isn't it funny that when people see a girl that's a little different they inmediatly go 'i bet you think ur quirky' but when they see a girl that's more feminine they call her basic
I used to be "not like other girls" when I was a teenager. I think it was mainly because, at the time, the stereotype of a typical girl was someone ditzy and obsessed with appearance and gossip, so in my mind, I felt like an exception to my gender because my gender was generally looked down upon and I did not want to be associated with the caricature of femininity. The fact that having interests outside of fashion and make up makes teen girls feel like they're not like the rest of their gender actually shows to me that there is a huge problem with how we percieve and portray teenage girls and women in general.
The same thing happens with males. You know, those arseholes who objectify every woman they've ever met maybe barring their own mother? These people go well together. The girls are only good for looking attractive and the guys just want a thot to have sex with and brag about
@@r.p.4756 I explored this with a tad more nuance in my own comment on here but the TL;DR is that these people, who express toxic masculinity and femininity, do exist, but the response to them has grown to be derogatory to the traditionally masculine and feminine.
Or maybe you shouldn't make a caricature of others because of competition. Of course, there's still a lot of women who are like that, of the archetypes that's the most common one. All of those archetypes have positive and negative traits, one negative is the one that led them to make rumors about you in highschool.
Even though the sigma male thing can't really be the same as this because it's also a form of "cool masculinity". It's based on this idea of being a lone wolf who is nonetheless consistent with traditional views of what men should be like. Cold, practical, assertive, etc. It really isn't a way of escaping the very real demand for men to conform to a certain social role. I think this must be because since men are subject to sexism as well, behaving in a way that's not deemed as masculine is basically going against your self-preservation. That's not to say men are exempt from it, but I would count things like classic nerds and "herbivore men", (maybe some early MGTOW before it was fused with pickup artists) as closer to what's described in the video since in that case there's a real deviation from what's expected from men in society. To be productive, assertive members of society. NEETs and hikikomori avoid that. "Sigma males" who care about their gains and grindset don't.
I had a friend she was a classic "other girl" my friendship with her was great, at least I felt that way and it was kind of sad for me when one time she said "you are my only girl friend, because you're so different from me, you're the only girl I don't see as my enemy" it terrified me because I couldn't imagine a life in which you see every woman around you as an enemy or a competitor thus you cut yourself from same sex friendship and sisterhood, at least I was happy I was an example of a different kind of girl in her life with whom she needn't compete
I was a huge fan of Taylor when I was like- 7, I haven’t listened to her songs in years, and I just completed that whole song to myself right now... dang her songs are catchy.
I'm so glad you got to reasons why women reject femininity other than just internalized misogyny. Because only being presented that reason just seems to loop back around to guilting women who don't want to be feminine. I don't hate women who are femme and I don't hate feminininity. I hate that it's the only acceptable choice and that choice isnt me.
I’m also glad about this. As a kid I was kind of a tomboy, I was friends with boys and almost behaved like one to the point my mother thought about if I am really a girl. But I still liked some "girly" things like dressing up and as I grew older I also started to hang out with girls. I never saw myself as either a boy nor a girl. Liked what I liked without putting it into a box. But the people around me wanted me in a box. Things like "you can’t like it you are a girl" or having to listen to stereotypes like "oh you girls and your..” as if we have a hive mind? As I got older I felt more and more excluded. Boys started to treat me as a girl and girls stated to treat me like a freak. Ugh. That’s where my phase started and after that my extremely girly girl phase started. I’m thankful that I grew out of both and don’t feel like I have to conform to one side. And that’s the point. By saying "oh she’s doing it for men approval " or "it’s internalized misogyny" it takes away all the struggle and experience one might have. It’s just not that easy and different for everyone.
Okay, can somebody please explain (because I'm genuinely confused and I'm not a native speaker). As I have understood: In the video she talks about internalized misogyny as disliking other women because they adhere to the standards set out by society. This is contrary to my previous perception of the term, that one being somewhat in the lines of "women being indoctrinated into believing that women are inferior to men". So it clashes with this video's "women who dislike other women due to conformity (nonconformists' dislike of conformists and vice versa)". If anyone could please shed some light, I'd appreciate it (because no dictionary is going to help me).
@@andresmartinezramos7513 I think she is saying that because we are socialized to see the feminine as inferior to the masculine some women react by rejecting the feminine entirely and direct their dislike towards women who are more feminine than themselves.
Finally, a take on NLOGs that isn't "feminine woman good, masculine woman bad". As a masculine woman myself it infuriates me to no end that it's acceptable to shit on me and imply I have 'privilege' when I was bullied so much for it as a kid. I don't dress this way because I hate women, I dress this way because it's what makes me happy.
Androcentrism/effeminophobia ("masculine good, feminine bad") and gender normativity ("boy be masculine, girl be feminine") really are hell of a symbiosis.
Awesome. And as you should 👏👏👏 Idk if I'd classify myself as masculine but I do have interests that are considered masculine by society, apparently. I wish things like liking colors and pastime hobbies didn't have to be so exclusionary to a specific gender. Last I checked, there are no laws banning men from wearing make-up or women from playing video games, yet both of those things are always seen as "odd" or "bizarre".
“Hatred of feminine things didn’t come from the notion that feminine is bad so much as the notion that feminine is what you must be.” Thank you for putting this into words
I think that critique privileges consent over oppression. People consenting to oppression, their own or other's, is a real problem. Also surprised how ahistorical this analysis is and how tradfem was/is a product of patriarchy and oppressive conditions.
@@futurestorytellerI used to think so but taking Saussures critique of systems of language fundamentally unrelated to referents doesn't quite fit gender expression. Claims consciousness is limited to representation, and therefore we exist in a permanent state of radical doubt about truth. Makes me think Derrida was just a Kantian. There is nothing outside of text, there is nothing outside of consciousness, or there is nothing outside of the social. All are too extreme. The thing that keeps derrida from this trap is that he continue to add to the the series of equations and doesn't deny effects. Gender may be socially defined but it is effective, material, active.
If we have to receive reality as a feedback loop of perceived reality then how are we not supposed to concede negative stereotypes that coincide with a given classification? If we should accept that pink is girly, should we not also accept that women are fragile?
I think you get what I am saying. To not to discount the personal, social or natural spheres, which are materially discursive and have very real experienced effects. To me, the way out includes all of those aspects, they work in tandem.
Here's one: Other girls: Blonde, human, shadow Weaver's favorite, ran off with a princess and an Archer after being told she was a superhero Me: Cat girl, mismatched eyes, force captain, come back Adora you're my only real friend
I like "Conditioned Misogyny" as a term, because the blame lay on societal pressures rather than individual failing. If you're conditioned to do something, you might do it as a reaction before critical thought even comes into play.
The best thing about that movie isn’t just that it shows not to hate the other girl, but also that although the other girl and the NLOGs originally fell into the trap of disliking and competing with each other, in the end, they came together and accepted each other for who they are. They got past the Other Girl/NLOG fight and became friends who support each other. It really was an amazing movie with some truly excellent moral teachings.
Same. I was a late bloomer and insecure growing up and I hated pink, resented girly girls and had the attitude of, "What if I'm not pretty? At least I'm smart." Elle Woods was probably one of the first girly girl characters I saw in media who I thought was genuinely a nice person, a charming person and she proves that she is smart, she just shifted her intelligence towards something else. I can say at 28, I definitely am more balanced. I'm still into classic literature, gore films and comics but, I have grown to appreciate fashion and makeup as well throughout the years.
You’re spot on. And no need to say probably, they are misogynists whether they realize it or not. And the women that do this are classic “pick me” girls that are ironically the ones looking for male validation/ a golden star for their views against other women who typically don’t even care and just trying to live life
My “not like other girls” phase definitely stemmed from feeling left out by gender norms. I had to go out of my way to find clothes that were not pink, pastel, and princessy. Luckily, my parents supported me, but I can’t imagine how hard it would have been if my environment wasn’t as welcoming. Furthermore, I think it should be mentioned that young women not conforming to gender norms is seen as a phase. Like, “oh, she’ll grow out of being like that”. It’s okay to not like pink, but it is definitely good to grow out of irrationally hating feminine things. Everyone could use a good look at how they treat young girls’ interests with more mocking than they warrant: fashion (e-girl, VSCO girl), music (boy bands), and more.
lucky..my parents forced me to wear some uncomfortable clothes like revealing clothes that i didnt want to..im proud that im considered as a introvert,anti sociable weeb and an artist i have passion on art way too much because i was inspired by it but anyways everyone can do whatever the hell they want even feminine,not feminine,masculine,gay,straight,pan,bi,asexual etc everyone is different from their own ways as long as they’re comfortable with it..sadly this is the society
I feel like the entire analysis misses the Holden Caulfield in the room. Whatever the norms of society are, be the gender norms or any others, there will always be those who zealously enforce them and those who rebel against them. This will naturally generate many animosities and encourage negative behavior on many fronts. The iconoclast, one with a misanthropic view of “normal” society, is essentially a stock character in the fictional pantheon at this point. John Hughes made an entire career out of portraying this with both male and female protagonists, and he spent a great deal of time knocking down what might today be referred to as “Chads”. The NLOG phenomenon in media is just another example of this. We can also look at popular cultural trends to see that the phenomenon of rejecting current “norms” of culture is an evergreen phenomenon. Each generation has there iconoclastic heroes, and frequently that iconoclasm comes to actually dominate the popular consciousness, leading to its rejection by the next wave of popularity. We can look at the gender bending popularity of acts like Motley Crue or Boy George, again in the 80s, with their use of strongly feminine coded behaviors like wearing makeup, using extensive hair products, incorporating sheer, pastel fabrics into their costumes, etc. But then grunge comes along with an aggressively “non manufactured and authentic” look as a specific rejection at the conformity of the performative iconoclasm of the rock acts of the late 80s. None of this is to say that patriarchal expectations aren’t layered on to this never ending search for performative authenticity. They absolutely are, but I think it’s a mistake to view the issue as somehow a specific character trait of girls or a specific product of misogyny, but rather that gendered expectations (both male and female) are layered on top of the social expectation that both expects conforming behavior and simultaneously values unique authenticity.
Completely. My own NLOG era was a fierce but naive tween rebellion against not just the presence of femininity in my environment, but the overbearing, presumptuous way in which it was forced upon me at every turn growing up. I think people need to understand that lots of NLOG attitudes, harmful as they become, emerge as a defence and not as an attack.
On the otherside I was made fun of for liking pink and being too girly. You cant win if your goal is to make the world like you. So try to make yourself like you instead.
yeah I hate it, I never had my “I'm not like other girls” phase, but I've always loved more masculine and androgynous fashion. And I always have to hear that it's a phase or I'm not a real woman. Bruh......it's just a style of clothing
Just getting started here but this is immediately great Edit: still not done but I find it really interesting that there is something of an equivalent in “not all men,” but that it’s defined generally by dudes who are seen (or see themselves lol) as woke.
Big Joel it reminds me of the softboy stuff from a few years back and the blowback against it. i think that’s the closest men have come to a NLOG stereotype outside of more high school level bullying
@@TH3RM4L considering only the incels take it seriously it doesn't really mean much. But the issue i've seen is the whole "i'm a REAL man" thing that men actual taken seriously for years. When really it just means i have a truck, get laid alot, drink beer, shoot guns and have no other emotions other than anger, boredom and lust. I feel like that's the real thing fucking with a most boys' heads about how they should be.
Some one back be up on this. @@Kris-wo4pj By criticizing "masculine" men, you are like the NLOG that critizies basic girls as vapid. And you have missed the point of the video
but then there is the emo fans that make fun of the billie eillish fangirls, then there is the punk fans that make fun of the emos for trying to be "edgy" when our music is apparently just as digeastable as pop, then you get the metalheads that make fun of the punk fans for our music being to easy to play and finally it comes full circle with the billie eillish fangirls making fun of the metalheads cause thay listen to "screamo"
I just like her cause she's pretty, she's funny, and she makes good music, and people out there thinking we're all trying to be edgy cause the way she dresses.
Aubree Tanner yeah, people have such a problem with her fashion. it's seems like a female taking control over the way her body is percieved, while also expressing herself, is a threat to them
"In our attempt to criticize women who mock and shame other women, we have just created another archetype of women who it's okay to make fun of" Legendary.
Idea: Don't take the statement at the superficial level. There's a difference between being able to make fun of everything and having a group "it's okay to make fun of".
@@alanhegewisch4486 Context is what matters most. It's ok to make fun of a group in the right context. Yes, if you're living in Nazi germany, making fun of jews is dubious. No, if you're making fun of a "group" who tends to act like they're special, when they are not, it is not punching down. The point of making fun of people who says "I'm not that kind of *blank*" is to get them off their high horse. Also, sayin' that these women who says stereotypical fluff are a "group"... it is, I dunno, bizarre ? Would you say that "nice guys" are a group ? I would just say they are dumb.
Also, I rarely see an “airhead blonde girl who wear makeup” at my school or.. anywhere. I go to middle school, and most of the blonde popular girls in my school and classes are super smart, or at least average.
im close friends with an "airhead blonde" (who is very feminine) and she is the most open minded, sweetest, loving people i've ever met. but people always assumes she's a "mean girl" :(
Yep. In my case the class "airhead blonde" was fighting with trauma caused by being groomed and sexually assaulted by a teacher and victim blamed by her family. I hope she got the help she desperately needed.
When you are bullied for not being like other girls you end up taking pride in it, also because most times you cant change it even if you want to. So those memes are like a safe place for girls who feel punished for being different. When we grow up we learn society is pushing those rules that hurt us, but as kids our enemies are literally those other girls (who also bully others bc they also were born in a society that punishes people who are different). As a teen I was constantly punished for not being like other kids, only as an adult I had the emotional strength to realize "other girls" dont really exist, and its only a concept.
Ye. Back then girls were seriously bullied if you weren't girly or acted like what "a girl is supposed to be". Everyone had to be the same and you had to like it. You couldn't like and do ur own things. Now I'm hella happy that anyone who is different is accepted and we have more diverse girls. Now girls are allowed to be whatever they want
This was basically the source of my NLOGness as a young teen. I rebelled against those who bullied me by intentionally being as unlike them as possible. They made my life a living hell, so why would I want to be anything like them at all? I now take comfort in dressing in the most obstinately and unapologetic feminine way as possible. It's alt still (because that still just seems to be my preference) but completely over the top feminine and I am much happier in my life.
The issue is... pickmeisha women will continue to bully you deeply into adulthood if they think the man they like, likes you. There are women who keep competing for male attention and validation. These are often the same women who are obsessed with how they look. You can't escape this if you are a good looking woman and you exist, and you communicate with people and try to have a social life. Those pick-me-women will throw you under the bus the minute they get the idea "their man" might be interested in you. Yes, a lot of women just wear makeup for themselves. But there are many pickme-women who use makeup and other things to get validation from men. And these women will always hate you if you are better looking than them, or more confident or if you have charisma.
That was my experience too as an undiagnosed ADHD girl. Lots of ADHD girls struggle to conform to gender role expectations and are alienated because of it. NLOG felt like taking power back when you're punished/rejected just for being you (and often going totally unsupported, thanks to gender-based medical bias that leaves girls largely undiagnosed). It's just sad all around, for both the bullies and victims- all are motivated by this same powerful force of patriarchy/gender role expectations. It hurts everyone.
26:00 "when we're young girls who feel socially isolated from our peers, the ideas we construct of what their social lives must be like are so warped to the extent that we think we are the only people in the world with real feelings." wow.... that's so true
when I was little, I used to just not care about how feminine I was. I liked bugs, I liked pink, I liked dolls and I loved playing around in the mud. The second I got to middle school, I was kinda opened up to the rest of the world. I learned that you were either a "tomboy" or a "girly girl" and I was really self-conscious about this. so I rejected everything girly and pink, refused makeup and tried my best to be as non-feminine as I could be. And contrary to popular belief, it wasn't for male attention, but for the approval of my female peers. All the girls in my class fit into one of those two categories, both groups lightly poked fun of each other, but never crossed. Just at the end of grade eight, I started to embrace that in fact, I was pretty feminine, I did like the colour pink and you know what? I also liked other stuff too. now I'm in high school and I'm happily very feminine and still enjoy working on the farm, hunting and other junk. I think as we grow up, we start to realize that there aren't two schools of thought, you can be both and to be quite honest, almost all of us are. I'm glad that I learned to be comfortable with who I am, and I hope that everyone else can be too.
While it's not quite that, I mostly understand. I'm a guy so I don't know how it is to be exactly like that but I had a similar experience in a different context. I grew up listening to Rock (mostly Guns n' Roses) thanks to my dad and eventually grew out of it by the 7th grade. Around 9th grade, I was back into rock and decided I wanted something a bit "stronger" if you will and got really into metal. Metal is awesome and I still love it but, at the start, it had a bit of a bad effect on me. I started to reject everything that wasn't metal or rock and treat it as "bad" or "false" music going as far as starting to call people who listened to pop Pop Peasants ™ and distancing myself from everything that was close to pop as much as I could. It wasn't until a couple of years later, when I found out about french rap group Bigflo & Oli, that I saw the error of my ways. They made me realize that there's no "real" and "fake" music, no "good" and "bad" music, just music you do or don't like and that attitude has led me to find and like certain pop or pop inspired artists like Babymetal and, while I still don't enjoy what's on the radio, I've come to accept it as a valid part of music that was at least worth exploring and it's made me so much happier in general. Bottom line is like what you like and let others do the same without judgement and you'll be a better person at the end if the day
@@sistershook5719 yes and no. You do have some bad rappers nowadays, you still have a lot of great artists and it's all about taking the time to find the artists that speak to you, either with their lyrics or their sound. I personally don't like trap but still enjoy Kendrick Lamar and Logic. Every genre of music has a different role to play. Pop is to make you dance, Rap is to make you vibe, Metal is to let your anger out and Polyphia is to make you sad that you'll never be as good a guitar player as Tim Henson so simply calling the entire genre "trash" is not only generalizing, it's also possibly keeping you from discovering new artists you might really enjoy just because it's rap.
Personally the color pink makes me sick and I just like the color black. I don’t enjoy wearing dresses and can be seen as less feminine. But what pisses me off is that you got shamed for liking pink and felt the need to change. I’m just happy that things are better for you in high school and I’m really sorry you felt pressured for having change what you like to “not be like other girls”
So I, as always, am going to apply my *~autistic experience~* to this subject! I was very much in the traditional "not like other girls" camp in my... entire teen years. It didn't really have to do with gaining approval, male or otherwise - I was honestly more "not like other teens" - but reckoning with the fact that femininity writ large was inaccessible to me due to my autism. I hate the feeling of makeup, feminine clothing is uncomfortable and sensorily grating, gossip and everyday chitchat are too complex to follow. In a very real way, I *was* not like other girls - I was an autistic girl. Now, the thing about autistic girls is that we are also "not like other autistics." Autistic traits tend to present differently and in different configurations between genders, and guess which gender is positioned as the default in popular and scientific understanding? So, like any other *insert intersecting identity here*, I'm othered from these two sides at once. I (hopefully) have moved past that classic NLOG mindset, but I worry that there is still so little attention paid to the intersectionality of it all. Notice how almost all the images presented here position both "other girls" and "me" as white and thin, and presumably also straight, cis, and abled! So in conclusion: I'm not like other girls because I chew my toenails.
Warkipine this was so real. The feeling isolated isn’t imagined, and the “nerdy” type of girl has a looot of autistic characteristics (really fixated on one thing, shy, not able to perform femininity)
I feel you! My experience was very similar... I just added some internalized misogyny - I bought into the idea that women are more emotional and therefore more stupid than men. I knew I wasn‘t stupid, but what if allowing myself to feel things would change that? Now, experiencing the world if you‘re not neuro-typical is effing exhausting and already comes with a good chance for depression; for me, it took 22 years to even get to the point of learning how to feel my own emotions and part of that was desperately wanting not to be like other girls because I did not want to be stupid like them. Needless to say, I got over it and am now a much better ally to myself and other people for it. Maybe, if we taught kids how to lift others up instead of tearing them down, people would have to deal with far less shit... life‘s hard enough as it is
Oh mood. I was bullied for being autistic as a kid (although of course nobody put that particular label on it - I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was bullied for being "weird") and rejected femininity HARD because it was inaccessible to me and my tormentors were exclusively other girls.
Thank you for sharing an autistic perspective on this. I'm austistic as well but I'm kind of the opposite way, makeup can calm me down and one of my obsessions is lolita fashion (a very girly clothing style). While I'm different from most people I know, that doesn't make me better than anybody, and it's pretty refreshing to see the other side
Thank you for being empathetic and not bringing down "natural tomboys". I am a girl that have always had hobbies that were considered "for men" and people would say that "I am not like other girls". But the thing is I am just a human being that likes science, rugby and video games. I don't do it for men. I just do it, because I like it !
I’m really glad someone spoke out about this. I stopped looking at the nlog sub when I realised a lot of the posts were just taking pictures of random girls (usually goths, e-girls or anime fans) and added them to “nlog starter packs”. The fact that the people there can’t see the irony is shocking. Let girls look how they wanna look, let them enjoy what they want to enjoy, women can do things for reasons other than seeking male approval.
I mean yea but I hate missing out on locker room shenanigans because I'm a girl. Sure the guys get in trouble most of the time, but its funny as hell lol I mean, jumping off a bench while screaming and smacking your friend on the back of the head isn't exactly a welcome activity amongst females (not that I've tried)
Martin Amarilla though it is fun to wrestle, I feel like @AlphaDenvia can join a girls sports team! Especially the wrestling team if she likes to mock wrestle.
17:30 I’m reminded of a semi-common media trope where a tomboyish girl gets a makeover into a more traditionally feminine look and the way this is framed heavily implies girls are happier when they conform to society’s ideal feminine look. I think this is what primarily fueled my “not like other girls” phase during my teens. I felt like this messaging wanted me to believe my tomboyish look was abnormal, so of course I rejected it and rejected more feminine girls in the process. Now that I’m older I’m over this arbitrary binary, but there certainly does need to be more conversations about how media plays a large part in making this binary in the first place.
@deepweeb dive yea i relate to the feeling of having masculinity shat on and society trying to force it out of you. Just like the tomboy who gets the makeover. I used to consider myself a tomboy . But then that's probably just because I'm trans
It's not lost on me that so many of the talking points for "I'm not like other girls" are about asserting personhood. Like, as children we get faced with a wall of pink - we get told that pink and frilly is the way to be a girl - and then we see girls that *are* pink and frilly being denigrated and called shallow, as in the coming of age movies mentioned in the video. So girls are pushed into a very prescriptive notion of femininity, and then told that that notion of femininity is bad and shallow. Small wonder that "NLOG" girls respond the way they do. If you don't get have the critical thinking skills to question either of those two ideas - that girlhood is frilly femininity and that frilly femininity is bad and shallow - then it seems like your only option for being seen as a person in your own right is to utterly reject that form of girlhood.
I'm pretty sure we are like other girls. Wanting to be different is the most normal thing you could possibly do in a society centered around individualism.
(TW for mentions of bullying and su*cide) 19:28 I want to thank you for mentioning this, so many people online who talk about "NLOG's" seem to miss this entirely. I grew up being horribly bullied by "other girls" because I was fat, wore glasses, didn't like the right things, etc. - and as a result grew up never wanting to be associated with them/be anything like them because they were so awful and cruel, they made my life a living hell and were a big reason for my suicide attempt age 15. Nowadays it's less me being an "NLOG", and more me being traumatized to such a degree by that mistreatment that I am very reluctant to associate with "other girls" because the learned instinct from that trauma is that these people are not safe to be around, they will hurt me. My therapist says associations like that that you learn at a young age will always be there in some way bc that's how your brain keeps you safe, but it's something I am working at constantly.
The idea that there isn’t this phenomenon for “boys” is overlooking a very large section of people, namely black folk, specifically black men though this phenomenon exists with black women too. A lot of the “Blerd men” I grew up with (and me before I started identifying as Non-Binary) actively eschewed popular black culture things. Statements such as “I’m not like those niggas” or “I’m black I’m not a nigga” were super common and are still common in blerd circles. I grew up loving rap music and reggae and it’s obviously a big part of black culture but trying to push myself away from that music in highschool just so I wasn’t associated with “those black people.” An oversight to be noted.
This phenomenon exists for white men too. The whole 'nice guy' thing is the exact same sort of idea. Too bad this video was clearly made by someone who'd rather deliberately overlook anything like that in order to say 'it's misogyny! It's all men's fault! Men are making women suffer and hate themselves! Only women are affected by this issue!'
Its not something she overlooked because this essay is specifically about gender and what you are talking about is not. Black girls and black guys both go through this. I do think its still valuable to note that most previously/currently systematically oppressed minority groups have some version of this. Along with the blerd thing, the other I am most familiar w is the lgb version (I'm not like these other gay guys because I'm not flamboyant, promiscuous etc etc) but I know it exists in latinx, Asian and trans communities as well. I think an interesting exploration of the topic would be to see if there is a) the same level of backlash in other communities as there is for NLOGs (I've never seen a blog/sub dedicated purely to mocking blerds for their view that they are different). And b) explore if the same accusation, that NLOGs are mysogynistic and that their primary motivation is to earn the approval of men, runs through other communities as well (are blerds accused of trying to earn the approval of whites? Is there an underren of anti-blackness in their claims of "otherness"). I would love to see someone thoroughly cover all these perspectives.
@@Sheechiibii someone not covering an issue doesn't mean that they are claiming sole victimhood or that they inherently deny the existence of other versions and experiences of that issue. But I guess that an MRA would have trouble understanding that you are not inherently entitled to have her tackle your issues.
@@lindanibucwa1016 I'm not an MRA lol not everyone who dissagrees that every bad thing is misogynistic is an MRA. I just pointed out that in this video the lady certainly did ignore the existance of certain groups (men) in order to more easily say 'it's misogyny'. If she hadn't made a point of saying there's no equivelant for boys, when there is, I wouldn't be bringing it up. The more likely cause for this idea of 'not being ike the others' stems from a mixture of kids getting bullied at school by the traditional 'popular' groups of boys and girls, and possibly the idea of being better than the exes of whoever you're interested in. Because that's what men and women really mean when they say or think that their current romantic partner is 'different from the others'. That comes from a bitterness over past relationships and a hopefulness that this new person really is different than the others and won't hurt them. I think that is a lesser factor but serves to reinforce the idea of not being like the others. The stronger factor I think for both girls (I'm not like other girls) and boys (I'm a nice guy) is their own negative experiences with the majority of their own sex. Sure, many teen movies try to portray their main character as the bullied outcast who we root for, but the bullied outcasts in real life don't have people rooting for them. They get put down daily by the 'other boys' or 'other girls' because mostly girls bully girls and boys bully boys. Young boys are bullied by 'popular' boys at school, and young girls are bullied by 'popular' girls. Those popular kids also tend to fit the stereotypes I'm sure we all know, the 'jocks', the 'cheerleaders', the girls who wear their hair and makeup all alike and the guys who obsess over sports and competition. I think that has more to do with the outcasts thinking they're not like the majority of their sex, that the majority of their sex are nasty horrible people, than anything in the media or potential partners would. It explains why that mentality tends to fade with age, the farther they get from memories of being bullied by people who look and act a certain way, the less they'll feel threatened by those stereotypes. The bullies grow up too. Teenagers and kids can be incredibly nasty, it's no wonder those who are bullied would think these things and in retaliation they'd start trying to make sure people knew they weren't anything like the 'others'. It's not cause of internalized misogyny, and I think the same is true of boys. If people are treated badly for an extended period of time by a certain group of people, of course they're going to start holding biases and fearing people who seem to be just like their abusers. Even more so for kids, which is what we're really talking about with this whole thing. It's just a shame feminists are so obsessed with making everything about misogyny that they won't even consider a fuller picture or actually thinking about what experiences would drive people to this mentality. It couldn't possibly be that they've had negative experiences in the past from other girls, just like boys do, instead it has to be that they secretly hate themselves for being female - cause society says females are bad somehow that's never explained. It can't be that they hate the other girls for making their lives miserable. That wouldn't fit with the whole 'everything is because of misogyny' idea.
@@Sheechiibii There's literally no good reason to assume the oversight was deliberate, other than you being mad that she took a feminist angle. "I'm a nice guy" is not a phenomenon born of hating other men who are Not Nice and wanting to distance oneself, because Nice Guys are also frequently actually fucking terrifying. The Nice Guy phenomenon is born of entitlement to women's attention and bodies. The implication is the speaker is better than other men and thus it is a moral failing for women not to choose him. Girls don't say they're not like other girls PRIMARILY because they're frustrated at the lack of male attention, or to pass some sort of value judgement on the choices men make, they do it primarily out of a learned disgust towards other women. You misunderstood the point.
I was thinking about that too. I was even wondering in real life how many of those _different_ ones were secretly crushing on some of the _stereotypical_ ones. And how many _stereotypical_ (closeted) ones where crushing right back but felt like the _different_ one hated them.
My journey was Step 1. "I'm Not like other girls" Step 2. "Other girls aren't bad actually, and it's sexist to hate on women for being feminine" Step 3. "...oh wait I'm literally just Not A Girl. Whoops" and that's on being a late bloomer into coming out as trans
Winston Shih wait a minute. Didn’t philosophy tube make a video critiquing that exact mindset? Because it implies that trans people aren’t really the gender they claim to be, for example.
Wow...I'm Chinese and I've seen this kind of memes everywhere on Chinese social media, I always thought it was an Eastern thing. Suprised to find out girls all over the world are alike.
What? Noooo, we're not alike. We're all "not like other girls" remember? This is sarcasm btw since I know some people have more difficulty reading tone than others
Girl: "I like wearing makeup." Boy: "She's trying to impress me." Girl: "I don't like wearing makeup." Boy: "She's trying to impress me." What a rubbish world we live in.
I really love this take, I was not expecting something so nuanced when I clicked on it but I love the direction you've taken this argument and the way you're exploring it.
As a counter to being forced to wear pink and girly things, I'd like to offer: feeling like that's not for you. I grew up as a very overweight child and felt like I wasnt a good enough girl because I wasnt pretty. I didnt go for any cute or girly clothes from about 10 years old because I didnt feel like they were for me. It was much easier to say I hated them and hated girls who liked them than to admit that I was uncomfortable in my own body and wanted to hide.
yes, i was looking for this exact sentiment. i felt this from a very very young age (probably 2-3 years old?). no dresses, no pink until i was well into my teens, and even then it was few and far between. pretty things are for pretty girls, and when you believe you aren't a pretty girl, it seems like the right thing to do is to simply not try at all. i'm in my 30s now, and i still feel like a fraud when i wear a dress, even though i've always adored aggressively feminine clothing. my nlog phase was mostly based on resentment at how easy being pretty and feminine seemed to my peers, and how impossible it was for me.
Wow this is literally exactly how it was for me as well, but now in my 20s I’m finally learning to live my extra feminine/girly life! I hope more young women will learn like we did
Samee, I remember in middle school I was a "tomboy" because I thought that I didn't deserve to wear cute things. Now I'm here only wanting dresses and cute shirts, lol.
More like rest of the Anglosphere exists. As well as all people who are taught "correct" British English in school across the world over "informal" American English, which is not accurate and right but is something that is commonly percieved and replicated.
@Thessalin Not even close, I am a proud inhabitant of Eastern Europe, and I was going for Scots, which if you are unaware is a Germanic language that is closely related to English and is spoken by Lowland Scottish people. When it does not bleed over into Scottish English, of course.
American English and British English pronuncations and spellings were both standardized at about the same time, and both diverged over time from a common origin. Before that, there was no "correct" way of spelling words or an agreed upon vocabulary that was canonized in a dictionary (Webster's in the US, Oxford in the British Empire). But because English originated in Britain, people assume the modern-day British dialect is older, even though it's changed just as much as the American one over the past 400 years.
I had a friend my entire childhood and well into my teens who was basically an inspiration in our school. She wasn't just the most "popular." She was your FRIEND. Every one's friend. She loved every one with no judgement and supported whoever needed it. She also loved dressing very fem, was a goddess with make-up, and never had a hair out of place. Yknow, unless she was on the softball field. Or track. Or cheerleading. Or begging the school to let her play football. Or out riding ATVs in the mud. Straight A student. She broke barriers, and I genuinely believe that without her there would've been so much more bullying and cliques in my school. Yet some people still called her an "other girl." Lexi committed suicide shortly before graduation. She's deeply missed by an entire community and in spite of being so loved she faced constant pressure to fit these molds... Miss you, Lexi :/
Well, you aren't boy-obsessed, therefore not like them in that aspect. Maybe you are girl obsessed, which means that in some ways you are like them and made you a huge hypocrite. But some people are neither, even bisexual people if you'd believe, and they are definitely not like other people.
"You're not like other girls." I hate that that is a compliment. I'm black. Imagine someone whose into you saying to you, "you're not like other black guys." I've had someone I was into say that, and I felt just, strange afterwards. I wasn't even sure how to respond to it.
In the context of romance, these two examples are somewhat different, though. A straight man would say to a girl she's "nlog" because he is only attracted to girls, so it is a way to tell her she's the only one he is attracted to ("you're not like the other girls, you're the only one who makes my heart beat faster") - while there is no one who is exclusively attracted to black guys.
@@lightgazaret6825 Actually, you'd be surprised. There's plenty of people who exclusively only get with specific types of people. I've gotten to know someone who seems to be exclusively into black men. Exactly why, I dunno, although I suspect why. *Rolls eyes*
@@chubbubdreamer6904 Yeah, but it's usually either because they are more attracted to a specific type of people (men who prefer blondes are generally also attracted to redheads and dark-haired women) or because they are fetishizing that type of people (like with asian women, trans people, sometimes black men as well I guess). In both cases, they're still attracted to people outside of their specific type, and they wouldn't want their potentiel partner to know they have a specific type, because it would make their partner feel fetishized. That's why "you're not like other black guys" is both shittier and less common than "you're not like other girls".
@@chubbubdreamer6904 Ultimately, saying "you're not like other _______ " is creating a distinction between a person and the category they belong with. I would say that what is or isn't disrespectful is a) the choice of the category and its pertinence, and b) the nature of the distinction, rather than the sentence and the creation of a distinction itself. I don't think saying things like "you're not like other girls/guys because you're the only one that make me feel this way" is that disrespectful (the distinction is a feeling so it's not based on some stereotype, and the category is the category of people the person is attracted to so it's pertinent), and I feel like it's a better interpretation of some examples in movies (even though I agree it is often ambiguous).
As a 30-something, I can say “alt” boys had a “NLOB” era back in the 2000s/Bush Jr era. It’s hard to compare it to today because the mainstream narrative was so different. Literally, saying you were against the Iraq War was enough to get you shunned by even mainstream liberals. In such a war-hawk macho era without any mainstream wokeness, a lot of us “alternative” teenage boys (the vegan punks, emos, indies) of the era went out of our way to performatively reject sports and the mainstream symbols of male validation. The Bush era NLOB boys leaned towards more twee aesthetics over the bro aesthetics which were deemed the “other” just like the “other girls” archetype. Of course, us boys who thought we were somehow “not like other boys” learned we were just as toxic as the other boys and the other boys were just as “deep” as us, but like you said that’s the growing up part. But yeah, it’s definitely a phenomenon that hit boys too, it just was most present for us in a different era and manifested differently because of boys’ different socialization (and the earlier era didn’t leave the meme evidence to trace the history).
A similar thing happened to teens in the 2008-2014 era with the “I’m actually a nice guy” which I fell neatly into because I was a quieter and more sensitive kid. Fortunately I caught on that saying that was something even terrifying monster boys said right around the time I got to college.
I dont think that was a NLOB moment since it had nothin to do with you being male. Probably more a "Not Like the Other Americans". There were girls probably into that group too. The NLOG problem is directly connected with mysoginism and the fact that society will hate women for whatever they do.
If you’re replying to me, I would counter that by saying that it had everything to do with Bush-era masculinity. There was cross over with girls because we were able to find more commonality as a result of avoiding the contemporary gender norms and a level of toxic masculinity that a lot of people today tend to forget, just like how modern NLOGs often find a lot of interest and community cross over with guys, and NLOGs often get put into that box of being the girl who is friends with all the guys.
I will point out that this is something that is definitely similar to the NLOG moment because, much like in the way that girls, from a young age, are told that wearing pink and being feminine means your vapid, uneducated and the like boys too are told that being into sports, being physically fit and popular is ALSO a bad thing. That you can't be into games/anime/tabletop RPGs and ALSO a Jock. Think how often the Cheerleader and the Jock are portrayed as 'the bad guys' in most 90s kids media and how the hero is a socially awkward loner or has very few friends. It's why you saw a lot of hate towards the traditional 'jock' getting into videogames and we still see that pushback. They're called Bro Gamers and people pin all the problems of the gaming industry on the 'Bros' who don't actually care about videogames as a medium, they just buy the new sports title every year, the new Call of Duty title every year and that's it, they can't be deep or introspective because they're just bro gamers and they're encroaching on 'our' nerd space. Its the very reason we have the "I'm not like other guys, I'm a nice guy...". Plus men feel it's a no win for them either, they either give in to what they feel 'society' forces them into and become the brainless Jock or they get stuck as the forever alone loser. So guys are taught that their love of stuff that ISN'T sports puts them above regular 'normies', they're not into the bullshit macho stereotype that society puts upon them, they're not sheep, they're not the mean Jock, they're the nice guy nerd. They forget that a lot of the sports guys are actually doing a shit ton of analytics, I know one guy who is massively into football (or Soccer as Americans call it) and would basically number crunch all the stats of the opposite team when he was younger to see how his team stacked up against them. He would look at their past matches, see who was the weakest player on their team and so on. That isn't to say all sports guys do it but a fair few are looking over their past performance and running the numbers, it's how you get better at doing said sports a long with physical training. That isn't to say there AREN'T people who are the stereotypical dumb footballer or vapid Stacy type, I mean Paris Hilton exists and practically lives off of playing up the 'dumb rich girl' trope and Wayne Rooney (a football player) isn't exactly the sharpest tack in box but hey stereotypes usually exist with a small kernel of truth in them.
This video gave me a very unpleasant flashback, that I now need to share: I was 18 and just got into art colledge. I had to go to the place, that was popular with cool artsy teens, for one of the projects. While I was there, I saw a bunch of artists way better than me, so I was in a very sad and self-depricating mood. and on the way out, in this sad state, I ran in to a group of ten girls, that looked exaxtly like me: same dresses,same hair, same posture, make-up, same interests. All my Identity of "I'm not like other girls, i'm an artist and have a different sence of style" was completely shattered. And it was painful. It lead me to shaving my whole head the next week, so I could feel unique again (funnily enogh i then got a job and one of my coworcers was also shaved and people olways thought that we were twins). But since then I just stopped caring about this stuff...Getting reed of this thoughts freed a lot of time)
See also: I'm not a stereotypical black person. There's no one way to be a woman. There's no one way to be black. There's no one way to be trans. There is a lot of money to be made in these fake distinctions that divide us.
Yup on all three as a black NB! It's been such a weight off my mind not trying to compare myself and make value judgments based on idea[L]s or "other (insert group)";Those who go around as practical solipsists calling everyone else NPCs for following herd mentality, have ironically, become their own herd. Fighting the perception of negative judgment, real or imagined (though in these comics it seems more imagined) with more negative judgment is well, fire v fire y'know. Everyone gets burnt!
@@doimoisoiboi5674 Agreed but I bring up minority groups in particular because they fight over the "right" way to be because it helps then achieve a sort of token status. I'm a straight guy so I don't have to worry about the right way to be a guy. I get to told that I'm one of the "good" black people because of how I speak. I'm can be pretty eloquent and all that. But that's super fucked up, because that means that other black people are the "wrong" kind of people. Which is flat out racist.
@@greenakutabi true. I only know what I have experience of, the toxic ways men are treating each other is probably very different from internal relations in marginalised groups.
Very well put. It seems stupid to me that some people pretend that their appearance or taste or upbringing somehow puts them above everybody else. It's extremely ignorant, and it's obviously a place-holder for actual achievement in life. Other people are happily posting things like "look at this cool tabletop I made with resin!" or "I wrote a funny review about Shakespeare's comedies and animated them!", or even something more pro-social like "I love my family, here I am with my happy family" or something personal like "I successfully lost weight after two years of fighting and am no longer at risk of heart disease!". Many people do not post things at all because they can share achievements with friends, relatives and colleagues instead of on the Internet. But then you have those who've achieved very little, beyond perhaps a basic ability to draw in a common cartoonish style. They want to brag about their achievements too, but having none, they brag about their non-achievements instead, making it look like preferring one genre of music over another is worthy of a MENSA membership. But because people won't care about their bragging, they herd together into circle-jerks, trying to rope in others who happen to share interests. The result is something like a clique except it includes many adults, which is just sad. I say "some people" do this, but I've met a lot of people who do this. I find it very bigoted, because I've met all sorts of people who were cool, sweet or friendly, AND had totally different tastes or lifestyle to my own. To judge somebody so superficially, regardless whether it's positive or negative discrimination, is bigotry, pure and simple. As I grow older I meet fewer and fewer such people, luckily -- presumably because people either grow out of this childish and narrow-minded mentality, or because they are better at hiding their gossip. On the other hand, when adults ARE guilty of this kind of discriminatory behavior, it can be waaay more damaging than when teenagers do it to each other. It's one thing not to be chosen on the volleyball team because you're not "their type"; it's another thing when a colleague spreads malicious rumors about you because of the way you dress or because you invited some colleagues out to lunch, or the team you're working with ignores your solutions and undermines your work just because you're not their idea of what a software engineer should look like. It looks to some people like a "cute and quirky meme" now, but when it proliferates it can turn very ugly.
This was such a thoughtful video! I remember my "Not Like Other Girls" phase back when I had just moved to a new school and was feeling so isolated. You're right, it didn't come from a place of getting guys' approval, it came from feeling excluded by both the male and female cliques in my grade. That's probably why the "Not Like Other Girl" identity often includes the love of reading, since that's the best pastime for trying to not feel so lonely. I love your last point that while you probably can't solve every harmful social force through kindness, but you can't solve any harmful social force without kindness. Connecting with other women and supporting each other and having our social needs met is probably the best we can do to find a solution.
I’ve never been able to articulate why the “girls locker room vs boys locker room” memes annoy me so much. You’ve summed it up perfectly. Brilliant video
They're also not accurate. There's a high chance of men screaming in utter terror if you introduce a live snake into the mix, whereas the majority of the women I know (we're a very particular subculture) would ooh and aww and wanna hold it.
lol same. i played basketball my entire life all the way up through college and i always thought, "anyone who writes those memes _clearly_ has never been inside a girls' locker room" lmao
That, plus the partner meme of going to a vacation destination, where the girls are depicted as touristy and the boys are depicted as rearing to reenact some relevant history meme. For both of the formats, it just bothers me that there needs to be a dichotomy at all, let alone a sexist one. If you want to make a meme about how quirky you are, then awesome! Champion yourself! Why do you have to do it by putting down others as basic, ESPECIALLY with a sexist stereotype?
I feel like the whole “Visco girl” trend falls in line with this. It’s a way of creating a stereotype of the “other girl” someone who can easily be made fun of for their unoriginality and conformity.
Yeah, I’m so sick of countless videos about this “type” of girl and that “type” of girl and how dumb and silly they are and how you better not be like that. But no matter what you choose to be like, people will still shame you for it. If you dress in pink dresses, you’re vapid, if you dress in graphic tees and sweatpants, you must hate other women.
Another reason I love Buffy. Aesthetically she totally embodies the "other girl" but she was a real person with a lot of depth. And on the flip side there were girls that could be considered nlogs on Buffy and they weren't ridiculed either.
It's also why I love Sailor Moon, it's about the pretty popular girls who go shopping and date boys but they have their flaws and their struggles and goals and ambitious. They're the "other girls" but they're like real believable people.
I was concerned that this video would be another in a long line of asserting that the NLOG phenomenon is a thing that happens solely because of "internalized misogyny" and some need to feel superior, but I'm really, really glad to see someone acknowledge that, more often than not, it comes from a place of defensiveness than anything else. Like, I'll admit, I had a brief NLOG phase...but that's because "other" women *constantly insisted I was not like them.* I'm an autistic female: I'm not too into keeping up my appearance outside of basic hygiene, I'm bad at picking up on "appropriate" feminine body language, and, as like any autist, I gravitated towards more 'nerdy' interests. I had my mother throwing a fit and yelling at me when I wanted to wear boys clothes, other students giving me hell for not shaving my legs, my mother screaming "DO YOU WANT TO BE A BOY??" over me not wanting to wear a dress, trying to convince me that if I didn't dress more feminine I'd never get a job, my dad subtly implying it creeped him out when I looked too much like a boy... Was it a good thing to be an NLOG? No, of course not. It was unfair to the feminine girls who weren't asses, and it caused me more grief than just going with the flow and liking what I liked without worrying about how people perceive me. But it was also a very real thing to worry that, unless you asserted yourself as a 100%, wholly masculine female, people would find an in to try to force femininity on you. Hell, it still sometimes happens today. There are women who just straight up *hate* other women who are too masculine. It's no wonder that a teen would feel the need to embrace and assert that they're, "not being like other girls".
Being autostic is a whole other can of worms. I'm a guy, but autistic, and I was always more into artsy and geeky shit. It was very socially isolating, and I eventually learned to subconsciously mask it, which is a habit I am attempting to break.
Yeah, I think the brilliance of this video is that it starts from the internalized misogyny point, where most of the audience is and once they're in agreement starts to open up the issue. This should be used as a case example of how you educate people on complex issues. On your experience, I'm really sorry to hear you had it so rough. I don't want to tell you how you should feel about it, but I want to point out that what your parents did to you is straight up violence and really abusive. I hope you've been able to get therapy to help process that. Also I find the oft used line about not caring about what other people think kind of ridiculous. We're a deeply social species and a large part of brain is dedicated to social interaction. And I know that brains differ on this, I'm neurodiverse as well 😎🧠, but like you clearly say the feeling of not belonging is still very painful. And I'm not arguing against you here. On the contrary I'm saying it's a completely natural defence mechanism (albeit a maladaptive one) to reject the social group that rejects you. Especially when our society offers a ready example for it for young women. This is in addition to what you and Sarah both say about the reaction to having strict social norms forced on you from a very early age. While I completely understand why Sarah didn't go there I still wish she would've covered this topic much more broadly. Because how and why conflict is created between women, and between and within other marginalized groups, is a topic that touches on so many facets of our society. Like capitalism is literally reliant on people not organising and cooperating. Not to mention how much of social change has happened because of women organising. This is also not a new practice. Women being pitted against each other and being encouraged to hate each other over hating the power structures and men oppressing them is a time honoured tradition 😏 And I think Sarah could've made a really cool video covering all these angles, although again I do realise that's not her brand 😄
yes for sure. as an afab person i had this phase because i was relentlessly bullied at school for not being feminine. it became an unhealthy coping mechanism to me because i thought their words would hurt less if i convinced myself they were the weird ones. it was wrong, like you said, and it's shaming people for being who they are that's the problem and what should be called out, not whether or not someone is masculine or feminine. but i'm really tired of people framing it like it's something one-sided because it means the girls who equally push internalized misogyny when they choose to shame each other for not being feminine get away scot-free and thus the cycle continues. if we want to stop the problem, we need to acknowledge that both sides are guilty of it and call all of it out.
I got bullied by the "other girls"(so those, who wear make up and heels) for acting more masculine since I grew up with a lot of boys, was more violent and a shit-ton of knowledge about computers, history and geographics and stuff (im not implying that those are 'men-things', but when I went to sixth grade those were considered more manly things) so I really wanted to be totally different because I didn't want to be that mean and destroying, but when I isolated myself from people I started realizing that I really love dancing, doing make up, dressing up in bright colors and those things(again, I am not implying that those are 'women-things', but those are commonly considered female things) while still embracing my "boyish" side of playing gore video games and being a nerd about history. The only thing I can tell you from my experience that there are no things you are just allowed to do as a men or a women, it's not about our gender in that matter but about who you are and what you enjoy.
I wear a lot of feminine clothing and a LOT of pink. I have had people make fun of me before for what I wear. So really ANYONE can be a bully, someone’s clothing doesn’t determine wether they’re gonna bully people or be bullied.
@@Dog-ml2rh Yes, sure, that wasn't what I wanted to say. I tried to explain, why I had this "im not like other girls"-phase, too. You are right in that matter of course.
THIS!! I’m literally BOTH! I love dresses, pink, makeup, dressing like a slut, etc. But I grew up watching anime, playing video games, wanting a STEM career, being in the “weird kid” fandoms, loving Greek mythology, and many many more. Women are not one dimensional. People are not one dimensional. And I will never go back to being a NLOG, nor will I ever make fun of girls liking stereotypical NLOG things (I would just be making fun of myself anyways, I love thigh highs, chokers, and everyday I get called an anime character and asked “who are you cosplaying as?” When I go out in public in my everyday clothes). But seriously. Nobody entertains the idea that you can literally be.... both??? And that’s okay! I’m glad more women/girls are saying “I like video games and I also like pink and dresses!”
Being a black girl growing up I used to internalize that mentality which came with layers of identity crisis lol. I felt disconnect with my ‘blackness’ bc I was a weeb and into heavy metal and I never felt particularly pretty as a teenager (or attractive in general) so I felt like I didn’t fit anywhere. So I tried to cling to the notion that I’m an ‘NLOG’ to not only help myself but in hopes of getting male attention. Boy have times changed. Fast forward 6 or so years later and I’m just a bisexual disaster who wants to dress slutty all the time. The only thing good about growing up is not being in those phases anymore lol. It fucked me up hearing ‘you’re not like other black girls’ like yes, yes I am shut up. Sadly I still get that shit now.
I felt so out of touch with other girls and thought something was wrong with me. I finally realized that I'm trans about a year ago but I spent so many years falling for the "not like other girls" thing.
i found a tumblr post and will just copy and paste, i can relate with this alot personally "I don't know why internet people think it's their place to accurately describe what the "I'm not like the other girls" phenomenon was like. No it really wasn't about "denying interiority" or thinking that women aren't people (what kind of freak really would think this? lol), it was more often than not a reaction to being socially ostraicized, bullied, and othered by other girls for having traits that were considered threatening or inappropriate to the group. It's really not that complicated and rewrting this as "grade school girls sociopathy phase" is nothing short of baffling."
I can relate to that as well. I've been called a weirdo for being asexual, for not wanting hair longer than shoulder length, for not wanting makeup and painted nails on myself, for liking the color blue. Then on the other end, some dude called me "princess" and told me I should go back to watching soap operas (neither of the things I ever did or identified with) because ... I told him that his wish for bombing an entire country just to kill a few terrorists is horrible for civilians. So basically in his point of view, because I'm a woman, I am seen as a stereotype who knows nothing about the world and what is a horrible thing to do to human beings, and that my opinion on the matter holds no value.
I've always thought of nice guys as being "genderswapped and 1 floor up" because they tend to be a bit more... extreme, I guess? (Imo nicegirls fit the role of genderbent niceguys better) Maybe the genderswap of NLOGs are those elitist gamer guys who think all women gamers are faking and that animal crossing isn't a "real" video game
no , again nice guy is an insult uttered by others... nawalt is a thing women say about themselfs...nice guys finish last, quirky girls dont , its not even nearly an equivalent
@ParticularlyGoodFinder well it's no wonder that they ponder on that question then, that's the point, it's a name for what is basicly a sexual loser, in whatever way you want to look at NAWALT/not like other girls, it's about something entirely different But its also incorrect...but people don't have to take it from me; they can hear it from a woman. ua-cam.com/video/sJZjqnF6gag/v-deo.html Women are factually more around the mean in all mammals including humans then men are, or as Helena calls it; men have more nobels but also more dumbels, this has a very simple not to overcome reason.... survival; women are and need to be better at surviving and therefore are less risktaking less deviating, more influenced by social circumstances, less of goalgetters. What nawalt/not like other girls is, is FINALLY a reaction to what is going on, after berating men for decades untill men finally started saying well literally; go fuck yourself because sex is cheap and there more at stake here...and then some women went...well shit...and to then respond to men who have been seeing the boot and a slap for a couple of times that tell these women that they don't want to commit because, reasons, that they are different, that they will love, that they won't be hypergamous, that they won't be influenced by the current norms of "supahwomen" who nontheless do not contemplate working in asbestos sanitation And my point is that neither women nor men WANT women to die from dustlungs so we ought to stop this charade if we want to safe whats left of this ill forgotten term called family. All i see is adults being me me me, the kids, they can get screwed as far as everyone seems concerned, and they do. So sorry girls, you are much more like eachother then men are, and you should thank nature for having it arranged that way, and as a contra men are quite easily pleased, so much so that it's amazing how you fucked that one up. "a nice guy" is a doofus that after all the practical lessons and 1000s of hours of videos by men to try and teach them a lesson or two, still walk around pondering why they get no pussy cause "women want a nice submissive man without ambition right" .... lol, suuuuuureeeee they do. And really im not mad, im disappointed, as if women ever directly tell you their woes and what they want, would be without value to them as they want to know how well you can read and write with them, if you have an imagination etc... but look lady's men are nobels and dumbels, and your pissing the nobels off and you confuse the dumbells, Luckily you can always extort the ultimate alpha; the state who will gladly in your name come steal my money to care for your child which you suboptimally raise alone. THAT is what not like other girls is about, it might be the first time in history that women actually give a shit about what men think, if only because it starts to threaten their livelyhoods and luxury.
I used to be an NLOG I my teenage years because those "other girls" bullied me, plain and simple. That I was bookish and introvert while they weren't didn't help. Also, I'm so glad you mentioned that thing about pink, that's exactly it.
@@keepyourshoesathedoor I can't speak for the person from the original post, but I was in a similar situation. In my class I got bullied for liking books and stuff, so I tried to not interact with any person at all, because I thought they would automatically hate me. Turns out, that that was a mistake, since there were other people in my year, who were lovely people and importantly didn't bully me for liking what I liked. Since we were a rather diverse friend group with all kinds of girls liking all kinds of things, I got over my believes, that girls that liked make-up and boybands were unintelligent and mean. I think, if you are already in a position where you assume, people will hate you for what you like, you'll be less likely to go out looking for people, who you can relate to, because you think, you won't find them.
Honestly, same though. I got bullied because I didn't understand the social cues of kids my age and my parents didn't go out and buy me every new and popular thing. It just grew into a disdain because the other girls didn't give me a chance to make friends with them. Then college hits and I finally escape my cliquish small town and most of my friends are sorority girls and we dye each other's hair pink. Who knew, I'm not actually a social freak, I'm just a girl that likes comic books and shit.
women read more then men, they do read different things but reading an sich is something feminin, back in ye old days reading was outside of academia a almost full female thing to do, and still is, just walk into a random book club and count the vaginas vs the penis carryers and youll find that women enjoy reading, especially drama and romcoms. most of you people in the comments here seems to have been in touch with americanismo where among both women and men it apperently is a plate of honor to profess you are a stupid jock/chick with nothing more on the mind then superficialities... I for one refuse to believe thats a fair display of average americans and I would suggest you people pay less intention to what hollywood wants you to believe is a normality
Funny enough, I’m naturally blonde and pretty thin, and have gotten a fair amount of positive attention as an adult. I absolutely went through this phase as an adolescent and can say with conviction that for me, it was all from a place of insecurity. In my case, it was a coping mechanism. As a young adolescent, I came to associate certain physical traits, brands, and styles with people who were more popular than myself, and went overboard separating myself from that image because I never believed that that was something I could achieve.
Or that one where its the transition from "hot slut" to "sweater wearing book lover" is reimagined as being 5 separate ladies and they all hang out and accept one another.
I think the best part of the idea that women are constantly taught to please men is that when I see a boy my age, I immediately think "oh keep your chin up, look good, so you can date him". I'm lesbian. ???
Adrian this is really true tho, like it’s been so ingrained over the years that the thoughts just build up even if I don’t want them to, it’s sickening
@@aruesmercry2368 can you provide some examples (other than having to pay for dinner or whatever) of you being expected to appeal to women? assuming you're a man, ofc. for me, I was shamed for my weight despite having a healthy bmi becuase boys liked it, shamed for not wanting to start shaving my legs as young as 10 be used boys liked it, told to show some cleavage at around 11, forced to dress feminine and shamed when I didn't, shamed for hanging around boys (I was told that "when" I got a boyfriend he'd get jealous over me having male friends.), told not to be too hard or easy as a 12 year old, forced to keep my hair long for nearly all of my life up to this point, my parents still say "your husband.. or wife" when referring to my future despite being out as lesbian (the way the say it, they're sure I'll marry a man, but tack on wife so I can't say anything). most of these things still happen, and have happened pretty much all of my life. ofc, you also have the fetishization of wlw, where men literally view lesbians as objects for their pleasure.
Thankfully I realized I was lesbian at 12 and didn't have the time to build up that sort of habit so I only think that when I see a cute girl like "Did I comb my hair this morning, smile, talk to her you idiot"
While I’m annoyed by people who are on the “not like other girls” train, I am also annoyed by the people who claim girls that like traditionally non-feminine things are automatically pick me’s. Maybe people should just mind their own business
The part where you talked about how women who wear makeup and are highly manicured are more likely to succeed in the workplace on top of also enforcing these standards on the women around them, unintentional as it may be, really spoke to why it frustrates me so much that you can't criticize the direction makeup culture in the US is going without all of these "other women" immediately making fun of you or belittling you almost exclusively based on your appearance and assuming you must "not be like other girls" rather than acknowledge their part in this phenomenon. This is where the line between the internalized misogyny on the NLOGS side and the internalized misogyny on the "other women's" side gets increasingly blurred and why saying that NLOGS are simply misogynistic doesn't work as a blanket reason. By deciding as a culture not to take NLOGS points seriously, validate what they are saying and help them move forward without being filled with misplaced anger towards "other women", we regress rather than progress. Love this essay Sarah, thank you.
It sucks that the term NLOG gets misused even by women. I'd like to point out however that when people criticize NLOGs, the criticism is not directed at their non-femininity, but at their argument that their non-femininity makes them superior to feminine women. NLOGs are not criticized for being against makeup or for their love of chicken nuggets alone, but for implying that these attributes inherently make them better than more feminine "other" women. Just because MANY feminine women are themselves misogynistic and many people unfairly misuse the term NLOG to dismiss a woman's non-feminine interests, doesn't mean that the NLOG point that is often criticized is any less misogynistic. I'd also like to emphasize that a woman can have an invalid, misogynistic NLOG point and a valid anti-makeup culture point simultaneously. Having genuinely good points against make-up culture is not a valid excuse for being a misogynistic NLOG who assumes every woman who wears makeup is a mean and shallow human being. This may already be your point but I just also want to make sure that we're not promoting the idea that being an NLOG (ie a woman who puts all feminine women down on account of their femininity or promotes dehumanizing stereotypes against feminine women) is okay as long as you have valid arguments against a culture involving some traditionally feminine products. Criticize the culture that reinforces the idea that women SHOULD wear makeup in the first place, without dismissing makeup-wearing women as simply vapid, shallow subhumans who only want to reinforce the "makeup is mandatory" culture. That itself is no different from dismissing women who state that makeup should NOT be mandatory as an internally misogynistic. The more you place the blame on women who DO like wearing makeup and who freely exercise their choice to wear makeup, the more you simply drive the discussion to the opposite but equally misogynistic direction of "women SHOULD NEVER wear makeup because it means so-and-so".
This is real late, but your comment struck a chord, I also find that whenever someone criticises makeup culture there's a big backlash of people claiming that makeup is actually an art form and there's nothing about hiding insecurities at all. There was a lovely video on UA-cam where a young girl talked about how she realised she was using makeup as a man and she would try to use it less and the number of people almost attacking her over it. I think it just stick a nerve with how they use makeup.
Society: Look at this stupid stereotypical girl don’t be her because she... just don’t look like her ok Girls: ok *is more masculine and distinguishes themselves from the stereotypical ‘bad’ type of girl* Society: How dare you put down other women to get men?! Girls: I just didn’t want to be what society said not to be what does that have to do with men- Society: Nuh uh uh! Only BOYS get to be mean to girls
*war flashbacks from when I had an intense tomboy phase and I was very happy with my image but my parents wouldn't stop verbally & emotionally abusing me for being "different" dispite them teaching to not give a fuck what anyways says as long as I don't hurt anyone*
This is why it annoys me when the same guys who will trash one direction and call women "basic" will make fun of women for saying "I'm not like other girls." It's literally the same thing.
I kind of feel that in women's spaces. I was assigned female at birth, and I don't identify as a woman (or really as any gender). But because I am perceived to be/treated as a woman based on the way I look, I still face many of the problems binary cis women do and can relate to their experiences. However, it feels like having one foot in the genderqueer community and another in women's spaces is unwelcomed by women in women's spaces because I don't conform to standard gender expectations or really identify as a woman. I don't really attribute that as a flaw inherent in women's spaces only but as a symptom of society's inability to understand gender and gender expression outside of the strict male/female binary.
When I was young I felt like I was not like other girls, but instead of feeling better, I felt less then them because of it. I thought they were better because of their 'typical femininity' traits. I felt I failed as a woman. Ruined my self-confidence for some time. Super glad I got over that ^_^ I think that getting bullied by other girls contributed a lot to my feelings.
I wasn't bullied but as someone who is gnc and had few female friends (all "quirky" and "nerdy" and whatnot) I was always super confused and a bit envious. How do they know about make up? How do they get noticed as sexual beings and flirt with guys? HOW DO THEY KNOW ALL THESE THINGS? (Basically I was a clueless dude in a shitty sitcom, it's what I'm saying). What is wrong with me that I'm not effortless doing all of these things? Turns out, there was actually a lot of effort involved and they were researching and studying that shit.
I felt the exact same way. And in turn I made many male friends which only made other girls hate me more. But I had always wanted to be friends with other girls, it just seemed so much scarier. I think a lot of women are made to feel competitive towards one another. It sucks ):
During my NLOG phase, I was convinced that I preferred being friends with guys despite the fact that I only had female friends and was at an all girls school, which in retrospect was hilarious. However, the reason why was that I was being badly bullied and figured guy friends had to be better than what I was going through.
I definitely went through my NLOG phase, but have always been 'non-conforming' in various other ways too and I feel like my experience is relevant here: 1. People decide you're different 2. People tell you you're different 3. "Stop trying to be different!! You're not different, there's tons of people like you!!"
I was curious what this video would have to offer beyond the standard internalized misogyny explanation, and honestly, this is an amazing take. Yes, the fact that we're taught from the beginning that the "girly girls" are vapid, ditzy, and mean primes us to dislike them, but in a lot of ways, almost every aspect of how we present ourselves (what we wear, what hobbies we do, who we hang out with, even what we eat) is influenced by an unavoidable push-and-pull of what it means to be feminine. Being stereotypically feminine is good because you meet the cultural norms and are therefore likable, but it's bad because it means you care about meeting the cultural norms, which makes you unlikable, but it's good because you aren't one of the "not like other girls" girls who shit on other girls, but it's bad because you make it harder for less feminine girls to be accepted, but... It'd be so nice to be able to just wear/not wear makeup, like shopping/sports, drink lattes/beer without the weight of that decision reflecting on and impacting your entire gender. Masculinity is policed too, and in some ways more strictly (it's way more socially acceptable to be a woman who doesn't wear makeup than a man who does), but women especially are caught in a very lose-lose situation. There simply is no place on the femininity/masculinity spectrum that won't result in a woman receiving criticism for being too far one way or the other, even for as simple an issue as ordering a salad for lunch or wearing sneakers.
In my case, i wasn't bullyied because i wasn't femenine, neither i was bullyied because i was beautiful. It was mainly because i was too femenine for my apererance. Basically because I was "ugly" and taller i wasn't allowed to like girly thinks. In the end, the reason of the bullying was that i wasn't permited to look a certein way with the type of body that i had. (Sorry of i mispelled in some parts, english isn't my first language and i suck at writing in english)
That is an interesting perspective and a type of prejudice that isn't explored more. You can only be soft, genteel and feminine only if you look soft, and feminine? It's crazy.
Ok but genuinely. This NLOG thing has made me and some of my girl friends suppress our love for billie eyelash and the want to dye our hair just for the hell of it, just so we aren’t seen as “that type of girl.” It’s a shitty culture tbh.
I fuckin love billie eilish. in a lot of ways im not like other girls, the point is most girls AREN'T like other girls and that doesn't matter. if it makes you happy, then listen to it! wear it! do it! life is too goddamn short to be scared how they'll classify you
I dont know why people neglect Billie Eliish's music. A lot of her music is based off her trauma and lots of teenage girls can relate with it. But society loves to make fun of anything that young girls like. One example is the romance genre. People nitpick it because of sexism.
I mean in Middle School the majority of them are until they mature enough to figure out who they truly are, but I think it just seems this way because they're generally more out-there, and the people who aren't in a clique or anything are less out-there. The only way to find people like you is to talk to people and put yourself out there, which lots of people who don't dress and act like the popular kids in their cliques are automatically shut down by their peers, so they stop trying. High School is a little better tho, since most people have a better understanding of themselves by then, which makes it easier for them to reach out and relate to others.
@@_peeblar_ i think that's the thing about inferiority complexes, everyone seems mature and confident on the outside, but are likely just as scared and awkward as you.
reminds me of a song, i forgot the name, but it basically says other girls are all awesome, all of them, so i'd very much like to be like other girls. whether goth or pink barbies or whatever, they're all just living their best lives and being awesome. i like a lot of girly stuff, and i like a lot of stuff that would fit into the "nlog" category, like league of legends and neuroscience, etc. but you know, all my high level organic chemistry and neuroscience classes are about 75% female, so i'd say even in that respect, i am like other girls. and i want to be just as awesome as all the rest of you, no matter what you like or wear
i remember when the locker room thing first came out and my friend kept talking about that time there was a rave in the girls locker room and that guys have no right to assume what goes on in there, and honestly she is so right.
To the girls vs guys comparison: Maybe it's that, while women say "I'm not like other girls" men claim "I'm not like other PEOPLE" (Male as the default, female as the deviation here again)
For women it's more about acceptance, It's about telling the male dominated world that they're not as bad as the stereotypes of their gender and about beening seen as worthy and equal. But for men it's more about being a unique Person, not proving that they are a worthy person.
That’s a good point. I kinda used to be an NLOG. But I don’t know how much of that was me actually disliking other girls, and how much of it was just me trying desperately to take pride in my perceived uniqueness because I was quiet and awkward and didn’t know how to get people to like me. The times when I steered into misogyny territory was when I tried to bond with people over how “annoying and vapid” “””other girls””” were. Because women be SHOPPING AMIRITE???!?!??
No, I disagree. I think there are definitely NLOBs who are very similar to NLOGs. Not all boys can or wish to live up to the ideal of masculinity, and bullying and feelings of alienation lead them to resent those who do. Boys who grow their hair long, paint their nails and listen to the Cure are very aware that these markers set them apart from other boys, not just other people.
@@moonlogic1986 yeah, that's the case for me. I've always had a more general "I'm not like other people" attitude too (very likely because it turned out I'm autistic, but I didn't know that at the time), which was harmful in its own ways. But since I realized I wasn't straight around the age of twelve I also started specifically resenting other guys and thinking about how much I wasn't like them, so obsessed with a narrow set of "mundane" "useless" interests like sports, cars or video games (which was a natural evolution since as I've said I pretty much had felt the same way since I was a little kid, with my autistic intellectual interests contrasting a lot with the interest of other kids my age), but a big part was also that I thought most guys were really gross towards women, treating them with no respect and as pieces of meat (while I didn't treat anyone in any sexual way at all since I was deep in the closet xD). As I grew more woke in feminist issues around the age of 16 this last part became my main outlet for me to keep that notion that I wasn't like the other gross guy. The thing is that... even though I don't think I've ever being gross towards any guy I've been involved with (which aren't that many, sadly), I objectify and stare (in a sexual way) shamelessly at pretty much any hot guy I see, so I think it's pretty hypocritical of me to join my female friends on criticizing guys when they complain about how so many guys act like creeps, no making eye contact at them but just staring at their breasts, when in this regard I think I'm no better than the average straight guy. I also think that this notion is harming my sexuality too. I've been actively questioning whether I'm gay or actually bisexual since I was 14 (I'm now 20), when I developed a crush on my female best friend. Pretty quickly I determined that it was more likely that I was bi, since gay boys aren't capable of developing romantic feelings towards their female best friend I think, but I've never felt confident enough to claim the bi label because every time I try to think about a woman in a sexual way I feel like I'm acting like a creep too, so I end up only fantasizing about and purchasing men.
"Literary Classic _My Immortal"_
I physically had trouble processing that sentence for a second.
"What the hell are you doing you motherfukers?" It was........Dumbledore."
Xehanort10
He said *calmly*
“i may be a hogwarts student... BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST.”
stOp flamming my posts ok?????
why
im not like other girls, they're pretty and smart and im gay and incredibly attracted to them
im bisexual but feminine asf i-
this but as a feature length film
what a mood
Mood honestly
@@sandata I would totally watch that tho
i'm not like other girls, i'm actually three ducks in a trench coat
same but I have cats in mine
Ha I keep ants in my pocket so I can torture them :)
Same
@@inkheart01 mean :c
Aha! I knew it!
isn't it funny that when people see a girl that's a little different they inmediatly go 'i bet you think ur quirky' but when they see a girl that's more feminine they call her basic
Trruueee
😔 ain't that the truth
Right? Like Jesus, at least pick one reason to ridicule me.
It’s almost like girls actions and interests aren’t actually the issue...
@@joyc.e.7511 but ridiculing is mean and being mean makes me feel bad
I used to be "not like other girls" when I was a teenager. I think it was mainly because, at the time, the stereotype of a typical girl was someone ditzy and obsessed with appearance and gossip, so in my mind, I felt like an exception to my gender because my gender was generally looked down upon and I did not want to be associated with the caricature of femininity.
The fact that having interests outside of fashion and make up makes teen girls feel like they're not like the rest of their gender actually shows to me that there is a huge problem with how we percieve and portray teenage girls and women in general.
The same thing happens with males. You know, those arseholes who objectify every woman they've ever met maybe barring their own mother? These people go well together. The girls are only good for looking attractive and the guys just want a thot to have sex with and brag about
@@ginge641 "I'm not like these douchbags, I'm a nice guy."
- every guy/girl at 15 who hasn't had sex
exactly! perfectly said
@@r.p.4756 I explored this with a tad more nuance in my own comment on here but the TL;DR is that these people, who express toxic masculinity and femininity, do exist, but the response to them has grown to be derogatory to the traditionally masculine and feminine.
Or maybe you shouldn't make a caricature of others because of competition.
Of course, there's still a lot of women who are like that, of the archetypes that's the most common one.
All of those archetypes have positive and negative traits, one negative is the one that led them to make rumors about you in highschool.
im not like other girls im the giant rat that makes all of the rules
Master Splinter? :D
Let's see what kind of trouble we can get ourselves into
We hunt at night
let's see what kind of trouble we can get ourselves into 🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀
rats
rats
we’re the rats
why legally blonde is a bomb ass movie that is amazing and deserves to be known by everyone
Ahhh, ikr? It has a great message :D
Yes, I agree!!
I absolutely adore that movie, thank you. Elle is such a role model to me
i firmly believe legally blonde is one of the best films ever made
also one of the best musicals
The whole "sigma male" thing is literally the "I'm not like other girls" attitude applied to men. It's kind of funny how things come full circle.
Even though the sigma male thing can't really be the same as this because it's also a form of "cool masculinity". It's based on this idea of being a lone wolf who is nonetheless consistent with traditional views of what men should be like. Cold, practical, assertive, etc. It really isn't a way of escaping the very real demand for men to conform to a certain social role. I think this must be because since men are subject to sexism as well, behaving in a way that's not deemed as masculine is basically going against your self-preservation. That's not to say men are exempt from it, but I would count things like classic nerds and "herbivore men", (maybe some early MGTOW before it was fused with pickup artists) as closer to what's described in the video since in that case there's a real deviation from what's expected from men in society. To be productive, assertive members of society. NEETs and hikikomori avoid that. "Sigma males" who care about their gains and grindset don't.
Omfg you're right this is amazing
I dont think it is.
One is about being superior the other is about being different
I had a friend she was a classic "other girl" my friendship with her was great, at least I felt that way and it was kind of sad for me when one time she said "you are my only girl friend, because you're so different from me, you're the only girl I don't see as my enemy" it terrified me because I couldn't imagine a life in which you see every woman around you as an enemy or a competitor thus you cut yourself from same sex friendship and sisterhood, at least I was happy I was an example of a different kind of girl in her life with whom she needn't compete
@strontiumXnitrate :(
@strontiumXnitrate LOL!
Many girls with undiagnosed autism feel this way, just an FYI.
@@mrpinkiscool oh, thanks, I'll try to read about it so i'll be aware 👌
It sounds like internal misogyny to me
6:53
“I’m not like girls who like Taylor Swift. They wear short skirts, I wear T-shirts, they’re cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers”
F*cking clever😎👌!!
Breadlock
People still think “Every breath you take” by the Police is super romantic, so I’d say you’re sadly wrong.
I was a huge fan of Taylor when I was like- 7, I haven’t listened to her songs in years, and I just completed that whole song to myself right now... dang her songs are catchy.
I LOVE this line because it implies that other girls don’t wear shirts
PFFFFT i nearly woke up my sleeping brother from laughing too loudly at this
I'm so glad you got to reasons why women reject femininity other than just internalized misogyny. Because only being presented that reason just seems to loop back around to guilting women who don't want to be feminine.
I don't hate women who are femme and I don't hate feminininity. I hate that it's the only acceptable choice and that choice isnt me.
I’m also glad about this. As a kid I was kind of a tomboy, I was friends with boys and almost behaved like one to the point my mother thought about if I am really a girl. But I still liked some "girly" things like dressing up and as I grew older I also started to hang out with girls. I never saw myself as either a boy nor a girl. Liked what I liked without putting it into a box. But the people around me wanted me in a box. Things like "you can’t like it you are a girl" or having to listen to stereotypes like "oh you girls and your..” as if we have a hive mind? As I got older I felt more and more excluded. Boys started to treat me as a girl and girls stated to treat me like a freak. Ugh. That’s where my phase started and after that my extremely girly girl phase started. I’m thankful that I grew out of both and don’t feel like I have to conform to one side. And that’s the point. By saying "oh she’s doing it for men approval " or "it’s internalized misogyny" it takes away all the struggle and experience one might have. It’s just not that easy and different for everyone.
Okay, can somebody please explain (because I'm genuinely confused and I'm not a native speaker).
As I have understood:
In the video she talks about internalized misogyny as disliking other women because they adhere to the standards set out by society. This is contrary to my previous perception of the term, that one being somewhat in the lines of "women being indoctrinated into believing that women are inferior to men". So it clashes with this video's "women who dislike other women due to conformity (nonconformists' dislike of conformists and vice versa)".
If anyone could please shed some light, I'd appreciate it (because no dictionary is going to help me).
@@andresmartinezramos7513 I think she is saying that because we are socialized to see the feminine as inferior to the masculine some women react by rejecting the feminine entirely and direct their dislike towards women who are more feminine than themselves.
@@mindacarpenter2996 Oh! I see
Thank you
Finally, a take on NLOGs that isn't "feminine woman good, masculine woman bad". As a masculine woman myself it infuriates me to no end that it's acceptable to shit on me and imply I have 'privilege' when I was bullied so much for it as a kid.
I don't dress this way because I hate women, I dress this way because it's what makes me happy.
Yesss sameee
Androcentrism/effeminophobia ("masculine good, feminine bad") and gender normativity ("boy be masculine, girl be feminine") really are hell of a symbiosis.
Quite. And I still don't like pink and I'm 60. Pretty grown up thanks
❤ but quite the same, but similar. 😄
Awesome. And as you should 👏👏👏 Idk if I'd classify myself as masculine but I do have interests that are considered masculine by society, apparently. I wish things like liking colors and pastime hobbies didn't have to be so exclusionary to a specific gender. Last I checked, there are no laws banning men from wearing make-up or women from playing video games, yet both of those things are always seen as "odd" or "bizarre".
“Hatred of feminine things didn’t come from the notion that feminine is bad so much as the notion that feminine is what you must be.”
Thank you for putting this into words
I think that critique privileges consent over oppression. People consenting to oppression, their own or other's, is a real problem. Also surprised how ahistorical this analysis is and how tradfem was/is a product of patriarchy and oppressive conditions.
She did more or less miss the part where "femininity" is an arbitrary social construct anyway.
@@futurestorytellerI used to think so but taking Saussures critique of systems of language fundamentally unrelated to referents doesn't quite fit gender expression. Claims consciousness is limited to representation, and therefore we exist in a permanent state of radical doubt about truth. Makes me think Derrida was just a Kantian. There is nothing outside of text, there is nothing outside of consciousness, or there is nothing outside of the social. All are too extreme. The thing that keeps derrida from this trap is that he continue to add to the the series of equations and doesn't deny effects. Gender may be socially defined but it is effective, material, active.
If we have to receive reality as a feedback loop of perceived reality then how are we not supposed to concede negative stereotypes that coincide with a given classification? If we should accept that pink is girly, should we not also accept that women are fragile?
I think you get what I am saying. To not to discount the personal, social or natural spheres, which are materially discursive and have very real experienced effects. To me, the way out includes all of those aspects, they work in tandem.
the best NLOG memes are the ones that ship the NLOG with the "other girl" in a really wholesome way.
So... princess bubblegum and Marceline? 😜
Here's one:
Other girls: Blonde, human, shadow Weaver's favorite, ran off with a princess and an Archer after being told she was a superhero
Me: Cat girl, mismatched eyes, force captain, come back Adora you're my only real friend
@@byakuyatogami2905 I hope she gets a redemption arc soon so I can finally ship them!
Sapphic nlogs 💕
Adora is waaaaay too much of a tomboy to be considered another girl XD she has that tomboyish smile that says like "hey girls" Lool
I like "Conditioned Misogyny" as a term, because the blame lay on societal pressures rather than individual failing. If you're conditioned to do something, you might do it as a reaction before critical thought even comes into play.
Omg I love it
Somewhere online I saw this shirt that was like "I'm not like other girls, I'm a 53 year old man"
Incredible
would absolutely wear that
Would wear that despite still being a teenage girl
@@neb0101 the entire point babey
I would wear the shit out of that
Legally Blonde was like, my awakening against being “not like other girls”
Same! I had to think a lot about why I loved the musical so much (saw the film later) when I thought I didn't like anything "girly".
The best thing about that movie isn’t just that it shows not to hate the other girl, but also that although the other girl and the NLOGs originally fell into the trap of disliking and competing with each other, in the end, they came together and accepted each other for who they are.
They got past the Other Girl/NLOG fight and became friends who support each other.
It really was an amazing movie with some truly excellent moral teachings.
Same. I was a late bloomer and insecure growing up and I hated pink, resented girly girls and had the attitude of, "What if I'm not pretty? At least I'm smart."
Elle Woods was probably one of the first girly girl characters I saw in media who I thought was genuinely a nice person, a charming person and she proves that she is smart, she just shifted her intelligence towards something else.
I can say at 28, I definitely am more balanced. I'm still into classic literature, gore films and comics but, I have grown to appreciate fashion and makeup as well throughout the years.
Isn't there going to be a third one this year?
@@beverycarefuljohn586 god I hope so
ngl the virgin and chad friendship meme is extremely wholesome oml
Or when they ship the "other girl" and "me" character ahah.
Also yttddddd
@@m00nian yesss!!!
@@mimisaur5000 look up gatekeepingyuri if you like shipping nlogs vs me and virgin vs chad
my favourite ones are those virgin chad real life ones with the really hench dudes on the laptops
"Indeed, this 'other girl' isn't a real human being; she's a strawman embodying everything the author hates about society." *Literally sips tea*
✔️
Around 7:00 for anyone looking :-)
That took me out, I was like yes, preach 😂
Straw-woman?
from mug that says "Respect Women"
Woman: **breathes**
Honestly misogynists probably: “you’re doing it for male attention”
girl: has a bed
misogynists: She's doing it for male attention stop trying to be quirky by sleeping you're dumb that's so cringy no guys will like you
See, I love these comments. Most of the comments I saw were hating on boys in general, this hates on the actual people who do this, mysogynists.
You’re spot on. And no need to say probably, they are misogynists whether they realize it or not. And the women that do this are classic “pick me” girls that are ironically the ones looking for male validation/ a golden star for their views against other women who typically don’t even care and just trying to live life
They usually are, even feminism is still mostly about men
@@j.2512 ew leave
"Justin Bieber or One Direction"
"Creepypasta"
"....."
"I WAS ASKING ABOUT YOUR MUSICAL TASTES JENNY"
“I only listen to depressing music from Bobby Eyelash!"
GODDAMN IT JENNY
ua-cam.com/video/Bp6jxzBhxnA/v-deo.html
You should rather actually ask what music someone listens to, and not just give two options and assume that fits. I dunno.
@@Liggliluff they are asking on which popular artist would they prefer, there's nothing wrong with that.
My “not like other girls” phase definitely stemmed from feeling left out by gender norms. I had to go out of my way to find clothes that were not pink, pastel, and princessy. Luckily, my parents supported me, but I can’t imagine how hard it would have been if my environment wasn’t as welcoming.
Furthermore, I think it should be mentioned that young women not conforming to gender norms is seen as a phase. Like, “oh, she’ll grow out of being like that”. It’s okay to not like pink, but it is definitely good to grow out of irrationally hating feminine things. Everyone could use a good look at how they treat young girls’ interests with more mocking than they warrant: fashion (e-girl, VSCO girl), music (boy bands), and more.
lucky..my parents forced me to wear some uncomfortable clothes like revealing clothes that i didnt want to..im proud that im considered as a introvert,anti sociable weeb and an artist i have passion on art way too much because i was inspired by it
but anyways everyone can do whatever the hell they want even feminine,not feminine,masculine,gay,straight,pan,bi,asexual etc
everyone is different from their own ways as long as they’re comfortable with it..sadly this is the society
I feel like the entire analysis misses the Holden Caulfield in the room. Whatever the norms of society are, be the gender norms or any others, there will always be those who zealously enforce them and those who rebel against them. This will naturally generate many animosities and encourage negative behavior on many fronts.
The iconoclast, one with a misanthropic view of “normal” society, is essentially a stock character in the fictional pantheon at this point. John Hughes made an entire career out of portraying this with both male and female protagonists, and he spent a great deal of time knocking down what might today be referred to as “Chads”. The NLOG phenomenon in media is just another example of this.
We can also look at popular cultural trends to see that the phenomenon of rejecting current “norms” of culture is an evergreen phenomenon. Each generation has there iconoclastic heroes, and frequently that iconoclasm comes to actually dominate the popular consciousness, leading to its rejection by the next wave of popularity. We can look at the gender bending popularity of acts like Motley Crue or Boy George, again in the 80s, with their use of strongly feminine coded behaviors like wearing makeup, using extensive hair products, incorporating sheer, pastel fabrics into their costumes, etc. But then grunge comes along with an aggressively “non manufactured and authentic” look as a specific rejection at the conformity of the performative iconoclasm of the rock acts of the late 80s.
None of this is to say that patriarchal expectations aren’t layered on to this never ending search for performative authenticity. They absolutely are, but I think it’s a mistake to view the issue as somehow a specific character trait of girls or a specific product of misogyny, but rather that gendered expectations (both male and female) are layered on top of the social expectation that both expects conforming behavior and simultaneously values unique authenticity.
Completely. My own NLOG era was a fierce but naive tween rebellion against not just the presence of femininity in my environment, but the overbearing, presumptuous way in which it was forced upon me at every turn growing up. I think people need to understand that lots of NLOG attitudes, harmful as they become, emerge as a defence and not as an attack.
On the otherside I was made fun of for liking pink and being too girly.
You cant win if your goal is to make the world like you. So try to make yourself like you instead.
yeah I hate it, I never had my “I'm not like other girls” phase, but I've always loved more masculine and androgynous fashion. And I always have to hear that it's a phase or I'm not a real woman. Bruh......it's just a style of clothing
Just getting started here but this is immediately great
Edit: still not done but I find it really interesting that there is something of an equivalent in “not all men,” but that it’s defined generally by dudes who are seen (or see themselves lol) as woke.
In your own immortal words, "nice"
Big Joel it reminds me of the softboy stuff from a few years back and the blowback against it. i think that’s the closest men have come to a NLOG stereotype outside of more high school level bullying
I thought the male equivalent was between incels/betas vs chads/alphas, not woke vs unwoke.
@@TH3RM4L considering only the incels take it seriously it doesn't really mean much. But the issue i've seen is the whole "i'm a REAL man" thing that men actual taken seriously for years. When really it just means i have a truck, get laid alot, drink beer, shoot guns and have no other emotions other than anger, boredom and lust. I feel like that's the real thing fucking with a most boys' heads about how they should be.
Some one back be up on this.
@@Kris-wo4pj By criticizing "masculine" men, you are like the NLOG that critizies basic girls as vapid. And you have missed the point of the video
Edgy teens : *I'm not like other girls*
Elon Musk : *I'm not like other billionaires*
Mark Zuckerberg: *I'm not like other humans. I'm a lizard*
@@abook2141 Zuckerburg did let us know he used to be human
Elon musk actually seems like a really chill person which is kinda weird
@@fabiomcderp6631 idk I've heard he's transphobic. I could be wrong though
But he'll never grow out of it sadly
it seems like everyone thinks girls who like billie eilish think they're better than everyone when i'm literally just vibing
Ikr
but then there is the emo fans that make fun of the billie eillish fangirls, then there is the punk fans that make fun of the emos for trying to be "edgy" when our music is apparently just as digeastable as pop, then you get the metalheads that make fun of the punk fans for our music being to easy to play and finally it comes full circle with the billie eillish fangirls making fun of the metalheads cause thay listen to "screamo"
@@obliquesauce6741 This is so fucking true
I just like her cause she's pretty, she's funny, and she makes good music, and people out there thinking we're all trying to be edgy cause the way she dresses.
Aubree Tanner yeah, people have such a problem with her fashion. it's seems like a female taking control over the way her body is percieved, while also expressing herself, is a threat to them
"In our attempt to criticize women who mock and shame other women, we have just created another archetype of women who it's okay to make fun of"
Legendary.
Big brain Sarah z
There are people it's not okay to make fun of?
Yeah, no... that's dumb. It's okay to make fun of everyone and everything.
Idea: Don't take the statement at the superficial level. There's a difference between being able to make fun of everything and having a group "it's okay to make fun of".
@@alanhegewisch4486 Context is what matters most. It's ok to make fun of a group in the right context. Yes, if you're living in Nazi germany, making fun of jews is dubious. No, if you're making fun of a "group" who tends to act like they're special, when they are not, it is not punching down.
The point of making fun of people who says "I'm not that kind of *blank*" is to get them off their high horse.
Also, sayin' that these women who says stereotypical fluff are a "group"... it is, I dunno, bizarre ? Would you say that "nice guys" are a group ? I would just say they are dumb.
Also, I rarely see an “airhead blonde girl who wear makeup” at my school or.. anywhere. I go to middle school, and most of the blonde popular girls in my school and classes are super smart, or at least average.
im close friends with an "airhead blonde" (who is very feminine) and she is the most open minded, sweetest, loving people i've ever met. but people always assumes she's a "mean girl" :(
Yep. In my case the class "airhead blonde" was fighting with trauma caused by being groomed and sexually assaulted by a teacher and victim blamed by her family. I hope she got the help she desperately needed.
There’s one in my class, I find her annoying
@robbie pie: Well, of course not, because it‘s a stereotype and not too common in real life...
Matthew 11:29
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
When you are bullied for not being like other girls you end up taking pride in it, also because most times you cant change it even if you want to. So those memes are like a safe place for girls who feel punished for being different. When we grow up we learn society is pushing those rules that hurt us, but as kids our enemies are literally those other girls (who also bully others bc they also were born in a society that punishes people who are different). As a teen I was constantly punished for not being like other kids, only as an adult I had the emotional strength to realize "other girls" dont really exist, and its only a concept.
Me too 👊
Ye. Back then girls were seriously bullied if you weren't girly or acted like what "a girl is supposed to be". Everyone had to be the same and you had to like it. You couldn't like and do ur own things. Now I'm hella happy that anyone who is different is accepted and we have more diverse girls. Now girls are allowed to be whatever they want
This was basically the source of my NLOGness as a young teen. I rebelled against those who bullied me by intentionally being as unlike them as possible. They made my life a living hell, so why would I want to be anything like them at all? I now take comfort in dressing in the most obstinately and unapologetic feminine way as possible. It's alt still (because that still just seems to be my preference) but completely over the top feminine and I am much happier in my life.
The issue is... pickmeisha women will continue to bully you deeply into adulthood if they think the man they like, likes you. There are women who keep competing for male attention and validation. These are often the same women who are obsessed with how they look. You can't escape this if you are a good looking woman and you exist, and you communicate with people and try to have a social life. Those pick-me-women will throw you under the bus the minute they get the idea "their man" might be interested in you.
Yes, a lot of women just wear makeup for themselves.
But there are many pickme-women who use makeup and other things to get validation from men. And these women will always hate you if you are better looking than them, or more confident or if you have charisma.
That was my experience too as an undiagnosed ADHD girl. Lots of ADHD girls struggle to conform to gender role expectations and are alienated because of it. NLOG felt like taking power back when you're punished/rejected just for being you (and often going totally unsupported, thanks to gender-based medical bias that leaves girls largely undiagnosed). It's just sad all around, for both the bullies and victims- all are motivated by this same powerful force of patriarchy/gender role expectations. It hurts everyone.
i’m not like other girls, i’m a boy
Take that society
Oh hey its something small
trans guys be like
I tried to come up with something similar for guys, but I just couldn't come up with a good NLOG analogue.
@Ezmyrelda Andrade Some girls have big dicks.
"I'm not like other girls, I'm worse"
same
To quote invader Zim, "Worse? Or better‽"
As they say: Big Mood.
I felt this
Me
26:00 "when we're young girls who feel socially isolated from our peers, the ideas we construct of what their social lives must be like are so warped to the extent that we think we are the only people in the world with real feelings."
wow.... that's so true
"literary classic My Immortal" - I just choked on my tea
AND DOBBY WAS WATCHING
@@herbertwalter8693 ME AND HE GOT OUT A WANDa AaD sed XPELIARMUSSY! AN BLLASED ME TOO SPACE!
when I was little, I used to just not care about how feminine I was. I liked bugs, I liked pink, I liked dolls and I loved playing around in the mud. The second I got to middle school, I was kinda opened up to the rest of the world. I learned that you were either a "tomboy" or a "girly girl" and I was really self-conscious about this. so I rejected everything girly and pink, refused makeup and tried my best to be as non-feminine as I could be. And contrary to popular belief, it wasn't for male attention, but for the approval of my female peers. All the girls in my class fit into one of those two categories, both groups lightly poked fun of each other, but never crossed. Just at the end of grade eight, I started to embrace that in fact, I was pretty feminine, I did like the colour pink and you know what? I also liked other stuff too. now I'm in high school and I'm happily very feminine and still enjoy working on the farm, hunting and other junk. I think as we grow up, we start to realize that there aren't two schools of thought, you can be both and to be quite honest, almost all of us are. I'm glad that I learned to be comfortable with who I am, and I hope that everyone else can be too.
While it's not quite that, I mostly understand. I'm a guy so I don't know how it is to be exactly like that but I had a similar experience in a different context. I grew up listening to Rock (mostly Guns n' Roses) thanks to my dad and eventually grew out of it by the 7th grade. Around 9th grade, I was back into rock and decided I wanted something a bit "stronger" if you will and got really into metal. Metal is awesome and I still love it but, at the start, it had a bit of a bad effect on me. I started to reject everything that wasn't metal or rock and treat it as "bad" or "false" music going as far as starting to call people who listened to pop Pop Peasants ™ and distancing myself from everything that was close to pop as much as I could. It wasn't until a couple of years later, when I found out about french rap group Bigflo & Oli, that I saw the error of my ways. They made me realize that there's no "real" and "fake" music, no "good" and "bad" music, just music you do or don't like and that attitude has led me to find and like certain pop or pop inspired artists like Babymetal and, while I still don't enjoy what's on the radio, I've come to accept it as a valid part of music that was at least worth exploring and it's made me so much happier in general.
Bottom line is like what you like and let others do the same without judgement and you'll be a better person at the end if the day
bruh
@@thomasevanko8434 rap is trash nowadays 😷😷😷💩 sorry not sorry
@@sistershook5719 yes and no. You do have some bad rappers nowadays, you still have a lot of great artists and it's all about taking the time to find the artists that speak to you, either with their lyrics or their sound. I personally don't like trap but still enjoy Kendrick Lamar and Logic. Every genre of music has a different role to play. Pop is to make you dance, Rap is to make you vibe, Metal is to let your anger out and Polyphia is to make you sad that you'll never be as good a guitar player as Tim Henson so simply calling the entire genre "trash" is not only generalizing, it's also possibly keeping you from discovering new artists you might really enjoy just because it's rap.
Personally the color pink makes me sick and I just like the color black. I don’t enjoy wearing dresses and can be seen as less feminine. But what pisses me off is that you got shamed for liking pink and felt the need to change. I’m just happy that things are better for you in high school and I’m really sorry you felt pressured for having change what you like to “not be like other girls”
So I, as always, am going to apply my *~autistic experience~* to this subject!
I was very much in the traditional "not like other girls" camp in my... entire teen years. It didn't really have to do with gaining approval, male or otherwise - I was honestly more "not like other teens" - but reckoning with the fact that femininity writ large was inaccessible to me due to my autism. I hate the feeling of makeup, feminine clothing is uncomfortable and sensorily grating, gossip and everyday chitchat are too complex to follow. In a very real way, I *was* not like other girls - I was an autistic girl.
Now, the thing about autistic girls is that we are also "not like other autistics." Autistic traits tend to present differently and in different configurations between genders, and guess which gender is positioned as the default in popular and scientific understanding? So, like any other *insert intersecting identity here*, I'm othered from these two sides at once.
I (hopefully) have moved past that classic NLOG mindset, but I worry that there is still so little attention paid to the intersectionality of it all. Notice how almost all the images presented here position both "other girls" and "me" as white and thin, and presumably also straight, cis, and abled!
So in conclusion: I'm not like other girls because I chew my toenails.
Warkipine this was so real. The feeling isolated isn’t imagined, and the “nerdy” type of girl has a looot of autistic characteristics (really fixated on one thing, shy, not able to perform femininity)
I feel you! My experience was very similar... I just added some internalized misogyny - I bought into the idea that women are more emotional and therefore more stupid than men. I knew I wasn‘t stupid, but what if allowing myself to feel things would change that?
Now, experiencing the world if you‘re not neuro-typical is effing exhausting and already comes with a good chance for depression; for me, it took 22 years to even get to the point of learning how to feel my own emotions and part of that was desperately wanting not to be like other girls because I did not want to be stupid like them.
Needless to say, I got over it and am now a much better ally to myself and other people for it. Maybe, if we taught kids how to lift others up instead of tearing them down, people would have to deal with far less shit... life‘s hard enough as it is
Oh mood. I was bullied for being autistic as a kid (although of course nobody put that particular label on it - I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. I was bullied for being "weird") and rejected femininity HARD because it was inaccessible to me and my tormentors were exclusively other girls.
Thank you for sharing an autistic perspective on this. I'm austistic as well but I'm kind of the opposite way, makeup can calm me down and one of my obsessions is lolita fashion (a very girly clothing style). While I'm different from most people I know, that doesn't make me better than anybody, and it's pretty refreshing to see the other side
😂 Same.
“I’m not like other guys. I’m a *nice* guy.”
That is the masculine equivalent and really worse because these "nice guys" turn dangerous.
brandon roberts I’ve heard that statement so many time on my college campus 🙃.
Melody Clark agreed. I used to use that phrase myself until I realized the dark undertones it caries with it.
They’re nice until they kill you for saying no to sex. So sweet uwu
brandon roberts "Why don't you reward my niceness with sex, you man-hating femoid???"
Thank you for being empathetic and not bringing down "natural tomboys". I am a girl that have always had hobbies that were considered "for men" and people would say that "I am not like other girls". But the thing is I am just a human being that likes science, rugby and video games. I don't do it for men. I just do it, because I like it !
I’m really glad someone spoke out about this. I stopped looking at the nlog sub when I realised a lot of the posts were just taking pictures of random girls (usually goths, e-girls or anime fans) and added them to “nlog starter packs”. The fact that the people there can’t see the irony is shocking. Let girls look how they wanna look, let them enjoy what they want to enjoy, women can do things for reasons other than seeking male approval.
Same for le mens too
THANK YOU!! You don't know how many time I've been called a NLOG for liking anime and having a kind of goth look.
Basically, stop shaming women for being themselves whether they're like "other girls" or not. Stop shaming women.
Ye dont shame anyone, man or woman
Don't shame anything
I definitely think we should shame murderers, rapists and child molesters though
@@permanentstateofawe6544 absolutely
Permanent State Of Awe we should, but we shouldn’t condemn them (if you get what I mean)
Finally someone pointed out how cringe the girls/boys locker room memes are
I mean yea but I hate missing out on locker room shenanigans because I'm a girl. Sure the guys get in trouble most of the time, but its funny as hell lol
I mean, jumping off a bench while screaming and smacking your friend on the back of the head isn't exactly a welcome activity amongst females (not that I've tried)
AlphaDenvia bruh if the boys did that in my school they would get bullied so bad lmao
@@_peeblar_ but like why do you even want to do that in the first place? girl chill
Martin Amarilla though it is fun to wrestle, I feel like @AlphaDenvia can join a girls sports team! Especially the wrestling team if she likes to mock wrestle.
aren’t you? fun according to whom exactly
I'm not that girl: because we are ALL unique❤
Let's just celebrate who we are.
17:30 I’m reminded of a semi-common media trope where a tomboyish girl gets a makeover into a more traditionally feminine look and the way this is framed heavily implies girls are happier when they conform to society’s ideal feminine look.
I think this is what primarily fueled my “not like other girls” phase during my teens. I felt like this messaging wanted me to believe my tomboyish look was abnormal, so of course I rejected it and rejected more feminine girls in the process. Now that I’m older I’m over this arbitrary binary, but there certainly does need to be more conversations about how media plays a large part in making this binary in the first place.
@deepweeb dive yea i relate to the feeling of having masculinity shat on and society trying to force it out of you. Just like the tomboy who gets the makeover. I used to consider myself a tomboy .
But then that's probably just because I'm trans
It's not lost on me that so many of the talking points for "I'm not like other girls" are about asserting personhood.
Like, as children we get faced with a wall of pink - we get told that pink and frilly is the way to be a girl - and then we see girls that *are* pink and frilly being denigrated and called shallow, as in the coming of age movies mentioned in the video. So girls are pushed into a very prescriptive notion of femininity, and then told that that notion of femininity is bad and shallow. Small wonder that "NLOG" girls respond the way they do.
If you don't get have the critical thinking skills to question either of those two ideas - that girlhood is frilly femininity and that frilly femininity is bad and shallow - then it seems like your only option for being seen as a person in your own right is to utterly reject that form of girlhood.
I'm pretty sure we are like other girls. Wanting to be different is the most normal thing you could possibly do in a society centered around individualism.
Best comment here.
Exactly -- everybody's different. No two people are the same.
Probably 98 % of people alive right now have never had an original thought in their head, ever. Which is okay. Just puts things into perspective.
bump
@@xLiLlyx98
Nobody has had an original thought.
(TW for mentions of bullying and su*cide)
19:28 I want to thank you for mentioning this, so many people online who talk about "NLOG's" seem to miss this entirely. I grew up being horribly bullied by "other girls" because I was fat, wore glasses, didn't like the right things, etc. - and as a result grew up never wanting to be associated with them/be anything like them because they were so awful and cruel, they made my life a living hell and were a big reason for my suicide attempt age 15.
Nowadays it's less me being an "NLOG", and more me being traumatized to such a degree by that mistreatment that I am very reluctant to associate with "other girls" because the learned instinct from that trauma is that these people are not safe to be around, they will hurt me. My therapist says associations like that that you learn at a young age will always be there in some way bc that's how your brain keeps you safe, but it's something I am working at constantly.
The idea that there isn’t this phenomenon for “boys” is overlooking a very large section of people, namely black folk, specifically black men though this phenomenon exists with black women too. A lot of the “Blerd men” I grew up with (and me before I started identifying as Non-Binary) actively eschewed popular black culture things. Statements such as “I’m not like those niggas” or “I’m black I’m not a nigga” were super common and are still common in blerd circles. I grew up loving rap music and reggae and it’s obviously a big part of black culture but trying to push myself away from that music in highschool just so I wasn’t associated with “those black people.”
An oversight to be noted.
This phenomenon exists for white men too. The whole 'nice guy' thing is the exact same sort of idea. Too bad this video was clearly made by someone who'd rather deliberately overlook anything like that in order to say 'it's misogyny! It's all men's fault! Men are making women suffer and hate themselves! Only women are affected by this issue!'
Its not something she overlooked because this essay is specifically about gender and what you are talking about is not. Black girls and black guys both go through this. I do think its still valuable to note that most previously/currently systematically oppressed minority groups have some version of this. Along with the blerd thing, the other I am most familiar w is the lgb version (I'm not like these other gay guys because I'm not flamboyant, promiscuous etc etc) but I know it exists in latinx, Asian and trans communities as well.
I think an interesting exploration of the topic would be to see if there is a) the same level of backlash in other communities as there is for NLOGs (I've never seen a blog/sub dedicated purely to mocking blerds for their view that they are different).
And b) explore if the same accusation, that NLOGs are mysogynistic and that their primary motivation is to earn the approval of men, runs through other communities as well (are blerds accused of trying to earn the approval of whites? Is there an underren of anti-blackness in their claims of "otherness").
I would love to see someone thoroughly cover all these perspectives.
@@Sheechiibii someone not covering an issue doesn't mean that they are claiming sole victimhood or that they inherently deny the existence of other versions and experiences of that issue. But I guess that an MRA would have trouble understanding that you are not inherently entitled to have her tackle your issues.
@@lindanibucwa1016 I'm not an MRA lol not everyone who dissagrees that every bad thing is misogynistic is an MRA. I just pointed out that in this video the lady certainly did ignore the existance of certain groups (men) in order to more easily say 'it's misogyny'. If she hadn't made a point of saying there's no equivelant for boys, when there is, I wouldn't be bringing it up.
The more likely cause for this idea of 'not being ike the others' stems from a mixture of kids getting bullied at school by the traditional 'popular' groups of boys and girls, and possibly the idea of being better than the exes of whoever you're interested in. Because that's what men and women really mean when they say or think that their current romantic partner is 'different from the others'. That comes from a bitterness over past relationships and a hopefulness that this new person really is different than the others and won't hurt them. I think that is a lesser factor but serves to reinforce the idea of not being like the others.
The stronger factor I think for both girls (I'm not like other girls) and boys (I'm a nice guy) is their own negative experiences with the majority of their own sex. Sure, many teen movies try to portray their main character as the bullied outcast who we root for, but the bullied outcasts in real life don't have people rooting for them. They get put down daily by the 'other boys' or 'other girls' because mostly girls bully girls and boys bully boys.
Young boys are bullied by 'popular' boys at school, and young girls are bullied by 'popular' girls. Those popular kids also tend to fit the stereotypes I'm sure we all know, the 'jocks', the 'cheerleaders', the girls who wear their hair and makeup all alike and the guys who obsess over sports and competition. I think that has more to do with the outcasts thinking they're not like the majority of their sex, that the majority of their sex are nasty horrible people, than anything in the media or potential partners would.
It explains why that mentality tends to fade with age, the farther they get from memories of being bullied by people who look and act a certain way, the less they'll feel threatened by those stereotypes. The bullies grow up too. Teenagers and kids can be incredibly nasty, it's no wonder those who are bullied would think these things and in retaliation they'd start trying to make sure people knew they weren't anything like the 'others'. It's not cause of internalized misogyny, and I think the same is true of boys. If people are treated badly for an extended period of time by a certain group of people, of course they're going to start holding biases and fearing people who seem to be just like their abusers. Even more so for kids, which is what we're really talking about with this whole thing.
It's just a shame feminists are so obsessed with making everything about misogyny that they won't even consider a fuller picture or actually thinking about what experiences would drive people to this mentality. It couldn't possibly be that they've had negative experiences in the past from other girls, just like boys do, instead it has to be that they secretly hate themselves for being female - cause society says females are bad somehow that's never explained. It can't be that they hate the other girls for making their lives miserable. That wouldn't fit with the whole 'everything is because of misogyny' idea.
@@Sheechiibii There's literally no good reason to assume the oversight was deliberate, other than you being mad that she took a feminist angle. "I'm a nice guy" is not a phenomenon born of hating other men who are Not Nice and wanting to distance oneself, because Nice Guys are also frequently actually fucking terrifying. The Nice Guy phenomenon is born of entitlement to women's attention and bodies. The implication is the speaker is better than other men and thus it is a moral failing for women not to choose him. Girls don't say they're not like other girls PRIMARILY because they're frustrated at the lack of male attention, or to pass some sort of value judgement on the choices men make, they do it primarily out of a learned disgust towards other women. You misunderstood the point.
My favorite reaction to this is shipping the "stereotypical" girl with the "different" one
I was thinking about that too. I was even wondering in real life how many of those _different_ ones were secretly crushing on some of the _stereotypical_ ones. And how many _stereotypical_ (closeted) ones where crushing right back but felt like the _different_ one hated them.
same as the virgin - chad meme xD
@deepweeb dive I didn't read the comic but I will try to find it. Thanks.
GOD I remember when I first saw that. The ship name was called Creamsicle
That's just my wish fulfilment.
"You're not like other girls. You're a wizard."
"I'm a what?"
oimawot?!
blimey didn't they tell ya
"yer a wizard, _harriet_ "
"I'm not just a wizard. I'm also a SATANIST!"
Gosh darn it I WISH-
My journey was
Step 1. "I'm Not like other girls"
Step 2. "Other girls aren't bad actually, and it's sexist to hate on women for being feminine"
Step 3. "...oh wait I'm literally just Not A Girl. Whoops"
and that's on being a late bloomer into coming out as trans
Top 10 Wholesome Anime Plot Twists
Omygodd same. I only recently realised I'm non-binary
@@ibaavaya1633 same heree
me but step three was im a lesbian 😅
@@ibaavaya1633 noice
This video in simple words: be who you want to be as long as you don’t hurt other people
Unless you're a g*mer
@@firetarrasque4667 You mean a chüd
@@firetarrasque4667 Are you doing a "the most oppressed group... are gamers" meme bit here? Because if so, phenomenal work. Excellent comedic timing.
Winston Shih wait a minute. Didn’t philosophy tube make a video critiquing that exact mindset? Because it implies that trans people aren’t really the gender they claim to be, for example.
That, and also: "we should be careful with how women and teenage girls are portrayed within popular media".
Wow...I'm Chinese and I've seen this kind of memes everywhere on Chinese social media, I always thought it was an Eastern thing. Suprised to find out girls all over the world are alike.
@AIFAHRA HORGGHRO seriously? is that appropriate?
AIFAHRA HORGGHRO kindly shut up
What? Noooo, we're not alike. We're all "not like other girls" remember?
This is sarcasm btw since I know some people have more difficulty reading tone than others
wholesome
AIFAHRA HORGGHRO bruh wtf? Get a life.
Girl: "I like wearing makeup."
Boy: "She's trying to impress me."
Girl: "I don't like wearing makeup."
Boy: "She's trying to impress me."
What a rubbish world we live in.
Dont attack the boys too much tho
Have you tried wearing only half make up?
@@CarrotConsumer nope
DUDE RIGHT
@@sistershook5719 Its not 'attack boys' its calling out boys for toxic behavior.
I really love this take, I was not expecting something so nuanced when I clicked on it but I love the direction you've taken this argument and the way you're exploring it.
As a counter to being forced to wear pink and girly things, I'd like to offer: feeling like that's not for you.
I grew up as a very overweight child and felt like I wasnt a good enough girl because I wasnt pretty.
I didnt go for any cute or girly clothes from about 10 years old because I didnt feel like they were for me. It was much easier to say I hated them and hated girls who liked them than to admit that I was uncomfortable in my own body and wanted to hide.
I feel you. I still struggle with allowing myself to wear pretty things sometimes, because I don't feel like I "deserve to".
yes, i was looking for this exact sentiment. i felt this from a very very young age (probably 2-3 years old?). no dresses, no pink until i was well into my teens, and even then it was few and far between. pretty things are for pretty girls, and when you believe you aren't a pretty girl, it seems like the right thing to do is to simply not try at all. i'm in my 30s now, and i still feel like a fraud when i wear a dress, even though i've always adored aggressively feminine clothing.
my nlog phase was mostly based on resentment at how easy being pretty and feminine seemed to my peers, and how impossible it was for me.
Wow this is literally exactly how it was for me as well, but now in my 20s I’m finally learning to live my extra feminine/girly life! I hope more young women will learn like we did
Same! now i almost exclusively wear dresses hahaha
Samee, I remember in middle school I was a "tomboy" because I thought that I didn't deserve to wear cute things. Now I'm here only wanting dresses and cute shirts, lol.
Hearing Sarah pronounce her name "Sarah ZEDD" after months of saying it in my head as “Sarah ZEE” was a singularly mind-blowing experience
More like rest of the Anglosphere exists. As well as all people who are taught "correct" British English in school across the world over "informal" American English, which is not accurate and right but is something that is commonly percieved and replicated.
Thessalin u wot m8?
Funny that I'm not even British, but screw it, SHUT YE GEGGIE I CANNA BE BATHER'T WI' YE LAAG (wow, that's kinda closer to Scots even.)
@Thessalin Not even close, I am a proud inhabitant of Eastern Europe, and I was going for Scots, which if you are unaware is a Germanic language that is closely related to English and is spoken by Lowland Scottish people. When it does not bleed over into Scottish English, of course.
American English and British English pronuncations and spellings were both standardized at about the same time, and both diverged over time from a common origin. Before that, there was no "correct" way of spelling words or an agreed upon vocabulary that was canonized in a dictionary (Webster's in the US, Oxford in the British Empire).
But because English originated in Britain, people assume the modern-day British dialect is older, even though it's changed just as much as the American one over the past 400 years.
I'm not like other girls. My hair is snakes and when men look at me, they turn to stone.
@Mr. Perezident Was going to comment the exact same thing. You beat me to it lol.
god i wish
medusa is a queen
So you're saying you turn men rock hard?
Interesting 🗿
I accept your nerd credit, Wendy.
@Mr. Perezident Only medusa turned people to stone
I had a friend my entire childhood and well into my teens who was basically an inspiration in our school. She wasn't just the most "popular." She was your FRIEND. Every one's friend. She loved every one with no judgement and supported whoever needed it. She also loved dressing very fem, was a goddess with make-up, and never had a hair out of place. Yknow, unless she was on the softball field. Or track. Or cheerleading. Or begging the school to let her play football. Or out riding ATVs in the mud. Straight A student. She broke barriers, and I genuinely believe that without her there would've been so much more bullying and cliques in my school. Yet some people still called her an "other girl."
Lexi committed suicide shortly before graduation. She's deeply missed by an entire community and in spite of being so loved she faced constant pressure to fit these molds... Miss you, Lexi :/
Thought I was “not like other girls” cus I wasn’t boy-obsessed, turns out im just a lesbian.
Other girls: pretty, makeup, instagram, pink
Me: "can I have your number please?"
"I'm not like other lesbians"
Good for you!
lol same
Well, you aren't boy-obsessed, therefore not like them in that aspect.
Maybe you are girl obsessed, which means that in some ways you are like them and made you a huge hypocrite.
But some people are neither, even bisexual people if you'd believe, and they are definitely not like other people.
Okay, but let’s be real; We love the “other girls” in movies. Cher Hamilton, Regina George, Heather Chandler, and Elle Woods are QUEEN
True that
Loving to hate someone (Regina George) is not the same thing though. Regina George is hated because she's an asshole.
@lain iwakura, pffft regina is a Queen I love her
Lmao I still haven’t watched those. One is mean girls but what are the rest?
@• Ugh I’m old •, Cher is from Clueless, Heather is from Heathers, and Elle is from Legally Blonde
"You're not like other girls." I hate that that is a compliment. I'm black. Imagine someone whose into you saying to you, "you're not like other black guys." I've had someone I was into say that, and I felt just, strange afterwards. I wasn't even sure how to respond to it.
In the context of romance, these two examples are somewhat different, though. A straight man would say to a girl she's "nlog" because he is only attracted to girls, so it is a way to tell her she's the only one he is attracted to ("you're not like the other girls, you're the only one who makes my heart beat faster") - while there is no one who is exclusively attracted to black guys.
@@lightgazaret6825 Actually, you'd be surprised. There's plenty of people who exclusively only get with specific types of people. I've gotten to know someone who seems to be exclusively into black men. Exactly why, I dunno, although I suspect why. *Rolls eyes*
@@chubbubdreamer6904 Yeah, but it's usually either because they are more attracted to a specific type of people (men who prefer blondes are generally also attracted to redheads and dark-haired women) or because they are fetishizing that type of people (like with asian women, trans people, sometimes black men as well I guess).
In both cases, they're still attracted to people outside of their specific type, and they wouldn't want their potentiel partner to know they have a specific type, because it would make their partner feel fetishized. That's why "you're not like other black guys" is both shittier and less common than "you're not like other girls".
@@lightgazaret6825 I just don't get how telling someone, "you're not like other _____" couldn't be immediately seen as highly disrespectful.
@@chubbubdreamer6904 Ultimately, saying "you're not like other _______ " is creating a distinction between a person and the category they belong with. I would say that what is or isn't disrespectful is a) the choice of the category and its pertinence, and b) the nature of the distinction, rather than the sentence and the creation of a distinction itself.
I don't think saying things like "you're not like other girls/guys because you're the only one that make me feel this way" is that disrespectful (the distinction is a feeling so it's not based on some stereotype, and the category is the category of people the person is attracted to so it's pertinent), and I feel like it's a better interpretation of some examples in movies (even though I agree it is often ambiguous).
"You can't dismantle every social force in the world with kindness, but you can't dismantle every social force in the world WITHOUT kindness either."
As a 30-something, I can say “alt” boys had a “NLOB” era back in the 2000s/Bush Jr era. It’s hard to compare it to today because the mainstream narrative was so different. Literally, saying you were against the Iraq War was enough to get you shunned by even mainstream liberals. In such a war-hawk macho era without any mainstream wokeness, a lot of us “alternative” teenage boys (the vegan punks, emos, indies) of the era went out of our way to performatively reject sports and the mainstream symbols of male validation. The Bush era NLOB boys leaned towards more twee aesthetics over the bro aesthetics which were deemed the “other” just like the “other girls” archetype. Of course, us boys who thought we were somehow “not like other boys” learned we were just as toxic as the other boys and the other boys were just as “deep” as us, but like you said that’s the growing up part. But yeah, it’s definitely a phenomenon that hit boys too, it just was most present for us in a different era and manifested differently because of boys’ different socialization (and the earlier era didn’t leave the meme evidence to trace the history).
A similar thing happened to teens in the 2008-2014 era with the “I’m actually a nice guy” which I fell neatly into because I was a quieter and more sensitive kid. Fortunately I caught on that saying that was something even terrifying monster boys said right around the time I got to college.
I dont think that was a NLOB moment since it had nothin to do with you being male. Probably more a "Not Like the Other Americans". There were girls probably into that group too. The NLOG problem is directly connected with mysoginism and the fact that society will hate women for whatever they do.
If you’re replying to me, I would counter that by saying that it had everything to do with Bush-era masculinity. There was cross over with girls because we were able to find more commonality as a result of avoiding the contemporary gender norms and a level of toxic masculinity that a lot of people today tend to forget, just like how modern NLOGs often find a lot of interest and community cross over with guys, and NLOGs often get put into that box of being the girl who is friends with all the guys.
Same with being a nerd/geek. The idea that liking geek things made us more deep and intelligent, while the male sports fans where dumb.
I will point out that this is something that is definitely similar to the NLOG moment because, much like in the way that girls, from a young age, are told that wearing pink and being feminine means your vapid, uneducated and the like boys too are told that being into sports, being physically fit and popular is ALSO a bad thing. That you can't be into games/anime/tabletop RPGs and ALSO a Jock.
Think how often the Cheerleader and the Jock are portrayed as 'the bad guys' in most 90s kids media and how the hero is a socially awkward loner or has very few friends.
It's why you saw a lot of hate towards the traditional 'jock' getting into videogames and we still see that pushback. They're called Bro Gamers and people pin all the problems of the gaming industry on the 'Bros' who don't actually care about videogames as a medium, they just buy the new sports title every year, the new Call of Duty title every year and that's it, they can't be deep or introspective because they're just bro gamers and they're encroaching on 'our' nerd space.
Its the very reason we have the "I'm not like other guys, I'm a nice guy...". Plus men feel it's a no win for them either, they either give in to what they feel 'society' forces them into and become the brainless Jock or they get stuck as the forever alone loser.
So guys are taught that their love of stuff that ISN'T sports puts them above regular 'normies', they're not into the bullshit macho stereotype that society puts upon them, they're not sheep, they're not the mean Jock, they're the nice guy nerd.
They forget that a lot of the sports guys are actually doing a shit ton of analytics, I know one guy who is massively into football (or Soccer as Americans call it) and would basically number crunch all the stats of the opposite team when he was younger to see how his team stacked up against them.
He would look at their past matches, see who was the weakest player on their team and so on. That isn't to say all sports guys do it but a fair few are looking over their past performance and running the numbers, it's how you get better at doing said sports a long with physical training.
That isn't to say there AREN'T people who are the stereotypical dumb footballer or vapid Stacy type, I mean Paris Hilton exists and practically lives off of playing up the 'dumb rich girl' trope and Wayne Rooney (a football player) isn't exactly the sharpest tack in box but hey stereotypes usually exist with a small kernel of truth in them.
This video gave me a very unpleasant flashback, that I now need to share:
I was 18 and just got into art colledge. I had to go to the place, that was popular with cool artsy teens, for one of the projects. While I was there, I saw a bunch of artists way better than me, so I was in a very sad and self-depricating mood. and on the way out, in this sad state, I ran in to a group of ten girls, that looked exaxtly like me: same dresses,same hair, same posture, make-up, same interests.
All my Identity of "I'm not like other girls, i'm an artist and have a different sence of style" was completely shattered. And it was painful.
It lead me to shaving my whole head the next week, so I could feel unique again
(funnily enogh i then got a job and one of my coworcers was also shaved and people olways thought that we were twins).
But since then I just stopped caring about this stuff...Getting reed of this thoughts freed a lot of time)
See also: I'm not a stereotypical black person.
There's no one way to be a woman. There's no one way to be black. There's no one way to be trans. There is a lot of money to be made in these fake distinctions that divide us.
Yup on all three as a black NB! It's been such a weight off my mind not trying to compare myself and make value judgments based on idea[L]s or "other (insert group)";Those who go around as practical solipsists calling everyone else NPCs for following herd mentality, have ironically, become their own herd. Fighting the perception of negative judgment, real or imagined (though in these comics it seems more imagined) with more negative judgment is well, fire v fire y'know. Everyone gets burnt!
true, there's also no one way to be a boy
@@doimoisoiboi5674 Agreed but I bring up minority groups in particular because they fight over the "right" way to be because it helps then achieve a sort of token status. I'm a straight guy so I don't have to worry about the right way to be a guy.
I get to told that I'm one of the "good" black people because of how I speak. I'm can be pretty eloquent and all that. But that's super fucked up, because that means that other black people are the "wrong" kind of people. Which is flat out racist.
@@greenakutabi true. I only know what I have experience of, the toxic ways men are treating each other is probably very different from internal relations in marginalised groups.
Very well put. It seems stupid to me that some people pretend that their appearance or taste or upbringing somehow puts them above everybody else. It's extremely ignorant, and it's obviously a place-holder for actual achievement in life. Other people are happily posting things like "look at this cool tabletop I made with resin!" or "I wrote a funny review about Shakespeare's comedies and animated them!", or even something more pro-social like "I love my family, here I am with my happy family" or something personal like "I successfully lost weight after two years of fighting and am no longer at risk of heart disease!".
Many people do not post things at all because they can share achievements with friends, relatives and colleagues instead of on the Internet.
But then you have those who've achieved very little, beyond perhaps a basic ability to draw in a common cartoonish style. They want to brag about their achievements too, but having none, they brag about their non-achievements instead, making it look like preferring one genre of music over another is worthy of a MENSA membership. But because people won't care about their bragging, they herd together into circle-jerks, trying to rope in others who happen to share interests. The result is something like a clique except it includes many adults, which is just sad.
I say "some people" do this, but I've met a lot of people who do this. I find it very bigoted, because I've met all sorts of people who were cool, sweet or friendly, AND had totally different tastes or lifestyle to my own. To judge somebody so superficially, regardless whether it's positive or negative discrimination, is bigotry, pure and simple. As I grow older I meet fewer and fewer such people, luckily -- presumably because people either grow out of this childish and narrow-minded mentality, or because they are better at hiding their gossip. On the other hand, when adults ARE guilty of this kind of discriminatory behavior, it can be waaay more damaging than when teenagers do it to each other. It's one thing not to be chosen on the volleyball team because you're not "their type"; it's another thing when a colleague spreads malicious rumors about you because of the way you dress or because you invited some colleagues out to lunch, or the team you're working with ignores your solutions and undermines your work just because you're not their idea of what a software engineer should look like.
It looks to some people like a "cute and quirky meme" now, but when it proliferates it can turn very ugly.
This was such a thoughtful video! I remember my "Not Like Other Girls" phase back when I had just moved to a new school and was feeling so isolated. You're right, it didn't come from a place of getting guys' approval, it came from feeling excluded by both the male and female cliques in my grade. That's probably why the "Not Like Other Girl" identity often includes the love of reading, since that's the best pastime for trying to not feel so lonely.
I love your last point that while you probably can't solve every harmful social force through kindness, but you can't solve any harmful social force without kindness. Connecting with other women and supporting each other and having our social needs met is probably the best we can do to find a solution.
I’ve never been able to articulate why the “girls locker room vs boys locker room” memes annoy me so much. You’ve summed it up perfectly. Brilliant video
They're also not accurate. There's a high chance of men screaming in utter terror if you introduce a live snake into the mix, whereas the majority of the women I know (we're a very particular subculture) would ooh and aww and wanna hold it.
lol same. i played basketball my entire life all the way up through college and i always thought, "anyone who writes those memes _clearly_ has never been inside a girls' locker room" lmao
ikr, it's legit such a sexist meme, i don't know why people spport these types of memes..
Grey _Dream At first it seemed to mock this “boys vs girls” mindset but now it’s just... ugh.
That, plus the partner meme of going to a vacation destination, where the girls are depicted as touristy and the boys are depicted as rearing to reenact some relevant history meme.
For both of the formats, it just bothers me that there needs to be a dichotomy at all, let alone a sexist one. If you want to make a meme about how quirky you are, then awesome! Champion yourself! Why do you have to do it by putting down others as basic, ESPECIALLY with a sexist stereotype?
I feel like the whole “Visco girl” trend falls in line with this. It’s a way of creating a stereotype of the “other girl” someone who can easily be made fun of for their unoriginality and conformity.
Zion Meier YES
im of the idea that visco girls was created by the hydro flask company to sell hydro flasks
nope
Yeah, I’m so sick of countless videos about this “type” of girl and that “type” of girl and how dumb and silly they are and how you better not be like that. But no matter what you choose to be like, people will still shame you for it. If you dress in pink dresses, you’re vapid, if you dress in graphic tees and sweatpants, you must hate other women.
Visco girls are just taking camp counselor aesthetic and removing the sunburn
Another reason I love Buffy. Aesthetically she totally embodies the "other girl" but she was a real person with a lot of depth.
And on the flip side there were girls that could be considered nlogs on Buffy and they weren't ridiculed either.
It's also why I love Sailor Moon, it's about the pretty popular girls who go shopping and date boys but they have their flaws and their struggles and goals and ambitious. They're the "other girls" but they're like real believable people.
I was concerned that this video would be another in a long line of asserting that the NLOG phenomenon is a thing that happens solely because of "internalized misogyny" and some need to feel superior, but I'm really, really glad to see someone acknowledge that, more often than not, it comes from a place of defensiveness than anything else.
Like, I'll admit, I had a brief NLOG phase...but that's because "other" women *constantly insisted I was not like them.* I'm an autistic female: I'm not too into keeping up my appearance outside of basic hygiene, I'm bad at picking up on "appropriate" feminine body language, and, as like any autist, I gravitated towards more 'nerdy' interests. I had my mother throwing a fit and yelling at me when I wanted to wear boys clothes, other students giving me hell for not shaving my legs, my mother screaming "DO YOU WANT TO BE A BOY??" over me not wanting to wear a dress, trying to convince me that if I didn't dress more feminine I'd never get a job, my dad subtly implying it creeped him out when I looked too much like a boy...
Was it a good thing to be an NLOG? No, of course not. It was unfair to the feminine girls who weren't asses, and it caused me more grief than just going with the flow and liking what I liked without worrying about how people perceive me. But it was also a very real thing to worry that, unless you asserted yourself as a 100%, wholly masculine female, people would find an in to try to force femininity on you. Hell, it still sometimes happens today. There are women who just straight up *hate* other women who are too masculine.
It's no wonder that a teen would feel the need to embrace and assert that they're, "not being like other girls".
Matthew 11:29
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Being autostic is a whole other can of worms. I'm a guy, but autistic, and I was always more into artsy and geeky shit. It was very socially isolating, and I eventually learned to subconsciously mask it, which is a habit I am attempting to break.
Yeah, I think the brilliance of this video is that it starts from the internalized misogyny point, where most of the audience is and once they're in agreement starts to open up the issue. This should be used as a case example of how you educate people on complex issues.
On your experience, I'm really sorry to hear you had it so rough. I don't want to tell you how you should feel about it, but I want to point out that what your parents did to you is straight up violence and really abusive. I hope you've been able to get therapy to help process that.
Also I find the oft used line about not caring about what other people think kind of ridiculous. We're a deeply social species and a large part of brain is dedicated to social interaction. And I know that brains differ on this, I'm neurodiverse as well 😎🧠, but like you clearly say the feeling of not belonging is still very painful. And I'm not arguing against you here. On the contrary I'm saying it's a completely natural defence mechanism (albeit a maladaptive one) to reject the social group that rejects you. Especially when our society offers a ready example for it for young women. This is in addition to what you and Sarah both say about the reaction to having strict social norms forced on you from a very early age.
While I completely understand why Sarah didn't go there I still wish she would've covered this topic much more broadly.
Because how and why conflict is created between women, and between and within other marginalized groups, is a topic that touches on so many facets of our society. Like capitalism is literally reliant on people not organising and cooperating. Not to mention how much of social change has happened because of women organising. This is also not a new practice. Women being pitted against each other and being encouraged to hate each other over hating the power structures and men oppressing them is a time honoured tradition 😏 And I think Sarah could've made a really cool video covering all these angles, although again I do realise that's not her brand 😄
yes for sure. as an afab person i had this phase because i was relentlessly bullied at school for not being feminine. it became an unhealthy coping mechanism to me because i thought their words would hurt less if i convinced myself they were the weird ones. it was wrong, like you said, and it's shaming people for being who they are that's the problem and what should be called out, not whether or not someone is masculine or feminine.
but i'm really tired of people framing it like it's something one-sided because it means the girls who equally push internalized misogyny when they choose to shame each other for not being feminine get away scot-free and thus the cycle continues. if we want to stop the problem, we need to acknowledge that both sides are guilty of it and call all of it out.
I got bullied by the "other girls"(so those, who wear make up and heels) for acting more masculine since I grew up with a lot of boys, was more violent and a shit-ton of knowledge about computers, history and geographics and stuff (im not implying that those are 'men-things', but when I went to sixth grade those were considered more manly things) so I really wanted to be totally different because I didn't want to be that mean and destroying, but when I isolated myself from people I started realizing that I really love dancing, doing make up, dressing up in bright colors and those things(again, I am not implying that those are 'women-things', but those are commonly considered female things) while still embracing my "boyish" side of playing gore video games and being a nerd about history.
The only thing I can tell you from my experience that there are no things you are just allowed to do as a men or a women, it's not about our gender in that matter but about who you are and what you enjoy.
I wear a lot of feminine clothing and a LOT of pink. I have had people make fun of me before for what I wear. So really ANYONE can be a bully, someone’s clothing doesn’t determine wether they’re gonna bully people or be bullied.
@@Dog-ml2rh Yes, sure, that wasn't what I wanted to say. I tried to explain, why I had this "im not like other girls"-phase, too. You are right in that matter of course.
THIS!! I’m literally BOTH! I love dresses, pink, makeup, dressing like a slut, etc. But I grew up watching anime, playing video games, wanting a STEM career, being in the “weird kid” fandoms, loving Greek mythology, and many many more. Women are not one dimensional. People are not one dimensional. And I will never go back to being a NLOG, nor will I ever make fun of girls liking stereotypical NLOG things (I would just be making fun of myself anyways, I love thigh highs, chokers, and everyday I get called an anime character and asked “who are you cosplaying as?” When I go out in public in my everyday clothes). But seriously. Nobody entertains the idea that you can literally be.... both??? And that’s okay! I’m glad more women/girls are saying “I like video games and I also like pink and dresses!”
Being a black girl growing up I used to internalize that mentality which came with layers of identity crisis lol. I felt disconnect with my ‘blackness’ bc I was a weeb and into heavy metal and I never felt particularly pretty as a teenager (or attractive in general) so I felt like I didn’t fit anywhere. So I tried to cling to the notion that I’m an ‘NLOG’ to not only help myself but in hopes of getting male attention. Boy have times changed. Fast forward 6 or so years later and I’m just a bisexual disaster who wants to dress slutty all the time. The only thing good about growing up is not being in those phases anymore lol. It fucked me up hearing ‘you’re not like other black girls’ like yes, yes I am shut up. Sadly I still get that shit now.
I'm guilty of unwittingly pulling the "I'm not like other girls" card, but that was because I was a gender dysphoric transman and didn't know it yet.
Heh so you really weren't like other girls, because weren't a girl at all.
I felt so out of touch with other girls and thought something was wrong with me. I finally realized that I'm trans about a year ago but I spent so many years falling for the "not like other girls" thing.
oof, fucking same bro
I did the exact same thing
you went from “i’m not like other girls” to “i’m not a girl”
i found a tumblr post and will just copy and paste, i can relate with this alot personally
"I don't know why internet people think it's their place to accurately describe what the "I'm not like the other girls" phenomenon was like. No it really wasn't about "denying interiority" or thinking that women aren't people (what kind of freak really would think this? lol), it was more often than not a reaction to being socially ostraicized, bullied, and othered by other girls for having traits that were considered threatening or inappropriate to the group. It's really not that complicated and rewrting this as "grade school girls sociopathy phase" is nothing short of baffling."
I can relate to that as well. I've been called a weirdo for being asexual, for not wanting hair longer than shoulder length, for not wanting makeup and painted nails on myself, for liking the color blue. Then on the other end, some dude called me "princess" and told me I should go back to watching soap operas (neither of the things I ever did or identified with) because ... I told him that his wish for bombing an entire country just to kill a few terrorists is horrible for civilians. So basically in his point of view, because I'm a woman, I am seen as a stereotype who knows nothing about the world and what is a horrible thing to do to human beings, and that my opinion on the matter holds no value.
This comments are full of gay women and trans men and I love it
Wouldn't the male equivalent be "nice guys" who are like "I'm not an asshole like those cool guys, I'm a nice nerd blah blah blah"?
I've always thought of nice guys as being "genderswapped and 1 floor up" because they tend to be a bit more... extreme, I guess? (Imo nicegirls fit the role of genderbent niceguys better)
Maybe the genderswap of NLOGs are those elitist gamer guys who think all women gamers are faking and that animal crossing isn't a "real" video game
no , again nice guy is an insult uttered by others... nawalt is a thing women say about themselfs...nice guys finish last, quirky girls dont , its not even nearly an equivalent
@ParticularlyGoodFinder well it's no wonder that they ponder on that question then, that's the point, it's a name for what is basicly a sexual loser, in whatever way you want to look at NAWALT/not like other girls, it's about something entirely different
But its also incorrect...but people don't have to take it from me; they can hear it from a woman.
ua-cam.com/video/sJZjqnF6gag/v-deo.html
Women are factually more around the mean in all mammals including humans then men are, or as Helena calls it; men have more nobels but also more dumbels, this has a very simple not to overcome reason.... survival; women are and need to be better at surviving and therefore are less risktaking less deviating, more influenced by social circumstances, less of goalgetters.
What nawalt/not like other girls is, is FINALLY a reaction to what is going on, after berating men for decades untill men finally started saying well literally; go fuck yourself because sex is cheap and there more at stake here...and then some women went...well shit...and to then respond to men who have been seeing the boot and a slap for a couple of times that tell these women that they don't want to commit because, reasons, that they are different, that they will love, that they won't be hypergamous, that they won't be influenced by the current norms of "supahwomen" who nontheless do not contemplate working in asbestos sanitation
And my point is that neither women nor men WANT women to die from dustlungs so we ought to stop this charade if we want to safe whats left of this ill forgotten term called family.
All i see is adults being me me me, the kids, they can get screwed as far as everyone seems concerned, and they do.
So sorry girls, you are much more like eachother then men are, and you should thank nature for having it arranged that way, and as a contra men are quite easily pleased, so much so that it's amazing how you fucked that one up.
"a nice guy" is a doofus that after all the practical lessons and 1000s of hours of videos by men to try and teach them a lesson or two, still walk around pondering why they get no pussy cause "women want a nice submissive man without ambition right" .... lol, suuuuuureeeee they do.
And really im not mad, im disappointed, as if women ever directly tell you their woes and what they want, would be without value to them as they want to know how well you can read and write with them, if you have an imagination etc... but look lady's men are nobels and dumbels, and your pissing the nobels off and you confuse the dumbells,
Luckily you can always extort the ultimate alpha; the state who will gladly in your name come steal my money to care for your child which you suboptimally raise alone.
THAT is what not like other girls is about, it might be the first time in history that women actually give a shit about what men think, if only because it starts to threaten their livelyhoods and luxury.
Im sorry but many of them are
@@sistershook5719 they are , but most of us arent evil
I used to be an NLOG I my teenage years because those "other girls" bullied me, plain and simple. That I was bookish and introvert while they weren't didn't help.
Also, I'm so glad you mentioned that thing about pink, that's exactly it.
You were the only girl at your school that read YA books and was an introvert?
@@keepyourshoesathedoor I can't speak for the person from the original post, but I was in a similar situation.
In my class I got bullied for liking books and stuff, so I tried to not interact with any person at all, because I thought they would automatically hate me.
Turns out, that that was a mistake, since there were other people in my year, who were lovely people and importantly didn't bully me for liking what I liked.
Since we were a rather diverse friend group with all kinds of girls liking all kinds of things, I got over my believes, that girls that liked make-up and boybands were unintelligent and mean.
I think, if you are already in a position where you assume, people will hate you for what you like, you'll be less likely to go out looking for people, who you can relate to, because you think, you won't find them.
• Ugh I’m old • She probably wasn’t the only one, but she probably just didn’t know that most people were introverts
Honestly, same though. I got bullied because I didn't understand the social cues of kids my age and my parents didn't go out and buy me every new and popular thing. It just grew into a disdain because the other girls didn't give me a chance to make friends with them. Then college hits and I finally escape my cliquish small town and most of my friends are sorority girls and we dye each other's hair pink. Who knew, I'm not actually a social freak, I'm just a girl that likes comic books and shit.
women read more then men, they do read different things but reading an sich is something feminin, back in ye old days reading was outside of academia a almost full female thing to do, and still is, just walk into a random book club and count the vaginas vs the penis carryers and youll find that women enjoy reading, especially drama and romcoms.
most of you people in the comments here seems to have been in touch with americanismo where among both women and men it apperently is a plate of honor to profess you are a stupid jock/chick with nothing more on the mind then superficialities...
I for one refuse to believe thats a fair display of average americans and I would suggest you people pay less intention to what hollywood wants you to believe is a normality
Funny enough, I’m naturally blonde and pretty thin, and have gotten a fair amount of positive attention as an adult. I absolutely went through this phase as an adolescent and can say with conviction that for me, it was all from a place of insecurity. In my case, it was a coping mechanism. As a young adolescent, I came to associate certain physical traits, brands, and styles with people who were more popular than myself, and went overboard separating myself from that image because I never believed that that was something I could achieve.
My process:
-"I'm NoT lIkE oThEr GiRlS"
-"I need to get over my internalized misogyny"
-"...huh I'm still not like 'other' girls"
-"Oh wait I'm trans"
lol same
big same
same ^_^
@@prageruwu69 I was gonna comment same but that's already been handled so now I just need to tell your your username is fucking amazing
not same but good to y’all!
ok but those memes that take the "not like other girls" and make the girls gfs,,, that's The Good Stuff™
Or that one where its the transition from "hot slut" to "sweater wearing book lover" is reimagined as being 5 separate ladies and they all hang out and accept one another.
@@giuseppegaribaldi7272 Yesss!
Giuseppe Garibaldi link?👀
YES !!!!!
@@keepyourshoesathedoor mobile.twitter.com/nomsikka/status/1209932162629357569 :33
I think the best part of the idea that women are constantly taught to please men is that when I see a boy my age, I immediately think "oh keep your chin up, look good, so you can date him".
I'm lesbian.
???
Adrian this is really true tho, like it’s been so ingrained over the years that the thoughts just build up even if I don’t want them to, it’s sickening
same for men tho
@@aruesmercry2368 can you provide some examples (other than having to pay for dinner or whatever) of you being expected to appeal to women? assuming you're a man, ofc.
for me, I was shamed for my weight despite having a healthy bmi becuase boys liked it, shamed for not wanting to start shaving my legs as young as 10 be used boys liked it, told to show some cleavage at around 11, forced to dress feminine and shamed when I didn't, shamed for hanging around boys (I was told that "when" I got a boyfriend he'd get jealous over me having male friends.), told not to be too hard or easy as a 12 year old, forced to keep my hair long for nearly all of my life up to this point, my parents still say "your husband.. or wife" when referring to my future despite being out as lesbian (the way the say it, they're sure I'll marry a man, but tack on wife so I can't say anything).
most of these things still happen, and have happened pretty much all of my life.
ofc, you also have the fetishization of wlw, where men literally view lesbians as objects for their pleasure.
Thankfully I realized I was lesbian at 12 and didn't have the time to build up that sort of habit so I only think that when I see a cute girl like "Did I comb my hair this morning, smile, talk to her you idiot"
@@Adrian-le4se I mean, I'm in the closet and people assume I'm straight so talk about whether I'm going to get a girlfriend.
While I’m annoyed by people who are on the “not like other girls” train, I am also annoyed by the people who claim girls that like traditionally non-feminine things are automatically pick me’s.
Maybe people should just mind their own business
The part where you talked about how women who wear makeup and are highly manicured are more likely to succeed in the workplace on top of also enforcing these standards on the women around them, unintentional as it may be, really spoke to why it frustrates me so much that you can't criticize the direction makeup culture in the US is going without all of these "other women" immediately making fun of you or belittling you almost exclusively based on your appearance and assuming you must "not be like other girls" rather than acknowledge their part in this phenomenon. This is where the line between the internalized misogyny on the NLOGS side and the internalized misogyny on the "other women's" side gets increasingly blurred and why saying that NLOGS are simply misogynistic doesn't work as a blanket reason. By deciding as a culture not to take NLOGS points seriously, validate what they are saying and help them move forward without being filled with misplaced anger towards "other women", we regress rather than progress. Love this essay Sarah, thank you.
It sucks that the term NLOG gets misused even by women.
I'd like to point out however that when people criticize NLOGs, the criticism is not directed at their non-femininity, but at their argument that their non-femininity makes them superior to feminine women. NLOGs are not criticized for being against makeup or for their love of chicken nuggets alone, but for implying that these attributes inherently make them better than more feminine "other" women.
Just because MANY feminine women are themselves misogynistic and many people unfairly misuse the term NLOG to dismiss a woman's non-feminine interests, doesn't mean that the NLOG point that is often criticized is any less misogynistic.
I'd also like to emphasize that a woman can have an invalid, misogynistic NLOG point and a valid anti-makeup culture point simultaneously. Having genuinely good points against make-up culture is not a valid excuse for being a misogynistic NLOG who assumes every woman who wears makeup is a mean and shallow human being.
This may already be your point but I just also want to make sure that we're not promoting the idea that being an NLOG (ie a woman who puts all feminine women down on account of their femininity or promotes dehumanizing stereotypes against feminine women) is okay as long as you have valid arguments against a culture involving some traditionally feminine products.
Criticize the culture that reinforces the idea that women SHOULD wear makeup in the first place, without dismissing makeup-wearing women as simply vapid, shallow subhumans who only want to reinforce the "makeup is mandatory" culture. That itself is no different from dismissing women who state that makeup should NOT be mandatory as an internally misogynistic.
The more you place the blame on women who DO like wearing makeup and who freely exercise their choice to wear makeup, the more you simply drive the discussion to the opposite but equally misogynistic direction of "women SHOULD NEVER wear makeup because it means so-and-so".
Matthew 11:29
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
This is real late, but your comment struck a chord, I also find that whenever someone criticises makeup culture there's a big backlash of people claiming that makeup is actually an art form and there's nothing about hiding insecurities at all. There was a lovely video on UA-cam where a young girl talked about how she realised she was using makeup as a man and she would try to use it less and the number of people almost attacking her over it. I think it just stick a nerve with how they use makeup.
My immortal isn't a literary classic, it is a religious text have some respect
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie
I want to be a Wizard Swordfish when I grow up
Moral of the story: women will be criticized for anything.
Women criticized other women because more likely socialize with other
@UFHoee race lol
@UFHoee poor bait
@UFHoee let me guess,poodipie fan?
pretty much.
Society: Look at this stupid stereotypical girl don’t be her because she... just don’t look like her ok
Girls: ok *is more masculine and distinguishes themselves from the stereotypical ‘bad’ type of girl*
Society: How dare you put down other women to get men?!
Girls: I just didn’t want to be what society said not to be what does that have to do with men-
Society: Nuh uh uh! Only BOYS get to be mean to girls
sadly..true
Society: Don't worry if they're mean, that just means they like you ;)
*war flashbacks from when I had an intense tomboy phase and I was very happy with my image but my parents wouldn't stop verbally & emotionally abusing me for being "different" dispite them teaching to not give a fuck what anyways says as long as I don't hurt anyone*
This is why it annoys me when the same guys who will trash one direction and call women "basic" will make fun of women for saying "I'm not like other girls." It's literally the same thing.
I kind of feel that in women's spaces. I was assigned female at birth, and I don't identify as a woman (or really as any gender). But because I am perceived to be/treated as a woman based on the way I look, I still face many of the problems binary cis women do and can relate to their experiences. However, it feels like having one foot in the genderqueer community and another in women's spaces is unwelcomed by women in women's spaces because I don't conform to standard gender expectations or really identify as a woman. I don't really attribute that as a flaw inherent in women's spaces only but as a symptom of society's inability to understand gender and gender expression outside of the strict male/female binary.
Is someone else reminded of Lindsay Ellis' video on Twilight? I cannot be the only one. That said, great video, Sarah.
I came down to the comments to say this, posted under Big Joel's comment thread. (Big Joel in the house!)
When I was young I felt like I was not like other girls, but instead of feeling better, I felt less then them because of it. I thought they were better because of their 'typical femininity' traits. I felt I failed as a woman. Ruined my self-confidence for some time. Super glad I got over that ^_^
I think that getting bullied by other girls contributed a lot to my feelings.
Bruh..are you me? Cause SAME!!
Like everything you've said SAME
it is so good to feel like you're not alone, thank you)
I wasn't bullied but as someone who is gnc and had few female friends (all "quirky" and "nerdy" and whatnot) I was always super confused and a bit envious. How do they know about make up? How do they get noticed as sexual beings and flirt with guys? HOW DO THEY KNOW ALL THESE THINGS?
(Basically I was a clueless dude in a shitty sitcom, it's what I'm saying).
What is wrong with me that I'm not effortless doing all of these things?
Turns out, there was actually a lot of effort involved and they were researching and studying that shit.
I felt the exact same way. And in turn I made many male friends which only made other girls hate me more.
But I had always wanted to be friends with other girls, it just seemed so much scarier. I think a lot of women are made to feel competitive towards one another. It sucks ):
During my NLOG phase, I was convinced that I preferred being friends with guys despite the fact that I only had female friends and was at an all girls school, which in retrospect was hilarious.
However, the reason why was that I was being badly bullied and figured guy friends had to be better than what I was going through.
I definitely went through my NLOG phase, but have always been 'non-conforming' in various other ways too and I feel like my experience is relevant here:
1. People decide you're different
2. People tell you you're different
3. "Stop trying to be different!! You're not different, there's tons of people like you!!"
I was curious what this video would have to offer beyond the standard internalized misogyny explanation, and honestly, this is an amazing take. Yes, the fact that we're taught from the beginning that the "girly girls" are vapid, ditzy, and mean primes us to dislike them, but in a lot of ways, almost every aspect of how we present ourselves (what we wear, what hobbies we do, who we hang out with, even what we eat) is influenced by an unavoidable push-and-pull of what it means to be feminine. Being stereotypically feminine is good because you meet the cultural norms and are therefore likable, but it's bad because it means you care about meeting the cultural norms, which makes you unlikable, but it's good because you aren't one of the "not like other girls" girls who shit on other girls, but it's bad because you make it harder for less feminine girls to be accepted, but...
It'd be so nice to be able to just wear/not wear makeup, like shopping/sports, drink lattes/beer without the weight of that decision reflecting on and impacting your entire gender. Masculinity is policed too, and in some ways more strictly (it's way more socially acceptable to be a woman who doesn't wear makeup than a man who does), but women especially are caught in a very lose-lose situation. There simply is no place on the femininity/masculinity spectrum that won't result in a woman receiving criticism for being too far one way or the other, even for as simple an issue as ordering a salad for lunch or wearing sneakers.
Me: I don't really listen to Avicii, I'm-
Guy: Not like other girls?
Me: ...not into that genre ???
I have 0 clue about any electronic genre tbh, I only really listen to Above&Beyond and Celeda
@@aimlessf Above & Beyond is awesome. If you like them, you should check out Aly & Fila.
@@biggtk Will do, thanks for the recomendation!
Sense8 warmed me up to Avicii
I'm always worried Sarah's drink will splash when she gestures.
I guarantee she cut some spills out. It's like watching stormy ocean waves, no way those jump cuts aren't hiding something.
That’s also a giant ass mug tho
Edit: nvm ugh she filled it back to the top and now I’m profusely sweating😰
I dream of a day when she'll finally be able to afford a coffee table.
In my case, i wasn't bullyied because i wasn't femenine, neither i was bullyied because i was beautiful. It was mainly because i was too femenine for my apererance. Basically because I was "ugly" and taller i wasn't allowed to like girly thinks. In the end, the reason of the bullying was that i wasn't permited to look a certein way with the type of body that i had.
(Sorry of i mispelled in some parts, english isn't my first language and i suck at writing in english)
That is an interesting perspective and a type of prejudice that isn't explored more. You can only be soft, genteel and feminine only if you look soft, and feminine? It's crazy.
same hat!
@@Passions5555 *Cries in 5'9*
Seriously, if one more person asks me to step on them, i'ma throw down. >_> I'm not a walking fetish!
Ok but genuinely. This NLOG thing has made me and some of my girl friends suppress our love for billie eyelash and the want to dye our hair just for the hell of it, just so we aren’t seen as “that type of girl.” It’s a shitty culture tbh.
I fuckin love billie eilish. in a lot of ways im not like other girls, the point is most girls AREN'T like other girls and that doesn't matter. if it makes you happy, then listen to it! wear it! do it! life is too goddamn short to be scared how they'll classify you
@Billie Joelish 💍 💍 💍
I dont know why people neglect Billie Eliish's music. A lot of her music is based off her trauma and lots of teenage girls can relate with it. But society loves to make fun of anything that young girls like. One example is the romance genre. People nitpick it because of sexism.
I hope you're able to dye your hair one day, my dude, I'm planning on bleaching my hair and dyeing it pastel pink at some point! :D
"I'm not like other girls."
Me: Bold of you to assume the other girls are all the same.
I mean in Middle School the majority of them are until they mature enough to figure out who they truly are, but I think it just seems this way because they're generally more out-there, and the people who aren't in a clique or anything are less out-there. The only way to find people like you is to talk to people and put yourself out there, which lots of people who don't dress and act like the popular kids in their cliques are automatically shut down by their peers, so they stop trying.
High School is a little better tho, since most people have a better understanding of themselves by then, which makes it easier for them to reach out and relate to others.
@@_peeblar_ i think that's the thing about inferiority complexes, everyone seems mature and confident on the outside, but are likely just as scared and awkward as you.
Y e s
@@_peeblar_ yea
I’m not like other “not like other girls” girls
It's a vicious cycle out there respect the drip
Other Girls squared
It's turtles all the way down
reminds me of a song, i forgot the name, but it basically says other girls are all awesome, all of them, so i'd very much like to be like other girls. whether goth or pink barbies or whatever, they're all just living their best lives and being awesome. i like a lot of girly stuff, and i like a lot of stuff that would fit into the "nlog" category, like league of legends and neuroscience, etc. but you know, all my high level organic chemistry and neuroscience classes are about 75% female, so i'd say even in that respect, i am like other girls. and i want to be just as awesome as all the rest of you, no matter what you like or wear
I'm not like other "I'm not like other 'I'm not like other girls' girls" girls.
i remember when the locker room thing first came out and my friend kept talking about that time there was a rave in the girls locker room and that guys have no right to assume what goes on in there, and honestly she is so right.
To the girls vs guys comparison:
Maybe it's that, while women say "I'm not like other girls" men claim "I'm not like other PEOPLE"
(Male as the default, female as the deviation here again)
For women it's more about acceptance, It's about telling the male dominated world that they're not as bad as the stereotypes of their gender and about beening seen as worthy and equal. But for men it's more about being a unique Person, not proving that they are a worthy person.
That’s a good point. I kinda used to be an NLOG. But I don’t know how much of that was me actually disliking other girls, and how much of it was just me trying desperately to take pride in my perceived uniqueness because I was quiet and awkward and didn’t know how to get people to like me.
The times when I steered into misogyny territory was when I tried to bond with people over how “annoying and vapid” “””other girls””” were. Because women be SHOPPING AMIRITE???!?!??
Then just say "I'm not like other people" if it matters so much
No, I disagree. I think there are definitely NLOBs who are very similar to NLOGs. Not all boys can or wish to live up to the ideal of masculinity, and bullying and feelings of alienation lead them to resent those who do. Boys who grow their hair long, paint their nails and listen to the Cure are very aware that these markers set them apart from other boys, not just other people.
@@moonlogic1986 yeah, that's the case for me. I've always had a more general "I'm not like other people" attitude too (very likely because it turned out I'm autistic, but I didn't know that at the time), which was harmful in its own ways.
But since I realized I wasn't straight around the age of twelve I also started specifically resenting other guys and thinking about how much I wasn't like them, so obsessed with a narrow set of "mundane" "useless" interests like sports, cars or video games (which was a natural evolution since as I've said I pretty much had felt the same way since I was a little kid, with my autistic intellectual interests contrasting a lot with the interest of other kids my age), but a big part was also that I thought most guys were really gross towards women, treating them with no respect and as pieces of meat (while I didn't treat anyone in any sexual way at all since I was deep in the closet xD). As I grew more woke in feminist issues around the age of 16 this last part became my main outlet for me to keep that notion that I wasn't like the other gross guy.
The thing is that... even though I don't think I've ever being gross towards any guy I've been involved with (which aren't that many, sadly), I objectify and stare (in a sexual way) shamelessly at pretty much any hot guy I see, so I think it's pretty hypocritical of me to join my female friends on criticizing guys when they complain about how so many guys act like creeps, no making eye contact at them but just staring at their breasts, when in this regard I think I'm no better than the average straight guy.
I also think that this notion is harming my sexuality too. I've been actively questioning whether I'm gay or actually bisexual since I was 14 (I'm now 20), when I developed a crush on my female best friend. Pretty quickly I determined that it was more likely that I was bi, since gay boys aren't capable of developing romantic feelings towards their female best friend I think, but I've never felt confident enough to claim the bi label because every time I try to think about a woman in a sexual way I feel like I'm acting like a creep too, so I end up only fantasizing about and purchasing men.
I was literally thinking yesterday, “man, we haven’t heard from Sarah Z in a while”
“Take this passage from literary classic MY IMMORTAL”
Thank you for reminding us all of this beautiful masterpiece
"I'm not like other girls , I eat dirt"
- Kurtis Conner