How about a DUTCH WEDDING?
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- Опубліковано 10 вер 2021
- Ever been at a Dutch wedding? (een 'Nederlandse bruiloft')
What was it like?
That's what we asked to foreigners who are learning Dutch. These are students of the BLC Dutch Summer School.
* How much money should you give at a Dutch wedding?
- close family, close friends: 50-150 euros
- other family, friends: 30-60 euros
- colleagues, acquaintences: 20-40 euros
Depending on which part(s) of the wedding you're invited to (ceremony, wedding reception, dinner, party).
Source: www.theperfectwedding.nl/arti...
More Dutch language videos with Dutch language students in the following playlist:
• EMBARRASSING misunders...
More Dutch culture videos with Dutch language students in the following playlist:
• How do the DUTCH celeb...
Video produced by:
Bart de Pau
(online Dutch teacher and founder of the Dutch Summer School and Dutch Winter School)
Editing: Nicolas Balbontin, Kim van den Corput, Bart de Pau
Video was recorded at the BLC Dutch Summer School - 2019
To know more about our:
- Dutch Summer School: dutchsummerschool.nl
- Dutch Winter School: dutchwinterschool.nl
- Learn Dutch online with Bart de Pau: www.learndutch.org
I've been to multiple Dutch weddings and I've seen a ton of foreign weddings on tv. I never realised how cheap ours are tbh xD I don't mind it though. Dutch weddings are gezellig for a while and you can just leave when it's been enough. It also sets the bar very low, which I think is a good thing, especially for people who don't have a lot of money. Friends of mine got married when they were expecting in university, because it was easier with administration for the child. They went to the city hall on a monday (free) and threw a party at their own home, where we ate burritos. The bride was wearing a cute, short dress. I think it was blue or green. We had a good time :)
Is there any Spirituality in the Wedding? There's an impression in the USA that Europeans are mostly Atheists.
@@soulbasedliving It depends on the bride and groom. Religious people often have a ceremony in their church, but atheistic people usually skip that part. They just sign the thing at the city hall and then go to the wedding venue.
A big difference with the USA is that not everyone can officiate the wedding. Only certain officials can do that. So the part in the church is purely 'in the eye of god' and for 'the eyes of men' you still need to go to the city hall xD
@@soulbasedliving that impression is mostly correct. The percentage of people who consider themselves atheist, agnostic or otherwise non-believers ranges from about 25 to 50%, depending on the poll. Furthermore, an even larger proportion of the population (around 60-70%) is 'onkerkelijk' which means they (almost) never visit a church.
I think I prefer the Dutch style wedding. Too many of my friends and family spend ridiculous amounts of money on their weddings. In fact, mine was more like that (Canadian style): three friends at Toronto City Hall and then dinner.
@@stephenschwab7143 I guess some people really like big parties and being king and queen for a day (especially queen, it seems), but I think small parties are just as meaningful :)
There isn't one way to have a Dutch wedding. It really depends on the preferences and finances of the couple. But frequently only close friends and family are invited to the ceremony and diner (either seated or buffet style). Distant relatives and casual friends are often only invited to the evening party. So if you only got snacks and drinks, you're probably just not close enough to the bride and groom.
Also, I've been told that weddings and the celebrations are vastly different in the west than here in Enschede, for example.
There's also regional a regional aspect
Yes true. And also your social background influences how you have your wedding. Reception or seated for example.
Lekker vdkuwe🎉l
Being Dutch and having attended weddings there is a nuance: Weddings aren't cheap per se. It all depends in the Netherlands on how wealthy you are. And I've been to a couple of weddings in castles given by average income people. Another thing is that Dutch people don't associate festivities with food. That goes for weddings, parties, etc. Historically speaking we don't really care for food as much, and our food-culture isn't rich, though it is improving. Typical Dutch gezelligheid is made by connecting with somebody and often enjoying the smaller things in life, not the bigger things. I think it's a virtue you can get as much pleasure out of a bitterbal that somebody else has to get out of a star class hors d'oeuvre. I have worked in a lot of 4 and 5 star hotels and noticed that nothing, no high class food, really lightens a party like a plate of bitterbals.
@David Walczak I am Dutch, but why do you say she was offended? I do honestly do not see the offended part, just some thinking about it and possible explanations. Personnally most weddings I have been to I was was invited to dine with the family and newly weds. So I have to admit that I cannot relate to was is said as having to get your own food. But I guess, most people here are speaking as daily guests. In al honesty, as an introvert, I am grateful when invited to the whole deal, but It costs me a allmost a week of energie. And I am glad to give to that people I love. But sometimes I am really happy when people only want me cheering.
Geweldige comment, well said!
@David Walczak How dare you. 😂
(I'm also Dutch. 😉)
@@listeningtothevoid I'm also Dutch and to me it didn't sound as if OP was offended either, but I do think it can be read that way from a foreign perspective because that person might maybe have been offended him or herself if it he or she would have to write OP's comment.
I hope I've typed that well.
Let's not forget that we Dutch are not easily offended after all as - from a foreign perspective - we criticize each other all the time and are simply bloody honest.
I do keep that in mind myself whenever I'm talking to a foreigner though - and when I'm on UA-cam.
@@Leto85 Yes true. And good that you have learned this! I have learned that lesson too discussing on international forums.
Hahahaha so true. We got married on a Monday morning (free) and gave a nice lunch for close ones. The money we received as gifts was the same amount as the lunch costs us. 🤣👍 So perfect 😅
I used to watch ‘say yes to the dress’ on TLC. I was amazed that americans would spend 5000 dollars or even more on only the dress. I think the mentality is different in the Netherlands when it comes to weddings.
I think that you/we also have to take into account that in America some stuff (decor/food) is cheaper and because oldfashioned familystandards are a bot more common there, there is a chance that the bride feels that the weddingday is her last day to be seen as beautiful, as a girl, as a princess. After that she is the woman that cleans and cooks, that carries the children (whether in her belly or arms) and that gets the groceries and that's her life then.
I'm not suggesting American married women don't go out to friends or to an eveningclass or something, they're not locked up, but the 'wifey at home'-culture is more common there, as opposed to the 50/50 both are working and caring for the kids mentality that is (gradually becoming more) normal in the Netherlands.
That's why so many more Americans are in debt.
In USA are stupid
We are cheap yess!! Only it has big benefits I think. We have low credit debt when we compare it with other country’s. We not that kind of people that have to impress other people. We like a simple life, without the stress of credit debt and that is smart thinking 🤓
Debt*
@@remi6408 thanks
Totally agree!
Yep! Totally agree on this one
Good point
Lived there for 12 years and NEVER been to a wedding. Was invited once, then uninvited because the wedding was becoming expensive 😂.
I'm not Dutch, but I've never understood the need for expensive weddings. Why would you want to start your "official partnership" (traditionally) under the stress of huge expenses and expectations? Why invite distant family, friends, work colleagues (as I have seen in certain countries)?
Weddings are simply the rite to publicise the couple's commitment to each other. Everyone who choses to come should do it for that reason, not the food, drink, and fashion. And of course only the closest should be privy to certain sections of the day.
Also, just like I don't understand the need to incur great expense by the couple (and/or families), I wouldn't expect those attending to have to strain their budgets for it.
I now say you are officially Dutch, you passed your inburgeringscursus welkom any time 🤗
I also think a large part of the current Dutch weddings is that there is way way less church attendance than decades ago. Overall church attendance is extremely small in the Netherlands as most of the country tends to be atheist or at least agnostic, never going to a church ever. So the need to invest in a larger [church] party is less needed as well (especially when a church wedding is part of this as well),... as you would only need to invest for your closests friends and family members, to attend the thing that really matters: The actual (church and/or city hall) event.
Getting invited to the rest of the wedding event, is a bonus for all the rest or lesser close friends and family members.
I think that you/we also have to take into account that in America some stuff (decor/food) is cheaper and because oldfashioned familystandards are a bot more common there, there is a chance that the bride feels that the weddingday is her last day to be seen as beautiful, as a girl, as a princess. After that she is the woman that cleans and cooks, that carries the children (whether in her belly or arms) and that gets the groceries and that's her life then.
I'm not suggesting American married women don't go out to friends or to an eveningclass or something, they're not locked up, but the 'wifey at home'-culture is more common there, as opposed to the 50/50 both are working and caring for the kids mentality that is (gradually becoming more) normal in the Netherlands.
You're a 100% right and I totally agree with you, but you have to realise that that is such a dutch way to look at weddings. ''weddings are simply the rite to publicise the couple's commitment to eachother'' is such a direct, platonic and almost business like way to look at a wedding. Im sure that if you were to describe a wedding like this in latin-america for instance people would jaw drop at that comment. You might not be dutch, but you are dutch!
@@Widdekuu91we the Dutch are a practical nation in so many ways. When something doesn’t work we make it work, and wedding debt set’s a couple back. So instead we try to find ways to do thing’s a more suitable way. As example when Going Dutch looks cheap to most foreigners, we do out of practical point. Why we will make ourselves a financial burden to the other person when we also can pay for ourselves. One thing I know it reduces gossip later on about the bill always go one way 😜 and in time of need we will stand beside friends and family we can do so because we have some money set a side. 😉
At my own Dutch wedding everyone was invited to everything and there was a ceremony, cake, drinks, dinner, party. But I've seen different, I've seen most of the things said in this video - the weirdest one for me was: invited to the ceremony, not invited to the dinner, but invited to the party after the dinner - so I had to eat dinner on my own, I didn't go because it felt so weird.
There is no typical Dutch wedding. In the east and the South they celebrate huge, many people, food and party. In the west it can be only for part of the celebration. All depends on income, geography, customs, religion. Great memories from Twents marriage celebrations. Uitgebreid en gezellig feest.
Indeed. I was going to say to same thing. Not only are weddings in the east and south much bigger, I know that anniversaries in Twente and the Achterhoek are often big as well.
I feel like what is described here as a Dutch wedding, is actually a Hollandic wedding. Here in the east(Twente), weddings are mostly quite big, but still with separated “classes” of guests(day guest and evening guests). I believe that in historical Catholic areas, so the south and east, people tend to invest more in an actual party. There is a bit more money in those envelopes as gifts as well.
You are so right. In the east and the south you sometimes do get a dinner as well as a big party (if you are close enough to the couple). Still not five star, but good food. And the present or envelope you give is at least double the amount.
We don’t want people to start their life together with a big debt, so there are weddings in every price range. Rich people might take you on a weekend in ibiza or gran canaria, poor people will take just their parents to city hall. And everything in between. And it’s all fine. And if you don’t get married and just live together that’s fine too (depending on your religion). Most of us don’t judge other peoples life (or party) decisions.
Yes you give more money because you are meant to help the new house. In Italy, it's relatives like aunts and uncles who give the most.
@@nadiapaladini7922 people in the Netherlands usually already have a house, steady income before they even decide to get married. Most people are between 28-38 when they marry here, they already have a solid career and finance. So the money they receive from gifts, is usually used to fill the gap created by the wedding. Probably is also the reason the wedding is not as extravagant here (typically at least) than in 90% of the world, we don't engage in marriage because of status or acceptance. People marry here because they feel it's the right thing to do (but quite frankly, it isn't because most marriages here fail anyway).
@@sloppyprogrammer4373 in Italy, marriages because of "status or acceptance" have disappeared since the early Seventies. Have a look at stats. Most people get married "between 28-36" in Italy, when they have "a solid career and money". I don't think it's that different than in the Netherlands.
Also, many couples don't get married, they create their family without wedding rings and parties. Some couples decide to get married after living together for years - in this case the money they receive is usually for a trip. Anyways, if they choose to celebrate, they do it properly - which does not help to lower the divorce rate ;)
My ex and I based one aspect of the wedding on a French wedding-experience. We got married in a castle here in the Netherlands and had our closest family stay in a hotel for the night. The morning after we all went for a brunch so we could extend our experience with our loved ones. That was beautiful. Thank you “France” 💋
My favourite wedding I went to was when my boss married her husband. They went to the gemeentehuis, signed the papers and then organized a BBQ. It was a fun party and they are still madly in love :)
I love the comment about the class system for a dutch wedding. This is so true. In almost every other culture, engaged couples invite the community to celebrate without reserve. And without this kind of sorting and classification. I am proud to be Dutch, but this is one aspect of the culture that also feels like the antithesis of a celebration of love, community, and friendship.
Just get rid of the idea that Dutch culture should be like every other culture. You can't invite the entire community when there are special costs.
@@cosmofox Yes, you can be cost efficient and invite a community. Really, it's possible with a little creativity. Unless you are so Dutch you can't rid yourself of the infamous statement "it's not possible"
Why would i invite the vommunity to such an intimate celebration. Family and friends, thats it, thats enough.
@@SmileForRianne Yeah that's just to show off, you really don't need your mother's work friends and other people you don't know. It has to be real so invite people you are linked with. I like a cheap wedding, it's still expensive enough to gather that large of a group in a place. Don't need to break the bank.
Maybe because we Dutch still vieuw a wedding as a partnership than a silly fairytale.
So we do not feel the need to dress up and pretent real life does not exist.
(We have carnaval for that already, and that's (almost) every year.)
Yes the students are back 👍❤️👍❤️
Fantastische video's, @Bart! Ik word er altijd vrolijk van. Bedankt.
Hartelijk bedankt voor uw peper en zout stel.
... hartelijk bedankt, met een hele, hele dikke zoen. Hartelijk bedankt voor het peper en zout stel. Dat had u nou toch echt niet moeten doen!
Hartelijk bedankt voor de mooie BOEKEN! ... "en weet u wat nou zo leuk is? Het is eigenlijk een peper en zout stel!"
"Dat had u nou toch ECHT NIET moeten doen!!!"
André van Duyn en Corrie van Gorp, ik meen eind jaren 70. We hadden net een videorecorder. Ik heb die scene honderd maal gezien ;)
Ahh this is verrrry stereotypical haha. My Dutch wedding was very extravagant and expensive 😅 Let me tell you. And we for sure served some classy snacks. Not all of us are “tokkies” ;-) My American friends were amazed at how long our wedding was (one entire day). She was used to just a short ceremony and then a party. We had breakfast, pictures, city hall, lunch, church, reception, dinner, party into the wee hours of the night. And all on a Saturday. Don’t worry 😋 The money giving tiers are right though. As a day guest ur expected to give way more than someone who only visits the reception.
Thanks for this. I knew this was just one version of Dutch Weddings
Love that u literally describe it as tokkies 😂
Everything I am learning on this channel I am loving so much. It's like the best way of life.
These videos are great. Funny but true.
Is there any way to add subtitles for when you're speaking or make you a bit louder? I can't seem to find a good balance between the volume of the interviewees and your comments.
It's also a geographical issue. Maybe the weddings in Holland are short and cheap but where I come from in Limburg weddings are different. Mostly there are 2 ceremonies, one at the "gemeentehuis" and one at church. After church there is first a short (1 to 2 hours) reception and later there is a big party with also a great buffet (mostly around 11 o'clock). The party sometimes is till the next day!
Often a diner is given for family and close friends (20-100 people) and a short party before or a longer party after the diner for other friends, sports teammates and collegues.
If you attend a short party you can give a small gift.
If you attend a long party you give a bigger gift.
If you are a closer relation to the bride or groom and attend the diner and party the gift might even be bigger.
If the invitation has a little printed envelope on it the wedding couple invites you to donate your present cash in an envelope (with a card). It is usually used to pay for most of the wedding party.
They briefly mentioned the appropriate amount to "donate" but from your experience how much was that? If you don't mind answering that is :).
I have never been invited to a wedding after passing the age of 12-14, but this is what I know from experience:
- Usually people put an envelope on the invitation if they want money. Some have an elaborate contraption that you can put the money into, or a donation-box with 'For our honeymoon!' and others don't give a damn and get a shoebox with the brand still on and a slit on the top. To be fair, that wedding was a 'moetje' so they did not waste effort on decor.
- People have a cake, but sometimes they have multiples to pick from, small cakes or small bites. The highclass-wedding I've been to, had many cakes and small 'bites' with salades and light food. No dinner, but fruit and sweets. The other one I've been to (moetje) had one small cake and there was not enough for everyone, not to mention, they did not even have water for the guests. Luckily I did not get any dry cake so I didn't have to flush it down either.
- As far as I know, you divert it into several groups, for the sake of áctually hanging out with people in that group and having fun in the right atmosphere.
That means you have the formal reception (everyone can come and see you, if they get invited) but if you are her old neighbour, she might not want you at the party.
She (and he, ofcourse) might invite you to the next evening though, where she'll have a borrelavond with people that weren't invited to the party. Or they have a family-evening the next day, to re-watch the weddingvideo's or do karaoke or..whatever they might've planned. You would feel more comfortable cheekily twerking or dancing to some Dua Lipa music when your old neighbour or grandma is not at the party.
I have also seen people plan the restaurant two days after, to have several guests near them and have a nice dinner to talk about the wedding. That is more grandma's style.
- I like the idea of some American weddings (or other traditions) but with all the chaos and music and loud noises and food and screaming and drinks, I would go insane. I would not want that on my own wedding. A bit of extra glamour is fine, but making it some sortof show for your acquintances, is stupid.
hmm, seems like I have been giving too much, but I have only been at weddings of people I considered to be close friends, and for close friends I like to do a little extra :) closer to €50 spent on a gift (either cash in envelope or spend part of it on a personal gift and include the rest of the money)
I'm surprised you didn't mention the 'peper en zoutsetel' tradition. I guess it's less common now, but it used to be that wedding gifts often included new things that newlyweds needed when moving in together, because traditionally people moved in after they got married. Very practical items like a salt and peper set, pots and pans, blankets, things like that XD
Even though it's not common anymore I think it really adds to video's like this to show how much of a practical people us Dutchies are :P
I am amazed you don't have to pay an entrance fee to attend a Dutch wedding as a guest. Or receive a bill afterwards.
Are your trying to be funny or offensive?
@@gardenjoy5223 Realistic.
@@flitsertheo So glad I don't know you.
@Confusiusd Yeah, "gat in de markt".
To many Dutch people, it is unfathomable to spend 50k on a wedding, nobody cares about table decorations, etc. etc. We spent about 5K on our wedding and had a great time. The ceremony had most of our closest friends and relatives, all of whom were invited to dinner (a BBQ) and around 20:30 the rest of the guests arrived for the party, about 100 in total. There were plenty of drinks and snacks (and cake of course), all of them pretty low key, such as cheese, sausage, crisps and deep fried snacks later in the evening. It's relatively inexpensive, yet everyone likes them, especially after a few drinks. We did most of the stuff ourselves, like decorating the venue, a friend was behind the BBQ, people took turns behind the bar, etc.
Exactly
Even 5000 euro is too much
I'm Dutch and I did'nt spent too much on my wedding. The reason was simple and practical. You can get married just by going to the locale government (gemeente) and you're married. If you spent like 15.000 euro's on a wedding and you know beforehand that 2/3 of those weddings end in a divorce, it's sipmly a waste of money. My wife and I are almost married for 25 years. Now we will give a big party and do a 'do over wedding'. We have much more money to spent now and are sure we stay together for life. We have calculated it will cost about 51.000 euro's. But the good part is that out children are part of it and we will have a great second honymoon!
How will pay those 51000 euro? Invited people pay?
Afgelopen zondag was ik in Amsterdam en er stond een reisleider of iets dergelijks te praten tegen een groep mensen en ik ging er gezellig bij staan, en toen de reileider mij vroeg: wat wilt u, kan ik u ergens mee helpen. Nee hoor, ik luister slechts om te horen of je deze mensen niet staat voor te liegen met een grijns op mijn gelaat - en jawel hoor gelijk in het Engels hoe direct Nederlanders zijn.😁
Why waste the money? I saw once in Den Bosch four women on two old tandems turning up at the town hall; two were being married and two were the witnesses. It was over in 15 minutes.
Dutch weddings seem to be different than a lot of other countries, sounds like it's better not to have a venue at all and just legally marry. Dutch people are not interested in big expensive weddings because they are smarter than that, they know it's not worth the money.
Agree,
dont call it a wedding; it is just a marriage, and it is prevalent everywhere. Go to the municipality for the paper and get married; done 0 waste of money. The ridiculous part here is they want a wedding, and being cheap is ridiculous. If they dont want to spend, just get married to your partner and go home. I did that because; I needed to marry and not have a wedding simple. But here having a horrible cheap party. It is better to do nothing.
I only had one, and it was my brother-in-law's wedding, and it wasn't cheap at all. But I've heard stories of one being invited only to the church ceremony but not at the reception.😅 It's more common and presumably accepted? Not sure, but unlike Asian weddings, it is more structured, even the number of portobello mushrooms and meat servings a guest can take on the table. You have to be mindful of how much meat you will put on your plate so other guests can also try some. Food is enough, but not enough for you to be satisfied or remember how nice it was. I guess on the brighter side, you are there because you're genuinely happy for the couple, and you also know that you received the invitation based on a real relationship and not because of superficial reasons brought by complex social structures or societal expectations.
Ik niet na welke kut huwelijk ze zijn geweest, de meeste huwelijken zijn op vrijdag en zaterdag omdat de volgende dag iedereen vrij is. Volgens mij leer jij deze personen compleet de verkeerde gegevens.
this really is modern day and depends per couple. my brother and his husband had a ceremony at a church, a big dinner, a long party at a hotel all in nice suits and dresses and then also sleeping there with breakfast. but more and more its going the, from what i know, japanese way, you go, preferably on a monday since then its free, city hall, sign some papers and boom you're married and have a small party or dinner with family/friends. but it all depends where you come from and how your life is
Brother and his husband? Did you make some mistake in the translation?
Was married in Belgium, on Monday it was cheaper ( 30 €) vs the weekend. Money presents around 50 € per person , guess pretty much similar to the Netherlands 😃😃😃
Most people in Belgium get married at the city hall on a different day then the church wedding and party.
I think it's to do with being controlfreaks and being very strict with time.
There are ways to have a more open, relaxed, jovial type of wedding in the Netherlands. And you can make it very clear by mentioning all the things you will and won't be doing in the invitation.
To me, the level of organisation in many Dutch people destroys the actual depth and quality of things. But if you realise that you can make sure you are a better example and change the wedding.
You just have to inform everyone of how you plan to do things. And what service needs to be ready and there at what time.
I'm from Twente and as a child I went to a wedding where they went to city hall, my parents didn't take us because it would bore us. Then there was a huge buffet style dinner with all kinds of game. For the people who were only invited for the evening they had a cold buffet. They had hired a band and the parents and brothers and sisters would tell embarrassing stories before the gifts were given. As the evening progressed more distant relatives and neighbors came for the drinks and dancing. Clearly this is not the way it's done all around the Netherlands. But this is the way I know weddings to be.
Same in the Achterhoek. Must be a Eastern thing.
And I must ask, did the waiters learn how fast you drink, so they could plan on when to give you a new glass, so you would never run out?
The real pattern is that the wedding is what you want it to be.
In general I would think getting married has a legal bit, which is a bit dull. If you want to attend the boring bit, you can, but you don't have to. After which a party with drink, food and friends. Gifts optional. That 's basically just a practical way to handle it maximizing enjoyment, friends, and cost.
Funny, but there is a huge difference between the south, north and east of the netherlands compared to the west ….. the randstad
For some people it's just a formality. I got married because we were buying a house together en intended to have children. Getting married will take care of some formal stuff in case one of the partners dies. Otherwise you have to go to the notary who is very expensive.
So we went on monday morning (free with a maximum of 10 guests) with some relatives and have coffee afterwards (whih wasn't the plan, but my grandfather insisted).
Most weddings I hav been to were pretty expensive though. There would always be snacks at the parties. Mostbof the time I would be invited to the party and ceremony. The dinner usually really depends on how close you are. But I have been to 2 where everyone was invited.
Not true anymore, you can simply register for a partnership and it's for the most part the same. The need for a "will" has been long abolished by the state, there are many ways you can achieve what was only possible in marriage over 40 years ago. Wills nowadays, are (for the most part) only used to leave and divide big fortunes to relatives and for older people. But there are many ways you can setup your testimony for the after life and marriage is absolutely not necessary anymore for a long time. My pension will, for the most part, automatically be transposed to my current partner because I made it setup that way when I had to setup the pension fund. I think if there ever will be a country that abolishes legality of marriage, it will be the Netherlands because quite frankly.. marriage is pointless.
@@sloppyprogrammer4373 When I got married (about 20 years ago) registering dor partnership was very new. Sure, everyone could done it, but made for gay people to get equal rights as married straight people. Which I never understood. I never really saw why it had to be a somethig seperate, eventhough you get the sme rights. So it never really occured to me to register myself and it wasnt common for straight people to do so, like it is nowadays.
Watch the "Big Day" on Netflix which shows the Big Fat Indian Weddings & you will be amazed what goes in a wedding in south-east asian culture like India :D
I've been to expensive weddings and cheaper ones, but i think generally people just want to have a nice day instead of spending huge amounts on wedding planners and enormous decorations like you see on tv. Rule of thumb: the more elaborate the wedding, the earlier they get divorced. But I do agree that it's a weird "class system" where you only get invited to particular parts of a wedding.
my uncle whas getting married and during the day it was for family and close friends and in the evening colleagues were also invited. for me that isn't a strange way.
You said it "weddings you see on tv". Who wants their wedding being shown on tv? Show offs.
What's weird about the "class" system? If you would have to spend the whole day and evening talking with all of your guests you'll be exhausted and their will not be a special time to spend with your close relatives.
@@lindamaes6454But why invite people to part of your wedding because they are not close enough or it is hard work? Because I feel like its done just to receive a present from them or to make the party bit better by having a crowd. I would feel like being used tbh either give everyone a proper invite or just keep it small. Otherwise it just feels like excuses.
@@SY-bn3iz It's not about more presents or having a crowd. When you have a big family like mine, it would be impossible to invite everyone for the whole day/night.
In Belgium you can only have an official wedding at the town hall so that will be with the closed relatives in the morning and a lunch.
The church wedding will be in the afternoon where everyone is invited followed by a reception. (drinks and canapés)
Then the couple gets their wedding pictures taken with the closed relatives, most of the time at a different location than the reception.
When they return there will be drinks and diner followed by a welcoming reception for the evening guests.
Finally the wedding cake and desserts will be served before the opening dance and around midnight there will be snacks because you need the energy to dance until 3 or 5 in the morning. .
This is a traditional wedding.
As a dutch person i can say we do it all different. But it stays kind of cheap compared to for example an italian wedding. But it should be considered that food is quite expensive if you would like to give the same as those countries.
Secondly many weddings have more a personal touch with the wedding couple. For example singing for each other. Family doing dramas etc. At least its the case in my circle. I've been to a italian wedding and i was not able to say anything to my friends that got married.
From what i hear from some cultures there is really a sense of shame and shaming if a wedding is not over the top. And sometimes hunts peoples social status for a long time. So, i would prefer a dutch one in which you can do whatever you want.
And yes the invitations to different parts is strict. You should not crash another part if you are not invited to it.
Also many couples mary during the week for the state. And than marry on another day for the family and or church.
Except for the observation that few(er) people get married in the beginning of the video, and that 20 euro is an acceptable gift at the end, as a Dutchman I recognize none of these stereotypes, to be honest.
me neither,
Definitely the class system is true
@@JeroenBIG Class system, where you have to stand relative to bride and groom tells you how close you are? Close family sits in front during the vows, sure, seems normal when there is seating; but surely not at a party?!
Watching the whole vid again, there is the thing of being invited for the whole party, or only for the reception, indeed; but is that confusing? And isn't that similar in non-Dutch western countries?
@@landsgevaer In Belgium you also don't invite all of your relatives, friends or colleagues to the formal dinner but only for the evening reception/dinner and dance party.
@@lindamaes6454 Yes, I agree, but that is neither confusing nor typically Dutch, I would argue... ;-)
Traditionally the guest will give appliances and stuff for the house.. although this is now outdated.... some families still do this... but money is more custom now... because the options and/of appliances are to costly... they just give money as this is the "altijd goed" option.
''Pindakaas broodje'' she's the one
Dutch....and raised by my parents to give "what I cost" as a guest. Or to give a durable gift, like a Le Creuset pan. Not cheap. I would be so ashamed if I showed up with €20
We got married on a "free" morning. Our rings were les than €10, plain silver. I was pregnant, we were students. 20 years on, still married. And We are so happy that we did not have the whole deal. A dress, a party, a car, it does not make your marriage.
Do they even know how expensive The Netherlands is? What do they want?
Ring cost money - Wedding itself cost a lot of money - those 2 can already cost like €2000 /€5000
And al this is just for one single day. The next day you're married and thats about it.
Not to mention the cost of a divorce. We just do not rush it. Wich everybody should take an example of. Do not marry to fast.
P.S i hate it wnhen they say, Dutch are cheap. we are not cheap. we just dont have the money for it. not to mention the food you may have to trow away if hardly anyone eats or drink it.
We Dutch dont like to,trow away food/drinks. So stop saying we are cheap.
we give the most for help
They must understand and respect the culture. Dutch are not cheap, they are just wise spender i will say. 👍👍👍
I agree, I think the Dutch are sensible with money so will not waste it but will spend it when needed or appropriate. There’s no need to show off with a big wedding, no one will be impressed, and you’ve wasted money. As a guest I think it’s strange that guests in the uk are expected to ‘pay back’ the cost of the meal and drinks in the cost of the present. I’d rather just pop by for an hour, have a drink and some snacks, wish you well, and give you an envelope with €50
We are cheap and smart we don’t have credit debt like a lot off other people. So let them call us cheap=smart 🤓
Also I much rather have a cheap wedding (it's only for one day) and save my money for an expensive honeymoon/holiday, and go to some exotic place for 4 weeks!
Dutch guy here:
i think the weddings in the west are very different from from the east of the netherlands,.. (and its not just the weddings)
But is you (especialy as an expat) only been to weddings in the randstad,.. then a "Boeren bruiloft" will be a whole new culture shock for you ;-)
Thanks for including the money part. I am going to my former colleague's wedding tomorrow and was not sure how much to give! I am bringing my partner and attending both the ceremony and the party. I think I will do 50 euros, but if anyone thinks that's too small please please let me know by the comment so I don't offend my dear former colleague bride.
there was no shortage of food on any dutch wedding i've been
then again, i mostly attended those of people pretty close to me, so there's that
the UK guys are a 100% right about the class system of relationship, that's exactly how it goes lol
and let's be fair, you would prefer the people you like most to be the main attendees on your big day right, it's only logical lol
weddings and funerals are still like 5000 bucks, no chump change if you ask a dutchman
But why invite people to part of your wedding because they are not close enough? Because I feel like its done just to receive a present from them or to make the party bit better by having a crowd. I would feel like being used tbh.
Vind deze videos meestal leuk om te kijken, maar het feit dat een groot deel van deze mensen nooit naar een bruiloft in Nederland geweest zijn en wel meteen roepen dat het 'cheap' is irriteert me een klein beetje tbh
Zijn studenten van ouders met geld zou ik denken
Lets be honest tho, is it really a party if there arent any bitterballen?
Not Dutch weddings, Hollandisch weddings. I’ve been to a wedding in Holland while with us in Brabant there is just a day program those guests are welcome whole day, the reception for a few hours and the evening guests. And the wedding has no ending, my sister had a circus tent at my parents and the music ended at 04:00 at night last guests left at 6:00.
Not even Holland weddings, I think it’s a city thing. I live in North-Holland and most of my family lives in South-Holland. But none of them in cities, only in small towns. And we have old fashioned weddings, in this order. 1. City Hall ceremony (just before or after lunch); 2. Church wedding; 3. Reception at a beautiful venue, a castle or a monumental restaurant; 4. Wedding dinner, at the same venue; 5. Wedding party, at the same venue if possible, and until late in the night. You are invited for all 5 or only for 2 and 3. Formal wedding photos are mostly taken between step 1 and 2 or between 2 and 3. And the happy couple is often staying at a nearby hotel otherwise they won’t be able to sleep together. Family and friends will take the opportunity for a practical joke, like filling the whole house with balloons, so you have to clear your house first, before you can go to bed. Or the whole stairs is filled with cups of water to prevent you to reach the upper floor bedroom. Or change the locks of your house. Or remove all bedlinnen from the house. Or make noise under the bedroom window etc. It’s much nicer to have a good night (sleep) in a hotel. But keep the address secret! You never know what could happen. At my friends wedding the fire alarm went off in the middle of the night and every hotel guest went outside in the undies/pajamas, where his friends were laughing their socks off running away from the hotel. When I got married, I hired a private guard that stayed in my house, one day before the wedding till one day after the wedding. To prevent these sorts of practical jokes. And I booked a hotel two hours away and a rental car, in secret. We left the party when the guests got their cup of coffee to sober up before their return home. I had ordered a taxi which dropped us of at a hotel in a neighboring town where I had parked the rental car in advance. It worked. They payed the taxi driver to tell them where he dropped us off. But we didn’t stay at that hotel, it was only the parking spot for our rental car. When we got home a few days later nothing had happened. The next Friday we went to bed and our friends put a sign in the garden with the text: Honk your horn, newly weds are home! We didn’t get much sleep that night. And the next morning I saw the sign in the garden. It took a few days, but they got us. At 7.00 in the morning a local restaurant brought us a Gotcha breakfast.
@@RealConstructor Since they don't have relatives or longtime friends in the Netherlands they propably just been invited to the evening reception or dance party. I live near the Dutch border, my aunt is from Breda, but I never heard of bitterballen at a wedding except as a night snack during the dance party.
@@RealConstructor Dat gaat wel erg ver, wij hadden gewoon een afspraak met de bruid dat er binnen niks zou gebeuren, voor het vrijgezellenfeest sprak haar zus al een veto uit toen we mogelijk naar Heerenveen wilde omdat hij fan van de voetbalclub is...
5:17 haha the girl has genuine reaction! What :)) parking fee
My mother has bought a Big screen TV and my partners Friends has amazed with it. A tv costs about 600-700 ?
In Turkiye we are giving golds as present from a gram gold which worth min 60 euros and more. İf u r close to family so God bless u, may this present cost u a fortune!
#Dutch things
My brother and my sister in-law got married in secret at city hall. I was the best man.
They send a postcards to all their friends, who were not at the actual extremely small happening, from a fake "vacation address", which said in the P.S.:
"P.S. We got married."
A true proper Dutch wedding. And very funny!
LOL, yup, that is the way I would do that too! No people complaining they should have been invited blah blah blah. Just do not invite anyone!
I have not seen some of my uncles/aunts in over a decade, they do not send birthdaycards or email me at X-mass. Why should I spend thousands of Euroos entertaining them?
My brother-in-law did that too, only he took the real holiday. The whole family thought less of the couple afterwards. And we still do, more then thirty years on. There's frugal and just being cheap. We think they are cheap, because obviously - going abroad themselves - they were not frugal.
These are the ones considered to take part in half, or as the Dutch say: 'voor spek en bonen' (literally 'for bacon and beans', perhaps because the eggs are left out?)
Just like that weird guy my niece turned up with, who on a Christmas day greeted the whole family with: "I wish everyone, what they wish me." Implying someone might wish him ill and ought to get the same, where we didn't know him well enough to wish him anything but good." NOT done. Simply rude, even for the Dutch.
Me as a Dutchie totally understand it why they see us at cheap in general because if people come over they get one drink of one cookie or snack, everything is calculated to be sure there is no food or money waist but in my opinion houses are barely affordable for a big group so I think a lot of Dutch people skip celebrating a wedding when they get married because we already have a lot of bills to pay and most people don't believe in God and staying together forever so nobody wants to go in debt for one day especially if 1/3 divorces anyway. Me as a Catholic would love to get married but I totally understand why things change when all bills are extremely expensive.
another traditional gift is a salt and pepper mill
"You have to go there, eat a piece of cake and twenty minutes later, leave." :) I love it.
Yes that was funny but it has absolutely nothing to do with any Dutch wedding.
@@Sjaan_Banaan If I could leave any birthday after 20 minutes it would be a piece of cake.
Gosh I *hate* those unending inane-chatter evenings/ afternoons.
Clean In and Out are the best ones ;)
Well to be fair... The reason why it is free on a (mostly) monday is because of a social reason, not a money reason.
It is made free so people who can't afford it, can still marry. And to avoid other people knowing that "ohh that's a couple who can't afford it" it is made free for everyone. Most dutch people don't use that specific day for money reasons.
How they describe it....That isn't a Dutch wedding at all
And don’t forget about the engagement 💍!!!
What engagement ring? Those went out of fasion after my parents married back in the 1960's or so...
Americans with their ridiculous obsession with them make us laugh our arses off.
Money, give us money, please. We marry at a relative young age mostly, when we haven't made career yet, and a lot of our parents don't contribute much. Don't ask me why not, because I really don't know... might have been poverty in former generations? We calculated, what the guests would give, based on their closeness and financial situation, and knew what the budget for the party would be, since we didn't have much money ourselves. We just made it, without debts, yay! For all wondering: the average would be 25 Euros per grown-up guest for the 'normal' people with normal salaries. In fact you help pay for the party. For a party all day with food rather 50 Euros per grown-up guest. For the richer parties: double the amounts. For the truly rich: no limit to impress.
I'm dutch but it's selfish to expect everyone to take a day off, instead of marrying on the weekend. I would also invite everyone for the whole day.
It's deadly wrong to say a little bit peculiar, it's peculiarness at its peak.
I didn't even know most of these things myself.
Maybe I should marry more often.
Considering the cost is neglible, why don't you? Thinking out loud poligamy is illegal (legally not respected, i dont think you'll end up in jail) and getting divorced is expensive in the Netherlands 🤣
@@Solomonk15 I don't know man. Maybe I can manage to get myself a discount on my next bunch of divorces. I am a returning customer after all. You want one too? It's weekend here, so I'm buying. 😉
1:14 kreket 😄
Bedankt Paul maar ik Wil lessen in Nederlandse Taal
Gewoon lekker op straat met mensen gaan praten :) Heb je meer aan dan youtubejes van mensen met maffe accenten kijken.
Serieus, leer de uitspraak en uitdrukkingen van de mensen om je heen (dat wisselt hier bijna per stad) - daar maak je vrienden mee.
Je vergeet de gratis papegaai, Bart. Tegenwoordig ziet je het naar ik weet niet meer, maar ik lees al jaren geen kranten meer. Maar de papegaai was traditie als een koppel trouwde en dus de 1e huwelijknacht had, stond er in het plaatselijke suffertje een advertentie: Gratis af te halen tussen een bepaalde tijd.. zodat het kezen 's ochtends geen doorgang kon hebben. In Overijssel gaan ze nog een stapje verder, daar halen ze het bed uit huis, desnoods met een kraan. Eén van mijn familieleden had dat gedaan, het paar is nadien in een hotel gaan "slapen".
Nooit van gehoord...
@@Sjaan_Banaan hoe is het mogelijk, hier in Noord-Holland was het ook heel gewoon, maar misschien ben jij de 60 nog niet gepasseerd?
@@IJmond2014 Nee dat duurt nog een paar jaar. Maar als het al zo lang geleden is dat ze dit deden, dan is het niet heel relevant voor deze video, lijkt me
@@Sjaan_Banaan Nee dan niet, das waar
Hahahahaha, die is nieuw voor me :)
Leuk die lokale idiote acties.
Utrechtse vrienden van me hebben de WC-deur "geleend" (zonder het koppel op de hoogte te stellen) en hebben het ding bij het feest opgesteld zodat iedereen er de beste wensen, serieuze adviezen, grappige rijmpjes en complete onzin op kon schrijven...ding is een dag later oid netjes gelakt teruggehangen.
The Dutch are cheap they say. 😂
Well, we sure are in comparison.
Meanehile we're also one of the first-world countries even though our country is do small.
I am present at a Dutch wedding, mine!
And it was enough not to go to others. 😂😂😂
----------------------------------------------------------
PS: I hope my wife doesn't read this ..
Dutch women are very strong! 🙏😯😨
Thanks for the compliment 💪🏼
Ik raad je aan om de touwtjes in handen te houden in je relatie en huwelijk want anders wordt het geen succes en kan je er beter van af zien. Hopelijk past je 'best men' goed op je en zorgt hij voor een veilige aftocht Indien je toch op het laatste moment wil cancelen.
I've seen friends take out the equivalent of a small mortgage to fund a wedding only to get divorced a few years later. The way its described sounds worse than it probably is in reality. There will be those who can't/don't want to go to a big party so are happy to leave a gift instead but it should be left to the guests to choose rather than it being dictated by the couples. If I were told to just leave a gift and then go I wouldn't bother with that person anymore.
Sounds like if you want a cheap date/ spouse get a Dutch person
Not about being cheap, it's about being economically efficient. Cheap to describe the dutch, has been used wrong in many ways. There are not many people personally bankrupt in the Netherlands and being efficient with your money is one of the reasons. We're "zuinig" not "gierig".
It seems to me that these people are all on the money. If you have a lot of money you can give a big wedding. If not, you have a wedding how you like it and not go bankrupt so everybody got a great dinner and drinks. If you realy like the couple that are getting married you better be happy for them and be sure they are having a good time no matter the size of a party or how good the food is.
Pleaae someone invite Dutch people to indian or Pakistani wedding!
Wow that is totally not correct, the avarage wedding costs like 20.000 - 25.000 Euro. And you do not get bad food. What the hell. The dinner really depends, my sisterwedding we were only with 10people invited for dinner, and all ceromony guest had to fix there own food somewhere els. But for my wedding (next june, all 50 ceromony guest, will eat with us.
At an english birthday party or wedding you have to pay your own way thats weird
I don't think you are supposed to spend heaps of money on a wedding reception. But you should at least make your guests feel happy with you: nice food, music, giving and accepting presents gracefully and spending happy time together. At weekends, of course: a wedding on a working day is rude, it's like you hope nobody comes. Otherwise, don't throw any party at all.
By any chance an American here who can explain me why the heck you have a rehearsel wedding evening? For me this is the weirdest thing ever, why? If you dont do a practice everything will be a disaster?
Not an American, but I heard the rehearsal dinner is for guests coming from afar, but of course you invite the closest family and friends as well, as it is a perfect moment to catch up with one another. It's a Big country. So you tend to those guest's hunger and need to reconnect during the rehearsal dinner. Not as weird once you understand the distance and costs of traveling to partake at your wedding. Actually the least one can do in such a situation.
I haven't been to a lot of weddings, but the ones I have been to were a pain in the ass ( which is probably why I haven't been to a lot of weddings). One exception: my best friends got married right before corona, and it was just them and my mate's sister and me. We thought they were just going to sign the samenlevingscontract, but they turned it into a wedding ceremony at the last minute. Then we just pelted them with puffed rice while throwing small fireworks, playing "vinde gij mijn gat niet te dik in deze rok" at full volume on the bluetooth speaker all the way to our favourite pub, had dinner and got drunk, and went to De Efteling the next day. THAT my friends, is my idea of a great wedding.
Dutchies are cheap... One of our guests gifted us a mug with like 8 euros inside... average of 20 euros seems about right. Also for me it was very weird to have people come during the ceremony and the party afterwards but not the diner which is traditionally held only with close family. So our diner was with like 50 people which is a pretty large group for a normal dutch wedding.
Because is free on tuesday
LOL,I thought that was mondays... but who wants to get married anyway?
Wat is die Amna een waanzinnig mooie vrouw zeg :/
Why throwing a massive expensive party when you have been living together for ages first to try each other out.
@Devil Man just sayin
It's not even true I am an Dutch man married and I have been in 4 weddings from friends but it was with hundreds of people and allot of music en talks and kids playing outside. Believe me the weddings are not cheap there expensive. Dutch people are willing to spend allot of money but that's not what it is about.
I rather spend 15.000 on the honeymoon then the wedding what takes one day
We spend 10.000 on our wedding day and under 1000 on our honeymoon. We had a very memorable day and a truly lovely honeymoon, both full of intense emotions.
Wishing you the same joy.
Volgens mij zijn jullie niet op een echte bruiloft geweest!
DO THEY GET MERRIED???🤣
Small, and cheap,cheap and Cheaper???🤣🤣🤣🤣OMG zo denken ze over Nederlanders 🤣🤣🤣🤣
PARTY WITHOUT FOOD! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ik heb deze 2-3 keer gekeken en elke keer ga ik stuk!!!!HELEMAAL STUK!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ik ben Indisch en mijn verjaardagen zijn net als bruiloft met veel te veel eten 🤣🤣🤣🤣
ngl I am more surprised about let's say Americans who spend 5k on a dress, and then another 10k on another half of the wedding. like you are most likely a middle income household, why do you go broke for a party day and a signed paper saying you are married. just invite some friends and family, have a good time, and sign the papers
This made me feel embarrassed to be Dutch 🤦🏽♀️
And unfortunately this can be true. But I must say I have been to really extravagant Dutch weddings for sure. I think the millennials and gen Z are more influenced by social media know a days
I am confused why you are embarrassed? I think it's awsome that in the Netherlands it socially acceptable to just get in there, get married for free and then celebrate cheaply in the pub with close friends and family, but also that it is acceptable that you can throw a lot of money at it and get married at a castle. You are not getting married for the guest, it's a personal thing between the two people getting married. They should celebrate it the way that fits them and their current finances the best.
Unless you are embarrassed by something specific I am missing?
I am dutch with chinese roots. So my wedding was half dutch(cheap) and half traditional, but still ended up with expenses around 80k euros. On the other hand the chinese part is always profitable. So we ended up financing our world trip honeymoon as well . Tip dont invite too much dutch guests if you want to balance the expenses.
Why the fuck would you spend half a house on what is just a party?
80 duizend euro voor een trouwerij? Sorry maar dat is echt niet normaal, of je moet het kunnen lijden.
80k? Insane!
a public church???
Haha I noticed that too, don’t forget he’s Indian where they don’t have nice public spaces to get married , you need to rent an expensive hall.
I think overall this series focusses on negative Dutch stereotypes. I get that this type of content attracts more views, but it's a pity imo. As a Dutch born I do think it's kind of rude to insult your host, no matter where you are originally from.
Vin' ik ook. Heel leuke serie maar altijd over gratis, goedkoop, Amsterdam, wiet, en wat meer. Is super interessant maar weinig in ons voordeel. ✅
Getting married for free has nothing (much) to do with the Dutch being cheapskates. Is has everything to do with rigid churchmorals in the previous centuries.
Living together by agreement (as had been the norm for centuries) did upset the church...everybody *had* to get married (and registered). But then they found out: most people did not get married because they could not afford to do so: it was just too expensive to pay the priest/ they were too poor!
So, to get rid of 'people living in sin' they had a day where is was 'register for free' ( you still had to pay for the blessing'). We just kept that tradition, so young & pennyless people still can get married if they want to. (And no...you cannot just walk in, you need to register first ;) there is a cool-down-period.)
Why put yourself in depth for a wedding? Just for the family and friends? Nope.
Investing money in a wedding. Lol
And the ugly loud music so you can not understand people and ends up with broken eardrums.
Dutch weddings are so boring and everyone is so underdressed. Even the bride doesn’t look like a bride and as a guest you can’t even wear a dance dress. No variety of food but more alcohol. I prefer our Arabic weddings.
No marriages😂
Maan these people knows nothing about Middle Eastern weddings, ure missing alot I’m telling uu
But who pays for those big weddings? I guess the parents. When a young couple is starting their new, wedded family life, how and why should they throw a megaparty that costs tens of thousands of euros/dollars, unless they are rich already?
We own a cheap venue in Germany. People only rent the hall here and may bring their own food. Usually for weddings there's a slightly higher budget. But one man from the Middle East made me so angry, that I ripped the papers for the rent. He wanted to get married. His future wife had no say in the matter. He called all the shots. She explained what she like the hall to look like, with sparse decorations. But even those were too much for the as! He gets Everything from her, including her virginity and all her work, and he wasn't willing to even spend 100 Euros on decorations... Poor woman.
This is the parking fee? Hahahahaha, you really think a Dutch persone is paying for your parking? No way, that's on you :')