I've experienced love bombing, ghosting, silent treatment I felt sick to my stomach when I found out I had been conned Especially by a covert psychopath narcissist
hey, saying that narcissists can't change is factually incorrect. i think you have a responsibility to say what is actually the case, and that is, change being unlikely. i know where you're coming from but i think you know that narcissistic traits, and especially the egoic defense mechanisms can manifest very differently in people and therefore the likelihood of change vary from person to person. great video though, thank you.
i cannot understand how anyone in their right minds today can speak of anything being "impossible" or that it "will never happen" etc. that's just a really bad bias restricting yourself from a potential truth...but why? because of fear? powerlessness? disappointment?
He shared his childhood trauma with me.... it's so sad because I love him so much but I got out before things really turned bad. I can love him from a distance, keep no contact and I forgive him. I love me more than to deal with his abuse which as you said, isn't really about me & as an empath, I overstand this totally. I've moved on with my life. No contact forever. I left before it got physical but the mental abuse, lying and gaslighting has damaged me a lot, still recovering from that.
Thank you for sharing your story. As Meredith Miller says, these are relationships of inevitable harm. I'm so glad that you are No Contact and moving forward with your life. It's inspiring to know that you love yourself enough to walk away from a toxic abuser. Well done! I think once we understand what's really going on with the Narcissist's brain, true understanding, forgiveness and recovery become possible.
Wow I’m just starting to understand everything why I was so much broken and hurt by him but still loved him. It was always wrong and toxic but I always missed him. I discovered why I become depressed and lost hope and confidence. But I always had hope that he would change 😞 Anyway reading your comment just made me remember about hes story how much he suffered as a child and even as an adult. I always felt bad about knowing how much he suffered and went out of my limits to help him as much as possible. Only to discover that I was only used as a temporary object. 💔
me too. 2 years going strong, going to therapy and realised the reason I tolerated my exes abuse is because my own mother is a narcissist! Stay strong, keep loving x
I arrived at that pay grade once I fixed my own. I asked for a hard case. Here is the story ==> I knew to some extent what I was getting in to. All the things she tried to do to me I had already done to myself - and overcame. The story goes a little like this. I broke my father of the narcissism habit. It took 5 or 6 years but he still had a significant moral sense. I'm still working on my wife (she watched my interactions with my father). My father I got. My wife I asked for (I prayed for a hard case - I was young and cocky). Why did I ask for that? I figured out how to solve my own narcissism and thought I might return the favor to the universe. What was my key - and so far as I can figure out - my wife's? Stop the anger. The bigger social picture? Stop the child abuse. I was never trapped. I went in with my eyes open. Why am I still at it? Two reasons - children and I'm a Sigma - we like extreme challenges. She was as crazy as I could handle. I knew crazier women. So how old am I? Older than transistors is a roughly.
This sentence with «it was never about you»... really struck hard big time. Simple but through the core and very effective. As crazy as this may seem, the above pay grade... make me feel like i'm allowed to stop caring for someone whose interest was never about me. My next thought ... I,ve wasted so much time doing something for me tha t was never about me. when i quit smoking felt this moment. will listen to george jones (He stopped lover TODAY). I,ve printed those two sentences. It's now on the fridge. This video is indeed powerful. Thank you for your comment. I'm not the only one .... in THE place where i felt abandonned and alone ! Peace and gratitude.
Hear Hear ! Me too was once a heavyweight champion in imbecilty and crazy challenges .... some people use drug... i think i was addicted to the ordeal-like challenging of the challenged minds of this world....Even made a profession out it. narcissism feels in so many way for both perpertrators and victims alike an addiction ... to heroine or emotional Fentany with all this social medias lunacy raging on. Thanks for sharing. Helpful to me. Gratitude....
@@msimon6808 we help the world how we can... I became the monster I tried to fight, and the emotional child abuse continued, so sad to say, but I escaped it and am trying to help my kids... it is all I can do... small steps out of the hell I created jointly with a narcissist
@user-de8le5wl7z peace and gratitude returned... I am emerging from the black hole existence... and omg, why did I wallow so long in it, I can not say, but the beauty of life is emerging again.
In a nutshell, run. And never look back. This is the best video I've ever heard. You have to for the sake of yourself and your children. She's right. Mine hasn't changed in 38 years. Every word of this is true. Trust me. I know.
My narcissist father had a unique ability to hide his abuse by buying expensive gifts for me and all along I thought it was his way of showing "love" never realizing that love isn't material things.. love is emotional and never conditional. ❤ I now know what love truly is
Good Vibes Always it would be so much easier if they were cruel all the time. The bursts of kindness create confusion, guilt and pain in the child of a Narc parent. I’m so sorry you had to go though that 💐
My ex use to buy me nice stuff too when he knew he had stepped over the line, GOD HELP his new supply and bless ALL the ones gone before her, they are pathetic cowards and dangerous
It's sad to think how many are not aware of the harm they are causing. It's sad to think how they got conditional love from very childhood. They now think love is based on condition. How sad for them they can't feel real love and how sad for the people who will keep on wanting the narc to love them till the end they break into pieces...
Narcissistic mom. Alcoholic dad. As adults narcissistic sister and covert narcissistic brother. Only Jesus healed me from years of PTSD and depression and social phobia and more. Therapy and meds bought time. Years of mental and physical abuse. Ruined relationships and career. But praise my Lord having a happy ending!
Yes, my friend rejects authority, that’s why he was so appealing during our teenage years as I was also a rebel. I still am but I’m not unhappy or angry, he is. My ex is at her most awe inspiring when she’s talking to people and trying to hide her anger, she’s just adorable. I don’t know why I find this so attractive, it just is for some reason. I think I know it’s hard for her to be patient with people, and I feel a great sympathy for her, I don’t wish ill to her “victims” and neither does she, as far as I know. I don’t her well enough.
It reminds me of this old video called 'Behind Blue Eyes' by Limp Bizkit. Halle Berry starts off as a healer visiting a mental patient. Boundaries are crossed and they kiss. When the kiss is over, they've switched roles and the patient has become the healer, they walk out of the cell leaving her trapped in the illness that held him there.
I ought to reiterate that I don’t know enough about either of the two I have mentioned to say they are disordered. I know my friend is very quick to get angry when he’s contradicted and this is now an engrained behaviour, but as this is the only trait I know of I can only say he is further up the spectrum than is normal. My ex was quick to freak out at criticism but she is aware of doing it and there is a good chance she has mastered it by now as she is a fast learner given a sympathetic environment. For this reason I would say she is not far up the spectrum, and I must say that she isn’t an angry person, I would say rather the very faint second aura I detected in her when talking to people is her becoming aware of her own rapidly increasing intelligence. Sure, she’s been angry with me but she’s not the only one in the past year given my exorbitant drug abuse. I am certain that upbringing is hugely important in everyone’s development but I shouldn’t really talk about other people on the internet, even though I’m using a pseudonym (she knows what it is and is reading my posts - I’m 99% certain) so I can only say that my own egocentricity and selective empathy possibly stems from being ignored as a child, and as an adult. The fact I have been addicted to some form of mind altering chemical from the age of 15 every evening is possibly due to some form of aversion to solitude. However since I met my ex I no longer feel the need to self-medicate, even though we are no longer in contact. In fact drugs seem to cause just trouble, even though I still believe some form of controlled intoxication is not a sin or a crime, at least in the ideal world. Anyway, I might have reached this point without her, and even if I romanticise this point as being “our inseparable bond”, just thinking of it like that makes me think of its opposite (I’m a cynic too) and then I feel alone for a split second but then I think of her again and the fact we are both still alive and I don’t feel alone any more. Basically I fall head over heels with whatever I believe makes me happy. Examining the alternative goes like this: I’ll put it in my webpages, I must sleep now, but I can come back here later ( it is massively off-topic)
I would be interested to know if our childhoods had anything to do with our “connection”. We were both ignored in crucial emotional ways and we were highly emotional together. I say were, as I can sense the hot attraction I felt is fading as I don’t hear from her, and only reappears when I think past our present impasse. I am really detached now after a year, which is the mindset I am maintaining while I work it all put away from the intensity of the attraction which I know will reappear at some point, though it won’t be of my instigation, it’s down to her, though I will help. I think I’ve said everything I know for sure on this topic. Maybe one day I’ll return, perhaps to talk about me....
I’m so glad somebody put a name and clinical explanation to the “word salad” behavior. I’ve seen it play out, and took it as merely an attempt to manipulate the conversation/situation. The other things you mentioned I could never quite figure out, because it really does seem like they “check out”. Now I get it!
This is so meticulously and painfully accurate, it's almost like the words came down from heaven for you to describe this as precisely as possible! God bless you dear expertise and sharing on UA-cam, what a wonderful blessing and gift This is!
No, we don't have to forgive them! We have to forgive ourselves for believing all that stuff about us and for investing energy in trying to emotionally secure them. They did things that may have made us end up on the streets. That's were they belong.
This has been the most insightful resource as I make sense of my late wife's relationship with her father. Your description of the impact of a parent to the child and how the child takes on those very same qualities helped explain their relationship. Thank you for this insight.
For nearly 30 years, I did everything I could to make her feel loved. Once I realized I could not change her mind, things got worse. Your affirmation, "its not your fault" was what I needed.
I discovered that I am a classic narcissist at 76 years old. I am in recovery. It has become almost entertaining to see my own behavior and change it in almost anything I do. Christ is the reason for my change.
@davidmciver9483. I am 57 years old and just realized I am a covert narcissist. I am suffering major depression and crippling anxiety with suicidal ideation. I’m really struggling. Any helpful tips would be appreciated. Thank you for your time.
"That weakness is what drives the narcissist's behavior with you." -- because you won't put up with their abuse, you won't turn yourself off or be ashamed of who you are. Their contempt is because they FAIL to control you like their parents did them, they FAIL to embody the strength, the courage, the strong mindedness that you have-- they hate that. How can someone be so powerful and still be so caring, have all of their emotions in tact, and essentially be a 'normal' human being?-- they ask themselves. That same idealization and resentment they hold over their own parent (the ones that they see with all this power), they hold it for you as well.
This is so powerful, I feel overwhelmed, I recently discovered my mother is a covert narcissist, I’m 41, all my research tells me I’m a scapegoat, I’m certain I’m an empath, yet watching this I wonder if with time I am developing narcissistic tendencies. I’m trying to find the courage to go no contact to save my life. Being anything like my cruel emotionally void mother horrifies me, I wouldn’t wish narcissist abuse on my worst enemy. The rabbit hole I’m going down just keeps getting deeper, I highly suspect my maternal grandma could be a covert narcissist too, and also scapegoated me.
Dear Kate, I’m sorry for your suffering. Please know that you are not alone and healing is possible. Also remember that narcissism is a trait on a spectrum which all humans possess, some more than others. As you recover, try to maintain a nuanced point of view. Best, M.
I am in the same boat. Narcissist mother married me off to a Covert Narcissist person. I spent 18 years trying to figure out what I was doing wrong .. for I always try to please him yet every moment he tell me that I am keeping him unhappy.
I'm seeking a way to reconnect my friendship with my narcissistic mother in a healthier wiser way. I opted to gain knowledge & understanding of what caused her to be as she is. I found just that in this segment. Thank you. I found an unexpected deeper feeling of compassion for my mum which inadvertently opened that door of forgiveness in my heart & gave me great peace of mind. I no longer feel the need to rerun horrible memories that used to haunt me with so much pain, anxiety & anger whenever I relived them. I now feel so free & tranquil after having many "Aha moments" absorbing all this information. Thank you so much ❣🙏
I'm so happy this message shed some light on your situation and helped view these behaviors through a lens of compassion, Zachary. Thanks for watching! x M
Narcissistic Abuse Rehab Very valuable information throughout this video, relating to the narcissist’s origins. Very informational. This video is definitely one I will surely archive, and replay as needed to remind me of what needs to be remembered, any time I encounter a narcissist. Thank you.
You’re welcome ☀️ I’m so glad you find this information helpful! Their behavior used to make my head spin before I understood what was going on with them.
It's not as simple as that. I used to think this as an empath myself. We trauma Bond. We are so silence in the abuse received that these cycles happen Around us and indirectly to us and to our offspring... it's a rabbit hole. I understand where you are coming from. I sad the same
@@elaineclewley4704 I thought long about how to answer this bc the truth is I dont know. I'd like to think they do but the more I thought the more examples I could think of that they Dont. They dont care. They have switched of that part of their brain. So we are to pity them. I choose for my own good to get better but have come to that by deep dark night of the soul work, Jesus and it's not easy. I dont think they do., yet I have sat with psychopaths who have laughed out loud at my and my famillies pain. We are a reflection of ourselves. Unless we look at our blind spots things will remain. I think some are born evil and that is when they know what they are doing. Some are very damaged empaths who have hope. I hope this all makes sense. It is a tiring subject and I come from a position where I have lost all and everything to this. I think anything is possible if you look to light instead of the dark. It's about choice. Our trauma responses keep us blind hence my comment. I stayed too long in places I didnt belong and my children pay for that. I pray they heal and deal with their wounds because they were beautiful souls when born
VERY well said! Ive been married to a Narc for over 22 years, he has put me literally thru it ALL, and in fact,still does! But, I'm still learning how to handle him, when I can stand be around him that is. For anyone who reads this, PLEASE take my advice..in a word, R U N!!!
This is the most amazing video I've found in the months researching this condition and I thank you so much. I always knew there was something damaged in my sibling but now it is so clear. Thanks so much 💝
Just think about how much a human can be so toxic. Playing victim, finding faults in you even if there aren't, making you feel bad for their behaviour. How many people are moving out of their lives and being brave enough to break the toxic cycle. Just think... I just wanna be normal Want to live in peace again
Ah that's why my female narcissist teacher always bullied me covertly in evil ways even framing me as without moral (meanwhile I was the most moral and protecting being ever) and sexually hitting on me when we were all alone for 1 hour, me being a 14 year old boy. She saw my power to detect and in the future eventually completely destroy narcissists. That's we she even looked particularly at me while she explained to the class that there are events of destiny in Life and not everyone is going to make it. She even ask me in frint of everyone in class if she should call the child protection agency because to her it was pretty obvious that I was abused at home. But she didn't talk with me about this in private, she did it in front of the whole class. Because she sadistically knew, I would just have much more trouble that way. What a **** .
We become An outward manifestation of the inner pain of a covert narcissist ....wow... boom...40 years with my covert narcissist wife...I look like....a broken down...smashed person...now I'm weeping...only awake for a year and half...and praying for a way out...or a way through
No matter how our brains may look like, we're always the "product" of our choices. Even psychopaths choose to be or not to be criminals, as not all people affected by psychopathy become murderers. Narcissistic people know very well what they're doing. And some can feel empathy and love, but these feelings most often get perverted by their sick emotions (usually Fear). It is indeed an illness of the soul/mind (who gradually impacts the physical brain too). I may be wrong, but that's how i perceive it..
My experience is surreal! My half brother from DR was abused as a child, then when he was much older he abused my full brother here. I remember my half brother telling my full brother horrible things when he was very young like your a piece a shit, worthless, dumb, and he gave him these serious beat downs that my mom had to call other people for help. Eventually my full brother started killing cats and getting in to all sorts of trouble. Now he’s just like my half brother but much worse. He’s full of rage, negativity, hatred, guilt, shame, and feeling of worthlessness. He has made me and my mom’s lives a living hell as he is always trying to make us feel what he feels. He was a victim in the past but that does not justify him taking it out on everyone else.
I was the victim of a narcissitic mother! Of 14 children, I ranked 9th or 10th. Don't remember her until I was about 6 years of age, which was time for school. Didn't feel any love from her until I became an adult! How did I survive? I had a very loving father. I followed him everywhere, surely evidence that I was seeking protection from her silently cruel antics. Thank God for Papa. He taught me everything I learned about love and the need to be kind and giving. What did I learn from mother? How to be strong, independent, and tough! I don't harbor any ill feelings towards her. After all, she had options! She could have aborted all of us but she needed us around to keep Papa from leaving her. His love for his children saved us! By the way, her narcissitic traits affected half of her kids. They are all gone now except 2. I was blessed! I survived!😂
I was raised in a narcissistic family and now, I was professionally diagnosed with npd and bpd traits. During my "stong narcissist phase", I feel very well but alone, but now, I start to analyze myself and right now I'm working on my disfuctional traits. Npd (and Cluster B in general) people need help and self-awareness to stop our behavior. Npd isn't a choice, be a good person and work on it yes, It is. (Sorry for mistakes, english is not my first language)
I absolutely get that narcissist come from bad childhoods. None of us came from a childhood of unicorns and glitter. However, not of us who had traumatic childhoods ended up narcissistic. There comes a time in each of our lives where its our responsibility to heal. Therefore, I believe narcissism is a choice.
Narcissistic people can turn their aggression on and off at will so it certainly is a choice that's driven by attitudes and beliefs learned early in life. Thanks for watching x M
There's no way it is a choice, it is like thinking a mad man chose to be one, a mad man never knows they are mad, and so is a narcissist, not all humans are the same, and a trauma without the proper support can lead a person to fall down a dark path without figuring out what is going on. I never found someone to share my traumas with and if I did, I would get laughed at, so it just evolved into covert narcissism, and I wasn't even aware of that up until I got tested and I was both shocked and devastated to find out I am one. I changed many things, and I am working on more. please note that if you truly find someone who is originally nice and suddenly gained that trait, you can help them from distance, by making them aware of it, sucking in their actual suffering "affirming they did suffer" and making them aware their fake accusations are hurting them more than anyone else, expect them to explode at you, coz realizing that is not an easy thing to accept, but if they affirm they want to change you can help, if not, just stay away without fueling their sadness/diseases.
@@zgoodt well said, I was also seriously abused and neglected as a child and developed npd, it doesn't feel like a choice to me when I think about ending my life.
These are great no nonsense videos and I appreciate the fact that your direct speaking about the fax and talking a little bit of science as well. Thank you very happy to watch videos I don’t start from the ABC/123s of narcissism. Those are important but at some point we need the next level of education with regard to these people
Jesus. This is heart wrenching.. the guilt and the responsible feeling I have. My ex-wife was the narcissistic mother. She abandoned all three of them. If there's one thing that drove me nuts was coming home from work and seeing the neglect, emotional and neglect. I don't even know if there was ever a Bond? I always felt like I had four children with my ex-wife being the most troubled. This doesn't mean that I take no responsibility as I do in a way that I have never seen from her at all. They say losing a child is the worst thing a parent can ever experience. What about losing a child that didn't pass away? Ugh. I must have caused some damage. I always fixed everything. And was responsible for everything and everybody.. I thought it was a good loving father. Little did I know. The tremendous anger in my son. My god.
Thanks for sharing..This video is so heart breaking yet valuable. The ex narc/son’s father is pretty much reenacting his childhood trauma with his “parents”. I think the ex narc is aNgry with his mother because he feels his mother didn’t protect him from his emotionally unstable father. Moreover, He has deep rooted suppressed hate and rage towards his passive/codependent mother thus explaining his misogyny. I strong believe his narcissism stems from toxic shame perpetuated by the disapproval of his overt narcissistic father. He always boast about and tries to imitate his father’s infamy and power ( he was a corrupt cop in a third world country).
Abena C I’m so glad it was helpful! Narcissists are stuck on loop, acting out their past trauma. Often the Codependent Parent - who’s already been badly abused - becomes a target for an Adult Narcissist Child’s fury. In that power dynamic, he’d be far too intimidated by his NPD Parent to dare to criticize them so he looks at them with awe.
Both of my parents are narcissists and put me through some horrible things. And I know deep down I am one aswell. And I'm trying to break the cycle and I was wondering is there such a thing as recovering from being a narcissist and changing? I'm trying to learn and understand why I have the mental health issues I do. So thank you for making these videos.
Hi Austin, thank your for your question. Narcissism is a trait on a spectrum that all of us have. Depending on where a person falls on the spectrum, it's possible to modify the behaviors. All the best, M.
@@rosexx241 I scored 'higher then normal' as well because I answered honestly and sometimes the truth puts you there when you are not. The fact you question whether or not you are bodes well for you being "not". P.S. the questions that tipped me over the edge (so to speak) were questions about my physical appearance but at 46 a new acquaintance of mine tried to set me up with a 21 year old so... I don't think it's just me that thinks I look good for my age. Good luck to you.
I’ve been having a hard time to fine what specific category my parents fall in. My mom is absolutely caring and loving as a mother. When I say no lie she would literally die for me and my siblings, she literally almost did. But regardless she has undeniable narcissism. But she’s majorly vulnerable with the immediate family but more grandiose when it comes to others. My mom doesn’t hurt others by malicious action. She just cuts people off it they’ve slighted her. But her reasoning for not being hurtful isn’t out of the fact that it’s the right thing to do..,but because she can be seen as perfect and no one can say she’s been hurtful. My mom is grandiose in her appearance and how others view her. My mom grew to post war Korea and extremely poor and with massive neglect and abuse. She has two alchoholic parents and 11 older siblings. My mom worked in a factory from 10 years old till 19 when she moved to the US. My father is a silent narcissist and I’d literally categorize him as a avoidant detachment type of narcissist. My mom is highly dependent and with that combined with my dad it’s been a horrible combination. My mom won’t Divorce because that would make her an imperfect wife, even when my dad has done everything to be a not loving husband even though he loves her. My dad tries to be intimate but soon avoidance comes and then it sets off my moms depression and feeling it being inadequate and the cycle continues. I’m so frustrated. My parents are in their mid 60’s. I’m 37 and I don’t know how to help them. I just listen to them. Mainly mom because I just can’t help but empathize with her. My older siblings feel the same way. It’s so hard because my parents aren’t like full fledged narcissists because they don’t cover every trait and both of them do show high levels of concern and love. My dad is definitely more on the non emotional side. I’ve had to recognize the narcissist in myself around my late 20’s. It’s been 12 years now I’ve made a conscious attempt to break away from that and the cycle of behaviors. I’ve made a lot of gains but I’ve got a long way to go. What I’m dealing with now is feeling like I’m being emotionally held hostage unintentionally by my parents failed marriage. I don’t even know what to do anymore.
Yes it is possible, covert narcissist on recovery. Look at cptsd healing journey podcast, it helps a lot. I went through psychotherapy as well. And if you wonder if you are one chance are you only have strong traits and not the disorder. But still good luck with that ❤️
Thank you for this... You have open my eyes to alot of the thing ive been being put through the past 5 years and i understand he will never change and that i need to do what's best for our daughter... Time for a change
I’m currently trying to navigate a relationship with a covert narcissist. I’ve found it extremely difficult to give up on him and leave, and I recognize that this is me trying to heal him, after being unsuccessful in salvaging a relationship with my covert narcissist father.
I just found out (through therapy) that my brother and father are both narcissists and my mother and I codependent. This has put so many pieces together of the awful puzzle that created a theme of anger and shame in my life. It's been such a RELIEF to learn from videos like this as I've been so confused and frustrated by my patterns and just wanted to understand why I've struggled emotionally my whole life. I totally dissociated from my body, I hated it (the way it felt when I raged, and the guilt after - feeling out of control) to the point I harmed myself. The picture is becoming clearer and clearer and having less and less control over me. Self love is key 💞
This explained an ex that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with...Like so accurately. Even down to his dad that he wanted to emulate but had incredible hatred for. Thank you! It is years later but I am recovering and have not sought a relationship since. This helps.
Just found your channel NAR...I have listened to a few really good channels...(Meredith Miller/ Peace & Harmony) so many UT Channels out there regarding N. Abuse.... Your channel is giving me an abstract view of narcissism....Why?.....Validation...You provide validation in an authentic truth!..thank you. Myself attended Sam Vaknin/Richard Grannon seminar in London 2016...(very emotional time as I had just removed myself from 6.5 year relationship with a narcissist)...Little did I realise how much I was in complete denial of my own reality of a lifetime of narcissistic abuse..(Mother) onwards to messed up relationships all narcissist ...PROJECTION!... all through this defence mechanism ....Projection. The complex reality of Projection.....was myself projecting my own fucked up reality?...I today listening to your excellent post, I relate to to every word you speak... We are all "programed" from birth..(in fact - in the womb#Gabor Mate)....is this not how/why we attract this hideous abuse?...because we have lived the narcissist childhood?...so we can accept their abuse THINKING our projective love matches each other?.....Are we wanting to save ourselves?...loving these abused narcissist...Is this not a ploy to love ourselves?
I found another fucked up mind.....the same mental state of needing someone to love.....The real reality of abuse.....we all want to belong...our joint connection is of abuse, our childhood hideous abuse...We have not learnt healthy boundaries!...What makes one abused child become an Empath wanting to love with" flowers & roses".....the fairly tale we all fck off as a child....Yet, want that "fairytale" as the adult?....The other abused child wanting to abuse the one who relates to themselves?....Why do they steal (try) mimic ourselves to their new supply?
My father is a narcissist. He suffered as a child from abuse from his family. There was a lot of physical abuse in his family my grandfather was an alcoholic and so was my grandmother. My grandpa abused his mother and children as well. His brothers and sister abused him as well. He saw lots of verbal abuse as well. I remember when my father would try to leave us he would cry on the ground and sob for forgiveness. He abused my mother and was always discarding us afterwards
The impact of family violence is psychologically devastating. I’m sorry to hear how it’s affected you and your loved ones. I wish you continued insight and healing.
I recently cut all ties with a former "friend" after years of what I now know were narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding. I have been trying to process and recover from the emotional and social abuse I experienced while close to them. I find this video especially helpful in that recovery.
It's SOO REWARDING to really understand where this disorder comes from, it's their choice to live the way they do, it's EXTREMELY SAD way they live, MY EX IS EXTREMELY DAMAGED, THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE ANYMORE ABUSE. had 28yrs of ABUSE.
Damn I’m a narcissist!! I do feel I have emotion because I love my son and I don’t want to pass this on to him I’m not a bad guy but everything they said on this video I can relate to
assuming your assessment of yourself is true, that's really good!! realizing and accepting this is freeing you to make necessary changes. good luck going forward! ✌️
Borderline mother, vulnerable narcissist grandmother, and narcissist grand grand father who escape from war word II. The grandmother and grand grand father were always looking for feeling powerfull (economic and social status for them or through there childrens). Know I understand why! The poverty and starvation from the war were the perfect trigger for grandpa. Mother couldn't accomplish any of there goals, but learn how to manipulate and make you feel miserable. I feel like healing my wounds I'm healing all the f**king family tree. The wounded cicle of people ends in me. Thanks for the video!
I believe I am married to a Narcissist. I didn't realize it until now 14yrs later. I thought his behaviors we a result of his terribly abusive childhood abuse and trauma. Yes he was abused and I am sure his mother was too a narcissist.i have only recently like a few months ago realize that he is indeed a Narcissist. Now how the burning question is how to get out and what to do until I can. I don't make a lot of money so the try and come up with the money to move out. What to do to survive or maintain so I can make it out with what's left of my sanity.
Go to your family, to a shelter for homeless. Talk with someone in church. There's always someone to help, get out. I was with a narcissist, and I left him before he drained all my money. I feel good about it and yet I do understand how helpless you feel. I felt too, like no one heard me, and no one to talk. Miracles do happen and you will find one of them. Good luck!
Thank you. As always another great information-packed video. I find them a bit scary but oh so instructive. They remind me of the Grimm's Fairy Tales I used to read about wicked people. The only difference is that these monsters are real.
I’m so glad they’re helpful ☀️ A lot of wisdom in those old fairytales about the aggression that greed and envy bring out in a dark, selfish heart. Once we learn to recognize the signs they can no longer lure us into their traps.
On our first intimate meeting, drinks in a bar, she told me her uncle sexually abused her when she was little. 40 years later she is still journaling every day. She attended 3 “transformation” workshops by a coach a few states away. I had no idea the lifelong impact this story, if true, had on her until her much later.
Thank you for this information for it makes me understand my narcissistic husband , who I left a few months ago , because of narcissist, makes you feel like it’s your fault when everything goes wrong, if you found out about his childhood trauma, this helps me decide that I will never go back!
@@lesleygarvs4640 Those children survived without wounds, great! Everyone isn’t the same. When a child’s mind and soul are destroyed the result are personality disorders. Having your soul involuntarily crushed, probably repeatedly crushed as a child by your caregivers isn’t “choosing evil” Evil got a hold of them before they even had a chance
They’re like this because they were abused/neglected/traumatized while their brains were still developing (children) The result of it are mentally ill adults. Hurt people, hurt people.
Wow you hit it right in the head my mom raised us boys as a narsisist now she is 64 and I'm 44 I want a relationship with her but the oast few months has been confusing for me.. I was hoping with age my mom would get better but all I saw was now she is homeless and lives in her truck with 500,000 miles on it .... she can never settle down or have a relationship...
Both me and my sister (3 years my senior) grew up in similiar circumstances: raised by our mother (father was present but incapable to raise us) and bullied away at primairy school. Eventually I lost myself in gaming (The Sims), projecting my life on screen. Eventually I crawled out of this pit by just getting out, talking to people, act in the theatre and writing. It was a rocky road, but now I'm confident, self-assured and socially stronger than ever. My sister has not grown from her days at primairy school and still sees the world as evil, constantly getting into bad relations, never commiting to anything, never growing and not even showing any real interest (unless the conversation inevitibly leads to her). I broke off communication at the start of this year. As someone who is against and aware of hypocrisy, I always suspected there was something more going on, and the more I read into covert narcism, the more I see my sister. Funny how missing pieces can suddenly come your way.
A narcissists background sob story cannot be used as justification or excuse for their evil behavior that destroys someone’s life, they damage one’s soul which is way worse than the physical and mental wounds. I dare to say that it is a choice you make. Before you judge my statement please read my story and you will understand why I believe it is choice. “ I’m kind of impressed that thanks to my experiences from my malignant/covert mothers rage I didn’t even flinch when I got to experience my ex narcissists rage! My mothers rage are way more powerful and scarier. I didn’t even flinch when he grabbed a knife and held it against my throat the last time we fought (I knew he wouldn’t have the guts to really use the knife) but yeah that was uncontrollable rage 😮💨 I was stunned the moment I realized that he COULD NOT hear me when I tried to have a grown up conversation to fix our relationship, every time he would go on with word salad (I so wished that I knew about word salad because that made me so confused and that gave me brain fog!) He was master of bringing you chaos 😵💫😵💫😵💫 I needed his help because I cannot do it on my own. Then the grief came upon me when I realized that he would NEVER change. I was really chocked by this insight that he has sabotaged with lies from day 1 and he has been doing that every day since. He is a pathological liar and he can’t help it. I caught him lying about the most petty things and I couldn’t understand why anyone would lie about petty things that no one cares about anyway. I have justified his behavior every time I caught him lie to my face, so many red flags but I was blind. His betrayal was so painful and he has been backstabbing me many times. I knew in my heart but I was denying it for almost 1 year, I justified his behavior to fit my dream. I lied and betrayed myself for this idiot monster. All I did was to help, cared and loved him, I gave him a place to stay WHY did he hurt me like that? He drained my body and soul and my economy. For the first time I went into physical violence with no fear, only raging anger, I wanted to hurt him for destroying my life! I don’t know how but I “won” the fight, he yielded and in that moment I realized that I am stronger than him, he is just a child in grown mans body and he was a leech sucking me dry. From that moment I went silent because I had nothing more to say to him other than this relationship is over and I told him to move out ASAP. It was hard to get rid of him. He begged and promised to change and blablabla. The spell was broken and I couldn’t see his angelface anymore. Short after that incident my limits were reached and I kicked him out since nothing happened and he was still there in my home. Maybe he thought that I would yield and change my mind but I have warned him about breaking my boundaries for a hole year!!!So after such strange relationship I felt the need to understand what happened and I guess it was thanks to him I started to search for information witch led me to learn that my parents also are narcissists! All the pieces that made no sense fell in place, like why my childhood was a nightmare and that I lived in fear for my mother every day. I never knew what mood she was in when she came home after work. I was my mothers scapegoat and true teller which is the worst role to play! I always wondered why she hit me when I didn’t do anything wrong, now I know: it’s narcissists rage! My mother has always been dominant and she could yell and hit me in front my father because he didn’t have the guts to stop her. It was devastated for me as 6 years old child to be stripped the feeling of safety and the terrible feeling of helplessness. I don’t think I ever could forgive my father from that moment. No one will come and save me! I wished every day that someone would come and save me and as I grew up I have always been ready to help someone in need because I know how it feels to be helpless and in need of help. I’m a empath/rescuer and that made me a magnet for narcissists! I didn’t know that because no one told me, I didn’t even know anything about narcissists. I was chocked of all the information I found on UA-cam. Dr Ramani, the expert in narcissism saved me from freaking out. I spent every awaken minute to watch her videos and I slowly learned. Old childhood trauma woke up when I understood that my mother are a malignant/covert narcissist. Narcissist mothers are well known to be very harmful to their children, especially daughters. At least I was not alone. There are so many children with narcissist mothers and our backstories were almost same. Every single one grew up deeply traumatized like me. 10 years ago I felt sorry for her past story and when I realized how hard it is to raise a child I forgave her because I understood how hard she must have had being first generation immigrant in a new country, but it was really hard for me to. I grew up as rebellious fighter and I just waited for the day I was big enough to defend myself from my mother. I was 13 or 14 when I for first time grabbed her hand as she tried to hit me. Then I pushed her out from my room and slammed the door. I will never forget that moment and that was the last time she hit me. I realized in that moment I grabbed her hand that I could never hit her despite the nightmare I had to endure. It was a relief because it showed me that I will never be like her! She continued to rage but she just yelled at me. I started to rage back at her and noticed that I could yell louder than her, I hade so much pain and anger as teenager and I was the only one that had the guts to confront her. I still feared her face of rage but as teenager my anger was louder than my fear. I feared her face of rage when I was 25 years old an adult! It looked demonic I couldn’t see my mother in those eyes, it was something else. But I never let her bully me ever again, her scapegoat was gone, only truth teller was left and she didn’t like that. I asked to many questions she couldn’t/wouldn’t answer because she dont have the guts too see the reality of what she has done. My mother turned her rage against my father and grandmother instead. I tried to defend and stop her when she raged at my grandmother. But as teenager I went home only to sleep I went out as much I could. I’m truly amazed that I’m not like my parents at all. I did promise myself to never be like my parents and it seems that I have succeed! I raised my son totally opposite, I think I choose everything opposite now when I think about it 🤔 My son is a young man and he is studying in university after graduating with top grades. He has strong spirit, are intelligent, ability to think for himself and make good decisions and he has compassion and empathy like me. I’m very proud of him. I do have many deep scars from my childhood that I still need to tend to, at least now I know exactly what caused them. Make no mistake, I am fucked up inside but my son never ever got anything of my mess. I can proudly say I did an excellent job as a mother and my son agrees 😁 I had a strength within me, a fire burning, I had grown up to be a fearless warrior. I would never let anyone lay hand on me again or so I thought… I hate violence and I hate to argue with people. I grew up listening to my mother yelling and arguing with my father, that’s the memory of my parents throughout my childhood. My ex narcissist brought up everything I hated. He was so good in manipulation and gaslighted me (I didn’t know then), that is why I had brain fog when he was home. He was master of chaos, I still can’t understand how 1 person can create so much chaos and destruction! It felt like I was under a spell, I couldn’t figure it out how to get out of it, I was so confused of my confusion! It was so strange that I afterwards had to look this up. I didn’t know what to look for until I found dr Ramani on UA-cam and every single piece fell in place. She saved me from freaking out because she educated in a calm soothing way. Her videos about children growing up with narcissist parents: I felt safe, seen, heard and understood and it felt like she was my mother teaching me to grow up. She validated everything I went through and I am not crazy! All was real! I was gaslighted during my hole life and that is why I second guess myself especially when I was in a traumatizing situation. Everything I felt and thought was totally correct! I felt relieved when I got her validation - she is an angel sent to save everyone that has gone lost… But after this experience/journey with my ex narcissist I noticed that I’m changed: My hope and trust died and hope was my fire in this body. Without hope I don’t want to stay in this world anymore. The humanity in this world makes me sick and tired and it’s not worth fighting for anymore, I’m done. People around me doesn’t understand and I’m bound to stay by a promise to my beautiful son. They don’t understand that they are talking to a damaged empty shell. Every day is painful and I just want to end it, but I’m bound by a promise to my son… “ Everyone has a choice!!
This is so important ❤️ thank you. Could one be an empath with narcissistic tendencies? My mom is also this way. Her heart is caring and good and I know she has remorse for the trauma she put me though at this point in our journey. But like me, I assume she developed narcissism from her mother too. I am a highly sensitive person, but have narcissistic traits, particularly towards my S.O. I don't want to be this way. I tell him, I need to heal and I can't love you the way you deserve.
I think that partner of the narc tends to develop narc-like tendencies. I believe it's for survival and that the non narc partner is unaware of it. If the non narc never leaves the relationship with the narc then I believe those narc like tendencies get worse. At least this is what I've observed.
We learned the behavior but dont have the desease. Easy to relearn once we understand. Jesus heals and lets us be born again. I was in my 50s and learning things i should have learned by 15. Not our fault. Sad for the wasted years...but having a happy ending!
could you be an empath with narcissistic tendencies? of course! I'd even argue that very empathetic people are especially prone to develop some kind of maladaptive narcissism because as an empath you have special needs that many others may not be able to meet
I'm a childhood trauma with a guy who a narcissist as became a man... last 3 relationship were long but I see I was the narcissist now and I'm with this man to see that and teach if he wants
I heard again today that between 10-15% of people are narcissists. That's a lot of trauma we're experiencing as humans. It's a very dangerous cycle, but I believe it's equally dangerous to believe it isn't fixable. I also heard that singing worship music lights up the entire brain. Not sure if it happens with regular music, but isn't it interesting to focus on healing the brain as part of the body instead of saying over and over that "these people" aren't fixable or aren't human? They are human and as a society we should be looking into fixing this issue with appropriate healing. There were some interesting insights in this video I hadn't heard. Many of us love people and have, or are currently, being hurt by these people who have been hurt. Surely there is healing for this! Brain scans to document progress. God says with Him ALL THINGS are possible. All, not some.
I don't recall much childhood trauma other than being bullied at school, I was an only child, yet being BPD diagnosed, I feel like I have certain traits of narcicists, in fact I think most people do, I may or may not be right.
Abuse is a power and control tactic. Violence is a tool used to frighten the targeted person and cause them to submit to the perpetrator. I'm sorry to hear you experienced this. Wishing you healing x M
After 59 years of verbal, psychological, and physical abuse, i went no contact with my NM. Its been 5 months now, family members have been supportive. Majority of the abuse happened when nobody was around, so it's been hard for some to comprehend. Not sending BIrthday cards and mother's day cards will be upsetting for family members. Going to be tough.
Although seeing this video brings empathy towards all narcissist I came across. 🥺 But I learned my lesson and I will not be deceived by my Toxic Hope. Thanks for letting me know the other side of the story.✴️💛
I’m sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered as a child. If you’d like I can recommend a clinical psychologist who works with narcissists. Send an email to narcissisticabuserehab [at] gmail [dot] com.
This was a very insightful and mind opening explanation. I am well aware of the traumas the narcs in my life suffered and previously was upset and bewildered that suffering similar/worse trauma did not turn me into this kind of person, however ... your line about 'Imagine trying to contain the same amount of pain you feel now as a child' struck me with deep force. Well put. Either some kids have resilience or mental strength or something they can turn to to absorb the pain where some don't. In a way, thinking that perhaps I survived without my mind shattering whilst they didn't does allow me a measure of compassion for the child they were without losing that sense of injustice that I thought I would have to surrender in order to feel sympathy for them. Does that mean I've somehow matured? Because I can hold those 2 thoughts simultaneously without having to surrender one?
It s good to feel compassion, it means you are nice... The problem with empaths is that many times they were trained to love others more than them, so as long as you keep it fair to yourself, not loving them more or giving more attention, in other words not abusing yourself... I think is cool! 😁🌷🙏
I assume this video was made by a person who did not live through this. I was damaged by a narcissistic parent and I have had a horrible life because of it. I often wonder why I keep going.
Thanks for sharing about the cause of narcissm! My possibly narcissistic father has passed away now, therefore I currently don't really need methods of surviving, I just want to detox my brain, so that I won't continue the cycle, by understanding what most likely made him that way, and you know, just some validation about my feelings and his, so that i no longer feel like I was crazy myself for disagreeing with him
He shared his childhood experiences with me and it is sad. His mother passed away when he was 18 mos. He feels that God let him down. He act as if he is his own God. He legally changed his last name to I AM. He’s very superficial. He actually told me that most of his exes told him that he lacks empathy and he’s not affectionate in bed. I ran like hell. He has new supply and she’s a medical doctor.
Marliyn Ball thank you for sharing your experience. Many of them are raging against almighty God due to trauma in their childhood years. Many Narcissists believe that they - and they alone - create their reality. Their entitlement is obscene. I’m glad you got out. Congratulations 💐
God this makes me feel like utter shit. and yes I've been this nasty person and really hurt my ex girlfriend; but i am truly trying to change who i once was.
This explains all of the wonders I had in my current situation. For a while, I thought I was the one who was wired differently and/or too controlling. Thank you for making this video
I have no other siblings than my narcissistic twin sister. Our relationship has been toxic for most of the time. (We are 71 now…) I didn’t know what was wrong, until I had the courage to admit that she has always been a full-blown narcissist, because I always felt guilty not to be able to cope with her. I vaguely remember her tantrums as a child, and I always felt annoyed or embarrassed at school - of course we were always in the same class…- or in the youth movement, with her behavior… Thank God now I finally understand. But if the root course of narcistic behavior is a trauma in childhood caused by a narcissistic parent, how come that I am really empathic and that I have never perceived any of my parents as narcistic?… Can someone help me?… Thanks a lot!
I want to start out by saying I'm not perfect. I'm normally a hot mess lol! I grew up with two older sisters. There's nine years between my oldest sister and I and three years between my middle older sister. I suffer from depression and anxiety. My sister that's 3 years older than me I believe to be a covert narcissist. Of course she would never consider therapy because she's perfect. I've never brought it for obviously reason's. She would rip into me and turn it around. My entire family's fooled cousins aunts uncle's and of course immediate. To them she comes off as having high self esteem. In a lot of ways she's runed my life. She's amazing at manipulation and brainwashing! I went no contact 2 year's ago. My heart is broken because I have finally come to terms with reality. My sister will never be what I want her to be. My kids are sad because they want to know they're family. I'm sad because my niece and nephew are getting brainwashed by her. I can't be around it and certainly won't let her belittle my children! My heart is broken but it would be broken either way 💔 I'm sorry to everyone dealing with this.
I suspect my friend's family not having money and her parents being older when she was born and an increased sensitivity (2 of the 3 I can relate to) might the reason if there's an external reason. I pray for her healing when I think of her and wish we were together. I doubt we'll be together but I still want her to be healed of her trauma.
I don't hate him. I know it came from trauma not all of them are violent and I think social media treats them all like demons. I had to leave because of the emotional abuse and how it was affecting me but I feel sorry for him more than anything because I went through trauma as a child also.. we just processed it differently to protect ourselves.
It took me 5 years to figure her out. I couldn’t ever quite put my finger on it but my gut was right the whole time. She ruthlessly cheated on me with multiple men, she made me lose my house, i fought 3 years for joint custody and barely won that. Now im just a shell of who i used to be. I dont care what happened to her to cause her to be this monster she is. It doesn’t give her the right to destroy others. These individuals are cold hearted and dont care who they hurt. Ive had trauma in my childhood and really bad things happen to me but never once did i feel the need to make others feel as helpless as i did
I'm trying to understand why my sister turned out to be a covert narc. We grew up a little competitive but it was usually her outperforming me academically. In our play fights, she would always cry and overact to gain affection from my mum whilst my dad shouted at me for being too rough. We grew up privileged and with plenty of love, parents divorced when she was 8 but it was a 'clean' divorce. Either way she is an evil piece of work and I've grown to despise her presence.
i have a younger sister who I believe is a covert narc. I always knew she acted "superior" to me- but didnt let it bother me much. However, once our mother died she has went over the top with it- and is angry because she did not have control of our childhood home
🗣 Please share your thoughts and experiences of the effects of childhood trauma and the Narcissist 💭
See below
I've experienced love bombing, ghosting, silent treatment
I felt sick to my stomach when I found out I had been conned
Especially by a covert psychopath narcissist
wow I understand so much now.
hey, saying that narcissists can't change is factually incorrect. i think you have a responsibility to say what is actually the case, and that is, change being unlikely. i know where you're coming from but i think you know that narcissistic traits, and especially the egoic defense mechanisms can manifest very differently in people and therefore the likelihood of change vary from person to person. great video though, thank you.
i cannot understand how anyone in their right minds today can speak of anything being "impossible" or that it "will never happen" etc. that's just a really bad bias restricting yourself from a potential truth...but why? because of fear? powerlessness? disappointment?
They do know what they are doing. They do know the difference between good and bad. They choose to be this way.
He shared his childhood trauma with me.... it's so sad because I love him so much but I got out before things really turned bad. I can love him from a distance, keep no contact and I forgive him. I love me more than to deal with his abuse which as you said, isn't really about me & as an empath, I overstand this totally. I've moved on with my life. No contact forever. I left before it got physical but the mental abuse, lying and gaslighting has damaged me a lot, still recovering from that.
Thank you for sharing your story. As Meredith Miller says, these are relationships of inevitable harm.
I'm so glad that you are No Contact and moving forward with your life. It's inspiring to know that you love yourself enough to walk away from a toxic abuser. Well done!
I think once we understand what's really going on with the Narcissist's brain, true understanding, forgiveness and recovery become possible.
Wow I’m just starting to understand everything why I was so much broken and hurt by him but still loved him. It was always wrong and toxic but I always missed him.
I discovered why I become depressed and lost hope and confidence.
But I always had hope that he would change 😞
Anyway reading your comment just made me remember about hes story how much he suffered as a child and even as an adult.
I always felt bad about knowing how much he suffered and went out of my limits to help him as much as possible.
Only to discover that I was only used as a temporary object. 💔
me too. 2 years going strong, going to therapy and realised the reason I tolerated my exes abuse is because my own mother is a narcissist!
Stay strong, keep loving x
“Saving another person is above our pay grade,” wow, that was powerful to hear to me.
I arrived at that pay grade once I fixed my own. I asked for a hard case. Here is the story ==>
I knew to some extent what I was getting in to. All the things she tried to do to me I had already done to myself - and overcame. The story goes a little like this.
I broke my father of the narcissism habit. It took 5 or 6 years but he still had a significant moral sense. I'm still working on my wife (she watched my interactions with my father). My father I got. My wife I asked for (I prayed for a hard case - I was young and cocky). Why did I ask for that? I figured out how to solve my own narcissism and thought I might return the favor to the universe.
What was my key - and so far as I can figure out - my wife's? Stop the anger. The bigger social picture? Stop the child abuse.
I was never trapped. I went in with my eyes open. Why am I still at it? Two reasons - children and I'm a Sigma - we like extreme challenges. She was as crazy as I could handle. I knew crazier women. So how old am I? Older than transistors is a roughly.
This sentence with «it was never about you»... really struck hard big time. Simple but through the core and very effective. As crazy as this may seem, the above pay grade... make me feel like i'm allowed to stop caring for someone whose interest was never about me. My next thought ... I,ve wasted so much time doing something for me tha t was never about me. when i quit smoking felt this moment. will listen to george jones (He stopped lover TODAY). I,ve printed those two sentences. It's now on the fridge. This video is indeed powerful. Thank you for your comment. I'm not the only one .... in THE place where i felt abandonned and alone ! Peace and gratitude.
Hear Hear ! Me too was once a heavyweight champion in imbecilty and crazy challenges .... some people use drug... i think i was addicted to the ordeal-like challenging of the challenged minds of this world....Even made a profession out it. narcissism feels in so many way for both perpertrators and victims alike an addiction ... to heroine or emotional Fentany with all this social medias lunacy raging on. Thanks for sharing. Helpful to me. Gratitude....
@@msimon6808 we help the world how we can... I became the monster I tried to fight, and the emotional child abuse continued, so sad to say, but I escaped it and am trying to help my kids... it is all I can do... small steps out of the hell I created jointly with a narcissist
@user-de8le5wl7z peace and gratitude returned... I am emerging from the black hole existence... and omg, why did I wallow so long in it, I can not say, but the beauty of life is emerging again.
"the narcissist couldn't beat their abuser so they join them" wow
Terrible
In a nutshell, run. And never look back. This is the best video I've ever heard. You have to for the sake of yourself and your children. She's right. Mine hasn't changed in 38 years. Every word of this is true. Trust me. I know.
I survived man it felt like I was dying but God saved me
Ms Sagittarius I’m glad you made it through.
Thank you sweetheart ❤️
Me 2 it only gets better boo ❤️❤️💪💪
I feel like I was dying too.
Same with me ! Our Lord truly saved us !
My narcissist father had a unique ability to hide his abuse by buying expensive gifts for me and all along I thought it was his way of showing "love" never realizing that love isn't material things.. love is emotional and never conditional. ❤ I now know what love truly is
Good Vibes Always it would be so much easier if they were cruel all the time. The bursts of kindness create confusion, guilt and pain in the child of a Narc parent. I’m so sorry you had to go though that 💐
My ex use to buy me nice stuff too when he knew he had stepped over the line, GOD HELP his new supply and bless ALL the ones gone before her, they are pathetic cowards and dangerous
It's sad to think how many are not aware of the harm they are causing. It's sad to think how they got conditional love from very childhood. They now think love is based on condition. How sad for them they can't feel real love and how sad for the people who will keep on wanting the narc to love them till the end they break into pieces...
Narcissistic mom. Alcoholic dad. As adults narcissistic sister and covert narcissistic brother. Only Jesus healed me from years of PTSD and depression and social phobia and more. Therapy and meds bought time. Years of mental and physical abuse. Ruined relationships and career. But praise my Lord having a happy ending!
Yes, we are made to feel their pain without them admitting to transferring it, let alone owning it.
Yes, my friend rejects authority, that’s why he was so appealing during our teenage years as I was also a rebel. I still am but I’m not unhappy or angry, he is. My ex is at her most awe inspiring when she’s talking to people and trying to hide her anger, she’s just adorable. I don’t know why I find this so attractive, it just is for some reason. I think I know it’s hard for her to be patient with people, and I feel a great sympathy for her, I don’t wish ill to her “victims” and neither does she, as far as I know. I don’t her well enough.
It reminds me of this old video called 'Behind Blue Eyes' by Limp Bizkit. Halle Berry starts off as a healer visiting a mental patient. Boundaries are crossed and they kiss. When the kiss is over, they've switched roles and the patient has become the healer, they walk out of the cell leaving her trapped in the illness that held him there.
Narcissistic Abuse Rehab I wonder where they got that idea from....
I ought to reiterate that I don’t know enough about either of the two I have mentioned to say they are disordered. I know my friend is very quick to get angry when he’s contradicted and this is now an engrained behaviour, but as this is the only trait I know of I can only say he is further up the spectrum than is normal. My ex was quick to freak out at criticism but she is aware of doing it and there is a good chance she has mastered it by now as she is a fast learner given a sympathetic environment. For this reason I would say she is not far up the spectrum, and I must say that she isn’t an angry person, I would say rather the very faint second aura I detected in her when talking to people is her becoming aware of her own rapidly increasing intelligence. Sure, she’s been angry with me but she’s not the only one in the past year given my exorbitant drug abuse.
I am certain that upbringing is hugely important in everyone’s development but I shouldn’t really talk about other people on the internet, even though I’m using a pseudonym (she knows what it is and is reading my posts - I’m 99% certain) so I can only say that my own egocentricity and selective empathy possibly stems from being ignored as a child, and as an adult. The fact I have been addicted to some form of mind altering chemical from the age of 15 every evening is possibly due to some form of aversion to solitude. However since I met my ex I no longer feel the need to self-medicate, even though we are no longer in contact. In fact drugs seem to cause just trouble, even though I still believe some form of controlled intoxication is not a sin or a crime, at least in the ideal world. Anyway, I might have reached this point without her, and even if I romanticise this point as being “our inseparable bond”, just thinking of it like that makes me think of its opposite (I’m a cynic too) and then I feel alone for a split second but then I think of her again and the fact we are both still alive and I don’t feel alone any more. Basically I fall head over heels with whatever I believe makes me happy. Examining the alternative goes like this: I’ll put it in my webpages, I must sleep now, but I can come back here later ( it is massively off-topic)
I would be interested to know if our childhoods had anything to do with our “connection”. We were both ignored in crucial emotional ways and we were highly emotional together. I say were, as I can sense the hot attraction I felt is fading as I don’t hear from her, and only reappears when I think past our present impasse. I am really detached now after a year, which is the mindset I am maintaining while I work it all put away from the intensity of the attraction which I know will reappear at some point, though it won’t be of my instigation, it’s down to her, though I will help. I think I’ve said everything I know for sure on this topic. Maybe one day I’ll return, perhaps to talk about me....
It's so true, I'm a victim of narcissist abuse. And everything you said is what I experienced.
I’m so glad somebody put a name and clinical explanation to the “word salad” behavior. I’ve seen it play out, and took it as merely an attempt to manipulate the conversation/situation.
The other things you mentioned I could never quite figure out, because it really does seem like they “check out”. Now I get it!
What is an example of word salad?
This is so meticulously and painfully accurate, it's almost like the words came down from heaven for you to describe this as precisely as possible! God bless you dear expertise and sharing on UA-cam, what a wonderful blessing and gift This is!
I'm so glad this message was helpful to you and I'm grateful for your kind words. God bless you, too x M.
It's good to see videos like this, so we can forgive them for ourselves. But never forget.
No, we don't have to forgive them!
We have to forgive ourselves for believing all that stuff about us
and for investing energy in trying to emotionally secure them.
They did things that may have made us end up on the streets. That's were they belong.
Thank you for a clear & concise clinical description of a Narcs childhood trauma. Very helpful, I’m a survivor.
Glad this helps ☀️ Thanks for watching x
This has been the most insightful resource as I make sense of my late wife's relationship with her father. Your description of the impact of a parent to the child and how the child takes on those very same qualities helped explain their relationship. Thank you for this insight.
Kevin Shinn I’m sorry for your loss 💐
I’m so glad you found this video helpful and that the information gave you some clarity ☀️ x M
For nearly 30 years, I did everything I could to make her feel loved. Once I realized I could not change her mind, things got worse. Your affirmation, "its not your fault" was what I needed.
@@kevinshinn2977 They are bottomless pits.
I discovered that I am a classic narcissist at 76 years old. I am in recovery. It has become almost entertaining to see my own behavior and change it in almost anything I do. Christ is the reason for my change.
Amen
Do yuo really mean some Narcissist can change.
@davidmciver9483. I am 57 years old and just realized I am a covert narcissist. I am suffering major depression and crippling anxiety with suicidal ideation. I’m really struggling. Any helpful tips would be appreciated. Thank you for your time.
@@keithhowell1590he said that he met Christ..ask Christ to reveal Himself to you and save you. Read the Gospel to understand what He saves us from…
I was raised by a narcissist.
I was the scape goat… and I went out of my way to make sure I never treated anyone the way I was.
"That weakness is what drives the narcissist's behavior with you." -- because you won't put up with their abuse, you won't turn yourself off or be ashamed of who you are. Their contempt is because they FAIL to control you like their parents did them, they FAIL to embody the strength, the courage, the strong mindedness that you have-- they hate that. How can someone be so powerful and still be so caring, have all of their emotions in tact, and essentially be a 'normal' human being?-- they ask themselves. That same idealization and resentment they hold over their own parent (the ones that they see with all this power), they hold it for you as well.
OMG so true, major key to healing. Thx a thousand times.
This is so powerful, I feel overwhelmed, I recently discovered my mother is a covert narcissist, I’m 41, all my research tells me I’m a scapegoat, I’m certain I’m an empath, yet watching this I wonder if with time I am developing narcissistic tendencies. I’m trying to find the courage to go no contact to save my life. Being anything like my cruel emotionally void mother horrifies me, I wouldn’t wish narcissist abuse on my worst enemy. The rabbit hole I’m going down just keeps getting deeper, I highly suspect my maternal grandma could be a covert narcissist too, and also scapegoated me.
Dear Kate, I’m sorry for your suffering. Please know that you are not alone and healing is possible. Also remember that narcissism is a trait on a spectrum which all humans possess, some more than others. As you recover, try to maintain a nuanced point of view. Best, M.
I am in the same boat. Narcissist mother married me off to a Covert Narcissist person. I spent 18 years trying to figure out what I was doing wrong .. for I always try to please him yet every moment he tell me that I am keeping him unhappy.
I'm seeking a way to reconnect my friendship with my narcissistic mother in a healthier wiser way. I opted to gain knowledge & understanding of what caused her to be as she is. I found just that in this segment. Thank you. I found an unexpected deeper feeling of compassion for my mum which inadvertently opened that door of forgiveness in my heart & gave me great peace of mind. I no longer feel the need to rerun horrible memories that used to haunt me with so much pain, anxiety & anger whenever I relived them. I now feel so free & tranquil after having many "Aha moments" absorbing all this information. Thank you so much ❣🙏
I'm so happy this message shed some light on your situation and helped view these behaviors through a lens of compassion, Zachary. Thanks for watching! x M
Narcissistic Abuse Rehab
Very valuable information throughout this video, relating to the narcissist’s origins. Very informational. This video is definitely one I will surely archive, and replay as needed to remind me of what needs to be remembered, any time I encounter a narcissist.
Thank you.
You’re welcome ☀️ I’m so glad you find this information helpful! Their behavior used to make my head spin before I understood what was going on with them.
Finally a video that helps to explain that also narcissist are human been. More of these kind of videos and less narcissist around.
This video is a whole synopsis of narcissism and it’s exemplary.
What I dont understand is these people have been abused , they know how it feels and they choose to carry it on
Why not STOP!
It's not as simple as that. I used to think this as an empath myself. We trauma Bond. We are so silence in the abuse received that these cycles happen Around us and indirectly to us and to our offspring... it's a rabbit hole.
I understand where you are coming from. I sad the same
It's not a choice you realise you make.
@@hollyharte7831 I'm sure they relise what they are doing
Or are they that mental
They dont??
@@elaineclewley4704 I thought long about how to answer this bc the truth is I dont know. I'd like to think they do but the more I thought the more examples I could think of that they Dont. They dont care. They have switched of that part of their brain. So we are to pity them.
I choose for my own good to get better but have come to that by deep dark night of the soul work, Jesus and it's not easy. I dont think they do., yet I have sat with psychopaths who have laughed out loud at my and my famillies pain. We are a reflection of ourselves. Unless we look at our blind spots things will remain.
I think some are born evil and that is when they know what they are doing. Some are very damaged empaths who have hope. I hope this all makes sense. It is a tiring subject and I come from a position where I have lost all and everything to this. I think anything is possible if you look to light instead of the dark. It's about choice. Our trauma responses keep us blind hence my comment. I stayed too long in places I didnt belong and my children pay for that. I pray they heal and deal with their wounds because they were beautiful souls when born
@@elaineclewley4704 some are born evil though...
VERY well said! Ive been married to a Narc for over 22 years, he has put me literally thru it ALL, and in fact,still does! But, I'm still learning how to handle him, when I can stand be around him that is. For anyone who reads this, PLEASE take my advice..in a word, R U N!!!
This is the most amazing video I've found in the months researching this condition and I thank you so much. I always knew there was something damaged in my sibling but now it is so clear. Thanks so much 💝
Felicity...so how did you escape the childhood trauma experienced by your sibling?
Just think about how much a human can be so toxic. Playing victim, finding faults in you even if there aren't, making you feel bad for their behaviour. How many people are moving out of their lives and being brave enough to break the toxic cycle. Just think...
I just wanna be normal
Want to live in peace again
Ah that's why my female narcissist teacher always bullied me covertly in evil ways even framing me as without moral (meanwhile I was the most moral and protecting being ever) and sexually hitting on me when we were all alone for 1 hour, me being a 14 year old boy. She saw my power to detect and in the future eventually completely destroy narcissists. That's we she even looked particularly at me while she explained to the class that there are events of destiny in Life and not everyone is going
to make it. She even ask me in frint of everyone in class if she should call the child protection agency because to her it was pretty obvious that I was abused at home. But she didn't talk with me about this in private, she did it in front of the whole class. Because she sadistically knew, I would just have much more trouble that way. What a **** .
We become An outward manifestation of the inner pain of a covert narcissist ....wow... boom...40 years with my covert narcissist wife...I look like....a broken down...smashed person...now I'm weeping...only awake for a year and half...and praying for a way out...or a way through
God Bless you. I have woken (after 25 years and 2 children later) to pray for 🙏🙏
...a family of orgin Full of these parasites.
Excellent
So sad
The abused becomes the abuser
Bingo!
No matter how our brains may look like, we're always the "product" of our choices. Even psychopaths choose to be or not to be criminals, as not all people affected by psychopathy become murderers. Narcissistic people know very well what they're doing. And some can feel empathy and love, but these feelings most often get perverted by their sick emotions (usually Fear). It is indeed an illness of the soul/mind (who gradually impacts the physical brain too). I may be wrong, but that's how i perceive it..
My experience is surreal! My half brother from DR was abused as a child, then when he was much older he abused my full brother here. I remember my half brother telling my full brother horrible things when he was very young like your a piece a shit, worthless, dumb, and he gave him these serious beat downs that my mom had to call other people for help. Eventually my full brother started killing cats and getting in to all sorts of trouble. Now he’s just like my half brother but much worse. He’s full of rage, negativity, hatred, guilt, shame, and feeling of worthlessness. He has made me and my mom’s lives a living hell as he is always trying to make us feel what he feels. He was a victim in the past but that does not justify him taking it out on everyone else.
If anyone can give me insight on this please give anything.
I was the victim of a narcissitic mother! Of 14 children, I ranked 9th or 10th. Don't remember her until I was about 6 years of age, which was time for school. Didn't feel any love from her until I became an adult! How did I survive? I had a very loving father. I followed him everywhere, surely evidence that I was seeking protection from her silently cruel antics. Thank God for Papa. He taught me everything I learned about love and the need to be kind and giving. What did I learn from mother? How to be strong, independent, and tough! I don't harbor any ill feelings towards her. After all, she had options! She could have aborted all of us but she needed us around to keep Papa from leaving her. His love for his children saved us! By the way, her narcissitic traits affected half of her kids. They are all gone now except 2. I was blessed! I survived!😂
Very enlightening and on point with everything I believed. Appreciate the insight. Awesome work.
I was raised in a narcissistic family and now, I was professionally diagnosed with npd and bpd traits. During my "stong narcissist phase", I feel very well but alone, but now, I start to analyze myself and right now I'm working on my disfuctional traits. Npd (and Cluster B in general) people need help and self-awareness to stop our behavior. Npd isn't a choice, be a good person and work on it yes, It is.
(Sorry for mistakes, english is not my first language)
I absolutely get that narcissist come from bad childhoods. None of us came from a childhood of unicorns and glitter. However, not of us who had traumatic childhoods ended up narcissistic. There comes a time in each of our lives where its our responsibility to heal. Therefore, I believe narcissism is a choice.
Narcissistic people can turn their aggression on and off at will so it certainly is a choice that's driven by attitudes and beliefs learned early in life. Thanks for watching x M
We will remember that
There's no way it is a choice, it is like thinking a mad man chose to be one, a mad man never knows they are mad, and so is a narcissist, not all humans are the same, and a trauma without the proper support can lead a person to fall down a dark path without figuring out what is going on.
I never found someone to share my traumas with and if I did, I would get laughed at, so it just evolved into covert narcissism, and I wasn't even aware of that up until I got tested and I was both shocked and devastated to find out I am one. I changed many things, and I am working on more.
please note that if you truly find someone who is originally nice and suddenly gained that trait, you can help them from distance, by making them aware of it, sucking in their actual suffering "affirming they did suffer" and making them aware their fake accusations are hurting them more than anyone else, expect them to explode at you, coz realizing that is not an easy thing to accept, but if they affirm they want to change you can help, if not, just stay away without fueling their sadness/diseases.
@@myunicornatemypizza7352 you are a wonderful soul.
I wish you the best.
@@zgoodt well said, I was also seriously abused and neglected as a child and developed npd, it doesn't feel like a choice to me when I think about ending my life.
These are great no nonsense videos and I appreciate the fact that your direct speaking about the fax and talking a little bit of science as well. Thank you very happy to watch videos I don’t start from the ABC/123s of narcissism. Those are important but at some point we need the next level of education with regard to these people
Jesus. This is heart wrenching.. the guilt and the responsible feeling I have. My ex-wife was the narcissistic mother. She abandoned all three of them. If there's one thing that drove me nuts was coming home from work and seeing the neglect, emotional and neglect. I don't even know if there was ever a Bond? I always felt like I had four children with my ex-wife being the most troubled. This doesn't mean that I take no responsibility as I do in a way that I have never seen from her at all.
They say losing a child is the worst thing a parent can ever experience. What about losing a child that didn't pass away?
Ugh.
I must have caused some damage. I always fixed everything. And was responsible for everything and everybody.. I thought it was a good loving father. Little did I know.
The tremendous anger in my son. My god.
Oooof. I hope things are better two years later as I read this…
How utterly heartbreaking.
Thanks for sharing..This video is so heart breaking yet valuable. The ex narc/son’s father is pretty much reenacting his childhood trauma with his “parents”. I think the ex narc is aNgry with his mother because he feels his mother didn’t protect him from his emotionally unstable father. Moreover, He has deep rooted suppressed hate and rage towards his passive/codependent mother thus explaining his misogyny. I strong believe his narcissism stems from toxic shame perpetuated by the disapproval of his overt narcissistic father. He always boast about and tries to imitate his father’s infamy and power ( he was a corrupt cop in a third world country).
Abena C I’m so glad it was helpful! Narcissists are stuck on loop, acting out their past trauma. Often the Codependent Parent - who’s already been badly abused - becomes a target for an Adult Narcissist Child’s fury. In that power dynamic, he’d be far too intimidated by his NPD Parent to dare to criticize them so he looks at them with awe.
Thank you for this explanation. Priceless. MUCH appreciation.
These key points are IMMENSELY HELPFUL!!
Both of my parents are narcissists and put me through some horrible things. And I know deep down I am one aswell. And I'm trying to break the cycle and I was wondering is there such a thing as recovering from being a narcissist and changing? I'm trying to learn and understand why I have the mental health issues I do. So thank you for making these videos.
Hi Austin, thank your for your question. Narcissism is a trait on a spectrum that all of us have. Depending on where a person falls on the spectrum, it's possible to modify the behaviors. All the best, M.
@@NarcissisticAbuseRehab How can I determine where I fall on the spectrum? I did a couple online test and scored higher than normal
@@rosexx241 I scored 'higher then normal' as well because I answered honestly and sometimes the truth puts you there when you are not. The fact you question whether or not you are bodes well for you being "not". P.S. the questions that tipped me over the edge (so to speak) were questions about my physical appearance but at 46 a new acquaintance of mine tried to set me up with a 21 year old so... I don't think it's just me that thinks I look good for my age. Good luck to you.
I’ve been having a hard time to fine what specific category my parents fall in. My mom is absolutely caring and loving as a mother. When I say no lie she would literally die for me and my siblings, she literally almost did. But regardless she has undeniable narcissism. But she’s majorly vulnerable with the immediate family but more grandiose when it comes to others. My mom doesn’t hurt others by malicious action. She just cuts people off it they’ve slighted her. But her reasoning for not being hurtful isn’t out of the fact that it’s the right thing to do..,but because she can be seen as perfect and no one can say she’s been hurtful. My mom is grandiose in her appearance and how others view her. My mom grew to post war Korea and extremely poor and with massive neglect and abuse. She has two alchoholic parents and 11 older siblings. My mom worked in a factory from 10 years old till 19 when she moved to the US. My father is a silent narcissist and I’d literally categorize him as a avoidant detachment type of narcissist. My mom is highly dependent and with that combined with my dad it’s been a horrible combination. My mom won’t Divorce because that would make her an imperfect wife, even when my dad has done everything to be a not loving husband even though he loves her. My dad tries to be intimate but soon avoidance comes and then it sets off my moms depression and feeling it being inadequate and the cycle continues. I’m so frustrated. My parents are in their mid 60’s. I’m 37 and I don’t know how to help them. I just listen to them. Mainly mom because I just can’t help but empathize with her. My older siblings feel the same way. It’s so hard because my parents aren’t like full fledged narcissists because they don’t cover every trait and both of them do show high levels of concern and love. My dad is definitely more on the non emotional side. I’ve had to recognize the narcissist in myself around my late 20’s. It’s been 12 years now I’ve made a conscious attempt to break away from that and the cycle of behaviors. I’ve made a lot of gains but I’ve got a long way to go. What I’m dealing with now is feeling like I’m being emotionally held hostage unintentionally by my parents failed marriage. I don’t even know what to do anymore.
Yes it is possible, covert narcissist on recovery. Look at cptsd healing journey podcast, it helps a lot. I went through psychotherapy as well. And if you wonder if you are one chance are you only have strong traits and not the disorder. But still good luck with that ❤️
Thank you for this... You have open my eyes to alot of the thing ive been being put through the past 5 years and i understand he will never change and that i need to do what's best for our daughter... Time for a change
I’m currently trying to navigate a relationship with a covert narcissist. I’ve found it extremely difficult to give up on him and leave, and I recognize that this is me trying to heal him, after being unsuccessful in salvaging a relationship with my covert narcissist father.
It can be helpful to reach out to a licensed mental health practitioner for support. I wish you health and happiness x M
I just found out (through therapy) that my brother and father are both narcissists and my mother and I codependent. This has put so many pieces together of the awful puzzle that created a theme of anger and shame in my life. It's been such a RELIEF to learn from videos like this as I've been so confused and frustrated by my patterns and just wanted to understand why I've struggled emotionally my whole life. I totally dissociated from my body, I hated it (the way it felt when I raged, and the guilt after - feeling out of control) to the point I harmed myself. The picture is becoming clearer and clearer and having less and less control over me. Self love is key 💞
This explained an ex that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with...Like so accurately. Even down to his dad that he wanted to emulate but had incredible hatred for. Thank you! It is years later but I am recovering and have not sought a relationship since. This helps.
I'm so glad you found this message helpful! I wish you continued healing x M
Thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you again.
Just found your channel NAR...I have listened to a few really good channels...(Meredith Miller/ Peace & Harmony) so many UT Channels out there regarding N. Abuse....
Your channel is giving me an abstract view of narcissism....Why?.....Validation...You provide validation in an authentic truth!..thank you.
Myself attended Sam Vaknin/Richard Grannon seminar in London 2016...(very emotional time as I had just removed myself from 6.5 year relationship with a narcissist)...Little did I realise how much I was in complete denial of my own reality of a lifetime of narcissistic abuse..(Mother) onwards to messed up relationships all narcissist ...PROJECTION!... all through this defence mechanism ....Projection.
The complex reality of Projection.....was myself projecting my own fucked up reality?...I today listening to your excellent post, I relate to to every word you speak...
We are all "programed" from birth..(in fact - in the womb#Gabor Mate)....is this not how/why we attract this hideous abuse?...because we have lived the narcissist childhood?...so we can accept their abuse THINKING our projective love matches each other?.....Are we wanting to save ourselves?...loving these abused narcissist...Is this not a ploy to love ourselves?
I found another fucked up mind.....the same mental state of needing someone to love.....The real reality of abuse.....we all want to belong...our joint connection is of abuse, our childhood hideous abuse...We have not learnt healthy boundaries!...What makes one abused child become an Empath wanting to love with" flowers & roses".....the fairly tale we all fck off as a child....Yet, want that "fairytale" as the adult?....The other abused child wanting to abuse the one who relates to themselves?....Why do they steal (try) mimic ourselves to their new supply?
My father is a narcissist. He suffered as a child from abuse from his family. There was a lot of physical abuse in his family my grandfather was an alcoholic and so was my grandmother. My grandpa abused his mother and children as well. His brothers and sister abused him as well. He saw lots of verbal abuse as well. I remember when my father would try to leave us he would cry on the ground and sob for forgiveness. He abused my mother and was always discarding us afterwards
The impact of family violence is psychologically devastating. I’m sorry to hear how it’s affected you and your loved ones. I wish you continued insight and healing.
I recently cut all ties with a former "friend" after years of what I now know were narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding. I have been trying to process and recover from the emotional and social abuse I experienced while close to them. I find this video especially helpful in that recovery.
It's SOO REWARDING to really understand where this disorder comes from, it's their choice to live the way they do, it's EXTREMELY SAD way they live, MY EX IS EXTREMELY DAMAGED, THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE ANYMORE ABUSE. had 28yrs of ABUSE.
Damn I’m a narcissist!! I do feel I have emotion because I love my son and I don’t want to pass this on to him I’m not a bad guy but everything they said on this video I can relate to
assuming your assessment of yourself is true, that's really good!! realizing and accepting this is freeing you to make necessary changes. good luck going forward! ✌️
God bless you.... With God Almighty nothing is impossible
Borderline mother, vulnerable narcissist grandmother, and narcissist grand grand father who escape from war word II. The grandmother and grand grand father were always looking for feeling powerfull (economic and social status for them or
through there childrens). Know I understand why! The poverty and starvation from the war were the perfect trigger for grandpa. Mother couldn't accomplish any of there goals, but learn how to manipulate and make you feel miserable.
I feel like healing my wounds I'm healing all the f**king family tree. The wounded cicle of people ends in me.
Thanks for the video!
I believe I am married to a Narcissist. I didn't realize it until now 14yrs later. I thought his behaviors we a result of his terribly abusive childhood abuse and trauma. Yes he was abused and I am sure his mother was too a narcissist.i have only recently like a few months ago realize that he is indeed a Narcissist. Now how the burning question is how to get out and what to do until I can. I don't make a lot of money so the try and come up with the money to move out. What to do to survive or maintain so I can make it out with what's left of my sanity.
Go to your family, to a shelter for homeless. Talk with someone in church. There's always someone to help, get out. I was with a narcissist, and I left him before he drained all my money. I feel good about it and yet I do understand how helpless you feel. I felt too, like no one heard me, and no one to talk. Miracles do happen and you will find one of them. Good luck!
Thank you. As always another great information-packed video. I find them a bit scary but oh so instructive. They remind me of the Grimm's Fairy Tales I used to read about wicked people. The only difference is that these monsters are real.
I’m so glad they’re helpful ☀️ A lot of wisdom in those old fairytales about the aggression that greed and envy bring out in a dark, selfish heart. Once we learn to recognize the signs they can no longer lure us into their traps.
I Blv narcissists may be selfish and heartless. But the symptoms really kick when stressed.
Absolutely. Thank you for watching!
On our first intimate meeting, drinks in a bar, she told me her uncle sexually abused her when she was little. 40 years later she is still journaling every day. She attended 3 “transformation” workshops by a coach a few states away. I had no idea the lifelong impact this story, if true, had on her until her much later.
Thank you for this information for it makes me understand my narcissistic husband , who I left a few months ago , because of narcissist, makes you feel like it’s your fault when everything goes wrong, if you found out about his childhood trauma, this helps me decide that I will never go back!
I will hear different variations of the same message and still be like “ok, but WHY are they like this tho” lmao
Because they chose evil... They stayed hurted... And never came back, while other children recover and recognize abuse is no good
@@lesleygarvs4640 Those children survived without wounds, great! Everyone isn’t the same. When a child’s mind and soul are destroyed the result are personality disorders.
Having your soul involuntarily crushed, probably repeatedly crushed as a child by your caregivers isn’t “choosing evil”
Evil got a hold of them before they even had a chance
They’re like this because they were abused/neglected/traumatized while their brains were still developing (children)
The result of it are mentally ill adults.
Hurt people, hurt people.
Very enlightening🎉
Yes my mum is a covert narcissist from a childhood trauma. I have been zero contact for 7-8 years
People become narcts not often due to childhood traumas but being raised in wrong way or dealings ,also everyone has different history
Wow you hit it right in the head my mom raised us boys as a narsisist now she is 64 and I'm 44 I want a relationship with her but the oast few months has been confusing for me.. I was hoping with age my mom would get better but all I saw was now she is homeless and lives in her truck with 500,000 miles on it .... she can never settle down or have a relationship...
I find this really sad. NPD's were little vulnerable children once.
😭😭😭
Both me and my sister (3 years my senior) grew up in similiar circumstances: raised by our mother (father was present but incapable to raise us) and bullied away at primairy school.
Eventually I lost myself in gaming (The Sims), projecting my life on screen. Eventually I crawled out of this pit by just getting out, talking to people, act in the theatre and writing. It was a rocky road, but now I'm confident, self-assured and socially stronger than ever.
My sister has not grown from her days at primairy school and still sees the world as evil, constantly getting into bad relations, never commiting to anything, never growing and not even showing any real interest (unless the conversation inevitibly leads to her). I broke off communication at the start of this year. As someone who is against and aware of hypocrisy, I always suspected there was something more going on, and the more I read into covert narcism, the more I see my sister. Funny how missing pieces can suddenly come your way.
A narcissists background sob story cannot be used as justification or excuse for their evil behavior that destroys someone’s life, they damage one’s soul which is way worse than the physical and mental wounds. I dare to say that it is a choice you make. Before you judge my statement please read my story and you will understand why I believe it is choice.
“ I’m kind of impressed that thanks to my experiences from my malignant/covert mothers rage I didn’t even flinch when I got to experience my ex narcissists rage! My mothers rage are way more powerful and scarier. I didn’t even flinch when he grabbed a knife and held it against my throat the last time we fought (I knew he wouldn’t have the guts to really use the knife) but yeah that was uncontrollable rage 😮💨
I was stunned the moment I realized that he COULD NOT hear me when I tried to have a grown up conversation to fix our relationship, every time he would go on with word salad (I so wished that I knew about word salad because that made me so confused and that gave me brain fog!) He was master of bringing you chaos 😵💫😵💫😵💫 I needed his help because I cannot do it on my own. Then the grief came upon me when I realized that he would NEVER change. I was really chocked by this insight that he has sabotaged with lies from day 1 and he has been doing that every day since. He is a pathological liar and he can’t help it. I caught him lying about the most petty things and I couldn’t understand why anyone would lie about petty things that no one cares about anyway. I have justified his behavior every time I caught him lie to my face, so many red flags but I was blind.
His betrayal was so painful and he has been backstabbing me many times. I knew in my heart but I was denying it for almost 1 year, I justified his behavior to fit my dream. I lied and betrayed myself for this idiot monster. All I did was to help, cared and loved him, I gave him a place to stay WHY did he hurt me like that? He drained my body and soul and my economy. For the first time I went into physical violence with no fear, only raging anger, I wanted to hurt him for destroying my life! I don’t know how but I “won” the fight, he yielded and in that moment I realized that I am stronger than him, he is just a child in grown mans body and he was a leech sucking me dry. From that moment I went silent because I had nothing more to say to him other than this relationship is over and I told him to move out ASAP. It was hard to get rid of him. He begged and promised to change and blablabla. The spell was broken and I couldn’t see his angelface anymore. Short after that incident my limits were reached and I kicked him out since nothing happened and he was still there in my home. Maybe he thought that I would yield and change my mind but I have warned him about breaking my boundaries for a hole year!!!So after such strange relationship I felt the need to understand what happened and I guess it was thanks to him I started to search for information witch led me to learn that my parents also are narcissists!
All the pieces that made no sense fell in place, like why my childhood was a nightmare and that I lived in fear for my mother every day. I never knew what mood she was in when she came home after work. I was my mothers scapegoat and true teller which is the worst role to play! I always wondered why she hit me when I didn’t do anything wrong, now I know: it’s narcissists rage! My mother has always been dominant and she could yell and hit me in front my father because he didn’t have the guts to stop her. It was devastated for me as 6 years old child to be stripped the feeling of safety and the terrible feeling of helplessness. I don’t think I ever could forgive my father from that moment. No one will come and save me!
I wished every day that someone would come and save me and as I grew up I have always been ready to help someone in need because I know how it feels to be helpless and in need of help. I’m a empath/rescuer and that made me a magnet for narcissists! I didn’t know that because no one told me, I didn’t even know anything about narcissists. I was chocked of all the information I found on UA-cam. Dr Ramani, the expert in narcissism saved me from freaking out. I spent every awaken minute to watch her videos and I slowly learned. Old childhood trauma woke up when I understood that my mother are a malignant/covert narcissist. Narcissist mothers are well known to be very harmful to their children, especially daughters. At least I was not alone. There are so many children with narcissist mothers and our backstories were almost same. Every single one grew up deeply traumatized like me.
10 years ago I felt sorry for her past story and when I realized how hard it is to raise a child I forgave her because I understood how hard she must have had being first generation immigrant in a new country, but it was really hard for me to.
I grew up as rebellious fighter and I just waited for the day I was big enough to defend myself from my mother. I was 13 or 14 when I for first time grabbed her hand as she tried to hit me. Then I pushed her out from my room and slammed the door. I will never forget that moment and that was the last time she hit me. I realized in that moment I grabbed her hand that I could never hit her despite the nightmare I had to endure. It was a relief because it showed me that I will never be like her! She continued to rage but she just yelled at me. I started to rage back at her and noticed that I could yell louder than her, I hade so much pain and anger as teenager and I was the only one that had the guts to confront her. I still feared her face of rage but as teenager my anger was louder than my fear. I feared her face of rage when I was 25 years old an adult! It looked demonic I couldn’t see my mother in those eyes, it was something else. But I never let her bully me ever again, her scapegoat was gone, only truth teller was left and she didn’t like that. I asked to many questions she couldn’t/wouldn’t answer because she dont have the guts too see the reality of what she has done. My mother turned her rage against my father and grandmother instead. I tried to defend and stop her when she raged at my grandmother. But as teenager I went home only to sleep I went out as much I could.
I’m truly amazed that I’m not like my parents at all. I did promise myself to never be like my parents and it seems that I have succeed! I raised my son totally opposite, I think I choose everything opposite now when I think about it 🤔 My son is a young man and he is studying in university after graduating with top grades. He has strong spirit, are intelligent, ability to think for himself and make good decisions and he has compassion and empathy like me. I’m very proud of him.
I do have many deep scars from my childhood that I still need to tend to, at least now I know exactly what caused them. Make no mistake, I am fucked up inside but my son never ever got anything of my mess. I can proudly say I did an excellent job as a mother and my son agrees 😁 I had a strength within me, a fire burning, I had grown up to be a fearless warrior. I would never let anyone lay hand on me again or so I thought…
I hate violence and I hate to argue with people. I grew up listening to my mother yelling and arguing with my father, that’s the memory of my parents throughout my childhood. My ex narcissist brought up everything I hated. He was so good in manipulation and gaslighted me (I didn’t know then), that is why I had brain fog when he was home. He was master of chaos, I still can’t understand how 1 person can create so much chaos and destruction! It felt like I was under a spell, I couldn’t figure it out how to get out of it, I was so confused of my confusion! It was so strange that I afterwards had to look this up. I didn’t know what to look for until I found dr Ramani on UA-cam and every single piece fell in place. She saved me from freaking out because she educated in a calm soothing way. Her videos about children growing up with narcissist parents: I felt safe, seen, heard and understood and it felt like she was my mother teaching me to grow up. She validated everything I went through and I am not crazy! All was real! I was gaslighted during my hole life and that is why I second guess myself especially when I was in a traumatizing situation. Everything I felt and thought was totally correct! I felt relieved when I got her validation - she is an angel sent to save everyone that has gone lost…
But after this experience/journey with my ex narcissist I noticed that I’m changed:
My hope and trust died and hope was my fire in this body. Without hope I don’t want to stay in this world anymore. The humanity in this world makes me sick and tired and it’s not worth fighting for anymore, I’m done. People around me doesn’t understand and I’m bound to stay by a promise to my beautiful son. They don’t understand that they are talking to a damaged empty shell. Every day is painful and I just want to end it, but I’m bound by a promise to my son… “
Everyone has a choice!!
❤
This is so important ❤️ thank you. Could one be an empath with narcissistic tendencies? My mom is also this way. Her heart is caring and good and I know she has remorse for the trauma she put me though at this point in our journey. But like me, I assume she developed narcissism from her mother too. I am a highly sensitive person, but have narcissistic traits, particularly towards my S.O. I don't want to be this way. I tell him, I need to heal and I can't love you the way you deserve.
That s honest... It takes some patience, they call this narc fleas.. It goes away specially after 0 contact with narc people
I think that partner of the narc tends to develop narc-like tendencies. I believe it's for survival and that the non narc partner is unaware of it. If the non narc never leaves the relationship with the narc then I believe those narc like tendencies get worse. At least this is what I've observed.
We learned the behavior but dont have the desease. Easy to relearn once we understand. Jesus heals and lets us be born again. I was in my 50s and learning things i should have learned by 15. Not our fault. Sad for the wasted years...but having a happy ending!
could you be an empath with narcissistic tendencies? of course! I'd even argue that very empathetic people are especially prone to develop some kind of maladaptive narcissism because as an empath you have special needs that many others may not be able to meet
You are a god send.
I'm a childhood trauma with a guy who a narcissist as became a man... last 3 relationship were long but I see I was the narcissist now and I'm with this man to see that and teach if he wants
No wonder they are possessive and at the same time, not caring, and they have, no empathy.
Yes!
'....impeccable imitation...'
They are actors and good ones 🎉
I heard again today that between 10-15% of people are narcissists. That's a lot of trauma we're experiencing as humans. It's a very dangerous cycle, but I believe it's equally dangerous to believe it isn't fixable. I also heard that singing worship music lights up the entire brain. Not sure if it happens with regular music, but isn't it interesting to focus on healing the brain as part of the body instead of saying over and over that "these people" aren't fixable or aren't human? They are human and as a society we should be looking into fixing this issue with appropriate healing. There were some interesting insights in this video I hadn't heard. Many of us love people and have, or are currently, being hurt by these people who have been hurt. Surely there is healing for this! Brain scans to document progress. God says with Him ALL THINGS are possible. All, not some.
I don't recall much childhood trauma other than being bullied at school, I was an only child, yet being BPD diagnosed, I feel like I have certain traits of narcicists, in fact I think most people do, I may or may not be right.
What makes them pinch, kick and physically attack you with objects and hands. Her parents were lovely and kind.
Abuse is a power and control tactic. Violence is a tool used to frighten the targeted person and cause them to submit to the perpetrator. I'm sorry to hear you experienced this. Wishing you healing x M
After 59 years of verbal, psychological, and physical abuse, i went no contact with my NM. Its been 5 months now, family members have been supportive. Majority of the abuse happened when nobody was around, so it's been hard for some to comprehend. Not sending BIrthday cards and mother's day cards will be upsetting for family members. Going to be tough.
Although seeing this video brings empathy towards all narcissist I came across. 🥺
But I learned my lesson and I will not be deceived by my Toxic Hope.
Thanks for letting me know the other side of the story.✴️💛
Great work here... It all makes sense
I don't know why I subscribed. You won't be able to find me anyhow.
I was extremely abused as a child. Now I am very worried that I am a Narcissist.
I’m sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered as a child. If you’d like I can recommend a clinical psychologist who works with narcissists. Send an email to narcissisticabuserehab [at] gmail [dot] com.
Meeee too ! I'm very worried I'm one !
A survivor (barely escaped)
Tremblay Laurence Glad you made it out 💐
Samsies 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
This was a very insightful and mind opening explanation. I am well aware of the traumas the narcs in my life suffered and previously was upset and bewildered that suffering similar/worse trauma did not turn me into this kind of person, however ... your line about 'Imagine trying to contain the same amount of pain you feel now as a child' struck me with deep force. Well put. Either some kids have resilience or mental strength or something they can turn to to absorb the pain where some don't. In a way, thinking that perhaps I survived without my mind shattering whilst they didn't does allow me a measure of compassion for the child they were without losing that sense of injustice that I thought I would have to surrender in order to feel sympathy for them.
Does that mean I've somehow matured? Because I can hold those 2 thoughts simultaneously without having to surrender one?
It s good to feel compassion, it means you are nice... The problem with empaths is that many times they were trained to love others more than them, so as long as you keep it fair to yourself, not loving them more or giving more attention, in other words not abusing yourself... I think is cool! 😁🌷🙏
I assume this video was made by a person who did not live through this. I was damaged by a narcissistic parent and I have had a horrible life because of it. I often wonder why I keep going.
love and trust are not human emotions. guilt, shame, grief, fury, rage, loneliness these are human emotions that every narcissist experiences.
Thanks for sharing about the cause of narcissm! My possibly narcissistic father has passed away now, therefore I currently don't really need methods of surviving, I just want to detox my brain, so that I won't continue the cycle, by understanding what most likely made him that way, and you know, just some validation about my feelings and his, so that i no longer feel like I was crazy myself for disagreeing with him
I think my friend is a covert narcissist, his mother died when he was 7 years old by falling into a well and his father was an authoritarian.
Very informative, thank you. God Bless 🙏💕
You are dead on!!!!!!!
He shared his childhood experiences with me and it is sad. His mother passed away when he was 18 mos. He feels that God let him down. He act as if he is his own God. He legally changed his last name to I AM. He’s very superficial. He actually told me that most of his exes told him that he lacks empathy and he’s not affectionate in bed. I ran like hell. He has new supply and she’s a medical doctor.
Marliyn Ball thank you for sharing your experience. Many of them are raging against almighty God due to trauma in their childhood years.
Many Narcissists believe that they - and they alone - create their reality. Their entitlement is obscene. I’m glad you got out. Congratulations 💐
Very insightful video...thanks!
God this makes me feel like utter shit. and yes I've been this nasty person and really hurt my ex girlfriend; but i am truly trying to change who i once was.
Wow! This is completely true!!!
Thanks for watching x M
This explains all of the wonders I had in my current situation. For a while, I thought I was the one who was wired differently and/or too controlling.
Thank you for making this video
You’re welcome, Justin ☀️ Thank you for watching.
Amen; God bless you.
Excellent content
Much appreciated
I have no other siblings than my narcissistic twin sister. Our relationship has been toxic for most of the time. (We are 71 now…) I didn’t know what was wrong, until I had the courage to admit that she has always been a full-blown narcissist, because I always felt guilty not to be able to cope with her. I vaguely remember her tantrums as a child, and I always felt annoyed or embarrassed at school - of course we were always in the same class…- or in the youth movement, with her behavior… Thank God now I finally understand. But if the root course of narcistic behavior is a trauma in childhood caused by a narcissistic parent, how come that I am really empathic and that I have never perceived any of my parents as narcistic?… Can someone help me?… Thanks a lot!
I want to start out by saying I'm not perfect. I'm normally a hot mess lol! I grew up with two older sisters. There's nine years between my oldest sister and I and three years between my middle older sister. I suffer from depression and anxiety. My sister that's 3 years older than me I believe to be a covert narcissist. Of course she would never consider therapy because she's perfect. I've never brought it for obviously reason's. She would rip into me and turn it around. My entire family's fooled cousins aunts uncle's and of course immediate. To them she comes off as having high self esteem. In a lot of ways she's runed my life. She's amazing at manipulation and brainwashing! I went no contact 2 year's ago. My heart is broken because I have finally come to terms with reality. My sister will never be what I want her to be. My kids are sad because they want to know they're family. I'm sad because my niece and nephew are getting brainwashed by her. I can't be around it and certainly won't let her belittle my children! My heart is broken but it would be broken either way 💔 I'm sorry to everyone dealing with this.
I suspect my friend's family not having money and her parents being older when she was born and an increased sensitivity (2 of the 3 I can relate to) might the reason if there's an external reason. I pray for her healing when I think of her and wish we were together. I doubt we'll be together but I still want her to be healed of her trauma.
I don't hate him. I know it came from trauma not all of them are violent and I think social media treats them all like demons. I had to leave because of the emotional abuse and how it was affecting me but I feel sorry for him more than anything because I went through trauma as a child also.. we just processed it differently to protect ourselves.
Thanks! I found this very informative.
Thanks for watching!
It took me 5 years to figure her out. I couldn’t ever quite put my finger on it but my gut was right the whole time. She ruthlessly cheated on me with multiple men, she made me lose my house, i fought 3 years for joint custody and barely won that. Now im just a shell of who i used to be. I dont care what happened to her to cause her to be this monster she is. It doesn’t give her the right to destroy others. These individuals are cold hearted and dont care who they hurt. Ive had trauma in my childhood and really bad things happen to me but never once did i feel the need to make others feel as helpless as i did
As she said….they replay what happened in their childhood
I'm trying to understand why my sister turned out to be a covert narc. We grew up a little competitive but it was usually her outperforming me academically. In our play fights, she would always cry and overact to gain affection from my mum whilst my dad shouted at me for being too rough. We grew up privileged and with plenty of love, parents divorced when she was 8 but it was a 'clean' divorce. Either way she is an evil piece of work and I've grown to despise her presence.
i have a younger sister who I believe is a covert narc. I always knew she acted "superior" to me- but didnt let it bother me much. However, once our mother died she has went over the top with it- and is angry because she did not have control of our childhood home