Dr Dobson, I had read yr book more than 35 yrs ago n followed many of yr "love must be tough" principles with my young children n other family members ( often not so easy to go through) but now, at 67, my children are well-educated ( as God saw my heart n did open doors for well-provided scholarships) but more importantly, they are caring n loving to family n friends.Though sometimes labelled as "mean" by uninformed people n questioned by my children whether I truly love them, all that toughness has made them happy, successful n positive contributers to their workplace n society at large.This "mummy bad-guy" now sits on the peaceful "good-guy" seat at home.Thank you for sharing your wisdom n understanding.I personally feel this book should be a text for parents n people training for any leadership positions❤️❤️❤️
It's ok if that process of forgiving the impact and cost of what was done to us takes a life time. So good.... I keep waiting for the day when the triggers would stop but it has never come. God bless you Lisa.
Lysa please tell art, the world needs his story. The husbands who are now where he was, need his story to lead them. People I am close to. Just as I and girlfriends close to me are latching on to your books.
Lysa I wrote my letter. I Set YOU FREE. Online because I can't correspond with the person that hurt me. I set them FREE. Thank you for that suggestion and your bravery. For being so raw and open.
Are you getting counseling? Please try www.affairrecovery.com It has been amazing for us. Don’t stay at sites where the truth of the situation isn’t being told. Where you feel as if all the healing is happening everywhere and for everyone but not for you!! Where people are using fancy video set ups and filters and music to make you feel as if La La Land is available to us all...it’s not. This is real. This is hell on earth. The Affair Recovery site will help you see there is hope. You start there and watch the videos if he won’t. I started and after a while, thank God, my husband agreed to watch and it changed him. Changed him. (He even became a men’s class leader.) They are based in Texas. We are in CA. Classes are online and available all the time and we went through them way before a pandemic. You can also attend things in Texas. Our 33 year marriage is better than ever and if you’d told me this would happen when I could have said what you’ve posted here, I wouldn’t have believed it! I would have said you are out of your mind! They are real. They are compassionate. They are there to help. The videos don’t look like they’ve been made in Hollywood because these are real people who aren’t going to make you feel like you aren’t getting over it fast enough when it’s been only 4 years for this person or 2 years for that person. It’s truly a disservice when they do...Affair Recovery is real people - real couples - telling their stories of infidelity and how they have gotten through it. Not over it. Through it to in some ways, be better than before. No one there is looking for fame and fortune. Please check them out for you even if he won’t. 🙏🏻
I feel like this how do I remove it I'm truly going crazy from the pain from childhood abuse lost everything my family included due to abuse from man u met also and parent
Men suffer heart break from failed marriages. I’m one of them. I did nothing to deserve a divorce. And it wasn’t until afterwards that I came to realize that I had been married to a covert/passive aggressive narcissist. And this is what’s behind the divorce.
That’s a different perspective than I was holding onto. As I heard the statement made. You turn your heart away from your spouse and it’s over. Of which was causing me to keep reaching out to him. When he left now over almost 8 years now. Of which I believed their was an emotional affair going on. We talk off and on. Especially because of the 18 children we had together. But I feel he is still in denial. And blames me.
I am going threw this discouraging time my wife has brought upon me,and she has been playing around with several other men for years, and I am handicapped; and have had constant pain for years.
That is why forgiveness does not always mean there is going to be a reconciliation. Spouses that don't want to change and are not believers and continue to sin without regret or regard or recognition of how it is hurting and affecting anyone else, aka Narcissist, addicts, and selfish people. The hard talk Lysa is talking about, she found in Dr. Jame's book, Hard Love. Perhaps reading that will help you. Also, if the other spouse, person, is toxic and unwilling to even try to change then you need to seriously think about leaving that person for at least a year and then see if they are willing to change in order to heal your marriage. If not it is for your own sanity and well-being to get a divorce. Lysa was separated from her husband for 2 1/2 years before reconciliation happened because he changed. During separation, it is good for both of you to see a Christian Marriage counselor. If your spouse won't go to counseling then you can still go to a Christian counselor for yourself. Another good book is Toxic People and Knowing When You Need to Walk Away. You have to respect yourself and have self-confidence in yourself to realize behavior like that is not acceptable in a marriage. You have a Biblical reason to want a divorce. If you were handicapped when she married you, as hard as it is to hear this, she may have married because you were handicapped and not in spite of your handicap. Meaning she wants you there for her and also wants to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. Knowing you will always be home waiting for her. I have gone through two marriages and two very hurtful and heartbreaking divorces because they became so toxic and abusive, emotional abuse is real too, I had no choice because they were unwilling to change or go to counseling. Sorry for your hurt and I truly hope you get help soon because you deserve to be happy and have a loving, faithful spouse. We all do. We are God's children. Like any good parent, he wants us to be happy, especially if we are living a godly, biblical, life. Blessings for a Merry Christmas and better New Year ahead! God/Jesus is with you and they Love you and they are with you. Prayers and Blessings for whatever you do.
The Lord is with you. He shall fight for you, you need only to be still. The hurt that you have been experiencing, the cryings at night, the overwhelmed emotions that you cannot express, whatever it is, the Lord hears and will fight for you. The Lord will make a way. Trust in him. No matter how bad it may be trust in him and give it all to him every unforgiveness, tell him, cry out to him, he will make a way. Whether you feel stuck and the unforgiveness and pain are still in you, pray, pray, and the Lord will work it out but also have faith for that is how the breakthrough will happen. believe. Jesus loves you.
The title of the book I need (or I need to write) is “How to FORGET What I’m Having to Forgive” I have forgiven. Forgetting and moving forward is the problem. I haven’t read this book, so maybe it covers it, but the title is all wrong for me. Also, it’s been 4 years since Dday 1 for her? Two books, tours, acclaim and she’s only 4 years out?? My first response - my knee jerk as they call it, is she is still in PTSD and trigger stage and wow, what we need are seasoned men and women who have survived and conquered the abject tragedy that is infidelity. This is a woman in counseling which not all have available to them, wealth (and making money on this tragedy)...I dunno. Dumbfounds me. An expert she is not.
She’s an expert on the pain for sure. But she is leading us to the experts. To God’s holy Word and the promises of it. God is using Lisa to point us to Wisdom. I believe she supports women in many ways. Monetarily too. Blessings to you.
@@rlbnd1 She is not healed yet. She is not an expert in how to heal this until she is way beyond where she is now. There is science to back this up. I think she might admit this. Who can take expert advice from someone who is in the process of healing. (Are you going to take advice on how to get off drugs and alcohol and MORE important maintain sobriety by a newly sober drug addict? Are you going to take advice on how to get over a rape and MORE important move forward with your life, by someone just out of the hospital and not anywhere near healed from the trauma of that event? How about a guy just home from war who saw his buddy murdered next to him? (We have all this in our church.) It will be many years before that person has processed what they’ve been through and be able to look back and see how far they’ve come and how they’ve healed and then they are able to help others.) Four years out is not anywhere near enough time to “show off” one’s ability to conquer trauma. You’re still traumatized. Ten years out maybe. Then one could look at a couple and think that by then, the kinks in the armor would have shown themselves, the weaknesses would have reared their ugly heads by this time...But 4 years out? I also - as do others - think the husband not being forthcoming is odd. Look around at couples where one is famous or at least “visible” who’ve been through this and the betrayer is right there too with a healing story - I’m always hopeful it’s sincerely spoken - but they stand by the betrayed. THEIR betrayed. Don’t give me “he’s shy” or not as “extroverted” - I don’t believe it. He’s on social media. He’s “out there”. People who are truly repentant...People consumed with their desire for forgiveness and absolution - people who are truly humbled by their own sinful choices - and in this case made public, will do anything to restore faith and trust in their betrayed spouse and those who know them either personally or these days through social media. They’re eager! Ever watch or listen to Chris Beall? Or any of the spouses and couples at www.affairrecovery.com ? There is not one spouse there alone. We are one when we marry and in this case if this guy isn’t going to stand up and be ONE with her now? I don’t hold much hope for their relationship. I’ve seen this. This is a warning. Be hopeful. Prayerful. But don’t put your eggs in this basket. You might be quite disappointed. I wish them well. I pray they are successful, but the signs here are not good. Not when a public persona is this important to this very very private hell. Blessings to you. And to us all.
Lord help her I got ta tell ya my daughter got me your book and I AM GLADE YOU ARE YOUNG AND STILL LEARNING BUT (ah caps got tripped )anyway how do you come up with some of what you reason. Page 191 and you still can't forgive the guy. My God help her what did he do? rape your daughter? kill your mother? humiliate an' brutalize your father / what is so hard to for give? And you said constraints of un forgiveness Yea like Dickens character the ghoast Marley in chains because dam it One may have to forgive and be obligated to the acknowledgment ,,,knowledge... of what is going on around you ,and your part in it It is a matter of to GROW-up. And you WERE looking for peace under the constant of ABSENSE of chaos . You must be one of those people that see balance only achievable under the constant of symmetry. OUR. LIFE. is beautiful because we are wheat amongst the tares. The forest is beautiful and chaotic so is a garden. the jungle is beautiful so is a conservatory act.ually our limitation of knowledge prejudices our perspective calling some times and place chaotic .. LIVE. LEARn And. GROw dear one. The deliberate manufacturing of chaos,however is evil For we are not to live are lives in " Redemption Through Sin" the primary ideology of the Zionists. (Zionism does not equate to Judaism)
What an inane title. This very precious life we are afforded was never about FORGIVE & FORGET ! We are never suppose to be willfully ignorant. practice forgiveness and digest as much knowledge as you can glean at one time from this harvest. AND don't worry the drama will resurface for you to address from time to time to which one can reflect upon. in correlation to present situations and to gather still for knowledge from. If it was a pretty beefy crisis you are referencing. AS life proceeds as life does you will digest it take inventory relegate it to a mother file drawer of "say been there done that and in that it will be ranked again. latter still ,someone will reference ,for you ,and wonder how or what or why of you to get your wisdom on the matter. If early on in the life of the experience it become s a nag tell it that you will address it later ask God to give you a time and place to see when it is more convent to hash over once more .or you tell God ok all well an good but I am going to look at this in prayer in meditation time and say when that is. and refuse any further interruption and get on with the days present needs. AND LYsa one forgives themselves asap if for no other reason but it is a habit of entering into communion with the presence of the Almighty . I mean you go into the presence of the Almighty and be unkept. Address your own faults for clarity to be embodied. you don't know can't see than say show me reveal to me; sure He knows ,sure you feel, but what do you know.
Christ did not forgive the Pharisees. He did not forgive Judas. He did not pray for them. He did not forgive the thief on the other side of the cross. He did not forgive the Roman soldiers - He only prayed for them. He did however forgive the thief with a contrite heart (on the cross next to Him). In other words, He only forgave the one who was repentant. Why? Because forgiveness without repentance usurps the cross. God did not forgive Adam & Eve - He cursed them - then made the provision for forgiveness 4000 years later. Jesus defined forgiveness - it’s the response to another’s request. Only when we’re asked & refuse, are we in unforgiveness. Forgiveness has become the 11th Commandment in man’s philosophy. Sin & the need to repent is not part of today’s false gospel. Grace is now lasciviousness. If unconditional love, grace, mercy & forgiveness as taught today was from God, Lucifer would still be in heaven. He actually did less to get kicked out than most people do today. God has requirements for His forgiveness. If He’s not my example, I don’t know who is & if I offer others what He does not, it may as well be an apple in the garden. God’s forgiveness DOES indeed let me off the hook! And He’s not doing it for HIS benefit, but for mine! David didn’t forgive Goliath. Jehu didn’t forgive Jezebel. Paul struck a sorcerer blind. This false doctrine teaches the enabling of the Anti-Christ(s). “Evil is that which requires affirmation, independent of all findings.” -Dr. Peck
Yesterday when I was on my way home, I was praying TO GOD that he please heal me and take away my wounds and help me with ANYTHING I need
Dr Dobson, I had read yr book more than 35 yrs ago n followed many of yr "love must be tough" principles with my young children n other family members ( often not so easy to go through) but now, at 67, my children are well-educated ( as God saw my heart n did open doors for well-provided scholarships) but more importantly, they are caring n loving to family n friends.Though sometimes labelled as "mean" by uninformed people n questioned by my children whether I truly love them, all that toughness has made them happy, successful n positive contributers to their workplace n society at large.This "mummy bad-guy" now sits on the peaceful "good-guy" seat at home.Thank you for sharing your wisdom n understanding.I personally feel this book should be a text for parents n people training for any leadership positions❤️❤️❤️
It's ok if that process of forgiving the impact and cost of what was done to us takes a life time. So good....
I keep waiting for the day when the triggers would stop but it has never come. God bless you Lisa.
Great book
Lysa please tell art, the world needs his story. The husbands who are now where he was, need his story to lead them. People I am close to. Just as I and girlfriends close to me are latching on to your books.
Yes!!
Lysa I wrote my letter. I Set YOU FREE. Online because I can't correspond with the person that hurt me. I set them FREE. Thank you for that suggestion and your bravery. For being so raw and open.
PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY TODAY!✝️
Thanks for this I have to remember God forgave me I must forgive I did not deserve forgiveness but God
I had to forgive my dad. It took me a long g time but I finally did it. I am looking forward to see him I'm hea en. He received Jexus on his death bed
These is really good, Love all of you, One God forever and ever🕊❤🙏
My husband has never acknowledged that my heart is being destroyed.
Are you getting counseling? Please try www.affairrecovery.com It has been amazing for us. Don’t stay at sites where the truth of the situation isn’t being told. Where you feel as if all the healing is happening everywhere and for everyone but not for you!! Where people are using fancy video set ups and filters and music to make you feel as if La La Land is available to us all...it’s not. This is real. This is hell on earth. The Affair Recovery site will help you see there is hope. You start there and watch the videos if he won’t. I started and after a while, thank God, my husband agreed to watch and it changed him. Changed him. (He even became a men’s class leader.) They are based in Texas. We are in CA. Classes are online and available all the time and we went through them way before a pandemic. You can also attend things in Texas. Our 33 year marriage is better than ever and if you’d told me this would happen when I could have said what you’ve posted here, I wouldn’t have believed it! I would have said you are out of your mind! They are real. They are compassionate. They are there to help. The videos don’t look like they’ve been made in Hollywood because these are real people who aren’t going to make you feel like you aren’t getting over it fast enough when it’s been only 4 years for this person or 2 years for that person. It’s truly a disservice when they do...Affair Recovery is real people - real couples - telling their stories of infidelity and how they have gotten through it. Not over it. Through it to in some ways, be better than before. No one there is looking for fame and fortune. Please check them out for you even if he won’t. 🙏🏻
@@hawktchr8 thank you very much. I will look them up.
I’m am so sorry…
Thank you sweetie pie for the VIDEO
I feel like this how do I remove it I'm truly going crazy from the pain from childhood abuse lost everything my family included due to abuse from man u met also and parent
Men suffer heart break from failed marriages. I’m one of them. I did nothing to deserve a divorce. And it wasn’t until afterwards that I came to realize that I had been married to a covert/passive aggressive narcissist. And this is what’s behind the divorce.
That’s a different perspective than I was holding onto. As I heard the statement made. You turn your heart away from your spouse and it’s over. Of which was causing me to keep reaching out to him. When he left now over almost 8 years now. Of which I believed their was an emotional affair going on. We talk off and on. Especially because of the 18 children we had together. But I feel he is still in denial. And blames me.
Amen and Amen Hallelujah
I am going threw this discouraging time my wife has brought upon me,and she has been playing around with several other men for years, and I am handicapped; and have had constant pain for years.
That is why forgiveness does not always mean there is going to be a reconciliation. Spouses that don't want to change and are not believers and continue to sin without regret or regard or recognition of how it is hurting and affecting anyone else, aka Narcissist, addicts, and selfish people. The hard talk Lysa is talking about, she found in Dr. Jame's book, Hard Love. Perhaps reading that will help you. Also, if the other spouse, person, is toxic and unwilling to even try to change then you need to seriously think about leaving that person for at least a year and then see if they are willing to change in order to heal your marriage. If not it is for your own sanity and well-being to get a divorce. Lysa was separated from her husband for 2 1/2 years before reconciliation happened because he changed. During separation, it is good for both of you to see a Christian Marriage counselor. If your spouse won't go to counseling then you can still go to a Christian counselor for yourself. Another good book is Toxic People and Knowing When You Need to Walk Away. You have to respect yourself and have self-confidence in yourself to realize behavior like that is not acceptable in a marriage. You have a Biblical reason to want a divorce. If you were handicapped when she married you, as hard as it is to hear this, she may have married because you were handicapped and not in spite of your handicap. Meaning she wants you there for her and also wants to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. Knowing you will always be home waiting for her. I have gone through two marriages and two very hurtful and heartbreaking divorces because they became so toxic and abusive, emotional abuse is real too, I had no choice because they were unwilling to change or go to counseling. Sorry for your hurt and I truly hope you get help soon because you deserve to be happy and have a loving, faithful spouse. We all do. We are God's children. Like any good parent, he wants us to be happy, especially if we are living a godly, biblical, life. Blessings for a Merry Christmas and better New Year ahead! God/Jesus is with you and they Love you and they are with you. Prayers and Blessings for whatever you do.
I'm so sorry
I pray your wife repents
I have forgiven but 60 years later the pain is still here inside
I’m so sorry for your pain
WOW I am so blessed that I clicked on this . So many people have been nasty to me!!! = (
It will get better keep the faith love yourself
This is like drinking cool clear water.
I need prayer please, trauma in my marriage, thx Rene
The Lord is with you. He shall fight for you, you need only to be still. The hurt that you have been experiencing, the cryings at night, the overwhelmed emotions that you cannot express, whatever it is, the Lord hears and will fight for you. The Lord will make a way. Trust in him. No matter how bad it may be trust in him and give it all to him every unforgiveness, tell him, cry out to him, he will make a way. Whether you feel stuck and the unforgiveness and pain are still in you, pray, pray, and the Lord will work it out but also have faith for that is how the breakthrough will happen. believe. Jesus loves you.
britt_ xo_ I receive that!!! Thank you xx
What kind of counseling did you go through Lysa?
Were you able to forgive the other woman? That's my hardest part because she was a good friend!
Well that felt like the quickest half hour of my life. On to part 2.
What kind of addiction was Art struggling with? In Treatment for what?
Pornography
The title of the book I need (or I need to write) is “How to FORGET What I’m Having to Forgive” I have forgiven. Forgetting and moving forward is the problem. I haven’t read this book, so maybe it covers it, but the title is all wrong for me. Also, it’s been 4 years since Dday 1 for her? Two books, tours, acclaim and she’s only 4 years out?? My first response - my knee jerk as they call it, is she is still in PTSD and trigger stage and wow, what we need are seasoned men and women who have survived and conquered the abject tragedy that is infidelity. This is a woman in counseling which not all have available to them, wealth (and making money on this tragedy)...I dunno. Dumbfounds me. An expert she is not.
She’s an expert on the pain for sure. But she is leading us to the experts. To God’s holy Word and the promises of it. God is using Lisa to point us to Wisdom. I believe she supports women in many ways. Monetarily too.
Blessings to you.
@@rlbnd1 She is not healed yet. She is not an expert in how to heal this until she is way beyond where she is now. There is science to back this up. I think she might admit this. Who can take expert advice from someone who is in the process of healing. (Are you going to take advice on how to get off drugs and alcohol and MORE important maintain sobriety by a newly sober drug addict? Are you going to take advice on how to get over a rape and MORE important move forward with your life, by someone just out of the hospital and not anywhere near healed from the trauma of that event? How about a guy just home from war who saw his buddy murdered next to him? (We have all this in our church.) It will be many years before that person has processed what they’ve been through and be able to look back and see how far they’ve come and how they’ve healed and then they are able to help others.) Four years out is not anywhere near enough time to “show off” one’s ability to conquer trauma. You’re still traumatized. Ten years out maybe. Then one could look at a couple and think that by then, the kinks in the armor would have shown themselves, the weaknesses would have reared their ugly heads by this time...But 4 years out? I also - as do others - think the husband not being forthcoming is odd. Look around at couples where one is famous or at least “visible” who’ve been through this and the betrayer is right there too with a healing story - I’m always hopeful it’s sincerely spoken - but they stand by the betrayed. THEIR betrayed. Don’t give me “he’s shy” or not as “extroverted” - I don’t believe it. He’s on social media. He’s “out there”. People who are truly repentant...People consumed with their desire for forgiveness and absolution - people who are truly humbled by their own sinful choices - and in this case made public, will do anything to restore faith and trust in their betrayed spouse and those who know them either personally or these days through social media. They’re eager! Ever watch or listen to Chris Beall? Or any of the spouses and couples at www.affairrecovery.com ? There is not one spouse there alone. We are one when we marry and in this case if this guy isn’t going to stand up and be ONE with her now? I don’t hold much hope for their relationship. I’ve seen this. This is a warning. Be hopeful. Prayerful. But don’t put your eggs in this basket. You might be quite disappointed. I wish them well. I pray they are successful, but the signs here are not good. Not when a public persona is this important to this very very private hell. Blessings to you. And to us all.
Lord help her I got ta tell ya my daughter got me your book and I AM GLADE YOU ARE YOUNG AND STILL LEARNING BUT (ah caps got tripped )anyway how do you come up with some of what you reason. Page 191 and you still can't forgive the guy. My God help her what did he do? rape your daughter? kill your mother? humiliate an' brutalize your father / what is so hard to for give? And you said constraints of un forgiveness Yea like Dickens character the ghoast Marley in chains because dam it One may have to forgive and be obligated to the acknowledgment ,,,knowledge... of what is going on around you ,and your part in it It is a matter of to GROW-up. And you WERE looking for peace under the constant of ABSENSE of chaos . You must be one of those people that see balance only achievable under the constant of symmetry. OUR. LIFE. is beautiful because we are wheat amongst the tares. The forest is beautiful and chaotic so is a garden. the jungle is beautiful so is a conservatory act.ually our limitation of knowledge prejudices our perspective calling some times and place chaotic .. LIVE. LEARn And. GROw dear one. The deliberate manufacturing of chaos,however is evil For we are not to live are lives in " Redemption Through Sin" the primary ideology of the Zionists. (Zionism does not equate to Judaism)
What an inane title. This very precious life we are afforded was never about FORGIVE & FORGET ! We are never suppose to be willfully ignorant. practice forgiveness and digest as much knowledge as you can glean at one time from this harvest. AND don't worry the drama will resurface for you to address from time to time to which one can reflect upon. in correlation to present situations and to gather still for knowledge from. If it was a pretty beefy crisis you are referencing. AS life proceeds as life does you will digest it take inventory relegate it to a mother file drawer of "say been there done that and in that it will be ranked again. latter still ,someone will reference ,for you ,and wonder how or what or why of you to get your wisdom on the matter. If early on in the life of the experience it become s a nag tell it that you will address it later ask God to give you a time and place to see when it is more convent to hash over once more .or you tell God ok all well an good but I am going to look at this in prayer in meditation time and say when that is. and refuse any further interruption and get on with the days present needs.
AND LYsa one forgives themselves asap if for no other reason but it is a habit of entering into communion with the presence of the Almighty . I mean you go into the presence of the Almighty and be unkept. Address your own faults for clarity to be embodied. you don't know can't see than say show me reveal to me; sure He knows ,sure you feel, but what do you know.
Christ did not forgive the Pharisees.
He did not forgive Judas.
He did not pray for them.
He did not forgive the thief on the other side of the cross.
He did not forgive the Roman soldiers - He only prayed for them.
He did however forgive the thief with a contrite heart (on the cross next to Him).
In other words, He only forgave the one who was repentant.
Why? Because forgiveness without repentance usurps the cross.
God did not forgive Adam & Eve - He cursed them - then made the provision for forgiveness 4000 years later.
Jesus defined forgiveness - it’s the response to another’s request. Only when we’re asked & refuse, are we in unforgiveness.
Forgiveness has become the 11th Commandment in man’s philosophy.
Sin & the need to repent is not part of today’s false gospel. Grace is now lasciviousness.
If unconditional love, grace, mercy & forgiveness as taught today was from God, Lucifer would still be in heaven.
He actually did less to get kicked out than most people do today.
God has requirements for His forgiveness. If He’s not my example, I don’t know who is & if I offer others what He does not, it may as well be an apple in the garden.
God’s forgiveness DOES indeed let me off the hook! And He’s not doing it for HIS benefit, but for mine!
David didn’t forgive Goliath.
Jehu didn’t forgive Jezebel.
Paul struck a sorcerer blind.
This false doctrine teaches the enabling of the Anti-Christ(s).
“Evil is that which requires affirmation, independent of all findings.” -Dr. Peck