The Real Reason to Wait Until Marriage
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- Опубліковано 6 вер 2024
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Music written and generously provided by Paul Jernberg. Find out more about his work as a composer here: pauljernberg.com
I would say, the reason to save sex for marriage is similar to the reason that we have locks on our car doors or the front doors of our homes.
The reason we have locks on our doors is because we can’t trust strangers to respect our dignity and the effects of our hard work. Now, don’t jump ahead, I’m not saying that sex is a property or a commodity. I haven’t gone that far with the analogy. It’s merely that you can’t trust strangers to respect and protect your well-being.
And that’s not because all strangers are untrustworthy, but it is because enough strangers are, that you need to protect yourself and your privacy because they will attempt to use that access and that knowledge that serve their interests, often at the expense of your interests.
So, you defend yourself against that kind of risk by locking your doors and governing who has that kind of intimate access to you and your home. Not everyone is welcome to enter your house. Only those who have earned a measure of trust are welcome inside.
Think about why we wear and have always worn clothing. We often assume that there is a natural utility as the reason, like to protect ourselves from the elements. But in truth, as far back as we have records for, we have examples of people wearing clothing for reasons that have nothing to do with protecting themselves from the elements.
There was always some form of decorum or ornamentation as a feature in human clothing. On the question of decorum, an obvious motivation is: privacy. We aren’t just protecting ourselves from the cold, but from exposure to other people.
When we wear clothes, we are protecting ourselves from the crude and possibly even vulgar assessments of people who have not demonstrated to us that they can be trusted to protect that intimate knowledge the way we protect it ourselves. In other words, they haven’t proven that they love us.
Because that’s what love is: it’s a willingness to do for a person as they would do for themselves. To love someone is, in part, to protect their interests to the same degree that they would protect their own interests.
When a person only has a superficial knowledge of us, they do not know us intimately and therefore, they do not care for us as much as intimacy requires.
And from that, a principle should announce itself to us which is that we should only give intimate knowledge of ourselves and our privacy, including our physical form, to those who have demonstrated a deep concern for our wellbeing and who will care for that knowledge the way we do ourselves.
We waited it wasn't always easy, especially when my sister was trying to break me down to just sleep with him. I stood for the faith we both share and didn't listen to her. It just hurt that she was being like that. He supported me and that's all that matters. It was worth the wait. And now we're expecting our first child about the same time we celebrate our one year wedding anniversary together ❤🙏 God is good
Praise God
Now you bear that fruit for that commitment. Congratulations! I hope to convince my friends to wait as well.
When you both love God before yourselves, He will bless your union. But as we have a fallen nature, please remember to fill your hearts with God’s love - practice the Sacraments so that you never give up on your promise to God. At 53 I’m a widow, my husband died 6 months ago with ALS. I pray the Rosary everyday for the repose of his soul and I hope to be reunited with him some day, in the Heaven 😭❤️🙏
Great! My wife and I waited until marriage also. Its so much more worth it. Intimacy means so much more when you value it as something sacred rather than a routine impulse of short term pleasure. It was hard being a virgin but I knew that I wanted to marry someone who values sex and intimacy as I do and I always wanted the love if my life to be on the same page as I am. Both my wife and I understand the down fall of a soul when lust is the primary motivation and satisfaction. Especially in this hyper sexualized culture we live in. When lust is promoted and normalized in culture, it becomes weak and you can see this happening now. I’m very aware that even a couple like my wife and I can still fall prey to the nature of the society we live in, but knowing we both waited for marriage allows me to have much more faith and appreciation in ways you can’t imagine. Your husband is very strong, a man who has the strength to not be mentally compromised by lust, is a strong man especially when he puts God first.
One of the most vacuous arguments against celibacy before marriage is the ''we test ourselves to see if we are sexually compatible''. As if there are many types of normal intimacy between a married couple and different degrees of anatomical compatibility or that sexual expression is static. Or something of value isnt lost. Intimacy should be used to strengthen the bond between the married couple, not trivialize it before hand with premarital sex and make the union a technicality. The married couple celebrates the union with the intimacy and discover each other as they physically materialize the union it was blessed in the church.
Following Christian teaching and waiting till marriage to have sex and move in together makes your wedding night and marriage in general so much more romantic and exciting. That's why secular couples that cohabitate don't bother getting married. They're already playing husband and wife except without the vow to never give up on one another.
100%! Engaging in marital activities before getting married waters down the sanctity of marriage.
Not necessarily. A marriage is technically jsut a ceremony. You can still love one another without taking an oath or performing ceremony.
@@michaelflores9220 for Catholics, marriage is considered a sacrament. It’s like saying it’s as important as becoming a priest, for a example. Sure it’s a ceremony, but the whole “what you bound on earth will be bound in heaven” type of thing, you know?
We make a vow to the one we are with, and God is always present. Public ceremony is not essential to a vow, and making a vow is only as strong as those who take them. City Hall is not really relevant. It makes it legal in the eyes of man, but I am pretty sure that God requires no legal document or religion to validate vows made.
@@dominicpardo4783 So I take it you will never get married or promise your mother you will pick up a loaf of bread on your way home?
It makes no difference if you believe in God or not. A vow is a promise. It is your word. Does that have any value in your world?
My 25 year old nephew met this lovely girl at med school two years ago. She flat out told him on their first date that she was a virgin and was set on waiting until marriage due to her catholic faith. They got engaged over Christmas 2023 and since he and I have an open conversation I asked him how he has been able to do it. He is not a virgin himself and very handsome with many girls giving him the eye. He told me his fiancée has wonderful qualities that made him fall in love and there's more to a relationship than sex, that if waiting until marriage is important to her it's important to him and he will respect her wishes. What can I say, this is true love and I am so happy for them ❤ They will wed in may 2025 ❤
Muslim girl here 🙋♀️ I agree with all of your points. Dressing modestly and waiting until marriage start out as just a religious practice, but you soon realize that it has been such a gift to have this much control over my life. Thanks for the video
Being a virgin makes sense for women, not for men. It's unfortunate but men somatically just need to fuck too much. You wouldn't have half the trouble in Islamic countries that they do if those guys were getting laid.
I highly respect Muslims for their dressing modesty. I wish more Christians were like that. We've made a train wreck in the name of "personal freedom".
That's the beauty about a relationship with Jesus. Those of us who are committed to Him respect and honor him with our bodies by waiting until marriage and dressing modestly, not because we "should" or "have to" because religion says so but because we have intimacy with our God and He is works in us the gift of self control. I pray you would get to know Him in his own words, beloved of God. The Gospels are a great place to start.❤
I met my wife nearly 30yrs ago...We got married 3 weeks after we first met. I cant go a day without her by my side.
thats some insane luck right there
I'm in my 30's and still waiting. Everything you said is for the most what I use to preach to friends on Facebook. It's very similar to how I think.
You are living a powerful life of God, my friend. You are not waiting because the kingdom is with you now. Peace
My friend, you’re not going to change anyone’s mind on Facebook. It’s great you’re waiting, but don’t worry about people on Facebook. Live life the way you are now and be a great example!
Same here long from 13 till now 21 long years
True follower of Christ, God bless you my friend!
Thank you for this topic. I haven’t waited for marriage, but I certainly dealt with the consequences: feeling empty, violated, tainted. And consequently, not fit for marriage anymore. I wish someone had explained it to me like this when I was young, focusing on self-respect and dignity. It’s the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn as an adult, after making many mistakes. Pray for me.✝️
If you see the error of your past ways and no longer make those choices, you are now a changed person. Don't give up on becoming married.
Shaneen that's just how I feel. But we can try to live our lives to the best of our abilities even though we have made mistakes by choosing the wrong partners, because we weren't taught better😢. We have to forgive ourselves and pass down the message: sex should absolutely come after marriage, because it's about earning the right to the highest degree of intimacy. And kids must learn this.
There’s forgiveness and redemption!✝️😊
Someone at our church suggested my fiancé and I wait. Her argument was good, but what really caught my attention was this: She said if we did not wait the honeymoon will be like any other vacation, not something holy and special. I admit, I was skeptical. I took this as a warning to the "it's only a piece of paper argument," and the vacation after the ceremony would be just typical--mundane and uneventful. After 18 years of marriage, I can say that she was right. We are both glad we waited.
Thank you so much for bringing up the elephant in the room that sooooo many other Christians won't address. This is the basis of so much in our society. Women have lost so much in their attempt to "sexually liberated." (I say as a 30-something year old woman.)
It is sad. 'Sexual liberation' has resulted in even more exploitation and degradation from men.
@@MolloyDadda247Luke yes. It’s actually not feminist at all. It’s the complete opposite.
Exactly (coming from a girl in her late teens)
Pornography destroys a culture. In Syria pornography is illegal and you can see very high contrast of men and women there, its rare for men and women to not be virgins before marriage, especially in the Christian communities. Despite having much less, couples tend to be far happier, socially more attentive and get married sooner usually between 18-24. Mean while in American men and women the same age are partying, chasing tale, and objectifying them selves for vanity and approval. And when they do get married, they have had multiple partners in their past, men are more prone to erectile dysfunction, and sex often becomes boring and meaningless, as well as the divorce rates are over 50%. Where as in Syria, divorces are in the low single digits.
Yep. Men too.
Our self worth seems to come after false love and pleasure as a society. This and porn are great markers for this.
Before Marriage: I want to be loved even if it is for a second.
Porn: No one will love me so I will love this image.
Brian and everyone, please pray for me.
I am dating a fantastic woman, who I very much like and respect. She is a devout catholic 18 year-old virgin, very intelligent, hardworking, and most importantly, humble. We are in the pre-relationship phase, and we both like each other. I have never seen such virtue, beauty, maturity, intelligence, and so many hobbies and interests all combined in one woman.
She has nine siblings and ninety cousins.
She is THAT kind of catholic girl.
Pray that I may be worthy of such a relationship. God, I need to step up my game so badly.
God bless you all. May the Will of God be realized.
Pre relationship stage ? That means you are not in a relationship , right, which means you are merely attracted to this girl. At 18 I'm guessing she still has a few things to do before setting down and having children, like further education or work in order to make money to set up a home in the future. You are not in a relationship yet and if you do, I think you have at least several years of waiting in from of you unless you are super wealthy and she is not interested in work and further education. Just saying, don't get carried away there ...
@@adventureinallthings There are plenty of cultures in which the RCC is active where the mentality you just expressed sure is not the norm of society. Don't just assume what's the norm for you is the norm for others.
@@michaelanderson4849While I'm not originally from Spain I've been a resident of Spain for many years and given this man's title is Spanish Catholic it's a reasonable assumption that he is a Catholic living in Spain and that's his culture. I can tell you Spain is a culture much like any other western European one where those points I made are very relevant , I was not attacking the guy, just pointing out some realities 👍
@@adventureinallthings Absolutely spot on. She has SIX years of university education in front of her, and I need to finish my engineering degree and get my future set up.
Indeed, we do not call each other boyfriend and girlfriend yet. We see each other on sundays and maybe another day during the week and we walk, talk a lot and pray the Rosary and go to Mass together. We want to make our relationship and our lives as holy as possible.
Are you married? Any tips are welcome
@@Catholic-Redpilled-Spaniard I really don't as it sounds like a most unusual situation. At 18 she has only just entered adult life and in 6 years she will be a changed person , then you will have the spend a few years working to get established and make some money to set up a home to raise children in. It's such a long way off and you don't actually have anything right now in any way defined as a relationship ( which is sensible given how long you might have to wait, perhaps the best part of a decade if everything goes well ) so I can wish you well but I honestly can offer no advice other than to say perhaps don't put all your hopes for marriage on someone so young and in no position to marry. God bless you both
Those who see nothing wrong with pre marital sex will also see nothing wrong with divorce. Both go hand in hand.
I was 21 when I got married everyone in high school thought I was crazy for waiting...so glad I did :)
Marriage is the ultimate commitment between two people who love each other
With the blessing of God
This is the best defense I've heard for abstinence before marriage. Thank you! It seems like people have gone so far down the rabbit-hole of sex for theology's sake that they forget there is a human component involved. Why would I have sex with someone who isn't willing to forsake all others? G.K. Chesterton said it best: "Being with one woman all your life is a small price to pay for so much as seeing a woman." The woman I marry will be a gift, just as I hope to be a gift for her. That is the highest compliment we can pay a person.
Your arguments make a lot of sense. I am binge watching your content right now and even though I am not catholic, not even religious I feel like you are right at nearly every point you are making. We need to believe and we need to truly love and we need to do the right thing to live a life that is worth something. But even though intellectually I can understand the necessity for religion, I just can't believe with my heart. I just can't, its like something in me always rebels against every form of absolute belief, except the belief that there are no absolutes. I am a child born in my time and through my time, my existence is modern. Modernity as destructive and nihilistic it is, it flows through me and I can't find god in it. I hope you can help me on this path through your videos.
Keep watching. I have a video planned on that topic. If you're up for a challenging read, I encourage you to take a look at The Abolition of Man by CS Lewis.
@@BrianHoldsworth That is great! I feel like there are many people like me that were brought up in an atheist, liberal family, who slowly start to recognize what they truly need, but just can't yet figure out or are stuck with social prejudices against religion. What you are doing is truly amazing. Without compromising your belief in any way you manage to create well-thought and eloquent arguments which never sound like preaching or if you are speaking from a moral highground.
@@BrianHoldsworth I love challenging literature, will definitely note it down. Ironically it was Nietzsche who opened my eyes for the need of religion as a concept.
Don't you worry, God is guiding you. I will pray for you. 💗
@@exiszentriker2952 Until you are ready to believe with your heart, you could go with Pascal's wager. It's not a good argument for God and it's not even a morally good reason to "believe", because it's selfish, but it makes sense. Fake it till you make it. This may sound like a weird thing to say in this context, but since God's existence is possible (and there are many good arguments out there), then it's even possible despite your current inability to believe it. If it's true, then it would be the right thing to follow God. I know it's abstract, but maybe this kind of thought could be a little help for the beginning. Btw, are you German? Your name sounds German.
Another great topic from Brian. Excellent video my friend!
I think a big point you missed is that by waiting until marriage you are preserving your pair bonding ability and will be entering into marriage with the greatest potential to truly unite together as one. If two people are willing to give up sex until marriage they’re setting themselves up for success in marriage by showing each other they value their own self as well as their partner enough to give themselves to fully and only to them. Essentially it’s a good idea to promote the strongest possible unity in marriage.
Superb articulation. I wish THAT’S how it had been explained to me as a young person, as opposed to simply, “Don’t do it cuz it’s a sin.” Just one more example of the terrible catechesis given to gazillions of now-fallen-away Catholics over the past few generations.
Brian, the Holy Spirit has gifted you! You can explain things better than a lot of priests who just sweep things under the rug! Your videos are always inspiring! ❤️🙏❤️
Another aspect to keep in mind, is that emotional and physical intimacy are connected. Taking the time to really get to know, unite, and connect with each other emotionally, intillectually, and spirituality, really creates the foundation for a wonderful relationship where physical intimacy can be enjoyed so much more. ♥️ Intimacy outside of that is at best mediocre and at worst heartbreaking or damaging. I'm so, and I mean SO, grateful I chose to wait for physical intimacy with my husband until after we got married, because we were able to get to know and connect with each other in so many ways prior to getting physical. I think getting physical too early would have resulted in a relationship where we were so distracted by the physical we wouldn't have been able to get to know and build on the other things we love and appreciate about each other.
Well said as usual, Brian. One on side, teens in church have been taught to wait till marriage through teachings that depend on fear and shame, and on the secular side, saving oneself is painted as repressive and outdated (though to be fair to the church, I think there's a reckoning with purity culture that's been taking place in the last few years).
I specified "teens" above because years afterward, if you're still unmarried, it can feel like there's very little reason to keep waiting. Especially as a guy and an adult, people just assume you've "lost it" at some point with someone. Any big commitment requires reinforcement, so I thank you for putting out a video like this.
I think one of the big reasons people today don't see much point in waiting for marriage is because they don't see much value in the oaths and vows of marriage anymore, or in oaths in general. Lieing and oath breaking are generally not really seen as that bad, people just don't care. I don't think your argument would work with most moderns, because most moderns, just because they don't see oaths as important or sacred like the people of the past once did. That is, I think, at the root of many of our modern ills, and if we are ever going to get better, we need to deal with that
There is a reason why most societies in the past considered the breaking of oaths to be the most evil act someone could ever possibly commit.
Perhaps it is because many people no longer fear God and thus are more inclined to be driven by their own self-interest and selfish tendencies. Unfortunately, I do not see us getting back to how things were in the past. We are now are living in the times described in 2 Timothy 3:1-7.
That could very well be the problem, that oaths have lost their potency. Similarly, it could be that we have so many people who grew up experiencing heartbreak, cheating, and divorce in the relationships around them, and have thus never or rarely seen a good example of fidelity. They might bring this impediment into their own relationships, which makes the problem generational.
Sex is an Idol to most people in the West
I fully agree with this.
The hardest thing I ever had to wait for
I regret that I wasn't fully invested in my faith before my first time. I feel like im still new to the faith and I know I still have a way to go
No problem. With God, every day begins a new day. The adventure is the fun part. We are all sinners and in need of God's grace, all the time and everywhere. That's why Jesus gave us confession. It's not about punishment; its about mercy and God has an unlimited supply to those who search Him out.
That’s great! I’m in the same boat too. Let’s do this 🙌🏻 it’s okay to feel new to it. Keep yourself humble before God and you will learn!
"That's true - but its also the point" - That phrase alone shines through so many fights, debates, logics, and discourses with most people with which someone disagrees with often - So often most commonly thoughtful people are already circumnavigating the point, perambulating around it, like an orbit.
Very nice analysis and spoken with true experience. A practical advantage of waiting is you develop habits that serve you well when you are in marriage. (why attract temptations) Probably going off topic a little, but a number of years ago, there was a survey that Christians and non-Christians had the same rate of divorce (as do Catholics) but that those who pray together daily and read the scriptures had a divorce rate of 1:1000. I can testify to that particularly when there are those times when your spouse does something and you are responding in the wrong way, etc-- when you go to prayer, God usually tells you that you are an idiot and you should forgive-- makes a huge difference and there is none of that (we just grew apart kind of thing). Over thirty years and people still think we are newlyweds and we feel the same way about each other that we did when we first went down the isle. All these things you hear are true.
Brian…Well stated in ALL RESPECTS‼️
Thank You 🙏🏽
I am very lustful and even I wait until marriage .Keep your cool , boys .Sex is for Marriage only .
This is the first video I've seen that is everything I feel is missing from the marital sex discussion. Thank you for being so thoughtful and prayerful.
I love this one so much.
I don’t understand how people don’t want this.
I really wish you would talk about the condition of the institution of marriage. And how many men have been financially ruined by divorce in a marriage. As of now marriage I feel like in our society and legal framework is too much of a risk.
Hmm … I’m pro waiting for marriage, but I don’t know if your argument holds any weight with anyone who wouldn't already hold that supposition. The whole argument rests on the idea that until marriage, your partner is essentially a stranger, someone who doesn’t know your hopes or dreams, and who can’t be trusted to have your best interest at heart. That’s a good argument against casual sex, but it’s not really going to do anything for the people who have known each other for a long time (and thus know each other’s hopes and dreams) are determined to live in a long term sexual relationship outside of marriage. And in spite of my own beliefs, I would understand that point of view. This argument presupposes that the highest and only legitimate symbol and act of love is marriage, that *that* is the thing that makes a stranger *not* a stranger anymore. I don’t think that’s a rationale that someone would accept unless they’re already committed to the tenets of why sex is precious enough to save for one person.
That's why I would also mention unplanned pregnancy and STDS as well.
I think his answer to your objection would be that, even if a couple knows and loves each other since a long time, if they are not ready to make solemn promise to always love each other, then it's a proof that they don't love each other that much. If you really are ready to give yoursellf to another person, then you should have no problem in making a slomn promise, which is essentialy what marriage is. The main objection against what I just wrote would be that, yes, marriage in the sense of a solemn promise is necessary, but it is not necessary to do it by means of an official organization (whether the Church or the State).
indeed, bouncing off what you said, one could accept Brian's argument (that we shouldn't sleep with 'strangers') and still say it is alright to sleep together when you are engaged since the ring Is a public sign of commitment. I am not disrespecting Brian; I just think that each of these arguments has its strengths and weaknesses.
@@sanjivjhangiani3243 Engagement is still a lesser commitment than marriage- an engagement ring is a symbol of a promise to get married, while having the wedding ceremony is the fulfillment of that promise. Until they get married though, the couple can break off the engagement more easily than they can get a divorce.
good point! For the record, I was not advocating an engaged couple anticipating their wedding night; I was just saying that someone might accept the idea of not letting a stranger into your home, and see their fiancee as being close enough. So, maybe it is helpful to have more than one argument to get the point across.
BRIAN thanks for this. You really doing a great restoration work for the society
Interesting Approach. But for me that would not be enough "rational" because as a Teenager I would have argued that how much you want to guard your Privacy and Intimacy is your business. To stick with your Lock Analogy: Some People dont lock their stuff (cars/house etc.). And thats their business. And: Just as you can invite Friends or even Strangers over to your House and nobody would think that you violated your Privacy there, you could have sex with friends or strangers without commitment and not violate some part of your Privacy/Intimacy.
What convinced me personally was the teleological Argument. Sex is, at least for a large part, the natural way to make children. So to live in full harmony with nature, sex has to be opened for kids. Now from that follows, that you have to have sex in a responsible way, regarding the possible children. From that follows, that you have to live up to that responsibility which means: sex is to have with the right partner (spouse that is willing to devote his/her live to you and your kids) at the right time (when you can provide for kids; at least for the most fundamental needs). That argument is also independent from religious beliefs.
Would love to have your opinion on this ;). Love your Channel!
Let’s suppose a married couple finds out there is no way biologically they can have children. What role does sex play in that relationship? Should it be abstained from at this point?
@@minasoliman This argument completely misses the point about exceptions not being the rule. In history, there have been married couples who absolutely could not get pregnant for one reason or another, but it doesn't negate that they will have sexual intimacy in their marriage. From scripture, John the Baptist was conceived while Zechariah and Elizabeth were old and barren. Abraham and Sarah became parents when they were old, past childbearing years. I can't remember the name of the saint (I want to it was Cupertino) whose mother was 50 years old when he was born, and this was back in the 16th Century when 50 years old was considered the average life span for a farmer.
@@MissPopuri I would check out Chrysostom’s commentaries on the Pauline epistles mention of husband and wife as Christ and the Church. He has a very high view of sexual intimacy. Yes it’s about children, but it’s much more than that. It’s a dimension of love between the spouses. As Chrysostom said, it’s like mingling gold with gold. So the argument that it’s ONLY for making children, the so-called “teleological argument” is faulty.
@@minasoliman The Aristotleian argument would be that they should still pursue their telos (which is to have children) even though they probably won't achieve it.
It's good to wait until marriage. Just keep in mind that not everyone you encounter or try to date is going to respect that. It takes the blessing of God to find someone who will agree to respect you and your desire to wait. As a woman I have to say it's not enough to tell yourself you will wait until marriage. You really have to be blessed in your encounters with the opposite sex. You wanting to wait isn't good enough. The other person must feel the same way. Don't assume they will respect you if they disagree with you on this. I learned this the hard way.
Hey Brian, new to the channel, excellent video, do you have a video on advice to give young men on meeting their future spouses? I feel as if modern Catholics are more stagnant, isolated, hesitant and unaware about how to grow in community with other Catholics, and ultimately connect with a woman to date. If you're not in a tight knit Catholic community, how would you recommend going about it?
The dating scene today is an absolute dumpster fire. Pray to God for your soulmate and have faith He can deliver. It worked for me.
Im in was in same situation as you but recently found a really traditional guy on Catholic Match weve been together 6 months so not very long but Id still reccomend giving Catholic Match a try you might find someone.
At this point you just have to be extremely lucky to find a young woman (or man for that matter) in a Catholic church you attend and actually get her to even talk to you, let alone date. In my country, the average age of church attendants is 80. Here the church is rapidly dying. You cannot find marriage material there anymore. Protestant churches do have more attendance and communities where there are more options. Either that or date secular. Might get lucky and find a Christian one, but that chance is very,very low
Join your church’s youth group! I joined mine last year, and here’s what I’m seeing: good, smart, Godly, beautiful SINGLE women and no men for these women! Get involved. If you see stagnancy, then be a leader. Start the way. Everyone out here is waiting for someone else to lead the way, and if everyone just waits, it never gets done. I’m super involved now at my church. I’ve been learning a lot here on UA-cam and reading the catechism and other materials, and I’ve been trying to come up with ways to help my religious community get connected by teaching about the things I’ve learned in the process. You might even find your future spouse that way!
Thank you Brian and God Bless You.
Greetings from Chicago.
I am deeply moved by your words, I 100% agree with you - only ultimate dedication embodied by marriage, gives right to know someone ultimately. I am looking forward to marry my fiancé, I'm more than happy to hopefully make these public vows in May of 2022.
Ps. You uploaded this video on the wedding day of my dear friend.
Very well explained with reason, logic and simplicity.
I’m very conflicted on this subject. If you keep coming across people who only want to use you for sex and then discard you, then it is sometimes easier to say no because you know their intentions.
It is much more difficult to know what to do when you honestly love someone and have been committed to them (and them to you) when you aren’t married.
I found myself not trusting anyone, feeling that no one fully loved or respected me if they said that they wanted to have sex one day. And, I’m not sure how I feel about that, still.
I feel like I made my identity on waiting until I was married, but now people don’t have nuance and I find it hard to judge worth outside of that. There’s so much guilt and distrust and fear shackled with it.
If you don’t feel that way, and you’re just looking for the right person for you, then by all means, I’m think that is a good thing to do. I think it is slippery to tell young people that their partner doesn’t love them or respect them and are not to be trusted if they aren’t married, though.
This is the best explanation I've ever heard. Well done Preach it from the mountaintops!
@Brian This video is definitely very logical. As a young 18 year old man, this is the reason that I’ve kept away from sex. I’m not sure if you already have a video on this, but I think a logical video like this, but discussing the abstinence of masturbation which (to my understanding) is advised by the church.
When there is no marriage, what it truly means, is that person is waiting for the right person to come along, so by buying into no marriage, your being played
I like your arguments Bryan - although I rather go by the fact that abortion is killing a human, and marriage is the only relationship where there is the commitment to stay together no matter what (or almost no matter what - I mean that marriage is the utmost commitment of a woman and a man, no commitment goes nearly as far). Children need the protection of marriage (a real marriage, with the real commitment that comes with it, as you're referring to in your video) to get their parents to care for them. Other commitments may look good on paper, but if a couple is not ready to get married, when the act of getting married is not that complicated, then it shows their commitment is not that great.
I am not saying that getting married is the guarantee to stay together - I am rather saying choosing to not getting married is a sign that the commitment is not that great.
I am writing all of this as somebody that failed in all areas except the abortion part - waiting for marriage, staying married, ... and my son suffers from my failures, although both his mother and I try to cooperate to care for him.
Brian, great video! Could you do a similar video on contraception. Thanks and God bless you!
but what about when you want to be married, but can't
while this may make logical sense, the average love smitten boy or girl is anything but logical, which is why I think that for younger children appeals to authority/force are neccessary because its something they can understand
for example, your (rather good) point about how we cannot expect strangers to respect our dignity is indubitably going to be counteres with "buuut hes not a stranger he looves me!!" and other such emotional lies teenagers will tell themselves
Thank you. I feel the church often loses me because the logical arguments are not woven in with Scripture. Therefore, I feel a disconnect in my mind which then plays out in my actions. But your argument logically helps me understand *why* the Bible says what it does about premarital relations.
I really wish that my Wife and I had waited till we found eachother.
We Catholics don’t dumb down sex rather we show forth all its value and beauty. We Catholics cherish sex to much to allow it to be degraded.
Then why is your church full of child abusers?
Because our church is filled with hypocrites so blame it on them not on Christ
Appreciate the content Brian, I'll check out more!
When I was an atheist I found that marriage slowly corrected my spiritual errors with regard to chastity and the more I committed only to my wife the more powerful and pleasurable our connection became. The atheist model is that sex releases pressure that will otherwise overflow, but the truth is that sexual pleasure creates new desire. The more you have sex with yourself, pornography, a fetish, or a fantasy the stronger that desire becomes. This is backed up by studies that show that a porn user's brain looks like the brain of a drug addict.
At 35 I've realized that subconsciously this is put in a purity spiral making it impossible for me to befriend or get intimate with women because of what I see as impropriety on their end. At the end it just makes me a miserable prude and I don't know how to get out of this gracefully
Might be a good time to find a good Catholic counselor, of which there are an increasing number. They even advertise as such and combine the best science and the best faith to bring about the whole person. I am a physician and have referred many patients to such.
I appreciate the video, man. Although I am not a Catholic, but a Baptist man studying Reformed theology, I still can agree with some things you say.
This was an excellent video. Well said.
Excellent! I’ll forward to my daughter for my teen grandchildren 👌🏼
Brian, that was excellent!
The overwhelming amount of marriages I’ve seen that ended in divorce had some form of premarital sex taking place. Just by having more than one sex partner your ability to pair bond with some one long term dramatically goes down.
Progressives: it's liberating to commoditize the body
Christians: it's fulfilling and reassuring to share intimate information with someone who is fully committed
I'd like to draw from your earliest example. I own various, humorously passive-aggressive shirts. And so my point is that, if I'm emotionally protective on such a shallow level, I must be only more so with my most intimate self.
Many can be stuck in a way of thinking that sex is like an itch that you just have to scratch. I think I can put myself in this category as a young man. How do you respond to this inclination to “scratch the itch?”
Just because you have an appetite, doesn't mean you should satiate it. There's a reason you have an intellect and a will. Sometimes, or perhaps often, we must govern our passions and appetites. At any rate, my next video is going to be about how we engage in sexuality is profoundly moral. It isn't the same as any other leisure or recreational activity.
Discipline and prayer. I have an itch to shove my face with a delicious Big Mac quite often when I'm hungry. But I don't, because I have some level of mastery over my fleshly desires. I'm a married man to a lovely amazing wife, but sometimes when I see an attractive woman when I'm out and about my flesh gives me a desire to fornicate with her. But I don't, because I love my wife and value our relationship over short term pleasure. Build up a habit of virtue to learn to control your urges, Aristotle has some great stuff regarding that.
@@BrianHoldsworth Looking forward to it! (As well as the video you mentioned was coming up, in regards to doubts, faith and logic.)
2:21 actually the korubo tribe in the Amazon wears basically no clothing. Same with certain tribes in Africa. And until aruound 200 years ago, Australia.
I think this argument is a bit half-baked. I agree with you, but people don't care that the other person is using them, bc they are using that person too. I think you should start there.
Great video as usual, Brian!
I would like to ad two more arguments. My neighbor and friend was gay, we talked a lot about that subject and often were very close to the same understanding in other ethical areas, but what really made the difference was that he thought to use somebody else for pleasure if it was ok for him would be ok. I said him for me to use a human is never in alignment with the value of his humanity.
The second argument is that I think it is in first line to protect the children that naturally would arrive after a full sexual contact. Sorry I am German and not so familiar with all the correct words. If a man can not wait for a longer time without sex this might be very difficult for him after the woman gave birth, sometimes we feel for quite a long time not in the mood for this sort of pleasure.....fore very different reasons as every mother will know. I know a lot of marriages that broke up during the times of the first small baby ore child. So if a man can not wait he is not prepared to be a father and not only the biological sperm giver! And women that can not live without sex might put there children at risk when they often change sex partners when the man died era,y or the marriage brook up. A friend of my children grew up in such a home and was abused. I know sometimes this is something that happens even from the own fathers or mothers or priests! But I think we should be as caughtios as possible for this devilish problem for children.
Well put! Thank You!
So what if you've been married, or been in sexual relationships, before? And yes, divorce exists; pretending people don't break up isn't realistic. Should the two of you wait if you're, say, middle-aged people who've been around the block?
Thank you for your video. You explained it very well. What you said is the thing i want my first boyfriend to understand. I explained many times and he never bothered to know me and earn my trust. He just want access to pleasure by having intimate relationship with me.
I'm glad i saw his intentions clearly, so I break up with him after one month of dating.
Ps. I want this video to send it to him but i don't chat him anymore. So maybe for the guy to come in the future i want him to see this video. XD
I would appreciate some videos on discerning marriage as someone who thinks shes called to it. Ive heard SO MANY conflicting things about discerning marriage its so confusing.
For example:
1.People say God doesnt call you to marry a specific person its completly up to you and others say he does much like he calls people to specific religious orders.
2. People say that you dont discern marriage generally that you discern with a specific person and others say the opposite.
Like doesnt God have a will in such a big decision?? Doesnt he plan for certain people to be together?(not that you couldnt reject or recieve this) .
I just want to do Gods will and theres so little helpful advice on this subject so any you can give will be appreciated:):)
I believe God does have a will in regards to what we do, because we know God has a plan for all of us. So yes, I think when God gives someone the vocation to married life, there is a partner that He wills for us to be with. That's how I understand it anyway.
One way to approach it might be to pray with that person for discernment about God's will for the both of you. If he/she doesn't want to pray about this, then you have your answer for a variety of reasons. In prayer, you will find your answer. This is the good thing about having a personal God capable of an intimate relationship. Why not take advantage of it?
WHile God does give us a choice he still calls you to a certain someone marriage is a sacrament and hence a calling so before making the decision ask God if he truly is calling you to marry this person
People have sex before marriage end in divorce and lack of respect in most cases.
So well done. Thank you.
I thought this was a good, very reasonable, and heart concerned video. The only thing I wish that would have been talked about is the devastating effects on our mind, heart, and body of sex outside marriage!
Much love ❤️ to Brian Holdsworth peace ✌️
I mean, yeah I totally understand this argument, and I know that it's not the only one.
As a catholic I want to save sex for marriage and, sadly, needed to break up with my 2y gf some days ago because of this issue (not only this thou). The thing is, she had shown me that trust and commitment, going through a lot and desiring me to be better (I went through a deep crisis and depression). However all that stress and unestability eroded our trust and bond, we fighted frequently and I got angry at her for small things (I also have a porn problem and I still have not overcome it).
What I want to say. I was doubting if giving that intimacy to her or not, since I couldn't say that she didn't deserve it, she wasn't looking to use me but to bond and love me and feel loved by me (I know that love is looking for the good of the other for their sake). And that was so difficult.
We had different interests in the fundamentals, and that saddens me since I truly love her and she did/does as well. I really desired to marry her and form a family in the future, I know she would have been faithful to me.
This argument is good but needs to be combined with the catholic morality. Since unmarried couples can use it and still have sex (but this is because society sees marriage as just a 'piece of paper' contract).
You’re completely right!✝️😃
Thank you Brian
I agree that there shouldn't be casual sex. But sex in a serious committed relationship before marriage is important. I made the mistake of waiting till marriage and my wife and I are very different. We talked about sex a lot and agreed on it. But she didn't understand how she was physically and she actually was not in practice how she was when we talked about it. She is only interested in sex at certain times, does not initiate and does not participate. We have become sexless and she is very happy. She is very sympathetic to my situation and she loves me. But I would never make this mistake again. What she didn't know about her self has caused a lot of pain in my life. I love her and we have kids together but I would have liked to have had a chance at a marriage where there eas more intimacy, mutual support and love. And she has agreed that she sees the problem and has similar regrets. She has a lot of pain knowing how things impacts me. But we had taken vows and now we are where we are. We vacation together and enjoy evenings together. We are great friends and at least I have that. It could be far worse.
You have children and a loving wife, you have won in life.
Truth. This is very reasonable. Much better than the message of 90s purity culture shame-cringey arguments.
Now where’s the video against cohabitation? Never give someone you’re dating the same benefits and access as a spouse.
Excellent, well said.
How did you know that you were ready to marry your wife?
Marriage isn't an end to be ready for. It's a means to an end - that end being what makes us good or holy. It's the process by which we learn to love another by practicing that very thing every day.
You make an interesting argument for sure. Its weakness is in the fact that so many people out there don't have sufficient self-respect to care about the concern you raise. I still think the scriptural argument is the best: God very clearly says don't do it, and that those who give themselves over to their shameful lusts will reap Hell. For plenty of years since my divorce, it has certainly kept me in check as I choose a celibate life.
Amazing
I can see the point and mostly agree with it. But what about men and women who never marry because of varying reasons like for example can't find a partner. Suppose if they can never commit to a celibate lifestyle. These people are doomed to burn with an insatiable desire for their entire lives. It seems rather sadistic then to tell them they can't have sex. Not trying to excuse adultery, but I can image these people resort to prostitutes or meaningless sex.
You're assuming that the point of life is about happiness, not holiness. Earth is not Heaven- there will always be things that we want that we can't have. For some of us, it's marriage and/or sex, for some, having biological children, for some, having a healthy body, etc. I'm an unmarried adult who's been single for years. It's hard, but not unbearable. The key is to be thankful for what we can already enjoy in our lives. And thankfully lack of sex doesn't kill anyone. Our struggles keep us near and dependent on God, who is greater than sex, marriage, everything else. We're supposed to love the giver of the gift more than the gifts.
@@kaysaudiobooks well said. I fully agree with you. Still, not everyone has that same attitude. While there are many things one can desire that they can't have, I think sex is downright one if not the most dangerous of them all. Look at it from either a Christian or atheist/biological perspective, we are programmed to procreate. The fireplace analogy for sex fits it perfectly. Sometimes I wish He didn't create us as sexual beings, it has led millions of people to hell over the ages.
I can’t speak for everyone in our situation, but we didn’t wait for marriage, and we’re happily married now :)
Well said my man.
I think the social consequences of the sexual revolution may be more convincing to a secular person... assuming they are able to see that the breakdown of the family is a bad thing.
Thank you god bless great video
Is it possible to commit to know a person intimately without being married to them?
Otherwise what is so special between a man and women ...where is the exclusive ness and noble ness in it. Relation between parents and kids are unique so such kind of uniqueness is required in a procreating relationship ..offcourse not every body have a long lasting marriage due to many external factors but majority live long enough to have a long relationship so respect that with a unique meaning and value
Brilliant!
Can you make a video on the clown mass / vat ii?
Save sex for marriage and a lot of money, as well. Be good.
A good talk on a special topic, a little soft and gentle though. The fact is ALL sex outside the Holy Bounds of marriage between One man and One woman is an abomination before the Holy Lord God Almighty. As such, He will place Grave consequences upon all participants in such acts outside proper marriage. Wish I had realized this much sooner un my life. Without going into the details of a life not properly lived, i do wish I could do it all over again, the right way.
I’m never getting married why should I save for guy who will beat me cheat on me and leave me when I’m 50?
actually, studies are already out and people who are married are significantly less likely to be the victims of intimate partner violence.
So actually dating just for sex and cordial relations increases the chances of a guy beating you, cheating on you, and leaving you when you're 50.
Excellent!!!!! 😉👍
Beautiful vlog I meant!
If you turn back the time 30-40 years sexuality was out of the public sphere cause it was understood to be an intimate thing.
logistically and mathematically not everyone can marry nor is everyone suited for marriage. yet god hardwired us all for sex, made it intensely pleasurable, mentally and physically beneficial, etc... so unless i am missing something god is prejudiced against and discriminates against the unmarried or unmarried people having consensual sex is not a sin