retirement, on their terms.
I agree with her but some of these grandmothers NEED to watch them grandkids as much as we was watching our younger siblings while they was out in them streets 😂😂😂
I disagree. Grandma didn't force them to get pregnant. If I grew up having to practically raise my siblings, NO WAY would I be having kids of my own.
@@Childfree334 That part…like you saw how hard grandma had it, having to leave your siblings to babysit you why do that to yourself, especially knowing you’d have no help.
@@Childfree334 Nobody forced grandma to have all them kids either. Goes both ways lol
@@Happy-ey6yu Thats true but yall act like life circumstances doesnt happen. I have two and my childrens father died. You nevee know what the fuck be going on in people life. Lets not act like we all dont need help sometimes, regardless of what situation we in.
@@Zion_1010 Obviously I’m talking about the people who sit up and talk about how they don’t have help and nobody wants to babysit when they knew before they got pregnant they wouldn’t have a “village” to ease some of their burden. Like I always tell my sister, “if you get pregnant I’m not babysitting or helping you.” Same thing with my cousin who thought I was going to raise her son that SHE CHOSE to have. Y’all can’t be out here forcing people(especially these older people who now want to live their lives since their kids have grown up) to be surrogate parents to YOUR children.
I’m a millennial who is child free. So i know she ain’t talking about millennials like me 😂. And what she says is the truth. But i do want to point out when she’s talking about “the new generation”, i know she’s actually talking about gen z. Because millennials are in their 40’s and pushing 30’s now. And i wish boomers would know the difference between millennials and gen z. Millennials are not teens and early 20’s anymore, we’re at the age of possibly experiencing a midlife crises right now.
But when you’re child free, then those same parents be whining about _not_ having no grandchildren.😒😒🙄
@@attitudeproblem6462 I'm a young millennial, my dad whined for a grandchild from me straight into his grave. I'm not even child free by choice, I'm just child free by circumstances.
Gen z ain’t got kids 💀💀💀
@@sunfire5790 gen z started in 1997 they’re definitely gen z parents lol
Millennials are not in their forties. We’re in our thirties-1986
Grandma speaking facts. And what about Grandparents that are still working trying to make a living? The young women were giggling. Day care is expensive but many young people are making more than their parents have ever made.
I'm so glad I never had kids, if I had those girls would be dead. If I had a kid who thought me setting boundaries was funny, they would learn what assault and battery looks like.
She telling the truth ❤my momma be bipolar sometimes she want to watch them sometimes she turn her phone off. 😂that’s with allllll her kids and my dad….. he favorite line don’t disturb my retirement bed 😮😂 I anit no daycare and he also will send u to voicemail 😂❤
Not bipolar just need time to ourselves 😂😂😂
This would be why I'd never let my kids near my parents. They don't have the full mental capacity....they never did even as parents. Not bipolar but the way they treated me and the sibling as kids made us have mental disorders as adults. Neither of us have kids...because it seemed like no one in our family enjoyed being parents.
My whole thing is: so many people gripe about how poorly their parents raised them so I wonder why would anyone want to drop off their children to grandparents that raised them so poorly?
Exactly
Also alot of these parents of the millennials were the same ones who said, “hey when you giving me some grand kids???!!🤣🤣🤣 “Why you’re not married yet?” and still single😩🤔🤨?” Welp 🤷🏾♀️!
The only thing I can say in defense of people born before the 80s: they did not KNOW that they would have to work two jobs, pay for college, not afford a house, pay for daycare and all that capitalist hell. They grew up in a one worker home where insurance was part of employment and school was affordable. They did NOT know what was coming, and llater relied on parents for help because of the changes in the economy. People born after the 80s full on KNOW that being a parent means being poor and dependent on everyone yet they choose to do it anyways, then are shocked that the parents who worked constantly don't want to work more. Don't expect your parents to help - unless they asked you to make a baby, or raised you anti-abortion.
You are correct.
Think before getting pregnant, can I afford a child. Plan for your family. Grandparents have a life also. It was hard raising our own children and you all just want it easy. You all want our time and our money. Stand on your own two feet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOT TRUE. We worked full-time and part-time jobs and worked full-time and went to college part-time. I will say daycare was not as expensive and neither was college, but we worked. These young people have no idea how hard it was. We relied on public transportation. That's how we transported our kids to daycare.
you are so wrong on that. Factor into the equation that when i turned 18 in 1991, all the jobs left due to N.A.F.T.A...and had been going on even in the 1970s when i was a baby. We survived & saved money by having multiple roommates, worked full time & usually another part time, and took the bus. And most of us had our parents use our SS# for bills when we was minors that totally wrecked our future. You are talking about the 1950s era America which ended around 1989.
nope. You guys, you had everything in your hands and that's why you didn't learn to walk with your own legs and that was your parents' mistake.
PREACH IT, GRANDMA!!!!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I’m a millennial (1991). Me and my 3 other siblings were raised by our parents but we also enjoyed time with my moms parents and her grandparents on both sides ( my grate grandparents). Great uncles and great aunts. Big cousins and my parents close friends. I’m grateful for the village we had. My mom is the oldest of 3 children and my dad is 14th of 18 children. I’m still close to my moms parents today. My other grandparents and great grandparents have passed away. But i did get to enjoy my great grandparents as an adult whilst they were still here.
I would also extend this to Aunts as well. I am so tired of everybody assuming that just because you're an Aunt you need to "step up to the plate." THEY chose to have the children, not me!
💯
My mom did the majority of everything. That's why I believe grandparents deserve a break and if ever my children's grandparents never want to babysit I'm okay with that. They can come on vacation with us :)
Grandma has a right to her boundaries. I am sure it would be nice to get the support, but some of these young grandmas are prioritizing themselves which is fair. I am a millennial with one child and one on the way. I put myself in a position to earn from home to raise my family. My husband is there if I cannot care for them and need to be elsewhere. We designed our lives to manage our family on our own.
I understand grandma. However, most millennials were dropped off at grandparents home regularly so mom and dad can go to work, run the streets or whatever. A lot of boomers literally allowed their parents to raise the grandkids (millennials). So thats the example we saw. Boomers literally pressure millennials to have children so they can "be grandparents" so when are these boomers going to play a part in a childs life? They sure as hell didnt with their own kids, so here come the grandkids they wanted. Now only the grandparents who didnt pawn their kids off can take the stance of this grandma. But to the rest, yall too old to be running the streets, here are your grandkids, be back in a few hours.
Boomers...lol! Most grandparents are Gen X. Great grandparents are boomers.
@@cheriremily9360 Nah. You just have very young parents if you're a Millennial lol.
Yep
@@cheriremily9360 Wrong. Boomers are in their 60's and 70's. Gen X are 40's and 50's. Millenials are in our 30's and 40's.
Boomers had me clean they home n neighbors while doing time in foster care bunch of bums!
I think people are confusing “raising” with simply “babysitting” for a couple hours
This hits me personally because my grandparents took care of me when I was a teenager. My mom and dad didn't raise any of their teens.
When I became a parent, both of them made it clear they weren't interested in taking care of the grandchildren on any level. My mom has watched my children for one evening in 16 years by herself. Even when I gave birth, my entire family lived close by but none even so much as cooked a meal while I recovered. My father in law flew to us and helped us for a month. He always wants to be involved in their lives. So, yeah, the double standard sucks but it is what it is.
thats actually fucked they wouldnt offer help after child birth at the least, its a momentous occasion and one of the hardest moments in a womens in life, foul :/
@@TheWipal I learned alot about my family during the pandemic. It opened my eyes to the reality I was running away from. I just try to do the best I can do be grateful for my helpers and my husband and I work as best we can to raise our children the right way.
My mother is the same… she had my grandparents raise me while she went 100% on her career. However, she always tells me that if I ever have children, she won’t be watching them. I think it’s just the character of the person at this point. She never embraced child rearing. I was “parentified” and baby sat my younger siblings. Now I kind of don’t want any since I feel as though I’ll have little family support.
@@Luna-mh5gr I understand why you must feel that way but I tell you that parenting, when fully embraced, is one of the most beautiful experiences life has to offer. My husband and I have 10 when I only wanted 2 but I wouldn't change it for the world (even though at times it's very difficult). We have Yah Almighty with us and He always sends us helpers along the way with encouraging words, gifts, needed items, money, jobs, food, etc. In spite of it all, we're very blessed. Just put our first born in college with a full scholarship. He graduated Salutatorian from his school. Those are the moments you poke your chest out and say, HalleluYah! It was all worth it! Blessings.
I agree with grandma. It should also be extended to anyone around. ..such as older siblings, aunts with free time, random neighbor
That grandma is right, and in the same light our parents should not be trying to force us to have kids just so they can have grandkids to entertain them every once in a while, because they not going to take care of the grandkids they wanted.
I’m childfree and single for life, my grandmother raised my brother and me for a few years while I was growing up because my father and mother was deployed. I don’t want to grandparent or parent, I’m good.
I wished my mother had said this to me. It took me to hit mid-30s to realize that this wasn't fair.
As an millennial I can agree with the grandmother but, on the flipside it's always the olden generation nagging their adult children into having grandkids!! (When u go bring me a grand baby home). She brought her a grand baby & here's the result ⤴️
Don’t listen to the elders that’s how u end up with a criminal record
Yep, the female parents and the aunts... pressure female offspring to have children... and when the female offspring don't want any children... female parents and all the females in the family say..."she's thinks she's better than us"...why? Because Misery loves Company...smh
Wow! This saddens me.. because I don’t have grandchildren… My mom is a wonderful grandmother and my Grandma Big Mama loved us to pieces she came for us every day and we stayed with her for the summers…. I have seen TikTok’s with grandparents coming far & wide to see there Grandbabies…grand babies are a blessing and I want some to share everything my Big Mama shared with me… both my adult children don’t want children and I have to just accept that🥺
I’m excited for that phase in my life. I can’t wait to watch my kids become parents and hold babies again. My kids all know that I 100% understand if they choose to be child free though. I have advised them to consider it. But I’m pretty sure some will want families. If not, someone will always be having a baby. I’ll just watch one of those 😂
I don't want kids because my dad abused us and my mother emotionally neglected us and with both have mental health disorders. Why would I an unhealed traumatized adult bring children into the world to traumatize them too?....or worse allow them to be traumatized by my parents? It's interesting because no one really wants to ask why some millennials and Gen X are not having children...it's because of how our parents and society raised us.
It is not easy having 2 children on the Spectrum of Autism. But i figured out how to navigate life to the best of my ability. Putting them in ABA therapy has been a great resource. When you dont really have family to step in you have to find a way to make the best of your situation and find a solution. Much love and great content!
I am so blessed my parents dont think like this. They are basically my child's second parent's. They love my daughter as their own and do for her as such. So grateful for their support and I will do the same for my grandchildren.
Don't get me wrong, I told my daughter she better give me at least 10 years and make it through college before she even thinks about having kids or she would only get so much help from me because she gonna have to learn that lesson. However, I'll be there.
So basically you're a deadbeat mom.
Grandma is definitely correct. I'm an (82) baby. I taught my 2 sons that they should go to college or do what they need to to be financially and stable and married before having kids. I taught them that things were only going to get harder and more expensive. Anyone with sense could see it coming. Also, as a grand parent I was not going to be their anytime, all the time babysitter. That's not a grandparents responsibility. I raised them and that's all I had to do. Now I want to enjoy some of my life. Anything else would be out of the kindness of my heart and my choice. They are 22 and 24 with no kids. One is in college to become a physician and the other one works off shore. They are hard working and are enjoying their lives right now. They don't want kids and struggle. They want to be financially and mentally stable before starting a family.
Same here. I'm raising my children not to have children, especially my son's. I truly believe the problem is no one brow beated their sons and taught them the correct order of life. All of these unwanted children wouldn't exist if it weren't bc of men being irresponsible.
And I’m betting that you don’t expect them to wipe your butt one day, either! You didn’t have them, so they can ‘care for you in your old age.’ I can’t STAND that. We have children because we WANT them and enjoy them..That’s it. No strings attached, you know? And like you and I, we raise them to be responsible for THEMSELVES and their families! Meanwhile, we are responsible for ourselves and making sure we have enough to retire on and elder care that won’t fall on our kids!
@@HopperJaynell No, actually I don't expect nor want them to wipe my butt if TMH graces me to get old. I was never created to be their responsibility, they were ours. We want out sons to be able to live their lives and not be STUCK taking care if elderly parents that they don't want to take care of. If they WANT to take care of us we will NEVER allow it. My husband and I have our stuff in order for that as we should. My parents raised me and my siblings and we were not passed off on grandparents only when they wanted to keep us. My husband and I raised our sons and they were with their grandparents when they WANTED to keep them and that's how it will be with my sons. If people don't want the full responsibility of being parents then they should protect themselves from making babies. People need to be asking their parents are they going to be a full time anytime baby sitter before they decide to concieve. Making babies isn't a mistake because there are to many options to NOT get pregnant. Nobody is responsible for children but their parents.
@@junitadortch8023 Exactly; and the elder care seems to be a boomer thing; I’ve noticed a lot elderly parents are expecting their kids to risk losing everything, to keep them at home; (which is great as long as there’s outside professionals who can help) and to care for them, themselves…but with no outside help. No way; I’ve told my son to sell everything I own to pay for outside help if God forbid, I come up short for elder care expenses.
The lady at 12:00 is so right. It's gonna be a full house at the old folks home.
Exactly. It works both ways.
Sure is. Because I pledged LONG ago to NEVER undertake any elder care after my parents shirked their roles as grandparents. Nah baby…get someone else to do it.
The homes are full of people who sacrificed for their kids. Doing all of this does not mean these kids will keep you at home. The old folks home is better than the way they treat the seniors at home smh
I raised my siblings...at 5yrs old I was cooking rice. I remember one time my mom complained to me and I was like probably 10 or 12--she said "my coworker thinks I'm sitting pretty because I have older kids who can take care of the younger ones"..and she was complaining about the state of the house when we older siblings were taking care of 3yr old and under kids and still had to feed ourselves and mind our homework...and I felt I had to forego school trips and paid extracurricular...I didn't even learn had to ride a bike (how can we afford the actual bike when we couldn't even dole out the time to teach me and my sister). But we made time for the younger kids to make sure they knew how to ride bikes and roller skate.
✋ Millennial here. She is right though because once that grandparent or anyone that isn't the biological parents the kid(s) will begin to call them mom or dad. Those deadbeat parents in turn will get mad because their kids will not call them mom or dad. Also, another point she got right is that she is supposed to live her life now. She raised her kids and taught them well and now it's time for them to fly and do their thing while she does hers. And here I understand this and I don't even have kids.
My daughters never tried to drop their kids off with me…I have awesome daughters, who are awesome moms ❤️ I am blessed because I’ve seen the other side 🎈💯🎉
Well I’m glad that they’re having the conversation! It honestly needs to be said out loud. This goes for older siblings as well. They’re not responsible!
I’m 32 and agree with the grandma… this generation making excuses….. YOU had them YOU raise them.
This generation is either all about themselves or allergic to accountability
From the time my grandson and granddaughter were born, I watched them while my daughter and son-in-law worked. I was also paid $400 dollars a month. Let me add, that I would have done it for free, as my mother did for all her grandchildren and even her great-grandchildren
My mom looked after my grandmother and my baby cousin when she was retired. the woman is a saint in that respect because she did it every day without complaint or full remuneration. I was ill from my mental health and I wish my family were much more considerate to her. Eventually, my uncle and his son sorted out the things my mother needed...but for the first 3 months, it was very rough for her no money and sleeping in the chair next to the hospital bed of my grandmother. Unfortunately,, i don't have the mental or physical capacity to be this generous....I will do what I can but everyone including myself is going to day care, foster care and nursing home care.
As I stated previously, I would have done it for free as my mother did for all of her grandchildren. My daughter works for the board of education and every pay period, money is taken out for child care. That's how she was able to pay me.
The same grandparents have encouraged their children that the way of life is to have children. Very very few parents have been realistic enough to watch and see that the "tide" is changing and encouraged their children to STAY CHILDFREE
Facts, some women have chosen to break those generational traumas.✔️
I would only feel bad for the grandparents if they didn’t pressure their kids for grandkids
These girls are out here being reckless with their reproductive systems.
Those who mad about the grandparents complaining that they did not raise you why would you want them to raise your kids?
I’m a Millennium about to be 39 and I don’t do this with my daughter. I don’t throw her off on folks!!
As a Gen X and grandparent I was raised by several members of my family including both grandmothers. HOWEVER, on very rare occasions my mother watched my first child and I paid her. My mother would not watch my son without pay and that was fine (she watched him 3 times). My mother-in-law wouldn't keep the kids at all she wanted me to bring them to her and stay the whole visit, when she came into town she wouldn't stop by to see the kids because she was shopping. Fine. My children are 26, 23, and 21 now and I have 1 grandchild and 1 on the way. I LOVE my grandbaby coming to visit BUT I don't like the surprise drop-offs because you don't think I'm doing anything or if I watch her so my daughter and her partner can have a date night that turns into a date weekend because AGAIN, not respecting my time. My children were raised by ME, they don't even have a recollection of spending time with the grans except for my dad who lives in a whole other state and visits once every 6-10 years (LOL). I use to stare at my friends who would get mad if their parents couldn't watch their kids on occasion and I would say "So, you're mad because they said no this time, what about all the other 20 yes' they gave you? Bottom line, if you're going to have kids be prepared to raise them and if you get some help appreciate it but don't expect it.
Facts
As a man who had grandparents who helped my mother but was raised by my mother, I see that many people who were raised by their grandparents missed a couple of things and also attached their personal stories to this one. The grandma had no rebuttals to any of her statements to her children which leads me to believe that she actually did what a mother is supposed to do. Also, even if the children were raised by their grandparents, it is a privilege for the grandparents to take in and raise the grandkids. I think grandma is right about the entitlement mindset of some of this generation. As she laid out her points, she also said in the video that the grandkids are being dropped off so the parents can go and party which a lot of people are doing. Having support isn't mandatory and shouldn't be taken for granted. I had a similar conversation with a family member about being an uncle vs an ATM. Anyways have a good day and check out my channel to get encouragement!
Props to those babies for sleeping through that Rahrah. Maybe they’re used it 😂😂
Blk grandparents nowadays aren't as hands on. Blk grandparents born in the mid to late 1930's to 1940's were extremely hands on & kept the Blk family strong and united. Everyone born after then are nowadays out for themselves in the Blk family.
Inflation is so high-the cost of food, child care, daycare, schooling, etc. It takes a village and Grandparents are a part of the village. They should help (offer support where they can) but it's not the Grandparents job to raise the children. That's where I draw a hard line.
I get where she's coming from, BUT working parents need HELP! We know our grandparents watched us while you worked, meaning these Grandparents today had a lot of help! That seems like all she's asking for. And I'm sure her daughter(s) have paid her something for watching these kids (at least, I hope so). If they're paying you (the Grandparent) and you're unemployed (free) and thereby in a position to help your single parent daughters out with daycare and saving funds, then why would you want your daughter (& your grandbabies) to struggle? Because you not helping (stepping up) could result in your daughters being evicted, foreclosed on, making career (financial) sacrifices, or your grandbabies going hungry...those things will result in creating a big problem for you! And all because your daughters are single-handedly trying to carry on the burden of motherhood, parenting, etc, because you want to enjoy your golden years.
Grandparents have earned the right to enjoy their lives! I've seen nuclear families in one household (often White families)- two generations, maybe 3 tops-that never pressure the kids to get their own home & who also watch the grandchildren & pass down customs and family traditions to their grandkids. They understand wealth building and that needing help is okay.
And notice how it's always these modern, Black American grandmother's on a tear about what they're not going to do for their grandchildren.
The same grandmother's that be asking, 'oh, when are you going to give me grandbabies' be the same ones saying, 'I'm not babysitting' when they're actually here. ✋🏽
While she wants to talk about millennials, instead we need to be talking about these newschool Blk grandmother's who aren't as present or helpful when it comes to the grandkids. The ones who delight in seeing their daughters (in particular) struggle to be single mothers, all b/c they struggled themselves. It's like they get a vindictive sense of pleasure out of it.
And lastly, the epidemic of having babies by unreliable men (thus being single mothers) needs some serious addressing in the Blk community. It's hard enough when 2 parents are in the picture, fully present and involved. But this having babies by unreliable men and expecting to dump the responsibilities of the child onto others is beyond selfish and wrong, Blk women. We must do better! Because being a single parent is HARD and often times avoidable. If you dont have the vows exchanged & signed marriage certificate, then stop having babies. The topic of married single mothers is besides the point. 2 active, healthy parents will always be better than 1 stressed out parent.
Remember it's 10 o'clock, do you know where ur children are? Yeah it's because of that generation that was reckless AF..
My mama always say once you have a child you bring that child wherever you going.😂😂 The child is now your handbag
Times have changed the new grandparents are 30 years old.
I understand that but thats why I won't have kids because I know my mom won't help. I was forced to babysit my siblings and nephews u didn't get a choice.
Unfortunately, they did force the oldest to do what they were supposed to do... it's great that a lot of women are breaking those generational traumas...#Childfree
My mother needs to see this
😃😃👍🏾
I love watching my grandchildren. They are adorable. But I think I was probably 9 years old the first time my mother gave me the speech about don't expect her to be a free babysitter. That was the "me" generation, the "look out for number one" generation. Babyboomers were obsessed with themselves. They didn't want to take care of their own children so of course they don't want to watch the grandkids.
Hope she keep that same energy when she's elderly and don't want to be in a nursing home.
Some nursing homes are great. I've worked in 6 of them and the residents are well taken care of.
Exactly.
@@Childfree334 That's rare. Elder abuse is rampant and more hidden than child abuse.
Plenty of one star no tell nursing care!
She already raised them she need to raise their kids too out of fear of being put in a home? Ridiculous. At what age will those women GROW TF UP?
I wasn't blessed to have grandparents in my life, but my sisters and brothers had our aunt and older brothers and sisters. When older sisters had children, I took care of my nieces and nephews.
As a grandmother I can honestly agree with the grandmothers point of view
I'm lowkey upset that the girls are laughing in the background as she's telling them this.
As a millennial mother, I agree with what she said!
I love her and agree 💯%❤
If im not mistaken... weren't we all dropped off at our grandparents house?
I’m 64 with 4 grandchildren. My grandparents did not raise me or my sister, my parents did. Those who had parents that were “304’s” that were running the streets do have a point. However, neither my mother nor myself were “304’s” because we were raised right…some people, unfortunately, were not. Calculate the cost of child maintenance and care and if you cannot financially or emotionally afford it then do not have them. I agree with these younger people who are childless and choose to be that way because they’ve done the financial and emotional math. Kudos to them! I love my grandkids and help when I can, but my children know my boundaries, respect them, and act accordingly when it comes to me being a grandparent because they were raised right too. And that’s how you do that! Yes, it does take a village, but as with any group, there are boundaries and rules everyone needs to respect and follow 💁🏽
Unfortunately, I'm not convinced. If she had sons, she would raise her sons kids. Women don't get that privilege.
Literally
This!!!!! You tryna open a whole new can of worms!! Stop we not ready for that!! The treatment of BLAQ girls in the community vs the boys who are coddled. Let's not lol
100%. They’re always quick to put their daughters down.
My brother had a baby at 13 and my mom cut him so much slack! My older sister and i went "Now if thst was us, we wouldn't get the same treatment!"
100% that's whole other layer of the iceberg because even my mom has mentioned "he is my son, so that grandbaby is different"....anything they do is different
This is sad. My family would never be this way.
Y'all crazy for thinking you should've able to drop your kids off whenever you want to. That's craaaazy to me. I had a set of twins at 18 years old, and NEVER thought this way. I knew I was 100% responsible for my kids, that I opened my legs up to have. How entitled you have to be to think your parents are garunteed babysitters. Wild
It's TRUE. I agree. I'm glad I'm childfree. But if I had kids it would be my responsibility
Probably because many of those same people got dumped at their grandparents after school, on the weekends, on holidays, and during summers.
I'M SURPRISED HER YELLING DIDN'T WAKE THE LIL 1's ...SHE WAS GOING OOOOOOFF 🤣
Cool. Just keep this same energy when it comes to elder care. That’s it and that’s all.
Tell em grandma, they have it twisted!!! Thats right, bouchie grandma and I'm here for it! 😂