Confession #2: Hiring Help | Postpartum Confessions w/ Anjelah Johnson-Reyes
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- Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
- In this episode, I confess to hiring a baby nurse. It's a decision I've hesitated to share, fearing it might diminish my mom status. The truth? We all navigate motherhood uniquely. With her support, I cherish every moment. I'm grateful for this privilege and acknowledge not everyone has it. I am Mom enough, doing what's best for my family. 💖
#PostpartumConfessions #MotherhoodJourney #anjelahjohnson
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About Anjelah:
Anjelah Johnson-Reyes was born and raised in San Jose, California where she grew up with four siblings in a large extended family to which she remains close. Anjelah found herself an internet sensation and pioneer in viral UA-cam videos when her notorious “Nail Salon” bit from a local comedy show was posted and received over 100 million views! Shortly thereafter she was added to the cast on the original MADtv where she trademarked her legendary character, Bon Qui Qui. Similar to the nail salon video, the Bon Qui Qui sketch caught on and have been viewed by over 75 million people. The multi-hyphenate’s popularity has translated into four successful comedy specials: That’s How We Do It” (Comedy Central), The Homecoming Show (NUVO TV), Not Fancy (Netflix) and Mahalo & Good Night (Epix). She has displayed her acting prowess both on TV and film. Some of her credits include “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Superstore,” “Moms’ Night Out,” and “Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.” Her first book was published in 2022, Who Do I Think I Am: Stories of Chola Wishes and Caviar Dreams, a hilarious and touching memoir full of memorable anecdotes on how a Latina dynamo was able to forge ahead and become successful.
The fact that you recognized the need for help, then worked to find the right person proves what a great mom you are. Instead of powering through and being miserable , you figured out a way to create the best environment for your family. I’m glad you are able to hire this wonderful person to give love to your entire family.
Yes well said!!
You ARE a real mom! Having newborns at ANY age is a challenge and anyone who "looks" like they've got it all together...I assure you, they do not!
Being open and vulnerable takes A LOT of courage! Recognizing and getting the help you need takes true wisdom and strength!
Not having family closeby is difficult... having that experienced, fun-loving caregiver is only going to enrich ALL of your lives!
Thank you so much for sharing!
God bless you and keep you and your little family 💜🙏
Yes! I definitely agree! This is a very responsible thing to do.
You are a true true mom all the way when you recognize you need help and you get it that is so awesome be proud girl be proud
You are amazing! You are a mom and real , you’re strong because you’re talking about it.
Oh, hunny, believe me, way more of us would have a nanny if we could, so never feel bad that you can! Parenting is hard! At every stage and age, it's the hardest thing anyone can ever do, so get all the help that you need!
I had my first baby girl at 25 and my second at 45 😁. The main difference is I don't have the same energy then as now. Don't feel bad about getting help. This is your first baby. Do what you need to for you to enjoy this precious experience
I didn't have late babies, but THIS for sure. Babies are exhausting enough in 20s, don't be a hero in your 40s. :)
@@pamelakrumvieda3153 so true baby’s need our focus and energy but I also found that it took more time for my body to recover. I also didn’t leave the house the first month other then going to the store or going for walks with Maya ( my baby girl ❤️). I was very happy and in love with my little miracle but still different energy levels then from the first (Tara my first baby girl❤️). I didn’t think twice about taking her to visit friends and family the first week even . My energy return eventually. I took naps with the baby to keep up. Maya is now almost 3 and would totally have an other baby now if could afford to 🥰❤️.
You and Anjela are just like my own mother was, I understand now as an adult of what you both have/are experiencing! Love to you for mentioning this!⚘
First at 40 and I’d love help! Not w the baby so much but everything else heck yeah!!!!!! My thing w the baby is just trauma induced probably tbh.
I had my first at 22 and then my 2nd and 3rd at 36 and 37, respectively. With my last 2, I would take their monitors into my car with me during their nap time to just sit and cry.... it was AWFUL until we finally hired help. It saved my sanity, my physical health, and my marriage. I wouldn't change a thing. ❤
It’s okay to have help. I never had help but if I could have help, I would. It’s exhausting and there’s no shame in that. It’s your groove and you can modify whatever you feel you need to, this shame thing that’s imposed on us as moms is ridiculous don’t feed into it.
Yep!!! I second that!
EXactly. I third this!
No no you are a great Mommy! Don’t be so hard on yourself! 🥰🙏🏽💗
It takes a village to raise a child. Help and support is crucial. It’s a blessing to hire someone when there are no family and friends near.
You’re awesome!!! ❤
If you can afford help, go for it. Being a mom is a never-ending job. The more people she has in her life to love her, the healthier she’ll be.
Yes, you are a real mom. Many years ago, having help with the babies was routine. If they had to economize to do so, they did. If more families could have the help they needed, there might not be as many broken homes … IMO ❤
It's actually quite generous of you to allow more love into your home for your baby, but also to allow your sweet caregiver an opportunity to share her love. It sounds like she is someone who has so much love to give, and now has another place to share it. Well done, mama!
What a kind, supportive comment. This is SO true and an amazing way to view this situation 💗
There's no shame in admitting you're human. Humans get tired, humans get overwhelmed, humans feel guilty. You are a wonderful mom! You're doing what is best for your daughter and that includes taking care of yourself by getting help. Don't see it as a shame that a few moms in our society can have help, see it as a shame that our society doesn't support all moms with help.
Its about making sure that both the child and mother are ok. Having help doesn't make you weak. Your courageous for reaching out and asking for help. Love your child,love yourself, recover and grow together as a family. Prey she grows long nails. So she have boyfriend.
Thank you for sharing. I had horrible postpartum with my youngest daughter(she’s now 23!) I just remember feeling ashamed of myself for being so miserable and exhausted. My ex husband was not comforting and was of little help. Thankfully my mom helped me as much as she could (she worked full time.) You sharing, is so helpful and I along with many others appreciate your honesty. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
Our babies #5 & 6 were twins. I had no help and my husband worked 80+ hours a week. There was no sleep. I had a toddler who just turned 1 and older kids who had school and activities. I got so tired by the time they were 4 months old, I forgot my name. Seriously, couldn't think of my own name and was panicked looking for my license, thinking I may be having a stroke. I was fine after 3 hours sleep and remembered my name again 🤣🤣. I got that exhausted again after my husband's sudden death, having the kids up all night grieving and my being afraid to sleep because he died while we slept. It's a different level of tired, exhaustion to the core, affecting every cell in the body.
I am so sorry for your loss
You are amazing and those kids will remember the love you gave
@@supermom19631 Thank you ❤❤
I can't imagine what you went through. I was widowed and my kids were grown and out. I can't imagine going through that with children. Prayers for continued strength, and a happy future for you all. 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I'm sorry you lost your husband. He must have been a good man. 80hours a week? My goodness, how???
And how did you do it? May you receive all you ever need for your family.
If I could have hired help, I would have! Don’t apologize, sweet lady. And your body is adjusting to all the changes. It’s hard. God bless you!
Big Hugs! Anjelah, You carried that beautiful little girl. YOU gave birth to her. YOU are feeding her. YOU Love her! You Are there for her even when you do not think you are. She is so young, GIVE yourself Grace!!!! There is NO magic formula for anyone in any situation!
Anjelah! It literally takes a village! You are an amazing mama for recognizing the need for help and reaching out. What a loved little Rosie! I think our modern society makes us think we’re somehow not mom enough when cultures and societies have always normalized having so many hands helping, supporting, stepping in. ♥️ You’re an incredible mother, God chose you to be Rosie’s. ❤
Amen!!!!!
Yes it takes a village!!!!
Yes! This! It is not normal to do it alone. It is a modern concept that can take away from enjoying motherhood to the fullest. Rosie is so blessed ❤
You are more of a mom, you care enough about your baby to recognize you need help! My parents were the worst, I was neglected and worse. It takes incredible strength to admit you need help! A lot of people have parents and siblings locally to help! Feel proud, you are a real mom!!!! ❤💯
Shout out to the single mothers 👍
You are a real mom. You are doing all you can. Asking for and getting help is not a bad thing.
I had my mom. My kids had and still have me.
People make poor parenting decisions when they are tired.
In time Rosie will need your attention less frequently and you may need less help.
You are a working mom, an older first time mom. You love your baby and yourself.
Don’t feel bad about anything ❤️
Angela you are a working Mom a lot of women have childcare when we work. Doesn't make you less of a Mother. It takes a village to raise a child. I'm glad you found someone that you can trust with your child. You gave birth to your daughter and you and your husband are giving her life that is wonderful. ❤
I’m so proud of YOU for opening your ❤️to have someone ( along with your husband ) to give your daughter the best life ! I can see that was done out of love ! As you get rest your best will come forward 💜
How wonderful that you found a person that fits so perfectly into your family! 💖 YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM, or A LESSER PERSON FOR ASKING FOR HELP! The world would most likely be a better place if MORE of us reached out as you have. Absolutely NO shame in it!!! You have enriched the lives of so many people with your comedy, and now you've enriched your family AND caregiver by bringing her into your home to assist you. Win - Win for EVERYONE! 💖💖💖
You’re amazing! We single mom’s would hire help also if it was available and we could pay. It’s a luxury but you’re so blessed to have guidance and support. We all need it. It keeps your mental health a priority and we ALL need that 💜
It's not a luxury, it's a necessity that a lot of people can't afford.
I am a nanny for two families and I love that I get to help a mom!! And I love me three boys!
My daughter was a nanny to two boys for 6 years and they had a special relationship for years afterwards
Alot of people have help from their families... your daughter appreciates her mother having help, and you will be more positive for the things you do do. 🙏
As a husband and father of four wonderful children, we had help from my mom and dad as well as my in laws. Your helper is what we call in Hawaiian “Hanai” (Hah-nigh) grandma. Oftentimes that bond is stronger than the biological family. Do your best and let God do the rest. Aloha!
It’s so hard raising babies with no family close by to help! Of course you hired help, that’s awesome! When you don’t have say a sister or mom who can pop over and take over for you it is exhausting doing it alone.
It truly takes a village to raise a child!!!❤ What a brave mama you are! ❤
My parents and my in laws are only 10 minutes away and it has been an absolute saving grace for me with my 7 month old daughter.
No need to feel like your lesser of a mom because you have help . You worked hard at your career to afford you the opportunity to get help with your child . You got this covered .👌👍 You're a loving mother that's all your daughter needs .
That's awesome. I love it. Help is needed and that's awesome. So what you need to do and what you think is right. No one can tell you how to be a mom the right way. Only you know what's best for you and your baby, just like only I know what's best for my two daughter's. So good for you. I'm happy for you, plus that's good therapy for your 😉
Hello from San Antonio, TX! 😀
You're such a wonderful Mom. It most certainly takes a village!! I exclusively breastfed my daughter until she weaned herself off at 3 1/2 years old. NO BOTTLES. Its exhausting!! I am blessed with an angel of a MIL who is also a daycare owner and cared for my daughter free of charge when i went back to work (she was 1 at the time). I always got the "Oh, must be nice" from people. 🙄 Now, shes almost 9 and is homeschooled (always has been). Shes with me 25/8 lol. Im not only her mom but her teacher and guess what? Its still exhausting!! I have hired a piano, vocal, acting, dance and martial arts teachers. People put their kids in camp, sports, public school for 40hrs a week because WE ALL NEED HELP! There's no difference. We are all in different seasons of parenthood and we are all strong and courageous! Keep doing whats best for your family and enjoy each season. Blessings to you and your family. ❤
Motherhood is exhausting no matter how you roll with it. You are everything to that beautiful baby♥️
You are absolutely a "real mommy"! Most people have a support system living near family. There is nothing wrong with getting help - being a Mom is hard work! 💪
I really believe you may have post partum depression. You are strong! Just talk with your doctor, this happens to many people. I love your work, this is just a temporary situation. Hugs and love to you!
Don't feel weighed down by this at all, Anjelah! ❤ You are ALWAYS her Mom! Forever! You don't have to feel shame because you felt the need to ask for help. That is called STRENGTH because you recognized everyone cannot do it alone. You are never alone and God has blessed you by surrounding you with people who love you like the Lord and to be your support! We are His hands and feet! ❤️🥰🙏🏾🕊️
Good for you. Just be happy don't worry about what others do or think. Just concentrate on loving that baby because they grow up way too fast. I am blessed to be a great grand mother. I leveled up and you will too just give yourself time and enjoy it along the way.
Shoot, baby girl! I would have hired help if I could have afforded it!!! I had 4 children, and prayed for help often.
We were never meant to take care of babies and kids all alone. We used to live in community where extended family and neighbors pitched in. Not sure how we solve this given how so many of us live so far away from friends and family. I would not be able to do it without help, if I had kids.
If we could remember not to judge ourselves and judge other women so harshly.
You are So genuine and real and I Absolutely LOVE your confessions because they are REAL!
YOU are enough, and you are a Bad Ass Mom to your daughter!
I am more than sure than Manny is a very supportive Dad .
Just remember that Not all typical Moms have a Career such as yours and that’s okay
Because you are an example of a working mom that also travels and has a freaking busy schedule!
So Keep Rocking It Girl and Hey, we’ve All eaten in the car by ourselves…. Because that’s how we survive!!! Lol
Much Love to you girl! ❤️
❤Please do Not feel guilty! You are being a True, Loving Mother by reaching out asking for Help! ❤❤❤❤❤
You have to do what is best for you and your family! You can’t pour from an empty cup! God provided you help bc He knows it’s exactly what you need in this season! Who are you to refuse God’s provision for your life? 😂. Seriously, doing what you need to do for your family is perfect! Great intuition, mama!
I’ve been working as a Nanny for over 10 years and being around super moms like you juggling motherhood, work, marriage, etc is a lot to handle! You’re mentally and physically drained and need help! There is absolutely nothing wrong with having someone take over so you can take a breather. You need time to breathe and relax, so please do not feel guilty about someone coming in to take over. I’ve been with my current family for 5 months now and caring for their now 7 month old son. We’ve formed such a strong bond as a family unit that I see her son as my own! I don’t have children of my own, but when I can step in and help put the baby to sleep when momma bear has been unsuccessful. That makes our day! We want a happy baby and most importantly, a well rested and happy mommy. I think you are an amazing mom! You got this! ❤️
Mom's with help feel so baaaaad! Thank you for sharing 5hia and letting people know it's OKAY and you don't have to feel bad or INADEQUATE! You are being stronger than some by asking for help! Lord knows it took me TOO LONG as in I had to be done done before I spoke up, crying, that I needed a break.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for sharing! This confession is going to help so many feel ok with finding ways to be ok. ❤❤❤keep up the good work!
Just like u said, the other ladies do it because they don't have the means to hire someone. Many do have their family to help out, yet theyre still wxhaustedThey are exhausted. Thank God u have someone, even though u can be exhausted as well, but at least u can rest just a tad more and spend quality time with your baby. Many people have family close, you don't. ITS all good lovely.
How's Manny doing with his postpartum? Daddy's go through it to. That's super 🆒 that you made the decision to get the help you need... which will make you so much happier and better mommy and wife ❤️.
🙄
Don’t be embarrassed I’m
A divorced single mom and I have zero help or family but I wish I had help. Get help if you need it.
My sweet anjelah don't beat yourself up kid it's not easy being a parent. My daughter is fully grown, and I still think of her as my little two year old. Had a thought about breastfeeding my wife is extremely private person so she would go out in public and would breastfeed but she made sure that she wore a shirt that allowed her to get to a breast and also had a blanket so that she could cover herself. I am 100% in support of breastfeeding in public but I believe it should be done discreetly. You may want to try that. Don't beat yourself up about getting help my wife and I were very lucky to have her parents living with us, retired, and my daughter grew very close to her grandparents. You are no better or worse than any of the parents out their bottom line is as a parent we do the very best as we can and don't let other people tell you what should and should not happen you have to go with your own cut you or the mother you know what's best for your child if that means you need some extra help I would say go for it don't listen to other people if they don't support you. That also includes friendships keep a very tight Circle and only keep the ones that are willing to be there through the hard times and support you. You have all my love in the world. You are my favorite comedian on this planet, and it saddens me to see you beating yourself up like that you are a hell of a good person and don't let anyone change that
AJ you are a great mom because you reached out for help and got it. There’s no shame in that. A great mom is many things. Moms are survivalists. Give yourself permission to do what you need to do. As time goes by you’ll learn to navigate this life of motherhood. It can be bittersweet but it’s the best thing in the world. You got this girl. I so look forward the comedy that’ll come out of this chapter in your life. Otherwise you got this boo. 😊
You are also strong and courageous. You know when your body needs help and good for you to recognize that. It takes a village.
It’s so normal! Is ur first time mom and is a learning process! I cried so much but it does get easy! Just hang in there, ur awesome….
Anjelah my hat is off to you seriously!! I was so attached to my first tht I wouldn't allow much help, anytime my sil or mil would take her for a little bit I would feel so anxious. At the same time I was exhausted, sleep deprived, learning what I was needed to do, etc. Looking back on it now I really wish I would have been more open to the help 🙏. Kuddos to you!! You've got this momma ❤
I was that Mom who did really well with my 1st daughter, but 10 yrs later when we adopted our 2nd daughter, I was, of course older & always felt I was just barely making it, day to day!! Baby #2 was more difficult & never slept, which meant I never slept either!! I appreciate so much that you are being open & honest about this, Anjelah, bc I wasn't!! I thought I had to be superwoman & even worse, appear to be superwoman to everyone!! That was a huge mistake bc it set me up for failure big time!! I'm Praying for you, your precious baby girl & Manny!! Continue being you & the great Mom you already are, whether you have extra help or not!! Blessings!!!
It was a perfect day to watch this. Today is National Grandparent’s Day and I thank God everyday that I had parents and in-laws that were always near to help with our kids. I believe that having help is key to our mental health as parents. Someone else to love your baby is always nice too!
Thank u for sharing your heart, sis. Love u, God bless
Being a mom is not easy. Don't be ashamed, thank God you are blessed enough to be able to hire help as an option. I was a single mom with my first and had a lot of help from my mom. After childbirth you are dealing with so many emotions adjusting to a huge change in you life. It will get better over time. Your concern shows that you have great heart and love for your baby. I pray that God gives you the love, strength, wisdom, joy, peace and support you need.🙏🏾 Be encouraged dearest Angela, you are loved!❤
The only reason people dont have nannys is they dont have the money. Dont trip.
You work "full time" too, and you're good at it. You make good money and you CAN hire someone. You don't have to "do it all" to be a good mom...You just need to find the best balance for you and your family. You're doing good!
Anjelah, I'm not sure if you'll remember meeting me but I'm Cyd, a friend of Loren. I spent the day with you all several years back when you did a show at TPAC in Nashville. I was delighted to see that you and Manny were having a baby and been watching your updates since you delivered. Just wanted to say that I'm consistently keeping you lifted in prayer for CONTINUED strength. I'm a retired OB/GYN and Pediatric nurse myself and I know it takes great courage to be this vulnerable on camera sharing your journey. I've hugged plenty of new mothers walking this very similar journey.
I'm proud of you❤. Keep up the good work Mama Bear. Don't ever let anyone shame you for needing help. I had help and still do. And I salute those strong women. But I couldn't do it. And I'm enough every day every second of the day.
Honestly, if you can have help whether it's your mom or MIL or an aunt, sister, or someone hired, take it. Do it. There is nothing wrong with it. Do what's best for you and your family. No judgement.
❤💕 you're doing so great! 🙏 praying for you and your family. Rest, recouperate, heal and I'm praying for baby #2❤❤❤. P.s. My daughter and I love your comedy. We are big fans!❤ ❤❤. Shana tova 5784 🍯🍎. You and your family should have a sweet year! God bless you!
Dear dear Anjelah, you ARE a good mom RIGHT NOW and will continue to be! We love you!
Be kind to yourself, dear one :) We ALL must de-stigmatize asking for help. Men get caught
in this same trap. "I'm not tough enough, I'm not talented enough, etc..." Peeps... Let's be kind
to ourselves and allow ourselves to be loved and cared for. 🌈 🌀 🙏💜
Whoever you are, esp as a NEW MOM, ASK FOR HELP IF YOU NEED IT! I had the worst postpartum depression after my first, it was so HARD! Help is ALWAYS a plus! Those friends who didn't "hire help" may have had their families close. If the help is making you happy, it's making Rosie and Manny happy. You're no less of a momma, and the baby nurse sounds AMAZING❤ Lookit how you smiled talking about her and how you love having her around!😍 YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB❤💯
Anj, you are a real Mom. Kiddos for recognizing & getting help. Post partum is no joke. My baby will be 43 this month - I still have post partum turned into empty nest syndrome. Then there are: my 39 year old son & 37 year old youngest - seriously being a Mom is not easy. Sleep deprivation, exhausted, worry, hungry or lack of hunger, not feeling pretty & not caring. Anjelah don't let these overwhelming feelings get to you. You are human, admit it. Embrace your children. ENJOY your children. Share your child with that wonderful nanny, let her help you, not replace you. Eventually you will find your feet again & feel better about things. Manny will NEVER be able to fully understand your feelings. But that is to be expected - he is ONLY a man. Scientists now say some men have postpartum. But the truth is that they are feeling the loss of full attention from the Mom. It is a jealousy thing. Hopefully your guy won't go there. So let him share your thoughts. Let him pace the floor at 4am with a colicky infant. Let him rush her to the ER with an ear ache &/or fever. Let him do the emergency run to the store for diapers, formula, teething rings, etc, etc, etc.
The main thing is that you are NOT alone. Most of the Mommy Club members have been there, done that! We care - that you care.
GOD BLESS you & all the new Mamas out there. You are in my prayers.
You're 100% a Mama keep the help and love on your little and celebrate the woman that is helping you.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You're doing wonderful honey give yourself a break
GOOD FOR YOU! You ARE doing it on your own too! Your way. No shame!❤
Angela, don’t feel guilty. If you had family close by, they would be there to help you. You have to still take care of your family, and that means always having on eye on the baby, even if it means hiring someone else. Many blessings to you & your family. You’re doing the best you can with all the means you can. 😉💛☺️😘
Hello, Please don't be sooo hard on yourself... I had my son when I was 40 too. And OMG if I didn't have my Mom and all my sister and girls friends I would have fired someone too.. I was soooo overwhelmed and cried ALOT.. I mean ALOT.. just FYI I yelled at everyone and said you all lie too me this is soo hard.. 😭😭😭. Please get help and don't be so hard on yourself.. it takes time.. I only had one because I was so scared and worried I was doing everything wrong.. I wish I had another one for my my son NOW.. but I was like you scared, tired.. all of it.. Exactly we only need to Love them and they are good 😊. I love all your videos too. I wish there were videos 10 years ago when I was going through it.. Stay Strong.. You are an Awesome Mom.. you got help.... ❤❤❤
NOPE! STOP! You do what you need to do, not an insult,but you have had a child later than most women. It’s different as we age, we don’t bounce as easily. You also are living away from your family. YOU DO YOU.
Listen up Sisters if you can get help get it. You can be exhausted from nursing, hormones, just the thought that you have another human being to take care of that can't take care of themselves. I haven't even mentioned the fact that you're an older mom. Plus it sounds like she's making you happy too. Go for it honey. You're the best and you deserve it. I had to do it myself because I was living out of town away from family. I would have excepted help. There is no such thing as Super Mom we are humans. That's all and Praise Jesus. 🙋🏻♀️🙏💜👶🏻
Many just trudge through and try to be super woman. You are allowing yourself to rest (which is the most important thing for your body) and relax so you can keep giving your baby 100%. I'm amazed!
‘Career Women’ who have spent their whole life building a career (especially difficult in ‘show-business’) are often caught between a rock & a hard-place whenever they decide to have a child just as their ‘biological clock’ is about to run out - then once the child or children are born they sometimes feel they have to give up the one or the other since balancing the two ‘energy drains’ at the same time is well-nigh impossible without ‘a support system’ which may involve nannies or cooks or other forms of ‘outsider help’ for the family-unit to function if the woman decides to ‘go back to work’ -
Invariably it’s a very tough ‘logistics problem’ for any ‘career woman’ to balance without driving her to despair & self-doubt - especially in the US when women are constantly being berated for not having their own career & funding sources in modern America - the implication is that ‘they’re just a housewife’ [which is a difficult multitasking full-time occupation on its own]
Basically, the modern American woman is given the contradictory message that ‘you’re not spending enough quality time with their kids, who will someday join gangs or get hook’d on opiates’ and ‘since you’re not devoting enough hours to your career-your job is now on thin ice…we need highly dedicated management staff who can give the firm 110% of their time & energy…otherwise you’ll be replaced by someone who can [or is willing to] do it …’
Getting family support in the raising of the children of ‘career women’ is therefore essential - but these women often find the nagging doubts of failure in their own heads ‘I’m not a full time mother, I’m not a full time professional, I’m not a full time anything…’
Married working professional full time career women in the workplace in the West is a relatively recent development in our social history - especially after 1970 in America though it started as early as the 1920s-and the jury is still out on whether there is a viable solution to this horrible conundrum that ‘married-with-children career women’ must eventually face when it comes to things like time-management & bio-energy renewal and what is known as ‘alone time’ …
Having a baby is a huge task for your body. You should be exhausted. It takes a year for your body to recover. And that's when you're young. My Mom needed help and she had help. There was no shame in it. My Dad always said, Know what your vehicle can do and don't ask it to do something it can't. This applies to us as well. Asking for help is smart. It's hard, but smart. I'm proud of you. Sending you much love and hugs.
You are a Mommy, you are enough. Hallelujah for your Nanny. It's a blessing. Now turn off those voices in head! Like, right now!
You work for your money, so while it’s a ‘luxury’ - it’s not a handout - you WORKED for it, enjoy it girl!!!!
Please don't feel guilty. It's more love, and hopefully, you'll get rest. I grew up with nannies and frankly, it was awesome. My mom had a full time career and she was a pastor's wife. My nanny introduced us to different foods, art, books, stuff My parents didn't know. Your kids will get to spend time with you, rested and unhurried. Worth it!
God is great!...God is all good!...God made us, but God did not make us perfect... on purpose! on our journey of life to find and love God we ask for help along the way...help that teaches us what we need to do complete the journey...help that makes us better...and what we learn can be passed on to others....including the little ones! i said it before.."you are on the right track"..God bless you and your family, and help..and...i'm not a religious person, just one that believes in God, country, and my fellow man...best wishes!
I was a nanny for 6 years for one family and 6 for another. We are still in each others life un a big way. It is the most beautiful feeling to see the babies l helped raise loving on my own babies. But MAN do l have like a tenth of the energy for my children, than I did for the kids l nannied. I sometimes wish I had children earlier, but then I wouldn’t be the mum l am today. So I give myself grace and thank God I’ve had the experience (age 🤣) to be patient, gentle and to have the maturity to forgive myself for my short comings. The best advice I have ever received was, “if you wouldn’t say it about your best friend, you are not allowed to say it about yourself”, so if you would have compassion for your best friend who just had a baby and hired help, then you have to have compassion for yourself.
It makes me so sad that there are people out there in society putting thoughts into women’s heads that we’re not “mommy enough” or “brave enough” or “strong enough” for asking for help. I know for me that’s why I struggle to ask for help bc I’m often scared to be met with judgment bc I’m the past I have been judged for being human. These conversations are so necessary to have so we can change society’s mindset. For our own sake and for our kids and grandkids. So glad you spoke up! ❤❤
Alot of women have the benefit of the 2 grandmother's helping...it takes a village! Not everyone may have help but everyone needs it w a newborn!! Between the body changes and the crazy schedule of babies eating and sleeping and diapers it is constant and too much for one person!! Many cultures live w there parents and siblings...we as Americans would benefit more if we would allow or ask for help! Even in biblical times they had help or a wet nurse etc...if I think about it I think it may have started late 50s or 60s that it seems women were receiving less and less help then 70s started a rebellious time so nobody acted like needed anyone! Girl you are smart to do this your daughter will benefit from it and it helps you to maybe have more quality moments w her...not that you still don't struggle but you do know if you need a breather you can take a beat for her and for you!! Brava!! We need to normalize this and then the mama's w ppd will maybe nit feel as hopeless and someone w knowledge can pick up the slack so that mom will not get swallowed up and can feel liberty to get help and rest needed!! So brilliant Anj!! Thanks for being vulnerable your baby is better for all you do to be your best mama!!
Some of us didn’t have that option, got kicked out and/or had their baby young and/or no family to help and a dead-beat dad, no car, bus at 5a.m, cheap Payless shoes falling off their feet in between buses, etc. you just do what you have to do. There is also no shame in waiting to have a baby until you have the funds not to have to put yourself and the baby through all that and also afford help. Both moms love their babies just the same.👶🏼💝👶🏼
I know but not everyone is the same you are a wonderful person and mom if we can all have help every day I know for a fact we would love to have it if it’s by our family or hire help. You are doing what’s best for you and your family don’t let anybody tell you differently or make you feel less than ❤. You’re doing your very best. You are very much loved girl❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
We used to be in TRIBES and PACKS and HERDS. We are NOT MEANT to do it on our own. We are meant to be in a community
In the country I'm from it's actually normal to have a baby nurse the first week! Health insurance is obligated for everyone and so everyone gets a part time baby nurse at least the first week (when needed more you can even petition for that depending on your personal situation)! That doesn't make you weak or less of a mom at all I think, although in America and where I live now it is indeed a luxury though.. But I'm happy for you that you have that opportunity. 😊
Don't feel bad for seeking help. The Lord has provided you with the means to do so. Be thankful and move forward. This is just page two of chapter one of your daughters story. There's many pages left to fill.
It takes a village to raise a child. Do not feel guilty about hiring help especially if it is someone that is like a grandparent and loving your child. Believe me i would definitely be doing so in my early 40's. I don't have the energy like from in my 20's. You've got this woman.
Becoming a mom for the first time, I guarantee you we have all been so exhausted. Part of it is the high demands of caring for a newborn . Baby will grow to sleeping through the night while you will become more conditioned to doing mom things. Also your age is a big factor. 20 year old moms are also exhausted, but we have more strength when we are younger, so it’s harder on you as you get older.I know you probably don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. And last but not least, there’s not a new mom out there that wouldn’t jump on the chance to hire help if mom or grandma isn’t available to help. You’re doing just fine sister. You’ve got the means to do so and there is no shame in any of it. You will get through it. It will get better. Until she turns two and you have to chase down her little defiant self! But you will be able to do it. You’re doing fine! Love and hugs!
Yes, getting help is fine. Especially in your situation, where there is no close family to be that help. My sister has the very fortunate reality of my parents living 100 yards away. And either me, or my brother, at any given time have lived close enough also. Right now we are all in the same city, approximately within 2 miles of each other. She has three children that we have all aided at one time or another in raising. The phrase, it takes a village, has value, and truth. No, these days, not everybody has the ability or means to create their own village. And, I do feel for those that cannot. But, you should not hold it against yourself, just because you can. And, you are not lesser just because you have the ability to.
Having a baby in modern times where society tells women they should be able to be the best at everything they do is a real problem. You don't have to justify why you need help and any new mom who looks rested or is working, has help. End of story. I felt the same way as you, because we've been lied to!! Michelle Obama said, "you can have it all, but not at the same time".
I hear you! I just had my second baby and I had my mother in law stay with us for 2 weeks and it has been amazing. She will be leaving today and I don.t know how will I manage... my 6yo is also homeschooled, I want to breastfeed, I wake up a million times at night, I am so tired...
girl it takes a VILLAGE to raise a child!!! not for a small portion of their life but their entire upbringing!!! and we have to remember that no matter how close we are to someone, we don’t always have the full picture of another person’s life, so putting a parallel on that with your life does a disservice for us 💔 i was partially raised by the lady who took care of my grandma’s house! and at 25 she still holds a special place in my heart 💜
Do you love Rosie with all your heart and take care of her needs? You’re a smart momma :)
Angela, you just be you and don’t beat your self up for affording what you need to still have a life. You still have millions of people who depend on you to make them laugh, but you need to have your own joy as well. Stop judging your self, I know you are a fantastic mom.
Sister, you do what you need to do for your well-being, your child’s well-being, your husband, i.e. your family! I applaud you 👏🏽
It's great that you are sharing this. I think too many new mothers think that they should be able to do it all themselves and feel so shamed that they don't ask for help when they need it. You're body just went through an amazing, taxing, painful, emotional and hormonal roller coaster.
It used to be the norm before modern day transportation and societal change that families either shared households with multi-generations or at least lived in the same small area. So there was always support for new mothers. Things changed and it has left so many new Mom's feeling like they are on an isolated island to do it all by themselves with little or no support. That may be normal now, but it's not normal. Take care, just keep breathing and God bless.
Honey it's ok..you have to take care of you to be able to take on life. So awsome that you can hire soneone...most of us can't. Don't feel guilty ,we all do the best we can. Have a beautiful journey sweetie. Enjoy every moment because they grow up so fast.❤❤❤
I have three kiddos under the age of 5, my youngest is 3 months old. If I could hire help I would! Even someone to cook and clean so I can focus only on the kids without becoming overwhelmed.
You have to do what's right for you. I would have killed to have had help. I was alone and almost 2000 miles away from family.
You know what you need momma. I promise. Just do the next thing. Then the next thing. Everyone is different ! And they may be dying inside and won’t share.
I have a doula that helps me twice a week and I’m really thankful too. My husband and I have no family where we live that can come by. I don’t know what I would do without my doula and I’m going to be so sad when she stops working for us.
Yes, it’s okay. You have a great heart. Hermosha god bless you and your family ❤🙏🫶🏻