EP 3: The Bad, The Ugly, The Nightmare
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- Опубліковано 27 лип 2023
- In this episode you and i are going to tackle the bad, the ugly, all the nightmares we have all experienced, because who hasn't had a bad experience at work. Nothing feels better than knowing you're not the only one. Nurse John gathered thousands of real life experiences from different people and talks about and share his similar experiences and advices.
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I did not know you did podcast! Love it!
@NurseJohn I am currently in the hospital setting and you are on point. Sad but very true.
Nurse John!You are the best 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭,This is so emotional for me,I say this always but people said am crazy.
The fact that you started out the pod cast by reassuring everyone they are in a safe space speaks volumes❤P.S. You are friggin hilarious
❤ 💯
I call them trauma superpowers. The ability to read someone’s energy/vibes within the first seconds of meeting someone.
not really a super power. most of the time it, what you call a “trauma superpower“, is really just a person projecting and being presumptuous as result of being traumatized. sometimes it’s correct, but it’s mostly ineffective being that you start to judge people who are just existing based off your experience, which is kind of self-centered. so i agree that a person develops particular skills from particular types of trauma, but i will argue that these “superpowers” are often misused and misguided by the traumatized person who can’t discern between a projection and the truth of the matter, hence going to therapy.
believing that you have some gift to read people because of your trauma is actually quite pretentious and self-centered. most people are traumatized and you arent special in your trauma. in fact, your “superpowers” are probably keeping you stuck and destroying you.
(obviously not you the original commenter. i am speaking generally).
Yeah... I don't think... so... **( I think they are just sensitive people who can read people )..... not just ***traumatized *** hehehehe
@@iamdisappointed1328 right. i definitely agree that there are more sensitive intuitive people but they are usually gifted regardless of trauma.
Yess the hypervigilance and sensitivity to mood shifts 😭😭😭
I have read a few people and then they sommehow felt safe to share without me digging
My aunt is a nurse and has been working in the field many many years. She lived next door to my father and then my grandmother bought the house next to my father. So family was always going in and out someone’s house. Yet we mostly gather together at my grandmother’s since she was always cooking something yummy. When COVID hit it was beyond hard to watch my aunt change. She was rarely seen only stopped by grandma’s to pick up food. The moments I got to see her I always try to ask if she needed anything or give her my most enthusiastic hello. She always the aunt that trys to see the bright side or gives you the attention to teach you the hard truths in life. Super grateful for her, she always she has my back. I knew the pandemic was taking so much from her. One rare day she stayed at my grandmas to eat instead of grabbing food and leave for work. We were talking in the kitchen when my other aunt who I love this aunt so much too but she was in deep in not believing COVID was a big deal. This aunt sat next to my nurse aunt asking how things were going at work. Soon the conversation started to turn into an argument which I had to sit and watch as I waited for my food. It got so bad that my grandmother gave me my food and left the room. My grandma hates conflict but it’s hard for her to get involved. So she left as soon as the volume from the argument start to get louder and louder. I want to stop it but my nurse aunt gave me a look like don’t get involved so I stayed quiet. Then out of nowhere my aunt nurse yells stop really loudly to stop my other aunt from talking and just says to her “you are my sister this argument means nothing to me compare to the love I have for you. I know what I know and seen with my eyes things I shouldn’t have to see. Right now I’m going to take the love I feel and give it to those patients that are waiting for me. I love you” she got up gave my aunt a kiss on the cheek and me a big hug and left. Much later on I asked my aunt why she stopped me and she explained to me she just wanted to get out of the house to cry. She told me she didn’t want to hide her feelings but she was so in a disarray in the height of COVID she had to let it out alone. And sometimes being a nurse is hard and we just need to let it out.
Thanks for standing up for the CNA/tech it truly means a lot❤❤❤
I want to become a cna but I'm scared of doodoo and Co workers. Lol
I started as a CNA & we definitely don't get the credit we deserve, nor the pay. If you are a CNA, just know you are appreciated & you're doing the hardest job on the floor. Most nurses won't help out the lowly little CNA by changing a patient or feeding, etc. But, some of us do see you & appreciate what you do. It's a tiring, dirty, thankless job. Don't get too frustrated & don't give up
@@sugarspiceneverythingnice9205 thank you for this! I’m currently taking my pre reqs for nursing school right now & my CNA job is draining me. I needed this pep talk before my shift starts 😭.
I really like how you introduced your podcast. Especially explaining how to not invalidate someone’s feelings. Very articulate. Thanks!!
I stopped working 10 years ago. I have PTSD from being a med/surg nurse for 25 years. My co-workers were horrible.
So sorry for your experience!
That’s healthcare for you. It’s rough. This is why I show up to work, do my cases (surgical PA) and peace out. No hanging out with people from work after work. I get a long with everybody during my working hours but to be honest I don’t want to hear from any of them after work. Also; I promised myself that nobody at work will ever see me lose it. God knows they be trying me sometimes.
I grew up in the “nurses eat their young” environment. I started off as a new grad in CCU which was a highly prestigious unit. I was not welcomed with open arms, however I learned, listened and grew. 18 years later, becoming a open heart nurse to Cath lab nurse and now in middle management I have dropped my “eating your young” mentality. As leaders we need to listen to our team and understand what is going on to help support them so they can provide the best care for patients. Currently earning my MS in nursing education to change this BS we have created in our field. Toxicity is real amongst nurses. Thank you for what you are doing to help our profession!
I am not a nurse, but I'm a huge fan ❤
Same! ❤
I was a tech in postpartum and was written up twice because of nurse complaints now I work in labor and delivery and I get written compliments ❤
Hi Nurse John… I’m an occupational therapist from the Philippines. Back in 2009 I was picking up hours in a skilled nursing facility. I remember the other OT there bullied me. I hate to say the “racist” word but I do believe that what happened to me.
We were in the middle of doing paperwork,-talking and everyone was talking about their family life. She is Mexican/Nicaraguan and she said point blank.. “if you got married so you can get papers?”
I was dumbfounded!
Well, I’ll be celebrating my 17 yrs this Dec and Olga has been divorced and re-married! Still burns me to this today.
Hi nurse John! You have a huge heart. Thank you for all your advice, this brightens my day. ❤
Nurse John,your studio is beautiful.
I worked in HR for a health system. The other women in HR bullied me relentlessly (colleagues and upper management). It is not just in the nursing part, it is ALL over the health system. I was retaliated against and they set me up for failure several times in order to push me out so I would quit. I am still dealing with trauma from my experience. I can only imagine how these other people (nurses) feel and are traumatized:(
I am so so sorry to all the wonderful, hardworking nurses and people who serve others in our healthcare system. We absolutely have to change things :( love you, nurse John!
Could you touch on other healthcare workers not getting as much praise as nurses? We have parties and banners and free food for nurses week and when lab week roles around we get a granola bar 😂 we understand nurses are the face of healthcare but there are many departments who go unnoticed. That being said we love our nurses who don’t give us attitude when we call a critical or cancel a test due to hemolysis 😅
Nurse John ….you’re on point🎯. I worked 7pm to 7am on a transplant unit and I get it. That unit is always busy and teamwork is necessary. CNA’s are needed on that unit to assist with client care to support the team. I never bullied staff , nor did I tolerate it on my shift once I was alerted to it. I’m 74 and retired. Thanks John u give us a voice c❤.
Straight to my core. Slowly healing from a job that got the best of me.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that but that you're able to work on healing now ❤
Wasn’t able to fully catch the live but I’m glad I got to watch it! ER nurse here…been a nurse for a long time and I try to get along with everyone I work with. A hug, a kind word, letting them vent…we all need it. When you’re working in the trenches together, it’s easy to get drained and on edge and recognizing it and trying to be supportive goes a long way. Yes, there’s always going to be nurses or other staff that try to bully or gossip, but I’ve found that the core group usually sticks together and those people quickly get weeded out and leave once others don’t feed into it. Management will also make/break a unit. I’ve worked in less stressful jobs where management was always an issue and it was more stressful than the chaos of the ED but with great management. Thanks for starting the convo about this topic!
I’m a registered nurse in the UK and I really needed to hear this. Nursing is stressful enough already without poor and toxic management, bad colleagues and all the politics that goes along with nursing! It creates such a bad culture of nursing. I always keep my head held high knowing I’m going by evidence based practice and being a compassionate and comparing nurse for MY patients!!
You’re the best nurse John! You remind me so much of me and you’re so eloquent, brilliant and knowledgable when you talk!
When I say the intro was like a giant hug, a warm cup of soup or a hot shower after a long and upsetting day. You are incredible, thank you so much
Also former hospice CNA getting back in the game and working on my LPN this year! This is going to get me through honey
I work in a nursing home as a care assistant and I was told NOT to cry at a death but like my job is literally being the patients friend and helping nurses with their cares like i feel so shocked and my heart was like literally hurting!! its so sad and for people to not tell me i cant cry is insane to me.... like im not fucking android 💀im a human being with a strong emotional connected to other human beings.
Where you really shine is when you do your characters. You should try your hand at acting. Seriously. Pam is my favorite. The one with short brown hair, messy, ponytail up top. And the antics with Mr Smith in the ceiling make me loose whatever little bladder control I have left 🤣🤣🤣. Thank you for the laughs about situations that are real and funny but not at the time. Shout out to med-surg nurses!
Abuse is not ok.
I used to be a nurse but cancer took that dream away. I tried to work while on treatment but I got too weak with low immune resistance. Worse is to feel discriminated after my manager knows I was sick.. It is hard to be on the other side (to be the patient). To all nurses who read this, always be kind and compassionate to your patients. It is not how knowledgeable you are but the kindness you show your patients that they will appreciate and remember you for.
PArDon?!💥🦝💥❤
Please do this forever, love from Seattle ❤❤❤
Omg every single word is spot on!!! One of the reasons I walked away from nursing.
I worked as a CNA/CRMA/PSS/NA for 8 years, I relate with your stories on an extremely personal level. Thank you so much for these stories and the way you cheer us up with your shorts. ❤
I fought so hard for my clients. Even when it went out of my job description. I was bullied constantly mistreated by the companies I worked for and ignored. My clients were consistently ignored by my companies as well... they wanted us to do our jobs to perfection, yet they never wanted to their own jobs. I'd call my supervisors and they rarely would answer or get back to me about appointments my clients had, or who would be transporting them, (we had company transportation for most of the places I worked). My clients would almost miss their appointments, so I would be forced to transport them myself. No gas reimbursement for the company's incompetence. No emergency coverage when I am injured on the job. It is unbelievable how we are treated in the work force.
I've been there before. Left that job. It was stressful. Made me ill
How I wish I heard this before I left my nursing career. Nursing is a very stressful and abusive setting...even nurses bully their kind has been there and it gave me trauma 😢
john, you are one of my lifeline these days. When my day feels like shiiiit, I just watch your shorts and I just laugh hysterically, it takes all the stress away makes me forget about my problems soooo thank youuuu
napaka-refreshing mong panoorin. Maraming salamat hindi lang dahil isa kang nurse. Salamat dahil mabuti kang tao, you make this world a better place. 🤗
i'm not a nurse and i really respect their work but this was my therapy session for the week :)
You making this podcast has been the highlight of my week each week! 🩷 love you!!
This makes me feel less alone. I can so relate eventhough I do not work in nursing, bit this happens in every field.
I love you Nurse John ❤ Your shorts really help with my depression
Thank you for creating this cast and really taking time to acknowledge things that most people just brush away because it is bad, ugly and nightmarish. These issues are in large the reason that turn over rate, poor mental health and even self harm and suicide is high in both human and veterinary medicine. We need more awareness and people need to understand how harmful bullying and toxic work ethics are. That you nurse John for helping to bridge that gap of awareness for difficult issues we face daily.
I love John's philosophy. Watching this has really helped boost my mood and realise I need to stick up for myself more in work and life.
Listening at work because the system is down.
I wish your podcast especially this one existed when I started nursing school, it’s so toxic already so much gaslighting and bullying but oh honey I learned so much lessons and I’m here to the last day
You are magnificent... I've loved the shorts and JUST discovered this podcast!! I'm barely in 1 minute and I'm hooked. Your sense of humor is top notch. Your personality? PRIME!Long live Nurse Johnn! ♥️
I was a nurse for 24 years!! I relate to all the shorts!!!! I'm off work now after 3rd brain surgery..but,never thought I'd ever miss my work,patients and co-workers!!!❤❤ lovingly Johanna
I gave report to a nurse and then walked away to finish up charting a couple things and she clearly thought I had left, so she started badmouthing me to another nurse and called me stupid and he sort of shrugged and said I don’t really interact with her. Right after that I walked over and politely asked if there was anything wrong not alluding to the fact that I heard everything even though i had , and I wanted to make sure she new I had. Ever since then she’s been like extra smiley and trying to “helpful” to me but I’m just like I know what said & I’m not buying it b*tch. She’s also like 68, like she’s 68 and she still feels the need to badmouth and bully people at work?? If I felt the need to bully people at work at that age I would be so ashamed of myself. Like she has grandchildren and she still feels the need to act like this? How petty and insecure do you have to be to treat other people like that? I’ve never been anything but polite to this person never talked behind their back, nothing. I’m trying to not let it get to me though, her being a jerk doesn’t have to affect my mental health or well being, that’s a her problem not a me problem.
I am a nurse and your videos speak a lot about what we actually go through...Thank you ☺️
Thank you so much for taking the time to discuss this matter. Coming from a future nurse, it is enlighting to hear about the negatives within the work field. I hope to have learnt something from this and utilize it in the future. ❤
❤ Well said, thanks! Can relate much!
Much love❤❤❤
You're such an amazing person ❤
I'm one year as a med/surg nurse and i have heard older nurses on my floor, some having been working for 20 to 30 years, saying theyre burnt out now because nursing is so much harder now than it ever was when they started
Woop Woop!! New episode beg you pardon?! Much love to everyone! 💜🎙️🥳
I didn’t think I’d love you more but this truth bomb!!! You have truly outdone yourself ❤
Can’t wait!!!!
im really loving your podcast so far and highlighting all these experiences! I worked in social work for a year and a half and it was the most mentally exhausting job I ever had. I had previously worked in dental which I enjoyed but could be very physically exhausting. Not to mention that my co-worker was extremely rude and was always picking on me and my work, even small things.
working in social work was just awful for my mental health. I got used to being extremely overloaded, having high KPIs and even though my team was great, it was just a lot. I also felt it was just part of the job that people would get mad and take their anger out on you because of injustices or just because the system didnt suit their wants/needs. I was so glad the day I got my new job because I knew I was going to be able to leave. Now i love my job and although it can get busy I absolutely love it.
So happy to catch this live!! I didn’t know you’re doing it live!
sooo excited! ❤❤❤
I was on nigh shift at one hospital and we had the BEST team of nurses and CNAs. Our CNAs were the best! They were hardworking and always had our backs and we had theirs! I never understood some nurses that would be so rude and do what u mentioned. Calling the CNA to do a stupid job you could have done yourself as the nurse. There shouldn't be a divide. We are all a team! I had so many times our CNAs that night would help me keep an eye on bladder irrigation and tell me if fluids or irrigation were almost out. It saved me a lot of time
I don’t usually comment on videos. But….this was by far my favorite podcast and video. I had a hard shift today/last-night/yesterday (I work night shift so its all of those lol)….but bullying at my workplace towards me and others SUCKS. Hearing this podcast was like a big hug. Because I don’t trust anyone at work to talk about what I feel, hearing you express yourself was everything I needed to hear. These nurses literally talk about everyone and their moms. Its HORRIBLE. But again, thank you for this John. You are AMAZING ❤
1:41 ❤❤❤❤ I swear if I could meet you one day!!!! And just have a good conversation!
I love you so much Nurse John! I love you! 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂
You are such a special person and I absolutely adore your podcasts. I will continue to tune in
Omg I just had a headache and hearing your voice just sends good vibes
Can you talk about student nurses in an episode? It’s a hard graft!! 😂
Healthcare work is hard. I am not a nurse but I do work in healthcare as a sonographer (ultrasound). Sometimes I have to scan a patient to confirm fetal demise and they are either in their second or third trimester of pregnancy. They always look at me with some hope that I will find a heartbeat but usually when I do these ultrasounds that is not the case. Pretty much the doctor knows the baby is no longer alive but needs to confirm it with ultrasound. Which is so heartbreaking and I hate doing those. I try my best to keep it together but when I go back to my room I do cry. I have just seen a patient breakdown because I just gave them the worst news. I think if you get emotional for your patients it just means you care.
Hi nurse John 💚
Killing the bullies with kindness never worked for me, they just kept getting worse. I don't put up with any bullying especially in the work place. I set a boundaries and if they cross it, they will know about it the minute they spew their venom. I thank you my Italian upbringing to stand my ground when I'm right and always do the right thing.
This podcast was great❤️❤️ I enjoyed it so much that I wish there were more content to listen to!
THANK YOU.
😊
DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT .... document everything! RN since 2002 here!
You're speech made me cry and I didn't even realize I was crying!
The trauma that I've been though when I was Cna!
first story is piping hot omg. to think that the last thing you'd think of bullying is caregiving nurses. such toxic environment. i hope new nurses hear this so they work smart; not everyone will be your friend; look after your own.
The toxic gossip mentality really made me question my love of being a nurse, management was told I would sigh whenever a certain patient would call multiple times over a short period (dementia and it being nightshifts are factors here) which would mean she wouldn't sleep again that night. That sigh made management conclude that I was lazy, have no passion for my job and so on... like what?! This entire thing made me question everything in my life, 'if i dont love nursing, what do i love?' 'is my entire life a lie?' and so on
Now I know I love nursing, i love my patients and im happy with what I do
Hi Nurse John! *Definately add the name of your podcast either in the thumbnail or the title of the video! It will attract people to your name or to even search for it later on hosting sights if they never seen you and don’t know who you are. Heck even me I thought the name of the podcast was, “The bad, the ugly, the nightmare” because it was in the thumbnail photo. So definately add the name! (: Keep making the great content you’re doing so well!** ❤
Nurse John, your podcast helps me prepare myself everytime I go to work, and keeps me entertained as I drive back home! 😊 Thanks for your wonderful personality 🙏🏻🧡
Looking forward to more episodes #ibegyourpardon 😊😊😊
Fresh new baby nurse here!
When I started doing rotations in hospital it was a coping mechanism that i would tell people that I'm a component student with many many years working in hospital as a Unit Clerk already. Just in hopes that people didn't think I was just another incompetent nurse coming through the pipes... I don't know if it actually worked but I tell you that they held me to a whole different standard.
Once my final preceptorship came along I was blessed to not have to do this anymore at all. Instead I had a whole bunch of Mama's protecting me and nurturing my development. Everyone I worked with treated me with respect and would seek me out if they had something they knew I would enjoy. I know not everyone has this experience but I really wished they did.
your so great! I can relate to all of this. I work as an animal nurse and most of this crosses over
Seriously, he is telling the truth. The medical field can be soooo toxic and I was never even a nurse! I have worked in the administrative side of the medical field and as a lower level care provider. I have seen the bullying first hand, like even in different clinics and hospitals as a patient there! I think it’s the way people feel entitled in their position, because idk how one can just yell at another and in front of other staff at that! I only found peace once I got into accounting. It felt like a literal miracle that I was able to change my career path. I always did my best to provide the care needed and never had to bully anyone to relieve the stress. I don’t get it. We should be a team. When it’s the most stressful is when we need to be a team the most. It was so sad. I had to just smile, never share the gossip I heard, and take the criticism even when I was not wrong because people like that don’t like it when you talk back.😔😢
I was shook when he said “wherever you are listening right now…while doing laundry…” cuz im actually doing laundry right now separating my clothes hahaha i feel seen🥹😂
My dad was punched in the face by a psych pt in ER 😞 and he also got a bad case of covid yrs ago at the nursing home. He been through a lot for our family. And he is a doctor in PH
Started following NurseJohn for his comedy
Stayed for his heart and kindness ❤
You always put a smile on my face!!!! Ooop late on my meds today lol thank uou😂
First Thank you, I absolutely love you!, and grateful for the relatable stories!
Secondly, I wish when I first started in nursing someone would have told me to document for myself on situations, especially when I was bullied. I could have been prepared and not gaslighted when I brought it up to (my then) terrible management.
Being a happy, eager, new grad is not welcomed with the grouchy ‘senior’ nurses. I was gobbled up and spit out!
Test tube thrown at me, I was giving too many warm blankets, or gave coffee to family members…
In the end, they did not break my spirit!
I had this exact same treatment being in supermarket retail management and its been horrible. Having those meetings where they drop multiple “complaints” and then they sit there and not listen to any reasoning and justification. Everytime someone has done that to me its been about disagreements where i was actually in the right but the other person involved got took it to the higher ups and reworded everything. Thank god my memory is good
I love your call for community ❤
Coffee time for me and sit down and watch this episode
I was once a CNA. It was a horrible disgusting job. I was also attending Paramedic School at night. Then treated like a mule by the nurses during the day. The nurses were so belittling and rude. I walked out after only a few days on the job at my first hospital.
“I love you, you matter”…❤❤❤❤❤
My mom started off as a nurse and WORKED her way up to being a nurse practitioner and she has seen ALOT goes thru ALOT dealt with ALOT of shitty bosses and coworkers and now she is the only practitioner handling almost all patients walking into her clinic bc theyre short staffed i guess and she is goin thru it and sometimes takes her anger and frustration out on me or my dad or on other people and i have to remind her that just bc ur going thru something dont mean u have to take it out on someone that dont deserve that, and i have to help her find healthier ways to deal with her emotions, ganna take some time tho🤦🏻♀️ health care professionals, especially those that actually give a damn about their patients and work theyre asses off, go thru alot and sometimes even the family in the home have to deal with it too and not enough people realize, understand or appreciate that. theyre not thanked enough at all. I love this podcast because it sheds a light onto that topic❤️ ill show my mom this podcast and maybe shell watch it lol if anything though, you got my like😂❤️
I work in HR and specifically do HR investigations into harassment and bullying but I don’t side with anyone. I side with the truth and what can be substantiated. I will hold everyone accountable if they are found to be in the wrong - person reporting, the manager and so forth. Just wanted you to know there isn’t always bad ppl in HR ☺️
Can i just say thank you? From nurse to nurse, thank you, nurse John. If i had worked with more caring nurses like you that actually cared about their patients i probably wouldn't have had to 2 stress related strokes & id still be working.. most of the nurses i worked with were big bullies because theyd been at the facility longer than me. 1 charge nurse in particular (when i was a still a CNA) decided to tell me that if i couldn't move a morbidly obese patient myself than i was in the wrong field. Ok, i told her, ill just take your job then. Unfortunately, i had my strokes before i could take het job. I did get her terminated though
I remember when I used to work NOC shifts at a dementia facility, and I swear it was haunted, I kept hearing things and seeing things , the last straw was when my manager wouldn’t let me move back to morning shifts , so I had to leave that job… not only was my manager a D&$K , but the place was haunted , I left 😄
😂
Excellent podcast Nurse John. My 2 cents if you don't mind in one topic is about the generation gap. This is true. We also have to consider that even those who are born recently who we call millennials can disassociate their feelings to survive in the workplace hence they give off the facade of being ruthless to their coworkers. I am not siding with these people. Some people cannot cry because they don't want to be reported. Some became too numb because of the workload. The danger is that we do not see which aspect of their life is suffering. Some people are oblivious to their own gossipmongering because they are drowning from their own personal problems. There are those who cannot or choose not to be close to others because they have to focus on earning. Money issues can be a big factor when you have people at work who tend to be antisocial. Much love always ❤
Im not a nurse. I work for the federal government. I had 2 family members dealing with cancer, and my sister passed away. I needed to provide proof of death. That was hard. Eleven weeks later, my mother passed away. My team leader sent me condolences through the obituaries. So she did not ask me proof. Thank goodness.❤
Document your professional life for transparency if your actions are ever called into question...✔️
Be a
friend at work...keep it at work...✔️
Remain true to yourself within a work environment that you love and do not want to be miserable in...or leave...
Bullies are made not born...
Without excusing their behaviour...kindness kills...
They will fade with time...✔️
🇿🇦👩🏻🏫🤜🏻🤛🏻🧑🏽⚕️NJ
For me, i’m treating burn out as something that comes and goes. I think it’ll never rly go away for me 😢
"While mowing the lawn"
And my sleep-deprived ash heard
"While mourning over the lawn"
😂
1:16 this right here, this right here! ❤
This is good advice. My favorite thing to say t a bully is "Who hurt you,"
Your podcast is important. I was a medical staff member's child. This not allowing the medical members to "feel" trust me it bleeds over into their home life. It is to the point that I can tell when something serious my parent will go into what I call nurse mode. There is no emotional expression at all from them. They did this my whole life to the point that I realized I have been doing the same thing since my pre-teen years. I have been allowing myself to feel my emotions in my late 20's. I still struggle with this