the bi cycle? is that a thing?
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
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This deserves more views! I think a lot of us bisexuals are afraid we're actually faking/lying to ourselves. Internalized biphobia has been a issue for me for the last 6 years. I cycle from "Am I actually straight? Or am I lesbian?" And then I remember that I find enbies very attractive. It's tough.
Edit, June 2022: Hey, I’ve recently realized that while I still consider myself bisexual, I prefer feminine people. I like the term finsexual, which is the attraction to people who are feminine in nature regardless of gender.
Yes! I found this video so affirming, because I go through this almost daily, and it can be incredibly frustrating to try and figure myself out when my attraction changes all the time.
Same with me... My first hard crush was my female baby sitter (me also being cis female, her turning out to be trans about 10 years later! still find him hot.), and I thought I just wanted an older sister O_o
Me being mostly attracted to androgynes men... friends asking if I had sex with a woman when I came out as bi... Yeah, right... because all 'virgins' are asexual? So, being bi can be shitty, although we also 'get' straight passing privilege. Which is so important when you live in a country which is unsafe for LGBTQIA+ people...
Same I keep cycling through whether or not I'm literally any other sexuality
I used to think I was gay initially but after getting a little older I realised I do like girls a bit too and then I stopped giving in to the internal-stereotype that bottoms are supposed to be feminine 😊 it was quite liberating as I then found myself on the non-binary spectrum as both masculine and feminine...
I still sometimes get the "omg am I just gay/straight ?" feeling even though I've known I was bi/pan for close to a decade. Recently I've been more into women and I got terrified that I was actually straight and had been lying to myself for years. It took a friend sitting me down and reminding me of the x amount of times I told him about the "actually I might me gay"/"maybe I'm straight ?"/"I don't know who I'm attracted to anymore" thoughts to make my brain remember that bisexuality exists. I would love to see more research on why it happens because it's such a weird thing to feel
It's the oppression, my dude. We get invalidated from both sides. It will screw up our sense of self until we can say, actually, this is my identity and if you don't like it that's on you.
That’s amazing. You’ve nailed my thoughts about myself too ! It is interesting if not a head fuck at times .!
This is me but I’m biromantic asexual
I feel like what helped me a lot with my bisexuality was learning about romantic orientation and realizing that while I'm bisexual, I am also (grey-) heteroromantic. For a while there I just thought I was a bad at being bi just because I didn't really want a romantic relationship with women. Also that realization came with 'is this heteronormativity or do I genuinely don't like women?' question which was fun
Ah, thanks for putting that into words. I’ve been struggeling with the same - is this heteronormativity or what - as I have only been in and wanted to be in relationships with men, but most definitely also feel attraction towards women. (Although way too long ago my last experience in that regard). Also, I’ve felt attraction emotionally/romantically to a woman once or twice, where it for various reasons didn’t lead to an actual relationship. So well, this can be confusing to say the least.
Ha! I’m pretty much the same. I feel that my bisexuality swings a bit like a pendulum. Sometimes I feel like I super gay and really attracted to women, and lose a lot of attraction to my boyfriend. Then it swings back me he’s holy again lol 😂
This is legitimately me, I’m bisexual but I find it hard to be romantically interested in men, which would place me in the bisexual grey/Demi-heteromantic bubble. It’s something I’m struggling with atm cause I’m seeing a guy who is really lovely but there’s nothing there for me and I feel so guilty 24/7 🙃
Your comment made me question one more in me. Since I was a teen I wondered if I was straight or lesbian or bi or whatever (I still do. I call myself straight, but if I have been questioning this for… about 14 years… I’m probably bi but in denial, idk)… the thing is… I never had any crushes. At all. I don’t comprehend the concept of falling for somebody you don’t properly know yet. I had my first kiss at 17 with a random guy I didn’t care about because I was too curious to see how it was and it SUCKED. But shortly after I met my first boyfriend, on our second date I was already liking him a lot, but I never became “stereotypically in love”, my romantic feelings evolved with time and I love him a lot! (I’m still dating him, after 9 years!).
Now I’m wondering… am I hetero-demiromantic? Or was I just a “late bloomer”? I don’t think I ever felt any sort of romantic attraction to anybody besides him. Like… is this how demis feel or is this just “normal”?
oh my gosh, that's exactly how I feel! Since I was a teenager a had interests in women. My interests in men were always much stronger, I only had relationships with men and I only had sex with men. I honestly never questioned my sexuality even if I kissed girls at parties, and e.g. " appreciated" the looks of female actresses etc. However, I recently had a bit of a crush on a female co-worker of mine (nothing serious, but still I felt quite attracted to her). So here am I, at the age of 27, happily engaged with a man (I love him unconditionally!), questioning my sexuality. I never was thinking about myself as bi because I thought I was not enough into women for being bi...but it's my decision to label as bi, right? It's still very confusing...
As someone who constantly questions whether I’m bisexual or a lesbian with comphet, I thank you for this!
My mom made me a bracelet with the bisexual colours and just gave it to me this morning. Love her.
Also this is the most relatable video ever. I never knew there was a name for this cycle so thank you.
awww your mom sounds like the best :))
Aw
THERE IS A WORD FOR THIS!!!
Didn't even know that this is something a lot of people experience and I always get scared when it happens again. Especially when I'm at that point of the cycle where I think I'm actually a lesbian, because I'm in a very loving and very longterm relationship with a man and being a lesbian would just suck in this situation 😂
Same here!! I've been in a straight passing relationship for almost 6 years and I love him to death but every once in a while, I start to wonder if I'm actually fully gay. Usually only takes a few weeks before I want to jump him again!
I haven't ever been in a relationship but I have fallen in love with people before (men and women) and every time I fall in love with a girl I'm like am I just a lesbian?
Dito! I'm Pan, but also have had these thoughts and feelings.
Just with an extra step 🤣 "I'm Bi! Wait, pansexuality is a thing? Oh I'm definitely Pan! Wait no, I'm bi! Maybe I'm straight because I'm dating a guy? No no no I'm bi.. Pan!!! I'm Pan! But if I'm marrying a guy, am I still pan? Or even bi?" I'm glad to know I'm not the only one!
@@NaomiKFCHutchin I'm at a point where I just ignore the question if I identify as pan or bi, this gave me so many headaches 😅, especially because for me personally they kinda mean the same thing (I totally don't want to invalidte anyone who feels different about this) 🙈
(I'm mostly saying bisexual though because that's the first term I learned about and also the one my friends etc understand without explaining, makes it easier for me)
SAME Have you heart of SOOCD? I am struggling if it is just the normal bicycle or if I am actually a lesbian or if I have SOOCD. #exhausting
Oh, this is definitely my experience too. It's almost funny to me that people use the sentence 'bisexual people are not confused!' to defend our sexuality so much, because, while I understand the sentiment, I AM (once in a while) CONFUSED hahahaha
Oh I feel this, everything is all " bi people are NOT confused or promiscuous!' and I'm there like... what what if I am both bi, confused and want to be a lil promiscuous...!
I'm MtF. I always knew I loved women, but I had ~curiosities~ about men too. Every time I tried to act on them though, I couldn't go through with it. ...that is until I was about 6 months on HRT. I saw this man unbuttoning his shirt, and he had just the perfect amount of chest hair (a feature that previously repulsed me), and OMG I wanted that man! Since then, I've had wonderful experiences with both men and women and am confidently bi. My bi ratio has definitely shifted more towards men as my HRT dose has increased. I can't decide if it's coincidental, an effect of the hormones, or if I can finally appreciate masculine features in others now that I've finally gotten rid of my own.
Whatever reason(s) it may or may not be - it only matters if you‘re happy 😊
wait this is a THING
this is literally exactly what i have been thinking. this was super interesting and helpful, thank you!
that rainbow lamp is giving me life rn.
Same! I wonder where she got it. A lot of the ones I see online have the colors in reverse order and it bugs me
I think there's also an ace/ aro cycle (not as cool a word). My experience with attraction itself might not fluctuate as much (though I have aesthetic and platonic attraction that can fluctuate) but more the way I perceive myself. It doesn't help that so many, completely well-meaning people, still tend to mention that maybe I just haven't met the right person, because that really gets stuck in your brain on loop.
Yeah, aroace here and I've dealt with bouts of that same self-doubt, too. Worrying that I'm really a fraud, that there are other explanations for my orientation, that exclusionists are right, that I'm just convincing myself that I fit this label to have an explanation for my feelings, etc. None of it is truly an internal self-doubt, though, if that makes sense. When I stop and just really think about it, this is the identity I use because it feels right. All the other stuff is external, the need to fit neatly into a label, the need to prove you are who you are, the need to not be "bad representation" for the group, etc.
Very much same! For me, personally, a combination of a bi-cycle and a-cycle might be what I’m experiencing! It’s very weird. Especially since I know my sexuality and romanticality often don’t line up, yet I don’t know what the ratios are for either. I share this in hopes that I can help others along their way.
@@bevinbrand4637 The most dominant aspect for me is the thought that maybe I'm just "normal", that everyone feels similarly (because tbh otherwise it seems so absurd from my perspective) or internalised amatonormativity makes me think maybe I'll just have to meet the right person (which tbh I'd love to).
And even though I love to see more aro/ ace rep and I'm so happy for everyone in the community, sometimes it makes me feel more unsure when so many people are on the aro/ace spectrum because I go back to thinking maybe it is "the norm"
@@Rebecca-vg2ef Interesting: Somewhere I heard that some aro_ace people think or feel that romantic_sexual attraction is something people decide for fun or for attention - just because it can be difficulg to grasp something that‘s so unrelatable (in a direct, not mean way).
@@Alina_Schmidt I've seen a meme about aces (the one with guy having card "change my mind") and it was like (of course now I'm changing it a little, because I don't have a picture, so this way will be easier):
Cis-het world: doing sexual stuff
Young aces: ah, yes, sexual atraction, inside joke, I don't get that joke, 'cause nobody told me main part of it, but yes, this is a joke, no one feels that for real...
(My ace friend told me that it was her thinking for long time...)
So that is difficult to relise you are ace (or aro or both) when you just... oh gods, it is so difficult
I've been identifying as aromantic bisexual for three years now and most of the time I feel quite good with it. I actually rarely have doubts about the bisexual part because I can validate it really easily, it's a clear case for me. However, the aromantic part is a different story :D I question it all the time, thinking, what is romantic attraction? Have I ever felt that? Could I have a relationship with that person? And then I realize that these thoughts are the exact proof of my aromaticism: I don't understand romantic attraction because I've never felt it. I'm rationally dissecting if I could be in a relationship, but I never actually wanted one. Case solved. For now :D
Oof I get that. I'm bisexual demi romantic. I still have no idea what romantic attraction is but I sometimes can tell I feel it for someone. It's very confusing and weird and I constantly doubt myself.
This is exactly how I feel with my asexuality! Thank you for putting it into words!
May I ask if you "feel" sexually attracted to people or is it just aromatic?
@@lizicadumitru9683 Yes, I feel sexual attraction to people. I am bisexual :) I just don‘t feel romantic attraction.
@@lizicadumitru9683 Not feeling sexual attraction is asexual, and aromantic means not feeling romantic attraction. Some people are both, but many are just one! (You can also be on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrums i.e. demisexual greyromantic.)
Dude holy shit is this SO relatable, I didn't know if other people went through this or if it was just me!
I’ve been so frustrated by this since ever! As a kid all I ever crushed on was boys, then in middle and high school it was suddenly all girls, and now that I’m in my twenties it’s all men again, only I always end up dating nonbinary people lmao. It also doesn’t help that I’m demi aroace and my romantic attraction fluctuates similarly in degrees from really wanting to be with someone to really not wanting to. I’m also neurodivergent and can’t stand physical touch so that puts a strain on any relationships I do end up in. Ugh lol I wish it was more straightforward and less confusing but I’m glad I’m not alone.
Yep, I crushed on boys in school, had a bias for crushing on girls in high school, men in 20’s and early 30’s and it shifted again to women in my late 30’s! Go with the flow and be genuine , else it just hurts your brain !
i have been wondering if im lesbian for months now instead of bi even tho i obviously find men hot and its just a constant fight in my head and its so annoying like STOP IT oh god lmao
Aro ace chiming in with all the others who have crawled out of the woodwork, can confirm this is a thing we do too.
As a community that I've been involved in for over a decade, since the beginning one of the things that has always been stated is that sexuality is fluid. How you may feel comfortable identifying as can change over time and that's okay. It doesn't make how you used to feel any less real because you no longer feel that way and it doesn't invalidate what you're feeling now because it's different to what it used to be.
I used to be bi - 80% into women and 20% into men.
But every since I took testosterone, I'm 99% into women and 1% into men.
It's really interesting how hormones affect your preferences and moods.
For a long time I’ve wondered why I’ve only ever felt my heart skip a beat around boys/men but in any kind of intimate (wink) dreams I only ever had girls/women appearing. I always thought that maybe that’s just a thing for straight women to explore their own gender in like dreams and stuff, and I mean maybe that’s it, idk. I wouldn’t call myself bi because of this but Shaaba explaining the preference of long-term relationships with men vs. sleeping with women definitely opened my eyes.
This being the bi cycle makes a ton of sense, and it's definitely a phenomenon that I and so many of my bi friends have talked abs hooked about for years. But what I *thought* you were going to talk about when I clicked on this video was essentially sexual fluidity, where your ratios of genders/gender expressions you are attracted to vary over time (though this is not necessarily limited to bi folks). Or even level of how sexual/ romantic you feel, which is much much broader than just bi folks. You definitely talked about that in this video, but I would also love to see a video especially about sexual fluidity at some point!
life is "oh my god I am liking this guy so much... I'm straight... no wait I like this girl, I'm just being comphet. fuck it maybe I don't like people at all"
then you discover "bisexuality" and then... life is beautiful
I'm ace and I think we go through something similar. Maybe it's about reacting to allosexual heteronormative society.
Also the difference between types of attraction is something that ace people talk about a lot. There are a few different types of attraction: romantic, sexual, aesthetic (and a few more that I can't recall right now). Feeling only aesthetic attraction towards someone means you like the way they look, that they look good, have a nice sense of style, etc. The romantic attraction is the want of being in a relationship with the person and sexual attraction is to want to have sex with the person.
You can feel more romantic attraction towards men, but more sexual attraction towards women. The types of attraction are not mutually exclusive. I think that it would be very beneficial to allosexual people to think about this too, it might help in this process of trying to understand how you feel and how you want to relate to people.
This happens to me, except with my gender. I identify as non binary, and when I present/dress like the gender I was assigned at birth I always question myself. It’s like my dysphoria is saying “oh you’re dressing like a girl now? I always knew you were always just pretending to be non binary.” It’s good to hear that other queer people have sort of similar experiences with questioning their gender/sexuality 😎🤠
exactly! i too experience this similar cycle with nonbinaryness, and it's quite frustrating xd
I feel like my bi expression is weighed on heavily by my life experience. I've been hurt by men in the past, but I still lust after male and androgynous presenting people. I have a lot of mommy issues, but I'd love to click with a woman and have a relationship. But then, I'm terrified of socializing, and getting my mind screwed up again, so I'm not fantasizing about romantic relationships in any real sense. At this point, I just dream of living with a bunch of close friends, and letting the romance stuff happen as it's going to.
Also, I need to tell you that with your hair and that lovely blouse, you are an autumn goddess. 💖
Literally made me feel so happy….made me smile!!! I get a lot of “you are not Bi ANYMORE you married a man” and I’m always like “does that mean I’m “straight” now” but I still am sexually attracted to women as well sooo yea I did not know the name or if there was a name and I can say I have gone through the bi---cycle lol
My husband doesn't think sexual preferences matter anymore after marriage. I am bi/queer. I never had the chance to be with a woman/non-cis male person, but that's because of circumstance and not because I didn't want to be. You and I are still bi, we just love our spouses, who happen to be male.
@@stifledbabsie thank you, this did made me tear up and I do feel better about myself
I’m attracted to aesthetics. So I’m more likely to fall for androgynous and feminine people, regardless of gender
I’m 100% sure I’m asexual but I still have the “Ace Cycle” also I’m only romantically attracted to men but I acknowledge I’d be open to a woman if I felt attracted to her, it’s just never happened. 🤷🏼♀️
@missionquestthing I feel the same wayI identify as Ace and feel like sometimes I question so much of the time about what I feel especially with romance. I'm always wondering because I feel romantically attracted to people so rarely that I may be romantic but I also just don't interact with people often....and yes I think I'm open to both romantically but have never romantically been attracted to a woman.
@@penguinabroad same here!
Waiting for my brain to act on this is taking AGES. I think some women look really attractive and I only loved someone once but they were male. However, I find it easier to imagine myself in a gay relationship with another woman sometimes bc I don't understand men that don't act like women do (I blame my autism). At the moment, I identify as biromantic.
@@penguinabroad I am so glad someone else understands where I am coming from! Sometimes it feels like going crazy. In the end (hopefully) I know it doesn’t REALLY matter because I am married to a wonderful gray ace man.
i'm very late to this conversation but i wanted to chip in. i'm bisexual, i know that deep down, but i have a whirlwind of a mind in general, so the indecisive bisexual stereotypes do not help. i tend to lean more towards men, so then the internalised homophobia/biphobia usually comes in and makes me question if i like girls, or make me feel like i should like girls more at the moment. when i was questioning if i was a lesbian it was not as conflicting as me questioning if i was straight, so then i continue questioning if i'm straight but then i just want to like girls in peace and then i'm just confused.
moral of the story: i'm a (valid) bisexual mess.
I don't actually think I can fully express how thankful I am for seeing this video I've literally been crying for the past 15 minutes and this video made me feel so much better💕
thank you so much for this video, i always thought this was just me lol!! read the lesbian masterdoc like 5 times and every time it made me feel uncomfortable and not *me*, but then some of the options did resonate with me and i was just so confuseeeed, but tbh i've stopped looking up definitions of other labels and especially very specific microlabels, because it just made me feel like shit. i'm okay with my bisexuality and i don't care if it doesn't exactly fit the definition other people have in mind, i just am who i am :)
I personally don't label myself the only thing that I know is that I like girls and non binary people a lot
Why am I only finding out there's a term for what I've been experiencing for the past 8 years now? Even after so long of calling myself bisexual publicly I've realised I'm always second-guessing and trying to prove it to myself. Finally seeing other people talk about it makes me feel much more at ease and comfortable with myself. I wish I had exposure to this discussion ages ago and I really hope this is something lots of young bi people get a chance to understand earlier on when discovering their own sexuality.
You have no idea how validating this video is for my current state of mind 🥺 You have described the bi cycle panic so well haha. Thank you as always for making wholesome, kind, compassionate content, Shaaba! Much love to you and Jamie and Polo 💙
this really helped confused bisexual people realize its okay to like be confused sometimes like "am i gay?? nah im straight no,," and it goes on.. thank you sm shaana !!!!
It’s very confusing. I would like to be 100% gay because it would make my life more straightforward but I think I have the potential for attraction to both.
@@AutomaticDuck300 i totally agree. like i feel like i wanna be a lesbian but then theres a part of me that still likes boys and somehow i cant let it go.
@@eli647 I’m exactly the same but the other way. I am a man and there’s a woman in my life right now that my physical body just reacts to, even though I feel like I’m gay deep down.
At the end of the day, you can identify with whatever label works for you. Nobody is 100% one way anyway.
@@AutomaticDuck300 have you told her how you feel, really?
@@eli647 yes and (to quote her), she thinks there’s not a gay bone in my body.
this bi cycle explanation is so relatable! it's really helpful to know that it's normal for your attractions to fluctuate :)
This explains the last 20+ years of my life. I’m so glad there’s an actual term for it
Shaaba, this is so helpful. Thank you. I'm new to my queer identity (recently recognized that I'm bisexual in my early 30s), and my shifting attractions have been very confusing, especially in light of the comp het I'm unlearning. This helps me feel a little less weird or, I don't know...just less crazy.
Ah! The eternal cycle! I just settled to calling myself queer. That one huge umbrella gives me enough comfort to deal with the cycle every time it gets too energy-draining. I'm aroace, but bi-oriented. Also non binary. So every now and then I have the "is that romantic attraction or just platonic? Is that sexual attraction or just aesthetic/alterous attraction? And am I attracted to them or I want to be them? Is internalized transphobia or is it internalized misogyny?" rabbit hole. Still struggle with each and every one of those, but end it up with "queer is good enough, I don't have to make a list of every identity that makes me... be me. Thanks for the video! Knowing I'm not alone in this helps a lot! 😂
THANK YOU YES, I find women way more sexually attractive, but am in a long-term relationship with a (straight) man and have been finding it difficult to explain the difference without making him feel unwanted (sexually). As a teen I made the distinction that I was demi-sexual towards men, but just normal homosexual towards women, but this makes more sense 😌
You are amazing, valid and no matter how much it feels like it, you are never alone.
For me personally, my cycle is just “am I doing this for attention?”, till I realised preferences exist. Also, preferring one kinda physical appearance or emotional attraction based on gender.
I feel this but instead of bi/pan feelings it ace feelings.
Always second guessing if what I’m feeling is romantic, platonic, or sexual. Literally only question myself because sometimes fictional characters make me go 😳
I’ve settled on ace lesbian or sapphic ace (as well as simply queer), but I’m not completely free from “the ace cycle” lol
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Always be yourself,
Everyone else is taken
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
This is exactly what I have been doing a lot lately! I feel so much better knowing that this is an actual Bi thing and is more common than I thought.
Never related to something so much, especially the inner thought process bit you did! Didn't realise this was something other people experienced 😅
Imagine this struggle but also being Demi-aromantic and Demi ace. Half the time I think I’m forever alone. But then I remember that I’m bi and just picky as shit
This is such a relatable topic! I always thought this was caused by circumstantial reasons. I first figured out I was bi when I was a teenager, and all through high school I was more attracted to women than men. I didn’t like any of the boys I was surrounded by so that may have contributed to me leaning into ky same gender attraction. Then once I entered college, and ever since, I’ve been much more attracted to men. I have a boyfriend so that could be contributing to it, because my attraction to him occupies my thoughts more. Just my thoughts! Thank you for bringing this phenomenon to light!
I used to think I was straight until my mid 20s, despite having multiple female celebrity crushes in my teens. Then things switched to utter confusion, when I met and became friends with a lesbian, and suddenly started to question everything (and while doing my research, understood that bisexuality was a legit thing. That explained a lot!) I'm now at the phase of the cycle where I'm mostly into women, and every once in a while I see a man and think, yeah, still bi. If I didn't know bicycle existed, I'd be a very confused gal at this point. 😀
Omg I didn't know this was an actual thing lol!!!😂 I go through this like 2 times a week (even tho I have a girlfriend I think I'm straight sometimes) I only started to question myself a few years ago and I love my girlfriend but I always feel guilty when I think I'm just pretending to be bi but I'm not!
I had no idea what the Bi cycle was but this actually resonated with me. I never thought I was straight, always knew I was at least a little queer. Came out as Bi but hated the label, about 4 years later I found Pan and that fits a little better. What you were saying about dating preferences has just woke me up seriously. I've always thought of men as not relationship material, and I cannot tell you how many times I actually wish I was a lesbian >.<
Thank you for this. It's super important to talk about and we all continue to learn and grow together
The bi cycle is doing quite the number on me right now along with internalized biphobia. Ever since I came out when I was 19 years old, I've had a strong preference for women. Before that, my attraction was pretty equal to all genders. Literally, I've been more interested in women for years, so yes, it is possible for the bi cycle to last that long, lol! Having to deal with internalized biphobia along with the bi cycle is quite stressful. However, when I really think about it, I wouldn't be going through the bi cycle if I wasn't really bi, lol! :)
I’m also demisexual, so that makes being bi WEIRD. I didn’t even have the idea I was bi until after uni, and realised I was attracted to a woman.
So I was settled and chill in that. But then I noticed while I’m able to better appreciate femme peeps and thinking “yes, I could be attracted to you if we develop a relationship” now I’m out as bi, I still only develop romantic attraction to binary men (both trans and cis) an now i think it would be masc-leaning people.
So for ages I felt weird because my current relationship feels INCREDIBLY gay but we’re also hella bi. But I eventually got comfortable with the fact i can be bi and gay at the same time.
So now I sexually identify as a demi bi-gay.
demi bi-gay
Ok so I've known of your channel for years and I remembered you coming out as bi years ago, and only this year did I like... dig into the idea that I could be actually bi and my god it's been a confusing mess so I'm going through your bi videos again now with my new perspective on myself. Learning about the bi-cycle on reddit during my panicked searching was a huge thing that has made me feel more validated in my experience and my fears that what if I'm a straight that's faking some of my attraction. Rn I'm still not confident enough in myself to put a label on it, but knowing that bisexual experiences and ratios are so varied has been incredibly reassuring.
I never knew there was a word for this. I first started identifying as bisexual when I was thirteen, which was almost 20 years ago, but I still get confused from time to time, especially since I discovered I'm also somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum.
I could technically claim the label of bisexual, but I do not, for kind of a nuanced reason: I am nonbinary, and I'm attracted to gender expression with influences of both masculine and feminine. Because my identity is specific to this kind of nebulous experience, I don't feel like the term bisexual really encompasses it, or at the very least would require more explanation of how it could be related. Because I have such a specific outlook on my attraction, I don't find myself riding the bi cycle, either. Just thought I'd add a slightly relevant context of my odd experience. Hope it's helpful to someone!
Maybe you are pan sexual?
@@alexchappell9756 yeah, that's a lot closer for me :) I really like the term skoliosexual, but I understand that it's been weaponized against trans people in the past
Same as me! I go with no labels till asked, then I usually feel that pansexual is the closer one
Twelve minuts of a video solved most of my bi confusion, I am mindblown!!
Tysm for making this video, it deserves way more views. Hugs 💓
Whenever Shaaba does her 'sultry' voice, she reminds me so much of Tahani from the good place when she name dropped celebs.
I know I'm bi and i have experienced the bi cycle before, I've thought I'm a lesbian multiple times but ultimately realized I am definitely bi! But for the first time I've started to wonder what if I'm straight and I've been faking it all these years because I recently experienced a change in who I find attractive the most, this thought was very distressing and I'm still trying to work through it but I'm glad I remembered the bi cycle exists :p
I 💙 Shaaba's Bisexual Academy. I always learn so much. I kind of go through something like this and never knew it was a thing. Sometimes I think I'm bi for like a blip and then be nah I'm gay for 99% of my life. Yet I feel called out by every bi meme especially the chair ones. I'm suddenly aware that I'm sat "very bi".
I really appreciate this video!! I actually broke off friendship with someone who accused me of being lesbophobic and contributing to bi erasure just because I was questioning my OWN identity if I was bi or if I was actually very gay. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone and my experiences are valid :,3
I've actually suspected that hormonal changes play a role in my cycling! And I think another big part of temporary preferences has to do with whatever/whoever my mind is fixated on at a given moment. But yeah, the reality that sexuality shifts over time is exactly why I don't understand the ratio question. It truly has not stayed the same for me. I'm done with thinking of my sexuality in terms of scales and ratings and percentages - the truth is that it's just very fluid, and I embrace that. Also, the "Am I just gay/straight and in denial?" thing is soooo relatable! 🤣
It really helps when both people in the relationship are bi. My bi-fluidity has caused problems in my past relationship but my current partner is bi and androgynous plus just a wonderful understanding person.
your videos always make me so happy. thank you for talking about stuff like that
I just have to say that you have helped me so much. Honestly I’ve been in the closet for so long because I keep trying to validate myself. Because what other videos don’t talk about is the bi cycle so thx so much
I read that, sometimes your inner sabateur leads you to fall for unavailable people and even people of a gender you might not actually be attracted to, as a defence mechanism if you're not ready for a relationship. This probably ties into the Bi cycle confusion, making it worse
YES THIS this is exactly what has been going on with me and the guys I’ve “liked” over the last 25 years of my life and why I’m only just now figuring out my sexuality is very not straight (along with being raised extremely conservative Lutheran-Missouri Synod Christian 🙃)
@@heartofstars13 It's great that you are figuring it out 😊
I love and hate that there are signs everywhere but we don't know what to make of them
these are wonderful videos. thank you for making them! I wish I'd had something like this when I was growing up. You make it so clear that there is no one way to feel, and that these feelings are fluid and and can fluctuate.
Mine is pretty much: Im bisexual > wait no im lesbian > wait no i was right the first time > im pan???
🎵 It's the ciiiircle of biiiii 🎶
🎵 And it rules us aaaaaaall 🎶
In all seriousness, thank you. I variously identify as bisexual or biromantic, but it's something I've struggled with a lot (am I straight and just curious? Am I demi and don't know many guys that are my type?), and it really helps to know that these things are what other people go through as well.
I want to give her a hug. This was so helpful and wonderfully reassuring.
I had to realize that when I was younger, because my attraction wasn't always exactly 50/50. I knew I was attracted to both, but I tried to tell myself I'm always 50/50.
So glad you did a video about this-I didn’t figure out I was bi until I figured out I was a trans guy, and I absolutely have a weekly/bi-weekly cycle of being attracted to men/women/non-binary people. I’m more romantically and sexually attracted to men about 60% of the time. I don’t think I could be in a long-term relationship with a woman as strongly, but then I think maybe I could. Next day, or the next few days I don’t feel the same.
This video helped me navigate trough my current questioning time. I know I'm bi but I sometimes feel like I'm only doing it for attention and am straight, so thank you for making me realize I'm actually bi and am experiencing the bi cycle! 🖤
I have been really struggling with my romantic orientation over the past couple of years (I am asexual) I came out as bi when I was about 21 years old, then started to think I was gay a year or so later. I was identifying as gay for a few years, then that doubt crept back about really being bi; as of right now I'm not really using a label for it since my attraction to men is mostly fictional men and my attraction to women and nonbinary people greatly outweighs that attraction to men. But this video was exactly what I needed, it makes me feel less alone so thank you.
So relatable! Lots of great information, thanks Shaaba!
Yes! Thank you for talking about this. I actually heard the term first in a video by verilybitchie (can definitely recommend her video about this) and related so much to the thing behind this. I'm so glad to find out that so many other bi people do as well. It explained a lot of my sexuality to me though I'm still struggeling with constantly still asking myself if maybe I am just confused. The definition I have for myself definitely includes NB people, but my sexuality is really fluid, the ratio fluctuates with time.
bumping for the verilybitchie rec, her video on this saved me from the bi-cycle a few months back!
I was talking to some friends on a night out not that long ago about dating and one woman in the group asked why I'd "suddenly decided to date women". I didn't suddenly decide, I just happened to be in a long term relationship with a man and now I've found a connection with a woman. It baffles me that there's still so much bi erasure.
In terms of the bi cycle, I have all the thoughts in one day 😅 I think it's a bit of imposter syndrome in the same way I feel that my PhD supervisor is just going to turn round and tell me it was a mistake and I have to pay back the 2+ years of studentship I've already received 🙈
Thank you for this video! Knowing this is a thing & that I’m not the only one is so helpful! I question myself a lot & when I am in that cycle, I reason with myself as I intuitively know I’m not gay or straight. (Saying that, when I came out as bisexual to my parents (both absolutely fine), as soon as I said “I’m bisexual” I thought, nope, that word doesn’t feel right! Back to the drawing board for me… 😅. I now think of myself as bi+ .)
Enjoy your day/evening. :)
Thank you for this video. And the one about bi/pan too. They have been so helpful to me!
Hi Shaaba, I'm also as trans man here, been following you and Jamie since the beginning of my transition 4 years ago - you guys are the sweetest. (Also on my journey to marrying my fiancé as well hahahaha). Just wanted to let you know, you and Jamie are both looking beautiful and glowing - nothing much but just wanted to let you know you're looking gorgeous and Jamie - handsome as ever. Don't know what you guys are doing but keep going! I can see and feel your happiness and health from the way you guys are glowing!
I just have to say that your hair looks like so pretty! I love the color! 💛
The fact that there's several types of attraction -- romantic, sexual, physical, spiritual, etc. -- makes it easy for me to say I'm pansexual (or polysexual: attracted to multiple, _but not all,_ genders), when I'm attracted to femininity & femme persons of various genders & not attracted to or interested in masculine persons, because I can be attracted to a masculine person in ways other than how that word "attraction" is usually used in Western cultures. If I have something meaningful/trusting/special/respectful/fun with someone I'm not otherwise attracted to, then I can open my heart to that connection & be intimate based on deeper levels of attraction that allow me to see beyond the visible to the amazing soul inside!
I'm asexual but my romantic attraction fluctuates with my hormonal cycle. I find that totally fascinating, I wish there were more studies on the topic.
Love the video topic as always Shaaba!
One of my doubts in my “bi-cycle” is not that I’m actually gay but that I think im only BI so I don’t loose my queer identity in LGBT spaces as Im a cis straight passing trans guy and have been treated like I don’t belong there unless im gay or have to come out as trans to them to validate myself in that space. Which that problem is a Whole nother topic.
Wow, I really appreciate this video. Thank you. I've wanted to put words to this feeling for so long.
For ages, I've gone between feeling absolutely, 1000% sure that I'm bi, and feeling like a fraud. It's an awful feeling and although I've seen a handful of memes in the past, I didn't know it was so universal amongst bi people, and I definitely didn't know that it had a name. I almost felt ashamed in a way because I'm constantly saying "being bisexual doesn't mean being confused!" but then, yeah, sometimes I'm confused tbh. 😅
I am highly, highly sexually attracted to men. Most of my fantasies are about men. I do have sexual attraction to women but not in the same way and not to the same degree as men. I think about men a lot and I think about them in different ways than I do about women, if that makes sense. For example, I'm kinky and a huge submissive but only really want to be dominated by men. In recent years, thoughts about being dominated by women have snuck their way in lol but most of my thoughts about having sex with women are vanilla. I was very confused about that for a while and it made me question both the validity of my bisexuality, AND the validity of my kinkiness. I worried both that I was just A Straight™️ faking being queer, and that I was subscribing to sexist ideals and convincing myself that I was submissive and wanted men to dominate me. But how aroused those fantasies have always made me have always easily put that second thought process to bed. But the first thought process is way harder to silence.
On the flip side, I'm way more romantically attracted to women, and have wondered many times if I am actually just secretly gay because of the sheer lack of men I would actually want to date lol. I can think of 4 men right now who I would actually want a relationship with, and those 4 men barely know me. 😂😅 Meanwhile, I can think of about several hundred women who I would spend the rest of my life with, no questions asked. 😂😅😅 And again, I'm sat there like "ok well then, am I just calling myself bi bc of heteronormativity? I haven't dated a guy in x amount of years, what does this mean 😰" 😂😂😂
It's really, REALLY nice to hear that, actually, it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just the bi cycle. 😅😂🥰 Thank you for bringing this term into my life.
Oh my gosh; this so freaking relatable!!😫 I experience the bi-cycle so much, it's crazy!😖 Thank you so much for this video!!
This video is just what I needed! Context: I think I have had crushes only on boys (I'm a girl) and thought I'm straight, then I started questioning, I identiefied as bi-curious, I got a crush on a girl, now I guess I just identify as bi. I experience the bi cycle a lot :D
Thank you so much Shaaba! This validated me quite a bit as well 🤩
I really needed to hear the words “your beautiful little questioning self” at 11:16. Thanks Shaaba. 💖💖💖
I really appreciate your Bisexual Academy! I came out as Bisexual before the term Pan came out. (Pun intended I think?) I have never identified as anything else until I found the Demi & Sapio indentities. I had A LOT of invalidation from gay/lesbian friends as well as some straights in my life. For a while the only support I had were from other Bi and straight friends. One day I said to myself. "Enough. I am who I am. I am attracted to whom I am attracted to. I am as God/Dess made me. Anyone who cannot/ will not support me is not allowed into my circle." Since that time I do not even put up with the question. My identity is valid and that's that. It's been hard to be so strict, but I found I finally had peace of mind.
Not even hormones, just like the structure of the human brain is ever changing because thats what being alive is. Simply put, experiencing new things, gaining new memories, and learning new lessons, it makes sense that other facets of you will flux in tandem with that and settle back down accordingly.
I'm pan, but I think I'm experiencing something very similar. I've been going through this cycle for years and it's always made me feel insecure but this video has helped so much and makes me feel like I'm not alone and I'm valid too. So thank you so, so, *so* much for making this!
Had another moment like this earlier today, happy to hear the term :)
I had no idea there was a name for this! I have been on the bi-cycle lots of times. I’ve done both the “I only look at women, all my celebrity crushes are women am I gay?” And “wow I have a really strong crush on this guy and haven’t looked at a women or thought about dating one in weeks because I’m just looking at this guy” and then I realized…. People who are straight don’t do this. So now when I’m on the bi-cycle I remind myself that thinking about who I’m into is just part of being bi and now I know about the bi cycle so even better!!
this is not related to the video but I recently died my hair pink (originally purple actually) as well and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's hair is turning increasingly red-orange.
looks cool, though
As someone who's done the "wait, am I bi or a lesbian?" circle many times, this is comforting :)
also
roses are red, violets are blue, the sponsorship ends at 3:02
thank you shaaba! this gave me a lot more confidence in my bi identity and helped me realize that questioning my sexuality is valid. also can i just say, your videos are so comforting and nice
Thank you for talking about this, I was always confused about this cycle of thinking
I came in contact with this concept watching verily bitchie’s video about it and I couldn’t believe how accurate this is! I was having so many recurring crisis that I preferred the world “queer” to describe myself for a long time exactly because it felt like it could represent my fluctuations better. Now I’m starting to reconsider my identity as actually bisexual, accept the bi-cycle as part of life and come back to this label for myself.
I have been out as bi for 15 yrs and am also just learning bi cycle is a thing. I had no idea others experienced this. It is great to learn. I am not crazy and am now watching and reading everything on this topic. Also thanks for respecting the importance of peer reviewed studies.
OMG Shaaba! You sing so prettily! Also, yes to all of this. I am sending this to folks I know who need it and wish I knew this YEARS ago (or that it wasn't just me, at least, BC people LOVE to tell others that bi doesn't really exist). Thanks for sharing! :D