How to Be More Loving and Compassionate

In each human being, every noble spiritual value revolves around one all-important central virtue: love. Without it, we suffer tremendously - and with it, we flourish.
In a speech he gave in Maine in 1912, Abdu’l-Baha said it this way: “When we observe the phenomena of the universe, we realize that the axis around which life revolves is love …”
While many different virtues enable us to be happy and successful as individuals, and help us empower our societies and our surroundings, love and compassion for others - or the lack of them - define and occupy most of our attention in life, whether directly or indirectly.
We are all primarily motivated by love, either the love others express for us as we grow, or the love we feel in our hearts toward others. The comprehension of love is one of the most important aspects of our self-growth. In order to reach maturity and have a clear state of mind, we need to understand both our physical and mental states in relation to love.
First, let’s look at how our brains analyze and react to love. Richard Schwartz and Jacqueline Olds, Harvard Medical School professors and authors of many couples therapy studies, explain the relationship between our brain and love:
"When we are falling in love, chemicals associated with the reward circuit flood our brain, producing a variety of physical and emotional responses - racing hearts, sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, feelings of passion and anxiety. Levels of the stress hormone cortisol increase during the initial phase of romantic love, marshaling our bodies to cope with the 'crisis' at hand. As cortisol levels rise, levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin become depleted. Low levels of serotonin precipitate what Schwartz described as the 'intrusive, maddeningly preoccupying thoughts, hopes, terrors of early love' - the obsessive-compulsive behaviors associated with infatuation."
We now know, scientifically, that dopamine activates the reward circuit in our brain, oxytocin is responsible for creating feelings of contentment and security, and vasopressin provokes the faithful, devoted behavior that produces long-term monogamous relationships.
Schwartz and Olds elucidate that the positive and negative feelings in our brain are channeled through two separate neurological pathways. Love creates the positive feelings in us, but it also “deactivates the neural pathway responsible for negative emotions, such as fear and social judgment.” The pathway associated with positive emotions “connects the prefrontal cortex to the nucleus accumbens,” and the one related to negative emotions, “connects the nucleus accumbens to the amygdala.” They add:
"When we are engaged in romantic love, the neural machinery responsible for making critical assessments of other people, including assessments of those with whom we are romantically involved, shuts down."
Schwartz explains that in lasting love the rollercoaster of emotions calms over time. The chemicals related to passion still remain at high levels in the brain, but “the stress of it is gone.” “Cortisol and serotonin levels return to normal. Love, which began as a stressor (to our brains and bodies, at least), becomes a buffer against stress.” This results in the transition of a passionate love to what we call a compassionate love.
Likewise, in her article, The Upstairs and Downstairs of the Brain, Ann Young delineates the brain using three simple terms: “the downstairs brain, the upstairs brain, the staircase.”
She says the “downstairs brain,” often referred to as the reptilian or primitive brain, contains the brain stem, limbic region, and amygdala. This instinctive part of the brain is well-developed from birth, and is responsible for:
- Basic bodily functions - breathing, blinking, heartbeat, flinching, digestion, etc.
- Innate responses - fight, flight, freeze.
- Producing strong emotions such as anger and fear.
Young adds:
"The upstairs brain is significantly more sophisticated than the downstairs brain and is made up of the cerebral cortex and its various parts, in particular the middle prefrontal cortex located behind the forehead. This part of the brain is responsible for higher-order thinking and planning, imagining, analyzing, problem-solving, and sound decision-making. The upstairs provides a fuller perspective of the world and enables us to emotionally regulate and to have control over our body. When this part of the brain is working well, we are able to utilize self-understanding, empathy and morality, as well as considering consequences and thinking before we act."
In children, she writes, “this part of the brain is not capable of functioning all of the time and thus children cannot always access their ability to make sound decisions, control their behavior or show empathy.”
Read the rest of the article at Bahaiteachings.org.