I’m still too hurt and I’m not sure I can forgive. I mostly feel it’s best for me to stay away but I have grandchildren which makes it more painful to let go. 😢
My mom constantly put me down-made me feel worthless all the way into adulthood. I always accepted this until she was making fun of my best friend for being overweight-that was it. She actually told me to never call her again-tried to call/text a week later like nothing happened. I haven’t contacted her in over 3 years-I love her, but can’t do it anymore.
This was so helpful. I have been sending weekly (sometimes Twice )texts to my daughter.just to let her know I miss her and love her. I was happy to find I am doing the right thing. My heart goes out to all other moms going through this. It is so hard. I am hopeful. ❤😊
Actually, this is the WORST thing you could do. I'm not judging - I texted too much, too - and I finally realized it was making things worse! The bottom line is, when an adult child shows they do NOT want contact, let them be.
Considering estrangement from my family, enjoyed your take from the mother's perspective. However, if the no contact boundary is placed by the daughter, do not make contact. Even if it's just to say, "thinking of you." It's a trigger that forces the daughter to revisit all the reasons why she chose this boundary. Very counterproductive.
I cut ties with my mother. I had a daughter at aged 22. My mother took no interest in her and offered no support. Years later she said she "wasnt ready to be a grandmother". Ironically i later became the targeted parent in parent alienation. My daughter hates me and we havent had contact for 10.5 years. She's nearly 29. It's heart breaking.
Karma? Why separate she was your mom and the same for your child. It had to be something more. Sometimes when you raised yours you are looking forward to a break. Have you considered reconnecting with your mother ?
Karma? Why separate she was your mom and the same for your child. It had to be something more. Sometimes when you raised yours you are looking forward to a break. Have you considered reconnecting with your mother ?
It's hard to not be bitter. I have days where I'm heartbroken, then I'll get bitter, then I'll want to be vengeful. But when it comes down to it I would love to see her. Our daughter who has bouts of depression and anxiety for several years is 27, she is the youngest of 3. She's been married for 2 years, she seemed happy. She's attending college. Then all of a sudden it's as if she had a breakdown. She will return texts but won't initiate. It also seems as if she is confusing events as to who slighted her. She says she is in therapy. I just pray that she will some day want us back in her life
Wow, you don't even know this lady but judging her. Unless you are a doctor evaluating this mother, please don't try to misdiagnose her. This type of accusation is very hurtful and a form of bullying a woman who is already heartbroken. Some daughters can be cruel and mothers put up with more for their children than anyone else. Saying she is struggling with her feelings and being transparent about temptations wanting to retaliate only means she is being mistreated. Please have understanding, compassion and look deeper here. Perhaps you will see a loving, caring mother who is suffering.
I am glad to have come across this video. I only have one daughter, and almost 2 years ago, she left home. Not hear from her since then. It is heartbreaking😢. Thank you for your advice.
So often it's the adult daughters choosing to not have anything to do with their moms, BUT in my case my mom want's nothing to do with me and there is barely any info out there for this type of estrangement. And I am a good person, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, we don't drink or do drugs, but in my case my mom is living with an ass, and he started this whole mess. Anyway, I wish there was more help for daughters that have been ditched by moms.
Thank you for sharing and alerting us of how often this does happen. Please know that many of the suggestions for improving wellbeing apply no where you are on the family. I will do a video on this in the future. Please tell me what you think are most important to include.
WOW sounds just like my mother, who i was her least favorite of her children im the only one with kids. She have never been a nurturer and my girls are both in college she never tried to help my kids. My kids are 19 and 21 and when they were small she only watched them maybe 4 times during their childhood. Every time i tried to be nice she picks arguments and so negative . She let a no good man move in her paid off house and I was a teenager having to pay her rent and she let this guy move in. after a month!!!!! When i confronted her on that she said thats her house and he can stay. So i stopped saying anything she don't call me and i no longer call her. I told her she really needs to get her life in order she was a mistress for 20 yrs after her and my father divorced , then let a BUM live with her the last 4 years for free. I just cut ties with her
Oh good grief! I need to reach out so she knows I care but she has no responsibility to the relationship?! That is not the way healthy relationships work. This advice would never be suggested in any other relationship bc it is a form of fawning which is dysfunctional.
For sure! I don't think you should reach out. It's a bad move. I told my Mom I was dead to her and if she messed with my family in any way I would expose every nasty little secret to the whole town. She hasn't reached out at all! It's been great. You should do the same. Keep your secrets... secret. Play the victim with close friends, they must feel terrible for you.
@@nancyhart56 Apparently the childs behavior toward the parent is justified in the childs mind These adult children are acting more like a child than not All we can hope for is they grow up Social media ruined young people of all ages So sad That comment above is disgusting
@@Owwitsmuggyoutside Social media has done a grave disservice to society as a whole but especially young people That includes people in their 20s and 30s . They still act like immature imbeciles more than not.
Wow, I have not seen my daughter for 12 years, since she moved to America from South Africa. I have 2 beautiful grandsons, she’s kindly sent us photos of them, but will not discuss anything or talk to us. I so understand how she’s feeling. I’m reconciled that that is what she wants. Sadly her husbands mother is also out of the circle. She has not seen them for longer than I have. She’s an ex Pat to Amsterdam, and will be going back to Connecticut in a year. Are you related to Rob Morin in Muskegon. We flew over to America to visit him and his wife CATHY, we met in Chicago. And to see another friend I made pals with in America. I hope I’ve convinced Rob to come to South Africa and to visit Cape Town and the Kruger National Park. Both times we went to America, my daughter eluded us? I love her dearly. I was not the best mother, but I did try really hard as I have no contact with my mother. In fact I don’t know or care if she’s dead or alive.
Being a Housekeeper 38 years,..unfortunately I'd guesstimate like 85% are in this situation. Starting to assume it's nature.Too common,..looking at animals,..they generally do not stay or get along with their parent.
My adult daughter, who is 53 (I’m 73), recently became estranged. This is because of jealousy over our adopted daughter, who is 28. I’m looking for information regarding how an adoptive child affects the biological children in a family. We have three bio children, who were grown and and out of the home when we adopted our youngest daughter. This has always been problematic to our oldest daughter. The jealousy has been something we could have never foreseen. I’d love some insight.
I wish I had the answer but that hasn't exactly happened with me. I have two bio adult kids 24 and 32 and adopted my youngest who is now 25. There was more jealousy when she was a baby and they were 10 and 8 so that doesn't apply to you. It may be that your oldest daughter feels you are enjoying your adopted daughter more or are a better parent to her. Hopefully you can communicate your love to your oldest. At 58 she may be going through her own issues about aging. All the best to you.
It's hard to take these simplistic, bitter comments seriously so I agree with you. That said, I also understand parental anger to some degree.@@Owwitsmuggyoutside
Why so much focus on the daughter’s feelings. Sometimes it’s the daughter’s decision for reasons unknown. How can you empathize with what you don’t know.
I finally told my friends of the estrangement with my child, because hiding it was causing too much stress.
I’m still too hurt and I’m not sure I can forgive. I mostly feel it’s best for me to stay away but I have grandchildren which makes it more painful to let go. 😢
My mom constantly put me down-made me feel worthless all the way into adulthood. I always accepted this until she was making fun of my best friend for being overweight-that was it. She actually told me to never call her again-tried to call/text a week later like nothing happened. I haven’t contacted her in over 3 years-I love her, but can’t do it anymore.
This was so helpful. I have been sending weekly (sometimes Twice )texts to my daughter.just to let her know I miss her and love her. I was happy to find I am doing the right thing. My heart goes out to all other moms going through this. It is so hard. I am hopeful. ❤😊
If she’s not replying you should take a hint and stop harassing her. Get a hobby maybe?
Actually, this is the WORST thing you could do. I'm not judging - I texted too much, too - and I finally realized it was making things worse! The bottom line is, when an adult child shows they do NOT want contact, let them be.
Considering estrangement from my family, enjoyed your take from the mother's perspective. However, if the no contact boundary is placed by the daughter, do not make contact. Even if it's just to say, "thinking of you." It's a trigger that forces the daughter to revisit all the reasons why she chose this boundary. Very counterproductive.
That's an interesting perspective. My case is a result of parent alienation but guessing what you state applies (in my situation).
No contact...2 can play that game...
Children can be such entitled Brats
I think parents should embrace an adult childs alienation
Freedom from their drama is AWESOME
@@Owwitsmuggyoutside stop playing victim and grow up.
I cut ties with my mother. I had a daughter at aged 22. My mother took no interest in her and offered no support. Years later she said she "wasnt ready to be a grandmother". Ironically i later became the targeted parent in parent alienation. My daughter hates me and we havent had contact for 10.5 years. She's nearly 29. It's heart breaking.
IM SO SORRY
Just because you decide to get pregnant doesnt mean your mom has to be a grandma if she doesnt want to be.
Thats her choice
😢
Karma? Why separate she was your mom and the same for your child. It had to be something more. Sometimes when you raised yours you are looking forward to a break. Have you considered reconnecting with your mother ?
Karma? Why separate she was your mom and the same for your child. It had to be something more. Sometimes when you raised yours you are looking forward to a break. Have you considered reconnecting with your mother ?
It's hard to not be bitter. I have days where I'm heartbroken, then I'll get bitter, then I'll want to be vengeful. But when it comes down to it I would love to see her. Our daughter who has bouts of depression and anxiety for several years is 27, she is the youngest of 3. She's been married for 2 years, she seemed happy. She's attending college. Then all of a sudden it's as if she had a breakdown. She will return texts but won't initiate. It also seems as if she is confusing events as to who slighted her. She says she is in therapy. I just pray that she will some day want us back in her life
Why are you vengeful? That seems very entitled and maybe you’re the problem..?
Wow, you don't even know this lady but judging her. Unless you are a doctor evaluating this mother, please don't try to misdiagnose her. This type of accusation is very hurtful and a form of bullying a woman who is already heartbroken. Some daughters can be cruel and mothers put up with more for their children than anyone else. Saying she is struggling with her feelings and being transparent about temptations wanting to retaliate only means she is being mistreated. Please have understanding, compassion and look deeper here. Perhaps you will see a loving, caring mother who is suffering.
get a grip@@mrs.h7171 . No loving caring mother seeks revenge on their daughter. Stop gaslighting us we're not falling for it anymore.
I am glad to have come across this video. I only have one daughter, and almost 2 years ago, she left home. Not hear from her since then. It is heartbreaking😢. Thank you for your advice.
You're welcome. Sorry to hear that happened to you.
A lot of gems here, thank you so much!
Very helpful. Thanks
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you
Totally true thanks darling
Thank you so much.
So often it's the adult daughters choosing to not have anything to do with their moms, BUT in my case my mom want's nothing to do with me and there is barely any info out there for this type of estrangement. And I am a good person, I have great kids, a wonderful husband, we don't drink or do drugs, but in my case my mom is living with an ass, and he started this whole mess. Anyway, I wish there was more help for daughters that have been ditched by moms.
Thank you for sharing and alerting us of how often this does happen. Please know that many of the suggestions for improving wellbeing apply no where you are on the family. I will do a video on this in the future. Please tell me what you think are most important to include.
WOW sounds just like my mother, who i was her least favorite of her children im the only one with kids. She have never been a nurturer and my girls are both in college she never tried to help my kids. My kids are 19 and 21 and when they were small she only watched them maybe 4 times during their childhood. Every time i tried to be nice she picks arguments and so negative . She let a no good man move in her paid off house and I was a teenager having to pay her rent and she let this guy move in. after a month!!!!! When i confronted her on that she said thats her house and he can stay. So i stopped saying anything she don't call me and i no longer call her. I told her she really needs to get her life in order she was a mistress for 20 yrs after her and my father divorced , then let a BUM live with her the last 4 years for free. I just cut ties with her
Oh good grief! I need to reach out so she knows I care but she has no responsibility to the relationship?! That is not the way healthy relationships work. This advice would never be suggested in any other relationship bc it is a form of fawning which is dysfunctional.
For sure! I don't think you should reach out. It's a bad move.
I told my Mom I was dead to her and if she messed with my family in any way I would expose every nasty little secret to the whole town.
She hasn't reached out at all! It's been great.
You should do the same. Keep your secrets... secret. Play the victim with close friends, they must feel terrible for you.
@@nancyhart56 Apparently the childs behavior toward the parent is justified in the childs mind
These adult children are acting more like a child than not
All we can hope for is they grow up
Social media ruined young people of all ages
So sad
That comment above is disgusting
@@Owwitsmuggyoutside Social media has done a grave disservice to society as a whole but especially young people
That includes people in their 20s and 30s .
They still act like immature imbeciles more than not.
Wow, I have not seen my daughter for 12 years, since she moved to America from South Africa. I have 2 beautiful grandsons, she’s kindly sent us photos of them, but will not discuss anything or talk to us. I so understand how she’s feeling. I’m reconciled that that is what she wants. Sadly her husbands mother is also out of the circle. She has not seen them for longer than I have. She’s an ex Pat to Amsterdam, and will be going back to Connecticut in a year.
Are you related to Rob Morin in Muskegon. We flew over to America to visit him and his wife CATHY, we met in Chicago. And to see another friend I made pals with in America. I hope I’ve convinced Rob to come to South Africa and to visit Cape Town and the Kruger National Park. Both times we went to America, my daughter eluded us? I love her dearly. I was not the best mother, but I did try really hard as I have no contact with my mother. In fact I don’t know or care if she’s dead or alive.
Your minimizing let's me know she made the right choice. May she be happy
as long as i pay the rent, they sorta tolerate birthdays and Christmas. thR is NOT MY IDEA OF RETIREMENT .
What if the daughter is the scapegoat of a narcissistic mother?
Being a Housekeeper 38 years,..unfortunately I'd guesstimate like 85% are in this situation.
Starting to assume it's nature.Too common,..looking at animals,..they generally do not stay or get along with their parent.
"Let go and let GOD"
My adult daughter, who is 53 (I’m 73), recently became estranged.
This is because of jealousy over our adopted daughter, who is 28.
I’m looking for information regarding how an adoptive child affects the biological children in a family. We have three bio children, who were grown and and out of the home when we adopted our youngest daughter. This has always been problematic to our oldest daughter.
The jealousy has been something we could have never foreseen.
I’d love some insight.
Its all ABOUT the inheritance!!! Always is...everything is about money!!!!!
@@burglar42 Leave them nothing
Donate everything 😃
I wish I had the answer but that hasn't exactly happened with me. I have two bio adult kids 24 and 32 and adopted my youngest who is now 25. There was more jealousy when she was a baby and they were 10 and 8 so that doesn't apply to you. It may be that your oldest daughter feels you are enjoying your adopted daughter more or are a better parent to her. Hopefully you can communicate your love to your oldest. At 58 she may be going through her own issues about aging. All the best to you.
It's hard to take these simplistic, bitter comments seriously so I agree with you. That said, I also understand parental anger to some degree.@@Owwitsmuggyoutside
Why so much focus on the daughter’s feelings. Sometimes it’s the daughter’s decision for reasons unknown. How can you empathize with what you don’t know.